Original subtitles

Dad!

ALBION RENEWALS

You're not getting many, are you?

Five seconds.

-Cold? -Hungry.

I know.

I know.

I'll take you back.

Who do you love most in all the world, Jimmy?

You, Dad.

Always, Jimmy. Promise. Always.

I promise.

So we went back.

He told the police where to find us.

He said he wanted us to spend some time together...

...to be together.

They put me in another children's home and sent Dad back to prison.

We could have stayed there more than those eight days.

I couldn't believe I wrote down a son...

...which may seem flippant to you, but it really was important to me.

Then walking across the street here, I noticed--

How does your wife feel about it?

-My wife? No, I'm not married. -Oh, I see.

Do you have to be married to adopt a child?

No, but it's usual.

-It's usual, but it's not.... -Yes.

It's not obligatory.

-Oh, well.... -Yes. Right.

Look, may I ask you to take some of these leaflets?

They could be of help to you.

Do your neighbors know about this ambition of yours?

I thought I'd wait until I'd reached the stage of being taken seriously.

Does it matter to you what they might think?

Well, they'll have to know.

If I'm successful, they'll be the boy's neighbors too.

On a scale of one to 10, what would you estimate...

...is your degree of security with your masculine role?

Sorry?

Are you a "cuddler" or a "touch-me-not"?

You do realize that as a single man, you'll only be offered the older...

...most difficult to place, emotionally disturbed boy?

Very well...

...the department will allot someone to assess you...

...in your own home.

-Someone? -Me probably.

We're a bit short-staffed at the moment.

My name is Graham John Holt.

I am a single man, aged 42...

...attempting to adopt a 10-year-old boy.

And to this end, I have been asked to write about myself...

...as honestly as possible.

Since my mother's death 18 months ago...

...I have been postmaster at this village sub-post office...

...where I have lived all my life.

The stroke my father suffered...

...has been made more complicated by depression following Mother's death.

She was a local girl.

Dad came from the north.

They were a devoted couple...

...who had hardly spent a night away from each other.

At 7:45, I take Dad's breakfast to him.

I usually try him with a little conversation.

They said at the hospital I should keep doing that and not give up.

If there is someone in the phone box across the road...

...I will name the person and speculate on whom the call might be to.

He never replies.

Cornflakes.

Eight fifty-nine on the dot...

...I take up position behind the reinforced counter screen.

No one has held me at gunpoint as yet.

Good morning.

Lynn, my part-time helper...

...lives in a caravan with her four children.

Is that a hot water bottle under your coat, Elsie Needhan...

...or has that husband of yours...

...still not perfected the art of safe sex?

Married bliss.

Doesn't it make you wanna throw up?

Hello, Edward.

How are you today?

Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?

Does he know where he is?

I have no idea.

Would I be right in thinking...

...that there's a fair amount of bitterness between the two of you?

It depends on what you think constitutes a fair amount.

I don't consider myself crippled by it.

Just a little touchy on the subject.

I hope the house isn't always as tidy as this.

Can I see it looking a bit more lived-in next time?

I'm not from the Health and Safety Inspectorate, you know.

And it is a 10-year-old boy you're hoping to have living here.

I'm not as young as you think, by the way.

Nobody's allowed to do this job until their balls have dropped.

Which reminds me...

...you need a support system.

Sorry?

One which the adoption panel will consider viable.

Support means friends.

If you haven't got any, get some fast.

And kids, you need experience with kids.

Babysitter, youth clubs...

...Boy Scouts, dib, dib, dib.

What have we here?

It was my mother's.

-For hair clips. -Have you ever had a girlfriend?

Elsie Bartlett.

What happened?

Well, we never seemed to find anything to say to each other.

She married Champion, the Wonder Horse.

-Lucky girl. -No, that was--

That was his nickname when we were at school.

I need to know what happened to send you scuttling inside your shell.

I mean, for God's sake...

...what have you been doing with yourself sexually since you were 15?

No more than what's usual I suppose for a person of my age and background.

DIY.

If that's what you wanna call it.

Well, why haven't you put yourself about a bit?

Masturbation's so unfriendly, Grae.

Even in my busy schedule, I've managed to fit in one good screw a fortnight.

I do have a small bit of news, if you're interested.

So shall we open your life story book at the "my third year" page?

-Tell me the news first. -Will you talk to me...

-...about what's on that page? -I thought you didn't approve of bribery.

Open the book please and look at the page.

I'm looking.

Well, we think...

..we might have found the name of your maternal grandparents.

Your mother's parents.

I do know what maternal means, strange as it may seem.

Can I close the book now?

No. You still haven't said anything about that page.

You want me to write their name in and another few question marks?

Read me what's written on the page.

You're joking!

You don't face the past because that would mean admitting what happened.

You're nowhere near being ready to start a new life with a new family, are you?

-And who's gonna stop me? -You are.

Do you know what I see when I look at you?

I don't see a 10-year-old.

I see a little 6-year-old who's just pissed his pants...

...and is about to burst into tears...

...so that everyone around him will say, "Oh, shame, poor little Jamie."

You said this news came directly from the horse's mouth.

From a new social worker at the prison.

He's managed to convince your father that if he's willing...

...to give his blessing to you being adopted...

...he can't object any longer to you knowing your mother's name...

...which was Connolly.

Mary Connolly.

Maiden name.

Look, would it be possible for you to bring those expressive eyes...

...round this way so that I get the pleasure of them for a minute?

Would you like to write her name in your life story book?

Go on.

"This is a drawing...

...I did from memory of the house...

...where my parents lived...

...when I was born.

It has five windows...

...at the front.

Catch the cushion.

The cushion is concentration.

Margery!

-Yes? -The cushion is attention.

Will to succeed. Now, shout out your own name and throw the cushion...

-...to someone else. -Tina.

-Graham! -Margery!

I hate this kind of thing.

Can't hear you, Janet.

She'll be wearing pink pajamas When she comes

She'll be wearing pink pajamas When she comes

She'll be wearing pink pajamas

Wearing pink pajamas

Wearing pink pajamas When she comes

Any children who might....

I say, might come your way...

...will almost certainly have been picked on.

Before these sessions are through, every one of you...

...will have been given the opportunity to know just what that feels like.

Now, sometimes you have a child of 9 or 10...

...who's stuck emotionally at 2 or 3 because he may have been caught up...

...in social services' favorite game, Pass the Parcel.

All right. So you can accept the idea of a child...

...being emotionally stuck as an idea...

...but can you cope with a healthy-looking 10-year-old...

...who's wetting, soiling, crying, biting one minute...

...and giggling manically the next?

Empathize.

Feel as the child feels.

Remember, the idea of permanence is too frightening for some children.

Like stepping into the unknown. They've never, ever experienced it.

Always lose one.

In fact, we've lost four.

But not you?

No second thoughts?

-You still like children? -Very much.

I'm not sure I could eat a whole one.

I've sent someone to find him.

Don't expect too much, will you?

If you agree...

...I'd like to give you a proper home...

...and look after you.

I think it's time your life was a bit easier...

...and a bit happier.

Do you understand?

We could think of it as a kind of partnership.

I want a son...

...and you need a....

What I mean is, you need somebody...

...some one person to care about you.

A partnership will only work if it's what you want, James.

Excuse me.

Who do you love most in all the world, Jimmy?

You, Dad.

Always, Jimmy. Promise. Always.

Never break it. Pain of death.

I promise.

I was beginning to think you'd....

What is it they say? Done a runner?

But you hadn't, had you?

Well, I didn't think you'd want more food so I....

You didn't eat much.

Is that because you're as nervous as I am?

I see.

I suppose that's it really, isn't it?

I've chosen you, but in order for it to be an equal partnership...

...I'd have to be the person you would choose.

You look after me when I'm old and decrepit.

You do realize that's the only reason I'm doing this, don't you?

What kept you so long in the toilet?

Can't you guess?

Thank you.

Courting?

Are we?

Just a friend, Mrs. Hawkins.

You know you don't think standing there in that clean white shirt fools anybody.

Well, you ought to be out with company and enjoying yourself.

It's only natural.

See you tomorrow, Mrs. Hawkins.

-Yes, I hope so. -Watch your step.

Oh, I'm very careful with steps, you know.

It's a funny thing. I fall down so much.

You haven't told them yet.

If you live in a village, don't tell people things too early.

Cautious bugger.

I have to know....

Be sure it'll happen.

Nothing's for sure in this life, Grae.

Right now, you're not even a candidate to adopt my stick insect.

-I want to know about your childhood. -Well....

I have the reckoning up to do. You know, it's fiddly work.

-I have to concentrate. -I'll wait.

You'll have to bear with me.

Well....

There's not much to tell.

I had a spotlessly sanitized childhood.

...with a change of Aertex support systems every other day.

Leave the light relief to me, Grae.

Just the facts. Your mum and dad...

...from the point of view of their only child.

They were always touching each other.

I cannot remember when I first began to notice the looks they exchanged...

...full of private meaning.

Or the constant touching.

Not that I lacked.... I mean, they touched me.

Of course, they touched me too. I don't think I lacked physical contact.

When?

-What? -When did they touch you?

Whenever it was necessary.

Whenever they felt like it.

Not often then.

And as a teenager?

Not at all would be my guess.

I was rather a disappointment to them.

Even when I went disco dancing on Saturday night....

He's polishing his brothel creepers.

They're just shoes, Dad.

He's a one, our Graham.

Isn't he a one, dear?

He's always been a one.

Let's have a look at you then.

He'll break a few hearts tonight.

I went. I didn't dance.

My parents never understood that one had to be part of a group.

Either a couple of opposite sexes...

...or a small group of the-- Of the same sex.

After a while, I stopped going inside the disco. I did crosswords in the car...

...then endured a cross-examination when I got home.

Hi, Mum. Dad.

Did you speak to anyone?

-Any nice girl? -You could bring home to tea...

-...to meet your mum and dad? -Did you enjoy yourself?

You're only young once.

When I was in my 30's, my parents decided...

...that I'd missed my moment so I was allowed to stop going...

...to town on Saturday nights.

And then she died?

You make it sound sudden.

It took five years.

I suppose I grew up during that time.

Rather a delayed growing.

I arranged the funeral and Dad wasn't making much sense.

His hands were like injured birds looking for a safe place to roost.

So I took her place...

...in the kitchen...

...behind the counter.

Mum and Dad had never seemed separated from each other.

But he and I were separated.

Dad, please.

Please, don't.

It's all right, Dad.

You'll be all right.

Come on.

Dad, I'm here.

Oh, it's a scrapbook really, isn't it?

Well, that's one way of describing it, but for obvious reasons...

...we don't call what, with a help from us...

...the children put together about themselves scrapbooks.

No, no, mine's just a photograph album.

That's not even a scrapbook.

Who took the pictures?

My dad had a timer.

He'd set it and then run around and join us.

This one's overexposed.

You look like three ghosts.

We were a very ordinary family.

I think it probably takes flair and initiative to be a ghost.

You might have been ordinary once, but you're not now.

Not many unmarried men want to adopt.

Have you always lived in the same house?

Afraid so.

And gone to the same school?

Two schools. Primary and comprehensive.

I went to six schools so far.

I would've thought you'd won a scholarship to a private school.

No, I told you, no flair.

What sort of things did you do when you were my age?

Well, I kept my head down, I suppose.

I told you, nothing very exciting.

Is what's in there exciting?

It's more disturbing than exciting.

That's what they say I am: disturbed.

What do you say?

I like this one. It's you when you were my age.

You were on a beach. You look like a right tearaway.

May I see it?

It was on holiday alone with my father.

It was the only time he and I were ever alone for any length of time.

Only time he and I were ever really close.

I'm sorry.

I had forgotten about the picture.

I really am very sorry.

We laughed a lot that week.

I suppose it was the feeling...

...that we were doing something secret and slightly wicked.

I felt important...

...almost needed.

Listen.

West Indian Sea.

We'll take it home to remind us of the fun we had.

It was the best time of my life.

It was the happiest I've ever been.

-I cried. -So I heard.

Isn't it usual to phone before you visit?

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

I like to catch people unawares.

-Anyway, there's no point now. -Why?

I told you.

I cried in front of the child I was hoping to adopt, and his--

And his-- What's it called? His key worker.

Best thing you could've done.

Now, they're both crazy about you...

...which they certainly weren't before.

Better start getting yourself prepared for a weekend visit.

It's been suggested that I put you in a home.

They say that if I'm right about what you feel for me...

...if you can still feel emotions, and I don't know, Dad.

See, I just don't know, but if you can...

...the sense of being beholden to me...

...must be very painful for you.

I just can't be sure about any of this, can I?

I dearly wish you had some way of giving me your opinion.

I will get your breakfast.

Can I have a word?

His father's had another stroke and been taken to the hospital.

I guess your first visit is gonna be delayed for a couple of weeks.

Wait! Wait!

I am waiting. We stopped.

We're here.

-Stage fright? -If you like.

I've been here before.

I know.

But this is important, Jimbo.

And I think it's what you want.

Look, he's there waiting for you.

Get out of the car.

I'll be back to collect you after tea.

Hello.

Hello.

First off, I thought we'd look around, get used to the geography.

In there is my house, but....

On this side is the post office.

All right. It's okay. Bye.

Hello, Mrs. George.

Thank you.

This is Lynn, my helper.

Lynn, James.

Hello.

We'll go into the house now.

It's not very big.

Living room.

I thought we'd have tea in here today, though the kitchen's more usual.

Living room, said that.

And kitchen.

You'll be seeing quite a lot of that. Then we can go upstairs.

There might be something upstairs that would interest you.

Watch your step.

It's your room.

Where is your father?

He got sicker and needed to be somewhere...

...where they could give him proper medical care.

In a hospital?

Well, yes. Hospital, yes.

Was he sent there because of me?

Would they let me come here if he hadn't been put away?

Possibly not.

Though the number of single men who apply to adopt...

...can be counted on the fingers of one foot.

You only have to look across this table...

...to see they must be scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Overdone it, haven't I?

You know, they call this the honeymoon period.

Paper hats?

No.

Perhaps not.

Have you thought yet what you'd like to call me?

I thought Graham would be best if you feel you can manage that.

-There is a chance. -Yeah, but look, don't raise your hopes.

Round and round the garden Like a teddy bear

Round and round the garden Like a teddy bear

One step, two step Tickle you under there

-It's not my fault. It's your own fault. -When do you see him?

-When do you spend time with him? -I see him as often as I can.

Maureen, I'm Graham Holt.

Well, James has decided--

Elected to remain in the car.

We've had a bit of a row, see.

I don't think he wants me poking in his past even under his supervision.

Supervision he's now withholding by sulking in the car, right?

Always difficult to know what to do for the best, isn't it?

-Always. -You were his key worker?

His housemother.

-Ever mention his real mother? -No.

I've been warned not to ask about her yet.

Or ever, would be my advice.

Tell you about the day I had him pinned to the floor, screaming?

He spat. He bit.

If I'd been wearing makeup, he probably would've done himself in.

Been told about his constant running away?

Always hiding in dark holes.

He's attempted suicide twice.

Yes, I've been given all the details.

Over here!

Look at the state of him.

Get off! No! No!

Get off!

Tell him I'm hurt, he wouldn't get out of the car...

...after all we went through.

If he's allowing you to stand in for his real dad...

...you must be special.

-Still in prison, I suppose? -Yes.

Before everything's final...

...we'll be going to meet him.

And whose idea was that?

Well, James'.

Thought it might be.

-But the social worker-- -Oh, yes.

How old is she, 14?

You're being used...

...by a manipulative little boy...

...who wants to get another glimpse of his dad.

You'll never get to adopt him. And believe me, you're well out of it.

The moment those two meet again, you'll be out on your ear.

How come you used to like her...

...when women tend not to be your cup of tea?

Perhaps she's a bit of a les.

-Sorry? -Lesbian. Butch.

Wasn't she wearing leather and studs like she hadn't slept for a week?

No. She was a bit untidy, I suppose, but--

There you are then, aren't you? Not a proper woman, that's what.

What constitutes a proper woman then?

Let me out!

Tits and silk and frills!

Makeup that stinks!

And legs that shoot apart the minute you touch them with your little finger!

Get off! Get off.

You could've turned the radio off, you know, if it was bothering you.

Nothing bothers me.

It's your radio.

Slow down.

Didn't they warn you what being a substitute parent was like?

I suppose I need help.

Who doesn't?

Honeymoon's over!

It really is very good of you. I was going to do it myself.

Center of attraction at Harvest Festival.

Geraniums, chrysanthemums.

Michaelmas daisies.

It looks better now, look. It looks better, doesn't it?

Be with you in a moment, please.

I've been given three opinions so far of what should be done.

-Putting out a suggestion box. -What were they?

None of them included fostering with a view to adoption.

-Where is he now? -Still in his room.

-You had his grandparents' address. -Yes, but I can't let you have it.

They don't want to be known.

You said I had to see as many people in his book as I could.

As many as will let you see them.

I need to know. In time, he'll need to know.

When that time comes, I'll need to be able to tell him.

Growing up, aren't you?

Remember, he's your great-grandfather.

He doesn't know we're coming.

That would be him.

I'd better talk to him first, and then call you.

She came here to stay, you know, very often when she was a little girl.

I never saw your dad.

Just you. Just once.

Oh, you look just like her.

She used to write, regular.

Never miss.

And I wrote back.

Until....

Suddenly she wasn't known at that address.

Oh, we were very close.

Always very close.

That time when she stopped writing...

...I needed someone to....

I blamed her.

I thought she didn't want to be bothered.

There's things of hers...

...photos and such in a box in that bureau.

You can look if you like.

Take what you want.

Go and see if he's all right.

Never break it. Pain of death.

Want the radio?

You okay?

Can we see your father next weekend?

If you like.

He could have another stroke anytime now.

And it's most unlikely he'll ever be allowed home.

Oh, well, I am sorry. It is bad news.

And he doesn't seem too unhappy here with us.

No, no, it's hard to tell really...

...but it seems he's happy here as he ever was at home.

I miss you so much.

We need a tent...

...a double and single sleeping bag and cookery pans.

What discount do you give for cash?

My Uncle Reuben used to go camping a lot...

...until his hernia made rubbing little sticks together too painful.

Time you started being a bit more masterful, Grae.

I'm not gonna be around to nursemaid you forever, you know?

I'd better go see what he's buying.

Grae, if he gets you practicing knots...

...just remember, untying them again is the hard part.

It's good. Come in.

You are freezing.

-I'm not. Do you wanna come in? -I don't wanna come in.

-Why not? -I'm cold right here.

Go on.

-I was getting frozen watching you. -I don't.

-Are you sure? -Yeah.

I thought you'd lose your temper with me.

Particularly over that muddle with the lining. I've always been clumsy.

Everyone's got to learn.

If you don't turn the sausage over...

...it'll be raw on one side and burnt on the other.

Funny, I've always thought of tent people as being a bit odd.

Weird, even. Overgrown Boy Scouts or leftover hippies.

Tent people aren't odd.

You ought to learn survival.

All sorts of things.

Eat worms if you have to.

No. Really?

Then you get your night vision and you can go on ahead.

You know a lot about it.

I had a good teacher.

There's a hole in the bottom of the sea

There's a hole in the bottom of the sea

There's a hole, there's a hole

There's a hole in the bottom of the sea

If you'd waited, we could all have gone together.

It was his school holidays. I had to do something with him.

No fun for me having him for a full week on my own.

Terrible room, horrible food...

...and do you know what's it's like trying to keep him amused?

Were you cold?

You talked in your sleep.

What did I say?

Nothing sensible.

Just words.

-What have you done to yourself? -A branch hit me.

It looks painful. Just missed your eye.

Must have given you a hell of a twang.

You go get the first aid kit from the tent and put some antiseptic cream on it.

Kiss it better, please?

Do it properly.

How's properly?

Longer. Harder.

Got to be a long kiss to make it better.

Is that better?

Do you love me?

Yes, very much.

Too much for my own good, I expect.

Were you testing me?

I do test people sometimes.

Now I know why the skylark sings like she does.

-Where's the village? -Village?

Over that hill.

The moon moves further away from the Earth...

...by about a foot every 20 years.

Was it something we said?

What does big brother Eddie say...

...about you interesting yourself in little boys?

It's not a question of little boys, Uncle Turpin, there's only one.

Jamie came after Dad had his first stroke so Dad couldn't voice an opinion.

You picked a right sulker.

I doubt even Everton Mints could put a smile on that fizzog.

Jamie wanted to meet you. He's catching up on my family.

Is that right?

I'm sorry I didn't get to your mother's funeral.

I were a bit indisposed myself.

You and she were never very close.

-I couldn't stand the woman. -Why not?

It speaks.

It not only utters, it asks bloody, cheeky questions.

Seemed a fair question to me.

It was all that lovey-dovey stuff that used to sicken me.

They were a devoted couple. They showed it.

You mean she convinced him that she'd go to pieces...

...if he strayed even as far as the end of the garden to do a widdle on his own.

Does this one cry?

-Not as far as I know. -Pity.

I like watching little boys cry.

Kept me attending school regular, did that.

Your grandma used to see me to the gate with me dinner money on Monday...

...and she'd say to me, "See how many you can upset...

...and don't be late home."

Hadn't you better forgive him...

...before he dies on you and it's too late.

Always did reckon you took after your mother...

...even though I had her worked out all wrong.

It weren't her that didn't want kids. It were him.

Him.

Couldn't bring himself to poke a fire properly.

Something to do with the war. I don't know.

Well, that will be why he was always a bit cool with you.

There's a log in the hole In the bottom of the sea

There's a log in the hole In the bottom of the sea

-There's a log, there's a log -Log

-There's a log in the bottom of the sea -There's a log in the bottom of the sea

-There's a limb on the log... -There's a limb on the log...

-...in the hole in the bottom of sea -...in the hole in the bottom of sea

Bags first pee!

I'll just give my bike a bit of an exercise, okay?

Well, don't be long. I'll put the kettle on.

Yeah!

--bottom of the sea There's a hole in the bottom of the sea

Take your breath. Take a breath before you drink.

I have a letter for you.

From your father.

He wrote to me too.

He wished us luck.

He referred to you as Jimmy. I didn't think you liked to be called that.

And you want to read your letter in private, I expect.

Perhaps you're right.

Why not read it in your room?

I should be with you when you read it.

I know it's private, but if it upsets you, I want to be close by.

Get out of my way, please.

Dear Jimmy...

...they tell me that there is someone who wishes to adopt you...

...and that they trust this man...

...and you seem to get on well with him.

In ideal world, Jimmy, my love, we would be together.

No one would stop me from being your father.

Never show weakness, Jimmy.

If people sense it, they just take what they want from you.

Then they disappear.

Please, Jimmy, you must understand that none of what's happened is your fault.

You're not to blame, Jimmy. Please remember that.

I'm the one at fault, the one who's failed his most sacred duty to be a good father.

One day, when you're old enough to understand what forgiveness is...

...I will need all you can spare.

I love you most. Always, Jimmy.

Promise, always.

Your father.

Will you come home now? It's late.

Come inside.

-You cannot stay out here all night! -Get off me!

Get off!

Anger scares me.

It's an illness, and we don't have to look far to see who I've caught it from.

Jealousy cripples people, Jamie. It makes them behave badly.

But we can't allow everything to fall apart because you've heard from your--

If I say I understand how you feel, that's just words, because I don't know.

I haven't read your letter, but I want to understand what you feel.

I want to know what you think about while you stand there watching me.

All I can say is, Jamie, unless you can speak to me...

...unless you say something, unless you can share something, I don't know.

There is food if you're hungry.

I could make you a sandwich. Tea seems rather a long time ago.

I have a father.

Just because he's in prison doesn't make anyone else my father.

His letter doesn't say anything about us going to see him in prison.

You can't adopt me unless I see him first.

You know that, don't you?

I had realized that was part of the bargain you were willing to make.

There is something more in this adoption...

...than a visit to your father, isn't there?

Are you sure you want me to read it?

Wouldn't it be best to wait and think about it for a while?

It's only fair you should understand why you can't ever take his place.

Little boys are cheap today

Cheaper than yesterday

Smaller boys are....

Why don't you ask for the butter if you want it?

That's enough of that.

Go to your room.

Well, he won't look at me.

He doesn't talk.

I've insisted he says thank you and he says it to the ceiling...

...or to the fireplace.

And it's been going on three weeks now.

I don't know why he continues with the visits. Every day I expect a phone call...

...to say he decided he doesn't want the adoption.

-Do you wanna go on with it? -I suppose I must.

Otherwise, I'd pull out myself.

But you're not sure.

Well, everything was fine until the letter.

What did the one you got say?

Nothing.

And what did the one Jamie got say?

Oh, everything.

It was very fair, very honest, very loving...

...devastatingly moving letter.

You answer it.

Hello. Pileth Post Office.

It's the hospital.

My father died on Thursday morning.

So I may not be very good company.

I wasn't sure whether to ask you to give this weekend a miss.

Perhaps I should have.

I'm sorry.

You'll be all right.

Promise.

It won't be long.

I was always a disappointment to him.

I don't think so.

I never knew what they really wanted of me.

Was there never a time? Ever?

Depends on what you mean by "a time."

Didn't you ever love anyone?

I don't know.

Maybe.

Hi.

Whatever it was, she was right out of my class.

It would never have worked.

Go to sleep now.

I'll still be here.

Whether adoption goes through or not doesn't depend on me.

But in the meantime, James is coming up for 11 and he'll be changing schools.

And if you adopt him, he'll be going to your local school.

Silly is making you start twice.

So we're recommending that in the meantime...

...you should foster James with a view to adoption.

-Which means? -He comes to live with you.

Look, there's the new boy.

Germ warfare. That's why the Conservative lost.

His name was Jeremy Anthrax.

I'm so sorry, I don't want to interrupt anyone.

I'm sure you have lots to talk about.

Who'd want to vote for a name that sounds like a cough sweet?

I just happened to be in a teensy bit of a hurry.

It's the dry cleaning, is it?

I believe I did tell you, Mrs. Hilliard, the delivery's not till Thursday.

Please don't apologize. It's quite all right.

When one's used to 24-hour service....

Well, I was going to look at some knitting wool...

-...but everybody's in a rush. -Oh, Lizzie, look at the wool.

No, I don't wanna be an inconvenience. I'll come back tomorrow.

Lizzie....

No, you haven't got the time for it.

Hilliard.

Hilliard, dry cleaning.

Be with you in a moment.

I'm Jimmy's father.

You'd better come inside.

They've released you early?

It's just one less death certificate to write out.

Where's Jimmy?

He's at school. He'll be back at 4:30.

Doing well there, is he?

Pretty well.

Jimmy's been there only a month.

Trying to work out a way...

...where I can get a look at him without him seeing me.

No.

Sorry?

It won't do. That's not the way.

What...?

What is it?

It's AIDS.

Do you mind waiting here till lunchtime?

I've got the shop to look after.

I've managed to keep Jimmy thinking I've been in prison ever since.

You hid out in the woods?

Yeah, but I've been in and out three times since then.

You know how it is.

Petty offenses, burglary, nicking cars...

...receiving drugs, you know, that kind of thing.

I'd like to have seen him, but it seemed fairer not to.

He thought you were a mercenary soldier.

Now, you'd like to know how long they've given me.

I've got four or five months.

Now, if I could just hang around somewhere outside the village--

And in a year's time, when someone has to tell him you're dead?

If you were that selfish, I'd tell him the truth.

I'd tell him you could come see him but you didn't.

Make sure he recognize you, meet the bus, point you out to him.

What does it feel like, eh? Holding all the cards?

Now, here's what we'll do.

You'll move in here.

We'll tell Jamie what your illness is.

We'll give its proper name because he has the right to know...

...that his father has a few months to live.

The village doesn't have to know though they may guess or find out.

Only the doctor has to know.

The Hippocratic oath should take care of him.

Are you always like this?

No, never. I'm not the masterful type.

All right, kids.

You've got a broody expression like a hen with constipation.

Well, don't, because I've got the remedy.

We're going camping this weekend.

It'll be great.

Not this weekend.

Why not?

We have a visitor.

We never have visitors.

Hello, Jimmy.

Who do you love?

Last time I saw you...

...I said the next time we meet will be forever.

There's nothing forever for me and you, Jimmy.

I came to find you, to make sure you're all right.

You're a credit to me, Jimmy.

You're a grown man, almost.

Graham says I should be honest with you about my illness.

He said we should spend the next few months...

...the last few months getting to know each other again.

Don't be scared.

Don't look so frightened of me.

Oh, Jesus, God.

Please say you're not frightened of me, Jimmy, please.

I'm so sorry, Jimmy.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

-Just give him time. -Jimmy?

Jimmy?

Jimmy!

You just need to give him a little time, John.

All he needs is time.

Jamie?

Jamie!

Jamie!

Jamie.

It won't take long.

Please promise you'll be a good boy.

Jamie?

Jimmy, be a good boy so we can play our game.

Hide there for me, baby.

Hide there for me, baby.

Stop. Wait, don't rush. Take time.

Jamie!

Jamie.

Jamie. Jamie.

There.

Jamie. It's all right.

Jamie.

Jamie. Jamie. Jamie.

Jamie.

Jamie.

Jamie.

Jamie. I know where you've gone.

I know where you're hiding.

To have nothing, to feel nothing.

To be nothing.

It doesn't work. I've tried it.

Why him?

And not me?

We can start from day one.

Then we can go from good to better.

Anything's possible, Jamie...

...except feeling nothing.

That's never possible.

I won't be second best, Jamie.

If it's going to work, it has to be as father and son.

Take it or leave it. It's up to you.