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1
00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:09,290
Lindy: New year, new us.
2
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:11,790
I've arranged to get
the Vermont gang back together.
3
00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:13,040
Les: Are Gary and Meg
gonna be there?
4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,040
Lindy: Terry, girl, we did it.
5
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,710
Jenna: You famously
fictionalized
6
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,510
your difficult relationship
with your mother.
7
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,470
Diane: I can barely
show my face
8
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,130
at Wine Club Wednesday.
9
00:00:22,170 --> 00:00:24,180
Walter: Your mother needs
her Wine Club Wednesdays.
10
00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:25,250
-That's not a stretch.
11
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,850
-Your mother was protecting you
from your father.
12
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,140
-You are, without a doubt,
your father's son.
13
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:32,980
Lindy: I would rather die
a six-inch death
14
00:00:33,010 --> 00:00:36,520
than see Les
win a fucking Nobel.
15
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,990
Martin: Hilton is going to sell
the tech to the military.
16
00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:42,150
We can't be party to that.
17
00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:44,030
-Let's finish what we started.
18
00:00:44,060 --> 00:00:46,240
Limitless stabilization!
19
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,540
-It is time you knew the truth
about Les Littlejohn.
20
00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:53,130
-You have no choice
but to eliminate them.
21
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,550
-Tell me why. Why Les?
22
00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:02,670
♪ We'll take Manhattan ♪
23
00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:05,180
Lindy: Slow down.
Terry, be clear.
24
00:01:05,210 --> 00:01:06,510
Les: What is she saying?
Lindy: Shh.
25
00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:07,510
Les: Lindy?
Lindy: Quiet. Okay.
26
00:01:07,550 --> 00:01:09,560
Oh, hell. Oh, God.
27
00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:11,070
Oh, I know. Okay.
28
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,060
She said yes.
-Yes?
29
00:01:14,090 --> 00:01:15,230
-Yes.
-She said yes?
30
00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:17,020
-Yes!
-She said yes!
31
00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:18,570
[both laughing]
32
00:01:19,140 --> 00:01:20,240
Les: Oh!
33
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,030
-Congratulations.
34
00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:24,280
You're getting married.
Good luck.
35
00:01:24,310 --> 00:01:25,860
-No, no, no, no, no, no.
-Married? No.
36
00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:27,570
-She wrote a novel.
-And it's getting published!
37
00:01:27,610 --> 00:01:28,700
-Yes!
-Nobody cares.
38
00:01:28,730 --> 00:01:30,040
It's New York. Swing a cat.
39
00:01:30,070 --> 00:01:32,040
-I love this city.
40
00:01:32,070 --> 00:01:33,710
-Married.
-Oh.
41
00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:36,120
Why would we ever ruin us
by getting married?
42
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:37,750
-I know.
-It's ridiculous.
43
00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:39,380
-I mean, we live together,
we love each other.
44
00:01:39,410 --> 00:01:41,550
What more do we need?
I mean, it's silly.
45
00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:43,720
-Silly. Right.
46
00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:45,720
-Lindy, will you not be my wife?
47
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:48,300
-Les, I will not.
48
00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:50,930
-And will I not
be your husband?
49
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:54,270
-You will not, Les.
-And will you...
50
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:55,530
-[chuckles] What?
51
00:01:58,180 --> 00:02:00,110
[laughing] What is this?
52
00:02:00,140 --> 00:02:01,570
-Watch this.
53
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,650
-Uh-huh. Whoa, some fast
fingers there, professor.
54
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:04,990
-And you will now...
55
00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:06,110
-Uh-huh.
56
00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:07,410
♪ The great big city's ♪
57
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,330
-...not marry me?
-[laughs]
58
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,830
-Absolutely not. Never, ever.
59
00:02:13,860 --> 00:02:17,120
♪ Just made ♪
♪ For a girl and boy ♪
60
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,680
-What the fuck is happening?
61
00:02:20,450 --> 00:02:24,220
-Well, I thought we could maybe
make it not official.
62
00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:26,590
♪ Into an isle of joy ♪
63
00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:31,060
-Are we not doing this
or are we not not doing this?
64
00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:32,690
-I don't know.
65
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,520
I mean, we always said
we wouldn't do
66
00:02:35,550 --> 00:02:37,270
the icky marriage stuff,
but...
67
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:40,110
-But?
-...but maybe,
68
00:02:40,140 --> 00:02:41,660
maybe two nos make a yes?
69
00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:47,780
-We've sworn for years
that we were never, ever...
70
00:02:47,810 --> 00:02:49,110
-I know. I know. But maybe,
-...gonna get married. So...
71
00:02:49,150 --> 00:02:51,670
maybe the really defiant,
72
00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:55,500
nonconformist, rebellious
thing would be for us to...
73
00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,510
-Get fuckin' married.
-Yeah.
74
00:02:58,910 --> 00:03:00,290
But...
-But, but
75
00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:02,000
like a non-traditional,
76
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,880
non-bridezilla,
non-wedding wedding.
77
00:03:04,910 --> 00:03:05,930
-Yeah.
78
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,060
♪ We'll stroll ♪
-Yeah.
79
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:16,270
♪ Where first ♪
♪ A kiss we stole ♪
80
00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:21,200
[suspenseful music playing]
81
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,620
[bird screeching]
82
00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:31,870
Lindy: Perfect.
83
00:03:32,070 --> 00:03:33,250
[Les chuckles]
84
00:03:34,690 --> 00:03:36,580
-I cannot believe
that you did all this.
85
00:03:36,610 --> 00:03:38,410
I mean, I...
-Alice?
86
00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:40,420
-Right here, ma'am.
-Oh, there you are.
87
00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,670
-Always, ma'am.
-Let's put this someplace...
88
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,670
both: ...safe,
under lock and key,
89
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:46,090
nothing can happen to them.
90
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,340
-Check.
-Next.
91
00:03:47,370 --> 00:03:48,760
-Flowers.
-Flowers.
92
00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:50,220
After the ceremony?
-Transfer to the tables.
93
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:51,840
-Low stem, vases only.
-Vases only.
94
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,510
-To review,
rehearsal dinner rundown.
95
00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:55,680
Drinks and hors d'oeuvres
on arrival.
96
00:03:55,710 --> 00:03:57,560
Bride and groom welcome speech.
97
00:03:57,590 --> 00:03:59,350
Appetizers and various toasts.
98
00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:00,850
You have the approved list?
-Yes, ma'am.
99
00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:03,520
-Okay. Dessert. Done.
Everybody fucks off.
100
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,690
I get my sleep. We good?
-Good.
101
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,860
-Good. Wait, just good?
-Great.
102
00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:11,030
-Great. Oh, one more thing. Agh!
103
00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:13,530
Videographer,
so very important.
104
00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:14,870
One question only. What is it?
105
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,700
-"What is the secret
to a happy marriage?"
106
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:17,600
-What do I not want?
107
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,540
-Advice, "remember when,"
well wishes.
108
00:04:19,570 --> 00:04:20,710
-Gold fuckin' star.
109
00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:22,580
-Okay, ma'am. Excuse me.
110
00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:24,580
Kevin, classic rectangle,
not bishop's hat.
111
00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:25,750
-Oh, good catch.
112
00:04:25,790 --> 00:04:28,550
Jesus. Alice.
113
00:04:28,580 --> 00:04:31,550
-The font, spelling, placement?
-Placement.
114
00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:35,220
My dad cannot sit
next to my mom.
115
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:38,220
-We were informed
that a Walt was assuming
116
00:04:38,260 --> 00:04:40,730
the father-of-the-bride
responsibilities, by...
117
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,230
-Fucking Diane.
-...Diane,
118
00:04:42,260 --> 00:04:43,900
mother of the bride.
-Yeah. No, that is incorrect.
119
00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:45,480
We need to start again. Kevin.
120
00:04:45,510 --> 00:04:46,480
-Kevin, we need
to begin again.
121
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,770
-Hold on. What are you doing?
122
00:04:47,810 --> 00:04:50,740
-I am preventing
a nuclear fallout.
123
00:04:50,770 --> 00:04:52,070
She always does this.
124
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,610
-Who?
-Diane.
125
00:04:53,650 --> 00:04:55,410
-Does what?
-Pushes my dad out.
126
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,990
-But he's coming, right?
-Right.
127
00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,910
So, we need to seat Jim,
father of the bride
128
00:05:00,950 --> 00:05:04,960
next to Nancy.
Nancy, mother of the groom
129
00:05:04,990 --> 00:05:08,960
from a normal, stable,
functional family
130
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,630
and not my house of lies,
madness, sadness family, okay?
131
00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:15,180
Kevin? Okay, Kevin?
132
00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:16,640
-Champagne or cocktails
before dinner?
133
00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:19,430
-Cocktails. Thank you, Alice.
-What?!
134
00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,430
-Champ--no.
-Champagne!
135
00:05:21,470 --> 00:05:23,940
-Champagne. Champagne.
Thank you, Alice.
136
00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,600
-Diane and cocktails.
137
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,110
No food, no absorption.
138
00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:28,520
We talked about this.
-Whoa. Whoa.
139
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,150
-She can...
-Let's take a breath.
140
00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:33,030
We're losing sight.
We're losing sight.
141
00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:34,530
-Thank you for using "we."
142
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:35,530
-Yeah.
-Oh, my God.
143
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,450
-We...
-What is happening to me?
144
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:38,620
-...hate--we hate this.
145
00:05:38,650 --> 00:05:39,830
-Right. Right.
-All right?
146
00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:41,490
-Oh, my God.
-We do not want this
147
00:05:41,530 --> 00:05:44,500
-and that's why it's fun, okay?
-[groans]
148
00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:46,630
Everything
that goes bad is good...
149
00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:47,500
-Uh-hmm.
-...because it makes
150
00:05:47,530 --> 00:05:48,500
for a better story.
151
00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:50,130
Our not-wedding wedding
152
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:52,300
for our not-marriage marriage,
153
00:05:52,330 --> 00:05:54,130
it's all nots, okay?
154
00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:56,970
Rebels of the altar.
It's just us.
155
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,640
-Right.
-It's you and me.
156
00:05:58,670 --> 00:05:59,850
-You and me.
-You and me.
157
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,400
-Okay.
-Okay?
158
00:06:01,670 --> 00:06:03,980
-[sighs] Yeah. Okay.
159
00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:06,810
But, like,
what if I lose control?
160
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:07,810
-Yeah, what if you lose--
That's right.
161
00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:09,310
-Because I'm really on the edge.
162
00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:11,480
-I think--I think that perhaps
we need a safe word.
163
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:12,400
-That'd be good.
164
00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:15,030
-Yeah.
-Okay. Like, um...
165
00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:17,360
-Um...
-...uh...
166
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:18,740
-I know.
-What?
167
00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:21,410
-Like, like,
um, Halloween 1999...
168
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,410
-Yeah.
-...in a sea of Bill Clintons
169
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,000
and Monica Lewinskys...
-Uh-huh.
170
00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:27,170
-...and Linda Tripps,
there were only two...
171
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,670
-Janet Renos.
-Yeah.
172
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:31,250
-Oh. Janet Reno.
-Janet Reno. Safe word.
173
00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:32,750
-I love it.
-I love you.
174
00:06:32,790 --> 00:06:35,050
-I fucking love you.
-Okay.
175
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,180
-Okay. Okay.
But that flower is not...
176
00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:39,510
-Hey, hey.
-...in the center.
177
00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:41,010
-Hey, come on.
-Okay. I'm gonna...
178
00:06:41,050 --> 00:06:42,280
-Cool. Let's go. Come on.
-I'm gonna let it go.
179
00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:46,520
-Countdown to guest arrival,
T-minus 25 minutes. Twenty-five.
180
00:06:46,550 --> 00:06:47,350
-I did. I did.
181
00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:48,350
-No.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
182
00:06:48,390 --> 00:06:49,600
-Hey, hey!
-Martin.
183
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,270
-Hey, how are you?
-Congratulations.
184
00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:55,780
Ohh. Mwah. Oh!
185
00:06:55,810 --> 00:06:58,860
Oh. Oh, sweet redeemer.
Am I the first?
186
00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,200
-Always.
-You're punctual.
187
00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:01,780
-Oh.
-And where's, uh--is it Dana?
188
00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:05,580
-No date, or...?
-Uh, Dana and I are exploring
189
00:07:05,610 --> 00:07:07,370
our options in a good way.
190
00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:08,460
-Cool.
-Okay.
191
00:07:08,490 --> 00:07:09,710
-I need you in the kitchen.
192
00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:11,040
-Uh, I'm greeting guests.
193
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,210
I'm supposed to be here.
194
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,920
-[mouths words]
195
00:07:13,950 --> 00:07:15,090
What?
196
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,930
-[mouths words]
197
00:07:19,330 --> 00:07:20,350
-Okay.
198
00:07:21,460 --> 00:07:22,720
It's nothing.
-Okay.
199
00:07:22,750 --> 00:07:23,890
-Nothing.
-Is everything okay?
200
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,060
-Yes, good.
-Um, so, well?
201
00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:27,890
-Oh, Dana felt
that she needed...
202
00:07:27,930 --> 00:07:29,560
-No, no, no, about the...
-Oh, oh, oh.
203
00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:31,060
You--you know what?
Let's not talk tomato.
204
00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,560
-Oh, they passed.
-No, it's....
205
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,730
-They fucking passed. What?
-It's fine. It's fine.
206
00:07:34,770 --> 00:07:36,440
-VC assholes.
207
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,650
They've got no vision,
they've got no fucking...
208
00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:39,450
-Hey.
-...balls.
209
00:07:39,490 --> 00:07:40,950
-Hey, hey,
we'll get there, okay?
210
00:07:40,980 --> 00:07:42,240
I know a guy at Monsanto.
211
00:07:42,270 --> 00:07:44,580
-Kill me
if we end up at Monsanto.
212
00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:45,740
[Lindy chuckling]
213
00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:47,080
Hey.
-Hi.
214
00:07:47,110 --> 00:07:48,580
-Hey. So how was your nothing?
215
00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:50,170
It's fine. Yes, it'll be fine.
216
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,500
-Good.
217
00:07:51,530 --> 00:07:52,920
-How is everything?
Everything fine?
218
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,250
-Fine, fine, fine. Good.
219
00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:55,590
-Oh, they passed?
220
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:56,920
-No, no, no, it's Dana.
221
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,800
We're hoping
she'll come through, right?
222
00:07:58,830 --> 00:08:02,260
-Um, yeah. Um, hey, you know,
I'll be at the bar.
223
00:08:02,290 --> 00:08:03,730
-Cool. Okay.
-Yeah.
224
00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:07,100
-Diane, Walt.
225
00:08:07,130 --> 00:08:09,640
-Walt needs
to use the restroom.
226
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,100
The signage here, lacking.
227
00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:14,480
-Uh, down the hall,
first left on the left.
228
00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:17,320
-Left? Right.
-No, left.
229
00:08:17,350 --> 00:08:20,280
-Okay. Right.
230
00:08:20,310 --> 00:08:22,160
-Good luck.
Walter: Thank you.
231
00:08:23,020 --> 00:08:24,080
-Okay.
232
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,120
-Snub. Noted.
233
00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:30,040
Les, has he cancelled yet?
-Who?
234
00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:32,670
-Jim.
-Uh, no, no, no, he's confirmed.
235
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,460
-Who said?
-Lindy said.
236
00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:36,500
-No, he's not coming.
You need to prepare.
237
00:08:36,540 --> 00:08:37,500
-Prepare for what?
238
00:08:37,540 --> 00:08:39,630
-Heartbreak, drama, tears.
239
00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:41,510
Walt will walk Lindy
down the aisle.
240
00:08:41,540 --> 00:08:42,550
-I think
Lindy wanted her dad...
241
00:08:42,580 --> 00:08:43,640
-It's handled.
242
00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:45,220
Walt will step in for Jim.
243
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:47,860
Crisis averted,
less drama, fewer tears.
244
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,070
[Lindy laughs]
245
00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:00,740
[haunting music playing]
246
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,200
[camera whirs then beeps]
247
00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:05,240
woman: Ready?
And what is the secret
248
00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,740
to a happy marriage?
249
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,870
-There is no secret. Walt?
250
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,040
-Nope.
-No.
251
00:09:12,070 --> 00:09:14,540
And happy? Unsustainable.
252
00:09:14,570 --> 00:09:15,710
Enough said.
253
00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:17,250
But I will say,
254
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,130
I know it's fashionable
these days
255
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:23,050
for everyone to express
every single feeling
256
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,720
at every single moment,
but as far as I'm concerned,
257
00:09:25,750 --> 00:09:29,260
it doesn't do anyone
the slightest bit of good.
258
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:32,820
And marriage--Walt?
259
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,060
-Be nice.
260
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:41,200
-And if you can't be nice...
be silent.
261
00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:43,200
Walt?
262
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:49,290
[jazz music playing]
263
00:09:50,940 --> 00:09:53,000
[Lindy chuckling]
264
00:09:53,030 --> 00:09:54,830
-Why the fuck
are you two doing this?
265
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:56,250
-Terry.
266
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,330
-You mean,
why are we doing marriage?
267
00:09:58,370 --> 00:10:00,130
Hey, hey.
-Uh-hmm. Hi.
268
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,920
-Hi, hi.
-Okay. Be nice. Okay.
269
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,680
-I do have the greatest
wedding present ever.
270
00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:07,680
Open it now.
271
00:10:07,710 --> 00:10:09,010
-No, we're doing gifts,
like, after...
272
00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:10,150
-Now, damn it.
273
00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:12,320
Lindy: Okay.
Is this what I think it is?
274
00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:14,770
Terry: We have
a ton of work to do.
275
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,490
Les: Oh, no, we don't--hey.
-Stop, it can't wait.
276
00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:22,280
-No, it has to wait.
I mean, I have to be here.
277
00:10:22,310 --> 00:10:23,530
-Well, you want to be here.
278
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:24,990
-Yes, I want to be here.
-Yeah.
279
00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:26,450
-I want to...
-You have to be here?
280
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,320
All right, Stepford.
-I want to be here.
281
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,780
It's my wedding.
282
00:10:29,820 --> 00:10:30,870
-And we agreed
that we wouldn't do any work
283
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:32,490
on the wedding.
-Right.
284
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:34,040
-Uh, does your book go
to print Monday, Tomatohead?
285
00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:35,880
-What?
You told her about the tomato?
286
00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:37,870
-Was it a secret?
-Yeah.
287
00:10:37,910 --> 00:10:39,790
Word could get out.
-We don't have any secrets.
288
00:10:39,830 --> 00:10:41,880
Get used to it, Leslie.
-"Word can get out"?
289
00:10:41,910 --> 00:10:42,960
-You have no right
to call me Leslie.
290
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:43,960
-Is it not your name?
291
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,510
-You have
no emotional right.
292
00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:46,630
-Okay. Hey, hey, baby.
Hey, look who's here,
293
00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:47,930
your mom and dad.
294
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:49,850
Les: Oh.
295
00:10:50,990 --> 00:10:53,470
Lindy, Mom and Dad are here.
-I--I'm right behind you.
296
00:10:53,510 --> 00:10:54,770
-Okay.
-I'm right behind you.
297
00:10:56,510 --> 00:10:58,350
-"Mom and Dad." How sweet.
298
00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:00,230
-Yeah, I am going
all fucking in
299
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,810
on this new normal family.
300
00:11:01,850 --> 00:11:02,880
-There is no normal.
301
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,480
Do you want your book
in Barnes & Noble or what?
302
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:05,820
-Yeah, of course I do.
Take a drink.
303
00:11:05,850 --> 00:11:07,360
-I'm getting blurbs
from France,
304
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,910
I'm getting blurbs
from Donna Tartt.
305
00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:10,320
-What?
-She doesn't blurb.
306
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,330
And here you are worrying
about fucking canapes.
307
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,630
-Oh, my God.
308
00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:16,300
-What happened to our pact?
309
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,330
-Terry.
-We marry our careers.
310
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:22,220
We breed success only.
We date and dump.
311
00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:24,920
No marriage,
no traditional gender roles,
312
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:27,340
no Midwesterners, no cowboys.
New Yorkers...
313
00:11:27,370 --> 00:11:28,680
need only apply.
-Need only apply.
314
00:11:28,710 --> 00:11:31,590
We were young
and we were not serious.
315
00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:33,350
-We were deadly serious.
316
00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:34,760
-Yeah, but that was
when I didn't think
317
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:36,850
I was ever gonna...
-No, no. Don't say love.
318
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,430
-...have actual love
in my life.
319
00:11:38,470 --> 00:11:40,280
-I will throw myself
off the roof of this hotel.
320
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,740
-Is it the wedding
you're mad about?
321
00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:46,440
Or is it Les?
-Fine. I don't like either.
322
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,860
But my concern is less about Les
and more about you
323
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:52,280
moving to the fucking suburbs
and being unable to write.
324
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,740
-I am not moving
to the suburbs.
325
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,290
Les doesn't want that either.
326
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,580
I will never not write,
and I don't vacuum,
327
00:11:57,610 --> 00:11:58,920
so I will be me.
328
00:11:59,660 --> 00:12:01,420
-Now I know I'm fucked.
329
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:03,880
-It's a wedding.
It's not a death sentence.
330
00:12:03,910 --> 00:12:05,640
-Mm, they're one and the same.
331
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,720
-Yeah, thank you,
Mrs. Littlejohn.
332
00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:11,130
-How was the journey down?
-Oh, no, no, no. Nancy, dear.
333
00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:12,390
Or Mom, you can use.
-How was the drive down?
334
00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:13,760
-Uh, long. Long.
My leg cramped up.
335
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,890
-I don't wanna stir the pot
and upset Diane.
336
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,100
-Oh, no.
-Well, I--Mom, it is.
337
00:12:16,130 --> 00:12:17,810
-Aww. Yay.
-Can I get you anything?
338
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,140
Like ice or aspirin? Or...
339
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:21,060
-Oh, no, no.
I'm not crying about it.
340
00:12:21,090 --> 00:12:22,900
-The Littlejohns are here!
Les: Hey! Whoa!
341
00:12:22,930 --> 00:12:23,960
[laughing]
342
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,400
-Hey, where can we get
a real drink in this dump?
343
00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:28,900
Hey. Good to see you.
-Hey, buddy.
344
00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:31,570
-Mm, Lindy, looking hot.
Lindy: Okay, Sam.
345
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,950
Well, your wife's right there.
Okay. [laughs]
346
00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:35,910
-Congrats, bro.
-Thanks, buddy.
347
00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:38,240
[Les groans]
Lindy: Jesus!
348
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,330
Watch the family jewels, there.
349
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,960
-Boys, leave your brother alone.
350
00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:45,420
-Mommy's not gonna come to your
defense anymore, Leslie, eh?
351
00:12:45,450 --> 00:12:47,090
-That's Lindy's job now.
352
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,420
-Yeah, well, I'm gonna...
Ha, ha, ha. Okay, guys.
353
00:12:50,460 --> 00:12:51,800
Get in the bar, you know.
-Come on, let's get a drink.
354
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:54,090
Come on, come on.
Lindy: Yeah, get a drink, huh?
355
00:12:54,130 --> 00:12:55,300
Great to see you.
356
00:12:55,330 --> 00:12:57,430
Frank Jr.: Did you see his face?
Oh, my God. What a loser.
357
00:12:57,460 --> 00:12:59,100
-Do you need ice or anything?
358
00:12:59,130 --> 00:13:00,820
Are you gonna throw up?
359
00:13:06,510 --> 00:13:08,570
-Okay... here we go.
360
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,780
Thank you.
361
00:13:11,810 --> 00:13:14,820
Welcome, everyone. Welcome.
Lindy: Welcome.
362
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,950
Um, we can't tell you
how honored we are
363
00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:18,700
to have you all here. Uh...
-Yes.
364
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:20,880
Many of you know
that Les and I
365
00:13:21,410 --> 00:13:23,370
never planned
to do any of this.
366
00:13:23,410 --> 00:13:24,620
-Nope.
-Nope.
367
00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:26,710
-Nope. Not at all. No way.
-Nope.
368
00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,460
Uh, but I did know,
I did know,
369
00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:30,300
I will tell you this,
that I did know that when,
370
00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:33,020
um, the first moment
that I--that I met her,
371
00:13:33,450 --> 00:13:36,510
something inside me changed.
372
00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:38,640
And I knew
that I wanted to, um...
373
00:13:38,670 --> 00:13:40,190
I wanted her
in my life forever...
374
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:44,530
and ever.
-And ever, yes. Thank you.
375
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:48,020
Um, well, alcohol
and a sexy Halloween costume
376
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,240
will do that to you.
377
00:13:49,610 --> 00:13:50,980
That's what got me.
378
00:13:51,020 --> 00:13:54,150
-Um, I will say
that our first date,
379
00:13:54,190 --> 00:13:55,860
like, got off to a bit
of a rocky start, though.
380
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,990
-Ohh.
-Because I had asked her to,
381
00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,330
um, the classiest restaurant
382
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,490
that my--
my grad student stipend
383
00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:03,200
would allow,
the Olive Garden.
384
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,500
Lindy: Ohh.
Les: Wonderful.
385
00:14:05,530 --> 00:14:09,500
I was so scared,
anticipating Lindy's arrival.
386
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:12,590
I was sitting there waiting,
waiting, and waiting,
387
00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:14,590
until it became obvious
to me,
388
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,880
and to the entire restaurant,
that she wasn't coming.
389
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,050
And she had stood me up
390
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:21,260
at the Olive Garden.
-[crowd groans]
391
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,270
Uh, and finally
a waiter came over
392
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:26,690
and asked if there was
anything else I needed, um...
393
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,860
My dignity, my pride, maybe.
-[crowd laughs]
394
00:14:28,890 --> 00:14:31,020
Um, and I was about to ask
for the check
395
00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:34,190
when a voice rang out...
396
00:14:34,230 --> 00:14:37,200
-"Your finest house red,
unlimited breadsticks,
397
00:14:37,230 --> 00:14:38,870
and an apology for the sad,
398
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:41,200
sexy sack at table nine."
399
00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:43,410
[crowd laughs]
Les: I'm glad I waited.
400
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,250
Because those breadsticks
were really good.
401
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,300
To you.
402
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:52,800
And to me, and to forever.
403
00:14:54,910 --> 00:14:59,550
-To all of those things
and to you, to you for...
404
00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:01,220
-To you.
-...making the trip.
405
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:02,600
We really--
we love you all so much.
406
00:15:02,630 --> 00:15:04,140
Thank you.
-We do. Let's eat.
407
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,610
-Yes.
-[crowd cheering]
408
00:15:08,090 --> 00:15:10,480
-Aww, lovely speech.
Thank you both.
409
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,900
-Thank you.
410
00:15:11,930 --> 00:15:14,120
Aww. Well. Cute, right?
411
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,950
[sighs and clears throat]
412
00:15:22,110 --> 00:15:23,660
-Uh, attention.
413
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,330
We're having a small issue
in the kitchen,
414
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,250
a tiny delay with dinner.
415
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:29,830
So we're bringing cocktails
for everyone
416
00:15:29,870 --> 00:15:31,420
to enjoy in the interim.
417
00:15:31,450 --> 00:15:32,420
[men cheering]
-Great.
418
00:15:32,450 --> 00:15:36,420
-No, I have to go.
-No, no, no. We hate this.
419
00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:37,920
-More cocktails?
420
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,470
You know how many cocktails
she's already had?
421
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:40,930
-We hate this.
-This is a recipe for disaster.
422
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,180
-We hate this.
423
00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:44,600
-Gasoline. The match is lit.
424
00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:47,730
-The match is lit. Thank you.
425
00:15:48,670 --> 00:15:50,980
-It is what it is, isn't it?
[fakes laughing]
426
00:15:51,010 --> 00:15:53,030
[clears throat and sighs]
427
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,830
-[chuckles]
Keeping romance alive.
428
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,620
Les is a hopeless
romantic at heart.
429
00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:06,870
Do you remember
those sweet poems he used to--
430
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:09,000
he used to write
when he was little, dear?
431
00:16:09,030 --> 00:16:10,670
-Mm.
-He would--he would put them
432
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,040
on our pillow every night...
433
00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:13,460
-Uh-hmm.
-...before he went to sleep.
434
00:16:13,490 --> 00:16:15,890
-Glad he grew
out of that one, or...
435
00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:18,630
-I-I remember, um,
436
00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:21,300
"Twinkle, twinkle, little me,
how I wonder...
437
00:16:21,330 --> 00:16:22,720
-Yeah, okay. The rest of it,
-"...what I'll be."
438
00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:25,400
-they get it. They get it.
-[both chuckle]
439
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:34,480
-Bride or groom?
-Lindy. Best friend.
440
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:36,980
-Oh. Oh, yeah.
Les is my best friend.
441
00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:39,650
Yeah, how come our paths
have never crossed?
442
00:16:39,690 --> 00:16:41,540
-Oh, I don't like him.
I mean, do you?
443
00:16:43,190 --> 00:16:46,200
-I never thought about it.
-Huh. You didn't say yes.
444
00:16:46,230 --> 00:16:48,540
-Oh, well, now, you...
you caught me off guard.
445
00:16:48,570 --> 00:16:51,370
Well, isn't--
doesn't best friend imply yes?
446
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,670
-Not always.
447
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:56,210
-I get the impression
you don't wanna be here?
448
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,100
-Lindy wants me here,
so I'm here.
449
00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:01,930
-You here with a plus-one?
450
00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:05,060
-Why, no.
451
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:06,560
Where's your date?
452
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,160
-It's complicated.
453
00:17:08,190 --> 00:17:10,730
-Ugh, complicated
leads to all of this.
454
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,400
-You're very direct.
455
00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:16,410
-You like it?
-I don't know if I do.
456
00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:18,860
-You will.
Lindy: Hi.
457
00:17:18,890 --> 00:17:21,830
Martin: I don't know if I will.
Terry: Just wait.
458
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,280
-So you're ready for the show?
-Oh, yes.
459
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,870
Gary, when do you think
the show will start?
460
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:30,290
-What show?
461
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,790
-Wait, is this your first
McMichael event?
462
00:17:31,820 --> 00:17:33,710
-Have you never been
to a McMichael event?
463
00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:36,420
-Yeah, I--no. Why?
-Things are gonna get nuts.
464
00:17:36,450 --> 00:17:38,710
-Oh, we guarantee it. Nuts.
465
00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:42,550
-I predict blood.
-Yes. Blood.
466
00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:43,630
both:
Mm-hmm.
467
00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:46,220
-What kind of blood? What?
468
00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:49,270
-Look at me. Tell me.
469
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:52,280
[whispers]
Is this what you really want?
470
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:58,560
-Terry.
-Ha, you didn't say yes.
471
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,900
-Are you working
at your wedding?
472
00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:02,950
-My book
goes to print Monday.
473
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,450
Hi. Welcome. How many is that?
474
00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:12,240
-I told Les, Walt will walk you
down the aisle.
475
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,790
-Dad will.
476
00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:16,460
-Optimism is naive
and not you.
477
00:18:16,490 --> 00:18:18,920
-You have been perfectly cast
as negativity.
478
00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:20,630
-Typecast. Hi, Diane.
479
00:18:20,660 --> 00:18:22,640
-You're not helping.
Hi, Terry.
480
00:18:23,110 --> 00:18:25,930
Need I remind you how many times
your father was a no-show?
481
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,340
Pick an event.
-Mom, your grievances
482
00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:29,760
are not my grievances.
483
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,770
-I was the one left
to pick up the pieces.
484
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,980
-Oh, you mean
kick the pieces
485
00:18:35,010 --> 00:18:36,650
and say "I told you so."
486
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:41,020
-If you don't wanna follow
in your father's footsteps,
487
00:18:41,060 --> 00:18:43,480
you should be over there
with your husband-to-be.
488
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,820
That is your duty
as wife-to-be.
489
00:18:46,850 --> 00:18:49,080
Don't mess this up, too.
490
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,710
-Mother of ice.
491
00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:58,090
What an exit.
492
00:18:58,490 --> 00:19:01,790
-Duty?
-Well, you are a wife-to-be.
493
00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:04,460
-Oh, is that the book?
-Yeah.
494
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,630
-Am I in it?
-Okay, no one's in it.
495
00:19:06,670 --> 00:19:07,630
It's fiction.
496
00:19:07,670 --> 00:19:09,550
-I cannot believe
497
00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,800
that you are getting married,
498
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,060
when you always said
you never wanted to.
499
00:19:14,090 --> 00:19:15,940
And I always wanted to.
500
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,060
But I could never find the one,
not that there is, like, a one,
501
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:20,980
but I found him.
502
00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:21,980
-Oh.
503
00:19:22,010 --> 00:19:23,370
-Tim, this is my--
504
00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:26,990
Has anyone seen Tim?
505
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:30,460
-Um, Erin, is that him?
506
00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:34,410
-Oh, God. Uh, yeah.
Isn't he great?
507
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,160
-Yeah, he's...
-I'll be right back.
508
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,550
Hi, Terry.
-Hi.
509
00:19:38,450 --> 00:19:39,870
[jazz music playing]
510
00:19:39,910 --> 00:19:42,500
-I don't know what love is.
I don't know.
511
00:19:42,540 --> 00:19:45,250
None of us do.
But they know. They know.
512
00:19:45,290 --> 00:19:47,050
-Last time I spoke
to this many people
513
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,050
was for the launch
of the Ford Taurus,
514
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,260
as some of you probably know
I-I designed.
515
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,930
-Sorry, I'm gonna bring this
down to human height. [laughs]
516
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,610
-I've known you a long time.
517
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,940
Long time, 'member?
Les: Yeah. I do.
518
00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:02,690
-Oh, this, um,
was Les' favorite song
519
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:03,900
when he was little.
520
00:20:03,930 --> 00:20:05,520
You'll remember it, Les.
521
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,400
♪ I u-lu-lused to pla-lay-lay ♪
♪ The ol-old banjo-lo ♪
522
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,530
♪ And re-te-lest it ♪
♪ O-lo-lon my knee-lelelelee ♪
523
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,030
-But honestly, when I first
saw you two together,
524
00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:14,530
I was like, "Mm-mm, no way,
never gonna happen.
525
00:20:14,570 --> 00:20:16,240
It's never gonna happen."
526
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:17,540
Meg: We're so happy for you.
527
00:20:17,570 --> 00:20:20,540
both: So happy for you.
528
00:20:20,570 --> 00:20:22,880
-To my much older sister,
529
00:20:22,910 --> 00:20:26,050
who found the one so easily.
530
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:27,250
'Cause of course.
531
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,880
-Lindy, Lindy, Lindy, Lindy,
you are... [inhales sharply]
532
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,470
You are hot.
533
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:33,590
-♪ And now-lo-low ♪
♪ The stri-li-lings ♪
534
00:20:33,630 --> 00:20:34,730
♪ Are metal and so-lo-lo ♪
535
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,650
♪ This so-lo-long ♪
♪ I si-li-ling for you ♪
536
00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:41,100
-Anyway, I'm hopeful,
you know.
537
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,400
I have my Tim.
-[microphone whines]
538
00:20:43,430 --> 00:20:46,480
-We should ask them
what love is, right?
539
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,790
-[glass shatters]
-Oh! Drunk. [chuckles]
540
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,120
-Has anyone seen Tim?
541
00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:53,490
-♪ This so-lo-long ♪
♪ I si-li-ling ♪
542
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,210
♪ For you-lu-lu-lu-lu ♪
543
00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:02,800
-Love.
It's a beautiful thing.
544
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:10,460
-Where the fuck is the food?
-Minutes away, ma'am--
545
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:11,920
I mean miss.
546
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,430
-Alice, you said that
five minutes ago.
547
00:21:13,460 --> 00:21:15,140
-I know, I know, it's...
Jim [on mic]: Peas and carrots.
548
00:21:18,130 --> 00:21:19,350
-Daddy.
549
00:21:19,380 --> 00:21:21,140
-You know, Lindy
was born on my birthday,
550
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,520
stealing my thunder
from day one.
551
00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:24,720
[laughter]
552
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:28,320
From the moment my baby girl
breathed air, she screamed.
553
00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:30,820
And not
just-been-born scream, no.
554
00:21:30,850 --> 00:21:34,000
This one, this one
had something to say.
555
00:21:34,530 --> 00:21:37,120
And I thought, "Holy shit...
-[both mouthing]
556
00:21:37,150 --> 00:21:38,620
...now I got two women
screaming at me."
557
00:21:38,650 --> 00:21:39,620
Hi, Diane.
558
00:21:39,650 --> 00:21:42,000
[laughter]
559
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,880
Then I held her in my arms
560
00:21:45,380 --> 00:21:47,290
and she suddenly
stopped screaming.
561
00:21:47,330 --> 00:21:48,630
Silence.
562
00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:49,840
The nurse said
she'd never seen
563
00:21:49,870 --> 00:21:51,130
anything like it.
564
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,680
She said,
"You two belong together.
565
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,640
Like peas and carrots."
-[people clapping]
566
00:21:57,670 --> 00:21:59,640
-He was in Milwaukee
the day she was born.
567
00:21:59,670 --> 00:22:00,770
Jim: And to see her now,
568
00:22:01,670 --> 00:22:03,350
young, in love,
569
00:22:03,380 --> 00:22:05,070
getting married,
570
00:22:06,180 --> 00:22:07,570
bright futures ahead of you.
571
00:22:08,140 --> 00:22:11,230
It makes a man feel
a little bit, uh, giddy
572
00:22:11,270 --> 00:22:12,530
just sharing the air
with you.
573
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:13,900
[chuckles]
574
00:22:13,940 --> 00:22:15,030
As long as
there's no screamin'.
575
00:22:15,060 --> 00:22:17,240
[laughter]
576
00:22:17,270 --> 00:22:19,540
-You know,
when you got kids...
577
00:22:20,690 --> 00:22:23,460
you see a little bit
of you in them.
578
00:22:24,740 --> 00:22:27,330
And when they find someone
579
00:22:27,370 --> 00:22:30,880
who loves them, it's...
580
00:22:30,910 --> 00:22:32,380
it's like that
little piece of you
581
00:22:32,410 --> 00:22:34,430
is getting that love, too.
582
00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:38,230
It makes this old man feel...
583
00:22:41,210 --> 00:22:42,510
very proud.
584
00:22:42,550 --> 00:22:43,720
[crowd awwing]
585
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:45,730
Congratulations to you both.
586
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,390
I couldn't be happier.
587
00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:50,230
Hey, you're the peas
and carrots now.
588
00:22:50,260 --> 00:22:51,440
[chuckles]
589
00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:54,410
[applause]
590
00:22:57,230 --> 00:22:59,700
-Speech of the night.
-Speech of the night.
591
00:22:59,730 --> 00:23:00,950
-At least he didn't regale us
592
00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:02,790
with his so-called
baseball career.
593
00:23:05,990 --> 00:23:08,420
-Oh, baby. [chuckles]
594
00:23:10,950 --> 00:23:13,130
-Oh, I'm so happy you're here.
595
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,850
-Gotta have someone
on your team, kiddo.
596
00:23:15,450 --> 00:23:19,220
-Daddy,
[clears throat] this is Les.
597
00:23:19,250 --> 00:23:21,050
-Mr. McMichael, an honor, sir.
598
00:23:21,090 --> 00:23:22,890
-Jim, never sir.
599
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,140
[chuckles]
-Oh.
600
00:23:24,170 --> 00:23:26,270
-And the honor is mine.
-Okay.
601
00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:27,890
-But there's an obligation
I have as a father.
602
00:23:27,930 --> 00:23:30,100
And that is that
if you break her heart...
603
00:23:30,140 --> 00:23:32,620
Les: Uh-hmm.
-...I will break yours, son.
604
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,650
I'm kidding.
[both laughing]
605
00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:40,410
-Clear, direct, threatening,
uh, with warmth and jest.
606
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,330
I can see where Lindy gets it.
607
00:23:44,150 --> 00:23:45,490
Hey, hey.
608
00:23:45,530 --> 00:23:46,910
-Diane.
609
00:23:46,950 --> 00:23:48,120
-Jim.
610
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,160
-Walt.
611
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:50,750
-Jim.
-Les.
612
00:23:50,780 --> 00:23:52,330
-Oh, uh, Kevin!
613
00:23:52,370 --> 00:23:53,590
-Mom.
614
00:23:53,620 --> 00:23:54,680
-Lindy.
615
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,260
-So, how about
that book of hers?
616
00:24:01,290 --> 00:24:03,350
-My--you read it?
-Read it?
617
00:24:03,380 --> 00:24:05,810
-It's incredible.
You're a big talent, Lindy.
618
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,930
-Dad.
-Chip off the old block.
619
00:24:07,970 --> 00:24:09,770
And, boy, did you get
the Diane character
620
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,440
down to a tee.
Lindy: Dad.
621
00:24:11,470 --> 00:24:13,360
-Yeah. It kept me looking
over my shoulder, kiddo.
622
00:24:13,390 --> 00:24:14,940
-I'm--I'm--I'm in it?
623
00:24:14,970 --> 00:24:16,480
-No, nobody's in it.
It's fiction.
624
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,820
-I'm a--I'm a character
in your book
625
00:24:17,850 --> 00:24:19,030
and you managed to send him
626
00:24:19,060 --> 00:24:20,110
an advance copy
627
00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:21,780
to address unknown,
628
00:24:21,810 --> 00:24:23,370
but not me?
-Mom.
629
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:25,330
-Walt?
630
00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:28,090
-Diane.
-Mom.
631
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,670
-Kevin!
632
00:24:34,830 --> 00:24:36,630
-Leslie, show Dad
what you were showing me.
633
00:24:36,660 --> 00:24:38,210
-Oh, no, no. It's early days.
634
00:24:38,250 --> 00:24:40,130
It's not--no, no.
-Show him. It's extraordinary.
635
00:24:40,170 --> 00:24:42,550
Frank. Yeah.
-Yeah, show me. Come on.
636
00:24:42,580 --> 00:24:44,850
-Okay. If you're sure.
-Food's not here yet.
637
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,140
-See? It's the perfect time.
Go on, dear.
638
00:24:47,170 --> 00:24:49,890
-Okay. Well, um, Dad,
639
00:24:49,930 --> 00:24:52,640
I... [chuckles]
I am on the brink
640
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:56,020
of inventing the GMO tomato.
641
00:24:56,060 --> 00:24:57,820
-Oh.
-It's the...
642
00:24:57,850 --> 00:25:00,030
So the genetically modified
tomato really has the potential
643
00:25:00,060 --> 00:25:03,160
to, um, change agriculture
as we know it.
644
00:25:03,190 --> 00:25:05,490
And Monsanto, uh,
is interested, actually.
645
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,240
-Hasn't the tomato
already been invented?
646
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:08,660
-Yeah, but this is
a new kind of--
647
00:25:08,690 --> 00:25:10,000
this is a different
kind of tomato.
648
00:25:10,030 --> 00:25:11,660
-You love tomatoes, Frank.
649
00:25:11,700 --> 00:25:13,470
-I do love tomatoes
in the sandwich.
650
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,250
Does it--
does it look like a tomato?
651
00:25:18,290 --> 00:25:20,210
-Yeah, but it's
genetically modified.
652
00:25:20,250 --> 00:25:21,670
-And it tastes like a tomato?
653
00:25:21,710 --> 00:25:23,230
-Yes. But--yeah.
654
00:25:24,380 --> 00:25:26,010
-It's a tomato?
-It is. It is. Yeah.
655
00:25:26,050 --> 00:25:27,060
Frank: Nice.
656
00:25:28,090 --> 00:25:29,600
-Yup. Yup.
657
00:25:29,630 --> 00:25:31,350
-You see? He's impressed.
658
00:25:31,380 --> 00:25:33,150
-[laughs] Yeah.
659
00:25:43,730 --> 00:25:45,860
-Uh, bullshit to marriage,
bullshit to happy.
660
00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:48,780
Do you wanna know what genre
I file romance under? Fantasy.
661
00:25:48,820 --> 00:25:50,370
And as for Lindy
and the Nutty Professor,
662
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:51,910
science fiction.
663
00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:53,370
I'm just waiting
for the day my phone rings
664
00:25:53,410 --> 00:25:55,260
and she's accidentally
got two heads.
665
00:25:56,910 --> 00:25:59,300
-Attention,
distinguished guests.
666
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,090
The food is on its way.
all: Whoo!
667
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,630
Alice:
Please return to your seats
668
00:26:03,670 --> 00:26:05,050
in a timely manner
and we'll--
669
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,520
[microphone squeals]
Diane: "Chapter Nine,
670
00:26:07,460 --> 00:26:09,720
Mother of Ice."
671
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,220
-Oh, fuck.
672
00:26:11,260 --> 00:26:14,480
-"My mother
was not kind or warm."
673
00:26:14,510 --> 00:26:16,100
-Walt, go stop her.
-Yeah.
674
00:26:16,140 --> 00:26:17,900
-Do something.
-I'm no hero.
675
00:26:17,930 --> 00:26:19,400
Diane: "...emotional icicle."
Lindy: Okay. All right.
676
00:26:19,430 --> 00:26:20,980
Everybody, take your seats.
Sit down.
677
00:26:21,020 --> 00:26:22,480
Don't worry, everybody. Mom.
678
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:23,940
-"Her feelings frozen
into harsh..."
679
00:26:23,980 --> 00:26:25,650
-Okay. We're gonna eat.
-"...jagged edges..."
680
00:26:25,690 --> 00:26:27,070
-Let's, uh...
Diane: "...ready to impale
681
00:26:27,110 --> 00:26:28,740
anyone who got too..."
682
00:26:28,770 --> 00:26:30,330
Lindy: Stop it.
-Diane.
683
00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:31,290
-You're ruining--Mom,
what the fuck are you doing?
684
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:32,740
You're ruining my wedding.
685
00:26:32,780 --> 00:26:34,250
Les: Diane,
would you like some coffee?
686
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:35,500
Where is, uh, Kevin?
Diane: "As soon as..."
687
00:26:35,530 --> 00:26:36,830
Lindy: You know what?
Let's just...
688
00:26:36,870 --> 00:26:38,330
Les: Kevin? Kevin?
-I'm--I'm--
689
00:26:38,370 --> 00:26:39,630
"as soon as my mother..."
-Diane. Diane.
690
00:26:39,660 --> 00:26:40,590
-Kevin!
-"...temperature dropped,
691
00:26:40,620 --> 00:26:41,620
the air sparked."
692
00:26:41,650 --> 00:26:42,920
-When you want him,
he's never freakin' there.
693
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,760
Kevin! We need coffee.
694
00:26:44,790 --> 00:26:47,090
-Okay.
Let's just--can I unplug this?
695
00:26:47,130 --> 00:26:48,930
-Yeah.
It's a good idea, great idea.
696
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,300
Diane: "...scorned
my mother's love."
697
00:26:50,340 --> 00:26:51,600
Lindy: Unplug it. Mom.
698
00:26:51,630 --> 00:26:52,510
Jim: What are you doing?
699
00:26:52,550 --> 00:26:54,020
-"Hell hath no fury
700
00:26:54,050 --> 00:26:57,440
"like a repressed
middle-aged mother scorned.
701
00:26:57,470 --> 00:26:59,150
"My mother's love,
conditional.
702
00:26:59,180 --> 00:27:00,940
"It had to be earned,
it had to be controlled."
703
00:27:00,970 --> 00:27:02,440
-Kevin!
Diane: Unhand me.
704
00:27:02,470 --> 00:27:05,280
Diane: Ah!
-[screams] I'm burning!
705
00:27:05,310 --> 00:27:07,990
-He's fine. He's fine.
He's not burning.
706
00:27:08,020 --> 00:27:11,120
-"My mother was not one
to forget or forgive."
707
00:27:11,150 --> 00:27:13,620
-Mother, stop!
708
00:27:13,650 --> 00:27:15,330
-We're getting
out of here. Walt.
709
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,620
-[crowd gasps]
-Oh, Jesus! Fuck, Diane!
710
00:27:18,660 --> 00:27:21,460
-Drop the knife, Mom.
Put the knife down.
711
00:27:21,490 --> 00:27:24,380
-Oh! Ow, ow, ow, ow!
-[crowd gasping]
712
00:27:24,410 --> 00:27:26,010
I've been stabbed!
-Oh, Les.
713
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,220
man: Oh, fuck!
Les: I've been stabbed!
714
00:27:27,250 --> 00:27:28,680
Femoral artery,
I could bleed out!
715
00:27:28,710 --> 00:27:29,610
-I gotta pull it, right?
716
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,140
-No, don't pull it out.
Lindy: It's okay.
717
00:27:31,170 --> 00:27:33,470
Les: I don't think it's gonna be
fine with me!
718
00:27:33,510 --> 00:27:34,470
Lindy: I'm gonna take it out.
719
00:27:34,510 --> 00:27:35,240
-I really don't think
you should take it out.
720
00:27:35,270 --> 00:27:36,110
-Three, two, one!
-No, Lindy!
721
00:27:36,140 --> 00:27:39,350
[all gasp]
[Les and Lindy screaming]
722
00:27:39,390 --> 00:27:41,480
-Everybody's getting stabbed.
723
00:27:41,510 --> 00:27:43,480
-Oh, let's get you
out of here, dear.
724
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,200
[grunts]
[microphone squeals]
725
00:27:46,060 --> 00:27:48,320
[gasping]
726
00:27:48,350 --> 00:27:49,990
-[screaming]
-Oh, my God.
727
00:27:50,020 --> 00:27:52,160
-Walter, could you restrain
your fuckin' wife!
728
00:27:52,190 --> 00:27:53,910
-Walt. Walt.
-Don't tell me what to do.
729
00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:56,660
-Come on! Go there!
-I'm telling ya... [grunting]
730
00:27:56,700 --> 00:27:58,660
-I fuckin' will.
731
00:27:58,700 --> 00:27:59,540
-Dad!
-Frank!
732
00:27:59,570 --> 00:28:00,920
-Jim!
-Frank!
733
00:28:00,950 --> 00:28:02,920
-[screaming]
734
00:28:02,950 --> 00:28:04,670
[indistinct shouting]
735
00:28:04,700 --> 00:28:07,420
-Holy Gracious Savior,
you called it.
736
00:28:07,460 --> 00:28:09,010
-A double stabbing.
737
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,090
-Should've put money on it.
738
00:28:10,130 --> 00:28:12,430
-Marriage. Blood sport.
739
00:28:12,460 --> 00:28:14,890
-Will everybody
please sit down
740
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,270
and enjoy
the fucking tuna tartare?!
741
00:28:18,300 --> 00:28:21,320
[indistinct chatter]
742
00:28:24,470 --> 00:28:27,580
officer:
Uh, what happened exactly?
743
00:28:28,770 --> 00:28:30,250
-Rehearsal dinner.
744
00:28:32,230 --> 00:28:33,170
-Got it.
745
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,840
-By the way,
I liked your speech a lot.
746
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:40,590
-By the way...
747
00:28:41,660 --> 00:28:45,510
I liked your face a lot.
748
00:28:46,410 --> 00:28:48,470
-My room, let's go. Now.
749
00:28:49,750 --> 00:28:51,680
-Bless this shepherd.
750
00:28:52,420 --> 00:28:54,050
I should probably
introduce myself...
751
00:28:54,090 --> 00:28:55,440
-Don't.
-...I'm--oh.
752
00:28:58,420 --> 00:29:00,980
woman: What's the secret
to a happy marriage?
753
00:29:01,010 --> 00:29:02,780
-Being in sync.
-Being...in sync.
754
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,730
[Les laughing]
755
00:29:06,770 --> 00:29:09,950
-Such a shit...
-What a shit show. [laughs]
756
00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:13,540
-Oh, my God, my family.
757
00:29:14,210 --> 00:29:16,120
Always with the drama.
-Oh, my God. Fuck.
758
00:29:16,150 --> 00:29:17,910
-I mean,
I only wanted to get married
759
00:29:17,940 --> 00:29:19,580
to join your normal family
760
00:29:19,610 --> 00:29:23,500
so I could escape
from the madness of my own.
761
00:29:23,530 --> 00:29:24,550
-Only?
762
00:29:27,290 --> 00:29:28,300
Only?
763
00:29:29,450 --> 00:29:31,420
[tense music playing]
764
00:29:31,460 --> 00:29:32,520
-Les.
765
00:29:33,550 --> 00:29:37,150
-You only wanted to get married
to join my normal family?
766
00:29:38,670 --> 00:29:42,150
Do you have any idea
how small that makes me feel?
767
00:29:44,140 --> 00:29:45,360
-Whoa, hey.
768
00:29:46,970 --> 00:29:48,660
Nothing's changed.
769
00:29:50,140 --> 00:29:51,690
And I love you.
770
00:29:51,730 --> 00:29:55,360
-Not enough to not work
771
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,450
at our rehearsal dinner, right?
772
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,380
Maybe I could--maybe
I could still feel my thigh.
773
00:30:01,210 --> 00:30:04,290
-What happened to,
"Everything that goes bad
774
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:05,960
is good,
makes for a better story"?
775
00:30:05,990 --> 00:30:10,130
Are-- We're not even doing this
for real, are we?
776
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:11,850
-I don't know. Are we?
777
00:30:13,330 --> 00:30:14,970
-What's happening?
778
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,680
Is this maybe
the drugs talking?
779
00:30:17,710 --> 00:30:21,640
-Uh, maybe, maybe.
But maybe not.
780
00:30:21,670 --> 00:30:22,810
-Hang on. Where are you going?
781
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:24,810
-Going to my room.
782
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,730
-I mean, come--
Les, let's just fuck that
783
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,900
traditional wedding
superstition stuff.
784
00:30:28,930 --> 00:30:30,700
-Well, you wanna--
you wanna fuck the wedding?
785
00:30:33,350 --> 00:30:34,650
-That is not what I just said.
786
00:30:34,690 --> 00:30:36,150
-But that's what you meant.
787
00:30:36,190 --> 00:30:37,370
-No.
-Wait.
788
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:39,910
What's this?
789
00:30:39,940 --> 00:30:41,830
Lindy: I--come--I...I...
790
00:30:41,860 --> 00:30:45,040
-"Let"-- That's your vow?
"Let's do this thing"?
791
00:30:45,070 --> 00:30:46,420
-Come on. I...
Les: That?
792
00:30:46,450 --> 00:30:47,830
-That's--I--I'm--
793
00:30:47,870 --> 00:30:49,000
tomorrow I'm gonna--
I wanted to be...
794
00:30:49,030 --> 00:30:50,170
-I got it. I got it.
795
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,000
It really is a fucking wedding.
796
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:53,510
I understand.
797
00:30:53,540 --> 00:30:54,720
-Hey, where--where-- Wait.
798
00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:59,340
Am I gonna see you tomorrow?
799
00:30:59,380 --> 00:31:00,730
-Am I gonna see you tomorrow?
800
00:31:10,890 --> 00:31:13,740
[soft music playing]
801
00:31:17,730 --> 00:31:18,700
-Hey.
802
00:31:18,730 --> 00:31:19,790
-Hey.
803
00:31:20,980 --> 00:31:22,000
Cold feet?
804
00:31:22,610 --> 00:31:23,750
-Maybe.
805
00:31:24,780 --> 00:31:25,790
-Drink?
806
00:31:25,820 --> 00:31:27,960
-Yeah.
-All right.
807
00:31:33,750 --> 00:31:35,590
-I'm sorry about your arm.
808
00:31:35,620 --> 00:31:37,630
-Aw, she's been waitin'
20 years
809
00:31:37,670 --> 00:31:39,020
to stab me with something.
810
00:31:39,750 --> 00:31:40,770
It's okay.
811
00:31:43,590 --> 00:31:45,320
-I think this wedding
was a mistake.
812
00:31:47,430 --> 00:31:49,490
-The wedding or the marriage?
813
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:53,270
I gotta say,
I never thought I'd see
814
00:31:53,310 --> 00:31:56,120
my little firecracker
settle down.
815
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:58,950
-But you like Les, right?
816
00:32:00,270 --> 00:32:02,620
-You chose dependable
over exciting.
817
00:32:02,650 --> 00:32:04,120
-Is that bad?
818
00:32:04,150 --> 00:32:06,380
-We don't do dependable,
me and you.
819
00:32:09,780 --> 00:32:10,800
Hmm.
820
00:32:12,370 --> 00:32:13,970
-I wanted normal.
821
00:32:15,290 --> 00:32:16,390
I've never had normal.
822
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,090
-Well... [sighs]
823
00:32:21,130 --> 00:32:23,690
not-normal fueled your talent.
824
00:32:24,650 --> 00:32:28,600
Hell, you wrote
a fantastic book because of it.
825
00:32:28,630 --> 00:32:30,990
Normal can kill
a creative spark.
826
00:32:33,310 --> 00:32:35,660
-That's why
I can't write my vows maybe.
827
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,160
-Could be. Jeez, I should know.
828
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,120
Before I met Diane,
I was a lock for the majors.
829
00:32:44,150 --> 00:32:46,450
But you know the story.
-Yep.
830
00:32:46,490 --> 00:32:48,790
Yeah. You got married,
and then, the armoire...
831
00:32:48,820 --> 00:32:50,290
-The armoire, whatever,
-...to go...
832
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:51,790
that dresser thing
she wanted upstairs.
833
00:32:51,820 --> 00:32:53,120
Had to have it upstairs,
834
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,840
and then,
tore a ligament and...
835
00:32:55,870 --> 00:32:57,300
that was that.
836
00:32:57,330 --> 00:32:59,050
-Yeah.
-Goodbye, baseball career.
837
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,220
-You really think you would've
been a baseball star
838
00:33:01,250 --> 00:33:02,730
if you hadn't married Mom?
839
00:33:04,380 --> 00:33:05,440
-Hm.
840
00:33:06,670 --> 00:33:08,220
After we divorced,
841
00:33:08,260 --> 00:33:10,480
I started playing down in
the Mexican Pacific League.
842
00:33:10,510 --> 00:33:12,060
Everyone thought
I was washed up.
843
00:33:12,090 --> 00:33:13,980
The coach was, uh,
forced to sign me.
844
00:33:14,010 --> 00:33:16,690
So, yeah,
he benched me game after game.
845
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:20,200
And one day, their star player
846
00:33:21,350 --> 00:33:22,820
got injured,
and coach had no choice
847
00:33:22,850 --> 00:33:24,790
but to send me in to bat.
848
00:33:25,290 --> 00:33:27,160
First pitch, swing and a miss.
849
00:33:27,190 --> 00:33:29,660
Second pitch, another whiff.
850
00:33:29,690 --> 00:33:31,830
If I blow it, I'm done.
851
00:33:31,860 --> 00:33:33,670
The next pitch,
I hit that goddamn ball
852
00:33:33,700 --> 00:33:36,500
so hard it smashes out
the stadium lights,
853
00:33:36,540 --> 00:33:39,670
sparks flying onto the field,
crowd goes wild.
854
00:33:39,700 --> 00:33:41,670
And I knew.
855
00:33:41,710 --> 00:33:44,310
I mean,
I remembered in that moment
856
00:33:45,710 --> 00:33:47,720
for great talent to thrive,
857
00:33:47,750 --> 00:33:49,770
you gotta put you first.
858
00:33:51,050 --> 00:33:52,570
You hear me, kiddo?
859
00:33:54,550 --> 00:33:57,690
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah?
860
00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,690
-I'll have the car running
tomorrow morning
861
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:01,240
if you wanna make a run for it.
862
00:34:03,060 --> 00:34:04,700
We both know this isn't you.
863
00:34:04,730 --> 00:34:06,410
Peas and carrots.
864
00:34:08,070 --> 00:34:10,450
Uh, I'll be right back.
I gotta see a man about a horse.
865
00:34:10,490 --> 00:34:11,500
[chuckles]
866
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:19,540
-Um, you do know
that was the plot
867
00:34:19,580 --> 00:34:21,430
of The Natural,
right?
868
00:34:22,250 --> 00:34:24,850
-Oh, yeah, Kevin. I know.
869
00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:31,110
[dramatic music playing]
870
00:34:36,850 --> 00:34:40,120
[Les sobbing]
871
00:34:50,780 --> 00:34:52,130
[knocking]
872
00:35:00,450 --> 00:35:02,720
-Are you crying?
-No.
873
00:35:03,540 --> 00:35:05,720
Are you smoking?
-No.
874
00:35:07,710 --> 00:35:09,310
-Is it because I stabbed you?
875
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,980
-No.
Is it 'cause you stabbed me?
876
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:14,820
-Yes.
877
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,030
What did she say
or what did she do?
878
00:35:23,060 --> 00:35:26,660
-She was so, uh, excited.
Yeah.
879
00:35:27,900 --> 00:35:29,450
-Mm.
880
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:33,040
Fear cloaked in excitement.
881
00:35:34,820 --> 00:35:37,660
And now she wants to run.
882
00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:39,120
-Well, she didn't say that.
883
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:40,180
-She didn't have to.
884
00:35:41,830 --> 00:35:44,000
Lindy is like Jim,
but she's more like me
885
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:45,210
than she realizes.
886
00:35:45,250 --> 00:35:47,130
The more she loves someone,
887
00:35:47,170 --> 00:35:51,140
the more she fears
they will run.
888
00:35:51,170 --> 00:35:55,310
We have the endlessly charming
Jim to thank for that.
889
00:35:55,340 --> 00:35:58,810
Say what you will about me,
but I stuck around.
890
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:02,030
I know I am not easy
or charming.
891
00:36:03,770 --> 00:36:07,410
And contrary to popular belief,
I am not a monster.
892
00:36:08,690 --> 00:36:10,160
After Jim left...
893
00:36:10,190 --> 00:36:12,120
[tender music playing]
894
00:36:13,610 --> 00:36:14,880
my heart broke.
895
00:36:16,780 --> 00:36:19,830
Yes, Mother of Ice has a heart.
896
00:36:19,860 --> 00:36:22,880
I vowed I'd never marry again.
897
00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:25,390
Then I met Walt.
898
00:36:26,540 --> 00:36:28,050
He's a good one.
899
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,180
I may be the only one
who sees that,
900
00:36:30,210 --> 00:36:31,930
but everyone else
can fuck right off.
901
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,400
-[chuckles]
902
00:36:33,660 --> 00:36:35,110
-Now, you, Les...
903
00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:39,400
you are one
of the good ones, too.
904
00:36:43,930 --> 00:36:45,410
And Lindy knows it.
905
00:36:46,070 --> 00:36:50,750
And that's why
she's trying so hard not to run.
906
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,170
This conversation
never happened.
907
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,460
-Diane, thank you.
908
00:37:02,170 --> 00:37:05,430
-Not bad
for an emotional icicle.
909
00:37:15,630 --> 00:37:18,850
[orchestral music playing]
910
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,570
[music muffled]
911
00:37:24,550 --> 00:37:25,570
-[sighs]
912
00:37:30,730 --> 00:37:31,910
Fuck.
913
00:37:45,990 --> 00:37:47,260
[sighs]
914
00:37:51,830 --> 00:37:53,880
[car horn honking]
915
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,140
-Oh, Daddy.
916
00:37:56,750 --> 00:37:59,310
Les [on megaphone]:
Janet Reno!
917
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,320
Janet Reno!
918
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:07,780
-[chuckles]
919
00:38:09,770 --> 00:38:11,660
[orchestral music continues]
920
00:38:12,770 --> 00:38:14,870
Janet Reno!
921
00:38:15,270 --> 00:38:17,240
Oh, you're my hero.
922
00:38:17,270 --> 00:38:19,540
-Let's do this thing.
Lindy: Whoo!
923
00:38:20,610 --> 00:38:22,380
Les: Let's go!
924
00:38:28,450 --> 00:38:31,590
-You took my fucking bullhorn!
925
00:38:31,620 --> 00:38:33,140
Kevin!
926
00:38:39,300 --> 00:38:40,930
-What did-- We end up here--?
-How about...
927
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,270
[laughs]
928
00:38:43,300 --> 00:38:45,150
-This is not us. It's not us.
929
00:38:49,350 --> 00:38:50,530
-But is it you?
930
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:53,830
Be honest.
931
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:01,500
-Yeah.
932
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,840
I wanted to get married, to you.
933
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:08,550
And I wanted a wedding.
934
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,800
I did. But you? Um...
935
00:39:15,830 --> 00:39:17,060
-Didn't.
-No.
936
00:39:20,750 --> 00:39:22,470
So why did you say yes?
937
00:39:22,510 --> 00:39:24,680
-Because I didn't
wanna lose you.
938
00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:26,310
-Or my family.
939
00:39:26,340 --> 00:39:27,640
-But you see why now, right?
940
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:28,860
-[snickers]
941
00:39:32,220 --> 00:39:33,280
-I just wanted...
942
00:39:34,890 --> 00:39:38,990
was longing for some sense of...
943
00:39:39,020 --> 00:39:40,490
-Normal.
944
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,920
-Yeah. I said I'd do
945
00:39:43,550 --> 00:39:45,920
what I had always
said I wouldn't do
946
00:39:47,610 --> 00:39:49,580
'cause I didn't want you to go.
947
00:39:49,620 --> 00:39:50,720
-Go?
948
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:56,420
I am an overly educated,
uh, science nerd nobody
949
00:39:56,460 --> 00:40:00,760
with--with one dumb idea
950
00:40:00,790 --> 00:40:02,510
no one gives a shit about.
951
00:40:02,550 --> 00:40:04,890
-You are brilliant
952
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:07,680
and you're gonna
change the world.
953
00:40:07,720 --> 00:40:09,690
I truly believe you will.
954
00:40:09,720 --> 00:40:12,360
And I can't wrap my head around
955
00:40:12,390 --> 00:40:16,740
why you wanna stay
with a dum-dum like me.
956
00:40:18,390 --> 00:40:20,750
-When you tell me I can change
the world, then I believe it.
957
00:40:24,070 --> 00:40:25,620
And there is nothing I want more
958
00:40:25,650 --> 00:40:27,200
than to be
with a dum-dum like you
959
00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:28,420
forever.
960
00:40:29,570 --> 00:40:30,840
Fuck the paperwork.
961
00:40:31,310 --> 00:40:32,180
-But you want the paperwork.
962
00:40:32,210 --> 00:40:35,140
-But you don't. You don't.
So fuck it.
963
00:40:38,410 --> 00:40:41,430
-But you saying fuck it really
makes me fucking happy, though.
964
00:40:42,500 --> 00:40:44,100
-I fucking love you.
965
00:40:46,260 --> 00:40:47,650
-I fucking love you.
966
00:40:48,020 --> 00:40:49,940
[lighthearted music playing]
967
00:40:53,930 --> 00:40:56,370
But now, I just wanna
un-fuck it and just get married.
968
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:01,070
-[laughs] Wow.
What, fucking for real?
969
00:41:01,100 --> 00:41:03,500
-But for us, like our...
970
00:41:04,130 --> 00:41:06,120
our thing. Our...
-Yeah.
971
00:41:06,150 --> 00:41:08,160
-...our normal. Our version.
972
00:41:08,190 --> 00:41:10,330
And--and no drama.
973
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:11,410
-Yes. No violence...
-No.
974
00:41:11,450 --> 00:41:13,170
-...no police.
-No family.
975
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:14,300
-No.
976
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:17,180
[chuckles]
977
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:20,890
-And I know a perfect place.
978
00:41:23,290 --> 00:41:24,260
-The gray house.
979
00:41:24,290 --> 00:41:25,310
-The gray house.
980
00:41:32,720 --> 00:41:34,100
-[gasps]
-[screams]
981
00:41:34,140 --> 00:41:36,160
[tires screeching]
982
00:41:40,390 --> 00:41:42,000
-The secret?
983
00:41:42,980 --> 00:41:44,410
Not having a wedding.
984
00:41:45,230 --> 00:41:46,320
[Diane scoffs]
985
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:47,880
-Having two.
986
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:51,170
-Diane, don't make me
come over there.
987
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,880
-I, Les Littlejohn,
988
00:41:57,910 --> 00:41:59,800
do not take you,
989
00:41:59,830 --> 00:42:02,630
Lindy McMichael,
to be my wedded wife.
990
00:42:02,670 --> 00:42:04,800
-And I, Lindy McMichael,
991
00:42:04,830 --> 00:42:09,140
do not take you, Les Littlejohn,
to be my wedded husband.
992
00:42:09,170 --> 00:42:10,390
-Not?
993
00:42:10,420 --> 00:42:11,810
-Never.
-Never, ever.
994
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,140
-You are signing
the papers, yes?
995
00:42:13,180 --> 00:42:14,980
-Yes.
-Yeah.
996
00:42:15,010 --> 00:42:18,150
-Okay. Well, I now pronounce you
997
00:42:18,180 --> 00:42:19,730
not husband and wife.
998
00:42:19,770 --> 00:42:22,540
[cheering and applause]
999
00:42:25,690 --> 00:42:27,210
[tender music playing]
1000
00:42:29,190 --> 00:42:30,920
[crowd cheering]
1001
00:42:40,910 --> 00:42:43,930
[music continues]
70196
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