Original subtitles

Look at this lobby.

There's not even any vending machine.

I told you, it's a fancy place.

Hi, we should have a room under Nate Cassidy.

It's a bit of a weird situation.

I'm getting a free weekend in exchange for some social media posts.

I'm so glad you decided to come first weekend away together. It's kind of a

deal. Totally.

And it never crossed my mind even once that a weekend could be so long and that

we might run out of things to talk about and it could get awkward and we'd be

desperate to have other people around just to take the pressure off. Well, I'm

glad it never crossed your mind.

Something I should probably tell you. Jan!

There she is. Yep.

I may have invited my sister and my brother -in -law to join us, so we're

to be a foursome instead of a twosome, but...

One more free room shouldn't be a big deal, right? I mean, what are they going

to say?

No, they might say no, but it's okay. I'll talk to them.

Hey, you guys, what do you think?

We are beyond happy. It's free, it's nice, and I don't see any children.

I haven't even met your boyfriend yet. I already love him. Let me introduce you.

This is Nate.

Nate, this is Dave and Max.

Hey, nice to meet you. Hi.

Hi.

Are you tired? I'm a little tired. You should stay and chat a while, and I'll

sit on a big couch.

Okay.

Your room might be a while. I'm just trying to arrange it now. You didn't

him that you added us to the freebie weekend, huh? She told us everything was

arranged. No, I said it would be fine, which it will be.

You know what? It's not my problem.

Kids are with the sitters. I'll sleep in a closet if I have to.

I'm going to join my wife on the big couch.

Is everything, like, okay with your sister?

She doesn't get out much.

Oh, aren't you the busy bee?

Jan's lucky to have you as her assistant.

Not to toot my own horn, but you're right. I am amazing.

So far today, I answered all of Jan's fan mail. That only took, like, 30

seconds. And I set up a new system to help categorize her business expenses.

Oh, hungry baby birds.

I didn't want to feed them with seeds.

And I finished this chart to help her keep track of what Mercury's up to

throughout the year.

Nobody likes to be surprised by a planet.

Mm -hmm.

Morning. Oh, it's too early for primary colors.

Kale, it's none of my business, but wouldn't you be happier in your own

You have been here a couple of weeks now.

18 days. I know, I know. I was... Planning on leaving yesterday and the

before that and the day before that, but I just keep not leaving.

Why not? My therapist thinks I'm frozen by my fear of failure.

Oh, well, that would explain your aura. It never moves.

I think your therapist might have a point.

And failure is a hell of a thing to be afraid of. It's a big part of being

human. Not for me.

When Jan fired me, that was the second time I've ever failed in my life.

What was your first failure?

Please spell the word failure.

Failure.

That's so easy. F -A -I -L -R -E.

Incorrect. You have been eliminated.

I have?

Yes, Kale. Because what is always a part of failure?

You, Kale.

You.

Still stinks.

Maybe you should try to fail more often so you get used to it like the rest of

us. Yes.

I freaking love that idea.

Well, it was more of a joke. I'm doing this. I am getting over this stupid

failure phobia by failing as much as I can on purpose. Can we what?

I mean, help?

Find me things to suck at.

You guys ready for a horseback ride?

Totally. Where's Nate?

Oh, he's just smoothing over the extra room thing, and he's agreed to let the

marketing team...

document our entire trail ride, so he's just getting his costume on.

You don't say.

You okay? You seem... Oh, I'm fine. I just have a bit of low blood sugar. I'm

good. Okay. Hey, folks.

Let's get you suited up for your ride. Oh.

Okay. Thank you.

This is exciting.

Thanks for this. I think we're gonna have a lovely weekend. You know, I think

you're gonna like Nate.

He is so much fun, and he's not actor -y at all.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Well, how come he gets to wear that stuff instead of this stuff?

This is just what they gave me.

What is wrong with you? Do you have a problem with Nate? Oh, no. No, no

No, I'm just nervous because he doesn't have a helmet. I mean, he's an actor.

He's not a cowboy.

He just popped a wheelie. You don't have to worry about Nate. He played a cowboy

doctor for three seasons on Horse Hospital.

I know.

And to finish off our cake, we'll be going around the top with the rest of

buttercream icing using a closed star tip.

Don't forget to subscribe to Cakes with Corey.

Damn it.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It looks great.

Exactly. It's the most beautiful, stupid cake I've ever seen.

The whole point was to be terrible at this.

Well, sure, it looks good, but how did it taste?

For all you know, it could taste like pure garbage.

Okay, okay.

Well? Oh.

How is it?

My mouth is in an erogenous zone right now.

I hate to let this go to waste.

And then Nate's horse decided to jump the creek, which was fine, but my horse

Fluffy followed. Anyway, that's how me and Fluffy ended up in the creek.

I don't like your problem right there. Your horse's name.

Like a horse called Fluffy is not going to be able to jump over a creek, Dave.

You could have totally made that jump if only your horse had a better name.

Sure, right. Like Super Horse. No, like a great name like Horse and Weld. Martin

Horse, baby.

Horsha Dorothy.

And Ponyo Banderas.

Why didn't you laugh at Nate's show? Didn't I?

It's cool. It wasn't that good.

Good work.

Antonio Banderas. That is some high -level horse humor.

Antonio, a pony is like a little horse. It's all laid out for you.

I get the joke. It was very funny.

You can't even look at him.

You've got a problem with Nate since the moment you laid eyes on him. Admit it.

You don't approve of the age gap.

You think it's wrong that I have shoes that are older than my boyfriend.

I don't know what you're talking about.

We're taking a break.

We're going to go cool off in the sauna.

Saunas are hot.

Stay out of it, Dave.

Nobody asked you.

It's hot.

It's hot.

I think I'm going to take a nap.

Greetings, old friend.

Todd, why are you so small and dressed like a figure skater?

I come to you with a warning.

You are in grave danger, being hunted by the one they call Dark Cupid.

You mean Nate? I never even really watched the show.

Oh, you should.

It's good. I'm not worried about Nate. He's a teddy bear.

Come with me.

We're meant to be together for eternity.

You are...

So sweet, but I'm not sure we have long -term potential as a couple. It is your

destiny.

Guard?

Security? 9 -1 -1!

No.

Ooh, conflict.

I'm out of here. Do not hurt the winged one.

He's too beautiful to die.

What do you make of this?

I don't know.

But I'm burning up. It's like a sauna in here.

I think we know why it's so hot in here, huh?

Oh, my God.

That's it!

Ma 'am?

Are you okay?

How long have you been in here?

I figured out what was wrong with my sister.

Max is hot for Nate.

I better call you an ambulance.

You'll never catch me!

Lightning!

Hello? Hi, Kale. We're calling to see how you're doing.

Don't you think a half marathon is a little long for your first time running?

it awful? Are you in pain?

Painfully bored.

I've been doing the exact same thing for like an hour. Just hang in. In a few

miles, bored will seem like paradise.

We're waiting for you at the finish line. Yay!

Thanks, guys.

I don't even know if I'm on the right route. I haven't seen another runner in

ages.

It's a friggin' ghost town around here.

Hail? You can't be serious.

Valences. Worst luck next time?

Congratulations.

Sure. Rub it in.

Hot towels, fancy beard oils.

I love it here.

Well, you know, I'm going to keep the beard. I look 70 % better with facial

hair. So, did you watch the game?

What game?

Any of them? Sorry, no, I don't actually like sports.

Thank God. Me neither.

But it's refreshing that you don't want to talk to me about horny minotaurs or

slutty gargoyles or whatever.

Yeah, no, I really didn't want to talk to you about those things.

So how are things with Jan?

Great. She's a good time.

Yeah, she's like a fun aunt, huh?

Kind of, but with a voracious sexual appetite.

Could I get a hot towel to cover my whole face, please? Thank you. Hey, did

notice anything weird yesterday? I feel like there's something going on between

Jan and Max.

Sisters, am I right?

Max, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. No.

You can't eat your paraffin wax.

Things got pretty heated in the hot springs, didn't they? Why do you keep

talking about this?

Because I can't stop thinking about Nate.

He's got the sad eyes of a poet and the body of a Tuscan farmhand. I hadn't

really noticed his quiet strength and soulful eyes. Did you see the size of

hands? Enough!

You've got a thing for Nate. I do not.

Well, when you were on bed rest, you watched all of Dark Cupid.

You'll never be lonely again.

That is not true.

I watched seasons one through nine. You watched nine seasons of that smut match?

You have children.

Well, the stories were very relatable.

I know that you are in love with my new, hot, much younger...

Boyfriend.

Mic drop.

You should never actually drop a real microphone because they're quite

and very, very delicate.

I checked your moon charts, and this should be a disaster for you.

This is a mistake.

We can go.

Not so fast.

You can't leave.

It's what you wanted.

Yeah, but I can't sing for these people. I've barely sung a note my entire life.

Which is why this will be a golden opportunity to fail like never before.

Thank you.

Hey, this is kind of weird, but someone's grandma gave us $200 to get

friend up here to sing, so let's all give it up for Kale with a C.

Get out there and do your worst. Come on up.

Hi, I'm Kale, and I've never tried singing before.

I'm not your lover.

I am not your baby no more.

I'm not your girlfriend.

You don't have to tell me because I already know.

Y 'all already have broken up.

Pretty crappy so far.

I'm not your perfect angel. I am not...

And I was just a cross on the road Now

you

This is my hot chocolate. Keep your hands off it. I don't want your hot

chocolate. Yeah, right.

But I do want to talk about what happened today.

Yes, my heart is full of lust for Dark Cupid, Nate.

And that makes things very weird for me. It is a lot to process.

He's on my hall pass list.

You guys actually have a list?

Well, I mean, mine's more of a spreadsheet.

So Nate's on yours.

Who's on Dave's? Top of his list is Biff Naked.

We have the same taste in women. That's probably why Dave and I are best

friends. Anyway, you may now apologize to me.

You want me to apologize to you for bringing you on a free vacation?

No. You owe me an apology for embarrassing me about my stupid crush in

everyone. No, you apologized to me for always wanting my sloppy seconds.

Look, I know that it is not right for me to be mad about Nate.

It just doesn't seem fair that you get to date my number one crush.

Plus, it really grosses me out imagining you sleeping with him.

It's not gross when I think about you and Dave making love. It's totally

natural. Oh, my God.

Hey. Hey.

Everything okay?

We're leaving early. First thing in the morning.

What? Why?

on going home, but can you please stay for this archery thing that Nate has

arranged for all of us? If you're mad at me after that, well, then you can go.

But I really hope you'll come.

And I really hope this is the right room.

Hey, guys.

Oh, Max.

You're here.

You're gonna partner with Nate.

What? Yeah, I just need you to trust me. Uh -huh.

Okay, Dark Cupid.

I mean, Nate.

Okay, let's see.

I usually do this with my shirt off. Oh.

What is happening over there?

Max has got a huge crush on Nate because he's Dark Cupid.

Bloody gargoyles.

I didn't recognize him with the shirt on. She just needs to get to know him as

normal person and not a sex object, which he obviously is.

She's definitely not there yet.

You sometimes picture us making out, right, Dave?

No.

I actually have no idea what I'm doing.

What?

You're Doc Cupid. I just pull the string back and then they add the arrow in

post. It's movie magic.

Well, lucky for you, I have my archery badge from my go -girl days.

Feet? 90 degrees from the target. Bow arm straight.

Draw from the back, not the arm.

Anchor, release.

Bullseye! Yes! Lucky shot. Yeah, baby.

I really like your sister.

Yeah. See, I'm just going to update my spreadsheet.

You failed to experience the failure you were looking for. You still

failed. You're right.

I failed at failing, which means I did succeed.

I put the me back in failure.

And that uncomfortable feeling isn't fun, but it didn't kill you.

I'm starting to feel better. Don't feel too much better. I'd still like a few of

those failure cakes.

I'm sorry about how I reacted to Nate.

Thank you for bringing us here.

I really only brought you along because I was scared that Nate and I would run

out of things to talk about. The weird thing is, is I feel a lot more

comfortable with him now. Well, I'm happy for you. He's a really good guy.

And he's totally into you.

I think I'm going to give this relationship a shot. Well, I've taken

spreadsheet, so you should really be looking for somebody more age

anyway.

Do you know where I can get any of that fancy beard oil that you have here? Oh,

my God. That's Piff naked.

This is my chance.

Hi, Miss Naked.

I'm Dave.

Hi.

Do I know you? No. No.

Um... I... I have a wife.

Do I know her?

No.

No.

Okay, so bye.

Bye? I love it here!

My bastard half -sister's in love with my hot, much younger mister!

Should we make out for symmetry?

No! I'm gonna need help getting these off.

Waiter?