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Get ready for

The Lionel Macomb Show.

Lionel Macomb is fired up.

Oh, you're so hot, Lionel.

Greetings, friends, patriots,

you're listening to Fired Up.

I'm your host, Lionel Macomb.

Your humble steward, your deliverer of hard truths,

a beacon of light in the dark harbor.

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.

Bring me your over taxed, your underlaid,

your put-down, your fed up,

bring me your rage.

This morning, I bring you news

of a fresh threat to our republic.

Our old friend, Judith Montefiore "Hyphen" Salters,

has brought a new bill to the senate floor.

Judy in her infinite wisdom

wants to offer a fresh round of amnesty

to the millions of illegal kids flooding our borders.

So long as they stick around and go to college.

That's right, folks. If you came here off the books,

but you hit the books, you can stay put.

Maybe even steal a scholarship

from a valedictorian in Tucson, while you're at it.

The Hyphen calls this act of treason

the Clean Slate Initiative. And I guess it is a clean slate.

If you want to demolish our systems of justice

and education in one fell swoop.

I'm a practical guy.

I'm not saying we should build a wall.

No, I... I think a... A moat would be more effective,

with a wall behind it, topped with coils of barbed wire

painted a dazzling red, white, and blue.

Because make no mistake, my friends,

we're in the midst of a full-scale invasion here.

What kind of message does the Clean Slate Initiative

send to the untold masses

plotting to infiltrate our borders?

"Come on over. All is forgiven. The more, the merrier."

This ain't a game of red rover, folks. This is our homeland.

You know what I always say...

"No free ride."

Smart kids. But I can hear the other side now.

"Lionel, think of the children."

I do. That's why I never had any.

And if I did, I'd make damn sure I set a good example to them.

It's a question of personal responsibility.

But the Hyphen sees things differently.

For instance, I prefer to go by only one last name.

I mean, how many syllables does one woman really need?

I've seen Judy up close, too close.

And believe me, there's not enough going on

to support all that alphabet.

The fact is, Clean Slate is a treasonous time bomb

which makes Judy today's public enemy numero uno.

But this fight's bigger than Judy,

it's bigger than me which is why I come here every day,

ready to do battle.

I know you're with me, my army of the indignant.

My hordes of hell-raisers.

Don't stay silent, we're gonna open up the phones.

Speak up. So who's ready to march with me?

Who's ready to fight with me?

Hey, it's your first time in New York?

Maybe.

Because, you know, it's a big city.

You should probably get a tour guide.

You know, it's unpredictable.

Some things are pretty predictable.

Yeah. You got a place to stay? Uh...

I know all the best places.

Let me show you around for the afternoon.

- No charge. - Move.

- Move? - I really don't care

what you do, but he does.

Lionel, do you have a minute

- to talk about Gareth Whitley? - Gareth who?

He used to work for you. Now he's killing you in the ratings.

- How do you feel about it? - Hey, Wendell.

- Hi. - How's the job search going?

I've already got a job, Mr. Macomb.

It's promoting a more civil tone

for our national conversation.

That come with dental?

Talk's not cheap, it's toxic. Talk's not cheap, it's toxic.

Talk's not cheap, it's toxic.

Talk's not cheap, it's toxic.

Talk's not cheap, it's toxic.

Talk's not cheap, it's toxic.

Hi. I'm here for Lionel Macomb.

And who may I say is calling?

Actually, I'm not here for Mr. Macomb.

My mom, she works in his apartment housekeeping and...

uh...

Look, I need to see her...

right away. It's a family emergency.

Well, we'll have the maid sent down.

What's her name?

- Miss? - I'm sorry. Sorry.

- What's happening? - I know... I'm trying to... I...

- What's her name? - I don't... I don't...

I don't want to make a scene.

Okay. I don't want to make a scene. I'm...

I'm sorry. I just... I need my mom.

- I need my mom. I need my mom. - Just stop. Slow down.

- Lawrence, bro. Have a heart. - Yes, sir.

Your name?

Tess.

Hi. Uh, I'm sorry.

There seems to be some confusion.

Uh, I'm... I'm new here,

so I'm not quite sure who your mother is.

Oh, that's okay. She's in the laundry room.

Yeah, it's fine, I'll just wait here.

Okay.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Miss, I really have to ask that you not go in there.

- Okay. - Thank you.

- I'm sorry. - It's fine.

Sorry.

Oh, my God.

Who is this?

Uh, I... I don't know, sir.

You don't know?

I asked her to wait out in the hallway

- and she pushed me. - She pushed you?

Well, she... pushed passed me.

She said she's the housekeeper's daughter.

You are not my daughter.

Tyler, you're new.

- Summa cum laude at Stanford. - Penn.

So it's unlikely you're a complete moron.

Rule number one, do not let strangers through my front door,

down my hall, and into my fucking bedroom.

Yes, sir.

It's a nice place.

- It's roomy. - Who are you?

It's kind of a long story but the best ones are, right?

If it's okay, I'm gonna look at him while I talk to you.

NYPD is on its way,

so I suggest you stop being cute and answer my question.

I'm Tess...

I'm Laurie's daughter.

I'm your niece.

Niece?

I thought you were gonna say daughter.

Didn't you think she was gonna say daughter?

How did you find out where I live?

Follow the trail of fire and brimstone.

Google.

Your mom talked about me?

Uh, yeah, you know, we catch your show sometimes.

Long-time listener, first time caller.

Well, I'm guessing you know a little of our family history,

and based on the fact that

I never laid eyes on you till 20 minutes ago,

you can draw your own conclusions

about my level of interest

in your mother's life or your own.

I'd say pretty much non-existent.

Let's not qualify it.

So given that, why would you come see me?

Well, um... at this point, it's either here, or a shelter.

What about your mom, where is she?

Hiding in the wine closet?

She's at Three Oaks.

What is it this time?

Booze? Pills?

Booze and pills?

Well, congratulations! You've breached the keep,

but, uh, you're gonna have to leave.

Hey, but... But I...

But I told you I don't... I don't have anywhere to go.

That's not my problem.

It's a question of responsibility.

Personal responsibility?

Not my personal responsibility.

You're not my kid.

I have no legal obligation to you whatsoever.

Right, Kent?

Now, go. Get.

Goodbye.

No, no can do, Uncle Lionel.

Yes, can do.

Can very much do.

One tweet should do it.

Yeah.

A short, sad story about a 16-year-old girl

who goes looking for her only living relative

not currently in rehab,

a gazillionaire uncle who just happens to be

the reigning king of talk radio.

When she finally tracks him down,

he kicks her right back out again

onto the mean streets of New York City.

Only to be swept up in the tangled web of social services.

That's right, folks. It turns out the guy

who blasts other people for living off the system

is perfectly fine with forcing his own family

onto the tired shoulders of the American taxpayers.

Well, I'm...

no expert but it seems like...

I think the last problem you need right now

in a ratings war...

with your contract up.

Right, Kent?

That's way more than a hundred and forty characters.

It was nice working with you, John.

I'm sorry.

Hi.

We're good. Thanks, John.

Who are you? Another lawyer?

Oh, no.

I'm Val. I'm a publicist actually.

I'm also Lionel's girlfriend.

And you are the invading niece.

You hungry? You see Lorenzo made foie gras.

- Do you eat foie gras? - It depends.

What is foie gras?

Goose liver.

Yeah, me either.

Lionel only likes it because it's illegal in California.

I brought this.

- Can... Can I? - Yeah, of course.

You are hungry.

Do you have any ketchup?

No, I'm serious.

So there's this twenty-five-year-old popstar

with 40 million followers,

traipsing through the Meatpacking District

with nothing on but a sock,

and not on his foot either.

Yeah. There's cell phone video of the whole thing.

- How did I not know about this? - Because I'm good at my job.

My job is to make fools look foolish.

Val's job is to make them look tragically misunderstood.

Sometimes, the toughest battles are fought at home.

Because I'm a kind and generous guy,

I've decided to let you stay the weekend

while we figure out what to do with you.

But I lead a private life and I'd like to keep it that way.

Personal boundaries may be elastic to you,

but they're not to me.

No sob stories will be broadcast

on the internet while you're here.

- Wait a second. How old are you? - Sixteen.

She can't sign this. She's a minor.

This is not binding.

Kent would know that better than anyone.

Oh, but this isn't coming from Kent, is it?

She didn't know that.

I will show you to your room.

- Thanks. - Good night.

Night.

Good morning, and welcome to New York City.

Another bright and sunny day

full of promised possibility and bullshit.

But not from me. I'm your host, Lionel Macomb.

Morning, sunshine.

Do you want cornflake French toast?

Mm-hmm.

She wants cornflake French toast. I got you.

Do not use the house phone.

If there's an emergency,

and there better not be, use this.

It's okay. I have a phone.

Yeah. The nice thing about this one is it actually makes calls.

The media room is off limits, and the study,

and the kitchen's closed when Lorenzo's not in it.

Where can I go?

We lost Maniker.

Just Maniker?

Maniker and EFP.

Can you buy time somewhere else?

Your numbers are holding steady, more or less.

- Well, more or less? - Less. Not much less.

It's a temporary dip. The thrill of the new.

Whitley, he's playing the nice guy.

He kills them with kindness.

I just kill them.

He's working the clean-cut angle.

Born-again family man

preaching to the flock on Sunday.

The charm will wear off. People get tired of that.

Not for 2,000 years, they haven't.

He's making a play.

When the nationalists go down in flames,

he'll be there selling holy water

to put out the fire.

All right. Whitley's got God on his side.

But you, you have angry factory workers,

angry farmers, angry coal miners.

What about the coastal elites?

You didn't lose them. You never had them.

I know. I just like saying coastal elites.

People still need you, Lionel,

to fire them up and light the way.

They'll get bored with Whitley. They'll come back.

I'm sure our friends at OneVoice

are full of the same plucky optimism.

Must be why Claremont summoned me for lunch tomorrow,

to give me a pep talk and a pat on the back.

- Lunch with the big boss? - Look,

no matter what he says,

you still have time to... To right this ship.

But... come September, we're...

We're gonna need a new deal.

Jesus Christ, Kent!

You're like the ghost of a Brooks Brother.

- Just heard from Boyd. - And?

Well, kid's story holds up.

Your sister,

she checked herself into Three Oaks on Friday

and as of 9:52 this morning, she's still there.

Where has Tess have been for the past four days?

On a bus, I imagine.

Look, by all accounts, she's a good kid.

Four schools in five years.

At or near the top of her class every year.

She's been offered a place at Harper in the fall.

Ah.

She wants money.

They're offering her a full ride.

- She's working an angle. - We'll keep tabs on Laurie.

I'll let you know if anything changes.

Meanwhile... just keep Tess close.

Close isn't really my thing, Kent.

Well, think of it this way,

you know where she is, no surprises.

Wow.

Yo, housekeeper's daughter.

Did everything work out for you yesterday?

Yeah, it did actually.

- Hey, thank you. - I'm Gennady, 15D.

- Tess. - Where are you headed, Tess?

The park. I've never been.

You don't want to go to the park.

I don't wanna go. This is cruel and unusual.

It's a benefit for Doctors Without Borders.

I wrote the doctors a check, isn't that the point?

I respect their borders. Why don't they respect mine?

It's good for you to be seen right now.

I don't wanna be seen. That's why I work in radio.

Right. You hate the spotlight.

Valerie, darling. Given the choice,

wouldn't you much rather be

eating pizza in the courtyard at Rocco's right now?

Well, yeah. But last I heard,

Rocco was working as a sommelier in Alba,

so nice try.

But is he?

Rocco, I can't believe you're back.

Only for tonight and only for you.

Thanks, Rocco.

You really didn't wanna go to that benefit, did you?

No, I really didn't.

Uh, no, thanks. Uh... I'm on medication.

Ooh, which ones?

Actually, I just... I don't drink.

It doesn't go well with my genes.

I respect that. I do.

Looks like you need some new jeans.

She means her DNA, dumbfuck.

Whatever you're apologizing for, I forgive you.

So are we gonna talk about it?

Um... well, we're in a good place, right?

I mean, we're here at Rocco's and...

But also a place of...

- mutual understanding... - I'm talking about Tess,

- Lionel. - Oh, right.

Thank God. Um...

Boyd found my sister.

We're gonna call her first thing tomorrow,

and then we're gonna send Tess home.

You're joking, right?

Lionel, you can't do that.

She's a kid. She needs your help.

Nobody helped me.

Exactly.

Can we talk about this tomorrow?

I don't wanna upset Rocco. He's...

He's very sensitive.

Okay. Fine.

Would you rather talk about us?

Shit. Stanford.

Remember I fired you?

Y... Yeah. I remember, uh, vividly,

but then I got this.

"Dear Tyler..."

Who's Tyler?

That... Uh... That's... me.

Oh, right.

Uh, "I wanna apologize for what happened yesterday.

I realized that wasn't your fault.

I hope you will give me another chance, Lionel."

"Give me another chance."

That sound like a phrase I'd use?

No. Uh, not at all.

But that came from your personal email account

and there was a key waiting for me downstairs

- at the front desk, so... - Well, she probably thought

she was helping you.

You really shouldn't leave your computer open like that.

I often make that mistake in my own home.

But thank you, and, uh, you can go.

A... Actually, no, uh,

bring Tess here to me and then go.

But that's the problem, sir.

You can't go in there. You'd be all over TMZ.

That's it. Party's over.

Fire marshal shut us down.

- We got to end it. - Hey, we should go.

- Come on. We should go. - Okay. Okay.

- Let's go out the back. - Let's keep it moving.

Come on, guys. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

Not gonna happen, buddy.

What's up, Lionel?

Gennady Vahkrov, 15D.

Gennady? That's not a name. That's a life sentence.

Hey, I'm Russian.

I'm sorry.

Look, dude, I'm a fan. Truly.

But you can't talk to me that way.

No, dude, then how about this way?

You're a speck of trash

floating on a toxic sea. You're lost, adrift,

clinging to velvet ropes, designer drugs,

club girls with subterranean self-esteem.

Your parents gave you anything

your desiccated heart could ever want,

except attention.

Other people are disposable to you because

that's the thing you secretly fear about yourself,

that you have nothing to offer except surface.

Your cousin, Maxim, he's the promoter here?

Then I suggest you clear out

before I call my friends at City Hall

and shut this depraved carnival down for good.

Dude, she doesn't even drink, doesn't sit well with her genes.

I thought you'd wait,

I don't know, till day two,

before you pulled a stunt like this.

I was...

trying to make friends.

The great gonad doesn't want your friendship.

I... I know what he wants.

That doesn't mean I was gonna give it to him.

I don't care what kind of gutters

you crawled around in in Tuscaloosa

or wherever the hell,

but while you're a guest in my house, you will carry yourself

with dignity and restraint.

- Dignity and restraint? - Yeah.

Or you'll be out on your ungrateful,

trailer-hopping keister.

And I don't think Mom is taking calls these days.

Hmm. Well, it was nice of you to care.

Come in.

You know, you could have just said you're sorry.

I'm not.

That's not a gift. It's an advance.

Advance on what?

Cog, welcome to the machine.

If I'm gonna extend your stay, you're gonna earn it.

Your first job is to go through these

and highlight everything you love.

Anything that makes you want to

build a yurt out of reclaimed bamboo

or volunteer on a Costa Rican wind farm,

- I wanna see it. - Right.

So you can use it as fodder.

Exactly.

Hey, wait.

Don't I get to watch you do your show?

News, sports, and weather.

- Happy listening. - It's OneVoice,

where we present The Lionel Macomb Show.

Uncle Sam is not your doctor. That's not his... His job.

He's... The guy's... He's not even your uncle.

Well, actually, I do have an Uncle Sam.

Well, that's... I'm super happy for you. I really am.

Earl Higgins. You must be Tess?

- Yeah. - Hi.

I don't know what you did but I got to thank you, Tess.

He's on fire today.

I can try and explain it to him,

but I don't think he understand

- what to say here. - Well, Nessy, your... Your son,

would he self-identify as a member of the left?

I don't think so.

How about we, uh, we get him on

- to talk to his Uncle Lionel... - N... No, no, no.

...see if I can seek him out.

Lionel, we didn't screen the kid.

Earl's warning me not to take the bait,

but Lionel Macomb takes on all comers.

This show is not a safe place for me or anyone else.

I say bring him on. Bring them all on.

Okay, Lionel. Here's Cory.

Hey, Cory, welcome to the show.

- Cory? - Hello?

Uh...

Cory, how old are you, son?

Five and three quarters.

Uh... Well... And your grandma, she's not... Not too good, right?

You mean my wowee?

Yeah, your wowee. She's, uh...

She's... She's not... Not good, yeah?

She's in the hospital.

There's a lot of people

trying to make your... Your... wowee feel better, right?

- Yeah. - Your mom, doctors, nurses.

And, um...

but there are o... Other people who've never...

even met your wowee who think they know...

They know better. Uh... government people.

And... And, uh,

I'll tell you a little secret about those government people.

A secret?

They wanna kill your wowee.

I think we lost him. It's okay. You're gonna have to find out

sooner or later, you know, grannies die all the time.

No matter how good your Medicare is.

An iceberg the size of Delaware

broke off of Antarctica.

Climate change isn't a theory, it's a fact.

It doesn't matter if you care or not.

I care.

That... That's why I live in a penthouse.

I moved to higher ground.

I just...

I can't... There's no... There's no words.

I gotta say this... All right. You know,

whenever an environmentalist gets in a hissy fit,

I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

Does he... Does he always do that?

Sometimes he lets them sputter for a few seconds.

He likes it when they're so mad

they can't form a coherent thought.

Hmm. What about bring him on?

Your uncle's a heavyweight.

And thousands of people

who want a turn in the ring with him,

a chance to land a cheap shot and take him down.

Don't get me wrong.

He can take every one of them.

But that's not his job.

Real fighters stop taking punches, they get soft.

- But they stay pretty. - No, Whole Foods.

That's where you buy your goddamn political viewpoints,

in a little carryout bag

with your fava beans and your hummus...

Oh.

- Uh. Yeah. - Oh, wow.

- Yeah. You got a little... - There's something on my...

- Something on my face? - ...something... Can you feel it?

Mm. Thank you.

You should start with your face.

- What, up here? - Yeah.

Oh, God.

You know, these... These things are... Are basically foolproof.

- Foolproof? - Yeah.

- Like, a toddler can use them. - Like a toddler?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Mm.

You should see them make these itty-bitty baby lattes.

- Wow. - Pretty cute.

- Do you wanna... - Come on, move.

Please. Feel free to demonstrate.

- It's an art, you see? - Mm. Yeah, show me.

Shocker.

Well, that's a lot of trouble for a cup of coffee.

Yeah, well, you've never met my boss.

Grayson.

Oh, you have foam in your hair.

- Let me just... Yes. - Thank you.

Tess, this is Judith Montefiore-Salters.

Senior senator of the state of New York.

- And my boss. - Yeah.

Well, try saying that ten times fast.

It... It... It's an honor to meet you.

So, you're the reason it takes ten minutes to get a macchiato.

Well, without her, it probably would've taken 20.

Uh-huh. Well, I hope Grayson wasn't bothering you.

No. No. Not too much.

I've never met a senator's intern before, or a senator.

And the honor is mine.

You know, your Clean Slate bill,

it's... It's causing a lot of drama around here.

My uncle talks about it pretty much daily.

- Good things I hope. - Tess.

At any moment was this woman left alone with this beverage?

You have to get Stanford to taste it first.

Don't worry, Lionel. It's just a little truth serum.

It'll only be fatal to your career.

Really, Judy, has it come to this? Stalking?

I was down the hall doing Ben's show.

When are you gonna let me have a turn in the hot seat?

Your show, your rules, no preconditions?

- I promise it won't hurt. - Please, Judy. Not in public.

What's the matter? Larry not getting it done for you?

You looking to add another hyphen?

Oh, God. That's such a short walk

from the playground to the locker room.

Isn't it? You're a great talker, Lionel.

Not much for listening, though.

Sorry, what was that?

It's nice to meet you both.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

...not cheap, it's toxic!

Talk's not cheap, it's toxic!

Talk's not cheap, it's toxic!

Talk's not cheap, it's toxic!

You know what, you should let the senator on your show.

It'd be good for ratings.

My ratings are perfectly healthy, thank you.

I just mean, you know, maybe

it would be good to break out of your bubble a little bit.

I like my bubble.

It has a private jet, cellars of Château Margaux,

and heaping piles of instant gratification.

It's just a suggestion.

Don't worry about me, kid.

I got all the attention I can stand.

Next Wednesday night.

Joining us tonight from New York is Gareth Whitley.

Rising star of Talk Radio.

Welcome, Gareth, good to have you.

Blessed to be here, Jane. Thank you.

Mm-mm.

It's like going to the doctor's, no fun,

but you still got to know what's going on.

...from the flame thrower himself, Lionel Macomb.

The master. None better.

You were his intern,

his sidekick...

...and his heir apparent.

So, Gareth, what changed?

Well, listen, Jane.

- I owe a lot to Lionel. - Yes, you do.

I wouldn't be where I am without him.

But, you know, after a while, I knew I had to follow my calling

- Go my own way. - Lots of people...

- Does he paint his teeth? - Yes, he does.

- Huh. - And he probably

bleaches his asshole.

- I feel very blessed. - And you've talked

about how faith and parenthood affected your work.

Tell us more.

Here comes the frozen lake story.

Three, two, one.

I was walking in the woods with my daughter, Evie.

We came upon this frozen lake.

And Evie stopped.

And she just stood at that lake

staring for what must've been two to three minutes.

Not saying a word.

Holding my hand.

Watching the sun shine on the ice.

It was heavenly.

I stood beside her...

...looking at her look at the world.

And I remember thinking

about the show that I was doing with Lionel.

And then I thought,

"Is that really how I wanna spend my time?"

You know, use my voice? Is that what I want

my little baby girl to see of her father?

And in that moment, it stopped adding up for me.

Mm-hmm.

It was time.

Now, there's some speculation that your meteoric rise

has led to a falling out with Mr. Macomb.

No. Not at all.

There's room for both of us under the tent.

No, there's not.

So, what does Lionel think about this friendly fire?

Have you spoken with him about it?

You know, Jane, I've reached out.

He waved. Waving is not reaching.

But I have faith that he'll come around.

In fact, we're actually putting on

a little event next month.

An old-fashioned revival type thing

full of good talk and honest debate.

It will be televised live

in front of a studio audience, and...

I'm hoping that Lionel will agree

to be my special guest.

So, what do you say, Lionel?

Would you that for an old friend?

Pushing the buttons works, too.

What do say we get some air?

♪ I have something to sing about now ♪

♪ And I want the world to know

♪ Just why the moon's aglow ♪

♪ Why stars are Waking up above ♪

♪ I am in love ♪

♪ I have something To sing about now ♪

- ♪ My heart is so full... ♪ - Hey! Macomb!

Your ego is blocking the screen!

Go home, prick!

Your views are bullshit, man!

I know you can hear me, Macomb.

- Oh, bad boy's getting up. - Lionel.

- Hey! Sit down! - Nice to meet a fan.

- Shh! - Come on!

Hey, asshole, sit down! This ain't even your show.

How do you sleep at night?

- Shh! - On a mattress stuffed with cash

and the broken dreams of Hillary Clinton.

You selfish prick! Go home!

♪ I'm in love ♪

You suck, Macomb!

You should've seen these jackals trying to tell me

where I can go in my city.

I'll tell them where they can go.

Well, now, maybe if you treated people

with a little respect,

- it'd come back at you. - What? Do unto others?

Nope. Never heard it. You should trademark that.

You're very rude, sir.

I'm trying to have a genuine conversation.

No, Ernie. You're coming on my show

trying to teach me about respect.

Buddy, tell me, what do you know about respect?

Only what I learned during

three tours in Afghanistan.

And whose side were you on?

You shouldn't talk to people that way, Lionel.

Or else what?

I'll be elected president?

Your buddy, Ernie, should appreciate

what I do more than anyone.

That's what he fought for.

To come home and get reamed at on the radio

by some smug, angry, rich guy?

His mission is to defend our freedom.

I'm exercising that freedom.

Wow. Yeah. They should give you a medal.

They have.

So, anyone can say whatever they wanna say

whenever they wanna say it?

- Yes. It's called honesty. - They were honest last night.

- How'd that feel? - That's different.

In person, it's personal. I don't go into people's homes

and spit bile while they eat.

- That's exactly what you do. - They don't have to listen.

No. They can always switch over to Whitley.

I seriously don't get what Val sees in you.

She is smart, funny, loyal, successful, kind.

I'm smart, funny, and successful.

Yeah. You're missing a couple of key ingredients there.

Strong women can take it.

Why do you cheat?

Because I'm all fucked up deep down inside.

Ladies and gentlemen, Lionel Macomb.

Lionel should get one of these.

It'd go great with that huge painting of himself.

That was a birthday gift, actually.

From Lionel to Lionel.

Your uncle has got some rough edges but, you know,

there's parts of him that might surprise you.

Give him time.

Don't get me wrong,

I appreciate what he's doing for me.

It's nice of him to let me stick around for a few more weeks

considering how much he seems to hate me.

Lionel doesn't hate you.

I know, it's my mom he can't stand.

No. He doesn't hate your mom, either.

How can you tell?

Because he doesn't talk about her.

Spent a lot of time in libraries.

Hey, hey.

Got you something.

Oh, since when are you shy? Come on. Come on.

I thought it'd be good for your room at Harper.

- How... - Lionel did his homework.

We know your blood type, your first crush.

Harper is a wonderful school. You'll be very happy there.

Yeah. I'm sure I would be.

What? You're not gonna go?

Mm...

I don't know. I want to. But...

Your mom?

- She doesn't want you to go? - No, she does.

You should've seen her the day that I got in. She...

She started making these guttural shrieking noises,

like an angry dolphin or something, but...

in a totally thrilled and proud way.

Mm. That's the problem with dolphin noises.

We made a deal.

My mom gets help.

She actually sees it through this time.

Then I'll go to Harper.

I mean, I wanna go...

more than anything.

- But first I need to know... - She's okay.

Please don't tell Lionel. He would never understand.

Well...

- your mom's getting help, right? - Yeah.

Yeah. So, there's nothing to tell.

Sounds like you made a good deal.

Yeah.

Well, then we can move on to more important things

like where are we going to have lunch?

I'm starving.

I once had someone deported for looking into that picture.

And he was from Maine.

You look happy.

I wasn't.

Uh, we were supposed to go to Mount Rushmore.

Uh...

It was stupid, but I was... I was dying to see it.

So, one day your grandmother

piles me and your mother into the car.

I ask her where we're going and she just smiles.

Two days later,

you know where we end up?

Ossineke, Michigan.

Surprise.

Instead of Mount Rushmore, I got Dinosaur Gardens.

There was a guy she wanted to see in Rogers City.

So, it worked out great.

So, why the smile?

The smile was not for her.

My mom took this.

She used to take pictures of everything.

Like our life was this big, important exhibit

she was curating.

Kept them all in a busted-up shoe box,

called her family album.

But, uh...

you have her camera now,

so I'm guessing she gave that up.

Does she still have the pictures?

Mm. Well, that's a warm, fuzzy memory

to keep tucked away in your desk.

Well, that's what families are for.

They remind you of all the things you...

secretly hate and fear about yourself.

Wow. I can't wait to get your Christmas card.

That was an important day for me.

That was the day I learned who I could really count on.

If you're lucky, you'll have a day like that, too.

Yeah, I've had plenty.

Not enough.

Now, get out of my chair.

Judy the Hyphen is begging to come on my show

to yammer about Clean Slate.

She is getting desperate, I'm telling you.

Something must be missing at home.

Stay tuned for The Lionel Macomb Show

after these messages.

Why do you always do that?

You can't just talk about her ideas?

You gotta hit the fact that

she's a woman having those ideas?

She... She is a woman. Isn't she?

She's a ranking member of the Senate Judiciary Committee.

It's insulting.

It's like, "Isn't this cute,

she's walking around in Daddy's shoes."

What would you know about Daddy's shoes?

See? You're getting nasty

'cause you can't handle an actual debate.

No?

Hi, folks. Please welcome to the show my niece, Tess.

You'll have to excuse her. She's 16 and female.

Say hi, Tess.

No.

Come on, Tess. This... This is your big shot.

You want an actual debate. This is your chance.

Hi.

Tess would like to offer a tearful defense

for these Clean Slate kids.

Tell us, o young and wise one,

why they deserve to be rewarded for breaking the law?

They didn't break the law, their parents did.

Then they should take it up with their parents,

- not the federal government. - They are just kids.

They've got nowhere to go. Put yourself in their shoes.

I didn't know they had shoes.

You know,

you're missing a great opportunity here, Lionel.

You should just use this bill as a Trojan horse.

You should offer them citizenship,

get them to come forward

then just round them up and deport them.

That would be a real clean slate, right?

I like that idea.

You remind me of me.

You just ambushed me in front of a million people.

I ambushed you in front of three million people.

Whatever happened to straight talk?

People don't want straight talk.

They want memes, soundbites.

Hyper-articulated divination of the noise inside their heads.

Nobody wears a T-shirt saying "I love nuance".

Right. And you just sit back and fan the flames.

I shape the conversation, think it's easy doing what I do?

What do you do Lionel, really?

For three hours a day, I give people a sense of power

in a cruel and indifferent world.

And how long have you've been offering this magnificent power?

Twenty-one years.

And have things gotten any better?

They have for me.

Have you ever changed anyone's mind about anything?

Don't know. Don't care.

Have you ever changed your mind?

Never had to.

Have you ever thought about the possibility

for just one second that you might be wrong?

I was only wrong once,

and that's when I thought I was wrong,

but it turned out I was right.

You are so damaged.

And you always have to have the last word.

Wait, you just had the last word.

That... It's unfair. It's a perfect shutdown.

There's nothing I can say. If I answer you win.

If I shut up you also win.

You must still be mad at me.

You barely touched your fifth plate.

Where's Lorenzo?

I told him you said he could have the rest of the day off.

You live in my home, eat my food,

go to work into my office in clothes I bought you.

You may not respect what I do but, uh,

you got to admit, it has its perks.

She looks so small.

She is small. It's her mouth that's huge.

She's getting to you.

I can't get over how quiet it is here.

You're okay with that?

- I don't know. - Not really, right?

I could start howling for you?

Yeah, I think I'd like that.

Everybody I wanna talk to is right here.

Kent? You're supposed to be on vacation.

Talking to me is not vacation.

Okay. Thank you.

What is it? What happened?

Laurie checked out of rehab last Thursday.

Two weeks early.

Boyd has no idea where she is.

Okay. You know what, don't, um... Don't tell Tess yet.

Not until we figure this out.

And certainly not when you're angry.

I'm always angry.

You're saying I should lie to Tess

so I don't hurt her feelings?

No. I'm not saying... Well, I just...

You know, do what you do, just spin it.

Kent thinks we should try for emancipation.

We'd have to stick it out for the summer,

but, after that, she'd be on her own and off to school.

- She won't go. - What do you mean she won't go?

I mean, they made a deal.

Tess will only go to Harper if her mom is in a good place.

I promised I wouldn't say anything,

she didn't think you'd understand.

No. Because I'm a sane person.

And who gives a shit if they had a deal?

Laurie clearly doesn't.

She's broken every deal she ever made.

Lionel.

I'm gonna tell that girl to go to school.

I thought you said lost those?

No. These are mine.

And, by the way, I didn't lose anything.

Late last year, we were crashing in Marfa

with this asshole, Doug Peppers.

One night, my mom woke me up

and said that we had to leave fast.

And we were halfway to town before she realized that...

she left the box underneath his bed.

And I knew it was bad because she would not go back.

Not even for that.

It was our whole history.

Trust me. You're better off without it.

Hey, you... You okay there, Lionel?

Come on. What are we doing in here?

Let's go kick some people off my private beach.

Hey. Uh, you've got a call on two,

because apparently I take calls for you now.

Mom?

Hi.

Oh. You have to go. Harper's an amazing school.

- You went there? - Uh, no. Andover.

- Oh. - Uh-huh.

Is that where you became the bright-eyed,

congressional coffee making idealist you are today?

Uh, well, growing up, my uh, house was sort of

negatively charged, my parents are both lobbyists.

And, uh, they'd spend their days

working the Hill for Big Tobacco,

then they'd come home and tell me not to smoke.

It was a comfortable life, but, uh,

eventually I realized I want to work

for something I really believed in.

You're not gonna use that thing on me, are you?

- You like photography. - I like history.

Whenever my, uh... My mom and I moved somewhere new,

there'd always be something like that.

You know, an old movie theater or...

a memorial in town square.

Nothing is permanent,

but some things last longer than you think.

Stuff like that always made me feel at home.

Even if I wasn't.

Hey!

- Ooh! - No! That's not fair.

- What? - You didn't warn me.

- Of course I did. - No. I'm gonna look ridiculous.

No, you look great. You may look a little blue,

- a little hint of magenta. - Hmm.

How was lunch?

- Hey, does he... Does... - Relax. He doesn't know.

For someone who seems to cringe at my presence,

you pay an awful lot of attention to me.

- Well, it's my job. - To babysit?

To protect Lionel from the petty annoyances of everyday life.

But if you think you need a babysitter,

he'll probably ask me to do that, too.

I don't see what you have against me,

I got you your job back.

You got me fired.

Call it even?

Sure. Yeah. Call it whatever you want.

Just, uh... be careful with that Grayson kid. Okay?

That shy smile and that helpful little squint.

I've seen that smile before. And it works, too.

But... what's it working toward?

You're spending way too much time around Lionel.

Oh, yeah. Definitely. Yeah. It's a problem.

Whitley can work his side of the street, I'll work mine.

Whitley's peeping over your side of the street.

Overall, we're down 28 percent since June.

- More in major markets. - You need to show him

you still got some fight in you.

We're running out of time, Lionel.

If it's about my deal, don't worry, I can take less.

- I'm not talking about money. - I am.

- I'm talking about irrelevance. - Go on his show.

Whitley's show, his revival thing, you should do it.

All right, that... That... That's a high noon scenario.

Only one person walks away.

And you're saying it won't be me?

Whitley didn't invite you because he wants you to show up,

he invited you because he thinks you won't.

You get in the ring, he's already wrong.

Prove him wrong.

Get out of here.

I'll never get used to that.

It's good to be back.

Nice of you to cross the street.

Hmm. Well, I do what I can for old friends.

You know, it's been a really tough summer.

And I hope we could both rise above it.

We got the chance to do something really exciting here.

Oh, sure. Uh, if I do this, I'm billed as co-host,

not special guest. I sign off on all publicity.

Talking points to be set in advance.

- No straying, no surprises. - Fine by me.

I have approval of lighting and set design.

No God-rays,

no scripture, no stained-glass. This isn't The Revival.

Yeah, but for your sake, you better hope it is.

- There he is. - Is there anything else

you wanna do on my show?

Oh, horns poking out beneath his halo.

You know, I know you don't realize this,

but I'm actually trying to do you a favor here.

See you on the air.

Would you get me a coffee?

Excuse me.

Come here.

A young man left this for you.

Here's to things that last.

Scissors!

How romantic.

Aw.

Now I know what to get my wife for our anniversary.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Yes, that's Marfa, Texas.

I know. I'm sorry.

Thank you, Boyd... um, if...

If there's anything I can do to make it up to you,

be sure to let me know.

You want...

Boyd, I... I really... I really don't think I'm...

best man material.

I... Can't I... Can't I just pay you?

Okay. Thanks, buddy.

That was weird.

What is this?

That is none of your business.

It's an emancipation request with my name on it.

It seems like it is my business.

Well, technically, yes.

I appreciate what you're trying to do, Lionel, but...

I don't need that, I've got my mom.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you got a deal, right?

She gets out next Friday,

she'll come up for me, and then I'll go to school.

Does she know you're here?

What if I just sent you packing?

Well, maybe she had more faith in you.

Well, then she's as delusional as you are.

You don't even know her anymore.

I don't need to. I had a mother just like her.

They are the undertow.

By the time you realize you're drowning, it's already too late.

Get out now while you still can.

Maybe I don't wanna be somebody who just looks out for myself.

Well, if you don't, no one else will.

Laurie sure as hell won't.

You've got all of this.

She has nothing.

You won, and yet you still walk around like this...

pissed off little kid

with your stupid dinosaur mug screaming,

"Remember my pain."

Why are you still so angry, Lionel?

Why can't you just let it go?

You like pictures, right?

Let me tear you a page from the family album. Uh...

Pelahatchie, Mississippi, 1981.

I'm a sophomore.

Your mother is 17-years-old.

And our mother is shacked up with Roy Meloy.

Roy's hobbies included flicking lit Pall Malls in my face

while I'm doing my homework, and ogling Laurie

like she's next up

once he decides to trade in the old model.

Laurie decides to cut loose,

she asked me if I wanna join her.

I'm scared but I say, "I'm in. I'm all in."

So, we make a plan.

Laurie's boyfriend has a car.

She has a friend in Austin who can put us up.

I flip burgers all summer

and put every last greasy buck into our escape fund.

We're gonna get a lawyer.

I do the paperwork, find me a place to finish high school.

Finally, the big day comes,

we're supposed to meet at 6:00 a.m.

in the lot behind in the school.

I wait there for four hours.

I finally go home.

I'm still expecting Laurie to be there.

I'm thinking maybe I... Somehow, I... I... I got confused.

And I look in my bag and the money's gone.

And so is Laurie.

She didn't even leave a note.

I had to stay in that hellhole for two more years

before I could work my way out for good.

That was a long time ago.

Your mom checked out of the center six days ago, Tess.

What? She didn't tell you?

She left, again.

She always leaves.

You're cruel.

It runs in the family.

Will you leave?

I have to wait for my mom.

I know what you're thinking, but...

it's different with me, I'm the only one she's never left.

What about Harper?

I mean, I know it's not like

the emotional focal point at the moment,

but, I don't know, maybe you can still go?

Yeah, maybe.

Look, there's still hope.

All you know is what Lionel told you.

And he's a professional fear-monger,

you know he only said that stuff because he's scared.

- What? Of me? - Of you.

Of Whitley. Of... Of everything.

Standing on an iceberg, breathing fire,

wondering why he's sinking.

I mean, Lionel's way too angry.

You're not angry enough, get angry!

Okay. If he can't handle me, Whitley is gonna eat him alive.

Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Lionel can say the most subhuman things and I...

I... I still can't decide if I just...

I wanna save him from himself or...

if I wanna wave a giant fan while he goes down in flames.

How about both?

Talk... Talk's not cheap, it's toxic.

Talk's not cheap, it's... Remember that, it's toxic, guys.

Oh, there are a few last-minute tweaks. I hope you don't mind.

Quiet, please. We're live in five...

- Good luck. - ...four...

- Go fuck yourself. - ...three...

two...

one.

Hey!

Hey. Hey, guys. Thank you so much. Wonderful.

Wonderful, wonderful.

Thank you. You guys, please!

I feel you all, right here.

Woo. Okay. Incredible.

Welcome, friends.

We're so glad you could join us.

Glad... and humbled.

Glad you could join me, too, my friend.

- The pleasure's all yours. - It truly is.

How about another round of applause

for the legendary Lionel Macomb.

Come on. Let's hear it a little bit more.

Now, Lionel and I have gone our separate ways,

but we've come together today because we believe

we're a part of something bigger than ourselves.

We may not agree on everything, but in division,

we become weak.

We lose focus.

- The flock strays. - Sure,

if you think of yourselves as sheep.

You know, in many ways,

we're farther apart than we've ever been.

Left and right.

Rich and poor.

The faithful and the doubtful.

We can't survive in an echo chamber, people.

So, in the spirit of reconciliation,

I'd like to welcome a very special guest.

The senior senator from New York,

Judith Montefiore-Salters.

Come on, people, let's show her our spirit.

Keep it going. Keep it going for Judith.

Come here, Judith.

Thank you.

Gentlemen...

It's unconscionable. How can you relate to be...

These are human beings, when you tell these kids

to go back home, that's... That's... That's...

Cleveland, that's Dallas, that's Queens.

This is their country, too, and yet, you would deprive them

of their basic rights and opportunities.

Rights they're not entitled to,

opportunities they don't deserve.

I'd like to believe we could stick to our time-honored values

of hard work and accountability

and save a little room for compassion.

Compassion? Isn't that the name of the Sri Lankan housemaid

you got working up at your chalet in Vale?

Folks...

You benefited from opportunity, Lionel.

From the hard work and generosity of others.

We... We all did, that's how we got here.

Oh, that's how you got here, I... I...

owe nothing because I came from nothing.

I... I fought, I clawed.

Oh, o... Of course.

Everything you got, you earned yourself.

And everything I got was given to me.

Probably by a man.

I don't... I don't know how you got where you are,

Judith, it's not a place I'd brag about being either.

I'm here because I said

the things that needed to be said.

But people need something different now.

Right. And you're the guy to give it to them.

Well, if they let me, I'm gonna try.

You're gonna have to do better than that, Gareth.

Because anybody out here who is really listening,

knows that you're singing the same songs

your old friend, Lionel, just in a different key.

Haven't you heard, Judy, Gareth here has seen the light.

Yeah, I've known this man a long time.

The only light he's ever seen

is the one that blinks when the camera is on.

I'm worried about you, Lionel.

The people who love you, they're worried, too.

This anger, this vitriol.

It's bad for the soul.

Oh, that old thing,

I sold that a half-a-lifetime ago,

but, uh, now I can play me a mean guitar.

Well, then, I'll give you this, my friend.

These are fearful times.

And you understand fear better than just about anyone

and that understanding doesn't come easy.

You learned it as a kid.

A kid who hid in the backseat,

every time his mom went to the bank

to cash her welfare check.

A kid who was so ashamed he couldn't pay for school lunch,

he would wait until the cafeteria was empty

and grabbed his tray.

A kid who felt left down and left behind

by the very people who were supposed to love him.

His poor, troubled mother.

God rest her soul.

And his own sister...

who abandoned him in a parking lot.

You know, I think underneath all your bravado,

you've always been that scared little kid

and right now, you're downright terrified.

You thought you had a movement, but all you had was a moment.

You've got a unique opportunity here, Lionel.

To remember where you came from,

to go a different way.

That was really... That was really beautiful.

- Gareth, really. - Thank you.

So, so heartfelt, I actually almost believed it.

That must be why you guys love Whitley so much

because you can sit here and listen to him

remake God in his own image.

- That's not true. - Well, I got news for you.

Whitley doesn't care about you.

No one on the stage gives a damn about you or your problems.

If we actually fix them,

we'd have nothing to argue about.

We're all playing you.

We get rich and powerful by yanking your strings

and you're dumb enough to bow down and lap it up.

That is awfully cynical, Lionel.

This country has its problems, serious ones.

In some ways, I've never been more concerned.

But deep down, we all want the same basic things.

Freedom, justice...

- respect. - Yes, exactly.

And that's why we're here, to talk things out,

to rediscover our common ground,

because after all, the things that we share...

are the things that make us truly exceptional.

You really believe we're exceptional?

Now? Today?

Of course I do, Lionel.

Don't you?

I believe I'm exceptional.

I believe you are a hypocritical charlatan,

and you, Senator, are a sanctimonious twot.

You're angry.

You should be.

Our best days are behind us.

And they're not coming back.

No promised land awaits you.

This was your paradise, and what did you do with it?

You turned it into a horrific parade of war, poverty...

violence, greed, and despair.

A thousand rough beasts slouching toward Bethlehem.

Yes, the end is nigh, my friends.

Yet you live out your days

wallowing in a disposable selfie culture.

Addicted to opioids and bad news.

You elect a deranged conman just to see what happens.

You worship at the Apple Store,

lining up around the block by the latest shiny new window

into someone else's curated life.

Post pictures of dead Syrian kids on Facebook

and 15 seconds later,

you're shopping for yoga pants made by an eight-year-old

in a Bangladeshi sweat shop.

Now, you be sure to tell the veteran pumping your gas,

"Thanks for your service." He put a tiger in your tank.

Put your hand on your heart,

you wear your heart on your sleeve,

but who cares about real feelings when you got emojis?

You know, you put all your faith in a... In a non-existing god

and politicians and corporations

who treat you like indentured servants.

False prophets telling you what to feel, think, what to buy,

who to worship, hate, fuck.

Meanwhile, we profit off your suffering

from the retched futility

of your most ardent hopes and dreams.

And do you hold us to account? No.

You're too bored.

Too lazy.

Too fickle.

Too petty, too mean.

You are complacent and corrupt.

You lie, you cheat, and you steal.

We're just better at it than you are.

So, you worship us.

You throw gold

at... At the jack-booted feet of the Wall Street raiders.

The gunrunners, the pill-peddlers,

the Bible bangers, the reality TV stars.

You got your heads buried in your phones,

holding fast to the myth of your own greatness.

Well, power down, people!

Take a look around,

the American dream is dead and buried.

And you're dancing on its grave.

He finished?

Yeah, I think he's finished.

Tess? That was amazing.

I mean, your uncle just committed

- career suicide on national TV. - Leave.

Oh, come on. What's he gonna do?

Lionel is not the one you should be afraid of right now.

I told you that stuff in confidence.

That's my family.

- I trusted you. - Well, maybe

you shouldn't have told me those things.

I mean, I'm not on his side, Tess.

What'd you think was gonna happen?

You know what? It doesn't matter.

I'm the one who stabbed him in the back.

You just gave me the scissors.

- Uh... - Let's grab dinner,

and take a breath and figure the rest out later.

- Are you okay? - Never better.

- What, you think you won? - I know I did.

There's no such thing as being too outrageous.

Not anymore.

You have no problem with what just happened?

Just one.

I never told Whitley any of that personal stuff.

What else did you tell him?

- She didn't mean to do it. - Stay out of this, Stanford.

The Grayson kid.

He tricked her, and... And she didn't know

that he'd use any of this against you.

And you won, right?

It's late.

I'll go check on her.

Tess?

Nothing's come in over the radio.

She won't have much money.

We've got eyes at Penn Station, and the Port Authority.

Someone will pick her up.

Is she here?

Okay.

Send her up.

You have a visitor.

I'm pretty sure that's closed.

I'm not going back.

There's nothing you could say that's gonna change my mind.

What about me?

Cozy.

Yeah, the whole place is kinda like this.

I wouldn't know.

He stopped me at the elevator.

Tyler.

Oh, hey.

Uh, Lionel got you a suite at the Essex house.

Two bedrooms, view of the park, really nice.

That was all Tyler.

Don't give me any credit, please.

Well, we're very grateful.

- God, you're so grey. - Uh,

Take them... Take them down to the hotel and get them set up.

Oh, we can handle it.

And make sure they take out the minibar.

That... I know I've got no right to ask you, but, um...

I'm still working on our next step

and I was thinking if it wasn't too much trouble...

- How long do you need? - A week. Two, tops.

- So, I could make a plan. - Why start now?

Well, that went well.

So, New York City, huh?

Don't you just love it? Come on.

- Tell me everything. - Okay.

And then you wanted to get your ears pierced.

So, uh, what's the plan?

Cathy Mercer has a sister in Fayetteville

and she can hook me up with some temp work down there.

I feel really hopeful this time.

I learned a lot about myself these past few weeks.

Then why'd you leave?

Because I miss my girl.

But we had a deal, Mama.

I know, and I... I went.

I went, and I did it, and I got what I could out of it.

Just to stay there any longer

seemed like a waste of time and money, so...

Do they give you a refund if you check out early?

Hmm...

I see Uncle Lionel has rubbed off on you.

No, he hasn't.

I get it.

He came through for you in the clutch.

Gave you a fancy place to crash.

Bought you some nice things. Things I could never give you.

You really think I care about all that stuff?

- Well... - I only...

ever just wanted you to be okay.

Mom, look at me, can you promise me you're gonna be okay?

I want to,

but I'm not supposed to make any big promises right now.

Okay? That's one of the things that I learned.

It's what they teach you.

I've just got to take it day by day, right now.

Day by day.

You know I want to...

be one of those Harper moms, right?

That you see on the website and...

where they play squash, lacrosse.

And wear those big stupid straw-hats, right?

It just might take me a little longer to get there.

Do a sit down with Anderson,

open up about your past and your anger issues,

the steps you're taking in becoming a better man,

admit that you said things that you shouldn't have.

What were those?

This story is gonna be in

the first paragraph of your obituary,

I really wish you would take it seriously.

I am!

This is a gift, Val.

How are my numbers?

Come on, I know you're polling. What do they say?

They love you.

And why would I apologize for that?

Right.

Great. You, uh, ha! You got a bump.

Do you really think

that they give a shit about you, Lionel?

They just wanna see you burn the house down.

They don't even care if you're still inside.

In fact, they don't care what you do

just as long as it's big.

Then I better make it big.

- What about Tess? - What about her?

I'm tired of trying to fix this, Lionel.

I... I... I can't.

I just, I... I...

I can't.

Maybe it seems like a small thing,

this choice you're making.

Small choices can have major consequences.

You really think they'd give it to me?

I do.

In the language, it's a bit cold.

Makes it sound like you're cutting all ties.

But you're simply freeing yourself

to chart your own course.

I appreciate this...

but I'm good.

My mom and I, we figured things out on our own.

She signed your letter?

She didn't sign it because I didn't want her to sign it.

She's leaving tomorrow and I'm going with her.

Opportunities like this...

they're very rare.

So are mothers.

Yeah, she needs me, but I need her, too.

I won't ask you to understand.

Thank you, Kent.

Really.

Hey. Uh, Claremont on two.

Hello, Arthur.

Lionel, my boy, I wanted to wish you luck today

This is a big moment for you.

Your first show back

since you told Uncle Sam to go fuck himself.

You're the last of a great breed.

Joe's doing a goddamn podcast,

Glen just walks around hugging people.

I'm proud of you, son.

You tapped a new vein here.

Don't back down, just keep being an angry prick

and then we'll be laughing all the way to the bank.

Thank you, sir.

With friends like that, who needs family, right?

I think a guy from Stanford

would know when to keep his trap shut.

I guess that's a good thing I didn't go to Stanford, then.

I know.

You went to Penn.

Tell them I'll be back in a minute.

But you're on in 10.

Give me a minute. And you just gave it to him?

Do you realize what we've got riding on this?

Jerry, get a tape out, just in case.

Yeah?

What?

Lionel, no.

Lionel, no.

No, no, no, no.

It's a bad idea.

Get ready for

The Lionel Macomb Show.

Lionel Macomb is fired up.

Oh, you're so hot, Lionel.

N... Now? Am I speaking? Oh.

Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that.

I'm sorry.

Hello, America.

Um, it's Wendell.

I'm sitting in for Lionel.

Lionel Macomb.

He's usually here.

Um... It's his show, most of the time.

But he... He's out, so, I'm... It's Wendell,

and, um, I just wanted to say to begin,

I'd like to say one... Just one thing.

I can't imagine what's that gonna be.

Talk's not cheap, it's... Oh, they can't see it.

Talk's not cheap, it's... It's toxic.

Oh, well, I'm honored.

I got myself a private audience with the king.

You can save the speech, Lionel, I know why you're here.

Where's Tess?

Tess made up her own mind, just...

accept that and wish us well.

She's 16-years-old.

By definition, she's mentally unsound.

She'd follow you anywhere and you know it.

She's still a kid.

She's not supposed to leave me yet.

Someday, she's gonna leave.

You keep going like this, she may not come back.

You should know.

I'm sorry that I couldn't be your mother, Lionel.

I was 17-years-old.

I was barely older than Tess is now.

I didn't know anything.

I'm sorry.

You don't need to be my mother.

Just be hers.

Tess is the one good thing in my life, you know.

She's the one good thing I have.

I know I don't deserve her, you think I don't know that?

I'm trying, really trying.

I can't... I can't lose her.

She is the only thing that has always been there for me.

But that's not her job.

She thinks she can save you.

We both know it doesn't work like that.

How many fifths of Beam did we water down?

How many wolves did we try and chase out the door?

Pete Stubbs.

Ralph Sorensen.

Oh, God. Do you remember Buddy Reynolds?

Buddy Wrecker.

Yeah. Buddy the Home Wrecker.

Oh, God. Do you... Do you remember the time

that you put his Barracuda in neutral?

To see if it would roll down the hill.

The goddamn thing

was halfway down the driveway

before we realized that son of a bitch

was passed out in the backseat.

I... I... I didn't... Didn't know that.

Why do you care, Lionel?

I've been asking myself the same question for weeks.

I know you've done real well for yourself,

telling other people how to think, but...

you don't get to do that here.

Can I tell you what I think?

You keep running too fast, too far, too long,

you end up right back where you started.

You become the thing you're running from.

She won't stop running unless you do.

Stop running.

I... I know it's a cliché,

but you really don't understand a person's life

until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

And so, I actually find that it's a helpful exercise,

um, literally and figuratively.

So why... Why don't you try it?

You go outside to the grocery store

and stop a fellow pedestrian

and say, "Hey, would you mind if we trade shoes

and I walk in yours for a mile or maybe two,

if the weather permits?"

Um, you know, sometimes they ignore you,

sometimes you lose your shoes,

um, and sometimes you get athlete's foot.

- But I think it... - How... How much time we have?

Two hours.

...we can learn something really valuable about other people's...

uh... lives and feet.

Okay. Thank you for your call.

All right. That's enough. That's enough.

- Out of the studio. - No, I'm...

- Out of the studio right now. - But I still have

so many more callers to take.

Hey.

I love a good road trip.

Hi.

He's not gonna come, is he?

I'm sure he would have, but, you know, he's got the show

and that crippling inability to express his vulnerability.

There you go again, making him look good.

Yeah.

Actually, I've decided not to do that... anymore.

I have been doing it way too long.

I've got this crazy idea

that I should stop trying to fix people

and do what's best for me for a while.

- Wish me luck. - You don't need it.

If you need me, you know where to find me.

You're gonna let me know where to find you, too?

Yeah, of course.

You know that I'm gonna be fine.

This is yours, by the way.

It'll look great wherever you choose to hang it.

Thank you.

You helped me a lot.

Mom, we need to talk.

I know.

Get ready for

The Lionel Macomb Show.

Lionel Macomb is fired up.

Oh, you're so hot, Lionel.

Well, friends, it seems that I made a few headlines lately.

Uh, last week, the guys in charge

decided to give me another chance.

You gave me another chance, and I gave you Wendell.

You know, most of the time, I, uh, I think I make you feel

pretty good about yourselves, make you feel righteous,

powerful, angry.

I... I say the things that you wish you could say.

But sometimes, I'm gonna rub you the wrong way

And I make no excuses.

Did I call you lazy, fat, and stupid?

Not directly, but, uh,

let's face it, some of you could stand to lose a few.

You know, if you spend too much time

in front of a microphone in a padded room,

you forget there are things that you need

that you can't give yourself. Uh...

A song by Johnny Cash.

An honest ear, a... A kick in the ass.

That stuff has to come from somewhere else.

Maybe it comes from you.

You know, we're not one big, happy American family.

It doesn't exist.

I mean, we sit down to Thanksgiving dinner,

try and forget what happened the year before.

We... We argue, we... We screw up, we make a mess of things,

but... we keep coming back to the table.

Especially if we want a fifth helping.

You know, we don't have to see eye to eye all the time.

We can disagree without being disagreeable.

And don't call in to say that Barack Obama said that, I know.

You know, a friend of mine once asked me,

"Lionel, have you ever considered for just one second

the possibility that you might be wrong?"

And I had a quick comeback, like I always do.

But a comeback's not an answer.

I thought I had all the answers

that I didn't think there was anything I... I needed to know,

especially from a teenager.

You know, most of the time, I'm... I'm right on the money.

I mean, I'm laser-sharp.

But, sometimes, I've said things that I regret.

I've, uh... I've been wrong.

You probably think you know me pretty well by now, but, um...

well, we all of us have stuff that we like to keep hidden.

Stuff that we don't want to remember

but we can't bring ourselves to forget.

So we... We... We put it in a box

and put that box in the bottom drawer.

And most days, I keep that drawer shut tight.

But if you want, you can, uh...

take a look inside.

It's a free country, kind of.

Go on. I'll wait.

I still think you're better off without it.

After everything that's happened,

I'm sure you've got some things you'd like to say to me.

So, how about you give me a call?

You can take a turn doing the talking for a while.

But don't forget, it's still my show.

I ain't going anywhere.

So, Earl, let's open up the lines.

Let's get down to it.

You and me. Go on.

Pick up the phone.

Please.

I wanna hear what you've got to say.

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