Original subtitles

Yes. Check. Ah.

Yes, the mic was off.

He meets the pied piper As he dies in the cipher

Nobody can save him His wackness has no cure

Prepare yourself for a new low

Battling me is as hard As licking your own elbow

Your mom's a drug-dealing outlaw

When they handed out dicks You drew the shortest straw

You've never even had A girl in your bed

Must be because of That mop on your head

My name is MC Wumme And you'd better scram

Because I've got a gun And it goes barn, barn, barn

MC Wumme, we've all heard the rumor

His girl's so hairy She needs a dog groomer

I've won twice, Going for the hat trick

You look like a poodle that got sick

Yeah!

Give it up for Stello!

Or for MC Wumme.

Stello, to the final!

Give it up one last time for MC Wumme.

Are you ready for the final?

Guys, I can't hear you.

Okay. Masked man, come to the stage.

- Kid, your mic's over there. - Mask off!

He can't find his mic!

- Kid, are you nervous? - Yes.

He's a little bit nervous. Be nice to him please.

Kid, your first time and straight to the final.

If you win, that silly mask is coming off.

Come up with a decent name next time.

Or I'll call you "Poor Man's Sido."

Aha, aha

Check, check, check

Children under 16 not permitted

This kid must know He'll soon be outwitted

Shorty knows He's about to get dissed

Next time pick Someone my age from the list

Gandalf's home So you got first dibs

Dude, my parents Are as old as your kids

Don't tell the nurse where you've been

It's about time you returned Your Hitler Youth pin

As I go on Spitting out bar after bar

This pygmy keeps mentioning the war

Anyway, you're much too yellow

You still play with Legos Oh, go fuck yourself

What a lousy rhyme

Watch out for kidney stones You're past your prime

I make you look stupid And you howl like an animal

To find ignition You need a driver's manual

Oh, ah, Stello's on the mic

I'm gonna whack this kid 'Cause it's time

What do you want from me?

I've got the best lines And a big-ass schlong

Gramps, time to shove off, man

Your dick's so tiny It's an internal organ

You're so dumb you're studying medicine

Because you want to be Thomas Edison

Yo, yo, yo! I think we have a surprise winner today.

But it's up to you to decide.

Give it up for Stello.

Masked man?

Masked man!

Guys, how awesome was that?

Right, who's ready to see the kid's baby face?

Off with the mask, dude!

Yes!

Cyril!

- Cyril? - I'm not ready yet.

- Did you oversleep? - Go away!

- You've got to be kidding me. - Hm?

Get out right now or you'll miss the bus!

- I'm sick! - Darling, it's called puberty.

I don't want to go on the school trip. Can't we say I have a toothache?

No, let's tell Ms. Reimann you're having your period.

- What's up? - He doesn't want to come out.

Let him play with himself. It's normal at his age.

Is that so, Dr. Ruth?

I could hardly keep my hands off little Bernd.

Neither could you, filthy little pig.

I can hear your embarrassing sex jokes in here!

You are one of our embarrassing sex jokes!

I didn't ask to be born.

Deal with it! It's too late to abort.

Come on! Hurry up. It'll be fun.

It'll be loads of fun!

Berlin is awesome and all your friends are coming.

What friends?

Cyril.

What did we say about sweet cereals?

- Not out of the box. - Thank you.

Fipsie, we've got to go. Time for school.

Wow! Your backpack sure is heavy today.

Hey! Have fun in Berlin. It'll be great, and if it isn't...

- You'll come get me? - ...it's your own fault.

Eskimo kiss!

- Let's go, Fipsie. - Bye.

- Bye. - Bye, Fipsie. I'll pick you up.

Bye! Bye.

- Shall I take you to the bus? - No way!

Do I embarrass you?

- No way, Mom. - But I can give you this, right?

Ehm... What is this, Mom?

YOLO! I lost my virginity on a class trip too.

TMI!

And please stop using teenager acronyms.

You don't even know how to use that. Pay attention now.

- Mom, please! - This is important.

Look. Hold this little hollow tip between your fingers.

You can work it into foreplay. Look.

Look!

Now any time I see a condom I'll think of my mom with a banana.

Thank you.

Cyril, wait up! Cyril!

- I just want you to be prepared. - For what?

I've never had a girlfriend, and won't get one with this doorknob.

When you were young I guess a big schnoz didn't matter.

You just can't look this shitty anymore.

Thank you.

This crap is hard enough already.

It doesn't help when my own mother starts giving me

oral sex lessons to boot!

Okay, sorry! Since when can't you take a joke?

- I have to go! - I love you, you ass!

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Hello, Ms. Reimann. - Cyril, it's about time.

Ready for Berlin?

- Lisa, why all the luggage? - I need some choice.

And one is empty, because I'm going shopping!

We're going to see Prussian cultural heritage,

not to shoot Project Runway!

- Maybe you are. - Ready for Berlin?

I know one thing, after this trip I'm taking sick leave.

I wanted to do that today.

- Still standing there? Get in? - Let's go to Berlin!

At least your nose got in on time.

- Where do you get your nose hair mowed? - I almost laughed.

When your conk left home you could see it on Google Earth.

Titti's sitting here.

Thank you.

- Titti's sitting there too. - No, she's not.

Smell my thoughts, Gonzo.

We don't want to have your snot attacks in our necks.

Sorry, is that seat taken?

Thanks.

Lissi!

Test, test.

Cyril, why are you standing around again?

Please sit down already!

Take the boxes with the info materials off the seat.

Sit down.

Now, I hope this excursion to Berlin

proceeds in a somewhat civilized manner.

If you have questions, ask Mr. Schüssler.

Only ask me in an emergency.

- I have an important question! - Ask Mr. Schüssler.

What's the bus's Wi-Fi password?

Dear kids, I regret to inform you...

Mr. Schüssler, show respect!

Right. People...

I have to inform you that this bus doesn't have Wi-Fi.

Can we set up a hot spot'? I've used up my data.

I need a charger. My battery's dying.

Shit! I have to get off! My selfie stick is in my suitcase!

- Ehm, well... - Listen up!

If you're just going to play with your phones

I'm going to change my tune! Got it?

Right. We're leaving now.

What the hell was that?

- I'm not going! - Please open the door.

Hands off me! I'm not getting on it!

Are you nuts? I'm ill, asshole!

Mentally ill! I'll have you committed if you don't get on!

- Hello! - Fuck you!

She was to come next week.

There was a misunderstanding. My daughter got the date wrong.

Would you please take her anyway? We'll deal with the finances later.

- I'll transfer the money now. - Yes. Welcome aboard.

- Ready for Berl... - Enough.

Hey, honey. It'll be great in Berlin.

- Go die. - Oh, screw off!

Goodbye, Mr. Klement.

Listen up!

This is Roxane, your new classmate.

Welcome. Would you like to say something?

Hello. Call me Roxy.

Why are you joining in the middle of the year?

I got kicked out of boarding school in England.

Foxy, your mouth is pretty big. How many nuts can you fit in it?

No idea. How many nuts can you fit in your big trap?

- She's hot! - She's the one from the closet.

I heard she knows a thing or two about nuts.

Huh, what do you mean?

- The girl from the closet. - That's her?

Oh, my God!

“Flan: é?

- May I sit down here? - Sure.

- What? - You were almost too late.

That was the idea. I even pretended to have shingles.

Looks more like flea bites.

- Shit. - I tried with a toothache.

That worked out pretty well then.

May I?

- Cool! I listen to them too. - Thank God!

Finally someone I can talk to.

Why? Do you always get bullied?

No.

They'd just rather I didn't exist.

Why?

They, like, think I don't know what's, like, cool.

'Cause I'm like, literally psycho. You know?

Yo, man. I swear I'm down with that.

Your geek vibes be making them, like, super aggro, like?

I was the alien in my old school too.

I'll ask a question and you answer with a question.

Okay.

Ready? 'Yes, you?

Wow, quick on the uptake.

- What's your name? - Cyril.

- Why did you get kicked out of school? - Authority issues.

- You still a virgin? - Can you tell?

Props!!

You answered a question with a question.

- Do you want to keep playing? - Don't know. You?

Ms. Reimann, I need to go to the toilet!

- Not a chance! - I have to pee!

- Wee! - Piss!

- Piss! - Piss!

Piss, piss!

Timo!

Piss, piss, piss!

TOILETS

Piss! Piss!

- Toilets are there! - Thanks, Ms. Reimann.

Is that a zipper?

I was in a sack race with a sleeping bag over my head

and smashed my chin on the edge of...

My cousin was on a river rapids ride once.

He plugged his nose and someone banged into his head

His thumbnail came out the top of his nose.

His thumb still matches the dent in his nose.

Hey, what's up?

We're talking about our scars. Do you have one?

You don't have enough time to hear about them all.

Yeah, right, from all the gang fights in the pen.

From jiu-jitsu, pecker nose.

How did you get your scars? Turning pages in a book?

- I'm Benno, by the way. - Roxy.

- May I introduce you? - Yes, good idea.

- This way, my lady. - See you.

Bye.

Have fun on the other side.

Dear people, time to get back. We're leaving!

Who's ready for Berlin?

- Hi! - This is Lissi and Titti.

You went to a boarding school in England?

Yes.

I'll swap you clothes for English homework.

Mr. Schüssler! The new girl rooms with us!

No special treatment! Now hop on or I'll get unpleasant.

- Is she always like that? - She needs to get laid.

Her face is her birth control.

Last one on the bus sits on my lap!

Oh shit!

Hi.

Hey.

That wimp over there is Rick.

Organ grinder, say hi to Roxy.

Don't throw yourself at her!

We also call him Mr. Valium. Hurry up, Reimann means it.

Right, kids. I hope you're all aware where we're going.

Berlin.

Form pairs, or you'll all end up child prostitutes.

You should always know where your partner is.

Write it down.

Cyril! Shall we pair up?

Mr. Schüssler!

Kids, take turns down there.

- Sorry. - Thank you.

Rick, Cem, Cyril, you're in room number two.

- We have to share a room with Roxy! - We have to!

- The whole parking lot knows. - You get room four.

Okay, if you take this one, I'll take that one.

Hey, Fox!

You and your nose can sleep on the bottom bunk.

Sure. I'm glad we were all able to agree so quickly.

I agree.

Whoa! So many books!

Yes, I couldn't decide. Go on and take a look.

- Camus. - That's pronounced "kamu."

- I'm going to eat. - Hey, Fox, wait up! I'm coming.

Hi! Can I come in?

- What are you reading? - Ehm...

- Camus. - Really?

- I like The Plague. - You like the plague?

Yes.

The Stranger is great too.

You brought a lot of books.

Max Frisch? Did you like Homo Faber?

I thought it was a little gay.

Really? I thought it was great.

- Been playing for long? - Yes. Let's go eat.

Wow.

- May I? - Sure, partner.

- Tastes like grandma's armpit. - I lived in England.

Listen up, dear people.

Tomorrow, we'll start our tour at the Neues Museum,

the Alte Nationalgalerie and the Pergamon Museum.

Awesome! Pokémon Museum.

Okay, Benno, catch Nefertiti in the Pokémon Museum

and give us a report on her.

Will we see East Germans too? I brought bananas.

Used to be you had three dopes, now you have three that aren't.

- You meet everyone? - M-hm.

What do you think?

Our class is awesome, right?

What's he like?

He got held back a year.

I haven't spoken to him much.

He's wired wrong, if you ask me.

I think he's just withdrawn.

Huh?

So, partner?

Slowly.

Remember what Reimann said? I have to know where you are.

- You gave me a heart attack! - You need a doctor?

Are you all right?

What'?

Oh, right.

I'm fine.

Where are we going?

- We, huh? - Yes.

Ehm... that's a very good question.

That way, I think.

Okay, listen up.

You're about to self-destruct

Your mother turns tricks But she's still underfucked

You suck cock Just to score some drugs

And share your needles With the other thugs

You fat pig Chicken wings are all you eat

I throw pudding off a bridge To get you off your feet

Were you eyeing a cake Did I interrupt?

You make All-you-can-eat restaurants go bankrupt

I've heard this all before I know I'm neckless

You know why I'm fat? I eat wack MCs for breakfast

The sugar shock won't give me a fever

For dessert I'll eat your wife's beaver

CrackGyver I'll kill this blimp

For each bar I rap

You can eat free shrimp

You spread diabetes Just by giving a striptease

Find your videos on Youporn Under "sagging titties"

I wonder how this bum spends his time

When not searching for "Sagging titties" online

This loser will never be a star

Never met his father He was conceived in a bar

I'm not embarrassed Watching porn, you know

Still beats jerking off To every cooking show

With each step Sumo blocks his windpipe

He's wack And sujuk is his blood type

That was awesome!

If you think Lil' Sumo won this battle,

then make some noise for Lil' Sumo!

And if you think this young gentleman won,

then put your hands up in the air for CrackGyver!

Awesome!

But the winner of this battle is...

Lil' Sumo!

Thanks. That was awesome! We can't wait for the next battle.

MCs come straight to me.

This young man barely needs introducing.

Make some noise for JimBim!

- I'm going to the little rapper's room. - Yes.

And his opponent is a new face around here.

He signed in as "Goldface."

I remember better rapper names.

Anyway, make some noise for Goldface!

Yo, Goldface, what's going on?

You're kidding.

- Here. - Excuse me.

Damn these crappy masked rappers.

All right, Berlin, make some noise for Goldface.

All right, Figub, drop the beat!

Berlin, are you there?

Put your hands up in the air!

You're in for it now, kid.

You snowflake.

We haven't even started And you stand like a hunchback

After the battle your corpse Will be our new punch bag

Care to watch me As I stamp on your mask?

If you sue me I am up for the task

Touch the masked man's mask And he'll take you to task

Smash you to a pulp Careful what you ask

Limp-dick, oh dear Came to jeer, froze with fear

I'm still in high gear Registry office balladeer

Stop your dopey drivel

Registry office balladeer You call that civil?

Your rapping sucks, you Sido rip-off

Berlin yawns as you shoot your mouth off

I'm chill While you start to mumble

I only wear the mask To make you more humble

You fumble and bumble Act like a dumbbell

Like a penguin on ice I'll be watching you stumble

You rap like shit, man Drop the lame comparisons

My rhymes are like fine wine

While your Mom Jams a bottle up her intestine

You rhyme behind with wine

Hand me your glasses I can't see the punch line

You're such a pussy I bet you get period pains too

I only wear this mask So I'm not seen with you

Yo, Berlin, make some noise for this match!

If you think JimBim wins this battle,

make some noise for JimBim.

If you, on the other hand, you think

the winner is standing here, make some noise for Goldface!

- Jim, dude. - Beat it!

Go die!

Make some noise for the winner of this battle, Goldface!

Who's ready for the next match? Combat versus Sunflash.

Berlin, ready for the battle? Make some noise!

Yo, MCs come here!

- Rick! - What?

- That was him! - Here. What?

In the battle. With the mask. I swear!

- What? - I saw Rick with the mask in your room.

Combat, are you still somewhere in the crowd?

Come here, loser.

- I knew it! - Knew what?

That he's an artist!

What can I do? No opponent, no battle.

I'll battle! I'll battle!

- Let me through. - What do you want, Barbie?

Are you kidding?

Okay...

But it's really up to you. Are you battling her, or what?

If that little bitch really wants to.

Berlin, we have a battle!

Give it up for Sunflash!

Berlin!

Make at least as much noise for...

Tough-ass McJerkface, like all of you!

Okay, give it up for Tough-ass McJerkface!

Drop the beat. Let's go!

So you're Tough-ass McJerkface?

Bitches like you You only meet in loony bins

All you're good for is needles and pins

Run back to your kitchen you nasty cunt

Who are you calling a nasty cunt?

If you see me in the kitchen I'm probably rolling a blunt

Your lines aren't tight

I'll cut off your dick In the name of equal rights

What does she want from me? She wants my dick

Out of penis envy

I'll give you my dick You drooling troll

Just like a golf course You've got 18 holes

Can't you count? Got a math problem, dude?

Or have you still never seen A woman in the nude?

All men are shit This I swear

Girls, I wanna see your hands in the air

Bitch, get back to your sewing

Put the mic away It wasn't made for blowing

I'm a man So stop your bitchin'

I scratch my balls and shout "Women in the kitchen"

Enough talk You're clearly bluffing

When you reach for your balls You grasp at nothing

I eat machos for breakfast

All I leave behind are blood And mental complexes

- Huh? Ow! - You were in my stuff.

- No. - Roxy saw you with my mask.

- It fell out... - Paws off my stuff!

The mask is taboo. Not a word to anyone.

- Forget you saw it. - No problem.

- Where's Cem? - Partying, I think.

- Occupied! - Don't look.

Sure thing.

Hey Fox, seriously now...

Why don't you just do what Michael Jackson did?

Just have your beak chopped off.

I'd need more number one hits to pay for that.

Don't be a dope, man.

You have such a screwed up face.

I'm sure you can get money from some charity.

Or Facebook, 50,000 likes

and you get your mug pimped for free, man.

Yeah, thanks. I'll think about it.

Or a telethon on a TV station.

Wait, better yet... Red Nose Day.

- Yes. - You get me?

- Because of your nose. - Yes.

I'm so damn funny.

Funny as a kick between the legs.

Fox, why don't you take me seriously?

Do you want to screw a blow up doll forever?

I mean, they make good ones, but they won't blow you.

- That is the key to a relationship. - Yeah! I totally agree.

Benno,

he wants to fuck that girl... Foxy.

- The new girl. - What?

We made a bet. 50 if he does it this week.

100 if he facials her face.

- What? - With video proof.

And you say "facializes."

I can speak German, Pinocchio. I'm not dumb.

I'll put the Foxy video on YouPorn and get the money back tenfold.

Killer, dude.

- Why would she do that? - She got expelled.

For whoring in a closet. She's a bitch!

A real, hot-ass bitch.

DEAR ROXY,

BENNO IS PULLING A DIRTY TRICK ON YOU.

HE WANTS TO FACIALI...

TODAY, I SAW THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD.

- That works. - So the guy takes his scissors.

He reaches into his pants and cuts off his pubic hair

and spreads them out over his math book.

I was just telling them how Stani

spread his pubes over your book.

- It's true, right? - Yes.

That tasteful incident happened just as you said.

Tell them how they locked you in the locker in fifth grade.

In fifth grade, you locked me up in a locker.

- You coming, Roxy? - Come on, tell us. It's funny.

- Funny? - Yes.

Come on, man.

You made me down a bottle of sauerkraut juice,

then locked me in the locker till my bowels exploded.

I had shit running down my legs.

- Absolutely hilarious. - Hey, hey!

We had fun!

Besides, I let you back out again.

You should get the Order of Merit.

Brother, you deserve it.

That was a nasty story.

- We need to talk about Benno. - Don't worry. I have an asshole radar.

Don't underestimate him. He's dangerous.

- Are you my babysitter now? - Listen...

Break it off! If you want to give me advice, screw off.

Enough people tell me what to do.

I like you, but I don't want any advice or no know-it-all talk.

Or we can forget being friends.

You talking about me?

Yes. I said that you're an asshole.

But a very sweet asshole.

I can take care of myself, okay?

And this is the Wall,

which divided Berlin from 1961 until '89.

Who can tell me who built it?

- Hitler! - Trump!

Hitler!

You think just like me!

We're just like Vietnamese twins!

I can see her pussy!

Look at all these beautiful paintings!

You were great yesterday.

Huh?

Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.

Okay, I told Cyril, but he'll keep mum.

What are you doing?

I'm writing song lyrics.

Okay, sorry.

- He's writing song lyrics. - He is?

Well, then let's not disturb the sensitive artist.

What is true beauty?

Is it different for everyone?

Is it only in the eye of the beholder?

Or is there such a thing as...

timeless beauty?

Nefertiti is the Mona Lisa of antiquity.

Her aura...

...enchanted millions of visitors.

...enchanted millions of visitors.

She was the queen of Upper and Lower Eptia...

She was... What?

Benno asked you a question.

- So, who knows? - Well, it was...

The queen of Upper and Lower Egypt.

- I was about to say that. - Yes.

Her name means: "The beautiful one has come."

Ah, ah!

The beautiful one has come!

Unbelievable!

Hi.

Are you all right?

What's wrong with you, man?

Huh?

"Huh? Eh? What?"

Get the marbles out of your mouth and say a whole sentence!

Roxy likes you and you keep running away.

What do you care? I have to write.

No, no, that...

How long have you been writing this?

- Six months. - Jeez!

You won't win a poetry slam with that.

- You have nothing to say, huh? - I do.

In my heart I do...

But it just won't come out.

I'm a complete washout up there.

A real numskull.

Well, at least you're self-reflective.

Yes.

That good or bad?

During the 1950s, the US army

discovered Teufelsberg was an ideal place for a listening station.

If you're not going to listen, then at least shut up!

Thanks, Sonja.

Um... Where was I?

- So? - What?

You know what I mean.

How should I know what you mean by "so"?

You and Rick were talking about me.

- Yes. - What did he say?

Did you see the little cloud above his head?

- Yes. - The artist is pining for you.

Okay? He's just too shy to tell you.

That's just great.

Hey, why aren't you happy?

He's hot and all that,

but if he's not going to use those pretty jaws to talk,

then it'll get boring.

- He could write you. - Okay.

I wouldn't expect a messenger

who rides in on horseback

to hand you a letter that smells of roses.

What a pity.

It'll more likely be a WhatsApp.

- But with a heart smiley. - Fine too. And faster.

You're already my BFF.

Why aren't you wearing anything?

I find this more comfortable.

- Where is Mr. Wannabe Gangster Rapper? - Who?

- Cem. - He moved in with Benno and the others.

Now that's really good news.

And I have more.

Listen.

Roxy fell for you.

- Awesome! - Well, let's call it a crush.

- That's awesome too. - M-hm.

Better you than that pig Benno. But you have to write her something.

- But I can't do that. - We'll work as a team.

You'll make the music, I'll write the text.

Well, the music is a problem. I don't have a song, just this.

That's all I've got.

Tell me, Rick... I know that from somewhere.

No, it's mine. I've been working on it for ages.

That's "Brahm's Lullaby."

What'? No.

It is. Play it again.

Lullaby and good night

In the sky stars are bright

That's "Brahm's Lullaby"!

Shit!

And I was thinking, "Huh, I know that from somewhere."

I don't know why you're dumb, but it works like a charm.

Yes. Better dumb than ugly.

Okay, okay, cease fire.

We're on the same team now.

- Can you play that? - Yes.

"When I think of you,

you take my breath away.

I really want to hang with you,

but if I ask, I'm afraid of what you'll say."

Here. Play this right here.

Hip-Hop isn't my thing. You do it.

Don't be dense. She'll hear it.

Then use a sweater. My voice is lower.

What'?

You sound like a Vienna choir boy.

"You sound like a Vienna choir boy."

But you can play at least?

- Yes, I can play. - Play then.

Oh, my God!

You paint graffiti with lipstick

Every day's your birthday

You steal a motorbike Race through the night

Chill on the moon as you like

You're the heroine of the block

You're more confident than God

Colorful flowers In a street full of rubble

You can see the future In your bubblegum bubble

Other girls like horses You eat horse fondue

At night you pet rhinos in the zoo

When a UFO passes You try to hitch a ride

Even in a hoodie You look out of sight

When I think of you You take my breath away

I want to hang out with you I'm afraid of what you'll say

Every time we meet My head starts to spin

There are many others But you're different

Every time we meet My heart skips a beat

My head's empty What can I do?

Every time we meet I have to run away

Because I turn red When you smile at me

Every time we meet

Every time we... Every time we meet

Every time we... Every time we meet

Morning! Did you sleep well?

I listened to his song all night.

Rick wrote a song for me. For me! A song.

I might be wrong, but I think he wrote it just for me.

Calm down. How is the song?

- Awesome. Great, and really funny. - Really, that good?

You all just don't get him at all.

Well, you can't see in people's head. Unfortunately.

Yes. There he is.

Rick, have a seat.

- Hi. - Hm?

Is that how you always eat them?

Yep.

I'll make myself scarce.

Bye.

You can't just leave me alone!

- You've got to be kidding. - I bet she swallows.

I bet she spits.

The world's most beautiful girl goes doe-eyed and you run away?

I'm scared.

"What are you scared of?"

Spooky!

- Did she hear me? - No. She's just not stupid.

Look.

If you run off now, Benno will get to her.

Is that what you want?

But when she talks to me I get...

instant diarrhea.

Okay.

Say you're afraid of superficiality, of being misunderstood.

- Really? - Yeah, man..

Yes.

"Afraid of..." What was that again?

- Superficiality. - Superficiality.

- "I'm no superhero." - Huh?

You have auto-correct on, you nerd.

What's wrong with you?

SORRY, WANTED TO WRITE THAT I'M AFRAID

NOT TO BE SEEN FOR WHO I TRULY AM.

IF YOU DON'T TALK TO ME,

I CAN'T GET TO KNOW YOU.

OUR TIME WILL COME.

WHEN?

Write something.

"Give time some more time."

- That doesn't make sense. - No, dude, that's poetry.

Girls like that.

I can't do that. Poetry and stuff just isn't my thing.

That's what you have me for, to be your Yoda!

Fuck.

Yoda says open up you must.

There is no trying.

- Answer it! - You answer it!

She's calling you, not me.

Do you know what he's planning?

He's got a bet on with Cem that he'll get Roxy to...

- He wants to sock her? - No.

He wants to steal her nose?

No, man, he wants to...

To play a silly game of hula hoop?

Wow, it's really vacant up there, huh?

He wants to fuck, bang, hit it,

do the nasty, bonk her, Wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am!

I'll bonk you one if you keep using such vulgar vocabulary!

- This is not a brothel! - Ms. Reimann is taking us to a brothel!

I'm just explaining Intrigue and Love.

We wanted to go to the theater with a few people.

You think your classmates

will only go if you sell Schiller's play as a sex orgy?

Yes.

Right.

- We're going to the theater? - No, dude! That was just because...

Whatever.

Listen, Benno has more planned.

He wants to film Roxy and post the video online.

And you, Romeo, are her only hope.

- Me? - Yes, you.

Or whatever she thinks you are.

Dude, go fight for her love!

Okay.

H OW?

You're my avatar.

Boobies!

- I want those for my 18th. - Really? They're a bit small.

Uh, uh, oh my God. Timo, yes!

Timo!

The brain is a true miracle of nature.

Thanks to our brain, we can think, speak,

remember, feel sadness and love,

and all at the same time.

All my brain is thinking is "problem, problem, problem."

Why "problem"?

Roxy wants to go to Rivergate with Benno and the others.

Huh? What?

Did you know you can die of a broken heart?

I know it hurts, but if you can die from it...?

- You don't believe me. - No, I do.

- It just sounds heavy. - It's called broken heart syndrome.

First you get intense chest pain,

then shortness of breath...

...and then you just fall over.

Like a heart attack?

It happens when your girlfriend just broke up with you.

That's so romantic.

I had no idea you knew things like that.

Sure. I'm all about love!

He sure is a smooth-talker.

- Yeah, he's a tough opponent. - Yes.

Why don't they move?

- You have to press play! - Nothing's happening!

Ms. Reimann, can you come? Rick is feeling sick.

What is it?

Rick?

- For God's sake! - I think it got to his head.

That looks like the food from the youth hostel.

- I ought to bring him back. - Yes. Before I have to clean up vomit.

We'll get a taxi.

- Whatever, get out of here. - Okay.

Damn sissy kids.

Cool. Now play it again from the top.

I've never seen anything like you

On a scale of one to ten You're a hundred and two

I go through the roof Let the ground swallow me

To describe you I'd need a doctorate in psychology

All these words give me a headache. I can't do this!

Nonsense.

You just have to open your soul and let it all out.

Like just now, but you vomit up feelings.

I don't even get what it all means.

Here.

"I go through the roof I Let the ground swallow me."

Huh? Or:

"To describe you I'd need a doctorate in psychology."

Philosophy, man. It says "philosophy."

It doesn't matter. This is bullshit, okay?

- These aren't my feelings. - Right.

Your feelings are...

Sorry, I didn't mean it like that.

They're your feelings.

You're much better at... vomiting them up.

Do it, please.

I've never seen anything like you

On a scale of one to ten You're a hundred and two

I go through the roof Let the ground swallow me

To describe you, I'd need a doctorate in philosophy

We met with a thousand people around

When I think back I see only me and you

The earth stopped turning all the same

Stopping on just the right frame

The coolest babe ever Nobody you need to please

You enter my atmosphere And everything goes boom

I hope you stay I'm afraid things ain't right

Yet there's nothing I can give But these lines I write

When you smile The sun shines down on me

Once I'm lost in your eyes It's no use trying to flee

I forget to breathe I forget my name

But the moment that we met I recall all the same

You turn a lake into a sea

Make the stars like fireworks

- I'll pick you up tonight. - Yes.

You are my first and last true love

My typhoon, my lifeboat

When you hold me I let go

You bring love, You set off wars

My first and last true love of course

You're real but still you're art

When I'm with you We play the main part

You paint in colors never known before

Your words are like notes In a musical score

I laugh until I cry with you

Bawl my eyes out in my pillow Because of you

We're so close Yet pretty far from each other

It seems quite hard To get to know one another

I've already nearly forgotten who I am

Start thinking the whole thing is a sham

I hope you like this song, sweet girl

If not, you're still The most beautiful girl in the world

You turn a lake into a sea

Make the stars like fireworks

You bring love, You set off wars

My first and last true love of course

My typhoon, my lifeboat

When you hold me I let go

You're real but still you're art

You bring love You set off wars

Damn! That's really good.

We could start a band, like Willi Vanilli.

- No way. - You're Willi, I'm Vanilli.

I'm not changing my mind.

I'll be Willi Vanilli, you write the lyrics.

If you say Willi Vanilli one more time, I'll lose it.

- Hello.

- You read his books? - Huh?

I thought maybe some of his brilliance would rub off on me.

He brought five books.

He reads all night long.

And he writes beautiful songs.

- Fuck. - Fuck?

- What is it? - I think Rick really likes me.

That's great. So what's the problem?

My life is a mess.

Wherever I go, I get everyone in trouble.

Well, thanks for hanging out with me all the time then.

He's really talented.

Do you know his songs?

A few of them... a little.

Where is he now?

- In the bathroom. - Oh.

- Is he hugging the toilet? - No, why?

I thought he ate something bad?

Oh, that! All those corpses got to him.

- Tell him I'll wait downstairs. - Why'?

We're going out for a drink.

- Just the two of you? - Rick and me, alone.

But he's so incredibly shy.

Yes, that timid boy.

Thanks.

Do you think I look okay?

You could dress up as a Hobbit and you'd still look great.

You're sweet.

You smell so good.

Like morning dew on cherry blossoms.

Like freshly popped popcorn.

Paris without exhaust.

Shower gel from the drugstore. I can lend you some.

Oh, thanks.

- What you got planned? - I'm having a drink with Roxy.

- She's waiting for you. - Tonight's the night.

I'm going to go for it. She's ready.

- What? "She's ready"? - Look.

Hey, Rick. I'd rather see you tonight than go to Rivergate with Benno.

Do you want to get a drink?

She likes my songs.

Your songs? You're not meeting her!

- Why'? - Because I say so.

Sure.

Don't laugh like an idiot, airhead.

The songs made Roxy think you have some brains.

You don't! You're a fairground chimp, so don't ruin everything.

I won't ruin anything. I'll make it all better.

You showed me what I have inside me.

And love has given me propellers.

- Oh, God! - No!

I feel like I slept with my fingers in a socket.

I'm electrified!

- I've never been so in love. - No!

You'll mess up, she'll get down and run to Benno.

He knows just how to take advantage.

If you stay here and Roxy can't see you, then she'll pine for you.

She'll picture you withdrawn, reading,

while Benno gets wasted and acts like a jerk.

He'll get uglier while you become even more beautiful in her fantasy.

Then I jerk off or what?

That's not the point, goddammit!

Chill, bro. Okay?

I know what you've done for me,

but I have to go out on my own now.

YOLO.

- What? Where did she go? - I don't know. They just left.

Shit!

Our class is a little... or?

At the Berlin Wall.

- Trump or Hitler? - Yeah, right!

Go figure.

Here's fine.

What do you want to drink?

A beer.

A beer and a Sex on the Beach.

- Sex on the Beach? Really? - I like sweet things.

Come on, let's dance.

Hey.

That was fun.

Roxy, I...

Okay.

I think I'd better go.

It just isn't our night.

Are you free?

That went great!

- Where are we going? - To the CYD Hostel, please.

22.15 P.M. Of course, time to go to bed.

Your generation sure is funny.

Doesn't smoke, doesn't drink.

Can't party, don't want drugs.

And you don't eat meat either.

- Do you just stare at your phones? - Is this the Cash Cab?

No sense of humor either.

HEY, COME JOIN US AT RIVERGATE!

JUST SAY YOU'RE WITH ME. BENNO

Hey! It's awesome you came.

Dude, what's going on here?

My father is an asshole, but he replaces love with money.

Yes, I know that.

- What would you like to drink? - A beer.

Coming right up, pretty lady.

Dance! Dance!

Forget it, dude! That girl comes with a bouncer.

- No chance. - Dude, I'm raising to 200.

What'? You seem pretty damn sure of yourself.

Put this in her beer and good night. I'll get the nastiest video.

If you like, you can have a turn too.

Dude, are you kidding me?

I'll be right back.

Sorry, Rick. I can't talk right... Wow, what a view!

Sounds better than our evening earlier. I'm sorry.

Yes, that was pretty bad.

- I acted like an idiot. - |...

- What? No, I won't say that. - Won't say what?

- Yes, Rick, you're saying that. - No.

Hello?

- Rick, what is it you won't say? Sorry.

I can't tell you you don't have any idea how special you are.

You're way cleverer and funnier than other girls.

I don't know what to say now.

- That's nice. - Forgive me my lapse before.

I'm just uptight and I can't do it face-to-face.

There's something else.

Right from the start, I felt like I knew you.

You're just like me.

Except pretty.

You're really, really strange.

You're not like me at all.

You're like I'd like to be. Quick-witted and brave.

You're just yourself...

See you later.

You should go meet her.

Just say you're with Benno.

Thanks, bro!

- Can you lend me a tenner? - Are you kidding?

I'm out of money, if she wants a drink.

- I hope a twenty will do. - Yes, that's fine too.

Hey, Rick, your phone!

Yes, take it easy.

He's a special guest. You'll get your turn too.

Who are you looking for? Here I am, sweetie.

- Thank you. - Hey!

- Where are you off to? - Please let go off me.

- We're having a drink together. - Let go of me already.

Hey! I bought you a drink.

You can't leave me here like some jerk. No way!

You're right. Let's just get it on right here.

- You stupid bitch! - Hi.

Hi, Rick.

- What's with the stupid grin? - That's my 200-euro grin, dude!

Chill, dude!

You nuts, Benno?

Off!

- Sorry! - You nuts?

- I just wanted to help. - Get out! Now!

- What about him? - He'll be all right.

Fuck, what the hell was that?

- I'm so sorry. - It wasn't your fault.

- Of course it was my fault! - No!

It isn't your fault! He had a bet going.

- What bet? - What bet?

What bet?

Everyone says you got thrown out of boarding school.

- Because of the guy in the closet. - Yeah? So?

They all got horny.

- Makes sense. - Shut it, Nurse Jackie!

Who are "they"? What kind of a bet?

Cem told me about it.

Benno wanted to film you... Doing it.

- And you knew about that? - Yes.

But you didn't want my advice.

I hate you and I want out of here!

You have to stop! I want to get out!

Hey, let me...

Roxy, let me explain!

You know what? I hope you didn't lose too much money.

Roxy, wait!

Sit down, buddy! Your pal has priority.

Thank you.

Ah, there you are.

My nose.

- What happened to my nose? - It's not your nose I'm worried about.

That's not funny.

RHINOPLASTY - THE PATH TO A BEAUTIFUL NOSE

HEY, RICK, ARE YOU AWAKE? HOW ARE YOU?

YES, I'M OK.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY: HOW ARE YOU?

SO-SO. HOW'S YOUR NOSE?

IT'S SWOLLEN AND LOOKS LIKE SHIT.

HOW MUCH?

LIKE CYRIL'S DOORKNOB.

WE'RE A DREAM COUPLE THEN. I HAVE A SWOLLEN SCHNOZ TOO.

COULD YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WITH A MEGA-NOSE?

DUMB QUESTION. DOES IT HURT A LOT? I'D LIKE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.

CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW,

NURSE HILDE MIGHT GET JEALOUS.

I didn't sleep at all last night.

Benno, Roxane,

Rick.

We didn't do anything!

Well, I've seen a few things in my day,

but I've never returned down three kids.

- I have called all of your parents. - What?

- Dude! - Why'?

Well, then. Let's go.

Hey, Rick. I'm so sorry about everything.

The new girl comes along with her crazy sex scandal

and you have to pay for all the chaos.

You know Rick, that thing in England...

I'm sure you heard about it. It wasn't like people are saying.

The boy I was in the closet with is gay.

And now people think we did it, they stopped bullying him.

I got kicked out of school for it.

Unfortunately, he was too.

I'm just no lucky charm.

I hope I can make it up to you.

I like you a lot. I think I...

I'm in love.

I thought this stuff only happened to other people.

I don't want to ruin it.

Get well to your nose and say hi to Nurse Hilde.

See you in school.

Roxy.-

Cyril is back!

- Hello.

- How are you? - Good. I lost one of my teeth. Look!

Hallelujah.

How was it? Did you have fun? I bet you're hungry.

How was the food in the youth hostel?

Is everything Okay?

I'm really beat.

I just want to go to my room, okay?

Okay, I understand. It's puberty.

No, I think it's love.

Oh, shit.

May I?

Cyril.

I'm sorry about what I said to you.

Cyril, you're such a special boy.

You're a blessing for this world.

And if anyone thinks that a big nose,

droopy ears, crooked eyes or bowlegs

make you any less beautiful, then forget them.

The day will come for all us when our asses get wrinkly,

our tits hang down to our knees, and we stop looking in the mirror.

But, Cyril, you'll still be beautiful,

because you're funny and intelligent.

And that is a beauty that never fades.

I'll leave you alone.

- Hello? - Hey, I'm back home.

- Can I pick up my phone? - Yes.

Nasty, man.

Everyone is staring at me. It really sucks.

Do you have my phone?

Thanks.

- Have you heard from Benno? - I asked my folks not to press charges.

I don't want it to drag on. I'm a nazifist.

- Pacifist. - Yes, like Gandalf.

- Gandhi. - Whatever.

Roxy wants to see me.

And what are you writing her?

That I look like shit and she should wait a few days.

Hey, I have to go back in.

Cyril, wait. Wait a minute.

You've been texting her the whole time?

Hey, I had to keep it going.

So you wouldn't lose touch.

Hey, man, we're Willi Vanilli, did you forget?

- You're in love with Roxy. - Nonsense!

- Even an idiot like me can see that. - That's bullshit.

It's her!

Well, answer it.

- Hello. - Hi, ehm...

- How are you doing? - Ehm, good. And you?

Not so good, because I'd really like to see you.

Uh yeah?

Are you really sure you want to see me? I really look like shit.

I couldn't care less right now. I look like a hooligan myself.

Do you really not care? I mean...

The doctors say it could stay a huge schnoz.

Almost like Cyril's, you know?

It can't be so huge that it would bother me.

You're not listening. It could be a really sick schnozzola.

You can't like that.

- Stop it, man. - Listen to me, all the...

Man, that's so stupid and impulsive!

Oh yeah? Why?

You wrote the songs and chattered on to her.

You just sent me out to her because you're scared.

I may not be the brightest spark plug on the cake,

but I'm sick of being your avatar!

You're such a psycho!

Hi.

Good morning.

- Wow. - Pretty stylish, huh?

Absolutely.

Isn't that...

Dolce and Banana?

I'm afraid I have no idea where to go.

I can show you everything, if you want.

Just not the closets.

Come on.

- Hi, fans. - Dude.

- What's up? - Weren't you in Guantanamo?

- You on probation? - Nah.

- The wussies didn't press charges. - To end the quarrel.

It's called de-escalation.

What do you want, peckernose?

"Peckernose"?

How original.

- Boo! - Are you nuts?

He tripped over his nose.

- What? Can you repeat that? - What do you want?

- Do you want a snout massage? - Stop beating up on each other.

Just because Benno insults my nose?

Come on, Benno, you can do better than "peckernose."

Your schnoz stinks like zits and boogers.

Come on, Benno, let me lend you a hand.

The lines you're dropping are pretty damn poor.

My nose is still ugly if I wore a bag over my head.

Your turn.

Anything getting through your sealed up cavities?

Doesn't look like it.

You arrogant pig.

Let's see if the asshole can take a good dig.

I'd rather have a peckernose than be a stuck-up prig.

- Shut your face. - See how the little twerp counters.

A tough blow, but I'll show you where to go.

- Always follow your snout. - Cyril!

Wow!

I won't stop until you need a sippy cup.

You're so dumb, you make my nose hairs stand up.

I'll hang you by one of my nose hairs.

Truth be told 'bout a guy with a big nose,

when I take a leak I need a forklift for my hose.

Wow, Gonzo!

Tell me, loser, are you content?

Even with this big knob, I can't catch your scent.

Did you get that?

No, you don't. That's safe to assume.

I wrote a song, "Benno Dies in the Classroom."

Do you want to hear it?

I'm just making sure, because it'll hurt a little.

And the last line...

- ...will kill you. - Oh, really?

But let's begin with your "friends"

You think they've got your back? No, man, sorry, this is wack

When the going gets tough

When they stab and punch Could you handle that stuff?

If Benno were poor would you find time To hand him your last dime?

Or just scoff at his lack of prospects

And fuck him over by screwing his ex?

Shut up and come here!

Your kin may be loaded Sporting styles and crazes

Posting every pose On your Instagram pages

Got your own digs You're one rich mother

But why did your daddy forget the damn rubber?

Chill, bro!

- Because he didn't want you - Fuck you!

And your mother will regret That day her entire life

That's why you were never loved So you can never give love

And the values you don't have Nobody can take away from me

Come on, let me explain Even if you'll never understand

Maybe your looks and money Will help you along

But what will survive When we're both gone?

60, 70 years on My grave will be overrun

1,000 friends and bros My son cries with his mom

They raise their fists, Say "His stuff was dope"

He wrote the best flows And gave people hope

And now he's a new star Shining down on our roofs

Nobody will come to your grave

Because your life was meaningless

Good morning. Everyone sit down.

I hope you've recovered from our exciting excursion,

because I did not.

And Mr. Schüssler is sick.

Damned sissy.

Sit down, Benno.

What's wrong with you?

I think he's trying to figure out where he stands.

You are a sight only seen by few men

You're an eight on a scale of one to ten

Chest muscles, check Biceps, check

Why is the dude in the mirror so fresh?

Talented as Tupac balls like an ostrich Hats off to...

Cyril, no bathroom concerts. We're lined up out here!

- Are you having your period? - No.

Not for another three weeks.

I'll smack you with a sandal

To see what you can handle

You were raised on candy

I can fry fries in your fat It's damn handy

Your girl put a pizza in the oven

Love goes through my stomach She likes it through the colon

You rap like a little cunt

Forget about it I'm off to smoke a blunt

Yo, yo, Yo, yo, Yo!

Guys, what do you think?

Who's going to the next round?

Let's hear it for Killa!

Or TJ?

TJ, see you in the next round. Give it up for both MCs.

Next battle in the round one. Let's hear it for our reigning champ.

The guy with the funny mask.

Masked man!

- Yeah! - Awesome!

Kid, today I want to see that silly cover fly off.

You can't be that damn ugly.

The cover stays on.

Ah, we'll just see about that.

Flippers together for a new face with no cover, but a shitty name.

Make some noise for Tough-ass McJerkface!

Women power!

- With mask after all. - I can fix you up one too.

Whoa!

Who starts? Masked man or you?

- Masked man. - McJerkface!

- Tough-ass McJerkface? - I'll start.

Go, baby!

Why won't this dude Leave the house maskless?

Probably afraid of a girl

Is it Carnival? I think this time I'll pass

Some dress up like cowboys You go dressed as a dumb-ass

Goldie, come on!

Do I got you tongue-tied? You ain't spitting

I see it in your eyes Your panic is showing

You change your name From Masked Man to Goldface

You have no clue who you are It's a disgrace

Did you forget how to rap?

This little boy needs to wake up ASAP

Did Mother Nature Deal you such a bad hand?

If you want the mask off raise your hand

There's a bitch behind that gold platter

Who thinks her looks are all that matter

It's up to you Be yourself or just hide

Be the world's biggest wimp You wimp

The mask is coming off

But your stupidity is a stain You can't wash off

You're just like all the other bimbos

You suck up to the dumbest machos

Suck up to any hottie Who throws you a glance

Bend over, he'll use you If he gets the chance

And when the coin drops You see there's nothing

Besides blather Know that I saw it coming

Cut or kill yourself But don't come crying to me

Leave me alone I'm finished with the therapy

I'm such a fool I just won't understand

I keep chasing you Nothing goes as planned

Admit it The odds were against me

Every line I wrote Just left me more thirsty

I already know That I don't deserve you

But I can't help that I

That I love you

You really are a miracle Or my greatest fear of all

I think I know just who you are

You are just like me except pretty

I asked myself When it would finally end

I lie in bed missing my best friend

But even when I try to disappear

When I close my eyes Your words ring clear

You are out of sight

Like seeing a new city On the first night

Anything can happen Sparks in my brain

One look from you sets off a hurricane

And I'm blown away

You're perfect Because you're not perfect

I love my life When I'm around you

If you don't love yourself Well, I do

Kiss her, dude!

You really are a miracle Or my greatest fear of all

I think I know just who you are

You are just like me except pretty

You talk much too loud You're off the charts

You set off an earthquake in my heart

It never stops I waited a long time

The star keeps shining Even in the daytime

My feelings are almost frightening

Every word you say Hits my skin like lightning

It's so strange When it all comes together

If I could wish upon a star I'd make this last forever

And I'm blown away

You're perfect Because you're not perfect

I love my life When I'm around you

If you don't love yourself Well, I do

You really are a miracle Or my greatest fear of all

I think I know just who you are

You are just like me except pretty

You really are a miracle Or my greatest fear of all

I think I know just who you are

You are just like me except pretty

I didn't know what I was missing

Till you turned everything upside-down

You make perfect little mistakes

With you it's different You wear it like a crown

If you only knew what I'm feeling

You just have to stand there And my body starts reeling

Someone please hold me Before I hit the ceiling

When I think of you You take my breath away

I want to hang out with you I'm afraid of what you'll say

Every time we meet My head starts to spin

There are many others But you're different

Every time we meet My heart skips a beat

My head's empty What can I do?

Every time we meet I have to run away

Because I turn red When you smile at me

Every time we meet

Every time we Every time we meet

Every time we Every time we meet

You paint graffiti with lipstick

Every day's your birthday

You steal a motorbike Race through the night

Chill on the moon as you like

You're the heroine of the block

You're more confident than God

Colorful flowers In a street full of rubble

You can see the future In your bubblegum bubble

Other girls like horses You eat horse fondue

At night you pet rhinos in the zoo

When a UFO passes You try to hitch a ride

Even in a hoodie You look out of sight

When I think of you You take my breath away

I want to hang out with you I'm afraid of what you'll say

Every time we meet My head starts to spin

There are many others But you're different

Every time we meet My heart skips a beat

My head's empty What can I do?

Every time we meet I have to run away

Because I turn red When you smile at me

Every time we meet

Every time we meet Every time we meet

Every time we Every time we meet

I go weak in the knees

And my mind's like Swiss cheese

My heart starts to race

I can't get rid of this feeling

I get butterflies in my stomach

I start acting like a clown

When I'm with you my mind starts to fly And I feel like I could die

Every time we meet My head starts to spin

There are many others But you're different

Every time we meet My heart skips a beat

My head's empty What can I do?

Every time we meet I have to run away

Because I turn red When you smile at me

Every time we meet

Every time we Every time we meet

No Limits Media 2018 Subtitles: Michael Buter et al.

That's all I've got.