Original subtitles

You are the only thing that

makes me...

Hey, now, what are you going to do with him? He ain't quite a bite.

Look, look, my new act. Look.

What do you think?

It's a mermaid, huh? Yeah.

Uh, tell me, kid, where are you going to put your feet?

Oh, I don't know. I'll figure it out.

Hey, there he is. Oh,

shit. Ah, you better get inside quick. He's on the rampart thing.

Okay, I'm going to sneak in the back way.

Ah, the cops were down about Carmen busting that guy in his mug last night?

And the guy that owns the joint, he's been down here looking for him. Double

shit.

Hey, Carol, watch out. You'll scare my fish.

All right, turn that thing off.

I did. Turn it off.

Relax. I just wanted to see what went wrong with the tape last night. Yeah,

well, I...

At least we're not watered down like your rings.

All right. I want your undivided attention here. Hey, come on, come on,

come on. This is not a pizza pie.

The only time you got any life is when you're eating.

Excuse me for living?

Well, if you are alive, then show me.

You all look like a bunch of dickens.

All right.

Now, we got to shape up for Mardi Gras. I want to see some hot stuff out here.

It's hard to come out of here all steamy when you're freezing your ass off in

that dressing room.

I put a new heater in there last night. That little bitty thing don't need

nothing bigger than this.

Okay, okay, okay. I'll put another one in there tonight.

Then we can warm up two butts at a time.

You're pushing me today, Carmen.

Now, don't you brats think there isn't one of you that I wouldn't kick out of

here if I had to?

Oh, yeah?

That include candy?

Yeah, that includes candy.

Now, where the hell is she? Come on. See if you can find her.

Candy, Larry wants you to get your ass down here right away for a minute. Yeah,

I'll be right there.

I want you to behave yourself this week, Carmen.

I don't want the NOPD back here, especially during Mardi Gras.

Then don't let any of them jocks grab me. You see the way that guy grabbed me

last night. He didn't have to knock his tooth out, for Christ's sake. I got

bouncers working here.

Bouncers? Shit. By the time he got over here, I could have been screwed ten

times. What's wrong with that?

Anyway, it wouldn't have happened if Charlie would have given me what I

You've been popping too many pills lately. Take a break, see what the real

looks like.

No, you give me a break.

Oh, come on. Where the hell is Candy?

Candy! Relax, Larry. She's probably just screwing Charlie in the front entrance.

I've tracked a lot of customers.

No, she's not. She wouldn't have been that speedy.

I saw him first.

Sorry I'm late.

I had to rescue him. My television set.

From the fucking dogs are piddling all over.

My landlady decided she can't rent to queers. What are you going to do?

I'm giving her 25 a month more rent. That's convinced her I'm not queer.

Okay, girls, let's get started.

They didn't, uh, you know, they didn't call me the Busby Berkeley of Key

Westford. And who's a fucks -bugsie, Bert? Oh, you're such a babe.

Babe.

She's coming. She's in the apartment.

ain't here, Mr. Philbin.

I'm not giving you the runaround on it.

All right, I'll tell him.

All right.

Goodbye.

I'm coming!

Now, girl, you're a fortune cook that reads happiness is a pair of good

thighs.

Sorry, everybody, I'm late.

I forgot to look at it.

Jesus, you know, it's a damn good thing for some of you broads that pissing's

automatic. Otherwise, you'd drown.

It's lucky that I'm still upstairs.

Mr. Philbin calls.

He said he'd be tearing this place down right after Mardi Gras. The fuck he is.

He ain't tearing it down then, nor the next Mardi Gras, nor the one after. Are

you sure? Oh, sure, I'm sure.

Paying a goddamn bundle to that fucking Landmarks Commission, they better be

saving it.

I don't see how.

I am paying for experts.

I'm telling you.

All right.

and started.

Now, you all see this here?

You know what this is?

This is a fucking stage. And do you know what that means? It means it's a

fucking stage.

It means when you come out here, you gotta be doing something.

You gotta come out like Miss America, only featuring tit.

This bar is gonna be full of very sophisticated people during Mardi Gras.

they're gonna wanna see a show, and we're gonna give it to them. We're I'm

going to give them an extra show a night.

Are we getting paid for this extra show?

Hey, am I asking you to pay me for the chance of being seen by all these

important people?

I mean, this isn't your every Saturday night crawfish salesman from Opelousa.

This town is going to be swarming with big magazine photographers and TV

I mean, you girls could get on network TV. My aunt's got balls. She'll be my

uncle. My mom back home still thinks that we can't hear her.

You know, the trouble with you girls is you can't see further than the nose on

your face.

Larry's right. He's spending a lot of extra money on this.

I've even hired a special publicity guy to make sure that all the big news

people know that this is the classiest strip bar in town.

This could be a big chance for you girls.

You give me the pay, you take the child.

Night, dog. Night, dog.

You know that most of the topless joints in town are making the broad split tips

during Mardi Gras? Yeah, but you always said we're classier than them. We don't

turn tricks, we don't hustle, and we don't wait tables. Right, right. And

class costs extra sometimes.

And this is it. An extra show a night.

I mean, think for once in your life.

Mardi Gras could be a big chance for you girls. Could change your whole life.

Now, I want you to get out there and bring in those guys. Right.

Okay.

Okay, now the first thing you've got to do, you've got to get the pants off.

You can't slither in those iron side pants, and you've got to slither. Yes,

Claiborne. Philbin's been calling.

Yeah.

So when's that expert of yours coming down here?

He's coming in sometime today, and I'm coming in tonight.

Good, good.

You still think he can save the place?

I told... you all he has to prove is the building is as old as we think it is.

They're better alive inside.

This is 21 St. Therese Street.

That's right, Doc, and this poor boy just, uh, St.

Teresa's in there. Glad you called me Doc. Well, I happen to be a nosy guy,

I noticed it on your luggage.

You gonna check the girls out before Mardi Gras? What are they, a B .D.? I'm

that kind of doctor. I'm a Ph .D. Do you know the name Larry Bergeron?

Is the Pope Catholic? And this is his place?

Yeah, we're talking about Larry, not the Pope. Yeah, where is he?

Hey, what about my luggage?

Oh, it'd be fine to watch.

Sure, here's my buddy.

Because this is what I want to look like.

No one out there gives a shit who you look like. Those guys are interested in

one thing, and that's sticking it in you. That's not true. Laugh is very

important. Okay, I first come out virginal and royal like a princess, see?

Bullshit. It's not bullshit. You're just fucking jealous.

Jealous? The day that I'm jealous of you, kid, I'll slit my throat.

Cool it, Carmen. What are you getting so mad about?

Because I'm sick of all this princess bullshit stuff. It makes me want to

All of you girls are so fucking dumb. Not one of you stood up to Larry.

He's walking all over us, making us do extra shows for nothing, and she's

worried about her act.

Carmen, what's the matter with you?

Mardi Gras is a big chance for everybody.

Oh, really?

Everybody? The reason you didn't say anything is because you get kicked out

bed and bonus.

Go to hell.

Are you stoned again, Carmen?

No, I'm not stoned. But I wish I was, because I'm sick of all of you girls.

Not one of you had the guts to stand behind me.

And if you would have, we'd be getting paid for these extra shows instead of

getting nothing.

Yeah, well, we've got a good deal here. Larry doesn't expect us to hustle.

Yeah, and that publicity guy, he'll make something out of it for us, maybe on

TV. He'll be a blind man on a sandwich board.

Look, I got written up last week, didn't I, in this week's Mardi Gras? Didn't

that guy call me a New Orleans strip princess? You're so fucking dumb.

You're all so fucking dumb!

Well, what do you expect us to do, say we're quitting? I'm sending money home

my kids.

And I'm too much behind on my neck.

Right. Well, that proves my point. We need the money.

Instead, we're getting fucked over.

Think for yourself.

You ain't been getting enough, honey.

I can get it any time I want.

I'm the tiger girl. Guys come in here just to see me.

I talked to a guy last night from New York, and he heard about me a year ago.

Carmen, you're making a big deal out of nothing.

Yeah, I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Because that's what we're going

end up with. We're going to end up with nothing.

Don't listen to her, Carmen.

It's impossible, Steve.

This must cause trouble.

Maybe that's a step up instead of gobbling it all down.

Do you know that I wish I had a favorite tooth tiger ax and I could just dig my

claws and do some of those goddamn ass -grabbing fuckers? Jesus, Carmen.

You all know these New Orleans girls. We got some wild women here. They go up

and sow wild oats on Saturday night, and then on Sunday morning, they frame the

crop failure.

And the people are so friendly and generous, George Martin. A friend of

this girl, gave her a diamond wristwatch, and now and later, he gave

worst.

You should have told me you was with that Landmarks Commission.

I would have treated you with a little class.

Well, Larry, Larry says you should order a drink, and he'll be right down.

No, thank you.

It's, uh...

Son of a... No, thanks.

You order one, and I'll drink it.

I don't want to see liquor go to waste.

Okay, I changed my mind.

I will have that drink.

Charlie, Charlie.

Charlie.

Charlie,

give him a free drink. Larry says it's... Okay. What are you drinking?

Scotch? Scotch?

Charlie,

a double, please. Double?

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's showtime.

Doc.

Doc? Yeah, Larry Bergeron.

Larry, to you. How do you do? Yeah, Mr. Claiborne.

really glad you could make it. Hey, did she tell you that they moved that

demolition data? I mean, they're really on my case. Yes, I heard, and I'll work

as fast as I can. She also said that you have an apartment for me. Yeah, sure I

do. I guess you want to go up and check it out, huh?

It's here?

Yeah, it's right out back.

I mean, we could go through the bar, but there's a store coming in from outside,

and that's the one you'll use, so I'll just get the fucking key.

Hey, excuse me.

Hanging around with some of the people down here, that kind of language rubs

on you.

I'll be right back. You wait here. Wait here.

That's it.

That's it.

stay and see the show? No, I came here to work.

Maybe I'd be better off in a hotel room.

A hotel room? Hey, this is Mardi Gras. There ain't no hotel rooms in New

during Mardi Gras. They are all booked solid in advance.

Anyways, wait till you see what I got prepared for you. Come on, come on, come

on.

this will be the entrance that you'll use.

But you can come through the bar if you want, you know. And you want while

you're here. It's yours. You just ask.

Staircase is built about 1790.

No kidding.

There should be a date on it somewhere.

Yeah, we'll find out, hey?

Hey, wait a minute.

These iron plates go all the way along?

Oh, yeah, you got me. I don't know nothing about buildings.

Bricks look handmade.

Hey, you really think this place is old enough to get that injunction?

It could be.

We'll see.

Yeah.

Must have been beautiful at one time. What's that?

Courtyard down there.

Yeah, I guess so. I never noticed.

Tell me something.

If we find this place is worth keeping, would you be willing to restore it? Oh,

hey, yeah, sure thing. You know what? Because I'm really big on all that

and culture and stuff.

Hey, think hard, babe.

Hey, what are you doing out here dressed like that? You trying to get the money

or something so I got to hire someone else?

The girl's room is busted again. I got used to it.

You're going to love New Orleans. There's always something happening

here.

Okay, this is the spot.

Keep her locked. You never know. Well, you know, it's safe. Here you go. Come

in.

Thank you, Mr. Bishop.

Larry. Hey, I told you, Larry. Right. Thank you, Larry.

Jesus, I mean, you're going to read all these books?

Every one of them. Holy smokes.

This is heavy.

I'll put some light in the situation.

Hey, I meant to ask you, what's the doc stand for? I got my Ph .D. in

architectural history.

No kidding.

Yep. As soon as that Landmarks Commission said our only chance was to

expert down from New York, that's when I says, Larry Bergeron will write the

check. Have you been involved long with the Landmarks Commission, Mr. Bergeron?

Not till that jerk who owns this block announces that he's going to knock

everything down.

That's when we teamed up.

He wants to put up a condo, they tell you that? They mentioned it, yes.

I mean, that would be a cry in shame.

I mean, this is what New Orleans is all about.

Okay, waterbed, jacuzzi and john in there, all the booze you want, and

you don't see, if you want it, just holler. Thank you.

Geez, if I would have known you was coming in tonight, I would have got

put some beer in the refrigerator. That's all right. But there are some all

-night places open near the French Quarter, and if you want to come

you can have an open tab any time you want. Thank you very much. This town

go to bed till about three, but it's worth waiting for.

That music, is it coming from the bar?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you'll get used to that.

Hell, when I'm up here at night, I don't even hear it no more.

The office of the Landmarks Commission is closed.

If this is an emergency, please...

This

is Mrs. Claiborne's residence.

If this is an emergency, call the Landmarks Commission at 865 -7634.

or leave a message after the beep.

Mrs. Claiborne, it's David Ramsey. I'm in New Orleans, and I'd like you to call

me, please. It's urgent.

Area code is 504 -555 -2734.

And it is urgent.

Bye.

That new guy with Larry.

Beats me.

Oh, and lucky the guy Larry's bringing down from New York to save the place.

Larry's paying this guy to come down from New York? Yeah, Larry's so smart.

Because if the landlord can't tear it down, then Larry will rent the place

door, too.

It'll be cheap, then.

So what's this guy look like, anyway?

I don't know. Sort of a pinch ass.

Hello.

Nina, I just got your message.

Don't you worry, I am coming.

I'm at JFK on the next... I wouldn't bother.

As a matter of fact, Mrs. Claiborne, I... Mrs.

Claiborne? David, please, it's Nina.

What do you mean I shouldn't bother to come? I love New Orleans.

You will try to behave, won't you?

Yes, but let me explain.

You see, this place is actually a...

David, you can explain everything when I get there. I'm staying at a suite in

the Finesta.

Let's have breakfast.

I'd better go now. I'm going to miss my plane. Bye.

Hey, Jax, what's going on in there?

Hey, look, I'm telling you. There's no cover, no minimum.

Just four girls. I didn't ask you. I asked him.

It's very interesting.

Did you see how flustered he is?

He's flustered. He's only been in a half hour.

Half hour.

I'm not interested in that. Well, then go to a gay bar around the corner.

And a big, big hug for the lovely problem. Come on, yeah.

Charlie, any business you've got to watch, it's not in the house.

No,

I'm here this time, Charlie.

Elegant. The beautiful.

The lovable.

I do mean lovable.

Princess Candy.

That one in a long time

You guys are asking me to use other words.

Maybe I better go and help.

Oh, no, no, no. Larry's got something to take care of all of this.

You came at a really strange time. This is what we call Mardi Gras fever.

But don't worry about this. There's all kinds of things to see around here.

Told me it was a nice bar with some entertainment.

Well, it's that, too.

Oh, well, that's a little... That certainly cannot stay there.

Fortunately, I have a lovely large suite here.

Hold on, Nina.

Actually, uh... Oh, that's bad.

Um... Thank you for the documents, in fact.

I've been going over them. And I have a...

Pretty strong suspicion that the place might have initially been built as a

hideaway for Napoleon.

That's very exciting, David, but really cannot stay there.

I thought we were going to work so closely together.

We haven't got much time, Nina.

But you see, I have to interview brick masons and carpenters, and, well, I

really would be better off here. It's not for very long.

I'm coming right over, David, right after I have my hair done.

Maybe I can get you to change your mind then.

Fine. I have a lot of repairs to show you.

Bye -bye, Nick.

Hi. Hi.

I thought I'd bring you breakfast.

Any appreciation for last night?

Thank you.

Hey, don't bother the doc, Candy. He's got a lot of work to do. That's okay.

I've got to stay here by the phone anyway.

I'm expecting calls from brick masons and carpenters. Noah, look. We've got to

get that injunction as soon as possible, doc.

Because it would be a cry in shame to lose all this cultural heritage thing,

know?

Hey, hey.

Buddy. Thanks again.

Yeah, you're welcome, Doc.

Get your fucking costume sewed up today, Candy.

And while you're at it, sew a button on my jacket.

I'm not your wife, you know. Oh, big mouth, Candy. Very big mouth.

What's that supposed to mean?

Maybe he's trying to impress you.

He doesn't want you to know he's married.

Don't blame him. You should see his wife.

Hey, that was real sweet of you, socking that guy last night.

That's okay.

You could have handled it.

Well, Larry always throws him out so he doesn't get the NOPD down on him.

NOPD? New Orleans Police Department.

But you did it just because you were nice.

You're real skittish. You don't like to be touched.

No, it's not that.

Well, that's okay.

So what'd you find out about this place so far?

Well, I've got a pretty good idea of the way it used to look courtyard down

there. Mm -hmm For instance, I think that underneath that dumpster we're

find the remains of an old fountain No kidding and the apartments on this side

of the courtyard the old slave quarters Lane quarters.

Yep Can I fix you something else to eat I've got some great steaks in the

freezer candy never have much breakfast Anyway, I'm a vegetarian

Aren't cows vegetarians, too?

Yes.

So, how do you find out how old these places are?

Well, a lot of things.

You have to tear up the courtyard, chip away at the plaster. You want to get

down to the original beans and test the age of the wood.

Gee, I can't even tell how old people are, much less a piece of wood. Well,

all research.

I've got to read a lot of diaries and records.

to find out if parts of this place were built for Napoleon.

Napoleon was here?

No, but this place, we think, my Linda, for him. We do know that there was a

plan to help rescue him from St. Helena.

Who was St. Helena?

That was an island where Napoleon was kept prisoner.

But I thought he was an emperor or something.

Oh, he was.

But he was also a prisoner.

It's funny, you can't count on anything.

I mean, even if you're an emperor.

Did you know that the French sold this area to the United States for $15

million? $15 million for this old town? No.

For 12 million square miles. That's all of Louisiana and Mississippi.

They need the money.

I know the feeling.

Gee, do you know what these places sell for now?

Larry's going to buy up the rest of this block from Mr.

Philbin when he finds out he can't tear it down.

Is he?

No, Larry's willing to pay $200 ,000 for these old dumps.

You know why I gotta shake my ass to earn that kind of money?

What's anybody do with these buildings?

Oh, he's gonna build a pizza place and more clubs, all kinds of great things.

Teddy, what does Larry pay you?

I don't like to discuss my personal business dealings.

But he doesn't pay much.

I get everything I want from him, though. I got a fur jacket, an Atari

a beanbag chair.

A beanbag chair? Uh -huh.

I knew Larry was real generous from the first time I met him.

We were on our way back to New Orleans, and he said, Anything you want, kid? And

I saw this truck selling bananas.

And he said, Do you want some bananas?

And I said, Yeah. So he bought me a whole stock.

I mean, a whole stock, like feed a zoo stock.

How did you meet Larry?

He came over to PKU in Mississippi.

PKU? Yeah, that's where I'm from.

Anyway, he came there to see my brother, who got hurt in an insurance accident.

My brother used to work for Larry on a shrimp boat that he owned.

And so he met me and asked me if I could dance, and I always wanted to be in

show business, so here I am.

The only bad thing is that Larry has a way of losing his temper, and that's

he breaks things up, like my Atari says.

But I'll get him to fix it.

Do you think I talk too much? No.

No? Larry says I do.

So, what are you going to do with all of this stuff?

This is all the stuff I have to go through.

You're going to read all of this? Mm -hmm, and a whole lot more.

I've got it up at the university library.

I've got copies of a lot of old diaries and things.

Are you going to be able to do all of this in a week? I sure hope so.

I'm going to have to hire someone to help me Xerox the catalog, though.

Great, you can hire me.

Okay.

I'm kidding, I can't do this.

Why not? You can read, can't you?

Well, of course I can read. I'm not a moron.

I mean, just because I didn't graduate from high school doesn't mean I can't

read.

Reading was my best subject.

So?

You really pay me to do this.

Look stuff up in the library.

Well, what do you wear to look stuff up in the library?

What do you have on?

Plus maybe some jeans.

What if I louse it up?

You don't louse it up.

Deal?

Deal. Well, now we have to celebrate. I've got a bottle of champagne I've been

saving for Mardi Gras. I've got to stay near the phone, Candy. I'm sorry. Well,

you can hear the phone from there. In fact, you can hear everything in these

places.

I really have to stay here and work.

Pleasure turns into energy.

At least that's what Frank always says.

Come on, one little drink.

Okay.

How you doing, Tootsie?

Show starts in 15 minutes.

I am not a Tootsie, and I don't care when your show starts. Where is Larry

Bergeron? Hey, sorry, madam.

Hey, are you Larry's wife?

No. I am neither Larry's wife nor a madame.

I think you could be right.

If you was a madame, you'd be, uh, you're tired by now.

Where is Larry Bergeron?

He's somewhere inside.

He lives upstairs, off the courtyard.

You know, it's funny.

People only like what's really new or what's really, really old.

Like saving a building if it's really old.

Take my business, for instance.

Once you're over 26, you've had it.

Unless, of course, you're an old, old -timer, and then you're famous again.

Like, take Carrie Fennell.

People used to wait in lines for hours to see her. Who is Carrie Fennell?

Don't you do anything but read books.

Carrie Fennell was famous for making her boobs go around. She wore these tassels

on them, and she could make them rotate like windmills.

Even in opposite directions. That's impossible.

I saw her.

You know, I was a Christian scientist once for about a month.

And I think it's like they say. It's kind of like mind over matter.

So I've been practicing about a half hour each day trying to tell the muscles

move. And I think I'm beginning to do it. Here, look.

Do you see them move at all when I tell them to?

Here, well, give me your hand. Maybe you can feel it.

You shouldn't be doing this, Cindy.

Why? I mean...

Do you think it's bad for me, like football players getting lumpy muscles

their legs? No, I mean, sitting there like that when we're talking about you

working for me and doing some research.

I thought you wanted to do that.

Well, I do.

Well, then what are you sitting there exposed like that for?

When you can't be exposed and do research at the same time?

Do you want to ball me?

What did you ask that for?

Well, I wasn't offering.

You know, I just know that sometimes when guys get mad at you, it's because

really want to ball you. Yeah, well, I guess I'm different from most of the

you know.

Well, you can say that again.

Listen, I still like you.

Come on in. Join the party. We'd better get to work.

Oh, hi. I'm Ken.

What's the matter? Both of you have laryngitis or something?

Uh, Mrs. Clayton.

Nina.

Candy lives and works here, and she was just telling me some of the

architectural history of this place. It's borne out by the... David, you

have to explain yourself.

I actually thought you were serious about your work.

But it's just as well.

I can't see any merit in saving this place. Of course I'm serious.

This place may date back to the early 18th century, maybe even earlier.

Well, I'm going to go on downstairs and tell them what I'm doing.

What do you call what I'm doing?

You're a historical research librarian.

Historical research librarian.

Okay. Nice meeting you.

It was nice of you to hire the mentally disabled.

I'm sure her IQ matches her age.

Candy is a very smart girl. She's just not been very educated, has she?

Oh, that's what you were doing when I got here.

My telephone.

Nina, I hear it ringing.

I'm expecting a call from a brick mason.

Carpenters. Excuse me.

Historical research librarian?

What the hell is that?

Knew it would get in your pants.

Boy, I knew you wouldn't understand.

But you can't do all that stuff. I'm going to read it between shows.

Dumb. So fucking dumb.

My friend, Dr. Ramsey, I'm working for him now.

all of this, don't you?

Don't you?

Yeah, I do.

Actually, it's good.

It's all documented. It's all there.

This is great, Candy. Thank you.

You know, tomorrow I could do more.

I think I'm really getting the hang of it.

Maybe someday I'll read those old diaries.

You should.

So tell me more about New York.

I mean, what do you do there besides study and teach those classes?

Well, that takes up a lot of time.

I also read articles for magazines.

No kidding.

We'll have to get them and hang them in my dressing room with my other

celebrities.

They're all about architecture.

They wouldn't be that interesting.

Anybody's name in print that I've ever met is interesting.

You know, the most famous people I've ever met are football players when

here for the Super Bowl.

They all put their names in my leg once, and I was never going to wash it off,

but I forgot.

Do you want a beer?

Yes, please.

Glasses or bottles?

Bottles, son. Thank you.

I gotta have a laugh. My mother would kill me if she ever saw me drink beer

of a bottle.

Thanks.

See, what I really want is to go to New York.

But I don't know what I'd do there until I became a star.

What kind of star?

Oh, I don't know. A star star.

You know, actress, model, rock star.

I can sing, you know.

Play the guitar a little bit, too. That's great.

Yeah, I wrote a song once. I won a prize at a talent contest at BKU. You did?

I sure did.

I got ten free passes to this theater.

and this guy was going to put it on the radio, but he got fired.

It went something like this.

Why did he leave me?

Why did he go?

I'm all so blue.

I want to know.

It went something like that.

I'm not surprised you won. Well, it goes on.

It talks about this guy who is married and goes back to his wife.

It's kind of like a true life story.

Yeah, I guess so.

What I really want to do is go to New York.

You know, maybe Larry will take me there if he gets big someday.

You couldn't just try going on your own?

With what?

I don't have 25 cents for gum.

Is that why you stay with Larry?

No. It's because I love him.

What the hell are you doing?

I think I'm getting fat.

Probably from sitting on your can reading all those books.

Yeah, when I get those buildings, I'm going to clean up on this little block.

Larry Bergeron is going to be a rich man, babe.

And someday when I sell that place across the river.

Well, you have to ask me about that, right?

That's a pretty big for your britches remark, isn't it?

What the hell are you learning from all this stuff?

Lots.

Like for one thing, the guy that used to live here kept his slaves out back and

he kept it a secret that he was teaching them to read and write because it was

against the law and he knew that they'd be free someday.

Bullshit.

Hey,

what do you think you're doing?

Deciding which side of the building to start on.

We've got to start knocking this thing down next week. Hey, you ain't knocking

this building down, and you touch this building, and I will have you arrested.

Now beat it.

Doc, there's some guys outside trying to figure out how to knock the building

down. We've got to get that injunction now.

We're getting there.

Well, we already know the place is old. Why don't we go to court now?

Because I haven't got the date nailed down, and I haven't got my proof

But I have come up with an interesting new development.

Yeah, what's that?

Well, I've dropped the Napoleon theory.

And you see, this approximate address has turned up in the accounts of several

duels, which leads me to believe that this may be the site of one of the first

brothels in New Orleans.

Oh, Christ, Doc.

I don't think that's such a good theory. You know, they're not going to want to

save no broth.

Oh, for the first time.

They're measuring my bill. They're trying to knock it down, and she shows

and he, it shows up, and fucking drag.

I paid half a week's salary for it. It's the first time I got one in the flea

market. Yeah, well, the queen that year must have been a walrus.

Liv, who you know not to be. Yeah, all right, look, we got work to do. The

busy, huh?

Which you appreciate.

She's at the university library. She's up there tracing the shipping

information.

You sent that broad up to the college?

She is so used to those college boys coming down here trying to hump her that

she won't know what to do.

Well, I did know what to do.

I've got it all written down and documented. I bet you don't even know

hell to do that.

Hey, listen to her.

This is the name of the sailing company that had a ship sunk off Ship's Island

at the mouth of the Mississippi River, 1721.

1721. Hey, is this place that old? Maybe. I've got all kinds of other

information. This is wonderful, Candy. Thanks.

Hey.

They must have thought you were on some kind of trip and logged in there by

mistake. No, someone even asked me if I was a sophomore or a junior.

And what did you say?

Well, I said I was both.

Yeah.

Yeah, all right, stop yapping and get out of your clothes and go on, get

That publicity guy's here to take picture of your tits and ass.

What did I tell you? He's a photographer and brain surgeon.

Charlie, I need some pills.

Carmen, take a nap.

Fuck off if you've got.

I don't have.

You don't need anything more.

I don't need your opinion. Just give me some more pills.

Go talk to Larry. I don't have. I don't want to talk to Larry. If you don't give

me something, I'm going to tell the cops how you make your extra money. Do you

hear me? Get your fucking hands off. me.

Both of you are a freak.

Okay, okay.

Everybody gets a little bit crazy during Mardi Gras.

Fucking liar.

Candy, get your ass out of here.

Okay, what do you want to do with her?

Anything.

Do you want me to do the same thing as last year?

No, no, no, no. Try something different.

Try putting your hands on your knees.

Toot your ass up.

I'm not so cutesy. You ain't advertising being some cheerleader, you know.

Well, I'm not advertising what you're advertising either, Larry.

You want her pretty or raunchy?

Pretty, for Christ's sake. I'm the star of the show. You are what I say you are.

Well, pretty. Yeah, pretty.

Christ, make her look good.

You're a shit.

He doesn't mean it.

He is.

All this big picture -taking garbage. For what?

It's the day before Mardi Gras, and he thinks we're going to believe that TV

news people are coming in here.

You're high again.

If I wasn't high, I'd be dead.

Tell Charlie to give me some more pills. The fuck I will.

And you just lost half your salary for showing up here like this.

You fucker! He doesn't mean it.

Larry, that's not fair.

You're not in this.

Well, you gave her black beauties last night when she said she couldn't go on.

Goddammit, that's not fair.

Your mouth has gotten too fucking big for today.

Come on, Carmen.

Get out of this garbage and go home for a while.

Come on, you should get something to eat.

I don't want anybody touching me.

I hate you.

I hate this whole goddamn place.

Sometimes I just wish I could take my whole goddamn life and stick my

fingernails into it and just pull it apart.

I'll go home with you.

Sue will be there. She can fix us something to eat.

Sue's gone.

She went to Florida to take care of her kid.

You and I can go eat somewhere, Carmen.

Or you can come to my place. You haven't met my new guy yet.

Can a lady change clothes and hair?

Oh, come on.

I can't. Can you help me get out of this thing? Get out of this thing. Get off.

I can't. I need to. I'm like an idiot walking around in it all. Oh, I think

costume is great.

Well, you know, you've got to be, you know, everybody's got to be something

they ain't every now and then. I'm really short.

Hey, girls.

What's... wrong with everybody's gut.

The pre -Marty Grau blues.

It's just like pre -menstrual cramps.

Oh, boo.

I tried.

Come on.

Come on, baby.

You're as bad as the rest of them.

In fact, you're worse.

Because you're older than God and you're nothing but a stupid old fag swimming

around blind like the rest of them. You mean?

I'm not blind.

You're out there every night telling your stupid old jokes, and who the hell

listens?

Those drunks pay more attention to the grinding of the garbage trucks than they

do to you.

You're nothing but sly paper. You just hold them in their seats until the next

act. Roach motel.

That's you.

Really, Carla? To all the roaches.

Okay, why don't you all just go? Go. Let Carmen and me just talk.

I don't want to talk to you, God damn it. Go!

Baby.

I think sometimes some of us are born into Mardi Gras costumes.

And I can't get out of them.

I found your pocketbook in that bag of books you brought back from the library.

Shall I keep it for you?

Sure.

Do you really think this place was really beautiful?

I don't know what the fun part of the club is, but it was once actually

Not back here, but back at the slave quarters.

It's funny.

Larry's got his living back here in the slave quarters.

No, I don't know where he is.

Well, maybe he's on his way across the river already.

Okay, I'll tell him.

Okay, bye.

What are you doing?

What's it look like I'm doing? I'm changing my clothes.

You're going to go across the river? They just called.

Sometime. I'm going up to my wife's house first.

She's gone to Mardi Gras.

They may stay up there for a few days.

Will you take me with you?

You did the last time she was gone? Yeah, well, that was the last time.

Well, come on, Larry. Knock it off, Candy.

Aw, you don't mean that.

You're going to get enough of that all day long. Put it back on.

And cut the fucking balling. Well, I didn't know I was making you so mad.

You didn't know, huh?

You, standing down there, trying to be so smart. Who do you think you are?

Just because that book creep next door has got you running errands don't make

you no difference. And don't go getting a swell head.

Because I'm running this show. Me!

I'm running you and the creep.

I'm paying for both of you.

In fact, piss me in an outhouse in Mississippi if it wasn't for me.

You're no different than a hundred other broads walking the street every day.

The only thing that makes you any different is me. Yeah, me.

You're different because I blew you up in a poacher. I gave you an act to do.

I made people think that your tits and ass were better than the rest.

I made you somebody they all...

If I kicked you out, you'd have to get out and hustle.

You'd be working on some goddamn topless joint -turning tricks. But I protect

you. I know.

I'll give you anything you want.

A fur coat, the Atari.

I know, I know. A kid to run errands for you. Any fucking thing you want. Call

you Star.

Please forgive me, Larry. I won't do it again. Don't do a thing like that.

I'm sorry, Larry. I won't let it happen again.

Larry, I love you.

Really? Where's the best place to find a cab?

With the Mardi Gras crowds down here now, there's no place to get a cab.

is Mardi Gras.

In five hours, it's the biggest parade.

In six hours, there's going to be millions of people pouring down the

trying to get in here, and I got my fucking ceiling coming down. Mr.

Bergeron, do you want me to finish this job or not? You already know the place

is old. Why can't you get done, George?

Because we want to have the whole picture.

Now, the other end of the ship's mast is up here, and I want to know when it was

put in.

All right. You write half the report now, and you finish the rest next week.

I'm paying! Free food! You couldn't pay me to stay here one minute longer than I

absolutely have to.

In the first place, I'm being paid by the Landmarks Commission.

Now, their check may be covered by your donation, but it's signed by them.

So don't get it into your head that I'm working for you.

What?

Carmen? Nah, she was never here for a long time. Why should she be here now?

came to my place and didn't come home last night. She probably got herself a

girlfriend. Maybe, maybe Candy will. Candy up there?

Spent the night with me up with my wife. Probably still lying around in bed

watching TV.

She's at the Tulane University Library. She called me an hour ago.

You really hired me to do this? I mean, look stuff up in the library.

Mm -hmm.

What if I louse it up?

You won't louse it up.

Deal?

Deal.

Just because that book creep next door has got you running errands don't make

you no difference. And don't go getting a swell head.

Because I'm running this show. Me?

I'm running you and the creep.

I'm paying for both of you.

I blew you up in a poster. I gave you an act to do.

I made people think that your tits and ass were better than their wrists. I

you somebody they all want to...

Why did you ask that?

Well, I wasn't offering.

You know, I just know that sometimes when guys get mad at you, it's because

really want to ball you.

Yeah, well, I guess I'm different from most of the guys you know. Well, you can

say that again.

And these early settlers of Louisiana were determined to be independent at all

costs.

Come here. Give me the fucking balloon.

It's going to be all right, Lyra. We're going to make it. Two hours to parade

time. Two hours and we are going to be mobbed.

And where the hell have you been?

I'm sorry. I forgot what time it was. Do you know where Carmen is? No. She

didn't come back to my place last night. Nobody knows where the hell she's been.

All right.

Everything's gone wrong.

The brain had to knock down half my ceiling today and still no answers yet.

definite answers.

And there's some practice across the river with the goddamn gambling

and I've got to go over there.

Tonight?

Yeah, tonight.

Mardi Gras, even I've got to go across the river.

There's some practice with the cops. You're going to have to come over there

with me tomorrow.

Larry, what have you got me into over there? Nothing, nothing.

Say, Charlie, clean this place up and get a move on the clock, yeah, you know?

No, Larry, tell me what's going on over there. I don't know.

Charity's in charge until I get back. What are we going to do about Carmen?

Oh, we'll buy somebody else. Anybody.

Here. Here's 200 bucks.

Get someone from one of them topless joints or off the street. You know, we

advertise we got four broads. We got to have them. What about costume? I don't

give a fuck whether she can dance or nothing. Just get big tits. I mean,

all going to be drunk anyways.

I thought they looked nice up there.

I used to keep up sisters of John Barrymore,

Tyrone Pryor.

Maybe I shouldn't have taken them down so soon as I did.

Don't give up your dreams, Patsy.

I was taping some of that jazz you wrote me.

I do.

Great.

I've come from the library. I have all the stuff.

Wonderful.

I'll be over in a minute.

Okay.

Are you going to go to the parade?

No, I don't think so.

Hello. Oh, hello, Mrs. Claiborne. I hope you're not still angry with me.

No, no, no.

I wanted to apologize to you about the other day.

I had no right to interfere with your personal life.

Well, you didn't really.

Yes, David, I did. I'm guilty.

And I wanted to make sure you didn't misunderstand my motives.

I merely wanted you to have a peaceful place to work.

And I didn't want you to think I had a personal interest.

You could still call me Nina.

I have some good news for you, David.

Not only is the building not going to be torn down, but I think we can get money

from the city to have it restored.

No more Melody Shobar.

Jesus, Larry can flip out.

How do you feel about it?

I feel like maybe I helped Ty to not know.

Old news, I guess.

The Melody Show bar in Larry is not the only way you can stay alive, Candy.

David, I'm not big stuff anywhere else.

You're such big stuff here?

Yeah.

Well, they've even got a queen over in one of the gay bars imitating me.

Candy, how long did you say a girl can survive in this business?

You're trying to dunk on me, too.

Listen, I'll be real glad when you just leave here.

Yeah.

Yeah, stop getting me all mixed up. Will you really be glad?

Yeah, look at what all I've got.

This place, my Atari set when it's fixed, me on the wall in color, and me

with Larry and the mayor of Algiers. That's the mayor.

I'm 19 and I'm somebody. Okay, so you're sort of a big fish.

I'm not a fish. The Carmen always says we are. That's a fish. You also have

strings attached to your strings that Larry pulls.

So who don't?

The cops have strings on, Larry. Everybody has strings. Larry pulls yours

tight.

Maybe I like it that way.

You can do so much more than just wiggle your ass in a bar every night.

Wiggle on a bar every night? That's what you call my dancing?

I thought you thought I was beautiful.

I think you are beautiful.

But I'm not confused what you're doing with a performance at the New York City

Ballet. I don't want to be in a ballet.

What do you want?

I don't know.

I want to have a place to live, and I want some clothes.

I make more goddamn money than anybody else in my family. Candy, you have a

good mind.

Oh, yeah, I'm a genius.

Look at the Mardi Gras costume I bought.

It's a mermaid, and I didn't realize they don't have feet, so how am I

to walk? Don't avoid what I'm saying.

Did you like doing that work for me?

It was different.

But didn't you like the feeling that maybe you had a brain?

You can't eat feelings.

You can't live on feelings. You can learn how to do a lot of things. But

you're learning something, you've got to have someone to take care of you.

Do you want to take me to New York with you and I'll learn something and you can

take care of me? That's my point.

You don't need anybody to take care of you. Bullshit! I'm saying you can do it

on your own.

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!

You wouldn't take me to New York with you because all you think of me as is a

cheap little stripper. That's not true, Ingenuity. It is so. It is not! Then how

do you see me?

Forget it. Don't answer that.

I already know.

Okay, do it.

It's just like I said it was.

I'm nothing but a thing.

I'm just a cheap little stripper.

Smart.

And you're sweet.

And you're beautiful.

Very much.

I wish I was seeing you for the first time.

I am.

At least I'm seeing you for the first time.

Except this is... Nobody you'd put on stage.

Get you all shy.

If you get me hung up.

Do you really love me?

I think I really love you.

I'd be all brains and no balls.

Do you really like me?

Oh, you mean you can't tell?

I mean, really, really like me.

Really, really, really like you?

Really like you?

Thank you.

I don't think that parade's going to wait for us much longer.

Okay.

Well, let's go.

I don't have anything to wear.

I mean, now that you're in that costume, you haven't got any feet.

Yes.

Well, you know, you could always, uh,

wear the dry clothes.

And I could try and get into your way.

I think Frank would grab you on the way out.

You think so?

And I'm not going to make a club.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

I found her.

I found her. It's Carmen.

It's Carmen.

So you don't have any idea what you got this time, huh? No, no. Look, you were

already here when I got back from across the river. Everybody knows more about

it than me.

Look, Mardi Gras Eve. I mean, can we open up?

When we're ready.

What were you doing across the river?

Well, I told you, there was kind of an emergency at a club over there that I'm

consultant.

What's the name of this club? It's Club Malibu. But like I said, I'm just like

an advisor, you know. I mean, look, officer, Mardi Gras has got to be the

biggest night of the year for all of us out here. Yeah?

It was a pretty big night for that girl, too, huh?

Is she on drugs regular?

No, no, none of the brides. I don't let them.

Check the whole dressing.

John? Yeah,

I told you. I told you. We don't let no drugs in here. No way. I told you. Yeah,

yeah. Lucky for you.

Yeah.

That's it for now, okay?

Can we open up?

Yeah, we're going to be having another talk about where she could have been

getting stuff.

Okay, come on.

Hey, thanks, fellas.

Thanks a lot, fellas. Thanks. Thanks, officer. Thank you.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Hey! You got... Four minutes. Now haul us and get moving.

Come on, get your butts in action. Let's go in here. Frank, put on some music

and let's get this place live enough and let the people in here.

Frank, move, damn it.

What are you?

A machine?

A gas register?

I am in the entertainment.

And there is a river of people walking up and down trying to get in here.

Now move.

Look, you got another job.

This courtyard, when we finish, Milo, will look like Versailles.

And that's in Paris.

France.

Scared.

Andy, you better get on this side and get going.

Doc, I want to talk to you.

What is it?

I just want to ask you a question.

What?

Look, I was wondering if you could help me out a little bit. See, we can wind

this whole thing up pretty fast.

We had someone who could say that they were with Carmen when she bought the

stuff away from here. And if you said that you were with her, they'd believe

you. Now, you don't have to get yourself involved in that.

Just say that you told her not to buy the stuff. You warned her, see? Because

you're a good guy.

But that you saw her buy the stuff.

It's worth five grand to get the LOPD.

Okay,

I'll give you ten grand, too.

No, I mean ten grand is a lot of money when you pass it up ten grand a year.

But you don't have to get involved in that. I mean ten grand... I said I won't

do it!

You are going to say that you were with Carmen last night and that you saw her

buy the stuff from some streeter in Jackson Square. I can't do that. I'm not

asking you whether you can or can't do it. You're going to do it. You can't

people do things they don't want to do, Larry, unless you own them. And you

don't own me. I'll fire you. I'll kick you out of here so fast. Who cares?

Because you're going to be a damn place anyway.

What? What are you talking about?

We found out that the place is so old that they're not only going to save it,

they're going to rebuild it. We'll kick you out.

What?

Hey, they can't do this.

You. You dirty double -crosser. Wait a minute. I brought you down here. I paid

you money. You never paid me. I paid you money. I had the cash. You gave.

You gave money to the Landmarks Commission so that they could help prove

building should be saved. And they, they hired me, and that's what I proved.

I want my bar saved.

They can't do this.

You and those uptown shysters are not getting away with this. Larry Bergeron

will not be screwed by them or nobody.

And you are going to start doing what you're told. The lady says she will say

nothing.

Watch your body.

I can knock you right out of the wall. I don't think you want to get yourself

arrested on an assault charge right now.

But I'm not going to do it, Larry.

You've got me involved in enough stuff.

Look what you've got me involved in at that place across the river.

You've got my name on that place. Okay, okay. Name on what place?

He has me down as an owner of a gambling place across the river. I told you.

Shut your yap.

See, he couldn't get a license.

What in your lip?

And don't you two get any ideas either?

Are we going to have a show or not? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure we're going to

show right now.

Candy, get off your clothes and get in there where you belong.

I'll get them off, Larry.

It's not where I belong.

Don't be

David, I need a favor.

Would you ask your Lord to check on something for me?

Yeah, it's about the club Malibu across the river.

I've just checked.

Candy, Larry does have that place across the river in your name.

I told you I was in the picture with him and the mayor. Candy, you own it.

Now, what do you mean you're broke?

Do you know how much money that club makes? Where do you think Larry's wife

the money for the house uptown, the Jaguars?

Well, I know it makes a lot of money, but it's not really mine. That's only

because if there's any trouble, it's not in his name. It is really, and I mean

legally, yours.

Larry, put it down on paper, and you're responsible.

You mean she really owns that club across the river? Legally, yes.

Kill it, love.

Oh, I can't.

First of all, Larry, kill me.

Second, I feel like I stole it, and I've never stolen anything.

There's always a beginning. Besides, you really ought to get something out of

that. You put yourself on the line for him.

Well, maybe I could charge him something like rent.

Rent? Take him out. Throw him on his ass.

Fire the man.

We've got him by the balls, honey. Use him.

David, I could work at something else. Mm -hmm.

Or go to Jamaica and get some sun.

I could go to school and be a lawyer, maybe. Why not?

Every jury's falling in love with you.

What the fuck are you doing? You're on there.

I think I'm falling in love with you, sir.

Hey, there's no customers allowed back here. Feed him.

I'll take you up out to the surface.

What's going on here?

Don't you get too smart for your britches?

I don't have any britches on, Larry, so I guess that won't hold me back.

And what I want beginning next week is a little money out of that club I own

across the river. And I don't mean a tip tucked in my G -string now and then. I

mean a check.

Every cotton -picking week.

Because I'm probably leaving town.

So if you'll excuse me, I'll make my farewell appearance.

Well, like you said, Larry.

Very good. Thank you, dear. We've got a picture.