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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,234
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:10,267 --> 00:01:13,267
It's okay, I guess.
3
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:14,934
Why am I being modest?
4
00:01:14,968 --> 00:01:16,267
I'm alone.
5
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:18,200
It's perfect.
6
00:01:21,234 --> 00:01:22,767
Metropolitan Museum.
7
00:01:22,801 --> 00:01:24,267
I bet you're wondering
8
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,901
how you got a cab
so fast in this rain.
9
00:01:26,934 --> 00:01:29,000
Well, it's because I've been
sitting here admiring
10
00:01:29,033 --> 00:01:30,367
this window display.
11
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,100
You see, I work
here part-time at
this art gallery.
12
00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:33,901
Uh, excuse me,
if you don't mind,
13
00:01:33,934 --> 00:01:34,834
I really don't
feel much like talking.
14
00:01:34,868 --> 00:01:37,000
Just take me
to the Metropolitan, okay?
15
00:01:37,033 --> 00:01:38,801
Oh, I wasn't talking,
I was just...
16
00:01:38,834 --> 00:01:40,133
Hey!
17
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:42,267
I don't know how to make it
any clearer than that.
18
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:43,801
Please take me
to the Metropolitan.
19
00:01:43,834 --> 00:01:47,367
Okay. You charmed me into it.
20
00:01:50,634 --> 00:01:52,067
Where you going?
21
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:54,300
You said
the Metropolitan Museum.
22
00:01:54,334 --> 00:01:56,901
I meant the one in New York.
Why didn't you stay on Madison?
23
00:01:56,934 --> 00:01:59,501
It's shorter this way.
You said you were in a hurry.
24
00:01:59,534 --> 00:02:03,334
You are taking a longer
route than you need to.
25
00:02:03,367 --> 00:02:04,667
It's not any longer.
You know, wait a minute.
26
00:02:04,701 --> 00:02:07,634
Are you accusing me
of jacking up the fare?
27
00:02:07,667 --> 00:02:09,033
No. I'm accusing you of trying.
28
00:02:09,067 --> 00:02:10,501
Unfortunately, I caught you.
29
00:02:10,534 --> 00:02:12,534
Hey, look, Mister. I swear
I'm not trying to cheat you.
30
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:14,767
Now if you want, I can take you
back where I picked you up,
31
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,801
and we can start over
and I'll take a different route.
32
00:02:16,834 --> 00:02:19,968
Thanks, but I've
seen Jersey.
33
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,133
Okay, out of the cab.
34
00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:26,067
It's pouring rain out there.
35
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:29,834
The law says you have to take me
wherever I want to go.
36
00:02:29,868 --> 00:02:32,968
There's no way
you can make me leave this cab.
37
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:37,934
Rape... rape... rape!
38
00:02:37,968 --> 00:02:40,601
You may have a little trouble
getting that story to stick
39
00:02:40,634 --> 00:02:41,767
when the police find out
40
00:02:41,801 --> 00:02:44,434
I'm the National Secretary
for the Gay Liberation Force.
41
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:52,200
We'll be there
in a few minutes.
42
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,868
Next time be
a little more careful
43
00:03:04,901 --> 00:03:06,234
who you try and rip off.
44
00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:09,033
Look, Mister, I realize
we've had our differences
45
00:03:09,067 --> 00:03:10,767
but you owe me $2.85.
46
00:03:10,801 --> 00:03:14,467
Here's a dollar. I'm not paying
for the scenic route.
47
00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:16,434
Hey, wait a minute, Mister!
48
00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:18,968
Mister, you forgot
your briefcase.
49
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,534
Oh.
50
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,834
Hey, come back here!
51
00:03:26,334 --> 00:03:28,701
He's faster than he looks.
52
00:03:34,767 --> 00:03:36,367
Come on, come on.
53
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,968
Jacks or better.
54
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,567
All right, give me
something good.
55
00:03:40,601 --> 00:03:43,133
Not if I can help it.
56
00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:45,267
Oh, sweet heaven.
57
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:48,767
Did I tip my hand again?
58
00:03:48,801 --> 00:03:50,868
Only to the trained eye.
59
00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:52,901
Why do I do that
all the time?
60
00:03:52,934 --> 00:03:54,067
Hi, guys.
61
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,067
Hey, Elaine.
What do you say?
62
00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:57,067
I'm not sure.
63
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,234
I just had
a really bad fare today.
64
00:03:59,267 --> 00:04:02,067
Hey, Bobby, she thinks
she had a bad fare.
65
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,434
What happened?
66
00:04:03,467 --> 00:04:07,000
I had the QANTAS koala bear
get carsick in my cab.
67
00:04:07,033 --> 00:04:10,868
And you don't want to know
what a koala bear does
68
00:04:10,901 --> 00:04:13,234
when he gets carsick.
69
00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:15,434
Hey, Alex, could I talk
to you for a moment?
70
00:04:15,467 --> 00:04:16,634
Huh? Yeah, sure.
71
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:17,634
Deal me out.
72
00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:19,367
I'll sit in for you.
73
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:20,701
What's wrong?
74
00:04:20,734 --> 00:04:22,367
I feel really strange.
75
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,701
Why? What is it?
76
00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:26,501
Well, you know that art gallery
where I work part-time?
77
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:30,067
And where they treat me like I
was some sort of receptionist?
78
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:33,467
Yeah. You mean the place where
you work as a receptionist.
79
00:04:33,501 --> 00:04:35,534
Yeah. Well, they let me design
80
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,634
their new window display
for their new exhibit
81
00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:40,801
and everybody loved what I did.
82
00:04:40,834 --> 00:04:43,868
Now, it's just staring out
on Madison Avenue.
83
00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:46,167
People are even
congratulating me.
84
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,501
No wonder you're down.
85
00:04:47,534 --> 00:04:49,634
You realized
your lifelong ambition.
86
00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:53,634
I know, but it just
doesn't seem like
my life, you know.
87
00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:56,234
Things like this
never happen to me.
88
00:04:56,267 --> 00:04:59,267
That's why I got a little crazy
and I pushed.
89
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:02,667
I invited them all to a party,
and they accepted.
90
00:05:02,701 --> 00:05:04,467
Oh, hey, sounds
like you're on a roll.
91
00:05:04,501 --> 00:05:06,300
Let me know how it turns out.
92
00:05:06,334 --> 00:05:09,200
I was kind of hoping
that maybe you'd come.
93
00:05:09,234 --> 00:05:11,334
See, I'd really like
to have one person there
94
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:13,033
that I don't care
about impressing.
95
00:05:14,501 --> 00:05:18,000
How can I turn down
an invitation like that?
96
00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:21,133
Yeah, and one more thing--
when you're at the party
97
00:05:21,167 --> 00:05:25,100
can you remember that nobody
knows that I'm a cab driver?
98
00:05:25,133 --> 00:05:27,067
See, if they knew I
drove a cab at night
99
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:29,033
they'd find it
a little unusual.
100
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:31,767
I can't afford
to be unusual yet.
101
00:05:31,801 --> 00:05:34,200
So you actually lie
about your job?
102
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:37,167
I don't lie.
I fudge.
103
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,601
I'm kind of hoping that
maybe you won't tell them
104
00:05:39,634 --> 00:05:41,200
that you're a cab
driver, either.
105
00:05:41,234 --> 00:05:42,801
Oh, no.
I won't do that, Elaine.
106
00:05:42,834 --> 00:05:43,801
Oh, come on...
107
00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:44,801
Nope!
108
00:05:44,834 --> 00:05:46,133
It's one little thing.
109
00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:48,200
No, it's not
just one little thing.
110
00:05:48,234 --> 00:05:51,000
Hey, sure it is.
Ask anybody.
111
00:05:51,033 --> 00:05:52,234
Hey, guys, can you believe him?
112
00:05:52,267 --> 00:05:53,667
He won't tell
one little lie for me.
113
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,734
The only guy I know that
never told a lie was my dad.
114
00:05:56,767 --> 00:05:58,033
Come on. Never?
115
00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,634
Nope. He once told me
116
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:02,434
"John, remember
your father's words.
117
00:06:02,467 --> 00:06:06,567
"The liar's punishment is not
that he is not believed
118
00:06:06,601 --> 00:06:09,701
but that he cannot believe
anyone else."
119
00:06:09,734 --> 00:06:13,868
John, George Bernard Shaw
said that.
120
00:06:13,901 --> 00:06:15,467
He did?
121
00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:17,501
Your father was
George Bernard Shaw?
122
00:06:17,534 --> 00:06:18,834
Alex, Can we talk
123
00:06:18,868 --> 00:06:20,000
about this?
124
00:06:20,033 --> 00:06:22,167
What do you want him
to lie about?
125
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,367
Maybe I can do it for you.
126
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,100
I'm throwing a party
Friday night.
127
00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:27,901
Hey, it's a little short notice,
but I can make it.
128
00:06:27,934 --> 00:06:29,567
Why are you having
a party on Friday night?
129
00:06:29,601 --> 00:06:31,234
We're all going
to miss a lot of business.
130
00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:32,801
Well, actually guys,
this is a party I'm throwing
131
00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:35,200
for the people
at my art gallery.
132
00:06:35,234 --> 00:06:36,868
Who cares, the more,
the merrier. Right?
133
00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:38,667
They don't understand.
134
00:06:38,701 --> 00:06:40,033
Oh, I get it.
135
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,267
We're not invited.
136
00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:45,701
How come we can't go
to the party too?
137
00:06:45,734 --> 00:06:47,167
'Cause we're
nobodies.
138
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,601
We're stupid, ignorant,
low-life cabbies.
139
00:06:50,634 --> 00:06:52,667
Oh.
140
00:06:52,701 --> 00:06:54,667
What do you think, Latka?
141
00:06:54,701 --> 00:06:58,400
( speaking native tongue )
142
00:06:58,434 --> 00:07:01,200
Latka, in English.
143
00:07:01,234 --> 00:07:05,868
If they don't come,
I don't come.
144
00:07:05,901 --> 00:07:08,033
I'm sorry.
They can't come.
145
00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:11,267
All right,
then I come without them.
146
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,067
All right! All right!
147
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,234
You can come.
148
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,400
If it means
that much to you.
149
00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:18,300
If it doesn't matter to you
that you screw me up
150
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,067
with my bosses or ruin
the one chance I have
151
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:22,234
to send my kids
to a decent school
152
00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:24,701
then, by all means,
just come to my party.
153
00:07:24,734 --> 00:07:26,634
What's the address?
154
00:07:26,667 --> 00:07:28,434
Hey, you come
with me.
155
00:07:28,467 --> 00:07:29,968
I know where it is.
156
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,767
Thank you very much.
157
00:07:31,801 --> 00:07:33,400
Let's go get
something to eat,
158
00:07:33,434 --> 00:07:35,300
and I'll tell you
about my outfit.
159
00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:37,934
Hey, Elaine,
hey, don't worry about us.
160
00:07:37,968 --> 00:07:40,868
Nobody's gonna know
we're taxicab drivers.
161
00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,467
Come on. We'll cover it up.
All right?
162
00:07:42,501 --> 00:07:43,467
Okay.
163
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:44,834
All right.
164
00:07:44,868 --> 00:07:46,634
See you later, Alex.
165
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,167
Ahem!
166
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,400
You're in luck.
167
00:07:49,434 --> 00:07:52,000
Looks like you got a chance to
nab Louie for your guest list.
168
00:07:52,033 --> 00:07:54,334
Yeah, I might give your party
a tumble.
169
00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,167
Perhaps some of those
art-world cuties
170
00:07:56,200 --> 00:08:00,767
might want me to pose for them
au naturel.
171
00:08:00,801 --> 00:08:02,968
Louie, you're not invited.
172
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,033
What do you mean?
173
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,567
I mean if you're even seen
174
00:08:05,601 --> 00:08:08,133
in the vicinity
of my apartment Friday night
175
00:08:08,167 --> 00:08:09,801
I'll have you arrested.
176
00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,667
Oh, really not invited.
177
00:08:11,701 --> 00:08:14,100
Okay. Who needs you?
178
00:08:14,133 --> 00:08:17,801
Come on let's get this garage
back to normal!
179
00:08:17,834 --> 00:08:21,267
Hey, Latka! You finish cleaning
that cab yet?
180
00:08:23,934 --> 00:08:25,300
Phew!
181
00:08:25,334 --> 00:08:29,634
Who drive a sick koala bear?
182
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,601
( doorbell ringing )
183
00:08:37,634 --> 00:08:38,634
Alex?
184
00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:39,701
Yeah.
185
00:08:39,734 --> 00:08:40,868
( Sighs )
186
00:08:40,901 --> 00:08:42,167
Hi.
187
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,167
Hi.
188
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,167
Did I get the wrong night?
189
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,667
No, this is the night.
190
00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:48,634
Well, don't bother
to introduce me.
191
00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:50,133
I'll just mingle.
192
00:08:50,167 --> 00:08:51,467
How are you?
193
00:08:51,501 --> 00:08:52,701
I played a little
trick on you, Alex.
Oh?
194
00:08:52,734 --> 00:08:55,467
I told you the wrong time
so that you'd get here early.
195
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:56,868
Great trick. Why?
196
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,567
Well, see,
you're doing me a favor.
197
00:08:58,601 --> 00:09:01,133
Now that you're here,
no one has to go through
198
00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:03,167
the embarrassment
of arriving first.
199
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,701
You know how
uncomfortable
that can be.
200
00:09:08,601 --> 00:09:10,334
I can only imagine.
201
00:09:10,367 --> 00:09:13,400
Besides, I'm a little
insecure about this party
202
00:09:13,434 --> 00:09:14,767
and I wanted someone
203
00:09:14,801 --> 00:09:17,167
to tell me
how nice the place looks.
204
00:09:20,634 --> 00:09:21,734
Well, you can start anytime.
205
00:09:21,767 --> 00:09:22,834
Oh, yes.
206
00:09:22,868 --> 00:09:24,000
It looks great.
207
00:09:24,033 --> 00:09:25,334
No, it really does.
208
00:09:25,367 --> 00:09:26,334
I like that.
209
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,801
Oh, and I like that.
210
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,667
And I really like this.
211
00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:31,067
Thanks.
212
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,200
You know, this was hard.
213
00:09:32,234 --> 00:09:33,634
I had to borrow some furniture
214
00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:35,200
and move the kids' beds
upstairs.
215
00:09:35,234 --> 00:09:38,133
I'm really knocking myself out
for this party.
216
00:09:38,167 --> 00:09:39,901
But I think I'm going to be okay
217
00:09:39,934 --> 00:09:41,968
as long as my cheese puffs
are a hit.
218
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,000
Oh...
219
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,067
Delicious.
220
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,300
Take it from a puff man.
221
00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:55,300
So, is there anything
I've overlooked?
222
00:09:55,334 --> 00:09:58,701
Oh, uh... persons.
223
00:09:58,734 --> 00:10:00,801
They're coming. Anything else?
224
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,200
Something for persons to drink.
225
00:10:03,234 --> 00:10:04,801
That's a little
bit of a problem.
226
00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:06,801
You see, I used
a discount liquor store.
227
00:10:06,834 --> 00:10:09,367
I don't want anyone
to see the labels.
228
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,200
They're kind
of off-brands.
229
00:10:11,234 --> 00:10:12,133
Like what?
230
00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:15,133
Ever heard of Betty's vodka?
231
00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:20,067
Gentlemen never tell.
232
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:21,934
Can I make a suggestion?
233
00:10:21,968 --> 00:10:24,300
Why don't you put the stuff
in a punch bowl
234
00:10:24,334 --> 00:10:25,968
and add ginger ale
and juices.
235
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,133
Oh, that's a great idea.
236
00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:28,033
There you go.
237
00:10:28,067 --> 00:10:31,801
You know, I never
even thought about mixing.
238
00:10:31,834 --> 00:10:34,734
Oh... I just hope I got
enough champagne.
239
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,734
How much did you get?
240
00:10:36,767 --> 00:10:38,501
12 Cans.
241
00:10:38,534 --> 00:10:41,167
Canned champagne?
242
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,033
I guess for those macho gourmets
243
00:10:43,067 --> 00:10:46,067
who like to crush
something after a sip.
244
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,400
( doorbell ringing )
245
00:10:47,434 --> 00:10:49,434
Oh, Alex, this is it!
246
00:10:49,467 --> 00:10:52,000
Now, now,
just relax. Relax.
247
00:10:52,033 --> 00:10:54,033
They're just people.
248
00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:06,033
There's always the exception
to the rule.
249
00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:07,701
Party time for Latka?
250
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,868
Not until you
take off those overalls.
251
00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:12,100
Oh, this is good party.
252
00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:13,801
No! No! Latka!
253
00:11:13,834 --> 00:11:17,300
You've got to change
into nicer clothes.
254
00:11:17,334 --> 00:11:19,634
Oh...
255
00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:21,968
( speaking native tongue )
256
00:11:22,033 --> 00:11:23,033
...in truck...
257
00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:24,133
( speaking native tongue )
258
00:11:27,434 --> 00:11:29,467
You think
it's all right
259
00:11:29,501 --> 00:11:31,167
to have him here?
260
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,734
Are you kidding? He's my pick
for the life of the party.
261
00:11:33,767 --> 00:11:37,701
Oh, Alex, are you sure
everything looks okay?
262
00:11:37,734 --> 00:11:39,634
Elaine, believe me.
The apartment looks wonderful.
263
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:40,968
Now will you just relax.
264
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,334
Okay. Okay.
265
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:44,968
Hey, you know, you may not
believe this, but I've really
266
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,734
calmed down a lot
since you got here.
267
00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:48,534
Yeah, I can see that.
268
00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:52,634
Oh, um, but could I just ask you
one more little favor?
269
00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:54,067
Yep.
270
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:55,767
If you tell these people
that you're a cab driver
271
00:11:55,801 --> 00:11:59,234
they'll ask how you know me,
and you'll give everything away.
272
00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:03,434
Elaine, is that the real reason
you got me over here early? Huh?
273
00:12:03,467 --> 00:12:04,901
Oh, come on.
How could you do that?
274
00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:06,367
How could you do
a thing like that?
275
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,100
Come on, Alex.
This is a cocktail party.
276
00:12:08,133 --> 00:12:09,801
Oh, for crying out loud.
277
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:11,100
Why do you have to come on
278
00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:13,167
so super-ethical anyway?
279
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,200
I am not ethical,
Elaine.
280
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,400
I am... chicken.
281
00:12:16,434 --> 00:12:17,834
I don't lie for
the simple reason
282
00:12:17,868 --> 00:12:19,133
I am afraid
of getting caught.
283
00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,601
There's nothing
more embarrassing
284
00:12:20,634 --> 00:12:21,868
than getting caught
in a lie.
285
00:12:21,901 --> 00:12:23,434
Besides, if you don't lie
286
00:12:23,467 --> 00:12:26,000
you don't have to try to
remember what you said.
287
00:12:26,033 --> 00:12:27,601
Okay. Okay.
288
00:12:27,634 --> 00:12:30,734
If it happens,
it happens.
289
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:32,267
All right. All right.
290
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,100
I'm not going to lie
291
00:12:34,133 --> 00:12:37,634
but I won't say anything
if I'm not asked. Okay?
292
00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:39,200
Okay. Thanks.
293
00:12:39,234 --> 00:12:40,434
Mm-hmm.
294
00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:42,501
( doorbell ringing )
295
00:12:50,234 --> 00:12:52,400
Party overalls.
296
00:12:52,434 --> 00:12:53,601
Now you're talking.
297
00:12:53,634 --> 00:12:54,868
Neat.
298
00:12:54,901 --> 00:12:57,067
Latka learn
299
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,200
party talk.
300
00:12:59,234 --> 00:13:00,701
Yeah.
301
00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:03,200
"What are you drinking?
302
00:13:03,234 --> 00:13:07,501
"Aren't there a lot
of phonies here?
303
00:13:07,534 --> 00:13:12,033
"Let's go to my place.
304
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:15,133
Was it good
for you?"
305
00:13:17,868 --> 00:13:19,434
You've been teaching him.
306
00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:22,667
Not me. I was going to ask
for a copy myself.
307
00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:46,734
Looks like your
party's a hit, Elaine.
308
00:13:46,767 --> 00:13:48,400
Yeah, so far, so good.
309
00:13:48,434 --> 00:13:50,601
I'm a little worried
about the guys.
310
00:13:50,634 --> 00:13:52,601
They don't seem
to be mingling.
311
00:13:52,634 --> 00:13:54,534
Yeah, only
with each other.
312
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,334
Hey, it's your turn, Tony.
How did your parents meet?
313
00:13:57,367 --> 00:13:58,434
It was in Italy...
314
00:13:58,467 --> 00:14:00,000
Come on, you guys.
315
00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:02,334
I want you to meet
some people.
316
00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:04,133
That's okay,
we already have.
317
00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:07,133
Yeah, I think we're
just going to shove off.
318
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:08,367
Ah, why?
319
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,767
Because, we don't fit in.
320
00:14:09,801 --> 00:14:11,367
We're the kind of guys who
like to have fun.
321
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,968
Thanks a lot, Elaine.
322
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,167
Bye-bye.
323
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,567
Take it easy, Alex.
324
00:14:15,601 --> 00:14:16,767
Great punch.
325
00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:18,000
Bye.
326
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:23,400
Stop envying them.
327
00:14:26,067 --> 00:14:27,734
Mrs. Hazeltine?
328
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,367
Oh. Thank you, Elaine.
329
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:30,567
These are delicious.
330
00:14:30,601 --> 00:14:32,033
Thank you.
331
00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:33,567
I love your paintings.
332
00:14:33,601 --> 00:14:34,634
Really?
333
00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:36,501
But I don't
recognize the artist.
334
00:14:36,534 --> 00:14:39,234
As a matter of fact,
I live with the artist.
335
00:14:39,267 --> 00:14:40,300
You what?
336
00:14:40,334 --> 00:14:41,300
It's my daughter.
337
00:14:41,334 --> 00:14:42,334
Oh.
338
00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:43,534
Except the one
339
00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:44,934
of the bunny rabbit.
340
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:47,133
That was done
by my ex-husband.
341
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:49,934
We've been talking
about the new exhibit
342
00:14:49,968 --> 00:14:51,934
at the Museum of Modern Art.
343
00:14:51,968 --> 00:14:53,367
Have you seen it?
344
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,834
Oh, yes, I have. Twice.
345
00:14:54,868 --> 00:14:56,701
Did you like
the Magritte drawings?
346
00:14:56,734 --> 00:14:57,767
Oh. Um...
347
00:14:57,801 --> 00:14:59,868
would you excuse me
for a moment?
348
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:02,067
There's something I've
got to take care of.
349
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,367
All right.
350
00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:07,534
Alex... one of the biggest art
dealers in New York
351
00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:09,667
just asked my opinion
of an exhibit.
352
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:10,801
Oh, terrific.
353
00:15:10,834 --> 00:15:11,834
Give it.
354
00:15:11,868 --> 00:15:12,801
Oh.
355
00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:14,400
Thank you very much.
356
00:15:14,434 --> 00:15:15,834
Going to go now.
357
00:15:15,868 --> 00:15:18,367
Well, I'm glad
you could come, Latka.
358
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,567
Bye-bye.
359
00:15:19,601 --> 00:15:20,767
Bye.
360
00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:24,167
Eh, aren't there
a lot of phonies here?
361
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,601
Let's go to my place.
362
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,400
For you.
363
00:15:32,734 --> 00:15:35,067
Come on. Come on.
364
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,300
It must be the way he says it.
365
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,367
Boy, this champagne
is terrific, huh?
366
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,033
I wonder what kind it is.
367
00:15:49,634 --> 00:15:52,234
Del Monte.
368
00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:54,234
My name is Paul.
369
00:15:54,267 --> 00:15:56,067
I write for Art News.
370
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:58,200
Oh, I'm Alex.
371
00:15:58,234 --> 00:15:59,601
What do you do, Alex?
372
00:15:59,634 --> 00:16:02,467
Oh, this and that.
373
00:16:02,501 --> 00:16:03,868
Sounds interesting.
374
00:16:03,901 --> 00:16:06,000
This and that what?
375
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,667
I, uh...
376
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:09,801
sort of free-lance.
377
00:16:09,834 --> 00:16:12,300
Oh, you're a free-lance painter.
378
00:16:12,334 --> 00:16:13,501
No.
379
00:16:13,534 --> 00:16:14,701
Alex.
380
00:16:14,734 --> 00:16:18,000
Okay, Elaine, you win.
381
00:16:18,033 --> 00:16:20,200
I put out oil fires.
382
00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:23,100
I beg your pardon?
383
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,100
When an oil well
catches on fire
384
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:26,300
they call me in to put it out.
385
00:16:26,334 --> 00:16:27,501
Sounds dangerous.
386
00:16:27,534 --> 00:16:29,901
Yeah, well, I only get
the easy ones.
387
00:16:29,934 --> 00:16:32,767
You see, the main thing that got
me into this line of work...
388
00:16:32,801 --> 00:16:35,501
Oh, I'm sorry.
Just reflex.
389
00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:37,634
You see, uh...
390
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,033
Actually, the thing that
pulled me
391
00:16:39,067 --> 00:16:41,868
into being
an oil-fire putter-outer
392
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,868
is that it never gets boring.
393
00:16:43,901 --> 00:16:46,267
Nope. All holocausts
may look alike
394
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:49,467
but each one has
a personality all its own.
395
00:16:49,501 --> 00:16:52,901
If you'll excuse me, I'd like to
freshen my drink for a moment,
396
00:16:52,934 --> 00:16:54,133
I'll be right back.
397
00:16:56,434 --> 00:16:57,534
Thanks, Alex.
398
00:16:57,567 --> 00:16:59,667
I know that wasn't
easy for you.
399
00:16:59,701 --> 00:17:01,400
Easier than I thought.
400
00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:03,801
It's just your luck for
this party I watched
401
00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:05,033
Search for Adventure.
402
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:07,968
I've never been the life of a
party before like this.
403
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,434
I sort of like fudging.
404
00:17:11,033 --> 00:17:12,534
Do you really fight fires?
405
00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:13,734
Oh, yes, yes.
406
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:14,968
Yes, yes.
407
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:19,567
What is the biggest
fire you ever put out?
408
00:17:19,601 --> 00:17:23,701
Well, actually, I had
12 wells go up at one time.
409
00:17:23,734 --> 00:17:26,000
I'm Rita.
410
00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:27,567
I'm Alex.
411
00:17:29,467 --> 00:17:32,400
Aren't there a lot
of phonies here?
412
00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:39,601
I know.
413
00:17:39,634 --> 00:17:42,534
Do you mind if I say
something candid?
414
00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:44,934
If it's about the champagne,
I had nothing to do with it.
415
00:17:44,968 --> 00:17:47,234
I find you very attractive.
416
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,267
I appreciate your candor.
417
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:52,167
I don't usually say
things like that to guys.
418
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,667
I hope you don't mind.
419
00:17:53,701 --> 00:17:55,868
Well, I'll forgive you
if you'll forgive
420
00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:58,634
the cheer I'm about
to deafen you with.
421
00:18:00,667 --> 00:18:03,267
Have dinner with me
after the party.
422
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:04,767
At least.
423
00:18:04,801 --> 00:18:06,767
A brief dinner.
424
00:18:06,801 --> 00:18:09,033
( doorbell ringing )
425
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,901
Alex...
that guy is the same guy
426
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,501
I had the fight with in front of
the gallery the other night.
427
00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:24,767
Really? That's nice.
428
00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:25,934
In my cab.
429
00:18:25,968 --> 00:18:28,133
Elaine, please.
430
00:18:28,167 --> 00:18:31,334
He must be a friend
of Mrs. Hazeltine's.
431
00:18:31,367 --> 00:18:33,000
Oh, no. No.
432
00:18:33,033 --> 00:18:34,734
Elaine, I'd like you
433
00:18:34,767 --> 00:18:37,567
to meet my very dear friend,
James Broderick.
434
00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:39,133
How do you do?
435
00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:40,934
We've met.
436
00:18:40,968 --> 00:18:41,667
We have?
437
00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:43,067
Haven't we?
438
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,067
I'm sorry, I
don't place you.
439
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:46,367
Oh.
440
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,667
My mistake.
441
00:18:47,701 --> 00:18:48,934
Well, I'm so glad
that you've come.
442
00:18:48,968 --> 00:18:52,000
Would you help yourself
to some refreshments?
443
00:18:52,033 --> 00:18:53,234
Thank you.
444
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,434
He didn't recognize me.
445
00:18:56,467 --> 00:18:57,701
That's terrific.
446
00:18:57,734 --> 00:18:59,501
He looked right
into my face
447
00:18:59,534 --> 00:19:01,100
and there was
no sign of recognition.
448
00:19:01,133 --> 00:19:02,501
He didn't know me.
He didn't know me?
449
00:19:02,534 --> 00:19:04,734
Elaine, what
are you doing?
450
00:19:04,767 --> 00:19:06,100
I'll never
forget him. Never.
451
00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:07,601
I mean, we really had a fight.
452
00:19:07,634 --> 00:19:09,934
I can't believe
he looked through me like that.
453
00:19:09,968 --> 00:19:12,334
I was nothing to him,
just a faceless cab driver.
454
00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:13,467
Elaine, please.
455
00:19:13,501 --> 00:19:14,667
He needs a reminder.
456
00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:16,334
Elaine, now, a lot of people
aren't happy
457
00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:18,133
unless they screw things up
that are really going well.
458
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:19,868
Now, this is a very nice party.
459
00:19:19,901 --> 00:19:22,267
I mean, these people are
very important to you.
460
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:24,334
I'm even trying to enjoy myself.
461
00:19:24,367 --> 00:19:27,634
Elaine, why don't you
just forget it, hmm?
462
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,033
Elaine. Take a deep breath.
463
00:19:31,901 --> 00:19:33,100
Take a deeper one.
464
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:36,334
That's my girl.
465
00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:37,534
Thanks.
466
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:40,834
So you don't
remember me, huh?!
467
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,367
Sure, I do.
468
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,534
I just met you
30 seconds ago.
469
00:19:46,567 --> 00:19:49,367
I picked you up in my taxi
470
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,534
four nights ago
on Madison Avenue.
471
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:53,567
She's a taxi driver.
472
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:02,501
And you accused me
of trying
473
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,234
to cheat you on a fare.
474
00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:05,334
That was you?
475
00:20:05,367 --> 00:20:06,567
That was me.
476
00:20:06,601 --> 00:20:09,834
How can you yell into a face
for 15 minutes
477
00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:11,734
and then forget the face you
yelled into?
478
00:20:11,767 --> 00:20:13,367
Do you really mean it?
479
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,968
You're a cab driver?
480
00:20:15,033 --> 00:20:16,200
Yes, I am.
481
00:20:16,234 --> 00:20:18,567
I was right.
482
00:20:18,601 --> 00:20:21,868
I find that rather
hard to believe.
483
00:20:21,901 --> 00:20:23,501
Well, I am.
484
00:20:23,534 --> 00:20:25,234
Alex and I are
both cab drivers.
485
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:32,934
What do you do
for a living?
486
00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:34,200
Excuse me.
487
00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:41,267
Alex?
488
00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:43,200
Don't talk
to me, Elaine.
489
00:20:43,234 --> 00:20:46,534
You're going to stay here
till we're friends again.
490
00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:49,601
Then we'll both
grow old together.
491
00:20:49,634 --> 00:20:51,801
Well, if it means
anything to you
492
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:52,834
I just want you to know
493
00:20:52,868 --> 00:20:54,601
that I will always be grateful
that you taught me
494
00:20:54,634 --> 00:20:56,868
to simply tell the truth.
Elaine.
495
00:20:56,901 --> 00:20:59,267
I only wish the truth
worked for you too.
496
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:02,734
I'm not going
to talk to you about it.
497
00:21:02,767 --> 00:21:04,868
At least yell at me.
498
00:21:04,901 --> 00:21:06,834
That will make
you feel better.
499
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,801
You're not going
to talk about it.
500
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,200
Nope. I'm just
going to sit here
501
00:21:13,234 --> 00:21:14,934
and drink your champagne.
502
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,067
What I don't
understand is--
503
00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:25,167
what's the big deal
about it?
504
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,667
I'll tell you what's the big
deal about it.
505
00:21:26,701 --> 00:21:30,100
A man waits all his life
for a woman like that.
506
00:21:30,133 --> 00:21:32,000
What's so great about her?
507
00:21:32,033 --> 00:21:33,801
What's so great about her?
508
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:37,734
She's the kind of woman
only firefighters get.
509
00:21:37,767 --> 00:21:39,734
She just walks up to you
510
00:21:39,767 --> 00:21:42,934
looks you straight
in the eye and says--
511
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,334
"Do you mind
if I say something candid?
512
00:21:45,367 --> 00:21:46,934
"I find you
very attractive.
513
00:21:46,968 --> 00:21:49,334
"I don't usually
say things like that.
514
00:21:49,367 --> 00:21:52,267
I hope you don't mind."
515
00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:54,667
It sounded better
when she said it.
516
00:21:54,701 --> 00:21:56,701
It sounded like
once in a lifetime
517
00:21:56,734 --> 00:21:58,100
when she said it.
518
00:21:58,133 --> 00:22:01,267
It sounded terrible
when she stopped saying it.
519
00:22:01,300 --> 00:22:02,534
You know, I have a feeling
520
00:22:02,567 --> 00:22:04,534
you're gonna hear
from her again.
521
00:22:04,567 --> 00:22:08,267
Yeah, I could sort of tell
from the way she acted
towards the end.
522
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:12,133
She called me garbage.
523
00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:13,367
There you go.
524
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,434
Hey, you know how women
feel about garbage.
525
00:22:16,467 --> 00:22:17,834
Always wondering if what
526
00:22:17,868 --> 00:22:19,834
you've thrown out was important
527
00:22:19,868 --> 00:22:21,767
so you start digging through it
until you find it again.
528
00:22:21,801 --> 00:22:24,167
Elaine, don't try to make me
feel better, okay?
529
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,267
Let's just go back
to my sitting here
530
00:22:26,300 --> 00:22:28,534
and you looking at me...
feeling awful.
531
00:22:30,667 --> 00:22:35,901
She spit on my shoes.
532
00:22:35,934 --> 00:22:37,834
What I really feel bad about
533
00:22:37,868 --> 00:22:40,901
is how great everything
turned out for me...
534
00:22:40,934 --> 00:22:43,968
people admiring the way
I hold down two jobs
535
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,367
to support my family.
536
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,834
They're saying how great I am,
you know
537
00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:50,701
and how terrific
and open and honest I am
538
00:22:50,734 --> 00:22:52,767
for telling people
I'm a cab driver.
539
00:22:52,801 --> 00:22:55,834
Even that fare turned out
to be a great guy
540
00:22:55,868 --> 00:22:57,400
forcing that tip on me?
541
00:22:57,434 --> 00:23:00,033
This is going
to pay for the party.
542
00:23:00,067 --> 00:23:01,968
I'm leaving.
543
00:23:02,033 --> 00:23:03,400
Alex, please forgive me.
544
00:23:03,434 --> 00:23:07,701
I can't believe
you won't forgive me.
545
00:23:07,734 --> 00:23:09,734
I'll die if you don't
forgive me.
546
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:13,267
Oh, Alex.
547
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:15,300
You're maybe my best friend.
548
00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:23,234
I forgive you.
549
00:23:30,767 --> 00:23:31,934
You mean it?
550
00:23:31,968 --> 00:23:33,868
I don't know with
those wild stories
551
00:23:33,901 --> 00:23:35,868
you're telling,
you know?
552
00:23:35,901 --> 00:23:37,100
Yes, I mean it.
553
00:23:37,133 --> 00:23:39,501
From now on, I'm going
to have to go back
554
00:23:39,534 --> 00:23:41,734
to telling the truth,
only the truth.
555
00:23:43,601 --> 00:23:46,567
Thank you for inviting me
to your party, Elaine.
556
00:23:46,601 --> 00:23:47,801
I had a wonderful time.
557
00:23:57,634 --> 00:24:00,567
( theme music playing )
558
00:24:24,667 --> 00:24:26,434
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
559
00:24:26,467 --> 00:24:27,567
( grunts )
36068
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