Original subtitles

I thought it was going to be like fake hot. Fake hot? Like acting hot. Like,

ooh, it's hot.

Hot Ones will not stoop to that level.

This is Hot Ones Versus.

In front of these contestants is a stack of deeply personal questions.

They can either tell the truth. Good luck, Becky.

Or suffer the wrath of the last day. It doesn't go away.

Whoever eats the most wings loses.

Good spin, son.

Okay. You are a member of an elite club of performers that have had the pleasure

of working alongside Emmy and Tony winning actor Brian Cranston.

Give me three pieces of brutal feedback as a scene partner.

As a scene partner?

Yeah.

You might as well just eat one right now, because you won't be able to come

with them.

Brutal feedback. Yeah, let me just do this, because... That is a hard one.

Because,

just being honest, and this is not necessarily going to be an answer,

But, like, you are, honestly, the most professional...

Amazing actor I've ever worked with. And I'm not saying that just because we're

doing this. When I think back of the old show, I don't remember a single moment

that you weren't 100 % committed and just positive and checked in on us and

that. You know, where everybody, you know, when you do something for a long

time, there's days where you're like, all right. Yeah, yeah.

And I never saw that from you. So I've always taken that with everything I've

done. Yeah. Try to have that like a similar kind of. Thank you. I think I

eat something because that was so sweet.

No, you're right.

But brutal feedback. No, I honestly don't have any. I have no feedback. I

to be like you. So I can't really give you any feedback. Oh, Frankie.

Does that mean I have to eat this?

Yeah. I mean, I gave a good answer, though. You gave a great answer. Fuck

I take it back.

I forgot to say that I'm the person who thinks that ketchup is too spicy.

I thought it was going to be like fake hot.

Fake hot? Like acting hot. Like, ooh, it's hot.

The hot ones will not stoop to that level.

Okay.

Hello, mama. Yeah.

I can give you some advice.

Take smaller bites. I took a big bite.

I'm hungry. That's one thing.

Oh, shit. This is not a time for you to eat.

It doesn't go away.

Thank you for that answer. That was very sweet.

Worth eating a wing to tell you.

Before taking, well, I can't even talk.

Before taking on a new role, you grade every offer on the Cranston Project

Assessment Scale, where you produce an overall score based on script, director,

and role.

Reveal which offer received the highest and lowest scores.

I think the highest might have been Argo. The script was great.

Ben was directing.

Trumbo, too, was up there high. You did a lot of good stuff.

I'm going to make you eat more.

The lowest one was a project that I was on, and my director saw that scale, and

he complained about it. It was for a movie called Why Him, which I did do,

it was very funny. But the story itself.

was too simple to give a high grade.

You're talking to a guy who did Sharknado 3.

Did you do Sharknado 3? Yeah, yeah.

You know, there just wasn't enough.

What made you want to do Sharknado 3? The death scene was going to be awesome.

Yeah? Because unlike most Sharknado deaths, where people just get maybe just

by a shark and go off the screen, the sharks were going to get me limb by

First pull off my leg, and then I was going to lose an arm.

and I was going to lose the other leg, and it was going to be epic. It was

to be fantastic.

And then they'd take my head off, right? Yeah. And the day that we were supposed

to film my death scene, the crew walked off to strike.

It didn't turn out to be the cool, epic death that I was expecting.

What a surprise that you didn't know Sharknado 3 was going to turn out that

So far, so good.

This is the wild card.

I don't know where that came from, but this is a wild card.

One of the greatest joys of fatherhood is being bestowed with the mastery of

dad joke.

Your opponent must now fill their mouth with water while you attempt to make

them laugh with the list of dad jokes. Whoever fails at their task must eat a

death wing.

So you're going to fill your mouth with water. Okay. I'm going to tell you a dad

joke, and you can't laugh. Okay.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb.

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

Which state has the most street?

Rhode Island.

That's a wing for Brian, I think.

You did a good job. I just hurt myself.

The red paint one almost got me. That's pretty good, actually.

Oh, okay.

No small bites. I didn't take a little bite.

That's because you should have asked me.

That doesn't count.

All right, that kind of counts.

You good?

Yeah.

Wow.

Trying to act tough.

No, that's not terrible. I mean, you could be able to tingle.

Yeah, I don't do spice at all. I don't actually fully understand.

Why are you here?

I just wanted to get to see you again. Oh.

It doesn't answer my call.

You got steam on hot ones.

Friendship test.

I'm going to write down my answer, and you have to guess my response.

You guess wrong, and you eat a death worm.

In addition to acting, I've dedicated a large portion of my career to racing.

What 2001 NASCAR event did I drive in?

You're going to know this.

Yeah, you got it.

Daytona 500.

I'd always been a fan of racing. They asked me to be the grand marshal, drive

the pace car and all that. But seeing it in person, it's a whole different

beast, right? Seeing the cars going 200 miles an hour, inches from each other.

In 2001, I didn't even have a thought in my mind that I'd be a race car driver.

You actually. I think it was me then. It was you that did the pro celebrity race

in Long Beach. Right.

And you came back to the set, and you were like, if they ask you to do it, you

have to say yes. And the next year they asked me.

I mean, I loved racing, but it's one of those things that's like saying as a

kid, like, oh, I want to be an astronaut.

You know, like, how do you actually do it? I didn't know. I didn't come from a

racing family.

And now what's interesting is that you are on the cusp of turning 40. Yeah.

You're old for the sport.

Yeah. I mean, to be honest. Yeah, I raced from 2004 to 2009 and then stopped

because I got badly hurt. And when my son was born, that's what led me back to

going racing. Like, who is my son going to grow up thinking that his dad is?

Yeah. Because everything I had done, I had done a ton, but within my path,

right? Yeah. I wanted him to see me working hard and striving for something

that's not easy, that's not subjective, right? Yeah. As an actor, right, you

could put in the best work and you feel really proud of it, and someone would be

like, meh. Yeah.

Where in racing, you do the fastest or not.

And I love that aspect of where you know where you stand and where you can put

in the work and all that.

And, you know, there's only 100 people on the planet that have a NASCAR

and I'm one of them. So I think it's a pretty cool opportunity, and I'm going

take it for as long as I can.

Friendship test.

I'm going to write down my answer. You have to guess my response.

Guess wrong and eat a death wing.

My love of baseball is well documented.

and I own an impressive collection of sports memorabilia. What is my most

collectible?

Good luck, Reggie.

What would people who like baseball like?

I'm assuming it's old.

Yes. Like you.

Like you. Oh, like me. Okay. Yeah, I hope you get this right.

Do I have to be, like, specific?

Or can I just say, like, a ball?

Oh, I think you've got to be a little more specific than that. I know it's not

this because you're a Dodger fan.

Well, you knew I was a Dodger fan.

Well, because I've seen you in your little tight little Dodger pants running

around.

I don't know why I picked this, but it's going to be wrong. I'm eating away.

All right.

Sandy Koufax.

Oh, well, there you know one. Not bad. Not bad. Wrong.

But not bad.

I honestly don't even know who that is. Who Sandy Koufax is? Yeah. Did he play

for the Dodgers? He played for the Dodgers, both in Brooklyn.

And in Los Angeles.

I was thinking Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron. I was thinking of all the old people that

are your age.

Oh, I'm enjoying this now, my friend.

Eat away.

I'm going to take a small bite like Brian does.

Oh, come on. No, no, no.

Why did I lick that?

He's adopted.

I just don't understand the concept of why anybody would do this.

Not the show.

Can I ask a question now?

Uh -oh.

Dealer's choice.

The player who picked this card can ask their opponent any question they wish.

They must answer truthfully.

Or eat a death wing?

You can ask me any question. When I go to charity golf tournaments, I don't go

for the charity. I go for the trophy.

So I'm here for the trophy, is all I'm going to say.

That's so nice.

Better wife?

Better wife? Lois or Skylar?

Well, strictly from a character standpoint, Lois.

Of course, because she loves you.

Can I tell you an honest truth? Huh?

I loved Breaking Bad.

Obviously, everyone in the whole world loved it.

I wanted to kill Skyler. To make your life easier.

Oh! Your life would have been so much easier. Well, let me... You were such a

bad guy. You could have just gotten rid of her. I know. All she did was

complain.

Look at the money!

Now, see, she got a lot of blowback from that. Oh, really? Well, first of all,

Anna got a superb actor. But she got like, oh, I want you to get off his

Yeah. That's how I felt. Wait a minute. Let me understand this. Her husband...

leaves without any explanation.

She's pregnant.

Yeah. He's making crystal methamphetamine. And people have died.

bitch.

It's like, we couldn't understand.

When you put it that way, I guess.

I know. All right, well, I guess you didn't have to eat a wing.

I didn't eat a wing.

Okay, here we go.

In the Malcolm in the Middle pilot.

Your character is revealed to have an IQ of 165.

I will now ask you simple questions from the Mensa admissions test.

Fail to get any right.

What? Fail to get any right and eat a death wing. Okay, the Mensa test.

Do I get to, like, use that board to write stuff down?

Marianne bought four oranges and three lemons for 90 cents. Four oranges.

Three lemons, 90 cents.

The next day, she bought three oranges and four lemons for 85

cents. How much did each lemon and each orange cost?

Hang on, hang on. Give me a minute.

The oranges were 10 cents and the lemons were 15 cents.

That is incorrect.

Oh, I meant it backwards. I'm sorry. The oranges were 15 cents and the lemons

were 10 cents.

Yes.

You should have me do this with Jane.

It's tradition around here to put a little extra on the last wing.

You and your opponent can add.

An extra dab to your final wings now.

Well, do you want to do that, or do you want to get spicy and do the experience,

the 11 out of 10?

What are you, a chicken?

You want to go big, huh?

You're the one who didn't want to have any of this. Yeah, but I know I'm not

going to lose this one. How do you know that? I don't lose.

Oh, wait, no, no, no, no, I'm doing yours.

Okay, go ahead.

Is this a lot? I don't know.

I've never eaten corn hot sauce in my whole life.

That's a bit.

Are you kidding?

You know what's happening now. Yeah, but I didn't put a lot.

You didn't put a lot?

Wait, he should have went first. It's coated.

No, I mean, you gotta do a little more.

There we go.

Well, that's not fair. You covered my whole wing.

Why don't we just drink it out of the bottle?

It's time to put aside the competition.

Oh. Well, then I guess we don't.

For some real father -son bonding.

Uh -oh.

Take turns complimenting each other while playing a game of catch.

First to laugh must eat a death wing.

Okay, we're going to have you guys stand up real quick.

I don't know if I can throw up my left hand. That's going to make you laugh in

itself.

He's a lefty. No.

You're a really good actor.

I think, from what I witnessed, you are a fantastic father.

You're teaching that boy some really great things, and that, he adores

you. You have really nice thighs.

What's that?

You didn't hear me.

So I really have to eat it? If you eat it, you win this. Do I? Because I ate

more wings. But I don't want it.

It's so saucy.

It's heavily sauced.

I ain't afraid.

Yeah, I'm going to take a bite just because I... I heard you're not

making any noise.

It's not bad.

It's time for you to present the trophy.

Thank you.

It was cool.

Congrats, Brian.

Oh, wow.

You finally beat me at something.

We have the Malcolm Middle reboot coming out. Yeah.

Very soon. You're going to see us for the first time in 20 years. Yeah.

And there's going to be a...

Equivalent amount of emotion?

Your whole voice has gone up an octave.

It's still burning really bad.

Here we go.

Thank you.

There we go.

That one was hot.

You know, it's calmed down a little bit, hasn't it?

Not for me.

I mean, a little bit. A little bit. It's now at the level of what that was.

Yeah. So it's calmed down.

Sure.

Man, so.

I thought there was going to be, like, fake hot.

Hey, what's going on, Hot Ones fans?

You know you can catch me every Thursday interviewing celebrities over the wings

of death. But if you're looking for a little more Scoville -laced action, tune

in Tuesdays for Hot Ones Versus. It's the show where celebrities go head -to

-head. They either tell the truth or suffer the wrath of the last dab.

So tune in Tuesdays for a front -row seat.

to the fiery fights and celebrity clashes. That's Hot Ones vs.

Tuesdays on First Week Beat. Don't miss it.