Original subtitles

[Engine Roaring]

[CarRadio: Reggae]

- [Phone Line Rings ] - [Man ] Hello?

It's dead out here, and I'm hating you about now.

- What kind of agent areyou?. - You'll find the road.

Kimberly, look, it's 4:00 a.m. in L.A. Can I go back to sleep?.

I was up all night on the red-eye, and it wasn't first class likeyou promised.

- Give me credit for the car. Nice ride, huh?. - Yeah, whatever.

By the way, these directions suck. This project sucks.

- K., it's a great opportunity. - It's a reality show pilot.

You sang yourway to the top seven the last timeyou were on TV.

Nowyou're the star. You're Kimberly fucking-Caldwell.

You're the only celebrity they've got.

IfI'm such a celebrity, Tommy, get me a movie.

"Kimster," your Qscore's gonna go way up, and you'll have a chance to win 90 grand.

- I thought it was a hundred. - Well, I get 1 0%, remember?.

Wait. There's a turnoff.

- [Ends ] - [Radio Clicks Off]

[Tommy] Look, I've got poweryoga in, like, two hours.

- Did you find it yet?. - I don't know. There's some old paper mill here.

- But there's nothin' about it on the map. - Yeah. That's gotta be it.

Look, "Kimbo," you can't afford to make a wrong turn here. You really don't have the time.

- Why am I here?. - [ Cell Line Cutting Out] 'Cause this business is tough.

- You're breaking up. - Ofall my clients,you're the one...

- Hello?. Hello?. - with the- factor here- [ Line Drops, Beeping]

Fuck! [ Screams, Gasps ]

- [ Tires Screeching ] - [ Grunts ]

[ Engine Idling, Stops ]

[ Gasping ]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Don't be dead. Don't be dead.

[ Breathing Deeply]

[DoorOpens, Closes ]

Oh! [ Gasps ]

Help! Help!

- [ Cell Phone Beeping ] - Shit!

Anybody!

- [ Groaning ] - Don't worry. I'm gonna get you help, okay?.

- [ Coughing ] - No! No, please! Please! No, don't die!

Come on! Breathe! Breathe!

- [ Moaning, Gagging ] - [ Gurgling ]

I'm here. I'm here.

- [ Screaming ] - [ Masticating ]

[ Screaming ]

[Whimpering, Sobbing ]

[ Bones Snapping ]

[Whimpering, Crying ]

[Drooling, Chortling]

- [ Beep ] - [ Thunderclap ]

[ Male Announcer] It's the end ofthe world-

society in chaos, governments no longer in control.

The world has been devastated by a catastrophic disaster, butyou're still alive.

Overnight, you've been thrust back into the Stone Age.

Modern conveniences are a thing ofthe past.

Would you have the guts to survive?.

I am retired Marine Colonel Dale Murphy.

Welcome to TheApocalypse.

Over the next five days, these six contestants...

will be put to the ultimate test.

I'm gonna be the ultimate survivor...

because on my last show I learned more than anything what it takes to win.

[Man ] So what's the tattoo?

It's the "infinity" sign, because I wanna be remembered forever.

My friends call me "Jonesy"...

but "Fearless" is my middle name.

- Ow! That sucked, dude. - [ Video Roll Beeps ]

I told you to shave that ride. Can we do that again?.

Hi. I'm Elena.

I'm like a fox- sexy, sleek...

and I always get what I want.

Nina. I'm a survivor...

because I know there's only one person I can count on- myself.

I'm Jake. Three surgeries on my rotator cuff...

destroyed my shot at a pro football career-

but not my drive to win.

Amber. One tour of duty in Iraq. They call me "La Conquistadora. '"

Enough said. Semperfi.

These six contestants have been thrown together in a devastated wasteland...

with only the clothes on their backs... and the will to survive.

Rain or shine, in five days, only one will remain.

- Welcome to TheApocalypse. - [Shell Incoming]

- [Switch Clicks ] - Well, what do you think, man?.

We spent all last night cutting it.

- Brando, eat your heart out. - You're the real deal, Dale.

- That's why the network loves you. - [DoorOpens ]

- It rocks, M. - Damn straight.

- [DoorCloses ] - We're goin' to series for sure.

[ Beeping ]

Ah! Today's a good day to die. Where's my producer?.

- It's brilliant, Michael. Really. - Thankyou.

I still don't see what makes this show any different from that other survivor show.

I don't watch television.

It's supposed to take place at the end ofthe world. That's what makes it different.

You're not on some summer resort trying to make alliances.

You're trying to be the last man standing after the apocalypse.

- It's killer- Middle America family entertainment, mate. - Booyah.

- That's damn right. - I'm so there, dude.

- No. - I plan on being the last woman standing.

[ Scoffs ] Chill, "Ramba." The prize money's gonna be mine.

Oh, you two girls could mud wrestle for it.

- Be ratings gold. - Ew.

- You're stupid, man. - I am tappin' that.

Hey, it's the parrot heads. Nice shirts, boys.

Yeah, make fun all you want.

But whileyou Hollywood freaks are out here sleepin' on rocks...

us parrot heads will be in Margaritaville back at the hotel.

The woods are all wired up- 32 cameras and mikes ready to go.

Oh, you the man, Wojo.Just make sure everything's copacetic with Neil, okay?.

Yeah. Seeya in five days. Enjoy the great outdoors, Tarantino.

- Nice. - [ Laughing ]

I could helpyou spread it on all those hard-to-reach places.

Ifl hadn't seen you eat shit at the X Games lastJune, maybeyou'd stand a chance.

Ifl hadn't seen you eat shit at theX Games lastJune, maybeyou'd stand a chance.

Hey, I made the street comp finals.

Okay. Here's a clue. I only give it up to winners-

not guys who choke.

I'll giveyou something to choke on.

[ Huffing ]

- [Engine Starts ] - I wish I had abs likeyours.

I do 200 ofthese a day.

I guess I'll just stick to my low-carb diet and hope for the best.

- Mara, where the hell's Kimberly?. - Still no answer.

Goddamn it. I knew that prima donna was a problem when we cast her.

Yeah, but she's got those Angelina Jolie lips.

You know what I'm talkin' about, don'tyou?.

- Hello, papa. - It's gonna be a long five days.

We can't wait any longer. I gotta shoot, like, now.

You're the producer, Pop-Tart. That's whyyou make the big bucks.

- What are we gonna do?. - Um, well, we can't recast.

- We're just gonna have to go with five. - Whoa, whoa. No, wrong.

You knowthe show. All I have to do is shoot your characterintro, and we're good to go.

- No, I don't think so. - What other choice do we have?.

Um. [ Chuckles ] Okay, yeah. What the hell?.

That's it! Show 'em what you're made of.

All right, boys and girls, listen up!

We have a half-mile hike to the survivalist camp.

Let's go! It's time to move out!

All right. Everybody grabyour gear, and let's get going.

- This is it. - Hey, Michael.

You know I'm a complete geek without my BlackBerry and my cell.

There's a good chance I'll be the first to go.

Come on.Just changeyour clothes, put on some bug spray.

You'll be great, even withoutyour "CrackBerry."

Okay. I'll do it foryou.

- [ Laughing ] - But, um, now, Mara.

It's M. now, not Michael.

- Yes, I know. Okay. Sorry. - Right.

God, who am I kidding?.

- [DoorCloses ] - Okay. We're movin' out.

You're all alone out here, so let's close ranks and stick together.

- [Headphones: Loud Pop ] - Hey, everyone's leavin'-

Hello?. Hey. Everyone's leaving.

- What?. - We're about to start the game. It's time to go.

Hi. I'm Jake. You're Nina, right?.

Look, I'm just here for the money, not to make friends, okay?.

Wow. Okay. Fair enough.

- [ Continues ] - Oh. Nina. Nina. [ Claps Hands ]

I saw you drop this while you were getting out of the R.V.

- Now, M. said, "No food." - Oh, well, I'm vegan.

That might be the only thing I can eat out here.

Well, you can always go chew on a tree. This is cheating.

- Sue me. Give it back. - Uh-uh.

I would have, but... since there's no need to be makin' friends-

Mmm!

That's good. [ Chuckles ]

[Michael] All right, everybody. Ready?

Andaction, Dale.

You cannot survive the apocalypse alone.

So you make friendships, perform tasks together.

You figure out who you need to ride out the chaos and who's expendable.

Today, we're gonna split into three teams, go out andsearch forfood.

The number each ofyou picked decides your teammate.

[ Laughs ] Number one all the way, baby!

[ Chuckles ] You and me, baby. Al I the way.

- [ Dale ] Who's got a number 2? - I did a number two back at the gas station.

- [ Sighs ] - Come on, dude. That was funny.

[ Mock Gasp ] Oh, sweet.

I guess you and me are a team. Hello?.

All right, boys andgirls, it's the end ofthe world...

and the odds are against you from the start.

Radiation poisoning is a reality.

That's whyyou're all wearing these.

Everyday,you'll be given a radiation elimination card.

- And one ofthem is already contaminated. - [ Device Clicking ]

At the end of the day, the player holding the simulated radiated card is dead.

Don't worry. Itjust meansyou're disqualified.

Butyou have a chance to survive the day by givingyour card to anotherplayer...

and surviving the radiation elimination.

It's a test ofyourpersonal will, your endurance and fate.

And in The Apocalypse, your fate can change- like that.

Wild animals, bacterial infection and post-apocalyptic crazies...

are all aroundyou, waiting to take you down.

They're represented... by these.

- We cal I them "Twists" of Fate. - [ Mouthing Words ]

Theyare survival challenges, and dozens ofthem...

are scattered all over the playing area.

You trigger the motion sensor, and you hear this-

[Loud, High-pitched Beeping]

- [Man Drooling, Chortling] - [Beeping Continues ]

Instructions on the back explain your survival challenge.

Accom pl ish the chal lenge, and you earn the right...

to take your radiated card and give it to any playeryou choose...

andautomaticallysurvive the day.

We are going to assemble back here at 1 800 hours andsee who will perish in the chaos...

and who is one step closer to $ 1 00,000.

Good luck to all ofyou. Remember-

You have to work as a team to survive the game.

But only one ofyou can be the ultimate survivalist...

after the apocalypse.

- And cut! Nice work, Dale. [ Grunts ] - All right!

- I'm ready for my 1 5 minutes, Hollywood. - [Scattered Laughter]

Okay, everybody. [ Coughs ]

[ Beeps ]

Uh, the headsets are transmitting audio and video back to the edit bay, so-

- So don't take them off. - And, also, uh-

Cell phones and P.D.A.'s, etcetera- give 'em to Neil.

He's gonna put them in the R.V.

- Have fun. I got to go take a wicked piss, mate. - Mm-hmm.

Okay. I'm gonna follow Elena and Jake first, as planned.

Uh,just remember, everybody- Let's make it feel real.

Okay.

- Hey. What's up?. - I'm so gonna suck at this.

Why'd I letyou talk me into it?.

Mmm, because I'm irresistible?.

- You're a jerk, you know?. - Gotta go.

[ Chuckles, Sniffles ]

Colonel! What happens ifwe lose the elimination round?

We go back to the R.V., and you drown your sorrows with me and Jack Daniel's...

- until the game is done. - Oh, that sounds like fun.

But don't worry, sweetness. I won't letyou lose.

And ifany ofthose pig-fuckin' hillbillies come around, I gotyour back.

Hey, bonehead! I grew up two counties from here!

I never had sex with a pig in my life!

You're not promotin' stereotypes, areyou, son?.

- [ Silent Stammer] - Outstanding!

People in these parts might not take that talk too well! You might wanna put a lid on it!

- Is that all rightwith you, funnyman?. -Ye-Yes, sir.

Uh- [ Clears Throat] Th-Th-That's cool.

You guys got thewhole "military bond" thing happenin'.

- Semperfi and shit. - Yeah.

And we both hate assholes.

Shit. The techies were supposed to finish setting these up before they left.

Putyour producer hat away and getyour head in the game.

I'll set these up. I got time to kill anyway.

Thankyou. God, I wish I didn't have to do this.

Old Mikey really putyou on the spot, didn't he?.

I guess he thinks it'll be entertaining to send a city girl into thewoods.

[ Sighs ] Cruel ifyou ask me, but don't worry.

There's something in you he doesn't see that I do.

You may be pretty, butyou're tougher than you think.

- [ Engine Starts ] - You'll be all right.

So, "Neen," which way should we-

I guess we go that way.

[ Beeping ]

[ZipperZips ]

[ Grunting, Choking ]

Ifyou eat fish, maybe we should head towards the riverto findsome food.

I'm vegan. I don't eat or use any animal products...

including the swimming kind.

Oh. Isn't your belt made ofleather?.

It's pleather. I'm not a hypocrite.

No, I didn't think thatyou were.

Being vegan is why you got picked to be on the show.

M. thought there wouldn't be a lot foryou to eat out here...

and you might have to resort to gulping down insect larva or something.

[ Sighs ]

It's the kind ofthing America loves in its reality shows, right?.

- America's sick. - Yeah.

I hate reality shows. They're pretty idiotic.

- Then why areyou doing this?. - Because it's myjob.

It's M.'s first project, and I'm just trying to be supportive.

Ifl was his girlfriend, I would've said, "This sucks. You're on your own."

- Come on. No, you wouldn't. - Yeah, I would.

Ifyou haven't noticed, I can be a bit of a bitch.

Well, ifyou hate reality shows, then why areyou doing this?.

Let's just keep going. We've gotta find some food.

[ Beeps ]

[ Camera Whirring]

[Rustling In Distance ]

[Hissing]

Fucking weekend warriors.

-[Branch Snaps ] -[Sharp Thud]

You'd better stand down, or someone's gonna get hurt!

[ Gasping ]

[ Whooping ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Drooling, Chortling ]

[ Grunts ]

Broken arrow. That's really gonna help us hunt for food.

A spear. I like it. It's so long and hard.

[ Laughing ] I'm just goofin'.

Come on. I- I readyourbio back in the R. V..

West Point, 4.0 average. You're brainy. That's tight.

I, uh, bet you're a reader. What's your favorite book?. Huh?.

I'm into Cat in the Hat myself.

You did the whole "tour of duty in Iraq" thing. That's cool.

I'm more of a pacifist myself, but, hey, I can get down with the patriotism.

- Woman in uniform's a turn-on. - Will you shut up?.

- Oh. She talks. - Shh!

We've been hiking for three hours...

but we haven't seen or heard any animals or birds.

It's dead quiet out here.

It's freaky, right?. It's like we're all alone.

We could get all nasty, and nobody'd see a thing- except for 30 million people.

Come on. You're into me, like, a little bit.

You just don't get it, doyou?. I'm not into men.

[ Gasping ] You-You're a lesbian?.

How hot is that?.

[Michael] Allright. Let mejust get it focusedhere.

Andaction.

So I'm at the two. I'm at the one.

I jump. I leap. Bam!

Shoulderwas never the same.

Killed my chances at a pro career just like that.

[ Scoffs ] It's funny.

'Causeyou never know when your life's gonna change.

Man, I wanted to be in the NFL so bad- since I was 6.

Oh, honey, I totally understand whereyou're coming from.

No. Dude, don't- Don't look in the lens. Look at-

So, um, then, after college, you just bounced around tryin' to find yourself?.

Yeah, well, this opportunity came up, you know, to be on this TV show.

I can't throw a football no more, but I'm still athletic.

- Mm-hmm. - I figure I'll use the talents that God gave me, right?.

Well, we'll have to thank God later.

Yeah, right. Thank God later.

You know, I- I think I hearthe river this way. Yeah.

Come on.

God didn't giveyou a pair ofballs?.

[Footsteps ]

[Mara ] Howabout we take a break?

We have to find food. Ifwe prove that we're the best at it...

then it's less likely anybodywill give us their radiation card.

[ Sighs ] I haven't seen anything to eat.

- [Loud, High-pitched Beeping] - Ow! Holy shit!

It's one ofthose Twist of Fates. I set it off.

- [Nina ] Where is it? - [ Stops ]

"You've been infected by anthrax from a nearby laboratory explosion.

An antidote can be found by the river. You have two minutes."

God, I would get this. Yeah, well, good luck. Go.

Hey, come and shoot. We need your footage.

[ Panting ]

- I think I see the river! - Where?.

- What doyou need now?. - That!

[ Female Electronic Voice ] One minute remaining.

Forty-five seconds remaining.

Thirty seconds remaining.

[ Screams, Gasping ]

[Electronic V.oice ] Eight, seven...

- [ Gasping ] - six, five...

four, three, two- [ Beeps ]

[ Gasping ] Got it.

Yes! [ Whoops ]

- I can't believe I did it. - You kicked ass!

[ Out Of Breath ]

Awesome.

All right, guys. One sec. Okay. Keep it loose.

- You ready?. - Go.

Whew. It is hot out here. [ Chuckles ]

You know what? I think we can fish later.

We are rolling.

[ Sighs, Chuckles ]

I think I need to, uh, cool off.

So...

do you want to get, uh, wet?.

- What are you doing?. - M.! What the fuck?.

I am standing here giving it myall, and thisjock isjust... standing there!

- Cut! - Hey, what's goin' on, man?.

Look, man, I- I want to create chemistry between you two.

Okay?. You guys are, like, the sex of this thing.

Mm-hmm. You said you wanted a family reality show.

Well, sex is America's dirty little secret.

Huh?. You can't talk about it at church, but at home, on TV...

people wanna see hard bodies wet and glistening in the sun.

Ifl do that, I have a mother and six nieces that will never speak to me again.

Look, man, people wanna be entertained.

Elena and I arejust greasing thewheels a little.

- Greasin'the wheels. - Yeah.

Well, look, man, I'm here to play the game, okay?.

Nowyou can go grease the wheels.

- You can try catching some fish. - [ Mock Chuckle ]

I'll see ifl can find somethin' to eat in the woods.

"Grease the wheels." You two. What- I'll catch y'all later.

Catch y'all later.

Great. I wanted Diddy. I got a Boy Scout.

[Drooling, Chortling]

M., wait. We don't need Jake.

I'm all the sex that you want.

- You're hot, but it's not the same thing. - Hey, where are you going?.

What, areyou gonna go shootyour girlfriend?.

No. Actually, I've gotta rethink the story lines.

Hey, listen, I'm doing this gig for, like, free...

and I want all the screen time that I can get.

And I know how to make sure that happens.

- Really?. - [ZipperUnzips ]

Oh.

Works for me.

[Elena Gulping]

[ Gasping ]

[Mara ] You don't get it.

I'm, like, a complete spaz when it comes to anything even remotely athletic.

I'm sorry I didn't help.

You're just playing the game. I understand.

I just really need this money.

I'm not gonna giveyou my radiation card, ifthat's whatyou'reworried about.

I'm just thrilled that I actually get to live another day.

[ No Audible Dialogue]

[Nina] Motherfucker.

[ Gasping ]

- [ Shudders ] - Look, I know it hurts...

butyou don't need a piece of shit like that in your life.

- You're better offwithout him. - [ Crying ]

- I thought he was the one. You know?. - Yeah.

I've known scumbags like this all my life.

Six months ago, I caught my fiance in bed with my best friend.

[ Sighs ] Really?.

Top it off-

He used my credit cards to put me into major debt.

That's why I have to win this game.

The sooneryou realize you can only depend on yourself...

the better offyou'll be.

Come on.

Take a breath. Let's go down there and kick his ass.

[ Crying, Laughing ]

- Is that whatyou did toyour fiance?. - Put him in the hospital.

Come on.

No. I'll just deal with it in my own way.

It's what he deserves.

- It's not me. - Come on.

No. I'm not likeyou. I don't want to be.

- I'm sorry. That came out wrong. - It's okay.

- [LoudSigh ] - Come on.Just tell me one hot experience thatyou had.

- Oh, God. - I can getyou on HowardStern ifit's good.

- I got a buddywho works in the studio in New York. - You're such a moron.

Yeah, but we're on the same team here. You know, the same... team.

All right. All right, all right. I'll stop. I'll stop.

I swear. Cross my heart. No more sex talk.

From now on, you'll be the uptight lesbian sister I never had. Truce?.

Oh. And now that we're family, tell me-Who went down on who first?.

- Pendejo! - I'm kidding. I'm just-

[ Sniffing ]

Is that barbecue?.

Mission fuckin'-accomplished.

Wait. This is too easy. Maybe this is a trap to make us lose the game.

What trap?. It's a hunter's camp, sister.

- What areyou doing? - I'm starved, and, damn, that smells awesome.

Ifthis is a real hunter's camp, we can't just steal his food.

Why the hell not?. It's a "survival ofthe fittest" kind ofthing. Finders, keepers.

You're a lesbian. Where areyour cojones?.

Ifwe bring this back to share with the others, nobody's gonna want us out ofthe game.

- Ow! - What, it's hot?.

[ Sighs ]

- Finally, we're a team. - Don't push your luck.

Mmm! Pork.

Man, these hillbillies really know their barbecue.

[Chopping]

[ChoppingStops ]

[ Growls ]

[ Chortling, Growling ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Drooling,Jeering ]

[ Chortling ]

- [Nina ]So what areyou gonna do? - I'm getting outta here.

I'll call the techies to drive me back to Wheeling.

You're headed the wrong way. R.V. and cell phones are back that way.

I can't get a signal from the R.V.

- I'm just gonna call them from there. - Okay.

Besides, I really don't want to run into Michael at the trailer.

You're kidding. No, you're crazy.

- Okay. - Hello?.

[ Knocking ]

Hello?.

Uh, you can't just walk into somebody's house.

Hello?.

I need to useyour phone, please.

We shouldn't be here.

Then just wait for me outside.

I wanna make one phone call, and I'm gone.

Hello?.

[ Exhales ] Ew.

Oh.

[Footsteps ] Allright. No phone, so-

[ Inhales, Gasps ]

Uh, we doneyet?.

[ Gasping ]

Holy shit.

The whole family's deformed.

God. Look at the twins.

- [Woman Screaming] - [DoorOpens ]

-[Screaming Continues ] -[Man ] You'll be all right.Just don't worry.

Hold on. Don't drop her.

[ Woman Screaming, Panting]

Get her over on the table.

[ Muttering ]

There! Yeah! Yeah!

Baby's comin 'now. You stay here with Ma.

I'll go and fetch some water.

[ Cryi ng, Groani ng ]

[ Girl Shushing ]

[ Loud Groaning ]

[ Chittering ]

[ Gaspi ng, Cryi ng ]

[ Chitters ]

[ Shrieks ]

- [ Both Gasping ] - [ Pounding]

The toolbox!

- [Pounding Continues ] - Go! Go!

- It's locked! - What do we do now?. - [Shrieking]

- Help me! - [Pounding Continues ]

[ Shouting ]

[ Both Screaming ]

- [ Gasps ] - [Flies Buzzing]

[ Retching ]

There's light! There's light!

[ Gasping ]

- Push! - [ Grunts ]

- [Flies Buzzing] - [ Grunts ]

Uh!

Ma!

[ Panting, Gasping ]

[Man Grunting]

[ Gasping, Whimpering ]

[Screaming, Crying]

[ Gasping ]

[Sobbing, Gasping]

[ Whimpering ] Help me.

- Help me. - [ Grunting]

[ Object Drops ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Muttering ]

[ Sniffing ]

[Sniffing]

[ Twig Scrapes ]

[ V.ehicle Horn Honks ]

- [Horn Honking] - [Muttering]

[Engine Idling]

[ Muttering ] Fuck.

[ Grunting, Shouting ]

[ Both Arguing ]

[ Gasping ]

- Hey. You good?. - I'm good.

Can we, uh, keep this as our secret?.

I wouldn't wanna mess things up with Mara.

- You know, I think she's the one. - Whatever.

- [Person Gasping] - I'm headin' back to the R.V. You comin'?.

No. Myjob's done.

Just gonna stay here and tan.

Tell Mara I say hi.

- You're the star. - [ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Gasping, Moaning ]

[ Spits ]

[Moaning Continues ]

[ Loud Grunt ]

M.?. Is thatyou?.

Don't screw around. It's not cool.

- [ Grunts ] - [ Hisses ]

- [ Whimpering ] - [ Grunting ]

- [Loud, High-pitched Beeping] - [ Whimpering ]

Aw, shit.

Okay. What's the challenge?.

- [ Grunts ] - [ Beeping Stops ]

Fuck!

- [ Shrieking ] - No!

- [ Grunting ] - [ Screaming ]

- [ Screaming Stops ] - [ Grunting Continues ]

[ Both Grunting, Gasping ]

[ Barking ]

[V.ehicleApproaching]

- [ Murmuring ] - [Man Muttering]

[ Muttering ]

- [Truck Door Closes, Engine Starts ] - Mara.

Mara.

[ Drooling, Chortling ]

- [ Grunts ] - [ Groans ]

- [ Bone Snaps ] - [ Whimpering ]

[ Shrieking ]

Hey, Neil. I'm back, yo. What, you droppin' a deuce?.

Seriously, Neil, light a match.

- Neil. - [ Computer Beeps ]

Guess you're not here.

All right. Let's see what we can see.

Run. No. Run. [ Laughs ]

[ Tapping Button ]

What?

[ Murmurs ]

Aw, fuck. [ Sighs ]

Let's see. [ Muttering ]

- Well, this- All right. This works. - [Footsteps On Gravel]

Well, what's the ma- Neil.

I can't fig- This seems fine.

Great. You know, you spend money on film school just to-

- [Door Closes ] - It looks fine.

[ Grunting ]

[Muttering] Input, output. Yeah, that works.

- Well, looks good. What is that?. Nina?. - [ Engine Starts ]

[ Grunts ]

Damn it! Neil, can't move! We're hardwired in!

- [ Growling ] - [ Chortling ]

What the-

[ Grunting, Shouting ]

[ Muttering ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

[Screaming Continues ]

- This is cool. - It's good.

- Going for another one, huh?. - Mmm.

The onlywhite meat. Ifthis is what Armageddon's like, bring it on, baby.

Yeah, maybe next time you should search for a bib.

I'm so glad I ran intoyou guys.

Yeah, and don't forget who gotyou the nosh, dude.

You win the chance to get rid ofthat nuclear card, send it someplace else.

No worries.

- Hey, where's M. and Elena?. - Oh.

Back at the river shooting the unrated version ofthe DVD.

I'll seeyou two later. Oh, dude.

I can't even move. I'm so stuffed, sex is gonna have to wait.

[ Farts ] Shit ghost!

- Ow! - You're nasty.

Ifyou win, what will you do with the money?.

When I win, I'm gonna throw the most outrageous beach party in history.

You're a cliche, dude. How aboutyou?

Well, when I win, I plan on getting my degree in sports medicine.

Since my arm won't let me play football anymore, I figure I can still help others.

You know, stayin the game.

Can't be a football hero, so you'll settle for a hero of any kind.

Yeah, somethin' like that.

Nice to know there's still hope for mankind.

Dude, ifyou're sayin' this to get in her pants, forget about it.

- She doesn'tplayon ourteam. - Shut up. How about you?.

Whatyouplan on doin' with the cash?

I owe my father a bunch of money.

- If I win, I am free and clear of him for good. - Your father?.

He doesn't approve of my lifestyle.

Wants nothing to do with me.

Hmm. I guess you can't choose family.

[ Chuckles ] Man, M. is so screwed.

He wanted a show for Middle America, but he hired a lesbo...

a sensitivejock, a bipolarvegan...

an extreme fuck-up and Miss Hollywood.

Dude, we're the red-state cast from hell.

- [All Laughing] - Oh, God! Oh, God!

- Yo, Nina. - [Nina Panting]

- You all right, Nina?. - [ Groaning ] Mara's... dead.

- What happened toyou?. - We have to get out ofhere- now.

- What?. - They killed her!

- Hey, look. Calm down. - They'll find us here!

Take a deep breath. Who will find us here?. What areyou talkin' about?.

These hillbilly freaks! They killed Mara...

and they tied her to the hood oftheir truck!

We have to get out ofhere right now!

- This is awesome! - What is wrong with you?.

- I'm not kidding! - Come on. It's part ofthe game.

- Post-apocalyptic crazies roaming through the forest. - It's not a game, okay?.

These hillbillies were eating her finger!

Hillbilly cannibals. M. is a genius.

- Stop laughing! - Yo, stop laughing, man, okay?. Hold on.

It's Mara. She's M.'s girlfriend. She was in on it. I got this.

Whatyou saw was special effects.

What I saw was real!

We need to get out ofhere now!

- Please. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're going.

This is just a test to see ifwe bug out.

These kind of shows always screw with their contestants.

You guys wanna go, go ahead. I'm stayin' put and winnin' the hundred G's.

- Then they'll kill you too, man. - [ Screams ]

- What?. - [Nina Screams ]

No!

[Jake ] Nina? Nina!

- Get the fuck- - That-That's Kimberly's tattoo.

Holy shit. That's her leg.

That's it. Game's over. Amber, let's go.

Come on.

Jonesy!

- They're fucking cannibals, dude. - Shut up.

- Where the hell's the R.V.?. -Just over the ridge.

- Keep quiet and keep moving. - I ain't stoppin'.

[ Screams ] My foot!

- Let me look at it. - I'm a shark, man. I gotta keep moving, or I die.

- Shut the fuck up. - You guys get to the R. V..

We'll be right behind you.

- This is gonna suck. - Oh, shit!

I need to put pressure on that.

- Come on. Give me yourwristband. - No!

Look, you don't have to hide anymore.

How'd you know?.

When I found out I'd never play football again, I spiraled down pretty hard.

My therapist told me I should sit in one ofher suicide support groups.

You know, give me a better perspective.

There was a girl that used to do the same thing, onlyshe useda bandana.

- So how old is the scar?. - About six months.

What happened?.

I just trusted too many of the wrong people... all my life.

- But I'm past it now. - So it's old news?.

[ Winces ] Why doyou think I came to win this game?.

Guess you'll getyour chance to do just that.

[Flies Buzzing]

[DoorCloses ]

You so much as fart, old man, and I'll dropyou.

Don't kill me, brother. I'm a good Christian man.

- Shit. Areyou sure?. - Yeah. This was the place.

Here are the tire tracks, the empty equipment cases, the garbage.

This is so f'ed in the A.

- [ Gasps ] The fucking R.V. is gone! - Let's just keep going!

- We're dead meat. - Where to?. The nearest town is 50 miles away.

We're all gonna end up hillbilly barbecue.

- I'm not gonna tell you again. Keep quiet! -Just come on.

- There's that old paper mill out bythe main road. - It's abandoned.

- We gotta dig in somewhere. - Maybe there's a public phone.

Dude, you know why they call it abandoned?. 'Cause there's nothing in it, including phones!

- Hey! - Don't hurt me!

That's a bear trap. There's no animals around here.

Why do they have a fucking bear trap set?.

They're not trapping bears. They're trapping people.

There's no wildlife to eat around here. They're eating us.

Okay, I was wrong. Paper mill's a great idea. Let's just get outta here.

No, no, no. Look, man, ifwe take the road, we're sitting ducks, all right?.

So I want everyone to stick together and watch whereyou step.

Yeah, no shit.

Yeah.

[ Groans ]

[ Groans ]

[ Gasping ]

Who you blowin' up, old-timer?.

Oh, just the trout.

Onlyway to bring 'em to the surface.

Dynamite stuns 'em.

Then they float like lily pads, and I just scoop 'em up.

Prettywife.

Yeah, that's myDelilah. Gave me the happiest days ofmylife.

God bless her soul.

You know, you one luckyson ofa bitch.

Lotta folk go in them woods. Never seen one come out.

I stay clear ofthem myself.

How many of those freaks are out there?.

Hard to know. More than the ones you run across. That's for sure.

What are they?.

Oh, just like you and me, brother, 'cept uglier...

and a lot stronger.

Hey, I hit one ofthem young'uns once in my pickup.

He popped up and just kept goin'.

- [ Groans ] - It's the chemicals changed 'em.

Pulp millshut down near 30years ago...

and left a mess.

And the poison killed off all the game.

Most folks 'round these parts left.

There's one family that stayed on in this holler...

and pretty soon their babies started gushin' out oftheir mama's womb...

just as ugly as them trout I got hangin' out there.

[ Laughs, Mutters ]

And then they grow up, have kids oftheir own.

Turned out even worse.

You gonna stay for a bite?.

Fish is ugly, but they fry up real good.

No. Much obliged, but I gotta get goin'.

Well, ifyou're gonna head out to getyour friends, settle the score...

best jump to it before it gets dark.

You don't wanna be out in them woods at night.

Why doyou stay, old-timer?.

Well, I couldneverleave.

Gotta stay close to myyoung'uns.

You motherfucker! I gonna killyou, man!

[ Shouts ] You killed my boy!

[ Shouting Continues ] I'm gonna kill you!

I'll killyou! I'll killyou, motherfucker!

I'll kill you! [ Groaning ]

[ Shouting, Muffled ] Motherfucker! I'm sure 'nough gonna kill you!

I'll getyou! I'll teachyou to mess with mykids!

Say hello to the missus for me.

[Rifle Clatters ]

- [Woman Screaming, Grunting] - [Man Grunting]

[Screaming, Grunting Continue ]

[ Nina ] It's one ofthem.

- I t's Elena. - Yeah?. What makes you think that?.

- [ Grunting ] - [ Screaming ]

Hey!

[Screaming Continues ]

Get off her!

- Oh, my God. - [ Screaming ]

- Nina, wait! - [ Grunts ]

- [ Grunting ] - Oh, shit.

[ Whimpers ]

[ Panting ]

[ Screams ]

[ Shrieking ]

[Jake ] Come on! Come on!

[ Shrieks ]

- [ Shrieks ] - [ Neck Snaps ] - [ Grunts ]

[ Growling ]

Help me!

[ Whimpering ]

[ Laughing, Sobbing ]

[ Screaming ] Help!

- Where's Nina?. - She deserted us.

[ Muttering ]

- Son ofa bitch! -Just keep moving.

Look, split up. I'll find Nina.

- We'll meet up at the mill. Go! - Okay.

- Nina! - [Nina ] Help me! Help me!

- Nina?. - Help me!

- [Jake ] Nina? - I'm... down here.

Nina?. Are you okay?.

We gotta get you out ofthere, all right?.

Look, come on. Come on, Nina.

[ Grunting ] I can't reach.

- Come on, Nina! - [ Whimpers ]

Almost.

- [ Grunting ] - Okay, hold on.

- [ Straining ] I've gotyou now. I've gotyou. - [ Screams ]

- [ Bone Snaps ] - [ Groaning ]

[Grunting]

- Trya little right- - [ Grunting ]

[ Grunting, Panting ]

- [ Whimpers, Panting ] - What happened?

It's my shoulder. It's dislocated. You gotta help me pop it in.

Ah, no, Nina! Easy! Okay, pull and twist, okay?.

- Go. [ Groaning] - [Joint Snapping ]

Help me up. Nina. [ Grunting ]

- It's like going to war. - [ Grunting ]

- Amber,Jonesy- Did they make it?. - We all made it.

- We'll meet upwith them at the mill, okay?. - [V.ehicleApproaching]

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go!

Come on, Nina.

[ Gunshot]

[ Giggling ]

- Let's go. - Where?.

Shit! Shit! Shit!

[ Panting ] You-You totally kicked ass back there.

I'm serious. You were, like, Xena, Warrior Princess.

You were right. I was a total asshole before.

I'm never gonna dis you or any other female ever again.

- Great. - It's cool. We outran 'em.

- [TwigSnaps ] - Run.

Ow! Ow!

- Come on. - [ Groaning ]

- Oh, shit. - Come on!

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

Just-There.

Oh, my God! [ Screams ]

-Jonesy! - Help me! Help me!

Amber! Amber, help me!

-Jonesy! - Get me down! Get me down! Oh, no! Oh!

[ Whimpering ] Amber! Amber, help me!

Christ! Oh! Oh, God! Hurry, Amber!

He's coming! He's com-

- Amber?. Amber, go! - No!

- Amber, don't do this! Get away! - I'm not leaving you!

Go! Run! No! Amber, no!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

- [ Gasps ] - Amber?

- [ Gasping ] -Jonesy!

[ Groaning ]

- [ Laughing ] - Jonesy!

Give meyourhand!

[ Grunting, Laughing ]

[ Mutters ]

[ Laughing ]

- Huh?. - [ Mutters ]

[ Laughing ]

[Amber] Don't look down.

[Jonesy Whimpering]

I'm here.

Amber, I'm scared.

[Amber] You're not alone.

All right. I'm gonna get us out of here.

[ Gasps ] You know, my mother always used to say I'd live forev-

[Laughing, Slurping]

[ Groaning ]

[ Groaning]

[ Shouts ]

- There it is. -Jonesywasn't kidding. - [Drooling, Chortling]

This place is dead.

"Birth defects." No shit.

Can't see anything. How the hell are we gonna find 'em in here?.

Let Amber and Jonesy find us.

- Where'd you get that?. - I brought it with me for the game.

- I thought it might come in handy. - That's cheating.

Sue me.

You think they're up there?. Maybe they found a C.B. radio, called for help.

I guess I'll go first.

Be careful.

- They gotta be around here somewhere. - [Picks Up Phone ]

Ifthey even made it here at all.

Come on, guys. Whereyou at?.

[ Screams ] Oh, my God.

- She wasjust a little girl. - Looks like she's been in there forever.

- She's hiding. - Yeah, but from whom?.

- This isn't right. - [ V.ehicle Approaching]

- N i na, no! N i na! No, Nina! - [ Shouts ]

- T oo late! We've gotta get out of here now! - No! No, Nina!

We cannot leave them, okay?. Let's go.

Look, there's the R.V. I don't see 'em.

Oh,Jesus. This family's been doing this for decades.

[Man Screaming]

Oh, my God! That sounds like M. screaming.

Okay, I'm going down there.

[Screaming Continues ]

No, no, no, no. Hold this.

- [Screaming Continues ] - Shit. You got my back?.

[ Grunts ]

- [Michael] Somebody! Please! - M.?. M.?.

Come on. Come on. Come on! Fuck!

- Fuck face! - M.!

Get me the fuck out of here!

- Fuck! Get me the fuck- - [ Giggles ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Muffled Screaming ]

[ Michael Continues Shouting]

- M.?. - Get me the fuck out!

Help me, please! God, help! Please don't!

- M.?. - Please!

[ Screaming ]

[ Choking, Gurgling ]

Oh! M.! Nina, it's a trap!

[ Neck Snapping ]

[ Grunts ] Oh, shit!

Shit.

[ Grunts ]

- [Loud Pounding] - [Woman Humming]

[Man On TV.] Doyou have moral rottenness?

[ TV. Continues, Indistinct ]

Brothers andsisters, you must know...

that we live in a world oftechnology.

- [ TV. Continues, Indistinct ] - [ Gasps ]

[ Man On TV. Continues ] ...engaging in extracurricular sexuality...

homosexuality.

[ TV. Continues, Indistinct ]

No! [ Screams ]

Will it be heaven or hell thatyou decide on?

- This is the crossroad- - [ Flies Buzzing ]

- Do you take the turn for heaven... - [ Whi m peri ng ]

or do you take the wrong turn to hell?

- [ TV. Continues, Indistinct ] - [ Mutters ]

[ Grunts ]

It's whatyou need to findyour way.

- [ Mutters ] - It's whatyou need to find that light.

Stay away from the darkness. Do not take a wrong turn-

... to living a life ofsin, ofpersonal destruction-

[ Gasps ]

Here I have the book that will save your life-

[ TV. Continues, Indistinct ]

- [ Grunti ng ] - [ Gasps ]

- [ Rattling Cage ] - [ Grunti ng ]

Living a life ofsin will only lead-

- [ Ham mer Cl icks ] - [ Gasps ]

[ Laughing ]

Fuck you!

[ Grunts ]

[Jake ] Don't do it! Leave her alone!

[Flies Buzzing]

[ Nina Groaning]

[ Groaning ]

[ Screaming ]

Leave her alone! Leave her alone!

[ Screams, Gasps ]

[ Coughing ]

- Stop messing with her! - [ Mutters ]

[ Whimpering ]

Stop it.

[ Mutters ]

[ Whimpering, Coughing ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Muttering Prayer]

What the fuck is wrong with you people?.

Amen.

Amen.

[ Groaning ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Gasping ] I hopeyou fucking choke!

- [ Screaming ] - Leave her alone!

[ Shouting, Pounding Table]

[ Coughing ]

[ Coughing Continues ]

[Footsteps]

[ Loud Whirring ]

[ Groaning ]

[Footsteps ]

Please! Let us go!

[ Groans, Coughs ]

- Come on, man. Help! - Help.

- Help. Help. - Help.

[Mocking Continues ]

- [Jake ] Come on. Let us go! - [Mocking] Let us go!

- Let us go! Nina![Pleading, Indistinct ] - [Laughter]

[Man Grunting]

[ Device Clicking]

- Help! Help! - [ Clicking Continues ]

[Jake ] Help! Please! We're in here! We're trapped!

Please, someone, help us! Help us!

Fuck!

- [ Clicking Continues ] - [Jake ] Please help us! We're in here!

- [ Mutters ] - Damn it! Don't leave!

- [ Whimpering] Help us! Please help us! - [ Clicking Continues ]

Please help us! Please help us!

[ Groans ]

[ Object Clatters ]

- [ Grunts ] - This way.

[ Scream i ng ]

[ Shouts ]

Ooh-rah.

[ Beeps ]

[ Gasps ] Nina! Nina!

Nina! Come on. Wake up.

Nina, wake up! Nina!

Can you pull your hands free?.

I need you to pull your hands free.

[ Groaning ]

I can't.

Nina,you've gotta try! Nina!

- Nina, wake up! Nina! - Shh.

- Dale?. - [ Whispers ] Be quiet.

I gotta do this. Breathe through it.

Ready?. Okay?. Go.

- [ Screams ] - Shh. Shh.

One more.

Go.

[ Screams ]

Get up.

- [ Groans ] - There's an exit door through there.

We are right behind you.

Go!

Dale.

[ Gasping, Whimpering ]

[ Gasps ]

I wantyou to go find Nina. [ Grunts ]

- Dale! - Hey! Hey!

Find Nina. Go. I've got it. Go!

[ Grunts ]

Is that all you got, bitch?.

- [ Growling ] - [ Grunting ]

[ Grunting, Choking ]

[ Grunting Continues ]

Fuckyou! [ Choking ]

[ Sobbing ]

[ Screaming ] No! No!

[ Coughing ]

[Wheezing, Screams ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Screams, Grunts ]

[ Screams ]

Let go ofme, you son ofa bitch! Let go of me!

[ Grunting ]

[Jake ] Let go! Let go ofme!

- Let go ofme! - [ Screaming ] Shit!

Let go of me, you son of a bitch!

- [ Shrieking ] - No! No!

[ Shouting ]

[ Screams ]

[ Shouting ]

No! [ Grunting ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Groaning, Grunts ]

[ Grunting Continues ]

[ Shouting ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Grunts ] Come on!

[ Shouting, Grunts ]

[ Both Screaming ]

[Muck Sloshing]

You knowyou didn't have to come back for me, right?.

Sue me.

Wow.

Nice ride.

You wanna take it for a spin?.

[ Sniffles ] Why not?. It's the least this fucked-up family owes us.

[Engine Starts ]

[ Clattering]

Mmm. Mmm.

[ Cooing ]

[ Muttering ]

[ Crying ]

[Man Cackling]