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TETE AND THE MOON

Don't worry, it won't collapse.

Tete, you have to climb upwards, damn it!

Don't freeze!

You're doing just fine, climb with both balls!

My name is Tete and I'm a ''crown''...

which means I'm the little boy who climbs...

to the very top of the pyramids we make in my country.

It frightens me because sometimes we fall.

And people get hurt.

Jordi is one of my friends.

We call him Stallone because he's the strongest of them all.

He really loves walnuts and motorcycles.

He just bought a Kawasaki 750.

This is Miguel, he's also Catalan...

but his parents are from the south...

his father jokingly says he's a foreigner...

like me because my mother is from Andalusia.

Vanesa has breasts firm as rocks...

she's Stallone's girlfriend and every time I climb by her...

I touch her breasts as much as I can.

Come on, Tete, with both balls, get up there!

Don't look down, eh?

Don't freeze! Keep climbing!

Don't freeze, don't look down! Damn, keep climbing!

Sometimes I don't dare climb back down...

'cause my father's there and he's like an animal.

I don't know which is worse, falling or dealing with his anger.

He always talks about balls and Catalonia...

and honor and all that stuff.

Come on, with balls, we're almost there!

Don't freeze, don't freeze!

Keep climbing, you're almost there!

I was about to have a brother, I didn't like it one bit.

The other problem I had was my rival.

Everyone said he was a better ''crown'' than me.

That he climbed faster than me.

He always beat me.

You have to do it better, Tete.

Think positive.

What really made me angry...

was to see how they tossed him in the air...

it was like floating in the air, like an astronaut.

I was so jealous.

- When will my little brother be born? - Very soon.

And he'll be a crown, like you.

Like me?

I don't want a brother.

Come on, you'll soon like it.

I'm preparing some bread for you...

you'll lick your fingers.

My grandfather is the only one who listens to me.

Everyone says he's a bit crazy...

but I love him very much.

What's wrong?

Tete?

Hey, you have to see your brother.

- I don't want to. - What do you mean by that?

Come on!

Come on, walk.

They all looked the same and just as ugly.

But he was the worst one. He was awful.

Besides, they gave him a little hat...

instead of a cap like grandfather's.

Do you want to see your brother? Look.

Look, that's him, he's so handsome.

He was a monster and wouldn't stop crying.

You're heavy.

That baby is lucky, he'll be a crown like you.

Like hell he will, and if he is, he won't be like me.

We'll see if he has balls.

Tete!

Tete!

Tete!

come down and help me.

I can't right now.

What do you mean you can't? come down right now!

They scolded me all day long.

All they wanted me for was errands.

It was clear that now they loved only him.

He was a monster.

He's very ugly.

He's all wrinkled like an old man.

What? He's so handsome. Yes.

No, no, no. There, there, there.

I couldn't understand why I had to drink cow milk...

and the monster suckled at her breast.

Be careful, Tete.

Leave the bottle alone.

If you feed him so much, won't you run out of milk?

Let me see your molars.

All she cared about were my molars.

She would always check my teeth.

No, no, no.

Tete, go play, I have to feed your brother.

He was a pig. I could have strangled him.

My mother had her breasts full of milk...

and he was drinking it all.

He was emptying her, he wouldn't stop sucking.

I decided I'd find a breast just for me.

Women are full of milk.

- It's in their breasts. - How do you know?

Because I do.

Look.

They weren't bad but they were too big for me.

Look at those breasts! They really are full.

They had too much milk.

I'll bet that the guy who filled them was an animal like my father.

Yes, give me your milk, fill me with your milk.

Here it comes, here it comes.

Every night, my father would fill my mother with milk.

She would ask for it.

Fill me with your milk! Give me your milk!

Here it comes! Here it comes!

It was all my brother's fault.

My father had lots of milk.

On the beach with my grandfather...

we'd spend hours and hours gazing at the moon.

She understood me.

I'll visit you some day.

I'll take the European flag with me, you'll like it...

it has lots of stars...

and the Catalonia flag, which is my country...

it's very small but very pretty...

I'll bet the American flag is old and dirty.

I need a breast, just for me.

If you can get me one, send me a sign.

The moon helped me out and sent me a star.

Her name was Star.

I can't.

I can't.

I love you.

You're the king of fire.

When someone farts, they feel embarrassed.

You've become an expert at it.

Tell me you love me.

I already did.

They were foreigners...

she was Portuguese and he was French.

They had just settled down in the campsite.

The first to meet her was Miguel...

who said that when he touched her, he felt her electricity.

It was a holiday at the campsite, that must have been why.

Can you give me a hand, please?

I can't open the faucet.

I can't, it's stuck.

What's wrong?

I don't know...

it was like a spark.

Something incredible just happened to me.

I touched a woman and I felt an electric charge.

You touched a woman, electricity...

wait till we're in California with lots of girls...

you'll blow your circuits.

Even the walnuts are better there.

And we'll be able to surf.

Not like the Mediterranean, it's too calm.

Come, I want you to see her.

Come on.

Hello, good morning.

Hello.

Yeah, she looks good.

Shake hands with her and you'll see.

Hello.

My name is Stallone.

- My hands are wet. - I don't mind.

- Pleased to meet you. - Pleased to meet you.

Stallone didn't get a spark.

My name is Miguel.

Yes, we've already met.

Pleased to meet you.

But Miguel did get a spark...

I think that was when he fell in love.

We live here together, at the Surf School.

Her husband farted at the Cava Park show.

He had a pretty bike.

Wow, it's a Harley.

Stallone liked it right away.

It's not yours, don't touch.

''Soft Tail, custom''.

He was a frog from head to toe.

that as soon as he arrived at the campsite...

he removed the French flag.

He didn't like to see it so dirty.

And he would always say... ''Laissez Ia moto, Iaissez Ia moto,

merde, merde, merde''.

Get out of here.

I had to sneak into the tent to watch Star rehearse.

Miguel and Stallone had also gone to see her.

She was so lovely.

She showed me her breast, it was so pretty.

It had lots of milk.

I never thought there could be a breast as pretty as my mother's.

I was falling in love, too.

- Do you have Perrier? - No, only Catalan Vichy.

All right, I want three large bottles, a shampoo...

Miguel had followed her to Mrs. Maria's shop...

Stallone's mother.

And she had great custards.

- What are you doing here? - And you?

- What do you want? - The same as you.

Go back to the campsite.

Where are you going?

I was getting sick of seeing him everywhere.

He had no business being there.

All the women in the shop offered me their milk and breasts.

Hers were the best.

I went in, determined to ask her for her breast.

But I was too embarrassed.

Hi, Tete, cutie. What would you like?

Thank you.

I'll bet her breasts were better than Mrs. Maria's custards.

Do you hear me? What do you want?

- Milk. - Goodbye.

Milk.

Here.

Take your milk.

- Hi. - Hi.

He was still waiting for her, he was such a jerk.

I had to get rid of him.

I dream of you.

Each time I touch you, I feel electricity.

Well, I don't. Leave me alone.

Besides, I'm married.

Wait! Listen!

The first streak of morning light

He started to sing in the middle of the street...

and what was worse, Star liked it.

If she liked it, then I'd learn to sing too.

The first streak of morning light

Tete, be quiet. Go to sleep.

What song is that?

Today, a Spaniard sang a song, just for me.

He says that when he touches me, he gets a spark.

- He's a boy from the Surf School. - Which one?

- The younger one. - It better be.

He might fall in love with you.

That's silly.

I'm probably his first love.

He's so cute.

When I touch him, he really does get a charge.

Now you'll feel my electricity.

You'll feel my electricity!

The first streak of morning light

I always awaken wondering where you are

With my breath, I mist up my window

I've seen you dancing.

I've been thinking, we could do a show together.

What are you saying?

Miguel was launching a full attack.

He stole her panties.

What a pig, he'd wear them on his head.

What do you mean you can't? Take them off.

With those panties, you look stupid.

Leave me alone, damn it. I'll do as I like.

catch me!

If he could take her panties, I'd keep her bra.

I was determined to ask for her milk.

I'm going.

Give me a kiss.

Don't forget to buy cauliflower.

And the blue cheese!

Hi.

I brought her the best thing I had.

Wally, my frog.

What do you want?

What's your name?

Tete. Here, this is for you.

- He's so pretty. - His name is Wally.

Yes.

- What is it? - He likes to drink wine.

Oh, thank you.

She offered me her breast and I touched it.

What are you doing?

I want to drink milk from one of your breasts.

What are you talking about?

It's that my mother won't give it to me.

Give me some milk, please.

She pulled it out...

and said I could drink as much milk as I pleased.

It tastes so good.

Did you like it?

Do you want to give me a kiss?

Just when it was in the bag, Miguel showed up.

It's Miguel again.

Where are you going?

First, my brother and now, him.

When dawn breaks

When dawn breaks

If I'm not with you

My heart breaks

See?

You feel the electricity too.

Tete!

Why aren't you at school?

Star is mine, only mine!

What?

She showed me her breast!

He wanted to steal her from me and he was doing it.

- It's full of milk. - Don't start!

- She has a great tit! - I'm sick of you!

So am I!

Everybody was against me.

My father, always going on about having balls...

Caball� called.

I'm sick and tired of getting complaints about you.

- Give him a kiss. - No.

On top of everything, they wanted me to kiss him.

What? Give him a kiss, damn it.

There, there now.

He disgusted me.

There, there now.

The crap was not mine.

Tete!

Come here.

And at school, Caballe, my teacher, blamed me for everything.

She was like a cow.

I'm sure this was your idea.

I'm calling your father and then you'll see!

I had to get rid of Miguel.

I was going to live at the campsite to be near her.

She always appeared after the boat number.

I wanted to see her very much.

Did you see how the mayor eats?

It's hilarious.

In English the word is ''fart. ''

Attention, please concentrate.

One!

Two!

Three!

These things happen, I'll try again.

Attention, concentrate! This is important.

Attention!

Concentrate!

Maurice, the fartman, the king of fire.

Go away, go away.

If I can't have you...

I'll kill myself.

He had gone crazy.

He didn't know what to do to get her attention.

He even told her he'd commit suicide.

You're crazy.

He followed her everywhere.

He would always be near them.

He'd spend the night hidden under the trailer.

It's the Catalan nightingale.

Listen, it's so pretty.

- He's in love with me. - I don't like flamenco music!

He must be crazy.

When he looks at me, he frightens me.

Then he really is in love with you.

You could ask me if I'm in love with him.

Don't play with fire, little one.

The only thing I liked about the man...

was that he was also getting sick and tired of Miguel.

I don't like flamenco music!

Stallone was right...

he said the French were very strange...

she loved to suck on his toes.

What do they taste like?

What do they taste like?

Cauliflower.

Like a hot croissant, blue cheese.

It's better than blue cheese.

It's getting harder for me to get it up.

I use up all my energy with the farting.

I'll never get it up like I used to.

It's the cauliflower that wears you out, right?

No...

it's the Catalan Vichy.

If you look closely, the bubbles aren't round.

I love you.

Yes, you do now...

but someday you'll find someone younger than me...

who will make love to you like a god.

I'll never leave you.

You're stronger than fire.

When you do the cannon, you burn like the devil.

Are you going to start crying? Do you want the jar?

She also liked it when he cried.

She collected tears in a jar.

Please, if you cry you excite me even more.

I've never understood why my tears excite you.

It tastes of the Mediterranean Sea.

Dark alley

there's no way out

It was incredible, Miguel sang to her every night.

He was a jerk.

- Come. - Yes.

Dark alley

There's no way out

Even if it's not true

Because I'm afraid

Of daylight

- I'll go check it out. - No, stay with me.

We don't need electricity, just us and the moon.

It's so romantic.

''I love you so much I couId shout.''

''I've never loved, never Ioved as much,...

...I swear it.''

I went there to tell her...

I was going to live on the campsite.

Go away.

No, I've come to see Star.

It must be the wires.

What's this? It's disgusting.

Leave it, a little boy gave it to me, he's so sweet.

I'm tired of kids and children...

- I don't want this here. - No.

He was an animal, he almost killed Wally...

who was blameless in the whole thing.

It's a good thing Star liked him and gave him a home.

Now we're going to play baguette.

He made her wash the French flag every day...

and at night he'd force her to eat bread.

A baguette.

It's old bread.

All she wanted was for him to fill her.

It'll be harder.

Go home, don't make me angry or I'll tell your dad.

If you tell my dad, I'll tell Star you cut the power.

Slowly.

Slowly.

Go on.

Just one hand.

- What's going on there? - We'd better go.

She hasn't given you her breast and her milk, she has to me.

Yes, but I have this.

And I have this, it's her bra, look!

I had to leave, he didn't let me stay at the campsite.

I didn't want to be with my parents nor with my brother, the monster.

Where were you?

You can't go out without telling us.

Father, I need to talk to you.

What's going on?

I've fallen in love.

You're in love? With who?

A breast.

Are you feeling badly?

Open your mouth.

- Show me your molars. - My mouth is fine.

Come on, open wider.

As always, he only worried about my teeth.

Who did you say you love?

- A breast. - A breast?

Tete.

A good Roman like your father, like you...

first you must consider your duties before women.

And you are a crown.

He always carried on about how we were Romans...

and that we owed everything to them.

He was crazy.

He'd take us to the Roman monuments...

to touch the stones and have their strength.

He was such a pain...

he'd take us to the monuments even if it rained...

and we couldn't escape.

Press hard!

Let the strength of the stone reach your heart...

your arms and your balls!

Bear with this rain that falls from the heavens!

Everything desintegrates, changes, dies!

Except stone.

The Romans left us so much!

We're all Romans! Romans in spirit!

Shout all together!

Since I couldn't live on the campsite...

Miguel took advantage of the situation.

Hi.

I can't sleep.

All I do is think of is you.

He insisted but she kept him away.

Star was in love with her man but they had problems.

It's my fault.

I'm happy and I love you.

Besides, I'm jealous.

And I don't like it.

That means you love me.

Someday, I'll lock you in your box...

and I'll go far away with it.

So you'll never be able to leave me.

Will you do the cannon for me?

- The big one? - Yes.

I love you.

If she liked the farts...

I was going to learn how to fart and louder than him.

What are you doing?

- What her husband does. - Who?

Come on, it'll get cold. Sit down.

Aren't stringbeans better?

That's what everyone thinks but cauliflower is better for farting.

People think farting is terrible but some things are much worse.

Wars, banks, noise of planes, traffic...

and Caballe!

What are you doing here?

Everyone said that my grandpa was crazy...

because when he got angry he'd break a wine bottle...

and he always had problems with his rooster.

But he was the only one who understood me.

It's a shame about Oaballe, he sings so well.

No, I mean my English teacher.

At school, a fart drives away evil spirits.

Go on, eat, it'll get cold.

Go on, eat.

Miguel was down in the dumps.

Miguel was down in the dumps.

Stallone was the only happy guy around...

with his new Kawasaki 750.

What's wrong, Miguel?

I need her.

I can't get her out of my mind.

I should just kill myself.

Nobody kills himself here without my permission.

Listen, you have to snap out of it.

You're hurting yourself.

These are hard times for me.

You need to wait just a few more screws.

Don't speak that way.

When we get to California...

you'll see you can live without her.

There are so many girls there.

Want a ride on the bike?

Come on, I'll take you home.

Come on, Miguel.

She's beautiful.

How she shines.

Get on.

They were hard times for me too.

I didn't have her breast nor her milk...

and then my father took what little I had.

Where did you get this?

What are you doing? Where did you get this?

- From the foreigner. - What foreigner?

The one at Cava Park.

What the hell were you doing at Cava Park?

Tete! Get up here!

Poor Stallone died.

Grandpa got real angry, he said it wasn't right.

He started smashing wine bottles like crazy.

He said it was the best way to get rid of the anger.

We were all so sad.

Seeing my parents cry made a deep impression on me.

Stallone was dead but I knew he'd return...

at least to pick his mother up because she always asked him to.

Miguel sang to him with great feeling.

Star was moved when she saw him crying.

I'm sure she wanted to save his tears in her jar.

- He's dead. - I know.

- He was my best friend. - Don't say a word.

Please don't cry, I can't bear to see your tears.

I need you.

I'm sorry about your friend.

Whenever the Frenchman left, Miguel would sing to her endlessly.

She felt very sorry for Miguel since Stallone died.

DO NOT TOUCH RISK OF DEATH

DO NOT TOUCH RISK OF DEATH

Moon, aren't you tired

of going to the same world

Oh, moon, stay with me, don't leave

because they say

the dawn is coming, the dawn is coming

You're crazy, what are you doing here?

I like the rain, it seems the sky also weeps.

I like your tears.

You know, I've also felt the electricity.

Touch me.

I love your skin.

I love your lips.

Don't be sad.

Let's go inside, you're getting wet.

He was filling her.

She liked it when they sang to her and when they filled her.

Stallone was right, French women were sluts.

The Frenchman was desperate but he didn't say a word.

Since he couldn't fill her, he let Miguel do it.

People said that this happened because the French were so modern...

and because he was older than her.

Go.

To understand what I'm going through, I need much patience...

and I'm not getting it.

Why must you take care of whoever suffers?

In exchange for a caress, a compliment, you'd give it all.

I loved you more than anything in the world, understand?

I can't understand what you see in him!

When he sings, he has the voice of an angel.

What do you know about angels?

Have you ever heard one?

Why are you crying?

No, it's the shampoo, the shampoo in my eyes.

Yeah, Spanish shampoo, it's crap.

Get in there, inside.

- Let me go! - It's your castle!

You'll stay in your castle, like all queens do.

Queens stay in their castles. Star!

- Open up! - No!

- Open up! - You're my queen, it's your castle!

So stay in your castle!

- Maurice! - Understand?

Open the door! Maurice!

Open!

I went to Stallone's grave, I was sure he'd be there.

Hi, Stallone.

Are you very sleepy?

I need some flowers.

Can I take some?

I wanted Star to comfort me...

and if she wouldn't then I'd kill myself too.

I can't get out.

- They're so pretty. - They're for you.

Can I come in? I want to say something to you.

Try to open the door.

No, that door's locked.

Go to the back.

She needed me, I'd save her and we'd run away together forever.

Far away from the Frenchman and Miguel, that foreigner.

Her breast would be just for me.

Slow down, don't hurt yourself.

- Help me. - There you go.

I'm so glad you came.

Star?

Miguel! Leave! Maurice is coming any minute!

Who gave you these flowers?

It's him! It's Maurice. Go away!

Are those flowers yours?

Can you climb over?

Are these flowers yours? Are they yours?

Are they yours?

You'll swallow them!

Stop!

Maurice! Leave him alone!

Leave him alone!

- I'll kill you! - Stop now! Leave him alone!

Stop it! Leave him alone!

I had to throw myself on top of them and pull them apart.

Thanks to me, the frenchie didn't kill him. I shattered his motorbike.

Frenchie!

Stop!

Get inside! Come on!

Miguel thanked me for saving him.

If it weren't because of her, we would be friends again.

We both loved her.

Why did you put those glasses on?

It's that shampoo that makes you cry?

The sun bothers me.

The sun on your face.

I don't know where I'm standing.

I don't want to hurt you. I feel so bad.

Shit.

Fuck passion!

Fuck the spanish sun! And the blue lake and your bullfighting!

First it was my saliva and now it's his voice!

Fuck his flamenco music!

This country will drive me crazy!

- Where are you going? - I'm going away! Far from here!

If I wanted to take Star with me I would need my father's army.

His Roman Legion.

But he still didn't forgive me that bra thing.

Men! Forward!

I couldn't count on him.

The only thing I could do was make a deal with Miguel.

But he didn't want to listen to me.

He kept saying, ''Leave me alone, Tete. I'm mad about her. ''

What a drag I

As he knew that she liked tears...

he wouldn't stop crying.

If I can't live with you...

I'll kill myself.

Don't ever say that again!

You scare me.

She smelled her feet and that was it.

She was all dazed.

I couldn't let that happen.

If frenchie didn't do anything, I would do it myself.

I would separate her from Miguel.

He was filling her up.

I didn't dare go in.

Yes!

Sing to me!

Louder!

Louder! Louder!

Louder!

Yes!

Sing to me! Sing to me!

Louder! Sing! Sing!

Yes!

Shit! This dude, with his tears, the smell on his feet and his songs...

will rip her up.

All of a sudden, milk started pouring out. Lots of milk.

He did rip her upl

That's Miguel's fault.

He left me without her breast.

Maurice is the man of my life.

I don't want to hurt him.

It's not possible.

You have to understand.

What's wrong?

It's all wet!

He'll kill me!

When the frenchie came, I got scared.

Hi.

Don't be afraid.

Go home.

I didn't have the balls to go in or fight him.

My father was right. I have no balls at all.

She was sorry and regretted what she had done.

- Forgive me. - Why?

Because I let you do what you wanted.

Fuck freedom!

I'd rather you had beaten me up...

and gone away.

It's been a bad dream.

Tell me that you love me.

I love you.

But I can't forgive you for breaking the mattress.

It cost more than 10, 000 francs.

Where will we sleep tonight?

Tonight, I want you to perform your act.

Just for me and me alone!

- Who is my muse? - I am!

- The one that inspires my best farts! - That's me!

The one that inflames the wind!

Me!

The one that ignites the cannon!

Me.

I wont ever leave you.

I wont ever leave you.

I love you.

I love you.

You'll have whatever you want.

The moon.

- The flowers. - A new mattress?

Yes.

Filled with our tears.

A bed of tears.

She was empty. She had no more milk.

And they didn't stop crying.

They really loved each other a lot. He was a lucky frenchie.

If I wanted her breast...

I would have to make a deal with him.

They went without saying a word.

She gave me Wally back and Miguel got her panties.

I couldn't understand why the moon had taken Star away.

It was all over.

She was empty and they had gone.

Miguel was very upset. He kept saying...

''I can't live without her. ''

He tried to commit suicide.

But fortunately, as Stallone said...

''The Mediterranean is for children. '' He couldn't do it.

C'mon. Be a man. Hold firmly in the middle!

Don't be a chicken.

C'mon! C'mon!

Tete, quick! To the middle! You're almost there!

Go, Tete! To the top!

Well done, Tete! You're getting there!

Don't look down!

Look at the sky!

Damn! Don't stop!

Don't stop, Tete! Don't stop!

Tete! Shit! Further up!

Tete! Don't stop!

Don't stop, Tete! Don't stop!

Climb up! Don't look down!

Tete! Look up! Up!

Up! You're almost there!

Keep going! You're almost there!

All of a sudden, I saw her. She was...

next to my father.

Miguel also saw her. He was very happy.

I did it. I felt I had touched the moon.

She gave me her milk. Her breasts was bursting.

It was delicious and very sweet.

The best thing of all was that my mother came too...

and gave me her milk.

She told me, that from now on I could always have it.

It was better than Star's milk.

They both wanted me to have it.

It was the happiest day in my life.

My father now says that his son has the balls of a bull.

I had no balls at all, and now they're like a bull's.

It was also the best day for Miguel.

Star took him along with them.

It was wonderful getting to know her.

She was very happy. The frenchie loved her...

and Miguel filled her up every night.

It is my pleasure to introduce...

...Estrellita, the Queen of Stuttgart!

Fartman Maurice, the Fire King!

Miguel, a Southern angel and his sparkling voice!

I preferred staying with my mother.

My parents were right.

A tooth was coming through and I had to go to the dentist.

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