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[young Luke] He was in the basement.

He even ripped my shirt,

and they still didn't believe me.

They never believe me.

They don't even believe me about you.

You believe me, don't you, Abigail?

[Gordon] When I was a kid, my brother taught me how to spot faces in clouds.

I could pull a face out of a lot of things. Water...

mud, leaves...

wallpaper.

You know, I get a little older, I start messing around

with liquor and drugs and...

I was going down all the wrong routes, you know?

So, uh... [inhales deeply]

I joined the service,

you know, thinking it would straight me out.

And it did.

Two thousand and four, my second tour in Iraq,

my company secured the ruins of a bombed-out hospital in Baghdad,

and...

We came across this little Iraqi girl.

I mean, she was burnt up, dead. You know.

See, the thing is, most folks don't know what happen to...

Most folks don't know what happens to eyeballs in a fire.

In the right kind of fire, they...

they can melt.

Like runny eggs on black skin.

You know?

And...

I mean, that fucked me up pretty bad.

[sighs] Um...

anyway, six months later I'm back in the States,

and pretty soon I start seeing that little dead girl's face everywhere.

It's in the clouds, it's in the dark, on fabric.

It's fucking everywhere.

You know?

That little girl's charred body and...

melted eyes...

running down her cheeks.

And pretty soon, before I know it, I'm using again.

[exhales]

So one night, I drop a little acid and there she is.

I mean, it's growing out of the goddamn wallpaper, you know?

I mean, and she's staring at me.

Eyeless even, I can tell.

So I grab this knitting needle...

you know, and...

all I can think about was how to...

how to make it stop.

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

[sighs]

So, then I'm blind.

But I mean, like, I-can't-see-anything blind, right?

Thing is, is I still see her.

I can't see anything else.

I see her.

Crispy kid with the runny-egg eyes.

Twenty-four/seven, I see her face.

Shit, I see it now.

You know?

But...

I'm here.

Two months I've been clean.

It's a little too late.

I leaned on my habit to get rid of that face

and my habit made sure that I never would.

That's why I'm here.

Two months.

Well, thanks, Gordon.

We're glad you're here.

Any of our newbies want to share?

Luke, how about you?

And follow that? You kidding me?

[slight chuckle]

[woman] Would anyone like to take a newcomer chip?

How about 30 days clean?

Sixty?

Ninety?

[slight chuckle]

[clears throat]

- Thank you. - You are welcome.

Um...

Luke, um, addict.

- Hi, Luke. - Hi.

I actually don't know what I want to say here. [slight chuckle]

You know, I've never had this much time before.

You know, 90 days.

[exhales, chuckles]

Um...

So, here goes.

[young Luke] One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

That's him, the man I saw in the basement.

Well, your mother and I searched the entire basement, pal,

and there's nothing down there.

It's normal for kids to have imaginary friends and nightmares.

But...

Go ahead, I'm listening.

This house is bad, Dad. It's bad.

Boy oh boy, we could have a heck of a yard sale, guys.

[slight chuckle] Yeah.

[giggle]

Has anyone seen Nellie?

That's weird.

- You know, she was just here. - Oh.

It's okay, I just thought you might like these cool old buttons

- I found upstairs. - Buttons?

You got me.

My little Houdini. [smacks kiss] Look.

Whoa.

Can I have the hat?

Um...

I think it's too big for you, honey.

I don't know. He'll grow into it.

That is a big boy hat, all right.

You want this?

Well, you are a big boy now.

But you know, big boys,

they know the difference between what's real and what's imaginary.

So what do you say, champ?

[slight chuckle]

[Olivia and young Hugh laughing]

You like it?

He loves it.

Well, how do you know that?

It's a twin thing.

You two go and play.

[sighs]

So much up there.

Nice.

I'm having a total déjà vu right now.

What do you see?

Two tables... advancing colors.

Four reading areas.

Casegoods and leather.

A mom and dad sitting in reading chairs that face each other.

Smaller ones for two...

no, three kids...

who share an open center for play.

Kids' books are on the lower shelf

so even the little boy with the wheelchair can reach his favorites.

- [sighs] - Wow.

That got really specific.

[both chuckle]

Well...

Casegoods and leather, though, for sure.

And I see an accident waiting to happen if you don't pull those down.

Bodies swinging back and forth right there.

Yeah.

I'll get to it.

[smacks kiss]

[Luke] I must be allergic to the fourth step.

[exhales] Every time I do one, I break out in track marks.

Good. If you liked it you'd be doing it wrong.

"A fearless moral inventory."

We're only as sick as our secrets.

Okay, well...

Let's see.

I've burned Shirley for thousands of dollars.

Lied to Theo like it was my job.

Stolen from Steve on countless occasions.

I broke Nellie's heart.

Missed her wedding.

I've even robbed my asshole of a father.

Though that one doesn't exactly keep me up at night.

Try stealing morphine from your mother on her deathbed.

Probably would've but she didn't really give me a chance.

At least you have other family, you know?

- Someone you can make amends to. - Yeah.

But I've done some shitty things, Joey.

Who hasn't?

I've been on the streets since I was 13.

There aren't enough pages in that notebook for all my shit.

I never know how far back to go. Like, do I cover high school?

[inhales] Like stealing cash out of my aunt's wallet for beer,

or do I just start with "I briefly lived in a haunted house".

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah.

Something's bothering you tonight.

What could possibly be bothering me in a place like this?

You're nine months clean, Joey.

Nine months.

Your sobriety, it's full term.

It's a fully-formed little baby anywhere.

Nine months clean is a palace. [buzzer]

- Ten o'clock. Lights out. - [exhales]

Seriously, what's wrong?

How's the step?

You know. [clears throat]

- Kicking my ass. - [slight chuckle]

Fourth one always does.

I meant to tell you, your brother called earlier.

Steve called?

- Yeah, wanted to know if you were here. - That's typical.

You should call him back tomorrow. Tell him about your chip.

Yeah, I don't know.

He won't believe it. [exhales]

They never do.

- It's kind of their thing. - I don't know.

That sister of yours, the one that dropped you off,

she seemed to believe in you. Tons, actually.

Yeah, well...

It's a twin thing.

Ten o'clock, Joey.

Yeah, yeah. Back to the ladies' cell block.

- Later. - Goodnight.

[shivers, gasps, pants]

Go.

[small grunt]

[young Nell] Luke. You ready?

Ready.

I'm sending down three buttons. You ready?

I said I'm ready.

Did you get 'em?

I got two.

I sent three.

Well, I only got two.

[young Nell] It must be stuck.

Maybe we can drop some other stuff to shake it loose.

Like what?

There were some rocks in the garden, pretty ones.

Abigail showed me one in...

[button clattering]

[old woman] Clara.

[old woman] Clara.

Was somebody else up there?

Like who?

Mrs. Dudley or Theo?

You're scared.

No, I'm not.

- I can tell. - How?

Because I'm scared.

Nellie, still down there?

[young Nell] I'm here.

I was right.

There's nothing.

It was probably just Theo...

messing around.

[growl]

[gasps]

Nellie!

[effort grunt]

Jesus.

[female PA announcer] Seven a.m. Breakfast in ten minutes.

[woman] As you've all heard by now...

Joey chose to leave treatment in the middle of the night.

This is what happens when we forget why we're here.

I know we're all going to have a lot of feelings about that.

Some more than others.

This is a moment we should all pay attention to,

especially you newbies here.

There's a reason why the program encourages us

to stay out of personal relationships the first year.

We're not in a relationship.

Any kind of relationship.

We can get real close to people in recovery.

We're friends.

How the fuck do you expect people to get through this without friends?

We don't.

One of the biggest issues that can sometimes happen and just...

sometimes...

and I'm not saying this about you, Luke, is we can

start to hang our recovery on someone else instead of on ourselves.

And you lean too hard on another addict? Shit.

We didn't all end up in here 'cause we're so reliable.

- Luke. - I'm fine.

Luke.

I'm just getting some air. [clears throat]

Fuck.

[sighs]

[exhales]

Luke.

Luke, you okay in there?

Hi, this is Nell. Please leave a message after the beep.

[Luke] Hey, hey, it's, uh, it's me. Uh...

I... I had a moment. Um...

Last night, one of those.

You know what I'm talking about.

I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.

I, uh, I don't have a phone... and you won't reach me at the center.

But, you can call there and leave me a message there.

I should be back by tonight.

I just have to find a friend.

And don't... don't worry. I'm fine.

I just...

I just wanted to be sure you're okay.

You know.

Yeah, okay.

[indistinct chatter]

[dog barking]

[barking continues]

[dog whimpers]

[grunts]

[door creaks]

[door creaks]

[breathing shakily]

[small pants, gasps]

[thud]

[gaps]

[gulps]

[gasps]

[panting]

[grunts]

[screams]

[tires screeching]

- [car honking] - Fuck you.

[pants]

[man] Learn how to drive.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey.

Hey.

How'd you know where to find me?

I know your spots.

Hey, hey, it's okay.

Come on, it's okay.

I found her. We're coming back. We can be there in 20 minutes.

This isn't a hotel, Luke. You know that... we're full up

and we need these beds for people who actually want to get well.

You run, you give up your spot. That's the way it is.

Please, Paige. Please.

Your best bet is gonna be a shelter.

That's the last place she should be. She'll cop, she's already...

[exhales]

Look, I need a place where she can come down safe.

Ah, fuck, Luke. I...

I'm sorry.

[Paige] But you did it to yourselves.

Fuck.

She's right. I knew the rules when I left.

You okay?

Yeah.

Just, I slept on it funny last night.

I told you not to follow me. Why did you?

[indistinct chatter]

I'm sorry.

[sniffles]

It's just, you gotta go back.

Just 'cause I messed up, doesn't mean you have to.

I got an idea.

- If I can get you a motel, then... - Do you have money?

- No. - Can you get money?

- What about your sisters or your brother? - No.

Do you think you can call them?

I'll get some. Okay?

And I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna get us a place to stay tonight.

Tomorrow, too.

And I'm gonna get you clean again.

And I'm gonna be right here, right there with you.

All the way, just like you were for me, okay?

And we're gonna find a new place.

I promise.

You got anything left?

Yeah.

That should get us most of the way.

Come on.

You got some balls, man.

How long do you wait this morning?

Before hopping the wall?

Oh, not long.

I still can't believe you came after me.

Well, my sister kind of told me to.

No, not really. She...

We're kind of in each other's heads. It's been like that since we were kids.

It's a twin thing. [exhales]

You know, once I...

Once I broke my foot...

and...

and Nell called me a few minutes later, and she was just...

she was just watching TV and her ankle just went nuts. [chuckles]

- It hurt like hell. - [chuckles]

She had no idea why. She iced it for an hour.

- Bullshit. - No, it's a true story.

[slight chuckle]

You know, there are... [clears throat]

There are moments you kind of remind me of her.

And she...

You know, she's always believed in me.

Not...

The rest of the family, not so much, but...

the only other person that believed in me like that was you.

[slight chuckle]

So yeah, of course I came.

It's what she would've done for me.

Fuck. [sighs]

You okay?

Yeah, I'm...

I don't know, I'm cold.

Listen, when we get there, just hang back.

I don't want her to see your eyes.

- She'll know, okay? - Yeah.

[sighs] She always fucking knows.

[dogs barking at a distance]

[doorbell rings]

- Luke. - Hey, Leigh.

How you doing?

This is a... surprise. [slight chuckle]

Ah, what are you...

- How are you? - I'm good.

Ah, I'm really, really good. Ninety days good, in fact.

That's really great.

I can tell, you look different.

Thank you.

So good, I got a day pass. Is Steve here?

No, he isn't.

Is he... Well, is he coming back soon?

I just kinda need to talk to him about something.

He didn't tell you.

Tell me what?

No, Steve is not coming back soon. Maybe ever.

He doesn't live here anymore.

Wait, what?

We separated a month ago.

Why?

I would really rather not get into that.

Okay.

Listen, I'm... I'm clean.

- Ninety days, like I said. - And I said that's great.

- Leigh, I need to borrow some money. - Jesus, Luke.

No, it's not like that. I just...

We have been through this over and over.

It's for a hotel. Or if you could just let us stay here...

You know you can't do that. You know that.

Okay.

Okay, can you...

Can you just give me Steve's address then, please?

I think he's out of town.

I mean, even if he wasn't.

I am proud of you, I am.

But you have to talk to Steven.

You know what he's going to say.

[inhales] I really can't deal with this right now.

- [laughing] - Things are bad enough.

- You're not serious. - I am.

They'll hang a toy phone around your neck

and you have to wear it all day, maybe longer.

Like a child's toy phone?

Yes, it's like The Scarlet Letter for violating the phone rule.

Improper use of a phone. They catch you, you wear the phone, like

"Let this be a chilling example to the others."

[all laughing]

You...

You can't make calls in the first 30 days unless a caseworker signs off, so...

- Well, that's a little harsh, isn't it? - It's not as harsh as an overdose.

I mean, addicts, we're...

we're pretty slippery in early recovery.

That's why they confiscate our cell phones, you know,

in case someone was to call a connection.

Yeah.

What if you want to call your mom?

For some folks in there, their connection is their mom.

- Truly. - It's true.

[all chuckling]

So...

Luke tells me you're a writer.

He did? I'm surprised he mentioned it.

Where do you get your ideas from?

I write about haunted houses, mostly.

And haunted people. I'm afraid there's no shortage of them.

Must run in the family.

I mean, Luke's a great writer, too.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

No, I'm not.

[laughs] Stop selling yourself short. He's really talented.

You should show them the one about...

the short story with the imaginary little friend in the garden.

- The one... Do you know that one? - Yeah.

- Abigail. - Yeah. [chuckles]

I put her in one of my books, too.

Something tells me Luke won't get as much blow back for his.

It's just an essay.

It's not anything, you know.

I keep telling him he should publish it.

Off his name alone.

Maybe get a sweet place like this for himself.

I mean, you guys... This is so awesome.

You guys got it all, man. [chuckles]

Where do you go from here?

Nothing left to do except... [inhales deeply]

maybe fill this place up with some kids, I guess.

[sighs]

So is this your first rehab, Joey?

Ah, it's far from it.

But some of us are addicted to treatment centers, huh?

Not Luke's first rodeo either.

So what's different this time? Something must be.

I mean, you know the definition of insanity.

Steve.

"Doing the same thing over and over..."

"...and expecting different results." Sure, man.

They're all different, though. Every day is different.

Every craving is different. Every meeting is different.

Right. I'm not trying to suggest you're not taking this seriously.

Oh...

And I'm just...

This time around...

I'm just speaking for myself, like...

Like, I got more support.

And I'm giving more support.

So...

in a sense, I guess you could say...

it looks like the same thing over and over again,

but that's not insanity.

Out there on the streets, that's insanity.

Of course.

So that's what recovery is, you know?

It's the same thing over and over again,

in spite of the result, or...

in spite of

a backslide or in spite of a full-fledged fucking relapse.

Doesn't mean you stop just 'cause it gets a little repetitive.

One day at a time.

When we decide to get clean,

it's not because we expect it to be fucking exciting, you know?

Is it normal to bring a friend home on a day pass?

Yeah.

It happens.

- I just never really felt like it before. - You must like her.

I admire her.

Don't you?

I feel like she's got her shit together.

I'd think you'd want me to take a page out of a book like that.

Look, I get it. She's charming.

She's articulate, she's funny.

- Yeah. - Disarming, you might say.

You might even say "slick."

Slick?

Just saying.

You know she stayed up with me.

That first week when I was coming down.

You ever seen someone in withdrawal, Steve?

Nope.

Well, it's hell.

It's...

You're freezing all the time.

LA in July, no air conditioning, freezing.

Muscle aches, stiff as boards, nausea, shakes.

- I wouldn't know. - Well, she does.

Because she was there.

And she talked me through it, she rode it out with me.

Wow. Awesome.

Fuck. Steve.

I'm not... I'm not asking for her hand in marriage.

I just wanted to bring a friend to dinner and you're not giving her a chance.

No, I guess I'm not.

- Why not? - I'm fresh out of those.

I gave 'em all to you.

Wow.

- I just want you to be careful, is all. - I'm doing good, Steve.

Anyway, she's a good person, she's a good influence.

[slight chuckle]

Just because someone's a good person, just because you care about them...

doesn't mean they won't burn you.

You're a good person, Luke.

And I love you.

And...

you know.

Thanks, Steve.

You know, I'm so glad we got to share this milestone.

That's all I wanted. Thirty days clean so you can make me feel like shit again.

- Luke. - Fuck you.

[shivers]

Jesus, Steve. It's fucking freezing in here.

[sirens wailing]

Fother mucker.

[sighs]

Hey, Luke.

Hey... Hey, Steve.

This isn't what it looks like.

Are you cold?

Yeah.

How'd you know where to find me?

Tell you what, I've got 200 bucks here.

You hand me that iPad,

you can keep the cash and sell that old camera.

But, I need the iPad.

It stays here.

Hey.

Hey.

Oh my God, I saw him walking in. I thought you were fucked.

It's all good.

Should be enough for a night, maybe two.

And some food. Oh, here.

Amazing, Luke.

[stammering] Amazing.

Goddammit, it's cold tonight. Are you cold?

Where are we? Seventh?

Yeah, almost.

It's a few more blocks.

I want a clean hotel, no junkies on the sidewalk.

Man, I don't know if I'm gonna make it a couple blocks without a piss.

I'll just...

pop into the little junkies' room and be back in a minute.

Baby.

You got a fever?

Yeah, maybe.

It's my arms and legs, you know? Muscle aches.

No, I'm fine.

Hey, I...

Thank you.

For coming after me.

Oh.

It means a lot.

You're welcome.

[slight chuckle]

It's all right.

[smacks kiss]

What are you doing?

Be back in a flash.

Okay.

Come on, let's... let's keep going.

Joey.

Joey.

Fuck.

Joey!

Joey!

[exhales]

Joey!

Luke, addict.

- [crowd] Hi, Luke. - Hi.

I actually don't know what I want to say here.

You know, I've...

I've never had this much time before.

You know, 90 days.

[sighs, slight chuckle]

Um...

So here goes.

It's taken me ten years to get 90 days clean.

And I'm starting step four, which is always the one that does me in.

"A fearless moral inventory."

Now, I've been called a lot of things in my life,

but "fearless" is not one of them.

[Luke] You know, I was always a scared little kid,

and I thought...

I thought I'd get braver as I got older, but...

um, I didn't.

I, um...

I just got scared of anything.

My mom committed suicide when I was six years old.

And my siblings and I were sent to live with our aunt,

and, I mean, I was just a kid, you know. I didn't...

I didn't really understand death yet.

So, I guess I just expected her to...

to come back.

And every night, I'd...

I'd stare out my window as the cars came around the corner,

just hoping that one would stop and my mom would step out,

you know, to come take me home.

Every time I saw those headlights come round the corner,

I'd sit up in bed...

and I'm staring out of my window, just full of hope.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. [exhales]

But they'd just keep driving.

[chuckles]

Those tail lights, they were the worst.

Red eyes in the dark, just taking hope with them.

I mean, Mom...

she never came back, of course,

but other things from when I was a kid,

they came back.

And I guess that's...

I guess that's why I started using in the first place, you know?

To keep those things away.

And I'd get clean...

you know, a week, a month.

But I'd always feel 'em, you know, just sneaking back up on me.

- So I'd use. - He's not real.

You know, my family, they're not gonna believe this.

They never really believe me.

And I don't blame them.

You know, I fucked them over so many times. Lied, stole.

Come on, you all know what I mean. [slight chuckle]

And I guess...

I guess I'll...

I'll never know how it felt for them to be done like that.

I hope I never know.

[sighs] Ah, sorry.

I want to thank my caseworker, Paige.

And every one at our recovery house.

And someone... [sniffs]

Someone special, who's always had my back.

Thank you.

Any addict alone...

...is in bad company.

That's right. [chuckles]

Thank you.

I couldn't help her.

[Paige] We've been waiting for you to call.

There's something I need to tell you.

Listen, I know I fucked up. Okay?

But I... I didn't use, I didn't.

[stutters] And I'm so fucking cold,

and my... [shivers] and my arms and legs are so stiff.

I just, I...

I... I need a bed. Like, a couch.

I'll sleep on the goddamn floor. Just... [shivers] please.

[Luke] Please, please let me come back. Please.

Where are you? We'll come get you.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven.

One, two, three, four, five, six,

seven.

[young Nell whimpering]

Hey.

You're awake.

Well, yeah, 'cause...

you're awake.

I saw her again.

The Bent-Neck Lady?

Mommy and Daddy don't believe me.

Ever.

They say she's a nightmare, but she's real.

I know she is.

I got an idea.

You need seven, and you set them up like this.

Why seven?

Mom, Dad...

Steven, Shirl, Theo,

you, me.

It has to be seven.

It helps if you touch each one and count out loud.

One, two,

three, four,

five, six, seven.

That keeps you safe.

Sometimes you got to do it a lot.

Like, a lot a lot.

Don't forget to count.

One...

two...

three...

Four, five, six, seven.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven.

One, two, three, four, five, six...

seven.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

One, two, three...

[pants]

Come home, my love.

Steve.

I'm so sorry, I didn't...

I couldn't... I couldn't help her.

[sobbing]

[mumbles indistinctly]

And I'm so... I'm so cold. I didn't...

[stuttering] My arms and legs are... are stiff.

And I...

I...

[stammering] It's...

It's like... It's like withdrawal, but...

but I didn't use.

I wasn't using, but...

But I...

But I feel it anyway.

You... You believe me, right?

You gotta come with me.

You gotta come with me, Luke.

What? Why?

It's Nell.

Nell's dead.

How?

It was... It was suicide.

[pants]

No.

Stevie...

it wasn't.

SDH created by Joshua Francis

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