Original subtitles

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

[♪♪♪]

[GASPS]

Don't like this.

Something's going down.

[GRUNTS]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

Tri Corp Dispatch, this is Transport 23.

Tri Corp,

do you... read...?

[SIGHS]

[SIZZLING]

There you go, Hammerhead.

Job done. HAMMERHEAD: Forget the hat.

Put on the suit.

You still owe the Big Man

one Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Livin' on the edge Fighting crime, spinning webs ♪

♪ Swinging from The highest ledge ♪

♪ He can leap above our heads ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Villains on the rise And the city's victimized ♪

♪ Looking up with no surprise Arriving in the speed of time ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man ♪

♪ Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man ♪

♪ Spectacular ♪

♪ Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man ♪

♪ Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man ♪

[♪♪♪]

MAY: Peter, dear. Are you up?

Come on, Mr. Lazy Bones. [DOOR OPENING]

Aunt May! I'm-- I'm not decent.

[CHUCKLES] All right, calm down.

There's breakfast waiting downstairs.

I'll be at Mrs. Watson's.

[SIGHS]

Mm, waffles.

Bills.

Gas, phone, electric.

All past due. [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Oh, good, you're up. I've just been visiting with Anna

and her niece, Mary Jane.

A lovely girl.

Peter, you must meet her.

Um, what's she like?

Oh, she has a wonderful personality.

[SHUDDERS]

Oh! She's there now.

Why don't we just head over--?

I'd love to, Aunt May,

but I promised Harry I'd help him study,

and I can't miss the bus.

Bye!

[HORNS HONKING]

I so have to get me some hands free.

What? PETER [OVER PHONE]: N-- Nothing.

Just trying to do too much at once.

You mean like selling pictures to the Bugle

instead of helping your friends?

Look, straight up, I blew it.

And I know you're ticked--

Don't go all emo on me, bro.

I-- I'll get over it. Just, uh-- Just back off for a while.

Got it.

And thanks.

Target spotted and target lost.

But he's in the area, boss.

[BEEPING]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Peter.

Good to see you.

Here to help Harry, huh?

We help each other, Mr. O.

Now, now, Peter,

modesty doesn't become men like us.

Smart, driven, responsible, self-made.

I'm more of a work in progress.

At least you're making progress.

Mind if I check my e-mail?

[SCOFFS]

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

An e-vite to Midtown High's fall formal.

Which would rock, if either of us had,

what's the word?

A date?

Could probably ask Mary Jane Watson.

Mary-who what-now?

Oh, this girl Aunt May wants me to meet.

Oh, get this: she has "a wonderful personality."

[BOTH SHUDDER]

I was thinking about asking Gwen.

Uh-- Just as a friend, you know?

Well, actually, I wouldn't know.

Miss Stacy's currently not speaking to me.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

"From the desk of J. Jonah Jameson."

Whoa, p-publisher of the Daily Bugle.

"Mr. Parker, come in ASAP

to claim paycheck for photos of Spider-Man."

Yes!

Dude, sorry, I'll be back in an hour.

Two tops. Promise.

Uh, w-what do I do while you're gone?

Chapters one through six.

Review. [SIGHS]

JAMESON: Did a caveman proofread this piece?

Where's my sports editor?

I want him in my office in 14 seconds!

And where's my coffee?

Uh-- Sir? I-- I'm Peter--

I know who you are. You're the know-nothing

who wasted 41 seconds of my time the other day.

Well, I haven't got another 41 to spare.

But-- But-- Brilliant comeback, kid.

Now where's that Parker guy?

I e-mailed him 76 minutes ago.

Won't anybody get me my coffee?

Coffee. Decaf.

It's only been 20 minutes.

And I'm pretty sure you just kicked Peter Parker out.

Well, don't just stand there,

get him back!

Oh, that wasn't too humiliating.

Wait. Oh, my money.

Sorry about that, Parker.

Was expecting someone old enough to have,

you know, armpit hair. Ha-ha.

Now, that costumed freak sells papers,

so I want another set of pics in my hands by deadline.

You got two hours.

Uh, I'll-- I'll do my best, but--

You still here? What do you want, a medal? Get out!

Out!

I'll cut that check for you, Peter.

Thanks, Miss Brant.

I'm Betty. So, Betty,

how do you work for a walking embolism like Jameson?

Mr. Jameson's a decent man down deep.

We talking Marianas Trench deep

or Dante's Ninth Circle deep?

[GIGGLES]

See you soon, Peter Parker.

Yee-ha!

He's back.

Set it in motion.

[SECURITY ALARM RINGING]

Talk about a crook with bad timing.

Great, he's on us.

Now, not too fast. If he loses us, no payday.

Oh, forget the payday.

I want payback.

Two hours till deadline.

No sweat.

Oh. Don't want anything to happen to this.

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHS] Marco?

How many times do I have to take you down?

And where's your charming partner O'Hirn?

[GRUNTING]

Whoa--

Look, we gotta stop meeting like this.

People are starting to talk.

Mostly about what doofs you are.

[GROANING]

I reckon that came as a bit of a shocker, eh, bug?

Well, good.

So will this.

[LAUGHS]

Hold still, son,

so's I can put you out of your misery.

How about you put me out of my mystery?

Who are you?

Call me, well--

How's about "Shocker?"

SPIDER-MAN: Or how's about "Toast?"

Either you got less kick than a three-legged mule,

or this here suit does more than protect me from my own power.

I guess clothes do make the man.

[PUNCH LANDS]

Did I get him? Tell me I got him.

All you got is on my nerves.

Now, stay out of this, boy. The grownups were talking.

Don't be too mad at O'Hirn.

He just gets cranky without his n--

[ELECTRICITY WHIRRING] [GROANING]

[GRUNTS]

Impressive.

You could hire yourself out as a kiddie ride.

Thanks.

[GRUNTS]

But I already got a job I love.

[GROANING]

[SPIDER-MAN GRUNTING]

That should satisfy the Big Man.

[DEVICE BEEPS] Extraction.

Hey, a little help?

I ought to leave you for the cops,

but I'm in too good a mood.

[GRUNTS]

Did I get him?

Is he roadkill?

He's finito. Let's book.

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

Talk about your tight spots.

But I'm alive.

[SNIFFS]

Oh! And I reek.

And my paycheck's ruined.

Perfect.

PETER: Harry, I'm sorry--

Sorry? You totally left me hanging.

I-- I know you can do calc in your sleep,

but I've got a lot riding on tomorrow's test.

Maybe I should ask Gwen.

No, I'm down for tonight, I swear.

Um, carpe ropem?

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHS]

Guess all Osborn's money couldn't buy him muscle tone.

Lay off, Flash.

You think you could do better?

How about you and me race?

First to the top wins.

Dude, Parker's calling you out.

And my spider powers are gonna send you home crying.

Ball, please?

All right, all right.

A little friendly competition never hurt anyone.

Line up.

[SNIFFING]

Ugh! Forget it. You win.

Usually when I say puny Parker stinks,

it's a figure of speech, but, whoo!

[SNIFFS]

And I showered three times last night.

Peter, throw me the ball.

[SIGHS]

[YELPS]

PETER: Gwen, I'm sorry.

Sorry, you turned at the last s--

Parker! Hit the showers.

[LAUGHING] Yeah, for all our sakes.

[ALL LAUGHING]

BETTY: Uh, Pete,

are you wearing perfume?

It's a long story.

Uh, look, Miss Bra-- I-- I mean, Betty.

Uh, this is embarrassing, but could you replace my check?

It got trashed.

Well, sure.

Oh, you have to meet our editor in chief.

Joe Robertson, this is Peter Parker.

The photographer, right.

Call me Robbie.

Any new shots?

Uh, do you know a Rand Robertson?

Well, there is a kid by that name

who lives in my house and eats all my food.

You at Midtown?

Yes, sir. Good school.

Look, Peter, the fact that you've twice gotten

any usable pictures of Spider-Man is pretty amazing.

But the photos themselves--

Do you have your camera on you?

She's kinda hard to keep in focus.

This won't cut it.

You want to be a Bugle freelancer,

you take that check and invest in a serious camera.

Garbage, garbage, literally garbage.

Garba-- Wait.

Ho-ho!

Uh, wouldn't you rather use one

where Spider-Man's winning?

Ha! Shows what you know.

Nobody loves a winner.

The people are our market,

and the people want their heroes to fail.

Makes 'em feel good about themselves.

[SNIFFS] Oh.

Piece of advice, kid: Perfume doesn't cut it.

Tomato juice.

Only thing after taking pictures at a dump.

Oh, I so need an excuse to get back to Betty.

Which means I need to take more pictures.

Which means I cashed in my checks, because--

I-- I need to buy a new camera.

We're closed. Go away.

The sign says you don't close for another hour.

The s-s-sign's wrong. Come back tomorrow.

[GRUNTS]

I'm telling you, we gotta cash in fast.

Once Hammerhead spreads the word Spider-Man's croaked,

it'll be open season for every hood in the city.

[GRUNTING]

Still can't believe I didn't cash in his chips myself.

[SNIFFS]

Something smells bad.

Oh, still?

I washed this costume five times.

Now that you troglodytes have deduced

that the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated...

I'm not dead.

Uh-- N-never mind. Just tell Shocker I want a rematch.

You can call the cops now.

Oh, I really, really hate that guy.

This is really, really getting heavy.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Hey, Aunt May.

I'm home before the new curfew.

And that's appreciated, Peter.

I'm almost done here.

Just paying bills.

Or rather, deciding which ones I can hold off paying.

Well, I think I might--

Hold off on the gas bill?

[SIGHS]

I feel like banana cake. You?

Um, no, uh, thanks.

I think I'll just hit the sheets.

What--? No banana cake?

Helping Harry must have really tuckered you out.

Oh, man. Harry.

I totally--

Blew me off, Pete!

I know, Hare, look, I'm worthless, but--

But nothing. Worthless covers it.

Let me get this straight.

You ditched out on the only guy in the whole school

who actually liked you?

Genius!

[CACKLES]

[JAZZY COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING THROUGH JUKEBOX]

Big Man's not satisfied, Montana.

And why would that be?

He don't think

you lived up to your responsibilities.

[CAMERA WHIRRING]

Hm, the new camera should make Robbie happy.

And of course if I happen to run into--

Miss Bra-- Betty.

Oh, hi, Peter.

Perfect timing. Hold this.

You know, we should do this more often.

I mean, you and I have so much in common.

We both put mustard on our hot dogs.

Uh, we-- We both work for Jolly Jonah,

and that's a treat, believe me.

Anyway, I was wondering,

would you like to go to my fall formal?

Uh, with me, that is.

Your fall formal?

Yeah.

At my high school.

In the gymnasium.

So, heh,

is that deafening silence a yes?

It's a very sweet offer,

but I'm just too old for you, Peter.

Uh-- It's just a dance.

A little rock 'n' roll.

[LOUD RUMBLING]

[CAR ALARMS BLARING]

Okay, I didn't mean it like that.

[ANXIOUS CHATTER]

ROBBIE: Graphic's already online.

Lee, get me damage reports. Foswell, take the science angle.

Manhattan is not known for earthquakes,

and that was the third tremor in the last hour.

Tremor... or Shocker?

[BEEPING]

Epicenters are equally spaced

in a straight line heading uptown.

These aren't quakes,

they're Shocker's trail of breadcrumbs for yours truly.

And I think I know where to find his gingerbread house.

Here, Shocky, Shocky, Shocky.

[EXPLOSION]

[SCREAMS]

Really thought I'd ended you, old son.

But you got more lives than a bag of cats.

Still, I reckon we can remedy that situation.

[GRUNTS]

One more at close range ought to do it.

[♪♪♪]

SHOCKER: I do admire your spunk, son.

Not enough to let you go, of course.

That'd be bad for business.

Whose business?

Can't tell you the who.

Then tell me the why.

What'd your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man do?

Oh, take nothing personal, hoss.

Simple truth is, if a man's a man,

he honors his responsibilities,

and you're one of mine.

[GRUNTS]

Well, the place is condemned.

You know, it really ain't wise

to make a dangerous man look foolish.

You don't need my help for that.

You looked in a mirror lately?

Boy, talk about incompetent.

You've had more shots at me than Marco and O'Hirn.

And done about as well.

Them boys are punks. This is my profession.

You do this for a living?

Ha, with that accent...

[IN SOUTHERN DRAWL] ...I was thinkin' rodeo clown.

Don't you mock me, boy.

I mock. I'm a mocker.

Also a puller, a tugger, a yanker...

[SCREAMS]

And that's what they call bringing down the house.

[DINGS]

You seem troubled, son.

Troubled? Gee, you think?

I failed my calc test because Pete abandoned me.

Flash's crowd won't cut me a break--

Enough.

You're parked in a no-whining zone.

Take some responsibility.

Peter's not the reason you failed.

You wanna pass a test? Study.

You wanna be popular? Be popular.

Take control of your destiny, boy.

Harry, life's pretty simple.

You cowboy up and do what you have to do.

Thanks.

I will.

My apologies for the interruption.

Ah, kids today.

Whatcha gonna do?

New topic:

Spider-Man.

We want him gone.

You care?

None of my business. Really?

Hero saved your hide.

I have nothing to do with Spider-Man.

I wouldn't have risked tipping you off

to that Tri Corp shipment if I had.

Why did you tip us off?

Tri Corp's my competitor in the Super-Mercenary field.

If their prototypes go missing, everyone wins.

Which brings up an issue my boss would like to discuss.

Go ahead, Big Man.

[PHONE BEEPS]

BIG MAN: Mr. Osborn, we have a proposition.

When Spider-Man battles the likes of the Vulture,

the Lizard, and even our Shocker,

he's too busy to interfere with my empire.

We would like to hire you to create more, well,

let's call them "super-villains."

What's in it for me?

Ample funding

and a ready supply of human guinea pigs

for your more questionable experiments.

[GROANING]

Ned Lee. The Bugle.

What is it? What's the card say?

[LEE READING]

[DIALING]

Robbie. It's me. I'm here.

But I need a photog--

Wait, what?

I said Parker was there.

Already e-mailed his shots.

Kid still needs a new camera.

What's this?

The Bugle paid me for my pictures.

Now you can pay those bills.

Out of the question.

Besides, if you're gonna take photos for the Bugle,

you need a new camera.

Well, that thought occurred.

But a man has to honor his responsibilities.

You're one of mine.

Aunt May, please let me help.

I accept.

If you agree to set aside 10 percent

of every check to save for that camera.

Deal?

Deal.

[SNIFFS]

Peter, dear why do you smell like tomato juice?

[♪♪♪]