Original subtitles

30,000 years later...

Marianne!

Marianne!

Already in bed?

Already home?

I know, I'm late.

No. You're 5 minutes earlier than last night.

I brought roast chicken.

Great! That'll make an interesting breakfast.

All right. I didn't stop all day.

If Taller doesn't have a tax audit, they'll double our fees.

The children were worrying about that earlier.

Are they asleep?

What do kids usually do at 11pm on a school night?

Focus, it's a tough question.

It's so you won't want for anything.

The kids want their dad, and so do I.

That's why I married him, so we could raise them together.

Or I'd have used a sperm donor.

- That's romantic. - No, it's not.

Get off your high horse. I don't want an invisible man.

He doesn't have a horse. Otherwise we'd see him coming.

We hardly ever see you coming.

I can't do my job by halves.

But I can though.

I've no choice. I take care of all the rest.

Right, OK, I'll make an effort.

I'll take the kids to school.

Great! I'll give you the address.

You do that. How about a candlelit dinner, you little pest?

Who with?

Stop it, Marianne.

You? You'll leave work before 10pm? That's insane!

- Will you write me a note? - Maybe.

If I don't find another lover.

Impossible. You've already got the best.

Prove it.

48 Hours a Day

Come on, pumpkin.

There you go. Thomas Pommier is an excellent director.

He understands the spirit of Green Beans.

But does Thomas Pommier like vegetables?

To film vegetables, you have to like them.

He's 100% vegetarian.

That's why we chose him.

Excuse me.

- Hello? - Mrs Tellier?

It's Mr Dourra. Pauline has forgotten her trainers.

It's the 3rd time this month.

Mr Dourra, I'm in a meeting. May I call you back?

In that case, I'll be brief.

I regard PE classes...

Pauline won't forget her trainers again.

I have to go...

Children are scatter-brained

and they still need

their mum to help them.

- And their dad, huh? - But the mother usually...

Of course. Thank you for calling.

I have to go finish the ironing. Goodbye, Mr Dourra.

Right. Where was I?

Don't worry, Mr Dourra will film your trainers beautifully.

- It didn't go well. - It did!

The headmaster is hassling me,

the director has to binge on beans if he wants the job!

Good job it's not for Kitty-Kat!

Right, I've got some news. Some bad news

and some bad news.

- Which shall I start with? - The bad news.

- Martin and Clara are fired. - Shit! Why?

Not profitable. The shareholders are hungry.

What about all the hopeless cases?

Precisely. That's the other bit of bad news.

Arnaud has given Bertrand Little Dick sausages.

What? That arse licker who struts about networking?

Arnaud figures he has contacts. He stays late, flatters him...

He's in the agency's football team. That clinched it.

Sure! The brotherhood of guys in shorts.

Football! You girls don't understand it.

No.

The virile intimacy of the changing room.

Naked guys telling dirty jokes and guzzling beer.

And comparing sausages!

I'm sick of all these guys getting ahead of me.

I should've had Little Dick!

Play football.

No, who'd look after the kids?

Hello? Yes, darling?

No. I didn't call. I didn't want to wake you up.

6pm?

Sorry, 6 o'clock. 6pm sounds so official, you're right.

Are you happy with what you wrote last night?

Ah yes, no. It's draining, yes.

No bananas? OK, I'll get some. Anything else?

All right, all right, OK.

Love you. See you later, honey.

Stephan has writer's block.

He spent all night at his PC.

When he's focused, he doesn't like to take breaks.

He eats bananas.

I was worried. I thought you'd bought a monkey.

Sorry!

Che succede?

Are you waiting for someone?

- A man or a woman? - A man.

In Italy, it's a crime to make a pretty lady wait.

May I offer you a glass of champagne?

- Yes, please. - Enzo.

Roberto!

I recommend the fettuccine al pesto, which is truly heavenly,

rather than the linguine all'arrabbiata.

How kind of you. Thank you.

Here's the criminal.

It was either late with flowers or on time without.

Or on time with flowers?

This isn't a good table. How about there? May we?

If madam would rather, yes.

Come on!

How's the linguine all'arrabbiata?

Excellent, sir.

- Linguine then. - I'll bring the wine list.

Thank you.

Just the two of us at last.

Hey, Bruno!

You know the best places.

- François Lecomte. - My wife.

You have a fabulous husband. I did well to hire him.

We're so alike.

Hélène, this is Bruno Tellier, the firm's top consultant.

I've heard so much about you.

- Marianne, my wife. - Hello.

- We won't... - We were going to dine alone,

but life's full of surprises!

Luigi! Set two more places, please.

Maybe they want to be alone...

He'll sort it out. I'm a regular here.

What's good tonight?

The linguine are excellent.

Right, 2 linguine then.

Excellent choice.

François told me you have 2 children.

Yes. And a goldfish.

See?

I won't keep you long...

There, that's better. Enough!

I won't keep you. The buffet's waiting.

I want to say I've offered

Lucille Guérin a 6-month mission in our agency

in Los Angeles.

Her contracts will be shared among you. Make sure

you don't mess them up,

or I'll send you to the Carpathians.

Congrats, Lucille!

We're going to have more work

but if we screw up, he'll show us the door!

No regrets about Tokyo?

I can't leave Bruno with the kids for 6 months.

That's true. He's only their dad.

Lucille, light of my life! How can you abandon me?

Who's going to console me?

Your wife perhaps?

You're no fun. I'll replace you with Marianne.

Keep your jokes for folks who find them funny.

Bertrand...

Something's stuck in your teeth. May I? Hey, don't move!

There we go! It's a pubic hair.

- You're so heavy. - I know!

What's so funny?

Bertrand was telling us you gave him Little Dick sausages.

- There you are! - Hey, Arnaud...

I think he's in love.

At least he's always on time.

Stop it, Dédé.

Try to find him a fiancée.

No point. He's into you!

The depreciation plans too?

We'll look at that later, seeing as we have time.

Here you go!

When Bruno's calculated the indexes, you can have them.

Don't worry, Mr Lecomte, I've all the time in the world.

I simply adore celadon green. It'd go with the sofas.

Or a very light greyish blue, and I'll change the sofas.

I did that in Megève. It's a soft colour.

But it'd be a shame to do the same as in Megève.

Oh, I don't know. What would you do?

Me? I'd sell everything to be hassle-free.

I was joking.

Doesn't your husband have a preference?

If I painted it goose poop green, he wouldn't even notice.

He's worked non-stop for the past 30 years.

Come on, I want to show you something.

I designed it myself and had it made by a local artisan.

It's a tablecloth cupboard.

It solves the problem of visible folds.

The numbers indicate the format.

We throw lots of dinner parties.

These tablecloths are for 16 to 18.

These are 12 to 14.

And these are for 6 to 8 for quiet weekends like this.

Don't you ever have family time?

François is a workaholic and the children refuse to visit.

It's normal at their age.

So

A big house like this for two...

François works all the time

and I loathe the country.

Winter smells like death. In summer, the plants just keep growing.

It terrifies me.

I started with nothing but I was shrewd.

I was 28 and had real balls.

I bought this house with my first profits.

Wonderful.

What? His balls?

No... the house.

Hélène, you've had enough to drink.

Think of the children.

To the children!

Marianne has redesigned the house at least 15 times.

It amuses her.

It keeps her busy.

Now the children don't visit.

I work so much.

Has Hélène seen your foie gras cupboard?

Marianne...

Marianne!

Some foie gras?

No! No, thank you.

You're going for 6 months? Are you mad?

It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Tokyo is our leading office.

I'll be a commercial director.

When did you decide? You could have told me!

I'm telling you now. I'm getting nowhere

and I deserve better.

Have you thought about the kids?

They'll be devastated. What'll they do without their mother?

They have a father.

They can call. Besides, the time will fly by.

What do you mean, fly by?

You'll just have your work and no obligations!

"Ciao, everyone! Fend for yourselves!"

It's like that all year.

Except it's usually the other way around.

I've never gone away for 6 months!

No, for 10 years.

When you're home, you're glued to your PC.

We do nothing together, we never see our friends.

It'll be good for the kids, and for you too.

They're nice kids. Their names are Pauline and Clément.

No, but... Hang on!

Hang on a minute! This is a joke.

You can't decide just like that.

Let's think about it calmly.

I have. I don't want to be an alcoholic in a tablecloth closet.

There's "defrost", "cook" and "simmer".

Don't mix up "defrost" and "cook".

I've written it down.

I dreamt Bruno's teeth fell out. It's a bad omen!

Mum, being Greek doesn't mean the gods speak to you!

It won't be a disaster.

Leaving the kids with their dad isn't a disaster, huh?

No, it isn't.

These are the useful numbers: school, babysitter, doctor...

You're clueless, my poor girl!

Anything could happen.

With Hiroshima, you could look like Cyclops.

Or be attacked by sarin gas.

Bruno might meet someone. Alone, it's easy.

Not without any teeth it isn't.

Very funny! Remember the Girards' son?

His wife went to a spa.

He fell in love with the au pair.

She came home fit... for crying!

What about an earthquake, the kids getting run over

and the plane crashing?

You've forgotten bird flu.

Get them dinner. I won't be home till 10pm.

I have a meeting.

If it ends late, you'll stay the night.

OK, Justine, thank you. Goodbye.

Doesn't it bother you, never seeing your kids?

They love their nanny and I spend weekends with them.

- Want a coffee? - No, thanks.

- And their dad? - When he's free.

But he's always cancelling so I never make plans.

That can't leave you much time.

If you mean for men, you're right.

They're not exactly queuing up at my front door.

Having a one-night stand is easy.

Finding Prince Charming is another matter.

I don't have the profile.

I earn a lot, I have 2 kids and a big mouth.

And that scares men even more than dragons!

- What about you? - What?

You don't see your kids much. We're always here.

- Doesn't it bother you? - Yes.

But my wife gets home at 7:30pm.

Well, she did. She's off to Tokyo for 6 months.

You'll have to get organized.

Yes, I'll have to.

It isn't rocket science.

Just do the school run and find a nanny.

I don't want a nanny to raise them.

Sure! You'd rather leave it to your wife.

It's worked for 10,000 years.

You do have a big mouth.

See you tomorrow.

Another prince lost.

It'll fly by. We'll chat every day on the phone.

I'll look after the dwarf.

Don't call me that, meanie! I'm a big boy.

That's right, pumpkin. It isn't nice. Pauline was joking.

- Are you crying, Mum? - No, I'm not.

Don't worry, Dad will look after us well.

One spanking a day.

He's promised us pizza.

That's great! Right, be good, OK?

If we're not good, will you come home sooner?

No.

And Daddy won't be pleased.

- 2 spankings a day. - You're a big liar!

Sure you don't want us to come?

No, I'm fine. It'll just make things harder.

Look after them, OK?

Don't you worry. As if they were my own kids.

Try to do better than that.

You're so spiteful.

Don't just give them pizza.

Not for breakfast, I promise.

Look. It's like you're already in Tokyo.

- Call when you land. - OK.

- Don't kiss the Japanese. - No. OK.

You be good too.

Sorry?

No. 18 Rue de la Grange-aux-Belles.

I mean, yes.

Rue de la Grange-aux-Belles then the airport.

Thank you.

Could you wait for me, please?

OK, honey?

No. I'm doing something stupid.

I can't stop crying. Like a rabbit with myxomatosis.

I've never wanted pets...

I feel totally lost. I'm afraid for the children.

I'm ashamed of lying. I'm going home.

It's too hard.

Just calm down. Saying goodbye is the hard part.

You'll be fine.

You're doing it for them.

What if Bruno can't manage?

He will, he has to.

Tell me... how did it go earlier?

Fine. He was great.

See? The kids will be happy he's looking after them.

Really?

All women should do this.

- One has to start. - Why me?

You love him and want to grow old with him.

Right, I've taped the instructions on all the machines.

The cleaner comes on Tuesdays.

And that's about it. America, here I come!

Good luck.

Ciao!

I call it the magic onion trick.

Put some onion in a hankie and hold it to your eyes.

You'll cry like a baby.

Pauline and Clément, when did the descent into hell start?

When Mum left us to work in Tokyo.

We started messing around.

Yes, but you were with your dad.

So why didn't it work out?

Dad was never home.

We started having health issues.

We ate nothing but pizza.

Even for breakfast.

Didn't your father notice you weren't all right?

No. He only thought of work.

We were late for school every day

because of him.

We got kicked out in the end.

That's when we started dealing.

Tell us about that.

At first, we sold our toys in car-boot sales.

Then things escalated.

And Dad met Marie-Ange.

Tokyo - Japan

I don't believe this!

That's why we walked there with Mum.

I've a meeting at 9.

Mum says...

Dad says, "Get out here, or you'll be late."

All right!

Go on, hurry up.

Take your time, guys! I've only got a hair appointment.

Room 2! It started 15 minutes ago.

Thanks.

Olé!

We'll make the new tax relief law work to your advantage.

And...

Bruno Tellier, who's been kind enough to join us,

will present his strategy.

Right.

Hello Pauline, it's Mum. How are you?

Of course. Put it on speaker.

Hello, my sweethearts!

What time is it in Tokyo? It's 8. Er, no, 5.

For me, it's 8pm, like for you except

it's actually 5. 5am.

It's complicated. No, I'm not sleeping.

Is Dad with you?

He's getting dinner ready? That's great!

Pizza!

Pizza is good, but not every night, OK?

How was school?

You were late? You'll be on time tomorrow.

Can you put Dad on? I love you too, sweethearts.

Bruno? Are you coping, honey?

Yes, they sound happy.

When they're toothless and spotty, give them veg and fruit.

I was kidding.

Huh? Yes, I know.

Take care.

Huh? Speak to you soon. I'll call you. Yes, tomorrow.

No!

Fathers Can Be Mothers Too

Children for Dummies

The Guide for Single Dads

Shall I gift-wrap them or are they for you?

- What kind soul gave you those? - Me.

You're putting your heart and soul into it!

I thought the sales assistant was going to propose.

It's good. You've no choice though.

It's hard work. That's why hubbies delegate.

Or they couldn't read Sports News or watch football.

- Don't exaggerate! - I'm not. It's a fact.

A man, the poor darling, needs to unwind after work.

So what does a woman do after work?

The shopping, laundry, homework, dinner

and the kids' bedtime.

Then she has to be sexy to turn on her man

who's just turned off the TV.

One day the woman's tired. She looks haggard.

All of a sudden, she doesn't relax her man.

So he starts screwing his secretary.

That's when you left?

No. I wondered, "Why go home?"

- Is raising kids alone hard? - No. I have one less kid.

We're not all like that.

You kiss loads of frogs before you find a prince.

So... I kiss!

You'll kiss the frog of your dreams one day.

Maybe. Men are like the lottery.

You have to be optimistic.

I lost the first time, but I still play.

- Want me to test you? - Go ahead.

- Someone's here. - So there is.

He was saying it's mad the office was deserted at 8pm.

Always defending orphans and widows!

When you're a widow, call me.

If Dédé doesn't mind!

How's Bellegraine?

Once I've finished the report, I'll email it to them.

- So they can't change their mind. - Excellent!

These aren't a mum's hours.

I'm doing a dad's hours now.

Not tired? It's a different rhythm.

When I'm tired, I'll sleep at work like you.

Dad, Rosa is really mad. She's missed her train.

That's the 3rd time this week. I've had it!

Sorry, I've so much work.

I've got work and a family too!

I'll make an effort.

Yes, to find someone else.

I'm through! I'm leaving on Friday.

- You can't do that. - I can!

But I can't miss my train every night.

Rosa!

I threw out the yoghurts. They were off.

Rosa, wait! Wait, Rosa!

There's no more Rosa!

Think about it. It won't happen again.

It will too! It's a habit of yours.

My wife's gone. Don't let me down too.

Get an au pair to sleep at your house.

Then you can do what you like.

I have a hubby and kids. It isn't right.

Au pairs lack your experience. I want you!

- Rosa... - Let me out!

Shit!

What's that?

I'm sorry.

It slipped out of my hand. Maybe if I... There.

Don't rub it! The stain will spread.

- Look, it's much better. - Are you serious?

It's covered in... What's that gross thing?

Oil?

Olive oil. On lettuce, I prefer it.

Well, on my shoes, I don't!

It was an accident. And an original way to meet!

Next time, just empty it on my head.

Hey, I said sorry. There are worse things in the world.

What's your solution? A massive rubbish chuck-out?

Great idea! Make sure you tell the UN.

Cinderella's a tough cookie!

- Your mother-in-law... - I'm busy. I'll call her later.

She wants the kids' shoe sizes.

I don't know. 6 and 8.

That's their age. She wants shoe sizes.

Shoes for age 6 and 8. It's hardly complicated.

She wants the address of the drama group

so she can take them to the shoe store.

I don't know the address.

Rosa does.

What? How many fingers so she can buy them gloves?

What does she want?

She said she'd call you tonight.

The home-delivery till?

It's closed.

Go to that till.

Over here, please.

Close after me! I've been waiting 10 minutes.

I'm going on my break after this lady.

After the gent, after the lady.

I'm not budging.

Thank you.

I think I'll have dessert.

There we go!

That's how you'll end up if your hubby finds out you're here.

Can I choose the colour!

Pick pink. You'll look like Barbapapa!

What happens if you bump into each other?

Sometimes I hope we do. I miss him and the kids.

I'll explain I'm doing it for us, because I love him.

He'll understand.

Sure! Be prepared to explain fully.

He might not understand how grateful he should be.

He'll understand, he has to.

We were heading for disaster.

I'm sick of juggling my hours.

When I go home early, I feel guilty about work.

When I work too much, I feel guilty about the kids.

- Like 80% of women. - I want to change the statistics.

This is one of the few places left for us men.

Try this. It removes grease.

You need to be a Vietnam vet to do the shopping!

- It helps. - Commando training

if you want to feed your family.

Carry on and your stains will become holes. Give it to me.

Meanwhile...

You have to fill the fridge

without getting arrested for attempted murder.

Do you have a PC at home?

Take your jacket off.

- Can I keep my trousers on? - We'll see.

Bonobos, the great apes with whom we share 99% of our DNA,

live in matriarchal groups.

Unlike chimpanzees,

bonobos settle conflicts not through violence but sex.

When there is a conflict in a group, usually over food,

bonobos reinterpret the Kamasutra.

Frenzied sex

between members of the opposite sex, or not,

is a substitute for aggressiveness

and helps relieve tension or leads to reconciliation,

making the bonobo a master of social communication.

Are you sure you want to order 72 Camemberts?

What? Yes.

We've gotta get a move on. The others are landing the work.

Go ask them for your bonus!

- Bertrand, Top Tyre? - I'm lunching

with the PR director at the House of Caviar.

It's the CEO I'm after.

She's in the way.

Get through her or in her!

I want to show them the agency before our competitors.

Getting in her is tempting.

She's all pumped up. Not surprising she's in tyres.

Marianne, what about Shmoll kitchens?

I'm having dinner with the marketing director.

I hear he's very well equipped.

Kitchens, obviously!

Hello? That you, honey?

You're an early bird. What time is it in Tokyo?

4am, but I can't sleep. Is everything OK?

Yes, fine. Except for Rosa. She left us.

No. She isn't dead. She just threw in her apron!

I don't know why. Just like that.

You know how she is.

I made a remark, she got angry and left.

Left?

Hang on.

Mummy, are you OK?

Hello, darling!

I can't talk for long. I have to finish my man with Louise.

Who's Louise?

The young girl who's replaced Rosa.

Morning and night.

The young girl...

The kids love her. It was pretty easy.

Why make a big deal of it?

Hang on.

How are you, Mum?

You mustn't worry, Louise is great.

And Dad comes home earlier.

- Love you! - How's that, earlier?

Well, I have to.

She has to leave at 7:15pm for her drawing class.

It's a minor inconvenience.

Hang on! Where's she from? How did you find her?

What about references? You just take a blonde...

You know she's blonde?

She's at art school, her siblings are the kids' age.

She's young, cheerful...

Makes a change from a moustachioed bird, er biddy.

And the housework?

Ah no, she doesn't do that.

But I'll manage.

No congratulations?

The kids love you.

I love them too.

Nothing stands in the way of our love then.

No. No, Dolores, don't wake him up.

Never mind. Don't do the bedroom either.

I know what you'd do

but I'd rather let him rest.

Yes, well, I'll do the bedroom later. Sure! See you tomorrow.

I get the impression Dolores doesn't understand artists.

- She lacks sensibility. - Enough!

How did your dream end?

Just "Nothing stands in the way of our love."

Maybe that's the problem.

Bruno's coping. You feel you don't exist.

You're not the irreplaceable protectress.

- And you can't handle it. - No! You should've heard him.

"The kids are delighted."

"She's young and cheerful. It'll make a change."

He's pleased to have solved an important problem.

In record time! He didn't consult me.

You'd rather he called for help?

You have to be willing to share,

or it'll make no difference where you are.

Yes?

Hello! Yes, I'm free. That's fine.

Tonight at 8? OK, I'll make them dinner.

See you tonight.

I'm babysitting for a guy who's totally hot.

She's really ugly

but he's... I could rape him basically.

Marianne? Marianne, listen to me.

A man can have the odd affair. It's of no importance.

It's just our testosterone.

"I don't shag my secretary. I have hormonal surges."

Subtle.

You'd take it badly if your wife did it.

He's right. A nice 1m90 hormonal surge.

Tanned, muscle-bound and a big prick.

Women with lovers question their marriages.

What with work and the kids, my wife's always tired.

Carry on, and she'll be tired of being tired.

And you'll be on your own with your testosterone!

Geneticists found the infidelity gene

in rats.

They did a bit of manipulation and the rats become monogamous,

clingy even.

They were given lady mice in g-strings to excite them.

But they didn't bat an eyelid.

If it works with rats,

it should work with you. I can give you their number.

I have to pick up the kids at my mother-in-law's.

Ciao.

He's no fun since his wife went.

- If I were him, I'd be careful. - You'll never be him.

Hello!

Hi, are the children ready? I'm in a hurry.

I'll call them. Come in.

I'm double parked.

- Bruno, just come in! - 2 minutes.

Do you remember Mrs Takovic, our old concierge?

Yes, yes of course. Hello, madam. Kids, let's go!

She got on very well with the children.

They're ever so cute.

You too. I mean, er... Kids!

She's a marvellous cleaner. We could've eaten off the floor.

For sure.

Great! Each to his own. Kids, get a move on.

Here they are! Goodbye, my darlings.

She's exactly what you need.

I already have Louise.

19-year-old girls don't clean!

She's great, Louise. And she's pretty.

Bruno, think about it.

OK, Mélina. Goodbye, Mélina.

Come on!

For the first time we met on the stairs

For the next time we meet on the stairs

Thank you. It's sweet of you.

It's normal.

Perfect! How did you know my size?

I saw it when you were insulting me.

- Nothing escapes you. - Rubbish bags do!

I won't try the boots. They'll fit.

- I took the same size. - Very smart.

Isn't it? Aren't you hungry?

Yes.

Me too, but the store's closed. How about going out?

Er... Right, OK.

I was expecting this call. Then I'll switch it off.

Feel free.

Have you made up your mind?

Top Tyre can survive 3 days without you!

Just come. I'll buy the tickets and call you.

Bye then.

No more mobile.

Excuse me, you mentioned Top Tyre?

A childhood friend set it up.

- Why? Do you like tyres? - A bit, yes.

- Right. Shall we go? - Of course.

I've worked on it for 6 months.

I can't risk Sofinca because of your kids.

I work twice as much, I don't lunch, I work at home.

You're busy after 7pm.

You're a part-timer!

You gotta decide, Bruno, if you walk over people,

if you're the wolf or the sheep.

No, the lamb.

It's The Wolf and the Lamb.

No, the sheep. The one who follows the flock,

who gets fleeced and says thanks.

It's a question of temperament.

Mr Lecomte, think of your back.

I do! It hurts all the time.

Why are you scratching?

The kids gave me their lice. I can't get rid of them!

Lice? Lice? But they're a sign, lice!

You lower your guard and they attack.

They try to take over. You think Steve Jobs has lice?

I don't know and I don't care.

Going home earlier is a question of organization.

We're not here to set the world to rights.

In business, you don't finish at 7pm.

I have kids and I work 14 hours a day.

Obviously, you...

Let's say it's temporary.

As soon as your wife gets back, you'll get back to work.

Give it here.

Yes, Marie-Ange?

Of course I'll take it!

Yes, Mr Jaubert? How are you?

We're just fine. Well...

Because you leave before 11pm? It's common for women.

- He's never taken away your clients. - Me?

I worked 20 times harder so he knew I wouldn't desert him for a sick kid.

I've half become a bloke.

I get the same salary as you for the same job.

- Not eating? - I'm not hungry.

My salary's being cut. I've half become a woman.

Not the half I can see!

The half he saw.

Work has no gender. Culturally, there's a confusion.

- The role creates the organ. - Precisely!

Everyone thinks women have to take care of children.

Husbands, bosses, even women.

Time isn't expandable, their career reaches a ceiling.

At the moment, that's your situation.

- You don't want any more? - No, here.

There are women business leaders.

But most are single or don't have kids.

Men don't have to choose.

- It's too late to drown them. - Right.

They're big, they'd fight back.

Any plans with them for the weekend?

Apart from delousing, no.

- They have lice? - Yes. So do I.

Try unscented petroleum jelly.

Leave it on 5 minutes then shampoo twice. It works.

Great! I was afraid we'd get bored.

We could do something with them on Sunday.

If you like...

Us girls!

Don't give me that look. I was kidding.

I've got a meeting in 5 minutes. Coming?

I'm having rosemary tea. It's good for the complexion.

Excellent!

Waiter! A coffee.

A coffee, please.

Could I have a coffee?

Could I...

- A coffee or I'll beat you up! - Right away.

- Right away, who? - Sir.

One coffee!

There.

Has Bertrand seen Top Tyre?

The lunch went well, going on the bill.

They didn't eat caviar, they swam in it.

I can call the CEO.

- Do it, honey! - Bertrand won't like it.

Business isn't Disneyland. I want that account. Do it!

OK. I'll let you know.

What gentlemen appreciate,

usually, is the samurai sword.

This is the short sword with which

they committed seppuku when they were dishonoured.

And the long sword with which

their brother-in-arms decapitated them

to put an end to their misery, according to tradition.

He'll like that if he discovers the truth.

You'll have to practise decapitation but you've plenty of time.

You're supposed to be gone for six months.

Don't you have anything a bit less violent?

Hello, yes? You're already awake?

What?

You can't sleep? Oh dear!

You can't write either?

You're really down?

Oh, I found your shaving foam for extra-sensitive skin.

Listen, try to sleep a bit more.

Huh? Yes, I know. It isn't easy.

Right, let's mix our lice before the petroleum shampoo!

They're getting acquainted.

They already are. You gave them to me.

A family Sunday.

Dad, do you think there are lice in Tokyo?

Yes. They're all yellow and have slanting eyes.

That's rubbish!

Come on, in the shower! Anna and the kids are coming.

3...

4...

Mélina!

I'm glad you're home. Mrs Takovic's come to see the flat.

On a Sunday too! Isn't she nice?

That's a new hairdo!

We disguised ourselves.

- Where are the kids? - Playing hide-and-seek.

Children!

This place is a pigsty!

He's hired an 18-year-old who's useless at cleaning.

- Mélina! - Children!

Louise is great with the kids.

Children!

Mélina, I don't want Mrs Takovic, I want to keep Louise.

This is embarrassing.

I'm doing it to help you.

It doesn't help me at all!

Look, take Mrs Takovic to the cinema...

I saw something move under the bed?

- Under the bed? Are you sure? - Positive.

There's no one. Where could they be hiding?

I did see something move.

Look again. If Mrs Takovic...

In the kitchen! The cupboards. I'm sure they're in them.

Bruno, they're tiny.

Precisely! The children are tiny too.

Bruno, I can't find the hairdryer!

Hello. Sorry, I'm not very...

- I didn't know you were here. - Me neither.

Let me explain.

The water is cut off at Louise's. She came to shower

until the plumber...

It isn't at all what you think.

There's another here!

No, but... Hang on, let me explain.

Let me guess. Her house burnt down.

Her clothes were destroyed.

She's sheltering under your bed till the firemen come. Right?

Almost.

You found Anna?

Mrs Takovic found her. She's a very clever lady.

She sure is.

A study has revealed

men are doing 10 minutes more housework than before.

Today's guest is psycho-sociologist Simon Freudovski,

whose new book is Where's the hoover?

Up your arse!

Brigitte from Beziers is our first caller.

"Hello, Brigitte."

My husband did nothing at home. They were seven kids.

The parents worked hard. The eldest took care of the kids.

And he did a great job.

That's wonderful. It's rare.

My hubby was the youngest. Everyone did everything for him.

When we got married, he expected the same.

One day I'd had enough.

What did you do?

"What did you do?"

I divorced and married his elder brother!

That's a radical sol...

Telephone.

Excuse me.

Hello? Yes, Marianne? All right, honey?

Yes, the kids are fine.

But... Marianne, change your tone, please.

What's wrong with it? It's cutting.

I'm fed up with it... OK?

Your mum is hassling me to hire her cleaner

and you're spying on me... That's right!

Well, advising me as if I were a total dimwit.

If you didn't trust me, why go?

Let me manage. It'll be fine. In fact, everything is fine!

I haven't sent my mum to spy on you in Tokyo!

Well, you should!

She won't surprise me with two naked men!

That's for sure!

Sorry, it's all I had.

It's my fault. I invited myself over.

What can I do to make up for it?

Take me to the poison control centre.

- What if they call the police? - You could go down.

I poisoned myself too. It'll move the jury.

It's very moving.

Will I able to save my skin?

Your skin maybe but not your stomach.

Mum?

- Rubbish! - That's impossible.

She's in Tokyo.

But I saw her! She even kissed me.

It was just a dream.

It wasn't! She was here. I touched her.

Listen, pumpkin,

sometimes we think what happened in the night

really happened.

Don't you believe Mum was here?

No, I don't believe she was here.

It's because you want her. She'll come back, don't worry.

Come on.

Let's get a move on, kids.

Yes, could you tell Arnaud?

Yes, if Dédé agrees too.

Something hasn't agreed with me. Yes, that must be it.

Thanks, Corinne. Bye.

Marianne doesn't feel well. She'll go to Top Tyre tomorrow.

Got her period?

The meeting's at 9am now. Tell her.

If she's not up to it, I'll go.

She's up to it. Where are you at with Shmoll kitchens?

They were expecting a woman. Me and kitchens...

I'll give Shmoll to Laura and Campanoff to you.

What's that? Vodka?

Agricultural machinery.

Tractors, combine harvesters, ploughs...

An ex-KGB guy who recycles Red Army surplus.

Uncouth, but it's a good account.

Wants to see the farms. You'll go with him.

Bedtime! Shower tomorrow. It reeks in here.

Good night, Dad!

Marianne, it's Corinne. Same message as on your mobile.

Tomorrow's Top Tyre meeting is at 9 not 10.

Boulevard Haussmann, like last Tuesday.

Arnaud will meet you in the lobby.

Get some rest. See you at the agency.

Marianne, it's Corinne. Same message as on your mobile.

Tomorrow's Top Tyre meeting is at 9 not 10.

Marianne!

No, sir. Who do you want?

- Is Marianne Tellier there? - No, she isn't here.

Sorry.

- Yes? - I'm looking for Marianne.

There's no Marianne here.

- Are you sure? - Yes. Why would she be here?

Because she isn't in Tokyo.

- Yes? - Marianne...

Open the door. I know you're there!

Let me explain.

Open the door!

Calm down first.

I am calm! Why aren't you in Tokyo?

I didn't go.

- You didn't go? - No.

I wanted you to understand.

To live my life.

What life have you been living?

Bruno...

Know what Bruno thinks?

You left to live your life!

To change our life!

Sure!

So you'd know how yoghurts got into the fridge.

And that guy kissing you, does he know about yoghurts?

He's a neighbour.

Don't take me for a jerk!

Shall I call the police?

No, thank you.

That's a great idea! Call the police.

A fun experience!

Getting me arrested!

Shall I call the police?

She said no! Stop eavesdropping, you old bag!

Bruno, please listen to me.

Bruno!

Bruno!

Bruno...

- Come without your new pal? - I left because I love you.

Wait for an audience to say funny stuff.

- I don't want to laugh alone. - I couldn't go on.

I'd have stopped loving you.

Have you started?

When you think you might stop loving someone,

you've usually already started.

I wouldn't have lied.

You're not making sense.

Must be the jet lag. It's tiring.

I'm tired too. I'm off to bed.

Just slam the door.

- But I... - What?

You think you can leave for 2 months

then come back just because I found out?

What's the game, Marianne?

You wouldn't listen to me. I had to make you.

You can't make me do anything!

How could you leave the kids?

With their dad? I thought he'd do as good a job as me.

By changing his priorities.

François took away a client. It happens to women all the time!

How did you feel? Angry?

Fewer and fewer people work more and more.

The others have no work.

What do we do?

I have kids and ambition too.

I can't change the system.

You can. From within.

Want me to get a womb transplant?

I gave my kids their dad back. That's important.

I had to disappear.

I'll make you disappear now. There, gone!

My regards to your neighbour.

Mum, is that you?

Yes, darlings. It's me!

Mum, I dreamt you came back.

Well, I'm back!

- Forever? - I won't go away again.

Why didn't you tell us?

You should have. We'd have picked you up.

Did you get us presents?

Yes, for the 3 of you.

Yippee!

I'll be right back.

- Here! - They're ugly!

What are they?

A few weeks later...

I never stopped working.

You know what I mean. Working like before Tokyo.

Not secretary's hours.

They look after their kids!

You're an exec. I've been patient.

I can't adapt to suit your wife.

If she wants a career, a nanny can do her job at home!

Why should we pay the price?

I didn't make it by going home at 7!

- We shared out the roles. - You shared them out!

- Marianne isn't Hélène. - She should be!

If women stayed at home, kids would be well behaved

and there'd be 12 million more jobs.

They're my children. Don't you understand?

If you want to see them, you should be a teacher.

You have a problem, you find a solution.

Look behind you.

Take a book.

- What? - They were too big. Problem.

I had them all cut.

Solution. That's efficiency for you.

They're all cut?

Yes, they stuck out.

Hélène chose them.

She carried them in like they were Baby Jesus.

Impressive, huh?

- You can't read them! - Oh dear! You sound like Hélène.

I don't read, I'm a businessman!

Good authors, bad size. So, snip!

Besides, reading is for losers.

Should I decapitate my wife?

Do what you like. A couple's like a company.

Only one boss, or it's a mess.

We have a strategic dinner. You'd better be there.

Bruno?

Bruno!

- Already in bed? - I'm playing bridge.

- You're already home? - I know I'm late.

No. You're late again.

Arnaud has offered me the development director's job.

Fantastic!

I suggest you take the direction of the sofa!

Why?

It's nearer the door. You'll waste less time.

OK, but come with me.

No.

I won't go then.

- Are the kids asleep? - You remember you have some?

I even remember the man I made them with.

Incredible! But you hardly ever see him.

- He's very attractive. - Not as much as your job.

I'm allowed to love my job. Get used to it.

And this pace is temporary.

Good job.

Or your husband will be temporary!

A message from the ex-invisible man?

No! Just my final word.

Do sit down.

Why this restaurant?

It's the place everyone's talking about.

In Guadalajara?

It's the hippest place in Paris.

To Top Tyre's success and our partnership.

To Top Tyre.

In high-tech restaurants, it's like eating in a morgue.

This place is warm.

You can bring your gun. How practical!

Hello?

Yes, Louise.

They won't go to bed?

No, no, don't put them on. Wait.

Your kids refuse to go to bed. Sort it out, I'm busy.

I'm busy too! Talk to them, it'll calm them down.

Louise, put Pauline on.

Pauline, go to bed, or you're for it!

I don't care about The Voices. It's a school night!

Obey Louise, or she'll tell me.

No, she isn't a snitch. Love you, honey.

- Did you sort it? - You're interested?

Bruno, I'm with clients!

I'm here with my mates for Pancho Villa's birthday.

Don't treat me like your secretary! "Do this, I'm busy."

Well, I am busy! I still have a job.

But I might not for much longer.

I can't give up now after all my hard work.

Prefer to abandon your family?

Send the kids a photo so they know who their mum is.

They already do. They've seen only her since birth.

They know she refuses to speak to them.

Louise called you. You're their father.

Aren't you allowed kids in finance?

They should've said. We could've had you neutered!

That's how you want to play it?

I want a divorce.

And since the kids are hindering your career,

I want custody too.

How's that sound?

You need a degree now to put a dress on!

- Look at the price! - It's my treat.

After what you did to Bruno, you've got some making up to do!

I didn't do anything!

I'm not dressing like Barbie so he'll forgive me.

Where does my head go?

It's your fault for trying to change things!

You have a nice hubby with a good job,

and you ruin things with your feminist rubbish.

It isn't rubbish.

Damn!

Mr who?

No, I don't have a lawyer and I don't want one.

There's no question of me getting a divorce.

That's right, you tell Mr Tellier!

Don't agree to a divorce.

There's only one strategy: low profile and tasty little dishes.

Mum!

I'm delighted to accept the job. I've worked very hard for it.

Thanks to my husband's patience and understanding.

I owe him a lot

as you do, your wives.

You can count on me to develop this great agency

and not just be a pretty face.

- Did you get it? - Yes, I did.

That's great!

Well done!

- You should be happy. - I paid a high price.

Hello? Hello, yes, Stephan...

Yes, of course I am. Where do you think I am? The Ritz?

Well, if you can't write, you should change jobs.

Plumber, zinc worker, dental prosthesis, I don't know.

What's wrong?

I get half a book for 15 tons of bananas!

It's time we switched.

You write 15 tons of books and I'll buy you half a banana, OK?

Fuck!

That felt good.

What?

- Marianne! - Yes, Corinne.

- Your husband popped in. - Really?

He dropped the kids off and left something for you.

I put it in here. It's no one's business.

Now you can sleep at work too!

Call me a cab, please.

Not at work? That isn't reasonable.

Bruno... Why can't I open the door?

You come home early the day the kids go away.

Bruno, why can't I open the door?

If I left something out of your suitcase,

I'll send it to your office.

It isn't a problem.

Why can't I open the door?

Because I had the lock changed.

You're insane!

Let me in!

It's my flat too.

With Tokyo, your other pad and work, you've hardly been here.

Oh sorry, sorry...

- Tokyo was a lie. - Bruno!

Open the door!

Quiet! The neighbours will call the police.

You've no right! I'm hiring a lawyer.

Great! Get him to contact mine. You've got the number.

Marianne...

My key's broken. Call the locksmith.

You've got the number!

Marianne!

Conciliation Room

Alimony! The world's gone crazy.

You wanted equality!

If I want custody of the kids, it's normal.

You won't get custody!

You'll be able to work and become master of the universe.

I'm being punished? I love my work so I'm deprived of my kids?

Mr Tellier, you must sign the summons.

What you need is a part-timer and general dogsbody!

Don't forget that...

Excuse me.

Send me your conclusions, my esteemed colleague.

I thought you'd finished.

It's all right. I'll take care of them.

- The bottles are in the bag... - OK.

See you tonight.

Sorry for disturbing you.

Goodbye.

The babysitter is ill. My wife had them this morning.

But she has an important meeting.

Ah, I think they're hungry.

Can I help?

Yes, please.

There we go. Come here, pumpkin. Oh yes, yes, yes.

- Here. - Thank you.

Excuse me, would you mind? There we go.

Right, here's what'll happen

since you couldn't agree.

Mr Tellier, you'll send

a summons to Mrs Tellier.

Why do you want to take the kids?

If you still can't agree, there'll be a hearing...

Gently, please. Thank you.

The judge will decide about custody.

What do you want to do?

Shall we stop?

If you stop, I'll stop.

You're stopping?

No, we're starting over.

THE END...?

To Eliane and Eliane

Subtitles: Eclair Media