Original subtitles

Don't I fuck me? How about I mofuck you?

Welcome back, boys. Fuck you, Josh, you fucking shit gargler.

Fucking bull.

Hey, what's up?

What's up, man?

Hey, boys.

Good to see you guys.

Now, now, now. What the fuck, man? I got one last smoke. Bull fucking shit you

do, Rick.

Now, come on. Let's get inside, huh? Get inside your mother.

What's up, boys?

Hey. What's up, man? What's up, man? No, no, no, no. Get the fuck away from me.

This is one place I don't have to deal with you ass beetles.

Tell me what, dick -mouth.

What?

Oh, my fuck!

Come on, now.

How the fuck did this happen? You ever heard of this?

It was signed off of the shit years ago.

You have to get extra fucking high now.

You know what happened? You were there, you fucking shit blender.

Oh, I know. Just tell the viewers.

I wouldn't even know what the fuck to say. How about cops are getting dumber

dumber? I mean, this is the most fucked up bullshit I've ever gone to jail for.

And I'm suing a lot of fucking people when I get out of here.

How do you feel? You know what? No more questions. You guys can come in here

with us, but don't fucking ask me any more questions. Now fuck off.

I'd like to smear my bag all over your fucking lens.

You know the drill?

No. I hate to say Ricky's right.

But he is this time. I mean, we did absolutely nothing fucking wrong.

You guys are there. Just fucking show us. I ain't dead of my fucking mind

shopping. Dill picnic.

Dressed all over some barbecue. Fuck yeah.

All right. Do we got anything for pubs? Just pepperoni. Chips pop in a bar.

We're all set.

What the fuck?

Is all that smoke from you or is my fucking car on fire?

Ricky, put your gun away, man. Ricky.

Hey, guys. Guys, you can't do that. Get back here. You have to pay for those.

Yeah, 911.

We're being robbed.

How you been, Yolanda?

Good, baby.

Wow. This looks real fancy.

Real expensive.

Very funny.

What'd you do this time?

We did a fucking thing. A little shit weasel was trying to break into Julian's

car. I'm trying to deal with that. And somehow we got arrested.

Officer said you freaked out.

Freaked out? I barely did anything.

Trying to break into my fucking car, buddy? You got the lit joint in your

was putting it out. Your car was on fire. I'm not fucking buying it, bud.

fucking car... Ricky, don't be fighting the fucking cops.

Cops, Ricky, cops, cops, cops.

All right, break it up, boys. Break it up.

Break it up, boys.

Let's go. Let's go. Break it up.

Step back.

Hey, get out of the way. Step back.

What's going on here now? Yeah.

You should be arresting that little fuck who's breaking into my fucking car.

Those are the guys' offices. They stole that shit.

Stole? What the fuck are you talking about? You stole it.

How fucking dumb are you guys? You two are finished. Your job's fucking gone.

This is what you're going to do? Oh, is that right? You think the judge is going

to believe you two scumbags?

Really, guys? Pop, chips, chocolate bars?

Really? Aren't you a little fucking old for that? It's our friend Bubba's

favorite snack.

This is a big movie night. Big misunderstanding here. I've got some

for this stuff. Let's just go inside. I'll pay. Pay me off.

What? Okay. Hey, listen. Thanks for your help. Appreciate it. I'm no hero, guys.

Hero? You're shitting in my mouth right now. This common healer broke into her

fucking car. What is wrong with you guys? The car was on fire. I put it out

you. You're going to fucking pull a gun on me for that?

A gun?

What gun? What gun? Yeah, the guns. They're in the garbage.

Oh, you... You guys... Hey, hey, hey. I'm fucking up. Hands behind your back

right now. I'm fucking suing you. Put your hands behind your back. I'm fucking

suing you.

Yeah, we'll see who the fuck goes to jail. I'm not resisting, officer. I'm

finding tips to talk.

What do you want me to say? They're in fucking jail.

Okay, the boys are in jail. There's nothing I can do about it.

They don't give a fuck about me, obviously. I never factor into the

This is bullshit, because I'm going to be here all by myself now.

All by myself, and we were supposed to go to rock on. You think they'd give a

fuck about that?

That was going to be the greatest day of my life, meeting Ace Bailey and Alex

Lyson with my two buddies. And now I'm going to have to just go by myself?

Too fucking bad I'm not waiting for them. I'll go by myself.

Or I'll bring Randy.

I can't wait to get high as fuck.

When was the last time you were here?

Yeah, guys, the good old days are over. All the drinking and drug parties, we

don't have them anymore.

What the fuck are you talking about?

No doper booze. Fuck off. This is jail.

We are getting so fucked up tonight you won't even believe it. You think I like

to get fucked up? You should see how much dope and booze that fucking shit

tanker Gorilla Fingers can put away.

It's fucking unbelievable.

Yeah, I'm not going to lie. I got pretty fucked up in here. We all did.

It'd be nothing for me to hammer back a 40 -ounce and wake up in the commissary,

you know, piss myself and be covered in my own feces. But, you know, ever since

the warden went off the deep end and got thrown into rehab, they brought in all

these extra security cameras. There's all these protocols.

Can't get away with anything. It's just not the same anymore.

And more bad news, we're pretty full at the moment, so we only have a single

cell, and unfortunately it's just the one bed.

Yeah, well, there is another option, but the guy does weird shit in his sleep.

You automatically get the single cell. Because I'm just taking it, that's how.

Me too, that's you, buddy.

Oh, yeah. We cuddle up to you. You fucking rule me.

Jesus,

fuck. You fucking masturbating there, bud?

Listen.

Apparently I'm ruined with you, so we need to set some fucking grounded rules,

alright? Rule number one. I'm in fucking charge about everything. No exceptions.

You break that rule, I beat the fuck out of you. You get that?

Fuck.

Hey!

Fuck, Jesus. Oh, sorry, man. Fucking listen to me, you fucking piece of shit.

Hello? What the fuck?

Are you shitting me in my ass right now? Ricky!

Fucking damn it!

I met Tear down at the Legion a while back. He was down from Alberta trying to

find his dad, and 11 crossed from my place for a week, and it was fucking

We got so fucked up, high and drunk, and one night we burned down a cornfield by

accident, and the other night we stole a fucking boat, which was funny.

I mean, he's the last fucking person I expected to see in here. This is nuts.

What the fuck are you doing here?

Oh, well, fuck, man. I got right fucked.

Yeah, no, I met this lady, and she was super pregnant, and then her water

So I fucking, like, the cop car was just sitting there. I was just trying to be

a hero or something. I don't know, my brain's like, go for it. So I loaded her

in the cop car.

This is Terry to the Federales.

I'd like to tell you I'm not stealing your fucking car. I'm delivering a lady

the hospital.

And then, like, I offered her a comfort puff, you know, because she was

screaming real bad.

And then, like, lo and behold, I got charged with childhood endangerment.

it's totally fucked.

Fuck, cops are dumb. That's why I'm in jail, too, because cops are dumb.

Well, I'm telling you, I don't really like it here, to be fucking honest, man.

When you finish up there, I didn't know it was you, man.

I just thought you were ignoring me, listening to fucking music, being off.

Well, I'm so excited to see you, I'm not excited down there no more.

So you've been fucking giving her here or what, man?

This place is awesome, man. I ain't giving her. Yeah.

Oh, you can't give her if there's nothing to give her with, man.

What the fuck are you talking about?

There's nothing to give her with, man. There's fuck all in here. Like, I've

going... What are you talking about, Tara?

I've been going... Because the guard said there was no dope or booze. I

there was shit in me. I've been going squirrelly asking everyone. There's no

weed, no booze, not even, like, shitty hooch. Like, you're fucked.

No cash, no muscle. Nothing. No giving her. Not allowed.

Jail used to be so fucking cool. I mean, when drugs were illegal, you could get

them in here, no problem. Anything you wanted. Now that drugs are legal, you

can't get them in jail? I mean, that's fucked.

No way. They're not fucking leaving this to me. I don't fucking think so.

Here's a nice little piece of news. Terry just told me. What?

The guards weren't fucking joking. There was zero booze and no dope in the whole

fucking prison, man. You've got to be fucking kidding me. No, I'm not kidding.

Not that I need it, but normally when I'm not high, it doesn't really work out

that well for me, does it? All right, I know you need your fucking weed. I don't

need it, but you know what?

I'll be okay without the booze, but it'd be fucking nice.

Jesus, fuck.

What the fuck are we going to do? I was planning on coming here to party for

fuck's sakes.

Okay, you know what? I'm going to make this my mission, man.

Just for principle's sake, I'm going to do whatever it takes to get some fucking

booze and dope into this fucking general.

You got a plan? What are you thinking?

Of course I got a fucking plan. Good.

We thought you guys were joking. You at least let me have to have a fucking tuck

me in joint or something.

Come on, Yolanda, come on. Come on, girls. It's me.

You guys know me. Listen, man, not happening, Ricky. Those days are gone.

They're over for all of us. I wish they were still here.

How does it look so fucked up in here? This place used to be awesome.

I used to love coming to jail.

Look, we didn't know about this shit.

You've got to give us a couple weeks to build up to no dope or no booze. That's

fair. Guys, this is a jail.

There's not supposed to be drugs and alcohol in here. No, but there always

That's what we're used to. Yeah, it's called video cameras. We're under 24 -7

surveillance. Nobody gets drunk or high in here anymore.

Not me, not her. I'm not losing my job over this, and even worse, I'm not going

to end up in rehab like the goddamn warden. We even had to start those

educational group sessions again.

Are you kidding me? Those fucking sessions suck.

No kidding.

Oh, Jesus Christ, there's another shit fight.

Fuck, listen, I need you to look after that, okay?

I'm not getting paid enough for this shit. Busy here.

Okay, guys, listen. What the fuck?

God damn it, listen, I'm really sorry, but times have changed in here, okay?

We didn't know about this. There's no fucking way I'm going a month with no

in here. That's fucked.

Think about that.

What are you afraid of? Why are you being a pussy right now?

Okay, well, listen.

If you guys want me to turn a blind eye to all this stuff, you're really going

to have to make it worth my while.

All right. Okay. What are you talking? Name your price.

Well, get creative. How about getting me a 65 -inch TV?

A 65? I don't even own a fucking 65 -inch TV.

Have you seen how green the grass is on those fucking things?

The whole screen explodes to life.

Listen, that might be the only thing that gets me to turn a blind eye to your

goddamn bullshit.

Actually, you know what?

Make it happen.

Get the fuck out of here and get me one of those things or you're going to be

sorry. You're being serious right now? I'm dead serious.

What the fuck happened to you, man? You know what? Get the fuck out of here.

Make it happen.

I want that TV.

Jesus Christ.

It is what it is. Just make the fucking call.

Call him, you call him. Use your phone credits.

My credits, yeah.

I need my phone credits to trade for mixed rice with a fork in the kitchen.

What about me? I need them to trade for trips and snacks so I can get fucking

high again. I got a family I need to talk to. Remember them, Julie? As soon

you get your dope in here, you'll have as many credits as you want. Just pick

the fucking phone.

Phone credits are a big deal in prison.

I mean, you get 30 a month and you gotta fucking savor them because they're

worth a lot of money in here.

I mean, you can do what you want. You can use them or you can sell them for

bucks a minute. Whatever. I mean...

I made 150 bucks one time in one month off phone credits.

Jesus Christ, you fucking bully asshole. Sometimes you know that. I'll tell you

one thing. I'm winning the next argument.

Try me. I'm fucking winning the next argument.

Just pick up the fucking phone. Fuck this.

Andre the Giant fucking wall poster.

I'll be putting that on my wall. Believe me.

Sunnyvale Correctional Facility. I wonder who this could be now.

Hello? Hey, folks. How's it going, buddy?

Hey, buddy.

Hey, Ricky. How you doing? I'm just out on the deck here. No, no, no. That's

great, man. Sorry to cut you off. We need a huge fucking favor. You got to

some dope and liquor down to jail right the fuck now. And we love you, man. Love

you big time.

Boys, I saw you less than two hours ago at the courthouse, and now you're

telling me to bring you dope and liquor, break the fucking law, bring it down.

You guys are out of your mind.

Next thing you know, I'll be in jail. Fuck that.

No, no, no.

It's zero risk, man.

Zero risk.

How many times have I heard that before, Ricky? Are they recording this call?

Oh, they record the phone calls. They don't even fucking listen to it.

Yeah, no. Hang it up, boys. No, no, no, no, no. Don't hang up.

Look, you don't understand.

We have a fucking carrier on the other side. It really is zero risk. I can see

it. I can see it. I can see it.

I can see it. I can see it.

I can see it.

Boom. Everybody's happy.

Yeah, you mean you guys are happy.

Exactly.

Just a second.

Buzz, like Ricky's saying, there's zero fucking risk here.

Ricky's fucking blinding me, man. Come on.

Okay, Julian, listen. Here's the deal. If I do this and something goes wrong

I end up in fucking jail over this, I'm just telling you right now, me and you

will never be friends as long as we live. So if you want to take that

All right, man. Okay, sounds good. All right, you are the fucking man.

Grab a 65 -inch TV with you. Grab a 65 -inch TV.

You mean steal a 65 -inch TV.

No, no, no, no, no. Just buy one. We'll get you fucking back.

No, you know what? I don't have money for a 65 -inch fucking TV.

It's not happening.

No, no, no, no, no. Don't hang up.

What's up?

He's going to be here.

He's not coming.

He's not coming.

He doesn't have money for the fucking TV.

Justin, turn that fucking karaoke machine off right now. What the fuck

song is that? What is wrong with you, man?

Dude, don't answer that, man. We've got to crush the level.

JL, man.

What?

Answer the fucking phone, Jacob.

Oh, man, I hope things are okay. We did our answer, dude.

But I'm saying we just crush that level. Actually, give it to me.

Hello?

Jacob, hey, buddy, you all alone?

Totally. Corey's here and Trin's giving Mo a bath.

Well, you're not all alone then, are you?

Oh, fuck, yeah, I guess not.

Sorry, Trin.

I called to tell you something, man. I've never said this before, but I think

you're really smart, okay?

Okay. Like, like, really smart. I've been thinking about this all day.

You know, some people think you're stupid and everything, but... Me? I see

He is. I see it, man.

Thanks, man. You know, I just wish Ricky could see it.

Listen to me. What if there's a way we can make that happen? The way that I can

make you guys do something that's totally going to blow Ricky away.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Seriously, man?

Fuck, man, cut me in. What is it?

You and Corey have got to get a 65 -inch TV.

and get it here as soon as possible, okay?

Before you do that, also stop by T's place to get some dope and some booze,

okay? Dope and booze and T's. When you get here, you're going to talk to a guy

named Erden.

He's our guy in here, okay?

We got this, dude.

If you guys can pull this off, I'm going to promote you guys to equal partners.

What?

Well, you're about to get promoted, dude. Equal partners.

Thank you so much.

Yo, man, what's up? Equal partner.

Get it done.

Corey, just get it done. Gotta go. Phone credits. Gotta get it. You know we got

this, man.

Equal partner.

Yeah.

Hello?

Yeah.

I'm fucking EP.

See, that's how you take care of the situation. You know, most people will

panic, but I don't panic.

What I do is think about the resources I have around me, and then I use the

resources. I mean, you know, Corey and Jacob, they're pretty fucking stupid,

but, you know, this isn't a difficult job, so they should be able to fucking

pull it off.

I've got confidence in them.

Hey, man, you ought to go backwards or backwards.

Careful, there's a curb there, man. Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck. Oh,

man, dude. Oh, I fucking broke, dude.

Fuck, man, we got to try again. Start one test, become equal partners.

Got to do it for my family, man. Yeah, I can do that. Let's do it.

Two of my boys are on the way to the prison right now with a bunch of dope

booze. Girlfingers are going to let them in. We are getting fucked tonight. This

deal is going to be normal again. Are you fucking serious?

Yeah, I'm fucking serious. We're going to get her?

Oh, I can't fucking wait. You do that for me?

I got this fucking, like, internet webpage thing with, like, these ladies

are kind of, like, horny and they have money. It's, like, kind of a scam, but

it's not a scam. I'll fucking hook. You get me wrecked, I'll hook you up with

that. Are you shitting me? You're fucking right, son.

I'm fucking drinking until I pass out tonight. Ricky.

Bad fucking news, man.

Hey, Ricky.

What's up, dude?

What the fuck are you guys wearing?

Oh, man, this is a 14XL. They're all out of the medium tall.

I know.

Why are you in fucking jail clothes?

Did you not get this taken care of? Oh, sorry, man.

Yeah, about that, dude. See, we have the TV, you know, and I dropped it and it

accidentally smashed. It accidentally slipped and fell. It's like it had a

knife. It's already smashed up, but... Went back in to get another one from the

store, but... Yeah, at that point, pretty sure they were onto us, dude. Oh,

God. Do you fucking think so?

Jesus Christ, boys, it still baffles me how fucking goddamn dumb you idiots are.

What the fuck?

So no dope for booze then, obviously?

Oh, fuck!

What the fuck? You look like you're going to say something to me. I

Fuck you, you fucking... Ricky, Ricky, settle down.

Look, look, look, listen.

We both know what fucking is.

He said if we don't get on the TV, there's never, ever going to be fucking

at Drexel. That's fucking great. So, Ricky, we're not going to give her to

Would you shut the fuck up, Terry?

Fuck. I haven't been high in ten hours. My fucking lungs are growling here. I

know. I've been thinking about that, but you know what? Maybe a break from all

the partying will be good for us, okay?

What? It'll be good for us. Listen to yourself right now. You're not making

sense. That's no booze talking, Julian. Like, what the fuck are we going to do

here, man?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Just fucking dream.

You know what? I guess we just go to bed and hopefully dream of an idea of

getting a fucking TV in here.

Go to bed.

You want me to sleep right now? Straight?

How the fuck does that work? I don't know. I'm fucking new to this, too, man.

Just get some sleep. Good night, man.

God fucking damn it. Hey, dude, it's real nice to see you and everything. You

think we can crash with you tonight?

Oh, we're fucking jammed right tight in here. There's not even a spare inch.

Sorry, guys.

Jesus Christ.

The guard said there were no free beds till the weekend.

Yeah, that's cool and everything, but we're going to have to sleep on the

and at least get some pillows and stuff.

I've only got three boys, and I need them. Fucking one for my head, one to

cuddle, and one between my legs.

All right, well, it's going to be cold, but okay.

Want to crawl in here with me, bud?

How do you sleep straight, Tara? I don't even understand how that works.

Fuck, I might have to jerk myself to sleep.

Nice to be back together again, though.

Shut the fuck up, boy.

Okay.