All language subtitles for Cagney.and.Lacey.S02E19.Let.Them.Eat.Pretzels.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FFG_track3_[eng]

What did you expect us to do?
Go in there with him?

Yeah. A suspect has to
go to the can,
you go to the can with him.

With our diplomatic community,
we prefer to
do these things personally

rather than issuing a warrant.

What kind of hero?
I got run over by a car.

- Out of the way, people.
- Excuse us.

You know,
you blow a collar like this,
it makes us all look bad.

Yes, sir.

Forget tear gas, Isbecki.
Why don't we just drop
a neutron bomb on the place?

May I remind you of
your country's reaction when
your embassy was violated in
Tehran?

Thank you.

Thank you very much, sir.

Good night, Mr. Moqtadi.

Good night.

It's Monday, Mary Beth.

Monday, Wednesday,
Friday are your days.

Mmm-hmm.

Come on,
the kids need breakfast.
Up and at 'em.

Mmm-hmm.

I start kicking
in two seconds.

All right, all right. I'm up.

You sure it isn't Tuesday?

Yesterday was Sunday.

Feels like Tuesday.

-I like lots of
syrup on mine, Grandma.
-Coming up.

Mom never makes French toast
for us during the week.

Well, your mother
works very hard, dear.

She doesn't always have time
to fuss in the morning.

Yeah. The guys at school think
it's neat that Mom's a cop.

- Nobody messes with you.
- Yeah.

But sometimes I'd like to have
a normal mom, you know?

Like they got on television,
that serve lemonade

and drive you
to the Cub Scouts
in a station wagon.

And serve you
chocolate chip cookies
all the time.

Yeah.

Hi, Mom. Grandma is making
French toast,
the kind that puffs up.

Oh, Muriel,
you didn't have to
go to all that trouble.

That's okay, dear.
I'm an early riser.

You look very lovely today.
I like your pearl.

Oh, thank you.

So, how about, uh,
egg salad sandwiches
for lunch?

We have some
left over from yesterday.

I hate egg salad.

Me, too.

- Well...
- Egg salad tastes like
wet cardboard.

That's what we got, sorry.

Mary Beth,
I made up a couple of
roast beef sandwiches

for the boys
to take to school.

All right.

I was at the deli yesterday,

and I thought
I'd pick up something
for their lunch today.

Thank you, Muriel.

There's fresh coffee there.

Oh, great.

So, what do you say, guys,

we make chocolate chip cookies
this weekend?

- Yeah.
- I'll bake some this afternoon.

I have nothing else to do.

How long is she staying?

Two weeks or so.

Till they finish
painting her apartment.

Two weeks?

Want to come
and stay at my place?

Why?

Mothers-in-law and wives,
you know,
they always have problems.

Yeah, according to who?

According to everybody.
Don't you watch Johnny Carson?

I just read
an interesting article

about marital discord
within the extended
nuclear family,

expands on Freud's
Oedipal theory.

Oh, please, Paul.
No Oedipal theories
before lunch, all right?

Muriel and I get along fine.

Lieutenant wants
to see you girls right now.

Women, Isbecki. Women.

Girls are usually under 18,
and they don't have
detective shields.

Touchy this morning,
isn't she?

Her mother-in-law
is staying with her.

Ah.

My condolences.

I like my mother-in-law.

One of the advantages
of being single
is not having a mother-in-law.

Of course, there are
more exciting advantages.

Please, Isbecki, would you
spare us the details?

Come on, Mary Beth.

You wanted to see us,
Lieutenant?

Yeah.

Listen to this, will you?
Virgo, that's me.

"You will see cherished hopes
and dreams come to fruition."

That's terrific, sir.

Mmm-hmm.
Do you believe this garbage?

- No.
- Me, neither.

All right, run over to
Lexington General Hospital.

They brought in an apparent
hit-and-run victim there
last night.

Sol Klein. He's a cutter
in the Garment District.

If he's conscious,
you get a statement from him.

Then go on over to check
the scene out for eyewitnesses
at 64th and Lex.

Right.

What about you, Lacey?
What's your sign?

- Taurus, sir.
- Taurus, huh?

Taurus...

"Communicate better
with loved ones.
An unexpected visit."

- They're talking about Muriel.
- Yeah, who's Muriel?

Oh, it's Harv's mother, sir.
She's staying with us.

Oh, yeah, that's rough.
Well, if anyone
can handle that, you can.

No, sir.
There's nothing to handle.
I like my mother-in-law.

That's what I'm talking about.
Great attitude.

Makes the best
out of a bad situation.

- It's a... It's not...
- We should probably
get started.

Case and all.

- I like my mother-in-law.
- Okay.

Three cracked lumbar ribs,
a broken clavicle,
perforated spleen,

multiple contusions
and a concussion.

- Will he make it?
- Well, the prognosis is fair.

There's nothing
life-threatening.

So when can we talk to him?

Depends on how he comes out
of the anesthesia.

There's often residual trauma.

We won't know
until tomorrow morning
at the earliest.

Doctor, is there anything
that you can tell us

about what might have
happened to him?

I'm not trained
in forensic medicine,
Detective.

It would only be speculation.

We just want your opinion.

We're not going to sue you
for malpractice.

He was hit by a car,
wasn't he?

I would say,
a large car moving very fast.

Way too fast.

Knocked the body over there
to the curb.

Who found the victim?

Subway conductor
on his way to work
at 4:00 a.m.

People probably passed him by
earlier, thinking he was
a drunk sleeping it off.

- Thank you, Officer.
- Thank you.

Let us know
if the rubber sample
goes anywhere.

All right.

Hi, we're detectives
from the 14th Precinct.

We wanted to ask you
some questions
about the accident

- that happened here last night.
- I don't suppose
you saw anything.

I haven't seen anything
in 51 years, lady.

Sorry, didn't realize.

You want to talk to Sly.
He sells pretzels
across the street.

- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you.

- Are you Sly?
- Yeah.

The news vendor
across the street said that
maybe you could help us.

That depends. Do you know
why a hummingbird hums?

Why?

Because it don't know
the words. Pretzels?

Yeah, two.

Listen, Sly, there was
a hit-and-run here last night.

Sometime between
10:00 and 12:00.
You know anything about it?

You know how many cops
it takes to change
a light bulb?

- How many?
- Ten.

One to change the light bulb,
nine to write out the report.

So did you see anything
last night, Sly?

- I saw the whole thing go down.
- You did?

Mmm-hmm.

I was pushing my cart back
to the garage at 63rd,
I saw the guy get wasted.

Do you know there are
three ways to spread the news?

Last one, all right?

Telephone, telegraph,
tell a woman.

- Not funny.
- Why didn't you report it?

You kidding, baby?
Sly don't have nothing
to do with no dead men.

No how. No, sir.

You mess with stiffs,
you're next.

- You didn't do anything?
- Nothing.

Except
remember the license plate.

You got the plate
off the car that hit him?

Care for another pretzel
for the road?

Forget the pretzels.

What was the plate number,
Sly?

O-I-L.

B-U-X.

Could you give me
that spelling again?

Middle name, Bin. B-I-N.

Last name, Moqtadi.
That's M-O-Q-T-A-D-I.

Vehicle registration address.

Care of Republic of Zamir.
Z-A-M-I-R.

Mission to the United Nations,
647, East 52nd Street.

Okay, I got it. Thank you.

Did you ever hear of a place
called Zamir?

It's one of those
oil sheikdoms
in the Persian Gulf.

How do you know that?

I do The New York Times
crossword puzzle
every morning.

Mary Beth,
if that guy is a diplomat,
we can't touch him.

Well, he didn't have
DPL plates.

Let's nail him. Here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Feel like I'm in the middle of
The Arabian Nights.

Too strong?

Put that stuff in your car,
it'll run fast.

I'm Said Jamal,
Deputy Chief of Mission
at your service.

Yes, Mr. Jamal.
I am Detective Cagney.
This is Detective Lacey.

We're from the 14th Precinct.

We're trying to
get in touch with
Hassan bin Moqtadi.

- Please be seated.
- Thank you.

I trust that any inconvenience
that Mr. Moqtadi
may have caused

to your city
is not of a serious nature.

It's a matter of
a couple of parking tickets.

With our diplomatic community,
we prefer to
do these things personally

rather than issuing a warrant.

Your hospitality
is greatly appreciated.

Is Mr. Moqtadi
officially attached
to this mission?

Let us say
he is filially attached.

I beg your pardon?

He's the son of
our Minister of the Interior,
Sheik Moqtadi bin Amir.

Ah.

Well, I trust
he's enjoying New York City.
The weather's been beautiful.

Anything that Mr. Moqtadi
can do to help you
with your duties,

he will be
most pleased to perform.

Oh, I'm sure he will.

I don't suppose you know

where we could find him now,
Mr. Jamal, do you?

He generally lunches
between noon and 2:00.

Any particular place?

He has a table reserved
at Le Maquereau Pourri.

I beg your pardon?

Le Maquereau Pourri.

Oh.

Really, Hassan?

That'd just be so super.

You know, when you smile,

you have little creases
under your eyes which I find
completely irresistible.

To us.

- That's him.
Come on, Mary Beth.
- Oh, excuse me.

Would you mind terribly
if I had him come out here?

Oh, we're not dressed properly
or something?

No, we would just prefer
to avoid an incident.

- All right, go ahead.
- I thank you.

- Nice place, huh?
- It's gorgeous.

Yeah.

So what do you figure?
70 bucks for lunch
if we get the house wine?

The house wine costs 70 bucks.

He's not bad-looking.

If you like that type.

Hello, Maurice tells me
you wanted to see me.

Yes, we have information
that a car
registered in your name

was involved in an accident,
Mr. Moqtadi.

Wondered if you'd come down
to the Precinct
to answer a few questions.

Shouldn't take long.

Surely,
it can wait till after lunch.

We're on our lunch hour,
now, sir.

Certainly. Maurice.

Be so kind as to tell
Miss Brandenmeier to order
dessert. I'll be back shortly.

If you ladies don't mind,
I'd like to splash
a little water on my hands.

- I'll be right with you.
- Of course.

Oh, no.
Thanks, we'll wait out here.

Looks like a young
Omar Sharif.

He's got crooked teeth.

You know, Christine,
you're very critical.

That's your trouble with men.
You want them all
to be perfect.

No, I just have a thing
about teeth.

When do we tell him
the whole story?

In the car.

You think he's onto us?

Maybe.

What's he going to do?
There's only one door
to the men's room.

- Window.
- Window.

Have you got a window here
in the men's room?

Wait a second,
you can't go in there.

How could you let a thing
like this happen?

Well, there was a window
in the bathroom, sir.

No kidding.

You don't have a window
in your bathroom, huh?

I got a window in my bathroom.

What did you expect us to do?
Go in there with him?

Yeah. A suspect has to
go to the can,
you go to the can with him.

- We'll get him, sir.
- You better get him.

Now, go on, get out of here.

Wait a minute. I...

I didn't mean to yell.
It's just that...

You know,
you blow a collar like this,
it makes us all look bad.

- Yes, sir.
- You know what I mean?

So, you go into the shower
with him next time,
if you have to.

Right?

Right, sir.

- He didn't mean to yell.
- Could've fooled me.

- What happened in there?
- Nothing.

Petrie, absolutely nothing.

It was a very loud nothing.

La Guardia, do you ever go
into a ladies' room
to make a collar?

All the time.

Years ago, when I worked Vice,
the hookers used to
run into the john

at Penn station.

And you flushed them out,
so to speak.

- Come on, Mary Beth,
let's get out of here.
- I'm sorry.

We used to go in there
like the Marines.

And I tell you,
they'd come at us
with everything,

hat pins, umbrellas,
whatever they had.

- That was before
the Miranda decision.
- I see.

You didn't have to
read them their rights.

I remember
one day in Queens...

How do they drink this stuff?

It's a ritual of politeness.

Yeah. Well, skipping out
the bathroom window
wasn't too polite.

So this time
we put cuffs on him.

We are very pleased
to receive you once more.

Mr. Jamal, I'm afraid
that this time is not
going to be so pleasant.

We have a warrant
for the arrest
of Hassan bin Moqtadi.

Arrest?

He's the primary suspect
in a felony assault
and reckless endangerment.

I don't understand.

Mr. Moqtadi's car
was identified leaving
the site of an accident

where an elderly man
was very badly injured.

I see.

Well, I shall
discuss the matter
with him straightaway.

Mr. Jamal, I don't think
that you understand.
We are here to arrest him.

That's quite
out of the question.

Look, Mr. Jamal,
we were hoping to do this
without creating a scene.

Mr. Moqtadi is not
a registered diplomat,

and he has no immunity
from arrest.

Yes, but Mr. Moqtadi
is a citizen of Zamir,

and you are presently
on territory belonging
to the Republic of Zamir.

We're on 1st and 52nd, sir.

The diplomatic status
accredited by
your State Department

provides for extraterritorial
sovereignty for our mission.

You have no jurisdiction
within these walls.

And there's a man
named Sol Klein who's lying
in a hospital out there

in pretty rough shape
because of Mr. Moqtadi.

That is most regrettable.

I must tell you,
there are many of us
who do not approve

of the manner in which
Mr. Moqtadi comports himself.

However, you Americans,
of all people, should be
sensitive to the principle

of inviolability
of diplomatic legations.

May I remind you
of your country's reaction

when your embassy
was violated in Tehran?

Just a minute, here.

Should you care
to pursue the matter,

I would suggest you proceed
through the usual
diplomatic channels.

Good day.

I'm not going to put
any uniforms out there.

The only way
we're going to nail this clown

is to get him to make a run
for the airport.

You mean,
he can stay there forever
if he wants to.

- Well, that's the law.
- Why don't we
go in there with tear gas?

Forget tear gas, Isbecki.
Why don't we just drop
a neutron bomb on the place?

Why are you always
so sarcastic?

You bring out the best in me.

Well, if you got
a little regular attention
from a real man...

Hey, don't worry about me, okay?

You two, knock it off.

We'll have to stake
his place out
around the clock.

Four-hour shifts,
detectives only.
I'll make out a schedule.

- I hate stakeouts.
- We'll play gin rummy.

You still owe me $1.46
from the one last December.

- Did you have
any plans for tonight?
- No.

Muriel is taking the kids
to dinner and to a movie.

- How's it going with her?
- Oh, it's terrific.

I come home,
place is spotless,
dinner is on the table.

It's like having
full-time help.

You think she's applying
for the job?

I gotta cancel a date.

Who's the guy?

Nobody special.
His name's Jack Bridell.

Very successful
corporate lawyer
with a ski chalet in Vermont,

season tickets
to the Lincoln Center
and eyes like Paul Newman.

Not only that,
he's not married,

he's not gay,
and he's not going through
a mid-life crisis.

Jack Bridell, please.

Chris Cagney.

Yes, I'll hold.

He sounds wonderful, Chris.
I'm sorry that
you had to cancel.

Where was he taking you?

This little
Northern Italian place
over on 56th.

They make veal you'd kill for.

And then, who knows?

- How's his teeth?
- Perfect.

Hello, Jack.

Among the boroughs,
Brooklyn had the
largest number of homicides,

although Manhattan
had the highest...

Harv, I'm very bored
with this program.

Could I ask you
a very serious question?

Sure.

What do you think of love
in the afternoon?

You'd rather watch a soap?

No dear, us.

Muriel's got the kids.
We got the house.

I don't have to be back
on stakeout for three hours
and 26 minutes,

and I think you're gorgeous.

I think you're sexy.
So, come on, what do you say?

I've been thinking about
what Christine said
about my mother,

that she wants to
move in here.
You think she's right?

- Probably, yeah.
- There's no room here,
she knows that.

Well, you've heard her talk
about helping us

with a down payment on a house
on the island.

So?

So, I think that
she comes with the house.

Baby,
I couldn't do that to you.

Harv, if you want your mother
to move in with us,

it's okay with me.
I like Muriel.
We can make it work out.

Now, you want to continue
this conversation
in the bedroom?

- We can't do it.
- Why not? You got a headache?

Come on, baby.
I'm talking about my mother.

Harv, your mother is scared
of being all by herself.

She's feeling old,
and she's feeling alone.

That's just the point.
She isn't old. She's 62.

Before my father died,
she was a spitfire, always
on the go, lots of friends.

Now, she sits alone all day,
or she comes over here.

- And makes French toast. Yeah.
- Yeah.

What she needs is a life
of her own, not just
to be somebody's grandmother.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

So, would you talk to her?

- Me?
- Yeah.

- But she's your mother.
- Yeah, but you're the woman.

You'll know
how to tell her the right way.
Would you do it?

Harvey.

I know you can. You're good
at this kind of stuff.

- Harvey.
- Come on, baby.

I'll make it worth your while.

Oh, Harv, look at that.
Look at that.

If you're not guilty
of the alleged crime,

then what do you have to fear
by coming forward?

Surely, you understand
the political climate
in New York City.

It's hardly a place
for me to get a fair trial.

- You mean you want
a change of venue?
- Of course.

Might I remind you,
I'm an Arab?

The victim of this
alleged incident is a Jew.

New York City has a population
of over one million people

- of Jewish descent.
- Hypocrite, hypocrite.

- He's trying to
throw up a smoke screen.
- Who is he?

He's a criminal,
that's who he is,
and we're going to nail him,

because he's trying to start
the Arab-Israeli war

all over again on 52nd street.
He's not going to do it, though.

I don't believe it.
I do not believe it.

Some undercover stakeout.

Yeah.

He did it.
He started a war.

How long has this
been going on?

Since right after
the 6:00 news.

These people move fast.

You two might as well go home.

This guy isn't going anyplace
with all these uniforms
around here.

I'll think
we'll stick around awhile.

Nothing better happening, huh?

It's a circus.

It's news.

Yeah? So was the guy
in the Texas Tower.

I hate it.
What about the victims?
What about the Sol Kleins?

Mary Beth, could you
lighten up? This could be
a very long night.

Yeah,

and he's gonna be up there
having press conferences
and banquets.

Speaking of banquets,

they left us dinner. Here.

You're joking.

I'm gonna take 10 minutes.

Hiya.

Hi, Mom.
How was the stakeout?

Did you sit in a car and
eat cold pizza and drink beer
like Dirty Harry?

We ate pretzels.

- Good morning, Muriel.
- Good morning, dear.

Grandma's making pancakes.

So I see. Hey, come on,
let me take over.

I don't mind, really.

No, I will make breakfast
this morning.

Since when?
You only make good stuff
on Saturday and Sunday.

Since right now.

I thought since you were up
so late last night...

That was very thoughtful
of you, Muriel.

Though, not too well done,
Mom, okay?

Yeah, with
plenty of syrup, right?

Right.

There's egg salad sandwiches
in the fridge for lunch.

I made them
when I got home last night.

Oh, Mom.

"Oh, Mom."

They tell me
I was hit by a Rolls-Royce.

That bad, huh?

Well, we know
who the driver is,
and we have a witness.

We're just having
a tiny legal problem
making the arrest.

Listen, I know all about it.

It's on the news.

If I'd got hit by a Jew,
it would've hurt just as much.

We'll get him, Mr. Klein.
I promise you.

I don't understand
the big deal.

Look at this.

I get flowers
from people I don't even know.

"Get well, Mr. Klein."
"You're our hero, Mr. Klein."

What kind of hero?
I got run over by a car.

- You know what I'd like?
- What?

First, I'd like everybody
to leave me alone.

And second, I'd like someone
to tell me how I'm going to
pay the hospital bill.

You mean you don't have
medical insurance?

You know how much
that stuff costs these days?

Well, not really, sir.
The department covers us.

You should thank God it does.

At these prices,
you have to die
to get your money's worth.

I'm sorry.

Is it true
this guy is worth $20 million?

It's what
the papers are saying.

You'd think he could afford
to hire a chauffeur.

Cagney. Lacey.

Have a seat.

Detective Lacey.
Detective Cagney.

Inspector.

Inspector,
you wanna fill them in?

It's about this
Moqtadi business. I don't know
if you know who he is.

As far as I can see,
he's a spoiled brat.

And a felon, sir.

Well, he's also the son
of the Minister
of the Interior for Zamir.

We know that.

What you might not know is

our country
is in the middle
of negotiations

for a long-term oil deal.

Now, the talks
are very sensitive right now.

This doesn't help.

- Well, sir, he ran over...
- Moreover,

this department is being made
to look very bad in the media.

And this is
a no-win situation for us.

Excuse me, Inspector.

What, are you saying
we should just drop it?

What I'm saying, Detective, is

the entire situation
might be taken
out of our hands very soon.

There are high-level
discussions going on
in Washington right now.

- What kind of discussions?
- A deal.

We kick it down to
a misdemeanor. He cops, says,
"I'm sorry," and sayonara.

And where does that leave
Sol Klein?

He can try suing Moqtadi.

And chase him to the courts
for six, eight years?

That is, of course,
if he can get him
extradited from Zamir.

Look, between you and me,

I don't like letting a felon
cop out to a misdemeanor.

Now, if you can catch him now,

he may get an indictment
before Washington intervenes.

The trick is getting him
out of that mission.

Any suggestions?

Gonna have to
keep on watching him.

- Inspector?
- None that'll hold up
in front of a judge.

You know what ticks me off,
Inspector?

In this guy's country,

you steal a piece of fruit
off of a cart,
they cut your hand off.

He comes over here,
he runs over a man,
he nearly kills him,

and we can't even touch him.

Mary Beth,
we have to spell
Isbecki and Petrie.

Excuse us.

Rangers blew it again
in the third period.

Two goals up, there's
seven minutes left to play
and they still blow it.

Listen to this, Isbecki.

"In an exclusive interview
with this reporter,

"Mr. Hassan bin Moqtadi
was quoted as saying,

"'I am a political prisoner
under house arrest

"'just like Lech Walesa
was in Poland.'"

Can you beat this man
for nerve?

If LeClair hadn't
cross-checked the guy
right in front of the ref...

I mean, really.

Where were you going
to have dinner tonight?

This little French place
on Columbus Avenue with Vicky.

Vicky? Is this a new one?

Yeah.

I met her in a revolving door
outside of Gimbel's.

She's a nude dancer
on Canal Street.

How do you find them, Victor?

It's like this radar system
inside my mind.

I hear this little blip
on a screen, turn around,
and there they are.

You know,
they got everything backwards
in those Arab countries.

Sure, it's great
to have four or five wives,

but they keep them covered
with veils and stuff.

It's a custom.

Yeah, it's stupid.

Victor, we have customs, too.

You wouldn't like it
if somebody made fun
of baseball and apple pie.

Who'd make fun of baseball?

It's your discard.

Stop me
if I eat one more pretzel.

That's the trouble
with stakeouts.
They're fattening.

- What is the knock card?
- Eight.

Meanwhile, he's up there
eating caviar.

Yeah, well,
it's like Louis XIV, right?

Let 'em eat pretzels.

It was Marie Antoinette.

Look at that.

What, they
run out of caviar?

Listen, sooner or later
he's gonna
get tired of caviar.

He's gonna want a hot dog
or something.

I mean, what is the big deal
anyway? What is it, fish eggs?

It's supposed to be
an aphrodisiac.
It's your turn.

No kidding?

Are you speaking
from experience?

No, I just read it somewhere.

That was fast.

Mary Beth.

You ever heard of
a delivery man
wearing $200 Italian shoes?

Hey, fella.

Hold it right there. Hey!

Hey, hold it!

Moqtadi, get back here!

Police! Damn it!
Out of the way! Look out here.

Police.

- Moqtadi!
- Out of the way!

- Out of the way, people.
- Excuse us.

- On the bus!
- He's here. Take the back.

- Hey! Hey, Hold on!
- Hold it!

Hey, shut it down.

Will you stop the bus?
Open the door.
Police. Stop the bus.

Shut it down!
Police officers, folks.

- All right, everybody,
come on.
- Step off the bus, please.

- One at a time.
- Now!

- Come on.
Take it nice and slow.
- Thank you.

- That's it.
- Slow down. Let me see you all.

- Easy, easy.
- One at a time.
Thank you very much.

All right. Let's go here.
Come on. Move, lady.

- Thank you. Here we go.
- Easy, easy.

All right.

Oops.

A bus?

A bus.

This'll be the first time
in the history
of this department

that a suspect
made a getaway in a bus,

a New York City bus
in broad daylight

with officers in hot pursuit.

He went out
the emergency exit.

"He went out
the emergency exit."

And last time he went out
the bathroom window.

Who is this guy? Houdini?

A bus! A bus.

A big, fat, slow bus!

- Is he gone?
- Mmm-hmm.

I'll take the airport.
You take the Harbor Patrol.

Then we can both
do the train stations
and the bus stations.

14th Squad, Detective Petrie.

I beg your pardon.

About six feet tall,
180 pounds.

Dark complexion.
He is carrying a passport
from the Republic of Zamir.

- This is Detective Cagney,
14th Squad.
- You have the wrong extension.

Detective Cagney is on 192.

I don't know where it is.
Somewhere in the Persian Gulf.

You don't have to know
where it is
in order to pick him up.

Just hold on, sir.
She'll pick up
when she's available.

- He looks like Omar Sharif.
- Who?

Except for the teeth.

Yes! Yes, I'll hold.

Just one minute.
I'll tell her
you're holding. Yes.

I need some help on a suspect
who is fleeing jurisdiction.

All right, I'll hold.

Moqtadi. M-O-Q-T-A-D-I.

- Chris.
- Just a minute.

And if you get him,
cuff him to something
that weighs at least a ton.

There's a call for you on 192.

I can't take it.
I'm up to my bangs here,
Petrie.

Yes, I am holding.

I think
you want to talk to this man.

Who is it?

Hassan bin Moqtadi.

Detective Cagney.

You hold.

Don't be cute, Mr. Moqtadi.
No, I did not enjoy it.

You just added
resisting arrest
to the charges.

Where are you?

Back with the caviar, huh?

I'm not in a position
to negotiate, Mr. Moqtadi.

You come down here,
and you turn yourself in,

and we'll see how willing
the District Attorney is...

You think it over.

And the next time you leave
that little chateau of yours,

you better be wearing
sneakers.

Damn it.

Right.

I got your message.

- You wanted to see us?
- Yes, ma'am.

Did you hear the one
about the guy who talked
dirty to his plants?

Arrested for making
an obscene fern call.

It's cute, Sly.
You got something for us?

Come on, Mary Beth.
That one was funny.
It was funny.

Oh, I don't mean to
hurt your feelings, Sly,

but if I never
see another pretzel again
as long as I live,

- it'll be too soon.
- Lady, don't get
all bent out of shape now.

This is very humorous here.
You got something
for us or not?

What is this?

That is a
putting-me-out-of-business
notice.

Some nosy flatfoot says
that I don't have
no business license.

Now, I think
some corrections are in order.

Do you have a license?

Madam, I am a true believer
in the free enterprise system,

but the worry
of all this is affecting
my memory something terrible.

I keep thinking that that guy
that was driving that big car

was a midget, probably bald,
maybe even a brother.

But definitely not an Arab.

See, the worry is
affecting my mind like this.

We'll do what we can, Sly.

As soon as
you get your license.

Tomorrow morning.

Today. Now.

It's a deal.

Oh, can I ask you ladies
something serious?

How do you feel about knishes?

Is this a joke?

Jewish potato pies.

I'm thinking about
diversifying my business.

I've heard that one.

Oh, I thought
you'd be asleep by now.

- Is it late?
- It's after midnight.

Must be a terrific book.

- Where's Harv?
- Asleep.

Mary Beth, could we talk?

Oh, sure.

I know I've been a burden
on you and Harvey.

- I'm in the way here.
- Not true.

I'll be leaving tomorrow.

What? They finished painting?

They finished three days ago.

The truth is
I didn't wanna go back there.

What's wrong, Muriel?

I don't know what to do.

About what?

About my life.

I get up in the morning,
make breakfast,

read the newspaper,
straighten up.

Then I look at the clock.
It's only 10:30.

And I don't know what to do,
so I straighten up some more.

You don't know what it's like
not having anybody
to share your life with.

I feel so useless.

My partner lives alone.

What does she do?

Well, she works very hard.

Sometimes I think that's why
she's such a good cop,

'cause she has
no distractions.

Is she happy?

Yeah, I think she is.

She's honest with herself.

She has things that she loves.

Like what?

Like Vermont

and sports cars, sushi,

Mozart,
men with perfect teeth.

I envy her.

I was married to Charlie
for 35 years.

It's so hard to change.

But not impossible.

I don't even know
where to start.

How about a job? Or a cause?
Or a hobby? Or a man?

I couldn't take up
with another man.

Muriel, I told you
four things here, and the only
thing you heard was "man."

That one, I at least have
some experience with.

But at my age...

Oh, Muriel, please.
You're not an old lady.

You're bright and
you're attractive, and you
make perfect French toast.

And Charlie would not want you
sitting around the apartment

straightening up all day,
would he?

You know what I'd do
if I were you?

What?

If I were you,

for openers, I would sleep in
tomorrow morning,

let somebody else
make breakfast,

and then I'd go out
and explore the city.

I'd go by Queens College
and The New School

and get
their extension catalog.

And I'd go to a newsstand,
get Manhattan Magazine,

which has listings of,
you know,
concerts and museums.

I mean, Muriel,
get the classifieds.

Maybe someone is willing to
pay you to make French toast.

Well, you never know.

And if that didn't work,

then I would buy myself
a new pair of shoes.

That always works for me.

You need to get some sleep.
Go on now.

- Mary Beth.
- Mmm-hmm.

Thanks.

For what?

Good night, Muriel.

You know, maybe we should
negotiate with him.

It's a stalemate.
He's not coming out.

We can't get in there.

None of this
is helping Sol Klein any.

The thought of making a deal
with that guy makes me sick.

But it's done all the time.

Dope peddlers
cop to possession.
Hookers cop to loitering.

And lawyers get rich
and it stinks.

- Oh, no. I can't stand him.
- Just...

- Good morning.
- Morning, sir.

Morning.

I'm afraid
I have some rough news.

They offered a deal.

100 bucks
and a traffic citation.

I don't believe it.

They're calling in
the Ambassador
at 4:00 this afternoon.

Does Moqtadi
know this yet?

I'm not even
supposed to know.

A friend of mine
in the State Department
called me this morning.

Sorry. Samuels in?

Yes, sir.

- Mary Beth.
- What?

Moqtadi doesn't know.

So?

I'm pleased you've decided
to reconsider my offer.

Your offer was to negotiate.

Let's negotiate.

- Is the coffee good,
Officer Lacey?
- Very good.

In my country, when you are
shopping for a bride

you are invited to
her parents' house for coffee.

It is a little
ritual of negotiation.

And when the bride price
is presented,

your host will ask you,
"Is the coffee good?"

If you like the terms,
you answer,
"Yes, the coffee is good."

That's fascinating,
Mr. Moqtadi, but we have not
settled on any terms yet.

I'm quite confident
that we will.

After all,
the present situation is not
benefiting anyone, is it?

We want Sol Klein
taken care of.

She's very direct, isn't she?

Things move a little more
quickly in New York
than they do in Zamir.

If we agree to drop
the criminal charges
against you,

what are you prepared
to do for Mr. Klein?

Perhaps a modest sum
to help him out.

How modest?

Shall we say $1,000?

That wouldn't even touch
his hospital bill.

You must realize
I am doing this
out of a desire

to alleviate
a very unpleasant situation.

I've not been convicted
of anything.

Oh, you will be, Mr. Moqtadi.
Believe me.

Felony, assault,
reckless endangerment.

Oh, and let's not forget about
you resisting arrest.

You're facing
a prison sentence.

Then I will pay
his hospital bill.

And what about the time
that he lost at work?

I'll pay that, too.

And I think that Mr. Klein
is gonna need
a month's vacation

after he
gets out the hospital.
Nothing elaborate.

Shall we say
$5,000 on top of his expenses?

You drive a very hard bargain.

Not as hard
as the District Attorney,
believe me.

So, Mr. Moqtadi,
how do you like the coffee?

A little expensive,

but satisfactory.

Good. Let's get going.

I'll write you a check.

Oh, that coffee's
gone bad again.

Oh, yeah.

But surely you don't think

I'm going to write a check
drawn on insufficient funds?

The last time
we transacted business
together

you ducked out
the bathroom window.

So this time,
I think all three of us
should go to the bank together

and draw
a nice cashier's check
for Sol Klein.

If you insist.
My bank is at 54 and Madison.

It's a pleasure.

Mary Beth,
I just had another idea.

What is that?

I think Mr. Moqtadi
should make a small donation,

in your own name of course,

to a worthy charity.

You know, what with
all the trouble he's caused
the city of New York.

Certainly. Whatever charity
you like, I'll give $500.

Good.

How about the
United Jewish Appeal?

Very worthy.

After you, sir.

How did you pull it off?

We were charming, sir.

You know, he's gonna be
furious when the deal
comes down from Washington.

Let him sue us.

You know you should have
cleared this with me first.

Oh, we were going to,
sir. Honest.

But you were so busy
with Inspector Marquette
and all.

And we were
running out of time, sir.

You know, Lacey,
you're full of...

Coffee, sir.
Lot of thick, black coffee.

You know what the word
chutzpah means?

I grew up in New York, sir.

Go on, get outta here,
the both of youse.

Mary Beth, your mother-in-law
is waiting to see you.

Oh, thanks.

Listen, we've been chatting.
She's a very nice lady.

I told you.

Is Harvey's father
as nice as she is?

Well, he was.
He died a couple of years ago.

Oh. Oh, that's too bad.

Listen, do you think
she might be interested in...

Paul, ask her for her number.

You look gorgeous.

Oh, I just wanted to come by
and say thank you again.

- That dress is terrific.
- You really think so?

Absolutely.

It was on sale.

I didn't keep you
waiting long, did I?

Oh, no. I was talking
to that nice detective
over there.

La Guardia, like the airport.

Like the Mayor.
It's a nice name.

Well, I better be going.
Harvey's waiting
out in the car.

Oh, Muriel, I got Monday off,

and I'm dying to go
to the Museum of Modern Art

and have lunch.
You wanna come with me?

Sure, if you want to.

It's a date. 1:00.

Yeah, that'll be great.
I'll see you then.

See you.

Bye.

- La Guardia.
- Yeah.

You like French toast?