Original subtitles

Ripped by gabbyu's Subs

I think the problem is with Japan's social climate today.

Culturally, we tend to be shy,

but we shouldn't be bound by this.

Women should be free to desire sex.

Yes, eroticism is about sexual desire.

Have you ever had people see you having sex?

-I don't think you have. -Right.

People have seen my asshole.

But I'm not embarrassed.

To be human is to live as who you really are.

In other words, adult videos show humanity itself.

I'm going to come.

My motto is love.

And love means accepting nature.

Which is why I insist on not shaving my armpits.

Isn't it lovely? Thank you.

I will now begin a passionate session with Kaoru Kuroki,

and you will witness a miracle.

Whatever happens, don't close your eyes.

Are you ready? Here we go.

And... Action!

1980 SAPPORO, HOKKAIDO

Get off already, pipsqueak.

Damn, I almost had the high score!

-What school do you go to? -Kita High, you middle schooler.

-What about you? -Nishi Middle School. Dummy!

Cool it, you brats!

Shut up, old man!

Are you trying to pick a fight?

Take it outside.

We can't play games outside.

-I'm not finished yet. -Huh?

BIANCA INTERNATIONAL

Hello.

-Well, I'll be going. -Please take care.

Muranishi, come here a second.

Okay.

-Zero sales again, Muranishi? -Yes, sir.

Maybe it's the recession.

No, it's you.

If you can't make the quota, don't bother coming next month.

That's a problem, sir. I have a family.

I have a problem as well, with you staying here.

Seems we both have a problem.

You really are a piece of work.

-Thank you. -That was not a compliment.

Don't you ever feel down?

My father taught me to stay positive.

Well, your father didn't raise you right.

You wouldn't be a problem if you had a sales record like Ono.

Learn from him and show me results, if you don't want to get fired.

Go.

Mr. Ono.

I was told to ask you to teach me sales--

Hitchcock died.

ALFRED HITCHCOCK DIES

He looks grumpy.

Are you nuts?

You know nothing.

Psycho was harrowing. That was a masterpiece.

Do you really understand?

What kind of music do you listen to?

Recently, western stuff...

Are you an idiot?

Sing this if you're Japanese.

I used to say

That we're all so free

Sing.

Who would say

That this time was coming near

-Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara -Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara

-Soon the winter will arrive on time -Soon the winter will arrive on time

Okay, you pass.

I'll teach you starting tomorrow.

Thank you.

Goodbye, then.

Sayonara

What a recession.

-Good morning. -Good morning.

Stop humming.

Why?

You sound like your brainless father.

Are you pulling your weight at work?

Of course.

They paired me with the top salesman. My supervisor is counting on me.

Fine, then.

At least feed your family

if you want to be considered a man.

I know that.

That's annoying.

Bye, Dad! Come home early!

I have to work overtime today.

You just skip work and play games.

Don't say that, Mayumi.

See?

Good luck with your games.

She's just being cheeky.

-See you, then. -Have a nice day.

-Have a nice day. -Okay.

Mr. Ono?

Are you nuts?

We're almost at the best part,

Phantom vs. Concord.

It's the climax!

Right, of course, but...

Would you like a pamphlet?

How about a pamphlet?

When do we go out and make sales?

Are you nuts?

When I feel like it, of course.

"You have the freedom to be your true self here and now,

and nothing can stand in your way."

Are you giving me advice? Thank you.

It's from Jonathan Livingston Seagull, stupid.

"I just want to know

what I can do in the air and what I can't,

that's all."

Flying freely in the sky like that must feel great.

Where are the planes going?

To Korea. To war.

I've had enough of wars.

Hello.

Do you like English?

No thank you.

-Hello... -What?

-What? -What?

Hello...

Hello, do you like English?

You'll need English in the future.

How many years from now?

Ten years?

I'll be dead by then.

Are you nuts?

Your smile is too creepy.

That won't do.

I'm sorry.

But, well, you're doing your best.

Really?

I mean...

You provide for your wife, two kids, and your mom, all on your own.

That's admirable, really.

You've got guts, too.

Thank you.

Mr. Ono...

You bought that, right?

This is a fundamental part of making a sale.

Compliment and seduce your customer.

Look.

Think of your customer as a hot woman.

First,

compliment, compliment, and compliment the hell out of them.

Make them open their hearts.

And, when they're wide open,

penetrate them passionately with your best pitch!

Penetrate them...

Right.

Like you're making a woman come,

with the utmost politeness.

That's the key to making a sales pitch.

Also, use English to sell English encyclopedias.

Oh, English...

I'm afraid I'm not very good at English.

Don't overthink it.

It doesn't matter what you say. Just use any words you know.

What a mansion.

What?

What?

I was stunned by your beauty.

You're good. But I'm not interested in sales.

Oh, that's too bad.

I have something special that will take you to the next level.

What is it?

May I have a minute of your time?

What?

He's a salesman. Says he has something special.

Let's hear it, then.

Come inside.

Inside?

Hurry up.

What's the matter? Come.

It's hot.

So...

what's this special product?

English encyclopedias.

This--

What...

I'm sorry!

-I'm sorry. -is so...

-special about that? -I'm sorry!

It seems... I have peed

my pants a bit.

May I take them off?

That's gross. Take them off.

Hey, don't whip out your cock.

Sorry about that.

-Get on with it, then. -Yes, sir.

Oh, by the way, sir,

only you could look good with that tattoo of a boy from a folktale.

It's very beautiful.

A lot of gangsters have this design.

In fact, I once got shot because I was mistaken for someone else.

-Shit! -Maybe so,

but your tattoo has a distinct aura about it,

just like you do, sir.

It's one-of-a-kind.

-Maybe you're right. -Yes.

These special English encyclopedias I've brought today...

are also one-of-a-kind items

that could only be appreciated by a man at your level.

Future gangsters will need guns and English skills.

You must have more foreign business these days.

Sometimes, yeah.

So these encyclopedias will help you.

You'll find words in here like "love," "good,"

and "hello." All you have to do to speak with foreigners is learn them.

I suppose even a grade school grad like me could learn those words.

Yes, even kids could learn them.

You just looked down on me.

You know, your face is really annoying.

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that,

but there's another reason I'm recommending these to you.

-What? -That is...

it will help you communicate intimately with local women!

-Local women? -Yes, sir.

Proven to be especially effective in the Philippines.

Communicate intimately...

like this?

Yes, yes, of course.

Memorize and use the words in here,

and you'll bring all the women to their knees!

Like how?

Like...

If you gently stroke a woman's behind

and say, "Oh, pretty hips,"

it'll excite them even more.

And missionary style?

In that case, simply penetrate them and say,

I could do that!

Right.

That's perfect!

What on earth...

Ma'am, with the purchase of this product,

your husband will become an English Master tomorrow.

-Can we buy it? -Thank you.

Well done!

The last guy who tried got beaten up by golf balls and was hospitalized.

You could have told me if you knew!

It was tough love. Here.

From now on,

seek out targets you can win over.

That'll make you a proper salesman.

Do you feel the need for English?

No, I don't need it.

You say you don't, but I beg to differ.

If you buy these encyclopedias,

and gain the ability to use English in this age of globalization,

your life in the future will become that much richer.

I get excited just thinking about it.

But if you say that you don't need to learn English,

that's like saying you're giving up the fight for survival.

What? That's none of your business!

See, you're a fighter!

Degrees and certificates will become useless in this age.

If you can speak English, the universal language,

you have nothing to fear.

Try it 15 minutes a day for 3 months.

If you still don't think you need English,

I'll gladly buy these encyclopedias back from you myself.

I don't want you to give up on your life.

They're kind of expensive, though.

Indeed. You might feel that these encyclopedias are a bit too pricey.

But this won't vanish the same way money used for enjoyment does.

You'll obtain priceless knowledge

that will nourish you, be a part of you, and be your weapon.

If you think about it, 3,000 yen a month is 100 yen a day.

If you'll allow me to say so,

you'll be gaining a mighty asset.

If anything, 3,000 yen a month may, in fact, be too cheap.

MURANISHI

Sorry we kept you waiting.

You're late. It's past our appointment.

We are very sorry. We may have kept you waiting too long.

Every encounter in life happens at the right time,

and each one is not a coincidence, but a miracle.

I cherish every encounter because each one is unique.

I give my all to each customer since we may never meet again.

If you can't decide now, that means you will never be able to decide.

You're all busy with your daily lives.

You're listening to me at this moment,

but once we part ways, you'll think about other things.

I don't want to bother you.

I'll give it to you straight.

This is honestly your last chance to sit down and seriously consider

learning English conversation.

Will you go right or left in life?

At every juncture, use your wisdom and courage to decide.

I've come here time and time again

to explain the joys of English, but this will be my last call.

Why? Because other people are waiting for me.

I must spread the joys of English to as many people as I can. It's my mission.

I'll say it one more time. Use your wisdom and courage to decide.

I'll buy one. Right now.

Thank you.

This is your last chance.

MONTHLY SALES CHART

A round of applause for this month's top salesman, Toru Muranishi!

-Congratulations! -Congratulations!

Did you really come in first place?

Really? I can't believe it.

I'll buy you that dollhouse and compact toy you wanted.

That's a promise.

And a remote control car for you.

Yay! A remote control car!

Are you sure about this?

Yes. Let's move to a bigger house.

-How nice. -Exciting, huh?

I want that. A toilet with an electronic bidet.

TOTO WASHLET

Okay.

Sachiko, you're amazing.

You're really amazing.

-No, wait... -You're amazing.

Keep it down. The kids.

Sorry.

I can't.

I thought today might be different.

But at least things are going well at work.

I'm counting on you.

HOKKAIDO POLICE

-They sell encyclopedias. -Oh, I hear they're popular.

I don't know.

Did something happen?

It sure did. Someone stole all the money from the vault.

See, there's nothing left.

JONATHAN LIVINGSTON SEAGULL

Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara...

MURANISHI

Oh, hello Mr. Muranishi.

-There you go. -Thanks.

Thanks for waiting, Mr. Muranishi. How would you like...

Mister?

It feels so good. Give it to me.

So good.

-So good. -Feels so good.

You want more, Sachiko?

I've never felt so good before.

- How's it? - So good.

Lie down.

Wow.

Sachiko.

I've never felt so good, either.

-This is so good. -So good.

I'm coming! I'm coming!

So good.

I've never felt this good.

It feels so good. I'm coming!

Wait! No.

What are you doing here?

-No! No! -Sachiko!

Some woman you are!

What a disgrace!

You're the disgrace!

What do you mean?

You've never made me come.

Not even once!

-Dad! -Come on. Daisuke, let's go.

-Dad, what about my remote control car? -Hurry up.

Daisuke, come on.

What are you going to do?

This is our problem! Stay out of it, Mom!

You fool!

Daisuke, come on!

Hurry up!

If you want to drink so much, go back to work at the national railway.

Shut up.

Hey,

don't tell me you...

That money was to buy rice for Toru!

Shut up!

You good-for-nothing father!

You should have died in the war!

What? Say that again!

Say that again!

Stop it!

-Out of my way. -Toru!

Get out of here.

Who do you think you are?

I'm going to kill you!

What do you think you're doing?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Dad.

Dad, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

In the end, without money, you can't afford freedom.

The only thing I heard was someone laughing.

It was just laughter.

That's because there's something wrong with your player.

I stayed up late last night.

You'll hear it if you get your player repaired.

Give it back. Give me back my 20,000 yen.

What are you talking about?

Give me back my 20,000 yen.

20,000 yen?

Give it back right now!

-Stop complaining, asshole! -You little punk,

-Stop it! -selling me fake shit!

You're a pervert who can't get it up without eavesdropping!

Don't you think I know?

Watch out!

Check this out. Pilot and Stewardess do XXX at a Motel!

Are you really that desperate?

Do you know what XXX is?

You're obsessed with perverted thoughts!

I'm not a pervert!

Keep it down, dumbass!

Cause another scene like that, and you're gone for good.

I know, Mama-san. Come on, I'm sorry.

You're as beautiful as ever today.

Yes, and so are you.

I'm Toshi. You saved me, man.

Here, have some more.

Have a drink.

That's enough.

Don't be so uptight. Hey, bring me a glass.

-What did you sell him? -Hey.

Glad you asked. Let me show you these.

These, these.

These, man.

Taped in a motel in the red-light district.

Look.

It's fake.

No. That dude was just unlucky.

These are 100% the real deal.

-What's in it? -Well.

Adultery. These are popular.

Those housewives, man. Moaning like...

That's hilarious, man! No wonder you don't want to hear this shit.

I gave my whole life to her and my family.

I get how you feel, but it's your fault.

Why is it my fault?

Because you couldn't satisfy your wife in bed.

Money isn't enough.

I wasn't exactly satisfied myself.

Then all the more so.

There's more than meets the eye when it comes to sex, you know?

You have a point.

You have to satisfy their hidden desires.

Hidden desires?

There's no way of knowing those.

As a way of saying thanks,

want me to show you the hidden side?

-Hey, there. -What? Oh, hi.

Thank you very much.

-Why are two guys going in? -What? Stop it.

They must be gay.

Hey.

Anyone in there?

Put these on.

What the hell?

This is the hidden side.

Want to see?

This is what people are like below the surface.

A peek behind the scenes of sex.

Can't do this with your husband, can you?

No, just with you.

It feels so good.

You're the best I've ever had.

You're driving me insane.

I've never felt like this before.

ENCYCLOPEDIA SALESMAN'S WIFE AND UNKNOWN MAN

I'll sell this.

It's not that easy.

This is great!

Apologies for the crisp sound despite being a secret recording.

You're a funny one. I'll take them.

Thank you. You have great taste.

This enough?

You sold them.

I sold them at 3,000 yen each, 60,000 yen total.

This is great!

Hey, man. So you were a salesman?

Yes. How many do you usually sell a day?

Two tapes, on a good day.

Let's hit other shops. Considering costs, we want to sell 60 a day.

Hey, hold on a sec.

We're partners now?

Is that a problem?

Are you sure you're ready for this world?

I want to sell sexual desire.

What are these?

They're bini-bon, porn magazines wrapped in plastic.

Bini-bon.

Guys buy them expecting something great to be hidden inside.

It's a new type of porn mag.

Whoever thought of these is smart.

How many of these sell a month?

Over a million copies.

A million?

Sex sells, man.

Toshi.

-First name basis already? -Can we get these?

I do have connections.

-Get me Showtime. -"Showtime"?

There's no turning back now.

I know.

Here I go.