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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,143
[young Luke] He was in the basement.
3
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,063
He even ripped my shirt,
4
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,440
and they still didn't believe me.
5
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,734
They never believe me.
6
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,320
They don't even believe me about you.
7
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,573
You believe me, don't you, Abigail?
8
00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:50,152
[Gordon] When I was a kid, my brother
taught me how to spot faces in clouds.
9
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:53,488
I could pull a face out of
a lot of things. Water...
10
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:55,157
mud, leaves...
11
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,118
wallpaper.
12
00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:03,415
You know, I get a little older,
I start messing around
13
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:06,585
with liquor and drugs and...
14
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:09,421
I was going down all the wrong routes,
you know?
15
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,257
So, uh... [inhales deeply]
16
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,051
I joined the service,
17
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,053
you know, thinking it
would straight me out.
18
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,846
And it did.
19
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,601
Two thousand and four,
my second tour in Iraq,
20
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:26,396
my company secured the ruins
of a bombed-out hospital in Baghdad,
21
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,480
and...
22
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,818
We came across this little Iraqi girl.
23
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,279
I mean, she was burnt up, dead.
You know.
24
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,619
See, the thing is, most folks
don't know what happen to...
25
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:44,414
Most folks don't know what happens
to eyeballs in a fire.
26
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,668
In the right kind of fire, they...
27
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:49,585
they can melt.
28
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:55,384
Like runny eggs on black skin.
29
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:56,551
You know?
30
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:57,635
And...
31
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,181
I mean, that fucked me up pretty bad.
32
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,685
[sighs] Um...
33
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,396
anyway, six months later
I'm back in the States,
34
00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:10,607
and pretty soon I start seeing
that little dead girl's face everywhere.
35
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:14,194
It's in the clouds, it's in the dark,
on fabric.
36
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,946
It's fucking everywhere.
37
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,029
You know?
38
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,868
That little girl's charred body and...
39
00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:23,662
melted eyes...
40
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,164
running down her cheeks.
41
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:29,918
And pretty soon, before I know it,
I'm using again.
42
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,503
[exhales]
43
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,800
So one night, I drop a little acid
and there she is.
44
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:41,805
I mean, it's growing
out of the goddamn wallpaper, you know?
45
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,515
I mean, and she's staring at me.
46
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,851
Eyeless even, I can tell.
47
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,228
So I grab this knitting needle...
48
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,813
you know, and...
49
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,190
all I can think about was how to...
50
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:53,692
how to make it stop.
51
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,279
Seemed like a good idea at the time.
52
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:58,864
[sighs]
53
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,616
So, then I'm blind.
54
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,455
But I mean, like,
I-can't-see-anything blind, right?
55
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,957
Thing is, is I still see her.
56
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,959
I can't see anything else.
57
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,419
I see her.
58
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,672
Crispy kid with the runny-egg eyes.
59
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,222
Twenty-four/seven, I see her face.
60
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:26,892
Shit, I see it now.
61
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:28,727
You know?
62
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,269
But...
63
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,105
I'm here.
64
00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,775
Two months I've been clean.
65
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,151
It's a little too late.
66
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,323
I leaned on my habit to get rid
of that face
67
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:43,492
and my habit made sure
that I never would.
68
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,290
That's why I'm here.
69
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:54,794
Two months.
70
00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,591
Well, thanks, Gordon.
71
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:01,843
We're glad you're here.
72
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:06,306
Any of our newbies want to share?
73
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,647
Luke, how about you?
74
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,152
And follow that?
You kidding me?
75
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:20,444
[slight chuckle]
76
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,915
[woman] Would anyone like to take
a newcomer chip?
77
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:33,917
How about 30 days clean?
78
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,127
Sixty?
79
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:39,088
Ninety?
80
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,507
[slight chuckle]
81
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:45,762
[clears throat]
82
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:49,933
- Thank you.
- You are welcome.
83
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,316
Um...
84
00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,943
Luke, um, addict.
85
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,112
- Hi, Luke.
- Hi.
86
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:07,033
I actually don't know what I
want to say here. [slight chuckle]
87
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,495
You know, I've never had
this much time before.
88
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:11,913
You know, 90 days.
89
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,375
[exhales, chuckles]
90
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:17,626
Um...
91
00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:22,632
So, here goes.
92
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,385
[young Luke] One.
93
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:29,598
Two.
94
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,600
Three.
95
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:34,935
Four.
96
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:39,106
Five.
97
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,446
Six.
98
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,533
Seven.
99
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,247
That's him,
the man I saw in the basement.
100
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:57,751
Well, your mother and I
searched the entire basement, pal,
101
00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,628
and there's nothing down there.
102
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:04,174
It's normal for kids to have
imaginary friends and nightmares.
103
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,257
But...
104
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,427
Go ahead, I'm listening.
105
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,305
This house is bad, Dad. It's bad.
106
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:13,892
Boy oh boy, we could have a heck
of a yard sale, guys.
107
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,644
[slight chuckle] Yeah.
108
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,269
[giggle]
109
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,731
Has anyone seen Nellie?
110
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,275
That's weird.
111
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,402
- You know, she was just here.
- Oh.
112
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,072
It's okay, I just thought you might like
these cool old buttons
113
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,531
- I found upstairs.
- Buttons?
114
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,950
You got me.
115
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,744
My little Houdini. [smacks kiss]
Look.
116
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,457
Whoa.
117
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:38,959
Can I have the hat?
118
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:42,878
Um...
119
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,881
I think it's too big for you, honey.
120
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,133
I don't know. He'll grow into it.
121
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,638
That is a big boy hat, all right.
122
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:52,847
You want this?
123
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,141
Well, you are a big boy now.
124
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:56,893
But you know, big boys,
125
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,896
they know the difference between
what's real and what's imaginary.
126
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,481
So what do you say, champ?
127
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:03,984
[slight chuckle]
128
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,781
[Olivia and young Hugh laughing]
129
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,323
You like it?
130
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:12,741
He loves it.
131
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,035
Well, how do you know that?
132
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:15,495
It's a twin thing.
133
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:16,830
You two go and play.
134
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,500
[sighs]
135
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,003
So much up there.
136
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:29,759
Nice.
137
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,761
I'm having a total déjà vu right now.
138
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,514
What do you see?
139
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,477
Two tables... advancing colors.
140
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,731
Four reading areas.
141
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,734
Casegoods and leather.
142
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:51,406
A mom and dad sitting in reading chairs
that face each other.
143
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,242
Smaller ones for two...
144
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,703
no, three kids...
145
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,913
who share an open center for play.
146
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,584
Kids' books are on the lower shelf
147
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,712
so even the little boy with the wheelchair
can reach his favorites.
148
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,464
- [sighs]
- Wow.
149
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,924
That got really specific.
150
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,593
[both chuckle]
151
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,010
Well...
152
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,431
Casegoods and leather, though, for sure.
153
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:21,811
And I see an accident waiting to happen
if you don't pull those down.
154
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,023
Bodies swinging back and forth
right there.
155
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,106
Yeah.
156
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:27,441
I'll get to it.
157
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,151
[smacks kiss]
158
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,414
[Luke] I must be allergic
to the fourth step.
159
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:38,453
[exhales] Every time I do one,
I break out in track marks.
160
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,998
Good. If you liked it
you'd be doing it wrong.
161
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,584
"A fearless moral inventory."
162
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,544
We're only as sick as our secrets.
163
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:47,879
Okay, well...
164
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,005
Let's see.
165
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:53,218
I've burned Shirley
for thousands of dollars.
166
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,428
Lied to Theo like it was my job.
167
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,931
Stolen from Steve on countless occasions.
168
00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,432
I broke Nellie's heart.
169
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:00,558
Missed her wedding.
170
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,978
I've even robbed my asshole
of a father.
171
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:06,272
Though that one doesn't exactly
keep me up at night.
172
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,733
Try stealing morphine from your mother
on her deathbed.
173
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,402
Probably would've
but she didn't really give me a chance.
174
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,113
At least you have other family,
you know?
175
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,990
- Someone you can make amends to.
- Yeah.
176
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,910
But I've done some shitty things, Joey.
177
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,119
Who hasn't?
178
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,996
I've been on the streets since I was 13.
179
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,415
There aren't enough pages
in that notebook for all my shit.
180
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:27,669
I never know how far back to go.
Like, do I cover high school?
181
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:31,214
[inhales] Like stealing cash
out of my aunt's wallet for beer,
182
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:35,677
or do I just start with "I briefly
lived in a haunted house".
183
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,473
Hey.
184
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:43,892
You okay?
185
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:45,686
Yeah.
186
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,356
Something's bothering you tonight.
187
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,984
What could possibly be bothering me
in a place like this?
188
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,653
You're nine months clean, Joey.
189
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,989
Nine months.
190
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,825
Your sobriety, it's full term.
191
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,244
It's a fully-formed little baby anywhere.
192
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,913
Nine months clean is a palace.
[buzzer]
193
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,874
- Ten o'clock. Lights out.
- [exhales]
194
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,751
Seriously, what's wrong?
195
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:17,509
How's the step?
196
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,388
You know. [clears throat]
197
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,390
- Kicking my ass.
- [slight chuckle]
198
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,017
Fourth one always does.
199
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,604
I meant to tell you,
your brother called earlier.
200
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,023
Steve called?
201
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:33,109
- Yeah, wanted to know if you were here.
- That's typical.
202
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,820
You should call him back tomorrow.
Tell him about your chip.
203
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,655
Yeah, I don't know.
204
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:40,950
He won't believe it. [exhales]
205
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,036
They never do.
206
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,466
- It's kind of their thing.
- I don't know.
207
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,249
That sister of yours,
the one that dropped you off,
208
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,668
she seemed to believe in you.
Tons, actually.
209
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:51,836
Yeah, well...
210
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:53,755
It's a twin thing.
211
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,422
Ten o'clock, Joey.
212
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:58,176
Yeah, yeah.
Back to the ladies' cell block.
213
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,141
- Later.
- Goodnight.
214
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:27,497
[shivers, gasps, pants]
215
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,304
Go.
216
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:50,520
[small grunt]
217
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,401
[young Nell] Luke. You ready?
218
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:57,943
Ready.
219
00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:01,239
I'm sending down three buttons.
You ready?
220
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:02,448
I said I'm ready.
221
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,248
Did you get 'em?
222
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,875
I got two.
223
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,169
I sent three.
224
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,671
Well, I only got two.
225
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,339
[young Nell] It must be stuck.
226
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,510
Maybe we can drop some other stuff
to shake it loose.
227
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:23,719
Like what?
228
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,348
There were some rocks in the garden,
pretty ones.
229
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,309
Abigail showed me one in...
230
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:30,893
[button clattering]
231
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:34,856
[old woman] Clara.
232
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,986
[old woman] Clara.
233
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,948
Was somebody else up there?
234
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:45,699
Like who?
235
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,577
Mrs. Dudley or Theo?
236
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:52,998
You're scared.
237
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,499
No, I'm not.
238
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,252
- I can tell.
- How?
239
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,671
Because I'm scared.
240
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,560
Nellie, still down there?
241
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:13,519
[young Nell] I'm here.
242
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:14,645
I was right.
243
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,189
There's nothing.
244
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,816
It was probably just Theo...
245
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,360
messing around.
246
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,323
[growl]
247
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:27,324
[gasps]
248
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:34,665
Nellie!
249
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:38,460
[effort grunt]
250
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:39,878
Jesus.
251
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:43,132
[female PA announcer] Seven a.m. Breakfast
in ten minutes.
252
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,021
[woman] As you've all heard by now...
253
00:14:57,188 --> 00:14:59,428
Joey chose to leave treatment
in the middle of the night.
254
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,653
This is what happens
when we forget why we're here.
255
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:06,465
I know we're all going to have
a lot of feelings about that.
256
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:07,865
Some more than others.
257
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,160
This is a moment we should all
pay attention to,
258
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,703
especially you newbies here.
259
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:16,207
There's a reason
why the program encourages us
260
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,709
to stay out of personal
relationships the first year.
261
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,628
We're not in a relationship.
262
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,213
Any kind of relationship.
263
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,966
We can get real close to people
in recovery.
264
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,050
We're friends.
265
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:29,011
How the fuck do you expect people
to get through this without friends?
266
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:29,929
We don't.
267
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,849
One of the biggest issues that can
sometimes happen and just...
268
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:33,932
sometimes...
269
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,311
and I'm not saying this about
you, Luke, is we can
270
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:40,815
start to hang our recovery on
someone else instead of on ourselves.
271
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,444
And you lean too hard
on another addict? Shit.
272
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,238
We didn't all end up in here
'cause we're so reliable.
273
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,034
- Luke.
- I'm fine.
274
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,201
Luke.
275
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,788
I'm just getting some air. [clears throat]
276
00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:57,914
Fuck.
277
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,637
[sighs]
278
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,724
[exhales]
279
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,319
Luke.
280
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,948
Luke, you okay in there?
281
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,525
Hi, this is Nell. Please leave a
message after the beep.
282
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:51,469
[Luke] Hey, hey, it's, uh, it's me.
Uh...
283
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,556
I... I had a moment. Um...
284
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,683
Last night, one of those.
285
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:01,521
You know what I'm talking about.
286
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,024
I just wanted to make sure
that you were okay.
287
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:12,949
I, uh, I don't have a phone...
and you won't reach me at the center.
288
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:16,452
But, you can call there and leave
me a message there.
289
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,037
I should be back by tonight.
290
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:19,789
I just have to find a friend.
291
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:24,001
And don't... don't worry.
I'm fine.
292
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:25,795
I just...
293
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,381
I just wanted to be sure
you're okay.
294
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,382
You know.
295
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,300
Yeah, okay.
296
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,242
[indistinct chatter]
297
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,019
[dog barking]
298
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:32,570
[barking continues]
299
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,783
[dog whimpers]
300
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,118
[grunts]
301
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,461
[door creaks]
302
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,367
[door creaks]
303
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,143
[breathing shakily]
304
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,231
[small pants, gasps]
305
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,274
[thud]
306
00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:19,569
[gaps]
307
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:35,710
[gulps]
308
00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:27,136
[gasps]
309
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:44,780
[panting]
310
00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:56,709
[grunts]
311
00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:01,380
[screams]
312
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,173
[tires screeching]
313
00:23:03,257 --> 00:23:05,134
- [car honking]
- Fuck you.
314
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:06,969
[pants]
315
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:08,929
[man] Learn how to drive.
316
00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:19,940
[indistinct chatter]
317
00:23:48,802 --> 00:23:49,802
Hey.
318
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:51,639
Hey.
319
00:23:53,390 --> 00:23:55,017
How'd you know where to find me?
320
00:23:57,394 --> 00:23:58,646
I know your spots.
321
00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:03,275
Hey, hey, it's okay.
322
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:04,777
Come on, it's okay.
323
00:24:05,194 --> 00:24:08,530
I found her. We're coming back.
We can be there in 20 minutes.
324
00:24:08,614 --> 00:24:11,784
This isn't a hotel, Luke.
You know that... we're full up
325
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,453
and we need these beds for people
who actually want to get well.
326
00:24:14,578 --> 00:24:16,640
You run, you give up your spot.
That's the way it is.
327
00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:18,332
Please, Paige. Please.
328
00:24:18,707 --> 00:24:20,542
Your best bet is gonna
be a shelter.
329
00:24:20,918 --> 00:24:24,630
That's the last place she should be.
She'll cop, she's already...
330
00:24:25,339 --> 00:24:26,339
[exhales]
331
00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:29,885
Look, I need a place where she can
come down safe.
332
00:24:30,260 --> 00:24:32,429
Ah, fuck, Luke. I...
333
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:35,890
I'm sorry.
334
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,477
[Paige] But you did it to yourselves.
335
00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:40,478
Fuck.
336
00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:46,610
She's right.
I knew the rules when I left.
337
00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:50,822
You okay?
338
00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:53,408
Yeah.
339
00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:57,037
Just, I slept on it funny last night.
340
00:24:59,081 --> 00:25:01,083
I told you not to follow me.
Why did you?
341
00:25:03,293 --> 00:25:05,004
[indistinct chatter]
342
00:25:06,588 --> 00:25:07,588
I'm sorry.
343
00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:13,219
[sniffles]
344
00:25:13,387 --> 00:25:15,681
It's just, you gotta go back.
345
00:25:15,806 --> 00:25:18,100
Just 'cause I messed up,
doesn't mean you have to.
346
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:19,268
I got an idea.
347
00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:23,564
- If I can get you a motel, then...
- Do you have money?
348
00:25:25,691 --> 00:25:27,443
- No.
- Can you get money?
349
00:25:29,737 --> 00:25:31,617
- What about your sisters or your brother?
- No.
350
00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:33,198
Do you think you can call them?
351
00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:34,700
I'll get some. Okay?
352
00:25:35,909 --> 00:25:39,788
And I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna get us
a place to stay tonight.
353
00:25:40,789 --> 00:25:41,874
Tomorrow, too.
354
00:25:42,332 --> 00:25:44,043
And I'm gonna get you clean again.
355
00:25:45,002 --> 00:25:47,963
And I'm gonna be right here,
right there with you.
356
00:25:49,298 --> 00:25:51,341
All the way,
just like you were for me, okay?
357
00:25:53,385 --> 00:25:55,220
And we're gonna find a new place.
358
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:57,680
I promise.
359
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:06,231
You got anything left?
360
00:26:11,612 --> 00:26:12,612
Yeah.
361
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,915
That should get us most of the way.
362
00:26:29,671 --> 00:26:31,340
Come on.
363
00:26:34,510 --> 00:26:36,136
You got some balls, man.
364
00:26:36,345 --> 00:26:38,180
How long do you wait this morning?
365
00:26:38,305 --> 00:26:39,556
Before hopping the wall?
366
00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:40,890
Oh, not long.
367
00:26:41,517 --> 00:26:43,519
I still can't believe you came after me.
368
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:47,064
Well, my sister kind of told me to.
369
00:26:48,690 --> 00:26:50,692
No, not really. She...
370
00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:56,198
We're kind of in each other's heads.
It's been like that since we were kids.
371
00:26:57,157 --> 00:26:59,535
It's a twin thing. [exhales]
372
00:27:00,077 --> 00:27:01,411
You know, once I...
373
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:03,205
Once I broke my foot...
374
00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:05,540
and...
375
00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:08,377
and Nell called me a few minutes later,
and she was just...
376
00:27:09,086 --> 00:27:12,756
she was just watching TV and her
ankle just went nuts. [chuckles]
377
00:27:13,257 --> 00:27:14,675
- It hurt like hell.
- [chuckles]
378
00:27:14,758 --> 00:27:16,885
She had no idea why.
She iced it for an hour.
379
00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:18,679
- Bullshit.
- No, it's a true story.
380
00:27:19,221 --> 00:27:20,221
[slight chuckle]
381
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,892
You know, there are... [clears throat]
382
00:27:25,811 --> 00:27:28,272
There are moments
you kind of remind me of her.
383
00:27:30,899 --> 00:27:31,899
And she...
384
00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:36,113
You know, she's always believed in me.
385
00:27:36,196 --> 00:27:37,196
Not...
386
00:27:37,531 --> 00:27:39,658
The rest of the family,
not so much, but...
387
00:27:39,783 --> 00:27:42,828
the only other person that believed in me
like that was you.
388
00:27:43,245 --> 00:27:44,496
[slight chuckle]
389
00:27:45,706 --> 00:27:47,207
So yeah, of course I came.
390
00:27:47,875 --> 00:27:49,835
It's what she would've done for me.
391
00:27:54,631 --> 00:27:55,966
Fuck. [sighs]
392
00:27:56,842 --> 00:27:57,842
You okay?
393
00:27:59,011 --> 00:28:00,012
Yeah, I'm...
394
00:28:00,804 --> 00:28:02,264
I don't know, I'm cold.
395
00:28:03,974 --> 00:28:06,894
Listen, when we get there,
just hang back.
396
00:28:07,477 --> 00:28:08,979
I don't want her to see your eyes.
397
00:28:09,897 --> 00:28:11,398
- She'll know, okay?
- Yeah.
398
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,569
[sighs] She always fucking knows.
399
00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:20,490
[dogs barking at a distance]
400
00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:31,501
[doorbell rings]
401
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,221
- Luke.
- Hey, Leigh.
402
00:28:42,679 --> 00:28:43,680
How you doing?
403
00:28:45,390 --> 00:28:48,644
This is a... surprise. [slight chuckle]
404
00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:50,646
Ah, what are you...
405
00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:53,607
- How are you?
- I'm good.
406
00:28:53,899 --> 00:28:57,945
Ah, I'm really, really good.
Ninety days good, in fact.
407
00:28:58,028 --> 00:28:59,112
That's really great.
408
00:29:00,364 --> 00:29:01,990
I can tell, you look different.
409
00:29:02,532 --> 00:29:03,617
Thank you.
410
00:29:04,284 --> 00:29:07,829
So good, I got a day pass.
Is Steve here?
411
00:29:08,163 --> 00:29:09,331
No, he isn't.
412
00:29:09,414 --> 00:29:11,583
Is he... Well, is he coming back soon?
413
00:29:11,667 --> 00:29:13,835
I just kinda need to talk to him
about something.
414
00:29:13,919 --> 00:29:15,128
He didn't tell you.
415
00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:16,712
Tell me what?
416
00:29:17,005 --> 00:29:19,258
No, Steve is not coming back soon.
Maybe ever.
417
00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:20,759
He doesn't live here anymore.
418
00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:22,844
Wait, what?
419
00:29:24,054 --> 00:29:25,430
We separated a month ago.
420
00:29:27,975 --> 00:29:29,101
Why?
421
00:29:29,893 --> 00:29:31,895
I would really rather not get into that.
422
00:29:36,525 --> 00:29:37,525
Okay.
423
00:29:41,405 --> 00:29:43,448
Listen, I'm... I'm clean.
424
00:29:44,574 --> 00:29:47,536
- Ninety days, like I said.
- And I said that's great.
425
00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:52,833
- Leigh, I need to borrow some money.
- Jesus, Luke.
426
00:29:52,916 --> 00:29:54,668
No, it's not like that. I just...
427
00:29:54,751 --> 00:29:57,337
We have been through this
over and over.
428
00:29:57,421 --> 00:30:00,299
It's for a hotel. Or if you could just
let us stay here...
429
00:30:00,382 --> 00:30:02,884
You know you can't do that.
You know that.
430
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:05,720
Okay.
431
00:30:07,514 --> 00:30:08,974
Okay, can you...
432
00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:12,561
Can you just give me
Steve's address then, please?
433
00:30:13,437 --> 00:30:14,813
I think he's out of town.
434
00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:18,650
I mean, even if he wasn't.
435
00:30:20,277 --> 00:30:22,571
I am proud of you, I am.
436
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:24,948
But you have to talk to Steven.
437
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:27,534
You know what he's going to say.
438
00:30:27,784 --> 00:30:30,495
[inhales] I really can't deal with
this right now.
439
00:30:30,620 --> 00:30:32,581
- [laughing]
- Things are bad enough.
440
00:30:33,290 --> 00:30:35,000
- You're not serious.
- I am.
441
00:30:36,376 --> 00:30:37,976
They'll hang a toy phone around
your neck
442
00:30:38,003 --> 00:30:40,213
and you have to wear it all day,
maybe longer.
443
00:30:40,297 --> 00:30:42,049
Like a child's toy phone?
444
00:30:42,132 --> 00:30:45,302
Yes, it's like The Scarlet Letter
for violating the phone rule.
445
00:30:45,385 --> 00:30:49,056
Improper use of a phone.
They catch you, you wear the phone, like
446
00:30:49,139 --> 00:30:51,933
"Let this be a chilling example
to the others."
447
00:30:52,017 --> 00:30:53,060
[all laughing]
448
00:30:53,310 --> 00:30:54,310
You...
449
00:30:54,686 --> 00:30:58,690
You can't make calls in the first 30 days
unless a caseworker signs off, so...
450
00:30:58,774 --> 00:31:02,611
- Well, that's a little harsh, isn't it?
- It's not as harsh as an overdose.
451
00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:05,113
I mean, addicts, we're...
452
00:31:05,655 --> 00:31:07,949
we're pretty slippery in early recovery.
453
00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:10,369
That's why they confiscate
our cell phones, you know,
454
00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:12,871
in case someone was to call
a connection.
455
00:31:12,954 --> 00:31:13,954
Yeah.
456
00:31:14,039 --> 00:31:15,707
What if you want to call your mom?
457
00:31:15,791 --> 00:31:18,502
For some folks in there,
their connection is their mom.
458
00:31:18,585 --> 00:31:19,753
- Truly.
- It's true.
459
00:31:19,878 --> 00:31:21,004
[all chuckling]
460
00:31:25,175 --> 00:31:26,468
So...
461
00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:28,512
Luke tells me you're a writer.
462
00:31:30,055 --> 00:31:32,349
He did?
I'm surprised he mentioned it.
463
00:31:33,058 --> 00:31:34,851
Where do you get your ideas from?
464
00:31:38,105 --> 00:31:40,607
I write about haunted houses, mostly.
465
00:31:41,024 --> 00:31:43,944
And haunted people.
I'm afraid there's no shortage of them.
466
00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:45,487
Must run in the family.
467
00:31:45,570 --> 00:31:47,447
I mean, Luke's a great writer, too.
468
00:31:47,531 --> 00:31:48,615
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
469
00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:49,658
No, I'm not.
470
00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:52,536
[laughs] Stop selling yourself short.
He's really talented.
471
00:31:52,619 --> 00:31:54,871
You should show them the one about...
472
00:31:54,955 --> 00:31:58,166
the short story with
the imaginary little friend in the garden.
473
00:31:58,250 --> 00:32:00,252
- The one... Do you know that one?
- Yeah.
474
00:32:00,544 --> 00:32:02,254
- Abigail.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
475
00:32:02,379 --> 00:32:04,214
I put her in one of my books, too.
476
00:32:04,673 --> 00:32:07,551
Something tells me
Luke won't get as much blow back for his.
477
00:32:09,219 --> 00:32:11,012
It's just an essay.
478
00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:12,639
It's not anything, you know.
479
00:32:12,722 --> 00:32:14,282
I keep telling him
he should publish it.
480
00:32:15,016 --> 00:32:16,059
Off his name alone.
481
00:32:16,476 --> 00:32:18,562
Maybe get a sweet place
like this for himself.
482
00:32:18,854 --> 00:32:20,689
I mean, you guys...
This is so awesome.
483
00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:22,816
You guys got it all, man. [chuckles]
484
00:32:22,983 --> 00:32:24,568
Where do you go from here?
485
00:32:25,569 --> 00:32:27,487
Nothing left to do except...
[inhales deeply]
486
00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:29,906
maybe fill this place up with some kids,
I guess.
487
00:32:32,617 --> 00:32:33,618
[sighs]
488
00:32:34,411 --> 00:32:36,455
So is this your first rehab, Joey?
489
00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:38,415
Ah, it's far from it.
490
00:32:39,374 --> 00:32:41,793
But some of us are addicted
to treatment centers, huh?
491
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:44,463
Not Luke's first rodeo either.
492
00:32:45,589 --> 00:32:48,091
So what's different this time?
Something must be.
493
00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:50,385
I mean, you know the definition
of insanity.
494
00:32:50,469 --> 00:32:51,303
Steve.
495
00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:53,305
"Doing the same thing over and over..."
496
00:32:53,388 --> 00:32:56,141
"...and expecting different results."
Sure, man.
497
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,720
They're all different, though.
Every day is different.
498
00:32:58,768 --> 00:33:02,731
Every craving is different.
Every meeting is different.
499
00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:05,790
Right. I'm not trying to suggest
you're not taking this seriously.
500
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:06,817
Oh...
501
00:33:06,860 --> 00:33:07,860
And I'm just...
502
00:33:08,069 --> 00:33:09,112
This time around...
503
00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:11,615
I'm just speaking for myself, like...
504
00:33:12,324 --> 00:33:13,492
Like, I got more support.
505
00:33:14,701 --> 00:33:16,161
And I'm giving more support.
506
00:33:16,953 --> 00:33:17,953
So...
507
00:33:18,788 --> 00:33:20,582
in a sense, I guess you could say...
508
00:33:21,082 --> 00:33:23,210
it looks like the same thing
over and over again,
509
00:33:23,293 --> 00:33:24,711
but that's not insanity.
510
00:33:25,128 --> 00:33:27,255
Out there on the streets,
that's insanity.
511
00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:28,964
Of course.
512
00:33:29,883 --> 00:33:31,968
So that's what recovery is, you know?
513
00:33:32,052 --> 00:33:34,679
It's the same thing
over and over again,
514
00:33:34,763 --> 00:33:36,598
in spite of the result, or...
515
00:33:36,890 --> 00:33:37,891
in spite of
516
00:33:38,433 --> 00:33:41,436
a backslide or in spite of a full-fledged
fucking relapse.
517
00:33:43,897 --> 00:33:46,441
Doesn't mean you stop just 'cause
it gets a little repetitive.
518
00:33:47,526 --> 00:33:48,652
One day at a time.
519
00:33:50,487 --> 00:33:51,821
When we decide to get clean,
520
00:33:51,905 --> 00:33:54,699
it's not because we expect it
to be fucking exciting, you know?
521
00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:05,460
Is it normal to bring a friend home
on a day pass?
522
00:34:05,585 --> 00:34:06,585
Yeah.
523
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:08,004
It happens.
524
00:34:08,380 --> 00:34:11,550
- I just never really felt like it before.
- You must like her.
525
00:34:12,467 --> 00:34:13,677
I admire her.
526
00:34:14,594 --> 00:34:15,594
Don't you?
527
00:34:16,596 --> 00:34:18,598
I feel like she's got her shit together.
528
00:34:18,807 --> 00:34:21,393
I'd think you'd want me to take a page
out of a book like that.
529
00:34:21,476 --> 00:34:24,354
Look, I get it. She's charming.
530
00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:27,148
She's articulate, she's funny.
531
00:34:27,649 --> 00:34:30,068
- Yeah.
- Disarming, you might say.
532
00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:32,153
You might even say "slick."
533
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:35,072
Slick?
534
00:34:35,699 --> 00:34:36,866
Just saying.
535
00:34:37,492 --> 00:34:39,035
You know she stayed up with me.
536
00:34:39,703 --> 00:34:41,746
That first week when I was coming down.
537
00:34:42,205 --> 00:34:43,957
You ever seen someone
in withdrawal, Steve?
538
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,040
Nope.
539
00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:46,668
Well, it's hell.
540
00:34:47,377 --> 00:34:48,377
It's...
541
00:34:48,878 --> 00:34:50,547
You're freezing all the time.
542
00:34:50,630 --> 00:34:53,508
LA in July, no air conditioning,
freezing.
543
00:34:53,758 --> 00:34:56,553
Muscle aches, stiff as boards,
nausea, shakes.
544
00:34:56,678 --> 00:34:58,471
- I wouldn't know.
- Well, she does.
545
00:34:58,555 --> 00:34:59,764
Because she was there.
546
00:35:00,432 --> 00:35:02,559
And she talked me through it,
she rode it out with me.
547
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,437
Wow. Awesome.
548
00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:08,815
Fuck. Steve.
549
00:35:09,899 --> 00:35:12,986
I'm not... I'm not asking
for her hand in marriage.
550
00:35:13,069 --> 00:35:16,109
I just wanted to bring a friend to dinner
and you're not giving her a chance.
551
00:35:16,156 --> 00:35:17,157
No, I guess I'm not.
552
00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:19,034
- Why not?
- I'm fresh out of those.
553
00:35:20,493 --> 00:35:21,703
I gave 'em all to you.
554
00:35:23,413 --> 00:35:24,413
Wow.
555
00:35:24,914 --> 00:35:28,043
- I just want you to be careful, is all.
- I'm doing good, Steve.
556
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:31,296
Anyway, she's a good person,
she's a good influence.
557
00:35:31,379 --> 00:35:32,255
[slight chuckle]
558
00:35:32,339 --> 00:35:35,925
Just because someone's a good person,
just because you care about them...
559
00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:38,219
doesn't mean they won't burn you.
560
00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:41,222
You're a good person, Luke.
561
00:35:41,306 --> 00:35:42,306
And I love you.
562
00:35:43,433 --> 00:35:44,433
And...
563
00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:45,809
you know.
564
00:35:48,521 --> 00:35:49,521
Thanks, Steve.
565
00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:54,944
You know, I'm so glad we got to share
this milestone.
566
00:35:55,779 --> 00:35:59,074
That's all I wanted. Thirty days clean
so you can make me feel like shit again.
567
00:36:01,743 --> 00:36:03,328
- Luke.
- Fuck you.
568
00:36:15,215 --> 00:36:16,132
[shivers]
569
00:36:16,216 --> 00:36:18,760
Jesus, Steve.
It's fucking freezing in here.
570
00:36:38,071 --> 00:36:39,698
[sirens wailing]
571
00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:44,577
Fother mucker.
572
00:36:49,582 --> 00:36:50,583
[sighs]
573
00:36:53,712 --> 00:36:54,712
Hey, Luke.
574
00:36:57,799 --> 00:36:58,925
Hey... Hey, Steve.
575
00:37:03,805 --> 00:37:05,724
This isn't what it looks like.
576
00:37:07,100 --> 00:37:08,101
Are you cold?
577
00:37:08,351 --> 00:37:09,351
Yeah.
578
00:37:10,979 --> 00:37:12,397
How'd you know where to find me?
579
00:37:15,900 --> 00:37:18,862
Tell you what, I've got 200 bucks here.
580
00:37:19,279 --> 00:37:20,447
You hand me that iPad,
581
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:22,991
you can keep the cash
and sell that old camera.
582
00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:25,243
But, I need the iPad.
583
00:37:25,994 --> 00:37:26,994
It stays here.
584
00:37:36,337 --> 00:37:37,337
Hey.
585
00:37:38,131 --> 00:37:39,131
Hey.
586
00:37:39,424 --> 00:37:41,736
Oh my God, I saw him walking in.
I thought you were fucked.
587
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:42,760
It's all good.
588
00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:47,891
Should be enough for a night,
maybe two.
589
00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:50,351
And some food. Oh, here.
590
00:37:54,022 --> 00:37:55,315
Amazing, Luke.
591
00:37:55,607 --> 00:37:57,025
[stammering] Amazing.
592
00:37:58,443 --> 00:38:01,529
Goddammit, it's cold tonight.
Are you cold?
593
00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:04,199
Where are we? Seventh?
594
00:38:04,282 --> 00:38:05,492
Yeah, almost.
595
00:38:05,575 --> 00:38:06,951
It's a few more blocks.
596
00:38:07,035 --> 00:38:09,662
I want a clean hotel,
no junkies on the sidewalk.
597
00:38:09,746 --> 00:38:12,507
Man, I don't know if I'm gonna make it
a couple blocks without a piss.
598
00:38:13,792 --> 00:38:15,126
I'll just...
599
00:38:15,210 --> 00:38:17,879
pop into the little junkies' room
and be back in a minute.
600
00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:24,301
Baby.
601
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:26,763
You got a fever?
602
00:38:27,222 --> 00:38:28,515
Yeah, maybe.
603
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,894
It's my arms and legs, you know?
Muscle aches.
604
00:38:32,977 --> 00:38:34,145
No, I'm fine.
605
00:38:34,854 --> 00:38:36,064
Hey, I...
606
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:38,315
Thank you.
607
00:38:41,027 --> 00:38:42,028
For coming after me.
608
00:38:43,029 --> 00:38:44,029
Oh.
609
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:46,240
It means a lot.
610
00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:48,408
You're welcome.
611
00:38:55,542 --> 00:38:56,709
[slight chuckle]
612
00:38:58,211 --> 00:38:59,212
It's all right.
613
00:39:04,759 --> 00:39:05,759
[smacks kiss]
614
00:39:08,179 --> 00:39:09,264
What are you doing?
615
00:39:10,723 --> 00:39:11,808
Be back in a flash.
616
00:39:15,937 --> 00:39:16,937
Okay.
617
00:39:39,419 --> 00:39:41,379
Come on, let's... let's keep going.
618
00:39:49,053 --> 00:39:50,053
Joey.
619
00:39:58,271 --> 00:39:59,271
Joey.
620
00:40:08,531 --> 00:40:09,531
Fuck.
621
00:40:10,366 --> 00:40:11,366
Joey!
622
00:40:16,664 --> 00:40:17,664
Joey!
623
00:40:18,666 --> 00:40:20,168
[exhales]
624
00:40:26,299 --> 00:40:27,299
Joey!
625
00:41:14,389 --> 00:41:15,556
Luke, addict.
626
00:41:16,224 --> 00:41:17,767
- [crowd] Hi, Luke.
- Hi.
627
00:41:18,977 --> 00:41:22,522
I actually don't know
what I want to say here.
628
00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:24,107
You know, I've...
629
00:41:24,399 --> 00:41:26,275
I've never had this much time before.
630
00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:27,694
You know, 90 days.
631
00:41:29,779 --> 00:41:31,030
[sighs, slight chuckle]
632
00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:33,490
Um...
633
00:41:37,286 --> 00:41:38,496
So here goes.
634
00:41:39,622 --> 00:41:43,501
It's taken me ten years
to get 90 days clean.
635
00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:49,257
And I'm starting step four,
which is always the one that does me in.
636
00:41:50,883 --> 00:41:53,469
"A fearless moral inventory."
637
00:41:56,305 --> 00:42:00,018
Now, I've been called a lot of things
in my life,
638
00:42:00,101 --> 00:42:03,312
but "fearless" is not one of them.
639
00:42:04,897 --> 00:42:07,942
[Luke] You know, I was always
a scared little kid,
640
00:42:08,693 --> 00:42:09,693
and I thought...
641
00:42:10,486 --> 00:42:14,115
I thought I'd get braver
as I got older, but...
642
00:42:15,033 --> 00:42:16,242
um, I didn't.
643
00:42:17,660 --> 00:42:18,703
I, um...
644
00:42:20,580 --> 00:42:22,081
I just got scared of anything.
645
00:42:24,876 --> 00:42:28,963
My mom committed suicide
when I was six years old.
646
00:42:30,006 --> 00:42:33,301
And my siblings and I
were sent to live with our aunt,
647
00:42:33,384 --> 00:42:37,180
and, I mean, I was just a kid, you know.
I didn't...
648
00:42:38,514 --> 00:42:40,725
I didn't really understand death yet.
649
00:42:40,808 --> 00:42:45,188
So, I guess I just expected her to...
650
00:42:46,898 --> 00:42:47,898
to come back.
651
00:42:51,903 --> 00:42:53,446
And every night, I'd...
652
00:42:55,198 --> 00:42:58,367
I'd stare out my window as the cars
came around the corner,
653
00:42:58,451 --> 00:43:02,538
just hoping that one would stop
and my mom would step out,
654
00:43:02,622 --> 00:43:04,290
you know, to come take me home.
655
00:43:05,041 --> 00:43:07,460
Every time I saw those headlights
come round the corner,
656
00:43:07,543 --> 00:43:09,712
I'd sit up in bed...
657
00:43:09,796 --> 00:43:13,424
and I'm staring out of my window,
just full of hope.
658
00:43:14,217 --> 00:43:17,637
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven. [exhales]
659
00:43:19,514 --> 00:43:21,599
But they'd just keep driving.
660
00:43:23,059 --> 00:43:24,059
[chuckles]
661
00:43:26,896 --> 00:43:28,898
Those tail lights, they were the worst.
662
00:43:29,982 --> 00:43:32,527
Red eyes in the dark,
just taking hope with them.
663
00:43:35,988 --> 00:43:37,198
I mean, Mom...
664
00:43:37,573 --> 00:43:39,158
she never came back, of course,
665
00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:41,285
but other things
from when I was a kid,
666
00:43:41,786 --> 00:43:42,954
they came back.
667
00:43:43,204 --> 00:43:44,622
And I guess that's...
668
00:43:45,957 --> 00:43:49,127
I guess that's why I started using
in the first place, you know?
669
00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:51,629
To keep those things away.
670
00:43:56,509 --> 00:43:58,678
And I'd get clean...
671
00:43:58,761 --> 00:44:00,263
you know, a week, a month.
672
00:44:01,305 --> 00:44:04,976
But I'd always feel 'em, you know,
just sneaking back up on me.
673
00:44:05,685 --> 00:44:08,187
- So I'd use.
- He's not real.
674
00:44:08,688 --> 00:44:10,982
You know, my family,
they're not gonna believe this.
675
00:44:11,065 --> 00:44:12,525
They never really believe me.
676
00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:14,443
And I don't blame them.
677
00:44:14,527 --> 00:44:18,239
You know, I fucked them over
so many times. Lied, stole.
678
00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:22,076
Come on, you all know what I mean.
[slight chuckle]
679
00:44:24,495 --> 00:44:25,621
And I guess...
680
00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:30,585
I guess I'll...
681
00:44:32,295 --> 00:44:36,340
I'll never know how it felt for them
to be done like that.
682
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:40,761
I hope I never know.
683
00:44:44,348 --> 00:44:46,267
[sighs] Ah, sorry.
684
00:44:46,350 --> 00:44:49,020
I want to thank my caseworker, Paige.
685
00:44:50,396 --> 00:44:52,356
And every one at our recovery house.
686
00:44:53,024 --> 00:44:54,859
And someone... [sniffs]
687
00:44:55,651 --> 00:44:59,030
Someone special,
who's always had my back.
688
00:44:59,906 --> 00:45:00,906
Thank you.
689
00:45:02,074 --> 00:45:03,242
Any addict alone...
690
00:45:04,410 --> 00:45:05,953
...is in bad company.
691
00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:07,914
That's right. [chuckles]
692
00:45:08,664 --> 00:45:09,664
Thank you.
693
00:45:18,758 --> 00:45:20,176
I couldn't help her.
694
00:45:21,886 --> 00:45:23,596
[Paige] We've been waiting
for you to call.
695
00:45:23,971 --> 00:45:25,765
There's something I need to tell you.
696
00:45:25,848 --> 00:45:28,392
Listen, I know I fucked up. Okay?
697
00:45:29,268 --> 00:45:31,812
But I... I didn't use, I didn't.
698
00:45:31,938 --> 00:45:34,148
[stutters] And I'm so fucking cold,
699
00:45:34,232 --> 00:45:37,068
and my... [shivers] and my arms and legs
are so stiff.
700
00:45:37,151 --> 00:45:38,152
I just, I...
701
00:45:39,612 --> 00:45:42,198
I... I need a bed. Like, a couch.
702
00:45:42,281 --> 00:45:45,451
I'll sleep on the goddamn floor.
Just... [shivers] please.
703
00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:48,371
[Luke] Please, please let me come back.
Please.
704
00:45:49,330 --> 00:45:51,332
Where are you?
We'll come get you.
705
00:45:53,209 --> 00:45:56,545
One, two, three, four,
706
00:45:56,629 --> 00:45:59,090
five, six, seven.
707
00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:06,889
One, two, three, four, five, six,
708
00:46:06,973 --> 00:46:07,973
seven.
709
00:46:13,271 --> 00:46:14,605
[young Nell whimpering]
710
00:46:23,781 --> 00:46:24,781
Hey.
711
00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:27,493
You're awake.
712
00:46:27,868 --> 00:46:29,453
Well, yeah, 'cause...
713
00:46:29,704 --> 00:46:30,705
you're awake.
714
00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:32,748
I saw her again.
715
00:46:34,292 --> 00:46:35,543
The Bent-Neck Lady?
716
00:46:47,513 --> 00:46:49,432
Mommy and Daddy don't believe me.
717
00:46:50,683 --> 00:46:51,683
Ever.
718
00:46:53,894 --> 00:46:56,605
They say she's a nightmare,
but she's real.
719
00:46:56,689 --> 00:46:58,190
I know she is.
720
00:47:00,735 --> 00:47:01,986
I got an idea.
721
00:47:13,372 --> 00:47:16,834
You need seven,
and you set them up like this.
722
00:47:17,877 --> 00:47:18,919
Why seven?
723
00:47:19,754 --> 00:47:21,630
Mom, Dad...
724
00:47:22,214 --> 00:47:24,842
Steven, Shirl, Theo,
725
00:47:25,051 --> 00:47:26,427
you, me.
726
00:47:27,386 --> 00:47:28,846
It has to be seven.
727
00:47:29,805 --> 00:47:33,559
It helps if you touch each one
and count out loud.
728
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:37,355
One, two,
729
00:47:37,938 --> 00:47:39,857
three, four,
730
00:47:40,566 --> 00:47:43,110
five, six, seven.
731
00:47:44,070 --> 00:47:45,154
That keeps you safe.
732
00:47:45,571 --> 00:47:47,782
Sometimes you got to do it a lot.
733
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:49,533
Like, a lot a lot.
734
00:47:50,701 --> 00:47:52,078
Don't forget to count.
735
00:47:53,996 --> 00:47:54,996
One...
736
00:47:56,082 --> 00:47:57,082
two...
737
00:47:57,708 --> 00:47:58,542
three...
738
00:47:58,626 --> 00:48:01,504
Four, five, six, seven.
739
00:48:06,217 --> 00:48:09,095
One, two, three, four,
740
00:48:09,178 --> 00:48:11,097
five, six, seven.
741
00:48:15,768 --> 00:48:20,147
One, two, three, four, five, six...
742
00:48:22,274 --> 00:48:23,274
seven.
743
00:48:30,783 --> 00:48:35,913
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven.
744
00:48:36,247 --> 00:48:41,168
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven.
745
00:48:41,460 --> 00:48:44,046
One, two, three...
746
00:48:45,005 --> 00:48:46,841
[pants]
747
00:49:03,357 --> 00:49:04,775
Come home, my love.
748
00:49:29,008 --> 00:49:30,092
Steve.
749
00:49:34,263 --> 00:49:36,348
I'm so sorry, I didn't...
750
00:49:36,891 --> 00:49:39,435
I couldn't... I couldn't help her.
751
00:49:39,518 --> 00:49:41,270
[sobbing]
752
00:49:43,355 --> 00:49:45,149
[mumbles indistinctly]
753
00:49:47,485 --> 00:49:51,030
And I'm so... I'm so cold.
I didn't...
754
00:49:52,615 --> 00:49:56,202
[stuttering] My arms and legs
are... are stiff.
755
00:49:56,285 --> 00:49:57,495
And I...
756
00:49:57,661 --> 00:49:58,746
I...
757
00:49:58,829 --> 00:50:00,623
[stammering] It's...
758
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,167
It's like... It's like withdrawal, but...
759
00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:05,669
but I didn't use.
760
00:50:06,420 --> 00:50:08,422
I wasn't using, but...
761
00:50:09,298 --> 00:50:10,298
But I...
762
00:50:10,591 --> 00:50:12,218
But I feel it anyway.
763
00:50:15,554 --> 00:50:17,473
You... You believe me, right?
764
00:50:19,225 --> 00:50:20,684
You gotta come with me.
765
00:50:22,478 --> 00:50:24,104
You gotta come with me, Luke.
766
00:50:24,188 --> 00:50:25,314
What? Why?
767
00:50:25,689 --> 00:50:26,689
It's Nell.
768
00:50:30,486 --> 00:50:31,737
Nell's dead.
769
00:50:44,124 --> 00:50:45,124
How?
770
00:50:46,460 --> 00:50:48,337
It was... It was suicide.
771
00:50:57,471 --> 00:50:58,639
[pants]
772
00:51:02,017 --> 00:51:03,017
No.
773
00:51:04,186 --> 00:51:05,186
Stevie...
774
00:51:10,859 --> 00:51:11,859
it wasn't.
775
00:51:15,739 --> 00:51:19,743
SDH created by
Joshua Francis
776
00:51:20,305 --> 00:51:26,176
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