Original subtitles

I know what he likes touched and where.

Lovemaking is everything.

It's little touches, it's little kisses.

Teasing, you can tease for quite a long time and then stop, and it doesn't

result in anything. It can be mildly frustrating and it can be very

but it's still fun and it's still lovemaking.

Sex is really communication. It's really a case of talking to each other.

A good sexual relationship has got to be based on honesty and trust.

and communication and if you're madly in love then it's wonderful but the no

pressure to have sex the no pressure to have to please her is the big turn on

because she makes me feel like i'm wanted i like kissing and that's really

important because it's um proper contact you know you just haven't got to have

sex just being with someone lying there and whatever happens happens

In our teens and early twenties, sex itself is often seen as something that's

valid in its own right, rather than part of a one -to -one relationship.

As a result, it can become a series of conquests or one -night stands.

However, what most of us are searching for, whatever our sexual orientation, is

a way of combining love and sex that makes sense in a world in which more of

are trying to stay committed to our one -to -one relationships.

Strange as it may seem, This could mean adopting somewhat different attitudes to

sex and relationships, some of which are pretty traditional.

Everybody has their own views on romance and courtship.

Some couples leap into bed within hours of meeting and then embark on a long

getting -to -know -you period, and others wait for some considerable time

seal their commitments to one another before having sex.

Either way, most people claim that sex with someone they know and care about is

almost always better and more satisfying.

In the earliest stages of courtship, we select our partner, approach him or her,

and slowly seek their approval.

Many animals have highly elaborate courtship rituals, and not all of us as

animals have lost this skill, particularly in the early stages of

partner.

Yeah, looks do matter, yeah.

Eyes and smiles.

And her lips do it for me.

His hair and his body and his arms, everything built together.

The hard part, though, is continuing to court one another on an ongoing basis.

If we do, it means that should the genital part of our relationship falter,

we'll have something else to fall back on.

We won't be tempted simply to throw in the towel and look elsewhere.

Committed involvement means giving up one kind of freedom for another, much

deeper one.

It enables us to be loved and to love, to be understood and to understand,

and to achieve all of this not in spite of ourselves, but for ourselves.

Nurturing this caring and involvement with another creates intimacy in which

are free to be truly ourselves.

Essential to this process is communication and understanding, sharing

problems that are an inevitable part of life, and openly discussing our needs

and those of our partner.

This touching of minds should, ideally, be as open as the touching of bodies.

If you're close enough to actually make love, then you should be close enough to

be able to talk about it. If you try and do it without talking, you're just

asking for trouble.

We can use ordinary daily activities to build loving behaviour and attitudes

into our lives, to form the basis of our life together.

Sex in this setting becomes a joyous high point, because such a couple are

making love all the time, even if they're not doing anything genitally.

And when they are, no one forces anyone to do anything sexual.

And there are few no -go areas, because the individuals are in tune with one

another for so much of the time.

This might sound something of an ideal, and no one is suggesting that

maintaining a relationship is easy.

We all encounter bad times.

But it's not that hard to cope with any lows if the foundations of the

relationship are strong.

Even with all this trust, goodwill and intimacy, building it into our sex lives

usually comes about through trial and error.

In some ways, this can work well.

Unfortunately, many of us can also spend a lifetime making mistakes that could

have been avoided.

The drive to have sex is certainly instinctual, but how, when, where and

who we do it is largely learned.

Many of us mislearn a lot about sex early in life, and then find it hard to

unlearn our bad habits and unhelpful attitudes.

Whilst there are many facets to a healthy and happy relationship, sex

very special part.

A great sex life doesn't usually just happen.

It's a journey of discovery between two people.

How we perceive our own sexuality, or that of others, in the formative years,

and how we are initiated into sex itself, can all have a lasting effect.

Often, our expectations are quite inappropriate.

As with any learning process, always be prepared to listen and learn, both from

your own feelings and those of your partner.

If you do, the journey will be exciting and fun, whatever stage you're at in

your relationship.

The first step on our journey is to accept our body while trying to care for

and respect it.

This helps our personal sense of self -esteem.

and is a compliment to our partner.

Actually, most people, men included, want a caring and sincere partner rather

than one who just looks sexy.

I think you have to like your body and love your body to appreciate anybody

else's. And you can't expect somebody to love your body if you don't.

Self -acceptance means taking a delight in the things we like about ourselves.

and being prepared to live with those that can't be changed.

We like to look nice for each other. Definitely. If you have confidence in

yourself when you're undressed, I think the aura you give off does help.

I think some people have problems with aura sex because they're ashamed of

bodies. The only time I can actually orgasm is if I'm totally happy with my

body.

Accepting ourselves also means acknowledging that we have sexual needs.

Our first encounter with our sexual selves is usually self -stimulation.

Masturbation is an activity in which almost everyone indulges, if only from

to time.

Most people continue to masturbate throughout their lives, even if they are

happy and committed relationship.

It can simply provide physical relief and is rarely a reflection on the

relationship.

Men's genitals are so obvious that they tend to know them well.

The clearest sign of male sexual arousal is an erection.

Tissue within the penis fills with blood, making it stiffen.

As arousal increases, so does heart rate.

Breathing quickens and the nostrils flare.

The muscles tense, the nipples erect and the man feels excited.

The skin of the scrotum thickens and retracts, and there's an increasing urge

for further stimulation of the penis.

When arousal reaches a certain point, ejaculation is imminent, and he can't

back.

At orgasm, there's a rhythmic throbbing of the penis as semen is pumped out.

In some animals, quick and easy ejaculation is actually an advantage.

in the efficient impregnation of females.

But in human relationships, where females need longer for their own

where lovemaking is part of an emotional relationship, so -called premature

ejaculation can be a real problem.

I've suffered from premature ejaculation and coming too quickly.

Depends, I can control it much better when I've come once.

A man can learn control by bringing himself close to orgasm, then either

thopping or using this squeeze technique to lower his level of excitement.

When the penis is floppy, it can be re -aroused.

This cycle is then repeated through several erections or until a certain

say 15 minutes, has elapsed.

Many men find it helps their lovemaking if they have the confidence to control

their time to orgasm and even to know that they can enjoy an erection without

having to ejaculate.

Control and delay can actually make for stronger orgasms for the man himself,

and he'll be able to last much longer when satisfying his partner, which is

for her.

Whereas almost all young men feel a need to ejaculate to relieve sexual tension,

many women say that their need for an orgasm is not so compelling.

There are, of course, enormous variations on this, and it's unwise to

too much.

Unfortunately, in a masculine -dominated culture such as ours, both men and

women attempted to think of the responses of the sexes as far too

goal -centred, and something to be strived for in a masculine -driven way.

Whilst male and female sexual responses are indeed somewhat similar at a

biological level, it seems that for many the emotional significance is rather

different.

Given that all of this can change within any one person over the years, it's

vital that couples talk this through and share their similarities and

differences.

As I encourage people to share their innermost feelings and experiences with

their partners, they come to realise how similar they are in many ways and how

they can learn and benefit from their differences.

This almost always brings couples closer together, both in and out of bed.

Many men believe that if their partner doesn't have an orgasm, they have

failed as lovers.

Surveys show, though, that roughly two -thirds of all women don't reach a

from penetrative intercourse alone, and that many greatly enjoy sex even if they

have orgasms only from time to time.

Clearly, every woman should learn about her own arousal.

She can only do this by learning how to masturbate.

Yeah, I've always found it very easy to have an orgasm.

When I was 23, I lived with four other girls.

And a friend of mine said, I'm not sure if I've had an orgasm or not. And I

said, you know, if you've had an orgasm, you wouldn't know.

I do masturbate.

Why? Because it's for me. I masturbate because I like to and

I enjoy it.

When women stimulate themselves, they tend not, like men, to recreate the

of intercourse.

Instead of replicating the sensation of a penis sliding in and out of the

vagina, by and large, stimulation is centered on the clitoris.

The body changes in a woman are very similar to those in a man.

However, the average woman usually takes longer to become aroused, lasts longer,

and here there's a big difference, is capable of almost instant re -arousal.

As excitement begins, the nipples erect and the breath swell.

With increased blood flow, there may be a sex flush over the chest and neck, and

the genitals become filled with blood, which makes them swell and darken,

especially around the inner lip.

Stimulation of the clitoris makes it erect.

The outer lips also swell and open up, and the vagina begins to produce fluid.

As sexual tension grows, the vagina balloons at its top end, and the

may seem to disappear.

Orgasm itself occurs when there are intense contractions of the pelvic

and uterus.

The woman's body may go into a sort of spasm, she may groan or cry out, and

or bite her lip as the sensations flood through her.

or it may be hardly noticeable.

For some women, though, achieving or enjoying orgasms can be more difficult

for men.

Yet with practice and a willingness to be open, it's possible to make real

progress, particularly if you talk it through with your partner.

If you as a woman are like this, there are several things you can do for

yourself to make orgasms more likely or more pleasurable.

Firstly... Learn to relax with your own body.

Appreciate it and discover what feels nice about it and let yourself go with

your feelings.

Get to know your own genitals, both aroused and unaroused.

While masturbating, caress other areas while concentrating on the clitoris.

Think about using a vibrator to stimulate yourself.

Indulge in your fantasies. Get lost in them.

Remember the mind is probably the most powerful sex organ.

However switched on we think we are in daily life, we all have at least some

inhibitions about sex.

The most important thing to bear in mind about inhibitions is that they are

largely a brake on pleasure, not only on what we do.

Dispelling inhibitions can be difficult though, because many of us find it hard

to be truly open with one another.

I do sometimes feel a bit inhibited.

I feel...

At times, yes, I think I could probably be more expressive.

I think people have a lot of hang -ups about sex.

I mean, some people are perhaps not very sexual.

You know, they just don't have the feelings there. But I think in the main,

because people have a hang -up about it. Lack of communication is a problem.

There again, I think that's because of hang -ups as well, because they think

their partner's going to think they're dirty or something if they talk about

what they'd like, you know.

I felt very odd because I thought I'm really missing out something here, you

know. If a woman can't make love with the lights on and be on top without

feeling on show, she's got to be sitting on top of the guy making love with the

lights on and feeling proud of herself to reach orgasm.

That's the way I see it.

One of the best ways of discovering each other's bodies is through massage.

It is a satisfying form of loving behavior in itself, and can be a

prelude to sex.

Massage is simply a structured way of touching one another.

It's a beautiful way of getting closer and learning how to surrender to someone

else.

The basic aim is to produce relaxing and pleasurable sensations for the person

receiving. So, of course, the giver will also benefit in various ways.

Don't massage bony areas.

Stick to the fleshy parts.

and try to be gentle.

The main things are to keep your hands on your partner's body throughout and to

maintain a soothing rhythmic flow.

Above all, worry less about technique than discovering from one another what

feels best.

Once learned, massage can be an effective way to relax and not just in

When one partner, for example, comes in tense from work, it helps if the other

could spare a few minutes to massage their neck and shoulders.

Sensual massage done with love and care builds trust in a way almost nothing

else can.

We get used to seeing our partner totally naked, we put ourselves in their

to produce the best feelings for us, and we trust them to handle us with

reverence and respect.

With massage, we learn to relax in someone else's presence and give and

love and bodily pleasure without the pressure of having to have intercourse.

Well, I like him licking me and stroking me. He likes to stroke me and I love

it. I find it ever so erotic to be gently stroked.

If the mood is right and one or other of you wants to take things further, it's

fun sometimes to let sensual massage become more erotic.

Try a feather or some fur.

A woman's hair can drive her man wild.

Wetting an area and then blowing on it can be extremely erotic, especially on

the nipples.

Set some special times aside.

and with practice and imagination you'll find that your instincts will take you

into realms of pleasure you have never dreamt of.

Having learnt about our own arousal, and how to appreciate and touch one another

naked, it's very helpful to get to know one another's genital geography and

patterns of arousal.

Ideally, this should happen at an early stage of a committed sexual

relationship.

But even after years of not getting this far, mutual exploration can bring about

real insights and benefits.

So, one day, when you're feeling really relaxed, try to overcome any shyness or

inhibitions and take it in turns to examine one another's genitals in some

detail.

Take your time and share with one another what you discover.

Start off by simply looking at the outside of her vulva.

What you can see are the large outer lips.

You may have to open these gently to reveal the small inner ones.

These come together at the top to form a little hood, which covers over the tip

of the clitoris.

This is highly sensitive.

For most women, clitoral stimulation is the best way to produce an orgasm.

What looks like a little indentation or even an obvious hole beneath the head of

the clitoris is the opening of the urinary passage.

Below this is the vagina and a bit further back the anus.

Around the opening of the vagina there are often small flaps of skin.

These are the remains of the woman's hymen that shut off the vaginal opening

before she first used a tampon or had sex.

They're very small in this woman and can hardly be seen.

Now you're ready to feel.

Go back up to the clitoris and run your finger over the body of the organ, just

above the head.

It feels like a little pencil.

Take the inner and outer lips between your fingers and see what they feel

Run your finger around the vaginal opening and then around the perineum.

That's the bridge of tissue between the vagina and anus.

Now insert a finger into the vagina and feel its walls.

They're wet and crinkly, especially along the front wall up towards the

tummy.

This front wall may have a sensitive area called the G -spot, which gives

pleasure when stroked, and in some women can bring them to orgasm if stimulated

for long enough.

Push your finger in a little more until you come across something that feels

like the tip of your nose.

This is the woman's cervix, or neck of the womb.

Talk to your partner about all of this and find out which areas are the nicest

when stimulated.

Make sure she is as aware as you have become of what all the parts are.

A man's genitals are easy to see though many women haven't taken the trouble to

have a detailed look.

Start with the penis itself first, because it's the most obvious bit.

Pull back the foreskin if the man has one to reveal the glands or head.

At its tip is the opening that lets out both urine and semen.

Just underneath this is a little ridge of skin called the frenum.

Most men say this is their most sexually arousing part.

Next, turn your attention to the scrotum.

This bag of skin contains the balls or testicles.

You might see the muscles in the scrotum contract under the skin.

Now feel the balls themselves.

They are largely a mass of coiled tubes containing sperms that are maturing

ready for ejaculation.

At the top of each ball is a hard cord which can be felt between finger and

thumb. This is the vas deferens.

It is this tube that is cut and tied when a man has a vasectomy.

Now look at the base of the penis and feel all around it.

The penis has a sort of root that goes back towards the anus.

Feel this and look at the anal area while you are here.

A man's G -spot is centered in his prostate gland, which can be reached by

inserting a well -lubricated finger into his anus.

It can cause exquisite sensations gently to stimulate the front wall of the

rectum with the pad of the finger.

After these exploration sessions, take time, either then or later, to share

you've discovered.

What was new? What surprised you?

If necessary, go back and repeat any of this.

Being this open with each other shows real care, acceptance and interest.

And such intimate knowledge can make you feel very much closer to one another.

Now you both have an intimate knowledge of the sexual parts, you may be

sufficiently at ease with each other to allow your partner to watch while you

masturbate.

This helps us become an expert on our lover's arousal and to learn to

them as well or perhaps even better than they can do it themselves.

You know where to touch to make him more turned on.

So more than turn me on, I actually learn from it.

This is a major step in being at ease with one another sexually.

Again, ensure the setting's right.

The room warm and private.

Perhaps put some music on, if it helps, or have a small drink.

Then, be guided by what your partner best enjoys.

Some, for example, like to be cuddled, others just to be watched.

It's pleasurable to watch each other masturbate, and it's fun.

Yes, I enjoy watching him masturbate, very much.

It just seems so rude, you know. I mean, in a nice way, it seems really rude. I

like watching that.

As your man starts to arouse himself, watch the position of his hands and

fingers. See how much pressure he exerts, the rate and extent of his

Notice the changes in his penis and scrotum.

Does he stimulate other parts of his body?

Look for changes in breathing, muscular contractions and facial expression.

Is there any pre -ejaculatory fluid?

Watch the amount and force of the initial spurt and further spurts.

What happens as he calms down?

Have a cuddle and kiss.

and talk about the experience.

Reverting the roles can be difficult for either sex.

Some women are not only shy about displaying this most private of

but because of this also find it hard to relax sufficiently to bring themselves

to a climax, even when they have no problem doing so alone.

Their man may have to show a lot of care and consideration at first.

Now it's the man's turn to observe and learn.

I have masturbated in front of my partner.

It's exciting.

Watch her body and leg positions, how she stimulates her vulva and clitoris,

what she does with the other hand.

What changes are there in her breath, vulva, and face?

See how she behaves during orgasm and what happens afterwards.

I think it's really nice that you can do that, be really open and just mess

about without worrying what I think.

For me personally, I think it's more of a turn -on, just watching, than actually

learning or looking at it as a learning experience.

I think seeing her giving herself pleasure, if you like, in a state of

Just being part of that.

Again, kiss and cuddle, and sometimes try talking about the experience.

Most men find watching their lover masturbating very arousing.

At some stage, once you've had several goes at learning about your partner's

responses, you'll find it useful and exciting to try to replicate things for

them. This is the time to put into practice the things you've learned from

observing your partner earlier on.

With trust and patience, it should be possible for you to learn, perhaps over

few sessions, what best pleases your partner.

There's definitely something to be learned from watching your partner

masturbate.

In terms of the female body, not every guy is aware of the erogenous zone and

therefore I see it as an essential part of a relationship.

Things are different when my partner does it because it's more exciting,

when you do it with your partner. It's like you're enjoying him enjoying

and, you know, it's a bit nicer, I think.

Gently correcting him or her by loving guidance always works best.

Encouragement and feedback are the keys to success with this exercise.

And you'll be surprised how quickly you learn if you're both trusting and open.

Yeah, you really do need to watch and learn because I don't think there's

anything worse than getting it wrong.

And if it's wrong, it's absolutely awful. But with us, because we are

and because we are open and honest, and we will say what we like and don't like,

then it's not a problem. And as I say, it just gets better and better.

Changing things round now gives your partner his turn.

Don't forget that every one of us is different, so no matter how many

we've had, we'll still need to learn about our particular lover from scratch,

we are to honour him or her as a unique sexual individual, rather than treat

them like some sort of robot.

Once again, loving discussion is essential at some stage after this

that both of you can get the best rewards out of what you've learned.

Bye now!

you will probably both be happy and at ease with caressing one another

in a way that doesn't produce arousal, and genitally and in other ways that do.

Sex isn't just a bodily experience.

It often starts in and is usually maintained by the mind.

People are sometimes ashamed or guilty about the raunchiness of their private

sexual fantasies.

The truth is we all use fantasy in our love lives, even if we only do so

unconsciously.

Improving the quality and excitement of your fantasies can help develop your sex

life. Yeah, I think people probably are afraid of discussing fantasies because

they probably think that nobody else has thoughts like them.

Most of my fantasies are quite wild, I suppose. Things that you really...

would really shock people i think if people don't have their sexual fantasies

they should make them up in a relationship to keep things alive and

it gives your partner imagination as well in fact the level of anyone's

can be vastly increased just by switching to a better fantasy in pacing

you want to try to come together Either person can often bring themselves to a

high state of arousal by thinking of a particularly exciting fantasy.

A tricky area for many couples is whether they should discuss the subject.

The answer is that it can help understanding and can overcome

if done like this, it's fine.

It's no hang -up, you know, if I've got something weird, you know, and I'll act

out any fantasy that my partner wants. When we're making love, you know, I

fantasize or she fantasizes with me.

We're not scared to act out or ask.

You're not harming anyone and you're just enjoying each other's company.

When you decide to open up the subject, make sure you are both happy, relaxed

and aroused.

Never share a fantasy just because you want your partner to know something.

Always ask yourself whether the relationship will benefit or suffer as a

of what you're about to share.

Start off with simple things.

And if all goes well, you can safely work up to more complex themes.

Whether or not you eventually choose to have fun acting out any of your

fantasies will be up to you, of course.

But just because we share something in this way doesn't mean that we have to do

it in real life.

Oral sex is, for many people, a part of their sexual menu either as a whole

banquet, or as one dish in a meal.

Mouth play is perhaps the most intimate form of lovemaking.

The lips and tongue are a delicious means of exploring and showing that you

your partner's body.

I adore oral sex.

I think it's wonderful.

Me too.

We're the oral sex angler. Oh, absolutely.

The ultimate maybe mouth to genital contact.

But there's a lot of skin area besides, including major erogenous areas such as

the lips, earlobes and nipples.

The whole subject calls for trust and reassurance.

Men can sometimes find it difficult to relax and enjoy.

They may even fear that their partner will inadvertently bite their penis.

Either partner may worry about the appearance of their genitals or genital

odour. Women can fear being choked.

by taking a penis too deeply into their mouth or worry about the taste or harm

of swallowing semen i can't personally think of any reason whatsoever why

anybody would find oral sex giving or receiving distasteful i suppose i can

maybe from the taste point of view for a girl receiving semen that maybe they

find it unpleasant i think maybe it's because if you haven't done it before

don't know what to expect you don't know what the taste is going to be like how

much is going to be of it But I think do it once and you'll convert.

These fears and misunderstandings can be overcome if you both want to by

ensuring cleanliness, either getting used to the taste of semen or not going

far as orgasm, covering teeth with lips and so on.

But the real issue is a willingness to try.

If shyness or deeper inhibitions get in the way, try to overcome them gradually.

One effective way is to build the thought of oral sex into your erotic

fantasies.

How about trying the following practical steps?

Always stopping or even going back a stage as soon as you feel uncomfortable.

Begin by enjoying having oral contact with other parts of the body.

Kiss your partner's genitals.

Take this slowly and find out what you both enjoy.

Gently try licking specific areas.

For the man, begin with the clitoris. For the woman, the head of the penis.

Try taking your partner's penis into your mouth.

Bring him close to orgasm, perhaps, but finish off outside.

Try tasting the semen.

Try going the whole way with each other.

The woman, perhaps starting off by spitting out the semen into a paper

and the man bringing her to a climax with his tongue.

With time and encouragement, even the most reserved of people can overcome

inhibitions and open up a whole new area of love and enjoyment in their sex

lives.

Of course, oral sex, including the genitals, isn't everyone's idea of fun,

for some it'll be a pleasure they enjoy only when highly aroused or as a

particular favour for one another.

True lovemaking is personalized to one's partner, involves mutual commitment,

and is an integral part of a couple's lifestyle.

It calls for insight and imagination, improves with time, can be varied

according to our needs, knows no barriers, adapts well to occasional

and positively encourages improvement.

Above all, it involves communication.

No true partnership can grow unless the people involved are constantly open to

sharing the initiative and reassessing what's going on between them.

In a loving sexual relationship, Power and control are not issues.

There's give and take on both sides.

Such a couple are constantly reappraising their loving and sexual

things don't stagnate or become boring.

It'll be obvious by now that the way I see intercourse is not as the start of a

relationship, but as the consummation of a lovemaking partnership.

Where do all the sex positions we hear so much about actually fit in?

True intercourse, as opposed to loveless copulation, has so many valuable

aspects to it that the position in which we make love becomes almost

insignificant.

Many happily matched couples say that they make love in the same few positions

for the whole of their lives together and greatly enjoy it.

But we can enhance our pleasure in sex by choosing positions that are better

one or both of us.

So what really matters?

First of all, the angle at which the penis enters the vagina can make a lot

difference to the sensations for both partners.

By and large, when the woman has her legs straight, penetration is

and when they are drawn back, deepest.

By altering her leg positions, a woman can make her man's penis come into

contact with almost anywhere she likes within her pelvis.

Wendy has got such incredible muscles and one thing Wendy has done ever since

early days from what I understand, she's always worked very hard in making sure

she can hold her muscles in the right position and it even practices with,

a pencil or something.

Positions in which the woman is on all fours allows the penis to penetrate

deeply. and also to stimulate the front wall of the vagina around the G -spot.

This can be exquisite for women, and a few say that they can only ever climax

during intercourse when using this position.

Either can reach the woman's clitoris, and this in itself can make for high

levels of arousal.

Sex at its best involves quite a lot of movement.

Certain positions are best depending on which one wants to move.

Obviously. Man on top positions, like the missionary position, mean that the

woman can't move much.

But when she is on top, she's free to move about as much as she likes.

But it's not just the whole of our bodies that we can move when making

A woman can contract her pelvic muscles on her man's penis.

This can be highly arousing for both.

I enjoy a lot of position, whatever feels good at the time.

Basically, we're not too inhibited about what we do, if inhibited at all.

He too can twitch his penis to produce exciting sensations inside her.

With practice and openness, it's possible to develop a whole range of

and rewarding movements and rhythms that can transform the sex act from ordinary

to memorable.

This is yet another area in which a couple can explore, tease, enrich, and

expand their sexual repertoire if they're willing to experiment and learn.

As you become more experienced with one another, you'll be able to build up a

collection of lovemaking positions that suit every occasion, every mood.

This personalised sort of lovemaking is an investment that ensures maximum

pleasure most of the time, and makes other members of the opposite sex seem a

very poor second best.

Much has been written and said about how to behave after sex.

The truth is that most people feel content, relaxed, loving and often ready

sleep, especially if they make love in the evening.

It's a big build -up and then it's like a release and I sort of feel really like

relaxed and there's absolutely like no strength left and crossed out sort of

thing. Intercourse can stir up big emotions, if only on some occasions, and

people like to cuddle and talk intimately after sex.

It's probably a mistake, though, to make too much of this and expect meaningful

or deeply significant sharing after most lovemaking sessions.

A satisfactory and satisfying sexual life builds trust and intimacy, which

most of us more able to share intimacies at any time.

It's natural for couples like this to want to experiment and enhance their

lovemaking in all kinds of ways.

Sex toys, erotic videos, sexy dressing up games and many other activities can

enable us to indulge our needs for variety and novelty, yet stay faithful

one -to -one relationship.

Don't be scared to experiment, you know. Not to get stale or in any kind of rut.

You must always keep that spark, you know, try and excite your partner.

In this way, couples can become self -sufficient for a whole lifetime

Sex is a highly complex part of our lives, and reflects our past, our

and especially our current moods and emotions outside the bedroom.

Most of us know that sometimes sex is great, and sometimes a disaster. But for

most of us, the majority of the time, sex is simply okay.

If you work on the basic assumption that out of every ten lovemaking sessions

it'll be brilliant once, a disaster about once or twice, and the rest of the

time it'll simply be okay, you won't go far wrong.

Sex really, when it comes down to it, is really like most things in life.

Sometimes it's an unfulfilled thing for both of you.

Many couples believe the myth that sex should score 10 out of 10 every time.

Of course, it can't.

When there are problems, sex and marital therapists find that helping couples

get things right outside the bedroom often sorts things out within it.

Some people think that a row can be solved by having sex, but there's no

turn -off than when we are feeling hurt, misunderstood and angry.

So much of our enjoyment of sex depends on our current emotional and

psychological state, and few couples who have a bad relationship have a good sex

life.

Other factors which affect sex are our state of health, how much energy we

how our partner's feeling,

the stresses and strains of family and everyday life, and so on.

When sex goes wrong, it's helpful to remember to take things gently and not

start worrying unnecessarily.

Worry in itself can turn a short -term hiccup into a real problem.

Catch things early on, and you won't become disappointed and let failure

feeding on itself.

Some men...

can come to believe that any sexual failure is the beginning of the end of

sexual life.

This concern is usually unfounded, but worrying about it can make it become a

fact. If it's just the odd disappointing episode, try abstaining from

intercourse for a few days, and you'll be surprised how quickly things can get

back to normal.

Remember to talk about things.

A partner's problem outside the bedroom may result in the other feeling hurt and

rejected in bed, because they are just not aware of what is going wrong.

On many occasions, a simple chat or a cuddle will avoid hurt and rejection at

later stage.

Even if one of you has a more persistent sexual problem, there may be things

that you can do for yourselves to remedy the situation.

Poor arousal is the most common complaint in women.

But this can often be overcome if the man spends more time doing what she

especially caressing her clitoris.

I can't actually have an orgasm unless I've been sort of stimulated for a

certain amount of time anyway.

The only time I do orgasm is if I do talk dirty whilst making love,

or if it's a big build -up with oral sex before the intercourse.

It does take a lot of hard work and a builder for me to reach that.

I think it's just, if you think about it, you won't.

Remember that although most women find intercourse enjoyable, the vast majority

don't have an orgasm from penetration alone.

If a woman does want to have an orgasm during lovemaking, it often helps if she

first learns to bring herself to a climax and then teaches her partner how

the same.

Such a couple can now change their love -making techniques to include things

that make orgasms more likely for the woman.

Often this will involve more loving behaviour in everyday life, and the man

taking more time and care when making love.

A man can help his partner have an orgasm during penetration by using a

that gives maximum stimulation to the clitoris, or they as a couple can use a

position that allows either to stimulate the clitoral area manually during

intercourse.

Ejaculating too soon can be overcome in many cases by the man alone, as we saw

earlier, or by the couple.

You can help your man with his premature ejaculation by getting him aroused and

then asking him to tell you when he feels he's about to cum.

When he gives you a signal, use this squeeze technique until he loses his

erection.

Repeat the process over several arousals, perhaps over some weeks, until

confident that he can control his ejaculation.

Even a very trigger -happy man can be helped in this way over a few weeks to

have perfect ejaculatory control.

A good start when dealing with sex problems yourself is to take the

intercourse and get back to courtship.

This helps us learn to love and be loved in other ways.

You could use various parts of this video as a sexual program for

doing things in stages in order to develop both the way you relate and your

lives together.

Begin by going back to courting each other in your everyday lives.

Make sure you're completely happy with each other naked.

Massage one another sensually, just for the pleasure of it.

Make the massage more erotic, but without going for an orgasm.

Get to know one another's genitals intimately.

Masturbate in front of one another.

Masturbate each other.

Tell one another your fantasies, if they can be shared.

Find which sexual positions suit you best.

And lastly, take it in turns to initiate things.

By following this series of 10 steps over some weeks or months, you will be

on the way to abandoning old restraints and inhibitions and learning to

cooperate, growing together and trusting one another.

The main point is to increase communication, not just sexually, but

relationship generally.

If you follow a program like this, you can change sex from copulation into real

lovemaking.

On the vast majority of occasions that we make love, we are not trying for a

baby. As most couples have only one or two babies in their whole sexual

together, it's obvious that sex today has much less to do with procreation

with recreation.

Modern contraception has largely taken away the anxiety that sexual pleasure

might lead to unwanted pregnancy.

All contraceptive methods have their successes and failures.

The two most effective are sterilization and the pill.

However, other types can be very reliable if used with care, and it's

matter of trial and error within any one couple to find which suits them best at

any particular stage of their reproductive life.

In the early years together, the pill is a favorite because it is so easy to use

and is extremely reliable.

Some questions have been raised about its safety, particularly for women who

smoke. are overweight, or have high blood pressure, where the risk is

thrombosis.

Unconfirmed links have been made between using it and breast and cervical

cancer, but equally it may protect against cancer of the ovaries.

And one great gain for women with long and heavy periods is in reducing and

regulating these.

Side effects such as depression or weight gain can usually be overcome by

doctor changing you to a different brand of pill.

In our relationship, Julie being on the pill is terrific.

She used to have really heavy periods.

They'd go on for upwards of a week or more.

And since she's been on the pill, they're a lot shorter and a lot lighter.

And just from a purely selfish point of view, that's great because it means we

can have sex more.

Sterilisation is now the most popular method with couples after they have

decided to have no more children.

This is usually the stage in a couple's life before the woman's menopause when

long -term absolute reliability is called for.

Well over a third of all couples in their 30s and beyond use this method

either the woman being sterilized or the man having a vasectomy.

The peace of mind that this brings enables the couple to devote their love,

attention and material resources to their existing children.

Many of the couple whose love life starts a new chapter once fears of

pregnancies are out of the way.

Increasing numbers of couples are learning about natural family planning.

This sophisticated and modern adaptation of the rhythm method is based on

identifying the fertile days of a woman's cycle from changes in her

mucus and body temperature.

The condom or a diaphragm can then be used during fertile days if she wishes.

I was really worried before I had my vasectomy that it would wreck my sex

but exactly the opposite is the case.

I couldn't bring myself to be sterilised because if there was an accident

involving my children and they died, I'd definitely want some more.

So Harry had a vasectomy and we spanked some of his semen as a backup.

It was a big decision for us both to have my tubes tied. We discussed it with

the doctor.

And even if something happened, Dave left me or died, we just decided that we

didn't want any more kids and it was the most sensible thing to do.

Other methods, such as the IUD, the diaphragm, cap and the condom, are, it

be said, not as reliable as the pill or sterilisation.

IUDs are small plastic devices, usually wound with copper, which are inserted

into the womb by a doctor.

They are effective long -term and have a high reliability rate.

However, they have been known to increase infection and often lead to

periods.

This and highly publicised problems with early types has made them unpopular.

Diaphragms and the smaller cervical cap are made of soft rubber and fit over the

cervix or neck of the womb as a barrier to sperm.

They must be used with spermicidal cream.

and are inserted any time up to three hours before having sex.

I don't want to be taking the pill all the time because Peter's away so much.

only make love a couple of times a month.

So it's more convenient to use the diaphragm. We just use it when he's

The most used barrier method is the sheath or condom.

It can be put on as part of foreplay.

The air is squeezed out of the tip as it's placed on the end of the penis and

then unrolled.

Care needs to be taken to anchor the device during withdrawal so that no

escapes.

Keeping sex alive, fun and exciting, over any length of time, takes

creativity and an investment of time, interest and commitment.

Try making love in new places.

Get away for short breaks with one another whenever you can and take every

opportunity to enrich and enhance your loving life together.

This will not only make sex an enduring pleasure, but will increase your value

to one another as special people.

Sex, like any other skill, tends to improve with time, practice, and the

effort needed to try new things.

Most couples who enjoy sex make love frequently.

This reliability takes the strain off when and how many times they have sex.

It becomes an ongoing feature of their loving life together.

Such a couple communicate well in bed, in everyday life, and know that

occasional failures will very soon be overcome.

We've called this video The Lover's Guide.

But remember, it is only a guide.

The journey is yours as you seek to enhance your sexual, romantic, and

life together.

Sexual satisfaction is a pleasure that is open to us all.

Real enjoyment in expressing our sexual nature positively and without guilt is

one of the glories of being human.

We can all increase our pleasure in this area of our lives through greater

knowledge and practice.

For the majority of people, The greatest difficulty of their sexual life is

communicating exactly what they feel or want to their partner.

Surveys show that communication problems rank highest of all in the list of

reasons people give for getting divorced.

He never listened to me, my first guy.

It was just like we were living on different planets.

I just want him to hear what I was saying, just so that I could feel he

understood.

My first marriage really flunked because we became total strangers.

And now my new girlfriend and I really talk a lot. And as long as we keep on

being open like this, I can't see this relationship really going wrong.

One of the most important things in a relationship is to feel that there's

mutual understanding.

Indeed, one of the greatest sources of friction is feeling misunderstood, or

even perhaps not understood at all.

It first struck me one day when one of my husband's friends just sat and

listened to me that I realised what I'd been missing all those years.

Quite honestly, just because he seemed to understand me, I started falling for

him right there and then.

Although most of us think of communication between two people as

talking, in fact it has much more to do with listening.

This can be very difficult to do, especially when it comes to discussing a

tricky subject such as sex and relationships.

The first thing we have to do is to put our own ego to one side so that we can

be truly receptive to our partner.

Very often, our own thoughts get in the way so badly that we're not listening at

all to what's being said.

Though I reckon I express myself perfectly clearly, he always misses the

In my experience, men in general don't want to hear what women have to say.

Enormous numbers of sexual and relationship problems would be solved if

listened to one another more empathically.

The aim is to try to understand what her partner's feeling.

When he says, it seems to me you're feeling ignored, even if he hasn't quite

it right, it shows he's trying to understand, and I feel so much warmer

him. I used to always barge in and put up blocks to what my wife was saying,

I'm trying, and it's helped our relationship no end. Good sex in strong

relationships happens where partners recognise that, at its core, there's a

sense of emotional connection.

Try really listening to one another.

Identify your partner's main emotion, then reflect it back to them in a

and loving way.

I've helped more couples to a happier sex life by improving their

skills than I ever have by helping them with their better ones.

Every couple can benefit from setting special times aside just for each other.

This is even more important as the years go by, when most people find that they

become lazy about the amount and quality of time they spend together.

As a result, their intimate life falls short of what they would like, or even

fails altogether.

Well -meaning resolutions to improve things don't often work in the long

much more positive is the decision to create special times to be together.

This provides a way of returning to old intimacies, or perhaps of discovering

things for the first time, even after many years.

But for a lot of couples, particularly those with children or a heavy work

schedule, it can be difficult to find a few hours just to themselves.

If this is the case for you...

Pack the kids off to relations or friends and take the phone off the hook.

Occasionally go further, take a day off or go away together for a weekend or

more.

One of the best times for trying all of this out is on a sensual holiday.

Getting away together is best. Then we can really enjoy ourselves in a way that

we never can at home.

Anticipation can be increased by giving one another love notes before the

special event, perhaps sending them to his or her workplace, or dropping them

a handbag or briefcase for their lover to discover.

I love it when she phones me and tells me how much she's looking forward to our

time together.

It makes me feel great because I know she can't wait to be with me.

You could have some flowers sent or buy your partner some underwear to increase

the sense of occasion.

Try to keep away from the obvious and build up sexual tension with romance and

courtship.

Pick your partner up and take him or her out for a meal or perhaps even cook a

special one at home.

Tell your lover of the plans you have to seduce him or her later.

Play some courtship games.

They can be all the more exciting if there's a danger of discovery.

Hold each other close and arouse one another with whispered sweet nothings.

If you're in private, few things are more erotic than stripping each other

slowly as you dance.

Stripping for one another can be an art in itself.

The basic principle is to take things slowly.

Never to do anything which looks ridiculous.

Men with socks but no trousers come high on the list here.

And to leave the besties till last.

Touching isn't really allowed, but you'll probably find that you won't be

to keep your hands off one another.

Don't miss any opportunity in public or private to touch and kiss in a way that

reinforces your feelings for each other.

If you're in public, it could be very arousing to let your partner know that

you're naked under your top clothes.

At home or at a hotel, don't rush straight to bed, but have a lingering

shower. Soap each other all over, dry one another, and pamper each other with

talc or oils.

Make time for massage.

Work on all the different parts of your lover's body.

Keeping the lights on.

The thing I love about massage is it's one of the few ways that we can feel

close and loving and yet not have to go on to sex if we don't want to.

Quite often when I start out, I don't feel at all turned on, especially if I'm

tired.

But after a while and when we've relaxed and there's no pressure for sex, I

often feel much better about making love.

Even if it's just something as simple as stroking the palm of my hand, it can

drive me wild. It's strange, isn't it?

Share a bottle of wine in bed.

Alcohol can often break down inhibitions and increase communication like nothing

else.

Always remember that other form of oral sex.

Talking sexy.

There are few people who don't get turned on by hearing their partner

sexily to them, especially about their favourite fantasies.

If you're both happy about it, try acting them out.

I love to hear what his fantasies are, as long as he goes gently at first.

I used to worry that he'd actually want me to act them out, but now I know it's

not what it's about, and he just uses them as a turn -on.

She doesn't often talk dirty, but when she does...

Wow.

Give each other personal compliments.

Say what feels good for you.

On special occasions, try filling the bedroom with flowers.

You will often find that the things which you discover whilst you're away

together can be continued at home.

All this sexual enhancement can, of course, be practiced at any time and any

place, and is often more erotic when done spontaneously.

It's amazing how much good such special times together can do for a

relationship.

The word foreplay is slightly misleading because it gives the impression that it

has to come before something else.

But there's absolutely no reason why a really good sex session should always

involve intercourse.

Playing around, you know, like kissing and cuddling, often that's just better

than actual sex.

Foreplay and non -penetrative pleasuring of this kind can start outside the

bedroom.

Kissing is an activity which we all used to linger over in our teens.

And why?

Because it was vastly enjoyable.

I don't really know why we don't kiss so much now, but when we do, it turns me

on like mad.

Kissing is an art in itself, which can take many forms depending on the moon of

the moment.

There are no rules, but try starting slowly and gently.

Build up with the lips relishing the contact.

Channel all your feelings and emotions through your mouth and tongue.

and you'll find your partner will naturally respond.

Tease by kissing other parts of the face.

Gentle nibbling of your lover's lips and earlobes through to bites on the neck

can be very erotic.

Draw your lips across your partner's face.

Let the passion build slowly and delicately.

A really firm lips -to -lips kiss can leave both partners breathless.

Run your tongue around your partner's teeth.

Push it into their mouth as the excitement builds.

Try with both mouths fully open, playing tongue battle, a sort of sword fight

with the tongue.

Don't just restrict kissing to the mouth, though.

Kiss other parts of the body, too.

Kiss the throat, the nipples, the stomach and then go down to your

toes and feet.

Massaging the soles of the feet while kissing drives many people wild.

This tongue bath can be delicious to both giver and receiver.

Small thucks and bites are also very erotic.

Try wetting an area and blowing on it.

Nibble your partner's skin in places that they find exciting.

I just love it when he kisses the back of my neck.

I just feel tingly all over and it's just wonderful.

Men often say that their nipples become highly aroused as they get excited.

To be honest, my body isn't that sensitive. But when she gently bites my

nipples, I melt in her arms.

Whilst we are looking at subtle skin sensations, how about this sort of

spider massage?

Many people say that they could lie there for hours having this done to

Learning how to caress a partner requires experience, understanding and a

willingness to be open to their feedback.

The couple who can masturbate each other well are in tune for virtually any

mutual enjoyment.

I didn't used to really know what I was supposed to do with a dick, so I just

avoided touching it.

The shaft of the penis can be grasped with all your fingers just below the

The grip can vary.

But remember that it can rarely be held too tightly.

Be more gentle with the top.

Pickling that, especially the bridge of the skin at the back, the frenum, can be

electric. But if you are going to rub it, use a lubricant or saliva or it can

painful.

If either of you want him to climax, pump down hard, firmly stretching the

frenum. Even more arousing is really firm but slow masturbation, which will

him squirming with pleasure.

Some men enjoy a well -lubricated finger in the anus.

This allows the woman to rub the prostate with the pad of a finger.

It is quite safe as long as your fingernails are short and you don't then

that same finger on your own vagina.

Some women, too, enjoy this form of foreplay. This index finger and thumb

technique can be delicious, as is the whole hand grip with a thumb trailing

the frenum.

But be sure to use lots of lubrication or it can be tender.

Other variations include rolling the penis like dough between both hands or

using one to roll it against your thigh.

Caressing the penis like this isn't just a way of producing male orgasm of

course. It's also useful for stiffening him for intercourse, particularly for a

second time.

You can also take him in your mouth, which many men find uniquely intimate

one of the greatest turn -ons.

Though often referred to as sucking off, actually sucking is not the only form

of stimulation.

Try drawing the penis in and out of your mouth with your lips, covering your

teeth to avoid inadvertent bites.

Roll your tongue around the shaft and head.

Use it to explore the opening, but mostly concentrate on the frenum.

That, to him, is like your clitoris.

His sensations will be vastly increased if you flick and strum the frenum with

your tongue.

Kissing and licking his balls is also very pleasurable.

He may sometimes want to come in your mouth.

If so, it'll be about a teaspoonful of harmless, salty -tasting fluid.

Like Oyston, it can be an acquired taste.

If you don't like it, he can ejaculate outside.

When men try to caress their partners, they sometimes don't realise how

uncomfortable or painful it can be when done without thought and care.

Most men need guidance at first.

It's very difficult for them to discover how to do it properly just by trial and

error. I find that even a fraction of an inch can make all the difference

between success and failure, so sometimes I have to remind him.

Hold his hands and fingers so that he knows exactly what rhythm and pressure

pleases you best.

Show him gently, and remember, encouragement always works better than

I had lots of women before we were married, but I realise now how much I

learn.

First of all, the man should know the geography, particularly of the inner

clitoris and vaginal open.

A good way to start is gently to stroke the whole pubic area, including the

inner thighs and outer lips of the vulva.

Though the clitoris is the centre of female arousal, many women dislike too

direct an approach.

When you do start on the clitoris itself, ensure that the whole area is

lubricated, because it's very sensitive and can become sore.

The clitoris has a hood which retracts, but once the head is exposed, it may be

too sensitive for direct stimulation.

If this is so, work around its base, rubbing side to side or up and down, on

ridge you can feel there.

Circular movements around the clitoris itself can also produce exciting

sensations.

Be guided by what she tells you, and by what you've learned when watching her

masturbate.

She may not want to be penetrated manually until external stimulation and

lovemaking has produced enough lubrication.

A good way to start to explore the vagina is to place the flat of the hand

the vulva so that the ball presses on the pubic bone.

The other fingers now stimulate the outer lips, and the middle finger is

be gently inserted into the vagina.

Some women like the stretching effect of two or more fingers, so long as they're

well lubricated.

And some have a G -spot on the front inside wall of their vagina, which can

stroked with the pad of a finger.

It's possible for some women to reach an orgasm in this way.

If you want to bring your lover to orgasm by hand, a good rule is to create

steady rhythm with either or both clitoral and vaginal stimulation.

Remember, though, that it's through her clitoris that orgasm is most likely to

be achieved.

You could try using two or three well -lubricated fingers in a firm and

rhythm on or around her clitoris. And if this excites her, it's likely to be

only a matter of time before she reaches a climax.

When you first start having oral sex with a woman, take it gradually.

For example, make it the end point of a carpet of kisses.

Some women are concerned about vaginal odour, though most men don't mind about

this at all.

Others are simply embarrassed at the thought of being kissed there.

Begin by kissing the insides of her thighs, around her pubis, and then the

lips of her vulva.

Tickle her clitoris with the very tip of your tongue.

All the time, stroke and caress her body with your hand.

Move your tongue down to the vagina, first probing inside it, then beginning

in and out movement.

Lick around the lips, but remember, it's the clitoris that's best stimulated to

bring her to orgasm, so don't neglect it.

Stimulating the clitoris with your tongue, keeping the rhythm steady but

building, is what women say works best.

I love it when she comes.

She wraps her legs around my head as though she wants to bury me deep inside

her. It's great.

All sorts of variations are possible. Using a firm lower lip to rub the pubis,

tugging at her vaginal lips with your mouth, and gentle sucking of the

itself as it erects.

Though oral sex on a man is commonly called a blowjob, the one thing you must

never do is blow down the penis or into the vagina.

It can be dangerous.

If, like some women with semen, you can't get used to the taste of vaginal

juices, try just licking the clitoris alone and go no lower.

Again, remember, everyone is different and enjoys different things.

Be guided by what you both want.

Many believe that the ultimate in oral sex is the celebrated 69 position, where

they can both give and receive simultaneously.

Its fame must mean that it works for some.

However, such a double act requires a degree of control you may not want when

reaching a climax.

Letting go during your own orgasm could result in inadvertently biting your

partner.

Again, some men feel that they're the wrong way round to effectively stimulate

the woman, but this can be overcome with some inventiveness.

Getting into the 69 position as part of romping around in bed is great fun and

very arousing, but as a position for orgasm, it has its drawbacks.

Much better for that to take it in turns.

A somewhat messy but fun and adventurous activity is to spread a favourite gooey

food, such as yoghurt, honey or ice cream, on your partner's skin, and then

slowly and tantalisingly to lick it off.

Ice has always been a favourite in such games.

Be careful, though, to test it first, because ice straight from the freezer

stick to the skin and burn.

Make sure it's nearly melting and very wet.

When he runs ice cubes across my skin, especially my nipples, it really turns

on and I just get shivers all over.

Some people delight in the sensation of ice on their genitals too.

And a few women find a couple of cubes inserted into their vagina before

intercourse a real turn -on.

Almost anything you have to hand can be used to enhance your pleasure, but do be

careful when it comes to inserting things into the vagina.

Men is the couple who get so carried away with their erotic games that they

household objects that are not safe in the vagina.

Always stick to toys that have been especially made for the purpose.

To use your hands and mouth for the best effect calls for close attention to

your partner's response.

It really attunes you to their likes, sensations and arousal patterns.

As such, it deepens the relationship as techniques develop over an extended time

together.

Though we've described many ways to prolong non -intercourse lovemaking,

penetration is still seen by just about everybody as the culmination of sexual

activity. What does sex really mean for many people?

Without a regular partner, it may only be an occasional activity.

With a regular partner, though, there's no reason why you shouldn't make love as

often as you both want.

Quality, though, is more important than quantity, at whatever age or stage you

are in your relationship.

It may be that a man thinks he has done a good job with a few kisses on lips and

breasts, intercourse for a brief time, and then sleep.

But if his partner is repeatedly left unsatisfied, it cannot help the

relationship.

Sexual activity can sometimes last for hours.

Everyone is capable of sustaining interest for long periods if they spend

sufficient time on arousing love play and discovering what they and their

partner really like.

Most of the blokes I've known seem to think that sex is some sort of race that

they've got to get through as quickly as possible.

Intercourse itself should take place only after the woman is sufficiently

aroused for her vagina to be well lubricated.

Otherwise, it could be painful for both.

You'll easily be able to tell when this stage has been reached.

Most women say that they prefer a slow, lingering rhythm.

as their pleasure mounts towards orgasm.

At this point either or both can vary the action as they sense the changes in

her vagina.

As she becomes highly aroused, it balloons, allowing the penis to move

various parts of her pelvis.

The entrance, though, still has strong vaginal muscles and swollen pads which

can be used to squeeze the penis and please the man.

So try clenching and relaxing them.

The man can also twitch his penis to reciprocate these sensations.

Both can vary the depth of penetration, but remember, a penis that's too long or

thrusting too deeply can simply be painful for the woman.

I love really deep penetration, but it can hurt sometimes, particularly at

certain times of the month or in certain positions, and then I have to remind

him to take it a bit more gently.

You may want to change positions to penetrate at different angles and

different sensations.

The man can use alternate shallow and deep thrusts, even right to the entrance

of the vagina, to tease the lips with the head of the penis.

One of the best ways of stimulating the clitoris during intercourse is this

position, where the man rides high with his pelvis arching over the woman's and

the shaft of the penis rubbing on her pubic bone.

His full weight pushes forward and the movement is almost entirely between the

pelvic areas of both.

The secret now is to establish a steady rhythm, whereby the shaft of the penis

maintains continuous contact with the clitoris as it rocks in and out.

Maintaining this steady rhythm without grasping for orgasms can produce

exquisite climaxes for both.

Indeed, many couples claim that orgasms using this technique are superior to

those obtained in any other way.

Simultaneous orgasms, too, are much more common.

If for any reason the man is taking too long to come, the woman can reach down

and hold back the skin of the penis tightly, keeping it stretched as it

and out.

This often increases male sensation, and with her hand position right, she can

help with her own clitoral stimulation.

As orgasm approaches, most women like a definite and predictable rhythm.

Well, nothing's more annoying than just getting close to coming and he changes

what he's doing.

It completely blows it for me.

The thing is that I've got lays with all the women I had before.

They came in the end and I thought they were OK.

Bit insensitive, I guess.

An exception to the slow, lingering sort of foreplay we've described is the

passionate, spontaneous quickie.

It's one of those lightning activities where you both just know you want it,

can't wait and can't resist giving in to the overwhelming... instant need for

one another.

Short, sharp and shattering, quickies can be amongst the greatest moments of

lovemaking.

In most relationships, couples try out several lovemaking positions and then

settle on their favourite three or four, which they then use according to how

they feel at the time.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with this, but it makes sense to explore all

the positions you can, so that you have a whole repertoire to call on as the

mood changes in any lovemaking session.

I guess we do tend to stick to the same few positions, but every now and again

we do go for something really way out, and it's great.

Let's start with the man on top.

In the missionary position, he lies between his partner's open legs.

A good variation of this is with her legs kept straight out on the bed.

Penetration is not especially deep, but it feels very different for both.

If he then places his legs outside the woman's, he can use his thighs to

hers together and increase the grip on his penis.

The woman can also contract her pelvic muscles to add to these sensations.

If you put a pillow under the woman's bottom, the angle of the vagina is

to that of the penis and penetration deeper.

In the basic woman on top position, she sits on his penis, guiding it in with

her hand.

This is a good position for the woman to stimulate her clitoris, and to use the

squeeze technique to help her man with premature ejaculation, without

interrupting the proceedings too much.

She can also try sitting facing away from her man.

This is a good position for her to stimulate herself easily and for him, if

likes, to watch her bottom as she rises and falls on his penis.

Turning around whilst keeping the penis inside the vagina produces very

interesting sensations.

that are difficult to attain in any other way.

Squatting over the man's penis with the soles of the feet flat calls for a

certain amount of physical agility and usually works best on a firm surface

as a floor.

But it's good because penetration is very deep.

This can then be varied so that she can play with the penis to make it come into

contact with anywhere she likes within her pelvis.

The basic rear entry position has the woman kneeling facing away from her man.

In this variation, though she can't move much, with her legs as wide apart as

possible, it is very restful for her and the sensations can be unusual.

Penetration is exceptionally deep.

With the woman still in this position, the man can slide forward.

For best results, the woman needs to be highly aroused first.

A chair provides many enjoyable possibilities for the creative couple.

In a position such as this, the woman controls things by her movement with or

without his help.

Facing away from him allows either to caress her clitoris.

Now for some positions for the more athletic and adventurous.

This one allows the woman to caress her partner's bottom or even to stimulate

his anal area.

He can move well and his penis pushes deeply into the back of the vagina in an

almost unique way.

This position is actually much more comfortable than it looks.

Because movement is very limited, this is a good position for the man who tends

to come too quickly.

It's easy for the woman to sit forwards onto his penis so that she ends up

squatting over him.

More adventurous is this one, which brings the penis into contact with the

wall of the vagina in a way that no other can.

Either one can guide the penis into her.

The man can't move much in this position, but an agile woman can make

of it.

She's also free to reach between her own legs and bring herself to orgasm.

This is a very restful position for both.

Either can reach her clitoris, either can caress her breasts, she can stroke

him, and it is one of the best positions for couples where the woman is learning

to have orgasms during intercourse.

Finally, this position allows exceptionally deep penetration.

The man can also massage her feet, which in itself is highly erotic for her.

Do discuss which positions produce the best sensations for either or both of

you, and try creating your own variations to increase your pleasure.

As with so many areas of our sexual and romantic lives, it all comes down to a

willingness to experiment and to share what you best enjoy.

Although most couples make love in bed, every home provides a host of

interesting locations to add fun and variety.

Again, even if you have children or other commitments, do try to make some

special time for yourselves.

The lounge is the most popular place after the bedroom, though make sure

got good curtains.

With the kids around all the time, the only place at home we can make love is

our bedroom.

If we really want to ring the changes, we can go off together and make love in

the car or somewhere nice out of doors.

Many people have fantasies of making love in the kitchen.

The washing up may get left to the morning, but you'll probably agree

passion comes before clean dishes.

The bathroom is a fairly obvious place in which to be romantic and loving.

Massaging one another with soap gets things off to a good start.

This is a good position for lovemaking in the bath.

She can support herself against his raised knees.

Then, if she likes, place her ankles over his shoulders.

The feeling of weightlessness provided by the water, and the warmth and

closeness, makes the bath an exceptionally erotic place in which to

Sex out of doors has its own special appeal.

It may also rekindle memories of courtship.

What turns me on is the danger of being discovered.

It beats bedroom sex hands down.

What I like about it is behaving like we used to when we were courting and we

didn't have anywhere to go.

It's like turning the clock back and it makes me feel just as horny as I did

then.

Making love in a car takes some beating.

The very difficulty of having sex in a cramped space adding to the excitement.

As with sex in any public place, be careful not to offend others.

There are few people who have never had a fantasy about making love in a

romantic setting such as this.

Seaside sex comes high on any list of romantic settings, though the realities

mixing sand and sex are sometimes rather more sobering.

I hate you getting the sand everywhere, and I mean everywhere.

But bonking in the sea, well, it just had to be worth it.

For those whose sexual and romantic life is beginning to bore them, making love

in places other than the bedroom can bring back that touch of excitement that

many couples tell me they need if sex is to become highly arousing again.

And remember, making love doesn't by any means necessarily have to involve

intercourse.

Many couples enjoy adding to their excitement in love play and arousal by

playing games of various kinds.

It could be said that all love play between two people is a sort of game,

which both know the rules and agree to abide by them.

Dressing up games must be one of the most popular.

When you think about it, in everyday life we all play dressing up games, for

work, for parties and so on.

In a sexual relationship, these dressing -up games can take many forms.

You can go for whole theatrical costumes if you like.

Doctors and nurses, vicars and nuns, butlers and French maids, whatever works

for you.

Many couples have hours of fun either accidentally or deliberately exposing

themselves or parts of themselves to their lover.

Part of the fun of dressing up is, of course, the subsequent undressing.

A more formal striptease can be great if you are both in the mood.

It's a good opportunity to show off.

Sexy underwear can be a real favourite for both partners as part of mutual fun.

My boyfriend's really into sex games, but I must admit I always thought it was

bit tacky.

But once or twice I agreed to go along with him and I must say it really is a

turn -on.

Seduction games always come near the top of the list for really good arousal.

The idea is to drive your partner wild with anticipation.

Games in which one makes the other do whatever is commanded can be a real turn

-on.

When he has done exactly what he's told, she rewards him with sex, having made

him wait for it.

Do ensure in any tying -up games that nothing is put around the neck, nothing

restricts breathing.

and that you are very clear about signals when to stop.

I never thought I'd enjoy being tied up.

We were mucking about one day and she tied my wrists and ankles.

I don't know, but it was great being powerless for a change.

And it's become a real special for us.

It used to be said that such games were more of a turn -on for men, but this

isn't the case.

Many women are very aroused even by the thought of having this kind of fun with

their man.

And many men say that seeing their partner this uninhibited really excites

Women also like to see their men dress up.

If a sexy game doesn't increase pleasure, then it's not worth playing.

If one of you is shy...

It could take some time to get used to the high levels of arousal these games

can produce, so much so that the very excitement sometimes puts people off.

Start gently with whatever game you decide to try, and build up to become

adventurous as you both discover what you like.

At first, we just started talking about sexy games, you know, sort of sharing

fantasies.

Then we thought maybe trying out the real thing would be even more fun.

Be guided by your feeling, and those of your lover, and you won't go far wrong.

Such games are harmless fun, and as long as they don't become an obsession, will

simply enhance your sexual pleasure and enjoyment.

I have always suggested that sex is safest and most fulfilling within a

one -to -one relationship.

But every relationship has to start somewhere, and for many people, long

partnerships are something they cannot or do not wish to experience.

Whilst I don't want to condone casual sex, and there's undoubtedly a move away

from promiscuity in an age of AIDS, to be realistic, we have to accept that

people today have several partners in a sexual lifetime.

How, then, should or could these events best be managed?

The first sexual encounter with a new partner may be on the first date or

quite a time of courtship.

It may be the start of only a temporary relationship and is obviously different

to the involvement of regular, committed lovers.

Whether you meet someone you really like and just want to have sex, or if you

think there's a future for you both as a couple, you might find some of the

following ideas helpful.

Think about how you dress.

You may not want to give the impression that you are too readily available.

Overtly sexual dressing and body language may make it difficult to slow

down if you find that they are going too fast for you.

If your vibes tell you that the other person is promiscuous, then you might

to be very cautious indeed about taking things further at all.

Though alcohol can reduce inhibitions, it can also result in giving the wrong

messages. So be sensible about drinking on those first few dates.

Many of us are nervous early on in a new relationship.

This is especially true, I find, in those looking for a new partner in

age, after having been out of the mating game for all the years they were

married.

When it comes to sex, if that's what you both want, don't expect too much at

first.

There will undoubtedly be moments of awkwardness and embarrassment until you

to know one another.

It can happen that either of you may have sexual problems, even if you never

usually do.

Clinical experience shows that many people who normally function perfectly

often have problems of arousal or performance generally in one -night

short -term relationships.

Those who are looking only for a one -night stand or a very temporary affair

usually just want sex, not a meaningful relationship.

If this is honestly negotiated between two adults, then... Who is to say it's

wrong?

Problems occur, however, when one or other has a different view.

For example, one of you could be hoping that things might develop further,

whilst the other may only be out for simple sex and might even have a regular

partner.

Be careful with anyone who wants you to do anything unusual.

Play it safe, if in any doubt, until you know and trust them better.

The thing here is to try and be as watchful as possible.

so that you honour yourself and don't get used.

This applies equally to both sexes.

Obviously, in an age of AIDS and the need for safe sex, the man must wear a

condom, so as to reduce the chances of giving or receiving a sexually

transmitted disease.

Remember, you can't be too careful with an unknown sex partner, and until they

know a great deal more about their sexual history, both partners should

safe.

Condoms help protect against sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS, so

be sure to wear one with any partner whose sexual history you're unsure of.

Always use a new one.

Ensure it's undamaged.

Put it on only when the penis is erect, and be sure that it's securely on before

any contact occurs between your genitals.

As you withdraw the penis, anchor the base of the condom so that it doesn't

off.

Oral contact with one another's genitals can be risky as the HIV virus and other

infections can be spread in body fluids, especially if you have ulcers or sores

in your mouth or have recently brushed your teeth, producing tiny abrasions on

your gums. If you're worried, always use a condom on the man's penis and play

safe by avoiding direct oral contact with a woman's vulva.

In general, remember that the more partners you have, the greater your

of becoming infected with the HIV virus.

Also, the fewer partners your lover has, the better.

AIDS and HIV infection are now becoming a real threat to the heterosexual

community. It's very unwise to think of them as conditions that affect only gays

and IV drug users.

What's most alarming, though, is that women seem to be faring worse in all

than are men.

Research has found, for example, that women are more likely to contract an

infection with the HIV virus than are men, and that once infected, the disease

affects them more severely than is the case for men.

One answer to this might be the female condom.

This recent invention is worn internally by the woman and gives a very high

level of protection against all sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV and

AIDS.

It is, of course, also a highly effective barrier to sperms, like the

sheath. And this can be an important concern in relationships in which the

matter of contraception hasn't been adequately negotiated and agreed by the

individuals involved.

Ideally, the whole issue of contraception should be discussed before

making love.

Some men are sensible enough to take precautions and so use a condom anyway.

Because of AIDS, even those men who greatly dislike sex with a sheath and

the woman on the pill should still wear one, or she should refuse to have sex

with him.

Many women tell me that they, too, are often nervous about first -time sex with

a new partner and certainly don't relax enough to have an orgasm as they usually

would. All this changes with time and care, if the relationship lasts long

enough.

If you have a regular partner, one of the side effects of one -night stands or

short -term love affairs is the guilt.

Some apparently sexually together people feel very guilty and worry that they

may have caught a disease.

With anyone who seems at all likely to become an ongoing lover, it makes sense

to go gently towards intercourse.

By dashing headlong into sex, we miss out on so much that works to our

advantage.

Some people, even today, still fall in love too easily, often as an unconscious

way of giving themselves permission to have intercourse when they otherwise

would not.

But having said all this, I don't want to give the impression that all sex

outside long -term loving relationships is fraught with disease, difficulties

and disasters, because of course this isn't so.

It does make sense, though, to take care of yourself both health -wise and

emotionally. If you can honour yourself and your partner in this way, you'll

find not only pleasure and fun, but also dignity in even the shortest of sexual

relationships.

Probably one of the commonest complaints people have about their sex lives is

boredom. And the main symptom is that sex has lost its fizz. They no longer

the same way about one another that they did years ago.

But sorting out sexual boredom isn't always easy.

Because, contrary to what most people think, it doesn't have that much to do

with what a couple do in bed.

Our culture tells us that once we settle down with someone, we should

automatically know how to keep things going and growing.

But this isn't so.

Most of us find it quite difficult keeping sex and romance alive,

over many years.

As we've seen, putting effort into communicating and making time not just

sex, but for trying out new things, perhaps with regular special occasions,

really does pay off.

Behind all of this is the ongoing job of taking care of the relationship.

Both sexes are turned off by partners who are nasty, thoughtless, uncaring, or

whatever.

If you don't go on showing you love each other as people, you certainly won't

stay turned on sexually.

So take care of the emotional side, and the sexual side will usually look after

itself.

What's needed if things begin to go stale is to stop taking our relationship

granted and to start making an investment in it, as we would with

in life that mattered to us.

On balance, if you invest little, you get little back.

And the reverse is true.

But it's not just how much time we spend together that matters, it's the quality

of that time.

An hour really listening to one another's needs is worth a whole weekend

ourselves around one another, being together physically or even sexually.

Whilst it may be true that a good sex life alone will not save a relationship,

and that a good relationship can overcome a less than perfect sex life,

worth asking yourself whether you are a sexual bore in bed.

Do you do the same old things the same ways that you did them five, ten, or

twenty years ago?

When did you last explore something new sexually?

Have you ever thought that you may have stayed stuck where you were?

The end of the first flush of sexual desire should, ideally, be the start of

sex life which deepens and broadens into a committed relationship.

It makes sense to aim for and work towards a blend of love, concern,

companionship, friendship and being wanted and needed that complements your

lives together as sexual partners.

Really listening to one another empathically, taking the trouble to

and attention in your love life and making a determined effort to combat

will enrich and enhance your loving life together and increase your value to one

another. As the years go by.

When

I'm

holding you I feel so complete.

This understanding of our emotions, this understanding

of me, it's so special, it's so true.

I don't want to lose, yeah.

Is it love?

Is it real?

When we're touching the...

cool baby

We selected six different couples to show all sorts of ages and stages of

development and experience.

Our student couple have a lot to learn.

These two are newlyweds.

This couple are in the full flood of sexual involvement.

But their friends, married for 15 years, have let their sex life go stale.

Our cosmopolitan couple have learned almost every possible sexual technique.

while our older couple have had their ups and downs but have seen their

relationship mature and deepen over 20 years together.

Orgasms are at the heart of most sexual activity, yet the uniquely pleasurable

sensations they produce, and never experienced by some women.

The barriers, both conscious and unconscious, that prevent orgasms

women from getting the best out of them, are many and complex.

Having said this, though, almost every woman is capable of experiencing the

bodily and spiritual bliss of orgasm.

Contrary to what many women think, it's possible to learn how to come.

There are well -tried techniques to improve the ease and frequency of

in different situations.

There are higher goals to aim for, no matter how good your experience is so

This programme is about women and their orgasms.

It aims to help women improve their ability to climax.

But I hope that men too will watch it, because if they do, they'll be all the

better at helping their partner with her orgasms.

The contents of this programme... are the result of my talking and listening

women of all ages over many years, and includes all the tips that they've found

invaluable in this powerful and exquisite area of human sexual

The greatest unsolved mystery about female orgasms is why we have them at

Women don't need to have them for any reproductive purpose.

Biologically, they seem to be a luxury.

Orgasms can be more difficult for us to reach than for men, though when we get

there, we can have more of them.

What actually happens during an orgasm in terms of the biological facts?

Once a woman becomes sexually aroused, she reaches a plateau of excitement.

If stimulation were to stop at this stage, she could quickly return to the

resting state.

However, if the stimulation continues, there's no physical reason why she

shouldn't come to a climax.

The bodily sensations of arousal include fine sweating, deeper breathing and

increased heart rate, swollen breasts with hardening nipples, increased

tension and sometimes a red rash over the top of the chest.

During orgasm, There are rhythmic muscular spasms, and the whole body may

contract.

Some women cry out as breath is forced from the chest.

The back may arch, feet and toes curl, and around the genitals and anal area,

contraction of the pelvic muscles can be obvious.

The non -physical parts of orgasm are the emotional and psychological ones,

conscious and some deeply buried within our psyche.

The main difference between a woman's climax and a man's is that she usually

takes a much longer time to get to this peak, but she can remain excited at the

plateau phase for considerably longer.

Also, it is possible for women to come again and again.

something most men can't do.

Once her orgasms are over, it takes longer for a woman's arousal level to

to the resting state.

The capacity to have an orgasm is universal among human beings.

We're born with it.

Most of us learn about our sexual feelings gently as we grow and

orgasms either spontaneously or because we bring them about.

Masturbation is, of course, physically harmless at any age.

But some children learn the hard way that it's a socially unacceptable

Guilt can then become attached to self -stimulation even as a private pleasure.

The pressure on girls is more subtle and more widespread than it is on boys.

At the simplest level, just having to be quiet and subtle about arousal can

clearly have its effects.

This probably explains why so many women say they use secret and indirect

methods when they masturbate.

sort of rocking with it.

I've had my best orgasms riding a bike, or better still, on a horse.

Sometimes if I run up two or three flights of stairs in newly washed jeans,

can have an orgasm before I reach the top.

The importance of the arousal habits we acquire in childhood and adolescence is

in the way they later influence how we masturbate as adults, and also make love

with a partner.

When women reach adulthood, we often have the problem of putting our

pleasure before our own.

A lot of women operate by ensuring that other people's pleasure comes first.

This is not to say that we are the less selfish sex, rather that we find other

people's discomfort can cause us more uneasiness than our own.

Such deeply ingrained attitudes can be a huge barrier to arousal and reaching an

orgasm.

If you constantly feel the need to put your lover's pleasure before your own,

can become impossible to achieve real satisfaction for yourself.

It's a situation where a degree of selfishness can actually benefit both

partners in the long run.

Good orgasms also depend on our

mental attitude and even more on our emotional state.

I once had a boyfriend who knew every trick in the book, but I never managed

have an orgasm.

My husband may not be the greatest lover, but there seems much more chance

of orgasm.

The difference is that I love him, and I know he's sincere.

The other guy just made me feel like a guinea pig.

So being able to have an orgasm is very much a mind thing, and also a highly

emotional experience for many women.

When it comes down to it, sex is a spiritual thing for me.

No matter how tough I may appear, sex makes me feel completely vulnerable.

I can even burst into tears.

Most women who can't have an orgasm, even with high levels of physical

stimulation, have nothing wrong with their bodies.

Their problems have more to do with the break their conscious and unconscious

put on their pleasure.

I find my feelings differ depending on who I'm with. If I'm not sure about the

person, I tend to keep my distance and rarely relax enough to climax.

Some women also feel defeated by outside pressure to perform.

Articles in magazines, friends' experiences, as well as their partner's

expectations all add to this pressure.

But it's important to hang on to your own integrity and believe in yourself.

If you feel that your orgasms are not all they could be you can work on

improving them and involve your lover if you want to.

A demanding partner can make things difficult for you by continually

you and making you feel undermined.

One thing that's guaranteed to turn me off is someone going straight for my

clitoris without bothering to make me feel good first.

It's like, let's go for a quick finish.

Many women under this sort of pressure resort to faking orgasm.

But faking on a regular basis will not...