Original subtitles

Yes yes yes yes.

Yes yes yes.

Incoming.

This thing's loaded.

Great, thanks.

I really appreciate this, Harry.

Not the usual response you get

for handing over a dirty diaper.

No, for watching Charlie while I

go on a date with Kyle's dad...

I mean Bruce.

And ah, for not letting it get weird between us.

Weird?

I'm just your formerly anonymous

sperm donor, who's platonically

helping you raise our son.

What's weird about that?

[cell phone beeps]

That's Bruce.

I gotta go.

I'll miss you.

I'll miss you too.

That was my Charlie voice.

I'll miss you too.

Bye, you two!

[♪ ♪]

Maybe it's getting a little weird.

Hey, don't say anything okay.

You hear me?

[♪ ♪]

- synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -

You're not going to eat with us?

I'll pick something up at work.

Oh, and I won't be home until late,

I've got a lot going on with a case...

You're going to see Harry again, right?

Yes.

That's the fourth time this week.

You see more of him than Anastasia does.

Well Harry needs me, okay.

He's got a crush on Rose, and now she's

seeing someone else.

Well, you tell Harry that he's ignoring his daughter.

Ignoring MY daughter.

Yes, you're ignoring her too.

I'm okay with Dad hanging with Harry.

Sweetheart, if you don't mind

I'll do the speaking for you.

[crash sound from the floor]

Is that season four of 'Justified'?

I thought we were watching that.

Harry and I kind of got into it.

Boy, that guy can binge.

Bye.

That is weird.

Thank you.

Who watches DVDs anymore?

Look, you're obviously missing Dad,

just tell him to stop hanging with Harry.

Sweetheart, I am not

one of those women.

'Those' women?

Ya, you know.

A harpy.

A shrew.

Are those real words?

Ugh, why do we send you to that private school?

So you can tell your friends that you can

afford to send me to private school?

A shrew is a woman who constantly bosses

her husband around.

Oh, like a harridan.

Yes.

Anyway, your father will spend time with me

because he wants to, not because I tell him to.

When you're older, you will understand.

Doubt it.

I don't plan on being a battle-axe,

or a carper, or a nag,

a harpy, a hen-pecker...

Hey Mom.

So did you get a good part?

You promised you wouldn't make a

big deal out of this.

I won't.

So what part did you get?

I'm a tree.

A tree.

Really?

Yeah.

And I have lines.

Two of them.

I get to say 'Hey' and 'ouch'.

Those are words, sweetie, not lines.

That's great.

Both of us are really happy for you.

Right Mommy Zoey?

Yeah...

Can you help me learn them?

Sure.

Hey!

What?

I was doing my first line.

Oh, I couldn't tell.

Ouch.

Oh, no, I didn't mean you did it badly.

That was my second line.

Ouch.

See?

He is so talented, and they only give him...

Zoey, please do not get involved,

or complain to the director about Billy's part.

It doesn't matter how many lines he has.

I won't say a word.

Or two.

Okay.

Alright, so, let's run those lines.

Hey, ouch.

Good job.

[♪ ♪]

There you go.

We should do something sometime.

Something like me?

I would love to, but we have a strict

no dating the customer rule.

Sorry.

What the hell?

Oh, right, you wanted me to push the lunch special.

I completely forgot.

The lunch special?

You can totally date customers.

That's the best part of working at a bar.

Why else serve desperate people?

Look, I'm just completely worn out

from all the crazy sex I had last night, okay.

And I would have been all over her except

I have another date tonight with a

different lady friend.

Tonight.

What?

I thought I was coming over to watch Justified.

We're already up to episode eight

and half the special features,

we can't quit now.

What's wrong with you?

Why would you lie about having crazy sex?

Don't distract me.

I'm supposed to be working, Irene.

Harry likes Rose but can't admit it

because he thinks it's not gonna work out.

But don't tell anyone...

You're hung up on Rose?

Rose?

Oh, yeah, right, the mother of my child.

Nope; we're just friends.

Ow!

Can't you keep a secret?

You're like movie Alfred telling everybody

about the Batcave.

What?

In the movie, Alfred can't shut up about it.

Every person Alfred meets he

blabs about the batcave.

I like that Alfred tells everyone about the Batcave.

Seems more honest.

Just don't tell anyone else, okay?

Of course not.

I told Janet.

[♪ ♪]

Hi.

I'm Zoey Krasnoff.

Are you the director of the play?

Or are you in the play?

Susan Bechdel.

I'm the second grade teacher and yup,

I'm the play's director.

Are you one of Billy's mothers?

Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about

the play and Billy...

Oh great, another Mom

complaining about the size of her kid's part.

No, no, not at all.

I'm not one of those women.

Some parents, hey?

They're unbelievable.

Did you know that the school didn't even

have a director, but I just got out

of this long term relationship

and I thought it would be a distraction.

Ugh, I'm yammering.

So, what did you need to talk to me about?

Oh.

I wanted to let you know that

sometimes Harry, Billy's biological

and single Dad might be picking him up.

Oh, Harry.

I've seem him picking up Billy.

He's cute.

A guy like that could talk me into anything.

Like, anything.

You know, I could introduce you guys?

Oh well, we have a very strict

'no dating the parents' policy.

Harry's just a sperm donor.

Aren't they all.

No, he was supposed to be our anonymous sperm donor.

So technically he's not a "parent."

That said, I think he'd be upset

that Billy only has two words,

lines in the school play.

He's really been encouraging Billy to get into acting.

Maybe I could find a bigger part for Billy.

Do you think Harry'd go for someone like me?

Honestly, I'm just looking for a meaningless fling.

Yeah, I think he could be talked into that.

Okay, Charlie should be down for the night.

I'll be back from my date around eleven.

Do you think Bruce'll like this dress?

Uh, yeah, it's amaz...

Uh, it's fine.

I mean, ehh.

What's wrong with it?

It's a bit um...

Hey, how about those overalls you bought?

The ones I painted Charlie's room in?

Guys love overalls.

Hey Zoey.

Harry, I...

Zoey, hi, it's Rose.

Um, tell me this.

Would you ever wear overalls on a date?

If I was going to a lesbian barn dance.

Exactly!

Hey.

Would you mind getting Billy from

his rehearsal tomorrow?

Sure.

Oh and, don't ask me why I know this,

but the director, Susan?

She might think you're hot.

So you should wear that blue shirt.

The one that makes you look like a black-haired

Daniel Craig.

And if she happens to ask you out for a

meaningless fling, I'm completely okay

if you go for it.

Okay?

Rose.

You look great.

Thanks, Harry.

Hello? Harry? Harry!

[school bell]

Hey buddy.

Hey, I'm preparing for my role by

hanging out with a tree in our yard.

I want to fully understand its bark,

its branches and its leaves.

I respect your process.

Thanks.

He's a very believable tree, Harry.

Oh, hey.

You know my name?

Of course.

I know all about you.

I'm Ms. Bechdel, Susan.

Would you like to get together sometime, Harry?

You know, I would love to,

but I probably shouldn't date a teacher.

It's a conflict of interest.

But thank you.

So much.

Of course.

It's not a problem.

That's great.

Super.

Thanks anyway.

It's cool.

Kids before you go, I have an

announcement to make.

What are you doing here?

Billy's behind me.

I swear real trees walk faster.

Why did you pick Billy up from school?

No reason.

Glad he did though.

Bye Harry...

So hold on, about dating

Billy's director, here's what happened.

What?

You know we don't like it when

you get involved with

Billy's teachers, babysitters,

bus drivers, camp councilors...

I know... ugh, I still owe her a kayak.

You will not date her.

Agreed, I turned her down.

What?

Is she not good enough for you?

She's cute.

And she's into something meaningless-

You asked Harry to date her?

Um, I did, sort of.

But no harm done.

Well, the thing is, a little harm

may have been done.

See, after I turned her down...

Ms. Bechdel cancelled the school play.

Now I'll never say "hey" or "ouch" again.

Hey...

Ouch.

He's just been lying there for hours.

He won't even take his costume off.

I just asked Harry to have

sex with the director

so that she would give Billy a better part.

That's how showbiz works.

How was I supposed to know she'd be so temperamental?

Cause that's how showbiz works.

Alright, sweetie, you gotta say something.

You can't just lay there like a log.

See?

I was born for this role.

You going to Harry's tonight?

Yeah, poor guy needs me.

Again?

And you're okay with it, Mom?

Of course.

I don't need to control your father,

or nag him.

I'm sure he's able to balance his time between

our family and the guy we chose

as our anonymous sperm donor.

Absolutely.

Oh by the way I won't be home until late.

But my absence will be Justified.

You know, I think it's

great how you empathize with Harry,

I really do, but you know

you are enabling him.

He's going through a lot and you're

not helping.

Anastasia what do you think?

Don't bring her into this.

I agree with Mom.

Ana's point of view should be considered.

Hmmm.

So, you'll be home right after

work tonight?

No, after what you just said,

I don't think Harry should be alone.

Can't you just tell Dad how you feel?

That's not how marriage works.

You need to go out with the director of Billy's play.

For real?

Usually you're dead set against this stuff.

For real.

For Billy.

So he can be a tree.

The problem is, I'm seeing a lot

of women right now so I can't squeeze her in.

Janet?

Harry.

Michelle.

Janet.

Michelle.

Harry I just happened to be

in the neighbourhood,

but while I'm here, I had a thought,

just right out of the blue and

I wondered if I might have a word.

Can it wait?

I'm trying to get Harry to date a teacher in Billy's school.

Oh.

I'm sure you'd disapprove.

On the contrary.

I whole heartedly approve.

You do?

I can't go into the psychological reasons for it.

I don't have the time.

But Harry should definitely ask

this woman out, and have consensual sex with her.

Thank you for specifying.

But I can't cause I'm dating too many people right now.

He's lying.

Harry actually is spending

most of his free time with my husband.

You're pretending to be a man-slut?

Man-slut?

That's a little redundant.

'Man' covers it.

I just don't want to hook up with Billy's hot,

available teacher, okay?

Susan is not one of Billy's teachers.

She's the director of the play he's in.

Or was in.

And thanks to Harry, the play's been canceled.

This is my fault?

Clearly this woman has self-esteem issues and

the sooner you go out with her the better.

And this will help you get over Rose.

Rose?

Harry has feelings for Rose but he knows

that it can't go anywhere because he's incapable

of relationships.

Don't tell anyone.

Janet!

That's not true, Michelle.

Okay, well if you're not going to

do it for yourself, at least have sex

with this woman to help Jonathan.

Billy.

Billy.

Right.

What did I say?

Okay, so you both think I should sleep with a woman,

who teaches at Billy's school, in order to manipulate her,

even though we all know I have no intention

of having a relationship?

Uh-huh.

Immediately.

Yeah.

It's sex.

Your favorite.

[♪ ♪]

Jonathan?

I wanted to let you know.

Harry's a nice guy.

Okay.

And Harry shouldn't be alone.

I mean, I like him a lot,

but I can't be his partner,

because I have a wife

Makes sense.

But you don't.

Have a wife.

Also true.

I don't want to interfere, but when two people

care about each other, they should be honest

with each other.

[cell phone rings]

That's Janet.

I don't want her to know I'm here.

Where were we?

You were talking about being honest with

the people you care for.

And Harry is not being honest with you.

He likes you, Rose.

Harry?

No way.

He's just looking for meaningless flings.

He's dating a new woman every night.

He's not.

He's just saying that so it seems like he

doesn't like you.

Harry doesn't "like" me.

No.

No?

No!?

Does he?

Does Batman have a bat cave?

He does.

He totally does.

[♪ ♪]

Harry doesn't like me.

I mean...

even if he's "changed" and he's "dateable,"

I'm seeing someone.

You've had two dates.

Pfft. nothing.

Okay, also there's...

If Harry and I date and we break up,

we'll never want to be in

the same room again and that would make

raising a baby super difficult.

I'm sure that would never happen.

All my relationships end badly.

Very badly.

Give me your phone, I'll show you.

Here, talk, it's on speaker.

Okay...

Hello.

Hello.

Who is this?

I'm calling about Rose Mabely.

Rose Mabely?

Did something bad happen to her?

No no no she's fine.

Are you an ex-boyfriend of hers?

Do yourself a favor, pal.

Stay away from her.

She's the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Burn in hell Rose Mabely!

See?

Rose is that you?

I miss you so much.

Give me another chance.

I can't have a relationship with Harry.

It'll end badly, and we have a child to raise.

I still think you should give Harry a chance.

[phone buzzes]

Oh, it's your ex.

Sorry.

He'll give up in a few days.

[♪ ♪]

So I'm really glad this could work out.

I was in a long-term relationship.

I just want to have some fun.

Maybe experiment.

Experiment, like how?

Like have you ever been with two women at the same time?

Forget it.

Never mind.

Okay, you know, at any other point

this would be the perfect situation...

[cell phone buzzes]

Sorry, I better take this.

Janet is everything okay?

Put Jonathan on.

I'm on a date.

With Jonathan?

No, now what's the problem?

Oh, no.

Everything's fine.

How is the date going?

It's going fine.

Fine?

What, are you even trying?

Or is that part of your plan?

Just make a half-hearted

attempt and then go back to

wallowing in self-pity and dragging

my husband into it?

Wallowing?

Okay, I'm going to let you go.

Okay no wait!

Are you even on a date?

I don't believe you.

She doesn't believe I'm on a date.

Put her on speaker.

Okay look, just stay away from my husband.

You're her husband?

God, no no no.

She wants me to stay away from her husband.

You're on speaker with my date, Susan.

Hi Susan.

How's everything going?

Harry's not just going through the motions?

I hope not.

Oh good.

And Harry have you asked

Susan back to your place?

It's a first date.

Not yet.

Please, Harry.

Your first dates start without clothes.

Look, this was a very important first step

that you're taking, towards moving forward.

You need to embrace it.

What am I in the middle of?

Nothing.

Well then if it's nothing, then ask her back to your place.

That's a great idea.

We just met.

That's it.

Just tell me where you are.

I'm coming over.

No no no, we'll go back to my place.

That's great; let's go!

Fantastic.

Good job Mom and don't worry,

that didn't come off as shrewish at all.

[♪ ♪]

Harry.

Yeah?

I just want someone to use me.

As their toy.

Really catching me at a bad time here.

When you invited me over here,

I called my friend.

I thought three would be more fun.

I just, I want this to be crazy.

I want regrets.

[knocking on the door]

That was quick.

Okay, you know what, you win.

I'll have meaningless sex with you and your friend.

Really, no strings?

Unless you want to tie us up.

Oh boy.

Rose is your friend?!

No.

What are you doing here?

What's wrong?

Where's Charlie?

With Jonathan.

I just came cause...

nevermind.

I'm Rose, one of the mothers

of Harry's many kids.

We're not at all together so.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Susan.

And we're not dating.

We're not serious.

We were just having fun.

Of course you are.

Yeah!

No, no no, it's not like that.

Zoey, Michelle, and Janet made me do this.

They wanted me to go out with her to help Billy.

What?

You're using me to help Billy?

You wanted me to use you.

Yeah, for sex!

Not to make some kid happy!

Gawd!

I should leave too.

I'm just going to give her a minute

so we're not sharing an elevator.

Yeah.

Are you mad at me?

For what?

Living your life?

You should totally be hooking up with

wild children's theater directors.

And you should totally be dating wild...

fathers of Kyle.

He's a good guy.

A great guy.

And handsome.

Ehh...

Look, and if you didn't want to be with him,

and wanted to be with someone else you'd say that.

Right?

Absolutely.

I'm glad we're clear.

It's not good for Charlie when we're angry.

And we are good parents.

We are great parents.

Let's keep it that way.

Agreed.

So we're okay?

Yeah.

Good.

See, I told you it wouldn't get weird.

Hi I'm Shelley, Susan's friend.

Are there four of us now?

Maybe a little weird.

Okay kids, listen up.

Ms. Bechdel has decided to not continue on

with the play, but good news,

I will be your volunteer director,

and yes I'm Billy's Mom.

Hey not fair!

You're going to treat him differently.

No I won't.

He's going to be a tree like he was before.

I want to be the tree.

Hey, but I'm the tree.

Maybe she could be a tree too and you could

give her one of your words.

Lines.

Can I be a tree too?

Oh, I should take this.

Rose really put him through the wringer.

Okay, that's it.

You need to spend less time with Harry.

Much less.

Harry?

No this is one of Rose's ex-boyfriends.

He really needs a shoulder to cry on.

Aren't you supposed to hang out at

Bruce's tonight?

Mm-hm, just one more episode.

Charlie loves Justified.

You're letting Charlie watch it?

Oh, I shouldn't be right?

No, he's seen this one already.

We're good parents?

Yeah.

Right! Right!

Who's that?

- synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -