Original subtitles

7:00. harry's marvelous, isn't he? Always bang on time - winter or summer.

Look at that. They sent ordinary milk again.

They know we always have gold top. Yeah, well, never mind.

Here we are, then. Milk,

butter, eggs.

Aye, aye. French bread.

Dodger. Dodger.

Hmm? Papers, dodger?

Oh. Ta. Ta.

close the window, mate. There's a bit of a george raft comin' in.

- I'm sorry, dodge. - One or two eggs, dodge?

Uh, no, thank you, jelly.

I feel a bit empty after that... trifle you knocked up last night.

- I told him to go easy on the sherry. - I'm sorry, dodger.

- It didn't look all that rich to me. - Now, now.

I see the bottom's dropped right out of colonial cocoa.

When you knock off any money, never put it on the stock exchange.

- I'll tell you that for nothing. - Don't you worry. I won't.

You do look a bit seedy this morning, dodge. Hmm?

What about a nice drop of brandy in your tea?

That's a very sound idea, lennie.

That's a very sound idea.

All right? Yeah. I like it.

Our first request comes from mrs. Price...

of coblars road, london, e.2.

That's my mum. Would you believe it?

Good morning, mrs. Price. Hope you're listening.

Mrs. Price wants me to play a record for her son, lennie,

isn't that nice of mum? His pals dodger and jelly and all his other friends.

They're all working hard in a hush-hush government establishment in the country.

So to lennie and his friends, here is his mother's choice-

"don't fence me in." Oh.

Said it right, didn't she? "Don't fence me in." yeah.

Very subtle sense of humor.

Hey, dodge, that's my mom's request.

- Throw it out. - Can we have it on again?

Do you mind? I've got a terrible head.

Please, dodger? No!

Don't argue, lennie.

Who is it? It's only me.

- Oh, come in, chief. It ain't locked. - Good morning, chief.

Good morning. I'm sorry to bother you lads while you're having your breakfast.

- That's all right, chief. Fancy a cuppa? - Oh, thanks very much.

- Not robbing you, am i? - No, mate.

What's ours is yours. You know that.

Mmm, that's good. You know, i always say...

this is the only place in the whole prison where you get a really decent cup of tea.

He's got a real three-star one there, hasn't he, lennie? Yeah.

Anything else we can do for you, chiefy?

Well, i just wondered if you'd mind...

popping down to the rock quarry-

well, a little later.

Do what? No, no, no. Don't get excited.

The governor wants a few nice, knobbly bits of stone for his rockery. That is all.

Oh. You had me worried for a minute.

I'll be off.

Here, chief. Do you mind putting strangeways out on your way down?

Oh, not at all. Come on, puss, puss, puss. Get him.

Come on, then, puss, puss. All right. Come on, then.

Oh, uh, by the way, you'd better get a move on.

Rehabilitation classes are starting bang on time today.

The old man's got another of his parties coming around.

That's nice, isn't it? Who is it this time?

Oh, the ladies' league of prison reform or something.

Come on, puss. You come along with me. There you are.

Isn't it marvelous? We can't wait to get out,

and the buck teeth and bloomers brigade can't wait to get in.

That's enough of that.

I'm so glad you let me bring the members of my committee to look over your prison, commander.

It's a pleasure, ma'am. From what we hear,

if only some of the other prison governors were as far-seeing and progressive as you are,

our work would hardly be necessary.

How kind of you to say so, ma'am.

When society overcrowds these lads three in a cell, that's not the end of it.

- I'm sure of that. - Can't leave them to rot. Teach them a trade.

Something honest they can turn their hands to when they get out.

But isn't there a shortage if instructors?

Never felt the need of them. I get my instructors from the prisoners themselves.

Oh, really? Yes, we've got all trades here.

You'd be amazed at how keen they are to help each other.

- And you find that works? - Judge for yourselves, ladies. You'll see in a minute.

Come in.

Rehabilitation class is ready for inspection, sir.

Ah, thank you, lane.

This is lane, one of my trustees.

- Good morning, lane. - Good morning, ladies.

There's not much goes on in here that you're not interested in, is there?

We take things as we find them. You know, sir?

Well, ladies, shall we see the gardens first?

Come this way. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

I've got the leaders' report for you, sir.

Just put them on my desk, lane.

Yes, sir.

Come on, me little darlin'.

Come on, then, me little darlin'.

Come on. Here. Governor.

Stand by your plants.

Very popular, these gardening activities.

We're hoping for great things at the county show.

Now i'd like to show you something of mine.

Oh! There's a prize winner, if ever i saw one!

Oh, i've never seen one so big.

Yes, i've brought this on myself.

You must be very proud.

Oh, indeed i am. Now, then-

look at those lovely blooms. Oh.

Ah, yes. Lane had the seeds sent in specially from abroad.

What a lovely smell. What are they?

These are "nicotina snoutus virginius," lady. What are flowers.

Smells very much like tobacco to me.

They whiff at night something lovely, they do.

Mind you, lady, we got so many niffs around here this joint,

you never know what you're smelling.

Come and have a niff at the governor's betty uprichard over here.

There's his second pride and joy. Oh, lovely!

Hand reared, as they say in the navy. Lovely, isn't it?

All right, lads. Now you've got it so far.

Right. Now i'll explain to you the details-

stand right. The governor's on his rounds.

Come on. Get a move on it, fellas.

Carry on with what you're doing, lads. Oh!

Here we are. A little more. Isn't it fascinating?

Aren't they sweet? Come over here.

Most interesting. Oh! What is that?

I'm so glad you're having cultural subjects...

as well as mere vocational training.

Oh, yes, indeed, madam. Man cannot live by bread alone.

Though we have our own bakery, of course.

- How splendid. - An appreciation of the arts-

hello, darlin'.

And crafts too. Take pottery, for example.

If you'll just come this way. Yes, splendid.

Pottery. Well, really. The governor's going too far.

Certainly.

Harold, whatever possessed you?

Three buttonholes in a two-button suit?

Oh, never mind. I'll cut out another coat.

Do you think we're made of money here? It's so lovely.

This is the tailoring department. Is it?

If i may be permitted the liberty, please step in.

Do you like the ensemble, sir? It's very nice.

- It's my going-home suit. - Yes, i'd forgotten.

You and your friends are due out pretty soon now, eh?

I wonder, sir, if i might be permitted to point out the salient features.

You'll notice here the hand basting on the lapel.

It's not generally known, but in the majority of the mass-produced suits,

the basting is all done with soap, which means if you're caught in the rain,

you'll come out in a lava.

Open up, lennie. No, the jacket, the jacket. Oh.

A touch of the terry thomas. You notice how it catches the light?

I wonder if i might detain you for one second?

I'm working under most derogatory conditions. Oh, yes.

I did ask for a tailor's outter. They sent me a welder. He seems very skilled.

It's all very well for the british motor corporation,

but it's no good for saville row.

As you can see, we have a very enthusiastic woodwork section too.

Oh. Cabinet making as well.

Yes, ma'am. Yes, of course.

Well, ms. Pringle, that will give you some idea of how we go about things.

Yes, i'm sure my colleagues would like to join me...

in congratulating you on your sterling work, commander.

Thank you, ladies.

One likes to think that one's seed has not fallen upon stoney ground.

I'm sure it never does that, commander,

judging by your enormous vegetable marrow.

Oh, my marrow. This way, ladies.

Thank you, lane. That will be all.

Now to the left.

All right, lads.

Now, then, lads, as i was about to say,

my own personal preference... is the hinge method.

Takes a little longer, but the results, they're infallible.

Now, then. You drill three lovely little holes by your edge.

Get your jelly, bang it in. Insert your detonators.

I trust you'll pardon the intrusion,

but did you say this method was infallible?

Infallible. Then might i inquire as to what you're doing in here?

How would you like a punch up the throat?

Ladies gone, sir? Yes, jenkins.

You're visitor has just arrived. I've shown him into the office.

Goodness, i didn't realize the time. Thank you.

Oh, jenkins? Send lane in to us, will you? Very good, sir.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Not at all. Admiring your flora. Good.

How do you do? Yes. Mr. Fowler, isn't it?

Let me take these. Thank you. Thank you.

Do sit down. How kind of you. Thank you very much.

Cigarette? Not for me, thank you. One of the temptations...

i'm able to resist, i'm glad to say.

Extraordinary thing. I seem to be getting through 50 a day.

You don't mind if i do? Thank you. Of course not.

Now, then. You say in your letter...

that we have some of your former parishioners in our care.

Lane and his friends. I'm afraid so.

Three from one parish. Not a happy situation for one in my walk of life.

But they're good lads at heart. Been cooperating splendidly.

I'm glad to hear that anyhow.

Mind you, the background they come from, governor.

I couldn't begin to describe it.

Please don't try. Well, i won't.

But mind you, there's no excuse.

Oh, certainly not. Crime is crime.

No, you misunderstand me. No excuse for you and me.

We've a duty to these unfortunate people.

It's up to us to extend a helping hand.

Padre, you're only echoing my own thoughts.

I'd hoped from my heart that that would be the case.

I've sent for lane. Perhaps you'd like a few minutes with him.

I'd be glad of it. Most kind of you, governor.

Come in.

Ah, lane.

Come along, lane. You know your vicar.

Yeah, i know him, sir. Yeah.

Don't be shy. Mr. Fowler's here to help you. Come on.

Merely to proper friendship and good counsel.

How are you, my son?

I'm not complaining, vicar.

I want you to listen very carefully to mr. Fowler's advice.

I can safely leave him with you, padre. Indeed.

Come along and sit down. Make yourselves at home. Thank you.

You have my chair, vicar. Thank you.

Lane, sit there. I'll come back in a few minutes and see how you're getting on.

Many thanks.

You smarmy, rat-faced, conniving, bleedin' sepulchre! Come, come, come.

Soapy stevens. Up to your old reverend lark again, i see.

I've a good mind to belt you all the way from here to wandsworth.

Please, don't let's discuss this matter in an ill-bred fashion.

Ill-bred fashion? You drop me and the boys on the pony, you talk about ill-bred?

Keep your thievin' hands off that. They're my perks. Listen to me.

We listened to you the last time and got stuck in here for three years...

while you've been outside living the life of reilly!

Father reilly, please. Now listen to me, dodger.

I'm onto a racing certainty. Like the last time, when you had the only alibi?

No, this is different. Can you three boys get out of here for the night...

and back again without anybody knowing?

I think you're going a bit soft in your old age.

What do you think we are, three houdinis?

Then you'd have the perfect alibi, wouldn't you? Don't you see?

What have you got cooking away in the disease-ridden bonce of yours?

Something quite sensational, my boy.

You crafty old fox.

I don't know.

Might be able to work out something.

- I thought you'd be interested. - Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I'd have to know a lot more about it first.

Of course you will. Of course you will.

I'll give you the drill.

So they give you the drill, do they, lane?

Very healthy. Good for the lungs.

Governor, you do look after them well.

Well, we do our best, padre. How's it going?

I think we made a good start, wouldn't you say so?

Good. I imagine your vicar's given you something to think about, eh?

He certainly has. Definitely. Good.

I'm quite sure when you get out of here,

he'll help you to find a good, worthwhile job.

I've just been trying to make that very point.

By the way, i would like to make another visit soon.

Directly i see how the land lies with regard to the...

employment, for want of a better word.

Yes, certainly. I'll say good-bye now. Thank you.

Lane, get the padre's hat. See him to the gate.

And my umbrella, if you'd be so kind.

Was you wearin' gloves, vicar?

Not this time.

Good-bye.

Where's this lot off to? Governor wants some stones for his rockery.

Don't overdo it, will you? No.

Here. Look who's over there with dodger.

Where? Over there!

Cor blimey. Shh! What's he doing here?

Hey, s- you!

What a nice surprise to see our vicar.

What's he doing here? Oh, yes. Yeah.

How are you gettin' on, your holiness? Very well, thank you very much.

Your mother sends her love to you.

Price and knight, you're looking very bonny. How do you do?

I've had a long talk to lane here about your future prospects.

I'll leave it to him to give you the good news.

I must get along. Mustn't interfere with the process of the law, must we?

Good-bye, gentlemen.

What's that all about? Tell you later.

I'll remember you all tonight, boys, in my prayers.

We'll be lucky if he remembers us after the second pint.

I don't go much on it. We had a basinful of soapy before.

My mum says three years of a life is enough to give any man.

That's what we done for soapy. We're not committed.

We'll be out of here in a few weeks. A bit of information might be useful.

I hope it's reliable information,

because the last time, he dropped us right in it.

And i'll tell you something else too-

good afternoon. Good afternoon, sir.

Ah, this is the size and the shape i'm after.

That be enough, sir, will it?

We're findin' this stone a bit difficult to work.

It's got all sort of, uh- bedded in and that.

Really? This will do to go up with. Yeah.

That's it, lads.

Nearly visiting hour anyway. Your mother's here, price. Lovely.

- Someone to see you too, lane. - Oh?

You don't seem very enthusiastic.

People come all this way to visit you and you simply don't seem to care.

Extraordinary.

Oh, giver over, ethyl. Titivating.

Gets on my nerves. You've been lookin' at yourself all the way down.

I don't want to lose my allure.

Never mind about you'll allure. That won't get you nowhere.

Be firm. That's what you've gotta remember with a man like dodger. I had to be firm...

with lennie's pa. No physical contact with the prisoners.

No passing of written messages, cigarettes or any other form of contraband. Right?

Yes. Yes. All right, then.

What's the matter with you?

Haven't you ever seen a home-perm kit before?

- Yes, i have. And you can leave it there. - You're welcome.

This way.

Just a moment.

Don't forget what i told you, darlin'. Make yourself felt.

But he said no physical contact. Ah, don't be silly.

Be firm. I will.

Hello, dodger. Hello, eth.

Looking forward to coming out? No.

I decided i'd like to stay here for the rest of my life.

I thought you didn't like it here.

Now, look, i'm going to come straight to the point.

I want the banns put up this sunday without fail...

so we can get tied up direct when you come out.

Here we go again. Well, the whole street's talking about it.

I mean to say, five years now you've been courting me.

And what have i got to show for it? Nothing.

You've been dead lucky, haven't you?

Anyway, i gave you a smashing engagement ring.

Yes, and i can only wear that in the house with the blinds drawn.

It's not good enough. Whose fault was it...

we didn't get married after that mail van job?

Not mine, i'm sure. No! No?

May i remind you that had you got to the church at the time specified,

you'd have arrived there before the police did,

thereby avoiding a nasty fracas with the law.

Language, please! Well! Well?

I can't understand you at all.

Me and your daddy's always tried to bring you up right.

But i don't know. The family honor don't seem to mean nothing to you.

I don't want to think you like doing time.

Three years you been in here now, and never once have you even tried to escape.

And don't lean your head against them walls!

You'll mark yourself for life! We'll be out anyway soon.

"We'll be out anyway soon." That's not quite the point.

Look at your daddy's record.

Four times over the wall at the moore alone.

And aunty emmy's bad leg never prevented her from shinning down the drainpipe...

at holloway, did it?

I'll try and do better next time, honest.

Yes, and so you'd better. I should think so.

Show a bit of enthusiasm.

Come on, darling. It's all right.

How old is he now, my love?

Eight months, dearest. Oh.

But i've been in here nearly two years.

Oh, yes, fred, but you sent me some lovely letters.

If that's the way you want it.

That's the way i want it. Dodger.

Well, time's up, ducky. All set?

I suppose so.

Well, um, good-bye, dodger dear. Good-bye, ethel dear.

Whoops. There it goes again. It keeps happening.

It's so embarrassing.

Excuse me.

no.

No. Hold it.

Turn the radio down a bit.

now, then.

Would you like a nightcap, chief? That's very kind of you.

Well, boys, it looks as if we'll all be leaving here together.

Oh, yeah? How's that? As you know, i was due to retire last year,

but they asked me to stay on for a bit.

Oh, thanks, jelly. It seems they've got someone to replace me now.

What are you gonna do with yourself?

Me and the missus have bought a little tobacco shop down at leigh-on-sea.

- Is it a lock-up? - no, we'll be living over it. Why?

Nothing. I just wondered. Good luck to you, chief.

Oh. Thank you, boys.

Yeah. Me and my ethel will be settling down one of these days.

Oh, yes? You've got a job lined up?

Nothing concrete. We've got a few friends outside trying to get things organized for us.

That's the idea. You know what they say, don't you?

Heaven helps those who are prepared to help themselves.

- Just what our vicar was saying, wasn't it? - Yeah, it was.

Yeah. Yeah.

Only me. Hello, padre.

How do you do? Visiting your boys regularly now?

Oh, yes, of course. Anytime now they'll be exposed to the old temptations.

Run along and tell lane i'd like to have a word with him.

There's a good fellow. I'll make my way to the governor's office.

Good morning, boys.

Good. That'll bring her color up nicely.

New duty roster, sir. Oh, right. I'll look it over in my office.

What do you think, jackson?

Coming along nicely, sir. Mmm.

Three minutes.

- Oh, hello, governor. Good morning. - Padre.

How are you? Very well, thank you. How are you?

I didn't realize you were coming. Perhaps i'm a bit early.

No, that's quite all right. Do sit down. Thank you very much.

I'm sorry. I thought you said you didn't smoke.

Did i? That was during lent.

Ah. I see.

Well, uh,

i guess i'll, um, leave you to it.

I'll, uh- i'll attend to my letters later.

Hmm.

Anything you want, just help yourself out.

I'll be with my marrow.

Mmm.

He's a ripe berk, isn't he?

Now, then, anything else you want to know?

Yeah. I wanna know if it's gonna work.

You know me. I know you, all right.

Which brings me to the all-important question.

How much is it worth? Oh, ho, ho. I thought you might ask that one.

One doesn't want to sell one's birthright for a mess of potage, does one?

Oh. It all depends on how big the mess is.

Well, naturally, estimates vary in these matters - a fraction one way or the other.

But in round figures, give or take a shilling here or there-

- quanta costa? - A couple of million nicker.

- How much? - You heard.

Two million quid?

One million quid? That's right.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. How could it be worth a million?

Don't you fellas ever read nothing in the newspapers barring the back page?

I'm referring to his highness the sultan of cooch bhowani.

Ain't that the bloke lestor piggott ride's for?

Where'd you read that? On the back page?

The important thing is that every now and again,

they bung this old geezer on the scales and weigh him.

- You mean like they do with the aga khan? - That's right.

If you fellas had read the papers, you would've noticed...

that it was this fella's diamond jubilee next month.

Then all these diamonds in this van belong to this fella, eh?

Right. Now, here's what they do.

They shove the sultan on one end of the scales,

and they shove all his lovely old diamonds up the other end.

Then they all get together and start havin' a weigh up.

How comes these diamonds get in england?

Safekeeping. This sultan's one of the only mates...

the british government have got left out there.

He can't trust all these other nig-nogs,

so he shoves his gear over here for safekeeping till he wants it.

Yeah, but we just can't go knock off a load of diamonds just like that.

Do you mind?

Providing we're out of here sharp by 11:00 on the 28th, we're laughin'.

We don't get out till the 29th.

So on the 28th, we're all safely locked up in here.

If you want a better alibi than that, i don't know.

That's the best, isn't it? Yeah.

All right? All right, then. Here's the drill. Yeah.

The army are escorting the van. He's got all of his diamonds in from london to portsmouth.

From portsmouth, a destroyer takes them all out east.

Between london and portsmouth... we nick 'em.

- Who's escorting the van? - The army.

If you think i'm gonna have a punch up with the army, you can count me out for one.

You ain't half a berk.

There's only a few of the army, and we ain't fightin' them.

This is marvelous, isn't it, jelly?

Dodge, when did you think of all this?

I don't know. While you were both kipping away there,

i lay awake thinking and planning.

Of course, we'll have to cut old soapy in.

- Eh? - Yeah.

He's handling the outside stuff until the night.

- Oh, no, not soapy. No. - That git? What's he ever done for us, except land us in here?

Why was that? 'cause last time, soapy was the only one who had an alibi.

This time, we've all got the alibi, and soapy's right in it.

How do you mean? It's standin' out a mile, isn't it?

If anyone's gonna get legged for this job, it's bound to be our vicar.

- Let him pray his way out of that one. - Very good.

Here, just a minute. Look, here's another thing. How do we get out of here?

You know when old jenkins comes around for his nightcap?

You slip him a cup of the old three-star cocoa.

He goes out like a light, and we ease him under the bed to cool off.

Wait a minute. Look, jenkins won't be here on the 28th.

That's all right. We'll straighten out whoever they send down.

Bound to be some real ripe old charlie.

Come on, you sniveling lot of layabouts!

Get weaving with those picks!

You're not sunbathing on the french riviera, are you, now?

Come on, hit it! Hit it!

Up, down!

Oh, don't strain yourself, now, will you?

Come on! What's the matter with you? Hit it!

Take that smile off your face. And you.

What's up with you, shorthouse? Please, sir.

I broke me hammer. Leaning on it, i suppose.

No, no - silence when you're talking to me!

Now listen. You go to the end of the line there,

you'll find a gentleman who'll give you a new one.

Come here!

Pick that up.

Ask him to give you another one- only bigger.

Go on! On the double!

Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!

Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! The governor wants to see you.

Right. Right. He's over there.

All right, you lot, keep at it!

You wanted to see me, sir? Good morning, crout.

I have to tell you that your application...

for the post of chief officer at huntleigh has been successful.

Congratulations. Thank you very much, sir.

I'm sure you'll carry on at huntleigh the good work you've done here.

Oh, yes, sir. I'll see to that, sir.

Thank you very much, sir.

for he's a jolly good fellow

and so say all of us

here, chief. Something to get your mouth around after coffee.

A nice cigar, that. Oh.

And now, as they say, time to cut the cake.

Yeah. Don't forget the wish.

This is all very touching, lads.

Seems a shame to spoil this cake.

- One of your mum's, lennie? - That's right, mr. Jenkins.

What's this?

I'm sorry about that, mr. Jenkins.

Sheer force of habit, i suppose.

You see, my mum, she-

don't let it upset you, lennie. We all know your mum.

Let's pass the cake around, shall we?

Sit down, chief.

I'd just like to say on behalf of the lads and myself...

that we wish you a long and happy retirement.

And, uh, as a token of our esteem-

lennie, um-

as a token of our esteem, we would like to present you with this little memento.

We're sorry you're comin' out before us. Ain't that right, lads?

- Yeah. - Sure you won't stay till the end of the month?

- Please, mr. Jenkins, eh? - Yeah, stay on, chief.

I'm afraid i can't, boys.

I don't know what to say.

It's things like this that make me real sorry i'm leaving.

And believe me, this will always be one of my most treasured possessions.

Well, i'm afraid i've gotta go.

I've got one or two things to do before i go. You understand.

Good-bye, dodger. Cheerio, chiefy.

Jelly. Good-bye, chief.

We're gonna miss you. So is strangeways here.

I don't know who's gonna take him for a walk when you've gone.

Would you mind on your way down? Oh, yes, of course.

Don't forget your cake, chief. Oh, thank you.

And your bonnet. Oh, yeah.

Thank you, boys. Right. Welcome.

Good-bye, chief. Good luck. Bye-bye.

Bye.

Nice old fellow, isn't he?

Come in.

Ah, jenkins.

You don't happen to have seen a gold watch, by any chance, have you?

A gold watch, sir?

Yes, a gold hunter and chain. I seem to have lost it.

I'm sure it was here yesterday.

This one, sir?

Yes! That's it.

Where did you find it?

One of the, uh, prisoners found it, sir, lying around somewhere.

He gave it to me a few minutes ago.

Did he, really? Well, there you are.

There's some good in all of them. That's what i've always said.

He could've just as easily hung on to it.

Sit down, jenkins.

You know, it's little things like this that must make you quite sorry...

that you're retiring from the service, eh, chief?

Yeah. Well, it comes from all of us again.

It appears your replacement arrives tomorrow.

- A fellow called crout from rockhampton. - Crout, sir?

Yes. Do you know him?

Oh, yes, sir, i know him.

And tell the lads i wish them all the very best of luck.

Oi, george. Shop.

You see, that's the trouble with them people-

hey, dodge, be a mate, will you? See who it is. I'm brewing up my tea.

Hang on, hang on!

You're in a bit of a hurry to get - blimey! Sauerkraut!

- What are you doing with these keys, lad? - I'm a trustee.

Trustee? I wouldn't trust you with your own grandma.

Where's the officer?

You, come here!

You must be the new chief. Anything wrong?

What's this prisoner doing with the keys to the main gate?

That's all right. Mr. Lane's a trustee. I gave them to him.

Mr. - Mr. Lane?

You take those, stay by the gate office until i tell you to leave.

I can see this place is due for a bit of a shakeup.

You, take me to the governor's office.

At the double. At the double!

Do yourself up!

Stand out of the way! Come on, get moving!

Right. I'll see you lot later.

A son and heir, eh, jones? Yes, sir.

That's splendid. What are you gonna call him?

Well, sir, with your permission, of course, me and the wife sort of felt...

if we could take the liberty of naming him after you, governor - horatio.

Oh, well, that's a very nice thought, jones.

Thank you. You tell your wife i'd be honored.

Thank you very much. Now, all being well,

your wife is due out of hospital on saturday.

- That's right. Yes, governor. - And you'd like to be home to welcome her, eh?

I would very much. Yes, sir, please. Yes.

Well, i think we can give you two days on parole. Thank you very much.

Back here in prison 8:00 sharp monday morning.

- Or they'll be picking you up. - Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Come in. That's all, jones.

Thank you, governor. Thank you, governor.

Chief officer sidney crout reporting for duty, sir.

Ah. Welcome to huntleigh, mr. Crout. Thank you, sir.

Sit down. Thank you, sir.

Did you have a good journey here? Not bad.

Good. I hope you're gonna enjoy being with us.

You know, i like to think of everyone here-

staff and prisoners- as a sort of family.

It's up to us to see that the men in our care have plenty to do.

Keep them out of mischief.

Jenkins, your predecessor,

was very successful in helping me with my rehabilitation courses.

We've organized fretwork classes, rug making,

book binding, basket weaving, pottery-

uh, excuse me, sir. I hope you don't mind me saying so,

but those are all indoor activities, aren't they?

I thought the men looked a little pale.

It might do them good to get them outside once in a while.

Outside? Cross-country runs, paper chases- things like that, eh? Good idea.

Of course, we've got our gardening class.

But i'm sure that anything else you think of in that direction would be very welcome.

Don't you worry, sir. I can think of plenty of things.

Look! How's that?

Very good. Very good. It's coming back.

Here. Guess who's taking jenkins's place? Sauerkraut from rockhampton.

Who's he? Hurry up and get this stuff out of the way.

Where's the cat? He's gone out for a walk.

What about the caper with soapy? Put the mockers on that.

We might've got in and out with old jenky, but this bleeder...

will have the place laced up tighter than a drum.

We'll have to scrap it. What's the matter with him?

He's just about the most twisted screw who ever crept down a prison corridor.

Yeah. Here. We'll have to hurry up.

I think he's on his way up. Come on.

I'll get the carpet up. Come on. Get this stuff out of the way.

Where should i put it? Under there. Under there.

Yeah, in there. In there.

All clear? All right.

Aye, aye. Here he comes.

All right. Line up.

Back out. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Well, now, this is about the nastiest little collection...

of villaineers i've seen in one cell for a long time.

Dodger lane, for a start.

By the way, whatever happened to that mate of yours?

The one who tried to flog a couple of aircraft carriers - soapy something or other.

What was it? Soapy stevens. I don't know nothing about that.

Shut up! I'm talking!

Here's another one- mr. Jelly knight.

Another old acquaintance never to be forgot.

Caught at the old safe-blowing lark again, i suppose, was you?

Oh, now, here's a nasty, evil, little face i've not met before.

Who's this? That's lennie the dip.

Pickpocket, are you? Come here.

I'll soon teach you to keep your thievin' little hands to yourself.

Get back!

You gentlemen have had it pretty cushy up to now, haven't you?

Fretwork classes, basket weaving.

That is not my idea of how to run a prison, is it, mr. Lane?

No, chief. No, chief!

Well, from now on, remember this:

It's my ideas that count.

Do you understand?

By the way, how long is it since you lot had a spell in the quarry? Quarry?

The quarry. Nobody works in the quarry.

It's been closed for years.

Has it really? Has it? Yeah.

Well, i'm personally inviting you...

to a grand reopening ceremony.

That would be nice, wouldn't it? Monday morning. 6:00!

Hey, what's that cat doing here?

It's a prison cat, sir. His name's strangeways.

I've seen some of its strange ways. Get him cleaned up and out of here.

Get it out of here!

6:00 in the quarry? The papers don't come till 7:00.

What are we gonna do? Yeah, what are we gonna do?

Don't panic! Just remember what the poet said:

"If you can keep your heads when all about you are doing their nuts,

you're a better man than i am, gunga din." who said that?

I did. Now belt up. I'm thinking.

Oh, yeah.

What's this, then?

Not enough rocks to go around?

Can't find any more, chief. Nobody's been down here lately. Oh.

Well, we'll have to do something about that, then, won't we?

- Do you know what this is, mr. Knight? - Oh, yes, sir. Dynamite.

Dynamite, yes, that's right. I thought you'd recognize it.

Let me see. Here. I think one will be sufficient.

Now, i want you to take this.

I want you to stick it in a crack in the rocks there somewhere.

Should bring down enough to keep you busy for the rest of the day.

Go on.

There's a ten-second fuse on that. Won't be much of a bang.

You two, come and stand around here, behind me.

All right. Light up, mr. Knight.

But chief- sorry.

I promised the judge i wouldn't muck about with explosives again.

- I mustn't do it. - No, he mustn't do it, chief.

He mustn't do it, chief.

"He musn't do it"?

Have out of it.

What's the matter with you lot, then? Afraid of a little bang?

Hello.

Where's the governor? He's-he's in his garden, chief.

Excuse me, sir.

Uh, mr. Crout, i hear we've reopened the quarry.

Yes, sir. I wish to report a little accident.

Not only in the quarry, mr. Crout.

What about this?

Oh. That's a pity.

- As i was saying, sir- - pity, mr. Crout.

Do you realize that tomorrow is the day of the huntleigh horticultural show?

Do you know that my marrow would have caused a sensation?

And through your crass, stupid idiocy, i shall have to withdrawal?

What the devil do you mean by it? Sir, we was at the quarry and-

i'm not listening to any excuses, mr. Crout.

In future, confine yourself to routine activities.

Excuse me, sir. I'm sor - that's all!

Yes, sir.

Oh, one moment, mr. Crout. Yes, sir?

I believe this is yours.

Basket weaving tomorrow, chief?

Basket weaving.

I'll get your baskets weaving, don't you worry.

I haven't finished with your lot yet.

Here you are, vicar. Thank you, my good ma-

you'll find the governor just over there.

What's that? Oh. Thank you.

I say, that's crout, isn't it? What's he doing here?

Just took over for jenkins. Cor blimey.

Lane, what beautiful flowers. You never told me you were gifted with green fingers.

Governor, i was just remarking on the sheer beauty of your flower garden.

Thank you, padre. We are rather proud of them. Yes.

What about your plans for lane and his friends? Progressing favorably.

I would like to have a word with the boys, if i might? Yes, by all means.

In the garden, if you like. How pleasant. It does do you credit.

I'm afraid i've suffered rather a sad loss.

Oh, i'm sorry. Yes. My marrow.

I beg your pardon. My marrow.

Oh. Do you know i watched it grow since it was that size?

Well, i suppose i'll have to fall back on my roses.

What happened to his - crout dropped a rock on it.

Here, i wanna talk to you in the greenhouse.

You realize we'll have to scrap the old setup now that crout's here?

What do you mean? We can't do that. Ethel's got all the griff.

Lennie's mother's learned her stuff by heart. It's all lined up and ready.

There's no way out of this place.

- No one ever dig a tunnel? - Fellow called hackett did once during the war.

- What happened to him? - God knows.

Don't stand there like an idiot. If you can't find one, dig one. Don't you call me an idiot.

Aye, aye. Screw's coming.

Two million quid, dodger. Two million quid.

Here, lennie? What?

You go to the pictures a lot? Not now, i don't.

No, not now, but when you did,

do you remember seeing a prisoner of war camp film called the wooden horse?

There was a lot of fellows there - all escaped from an exercise yard. Yeah.

Dug a hole under a wooden vaultin' horse.

So what? Who can we trust in the carpenters' shop?

How's it going, jelly?

- All right, dodger. - Right.

I'll hit you down the quarry. 6:00 and all's well.

Come on, lennie. You're slowing down.

It's going down my neck. Look at my hair - all dirty. Aw, shut up.

Come on, then. How much longer we gotta do this, dodge?

Not much longer. You'll get your truss over there.

What do you think this is, a holiday camp?

- Get that thing out of here. - Yes, sir.

Oh. Lennie? What?

Three knocks. Danger signal. Oh, right.

Dodger, stall them while we fill in, will you?

All right, lads. Pack it up.

You, you and you, ship that kid's play thing back where it belongs.

Uh, mr. Crout, sir? What is it?

Do you require us to move this wooden vaultin' horse? You heard me.

In other words, you've seen enough of us doin' our vaultin'? Correct.

Where would you require us to put it? Back where it came from.

Now get moving! All right.

I just dug all this out.

Right. Hup!

Left, right. Left, right. Left, right.

Hold it. Hold it. I can see we're gonna take all day with this.

Scrub that and put it over there. You lot, fall in over here.

Come on. Get your hands out of your pockets.

Get moving. What's the matter with you?

You're all slow this morning. Come on!

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

All right. Spread out. Spread out. Come on. Get a move on. Come on.

All right. Now we're really gonna have some p.t.

We're gonna have jumping up and down on the spot for a couple of hours.

So it's jumping up and down on the spot. After me.

Begin.

Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. Up, down.

Get your head up, lane. Get your head up.

Up! Up!

- Don't just stand there. Help me out. - Yes, sir.

So we've got a little mole amongst us, have we?

Lane! Come here!

You wouldn't know anything about that, i suppose? No, chief.

Come and have a look.

I should think it's worms, chief.

Worms?

Take that stupid grin off your face. Give me a box of matches.

Let's see what little worms are living at the bottom of this hole.

Where do you think you're going?

I thought you'd finished with me, chief.

Keep him jumping up and down till i get back.

Yes, sir. Right, lane. Start jumping.

Up, down! Up, down! Up! Up!

Up, down! Up, down! Up-

dodger, i never thought i'd sink this low.

There's one consolation.

You can't sink no lower.

We won't get out of here on the 28th at the rate we're going.

We'd need a miracle to get us out of here, i'll tell you that.

Dodger! Danger within.

- Danger within? - Yeah, that prisoner of war escape film.

Don't you remember? That fellow had a theory...

that all the drains led to the outside.

Good idea, isn't it?

It's a very good idea, jelly.

What's a good idea, eh? Shut up. He's on to something.

What's up down there. Shut up. Shut up.

With a million nicker at stake, it's worth a try, isn't it?

It certainly is worth a try. What's worth a try?

Lennie, you're the smallest.

I'm not. I'm as big as dodge. Look. You're the smallest.

- Get down here and see where them drains lead to. - I'm not going down there.

You must be potty if you think you're gonna get me down there.

Lennie. Lennie. Come here.

Have you forgotten what your mum said to you last visiting day? What?

About how you never try to break out like the rest of your relatives?

Have you forgotten that? Have you forgotten it? No.

Listen, you're doing this for your mum- for your mum-

and the honor of the price family, lennie.

Now get down there.

You never know. You might come up covered in glory.

All right, then.

In you go, then. Go on.

Where's lennie going? He's, uh,

trying to find out which way the drains go.

Come on, then. Push him. Come on.

There are no ghosts down there.

Here-

- how you doin'? - It's half dark down here.

I'm goin' around the corner now.

And then- i'm slipping!

Oh, dodger!

We should never have let him do it, not without a paddle.

At least no one can say we haven't tried. Yeah.

How did we get in here?

I was trying to tell you the other day. We was in that bank and-

will you kindly give strangeways some milk?

Strangeways isn't here anymore. Well, kindly don't give him some, then.

What i mean is, what brought us in through the gate? A black maria, wasn't it?

Exactly. And that's how we're gonna get out of here.

Where's my fag papers?

Get wilbur.

Come on, my little darlin'. Up you come.

We've got a little job for you, wilbur, my lad.

Now, then, where are you?

You haven't had many flying hours lately, have you?

He hasn't been out since we sent him home to my mum with them gift tokens.

That's right. That was christmas, wasn't it? Yeah.

A long time ago. Got him?

Here we are. Right.

He's getting a bit fat, isn't he?

Been giving him too many of them cornflakes of yours.

That goes in there. Say bye-bye, darlin'.

Farewell, wilbur, son.

Say bye-bye. Well, wilbur, good luck.

There we go. All right, all right. Don't panic. Don't panic.

Through there. That's it. Go on, now. Off you go.

Go on. Go on. Go on.

Hey, dodge, do you reckon he'll make it?

Make it? He'll walk it.

Oh, look who's here. It's wilbur.

What are you doing here, you naughty boy?

have you got something for me?

I believe you have.

Just a minute, now. Mommy open the door.

i say- i say- turn that damn thing off.

i say, wilbur's brought a message.

- What's that? - See? What did i tell you?

Good. On time too. Let's have a look at it. Poor little fella.

His ankles is all swelled. Listen to this.

Dodger thinks they can make it.

Heavens, he wants a black maria!

He must be barmy. He wants his head examined.

Where the hell does he think we can get one of those?

Wait a minute. I think i know. It'll cost us a bit.

Do you remember that film company buyer who got us that post office van?

I thought he was doing a stretch. No, no, no.

He's out now. I think i can find him. I'll get cracking.

Phase two ready, sir.

All right. Stand by, chaps. Stand by!

Stand by! Stand by! Stand by!

Come on, chaps! Stand by!

Stand by!

Stand by!

Right, right, right.

Lock up. Yes, sir.

Well, sergeant-major, that is stage one of operation treasure chest completed.

Yes, sir. Yes.

Close on me. Close on me.

Come on. Close on me.

That's the end of phase two.

You know your positions. Yes, sir.

All right. Ah.

Good evening, superintendent. Come to see how it should be done?

You know my views. One squad car and a motorcycle escort,

and we'd have this job done in half the time.

Ah. Lose half the diamonds too probably.

Fine old political stink there'd be about that.

Everything depends upon the safe delivery of these stones.

You do realize you'll block the portsmouth road for hours with this lot?

My dear man, we're not such fools as that.

We have our own special route known only to my officers and myself.

Ready to move, sir. Right.

Move. Yes, sir.

Move!

Move! Move!

Soapy, they're under starter's orders. Move!

Good. Good.

Start up.

Excuse me, sir. Are you preparing to use that firearm?

I'm about to signal an order. We're maintaining radio silence.

You'll wake up half of london at this rate.

I mustn't detain you. I expect there are plenty of cars parked where they shouldn't be.

Please stand clear, will you?

Column advance!

- Soapy, they're off. - Well done. See you later.

Never thought we'd ever use this again, did you?

Common break-in and exiting.

Right. All right.

Take that. Now then.

Right.

Now then. Right. Come on.

What's up with old crout creeping about? Can't he get his head down?

Hurry up.

Keys? Right. Yeah.

Come on, mate. Open up. Got half a dozen here for you.

For us? We're not expecting anybody.

Well, i got 'em here anyhow. Six of the best.

Anyway, you're a bit late, aren't you?

Late? Lucky to get here at all. Had a hell of a job finding the place.

Nice quiet little place you have here.

Ah, nothing ever happens here.

Seems to me, you don't want too much to happen in a place like this.

Anyway, what have you brought?

Nothing startling for you. Usual sort of collection.

Three loan-firm secretaries, a couple of bigamists, and a female impersonator...

to be delivered to hampton jail by order of the court of sessions.

Delivered where? Hampton jail.

Oh, you're miles out. This is huntleigh, not hampton.

No wonder we didn't know you were coming. Come on. Come on.

Are you sure? Am i sure?

All right, all right. What's going on here? Bit of a mix-up here, chief.

These prisoners should have been delivered to hampton.

What are you doing here, getting us up at night? Get them over there quick!

I've been driving all day. Can't i leave them here tonight and pick them up in the morning?

Don't push your luck, soapy.

Leave 'em here? Do you think this is a doss-house? Get that load out of here!

All right, chief. As you say. Get those gates open!

Hang on.

Haven't i seen you somewhere before?

I dare say you have, chief. I deliver all over the place.

Oh, dodger, darling, it's lovely to see you again.

There's a time and a place, you know. I've had the banns call twice.

I do hope everything goes all right.

Won't we have a lovely honeymoon?

Marvelous. You in holloway, him in dartmouth.

It's a bit more like it, isn't it? Yeah, mum.

Isn't it smashing? Yeah.

It's just like the old times when daddy and me would pull a stunt.

Oh, no. Here. Mum, don't cry.

Here, mum, blow that, eh? Come on, blow! Ha! Go on!

Silly boy. Go on! That's better.

How's it going, soapy?

Marvelous. We've got a good half-hour start on 'em.

Here we are. Come along. Come along, lennie.

There you are, boy. Down you go. Thank you.

Where do you want a traffic light, soapy? Ah. Wait a minute.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Hold that, ma'am. Here we are, dodger.

Just about here.

Right on schedule, chaps. End of phase three.

Now then, we strike off this road here...

and follow the route through these lanes as planned.

We hit portsmouth here.

We maintain radio silence unless anything vital crops up.

Any questions? No, sir.

Sounds very straightforward to me, sir. Right. Stand by to move off.

Stand by to move off, major.

Stand by! Stand by! Stand by!

Stand by! Stand by! Why don't you shut up down there?

There's people up here trying to sleep!

Stand by! Damn peasants.

Well, don't just sit there, man. Start up!

Keep it about a steady 15 miles an hour.

Well, don't look so miserable, man. You'll soon be home and dry.

I warned ya!

Advance.

Come on, ma'am. Hurry up with your cable.

Come on, soap. Get the other one.

Here. Plug it in, dodge. There.

Get to the other side of the embankment. You'll find the rest of the gear there.

Right.

All right, ethel, dear. Take her away.

All right, soapy. Good luck. Thank you.

What's the devil is this? Road up, sir.

Damn council. Always digging up something.

Ah. Here we go. Forward.

Van and rear end stopped by traffic light, sir. Eh?

Oh. All right. Well, we'll link up at the other end of this single-lane traffic nonsense-

the other side of the bridge.

What's the trouble, officer?

Hey! What's this? What's going on here?

Help! Help!

Let me out!

What's going on here? Major!

Help! Help!

Hello? Hello?

Sorry to bother you, sir. It appears we have a dislocated track rod, sir.

Yeah? Well, hurry and get the damn thing fixed. And don't let that van out of your sight.

Van, sir? It ought to be with you by now, sir.

With us?

What do you mean it ought to be with us?

Back! Back!

Back!

We done it. Worked like a charm, didn't it?

Like a charm. I'll really be laughing once we're back in the jug.

I'd like to see their faces. Wouldn't you, eh?

W-what do we do now, sir?

What do you think, ya fool? Fetch the police!

Dial 9-9-9!

Stand by! Stand by!

You can't keep 'em in the cell with you?

Who says we're gonna keep 'em in the cell with us?

Dodge, can i have these for studs?

Ooh. Look what she wants for studs.

Come on. Hand 'em over. Oh, dodge!

Come on. Hand 'em over. Later.

Here. None of that, girl. Lift up there.

Oh, look at that. That's stealing, you know. Blimey. Here.

We've got an hour. Keep behind the hedges and out of sight.

You all set? You know what to do? Yes. Come on.

Oh, dodger, luv.

Oh, no, eth, no. Later.

Go sleep in the car. I can't get my mind into it now.

All right! I suppose i shall have to get meself a do-it-yourself honeymoon kit!

Always griping, you are. Well!

Well.

I'm so glad you stopped. I don't seem to be sparking properly.

You don't? I better have a look at your distributor then. No.

Now then. I do hope it's not my big end.

Yes, blimey, that ought to do it.

Right. Try it now.

Oh, that's marvelous. Thanks very much.

Oh, it's a pleasure.

You can come and empty my dustbin anytime.

Dodger, are you sure that first stop is our chokey? Hmm?

Yeah, i double-checked. Every tuesday, thursday, huntleigh prison first call.

Second call? Yeah. I forgot about fred's caff.

Dodger, how do we know the governor won't open the safe before 10:00?

There's a bottle of scotch in there. He never drinks before opening time.

Are you sure? Listen, i've been his trustee for two years, haven't i?

God bless.

Oh? What are you doing, having a lie in?

Hop on out of them beds!

This comes as your last warning. Come on! Out of it!

Now that i'm out, you'll have to call me mister. I'll have less of your lip.

I know your type. Keep you in a minute too long and you might register n.p.

Don't you worry. I'm not dropping any clangers.

Immediately after breakfast, you will collect your city clothes...

and report for governor's interview!

"Report for governor's interview!"

Here. Give us a piggyback.

Cheerio, chap. I'll give your love to venice. Here. Dodger.

What? Do us a favor on the outside, will ya? Go see fred, my mate.

He lives at 7 sebastopol villas.

Give a knock on the door. Some old bird will come and let you in.

She'll tell you if he's there. If he's not, go down to the basement.

You'll see a geezer called nick the bubble. He'll tell you where-

i'm sorry. I've got a load on my mind. I'll never remember it all.

Somebody else. Don't worry about it.

I've got it all down on paper here.

You won't forget, will you? You think of everything.

Good luck to you. So long, lads, and good luck.

Here. Dodger. I'm a tuppence short.

Tuppence short? Yeah.

He's got 70,000 coming to him and he's worried about tuppence. Well, i mean-

why don't you take it up with the governor? Don't be like that.

You take it up with the governor. No, i'll leave it.

Can you forget about that for a minute? All right.

Remember all the act? As we rehearsed? Yeah, i've got it.

No faster, okay? Right.

Ah. There you are, you see? Come in.

Oh, lads, come on in. Ah.

And there he is. The padre has very kindly come to see you safely home.

Now, uh, you'll want your railway warrants, won't you? Let's see now.

Now then. Let's see here.

Ah, there we are.

Uh, have you got those books we mentioned, vicar?

Oh, yes, of course! Some books for your library from my parishioners.

- Oh, dear me. - Oh. How very kind of them.

Thank you very much. Wouldn't like to carry this all the way home again.

Perhaps you'd like to pile them down there, would you? Good idea. Yes, i will.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh! Grow bigger marrows, eh? Haven't seen that one before.

- Ah. - That's splendid. I think i shall keep that myself.

Well, padre, thank you very much. It's a pleasure.

Well, lads, you've paid your debt to society. Yes.

You can now consider yourselves free men.

But before you go-

aah! We're free!

Free! We're free! Aah!

We're free! What is the matter?

We're free, dodge! Mum! Mum, we're free! Yes, i know.

I'm coming home, mum! I'll be home for christmas and i want turkey!

Would you like to speak to the governor? We've gone free, dodger!

Yes, we're free. We'll be home for christmas. Mum, we're coming for christmas!

Mum, get cooking, will ya? Get that turkey on quick, mum!

All my loving! Hey, dodger, you can come. You can have a leg.

We're gonna have pudding. And you can have some turkey. Yeah, lovely, lovely.

Yeah, i'd like that. My mum's a smashing cook. We're free guys! Marvelous!

You saying "free" has mentally unhinged him.

Get some water, governor, would you? Poor lad. Poor lad.

Freedom's a heady wine, you know, governor.

Where am i? What happened? Soon you'll be with your mum.

The sooner we get him in the fresh air, the better.

A good idea. We'll put him in the front of the bus with the window open.

Uh, don't you think we better go in your car under circumstances?

Oh, no. The bus is better in every way, i assure you. Oh, yes.

Well, we better get started, you know. I'm meeting another welfare group on the 10:15.

I'm come along with you. Capital idea. Capital.

Yeah, i'll be all right now, governor. Come on, my boy.

Come on. Can you manage my case, knight?

Yeah, all right, vicar. Thank you.

Which way? Over here?

Here. What do you mean it's better to go by bus?

Don't be silly. There are roadblocks all over the place.

We'll never get through in my car. They won't stop the prison bus.

Not with him in it. Come on.

Yes. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.

You going to the station? I wanna pick up the rest of my luggage.

- Sorry, sir. I didn't know you was there. - It's all right.

If you must, you must. Thank you, sir.

Drive, driver.

Excuse me, sir. I didn't know you was on the bus. I was just gonna collect my cases.

That's all right, mr. Crout. Won't be a minute, sir.

All right. Ah, there you are, padre.

Thank you very much, governor. Very nearly forgot my umbrella. Come along.

Well, good-bye, mr. Crout.

You lot, you'll be back, don't you worry. And heaven help you when you are.

You ought to be careful who you're talking to, my good man.

You're a public servant.

I'll have you. I'll - shut up!

I'm talking.

Well, good-bye, knight. Good-bye, sir.

Good-bye, price. Don't let me see you again. Bye, sir.

Don't worry. No fear, sir. Good-bye.

Cheerio, governor. Good-bye, padre.

Good-bye. Thanks again for all you've done.

Don't mention it. If you'll excuse me, i'll see if my welfare group have arrived.

Good-bye, boys.

I have an idea crout had me rumbled.

I'll keep out of the way until the last moment. See you on the train.

Here, lennie. Cop one of these.

Soapy stevens. Soapy stevens!

I understand the governor is meeting us here...

and transport has been laid on to take us to the prison.

Gotcha! I thought i recognized you!

Up to your old larceny, eh? Good heavens, man!

What is the matter with you? Ha ha!

What on earth do you think you're doing, officer?

I beg your pardon, sir.

It wasn't me!

Where's soapy stevens? You're hiding him, aren't you? How dare you, sir!

Where is he? He's here! I know it!

We're not involved. I know he's here.

- I saw him come on the station. - Here! You oughta watch him!

He's always like that with clerical vicars! Yeah!

My dear, patterson, what on earth is going on?

Oh, thank goodness you are here, governor. This-this madman...

suddenly and violently assaulted me from behind.

What the devil you mean by, crout?

Sir, one of these men is an imposter, sir.

His name is soapy stevens. I remember him at parkhurst. He was a con man.

What are you talking about? He was a crook, sir!

They're all crooks, that's what it is. They're all crooks!

My dear patterson, what can i say?

I'm afraid this man has shown signs of this before.

Now, kindly go to the bus and leave me to deal with him.

Certainly, governor. Come along, gentlemen.

Look at that.

Well, mr. Crout?

I'll collect my luggage, sir.

I should. And, crout? Yes, sir?

Wouldn't it be better for all of us if you addressed it back to where it came from?

Cheerio, crouty!

So long, crouty! Arrividerci, crouty!

Right. Pull your hat up!

Bye now! Bye, crout! Yeah!

Porter! Porter! You, come here!

What's wrong with this part of the train?

Oh, god. Blimey.

No sign of him. No.

Dodger. Soapy's definitely not on the train. Yeah?

Well, he'll have to catch the next one, won't he?

Yeah.

Can i see your tickets, please?

It's the law. They're coming down the corridor asking questions.

Sit down, act natural. Eh?

They can't have tumbled. Unless they got soap.

Yeah, but even if they got old soapy, he'd never squeal.

Nah, of course he wouldn't.

No. Not old soapy, would he?

No. Soapy's all right, isn't he? Nah. Not soapy.

Yeah. Soapy's-

here. Hop on the roof, lennie.

With this train moving? Are you mad? Hop on the roof, lennie.

We'll why don't you go? Get off, you! It's always me, isn't it?

I always gotta bloody do it!

Dodge!

You all right? Yeah.

Come on, then.

Lennie! What?

Stay up there and relax till i give you the office. Relax?

Excuse me, gentlemen. May i ask if you are bound for london?

Yeah. That's right. Yeah, yeah.

"Travel warrant, huntleigh prison."

10:00 a.m. This morning.

Well, that certainly lets them out.

Well, i must say, you've, uh, you've got the perfect alibi.

Yeah. That's what we got, all right.

Perfect.

- Hup. I got you. - oi, lennie! - What?

- It's all right to come down now! - Have they gone?

- Give us the bag down first. - Hang on then.

It's all yours, dodge!

Jelly!

That wasn't the mail train, was it, george?

No, it wasn't.

Blimey. What are we gonna do now, dodger?

Change at clapham junction.

And now the ancient and sacred ceremony...

of weighing his sublime highness...

against precious stones of great worth.

My lord treasurer.