Original subtitles

- I had him. - So let's make him suffer.

Please keep your seatbelts fastened.

We're running into some minor turbulence.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Vampire coming up.

Where is she?

I haven't seen her.

I'm gonna break out of these,

- and then I'm gonna kill you. - Aah!

This is between me and you! Not him!

What do you do now?

Whatever the hell I want.

Can I come?

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Need to get to the Lost Apostle.

Driver's license and c-c-credit card, please.

The Lost Ap-postle, eh? Amazing place.

Th-Th-This'll just take a jiff.

Came up with the Bionic Ear here, you know?

What?

Uh, the, uh, uh, Bionic Ear.

This is where they invented it... in Melbourne.

Bit of trivia. Free of charge.

Ha.

Problem?

S-S-S-S-Sorry, sir.

It, uh, seems we don't have, uh, any cars available.

What about those?

Well, uh...

th-th-they're reserved for M-M-M-M-M-M-Moth...

Mother's Day.

Whatever it says there on that screen of yours about me...

wanted murderer, armed and dangerous... it's a lie.

I'm not armed,

but I do have the power to make people do as I say.

Laugh. Cry. Kill.

Anything.

One time, in Texas, I made a cop mace his own balls.

But I don't want to do that here... Jaxon.

See, people been gettin' hurt.

I gotta cut back on usin' it.

Problem is, if I don't get to where I need to go,

pretty sure the whole world is gonna end,

and everyone's gonna die.

So I'll leave that with you.

I'm askin' you to rent me,

of your own free will, a rental car.

Thank you.

Jaxon...

...you don't stutter.

Thank you.

And in other news,

authorities continue an international manhunt

for the preacher behind the pervert rampage.

There's still no word on the whereabouts

of the missing New Zealand Deputy Prime Minister.

Sources say...

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Eugene.

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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --

Eugene can take care of himself.

If The Saint wanted him dead, he'd be dead, right?

Right.

Eugene.

♪ I suppose ♪

♪ She'll come my way ♪

♪ I want her to love me ♪

♪ Until her dying day ♪

♪ I want her to ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ I want her to ♪

♪ Love me ♪

...The bloody ponce was turning 'em into vampires

and just killin'.

Also, he could turn himself into a cat,

flittin' about in the sky like some kind of sexy pirate.

Dick. What'd ya do?

I turned the rest of his followers, then they ate him.

- Nice. - Uh-huh.

I mean, Christ, it doesn't compare

to fightin' all the Nazis on a bus ride to Hell, but...

Eh...

...kept me fit.

Mm. Right there.

What happened to your hair?

Hurtful. Hurtful.

It's good to see ya.

And you, Cass.

Sláinte mhath.

Yeah, that.

♪ I feel like... ♪

Effendi.

Oh, yeah. Need a shit, shower, shave.

Oh, a-and a phone.

In back room.

Gotta call a, uh, certain lady.

- Oh. - Hmm.

♪ I feel like... ♪

Jesus Christ, huh?

I know, right?

Guy's a bloody handsome devil.

I guess.

So, speakin' of handsome devils...

Did you tell him we slept together?

Did you tell him we had sex?

I'm not mad. Just tell me.

Did you?

Yeah.

- Nissa, look. - What?

Bad news.

The search continues for the man who police say

brutally murdered a group of innocent sex tourists

here in the Middle East.

The manhunt grows as the Holy Man

turned pervert-hating killing machine

was reportedly last spotted in Australia.

Room service.

Good morning, Jesus.

Your breakfast is here.

Oh!

Oh, Jesus.

Due to my negligence, Tulip O'Hare and Cassidy

have escaped Masada, as has our political prisoner.

I've also failed in my duty to track down and locate

the Holy Child.

For these reasons...

...I'm ready to die.

I'm ready, too.

Mm?

Gone? Where?

Did you check the leper lab or the pediatric-cancer wing?

He loves those sorts of...

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Proceed.

Hmm.

Mm.

You have no authority.

Don't you dare.

Or what? You'll get your brains on me?

Or I'll get your brains on you.

I'll take my chances.

Idiot.

Problem, sir?

They can't find Jesus.

Sir, please, I think I've earned the right

to be executed by you and you alone.

Uh, how can I get anything done when the phone won't stop?

You've earned the right to drop dead

and get rolled into a tarp, Flufferman.

That's what you've earned.

What?! How dare he?

Where the hell is Hitler?

So close, mein Frau.

So close.

- Ah, Herr Starr. What an... - Aah!

Ugh!

Do you know what's at stake, what I've been promised?

The apocalypse is going to happen,

and no teeny, tiny tin-pot is going to get in my way!

While I'm here, the Messiah.

Now that you've laid eyes on him,

how did he seem to you?

Fantastisch, mein Allfather.

Congratulations.

F-Finally, a Messiah we can believe in.

Hmm.

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'Cause he knows if he doesn't, I'll hurt you.

Move it out!

Coming in now.

Quiet.

Listen up.

Let's go.

Hunted down like a dog over an orgy murder.

I mean, this is why we need to stick together, isn't it?

Mm.

You know, it's all my fault.

It's not Jesse.

He turned up like a good friend should.

♪ And I been thinkin' ♪

He said, "Look, I know we've had our differences,

you and I, but that doesn't matter right now

on account of you getting repeatedly foreskinned

by a meat-handed Italian man.

Christ, he was there to stop it. He'd come to help.

And do you know what I said to that?

Do you know what my stupid, selfish response was?

- "I'd rather be circumcised." - That's right.

Which means I got a lot of work to do to make it up to him now.

So maybe goin' down to Australia to rescue him

from whatever godforsaken mess he's got himself into

seems like a pretty good start, doesn't it, you know?

All right, so go on. Let's hit the road.

♪ One more drink ♪

- Go and get our boy. - No, thank you.

What'd you mean by that?

It means I ain't goin'.

You don't really mean that.

Gotta fix the car.

Dust in the carburetor.

Then we're takin' off.

Tak... takin' off w-with Jesus Christ?

Mm-hmm.

He wants to see Las Vegas.

I think he's...

I don't know what to think.

All right, but you can't just leave.

Shouldn't we stick together?

Come with.

Out on the road with a lonely, handsome Jesus?

Could be fun.

Think about it.

I don't want to.

Let's go!

Nice car.

'72 Chevelle SS.

Crate 350 with a cowl-induction hood

and 4-11 gears.

Flowmaster and TA tires.

And all mine.

Yeah.

You sure about this?

Takin' off?

Of course.

Don't you got stuff to do,

like walkin' on water, turnin' it into wine?

I don't know.

Oh, most of that's pretty much just metaphor.

Oh.

'Cause there's no changin' your mind once we hit the road.

We're committed.

Well, there is this conference

I'm supposed to be helping out with, but...

No.

I was born a man without obligations.

Walking the Earth, being with people,

I think that's all the stuff I need to do.

I like that.

'Cause we're gonna walk some serious Earth.

The unredeemed one, will he be joining us?

Cass?

He's thinkin' 'bout it.

Sex, sex, sex.

Those juicy flanks. Legs wrapped tight.

Feelin' of me inside her.

Yeah, I think you know what I'm talkin' about, you dirty bird.

What the hell's got you so worked up?

Hot date. I haven't seen her in years.

When she lands, on.

Effendi.

What about you and your gal? Hot number.

No, no, she's not my gal.

But of course she is. Don't blame you, either.

Big baby eyes.

Sweet caramel skin.

Oh. Naughty little uppercut.

She's my best mate's girl.

It's not gonna happen.

No. No, it's not.

Not with that attitude.

Listen to me, friend.

Every now and then, you have to roll the dice.

Love isn't easy, forbidden love, especially.

Breaks and beats ya.

Rips you to shreds.

But then, right when you think

your heart can't take another second,

it gives you life.

Dazzling and new.

A love worth fighting for. A love so...

That's enough, now. That's enough.

Shut your mouth, you oozy little gobshite.

For the love of God, I am...

tryin' to do the right thing, okay?

God, for once.

You're right.

Who am I to give advice about love?

Look what it got me.

Cast out of heaven, exiled, imprisoned.

And all because of some smokin' hot piece...

What?

She's here.

Hmm?

♪ Love of my life, you've hurt me ♪

♪ You've broken my heart, and now you leave me ♪

♪ Love of my life, can't you see? ♪

♪ Back, hurry back ♪

♪ Please bring it back home to me ♪

♪ Because you don't know what it means to me ♪

♪ Love of my life ♪

♪ Love of my life ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

_

I didn't know I could.

That is no excuse.

Leavin' you there, that... that was a sin.

You're a good kid, Eugene.

You're a good Christian.

I don't really know what that means anymore,

but you are.

You put your faith in your preacher,

and your preacher let you down.

Christ.

Your own preacher sent you to Hell.

Eugene, I don't know if you could ever forgive me.

I just want you to know that...

...I feel so bad 'bout what I did.

Eugene...

...I'm sorry.

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Seen Tulip do this 1,000 times.

Is it blue or red?

Shit.

And I was...

Just that one mistake, you know?

Mm.

That one little sin changed everything.

Yeah.

Two sins, actually. She was married.

Oh, right.

I'm not complaining. You know?

A new Messiah was chosen.

My son.

A better one by all accounts.

Humperdoo?

I heard he was, like...

Incredible.

My father's favorite.

A true unblemished innocent.

In the end, God knew best...

...as always.

- What? - Yeah.

Look, I know he's your dad and all,

but God's an asshole.

Don't say that.

I mean...

Don't say that.

All right, come on.

Cassidy, let's go!

I think they're going to break my bedroom.

I should help Jesse.

It's the right thing to do.

I mean, Tulip's never gonna love me.

Not like that, anyway.

I should go and help him, right?

- It's up to you. - That's right.

That's free will.

Free will says I can change.

Free will says I don't have to be the selfish arsehole

that no one believes in.

I get to decide whether I wanna be the hero here or not.

Just like Han Solo, you know?

Luke's my friend and he's in trouble,

and I don't give a shit about a chestful of Rebel gold.

I'm gonna turn around, and I'm gonna help blow up that Death Star.

You know what I'm talking about.

Do you know "Star Wars"?

- Moving pictures... - Uh-huh.

...are an affront to Allah, Effendi.

Right.

Han would help.

Maybe he isn't coming.

Oh, please. He's comin'.

Whoa!

All right, all right.

Mm.

- You wanna go in and... - No.

If he wants to mope around, feelin' guilty,

well, then let him, okay?

Me and Jesus are gonna have some serious...

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Whoa!

Ye-e-e-e-e-e-e-ah!

Walkin' the Earth, baby.

Aw, man.

It's gonna be so cool.

Walkin' the Earth.

So much fun.

Do what we want.

Like what? What are we gonna do?

I dunno.

Get high.

Watch TV.

Play mini golf.

Rob a bank.

Everybody, on the floor!

This is a stickup.

Any one of y'all moves, and all y'all's guts'll hit the walls.

Good.

I got the vault. You watch the door, okay?

Got it.

You heard my friend.

Nobody move, or the guts will be painted on the wall.

- Jesus? - No talking.

- I have to pee. - I said no...

Aah! Aah!

Jesus, you shot me.

Or you... you could just be lookout.

We are not goin' back, if that's what you're thinkin'.

No Goddamn way.

I didn't say anything.

Ah!

Champagne?

I'll be back, my beloved.

Well?

Hi.

"Dazzling and new" is right.

I thought you were gonna mess with the space-time continuum back there.

I'm happy for the both of ya.

You're still here.

I thought you were on some sort of rescue mission.

Yeah, well, I decided to take your advice, you know?

Advice?

Yeah.

You know, just about love and...

rollin' the dice and all that, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's true.

So, I got to ask, what's with the, uh...

Jesus! What the?

What? But you said you loved her.

Indeed I do, friend. Indeed I do.

So what in the hell did you do that for?

She's a demon.

Aah!

Eugene.

7-8-1.

Eugene. It's all right. He's not dead.

Come on. Let's go.

Car 23 reporting.

No sign of the suspect.

Copy that, Unit 23.

Units 6 and 14?

Uh, Unit 6 reporting.

Uh, negative. No sign.

Unit 14?

Unit 14, do you copy?

This is Unit 14. No sign of him here, either.

Soon as we get out the city, we'll ditch the car.

You okay back there?

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Well...

...I owed you that much, buddy.

_

Oh!

Sorry I'm not gonna make it to Vegas.

- I hear it's fun. - It's a stinkin' shit hole.

It's just this conference.

In 2,000 years, it's pretty much

the only thing they've asked me to do.

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

Jesus doesn't wanna get into trouble.

It's not that.

It's not that.

It... Besides, it's better than toking dope and shooting people.

Man, you are not what I expected.

That's what my dad says.

All right, listen to me.

I don't need you to say it.

I just need you to know it.

He's an asshole.

Hey!

Just 'cause you're goin' back to do the responsible thing

or whatever doesn't mean I have to.

That's right. That's right.

You can do whatever you want, just like you said.

That's true for all of us, isn't it?

It's what makes it so hard.

Where's Jesus?

He went back.

Oh.

What is goin' on?

Angel and a demon fighting.

Ready?

Ready.

I hope you haven't started the apocalypse without me.

'Course not, Holiness.

Mr. Hitler...

...your reputation precedes you.

I won't shake your hand. I know what you've done.

But, as the Redeemer,

I will give you a hug.

Ahh!

Gentlemen...

...shall we begin?

Yeah.

You ever been to Australia?

No, but I hear it's right deadly.

Yeah. Sharks, right?

Mm-hmm. And spiders and snakes

and bloody crocodiles, bats as big as eagles.

Koalas have chlamydia out there. Do you know that?

It's like a bloody slaughterhouse.

Seriously? Cool.

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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --