Original subtitles

Voilà! I'm on the road again...

Shit!

Battery depleted.

Thirty years old... You gotta take stock.

If I look at my life, it's not impressive.

What've I done?

I was madly in love with one girl. Martine.

No, that's not it.

Then I was madly in love with another. Neus.

Okay...

this story's already a big mess.

That's because I'm a mess.

Let me sort things out.

"Writing is sorting out the mess of life."

I'm not telling this in order. Order's a real mess.

So, that's me. Last month, in Russia, for a wedding.

Those are people I used to know.

Okay, here goes. Five years ago,

I went to Barcelona to study economics.

I met them all there.

We shared an apartment for a year.

We lost touch, then reconnected here, in Saint Petersburg.

Because William, that guy, is marrying a Russian, Natasha.

Her.

A monumental event is about to take place in my life.

Something really fundamental.

But to explain why this thing's so fundamental to me,

let's jump back a year.

RUSSIAN DOLLS

Voilà! Now, I write.

My job is telling stories.

But this woman has heard some of my best stories.

Mrs. V., my bank officer.

They can't pay me for two months.

But they said... And this will interest you.

Because I'm like you. I said,

"That's scandalous! You can't do that.

"France has strict laws protecting writers."

I was very, very angry.

What is of interest here?

Well, they said,

since they couldn't pay me in a timely fashion,

when they do pay me,

they'll take a "late penalty" into account.

Meaning? I don't understand.

Since they're late, they'll pay me more.

How much more?

I think they said, "Much, much more."

So my job is to play a merry tune.

We typically need writers like you for personalities

who are writing their memoirs

and can't put two words together.

Can you do that?

Ghostwriting?

Yes... no... that's...

Sure, I can be a ghostwriter.

I think...

I preferred to work there.

I can ghostwrite for anyone.

I love fiction when it's connected to reality...

There was a huge amount of work there...

So that's the job! Know what I mean?

Now I'm working all over the place.

Plum has a roundness, a warmth,

a certain femininity, yet elegance...

Some guys like hot dog or freestyle.

So you need different gear.

Hardware's always been reliable.

OS X makes the difference.

- You mean the equipment? - No, the ride.

It's chic, not la-di-da. Hip, yet cool.

- For me, you gotta go freestyle. - That's color!

Doesn't that kill the trees?

So...

Do you trim them several times a year?

- What do you think? - Yes? No?

I don't know. I have no idea.

Do grapes grow in winter?

You've been busting my balls for an hour.

I'm a Parisian, I don't know this plant shit.

I'm like you, I got a boring shit job.

I don't give a fuck. If my questions are stupid,

don't answer and I'll take off!

A little on edge, are we?

Sorry. I haven't slept,

I'm having a shitty day.

Yeah, I'm on edge.

- You Parisians! - Stop! Enough!

Laurent!

Stop! That side's fine. The façade's clear!

- When's your shit due? - In two weeks.

People seem to think I'm good at love stories.

We're doing a special "love series" by young writers this summer.

Oh, I'd love to.

So it's gone pretty well this year. I even got a TV script to write.

Sort of the ultimate!

We read your story with great interest.

It has enormous quality, but a few scenes

did make us flinch.

More than flinch, even.

Scene 57.

Why doesn't John Edward kiss Odile during the thunderstorm?

Yes, why? We want them to kiss.

I want them to kiss.

I don't know. I didn't want to be too cliché.

We so expect it, it's more interesting if they don't kiss.

But why deprive the audience of that pleasure?

It airs over the holidays.

It's a marvelous gift to our viewers. Don't be afraid of clichés.

I more than agree.

It's a sequel. Wooded Bliss was a huge hit.

The audience is clamoring for Love Passion in Venice. Go for it.

Everyone's dying to see how John Edward and Odile finally fall in love.

John Edward's handsome, Odile's beautiful,

they're in Venice, the most beautiful city in the world!

Let yourself go, Xavier!

We all love postcards.

We all love sunsets. Why deny us that?

Put them in gondolas!

I must sell Wooded Bliss.

But why, John Edward?

Why?

I'm getting a divorce.

Does your wife know?

Yes.

I've told her everything.

But that's marvelous.

Ridiculous!

Yes, marvelous...

- It's not ridiculous. - Come on...

You hate love stories. Lots of people love them.

It's not ridiculous to them.

So, you're doing the sequel?

I love you.

Well, I hope it pays well.

It pays better than my articles.

So it's adios to your book?

I can't do everything at once.

Did you like it, Lucas?

I liked it a lot.

Maybe it's not what I dreamed of.

But it's a stepping-stone. I'm learning a ton.

But who can that be?

Are you expecting anyone?

I wrote a book, L'Auberge Espagnole, 5 years ago.

I haven't found a publisher, but I still have hope.

Barbara, what does this mean?

I knew I'd find you here.

So, she's the one!

You disappoint me. I thought she'd at least be...

Yes.

Yes, who? Yes, what? Can't you say who you are?

Everyone else does, why can't you?

What do you want me to say? "It's your mommy?"

Everyone else does. Why can't you?

Gimme a break! You want me to be like everyone else.

It's grampa...

Hold on.

I was sure you'd forget.

Hi, it's Martine.

I'm on the other line.

Quick!

Okay, go ahead.

- About tonight... - Oh, happy birthday.

You didn't forget?

You done?

Mom, hold on. It's Martine. It's her birthday.

Wish her happy birthday for me.

My mother says, "Happy birthday."

- Tell her "thanks." - What time tonight?

- He expects you for dinner tonight. - Hold on, mom. Not you.

I don't know, nine.

That works.

I gotta go.

Xavier!

Hold on. Not you, mom.

Give me...

The code.

My new door code is 20B10.

Okay, I've really gotta go...

Mom, hold on!

- Hi, Mrs. Lopez. - You have to pick up your mail.

It's been piling up for a week.

Can I borrow a DVD?

You done yet?

I caught you off guard the other day, and now I'm a little off guard...

Coming, mom.

I'll stop back later.

All clear? Can I talk now?

Is it my turn?

You've got grampa tonight.

I'll be there!

My neighbor, Mr. Boubaker,

is the most uninteresting guy on earth.

Hey...

You know what?

The Big Bang theory doesn't work.

They said on the radio this morning it may not be true.

Well, no one knows for sure.

If he only knew.

When I write a story, I always think of Mr. Boubaker.

I try to imagine the scene with "Mr. Average Guy."

That's him! "Mr. Average Guy."

It's rare to meet one. There aren't that many in real life.

- Are you expecting anyone? - No.

- But who can it be? - I don't know.

Oh, Barbara, what does this mean?

I thought I'd find you here.

So, she's the one.

You disappoint me.

I thought she'd at least be...

She'd be what?

Yeah, she'd be what?

Excuse me.

What's your girlfriend like?

It's not for my girlfriend.

I don't have a girlfriend.

What's this girl who's not your girlfriend like?

She's a little shorter than you.

She has smaller... I mean...

I think she's size one or two.

It depends. Is she thinner than I am?

Is she like that girl?

No.

She's more like her.

But not as ugly.

Take the two.

Your girlfriend can always exchange it.

The register's over there.

By the way, I've been a bachelor for a year.

I love your hair.

I prefer that you leave.

Really?

I'm sorry, I'm very modest.

Look, I've gotta run.

Okay, I'm going!

I wasn't chasing you out.

Don't sweat it. I'm outta here!

That was great. I had a blast. Thanks a lot.

Why are you talking like that?

Because I'm a big jerk.

So...

I just wanted to say I'm a bachelor...

Bye.

Not to be too insistent... this really isn't for my girlfriend.

It's no biggie. Who cares?

I don't have a girlfriend.

It's for my ex. For her birthday.

I'll give you my number.

For...?

I don't know.

If the dress doesn't fit, you can call me.

No, I don't know.

I've always dreamed of doing that but I never dared.

With you, I thought I should dare.

Take it, 'cause I feel like a jerk.

I'll jot it down.

But you have to call tonight. Or you never will.

There.

I don't know.

Yes, yes!

You've got nothing to lose.

If I were you, I'd call me.

I also wrote an article for snowb...

for a magazine about winter sports.

What about your novel?

Yeah.

I'm trying, but it's not easy.

At least these little jobs

help me pay the rent.

This is temporary.

Be careful.

Sometimes these temporary things can last a long time.

Meaning?

Don't forget to write important things.

You're good at that. You always were.

Let's eat. I'm hungry.

I'll tell Aïcha.

So, little Xavier, when do I get to meet your fiancée?

Uh, yeah...

Well, yeah, that's right...

I'm a size one. You know that!

You think I'm fat.

It's okay. I can exchange it.

I never wear dresses.

Why do you girls have such a problem with dresses?

First, I'm not "girls."

I wear pants. It's more practical on a bike.

Anyway, thank you very much.

It's...

No, it's pretty. Really.

Now you'll say I'm a pain.

You're a pain.

No, thanks.

Really?

By the way...

there's the Social Forum.

It's in Porto Alegre, in Brazil.

I can't miss that.

Could you maybe...?

I can take care of Lucas.

Does he ever see his father?

I'd rather not discuss it.

It's that bad?

Yeah.

You with anyone?

No.

- You? - No.

Hello, thirties!

Kassia?

Oh, yeah!

How are you?

I'm glad you called. Sure I know who you are!

No, no bother at all.

What are you doing?

Good morning.

More coffee?

No, I really have to go.

I just wanted to say...

What?

It's stupid. I just wanted to say...

I never do that.

We'll talk later?

You in love?

Something's going on.

I really like black girls.

You like anything with a pussy!

Why'd you say that?

You cruise every chick on the street.

But me, I don't get the time of day!

- Stop! - Stop what?

I'm really embarrassed to ask, but I'm in deep shit.

Thomas got dumped by his girlfriend.

He's taking the apartment back.

Can I stay with you or...?

No problem, Xavier.

- Oh, really? - What?

He moves in and you don't even ask me?

No! You piss me off. All you do is give me shit!

It's my place and I don't need your permission

to invite a friend over.

If it's not the moment...

Fine.

Caro!

I'm really mortified. I hope...

No, it's fine.

It's just fine.

Cool. When are you coming?

Xavier?

You're here already!

Cool! All moved in?

Yeah.

Great.

I won't bother you guys. I've got work.

No sweat. We broke up.

We're both bachelors now, buddy.

- Great! - Cool, huh?

- Great! - How about a beer?

Come on in.

I'm impressed.

You like it?

It's really nice!

There's Xavier.

- I think you met. - Oh, right.

I remember.

Well, I'm...

I'll show you around.

It's really nice.

Well, it's not...

Did you decorate it?

Come, see the bedroom.

Right over here.

Make yourself at home.

Careful, it'll fall.

See them, Lucas?

That doesn't hurt the trees. It makes them stronger.

Take my number. I'll stop by and we can discuss it.

- That's so nice. - Not at all.

06...

Come on!

Thank you!

That's so nice. I didn't know what to do.

You have to take care of flowers!

It's crazy! People think nature just grows.

We humans have to nurture it.

And euphorbia... People always over-water them.

Even once a week is too much.

I'll stop by.

Not only does she hook up with this guy, "Mr. Plane Tree,"

then she sends me up shit creek without a paddle.

Two seconds.

So, that was the day she left for Brazil.

As if my life wasn't already a mess.

"Happy to have finally found her prince, she agreed to marry him.

"The wedding went on for a week,

"and all the kingdom was invited.

"They had a beautiful castle

"and lived happily ever after."

Go to sleep now, Lucas. Wanna go pee-pee?

Don't you wanna go pee-pee first?

Hasn't mommy found her prince yet?

Well, I don't really know.

- Has she mentioned it? - No.

Then I guess she hasn't found him. But...

she's beautiful, she's intelligent...

If he knew how much I'd loved his mother.

I guess Martine hasn't told him.

How do you explain that?

I've been with seven guys, uh... seven princes.

I've lived in different castles.

Xavier was the fourth prince.

At the moment,

I've got a bunch of princes going.

I don't know... I hesitate.

Last week, I met one at a club.

Like a ball, a great ball.

I really like him.

He doesn't have a huge castle but he's got a big motorcycle.

You'd like that.

It's complicated...

Even if things go well, it's still a little too soon to...

to know if there'll be a wedding.

And then

some people

in the kingdom say,

if he's the one, they won't come to the wedding.

Don't cry, mommy.

Mommy!

What's the matter?

- Don't you want your apple? - No.

There's some left!

You don't want anymore.

Look who's here!

It's mommy!

My sweetie pie!

You okay?

Hi.

Tudo bem?

He was really sick. He's gotta go to bed.

Really?

I'll put him to bed. I'm wiped out.

So, what happened?

The doctor came because I was sick.

Really?

So how was Porto Alegre?

It was great!

There were 216 countries there!

Every continent! Chili, Mali, Montenegro...

Tibet!

It was so moving just to be there.

It really makes you feel connected to the planet.

Did you all agree to save a doomed world?

Hold on!

Give me shit if you want to, but...

globalization isn't only generating progress.

We have to unite to fight against disasters that could become inevitable.

You've got the schpeel down.

What's your problem?

While you're saving the world, I take care of your kid,

I haven't slept in three nights and I...

You what?

You've done zip with your life.

Me?

With those sappy stories of yours?

You lull silly schoolgirls into dreamland.

"They kiss before the sunset..."

Bullshit.

But what do they dream about? Pieces of shit.

You know what? Your work is a load of crap.

It's been crap for two years.

And I know you're better than that.

Wait a minute, I...

You don't give a shit. You get your lousy two bits,

you're nice and cozy with that.

So you make fun of people who move, who fight against pollution,

against exclusion, against violence.

Against real things in the real world!

It's easy for you to laugh at that.

That's for sure!

I don't laugh.

You're a parasite.

- I'm a what? - A parasite.

Happy as a clam,

telling insipid love stories.

That's how it should be!

Don't change a thing.

That seems to satisfy you.

Xavier...

Hi, it's me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Really.

And thanks for Lucas.

What's wrong, John Edward?

Nothing.

Yes, there is. I can see something's wrong.

I have a terrible secret.

What do you mean?

The company's bankrupt. I haven't a cent.

The bank called, I'm drowning.

But how?

Venice. It was your dream, I couldn't let you down.

I have a terrible secret.

What do you mean?

I'm having an affair with Sarah.

How could you do that to me?

My mother's ill, your dad sold the company

and I've had a car accident.

That's awful!

I have a twin brother, John Sebastian.

- We look exactly alike. - And...?

I'm not me, Odile.

I'm the twin.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

- Wanna go? - Maybe.

You okay?

How can I write a love story?

I know nothing about love.

I'm a self-centered egotist.

- No, you're not. - Yes, I am.

Careful! Hold me tight.

I've got you. Wait!

Let's go. Be careful.

- You okay? - Fine.

Watch it here. We have to stop.

We have to wait for the second light.

- Okay. - Careful!

It's dangerous.

By the way, when do I get to meet your fiancée?

- I forgot! - What do you mean? It's important.

Yeah, I know.

"When do I get to meet your fiancée?"

I don't know why but that question started to obsess me.

I had to find the right girl fast,

before he died.

Hello, Kassia?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Really? When's she due back from Senegal?

Really?

No big deal. It's Xavier.

Thanks. Bye.

What is it?

Can you come here a sec?

Coming.

So, I...

You okay? Have a good day?

- Great. - What's up?

I have a huge favor to ask.

Something you'll hate. But you absolutely have to say yes.

What?

Somewhere in your closet, do you have a dress?

A dress?

Never mind, it'll never work.

- It'll be a nightmare. - I don't have a dress.

- What would I do with a dress? - I'm sorry.

Stay calm. Don't freak out and say, "I'm a dyke!"

Don't make it worse. I'm here!

Just a warning.

I'm already a hair's breath from walking.

This is ridiculous.

Look at this thing.

Shall I go get them, darling?

No, we can go later... Good evening!

After dinner.

But that's so very kind of you, my dear.

Or we can blow off the whole thing.

It's so, so pretty here.

Don't talk like that.

- Quit fucking around! - Isn't that what you want?

Stop! Concentrate.

Quit it! I'm ringing the bell.

Go ahead.

What are you doing? I'm not ready!

Hello.

Hi, grampa.

Hello, sir.

I'm so happy to meet you. Come in!

Isabelle, grampa.

Delighted! Fuck!

- Careful! - Sorry. Fuck.

Hello, my boy.

Follow me.

I'm so happy to meet you.

Me too. Really!

It's so, so, so pretty.

Isn’t it?

Stop!

Want to know how old I am?

I'm 98. I've seen three wars.

That's incredible! Extraordinary!

I was born in 1906.

But I won't bore you with all that.

Can you imagine hearing my life story?

That'd take hours...

Let's talk about you, miss.

I'm so happy my grandson has such a pretty fiancée!

Oh, no...

Oh, yes, I insist, very pretty.

Thank you, that's very kind of you.

So, tell me, what do you do for a living?

Well...

So...

I work for a television station,

where I'm a financial journalist.

Well, what does that mean?

It means I work in the financial world.

I gather tidbits of information on financial markets, stock options,

what's bought, what's sold.

Because traders - people who work in the market -

need an enormous amount of info... rmation

on an enormous number...

of things.

Who's interested in all that?

Lots and lots of people.

There are 450 assets management firms in Paris alone.

It's a very competitive sector.

You gotta kick the other guy in the balls.

Things move fast, tons of money's at stake.

Once, I got a tip that Asian markets were about to collapse.

I had to react like that!

For a trader, that's an explosive situation.

You gotta be on the ball.

That info has gigantic repercussions on the planet.

What?

I can't do this.

One hour. We're gonna eat. Please.

- Let's go. - One little hour.

Now I see why you slipped away.

Dinner's ready.

Let's go to the table.

- Go ahead. - No, you first.

Come on.

Water?

I feel dirty...

just pretending to be so clean.

Xavier, the woman you want doesn't exist.

You've gotta grow up. You want a princess or...

worse, a TV soap heroine!

Stop dreaming! Princesses only exist in fairytales.

That was bullshit.

Why stop dreaming?

You wanna go out?

Yeah! Because now...

But this time I decide what we do.

I want her so, so pretty.

I'll think I'm king of the world. No, thanks.

You're having fun!

Xavier's a cute little dish.

You're having fun!

You piggies!

- You okay? - Yeah, great.

- She'll be beautiful! - When'll my wife be ready?

Gimme a break.

That's better, isn't it?

Okay, I got it.

Shake your ass!

It suits him!

He's not the type to wear any undies.

Telephone.

Is this yours, cupcake?

Yeah, that's mine.

Hello? Xavier?

My pet...

No, that's Isabelle.

You okay?

Yeah. Why?

I don't know, you sound funny.

It's just... Lucas' father just picked him up.

That's great.

He's sleeping over tonight and...

That's a good thing.

My wife's always on the phone.

That may be her lover.

And I'm all alone.

Who's calling you at this hour?

Your son shouldn't just see women.

Yeah, it's great.

But...

It's just that...

Can I come over?

Yeah, come over.

No, come over.

No bother at all.

Hi.

- You're wearing makeup? - Really?

Yes, you are. It looks nice.

I see you girls are having fun.

So what's the matter?

- Martine, you okay? - Hi.

How are you?

Good to see you. Come in.

Come on in.

It's really funny. I just got Martine Goes Camping.

I didn't have that one.

Anyway, it's not easy.

We must seem like uptight straight people.

That may be true.

I think that's a bad idea.

Just for tonight.

It's really not a good idea.

You are uptight, after all.

I'm not uptight. I just don't want to.

It's a question of wanting to.

I adore you, but I don't wanna sleep with you. And neither do you.

I am a pain in the ass.

No, you're not.

I'll never find a guy.

You're right, I'm annoying.

I broke up with Bruno.

Did I mention him?

Sorry, they change so fast, I can't keep track.

I don't get it. Since you, I just don't meet guys who...

I don't know.

You expect too much.

You're looking for an ideal guy who doesn't exist.

You're a big girl now, Martine.

Stop dreaming of "Mr. Perfect."

Do something!

Come on.

Let's go to my room.

Why are you crying?

Okay, you are a pain, but you're beautiful, intelligent...

Lots of guys are crazy about you.

I don't give a shit about that.

What if you were a ball-breaker, ugly, stupid

and no one was hot for you? You're far from that.

What guys are crazy about me?

I don't know...

Patrick. He said you drive him wild.

Really? Patrick said that?

- He said, "Martine drives me wild?" - Yes!

You seem surprised. There's something attractive about you, after all.

Okay! You say it like...

Can I sleep with you tonight?

Please.

If you want to.

Shit!

Morning!

Thank you. I'm happy I stayed with you.

Yeah, but you can't stay. I'm expecting a girl... friend.

It's no big deal.

Just tell her the truth.

We're old friends and we didn't fuck.

Yeah, sure.

She's your girlfriend?

Yeah.

- You have a girlfriend? - No, not really.

Is she your girlfriend or not?

I don't have a girlfriend, I have girlfriends.

Do you have a girlfriend or not?

I don't have one, I have lots. Is that clear?

Oh! I forgot how you were.

Flip out on your own time!

I'm outta here.

Well, yeah. She's on her way. It'll be a mess.

I have a life. Last night, you didn't give me a chance to explain

that I had to juggle things this morning.

Bye.

I'm sorry. I was afraid you'd run into her.

I understand.

Fuck!

- Who is she? - No one.

I'm no one?

I'm no one?

You have your life, I have mine. No problem!

But you'll always be someone to me. Always.

In anyone's presence.

- Who is she? - No...

My ex, Martine.

Not so "ex".

She is my ex. It's over. Come in.

One in, one out...

That doesn't bother you at all.

You don't understand.

You just line 'em up. You don't give a fuck.

Exactly. If you don't like it, take a hike.

What?

Yeah! You're all fucking, stupid bitches!

You got that? Now get lost!

Asshole.

Yeah, I'm an asshole!

You can't talk to women like that. Asshole!

Who is she? I'm a what?

Stop! Calm down. You...

I what?

She can't talk to me like that. You parade your sluts through here...

Fuck, Xavier!

It's not easy for a woman my age to find a good man.

A good man's hard to find.

Yeah, I know.

I want you to meet him. But no comments!

Chill out, ma! You're not 15.

I know what it's like not to find your soul mate right away.

Don't worry, I've been briefed.

Still, we humans are a funny race.

Did you know that a hippopotamus chooses one mate

and they stay together for life?

Did you know that?

No.

Isn’t that marvelous?

This is it?

- He lives here? - Yeah.

- You, too? - For three months now.

Okay, I get it.

- You get what? - Why he's a good man.

- Stop! - I see why you're with him.

No comments. You promised.

- Are you freaking out? - No.

Yes, you are.

You'll make me freak out for real.

We used to cut the world in two.

Capitalists, Marxists; exploiters, exploited; the Right, the Left.

That worked pretty well.

Those oppositions don't work anymore.

Today, one world strips women bare, another veils them.

That's the real opposition today. In our image of women.

Yeah, that's true.

So I finally finished a new draft.

But France TV had a little surprise for me.

They said that an Australian satellite "bouquet"...

Or was it German?

TS6 is a silent partner of PassionTV, through Eurosat 2000.

Yeah, that's it.

It was some sort of "bouquet" buy-out by God knows who.

Anyway, Love Passion in Venice was now a BBC 2 co-production.

So the script had to be in English.

Oh, really?

Their BBC counterparts are currently

putting together a pool of screenwriters. And so, that's that.

Sorry. We know how much you've invested in Love Passion in Venice.

He said, "Those are the vagaries of globalization."

You're a victim of globalization.

That made me feel better.

Hold on, I speak English.

Meaning?

You think you can write in English?

Of course. I've even written screenplays in English.

Can we submit them to our co-producers?

Yes.

Well, that's a bit complicated...

I wrote them when I was in Barcelona...

I think the publisher's production arm may have gone bankrupt.

Hello, Paris!

I'm a Parisian!

Gimme some escargot and red wine!

Do you speak French?

Wanna sleep with me?

Hi. I was talking about the lights.

I have to work a little longer. Just a bit.

I need...

the light.

to work. Like that.

Like the sun.

On stage.

Thank you very much.

I'll just be a little while. My name is Natasha.

Thank you, William.

Bye.

So, there it is.

A love story is above all a story.

It was good?

Thank you.

You liked it?

In what way?

You liked the way I danced?

You liked it. Okay. Thanks.

Bye.

Natasha!

Do you remember me?

Yes, I remember.

A year ago, when you got on that bus,

you gave me this little piece of paper.

I decided to learn Russian

just so I could speak to you.

I've dreamed of this moment.

I'm staying at the Moskva Hotel.

This time,

I'll give you a little piece of paper.

I apologize if this is... weird.

Call me.

If you want to.

Okay.

We proposed your English screenwriter.

They know her well.

They agreed. You can leave for London anytime.

All travel and expenses will be reimbursed.

Great!

We certainly owe you that.

Wendy was always like a sister to me,

like a mirror image.

I realized I wasn't the only one who screwed up.

Wendy's great. She must've really been in love to get to this state.

How'd she ever wind up with a guy like that?

How can so many sincere moments, one after the other,

lead to such misery?

Who'd want that?

I don't remember how we finally got started.

After breakfast, we'd work for hours.

When we'd had it, we'd go next door for a bite.

Where have you been all this time?

Coming.

We went to bed late.

Even after work, we couldn't stop talking.

Hello, Mr. Rousseau?

It's Michel Hermann. Hello.

Tell me, does the name Celia Shelburn mean anything to you?

Celia Shelburn? Of course!

Really? I only heard of her last week.

She's 24 and she's going to write her memoirs.

She's got lots to tell, so you've got lots to write.

So I had to rush back to Paris

to start my new job with Celia Shelburn.

Anyway, it's 46B28.

I have red wine, Diet Coke.

I love...

It was funny.

We can speak French, if you prefer. I speak French, too.

You speak French? Okay. Fine.

By 18, I'd toured the world several times.

Really?

It's such a drag to be so famous.

Yeah, I imagine.

Do you see the boats pass by at night?

Yeah, it's beautiful. I love that.

I've always dreamed of seeing that.

Celia, I've gotta go!

I lost track of time!

Every morning, she had a cardboard croissant from the Pakistani deli.

I told her those things were disgusting.

But she said she really liked...

French breakfasts.

I, on the other hand, always habituate myself to local customs.

So it was bacon and eggs for me.

My idea had been to take a little stroll,

to show her Paris.

As time went on,

I sensed we didn't want to separate.

We didn't want just a little stroll.

We wanted a much longer stroll.

At one moment, I don't know why,

I don't know how, this happened...

I felt her hand say...

"Really? Are you sure?"

And my hand said, "I'm sure.

"I want to and I sense you do, too."

She squeezed my hand even tighter. She wanted to.

It's wild how strong these stupid moments can be.

Those 12 seconds

will be etched deep inside you forever.

In the movies, most love stories end there.

It's better not to show what comes next.

But that's the interesting part.

- Stay! - Let me go!

No! Stay!

Let me go!

What the fuck are you doing?

Neus!

Fuck you!

Neus! I don't believe it!

What are you doing? Come back!

Where are you going?

It was like we had to go through that.

Like going through all that wacky shit reassured us somehow.

It proved we were in love.

You know, I feel a little weird working with you.

Why?

Well, a month ago you were a stranger and now...

I tell you my life story...

You're gonna write it.

You've become my mirror.

I hope you don't find me too superficial.

Not at all.

You're a spoiled child but you have a strong personality.

You think so?

You're a beautiful person.

Your dream's about to come true.

The next morning, everything had changed.

Even my scooter wasn't the same.

Get out!

Get the fuck out!

Wendy and I decided to visit William in Saint Petersburg.

Beginning a relationship is like going on a trip.

And going far away can show how close you can be.

William took us to the Komunolka where he and Natasha lived.

A communal apartment occupied by several families.

Hello.

This is my sister Wendy. And Xavier.

Please, come in.

Come on, Natasha!

This is my sister, Wendy. Xavier.

Oh! Hi!

Can't you put some pants on?

Oleg, this is my fiancé's family.

You could make an effort.

Well, tell your fiancé...

Must you walk around in your skivvies?

It's my house. If I feel like wearing skivvies, I'll wear skivvies.

With or without English people.

Make them some tea. And thanks a bunch, Oleg.

I love you, too, darling.

I'm sorry that you're seeing the place like this.

Times are changing. I'm about to buy the whole apartment.

It'll be great when it's just for our family.

- Won't it? - Sure.

This is "the street of ideal proportions."

The height of the buildings is equal to the width of the street.

And the length is 250 meters.

Moscow? You're in Moscow?

I don't know...

No! I didn't say that. It's not far. Why not?

Two days?

I don't know if I can. Of course I want to.

Yeah, great.

Any guy with a normal constitution would have run after her.

Me, I didn't move.

Or, rather, it's the train that moved.

I just let it.

I'm happy to see you.

I was all alone in Moscow.

I was so bored.

Then I remembered you were in Russia too.

I thought, "That's too dumb. We've got to see each other!"

I'm so happy you came. You're really a great guy.

Yes, you are.

1,500.

She was just so beautiful.

Celia is the stuff that dreams are made of.

So beautiful, she's almost not real.

It'd be incredible to spend your life with a woman like that.

Please!

Andrej!

Take out the champagne!

I felt the sub-woofer calmly pounding away.

After all, that's what a boom box is supposed to do.

That's what it does.

We must like that low tone.

We all want to vibrate.

Celia is the female equivalent of "the street of ideal proportions."

We're not on earth long, so that's the street we want to live on.

I could've spent hours, gazing at a girl like that.

Just watching her live, walk,

lulled by the swing of her skirt,

inebriated by the fabric sliding against her body.

I could have lived on that an entire lifetime.

But can you live like that?

They were right, I had to stop dreaming and get back to real life.

Hey, bitch!

This street of yours... Wanna know something?

It's ugly!

I've left Wendy three messages.

Why is she avoiding me?

Relax. She'll call back sooner or later.

She's got her family, her brother's wedding. She's busy.

Yeah, ma?

I know, you told me two days ago.

I've got another call. I'll call you back.

What's all this shit about love?

How do we get so nuts?

The time we waste!

When you're alone, you cry, "Will I find her?" When you're not,

"Does she love me as much as I love her?

"Can we love more than one person in a lifetime?

"Why do we split up?"

All these fucking questions!

Yet you can't say we're uninformed.

We read love stories, fairy tales, novels,

we watch movies. Love, love, love...

You could just call her back.

Dear William and Natalia,

I'm pleased

to welcome you to our wedding palace.

Before registering your marriage,

I must ask

if your wish to marry

is mutual, sincere and free.

I ask the groom to respond.

I ask the bride.

Yes.

Still, this "till death do us part" masquerade is pretty insane.

You can't help being moved. You can't help believing it.

"The most beautiful day of my life." "For better or for worse..."

The photo album! We'll have that for life.

It's a day to remember.

The tombstone of our love that lives on for eternity.

It's awful, even I can't swallow it anymore.

Gorko!

I wish you happiness, my children.

I raise my glass to William

and his new family.

Cheers!

I miss you so much in Barcelona.

I love you all.

Cheers!

Everybody, dance!

On your feet, everybody!

Let's light a fire under this party!

Do I look like the farandole type?

Who cares? It's Saint Pete's!

Come on!

What the fuck do you care? Come on!

You okay?

Why are you crying?

Are you okay?

Everything's fine.

What's the matter?

Voilà! That's me...

I'm almost thirty. Still alone.

Same damn face... Can't change a thing.

Me. Screwed up old me.

No, that's too stupid.

Don't do that.

If I think about all the girls

I've known or slept with or just desired,

they're like a bunch of Russian dolls.

We spend our lives playing the game, dying to know who'll be the last.

The teeny-tiny one, hidden inside all the others.

You can't get to her right away. You have to follow the progression.

You have to open them, one by one, wondering, "Is she the last?"

Shit, I didn't finish!

Well, it's no big deal...

I'll finish the story later.

Wait, I'll help you.

I finished!

Super bueno!

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