Original subtitles

♪♪

-DOES YOUR BREATH ALWAYS STINK?

-OH, SHIT!

FUCKING CLAPPED THAT GARBAGE.

YOU COMING?

-YEAH.

-SEE THAT? THAT'S CRAZY.

WAIT, WAIT.

SLOW DOWN.

-WAIT. -WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-I FORGOT MY KEY.

-THIS IS A NICE AREA.

-RIGHT?

-DO YOU RENT?

[ ALARM BEEPING ]

-COME ON IN.

[ BEEPING ]

-IMPRESSIVE. -THANK YOU.

-WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU DID AGAIN?

-INSIDER TRADINGS.

-JUST SO YOU KNOW,

I DON'T DO THIS THAT MUCH, LIKE, HARDLY EVER,

SO DON'T BE NERVOUS. -YEAH, YEAH.

-WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

-YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND OR SOMETHING?

BECAUSE I DON'T CARE. IT'S TOTALLY FINE.

-NO, NO, I WOULD NEVER -- I WOULD NEVER --

-YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

-NO, I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON A --

-SO, YOU HAVE A -- DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

-NO, I DON'T. I WAS JUST -- I WANTED A SECOND.

-[ SIGHS ]

WHY DON'T WE HAVE SOME WINE?

I HAVE WINE. WANT SOME?

-YEAH. -OKAY.

-THIS IS A REALLY NICE PLACE.

-THINK FAST. -WHAT?

-[ LAUGHS ]

-GOD. WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

-A WINE PLACE.

-THIS IS LIKE AN $800 BOTTLE.

-WELL, THEN IT BETTER BE GOOD.

-WHOA.

JUST USE AN OPENER.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

LET'S GET SOME GLASSES.

HEY, HEY.

THAT'S SOME REALLY EXPENSIVE WINE.

ALL RIGHT. I'M GOOD.

-OH, YEAH. -MM-HMM.

-THERE WE GO.

MMM.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

-NOT USED TO...

-[ LAUGHS ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

-SHIT.

-[ LAUGHING ]

ARE YOU CRAZY?

WHAT?

-OH!

JESUS CHRIST.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!

WE DON'T NEED TO SMASH EVERYTHING.

-I'M SO DRUNK. -REALLY?

I FEEL LIKE YOU DIDN'T EVEN DRINK ANYTHING.

-WANT TO GO UPSTAIRS?

-YOU'RE THE HOTTEST GIRL THAT HAS EVER SHOWN

AN INTEREST IN ME BEFORE.

ARE YOU LATINA?

I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE LATINA.

♪♪

SHIT.

[ SIGHS ]

♪♪

HELLO?

LADY?

CRAZY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY!

I'M JUST GONNA UBER SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT!

THANK YOU?

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATING ]

-FUCK YOU.

YEAH? -HEY.

PETER. HOW WAS THE FLIGHT?

-SHORT FLIGHT. WE DIDN'T CRASH.

REAL SUCCESS STORY. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

-GOOD. AND THE HOTEL'S GOOD?

EVERYBODY'S HAPPY WITH THE ACCOMMODATIONS?

-THEY'RE SUPER SWANK, MAN.

WHAT'S UP?

-I'M IN WILL'S HOUSE.

-I'M SORRY?

-I'M STANDING IN WILL'S KITCHEN.

I'M LOOKING AT WILL'S FAMILY PORTRAIT.

I DON'T -- I-I...

-OKAY, WELL, YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU'RE THERE.

-I-I -- AFTER YOU GUYS LEFT THE BANQUET,

I MET THIS GIRL, AND -- AND WE HAD DRINKS

AND -- AND IT WAS GOING REALLY WELL.

I THINK SHE -- I THINK SHE -- I THINK SHE LIKED ME.

AND THEN I WENT BACK TO HER HOUSE,

AND, UM, THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, IT'S NOT HER HOUSE.

It's, uh...

It's Will's house.

-WHERE IS SHE NOW?

Kevin.

-YOU KNOW, AT THE...

MOMENT, I DON'T...

-Kevin, where is she now? This is very important.

-I HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK. -No. Kevin --

♪♪

-LADY!

HELLO? HELLO?

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

PETER. HELLO?

OH, FUCK.

HELLO-- OH, GOD. HELLO?

SHIT. OH, MY GOD.

OH, SHIT.

HEY, GET UP!

GET UP! OKAY, GET UP.

LET'S GO. WAKE UP.

COME ON. COME ON.

THERE YOU GO. OKAY.

OKAY. NOW WE'RE TALKING.

DID YOU TAKE SOME--

DID YOU TAKE SOMETHING?

DID YOU TAKE SOMETHING? LOOK AT ME. HEY.

HEY! WAKE UP!

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

HEY, PETER.

-YOU TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW.

-I'm sorry. I NEED TO CALL AN AMBULANCE.

-OW. -THIS GIRL TOOK SOMETHING.

-WHAT'S HER NAME? -WHO CARES?

SHE NEEDS AN AMBULANCE.

-CALM DOWN. WHAT IS HER NAME?

-TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, PETER.

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW HER NAME!

-WELL, WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE?

-SHE'S LITTLE. SHE'S GOT BROWN HAIR.

SHE'S -- SHE'S -- SHE'S PRETTY. I THINK SHE'S A LATINA.

-IS SHE WEARING A RED DRESS? -She was.

WHY?

-Okay, we can't call 911.

-WHAT? -IS SHE STILL BREATHING?

-HOW DID YOU KNOW SHE WAS WEARING A RED DRESS?

-IS SHE STILL FUCKING BREATHING, KEVIN?

-YES, SHE'S STILL BREATHING!

-Okay, listen to me.

WHAT I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU STAYS BETWEEN US.

-OKAY. -Tell me that you understand

the severity of the situation.

This can't be shared with anyone.

-UH-HUH. YEAH.

-I'M SERIOUS, KEVIN.

NOBODY ELSE KNOWS ABOUT THIS. -OF COURSE.

-ABOUT A YEAR AGO, THIS GIRL SEDUCED WILL.

WAS A HUGE MISTAKE, ONE-TIME THING.

He cut it off immediately,

but she became obsessed with him.

NOW, IF YOU CALL 911, THE PRESS IS GONNA GET WIND OF THIS.

WE CAN'T HAVE THAT, NOT THIS WEEK.

-WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? -Sit tight.

I'M GONNA SEND ONE OF OUR DOCTORS TO YOU.

IN THE MEANTIME, YOU GOT TO MAKE HER THROW UP.

-P-PETER, I'M N-NOT REALLY, UM, COMFORTABLE WITH THAT.

-I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH, KEVIN.

THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.

-OKAY.

BUT DON'T YOU THINK IT'D BE A LOT SIMPLER

IF I JUST TOOK HER TO THE HOSPITAL, THEN --

Then they could do what they need to do?

-DR. NEWMAN CAN GET TO YOU

BEFORE YOU CAN GET TO A HOSPITAL.

-THE FOOT GUY?!

-Yes. He is a foot specialist.

He is also a real physician.

-O-- -Oh, Kevin?

-FINE. -One more thing.

THIS IS YOUR CLUSTERFUCK.

IF SHE DOESN'T MAKE IT, SHE WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

-SHIT.

HERE WE GO. OKAY.

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS AS MUCH AS YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

UH...

THERE WE GO. THERE WE GO.

-[ GAGS ] -OH!

[ BOTH COUGH ]

[ BOTH VOMIT ]

-OKAY, YOU'RE DOING GOOD.

THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ] THAT FEEL BETTER?

THERE YOU GO. -I'M ALL BETTER.

-YOU'RE GOOD. GOOD. -I'M BETTER.

-HEY, DR. NEWMAN. -KEVIN, HELLO.

-IT TOOK A LITTLE TRYING.

BUT I GOT HER TO THROW UP, SO EVERYTHING'S GOOD.

-OH, YEAH.

YEAH, YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT.

-WHAT?

-SO, HER BODY'S ALREADY ABSORBED WHATEVER SHE TOOK,

SO THAT DIDN'T REALLY HELP AT ALL.

-GREAT.

-OKAY, SO WHAT ARE WE DEALING WITH HERE?

IS IT SLEEPING PILLS, PAINKILLERS?

WHAT DO WE GOT?

-I-I HAVE NO IDEA. -Okay.

Uh, look for an empty bottle.

It's probably somewhere close. -[ CRYING ]

-EMPTY BOTTLE.

-JUST LOOK ON THE FLOOR,

LOOK BEHIND THE TOILET, LOOK IN THE SHOWER.

Just look for that empty bottle.

-[ LAUGHS ] -YOU'LL BE JUST FINE. OKAY.

I'M GONNA -- I'M GONNA LEAN YOU JUST LIKE THAT.

JUST STAY RIGHT THERE. -OH, NO.

-OKAY, DR. NEWMAN, I'M LOOKING.

-Kevin, just start breathing. You need to breathe.

-I'M BREATHING, I'M BREATHING, I'M...

BREATHING. HOW ARE YOU?

-OH, WELL, THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

TODAY I WENT TO THE CIRCUS WITH MY DAUGHTER.

-OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A -- I GOT IT!

IT'S XANAX. -AH, BINGO!

WE GOT A WINNER.

OKAY, WHAT'S THE DOSAGE?

-.5 MILLIGRAMS.

-Ugh. And the bottle's empty?

-YEP. TOTALLY -- TOTALLY -- TOTALLY EMPTY.

-OKAY. SIT TIGHT.

I'LL BE THERE IN 10 MINUTES. -OKAY.

-You know what? Hang on a second.

I'm gonna sing you a little song.

-OKAY. -It's gonna help. Ready?

♪ I AM PROUD OF YOU, KEVIN ♪

♪ I am proud of you when you are sleeping ♪

-OKAY. OKAY. I'M -- I'M GONNA HANG UP, DOCTOR.

-Okay, great.

[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]

-HI. DOCTOR, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I AM SO -- SO SORRY ABOUT THIS.

-LEAD THE WAY. LEAD THE WAY. -SHE'S -- SHE'S UPSTAIRS.

OBVIOUSLY, YOU KNOW, T-THIS IS NOT HOW

I THOUGHT T-THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN, YOU KNOW.

-GOD. DID YOU TAKE SOMETHING? -SORRY.

-WE WERE IN THE BATHROOM. I DON'T KNOW IF --

IF YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LEAN HER UP LIKE THAT, BUT I DID.

-OH. OKAY. ALL RIGHT, THIS IS WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO.

-SHE THREW UP A BUNCH, AND... -YEAH, YEAH.

OKAY, THIS IS WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO.

I NEED YOU TO GO TO THE KITCHEN, MAKE A POT OF COFFEE,

POUR A MUG 3/4 FULL, THEN YOU FILL THE REST WITH WHISKEY,

AND YOU NEED LIKE A TEASPOON OF BROWN SUGAR IN IT, ALL RIGHT?

-YOU WANT ME TO MAKE AN IRISH COFFEE?

-WHIPPED CREAM WOULD BE FANTASTIC.

GO.

SHE'S GOT GREAT FEET.

♪♪

[ WHIPPED CREAM CAN HISSES ]

OKAY. SHE'S DOING OKAY.

SHE'S DOING OKAY. -HERE'S YOUR IRISH COFFEE.

-THAT'S FOR YOU.

ALL RIGHT, SO WE'RE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET.

NORMALLY I'D ATTACH A HEART MONITOR,

BUT SINCE THAT'S NOT AN OPTION,

YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO KEEP HER AWAKE.

-KEEP HER AWAKE? WHAT HAPPENS IF SHE FALLS ASLEEP?

-WELL, THEN HER BRAIN WILL STOP SENDING THE SIGNAL TO HER LUNGS

THAT SHE NEEDS TO BREATHE.

BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN, SO WE DON'T HAVE TO

WORRY ABOUT THAT, DO WE?

-W-WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

-I'M GOING HOME.

DRINK UP.

-W-WAIT, DOCTOR.

-FUCK.

-YOU'RE LEAVING?

-YOU GOT TO GIVE HER A COLD SHOWER,

POUR SOME REGULAR COFFEE -- -YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

-LISTEN, SHE'S GONNA BE A LITTLE CONFUSED AT FIRST.

-THIS IS AN EMERGENCY SITUATION. -JUST ASK HER NAME.

I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S NOT MORT STEVENS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? ASK HER WHERE SHE IS,

WHO SHE IS, WHO'S THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,

ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF.

-I COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP HERE.

-LISTEN, LISTEN, YOU JUST GOT TO KEEP HER AWAKE ALL NIGHT.

YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE, OKAY?

YOU GOT THIS.

THAT'S A FIST BUMP. YOU FAILED.

ALL RIGHT. GOOD LUCK.

-C-COME ON, WE -- B--

FUCKING FOOT GUY.

♪♪

-NO. -YES.

-NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. -YES, YES, YES, YES, YES.

-NO, NO, NO, NO. [ COUGHS ]

-NO, NO, NO, NOT IN THE BATH, NOT IN THE BATH.

THAT'S A DROWNING PLACE. THAT'S A DROWNING PLACE.

OKAY. COME ON.

THERE WE GO. THERE WE GO.

THERE YOU GO. GOOD GIRL.

ALL RIGHT.

[ WATER RUNNING ]

-[ SCREAMS ]

-SIT, SIT, SIT. SIT. SIT. SIT. SIT.

NO, NO, NO, DON'T GO OUT OF THE SHOWER.

GET IN THE SHOWER.

SIT.

SIT DOWN.

OH.

HEY. HEAD UP.

DRINK IT.

-NO.

-DRINK THE COFFEE.

-I DON'T WANT THE COFFEE. -TOUGH SHIT.

DRINK THE COFFEE.

I'M SUPPOSED TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS.

PROBABLY BE GOOD IF I KNEW YOUR NAME AT THIS POINT.

-WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

-I DON'T REMEMBER IT.

-YOU CAN'T REMEMBER YOUR NAME? YOU HAVE AMNESIA?

-DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?

-NO, THAT'S WHY I JUST ASKED YOU TWO SECONDS AGO.

-WELL, THEN YOU'RE VERY ROMANTIC 'CAUSE WE JUST HAD SEX.

-OH, YOU REMEMBER THAT?

-BARELY. BARELY.

-THAT'S FUNNY. DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?

-YEP.

FERNANDO.

-WHAT?

-FERNANDO. -DO I LOOK LIKE A FERNANDO?

-YOU ARE SO RACIST.

-HOW IS THAT RACIST?

-BECAUSE YOU COULD BE A FERNANDO.

-I'VE NEVER BEEN CONFUSED WITH A FERNANDO BEFORE.

-YOU'RE A RACIST. -I'M A RACIST?

-YOU'RE A RACIST. -OKAY.

DRINK YOUR COFFEE.

-I HAD SEX WITH A RACIST.

ADD IT TO THE LIST.

-MADELINE PARKER.

-THAT'S A GOOD NAME.

THAT'S A PRETTY NAME.

-WELL, IT IS NICE TO MEET YOU, I GUESS.

I'M KEVIN.

-[ LAUGHS ]

I KNOW YOU'RE CONFUSED RIGHT NOW

AND THAT THERE IS A LOT OF STUFF BEING THROWN AT YOU.

BUT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY THE FUCK WE ARE IN MY BOSS'S HOUSE.

-EXCUSE ME, KEVIN,

BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

AND I'M REALLY, REALLY, REALLY FOGGY, SO...

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU OR WHATEVER YOU ARE --

-OKAY.

WELL, WHEN EVERYTHING CLEARS UP UP THERE FOR YOU,

WE ARE GONNA HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.

HEY.

HEY!

I'M SORRY THAT I'M GONNA -- GET THE FUCK UP.

-OW!

-GOD DAMN IT.

YOU'RE LIKE A FUCKING CHILD.

-I AM SO SLEEPY.

-YEAH, I KNOW YOU'RE SLEEPY.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SWALLOW ALL THAT XANAX.

-TWO QUICK MINUTES AND I PROMISE I WON'T DIE.

-YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT.

-RIGHT. YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX AGAIN?

-WHAT? NO.

-I KNOW THAT LOOK. -NO.

-YOU'RE TENACIOUS. -NOT INTERESTED.

-YOU MEAN YOU'VE NEVER, EVER WANTED TO FUCK A STARFISH?

-THIS IS THE LEAST ATTRACTIVE THING I'VE SEEN YOU DO.

UGH.

OKAY.

LET'S TALK.

YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

-WOW. THAT IS A BORING INTRO.

-WHAT? YOU GOT A CAT? -I GOT A DOG.

-YOU HAVE A DOG? -YEAH.

-WHAT'S HIS NAME? -HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S A HE?

-OKAY, WHAT'S HER NAME? -IT'S A HE.

-OKAY, WHAT'S YOUR MALE DOG'S NAME?

-FERNANDO.

-THE DOG'S NAME IS FERNANDO. -[ CHUCKLES ]

-WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

-MY MOM'S VAGINA. -AND WHERE WAS

YOUR MOTHER'S VAGINA LOCATED WHEN YOU DROPPED OUT OF IT?

-SHITSVILLE, OHIO.

-SHITSVILLE, OHIO? IS THERE A SIX FLAGS NEAR THERE?

-YEAH.

I GUESS.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

-BORN AND RAISED HERE.

-[ LAUGHS ]

-WHAT?

-YOU'RE FANCY.

-THAT'S FANCY? -YEAH.

-EVERYONE FROM ALLEN HAS MONEY?

-YEAH.

-YOU KNOW THAT STEREOTYPE IS BULLSHIT, RIGHT?

-OKAY, YEAH, YOU'RE FROM THE GHETTO.

-NOT FROM THE GHETTO OR THE SLUMS.

-YOU'VE SEEN SOME REAL SHIT? -IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT.

I'M JUST SAYING -- -YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

-THERE'S A LOT OF ECONOMIC DIVERSITY IN ALLEN.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

-WOW!

-WHAT DO YOU DO?

-PERSONAL ARCHITECT.

-YOU'RE A PERSONAL ARCHITECT?

-I'M A PERSONAL.

-WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?

-BODY PAINTING.

-YOU'RE A BODY PAINTER?

-I PAINT BODIES.

-WHAT IS YOUR JOB?

-I'M A BARTENDER.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

I SERVE OVERPRICED DRINKS TO TOWNIES LIKE YOU.

-JUST 'CAUSE I LIVE HERE, THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME A TOWNIE.

-OKAY.

WHAT DO YOU DO? WAIT.

LET ME GUESS.

ASPIRING ACTRESS.

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT GOOD.

-I THINK YOU KNOW WHO I WORK FOR.

-[ SCOFFS ]

FUCK IT.

THIS IS TOO AWKWARD FOR ME RIGHT NOW.

-THIS IS THE MOST INFURIATING.

TIME TO EXERCISE!

-OW! MY LUNGS! YOU IDIOT!

-HERE WE GO. -THAT REALLY HURTS.

-I'M SORRY, BUT WE GOT TO WORK OUT.

OKAY, WE'RE JUST GONNA TAKE A LITTLE WALK.

ALL RIGHT. JUST WALK.

THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST KEEP YOURSELF --

-OH, MY GOD.

IS THAT YOUR TOENAIL? -I'M SORRY.

IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I -- -YOUR TALONS.

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

-CAN YOU HOLD ON ONE SECOND? JUST PLEASE KEEP WALKING.

HEY. -How's it going there, champ?

-YOU KNOW, I THINK, UH, PRETTY GOOD.

EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE UNDER CONTROL.

SHIT. -WHOA.

OH, NO.

-Kevin?

-YOU ARE SO DUMB. -Kevin, what is that?

-HUH?

WHAT? HERE WE GO.

-What was that? -YOU HURT MY RIB, YOU IDIOT!

-Huh? -[ COUGHS ]

-Kevin, you have to talk to me now.

Talk to me now, son. -OH, GOD.

-What was that? -OH, GOD.

-OH, NOTHING, UH, A PLATE FELL AND IT'S MAKING ME COUGH.

-A PLATE FELL.

A PLATE FELL, HE SAYS.

-OKAY, PLEASE DON'T WRECK COACH'S HOUSE.

-I WON'T, PETER.

-HEY, FUCK YOU, PETER!

GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU DICKBAG!

-SHUT UP.

-[ HOCKS ] THAT'S FOR YOU.

-WE -- WE GOT TO KEEP HER UNDER CONTROL, KEVIN.

-You're dumb!

-SHUT THE FUCK UP.

YOU ARE BEING SO RUDE.

-YOU'RE A DICKHOLE!

-What is she saying?

-She says you're a dickhole.

-ALL RIGHT, WELL, AT LEAST SHE'S FEELING BETTER, RIGHT?

-YEAH, I THINK SHE REALLY TURNED A CORNER.

-ALL RIGHT, WELL, KEEP ME POSTED, OKAY?

-HAVE YOU MENTIONED ANYTHING TO WILL ABOUT THIS?

-NO, I'M GONNA DO THAT RIGHT NOW.

-IF YOU COULD MAYBE JUST, UM, REITERATE TO HIM WHEN YOU DO

HOW MUCH I RESPECT HIM AND -- AND -- AND I WOULD NEVER WANT

TO GET INVOLVED IN HIS PERSONAL LIFE, OF COURSE.

-LOOK, TAKE IT EASY.

YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.

RIGHT NOW, WE JUST HAVE TO KEEP A LID ON THIS.

DON'T LET HER TALK TO ANYONE AND DON'T LET HER LEAVE.

-THAT MIGHT BE A BIT OF A CHALLENGE.

-I KNOW YOU NEVER HAD SEX, PETER.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I KNOW YOU'RE A VIRGIN, PETER!

-Okay, buddy, look,

YOU'RE REALLY SAVING WILL'S ASS ON THIS.

WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET ABOUT YOU.

I'M GONNA BE ON THE FIRST PLANE OUT OF L.A.X. IN THE MORNING.

I SHOULD BE DOWN THERE AT 7:00 A.M. TO RELIEVE YOU.

-OKAY.

I WON'T LET ANYBODY DOWN.

-WHAT?

-SO YOU KNOW PETER?

-I KNOW APETER. -CAN WE HAVE JUST,

LIKE, A NORMAL CONVERSATION FOR TWO SECONDS?

I KNOW ABOUT YOU AND WILL.

-I NEED A FUCKING CIGARETTE.

-YOU SHOULDN'T SMOKE.

IT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH.

-THANK YOU.

WHAT'D HE TELL YOU?

-YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING.

THAT YOU GUYS HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND

AND THAT YOU GOT ALL CRAZY AND OBSESSIVE.

SO TYPICAL.

YOU THINK HE WOULD REALLY LEAVE HIS WIFE AND KIDS FOR...

-FOR WHAT?

FOR WHAT? I'M INTERESTED.

I'M GENUINELY INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.

-NOTHING. -FOR WHAT?

-NOTHING. -FOR WHAT?

SOME CRAZY SLUT YOU TAKE HOME

FOR A CHEAP FUCK? -THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

-ISN'T THAT WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT?

ISN'T THAT WHAT HAPPENED?

-TONIGHT YOU...

YOU TOOK ME HOME.

-AND WITH THAT, I'M LEAVING. -WHERE YOU GOING? COME ON.

NO, COME ON.

LET'S JUST RELAX FOR A SECOND AND TALK.

-RELAX?!

-I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T LET YOU LEAVE.

-WHERE IS MY DRESS? -I DON'T KNOW.

WE TOOK IT OFF IN, LIKE, A BIG RUSH.

-TURN AROUND.

TURN AROUND, YOU PERV! GOD!

-OKAY, I SAW IT ALL ANYWAY LIKE AN HOUR AGO.

-YEAH, AND THEN I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF.

YOU DO THE MATH.

-THAT'S NOT WHY YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF. COME ON.

-OH, YOU KNOW WHY? YOU KNOW WHY?

-I'VE NEVER GOTTEN, YOU KNOW, THAT BAD OF A RESPONSE.

-SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

ZIPPER. -I DON'T THINK THAT YOU SHOULD

DRIVE A CAR REALLY. -ZIPPER!

-YOU TOOK ENOUGH DRUGS TO TAKE DOWN AN ELEPHANT.

-I APPRECIATE THE COMPARISON. -I'M JUST SAYING,

YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY?

-IT'S A DODGE NEON.

IT DOESN'T EXACTLY QUALIFY AS HEAVY MACHINERY.

-ANYTHING THAT'S GOT FOUR WHEELS AND A MOTOR LIKE THAT,

THAT'S HEAVY MACHINERY. -YOU KNOW WHAT?

COULD YOU JUST -- FUCK!

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

I AM FINE. -I DIDN'T SAY --

-I AM FINE. I AM FINE. -I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

YOU TRY HOPPING AROUND ON ONE HEEL.

-I JUST -- I-I DON'T THINK THAT THAT'S WHY YOU FELL.

-"I-I-I-I-I-I."

STUPID IDIOT.

-I DON'T -- I DON'T KNOW -- -WHERE'S MY BRA?

WHERE IS MY BRA?

-I'M SERIOUS.

I CAN'T LET YOU LEAVE.

-SHUT UP.

IT'S BEEN REAL, KEV.

-YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

-HIGH-FIVE? -I'M SERIOUS.

-AND I'M LEAVING.

GET THE -- YOU ARE SUCH A PUSSY.

♪♪

-HOLD ON.

I WON'T LET YOU.

-KEVIN.

PLEASE DON'T GET OBSESSED.

IT'S JUST A ONE-NIGHT STAND.

YOU KNOW --

-DAMN IT, KEVIN, WHAT'S SO BAD IF SHE LICKS YOU?

HEY!

I WILL CALL THE COPS. DO YOU HEAR ME?

-DO WHATEVER YOU GOT TO DO, DUDE.

-I AM SERIOUS. DON'T GET IN THE CAR. PLEASE.

I'M BEGGING YOU. I WAS TOLD TO KEEP YOU HERE.

REALLY, I-I-I'M RUNNING OUT OF OPTIONS HERE. PLEASE.

PLEASE, I AM BEGGING YOU, DO NOT PUT THOSE KEYS IN THE IGNITION.

PLEASE DO NOT PUT THOSE KEYS IN THE IGNITION.

DON'T START THE CAR. DON'T START THE CAR!

PLEASE! DON'T PUT IT IN REVERSE!

I AM BEGGING YOU! DO NOT BACK

OUT OF THIS DRIVEWAY! -DUDE, LET GO!

-PLEASE. I CAN HELP YOU.

-LET GO! -I'M SERIOUS.

PLEASE JUST GET OUT OF THE CAR.

-YOU ASKED FOR IT.

-PLEASE, I AM BEGGING YOU.

EVERYTHING THAT --

OH!

-YOU ASKED FOR IT!

-OH!

OH, MY GOD! MY EYES!

-GOD DAMN IT.

-I'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT NICE TO YOU!

THIS ENTIRE TIME!

-I SAID TO LET GO.

-OH! AH!

-JUST GET UP. -OH, GOD!

-JUST...

-IT FEELS BAD.

IT FEELS LIKE IT'S REALLY BAD. -COME ON.

I GOT TO GO, SO LET'S JUST -- -IT BURNS SO BAD.

-OKAY, YOU GOT TO STOP HUNCHING.

-I DON'T WANT TO GET HIT IN THE MIDSECTION WITH A CORNER.

-IT WAS -- OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. JUST HOLD ON. OH, MY GOD.

-OH, GOD.

OH, MAN, IT BURNS SO BAD.

-WELL...

-I'M GONNA HAVE TO WEAR TWO EYE PATCHES TO WORK.

-NOBODY WEARS TWO EYE PATCHES. DON'T DO THAT.

-I THINK I CAUGHT MY CORNEAS ON THE BLADES OF GRASS.

-WELL, THEN WHY'D YOU RUB YOUR EYES IN IT?

-TO GET THE BURNING --

I CAN'T OPEN --

-DID -- DID IT WORK? -I CAN'T OPEN MY EYES.

IT BURNS MY -- IT BURNS MY EYES. -OH, NO.

OH, NO. LET'S DO THIS. -DOES IT LOOK BAD?

-[ LAUGHING ] -DOES IT LOOK REALLY BAD?

DOES IT LOOK BAD?

BECAUSE I HAVE TO -- -IT --

-DOES IT LOOK CRAZY?

-YES.

IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT BAD. IT'S OKAY.

WHAT?

NO, NO, NO. NO.

HEY! -HEY, WHAT?

-HEY! -AH!

[ GROANS ]

AH! STOP IT. -GIVE ME THE KEYS.

GIVE ME THE KEYS. GIVE ME THE KEYS.

-OW! OH! -STEPPED ON YOUR FOOT.

-I'M GONNA PUT YOU IN THE SINK AND WASH YOU LIKE A LITTLE BABY.

GET READY.

-AHH! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

[ DISHES CLATTER ]

♪♪

FUCK!

YOU ASSHOLE!

-WHERE YOU DRIVING? WAIT.

EASY.

OW!

OH!

I WOULDN'T GO IN THERE. -FUCK!

-THERE'S, LIKE, POISON OAK, COYOTES,

I HEARD THERE'S A MOUNTAIN LION, LIKE TICKS AND STUFF.

OH!

YOU WANT TO -- YOU WANT TO PLAY SCRABBLE?

-NERD.

I DON'T CARE. I DON'T CARE.

[ GRUNTING ]

-HEY. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HEY. ARE YOU CRAZY? ARE YOU INSANE?

-I'M NOT DRIVING, SO WHY THE FUCK NOT?

OKAY, OKAY, NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU WON'T LET ME DRINK.

YOU WON'T LET ME DRIVE. YOU WON'T LET ME SLEEP.

YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE TOO CONTROLLING, KEV.

I DON'T LIKE THAT IN A GUY, OKAY?

-I JUST DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE DRINKING WHISKEY

AFTER DOWNING ALL THOSE PILLS.

-AND I JUST DON'T THINK I WANT TO SPEND

ANOTHER SECOND WITH YOU.

-WELL, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, BUT --

-IS THIS PETER? -WHAT?

-THIS IS PETER. THIS IS PETER.

-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? -PETER PUT YOU UP TO THIS.

-THAT'S CRAZY. -PETER WANTED YOU TO BABYSIT ME,

KEEP ME HERE SO I DON'T DO ANYTHING CRAZY.

-I THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT --

-AAH! -[ GASPS ]

I DON'T THINK THAT YOU SHOULD BE --

-GOD, THAT GUY IS SO GOOD!

HE MANIPULATED A LITTLE BABY BOY

LIKE YOU TO TAKE CARE OF THE CRAZY MADELINE!

VOLATILE MADELINE! -JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE.

-OH, YOU CARE ABOUT ME NOW?

-IT'S NOT CARING OR NOT. -YOU CARE ABOUT ME NOW?

YOU HAVE NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE

TO KEEP ME HERE? GET OUT OF MY WAY.

-WHAT ULTERIOR MOTIVE WOULD I HAVE?

WHY DO YOU KEEP HITTING ME?!

-YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

-NO, I DON'T! -I COULD DO A LOT OF DAMAGE

TO WILL IF I WANTED TO.

-OH, YOU COULD DO DAMAGE?

-YES, I COULD. -WHO'S GONNA LISTEN TO YOU?

-UM, FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I HAVE A FRIEND

AT THE HERALDWHO WOULD BE HAPPY TO TAKE MY CALL.

DO NOT LAUGH AT ME.

-I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WILL IS BELOVED AT THE HERALD.

-OH, YOU ARE SO CONDESCENDING. -AND IF THERE WAS EVER

A QUESTION OF YOUR WORD VERSUS HIS...

-OH, YOU ARE SO CONDESCENDING. -...I WOULD BE SHOCKED

IF ANYONE WOULD EVEN ENTERTAIN YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY.

WHAT IS THAT? -THAT'S HIS DICK.

-OH, MAN.

OH!

THERE'S NO WAY TO PROVE THAT THAT'S WILL.

THAT COULD BE ANYBODY. -ARE YOU KIDDING?

-OKAY, YEAH, IN FULL BODY IT'S WILL, BUT --

OH, MAN, IS HE FLEXING?

-HE'S SO BUFF.

THIS WAS AROUND CHRISTMAS.

-OH, GOD, I'M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO UNSEE THAT.

-HE IS GONNA LOOK SO GOOD ON SPORTSCENTER.

HEY! HEY! OH!

DOESN'T MATTER. THEY'RE ALL SAVED TO CLOUD, BITCH.

IDIOT. THAT IS THE LAST TIME YOU GRAB SOMETHING OUT OF MY HAND!

-WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? ARE YOU GONNA DESTROY A MAN'S

LIFE BEFORE THE BIGGEST GAME OF HIS CAREER?

-I'M SORRY.

WHAT?

I KNOW HE'S YOUR BOSS AND EVERYTHING

AND YOU THINK HE'S LIKE SUPER-COOL, THE MAN,

BUT HE DID THIS TO HIMSELF.

-HE IS MORE THAN JUST MY BOSS.

I HAVE BLED SILVER AND BLUE SINCE I WAS A LITTLE KID,

AND DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT WOULD MEAN

TO BRING A NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TO THIS SCHOOL, TO THIS TOWN?

-HE COMPLETELY FUCKS OVER HIS WHOLE FAMILY

AND THE ONLY THING YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS THIS STUPID GAME?

-THIS IS WILL'S PERSONAL LIFE.

YOU PICKED A PRETTY CONVENIENT TIME TO AIR SOME DIRTY LAUNDRY.

-NO, NO, NO. I DIDN'T HAVE SOME GRAND SCHEME.

I WAS WALKING INTO THE OCEAN WITH A POCKETFUL OF ROCKS

AND THEN YOUR DUMB ASS CAME ALONG,

SO IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME LIVE THIS SHITTY LIFE,

THEN HE'S GONNA DO IT, TOO!

-THAT'S A NICE WAY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.

I HOPE THE UNIVERSE GIVES BACK WHAT YOU PUT INTO IT.

-I DIDN'T PLAN THIS. I DIDN'T WANT THIS.

-MM-HMM. -ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS TO GO

TO THE BANQUET AND TALK TO WILL. -YEAH.

-BUT PETER INTERCEPTED ME AND HE WOULDN'T LET ME DO THAT.

-WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE SAID TO HIM?

HMM?

I MEAN, SO WHAT?

YOU BANGED ONCE.

HE SENT YOU A COUPLE DICK PICS.

THAT'S WHAT MIDDLE-AGED GUYS DO.

-WASN'T ONLY ONCE.

I KNOW YOU THINK I'M THIS FLOOZY

THAT HE JUST TOOK HOME FOR A ONE-NIGHT STAND,

BUT YOU COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

-I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A FLOOZY, MOSTLY BECAUSE IT'S NOT 1923.

-OH, GOD.

-AND I KNOW THAT I HAVE NO RIGHT TO KNOW THIS.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M ASKING.

BUT...

HOW LONG DID IT GO ON?

-[ SNIFFS ]

THREE -- THREE -- THREE WEEKS?

-NO.

-THREE MONTHS?

-NO.

-GOD. THREE YEARS?

SUCH A LONG TIME.

-YES, IT IS.

-BUT HE ENDED IT, I GUESS.

THERE'S -- HE KNEW THAT WHAT HE HAD DONE,

IT WAS WRONG.

-YEAH, HE ENDED IT BY TEXT MESSAGE.

-OH, MY GOD.

-[ SIGHS ]

IT WAS A CLASSY, CLASSY MOVE.

-I'M SORRY. I'VE GOTTEN ONE OF THOSE ONCE.

IT'S NO FUN.

-WHAT'D IT SAY?

-IT SAID, "KEVIN, I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE.

FROWNIE FACE."

-OH.

THAT SUCKS.

-SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT.

[ SIGHS ]

I MEAN, THE MAN PREACHES INTEGRITY AND ACCOUNTABILITY.

AND WHAT? HE'S JUST -- HE'S JUST A FUCKING HORNDOG.

-WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR.

THAT'S NOT ACCURATE.

WE HAD MORE THAN JUST SEX.

-IT WAS MORE THAN JUST SEX? -YEAH.

-WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL A LOT BETTER.

49-YEAR-OLD MAN,

GIRL WHO LOOKS LIKE YOU -- SURE YOU GOT THE WORLD TO TALK ABOUT.

-WOW, YOU ARE EXACTLY LIKE EVERYONE IN THIS TOWN!

EVERYONE HAS THE SAME ATTITUDE ABOUT WILL.

WILL CAMPBELL, COACH. THAT'S IT.

-HE'S MORE THAN COACH CAMPBELL TO ME. HE'S MY MENTOR.

-HE'S YOUR MENTOR?

I DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOU SAD,

BUT HE'S YOUR MENTOR AND YOU'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN IN HIS HOUSE.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS HIS HOUSE.

HE DIDN'T INVITE YOU TO ANY OF HIS COOKOUTS?

-I AM ONE OF THREE VIDEO ASSISTANTS, OKAY?

IT TAKES A LOT TO CULTIVATE THAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP.

BUT I KNOW I DO A GOOD JOB AND I KNOW THAT HE HAS NOTICED,

AND WE HAVE TALKED MULTIPLE TIMES.

-BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY, OKAY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, HEY.

I COMPLETELY GET IT.

I KNOW EXACTLY THE JOB HE DOES ON PEOPLE.

LET ME GUESS. HE LOOKED YOU IN THE EYE.

HE REMEMBERED YOUR NAME, LITTLE, LIKE, DETAILS ABOUT YOU,

HE SHOOK YOUR HAND. HE MADE YOU FEEL SPECIAL, RIGHT?

IT IS SICK, BUT HE IS SO GOOD AT THAT.

-WELL, IF HE'S SO FULL OF SHIT, HOW COME YOU LIKED HIM?

-BECAUSE HE DIDN'T DO THAT TO ME.

-OKAY. -HE DIDN'T.

HE NEVER WORE THAT MASK AROUND ME.

-I'M SURE YOU SAW THE REAL WILL CAMPBELL.

-ACTUALLY, YES, I DID.

-YOU KNOW HE'S BEEN MARRIED FOR 20 YEARS.

-AND THEY'VE BEEN ON AUTO PILOT FOR AT LEAST HALF OF THAT.

-IF SARAH KNEW, THIS WHOLE THING WOULD BE JUST...

-SHE HASN'T BEEN COMPLAINING SO FAR.

-SARAH KNOWS?

-WITH WILL'S LAST CONTRACT EXTENSION,

IT PAYS TO TURN A BLIND EYE, DOESN'T IT?

-MY CHEST FEELS REALLY TIGHT.

I THINK I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK.

-NO, IT'S YOUR LEFT ARM.

-YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE THAT HURTS.

-ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT A DRINK?

-I'VE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK.

-BECAUSE I COULD REALLY USE A DRINK.

-I THINK I NEED LIKE A BABY ASPIRIN.

THEY SAY THAT -- -WE'RE HAVING DRINKS.

I'M GONNA GET US SOME.

-GOOD GOD.

WILL'S WINE IS SPECTACULAR.

-MM-HMM.

-YOU OKAY?

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DRINKING THAT MUCH.

-LET'S SMOKE WEED. -NO.

-YOU WANT TO SMOKE WEED? -NO!

-YEAH.

-NO!

CAN WE PLEASE GET OUT OF HERE?

-SHE'S 16. SHE'S GOT WEED. THAT'S A LAW.

-THIS IS CREEPING ME OUT.

-[ GASPS ] OOH.

-OOH, WHAT?

-IT'S A LITTLE GUITAR.

-I THINK IT'S A VIOLIN.

-I KNOW IT'S A VIOLIN. MY GOD.

-PLEASE DON'T. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT?

-I'M GONNA ROLL IT UP AND I'M GONNA SMOKE IT LIKE A DOOBIE.

[ PLAYING VIOLIN ]

YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING COOL?

[ BOWS EVERY STRING ]

-SUPER WEIRD.

-OH, MY GOD. SORRY.

-CAN WE GET OUT OF THIS ROOM NOW, PLEASE?

-OOH, DARTS!

-YOU KNOW, FOR SOMEONE WHO TOOK A WHOLE SHIT-TON OF XANAX,

YOU'RE BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS.

-YOU SEE THIS? THAT'S SOME HARSH SHIT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT BITCH DID?

-WHO CARES? LET'S GO.

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHO CARES? -I MEAN WHO CARES.

STOP -- OW!

WHO HANDS DARTS WITH THE NEEDLES -- OW!

FUCK! SHIT! -[ LAUGHING ]

-YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!

-I'M JUST A LITTLE TIRED. [ LAUGHS ]

-[ EXHALES SHARPLY ] -[ LAUGHS ]

-COME ON. LET'S GET OUT OF THIS ROOM, PLEASE.

-NO, LET'S PLAY. -I DON'T WANT TO PLAY.

-WHY? YOU AFRAID I'M GONNA BEAT YOU?

-OKAY, WE'LL PLAY ONE GAME. -OH, OKAY.

-THIS SOCK WILL BE THE LINE.

I'M GONNA PLAY STANDARD SCORING RULES, OKAY?

-OH, MY GOD. -WE'LL JUST GO BY THE BARS.

-WHY ARE YOU SO SERIOUS ALL OF A SUDDEN?

WHY CAN'T WE JUST PLAY

WHOEVER HITS THE BULL'S-EYE FIRST WINS?

-BECAUSE WE'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT IF WE DO THAT.

-YOU'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT.

I WON'T.

-DANG. GOOD SHOT.

-THANKS.

SHIT!

T-T-T-THE BOARD IS CLEARLY NOT FLUSH TO THE WALL,

MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT TO CATCH A GOOD ANGLE.

-OKAY, IT'S NOT REGULATION?

-IT'S NOT. IT'S BULLSHIT.

-OKAY. -IT'S NOT FAIR.

-IS THIS WHY THE WHOLE TEAM LEFT YOU BEHIND?

-WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? -I MEAN, THEY'RE ALL IN L.A.

THE BIG GAME IS FOUR DAYS AWAY

AND YOU'RE HERE PLAYING DARTS WITH ME.

-I DON'T HAVE TO PHYSICALLY BE WITH THE TEAM

TO SHOW MY WORTH OR CONTRIBUTE.

THANK YOU, THOUGH.

-WHAT DO YOU DO THEN?

-I GO THROUGH HOURS OF HIGH SCHOOL PLAYERS' VIDEO FOOTAGE

AND THEN I TAKE NOTES -- -YOU JERK OFF ON IT?

-AND I GIVE THE NOTES ABOUT THE EXCEPTIONAL PLAYERS TO PETER.

-HMM. -FUCK!

MAN!

I'VE NEVER -- I'VE NEVER SHOT THIS POORLY.

-BOOM! SHE'S GONNA FEEL THAT IN THE MORNING,

THAT CHELSEA. -WHO'S CHELSEA?

-I NAMED HER CHELSEA BECAUSE THERE'S THIS REALLY MEAN CUNT

THAT I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH, AND SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE HER.

-I NEVER HAD ANY DRAMA IN HIGH SCHOOL.

-YOU MEAN YOU NEVER GOT LAID IN HIGH SCHOOL?

-I MEAN I WAS A HEAVIER -- I WAS --

I WEIGHED A LOT MORE, SO...

-HOW HEAVY CAN YOU GET?

-ARE YOU DONE?

-CAN -- CAN I -- YEAH, I'M DONE.

-JUST TAKE A SHOT.

AAH! AAH! -THAT'S BULLSHIT.

YOU WERE OVER THE LINE.

I'M SORRY. YOU'RE WAY OVER.

-NO, I WASN'T. -LOOK WHERE YOUR FEET ARE.

-I WAS GOING BY THAT ONE. -WHY WOULD YOU GO THAT BY SOCK?

THAT SOCK'S THREE FEET CLOSER, AND WE WERE --

-YOU SAID THE SOCK. YOU SAID STAND BEHIND THE SOCK.

YOU DIDN'T SPECIFY WHICH -- HEY!

YOU JUST CAN'T HANDLE THAT I BEAT YOU.

-I CAN HANDLE THAT YOU BEAT ME

IF YOU CAN HANDLE THAT YOU CHEATED.

-I -- OKAY, FINE.

WHATEVER HELPS YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT, BUT I WON.

-I'LL SLEEP FINE AT NIGHT

KNOWING THAT I WON FAIR AND SQUARE,

BECAUSE THAT'S HOW WE DO IT AT ALLEN STATE.

-OH, MY GOD.

DON'T TELL ME YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE

IN ALL OF WILL'S BULLSHIT.

-YEAH, I ACTUALLY DO.

I WOULDN'T HAVE GONE INTO COACHING IF I DIDN'T.

-THAT'S HOW YOU GOT INTO COACHING?

I THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T PLAY.

-I COULD HAVE PLAYED. -WHAT? KICKER?

I DON'T THINK THEY LET FATTIES KICK THE BALL.

-ARE YOU JUST GONNA GIVE ME SHIT ALL NIGHT,

OR DO YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?

-CAN WE DO BOTH?

ALL RIGHT. ANSWER MY QUESTION.

-WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW,

I WAS ACTUALLY IN THE STADIUM DURING THE MUD BOWL.

-I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, BUT IT SOUNDS GROSS.

-YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE MUD BOWL IS?

-NO, I DON'T LIKE FOOTBALL.

I TOLD YOU. I THINK IT'S BARBARIC.

-WHAT DO YOU AND WILL TALK ABOUT?

-HISTORY, POLITICS.

WE COVERED A LOT.

-AND YOU NEVER WENT OVER THE MUD BOWL?

-NO. GOD. MUD BOWL, MUD BOWL, MUD BOWL.

YOU OBVIOUSLY WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT THE MUD BOWL.

-NO, I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU IF YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE THAT.

-WILL YOU PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT THE MUD BOWL?

-IT WAS AWESOME.

I WAS 14 YEARS OLD.

MY DAD TOOK ME TO THE GAME. MY FIRST TIME IN THE STADIUM.

IT'S WILL'S FIRST YEAR AS THE HEAD COACH,

AND IT IS POURING RAIN.

AND AT THIS TIME, WE'RE LIKE A CUPCAKE GAME

ON MAJOR PROGRAM SCHEDULES.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? JUST SO THEY CAN GET A "W,"

KEEP THEY'RE RANKING HIGH.

NOTRE DAME COMES IN RANKED NUMBER ONE IN THE NATION.

WE GO TOE-TO-TOE WITH THEM THE ENTIRE GAME.

FOURTH QUARTER, WE'RE DOWN BY A TOUCHDOWN, A MINUTE LEFT.

WE'RE ON OUR OWN 4 YARD LINE.

WE HAVE TO DRIVE THE ENTIRE FIELD.

WE HAVE NO TIME-OUTS.

HOW DO WE DO IT? METHODICALLY.

THEY'RE IN A DIME PACKAGE, AND WILL KNOWS THAT.

THERE'S NO NEED TO TRY TO GO OVER THE TOP.

SO EVERYTHING'S A QUICK DROP, SHORT OUTS, CROSSING PATTERNS.

IF YOU CATCH THE BALL WITHIN THE HASH MARKS,

YOU GOT TO GET OUT OF BOUNDS RIGHT AWAY.

WE SCORE.

A NORMAL COACH -- JUST KICK THE EXTRA POINT,

WE'LL DEAL WITH IT IN OVERTIME, RIGHT?

WE HAVE THE MOMENTUM. NOT WILL.

WILL CALLS AN END-AROUND TO MARCUS FREEMAN,

WHO EVERYBODY KNOWS IS GONNA GET THE BALL

AND TRY TO RUN IT TO THE END ZONE.

THEY'VE GOT 10 IN THE BOX STACKED AGAINST HIM.

WHAT DOES MARCUS DO?

HE THROWS ACROSS HIS BODY

TO A WIDE-OPEN RECEIVER IN THE CORNER OF THE END ZONE.

TWO-POINT CONVERSION GOOD.

THE GREATEST FOOTBALL CALL IN THE HISTORY OF FOOTBALL CALLS.

-WOW.

-YEAH.

-SO, DID THEY WIN? -YEAH, WE WON!

THAT WAS THE GAME THAT PUT ALLEN STATE ON THE MAP.

-SO, WHAT? YOU GOT OBSESSED

WITH LIKE A BUNCH OF 20-YEAR-OLD NEANDERTHALS?

LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH THEM? -I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY,

BUT THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO A LOT OF PEOPLE, TO ME.

IF WE LOSE, I GET DEPRESSED FOR LIKE A WEEK.

-THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU SAD?

A FOOTBALL GAME?

-WILL HAS DONE A LOT FOR THIS COMMUNITY.

HE'S DONE A LOT FOR THE SCHOOL.

HE HAS CREATED JOBS. HE HAS HELPED THE ECONOMY.

HE BUILT THE YOUTH BUILDERS PROGRAM.

-YOU CAN SAY THAT ABOUT LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE COACH.

ALL HE DID WAS WIN A FEW GAMES. -IT'S NOT JUST THAT.

LIKE, MY -- MY DAD AND I, WE DIDN'T TALK VERY MUCH,

BUT EVERY SATURDAY WE WERE ABLE TO ORDER PIZZA,

SIT ON THE COUCH, AND BE IN EACH OTHER'S PRESENCE

WHILE WE WATCHED THE GAME. -OH, MY GOD. WAIT.

TWO MEN EATING PIZZA, WATCHING FOOTBALL?

EVERYBODY DOES THAT. WILL DIDN'T CREATE THAT.

DON'T IDOLIZE HIM. HE'S JUST A GUY.

-AND TO YOU, HE'S JUST A GUY?

-YEAH.

-SO, IT WASN'T THE POWER?

-THE POWER?

NO.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

-SO, PLEASE, ENLIGHTEN ME.

ENLIGHTEN ME.

-MNH-MNH. -COME ON.

-MNH-MNH.

WELL, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE WAS WHEN WE MET.

-REALLY?

-REALLY.

-YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHO WILL CAMPBELL WAS?

-NO. I'D ONLY LIVED HERE FOR A YEAR.

AND I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT FOOTBALL.

-OKAY. -HE USED TO COME INTO MY BAR

AFTER WORK EVERY DAY AND SNEAK INTO A BOOTH IN THE BACK,

ORDER A SAM ADAMS AND WORK ON HIS FANTASY NOVEL,

AND I THINK THAT'S REALLY --

-I'M SORRY.

DID YOU SAY FANTASY NOVEL?

-YES, I DID.

-WITH LIKE WIZARDS, LIKE ELVES AND FAIRIES?

-THERE WERE NO FAIRIES, OKAY? -LIKE MINOTAURS?

-NO.

-LIKE HALF-MAN, HALF-TIGERS?

-SEE, THIS ATTITUDE RIGHT HERE,

THIS IS WHY HE NEVER TOLD ANYONE --

BECAUSE OF ANNOYING STUFF LIKE THIS.

-WHAT WAS IT CALLED?

-THERE'S NO WAY I'M TELLING YOU THAT.

-WHY? -BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA MAKE FUN

OF IT, AND THEN I'M GONNA GET MAD,

AND THEN I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU, AND I'M TIRED.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT RIGHT NOW.

-FINE. I WON'T MAKE FUN OF IT. I WON'T LAUGH AT IT.

I WON'T EVEN -- I WON'T MAKE A PEEP.

JUST TELL ME THE TITLE.

-"THE KEEPERS OF GALNOREA."

-[ LAUGHS ] YOU KIDDING ME?

WHAT WAS IT ABOUT?

WIZARDS WHO GET GONORRHEA?

-IT'S A BAD TITLE. I ASKED HIM TO CHANGE IT.

HE DIDN'T WANT TO CHANGE IT.

-SO, HOW DO YOU GO FROM TALKING ABOUT DRAGONS WITH STDs TO...

-WHAT? -TO BEING --

TO BEING IN-- INTI--

TO, LIKE, HAVING WHATEVER --

-TO HAVING SEX?

-YES.

-HE GAVE ME A RIDE HOME ONE NIGHT.

AND HE INVITED HIMSELF UP.

HE SAID WE DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE SEX BECAUSE HE WAS MARRIED

AND WHATEVER, BUT I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT,

SO I FUCKED HIS BRAINS OUT ANYWAY.

-WELL, I GUESS EVERYONE GOT WHAT THEY WANTED.

-OH, GOD, YOU'RE SO JUDGMENTAL. -I'M NOT JUDGING.

-YOU KNOW, I DATED A LOT OF MEAN GUYS,

AND HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN'T ACTIVELY MAKE ME HATE MYSELF.

-YEAH.

HE JUST MADE YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF.

I'M SORRY. -GOODBYE.

-NO. THAT WAS NOT COOL.

I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

-IT'S FINE. -NO, IT'S NOT FINE.

-NO, REALLY, IT'S FINE.

I DIDN'T EVEN GET THAT RIGHT.

I FUCKED UP AT FUCKING UP.

THAT'S GOOD. -NO.

-THAT'S GOOD.

-I AM POSITIVE THAT IF YOU GET ANOTHER SHOT AT IT,

YOU'RE GONNA NAIL IT.

JUST DEAD ON IMPACT. -[ CHUCKLES ]

I'M ASSUMING YOU JUMP FROM SOMETHING.

-[ LAUGHS ] THAT'S VERY MEAN.

-SERIOUSLY, I BELIEVE IN YOU IN THAT.

-THANK YOU.

-DID YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IT?

FOR REAL?

-THAT WAS THE PLAN. FOR REAL.

I BOUGHT THOSE PILLS OFF SOME SKETCHY DUDE DOWNTOWN.

-MORT STEVENS. -YEAH, I DON'T THINK HE WAS MORT.

-HOW DO YOU KNOW? COULD HAVE BEEN -- ANYBODY COULD BE A MORT.

THAT'S RACIST.

-TOUCHé.

ANYWAY, I HAD THOSE PILLS, AND I KEPT CHICKENING OUT,

SO I DECIDED THAT I WOULD COME TO THE BANQUET.

I KNEW TONIGHT WAS THE LAST NIGHT

THAT I'D BE ABLE TO TALK TO WILL BEFORE HE GOES TO L.A.

SO I SNUCK IN THERE AND I GUESS I WAS HOPING

HE WAS GONNA TALK ME OUT OF IT, BUT THAT DIDN'T REALLY HAPPEN.

-AND THEN YOU PICKED ME UP AT THE BAR?

-NO.

-WELL, I WASN'T HITTING ON YOU. -SAY THAT SO CASUALLY,

LIKE IT'S THE TRUTH? THAT'S NOT THE TRUTH.

-WELL, WHAT IS THE TRUTH? -YOU HIT ON ME.

-I DID NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

-YOU COMPLIMENTED MY BAG. YOU SAID, "HEY, NICE BAG."

-WELL, IT WAS NICE, AND I WAS BEING NICE.

-YOU WANTED TO GET INTO MY PANTS.

-YOU WERE WEARING A DRESS.

-COME ON.

-FINE. I WAS HITTING ON YOU.

BUT YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SAID YOU WANTED TO TAKE ME HOME.

-WELL, YEAH, ONCE I REALIZED WHO YOU WORKED FOR,

I THOUGHT IT'D BE AN EXTRA LITTLE "FUCK YOU"

TO BANG YOU IN WILL'S BED.

-THANK YOU.

-SORRY. -NO.

IT'S FINE.

-I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON.

AND NOW THE ONE SOLID THING IN MY LIFE

HAS COMPLETELY ABANDONED ME.

-WILL WAS THE ONE SOLID THING IN YOUR LIFE?

-YOU KNOW HE WAS GONNA LEAVE SARAH.

-OH.

YEAH. I'M THAT GIRL.

I'M THAT GIRL.

HEY, HE SEDUCED BOTH OF US.

-YEAH.

EXCEPT I ONLY LET HIM FUCK ME ONCE.

TWICE IF YOU COUNT THE ONE TIME I LET HIM FINISH IN MY MOUTH.

-OH!

-I HAD TO. HE WAS MY BOSS.

-[ LAUGHS ]

-YEAH.

IT WAS A WISE BUSINESS DECISION.

-YOU STILL SLEEPY?

-I'M THE MOST SLEEPIEST OF ALL TIMES.

-LET'S GO OUTSIDE. -NO.

-COME ON. LET'S GET SOME FRESH AIR.

-THERE IS AIRS IN HERE.

-YOU CAN HAVE ONE OF YOUR CIGARETTES.

BY THE WAY, YOU SHOULD SWITCH TO E-CIGARETTES.

I'VE READ A BUNCH OF ARTICLES THAT SAY IT'S BETTER FOR YOU

AND IT LOOKS COOL. -WILL YOU FORWARD THEM TO ME?

THANK YOU. -YEAH, NO PROBLEM.

COME ON. LET'S GO OUTSIDE.

-NO.

-COME ON.

-OKAY.

-LET'S GO. -YOU GOT IT, BUSTER.

-I WON'T EVEN DRAG YOU.

-THANK YOU, 'CAUSE YOU HURT ME LAST TIME.

-I KNOW. I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

I FELT IT -- I FELT IT --

-YOU'VE BEEN THROWING ME AROUND ALL NIGHT.

-WHY DON'T WE GO IN THE POOL, HUH?

-FUCK NO. IT'S FREEZING. ARE YOU CRAZY?

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THESE CONDITIONS ARE PERFECT.

-YEAH, LOOKS POSITIVELY BALMY.

-IDEAL.

-IT'S TOO COLD. -I LOVE GOING IN BODIES OF WATER

WHEN YOU CAN SEE YOUR OWN BREATH.

-DO YOU?

-OH, YEAH.

SO, WHAT -- WHAT -- YOU'RE A BARTENDER, RIGHT?

-YEP.

-WHAT'S THE FIVE-YEAR PLAN THERE?

-OH, MY GOD. WHAT ARE YOU? MY GUIDANCE COUNSELOR?

-NO, I JUST WANT TO KNOW.

-I DON'T HAVE A PLAN.

I WAS NEVER VERY GOOD AT PLANNING.

-WHAT ARE YOU GOOD AT?

-I DON'T KNOW, MAN. BLOWJOBS.

-YEAH, YOU'RE GOOD AT THOSE.

-I REST MY CASE.

-YOU PLAY A NICE VIOLIN.

-I GAVE THAT UP IN THE NINTH GRADE ALONG WITH DEBATE CLUB

AND MY VIRGINITY.

-YOU WRITE REALLY NICELY.

-HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?

-THAT SUICIDE NOTE REALLY FLOWED.

-IT WAS MOSTLY BUMPER STICKER WISDOM, YOU KNOW.

I HAVE A GIFT.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?

-WELL, I HOPE TO GET A GRADUATE ASSISTANT POSITION

IN A FEW YEARS, THEN MAYBE MOVE UP

TO AN ASSISTANT COACH ON WILL'S STAFF.

THEN AFTER THAT HOPEFULLY PARLAY IT INTO A HEAD COACHING GIG

SOMEWHERE AT A SMALL SCHOOL THAT I CAN MAKE SOME NOISE,

JUST LIKE WILL DID.

-LIKE WILL, LIKE WILL, LIKE WILL.

IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL, YOU'RE GONNA WASTE

YOUR WHOLE LIFE ON THAT STUPID GAME.

-IT'S NOT STUPID.

HUNDREDS OF PLAYERS WILL TELL YOU

THAT WILL IS LIKE A FATHER TO THEM.

THAT MEANS SOMETHING.

-[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

I'M GOOD AT COOKING.

-THAT'S COOL.

-DON'T PATRONIZE ME.

-NO, I THINK THAT'S AWESOME. YOU SHOULD LIKE --

-DON'T SAY IT. -WHAT?

-"YOU SHOULD OPEN UP A RESTAURANT."

THAT'S YOU.

-SPOT-ON IMPRESSION OF ME.

-RIGHT?

-YOU'RE GOOD AT IMPRESSIONS.

SO WHAT'S YOUR SPECIALTY? -JACK NICHOLSON.

-I MEANT WHAT'S YOUR, LIKE, RECIPE?

-ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS?

-I'M INTERESTED. -WHAT IS YOURSPECIALTY?

-CHINESE TAKEOUT. I CRUSH IT EVERY TIME.

-GOOD ONE. -COME ON.

I'M SERIOUS. I WANT TO KNOW.

I WATCH A LOT OF COOKING SHOWS.

-I DON'T HAVE, LIKE, A SPECIALTY.

I DON'T MAKE ONE THING, YOU KNOW.

I JUST -- I CAN WHIP UP A MEAL

WITH ANYTHING YOU HAVE IN YOUR CUPBOARDS.

THAT'S MY JAM.

-SO YOU'RE LIKE A FOOD GENIE.

-NO, BUT JUST SOMETHING

ME AND MY FRIENDS DO EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE.

LIKE I'LL MAKE THE FOOD AND THEY'LL BRING THE BOOZE 'CAUSE

WE'RE ALL BROKE AS FUCK.

-I DON'T SEE MY FRIENDS THAT MUCH.

BY THE TIME I GET OFF CAMPUS,

THEY'RE EITHER HOME IN THEIR OWN BED OR WASTED DRUNK,

AND IT'S LIKE I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.

-SOUNDS LONELY.

-HMM. KEEPS ME FOCUSED.

-WOW.

YOU SOUND EXACTLY LIKE WILL.

-WELL, WILL ALWAYS SAID THE KEY TO SUCCESS

IS PREPARATION AND PERSISTENCE.

-YEAH, I KNOW.

I'VE SEEN THE FUCKING T-SHIRTS AND THE KOOZIES.

ALL RIGHT.

I'M COLD.

LET'S GO INSIDE.

-OKAY.

CAN YOU HELP ME UP?

-ALL RIGHT.

YOU MOTHER --

OH! OH! OH!

-I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE THIS COLD!

WHAT A DUMB MISTAKE! I'M SO SORRY!

I'M SO SORRY! -OH! OH, MY GOD!

-ARE YOU OKAY?! -OH, MY GOD!

-I'M SO SORRY! -OH, MY --

[ BOTH PANTING ]

YOU FUCKER.

-NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

-YOU'RE SORRY? -I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST --

I DIDN'T -- I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO KEEP YOU AWAKE.

-WANT TO KEEP ME AWAKE, JUST SAY "HEY!"

-JUST SAY "HEY"? I-I-I-I --

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S LIKE THE STRONGEST --

-JUST SAY "HEY!"

-CAN YOU HAND ME A TOWEL, PLEASE?

GOT A POOL IN THE WINTER, YOU WANT TO HEAT IT, YOU KNOW?

-[ SHIVERS ]

-[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

-WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO LOUD?

-I'M NOT GOOD AT BEING COLD.

-COME HERE.

COME ON. OPEN YOUR TOWEL. WE NEED BODY HEAT.

-OKAY. YEAH.

-OKAY.

-WHY ARE YOU HARD?

-I'M --

-OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO, NO.

NO.

-TOUGH MOMENT TO READ, YOU KNOW?

-DON'T FOLLOW ME WITH IT.

[ SIGHS ]

[ HAIR DRYER WHIRRING ]

[ METAL CLINKING ]

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-I'M JUST WHIPPING SOMETHING UP.

I'M HUNGRY.

-YEAH?

WHAT ARE YOU MAKING WITH MILK AND SRIRACHA SAUCE?

-DON'T SOUND SO DISGUSTED.

THIS IS A THING THAT I MAKE. GOD.

-OKAY, YOU'RE MAKING A LOT OF IT.

-WELL, I'M MAKING ENOUGH FOR WHEN PETER GETS HERE.

-HOW DO YOU KNOW PETER'S SHOWING UP?

OKAY, HE JUST WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

-YEAH, JUST A SWEET, LITTLE CONVO BETWEEN TWO FRIENDS.

-WHAT? DO YOU THINK HE'S GONNA THREATEN YOU?

-I AM SURE THEY'RE GOING TO INTIMIDATE ME, YEAH.

THEY'LL TRY, AT LEAST. -YOU CAN HANDLE THAT, RIGHT?

YOU'RE TOUGH.

-OKAY. LISTEN. THIS IS HOW IT'S GONNA GO DOWN.

PETER'S GONNA SHOW UP WITH A BLANK CHECK

TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH IT COSTS TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT.

-YEAH RIGHT.

-JUST WAIT AND SEE.

YOU'LL -- OKAY.

-SOUNDS CRAZY.

-HEY, HEY!

-OH! -SORRY.

THESE ARE FOR THE DISH.

I NEED THAT BACK, ACTUALLY, SO CAN I HAVE THAT?

-HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST? -HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST TO WHAT?

-HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST FOR YOU NOT TO SAY ANYTHING?

-[ SIGHS ]

-WELL, I'VE NEVER HAD MORE THAN $1,000 IN MY BANK ACCOUNT,

SO MOST DAYS YOU CAN GET ME PRETTY CHEAP.

-BUT NOT TODAY. -NO.

NOT TODAY.

HELL HATH NO FURY AND THE SCORN OF THE WOMAN.

-SCORN OF WOMEN. I THINK -- YEAH,

THAT'S HOW THAT GOES. -YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

-LET'S JUST PLAY THIS OUT FOR A SECOND, OKAY?

YOU GO TO THE PRESS.

THEY RAKE WILL OVER THE COALS.

THEY CRUCIFY HIM.

HIS WIFE DOES THE WHOLE "STAND BY YOUR MAN" THING

THEN WILL GOES BACK TO COACHING.

HE WINS A COUPLE BIG GAMES.

THE PRESS LOOKS AT IT LIKE A REDEMPTION STORY.

AND THEN WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE YOU?

-BAHAMAS. -YOU BECOME A TRASHY GIRL

THAT TRIED TO BREAK UP HIS MARRIAGE.

-YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

I MEAN...

IF IT WERE JUSTAN AFFAIR.

BUT...

IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

-IT'S MORE THAN THAT. -HUH?

-IT'S MORE THAN THAT. WHAT?

-I CAN'T -- I CAN'T RUIN YOUR PERCEPTION OF SAINT WILL.

YOU LOVE HIM.

-I DON'T THINK THIS WILL RUIN IT

AFTER WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH TONIGHT.

-OKAY.

REMEMBER WHEN ALL THE -- I CAN'T.

I CAN'T DO IT. -JUST TELL ME.

-REMEMBER WHEN ALL THOSE SCHOOLS WERE RECRUITING KYLE WALKER?

-YEAH, OF COURSE. USC, UCLA, 'BAMA,

TEXAS, NEBRASKA, ARIZONA. -YEAH, Shh, Shh, Shh.

NO ONE CARES.

BASICALLY ALL THOSE SCHOOLS WERE JIZZING THEMSELF

TO GET KYLE WALKER. -YEAH.

-AND THEN HE WENT TO ALLEN STATE?

-HE WANTED TO PLAY FOR WILL.

-HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE GIRLS AT USC?

I'M TALKING LIKE...

-WHAT IS THAT? -THEY'RE HOT.

-LOOK, WHEN YOU GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL

AND YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT COLLEGE FOOTBALL,

YOU KNOW THE VALUE OF BEING COACHED BY A LIVING LEGEND.

-KEVIN, THEY PAID HIM.

-BULLSHIT. -THEY PAID HIM.

-THAT IS BULLSHIT. -I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.

THEY PAID HIM. I WAS THERE.

I WENT ON THAT TRIP WITH WILL TO HOUSTON.

HE ROLLS UP TO KYLE WALKER'S HOUSE IN A BRAND-NEW RANGE ROVER

AND THEN HE TAKES A CAB HOME? -SO WHAT?

DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. -OKAY.

WELL, THE CHAMPIONSHIP'S ON MONDAY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN IF I LEAK

THAT LITTLE TIDBIT TO THE PRESS?

-THE NCAA WOULD DO A THOROUGH INVESTIGATION

AND COME UP WITH NOTHING BECAUSE WILL DOES NOT CHEAT.

AT FOOTBALL.

-WELL, IF THEY LOOKED INTO IT, THEY WOULD FIND PLENTY.

AND THEN HIS WHOLE STAFF -- AND YOU --

WOULD BE UP SHIT'S CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE,

AND I DON'T THINK THE COMMUNITY WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH.

-LOOK, OBVIOUSLY I'VE HEARD THE RUMORS ANY TIME

A FIVE-STAR BLUE-CHIP RECRUIT

COMES TO A SMALL SCHOOL LIKE THIS.

AND WITH ALL THE THINGS THAT WILL HAS DONE FOR ALLEN,

THERE'S GONNA BE CHATTER, OBVIOUSLY.

-HEY, HEY. I'M TELLING YOU FIRST-HAND,

AS A FIRST-HAND ACCOUNT, I'M THE SOURCE.

-WILL WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

-OKAY, COME HERE. COME ON.

WE'RE GOING ON A TRIP.

COME ON.

-[ WHISTLES ]

AWESOME.

-I KNOW.

KIND OF OVERWHELMING FOR SUCH A FAMOUSLY MODEST GUY, RIGHT?

-WOW. THIS BALL WAS SIGNED BY ALL THE CAPTAINS

OF THE '03 SUGAR BOWL VICTORY.

-DON'T FORGET ALL OF THESE BEAUTIFULLY FRAMED POSTERS

PRAISING WILL'S GENIUS.

-HE'S A PRETTY GOOD FOOTBALL COACH.

HE'S ONLY HUMAN.

-THIS IS A NARCISSISTIC SHRINE THAT HE MADE

AND GAVE TO HIMSELF.

NOBODY KNOWS THIS GUY.

THEY ALL THINK HE'S SOME MODEST FAMILY MAN.

-DON'T YOU KNOW HIM?

ISN'T HE THE REAL WILL WITH YOU?

-I DON'T THINK ANYONE REALLY KNOWS ANYONE.

-WELL, I MEAN, I DON'T THINK THAT TAKES AWAY

FROM HIS COACHING ACCOMPLISHMENTS

OR THE FACT THAT HE'S CHANGED THE CULTURE --

-HE HAS CREATED AN UNATTAINABLE STANDARD FOR LIVING

THAT YOU TRY TO LIVE UP TO,

THAT HE DOESN'T EVEN TRY TO LIVE UP TO.

-WELL...

IT DOESN'T SEEM SO BAD TO TRY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.

-[ SIGHS ]

♪♪

-LOOK, I'M JUST SAYING YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT SO MUCH PRESSURE

ON YOURSELF, YOU KNOW?

YOU COULD HAVE A REAL LIFE OUTSIDE THIS THING.

WILL DOES.

-I'M PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH MY LIFE, THANK YOU.

-YOU TOLD ME YOU NEVER SEE YOUR FRIENDS.

AND WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU EVEN HAD A GIRLFRIEND?

-THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

-WELL, WE JUST HAD SEX, SO IT'S KIND OF SORT OF MY BUSINESS.

-IT'S REALLY NOT.

-OH, MY GOD.

WHY ARE YOU GETTING TOUCHY?

-I'M NOT GETTING TOUCHY.

-HAVE WE HIT A NERVE? HUH?

-WILL YOU PLEASE STOP KICKING ME?

-WAS TONIGHT YOUR FIRST TIME?

YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF IT WAS.

-DID IT FEEL LIKE MY FIRST TIME?

DON'T ANSWER THAT.

-DO YOU EVEN GO ON DATES?

ARE YOU ON OKCUPID? nerdlove.com?

-THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.

-WELL, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING.

-IS nerdlove.com EVEN A REAL WEBSITE?

-IF WE DON'T -- I'M FALLING ASLEEP.

I'M GONNA FALL ASLEEP IF YOU DON'T TELL ME.

-FINE. WE WILL GO THROUGH MY ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP HISTORY,

BUT THAT MEANS THAT WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH YOURS, AS WELL.

-THAT'S FINE WITH ME.

I JUST DON'T THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT.

-TRY ME.

[ BLOWS, CHUCKLES ]

-HE STARTED OPENLY HITTING ON OTHER GIRLS IN FRONT OF ME.

-THAT'S TERRIBLE. WHAT'D YOU DO?

BREAK UP WITH HIM?

-HELL NO. -WHY?

-UH, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED, OBVIOUSLY.

HE WASN'T MAN ENOUGH TO BREAK UP WITH ME HIMSELF,

SO HE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY TRIED TO GET ME TO BREAK UP WITH HIM.

-SO YOU JUST STUCK IT OUT?

-YEAH.

I COULDN'T LOSE.

-THAT'S GOOD.

IT ALWAYS IMPORTANT FOR A RELATIONSHIP TO FEEL

LIKE THERE'S A WINNER AND A LOSER.

-WELL, TECHNICALLY, I WON 'CAUSE

I GOT TO STAY SIX MONTHS RENT-FREE

IN A DOPE-ASS APARTMENT.

-DOESN'T SEEM WORTH IT TO ME. -WASHER/DRYER IN UNIT.

-YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.

YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED THERE FOREVER.

-NO.

-EVEN IF YOU WERE BEING ABUSED.

I WOULD HAVE SAID STICK IT OUT. -[ LAUGHS ]

-DO THAT LAUNDRY AT YOUR LEISURE.

-YEAH. WORTH IT.

-NOW, THIS IS STEVE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT?

-NO, NO, NO, NO. STEVE WAS THE ANKLE FETISH.

-STEVE WAS THE ANKLE FETISH. -WEIRDO.

NO, THIS IS -- -BRIAN?

-BRENT. -BRENT.

-SORRY. -SORRY.

NO, IT'S OKAY. IT'S A LOT TO KEEP TRACK OF.

-WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?

-NOTHING.

-YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY I'M A WHORE.

-NO, I AM NOT. -YES, YOU ARE.

-I WOULD NEVER -- NO. -IT'S FINE.

I KINDA AM.

-NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YOU'RE BEING REALLY HARD ON YOURSELF.

-I'M NOT BEING HARD ON MYSELF.

IT'S THE MEN WHO HAVE BEEN HARD ON ME.

-IN YOU.

-IN ME, ON ME. -OKAY.

-PLAY ME LIKE A DRUM. -STOP IT.

-YOU DON'T WANT TO GO ON? OKAY.

-PLAY YOU LIKE A DRUM?

-WITH THEIR DICKS. -YEAH, I GOT IT.

-YEAH.

-I DON'T LIKE -- I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

-[ CHUCKLES ] SORRY.

-WHAT'S -- YOU KNOW, HOW MANY DUDES WE TALKING?

-I DON'T HAVE A NUMBER OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.

-THERE'S NO FINAL TALLY?

-I DON'T TALLY THEM EVERY DAY. I'M NOT IN JAIL LIKE...

-WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER? I'LL GIVE YOU MINE.

-I GOT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

-WELL, ME TOO. -OKAY.

LET'S THINK. -LET'S THINK TOGETHER.

-OKAY.

-I GOT A GUESSTIMATE. -YEAH, I NEED ONE SECOND.

HOLD ON. -OH, BOY.

I INSTANTLY REGRET DOING THIS.

-JUSTIN.

-WHAT?

-OKAY.

I AM READY.

-OKAY, YOU FIRST.

-I'M NOT GOING FIRST 'CAUSE THEN YOU'LL JUST --

YOU'LL HEAR MY NUMBER AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA CHANGE YOURS.

-WE'LL GO AT THE SAME TIME. -OKAY, THAT SOUNDS FAIR.

-ON THE COUNT OF THREE. -OKAY.

-THREE -- -WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

DOES THE OTHER GIRL IN A THREESOME COUNT?

-WHAT?

-ARE YOU HAVING A STROKE?

-NO, I'M -- I'M --

I'D LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THAT SPECIFIC --

-JUST DO THE COUNTDOWN. -OKAY.

THREE...

-TWO, ONE.

-8. -8.

-WE HAVE THE SAME NUMBER.

-YEAH, CRAZY.

-HA! -WEIRD.

-WE HAVE THE SAME NUMBER.

-IT'S ACTUALLY 12. -YEAH, MINE'S 6.

-SIX IS RESPECTABLE.

-NO, IT'S EMBARRASSING.

YOU'VE BEEN WITH THE RIGHT NUMBER OF PEOPLE

FOR SOMEONE YOUR AGE.

I'VE BEEN WITH LIKE NO ONE.

-YEAH, THAT IS KIND OF EMBARRASSING.

I'M JUST KIDDING. IT'S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.

I WISH I COULD TAKE A LOT OF MINE BACK.

-I'D TAKE ONE BACK.

-OUCH.

ME?

-NO, ACTUALLY, NOT YOU.

-19.

-MINE'S ACTUALLY 4 1/2. -1/2?

-I DIDN'T FINISH.

-I THINK IT COUNTS IF YOU'VE GOT YOUR PENIS IN.

-OH, I GOT IN. -IT COUNTS.

THAT COUNTS AS SEX.

-OKAY, SO THEN IT'S A SOLID FIVE.

-I AM VERY HONORED TO BE THE FIFTH NOTCH IN YOUR BEDPOST.

-TECHNICALLY IT'S IN WILL'S BEDPOST.

-YEAH, I KNOW.

I KNOW IT WELL.

-AH. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

-SORRY.

-WHAT DID YOU GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP?

-THIS IS GONNA SOUND CHEESY. I DON'T WANT TO SAY.

WILL BELIEVED IN ME.

HE PUSHED ME TO DO THINGS.

AND I HAVE A HABIT OF NOT FOLLOWING THROUGH ALL THE WAY,

SO THAT WAS REALLY GOOD FOR ME.

HE'S THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO TAKE COOKING CLASSES.

I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THAT IN A MILLION YEARS.

I WOULD HAVE MADE FUN OF IT

AND THEN I WOULD HAVE NOT FOLLOWED THROUGH

AND THEN I WOULD HAVE WISHED THAT I HAD.

-WELL, HE WAS RIGHT ON POINT WITH THAT.

I WANT TO LIVE IN THIS CASSEROLE.

-YEAH? -SERIOUSLY.

I WANT TO PAY TAXES TO THIS CASSEROLE.

-[ BOTH LAUGH ]

SEE?

-NO, NO, NO, NO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-I'M CLEANING UP. -NO.

WE'RE NOT CLEANING UP. WE DON'T HAVE TO CLEAN UP.

-IT'S RUDE.

-I FORBID YOU FROM DOING ANYTHING RESPONSIBLE FOREVER.

[ PLATES CLUNK ]

OH, MY GOD. YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE.

-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.

-COME ON.

-SAFE.

WH-- AH.

OOH, IT'S NICE OUT HERE.

THIS IS REALLY NICE.

WHAT ARE WE DOING?

-WILL YOU RELAX?

-I'M RELAXED. I LOVE -- I LOVE BEING UP HIGH.

-[ PANTING MOCKINGLY ] -I FEEL GOOD, I FEEL GOOD.

THE AIR IS NICE AND COOL UP HERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

-THE SUN'S GONNA COME UP SOON.

-YEAH, IT TENDS TO DO THAT.

-I SURVIVED THE NIGHT.

-YES, YOU DID. NO THANKS TO YOU.

-I COULD JUMP OFF THIS ROOF RIGHT NOW.

-WELL, PLEASE HELP ME INSIDE BEFORE YOU DO 'CAUSE I-I --

-YEAH, NO PROBLEM. THAT'LL ONLY TAKE 45 MINUTES.

-[ LAUGHS ] -I MIGHT CHANGE MY MIND.

-I'M WINDED, TOO.

-THANK YOU.

I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

-NO PROBLEM.

-YOU KNOW, I REALLY THOUGHT I WANTED TO DO IT.

BUT THERE WAS THIS MOMENT WHEN I WAS DRIFTING OFF

THAT I THOUGHT...

"NO. OH, SHIT."

-YOU KNOW, YOU DID TAKE ME HERE.

YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS BY YOURSELF.

I F--

I FEEL LIKE YOU WANTED TO BE FOUND SOMEWAY.

-YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

[ SNIFFS ]

-YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT ONCE.

-I THINK EVERYBODY THINKS ABOUT IT.

-I DID MORE THAN THINK ABOUT IT.

SENIOR YEAR, I DROVE MY DAD'S CAR INTO A TREE

AND TOLD EVERYONE I FELL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL.

-OH, MY GOD.

-I WAS GOING THROUGH A REALLY TOUGH TIME.

I WANTED TO BE VALEDICTORIAN SO BAD.

THERE WAS THIS KID, STEVE KIM.

WE WERE LIKE NECK-AND-NECK.

I BEAT THAT MOTHERFUCKER.

I WAS THE VALEDICTORIAN OF MY HIGH SCHOOL.

I GAVE THE SPEECH AT GRADUATION.

I THOUGHT FOR SURE I WOULD FEEL LIKE...

FULFILLED OR SOMETHING.

-YEAH. -I DIDN'T.

I FELT THE SAME WAY I HAD BEFORE.

THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED MY LIFE WOULD BE A SERIES

OF FIGHTS WITH THE STEVE KIMS OF THE WORLD.

-[ CHUCKLES LIGHTLY ]

-AND IT JUST SEEMED DAUNTING BECAUSE EVEN IF YOU WIN,

IT ALL FEELS THE SAME.

-I THINK YOU'RE BETTER OFF THAN STEVE KIM.

YOU SAVED A LIFE...

COOL KHAKIS.

-HE'S A PARTNER IN INSTAGRAM.

-HMM.

-THANK YOU. I LIKE MY KHAKIS.

[ CHUCKLES LIGHTLY ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

ANYWAY, I WALKED AWAY WITHOUT A SCRATCH.

TOTALED THE CAR. -WOW. YOU ARE SO LUCKY.

-THAT IS NOT LUCK. -THAT'S LUCK.

-THAT WAS A SAAB. THAT IS GOOD, OL' SWEDISH ENGINEERING.

THOSE THINGS ARE TANKS.

-YOU TRYING TO SELL ME A SAAB RIGHT NOW?

-NO, I JUST, YOU KNOW,

IF I COULD HAVE YOU LOOK OVER HERE...

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

ANYWAY, MY DAD...

HE GAVE ME THIS AS LIKE SOMETHING

TO REMEMBER THE ACCIDENT BY.

HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT I THINK OF EVERY TIME

I GO TO LOOK AT IT.

♪♪

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

SHIT.

SORRY.

-GO AHEAD.

-HEY, PETER.

UH, YEAH.

♪♪

[ DOG BARKS ]

YEAH.

[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

MADELINE?

HELLO?

[ SIGHS ]

HI. UH, JUST, UM, JUST HOLD ON FOR ONE SECOND.

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

HEY.

HEY.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND THEM.

-LEAVE ME ALONE.

-[ SIGHS ] YOU HAVE A PHONE CALL.

-I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.

-THERE'S SOMEONE THAT WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU.

-I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO PETER.

-IT'S NOT PETER.

-WHAT?

WILL?

COME ON. DON'T TELL ME THAT.

NOPE.

I DON'T REALLY THINK THAT'S APPROPRIATE TO ASK.

OKAY.

YEAH, RIGHT.

AND IF I'M NOT HERE?

YOU CAN TRY.

-[ SIGHS ]

♪♪

-SO, THEY'LL BE HERE IN 20 MINUTES.

[ SNIFFS ]

WILL WANTS TO SEE ME.

-THEN YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED, RIGHT?

I'M GONNA CLEAN UP.

-YOU KNOW, IT WAS PETER WHO TOLD HIM NOT TO TALK TO ME.

-UH-HUH.

YEAH, WILL HAD NO PROBLEM FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH THAT.

SUPER HAPPY FOR YOU. IT'S GONNA WORK OUT GREAT.

-DICK.

-FUCK, THAT WINE IS GOOD.

HEY, LOOK WHO'S BRINGING IN THE DISHES.

VERY RESPONSIBLE. -[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW WHAT? -WHAT?

-I'M JUST MAKING SURE YOU DON'T GET IN TROUBLE, OKAY?

-UH-HUH. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A CERTAIN SOMEONE

WHO HAPPENS TO BE ON THEIR WAY?

-YOU HAVE A BIGGER CRUSH ON WILL THAN I DO.

I WOULD THINK YOU'RE MORE CONCERNED

ABOUT WHO'S SHOWING UP.

YOU'RE TRYING TO SAVE HIS ASS ALL NIGHT.

I'M THE WHORE? YOU'RE THE FUCKING WHORE.

-THIS IS ABOUT MORE THAN JUST YOU AND ME.

-WHAT IS IT ABOUT? FOOTBALL?

IS IT ABOUT YOUR IDOL, WILL CAMPBELL?

COACH?

I SERIOUSLY CANNOT WRAP MY HEAD

AROUND WHY YOU STILL BELIEVE IN THIS GUY.

-YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN HIM ANYMORE?

-OKAY. LET ME JUST EXPLAIN

RELATIONSHIPS TO YOU. -OH, I WOULD LOVE THIS.

-BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY NEVER HAD ONE.

WHEN YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE,

YOU SHARE THINGS, YOU GO DEEP,

YOU HAVE FEELINGS THAT DON'T GET WASHED AWAY SO EASILY!

-AND WHERE DOES SARAH FALL IN ALL THIS?

-YOU JUST PROVED YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

YOU KNOW, SHE HAS HER OWN SECRETS, TOO.

SHE'S NOT PERFECT.

-TRAIN WRECK.

-EXCUSE ME?

-I SAID YOU'RE A FUCKING TRAIN WRECK.

-I'M A FUCKING TRAIN WRECK? -YEAH.

-WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?

-YOU THINK LIFE HAS TO BE THIS --

-WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?!

YOU CAN SAY THAT TO ME?! LOOK AT YOU!

YOU'RE EMPTY INSIDE!

YOU HAVEN'T LIVED A DAY IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE

UNTIL YOU MET ME!

-YOU USED ME TO GET TO WILL.

AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA BRING HIM DOWN WITH YOU.

-YEAH, YOU GOT ME PEGGED.

YOU'RE SO SMART.

-I THINK I DO.

-ENLIGHTEN ME.

-YOU'RE JUST A SCARED LITTLE GIRL.

THAT'S IT.

-MM-HMM.

-WHAT ABOUT A REGULAR RELATIONSHIP?

IT'S TOO BORING, RIGHT?

TOO MUNDANE.

GOT TO CRY FOR HELP.

GOT TO PULL SOME SHIT LIKE LAST NIGHT, RIGHT?

-FUCK YOU!

LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION SINCE YOU'RE THE BETTER PERSON

HERE, RIGHT? MR. MORALITY. -I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

-LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. -MM-HMM.

-WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF I DIED LAST NIGHT?

-THEN YOU'D BE DEAD.

-YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?

WOULD YOU HAVE CALLED 911 FINALLY INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME

CALLING PETE, CALLING THIS SECRET DOCTOR,

INSTEAD OF CALLING SOMEONE WHO COULD ACTUALLY SAVE MY LIFE?!

YOU'RE A FUCKING COWARD!

YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT!

I BET -- I BET IF PETER TOLD YOU TO DRIVE BY A HOSPITAL

AND OPEN UP THE DOOR AND LET ME FUCKING TUMBLE OUT,

YOU WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IT!

AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I KNOW THAT?

IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A STUPID, LITTLE BITCH,

AND YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING THEY TELL YOU TO DO

'CAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKING BRAIN OF YOUR OWN!

YEAH, WALK AWAY.

I'LL TELL THEM YOU SAID HI.

♪♪

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

-CALL ME A FUCKING BITCH.

YOU'RE A BITCH. FUCKING BITCH.

MORT ST-- FUCKING BITCH.

♪♪

-OW!

[ WATER RUNNING, STOPS ]

-[ SNIFFS ]

[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]

-SO, THE BEDROOM IS EVEN CLEANER THAN WE FOUND IT.

THERE'S NO SIGN OF ILLICIT LOVE-MAKING ANYWHERE.

-THAT'S GREAT.

-AND YOU'RE GONNA BE A BIG HERO.

YOUR CAREER'S GONNA TAKE OFF.

SKY'S THE LIMIT.

-AND YOU'LL GET WILL BACK.

-EVERYBODY WINS.

[ VEHICLE APPROACHING ]

♪♪

-MADDIE.

-TRY ONE OF THOSE ON.

-I DON'T REALLY, UH, SMOKE THAT MUCH.

-YOU'LL LIKE IT.

-[ COUGHS ]

YEAH, IT'S SMOOTH.

-YOU KNOW, KEVIN, YOU REALLY DO LOOK LIKE A DOG'S ASSHOLE

RIGHT NOW.

-YEAH, WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG NIGHT.

-TRUST ME. IT WON'T GO UNAPPRECIATED.

WILL AND I WERE TALKING.

THERE MIGHT BE A SPOT ON THE COACHING STAFF OPENING UP

THAT COULD HAVE YOUR NAME ON IT.

-COACHING STAFF, HUH?

-LIKED THE WAY YOU HANDLED YOURSELF.

-WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO HER?

-YOU LOOK GOOD.

-YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE HERE.

I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR MY BULLSHIT.

-MADDIE, DON'T. DON'T SAY THAT.

-SHOULDN'T YOU BE WITH THE TEAM, YOUR FAMILY?

-NO.

I SHOULD BE RIGHT HERE WITH YOU.

-RIGHT.

-I NEEDED TO SEE YOU. -YOU'RE ONLY SAYING THIS NOW

'CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GO TO THE PRESS.

-THAT'S NOT TRUE. YOU WANT THE TRUTH?

YOU WANT THE TRUTH ABOUT HOW I FEEL?

-YEAH. -I LOVE YOU.

I WANT YOU BACK IN MY LIFE.

I NEVER WANTED YOU OUT OF MY LIFE.

BUT IT'S COMPLICATED.

-IT'S COMPLICATED. -YEAH, IT'S COMPLICATED.

YOU KNOW IT IS. -IT'S COMPLICATED.

-SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE.

FIRST THING, I WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE OKAY.

-I'M FINE.

-I DON'T THINK YOU'RE FINE. -I'M THE BEST I'VE EVER BEEN.

-[ SIGHS ]

-I LOVE YOU, AND I HAVE MISSED YOU.

GOD, I MISSED YOU.

-YOU DON'T MISS ME.

YOU MISS LATE-NIGHT QUICKIES AND ROOM SERVICE.

-WELL, YEAH.

-[ LAUGHS ]

-COME ON, MADDIE.

IT'S MORE THAN THAT AND YOU KNOW IT.

WILL YOU LOOK AT ME?

-WHAT?

-NEVER MIND.

-WHAT?

-[ CHUCKLES LIGHTLY

DID YOU AND KEVIN...?

HERE IN MY HOUSE?

-I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

-DID HE KISS YOU?

-WHAT? ARE YOU JEALOUS?

-YEAH. I AM.

I'M JEALOUS. HOW ABOUT THAT.

-GOOD. -DO YOU LIKE THAT?

-I LIKE IT A LOT. -UH-HUH.

-IT'S DIFFERENT. -UH-HUH.

HEY.

GOD, MADDIE, WHEN I GOT THAT CALL

AND I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

HEY, I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.

I DON'T. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

-TRUST ME. I DON'T LIKE IT, EITHER.

BUT IF HE WANTS TO RISK HAVING HER AROUND,

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?

-KEVIN.

THANK YOU FOR LOOKING AFTER MADDIE LAST NIGHT.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

-I KNOW ABOUT KYLE WALKER.

-YEAH, HE'S A GOOD FOOTBALL PLAYER.

-HOW'D YOU GET HIM TO COME HERE?

-WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

-YOU KNOW, JUST THE P's.

-THE P's.

-PERSISTENCE, PREPARATION...

PAYOFFS.

-KEVIN, I WASN'T DONE TALKING TO YOU.

-IT'S OKAY, PETE. -YEAH.

I WAS DONE WITH YOU, THOUGH.

-OKAY, KEVIN, YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED IN ME.

I GET IT.

BUT EVERYTHING I'VE DONE IS FOR THE SAKE OF THIS PROGRAM.

AND ONE DAY IF YOU FIND YOURSELF

IN A POSITION LIKE MINE -- AND I THINK YOU WILL --

YOU'RE GONNA FIND OUT THAT MAKING TOUGH DECISIONS

IS A BIG PART OF THE JOB.

TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU,

THESE DECISIONS ARE WHAT GOT US WHERE WE ARE TODAY.

-BUT I DON'T TRUST YOU, SO...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-KEVIN, WE APPRECIATE YOU TAKING CARE OF HER, ALL RIGHT?

[ KEYS JINGLING ]

-SHOULD HAVE GIVEN THOSE TO YOU HOURS AGO.

-KEVIN, LISTEN TO ME.

HEY.

KEVIN.

THINK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE!

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

JUST NEEDS A LITTLE WHILE TO COOL DOWN.

-HOW DO YOU KNOW?

-MADDIE, YOU HAD TO GET A GOOD SENSE OF THIS GUY.

HE'S UPSET NOW, BUT HE'LL COME AROUND, RIGHT?

-YEAH, WILL.

BESIDES, YOU CAN TALK ANYONE INTO ANYTHING.

-YEAH. IT WAS A NICE FUCKING MESS YOU GOT US IN.

-I'LL GO TALK TO HIM.

-WOULD YOU? -YEAH.

-JUST TELL HIM TO COME BACK IN HERE.

-YEAH, I'LL -- I'LL JUST FIX IT.

-THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

♪♪

-HEY.

-HI. -WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-I GUESS I'M CHANGING MY FIVE-YEAR PLAN.

-YOU WANT A RIDE?

-WHAT ABOUT WILL?

-I HOPE HE WINS.

WHERE TO?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪