Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON "sMOTHERED"...

OKAY, YOU'RE ALREADY ANNOYING ME.

IT IS SO WEIRD TO BE THE FOCUS OF CARLO'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.

MY MOM AND SISTER FULL-OUT WHACKOS.

ALL I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE REST OF THE NIGHT

WAS THE BABY.

I WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE WHOLE BIRTH WITH CHER.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG YOU WANT TO STAY?

STAY, LIKE, A WEEK, TWO WEEKS.

IT'S A DELICATE BALANCE BETWEEN KEEPING MY MOM HAPPY

AND KEEPING MY HUSBAND HAPPY.

AAH!

THIS IS THE MOST AWKWARD BIRTHDAY

I'VE EVER BEEN TO WITH THE MOM AND...

WELL, MAINLY WITH THE MOM.

I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING ME UP THERE.

SO IT HAPPENED. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

I JUST DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE.

-OKAY, GOOD. BYE. BYE! -BYE.

AND COMING UP...

ANY QUESTIONS, FEARS, ANXIETIES YOU GUYS HAVE?

I WANTED TO ASK IF IT'S OKAY IF I'M IN THE DELIVERY ROOM.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

CHER AND DAWN'S RELATIONSHIP -- IT'S A LITTLE BIT PATHOLOGICAL.

I FELT LIKE YOU LIED TO ME.

OH, MY GOD, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS LIKE THAT.

SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND.

I'M SO SORRY.

-GOING ON A DATE. -WHAT?

MY MOM AND I BOTH THINK

CARLY IS GOING TO GET PICKED UP, GET KILLED,

AND GET THROWN IN THE SEWER.

I THINK WE SHOULD GO.

OH, MY GOD! [BLEEP] [BLEEP].

WHAT?

--Captions by VITAC-- www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

♪♪

WHOA.

YOU GOT THE DOOR? I FEEL LIKE WE JUST SAW --

I JUST TOOK DOWN THE DECORATIONS FROM CARLO'S PARTY.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. THIS IS ALL WE DO.

♪♪

-OH, PERFECT TIMING. -HI.

-COMING TO HELP DECORATE? -NO.

EVEN THOUGH IT'S EXHAUSTING,

MY MOM AND I LOVE DECORATING FOR THE HOLIDAYS TOGETHER.

IF SOME PEOPLE THINK IT'S OVER THE TOP,

THEN IT'S THEIR PROBLEM.

-WELL, IT LOOKS CUTE. -OH, THANKS, CARLY.

-WELL, THANK YOU. -YOU'RE WELCOME.

MY HUSBAND CARLO'S BIRTHDAY PARTY

WAS ESPECIALLY FUN FOR US TO PLAN

BECAUSE WE TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO FIND

CARLY A NICE ITALIAN BOY TO SETTLE DOWN WITH.

CARLY'S A LITTLE SHY.

WOULD LIKE ME TO COME OUT ON YOUR DATES WITH YOU?

-NO, PLEASE DON'T. -[ LAUGHS ]

WE DIDN'T FIND THE PERFECT GUY FOR CARLY,

BUT AT LEAST WE TRIED.

YEAH, BUT NOW CARLY'S ANNOYED WITH US.

OH, WHO CARES?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY?

GOING ON A DATE.

-WHAT? -YEAH.

-WITH WHO? -VINCE FROM THE PARTY.

AFTER ALL THAT BITCHING AND MOANING SHE DID,

IT TURNS OUT OUR PLAN WORKED.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SHE DIDN'T EVEN TELL US ABOUT THE DATE.

I KNOW. AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN THANK US.

UNGRATEFUL.

GOING ON A DATE WHERE?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

YOU'RE NOT ENTITLED TO PRIVACY.

ARE YOU BRINGING A FRIEND?

THIS ISN'T HOW WE OPERATE.

YOU'RE ALWAYS MEDDLING IN MY -- STOP.

THAT'S THIS FAMILY. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.

IT'S NOT MEDDLING. IT'S CARING ABOUT YOU.

NO, YOU ARE. YOU'RE MEDDLING.

I DON'T KNOW WHY CARLY'S BEING

TO TIGHT-LIPPED ABOUT WHERE SHE'S GOING.

WE DO CALL HER "NO INFORMATION CARLY."

SHE DOES NOT LIKE TO LET CRISTINA AND I

IN ON ANYTHING THAT'S SHE'S DOING,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.

-IS HE PICKING YOU UP? -NO.

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NO"? -WHY ISN'T HE PICKING YOU UP?

-WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA MEET HIM? -DOES HE GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE?

NO.

I WOULD RATHER DRIVE MYSELF IN CASE I WANT TO LEAVE.

WHY?

IF YOU WANT TO GO OUT ON A DATE, I WANT HIM TO COME HERE.

NO.

YOU KNOW THAT THERE'S RULES YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW,

AND WE TOLD HIM THIS.

JUST WAIT TILL I SEE HIM AGAIN.

WE TOLD HIM HOW WE WANT THINGS.

STRIKE ONE FOR VINCE.

YOU'RE ACTING MORE LIKE MY MOTHER THAN MY SISTER.

BECAUSE CARLY'S 10 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME,

I TRY TO MOTHER HER LIKE MY MOM DOES.

SO AS MUCH AS I SHOULD BE UNDERSTANDING TO HER,

I CAN'T HELP IT.

THIS GUY'S GOT TO LIKE US AS MUCH AS WE LIKE HIM.

WE'RE A PACKAGE. WE'RE A DEAL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO MEET HIM TO BEGIN WITH.

I DIDN'T WANT TO MEET ANYONE.

AND THEN YOU SET EVERYTHING UP,

AND NOW HE ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE, AND I'M GONNA GO.

RIGHT, BUT THERE'S A RIGHT WAY TO DO THINGS,

AND THAT IS HIM DRIVING TO YOUR HOUSE,

COMING TO YOUR DOOR, AND PICKING YOU UP,

NOT MEETING YOU SOMEWHERE LIKE YOU'RE SOME FREAKING ALLEY CAT.

NOW, COME ON.

MY MOM AND I BOTH THINK

THAT CARLY IS GONNA WALK OUT THE DOOR,

GET PICKED UP, GET KILLED, AND GET THROWN IN THE SEWER.

♪♪

OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN SHE LEAVES.

WELL, THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS.

SOUNDS A LITTLE DESPERATE TO ME.

YOU SETTING ME UP WITH PEOPLE, ITALIAN PEOPLE,

WAS PRETTY DESPERATE, DON'T YOU THINK?

STAY OUT OF IT.

-WILL DO. -THANKS.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHERE SHE COMES OFF.

LIKE, "WELL, THAT'S WHAT I'M JUST GONNA DO."

I WOULD HAVE NEVER SAID THAT TO YOU.

SHE CAN GO. I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ]

I WANT TO KNOW WHERE SHE'S GOING, YOU KNOW.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT?

IT'S VINCE.

SHE LEFT HER PHONE HERE.

THE PHONE WAS LEFT RIGHT -- IT WAS LIKE A SIGN FROM GOD.

LIKE, "CRISTINA, YOU NEED TO OPEN THIS PHONE,

SO THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID."

WAIT, HE PUT, "HI, HOW ARE YOU?

I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU WANTED TO MAYBE GO BOWLING."

BOWLING? SHE CAN'T BOWL.

SHE WENT, "HA, I'M A TERRIBLE BOWLER."

"OKAY, HOW ABOUT 4:00 P.M., WEDNESDAY?

WE CAN MEET AT THE BOWLING ALLEY."

NOW, WHY WOULDN'T SHE TELL US THAT?

LIKE IT WAS SUCH A BIG THING.

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT LIKE, YOU KNOW,

HE INVITED HER TO HIS PLACE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

TO DINNER. BOWLING? [ MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY ]

I THINK WE SHOULD GO.

-YOU WANT TO GO? -YEAH.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE'RE GONNA JUST WATCH THEM?

YEAH.

OH, MY GOD, THIS IS GREAT.

SEE, I WAS NEVER ON THIS END.

THIS IS WHAT YOU USED TO DO TO ME.

-I NEVER GOT TO DO THIS. -YEAH. SEE? IT'S FUN.

-I'M CAN'T WAIT. -GIVES US SOMETHING TO DO, TOO.

NO, YOU CAN'T COME. THIS IS A SECRET MISSION.

♪♪

♪♪

AT MARIAH'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION IN VEGAS,

I TRIED TO GIVE HER THE PARTY THAT I WOULD HAVE WANTED,

BUT WE ENDED UP HAVING A HUGE FIGHT.

WHY DID YOU FEEL IT WAS OKAY TO HAVE THEM PULL ME UP ON STAGE

EVEN THOUGH YOU KNEW I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST THE WORST MOTHER EVER.

AND I'M EMBARRASSED IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS,

AND NOW I'M EMBARRASSED.

I JUST DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE.

-OKAY. GOOD. BYE. BYE! -BYE.

I HAVEN'T SEEN MARIAH SINCE VEGAS,

AND ACCORDING TO HER FATHER, ADRIAN,

SHE'S STILL REALLY MAD AT ME.

AND NOW ADRIAN'S MAD AT ME, TOO, BECAUSE HE DOESN'T THINK

THAT I SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST SET UP THE STUFF,

LET THE GIRLS GO -- -SHE WANTED ME THERE!

YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO YOUR DAUGHTER.

SHE WASN'T HAPPY.

I'VE NEVER GONE THIS LONG WITHOUT TALKING TO MARIAH.

♪♪

HI, BABY.

RIGHT NOW I'M REALLY SCARED THAT I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO FIX THIS.

SO, I TALKED TO YOUR DAD.

HE SAID THAT YOU WERE A LITTLE UPSET AND STUFF,

AND I KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU WERE UPSET FROM --

FROM THE SHOW AND ALL THAT.

SO TELL ME HOW --

I FELT LIKE MY BIRTHDAY WAS, LIKE, RUINED.

I FELT EMBARRASSED, 'CAUSE, LIKE,

I WANTED TO GO AND HAVE FUN,

BUT THEN, LIKE, WHEN I ASKED YOU NOT TO BRING ME ON STAGE --

LIKE, I FELT LIKE YOU COMPLETELY IGNORED ME

AND WHAT I WAS ASKING YOU TO DO,

AND YOU JUST DECIDED TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO DO.

♪♪

I FELT LIKE YOU LIED TO ME.

♪♪

AND THAT'S WHERE I WAS HURT THE MOST

BECAUSE WE NEVER LIE TO EACH OTHER.

AND IN THAT MOMENT, I FELT LIKE,

"WHAT THE HELL?" LIKE, "WHY DID SHE DO THAT?"

LIKE YOU FEEL LIKE IT WAS BROKEN.

YEAH.

♪♪

FOR ME, IT WAS LIKE --

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU GO TO A RESTAURANT

AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, AND EVERYBODY ALWAYS SAYS,

"DON'T TELL THEM. DON'T TELL THEM."

-MM-HMM. -RIGHT?

BUT AT THE END, IT'S FUN, AND YOU TELL.

YEAH, BUT, MOM, THEY WEREN'T JUST SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

YOU SAW HOW UNCOMFORTABLE I WAS

'CAUSE I ALREADY FELT BAD, AND MY LIPS WERE [BLEEP] HUGE.

I'M TRYING TO HIDE MY LIPS...

I LOOK LIKE A DAMN FOOL.

THERE WAS TOO MUCH GOING ON, AND THEN MY FRIENDS WERE LIKE,

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

LIKE, "WE WANT TO GO DO OUR OWN THING.

WHY ARE WE AT THIS DAMN SHOW?"

OH, MY GOD, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS LIKE THAT.

I REALLY MESSED UP MARIAH'S BIRTHDAY.

BUT WHEN IT'S JUST THE TWO OF US, SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND,

AND I FORGET THAT SHE'S 24 YEARS YOUNGER THAN I AM.

NOW I REALIZE THAT I EMBARRASSED HER,

AND I FEEL HORRIBLE.

I'M SO SORRY, BABY.

♪♪

DON'T CRY, MOM. SERIOUSLY.

I DON'T LIKE WHEN YOU CRY. SERIOUSLY.

I'M SAD, 'CAUSE I NEVER DO --

I DON'T WANT TO EVER DO ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T...

THAT ISN'T TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.

IT'S OKAY, MOM.

I'M SORRY, YOU KNOW?

I KNOW MY OTHER FRIENDS DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY MARIAH'S MY BEST FRIEND AND WHY WE DO THE THINGS WE DO,

BECAUSE SHE'S MY EVERYTHING.

I DON'T -- SEE HOW I GET ALL TEARY?

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

I'M, LIKE, IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL.

LIKE, I NEED TO CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD.

I DON'T KNOW HOW. [ LAUGHS ]

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER THIS,

BUT THIS IS HOW I WOKE UP THE NEXT DAY.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU DIDN'T SHOW THAT TO ANYBODY, DID YOU?

I SHOWED THIS TO DAD.

HE WAS LIKE, "WHAT THE [BLEEP]?"

NO WONDER.

HE MADE ME FEEL LIKE I'M THE --

I'M THE ONE PUSHING YOU

AND I'M TRYING TO LIVE THROUGH YOU.

-NO. -I DON'T PUSH ANYTHING ON YOU.

MY MOM IS A GOOD INFLUENCE ON ME,

SO I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO CHANGE

JUST BECAUSE OF A LITTLE HICCUP IN VEGAS.

I WANT US TO STILL BE THE FUN, SEXY MOM AND DAUGHTER.

I WANT US TO STILL BE WHO WE ARE.

OTHER PEOPLE ARE GONNA TRY TO JUDGE OUR RELATIONSHIP

'CAUSE THEY'RE MAD THAT WE'RE SO CLOSE.

WHATEVER ME AND YOU DECIDE TO DO, THAT'S WHAT WE DECIDE.

♪♪

LOVE YA. NO.

-HUG! -HIVE FIVE FIRST.

THAT'S WHAT GIVES US POWER.

-"HIGH FIVE FIRST"? -HIGH FIVE FIRST.

MM. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

I MISSED YOU. LOVE YOU, GIRL.

I WAS QUESTIONING EVERYTHING THAT WE DID NOW TOGETHER,

SO NOW AFTER HAVING OUR CONVERSATION,

I'M GLAD THAT -- THINGS ARE BACK TO NORMAL.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN.

WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING? CAN I GET ONE?

BACK IN THE SADDLE, GIRL.

MMM! THIS IS GOOD.

I THINK I'LL HAVE SOME OF THIS AFTER.

Woman: ♪ AND I'M NOT LOOKING BACK NOW ♪

LET ME SEE MY QUESTIONS. DO I HAVE ANY OTHER ONES?

-IS IT OKAY FOR HER TO FLY? -I MEAN, I THINK --

IS IT BETTER TO TAKE THE PRENATALS

IN THE MORNING OR THE EVENING?

-OKAY, READY. -HI.

I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER SPRAYED A MOM AND DAUGHTER TOGETHER.

♪♪

I WAS THINKING OF WEARING THIS TODAY

WHEN WE GO SEE THE DOCTOR.

THIS IS WHAT I'M WEARING.

♪♪

OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY. THEY'RE SO SIMILAR.

-I WAS GONNA WEAR THIS. -PERFECT.

CHER ANNOUNCED THE PREGNANCY

AFTER KEEPING IT A SECRET FOR TWO MONTHS.

-WE'RE PREGNANT! -WE'RE PREGNANT!

I'VE BEEN WAITING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER FOR SO LONG!

I'M A MIMI! [ LAUGHS ]

I DON'T WANT TO MISS ANYTHING WITH CHER'S PREGNANCY,

SO I FLEW IN FROM FLORIDA

BECAUSE I HAVEN'T MET THE DOCTOR YET.

I WANT TO MAKE SURE HE'S THE RIGHT DOCTOR FOR HER.

AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING THAT HEARTBEAT.

THIS IS OUR THIRD TIME SEEING AN ULTRASOUND...

WOW.

...SO IT'S NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE FOR THIS ONE.

OH! I'M REALLY VERY, VERY EXCITED.

TODAY'S MY DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT,

AND JARED'S STILL AT WORK RIGHT NOW,

AND PART OF ME HOPES JARED DOESN'T MAKE IT HOME IN TIME

SO THAT I GET TO SHARE THIS SPECIAL MOMENT WITH MY MOM

AND SHE'LL FINALLY GET TO SEE THE ULTRASOUND.

JARED'S ALREADY SEEN IT MANY TIMES,

SO I'M EXCITED FOR MY MOM TO SEE IT.

I KNOW THAT SHE JUST CAN'T WAIT.

IT'S, LIKE, A LITTLE SCARY, BUT...

RIGHT.

-HI! -HI.

-YOU MADE IT. -HI. HOW'S IT GOING?

-HOW WAS WORK? -IT WAS GOOD, IT WAS GOOD.

-HI. -HI.

-SO GLAD YOU MADE IT. -YOU GUYS ALL READY TO GO?

YES.

YEAH, WE'RE READY. YOU GET CHANGED.

OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

SO, I HAVE MY QUESTIONS FOR THE DOCTOR.

AND I HOPE HE'S GOOD AT ANSWERING THEM.

DON'T, LIKE, BE TOO MUCH. DON'T, LIKE...

-NO. -BE TOO SMOTHERING

OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

NO, IT'S CARING.

YOU KNOW, TRY AND PLAY IT COOL A LITTLE BIT.

OH, DEFINITELY.

-JARED, YOU READY? -YEAH, ALMOST.

-ALL RIGHT, PERFECT. -OKAY.

I'M GLAD THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

OH, SO AM I.

YEAH. ME, TOO.

Jared: I'M REALLY GLAD I WAS ABLE

TO MAKE IT ON TIME FOR THE APPOINTMENT.

THAT WAY I CAN MAKE SURE THAT WHATEVER THEY DISCUSS

I'M INVOLVED.

IF I'M NOT THERE, I'M WORRIED

THAT THEY'LL MAKE A DECISION WITHOUT ME.

DO YOU HAVE TO GO SO FAR IN FRONT OF ME?

-HUH? -SO FAR IN FRONT.

-YOU'RE SO SLOW. -I'M WEARING --

COME ON, WALK LIKE A NEW YORKER.

A NEW YORKER!

HERE WE GO.

I'M A LITTLE WORRIED THAT DAWN ISN'T GONNA LIKE OUR DOCTOR.

CHER WENT ALL AROUND TOWN FINDING THE BEST DOCTORS

THAT MATCHED THE VALUES THAT WE'RE INTERESTED IN,

AND IF DAWN DOESN'T LIKE HIM,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

-HI! -OH, WOW!

-HOW ARE YOU? -THERE HE IS.

-THIS IS THE MOM? -THIS IS MY MOM.

THIS IS THE BUBBE, THE BUBBE THAT LOOKS LIKE THE SISTER.

-AW. -AW.

-THANK YOU. -SHE LOVES TO HEAR THAT.

-NOW SHE LOVES YOU. -YES.

CHER AND JARED WERE VERY, VERY NERVOUS ABOUT ME MEETING DAWN.

THEY ACTUALLY WARNED ME SEVERAL TIMES.

I'M DEFINITELY PREPARED TO HANDLE ALL SITUATIONS,

INCLUDING A GRANDMA THAT'S FLIPPING OUT.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

OKAY. GOOD.

ANY QUESTIONS, FEARS, ANXIETIES YOU GUYS HAVE?

I DO.

MY BIGGEST QUESTION IS,

MAKE SURE YOU'RE THERE FOR THE DELIVERY.

YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I'LL BE THERE.

OKAY, OH, I WANTED TO ASK HIM IF IT'S OKAY

IF I'M IN THE DELIVERY ROOM.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. [ LAUGHS ]

WELL, IF THEY JUST SAY

THAT JARED CAN BE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM,

I'M STILL GOING IN THAT DELIVERY ROOM.

NOTHING'S GONNA STOP ME.

CHER WANTS ME THERE, I'M GONNA BE THERE.

LET ME SEE MY QUESTIONS. DO I HAVE ANY OTHER ONES?

I WAS SO NERVOUS.

IS BETTER TO TAKE THE PRENATALS IN THE MORNING OR THE EVENING?

IS THERE -- DOES IT MATTER?

-WHATEVER SHE TOLERATES. -I WENT NATURAL.

I DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING. I DID THE LAMAZE.

BUT SHE'S NOT SURE IF SHE'LL ABLE TO.

EVERY PREGNANCY'S DIFFERENT, EVERY PATIENT'S DIFFERENT.

IF YOU WANT EPIDURAL, YOU DON'T WANT EPIDURAL, IT'S OKAY.

DO YOU WAIT A LONG TIME -- SO, LIKE, YOU HOPE

NOT TO HAVE A C-SECTION. -I DON'T WANT A SECTION.

FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT...

-YEAH. -I DON'T WANT A C-SECTION.

IS IT OKAY FOR HER TO FLY NOW?

-YEAH. -LIKE, I WOULDN'T IF I --

FLYING TO FLORIDA'S PERFECTLY FINE.

'CAUSE OF THE RADIATION OF THE PLANE EVERYTHING.

NAH.

YOU CAN DEFINITELY FLY IN AN AIRPLANE.

ALL RIGHT, SHOULD WE SEE THIS KID?

-YEAH. -ALL RIGHT, LAY BACK.

CAN'T WAIT.

ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE CHILD.

-OH, MY GOSH! -OH, WOW!

IT LOOKS LIKE A REAL BABY THIS TIME.

IT IS A BABY.

OH, THAT LOOKS REALLY SOMETHING.

♪ NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE ♪

-AW! [ HEARTBEAT THUDDING ]

IS GRANDMA GONNA CRY, OR NOT YET?

THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

SEEING THE ULTRASOUND AND HEARING THE HEARTBEAT

FOR THE FIRST TIME, IT WAS JUST SO SPECIAL

BECAUSE WHEN YOU ACTUALLY SEE IT IT'S SO MUCH MORE REAL.

I WAS ACTUALLY SEEING A BABY BEING DEVELOPED

INSIDE MY DAUGHTER.

AW!

IT WAS TRULY AMAZING TO SHARE THIS MOMENT WITH CHER,

AND I WILL ALWAYS HAVE THAT IN MY MEMORY FOREVER.

SO, TODAY WE'RE GONNA DO THE PROGENITY TEST.

IN 11 DAYS WE WILL KNOW THE GENDER, BOY OR GIRL.

THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE. CAN I CALL YOU?

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.

-THE ANSWER IS -- -IT'LL JUST BE BETWEEN US.

THE ANSWER IS SHE HAS TO GIVE ME PERMISSION.

-RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. -OH!

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING, BOY OR GIRL?

I DON'T KNOW.

I WOULD LIKE -- I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.

-GIRL? -SHE'S JUST HOPING FOR A GIRL.

SHE JUST WANTS A GIRL.

CHER AND DAWN'S RELATIONSHIP -- IT'S A LITTLE BIT STRANGE.

TO THE OUTSIDE OBSERVER IT MIGHT LOOK A LITTLE BIT PATHOLOGICAL.

WELL, I'M REALLY GLAD THAT SHE PICKED YOU --

-YES. -...BECAUSE YOU SEEM LIKE

A WONDERFUL PHYSICIAN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH -- SO GOOD TO MEET YOU.

I'M RELIEVED THAT MY MOM REALLY LIKES THE DOCTOR,

BUT I CAN TELL THAT JARED'S STARTING TO GET ANNOYED

WITH ALL OF HER QUESTIONS.

I JUST HOPE THAT HE DOESN'T GET SO ANNOYED WITH HER

THAT HE PUTS UP A FIGHT WHEN I TELL HIM

THAT SHE'S GONNA BE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM WITH US.

I MIGHT JUST HAVE TO KEEP THAT

A SECRET FROM HIM FOR THE MOMENT.

-I KNOW SHE'S IN GOOD HANDS. -THANK YOU SO MUCH.

NO PROBLEM.

♪♪

-HI. -HI, LADIES.

WE'RE HERE FOR SPRAY TANS FOR ME AND MY MOM.

♪♪

NICE TO MEET YOU GUYS.

-COME ON BACK. -OKAY.

I'M SO GLAD WE'RE NOT FIGHTING ANYMORE.

AND NOW WE GET TO GO ON OUR NEXT ADVENTURE.

THE OTHER DAY, A GUY THAT I'VE BEEN CHATTING WITH

ON SOCIAL MEDIA ASKED ME OUT.

I DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF MEETING SOMEBODY BY MYSELF,

SO I ASKED HIM IF WE COULD MAKE IT

A DOUBLE DATE WITH MY BEST FRIEND.

SO HE'S BRINGING ONE OF HIS FRIENDS,

AND I'M BRINGING MY MOM.

ARE YOU GOOD?

AND HOW OLD IS THIS DUDE?

HE'S, LIKE, 28 OR SOMETHING.

28, MARIAH?

YEAH, MOM. IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

-WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS? -OH, MY GOD.

DOES HE KNOW THAT IT'S YOUR MAMA?

YEAH, HE KNOWS.

[ LAUGHS ] OH, MY GOD.

TO BE HONEST, I DIDN'T TELL OUR DATES

THAT MY SEXY OLDER FRIEND WAS ACTUALLY MY MOM,

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO MAKE ANY ASSUMPTIONS

BEFORE MEETING HER.

I'M DOING THIS, BUT DON'T BE ALL MAD AT ME LIKE IN VEGAS.

-I'M GONNA HAVE FUN, OKAY? -OKAY.

I HATE LYING TO MY MOM,

ESPECIALLY SINCE WE JUST GOT OVER HER LYING TO ME IN VEGAS,

BUT A LITTLE WHITE LIE ISN'T GONNA HURT HER.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.

MY MOM AND I LOVE DOING EVERYTHING TOGETHER,

AND THAT INCLUDES GETTING SPRAY TANS.

MAYBE MOST PEOPLE WOULDN'T GET NAKED WITH THEIR MOMS.

THEY MIGHT FIND IT WEIRD, BUT THIS IS NORMAL FOR US.

OKEY DOKEY, HERE WE GO.

HERE WE GO.

IT'S NOT WEIRD TO BE NAKED IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER AT ALL.

-HELL NO. -I MEAN, THIS MY DAUGHTER.

IF SHE TAKES A POOP, I'M IN THE BATHROOM.

IF I TAKE A POOP, SHE'S IN THE SHOWER.

I DON'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT A TAN.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE -- SO WE CAN BE CUTE.

SO WE CAN BE...

[ LAUGHS ]

SO WE CAN BE SNATCHED.

OKAY, GOOD.

-ALL RIGHT. -OKAY, READY.

COMING ON IN.

-HI. -HI.

I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER SPRAYED A MOM AND DAUGHTER TOGETHER.

MY MOM'S SUPER COOL AND WE DO A LOT OF THINGS TOGETHER,

BUT WE ACTUALLY PROBABLY WOULD NEVER GET NAKED TOGETHER.

THEIR COMFORT LEVEL IS VERY HIGH.

THESE TWO SEEM CLOSER THAN THE AVERAGE MOM AND DAUGHTER.

[ LAUGHS ]

GROWING UP, MY MOM ALWAYS TAUGHT ME

TO BE CONFIDENT AND LOVE MYSELF

AND NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK,

SO SHE SHOULD TAKE HER OWN ADVICE.

OH.

I LOVE THAT MARIAH MOTIVATES ME

AND ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL.

MM.

YOU ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF MAMA.

LOVE YOU.

I WISH I COULD BE AS CONFIDENT AS MARIAH,

BUT TO GO OUT ON A BLIND DATE

WITH SOMEONE THAT'S 20 YEARS YOUNGER IS CRAZY.

♪♪

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE, LIKE, INCOGNITO.

YOU LOOK LIKE A HUMAN PIÑATA.

-THANK YOU. -YEAH, NO PROBLEM.

OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE HERE. [BLEEP] OH, MY GOD.

[BLEEP] [BLEEP]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE HAVING YET?

-MNH-MNH. -CAN YOU TELL US?

-AM I ALLOWED TO SAY -- -YES.

-YES. -YEAH.

♪♪

CARLY IS GOING ON A DATE,

AND SHE WON'T TELL US WHERE SHE'S GOING.

CRISTINA HACKED INTO HER PHONE,

WHICH YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE.

SO WE HAVE DECIDED TO FOLLOW HER,

WATCH THE DATE, AND SEE HOW IT GOES.

[ HORN HONKS ] -HEY, HEY.

♪♪

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WHAT AM I WEARING?"

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE, LIKE, INCOGNITO.

YOU LOOK LIKE A HUMAN PIÑATA.

MY MOM DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO BE INCONSPICUOUS AT ALL.

SHE DECIDED TO WEAR A BRIGHT, COLORFUL SWEATER

THAT STUCK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB.

WHEN I WAS GETTING DRESSED,

I WAS TRYING TO LOOK FOR SOMETHING CUTE.

I WASN'T THINKING THAT I WAS REALLY A SPY.

I JUST THOUGHT I WAS -- I TIRED TO LOOK GOOD.

-I DIDN'T THINK -- -I JUST CAN'T.

I JUST DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND YOU.

SHOULD I CHANGE?

NO, WE HAVE TO GET THERE. WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.

FOR, LIKE, A FIRST TIME TAKING SOMEONE OUT,

I MEAN, BOWLING IS WHAT YOU PICK?

I KNOW. I MEAN, REALLY?

I MEAN, YOU WOULD THINK IT WOULD BE A LITTLE BIT NICER.

YOU'RE TRYING TO IMPRESS SOMEBODY.

I COULDN'T DATE TILL I WAS 16 YEARS OLD.

THAT WAS THE RULE IN THE HOUSE.

BUT THERE WAS, LIKE, CERTAIN EXPECTATIONS,

YOU KNOW, LIKE, HOW HE WOULD COME DRESSED,

WHAT KIND OF CAR HE WAS DRIVING.

THAT SOUNDS BAD.

YOU KNOW, WOULD HE COME TO THE DOOR,

WOULD HE PICK ME UP, WHERE WAS HE TAKING ME?

IT HAD TO BE, LIKE, A NICE PLACE,

SOMEPLACE WHERE I COULD GET DRESSED UP.

IF THE GUY DID NOT MEET MY MOTHER'S EXPECTATIONS,

THERE WAS NO SHOT I WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO GO OUT WITH HIM.

WE GOT TO MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T SEE US.

IF SHE SEES US, SHE'LL NEVER TELL US

WHEN SHE'S GOING ON A DATE.

JUST A MAMA LOOKING AFTER HER BABIES.

THAT'S FOR SURE. I SAY WE PARK OVER HERE.

THAT WAY SHE WON'T SEE MY CAR ANYWHERE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S HURRY UP AND GET INSIDE...

OKAY.

...'CAUSE, LIKE, I'M A NERVOUS WRECK.

-I KNOW. SO I AM. -THAT'S GONNA FREAKING SEE US.

THERE'S NO ONE AROUND WE GOT TO HURRY UP.

♪♪

OKAY, I DON'T SEE ANYBODY. I THINK WE'RE GOOD.

LET'S GET A DRINK. THEN WE CAN HIDE OUT.

I'M GONNA -- IF THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO COVER YOU.

-OH, SHUT UP. -HI.

-HI. -HOW ARE YOU?

SO, YOU HAVE AN UPSTAIRS HERE?

-WE DO, YEAH. -PERFECT.

-OH, TERRIFIC. -THANK YOU.

-AWESOME. -THANK YOU.

OH, MY GOD, THIS IS GREAT. WE CAN ACTUALLY HIDE OUT.

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD, IF SHE TURNS AROUND AND SEES US, I'M DUCKING.

YOU'RE DUCKING? I'M RUNNING.

I'M DUCKING. I AM DUCKING.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S NOT THEM.

WHY ARE YOU WEARING A TOP WHERE YOUR WHOLE BRA SHOWS?

MY GOD, THEY'RE HERE.

-OH, [BLEEP]. SHUT UP. -THEY'RE HERE.

-WHAT SHOULD I DO? -NOTHING.

NOTHING. STAY.

OH, MY GOD, I HEAR HER!

-I HEAR HER. -[BLEEP].

OH, MY GOD, SHE'S RIGHT THERE. HIDE!

WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO HIDE?

I DON'T KNOW, JUST GET LOWER.

HE LOOKS DIFFERENT. DID HE HAVE A BEARD?

THEY NEED TO GET THE GUTTERS FOR CARLY.

OH, GOD. I'M ALREADY SCARED.

-[BLEEP] YEAH. -[ LAUGHING ]

I CAN'T.

OH, [BLEEP] OH, WAIT.

OH, IT'S GONNA MAKE IT. SHE'S GONNA MAKE IT.

-YES! -I, LIKE, WANT TO CHEER HER ON.

SHH! YOU KNOW WHAT?

YEAH, BUT I'M HERE.

SO WHAT? SHE'S NOT GONNA KNOW.

SHE'S NOT GONNA HEAR THE BOWLING BALL?

NO. JUST FaceTime HER. JUST DO IT.

GO BACK THERE AND FaceTime HER.

I'LL SUPERVISE THE DATE BACK HERE.

SEE IF SHE ANSWERS.

[ LINE RINGING ]

[ RINGING ]

IS SHE IGNORING ME?

OH, MY GOD!

SHE DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE THAT WE'RE HERE.

SEE? I TOLD YOU.

SHH! OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD. [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP]

-SHE'S COMING UP -- -[BLEEP] WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY?

NO, DON'T SAY ANYTHING. JUST PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW HER.

MOM. MOM. MOM!

HELLO? WHY ARE YOU HERE?

-WHAT? -ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUS?

♪♪

♪♪

ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUS? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU GUYS ARE, LIKE, STALKER WEIRDOS.

IT WAS MY IDEA TO FOLLOW HER TO THE BOWLING.

OKAY, MAYBE IT'S NOT THE THING THAT MOST PEOPLE WOULD DO,

BUT I'M NOT MOST PEOPLE.

-SHE WENT ON YOUR PHONE. -I'M REALLY NOT TALKING.

-I'M, LIKE -- -I DID NOT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS WENT IN MY PHONE.

I DIDN'T. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET IN YOUR PHONE.

-GET A LIFE. -WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TELL US

WHERE YOU'RE GOING AND WHAT YOU'RE GOING.

WELL, MAYBE IF HE WOULD HAVE CAME TO PICK UP,

I WOULDN'T BE WORRIED. -I DON'T CARE.

AND THEN IF I GOT TO TALK TO HIM --

SHE WAS VERY WORRIED.

WE JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING WAS OKAY.

-YEAH. CALM DOWN. -DON'T TAKE IT WRONG.

LIKE, WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS WRONG WITH THEM?

THIS IS CRAZY, AND I DON'T KNOW

HOW THEY WOULD THINK THIS IS ACCEPTABLE.

-I WANT YOU GUYS TO GO. -FINE.

-ALL RIGHT, WE'LL GO. -LEAVE.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

-CAN WE SAY HELLO TO HIM? -[ LAUGHS ]

NO.

GOOD ONE.

I TOLD YOU THIS [BLEEP] WAS GONNA HAPPEN.

WAY TO BE UNDER THE RADAR.

THAT WAS NOT MEANT TO HAPPEN.

WHAT'D YOU WANT ME TO DO, DRESS LIKE A BUSH OR SOMETHING?

YOUR PIÑATA SWEATER GAVE IT AWAY.

MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T WORN THE HEELS,

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DROPPED THE CHAIR WHEN YOU FELL.

OH, MY GOD!

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO, BECAUSE SHE'S UPSET,

AND THIS IS GONNA BE A BIG PROBLEM.

I KNOW IT.

-HEY. -WHAT'S UP?

SO SORRY.

-MY MOM AND SISTER ARE HERE. -NO.

-YEAH. -DO THEY ALWAYS DO THIS?

-I'M SO MAD. -YEAH.

-I'M SO EMBARRASSED. -SO, WHAT ARE THEY DOING NOW?

-YOU TELL THEM TO GO HOME, OR -- -YEAH, I TOLD THEM TO GO HOME.

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY THAT HAPPENED.

NO. NO, I'M SORRY. I'M SO EMBARRASSED.

RIGHT.

I DON'T THINK THEY HAVE A LIFE OF THEIR OWN.

OH, MAN. WOW.

IT'S DEFINITELY PRETTY EXTREME FOR SOMEONE

TO FOLLOW SOMEONE ELSE ON A DATE,

ESPECIALLY A MOTHER AND OLDER SISTER.

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT MY PARENTS WOULD NEVER DO TO ME.

SO I WOULD SAY KATHY AND CRISTINA

ARE NOT YOUR AVERAGE MOM AND DAUGHTER COMBO.

LET'S JUST GO. LET'S GO. COME ON.

HE'S IGNORING US. HE KNOWS IT'S US. SEE?

-HE'S RUDE. -COME ON.

ALL RIGHT.

WAS SHE LIKE THAT IN CRISTINA'S LIFE OR...

OH, YEAH.

SHE HAD A CURFEW WHEN SHE ENGAGED. JUST TOO MUCH.

VERY TRADITIONAL.

-THEY'RE JUST -- -I'M SORRY.

THEY'RE OUT OF THEIR MIND.

DO YOU THINK THAT'S THE END OF THAT,

OR DO YOU THINK THAT'S JUST GONNA KEEP ON HAPPENING?

-IT'LL FOREVER HAPPEN. -YEAH.

DEFINITELY.

-HI. -WHAT'S UP?

WE'RE LEAVING. WE JUST CAME TO SAY HELLO.

OF COURSE. HOW ARE YOU?

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU.

-GOOD TO SEE YOU. -HOW ARE YOU?

-GOOD TO SEE YOU. -GOOD.

-NEXT TIME, COME TO THE DOOR. -OF COURSE.

-I'M THE EYE IN THE SKY. -ALWAYS.

-HE'S NOT MAD. YOU'RE NOT MAD. -NO, I'M NOT MAD.

-IT'S OKAY. -ARE YOU MAD, VINCE?

-I'M NOT MAD. HOW ARE YOU? -HI, VINCE.

-HOW ARE YOU? -GOOD TO SEE YOU.

-I MEAN, ISN'T THAT -- -YEAH, THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

ISN'T IT KIND OF CUTE THAT WE'RE SO PROTECTIVE OVER HER?

THAT IS CUTE.

THIS IS TOTALLY TYPICAL FOR MY MOM AND SISTER,

'CAUSE THEY SEEM NOT TO CARE ABOUT HOW ANYONE ELSE FEELS

OR ANY SITUATION ANYONE ELSE IS IN.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM.

-JUST PICK HER UP FROM NOW ON. -OKAY, I WILL. I PROMISE.

-IT MAKES ME FEEL A LOT BETTER. -YEAH, TOO LONG.

OTHERWISE WE'LL BE WATCHING.

[ LAUGHS ] I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.

YOU DON'T WANT THAT, 'CAUSE WHO KNOWS WHERE YOU'LL BE NEXT TIME.

EXACTLY.

GOODBYE, CARLY, LOVE YOU.

-HAVE FUN. -HAVE FUN.

-BYE, THANK YOU. -WORK ON YOUR BOWLING.

YOU NEED SOME HELP.

WE DID GET A FEW LAUGHS OUT OF IT.

-THIS WAS GREAT. -OH, MY GOD.

I THINK VINCE IS BEING MORE COOL ABOUT IT,

BUT I KNOW IF I WAS ON A DATE WITH A GUY

AND THEIR PARENTS WERE THERE,

I WOULD THINK THAT WAS [BLEEP] WEIRD.

I'M DEFINITELY GONNA HAVE TO TALK TO THEM.

I NEED TO SET SOME BOUNDARIES HERE.

-I THINK YOU'RE UP. -ALL RIGHT. I AM UP. YES!

-RIGHT WHERE I LEFT OFF. -PERFECT.

YOU CAN GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM RIGHT HERE.

YEAH.

♪♪

YOU'RE WELCOME. CAN YOU SHUFFLE THOSE?

WE'RE SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.

♪♪

SO, A LOT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE LAST SPOKE.

THERE'S SO MANY THINGS THAT MY MOM AND I LIKE TO DO TOGETHER,

AND THERE'S ONE THING THAT SOME PEOPLE

MIGHT THINK IS A LITTLE UNUSUAL.

THANK YOU. I'M GONNA TAKE THESE TWO,

BECAUSE THEY'RE SORT OF CALLING ME.

SOMETHING THAT MY MOM AND I LOVE TO DO IS GO AND SEE A PSYCHIC.

BUT MY MOM AND I DON'T JUST LOVE GOING TO PSYCHICS.

WE LOVE GOING TO THIS SPECIFIC PSYCHIC, PENELOPE,

BECAUSE SHE IS THE REAL DEAL,

AND SHE'S PREDICTED MANY THINGS THAT HAVE ACTUALLY COME TRUE.

MAY I HAVE THOSE, PLEASE?

SHE PREDICTED I WAS TAKING A TRIP, AND I DID.

MY HUSBAND BOOKED IT AS A SURPRISE TO ME,

AND SHE KNEW ABOUT IT. [ LAUGHS ]

IT WAS AMAZING.

I'M GONNA START WITH HAVING MOM DO THE FIRST PICK, OKAY?

PERFECT.

SHE'S A LITTLE BIT PSYCHIC, CHER, HERSELF.

WE FEEL FOR EACH OTHER THROUGH, LIKE, OUR DREAMS.

AND IT'S LIKE TWINS.

LIKE, TWINS SOMETIMES SAY THAT THEY FEEL FOR EACH OTHER.

YEAH.

CAN YOU GIVE ME THE FIRST 10 CARDS FROM THERE?

THERE'S SOME OF CONNECTION. WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT IT IS --

IT'S SOME SORT OF PSYCHIC CONNECTION OR SOMETHING.

SOMETHING.

THE CARDS ARE INDICATING THERE'S A LOT OF CHANGE

GOING AROUND YOUR LIFE.

-YOU'RE GONNA BE A GRANDMOTHER. -YES.

CHER AND DAWN ARE CONNECTED ON A PSYCHIC LEVEL.

THEY FINISH EACH OTHER'S SENTENCES,

THEY KNOW EACH OTHER'S FEELINGS.

THERE'S A SYMMETRY BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM

THAT'S UNDENIABLE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE HAVING YET?

-MNH-MNH. -CAN YOU TELL US?

-AM I ALLOWED TO SAY -- -YES.

-YES. YES. -YES.

-I FEEL A GIRL. -OH.

-OH. -AW, SHE'S GONNA BE EXCITED.

-OH, A GIRL. -YEAH.

IF WE HAVE A LITTLE GIRL, THAT WOULD BE SO WONDERFUL

BECAUSE INSTEAD OF BEING TWINS, WE COULD THEN BE TRIPLETS.

DO YOU WANT TO SWITCH SEATS, SO I CAN HELP YOU...

-YOU'RE SO GOOD, PENELOPE. -OH, BOY, OH, BOY.

SHUFFLE THOSE, AND THEN SHUFFLE THOSE.

OKAY.

YOUR HUSBAND'S TALKING ABOUT MOVING?

WE WANT TO GET INTO A TWO-BEDROOM, BUT IT'S SO HARD

'CAUSE WE'RE ON, LIKE, A LIST, AND YOU HAVE TO WAIT.

YOU'RE GONNA BE GETTING YOUR NEW LIVING SITUATION

SOONER THAN YOU THINK.

OH! THAT'LL BE NICE.

YOU HAVE AN INTERESTING NAME PICKED OUT.

JARED AND I HAVE PICKED OUT BABY NAMES FOR

IF IT'S A GIRL AND IF IT'S A BOY,

BUT WE DECIDED WE DON'T WANT TO TELL ANYONE,

BECAUSE WE JUST DON'T WANT ANY OTHER OPINIONS INVOLVED.

-OH, YEAH. -IT'S FUNNY.

-SHE SAYS SHE DOES HAVE A NAME. -I DO. I HAVEN'T TOLD IT.

-SHE WON'T TELL. -SHE DOESN'T TELL ME, EITHER.

I'M JUST HEARING IT'S UNIQUE.

-YEAH. -OKAY.

IT IS HARD NOT TO BE ABLE TO DISCUSS NAMES WITH CHER.

IT'S A VERY WEIRD FEELING TO HAVE A TOPIC

THAT I CAN'T DISCUSS WITH HER. IT'S HARD.

CAN YOU WHISPER THE NAME THAT YOU HAVE --

-CAN YOU WHISPER IT TO ME? -YEAH.

I'M NOT ALLOWED. I'LL DO IT AFTERWARDS.

OKAY.

IN THE PAST, SHE WOULD TELL ME EVERYTHING.

NOW SHE ISN'T, SO THINGS ARE CHANGING.

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL MOM NOW BEFORE Y'ALL GO?

NO.

AND YOU BETTER NOT SAY ANYTHING, EITHER.

YOU EMBARRASSED ME.

WHAT IF HE STABBED YOU TO DEATH

AND THREW YOU IN A BUSH SOMEWHERE?

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE YOU WERE OR WHO YOU WERE WITH.

YOU WEREN'T EVEN ANSWERING YOUR PHONE.

-'CAUSE I WAS ON A DATE! -YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT.

SEE HOW GOOD YOUR LIFE IS, AND WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

♪♪

[ SIGHS ] I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.

OOH.

WHY YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

NO, I LIKE IT, BUT FOR THE FIRST DATE?

LIKE, ONE WRONG MOVE AND IT'S OVER.

MY DATE HIT ME UP ON SOCIAL MEDIA,

SO I'VE NEVER MET HIM OR THE DATE

HE'S BRINGING FOR MY MOM.

MY MOM'S A LITTLE BIT WORRIED THAT WE'RE GOING OUT ON DATES

WITH GUYS THAT ARE AROUND MY AGE,

BUT I'M NOT WORRIED AT ALL.

SHE'S GORGEOUS AND THESE GUYS ARE LUCKY

TO BE GOING OUT WITH US.

NOW ALL WE NEED TO DO IS FIND THE PERFECT OUTFIT.

I MEAN, IT'S SO CUTE, BUT, LIKE,

LOOK AT THE SIDE BOOB AND ALL THAT.

-THIS IS CUTE. -I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE ALREADY AGREED TO GO. THERE'S NO GOING BACK.

SO I'M GONNA GO, I'M GONNA TRY TO HAVE A GOOD TIME,

BUT IT'S STILL GONNA BE IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD LIKE,

"UGH, THIS AGE-DIFFERENCE THING."

SHE KEEPS REASSURING ME THAT THINGS WILL BE OKAY.

BUT WE'LL SEE.

CHANEL, COME HERE.

WHAT'S UP?

BRO, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?

-IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE MUCH. -THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING?

SEE THE SIDE BOOB?

BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME THE RIGHT OPINION,

'CAUSE THIS ONE WILL PUT ME OUT THERE.

WHERE Y'ALL GOING?

WE'RE GOING ON A DOUBLE DATE.

-WITH WHO? -I DON'T KNOW.

THIS ONE, YOU KNOW, SHE'S ALWAYS DOING STUFF.

THEM GOING ON A DOUBLE DATE TOGETHER IS DIFFERENT,

BUT IT'S NOT SURPRISING TO ME BECAUSE OF HOW CLOSE THEY ARE

AND ALL THE CRAZY STUFF THEY ALREADY DO.

-THEY'RE YOUR AGE? -[ LAUGHS ]

-THEY'RE, LIKE, IN THEIR 20s. -[ LAUGHS ]

I'M GONNA TRY THESE TWO ON.

ALL RIGHT. BYE.

DO THEY KNOW YOU'RE BRINGING MOM?

I MEAN, I TOLD MOM THAT THEY KNEW,

BUT, LIKE, THEY REALLY DON'T, BRO.

SO, THEY DON'T KNOW IT'S MOM?

I TOLD THEM, LIKE, IT WAS A FRIEND OF MINE

WHO'S A LITTLE BIT OLDER.

YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S A BAD IDEA, LIKE, THEM NOT KNOWING?

THE REASON I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ANYONE

THAT I'M BRINGING MY MOM WITH ME

IS BECAUSE THEN THAT MAKES IT A BIG DEAL,

AND IT SHOULDN'T BE A BIG DEAL.

I MEAN, IF IT COMES UP, IT COMES UP,

BUT, HONESTLY, LIKE, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL, SHE'S GORGEOUS.

LIKE, IT SHOULDN'T EVEN MATTER.

OKAY, BUT, LIKE, DO YOU THINK MOM'S GONNA GET MAD

THAT THEY DIDN'T KNOW? -MAYBE.

MY MOM'S ALREADY NERVOUS GOING ON TO THIS DATE,

SO I FEEL LIKE IF THE GUYS DO FIND OUT THAT SHE'S THE MOM,

THAT'S GONNA MAKE HER UNCOMFORTABLE,

AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THE GUYS' REACTION'S GONNA BE

AND IF IT MIGHT HURT HER FEELINGS OR NOT.

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL MOM NOW BEFORE Y'ALL GO?

-NO. -NO?

AND YOU BETTER NOT SAY ANYTHING, EITHER.

OKAY, WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK ABOUT THIS OUTFIT?

-THAT'S CUTE. -THAT'S CUTE.

CAN YOU SEE ANYTHING, THOUGH?

WHATEVER YOU FEEL THE MOST COMFORTABLE IN,

I WANT YOU TO BE CONFIDENT AND CUTE.

AND CUTE.

YOU ALREADY KNOW WHEN WE GET OUTSIDE OF HERE,

-THERE'S NO -- I'M GOOD. -RIGHT.

YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE THE JACKET?

-YEAH. -YEAH. GO GET IT.

OKAY.

SEE, BRO? JUST MAKING HER FEEL GOOD.

I SUPPORT THE IDEA OF MY SISTER TRYING TO BOOST MY MOM

AND JUST MAKE HER FEEL BEAUTIFUL ALL THE TIME,

BUT KEEPING THE SECRET MIGHT BACKFIRE.

I'M JUST TRYING TO PREVENT A CONFLICT

OR SOMETHING BLOWING UP.

♪♪

HEY. WHAT'S UP? GOOD MORNING. MWAH!

♪♪

I TEXTED CARLY LAST NIGHT AFTER THE WHOLE CRASHING OF HER DATE,

AND SHE NEVER MESSAGED ME BACK.

-HAVE YOU TALKED TO HER? -NO.

LAST NIGHT, CARLY WENT ON A DATE.

WE WENT AND FOLLOWED HER, AND SHE SAW US AND...

BECAUSE OF YOUR SWEATER.

BECAUSE OF MY SWEATER.

HAD SHE DONE THE RIGHT THING IN THE FIRST PLACE,

IT WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN ENDED UP LIKE THIS.

I WONDER IF SHE ENDED UP HAVING A GOOD TIME.

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU WANT TO GO DOWNSTAIRS AND TALK TO HER?

YEAH, LET'S GO TALK TO HER.

CARLY SHOULDN'T BE SHOCKED THAT WE SHOWED UP.

SHE KNOWS HOW MY MOM AND I ARE TOGETHER

AND THE THINGS THAT WE DO, AND SHE SHOULD JUST ACCEPT IT,

AND THERE WOULD NO MORE PROBLEMS.

SO, HOW ABOUT WE TALK ABOUT LAST NIGHT?

-OKAY. -THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

IF YOU WOULD HAVE HANDLED THIS CORRECTLY FROM THE GET-GO,

THIS WOULDN'T HAVE ESCALATED TO THIS.

LAST NIGHT WAS SO EMBARRASSING.

I LITERALLY WANTED TO CRAWL OUT OF MY SKIN.

I'M OFFENDED THAT THEY SHOWED UP TOGETHER

AND WERE JUST COMPLETELY OKAY WITH INTRUDING IN ON MY LIFE.

A SIMPLE "WE'RE GOING BOWLING, AND HE'S PICKING ME UP."

THAT'S ALL. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?

-NO, THAT'S NOT. -I KNOW.

YOU MADE ME ACT OUT OF CHARACTER.

OKAY, "ACT OUT OF CHARACTER"?

ACT OUT OF CHARACTER, EXACTLY.

IT'S NOT ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER, NUMBER ONE.

YOU MADE ME DO SOMETHING THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE --

-MOM IS NOT A STALKER AT ALL. -YEAH, OKAY.

I'VE SEEN YOU STALK EVERYBODY.

-THAT WAS NOT OUT -- -I DON'T STALK EVERYBODY.

-YES, YOU DO. -I DON'T STALK ANYBODY.

-YOU STALK YOUR KIDS. -YOU STALK MY HOUSE.

YOU HIRED A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR TO FOLLOW ME

WHEN I WAS AN 18-YEAR-OLD.

THAT'S CRAZY.

I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW WHERE YOU'RE AT.

THAT DATE THAT COULD'VE POTENTIALLY BEEN A GREAT DATE,

YOU RUINED IT FOR ME. -OH!

YOU EMBARRASSED ME SO BAD, YOU RUINED IT FOR ME.

YOU SHOULD'VE LAUGHED IT OFF.

DON'T BE SO DEFENSIVE 'CAUSE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU.

YOU SHOULD BE LUCKY THAT THEY HAVE SOMEONE

THAT CARES ABOUT YOU THE WAY WE DO,

THAT I WOULD WORRY, THAT I WOULD FOLLOW YOU.

WHAT IF HE STABBED YOU TO DEATH

AND THREW YOU IN A BUSH SOMEWHERE?

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE YOU WERE OR WHO YOU WERE WITH.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT EVERY TIME I USED TO GO OUT,

SHE'D BE ON THE FRONT PORCH IN HER HER PAJAMAS WAITING.

-OKAY. -OKAY, THAT'S WEIRD.

THAT'S NOT NORMAL.

AND I DID THAT BECAUSE I WOULD CALL YOU,

AND AGAIN, YOU WOULDN'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE.

YOU WEREN'T EVEN ANSWERING YOUR PHONE.

SHE WAS CALLING YOU, AND YOU WEREN'T EVEN --

I TOLD YOU TO ANSWER THE PHONE IF I FaceTimed YOU.

I WATCHED YOU LOOK AT THE PHONE...

AND PUT IT DOWN. YEAH, I KNOW. BECAUSE I WAS ON A DATE!

THE WHOLE PROBLEM IS YOU GUYS AND YOUR WEIRD RELATIONSHIP.

I'M NOT THE PROBLEM. YOU GUYS ARE THE PROBLEM.

IT'S NOT WEIRD.

MY MOM AND MY SISTER ARE SO WEIRD.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING THAT WILL CHANGE THEM

TO ACT ANY DIFFERENTLY,

'CAUSE THEY SEEM NOT TO CARE ABOUT HOW ANYONE ELSE FEELS

OR ANY SITUATION ANYONE ELSE IS IN.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM.

I'M REALLY STARTED TO GET AGGRAVATED.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, YOU KNOW HOW I AM,

AND IT'S LIKE YOU ANTAGONIZE ME. IT'S LIKE YOU'RE FREAKING --

YOU GOT NO RESPECT, AND I'M DONE WITH THIS.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT.

SEE HOW GOOD YOUR LIFE IS, AND WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

♪♪

WHY'D YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH MY PHONE?

ONE DAY YOU'RE GONNA BE JUST LIKE ME AND MOM.

MY GOD, NO.

AND THEN I CAN JUST SAY, "I TOLD YOU SO."

NO.

STILL TO COME ON "sMOTHERED"...

WE HAVE NO IDEA IF IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL.

THREE, TWO, ONE.

I WANT US TO HAVE MATCHING BOOBS.

IT'S UNUSUAL TO HAVE A MOTHER AND DAUGHTER

COMING IN TO HAVE MATCHING BREASTS.

OKAY, HERE WE GO.

MARIAH TALKED ME INTO GOING ON A DOUBLE DATE WITH HER.

SOMETIMES YOU GO ON A BLIND DATE, AND IT'S JUST LIKE...

I'VE NEVER BEEN ON ONE, EITHER.

SHE THINKS THE DATE KNOWS THAT SHE'S MY MOM.

SO, HOW DO YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER?

YEAH, HOW DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER?

HE WANTS A BIG PARTY, I WANT A SMALL PARTY.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT TO HAVE.

I TOLD YOU WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

I HAVE TO INVITE CARLO'S FAMILY,

AND THEY'RE NOT THE BIGGEST FANS OF MY MOM AND I.

YOU WANT A BIG PARTY? THEN WE CAN DO WHAT WE WANT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU'RE INVOLVED

IN THIS WHOLE SITUATION.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE INVOLVED.

THOSE ARE MY KIDS.

GOING TO HIS HOUSE TONIGHT

IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO BREAK UP WITH HIM,

AND IT WOULD JUST BE YOU AND I AGAIN.

MY DREAM IS FOR ANGELICA TO REALIZE

THAT JASON ISN'T THE MAN FOR HER.

SO, WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? DO YOU WANT THE RING?

ANGELICA AND I ARE HAPPY.

SUNHE IS IMPEDING THAT EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

DON'T LET ALL THIS MAKE YOUR DECISION.

THIS IS NOT HOW I RAISED YOU, ANGELICA.

IF DAWN COMES BETWEEN WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO BUILD,

I WILL FIGHT IT UNTIL THE VERY END.

IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHERE MY BOUNDARIES ARE SOMETIMES.

FOR ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T LIKE OUR PARTIES --

THEY SHOULDN'T COME.

IT'S A COMMUNION, NOT A WEDDING --

-[BLEEP] OH! -OH!

IF HE'S NOT ON OUR SIDE, THEN NO ONE'S ON OUR [BLEEP] SIDE.

MY MOM LOVES ME MORE THAN JASON DOES.

DON'T COMPROMISE. EVER.

I'M SUPER PROUD MY MOM WENT THROUGH WITH THE PHOTO SHOOT.

-TA-DA. -WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS THIS?

I WANT TO PLEASE MARIAH. I DO HAVE A 16-YEAR-OLD.

YOU KNOW ALL MY FRIENDS FOLLOW YOU.

BUT NOW IT'S MOM, TOO.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT AT SCHOOL.

I HAVE TO HEAR THAT.

YOU UP THERE, 40-SOMETHING YEARS OLD WITH YOUR ASS OUT.

THEY'RE OUT OF CONTROL.

♪♪