Original subtitles

She was like...

Hello, my love. How are you?

You smell like KFC. Have you been crying?

No. Hmm.

Well, go. Hop in the shower.

Everyone's gonna be here soon.

Do we have to go in costume?

I can't have my tits out when I'm dressed as a little Māori girl about to

whale. Yeah, and you're gonna have to participate.

Don't ruin the vibe, okay? This party was practically made for me.

Pua, it's a mean Māori mean party.

And you're Tongan. It's hardly made for you.

Semantics. Gee.

Oh, by the way, your cousin's here.

Oh.

Fuck with G!

Sorry.

You look really pretty.

I'm so excited for the party.

Can't get lazy I like to mix

it up. I like to beat it up. I like this then I like to flip it up

Brownies, but they don't have any weed in them because I made them at the

Kohanga and you can't give kids weed Put some orange in it because I feel like

it just gives it something a little bit special, you know?

I hope they have the food at home because I'm hungry You're always hungry

got the beer?

Nah, shit, I forgot, Tom Nah, I was just joking, man I got the beer

Good. You all good?

Yeah, all good.

Geez, the lineup here is thin.

Are you guys in there?

We'll be out soon.

I'll just stay out here.

Honestly, your cousin is fine. She's just a little basic.

My mum insists on me inviting her to everything.

Yeah, well, think about it girl.

Her dad's dead.

You can't be so heartless.

How's your Beyonce costume going?

Yeah, well, I got me some feather boots.

No fucking way.

Who the fuck keeps texting?

Ma, you un -wash, dick -hugging hoe.

I'm literally washing!

Get out of here. Wash all you want and go and do nothing.

I love a costume party.

Who the fuck keeps texting?

It better not be that balangi.

Hey, girl's gonna ape. But his name is Carl.

What's wrong with Carl?

Well, think about it. Aw, yeah, fuck me, Carl.

Is that hot?

No, it doesn't get anybody wet.

Well, I had no problems.

Oh, help!

I just sent the poop emoji.

Give it.

What's happening?

He keeps trying to guess what I am.

You know Pakeha boys, they love that half -brown shirt.

Aw, I love Pocahontas.

See, what did I say?

Um, see the thumbs up emoji?

Yeah, no.

Um, we're sexting, my love. I'm not texting your nana.

Oh, that is rude.

Yeah, and basic.

Yeah,

you know, gotta make them work for it.

Um, yeah, what's up with straight guys and jizzing all over everything?

Oh

If you want me to be real, if you want me to be real... Stop, Reg.

Whoa, Greg.

Check out that feed.

Todd, how come you never get us a feed like this?

I made you toast yesterday.

You just need to put the bread in the toaster.

Hey, don't laugh. It was really good toast.

It was all right.

How come you're not in costume yet?

Later, we're playing Fuck, Marry, Kill. Do you two want to play?

Oh, I'm good.

Calm down. We've got to get straight.

Yeah, I'm in. Yeah, pow.

Uh, marry, fuck, kill.

That'd be John Campbell, Sonny Bill Williams, and, um,

John Key.

Okay, wow.

Um,

it's hard.

Yep. Um, I cannot fuck Sonny Bill, because who wouldn't? Um,

and then...

Marry John Key, kill John Campbell.

John Key over John Campbell, that's outrageous.

Well, Key had like 10 houses.

I'd go then.

Who was that? I look like Sonny Bull.

Whatever.

You should

just take it. I'll make you a drink while you wait.

Tequila with lemon.

Yeah, I've been busy.

Yeah.

Well,

I like heating milk.

Um, couple months?

No, sorry, Mum.

Prime Minister, yeah, I know.

Pro -thing.

She's busy.

Well, we're going to a party.

Don't be mean to her.

I'm not mean.

Get this sour face.

She's fragile.

Well, what about me? What if I'm fragile?

Don't be stupid. Mum, we're putting on our costumes now. Um, I gotta go.

Are you on the pill?

Have you taken it today?

Ah, Mum!

How do I look?

Amazing. I feel like I'm in the presence of Beyonce herself.

Of course you do.

How is Beyonce, I think? Well, you know, she's back. We're about halfway there.

That's a bit of a stretch.

Don't do it. I'm not the one out here sexting Car the Pagani. He's really hot,

though.

God, what a waste.

Oh no!

What's your costume?

Jake the Moth

And what's Warriors?

Yeah, the one and only.

Isn't that, like, controversial?

Oh, don't start anything now, Samantha.

Yo,

hurry up, it's about to rain. Who's got the keys?

Liz has got the keys. Liz!

Liz! Wait, Liz, open the van.

Um, I don't think I'm going to come to the party.

What? You're the sober driver. Everyone's been drinking.

Come on, it'll be mean.

Why don't you want to come to the party?

Ask Hepps.

Why don't you want to come to the party? Um, what do you mean I'm coming to the

party?

Well, I don't think you should go dressed like that. Hey!

Okay, look, my hair is about to get wet.

Go get your cousin. Okay, look, what's wrong with how he's dressed?

Unlock the fucking van!

the subtlety of your personality yeah no we all look really lovely tonight i

obviously look the best ma whale rider vibe smarty princess i love it me too

going out the whale you're doing your best shout out to you ma got any

snacks in your bag good luck while this girlie has to calm down some wet wipes

yeah girl i do though to keep fresh

Man, I'm hungry, yes.

You just had a feast. What are you? Me?

Well, I'm just me.

It's a costume party. You can't not come in a costume.

Yeah, but it's a mean Maori mean party. And what's not mean Maori mean about me?

Puno. Take the fucking mark.

What are you doing?

Oh, my God. I can't be silent.

Bitch, are you ever... Are we still going to this thing?

Does no one else have a problem with Hep's Jake the Musk costume?

Are you serious? Is that why you nearly killed us?

Hey, look, that's just a dumb thing people say. Don't take it so serious.

We're still in the middle of the race.

Seriously? People think it's completely fine to say and have been saying it for

years to the point where they think that Jake the Musk equals Maori male.

I think that's a bit of a problem. I don't think so.

How is that our problem?

What do you mean? This affects Māori. I think I put some chips onto here

somewhere. Yeah, but take the muscle in every Māori. And as long as we know

that, then we're all good.

Everything else, it's not really our problem.

That's not how it works. Yeah.

Guys, who cares?

We're all like half cut and, you know, no one's making sense. So let's just go.

If I could just say one thing.

Shut up.

Perhaps I didn't know that you came as Jack the Muff at all. I thought you just

came as yourself.

Wait, what?

I mean, you just look like yourself.

Well, I don't look like him.

But you dress like him. See, that's my point.

Well, I mean, I'm not in a gang, first off.

Jack the Muff isn't in a gang. Have you seen it, maybe? Shut up.

Yeah, I've seen the bit where he talks about the egg and does the white thing.

That's like ten minutes of the movie.

You haven't seen all of it?

Fuck whatever, Liz. Can you just lay off him, Liz? Don't be so judgy.

Judgy? Ma, you've been calling me a custard cream since forever.

Custard cream needs to crack up.

Who am I, the bad guy?

I should get called a Tim Tam.

I'm not the bad guy.

I should get called a pineapple lump up.

I didn't get it.

You know what?

I've had it. I need a pee.

Open the fucking door. Come on.

And Liz, if nobody gets to see my fucking outfit other than these bum

I'm going to fucking smother you, all right?

Get in your shit together. Rachel, get out. I'm coming, I'm coming. I need a

spot.

Look.

I'm going to my shit.

Um, maybe we should just go back to talking about pregnancy, okay?

I think it's a real shame we haven't moved on from Jason, man.

I don't want to keep talking about this. Liz, stop.

We've moved on. He's literally here in a Jake the Musk costume.

That's not how Māori should be seen.

No, I mean, we've moved on from the argument. I don't care about the Jake

Why don't you just fuck off, Liz?

Who are you to say how Māori should be seen? I mean, fuck, we're not the same.

We didn't grow up the same. You've got no idea what you're talking about.

And yeah, the Jake the Musk thing might be fucked up, but nobody who can do

anything about it actually gives a shit. So fuck.

Who cares?

Stop her.

You, uh, don't beef at me, you rude little bitch. Hey, fuck off! Ugly -ass

little kid in the front seat. Yo, okay, so there's like a big fat guy who's big,

man, and we need to go.

Shit. Okay, go, bitch.

Just drive, Liz, just drive.

I'm going!

What I was gonna say before was this.

Has anyone read the book?

What book?

Huh?

That's Buddy!

Oh, you're special. Yeah, you're special.

Happy birthday.

Fuck off!

Stop lying!

Are you gonna smoke?

No, I'm good.

I'll come with you, though.

All this came forever You can't make me forget what the story is Yes, we ain't

together All this came forever You can't make me forget what the story is

Never mind me, I say it's okay now that I'm up here. I'm always open here, why

don't you see? So would you please stop here, tear up my teeth, take some of my

keys, I'm saying my keys.

What are you doing?

Just fuck off, man.

Stop fucking following me, bro.

Just fuck off, man.

You wanna get a feed?

Yeah.

Hey guys, I lost my keys.

How was the rest of your guys night?

Check it out. One, two.