All language subtitles for Breakfast on Pluto 2005 720p HDRip x264 titler

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:11,153 --> 00:01:12,883 You can throw a fast one. 2 00:01:22,632 --> 00:01:26,466 How about it, kitten? What's the chance of a bit tonight? 3 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,771 Oh, why, yes, of course, boys. 4 00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:33,038 I'll leave the front door open, and you can all troop in and give me a jab. 5 00:01:34,213 --> 00:01:35,339 Not up to it, then? 6 00:01:35,414 --> 00:01:40,282 You innocent, shovel-wielding, horny-handed sons of the native sod. 7 00:01:40,651 --> 00:01:43,381 Not many people are, munchkin. 8 00:01:43,789 --> 00:01:47,657 Not many people can take the tale of Patrick Braden... 9 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,523 a.k.a. Saint Kitten... 10 00:01:49,596 --> 00:01:53,929 who strutted the catwalks, face lit by a halo of flashbulbs... 11 00:01:53,999 --> 00:01:57,629 as, "Oh!" she shrieked, "I told you, from my best side, darlings. " 12 00:01:58,404 --> 00:02:00,769 I was born, you see, munchkin... 13 00:02:00,839 --> 00:02:03,776 in a small town near the Irish border. 14 00:02:03,978 --> 00:02:07,243 I was left in a basket on a certain doorstep... 15 00:02:07,313 --> 00:02:09,338 and only the robins knew why. 16 00:02:09,582 --> 00:02:12,848 Oh, but then, they knew everybody's business. 17 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,549 Those red-breasted busybodies. 18 00:02:15,924 --> 00:02:20,326 Every secret behind every lace-curtain window. 19 00:03:49,589 --> 00:03:52,855 Robins! Would you believe it, Father? Pecking at the cream. 20 00:03:52,993 --> 00:03:55,517 I suppose it's Christmas morning, after all. 21 00:03:56,964 --> 00:03:58,795 Is your breakfast all right? 22 00:04:00,968 --> 00:04:03,869 Well, I'll get ready for Mass, so. God bless. 23 00:04:05,773 --> 00:04:07,173 God bless. 24 00:04:13,148 --> 00:04:15,639 He hasn't been himself lately, so. 25 00:04:40,245 --> 00:04:42,109 - Just the job. - Mr. Steed? 26 00:04:42,247 --> 00:04:44,147 - Cutex coral pink. - Yes. 27 00:04:45,583 --> 00:04:48,051 What a charming atmosphere you have here. 28 00:04:48,986 --> 00:04:50,749 - Do you mind? - Not at all. 29 00:04:51,055 --> 00:04:53,490 - Thank you. - Will you have a love seat? 30 00:04:53,558 --> 00:04:55,186 The love seat? Why not? 31 00:04:57,662 --> 00:05:00,791 Mr. Lovejoy will see you in a moment. 32 00:05:00,866 --> 00:05:03,266 He's just congratulating one of our happy couples. 33 00:05:03,335 --> 00:05:05,131 - How very encouraging. - Yes. 34 00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:07,501 Perhaps you'd like a glass of champers? 35 00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:10,064 - Champers? Now you're talking. - Or... 36 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,909 - a piece of wedding cake? - No, thank you. I've just had breakfast. 37 00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:16,406 Mr. Steed? 38 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,921 My good shoes! My good shoes, you little brat! 39 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,855 Do it harder, Mammy. Teach him not to wear my dress again. 40 00:05:24,926 --> 00:05:27,360 He'll make a disgrace of us? Well, you'll not! 41 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:28,860 Do you really have to? 42 00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:32,263 I'll march you up and down the street and disgrace you in front of the whole town. 43 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,322 Promise? 44 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,828 Hit him with it, Ma! Give him the brush again! 45 00:05:35,904 --> 00:05:37,894 - Say, "I am not a girl. " - I'm not a girl. 46 00:05:37,972 --> 00:05:40,965 - "I am a boy. I'm not a girl. " - I'm a boy, not a girl. 47 00:05:41,042 --> 00:05:42,237 Say it right. 48 00:05:42,444 --> 00:05:43,502 Make him say it right, Ma. 49 00:05:43,579 --> 00:05:46,979 My heart broke from the cursed day I ever took you in. 50 00:05:48,283 --> 00:05:51,219 A short one by Gareth Carey, up along the far wing to Tony Haddon. 51 00:05:51,287 --> 00:05:53,778 Tony Haddon, 40 yards out now, from the... 52 00:05:53,923 --> 00:05:56,186 Off he goes then, the ball across him towards the center. 53 00:05:56,258 --> 00:05:58,250 And coming, Alfred Whitney. He's capped there. 54 00:05:58,327 --> 00:06:00,353 Well down over his eyes is Nick Brady. 55 00:06:00,429 --> 00:06:02,125 The ball comes over. Who's got it? Reid Morgan. 56 00:06:02,198 --> 00:06:03,688 Reid Morgan gets the 35-yard... 57 00:06:03,766 --> 00:06:06,133 Brother Barnabas says he'll try you on the football team... 58 00:06:06,203 --> 00:06:07,829 and I want you to read this. 59 00:06:07,904 --> 00:06:10,135 Heading high and to the right, and yes, it is... 60 00:06:10,207 --> 00:06:13,233 It's gone over the bar for the first goal of the game. 61 00:06:13,511 --> 00:06:14,670 Paddy Gardy. 62 00:06:17,314 --> 00:06:19,748 The first goal of the game. Paddy Gardy took one from this side. 63 00:06:19,817 --> 00:06:23,480 It had a curl on it, and one had to wait until the umpires gave their decision... 64 00:06:23,554 --> 00:06:25,385 as to whether it was in or not. It was. 65 00:06:25,456 --> 00:06:26,788 And I call my mother names. 66 00:06:26,858 --> 00:06:29,725 Well, you know, you shouldn't do that, my son. 67 00:06:30,294 --> 00:06:31,819 What do you call her? 68 00:06:32,363 --> 00:06:33,490 Hairy Arse. 69 00:06:34,433 --> 00:06:38,699 Hairy Arse and Bockedy Hole. And Cunthooks. 70 00:06:49,550 --> 00:06:52,576 - Stay where you are! You must not proceed. - Jesus! 71 00:06:52,653 --> 00:06:56,282 You must not curse. If you curse, you'll be exterminated. 72 00:06:56,356 --> 00:06:57,344 Holy fuck! 73 00:06:57,424 --> 00:07:00,359 You've been warned, earthling. Now you must die! 74 00:07:00,427 --> 00:07:01,895 No, Dalek, please. 75 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:12,038 - Sausages, sausages, stay where you are. - Yes, yes, of course! Please don't shoot! 76 00:07:12,706 --> 00:07:15,505 - Lawrence, come on. - Not now, I'm busy. I'm busy. 77 00:07:15,676 --> 00:07:17,646 - Come on. - I'm busy. 78 00:07:19,548 --> 00:07:21,447 Oh, figgly boogles, I'm dead. 79 00:07:22,217 --> 00:07:23,411 Die for Ireland? 80 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,008 I'm sorry, but it appeared to me... 81 00:07:25,087 --> 00:07:26,918 that someone here had taken leave of their senses. 82 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,819 Are you playing the game or not, Braden? 83 00:07:28,890 --> 00:07:32,622 Me play! Dying for Ireland. Earthling, stay where you are! 84 00:07:32,695 --> 00:07:35,221 Well, come on, Englishman, a bullet, please. 85 00:07:39,068 --> 00:07:41,730 And next up is the dashing Feely... 86 00:07:41,804 --> 00:07:46,539 sporting a smoking jacket, fedora hat, and sunglasses by Gucci. 87 00:07:46,777 --> 00:07:47,869 Madam. 88 00:07:52,783 --> 00:07:54,148 The man himself. 89 00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:58,421 - Your mother will be back in a while. - Oh. 90 00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:03,427 So how's Patrick and the Braden household? 91 00:08:04,062 --> 00:08:05,756 They're well, Mr. Feely. 92 00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:09,462 Especially my mother, wherever she is. 93 00:08:11,569 --> 00:08:14,038 So someone's told you something, Patrick? 94 00:08:14,306 --> 00:08:15,864 They don't have to. 95 00:08:16,643 --> 00:08:19,271 Hairy Arse Braden tells me every day. 96 00:08:19,478 --> 00:08:20,810 Patrick, now... 97 00:08:21,781 --> 00:08:23,305 I'm sorry, Mr. Feely. 98 00:08:31,191 --> 00:08:34,160 You know, I saw her once, your real mother... 99 00:08:34,928 --> 00:08:36,828 long after the day she left. 100 00:08:37,731 --> 00:08:39,129 It was in London. 101 00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:43,232 I was doing work for Genie McQuillan. 102 00:08:44,405 --> 00:08:46,703 I was going home through Piccadilly... 103 00:08:46,841 --> 00:08:50,241 and there, passing by, was Eily Bergin. 104 00:08:51,012 --> 00:08:53,707 Lovely as the day she left, I swear it to God. 105 00:08:58,921 --> 00:09:00,911 Did you talk to her, Mr. Feely? 106 00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:02,722 What did she say? 107 00:09:03,258 --> 00:09:06,091 I shouted after her, Patrick, but she didn't hear. 108 00:09:07,229 --> 00:09:09,162 London swallowed her up. 109 00:09:11,267 --> 00:09:13,462 The most beautiful girl in the town. 110 00:09:13,837 --> 00:09:15,771 Biggest city in the world... 111 00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,502 it swallowed my mother up. 112 00:09:22,378 --> 00:09:24,040 What about my father, Mr. Feely? 113 00:09:24,114 --> 00:09:27,675 I wouldn't know about that, son. Things be complicated, you know. 114 00:09:30,287 --> 00:09:31,915 What did she look like? 115 00:09:37,294 --> 00:09:38,784 Mitzi Gaynor, son. 116 00:09:39,097 --> 00:09:41,759 That's who she looked like, Mitzi. 117 00:09:44,836 --> 00:09:46,071 Mitzi Gaynor. 118 00:10:45,568 --> 00:10:49,595 Well, fuck me pink with a hairy arse! 119 00:11:01,017 --> 00:11:04,545 In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen. 120 00:11:19,171 --> 00:11:21,002 You see, once upon a time... 121 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,566 there was a young girl named Eily Bergin... 122 00:11:26,345 --> 00:11:29,746 who looked not unlike the well-known film star Mitzi Gaynor... 123 00:11:30,182 --> 00:11:33,277 who sang I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair. 124 00:11:35,321 --> 00:11:38,450 And she went to London, the biggest city in the world... 125 00:11:38,625 --> 00:11:40,251 which swallowed her up. 126 00:11:41,728 --> 00:11:43,524 But before she vanished... 127 00:11:44,931 --> 00:11:47,901 I think she worked as a priest's housekeeper, Father. 128 00:11:48,335 --> 00:11:50,930 But I could be wrong there, couldn't I? 129 00:11:51,338 --> 00:11:53,602 I mean, I could be wrong. After all, I... 130 00:12:04,151 --> 00:12:06,120 All I wanted was her address. 131 00:12:07,255 --> 00:12:10,123 There between the Po and the Apennines, boys... 132 00:12:10,258 --> 00:12:12,227 the climate is always the same. 133 00:12:13,662 --> 00:12:15,094 The landscape never changes... 134 00:12:15,162 --> 00:12:18,327 and in country like this you can stop along any road for a moment... 135 00:12:18,401 --> 00:12:22,235 and look at a farmhouse sitting in the middle of maize and hemp... 136 00:12:23,106 --> 00:12:25,802 and immediately a story is born. 137 00:12:27,009 --> 00:12:29,569 Now, when you're writing your essay for me this morning... 138 00:12:29,645 --> 00:12:32,137 whatever form it takes is up to you. 139 00:12:32,716 --> 00:12:36,618 It can be called "I Fought in the Easter Rising"... 140 00:12:38,922 --> 00:12:40,914 "I Was Dracula's Girlfriend"... 141 00:12:41,658 --> 00:12:44,823 or even "A Day in the Life of an Old Boot". 142 00:12:47,197 --> 00:12:50,292 You've got one hour, so learn to write. 143 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,725 "God bless us. 144 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,360 "It's yourself"... 145 00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:20,331 - God bless us. It's yourself, ma'am. - It is indeed, Father. 146 00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:21,594 ...remarked... 147 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:26,627 randy Father Liam... 148 00:13:27,541 --> 00:13:30,033 as he opened the door... 149 00:13:30,445 --> 00:13:32,310 to a young woman... 150 00:13:32,647 --> 00:13:35,480 who bore a startling resemblance... 151 00:13:35,550 --> 00:13:37,381 to Mitzi Gaynor. 152 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,176 So you are the replacement for Mrs. McGlynn? 153 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,846 I am indeed, Father. 154 00:13:42,324 --> 00:13:45,521 Destroyed with the lumbago, she is. Destroyed, and that's a fact. 155 00:13:45,594 --> 00:13:48,062 But sure she'll be back on her feet soon, please God. 156 00:13:48,130 --> 00:13:49,893 Please God she will, now. 157 00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:52,591 But tell me this... 158 00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:54,695 have I begun to dote... 159 00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:58,037 or do you remind me of someone special? 160 00:13:58,608 --> 00:14:01,702 When she sensed a movement... 161 00:14:02,212 --> 00:14:05,909 underneath his black serge trousers. 162 00:14:06,049 --> 00:14:08,074 Oh, Father, please, how could I? 163 00:14:08,183 --> 00:14:09,515 When I've gone out of my way... 164 00:14:09,586 --> 00:14:13,579 knowing that your dicky doodle, naughty poopster that he is... 165 00:14:13,958 --> 00:14:15,619 given the slightest encouragement... 166 00:14:15,693 --> 00:14:17,593 would be only too eager to get up to mischief... 167 00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:20,128 Down, boy! Naughty dicky... 168 00:14:20,498 --> 00:14:23,933 to camouflage myself and look like any ordinary old curate's drudge. 169 00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:27,802 "And most definitely not... 170 00:14:28,205 --> 00:14:31,437 "a perfume-sprayed vision... 171 00:14:31,510 --> 00:14:34,638 "named Mitzi Gaynor... 172 00:14:35,046 --> 00:14:38,777 "with a head of bubble-cut curls... 173 00:14:39,217 --> 00:14:43,746 "that would make any man's privates go sprong. " 174 00:14:43,855 --> 00:14:45,686 I've got the standard uniform, Father. 175 00:14:45,757 --> 00:14:48,386 The blue housecoat with the bow at the back... 176 00:14:48,995 --> 00:14:51,690 the tan stockings, color of stale tea... 177 00:14:51,763 --> 00:14:53,891 the old hairnet, which says to all them Mickies... 178 00:14:53,966 --> 00:14:55,991 whose duty it is to stay inside and wear black serge... 179 00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:58,004 "No Mickies today. 180 00:14:58,071 --> 00:15:00,870 "Down, boys. That's it, my sweets, off with you and say your prayers. " 181 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:02,772 Breakfast, Father? 182 00:15:03,409 --> 00:15:05,401 By God, and now you're talking. 183 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:10,149 Mickey is devious... 184 00:15:10,685 --> 00:15:13,848 and no matter how much you tell him... 185 00:15:15,355 --> 00:15:17,756 he simply won't stay down. 186 00:15:18,092 --> 00:15:20,458 But drab old housecoats... 187 00:15:20,527 --> 00:15:24,158 and tea-colored stockings might well have kept him down... 188 00:15:24,233 --> 00:15:27,565 if it wasn't for that pesky spot of grease. 189 00:15:28,903 --> 00:15:30,963 Oh, this is powerful altogether. 190 00:15:32,775 --> 00:15:35,608 I would do jail for another rasher. Do you know that, Eily? 191 00:15:35,678 --> 00:15:38,476 I'll fry you some more this minute, then, Father. 192 00:15:40,717 --> 00:15:43,947 Come here till I tell you. Did you hear the one about peanuts at confession? 193 00:15:44,019 --> 00:15:46,079 No, Father. At least I don't think so. 194 00:15:46,156 --> 00:15:49,648 Says the priest to the young fellow, "Did you throw peanuts in the river, too?" 195 00:15:49,726 --> 00:15:53,492 To which the young lad says, "No, Father, I am Peanuts. " 196 00:15:59,669 --> 00:16:01,694 Not a very funny joke... 197 00:16:01,771 --> 00:16:05,004 but she laughed and she laughed. 198 00:16:05,377 --> 00:16:09,814 In fact, you could say she laughed until she cried. 199 00:16:11,884 --> 00:16:13,943 My skirt and housecoat are riding up. 200 00:16:14,019 --> 00:16:15,610 Better abort this task at once... 201 00:16:15,686 --> 00:16:19,214 or we could have an exploding clergyman filling the air with pent-up sexual energy. 202 00:16:19,292 --> 00:16:20,316 Oh, no! 203 00:16:20,393 --> 00:16:22,451 - Priest grows wings in latest miracle. - Eily! 204 00:16:22,529 --> 00:16:26,988 "When she found herself enveloped by his skirts. " 205 00:16:28,066 --> 00:16:30,365 Now, Father, is this another joke? 206 00:16:31,503 --> 00:16:33,028 That hurt, Father. 207 00:16:33,106 --> 00:16:37,476 Frank Sinatra wouldn't do this, Father. Neither would Vic Damone. 208 00:16:38,479 --> 00:16:40,208 I'm all wet, Father. 209 00:16:40,613 --> 00:16:42,911 What are you doing down there, Father? 210 00:16:43,184 --> 00:16:45,345 Are you playing squidgy with my Fairy Liquid? 211 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,520 But she was soon to realize... 212 00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:52,285 it wasn't Fairy Liquid he'd been playing with down there. 213 00:16:54,296 --> 00:16:56,890 The end. 214 00:16:57,832 --> 00:16:58,821 No... 215 00:17:00,135 --> 00:17:02,535 it wasn't Fairy Liquid at all. 216 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,471 "... privates go sprong. " 217 00:17:10,078 --> 00:17:11,841 "Privates go... " 218 00:17:11,913 --> 00:17:13,380 How dare you? 219 00:17:13,883 --> 00:17:16,579 When I said, "develop your literary skills"... 220 00:17:17,054 --> 00:17:19,522 I did not, repeat, not, mean this. 221 00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,317 Why did you write it? 222 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:26,122 I thought there was a moral, sir. A lesson, if you will. 223 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,195 Young girls in mortal danger. 224 00:17:28,764 --> 00:17:31,894 Get out of this classroom, Braden! To the Dean's office! 225 00:17:32,569 --> 00:17:34,538 Hello, class. My name is Miss Kitten... 226 00:17:34,606 --> 00:17:38,372 and I'd like to tell you about the perils of being a priest's housekeeper... 227 00:17:38,443 --> 00:17:41,309 especially when you look like Mitzi Gaynor. 228 00:17:41,379 --> 00:17:43,870 Hands up who can tell me who Mitzi Gaynor is. 229 00:17:43,947 --> 00:17:46,416 So, you see, Patrick, we're on your side. 230 00:17:47,151 --> 00:17:49,848 We're here to help you. I don't think you understand that. 231 00:17:49,922 --> 00:17:51,786 Well, no, you're wrong, Father. I do. 232 00:17:51,856 --> 00:17:55,815 So, if you can think of anything that would help us to help you, well... 233 00:17:57,529 --> 00:17:58,518 Well... 234 00:17:59,965 --> 00:18:01,990 there is one thing, Father. 235 00:18:04,738 --> 00:18:06,467 - Instead of PE... - Yeah. 236 00:18:07,307 --> 00:18:10,765 ...I could take Home Economics and Needlework class. 237 00:18:12,077 --> 00:18:15,071 And you think that would help you... 238 00:18:15,815 --> 00:18:17,943 knuckle down and apply yourself? 239 00:18:21,922 --> 00:18:23,446 What's that, Patrick? 240 00:18:23,691 --> 00:18:26,057 Oh, and you can call me Kitten, Father. 241 00:18:27,128 --> 00:18:28,117 Kitten? 242 00:18:28,330 --> 00:18:31,891 Yes, Patrick Kitten Braden, after Saint Kitten. 243 00:18:35,971 --> 00:18:39,873 Well, now, there was no Saint Kitten, Patrick. 244 00:18:39,941 --> 00:18:42,272 Oh, no, but there was a Saint Cettin, Father... 245 00:18:42,345 --> 00:18:44,370 and some have been known to call him... 246 00:18:44,446 --> 00:18:46,415 or was it a her... 247 00:18:46,616 --> 00:18:47,742 Kitten. 248 00:18:50,185 --> 00:18:51,414 Saint Kitten? 249 00:18:52,789 --> 00:18:55,257 He or she was an acolyte of Saint Patrick. 250 00:18:55,325 --> 00:18:59,762 Wore a dress. As did Saint Patrick, actually. A hairy dress. 251 00:19:00,497 --> 00:19:02,328 Quite ruined her complexion. 252 00:19:03,867 --> 00:19:06,130 And they're for your sister, Patrick? 253 00:19:07,237 --> 00:19:10,638 Oh, she really needs a bit of glamour in her life, Mrs. Coyle. 254 00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:14,645 But then again, don't we all? 255 00:19:15,312 --> 00:19:19,010 The trouble broke out as the Minister of State for Northern Ireland, Mr. Channon... 256 00:19:19,084 --> 00:19:21,711 was visiting Derry to see businessmen there... 257 00:19:22,921 --> 00:19:25,081 for the second time inside a month. 258 00:19:25,358 --> 00:19:27,222 Jesus, Mammy, I'm exhausted. 259 00:19:28,527 --> 00:19:29,959 At least you have a job... 260 00:19:30,029 --> 00:19:33,396 which is more than that waster yonder is ever likely to have. 261 00:19:33,466 --> 00:19:35,433 Now, one more complaint from that school... 262 00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:38,368 and it'll not be good for you, by Christ, it'll not. 263 00:19:39,271 --> 00:19:40,363 Oh, Mammy? 264 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,501 Do you have the price of the dance and a cup of coffee? 265 00:19:44,678 --> 00:19:47,044 Price of the dance and a cup of coffee? 266 00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:49,705 Price of the dance and a cup of coffee? 267 00:19:49,782 --> 00:19:51,478 Well, do you think I'm made of money? 268 00:19:51,551 --> 00:19:53,542 Do you think I'm made of money? 269 00:19:54,888 --> 00:19:56,413 Will you just hand over the cash? 270 00:19:56,491 --> 00:19:57,889 Will you just fork out the money... 271 00:19:57,959 --> 00:20:00,825 and stop blathering, you fucking whiskery old whore. 272 00:20:00,894 --> 00:20:03,727 Here. And don't ask me again. 273 00:20:04,431 --> 00:20:07,799 Well, thank you so much, Mammy. Thank you so much. 274 00:20:51,582 --> 00:20:54,279 - No. No, no, no, no, no. - Why not? 275 00:20:54,352 --> 00:20:57,219 I'm not obliged to give you any reasons, but I'll give you two anyway. 276 00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:58,687 Him and her. 277 00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:00,753 Don't have to stand for this, do we, Paddy? 278 00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:02,816 Oh, Paddy's her name. Well, that's reason number three. 279 00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:06,422 - Did you ever ride a man, Lukie? - No, but I rode a man that did. 280 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,531 Fuck you. 281 00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,362 - Evening. - How you doing? 282 00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:14,100 Mikey, go get the lads. 283 00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:20,244 I'm warning you, get out of here! 284 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:26,753 Fuck them and their Rob Strong. We'll go to the glen. 285 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:34,421 Excuse me. Can we have a lift? 286 00:21:38,066 --> 00:21:39,158 Get on. 287 00:21:39,868 --> 00:21:41,562 Moving out. 288 00:22:03,727 --> 00:22:06,753 Druids, man. We're like the Border Knights. 289 00:22:07,430 --> 00:22:09,990 Knew all about the space-time continuum. 290 00:22:12,301 --> 00:22:16,135 - No, Lawrence! No. Excuse me, please. - Open his eyes. 291 00:22:16,908 --> 00:22:18,933 - What do you see, bro? - Sausages. 292 00:22:19,576 --> 00:22:20,873 No stars? 293 00:22:21,245 --> 00:22:23,041 Stars and sausages. 294 00:22:26,416 --> 00:22:27,884 Now you're talking. 295 00:22:28,252 --> 00:22:30,151 Gotta get behind the surface. 296 00:22:30,454 --> 00:22:31,945 Yes, surface. 297 00:22:32,991 --> 00:22:37,189 I see four green fields, Brits in one of them. 298 00:22:38,796 --> 00:22:41,425 - Not for fucking long. - Hey, no politics, man. 299 00:22:41,900 --> 00:22:43,925 Border Knights don't allow them. 300 00:22:44,202 --> 00:22:45,864 Jams the astral highway. 301 00:22:47,072 --> 00:22:50,042 So why do you call yourselves the Border Knights? 302 00:22:50,609 --> 00:22:53,044 Because the only border that matters... 303 00:22:53,479 --> 00:22:56,709 is the one between what's in front... 304 00:22:57,584 --> 00:22:59,415 and what you've left behind. 305 00:23:00,187 --> 00:23:02,883 When I ride my hog, you think I'm riding the road? 306 00:23:02,957 --> 00:23:04,116 No way, man. 307 00:23:04,624 --> 00:23:08,391 I'm traveling from the past into the future with a druid at my back. 308 00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:13,528 - Druid man or druid woman? - That doesn't matter. 309 00:23:16,671 --> 00:23:18,502 What matters is the journey. 310 00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:23,910 - You know where it goes, baby? - Where? 311 00:23:25,546 --> 00:23:29,210 We'll visit the stars and journey to Mars 312 00:23:30,252 --> 00:23:32,015 Finding our breakfast 313 00:23:33,288 --> 00:23:34,880 On Pluto 314 00:23:35,858 --> 00:23:37,222 Pluto? 315 00:23:37,659 --> 00:23:38,649 Pluto. 316 00:23:40,562 --> 00:23:44,499 No, not Pluto the dog. Pluto the planet. 317 00:23:46,269 --> 00:23:50,329 Named by Percival Lowell and William H. Pickering... 318 00:23:52,075 --> 00:23:54,566 after the invisible king of the underworld. 319 00:24:02,286 --> 00:24:04,048 You think about that. 320 00:24:13,131 --> 00:24:16,532 Oh, kiss me, Joseph. Kiss me, Joseph Hanratty. 321 00:24:16,601 --> 00:24:18,331 I'll beat your fucking... 322 00:24:26,145 --> 00:24:27,875 Now, boys and girls... 323 00:24:27,947 --> 00:24:31,814 a retreat is time for prayer and reflection. 324 00:24:32,618 --> 00:24:35,917 Some of you may have already noticed that your bodies are... 325 00:24:36,690 --> 00:24:38,590 going through some changes... 326 00:24:38,858 --> 00:24:42,351 and I would like you to feel free to approach us... 327 00:24:42,430 --> 00:24:45,091 about any problem that concerns you. 328 00:24:45,165 --> 00:24:48,966 So, I will leave this problem box... 329 00:24:49,603 --> 00:24:51,730 here by the altar rails. 330 00:24:52,472 --> 00:24:54,942 No problem should be precluded. 331 00:24:55,743 --> 00:24:59,043 After all, that is why we are here. 332 00:25:00,281 --> 00:25:03,740 Now, does everyone remember last week we were talking about... 333 00:25:12,194 --> 00:25:14,925 You'll not bring my retreat into disrepute, do you hear me? 334 00:25:14,997 --> 00:25:17,488 How dare it. How dare you, you pup, you... 335 00:25:17,566 --> 00:25:18,760 Sir, you're hurting me. 336 00:25:23,573 --> 00:25:26,475 - What did you write on the paper, Patrick? - Nothing. 337 00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:27,766 Nothing. 338 00:25:28,411 --> 00:25:31,540 Just, did he know any place that does a good sex change? 339 00:25:50,401 --> 00:25:51,527 Disgraced! 340 00:25:51,603 --> 00:25:55,005 Disgraced in front of the whole town, so we are! Oh, Jesus! 341 00:25:55,073 --> 00:25:58,134 How could you do it, Paddy? Mammy has a bad heart! 342 00:25:58,343 --> 00:26:01,005 - And now you've broken it. - Oh, God, oh, God! 343 00:26:01,079 --> 00:26:03,412 Oh, Jesus Christ. My arm! 344 00:26:03,815 --> 00:26:06,411 - She's not my mammy. - What did you say? 345 00:26:07,153 --> 00:26:10,681 I'm sorry, Caz. Sorry, Mammy, wherever you are. 346 00:26:10,757 --> 00:26:12,987 Oh, stop it, Patrick, please! 347 00:26:13,059 --> 00:26:15,458 Why won't you stop it and let us get on with our lives? 348 00:26:15,528 --> 00:26:18,054 I'm sorry, Caz. I never meant to hurt you. 349 00:26:18,698 --> 00:26:21,565 - After all, we've both been through this... - Get away! 350 00:26:21,635 --> 00:26:23,866 Get your hands off me, you creature! 351 00:26:24,672 --> 00:26:27,640 Oh, figgly boogles. What's the point? 352 00:26:28,576 --> 00:26:30,941 That's it, I've tried my best. I'm off. 353 00:26:46,061 --> 00:26:48,120 Are you going to Scotsfield, by any chance? 354 00:26:48,196 --> 00:26:51,565 We'd better be. We're playing there tonight. Get in the back. 355 00:26:57,173 --> 00:26:58,161 Hello. 356 00:27:13,190 --> 00:27:15,714 What do you think of this trouble up North? 357 00:27:15,959 --> 00:27:18,895 - Oh, I think it's an absolute terror. - Do you think so, yeah? 358 00:27:18,963 --> 00:27:22,024 Oh, I do it. A terror to the living world, so it is. 359 00:27:22,100 --> 00:27:24,295 I don't think you care either way... 360 00:27:24,802 --> 00:27:26,463 my good-looking young friend. 361 00:27:26,538 --> 00:27:28,801 No, I know how serious it is. 362 00:27:30,041 --> 00:27:32,510 They think they can break us, don't they? 363 00:27:32,711 --> 00:27:36,148 Hang Paddy from the ceiling. Fuck him from a helicopter. 364 00:27:36,348 --> 00:27:38,646 Give him a dose of white noise. 365 00:27:39,084 --> 00:27:41,144 Shove electrodes up his arse. 366 00:27:41,587 --> 00:27:45,023 - Now, really, Mr... - Hatchett. They call me Billy Hatchett. 367 00:27:46,493 --> 00:27:48,620 Pleased to meet you, Mr. Hatchett. 368 00:27:49,930 --> 00:27:52,295 You really don't know who I am, do you? 369 00:27:52,766 --> 00:27:54,562 I haven't had the pleasure. 370 00:27:55,135 --> 00:27:59,196 Do you hear that, lads? He's never heard of Billy Hatchett and the Mohawks. 371 00:29:48,223 --> 00:29:50,952 So, have you somewhere to stay tonight, Paddy? 372 00:29:51,993 --> 00:29:54,427 Or should I call you Patrick? 373 00:29:56,465 --> 00:29:58,694 You can call me Kitten, darling. 374 00:29:58,901 --> 00:29:59,925 Kitten? 375 00:30:01,470 --> 00:30:02,903 After Saint Cettin. 376 00:30:03,505 --> 00:30:06,805 He or she was an acolyte of Patrick, Saint Patrick. 377 00:30:07,877 --> 00:30:10,039 So you have somewhere to stay, then? 378 00:30:11,580 --> 00:30:14,209 Mammy threw me out, I'm afraid. 379 00:30:14,784 --> 00:30:18,016 Well, I could always put you up in the van. 380 00:30:18,088 --> 00:30:21,819 - It's not much, but I could. - Mr. Hatchett! 381 00:30:27,098 --> 00:30:28,565 Thank you. 382 00:30:32,235 --> 00:30:33,863 You're welcome, Kitten. 383 00:30:38,744 --> 00:30:41,110 I'll be off to the hotel, then, Kitten. 384 00:30:44,116 --> 00:30:47,448 I'd stay the night. I'd stay the night, but the boys... 385 00:30:47,518 --> 00:30:49,645 The boys might get the wrong idea. 386 00:30:49,855 --> 00:30:51,447 No, I've gotta go. 387 00:30:51,522 --> 00:30:54,220 - I've gotta go. - Oh, please don't go just yet. 388 00:30:54,460 --> 00:30:57,692 Oh, Kitten. I gotta go. I really have. 389 00:31:01,067 --> 00:31:03,364 Billy! Billy, Billy. 390 00:31:09,610 --> 00:31:11,133 It's Bobby Goldsboro. 391 00:31:13,514 --> 00:31:15,572 Used to help me get to sleep. 392 00:31:16,116 --> 00:31:21,078 His wife dies. You see, she dies when he's away from home. 393 00:31:22,591 --> 00:31:26,823 - Oh, Kitten, I've gotta go now. - Billy. 394 00:31:26,895 --> 00:31:28,157 I really have. 395 00:31:30,865 --> 00:31:32,958 If you were away with the band... 396 00:31:34,536 --> 00:31:38,735 and you came home and you found me lying there... 397 00:31:40,276 --> 00:31:43,267 like Bobby's wife... 398 00:31:45,815 --> 00:31:47,715 What about it? 399 00:31:49,086 --> 00:31:52,782 - Would you take me to the hospital? - Oh, of course I would. 400 00:31:53,457 --> 00:31:54,718 Of course I would, Kitten. 401 00:31:54,790 --> 00:31:57,691 Oh, I wish that could happen. 402 00:31:58,362 --> 00:32:02,230 I've seen it all now. I tell you, I've fucking well seen it all now. 403 00:32:02,299 --> 00:32:04,062 Where the fuck do you think he disappeared to... 404 00:32:04,135 --> 00:32:06,068 when we were in San Francisco? 405 00:32:06,571 --> 00:32:09,062 I'd even bring you flowers. 406 00:32:11,708 --> 00:32:14,734 - Roses? - Roses. 407 00:32:16,781 --> 00:32:18,613 Oh, Billy. 408 00:32:19,318 --> 00:32:20,444 Oh, Kitten. 409 00:32:21,287 --> 00:32:22,276 Billy. 410 00:32:27,693 --> 00:32:30,388 For I ask you, Billy Bobby, nicest man... 411 00:32:30,696 --> 00:32:33,131 what's an Indian band without a squaw? 412 00:32:35,267 --> 00:32:36,757 "A squaw?" 413 00:33:58,491 --> 00:34:02,552 - Name, please? - Paddy Kitten. What's yours, darling? 414 00:34:02,662 --> 00:34:05,358 I could tell you were a Paddy all right. 415 00:34:12,873 --> 00:34:17,104 - What about Geronimo? - What would I know? I'm just a Mick. 416 00:34:17,209 --> 00:34:20,701 Thirteen of your lot shot in Derry. What do you know about that? 417 00:34:20,781 --> 00:34:23,614 Maybe you'd know about thirteen less to deal with. 418 00:34:24,718 --> 00:34:27,187 Fuck off, mate. 419 00:34:30,792 --> 00:34:32,157 Fuck off. 420 00:35:04,526 --> 00:35:07,587 Get off the fucking stage, you stupid bitch. 421 00:35:17,874 --> 00:35:22,174 Patrick, I don't know how to say this to you. 422 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,211 It's the boys, the boys in the band. 423 00:35:25,549 --> 00:35:28,178 They feel a squaw just isn't working out. 424 00:35:29,521 --> 00:35:31,421 It could be they have a point. 425 00:35:31,590 --> 00:35:34,150 They say it doesn't feel right. 426 00:35:34,226 --> 00:35:37,423 I don't know, they've been with me so long and... 427 00:35:37,996 --> 00:35:39,624 I'm sorry. 428 00:35:40,198 --> 00:35:42,098 But I have a little proposal. 429 00:35:42,467 --> 00:35:45,460 - A ring, perhaps? - Oh, Patrick, Patrick... 430 00:35:47,974 --> 00:35:50,032 I told you not to call me that. 431 00:35:51,077 --> 00:35:53,477 I'm sorry, Kitten. 432 00:35:57,016 --> 00:36:02,011 Bobby Billy, would you bring me sweeties, too? 433 00:36:02,423 --> 00:36:03,788 You know I would. 434 00:36:04,725 --> 00:36:07,354 - What kind would they be? - Oh, for the love of Jesus. 435 00:36:07,429 --> 00:36:10,761 - No. No, Quality Street. - Quality Street? 436 00:36:29,552 --> 00:36:32,646 It was my mother's. She left it to me in her will. 437 00:36:32,721 --> 00:36:36,714 Nobody stays here, and I need somebody to look after it, Kitten. 438 00:36:36,792 --> 00:36:40,729 - What do you reckon? - House of dreams and longing. 439 00:36:40,831 --> 00:36:44,961 I wouldn't exactly call it a house, but tell us what you think. 440 00:36:52,376 --> 00:36:56,368 Oh, to have a little house. To own the hearth, stool and all. 441 00:36:57,381 --> 00:37:01,317 So, Kitten, can I come and visit you every now and again? 442 00:37:01,486 --> 00:37:05,946 Of course you can, you great, big, silly Bobby Goldsboro. 443 00:37:06,024 --> 00:37:08,185 You don't even have to ask. 444 00:37:47,568 --> 00:37:50,332 Well, goodness gracious, icky-oakie me. 445 00:38:16,466 --> 00:38:18,991 - What? - What's with Diana Ross? 446 00:38:19,235 --> 00:38:20,863 Leave him be, he knows nothing. 447 00:38:20,938 --> 00:38:22,872 - Keep it that way. - No problem. 448 00:38:49,969 --> 00:38:53,803 If I volunteer, Irwin, could I have pink glasses, please? 449 00:38:53,905 --> 00:38:56,203 Can't you take anything serious? 450 00:38:56,609 --> 00:38:59,407 Oh, serious, serious, serious. 451 00:38:59,478 --> 00:39:01,776 You might have to soon enough. 452 00:39:02,983 --> 00:39:05,918 So fucking what, Charlie? I sell Republican News. 453 00:39:05,986 --> 00:39:08,955 A few fucking papers, big deal. What are you, my fucking wife? 454 00:39:09,021 --> 00:39:11,785 Don't you lie to me, Irwin. I don't believe your stories. 455 00:39:11,857 --> 00:39:15,989 I'm involved in nothing! I sell their paper, for all the difference it makes in this kip. 456 00:39:16,063 --> 00:39:17,758 Nobody gives a fuck! 457 00:39:17,832 --> 00:39:19,059 Soon enough they fucking will. 458 00:39:19,132 --> 00:39:21,761 If I find out you're lying to me, I'll finish with you, I swear! 459 00:39:21,836 --> 00:39:24,805 Yeah, well, finish it with me, see if I fucking care! 460 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,706 Come on, move off the road. There's a vehicle coming through. 461 00:39:35,783 --> 00:39:37,945 Get back. It's for your own safety. 462 00:39:42,825 --> 00:39:45,055 Get these people off the street! 463 00:39:45,128 --> 00:39:48,528 I want everyone to move away from the red van! 464 00:39:48,597 --> 00:39:50,997 Come on, folks. Stand back, please. Move! 465 00:39:51,066 --> 00:39:53,967 Bring it down careful now. Yeah, gently. 466 00:39:54,037 --> 00:39:57,496 - Please, move back. - Move back. 467 00:39:57,974 --> 00:40:00,944 Now let the Army go to work. Get back, now, get back. 468 00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:03,942 Move back and clear the area. 469 00:40:04,014 --> 00:40:06,573 - There may be other devices. - You're to get away now. Get back, now. 470 00:40:06,650 --> 00:40:08,913 Get away from the street. Get off the street now. 471 00:40:08,985 --> 00:40:10,647 Clear this area for your own safety. 472 00:40:10,721 --> 00:40:11,814 Move back. 473 00:40:12,857 --> 00:40:15,257 - It's a Dalek. Exterminate. - Lawrence! 474 00:40:15,427 --> 00:40:19,523 Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate. 475 00:40:20,031 --> 00:40:21,191 Exterminate. 476 00:40:50,563 --> 00:40:53,534 Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return... 477 00:40:54,469 --> 00:40:56,698 until the Lord raises you up on the last day. 478 00:40:56,770 --> 00:41:00,400 Let us pray for our brother Lawrence to our Lord Jesus Christ... 479 00:41:01,275 --> 00:41:04,505 who said, "I am the resurrection, and the life. 480 00:41:04,778 --> 00:41:07,840 "The man who believes in me will live even if he dies. " 481 00:41:09,551 --> 00:41:13,043 Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. 482 00:41:13,355 --> 00:41:14,845 Thy kingdom come... 483 00:41:15,090 --> 00:41:17,819 thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. 484 00:41:18,127 --> 00:41:20,288 Give us this day our daily bread. 485 00:41:51,229 --> 00:41:53,254 Serious, serious. 486 00:41:53,331 --> 00:41:56,232 Time for some serious spring cleaning. 487 00:41:59,437 --> 00:42:01,268 Fuck. 488 00:42:03,074 --> 00:42:04,372 Don't you know what this means? 489 00:42:04,443 --> 00:42:06,967 Do you know what these guys are like, Paddy? 490 00:42:07,146 --> 00:42:10,274 - Don't let this come between us, Billy. - Shut up! 491 00:42:13,052 --> 00:42:15,543 Jesus, what the fuck am I gonna do? 492 00:42:17,222 --> 00:42:20,751 - Fucking Jesus! - Tell them I was spring cleaning, darling. 493 00:42:20,828 --> 00:42:24,161 Where are they, Paddy? Tell me, where are they? 494 00:42:24,230 --> 00:42:26,494 Now, what is this you mean, my darling? 495 00:42:26,566 --> 00:42:29,195 The guns, you little fucking whore, where are they? 496 00:42:29,269 --> 00:42:32,363 The guns! It's all too fucking serious! Don't go fucking me around. 497 00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:35,169 Oh, all of a sudden everybody's getting serious. 498 00:42:35,242 --> 00:42:37,073 Serious, serious, serious. 499 00:42:37,144 --> 00:42:38,942 I'm not fucking joking, Patrick! 500 00:42:39,013 --> 00:42:42,141 - Where are they? - I told you to call me Kitten. 501 00:42:51,159 --> 00:42:52,957 Don't fucking know me. 502 00:42:53,095 --> 00:42:54,823 You don't know where I've gone. 503 00:42:54,896 --> 00:42:58,388 And if they come, if they fucking come, you tell them nothing. 504 00:42:58,834 --> 00:43:01,268 - I mean nothing. - Whatever you say, darling. 505 00:43:01,337 --> 00:43:03,703 You're way out of your league, Patrick. 506 00:43:03,906 --> 00:43:06,932 You don't know what you're dealing with. Don't fucking know. 507 00:43:07,010 --> 00:43:10,138 Oh, I do. I know, all right. 508 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:13,581 I know you were only joking about the roses... 509 00:43:13,650 --> 00:43:15,618 and sweets, too, probably. 510 00:43:20,791 --> 00:43:23,020 But it was nice while it lasted. 511 00:43:42,514 --> 00:43:44,278 Are you happy now? 512 00:43:44,684 --> 00:43:46,947 Are you happy now that you got what you wanted? 513 00:43:47,019 --> 00:43:49,146 Now that they've bombed down here? 514 00:43:49,388 --> 00:43:51,413 Are your Republican friends good and happy... 515 00:43:51,490 --> 00:43:53,652 now they can see what they've done? 516 00:43:54,060 --> 00:43:56,254 What the fuck are you talking about? 517 00:43:56,862 --> 00:43:59,162 It had nothing to do with Republicans. 518 00:44:00,033 --> 00:44:03,094 What the fuck would they bomb a southern town for, huh? 519 00:44:05,105 --> 00:44:06,628 You hear me, Charlie? 520 00:44:07,808 --> 00:44:09,900 And if you want out, just say so. 521 00:44:36,405 --> 00:44:37,667 Open the door. 522 00:44:38,907 --> 00:44:42,571 - I can't, go away. Come back in the morning. - Open it, bitch! This is serious! 523 00:44:42,646 --> 00:44:46,206 - Open the fucking door! - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm coming. 524 00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:09,067 - Where did he put them? - I'm afraid I don't understand. 525 00:45:09,140 --> 00:45:11,837 The guns, Nancy boy. Where did he put the guns? 526 00:45:11,910 --> 00:45:13,241 Oh, yes, the guns. 527 00:45:13,312 --> 00:45:16,907 Oh, Billy buried them outside just to be safe. 528 00:45:16,982 --> 00:45:18,074 Go. 529 00:45:21,219 --> 00:45:23,347 There's no fucking guns down here. 530 00:45:26,326 --> 00:45:27,987 - I think they might just be... - The little cunt! 531 00:45:28,061 --> 00:45:29,618 - He's taking the hand out of us. - ... over here. 532 00:45:29,696 --> 00:45:32,493 I'll nut him! I swear to God I'll nut him! 533 00:45:35,134 --> 00:45:37,034 Say goodbye to my friends, will you? 534 00:45:37,103 --> 00:45:39,368 Charlie lives in Sunbeam Heights and Irwin's up The Backs. 535 00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:40,498 Irwin who? 536 00:45:40,673 --> 00:45:41,901 Why, Irwin Kerr, of course. 537 00:45:41,975 --> 00:45:44,911 - The big-time Volunteer. - How do you know Irwin Kerr? 538 00:45:44,978 --> 00:45:47,914 Oh, nothing. Never mind. Well, come on then. 539 00:45:48,148 --> 00:45:51,550 Just do it. I've nothing left to live for in this stupid, serious world. 540 00:45:51,618 --> 00:45:52,642 Oh, fuck him. 541 00:45:52,721 --> 00:45:55,212 Leave him be. He's not worth the bullet, the mental Nancy boy. 542 00:45:55,290 --> 00:45:58,191 Oh, what is it with Nancy boys that you can't be bothered killing them? 543 00:45:58,259 --> 00:46:00,251 - You kill everyone else. - Look, I'm fucking warning you. 544 00:46:00,327 --> 00:46:02,853 Do you know what you're doing here? Are you on dope or what? 545 00:46:02,931 --> 00:46:05,991 Wish that I was, Mr. Killing Man. Why, do you have any? 546 00:46:06,401 --> 00:46:08,733 You're way out of your league, sunshine. 547 00:46:08,804 --> 00:46:10,931 Not that again. "Out of your league, out of your league. " 548 00:46:11,007 --> 00:46:13,134 "Oh, you're in over your head. You're in over your head. " 549 00:46:13,209 --> 00:46:14,676 Oh, for heaven's sake! 550 00:46:14,744 --> 00:46:17,235 Surely you've one bullet to spare between yous. 551 00:46:17,313 --> 00:46:19,042 Bollocks! 552 00:46:27,124 --> 00:46:29,490 - Where are we going? - You hit us, we hit you. 553 00:46:29,559 --> 00:46:31,551 - It's simple. - Right. 554 00:46:31,627 --> 00:46:34,391 The bomb was made up here and driven across the border. 555 00:46:34,464 --> 00:46:37,127 Wee Bobby Anderson. Likes killing Catholics. 556 00:46:37,201 --> 00:46:39,396 It'll be the last fucking bomb he'll make. 557 00:46:39,470 --> 00:46:41,735 Turn the lights off. Keep it running. 558 00:47:11,104 --> 00:47:12,469 Oh, Lord. 559 00:47:29,789 --> 00:47:32,087 Get us the fuck out of here, will you? 560 00:47:32,727 --> 00:47:35,219 - What's the smell? - He shat himself. 561 00:47:35,329 --> 00:47:36,957 You not toilet trained? 562 00:47:38,467 --> 00:47:42,164 What do you think you are, Kerr? What the fuck do you think this is? 563 00:47:47,643 --> 00:47:48,837 Tell me you're not serious. 564 00:47:48,945 --> 00:47:51,572 You see, there is that word again. It's everywhere. 565 00:47:51,647 --> 00:47:54,081 But you don't know a soul in London, Paddy. 566 00:47:54,150 --> 00:47:56,481 There's only one soul I need, Charlie. 567 00:48:00,790 --> 00:48:02,724 You really think you'll find her? 568 00:48:02,793 --> 00:48:04,886 How many Eily Bergins can there be? 569 00:48:04,962 --> 00:48:06,862 Maybe she's changed her name. 570 00:48:07,331 --> 00:48:09,697 She won't have changed her eyes, Irwin. 571 00:48:12,903 --> 00:48:14,393 How will you get by? 572 00:48:18,176 --> 00:48:20,007 Saint Anthony will guide me. 573 00:49:24,279 --> 00:49:26,941 The thing is, you come to the city that never sleeps... 574 00:49:27,016 --> 00:49:29,349 and you think it's open all the time, but it does sleep. 575 00:49:29,419 --> 00:49:30,909 Excuse me? 576 00:49:31,855 --> 00:49:33,116 Of course it does. 577 00:49:33,188 --> 00:49:36,749 I'm looking for my mother, please. Eily Bergin. Phantom Lady. 578 00:49:38,862 --> 00:49:42,298 I've just got two Bergins for 1956. 579 00:49:42,365 --> 00:49:45,529 Bergin, Ellen, and Bergin with a simple initial E. 580 00:49:46,037 --> 00:49:48,904 Well, that's her. I mean, it has to be one of them. 581 00:49:49,173 --> 00:49:52,938 One's from Aldgate and the other's from East London. 582 00:49:55,780 --> 00:49:57,873 Will you be going back home after you've found her? 583 00:49:57,948 --> 00:50:00,974 Oh, yes, of course. Maybe she'll come with me. 584 00:50:03,220 --> 00:50:06,348 - And, son, will you promise me something? - Yes. 585 00:50:07,726 --> 00:50:11,288 - Take care of yourself. - Oh, I will, Mrs. Henderson. 586 00:50:11,496 --> 00:50:12,589 Thank you. 587 00:50:41,795 --> 00:50:44,663 No, mate, they knocked those houses down years ago. 588 00:51:35,953 --> 00:51:36,943 I'm... 589 00:52:44,459 --> 00:52:45,824 The man himself. 590 00:52:47,396 --> 00:52:48,796 About time, too. 591 00:52:53,170 --> 00:52:55,103 Are you here for the job, kid? 592 00:52:58,741 --> 00:52:59,731 What job? 593 00:52:59,810 --> 00:53:01,504 This is showbiz, kid. You gotta be on the ball. 594 00:53:01,577 --> 00:53:03,979 You try that with Stephenson, now, you've no fucking chance. 595 00:53:04,047 --> 00:53:05,241 Who's Stephenson? 596 00:53:05,315 --> 00:53:08,682 He thinks he's in charge. RAF, my bollocks! I'll give him RAF. 597 00:53:08,786 --> 00:53:12,381 - You're Irish, you are. - Tyreelin, County Cavan. 598 00:53:12,624 --> 00:53:14,353 Well then, County Cavan... 599 00:53:14,858 --> 00:53:17,327 give us a song and you're home and dry. 600 00:53:19,298 --> 00:53:21,891 Underground, overground, wombling free 601 00:53:22,001 --> 00:53:24,265 The Wombles of Wimbledon Common are we 602 00:53:24,335 --> 00:53:27,863 Good man, you have it. Now the dance, okay? Okay? 603 00:53:28,307 --> 00:53:29,638 I'm going in. 604 00:53:30,377 --> 00:53:34,369 Right. Hop, one. Hop, two. Hop, one, two, three. 605 00:53:35,815 --> 00:53:37,805 Flap, flap, flap. Okay? 606 00:53:37,883 --> 00:53:42,150 Go, go on. Hop, hop one, hop two, hop one, two, three. 607 00:53:43,223 --> 00:53:44,885 Flap, flap, flap. Right, ready? 608 00:53:44,959 --> 00:53:47,256 Right, hop one, hop two. 609 00:53:47,327 --> 00:53:49,956 For fuck's sake, will you hop right? One, two, three. 610 00:53:50,031 --> 00:53:53,330 Hop one, hop two. Hop, one, two, three. 611 00:53:54,769 --> 00:53:57,033 Flap, flap. Flap it out, flap it out. 612 00:53:57,972 --> 00:53:59,406 Sell it to me. 613 00:54:00,742 --> 00:54:04,075 Overground, underground, wombling free 614 00:54:04,146 --> 00:54:06,808 The Wombles of Wimbledon Common are we 615 00:54:06,882 --> 00:54:08,782 Give him the drill, Bulgaria. 616 00:54:09,183 --> 00:54:12,278 Enough already. You take the croquet. Capisce? 617 00:54:12,353 --> 00:54:13,720 - Capisce. - I gotta wheel. 618 00:54:13,790 --> 00:54:15,690 Every morning, 9:00, be there. 619 00:54:30,074 --> 00:54:31,336 Bulgaria? 620 00:54:31,809 --> 00:54:33,742 I told you before, these are your responsibility. 621 00:54:33,811 --> 00:54:35,209 You're head Womble here. 622 00:54:35,279 --> 00:54:37,440 - Well, that's this... Fuck! - Fuck! 623 00:54:37,514 --> 00:54:39,345 I'll give you RAF. 624 00:54:39,416 --> 00:54:40,883 I broke no fucking mallet! 625 00:54:40,950 --> 00:54:43,648 - I broke no fucking mallet! - Keep away from me. 626 00:54:44,021 --> 00:54:45,046 Put that down! 627 00:54:45,122 --> 00:54:47,921 I'll break it across your back, you bollocks! 628 00:54:48,025 --> 00:54:50,323 I'll bust it... 629 00:54:54,532 --> 00:54:56,159 "You broke the mallet," he says. 630 00:54:56,234 --> 00:54:59,671 "I'll have to dock it from your pay. " I broke no fucking mallet. 631 00:54:59,739 --> 00:55:01,206 You fucked me one last time. 632 00:55:01,273 --> 00:55:03,240 RAF, my bollocks! That's the end of the line! 633 00:55:03,309 --> 00:55:05,038 Enough of that, John Joe. 634 00:55:06,244 --> 00:55:07,576 Back off, motherfucker. 635 00:55:07,647 --> 00:55:09,239 You don't know what you're dealing with here! 636 00:55:09,315 --> 00:55:11,409 Back in the can, you wanna know what they used to say? 637 00:55:11,485 --> 00:55:14,113 "Stay away, man. He's out where the buses don't run!" 638 00:55:14,187 --> 00:55:17,747 - You're out of your league here, friend. - Oh, not that again. 639 00:55:18,624 --> 00:55:19,989 You have to show them where you stand. 640 00:55:20,059 --> 00:55:22,324 They fuck with you, you fuck with them. 641 00:55:22,396 --> 00:55:24,990 You fuck them so bad you make them wish they'd never been born. 642 00:55:25,065 --> 00:55:28,091 - You want another shot? - I'd love a Babycham. 643 00:55:28,670 --> 00:55:30,570 You got it, kemo sabe. 644 00:55:31,139 --> 00:55:34,165 Tommy, one Babycham, one Powers. 645 00:55:34,609 --> 00:55:35,701 Please. 646 00:55:35,777 --> 00:55:37,745 Two weeks' severance, in the paw. 647 00:55:37,811 --> 00:55:41,340 You fuck with John Joe Kenny, that's one time you fuck too many. 648 00:55:42,083 --> 00:55:43,449 He's from Cavan. 649 00:55:43,786 --> 00:55:46,254 So, where's Cavan? 650 00:55:46,321 --> 00:55:47,913 Next to Monaghan. 651 00:55:49,491 --> 00:55:52,551 I'm going for a womble. If you want to come, give us a shout, right? 652 00:55:52,628 --> 00:55:54,095 Really, Uncle Bulgaria. 653 00:55:54,164 --> 00:55:57,030 Underground, overground, wombling free 654 00:55:57,099 --> 00:56:00,365 The Wombles of Wimbledon Common are we 655 00:56:00,437 --> 00:56:03,338 Underground, overground, wombling free 656 00:56:03,406 --> 00:56:05,874 I was a Womble one time. Did you know that? 657 00:56:08,945 --> 00:56:11,038 Hey, you can't sleep here, love. 658 00:56:12,048 --> 00:56:14,017 Have you got a home to go to? 659 00:56:15,553 --> 00:56:17,384 You can get a cab outside. 660 00:56:18,556 --> 00:56:23,392 Oh, I do believe I have a small, elfin dwelling on Wimbledon Common. 661 00:56:34,505 --> 00:56:35,495 Oi! 662 00:56:36,341 --> 00:56:38,469 You doing business, do it somewhere else, love. 663 00:56:38,544 --> 00:56:40,307 This pavement's got my name on it. 664 00:56:40,379 --> 00:56:42,710 What, pray, is your name? Concrete? 665 00:56:43,449 --> 00:56:46,441 My name is Scratch Your Eyes Out, Bite Your Bleeding Nose Off... 666 00:56:46,518 --> 00:56:49,419 which is what I'll do if you don't get off my patch. 667 00:56:50,490 --> 00:56:51,856 All right, lover? 668 00:56:52,692 --> 00:56:54,284 She giving you trouble, son? 669 00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:57,454 Oh, no trouble at all. We were just exchanging names. 670 00:56:58,932 --> 00:57:01,627 Go on, you fucking Nancy boy! 671 00:57:01,835 --> 00:57:04,166 Don't fucking come back! 672 00:57:04,270 --> 00:57:08,298 And her name is Scratch Your Eyes Out and Bite Your Bleeding Nose Off. 673 00:57:08,375 --> 00:57:10,935 And my name is Patricia Kitten Braden. 674 00:57:11,146 --> 00:57:14,012 Pleased to meet you, Patricia Kitten Braden. 675 00:57:15,416 --> 00:57:17,383 Just what were you doing back there? 676 00:57:17,451 --> 00:57:19,444 I was looking for the Phantom Lady. 677 00:57:19,522 --> 00:57:21,513 You found the right street, then. 678 00:57:21,590 --> 00:57:24,558 Why, what's it called? Phantom Lady Street? 679 00:57:24,693 --> 00:57:28,219 You could call it that. And just who is this Phantom Lady? 680 00:57:28,497 --> 00:57:31,465 Well, it's my mother, really. I call her that. 681 00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:35,628 To pretend it's a story that's happening to someone else, you see. 682 00:57:35,705 --> 00:57:37,536 And why do you pretend that? 683 00:57:37,607 --> 00:57:40,337 Because otherwise I might cry and never stop. 684 00:57:40,743 --> 00:57:43,110 If you cried, I'd make you stop. 685 00:57:43,479 --> 00:57:44,946 Oh, you would? 686 00:57:45,182 --> 00:57:47,150 Oh, how kind, kind sir. 687 00:57:48,018 --> 00:57:50,316 Yes, I'd definitely make you stop. 688 00:57:55,359 --> 00:57:57,452 And just what is it you do, then? 689 00:57:57,829 --> 00:58:01,287 Oh, this and that. Showbiz, kind of. Singing. 690 00:58:02,267 --> 00:58:05,895 - What do you like to sing about? - I sing about true love. 691 00:58:06,604 --> 00:58:07,936 That's nice. 692 00:58:08,606 --> 00:58:10,234 Have you ever found it? 693 00:58:11,844 --> 00:58:14,312 I thought I had, once. 694 00:58:17,416 --> 00:58:19,214 Here's one about true love. 695 00:58:23,656 --> 00:58:25,214 Ever heard this one? 696 00:58:27,159 --> 00:58:28,524 Nice, isn't it? 697 00:58:29,295 --> 00:58:31,388 I just love love songs. 698 00:58:35,936 --> 00:58:37,095 Take it off. 699 00:58:39,372 --> 00:58:42,365 - Don't you like it? - Take it off, there's a good lad. 700 00:58:45,046 --> 00:58:46,946 As you wish, sir. 701 00:58:53,889 --> 00:58:56,449 - Now, isn't that more comfortable? - Yes, sir. 702 00:58:58,726 --> 00:59:01,754 Of course it is, my love-loving friend. 703 00:59:03,332 --> 00:59:06,631 Here, feel that. 704 00:59:11,073 --> 00:59:13,302 Good old-fashioned silk. 705 00:59:13,509 --> 00:59:16,501 - Here you are. - Thank you. 706 00:59:25,121 --> 00:59:26,486 It's beautiful. 707 00:59:29,727 --> 00:59:32,524 - You like it? - It's beautiful. 708 00:59:33,364 --> 00:59:34,661 Like it? 709 00:59:45,877 --> 00:59:50,007 But did true love save Kitten from the hands of the beast... 710 00:59:50,082 --> 00:59:52,447 in that worst of all fairy tales? 711 00:59:52,517 --> 00:59:55,316 No, what saved Kitten... 712 00:59:55,387 --> 00:59:57,948 was her precious perfume spray... 713 00:59:58,224 --> 01:00:02,091 bought for �2.99 in Roches Stores on Henry Street... 714 01:00:02,161 --> 01:00:04,997 before she left her beloved Emerald Isle. 715 01:00:15,642 --> 01:00:16,632 Hello. 716 01:00:19,179 --> 01:00:20,340 I'm sorry to interrupt... 717 01:00:20,414 --> 01:00:23,440 but are you all right, miss? 718 01:00:26,187 --> 01:00:28,018 Yes, fine, thank you. 719 01:00:28,690 --> 01:00:31,921 Just tired after my hard day's work. 720 01:00:32,995 --> 01:00:35,656 You have been sitting there for four hours now. 721 01:00:38,099 --> 01:00:40,591 Yes, busy at my desk. 722 01:00:42,037 --> 01:00:43,766 Busy at your desk? 723 01:00:46,742 --> 01:00:48,438 Writing my little book. 724 01:00:50,379 --> 01:00:51,813 Your little book? 725 01:00:54,384 --> 01:00:55,818 What type of book? 726 01:00:59,556 --> 01:01:00,853 Well, it's a... 727 01:01:00,924 --> 01:01:04,018 It's a mystery thriller, sir. 728 01:01:04,094 --> 01:01:06,221 About a woman who disappears. 729 01:01:08,032 --> 01:01:10,763 May I ask what it's called? 730 01:01:12,837 --> 01:01:14,099 Yes. 731 01:01:14,772 --> 01:01:16,035 It's called... 732 01:01:17,875 --> 01:01:19,604 Footprints in the Custard. 733 01:01:23,582 --> 01:01:26,415 No, I'm only joking. It doesn't have a name yet... 734 01:01:26,618 --> 01:01:30,487 because I don't know what's gonna happen if the mystery is ever solved. 735 01:01:31,256 --> 01:01:32,952 But the lady has a name? 736 01:01:34,893 --> 01:01:36,327 Phantom Lady. 737 01:01:37,664 --> 01:01:39,096 "Phantom Lady. " 738 01:01:41,868 --> 01:01:45,702 No, her real name's Eily Bergin. She was my mother. 739 01:01:45,839 --> 01:01:47,465 - Your mother? - Yeah. 740 01:01:47,540 --> 01:01:49,667 And then she went away to the city of all cities... 741 01:01:49,742 --> 01:01:52,042 that never sleeps from dusk till dawn. 742 01:01:52,379 --> 01:01:56,441 - So, you think she's here in London? - No, I know she's here in London. 743 01:01:56,517 --> 01:01:57,882 Fantastic! 744 01:01:59,587 --> 01:02:02,214 The fantastic tale of Eily Bergin. 745 01:02:02,857 --> 01:02:04,882 I can't wait to hear the ending. 746 01:02:05,327 --> 01:02:09,319 - But you haven't even heard the start. - I can't wait to hear that, either. 747 01:02:11,399 --> 01:02:14,835 - So, are you a writer, too, then, sir? - Oh, good Lord, no. 748 01:02:17,172 --> 01:02:19,936 But something similar, maybe. 749 01:02:20,176 --> 01:02:23,576 Something similar? I wonder what that could be. 750 01:02:30,219 --> 01:02:31,812 You're a magician! 751 01:02:32,822 --> 01:02:35,383 Bertie Vaughan at your service. 752 01:02:37,261 --> 01:02:40,958 Now, the first thing that has to be said, Bertie dearest... 753 01:02:41,231 --> 01:02:45,600 is that you bear absolutely no resemblance to Marlon "Margarine" Brando. 754 01:02:46,170 --> 01:02:47,966 We all have our off days. 755 01:02:49,707 --> 01:02:52,472 So, tell me more about the Phantom Lady. 756 01:02:52,811 --> 01:02:55,041 Why? What's in it for me? 757 01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:57,406 I'll take you to see my show. 758 01:02:57,582 --> 01:03:00,277 Oh, it's a deal, Magic. 759 01:03:00,417 --> 01:03:05,152 So, where were we? Yes, the Phantom Lady. 760 01:03:05,357 --> 01:03:07,826 Eily Bergin had just arrived in Dublin... 761 01:03:07,893 --> 01:03:11,955 and just realized that her boat didn't sail for another four hours. 762 01:03:22,976 --> 01:03:24,876 Lo and behold, not a scratch. 763 01:03:25,212 --> 01:03:26,644 Thank you, my dear. 764 01:03:28,715 --> 01:03:29,942 Pick a card. 765 01:03:30,717 --> 01:03:31,742 Anyone? 766 01:03:32,386 --> 01:03:34,378 Come along, madam, pick a card. 767 01:03:34,522 --> 01:03:35,920 Any card. 768 01:03:40,862 --> 01:03:44,263 - Oh, my God! - Oh, yes, blimey. 769 01:03:44,332 --> 01:03:45,891 "Oh, my God" is right. 770 01:03:45,968 --> 01:03:49,904 I do believe you've chosen the 101 of hearts. 771 01:03:49,972 --> 01:03:52,496 Thank you, my dear, I'll take care of that. 772 01:03:55,544 --> 01:03:57,067 Time, of course. 773 01:03:57,513 --> 01:03:59,309 The time. 774 01:03:59,381 --> 01:04:02,715 Looks like it's up, you lovely people. 775 01:04:03,485 --> 01:04:07,013 Come on, help me, please, my loves. 776 01:04:07,891 --> 01:04:12,884 Anyone out there willing to encounter the great watch? 777 01:04:18,469 --> 01:04:20,369 - Hello, young lady. - Hello. 778 01:04:21,172 --> 01:04:24,767 And what's the story behind those beautiful blue eyes? 779 01:04:28,144 --> 01:04:33,015 - What's your name, young lady? - Patricia Kitten Braden. 780 01:04:33,285 --> 01:04:36,413 - And where are you from, my dear? - Ireland. 781 01:04:36,721 --> 01:04:39,986 Keep your eye on the watch, young Patricia. 782 01:04:41,660 --> 01:04:43,492 The whole world is in there. 783 01:04:45,430 --> 01:04:47,193 Tick-tock. 784 01:04:49,268 --> 01:04:51,566 Swing-swong. 785 01:04:53,206 --> 01:04:54,969 And, dare I say it... 786 01:04:55,608 --> 01:04:57,371 ding-dong. 787 01:04:58,645 --> 01:05:02,605 And let the great watch guide you. 788 01:05:15,095 --> 01:05:17,894 And what brings you to our great metropolis? 789 01:05:18,565 --> 01:05:20,328 I'm looking for my mammy. 790 01:05:21,002 --> 01:05:23,971 Oh. And where did Mummy go? 791 01:05:24,938 --> 01:05:28,740 - The city swallowed her up. - Oh, fancy that. 792 01:05:29,110 --> 01:05:31,443 Well, it will do that to people. 793 01:05:33,149 --> 01:05:35,845 But do you know what, Patricia? 794 01:05:36,719 --> 01:05:39,552 - I think I see your mother. - Where? 795 01:05:39,655 --> 01:05:42,853 Why, down there by that table by the jukebox. 796 01:05:43,460 --> 01:05:44,983 Mammy! 797 01:05:48,465 --> 01:05:51,160 On second thoughts, Patricia... 798 01:05:51,233 --> 01:05:54,033 she's not your mother, she's your great-aunt Ida. 799 01:05:54,338 --> 01:05:56,637 That's your mother over there. 800 01:05:57,074 --> 01:05:58,406 Mammy? 801 01:05:59,944 --> 01:06:01,411 Mammy! 802 01:06:02,079 --> 01:06:03,240 Oh, Mammy. 803 01:06:06,516 --> 01:06:07,813 Actually... 804 01:06:07,884 --> 01:06:12,585 Patricia, that's your second cousin Ronnie, just out of the Scrubs. 805 01:06:13,859 --> 01:06:15,257 In fact... 806 01:06:16,495 --> 01:06:18,690 your mummy is right up here. 807 01:06:20,431 --> 01:06:22,229 Up here on stage. 808 01:06:23,136 --> 01:06:24,865 Come to Mummy. 809 01:06:25,939 --> 01:06:27,873 Come to Mummy. 810 01:06:28,675 --> 01:06:30,575 Come to Mummy. 811 01:06:30,809 --> 01:06:32,801 Come to Mummy. 812 01:06:33,178 --> 01:06:36,877 You love your mummy and your poppy. 813 01:06:38,419 --> 01:06:40,717 Good to have you back, darling. 814 01:06:41,322 --> 01:06:43,312 And Mummy's never leaving again. 815 01:06:43,390 --> 01:06:44,619 Never. 816 01:06:45,793 --> 01:06:46,817 Never. 817 01:06:47,660 --> 01:06:50,026 Never, I promise. Never. 818 01:07:11,052 --> 01:07:13,681 Just call me Old Sawbones. 819 01:07:22,800 --> 01:07:25,597 - You all right, dear? - Yes. 820 01:07:37,881 --> 01:07:41,318 Those of a nervous disposition... 821 01:07:41,386 --> 01:07:44,878 should now close their eyes. 822 01:07:49,462 --> 01:07:50,655 Oh, dear. 823 01:07:58,838 --> 01:08:00,634 Are you all right, Kitten? 824 01:08:02,173 --> 01:08:04,803 No, I'm actually quite heartbroken. 825 01:08:10,984 --> 01:08:13,145 I think I see the problem. 826 01:08:38,380 --> 01:08:40,779 Gee, thanks, Cupid. 827 01:08:51,566 --> 01:08:54,364 And the other thing about the Phantom Lady was, Bertie... 828 01:08:54,436 --> 01:08:58,133 she realized, in the city that never sleeps... 829 01:08:58,206 --> 01:09:00,198 What did she realize, Kitten? 830 01:09:00,409 --> 01:09:04,573 That all the songs that she'd listened to, all the love songs... 831 01:09:05,114 --> 01:09:07,378 well, they were only songs. 832 01:09:07,515 --> 01:09:11,077 - What's wrong with that? - Nothing, if you don't believe in them. 833 01:09:12,088 --> 01:09:13,816 But she did, you see. 834 01:09:13,888 --> 01:09:16,551 She believed in enchanted evenings... 835 01:09:16,626 --> 01:09:20,722 and she believed that a small cloud passed overhead... 836 01:09:20,797 --> 01:09:23,357 and cried down on her flowerbed. 837 01:09:23,734 --> 01:09:27,329 And she even believed there was breakfast to be had. 838 01:09:27,404 --> 01:09:28,392 Where? 839 01:09:29,539 --> 01:09:30,734 On Pluto. 840 01:09:31,676 --> 01:09:35,578 The mysterious, icy wastes of Pluto. 841 01:09:38,149 --> 01:09:42,085 You know, Kitten, I made a decision a long time ago. 842 01:09:43,255 --> 01:09:44,882 What decision was that? 843 01:09:46,024 --> 01:09:49,960 That I wasn't destined for the sentimental side of things. 844 01:09:51,764 --> 01:09:52,753 But... 845 01:09:53,465 --> 01:09:57,732 But if I did let myself ever fall for someone... 846 01:09:59,339 --> 01:10:01,398 I think it would be a girl like you. 847 01:10:01,474 --> 01:10:04,307 Bertie, please, I have to stop you. There's something you should know. 848 01:10:04,377 --> 01:10:07,039 Or maybe what I should say is... 849 01:10:08,782 --> 01:10:10,443 it would be a girl... 850 01:10:12,119 --> 01:10:15,213 - not a million miles away from... - No, please don't. 851 01:10:15,356 --> 01:10:16,948 ...where I'm standing. 852 01:10:18,591 --> 01:10:19,581 No. 853 01:10:23,264 --> 01:10:25,231 What's the matter, princess? 854 01:10:27,536 --> 01:10:29,969 Well, you see, the thing is, Bertie... 855 01:10:31,506 --> 01:10:32,939 I'm not... 856 01:10:33,141 --> 01:10:34,130 Yes? 857 01:10:37,112 --> 01:10:38,602 I'm not a girl. 858 01:10:39,514 --> 01:10:41,483 Oh, I knew that, princess. 859 01:10:42,952 --> 01:10:45,443 - You did? - Of course. 860 01:10:46,722 --> 01:10:48,189 What I said was... 861 01:10:49,559 --> 01:10:51,754 it would be a girl like you. 862 01:11:00,804 --> 01:11:03,830 I do believe I see Mummy over there. 863 01:11:06,810 --> 01:11:08,175 Mammy! 864 01:11:12,250 --> 01:11:16,448 Actually, she's just walked in. There. 865 01:11:20,191 --> 01:11:21,488 Mammy! Mammy. 866 01:11:22,126 --> 01:11:23,492 Bastards! 867 01:11:24,663 --> 01:11:26,597 Think you can make fun of her? 868 01:11:27,867 --> 01:11:29,425 You're coming with me. 869 01:11:33,372 --> 01:11:34,430 Wait! 870 01:11:34,840 --> 01:11:36,398 Please don't leave me. 871 01:11:37,377 --> 01:11:39,368 What about the Prince of Magic? 872 01:11:39,813 --> 01:11:42,873 - Please don't go. - Some fucking Prince of Magic. 873 01:11:42,983 --> 01:11:45,884 No, maybe I should... He doesn't mean bad, Charlie. 874 01:11:45,951 --> 01:11:48,819 For Christ's sake, Paddy, what is happening to you? 875 01:11:49,689 --> 01:11:50,917 Kitten! 876 01:12:17,953 --> 01:12:19,045 Excuse me. 877 01:12:26,296 --> 01:12:28,923 John Joe. John Joe! 878 01:12:29,165 --> 01:12:30,154 John Joe! 879 01:12:31,734 --> 01:12:33,258 Not a Womble anymore. 880 01:12:34,037 --> 01:12:37,997 Don't talk to me about fucking Wombles! I'm in the Tower of London now. 881 01:12:39,343 --> 01:12:43,780 Thirty smackers in the paw, boy, no questions asked. 882 01:12:43,881 --> 01:12:45,849 Hey, they're looking for a Mary Queen of Scots. 883 01:12:45,915 --> 01:12:49,148 - Would you be up for it? - They'd chop my head off, surely. 884 01:12:49,587 --> 01:12:51,782 And here's the man to do it for you. 885 01:12:53,557 --> 01:12:54,957 Smiley, huh? 886 01:13:34,902 --> 01:13:36,334 Where's Irwin gone? 887 01:13:37,271 --> 01:13:39,898 Him and his fucking revolution. 888 01:13:52,988 --> 01:13:55,684 - How'd you carry it? - Bottom of my sleeping bag. 889 01:13:57,960 --> 01:14:00,486 There won't be much sleeping with this baby. 890 01:14:01,630 --> 01:14:03,565 So you haven't seen her, then? 891 01:14:05,935 --> 01:14:07,596 She's here, though, somewhere. 892 01:14:07,670 --> 01:14:09,831 I know it. I just know it, Charlie. 893 01:14:10,507 --> 01:14:12,030 Big fucking city. 894 01:14:13,843 --> 01:14:15,641 I'm losing Irwin, you know. 895 01:14:16,847 --> 01:14:17,905 How? 896 01:14:18,849 --> 01:14:21,818 He's up to something. I know it. 897 01:14:23,754 --> 01:14:25,381 He's got these secrets. 898 01:14:27,591 --> 01:14:29,526 So why did you come over, Charlie? 899 01:14:29,594 --> 01:14:31,255 Wasn't just to see me. 900 01:14:32,798 --> 01:14:34,925 Was it something to do with Irwin? 901 01:14:37,369 --> 01:14:38,836 You might say that. 902 01:14:42,841 --> 01:14:44,070 I'm pregnant. 903 01:14:48,648 --> 01:14:50,309 Oh, Jesus, Charlie. 904 01:14:52,151 --> 01:14:53,379 Does he know? 905 01:14:55,288 --> 01:14:57,119 You know all he knows about. 906 01:14:58,325 --> 01:14:59,758 Or cares. 907 01:15:08,802 --> 01:15:11,293 But you didn't come here to have the baby? 908 01:15:14,375 --> 01:15:16,275 I came here to get rid of it. 909 01:15:23,952 --> 01:15:25,886 You have to tell him, Charlie. 910 01:15:27,223 --> 01:15:28,520 I can't. 911 01:15:29,592 --> 01:15:31,389 He's all fucked up. He's... 912 01:15:33,729 --> 01:15:36,823 So, how are the homeless? 913 01:15:38,667 --> 01:15:40,066 Homeless are fine. 914 01:15:40,837 --> 01:15:43,305 That's what keeps him out late, Kitten... 915 01:15:43,974 --> 01:15:45,703 working with the homeless. 916 01:15:46,443 --> 01:15:47,705 Right, Irwin? 917 01:16:05,326 --> 01:16:08,261 - I can't have it, can I, Paddy? - No. 918 01:16:09,798 --> 01:16:11,527 No, you can't. 919 01:16:14,636 --> 01:16:16,934 Irwin's involved in shit I don't wanna think about. 920 01:16:17,005 --> 01:16:18,165 I know. 921 01:16:18,540 --> 01:16:22,237 What would it turn out like, Paddy? You know what I mean, don't you? 922 01:16:23,411 --> 01:16:27,371 It'd be an absolute disaster, like me. 923 01:16:29,952 --> 01:16:33,547 Now, I want you to read this leaflet. 924 01:16:33,890 --> 01:16:37,053 It outlines all aspects of the termination procedure. 925 01:16:38,128 --> 01:16:39,288 Termination? 926 01:16:40,062 --> 01:16:43,430 - You mean this is an abortion clinic? - Yes, of course it is. 927 01:16:44,601 --> 01:16:47,001 I thought it was a fertility clinic. 928 01:16:54,045 --> 01:16:56,479 I think she changed her mind. Thank you. 929 01:17:06,089 --> 01:17:08,821 You said it'd be a disaster, like you. 930 01:17:09,428 --> 01:17:11,760 Worse, probably. 931 01:17:12,298 --> 01:17:16,826 - But I love you, you fucking disaster. - Oh, Charlie. 932 01:17:23,944 --> 01:17:27,107 - Promise you won't get lost again? - I promise. 933 01:17:28,982 --> 01:17:29,971 Tell him. 934 01:17:31,685 --> 01:17:32,913 Tell me what? 935 01:17:33,987 --> 01:17:37,321 Charlie's joining the Sandinistas. Aren't you, Charlie? 936 01:17:37,425 --> 01:17:40,485 - Sandinistas? - They're a rock band. 937 01:17:40,561 --> 01:17:43,291 - Aren't they, Charlie? - Where can I reach you? 938 01:17:45,600 --> 01:17:47,465 Try Cambridge Circus. 939 01:18:02,217 --> 01:18:03,845 See you, Paddy. 940 01:18:54,306 --> 01:18:58,174 - You and me, darling. What do you say? - I don't quite know what to say. 941 01:19:00,580 --> 01:19:02,207 Christ, you're a bloke! 942 01:19:02,282 --> 01:19:04,910 Ten out of ten, Sherlock. 943 01:19:25,973 --> 01:19:27,941 You fancy a drink or something? 944 01:19:29,978 --> 01:19:32,947 Campari and soda, if you don't mind. 945 01:19:33,147 --> 01:19:34,581 Of course I don't. 946 01:19:34,650 --> 01:19:37,016 Wouldn't have asked you otherwise, would I? 947 01:19:37,086 --> 01:19:39,077 Campari and soda, please, mate. 948 01:19:44,994 --> 01:19:46,461 There you go, mate. 949 01:19:47,564 --> 01:19:48,552 Cheers. 950 01:19:54,571 --> 01:19:55,663 Thank you. 951 01:19:57,975 --> 01:20:01,308 - Crowded tonight. - Oh, yes. 952 01:20:01,378 --> 01:20:04,939 - Football supporters? - No, Royal Engineers. 953 01:20:05,116 --> 01:20:06,912 Oh, soldiers. 954 01:20:07,184 --> 01:20:09,378 Just come back from a tour of duty. 955 01:20:09,653 --> 01:20:13,647 - Aden? Cyprus? No, let me guess. - Fucking Ulster. 956 01:20:15,794 --> 01:20:17,819 I haven't got anything against the Irish, though, mind. 957 01:20:17,896 --> 01:20:21,457 - I hear they're very friendly. - Don't know. Maybe. 958 01:20:24,035 --> 01:20:27,494 It's the politicians what fuck it up, though, isn't it? 959 01:20:31,377 --> 01:20:33,072 Do you wanna dance? 960 01:20:34,814 --> 01:20:36,441 Yes, I'd love to. 961 01:20:51,130 --> 01:20:54,498 - You okay? - Oh, yes. Super. 962 01:20:56,304 --> 01:20:58,465 You seem a little bit tense. 963 01:21:01,843 --> 01:21:03,902 Would you do something for me? 964 01:21:04,913 --> 01:21:06,278 Yeah, of course. 965 01:21:08,983 --> 01:21:11,543 Would you pretend your name's Bobby? 966 01:21:12,822 --> 01:21:13,880 Bobby who? 967 01:21:15,825 --> 01:21:17,292 Bobby Goldsboro. 968 01:21:19,361 --> 01:21:21,261 It's his song, you see. 969 01:21:23,132 --> 01:21:24,760 Bobby it is, then. 970 01:21:26,102 --> 01:21:30,266 All you have to do is plant a little tree... 971 01:21:30,607 --> 01:21:33,235 surprise me with a puppy... 972 01:21:33,977 --> 01:21:35,911 I'll hug your neck. 973 01:22:26,967 --> 01:22:29,231 Back. Go to the back end. 974 01:22:29,803 --> 01:22:31,737 Get as many men down as you can. 975 01:22:31,805 --> 01:22:33,830 All right, my love, we're gonna get you out of here. 976 01:22:33,908 --> 01:22:36,434 Come on, my love. Can you stand? 977 01:22:39,681 --> 01:22:40,943 That's it. 978 01:22:41,016 --> 01:22:42,950 As many people as we can get out through the door. 979 01:22:43,018 --> 01:22:44,645 Take my shoulder, love. 980 01:22:44,753 --> 01:22:46,653 You're all right, mate, I've got you. 981 01:22:46,721 --> 01:22:47,779 My tights. 982 01:22:47,856 --> 01:22:49,518 - Easy, easy. - Steady down there. Steady. 983 01:22:49,592 --> 01:22:51,287 My tights! They're in ribbons. 984 01:22:51,360 --> 01:22:53,885 You're alive, love, that's the main thing. Come on. 985 01:22:53,963 --> 01:22:56,523 I know what I'll have to do, I'll have to get a new pair. 986 01:22:56,599 --> 01:22:59,033 There's no other way, I'm afraid. 987 01:23:02,238 --> 01:23:04,139 Keep still, darling. Don't try and move, okay? 988 01:23:04,207 --> 01:23:06,334 Please, let us through now! 989 01:23:06,442 --> 01:23:07,808 Watch out. 990 01:23:09,146 --> 01:23:12,205 - I told you, from my best side, darlings. - Bring the other ambulance. 991 01:23:12,282 --> 01:23:13,647 Slow down. 992 01:23:13,984 --> 01:23:15,884 That's it. Slowly now. 993 01:23:16,853 --> 01:23:19,822 Come on, get out of the way, please! Come on. 994 01:23:20,258 --> 01:23:23,694 - Out of the way. - Please, nurse, he's in so much pain. 995 01:23:25,330 --> 01:23:28,766 No, they're Christian Dior. Do you really have to? 996 01:23:38,476 --> 01:23:42,937 How silly can you get, putting an "X" across my weenie. 997 01:23:43,015 --> 01:23:48,010 Not so silly as 11 fucking people blown to pieces... 998 01:23:48,088 --> 01:23:49,885 you twisted little cunt! 999 01:23:49,956 --> 01:23:53,585 Fucking baby-faced, fucking Irish murderer! 1000 01:23:57,364 --> 01:23:59,696 I'm sorry, did you call? 1001 01:24:00,734 --> 01:24:04,466 I can't quite see where you are. I'm over here, you see. 1002 01:24:05,206 --> 01:24:09,006 Millions of miles up here with Sirius guarding my head. 1003 01:24:09,076 --> 01:24:11,374 Tell him what he wants to know! 1004 01:24:12,013 --> 01:24:15,540 It's free. Everyone thinks it's cold up here... 1005 01:24:15,617 --> 01:24:17,084 but it's actually quite warm. 1006 01:24:17,151 --> 01:24:20,679 Yes, it's warm as toast up on Pluto. 1007 01:24:20,989 --> 01:24:21,978 Pluto. 1008 01:24:23,992 --> 01:24:27,985 Don't try the fucking blarney on us, Paddy! 1009 01:24:28,063 --> 01:24:31,227 We know you planted the fucking bomb! 1010 01:24:31,567 --> 01:24:33,967 But of course I did, my darling. 1011 01:24:34,037 --> 01:24:36,437 Why, I've planted hundreds of them. 1012 01:24:36,506 --> 01:24:39,532 Have you now? Well, plant this! 1013 01:24:44,248 --> 01:24:46,181 Hello, officer. 1014 01:24:46,717 --> 01:24:48,206 I'm over here. 1015 01:24:48,451 --> 01:24:51,148 Just take a left at the Milky Way. 1016 01:24:51,588 --> 01:24:54,989 We'll travel to Mars and visit 1017 01:24:55,059 --> 01:24:57,220 Christ, I can't fucking stand this! 1018 01:24:57,294 --> 01:25:01,994 Listen, son, why don't you just make a statement? 1019 01:25:03,601 --> 01:25:06,866 A statement, officer? Why didn't you just say so? 1020 01:25:06,938 --> 01:25:10,897 Attaboy. There's no point making it hard for all of us. 1021 01:25:10,975 --> 01:25:14,605 Of course not. After all, we're all friends here. 1022 01:25:21,287 --> 01:25:26,246 Let's start with where you were on Thursday, October 17th. 1023 01:25:28,061 --> 01:25:32,589 I was in my little cell working with my active service unit. 1024 01:25:33,233 --> 01:25:35,427 But I was working undercover. 1025 01:25:36,036 --> 01:25:37,435 Undercover? 1026 01:25:43,044 --> 01:25:46,502 Oh, it's all coming back to me now. Pen and paper, please. 1027 01:25:55,790 --> 01:26:00,228 Patricia Kitten, a.k.a. Deep Throat... 1028 01:26:00,295 --> 01:26:04,994 had penetrated the deepest recesses of the Republican sphincter... 1029 01:26:07,703 --> 01:26:11,002 with her secret anti-terrorist spray... 1030 01:26:11,207 --> 01:26:15,405 named after Gabrielle Coco Chanel's lucky number. 1031 01:26:17,780 --> 01:26:20,078 The stability of Semtex will be compromised. 1032 01:26:20,150 --> 01:26:23,449 Oh, but, Lord, was she sick of that black. 1033 01:26:25,156 --> 01:26:28,648 What is it with freedom fighters and couture anyway? 1034 01:26:43,408 --> 01:26:45,706 You've got fuse support and booster charge. 1035 01:26:45,777 --> 01:26:48,644 What can I say? We've got here the pressure plate... 1036 01:26:57,290 --> 01:26:58,416 Stop 1037 01:27:43,372 --> 01:27:45,169 Is there anyone here? 1038 01:27:45,274 --> 01:27:47,242 Why won't he just talk to us? 1039 01:27:47,309 --> 01:27:50,370 Did he or didn't he, dressed as a woman, get caught by his own bomb? 1040 01:27:50,446 --> 01:27:53,382 We've held him six days now. Seven's the max. 1041 01:28:04,595 --> 01:28:05,789 Paddy? 1042 01:28:07,798 --> 01:28:11,564 - You all right? - Fine. Absolutely wonderful. 1043 01:28:13,170 --> 01:28:16,867 Meet us halfway, will you, Paddy? Tell us why you came over here. 1044 01:28:18,209 --> 01:28:20,474 Well, I was just looking for someone. 1045 01:28:20,545 --> 01:28:24,003 - I was just looking for Eily Bergin. - Who's Eily Bergin, Paddy? 1046 01:28:26,084 --> 01:28:28,052 She's gone undercover now. 1047 01:28:28,119 --> 01:28:30,748 The biggest city in the world swallowed her up. 1048 01:28:30,822 --> 01:28:33,758 Could she help us with our inquiries, Paddy? 1049 01:28:33,960 --> 01:28:35,222 She could help me with mine. 1050 01:28:35,295 --> 01:28:38,264 Do you want us to find her? Have you got an address? 1051 01:28:39,865 --> 01:28:43,427 - You could try The House That Vanished. - The House That Vanished. 1052 01:28:44,871 --> 01:28:48,831 Oh, Christ. I think we're all losing it. 1053 01:28:57,184 --> 01:29:00,983 We're gonna get some sleep now, Paddy. We're gonna get some sleep. 1054 01:29:01,323 --> 01:29:05,384 Look, I think we may have made a mistake. 1055 01:29:06,861 --> 01:29:09,090 - Officer? - What is it now? 1056 01:29:09,964 --> 01:29:14,298 If you came home from the office and you found me lying on the floor... 1057 01:29:14,969 --> 01:29:18,564 - would you take me to the hospital? - Well, of course I would. 1058 01:29:19,342 --> 01:29:21,902 And would you carry me like you're doing now? 1059 01:29:22,545 --> 01:29:23,909 Well, yeah. 1060 01:29:24,513 --> 01:29:29,382 So if I wasn't a transvestite terrorist, would you marry me? 1061 01:29:30,020 --> 01:29:31,919 No, for fuck's sake. 1062 01:29:40,330 --> 01:29:43,561 Well, is Officer Wallis gonna be a happy man or what? 1063 01:29:43,633 --> 01:29:46,660 We've held you too long by all accounts. Look. 1064 01:29:48,639 --> 01:29:50,266 Oh, no, you can't. 1065 01:29:50,875 --> 01:29:53,708 You can't. Not when I'm settling in so well. 1066 01:29:58,584 --> 01:30:01,144 Take your head off my shoulder, son. 1067 01:30:04,556 --> 01:30:06,922 You don't understand, Paddy. We can't keep you here. 1068 01:30:06,992 --> 01:30:08,960 It's impossible. We couldn't even if we wanted to. 1069 01:30:09,027 --> 01:30:12,121 Fuck this, I'm going on a long holiday. Wife says I need it. 1070 01:30:12,197 --> 01:30:13,460 Come on! 1071 01:30:13,533 --> 01:30:16,798 Come on, just for one day. It wouldn't kill you. 1072 01:30:16,869 --> 01:30:18,963 Sorry, Paddy. It's impossible. 1073 01:30:19,406 --> 01:30:22,432 - Okay, a half-a-day, please? - No. 1074 01:30:25,545 --> 01:30:27,741 Look, do you mind me asking? 1075 01:30:27,815 --> 01:30:31,614 I mean, why do you wanna... I mean, it don't make any sense. 1076 01:30:32,119 --> 01:30:34,781 - It just makes me feel secure. - Secure? 1077 01:30:35,122 --> 01:30:36,487 Yes, you see, in the cell... 1078 01:30:36,557 --> 01:30:40,391 sometimes I think my legs are turning into air... 1079 01:30:40,561 --> 01:30:43,690 and I'm floating in space, and I'm all alone. 1080 01:30:43,832 --> 01:30:46,027 "Galactic aloneness," I've heard that called. 1081 01:30:46,101 --> 01:30:47,796 Please, Routledge. 1082 01:30:49,304 --> 01:30:51,101 I just wanna belong. 1083 01:30:52,507 --> 01:30:57,241 I'd be your best prisoner. I'd cook and I'd clean and I'd sweep... 1084 01:30:57,313 --> 01:30:59,838 and I'd iron all the uniforms. I... 1085 01:31:00,650 --> 01:31:02,549 - Hey, Paddy! - I just wanna... 1086 01:31:06,522 --> 01:31:08,888 No, I'm afraid it's goodbye now. 1087 01:31:16,600 --> 01:31:19,933 All right, go get that bus there. 1088 01:31:20,704 --> 01:31:21,863 Go on! 1089 01:31:33,184 --> 01:31:35,652 Jennifer Jones and William Holden. 1090 01:31:40,492 --> 01:31:42,825 Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing? 1091 01:31:46,398 --> 01:31:48,524 Have you ever been in love? 1092 01:31:53,440 --> 01:31:55,237 Once I thought I was. 1093 01:31:56,009 --> 01:31:57,772 He was a lucky man. 1094 01:32:02,382 --> 01:32:03,815 I'd pay you. 1095 01:32:06,486 --> 01:32:08,887 I'd give you whatever you wanted. 1096 01:32:10,558 --> 01:32:13,026 Whatever you wanted, I'd give you. 1097 01:33:12,591 --> 01:33:14,991 That's my mammy! That's my mammy! 1098 01:33:17,262 --> 01:33:19,059 Excuse me! Excuse me. 1099 01:33:20,366 --> 01:33:22,800 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 1100 01:33:26,639 --> 01:33:28,834 Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me. 1101 01:33:39,586 --> 01:33:40,780 Hello! 1102 01:34:15,457 --> 01:34:18,325 Hello, sir. Can I be of assistance? 1103 01:34:18,395 --> 01:34:21,887 I don't do anything heavy, but aside from that I'd be more... 1104 01:34:22,931 --> 01:34:25,162 I could have you arrested, you know. 1105 01:34:25,235 --> 01:34:27,499 Well, icky-oakie me. 1106 01:34:28,104 --> 01:34:29,298 Get in. 1107 01:34:33,444 --> 01:34:35,912 This is no life for a young man like you, Patrick. 1108 01:34:35,980 --> 01:34:39,279 Well, cuff me then. Carry me to my sweet cell. 1109 01:34:39,350 --> 01:34:40,338 No. 1110 01:34:41,285 --> 01:34:44,083 Oh, wait, you're not an actual punter, are you? How exciting. 1111 01:34:44,155 --> 01:34:48,421 No, it's not... It's not that either. It's a lot more serious than that, Patrick. 1112 01:34:48,493 --> 01:34:52,054 Well, of course it is, of course it's serious. Everything's serious. 1113 01:34:52,130 --> 01:34:54,564 Oh, you're gonna die out there, Paddy! 1114 01:34:58,738 --> 01:34:59,966 I know. 1115 01:35:05,678 --> 01:35:08,078 Why don't you try and get a regular job? 1116 01:35:08,681 --> 01:35:12,276 Well, to tell you the truth, Inspector, I'm not that employable. 1117 01:35:12,351 --> 01:35:13,842 So I gathered. 1118 01:35:17,424 --> 01:35:18,914 Fucking hell. 1119 01:35:26,934 --> 01:35:28,425 Come with me. 1120 01:35:36,311 --> 01:35:39,872 A group of girls got themselves off the street, Patrick. 1121 01:35:40,148 --> 01:35:41,707 Set up a co-op. 1122 01:35:42,485 --> 01:35:43,850 What do you mean, "co-op"? 1123 01:35:43,918 --> 01:35:47,548 You know, like... Sort of like... A union, you could call it. 1124 01:35:49,859 --> 01:35:51,053 Girls? 1125 01:35:52,394 --> 01:35:54,487 Hello. Come on. 1126 01:35:56,967 --> 01:35:59,868 It's not ideal, but it's safe... 1127 01:36:00,804 --> 01:36:02,066 and legal. 1128 01:36:02,139 --> 01:36:03,400 Casandra. 1129 01:36:05,142 --> 01:36:07,042 Goddess of Destruction. 1130 01:36:09,179 --> 01:36:11,774 - Girls? Hello. - Hello. 1131 01:36:11,848 --> 01:36:12,975 This is Patrick. 1132 01:36:13,050 --> 01:36:14,540 - Hello, Patrick. - Hello. 1133 01:36:14,619 --> 01:36:16,746 He's a friend of mine, so be gentle. Hello, Sam. 1134 01:36:16,821 --> 01:36:19,654 We're always nice. Patrick, do you wanna play poker? 1135 01:36:19,724 --> 01:36:21,089 Love poker. 1136 01:36:21,591 --> 01:36:23,389 - Yeah, we'll put him in. - Are you all right? 1137 01:36:23,461 --> 01:36:26,363 - You'll be working with us? - I hope so. If you'll have me. 1138 01:36:26,431 --> 01:36:27,762 We're a nice bunch here. 1139 01:36:27,833 --> 01:36:30,495 - No bitchiness or nothing here. - Look at his hair. 1140 01:36:30,569 --> 01:36:32,696 - So where are you from? - Cavan. 1141 01:36:32,771 --> 01:36:35,262 Very nice. I'm from Dublin. You'll do well here. 1142 01:36:35,340 --> 01:36:38,366 You'll like us girls. So you'll definitely like it here. 1143 01:36:44,017 --> 01:36:46,952 Dear Charlie, sorry I haven't been in touch... 1144 01:36:47,020 --> 01:36:49,750 and I hope that everything is going fine with you. 1145 01:36:49,823 --> 01:36:51,586 How's the bump? 1146 01:36:51,658 --> 01:36:54,355 Just writing to say that I've got a new address. 1147 01:36:54,428 --> 01:36:57,397 It's Xanadu on Old Compton Street... 1148 01:36:57,530 --> 01:37:00,159 and you can reach me there at any time. 1149 01:37:00,234 --> 01:37:04,068 I'm saving like mad to get over to see you when it happens in... 1150 01:37:04,138 --> 01:37:07,700 What is it? Four months, two weeks, and three days. 1151 01:37:08,944 --> 01:37:10,138 Hello. 1152 01:37:10,612 --> 01:37:12,239 Show me your bazoozums. 1153 01:37:12,314 --> 01:37:14,748 - I beg your pardon? - You know. 1154 01:37:19,321 --> 01:37:20,754 What's that? 1155 01:37:20,989 --> 01:37:24,721 Now, listen, sir, we can't all have big bazoozums. 1156 01:37:24,794 --> 01:37:27,627 Some of us are what you might call svelte. 1157 01:37:27,763 --> 01:37:31,290 - Svelte? - Yes. That's a Swedish word, I believe. 1158 01:37:32,435 --> 01:37:35,871 - There's also a French one. - Aye, give me the French. 1159 01:37:35,937 --> 01:37:37,236 Gamine. 1160 01:37:37,407 --> 01:37:40,570 - Gamine? - Yes, and that's what I am, sir. 1161 01:37:40,644 --> 01:37:42,612 A svelte gamine. 1162 01:37:44,014 --> 01:37:48,609 How much is that doggy in the window? 1163 01:37:49,319 --> 01:37:53,154 The one with the waggly tail 1164 01:37:53,223 --> 01:37:57,092 Not "waggly," "waggedy. " "Waggedy tail. " 1165 01:37:58,263 --> 01:38:00,230 Dear sir unseen, I know my music... 1166 01:38:00,298 --> 01:38:04,394 and I'm willing to bet you 10 times whatever pathetic price you paid in here... 1167 01:38:04,469 --> 01:38:07,064 that the dog's tail is waggly. 1168 01:38:08,674 --> 01:38:10,699 Now I wanna hear you bark. 1169 01:38:21,354 --> 01:38:24,551 - Hello. - Please don't do that. 1170 01:38:28,194 --> 01:38:29,855 As you wish, sir. 1171 01:38:34,302 --> 01:38:37,362 I don't do this sort of thing often. 1172 01:38:37,438 --> 01:38:40,703 That's all right, sir, we've got lots of time. 1173 01:38:47,014 --> 01:38:51,384 - I knew a boy like you once. - Oh, I'm not a boy, sir, I'm a girl. 1174 01:38:52,521 --> 01:38:56,150 - Oh, you're a girl. - Yes. 1175 01:38:57,259 --> 01:39:01,286 You can call me Patricia. That's my name, sir. 1176 01:39:02,265 --> 01:39:06,793 Can I tell you a story, Patricia? 1177 01:39:06,869 --> 01:39:09,394 Oh, please do. Stories are what I love. 1178 01:39:10,073 --> 01:39:13,474 - You love stories? - Love stories. 1179 01:39:14,444 --> 01:39:16,436 Even more than mysteries. 1180 01:39:16,780 --> 01:39:19,442 Don't do that, please, please. 1181 01:39:21,986 --> 01:39:24,477 Very well, sir, I'm all ears. 1182 01:39:28,224 --> 01:39:32,822 Once upon a time, there was a boy who never knew his father and mother. 1183 01:39:33,597 --> 01:39:38,467 Oh, how sad. How unbearably sad. Was he an unbearably sad little boy? 1184 01:39:39,870 --> 01:39:44,069 He didn't seem so. No, he laughed. He laughed a lot. 1185 01:39:44,209 --> 01:39:48,476 Perhaps the kind of laughter that disguises tears? 1186 01:39:50,016 --> 01:39:53,952 Maybe laughter was the only way to... 1187 01:39:57,123 --> 01:39:58,613 deal with... 1188 01:40:00,460 --> 01:40:02,690 Please go on. To deal with... 1189 01:40:03,563 --> 01:40:06,225 To deal with his circumstances. 1190 01:40:09,403 --> 01:40:12,566 You seem to understand this boy quite well, sir. 1191 01:40:13,608 --> 01:40:15,303 I knew his father. 1192 01:40:17,879 --> 01:40:18,971 And? 1193 01:40:19,913 --> 01:40:21,108 And... 1194 01:40:21,749 --> 01:40:25,412 though his father loved him very much... 1195 01:40:25,486 --> 01:40:30,186 he could never tell the boy how much... 1196 01:40:30,859 --> 01:40:32,120 How much? 1197 01:40:35,464 --> 01:40:38,661 He could never tell the boy how much he loved him. 1198 01:40:40,002 --> 01:40:42,369 Well, this can't be a true story. It can't be. 1199 01:40:42,439 --> 01:40:43,599 Why not? 1200 01:40:43,673 --> 01:40:46,141 Why could he not tell the boy how much he loved him? 1201 01:40:46,208 --> 01:40:48,006 Because he didn't know how. 1202 01:40:49,112 --> 01:40:54,049 He had the words for many things, you see, but he didn't have the words for that. 1203 01:40:54,150 --> 01:40:57,746 There are only three words for that. They're easy to say. 1204 01:40:57,922 --> 01:40:59,389 Sometimes they are. 1205 01:41:00,691 --> 01:41:03,524 Other times, they're not. Other times, they're... 1206 01:41:03,761 --> 01:41:05,661 They're impossible. 1207 01:41:07,131 --> 01:41:11,967 And he loved the boy's mother, too, but that was equally impossible. 1208 01:41:18,643 --> 01:41:20,668 So he never told the boy? 1209 01:41:23,614 --> 01:41:26,483 He never told him and then the boy left... 1210 01:41:27,153 --> 01:41:31,522 and came to England, and the father had... 1211 01:41:40,100 --> 01:41:44,832 lots of time to think about all the things... 1212 01:41:45,873 --> 01:41:50,003 all the things that might have been, should have been. 1213 01:41:50,444 --> 01:41:53,277 He had all the time in the world to think. 1214 01:41:54,516 --> 01:41:56,643 And what did he think about? 1215 01:41:57,252 --> 01:42:01,951 He thought, he imagined perhaps, that the boy had come to England... 1216 01:42:02,023 --> 01:42:03,923 looking for his mother. 1217 01:42:06,327 --> 01:42:08,660 And what was his mother's name? 1218 01:42:09,231 --> 01:42:12,723 - Her name was Eily. Eily Bergin. - Oh, God. 1219 01:42:13,369 --> 01:42:16,634 And so the father thought the one thing he could do... 1220 01:42:16,705 --> 01:42:19,673 was tell him where he could find his mother. 1221 01:42:22,812 --> 01:42:25,906 - Where to find the Phantom Lady? - What? 1222 01:42:25,982 --> 01:42:27,916 Please, go on. 1223 01:42:29,152 --> 01:42:31,382 She married, had two children. 1224 01:42:31,655 --> 01:42:35,091 - Probably won't want to see him. - But where does she live? 1225 01:42:36,427 --> 01:42:39,828 19 Spencer Rise, in Kilburn. 1226 01:43:00,986 --> 01:43:03,420 'Cause you know what I want, I want English... 1227 01:43:03,488 --> 01:43:08,449 - I want conservative, I want East Finchley... - Yeah. 1228 01:43:08,528 --> 01:43:11,964 ...I want powerful. 1229 01:43:12,865 --> 01:43:15,925 - You think it works? - I think you look better than her. 1230 01:43:16,402 --> 01:43:18,733 - I do look better than her, don't I? - You do. 1231 01:44:03,754 --> 01:44:05,517 Do you need help, miss? 1232 01:44:07,457 --> 01:44:12,326 Yes, I'm doing a survey for British Telecom. 1233 01:44:14,230 --> 01:44:18,760 - Do you know where 19 Spencer Rise is? - That's my house. There. 1234 01:44:18,969 --> 01:44:20,460 It's your... 1235 01:44:20,738 --> 01:44:24,674 - Can't you read numbers? - No, yes, I can read numbers. 1236 01:44:25,743 --> 01:44:27,643 So, what's the survey? 1237 01:44:28,513 --> 01:44:31,540 Well, it's about telephones. 1238 01:44:32,785 --> 01:44:35,811 - Do you have a telephone? - Everyone has a telephone. 1239 01:44:35,921 --> 01:44:40,017 No, not everyone, young man. Some people can't afford one. 1240 01:44:40,258 --> 01:44:41,748 Well, we can. 1241 01:44:43,028 --> 01:44:44,222 I see. 1242 01:44:47,867 --> 01:44:50,836 - And so what is your name? - My name's Patrick. 1243 01:44:53,206 --> 01:44:54,467 Patrick. 1244 01:44:55,075 --> 01:44:57,008 Patrick. 1245 01:44:57,543 --> 01:44:59,513 And how many phones do you have, Patrick? 1246 01:44:59,580 --> 01:45:02,013 Shouldn't you be asking my mother? 1247 01:45:03,217 --> 01:45:05,879 Yes. Yes, of course I should. 1248 01:45:07,655 --> 01:45:09,452 And where would I find her? 1249 01:45:10,825 --> 01:45:14,091 Mum, there's a nice lady here doing a survey... 1250 01:45:17,932 --> 01:45:19,833 Are you... Oh, my God! 1251 01:45:24,473 --> 01:45:26,703 - You feeling better, love? - Oh, yes, thank you. 1252 01:45:26,775 --> 01:45:29,301 - Some more tea? - No, thank you. 1253 01:45:31,547 --> 01:45:35,381 So, what's this survey about, then? 1254 01:45:37,487 --> 01:45:41,389 - It's about phones, Mum. - Phones? With Telecom? 1255 01:45:42,291 --> 01:45:44,123 Yes, British Telecom. 1256 01:45:52,803 --> 01:45:56,763 - Are you a multi-phone household? - Yes. Yes, we've got three. 1257 01:45:56,908 --> 01:46:00,674 One in the bedroom, one in the kitchen, and one in Geoffrey's office. 1258 01:46:02,980 --> 01:46:06,473 - Geoffrey... - Is my husband. 1259 01:46:14,193 --> 01:46:15,387 Sorry. 1260 01:46:18,764 --> 01:46:21,062 How frequently is your telephone used? 1261 01:46:22,435 --> 01:46:26,099 Very. Laura's never off it. 1262 01:46:26,639 --> 01:46:27,868 Laura? 1263 01:46:29,376 --> 01:46:31,935 My daughter. She's 13. 1264 01:46:32,712 --> 01:46:34,474 I see, I see. 1265 01:46:35,415 --> 01:46:37,849 You don't have much use for the phone, though, do you, Patrick? 1266 01:46:37,917 --> 01:46:39,784 No, I suppose not. 1267 01:46:46,194 --> 01:46:50,324 - Well, Miss... - Johnson. Delia Johnston. 1268 01:46:50,665 --> 01:46:51,962 Johnston. 1269 01:46:53,567 --> 01:46:56,595 If you've any other questions, don't hesitate to call. 1270 01:46:57,539 --> 01:47:00,599 No, I think I have more than enough, thank you. 1271 01:47:06,381 --> 01:47:08,907 - Thank you for the tea. - Oh, you're welcome. 1272 01:47:09,018 --> 01:47:10,178 Bye. 1273 01:47:30,474 --> 01:47:32,704 Shouldn't you have a uniform? 1274 01:47:33,844 --> 01:47:36,176 No, I shouldn't have a uniform. 1275 01:47:36,547 --> 01:47:39,210 The men who put the phones in have a uniform. 1276 01:47:39,284 --> 01:47:40,716 Do they, now? 1277 01:47:40,852 --> 01:47:43,685 - Aren't they from Telecom? - Yes, they are. 1278 01:47:44,523 --> 01:47:46,889 Then how come Telecom don't know how many phones we have? 1279 01:47:46,958 --> 01:47:49,392 Well, because it's from a different department. 1280 01:47:49,461 --> 01:47:52,295 Why don't you just phone up, then, and ask the questions? 1281 01:47:52,365 --> 01:47:54,799 Because there's nothing like the personal touch, now, is there? 1282 01:47:54,867 --> 01:47:55,891 Why don't... 1283 01:47:55,968 --> 01:47:59,597 Young man, I get the feeling you don't like me. 1284 01:48:00,473 --> 01:48:02,907 You're wrong. I think you're nice. 1285 01:48:04,910 --> 01:48:07,244 Well, I think you're nice, too. 1286 01:48:07,514 --> 01:48:11,381 - Why are you crying? - It's conjunctivitis. 1287 01:48:12,519 --> 01:48:15,750 I gave your address to Father Liam, and I hope you don't mind. 1288 01:48:15,822 --> 01:48:19,781 He's been very kind to me, Kitten, and I need all the kindness I can get. 1289 01:48:20,094 --> 01:48:23,188 The Special Branch lifted me on a dope charge, you see. 1290 01:48:23,264 --> 01:48:25,789 And they used that to get to Irwin. 1291 01:48:26,834 --> 01:48:29,302 They lifted Charlie on the dope charge. 1292 01:48:31,172 --> 01:48:33,663 They said she'd be having the baby in prison, if I didn't... 1293 01:48:33,741 --> 01:48:35,801 If you didn't what, Irwin? 1294 01:48:39,081 --> 01:48:41,879 If I didn't inform them about operations. 1295 01:48:44,053 --> 01:48:45,577 - You do it. - No, you do it. 1296 01:48:45,654 --> 01:48:48,556 I can't. I went to school with his brother. 1297 01:48:48,858 --> 01:48:50,792 Hey, lads, did you hear the one about the Cavan man? 1298 01:48:50,860 --> 01:48:53,192 - What Cavan man? - Cavan man in... 1299 01:49:44,083 --> 01:49:45,915 What will I call you? 1300 01:49:47,221 --> 01:49:48,449 Father. 1301 01:49:52,192 --> 01:49:54,092 You call me "Father. " Come in. 1302 01:50:01,970 --> 01:50:03,198 I can't. 1303 01:50:04,406 --> 01:50:07,375 I prayed, you know. I prayed you'd come back. 1304 01:50:09,110 --> 01:50:10,668 Did you find her? 1305 01:50:10,745 --> 01:50:14,307 Yes. No. Kind of. 1306 01:50:16,986 --> 01:50:18,578 Where's Charlie? 1307 01:50:19,822 --> 01:50:21,813 She's upstairs. Come on. 1308 01:50:26,562 --> 01:50:28,724 After the drugs charge, there were problems at home... 1309 01:50:28,799 --> 01:50:30,426 so I took her in. 1310 01:50:31,201 --> 01:50:34,227 She hardly eats a thing, you know. She's wasting away. 1311 01:50:41,912 --> 01:50:43,676 Maybe you could... 1312 01:50:45,049 --> 01:50:47,882 - Where do you sleep, Father? - Don't worry about me. 1313 01:50:52,590 --> 01:50:53,579 Charlie. 1314 01:50:57,796 --> 01:50:59,593 Is that you, Kitten? 1315 01:51:00,199 --> 01:51:04,397 Charlie. Take it easy now. 1316 01:51:05,471 --> 01:51:06,961 Swann's Cross. 1317 01:51:07,973 --> 01:51:11,374 - They put a rubbish bag over his head. - Hush, Charlie. 1318 01:51:12,277 --> 01:51:14,768 My parents told me to go back where I came from. 1319 01:51:14,848 --> 01:51:17,078 Don't think about it, Charlie. 1320 01:51:17,383 --> 01:51:19,908 Your baby, that's all that matters now. 1321 01:51:21,521 --> 01:51:23,512 And I'm here to help you. 1322 01:51:54,757 --> 01:51:58,249 Robins, Father. Would you believe it? Pecking at the cream. 1323 01:51:58,326 --> 01:52:00,659 I'm sure the poor things must be starved. 1324 01:52:00,730 --> 01:52:01,719 Ta. 1325 01:52:13,544 --> 01:52:17,002 You have your mother's eyes, do you know that, Patrick? 1326 01:52:17,481 --> 01:52:20,382 Color of the ocean beyond Rosses Point. 1327 01:52:24,389 --> 01:52:26,118 You took her there? 1328 01:52:30,595 --> 01:52:31,994 Many times. 1329 01:52:34,899 --> 01:52:37,630 Things could have been so different. 1330 01:52:39,071 --> 01:52:40,833 Don't say anything. 1331 01:52:43,075 --> 01:52:45,543 Because, you know, the strangest thing... 1332 01:52:46,245 --> 01:52:47,974 I went looking for her... 1333 01:52:49,515 --> 01:52:51,142 but I found you. 1334 01:53:04,497 --> 01:53:07,057 No, in the end it was a blessed release. 1335 01:53:07,134 --> 01:53:11,093 She was a lovely woman. She never missed a day at Mass. 1336 01:53:11,172 --> 01:53:13,902 When they opened her up, they found a lump as big as a melon. 1337 01:53:13,975 --> 01:53:15,943 A melon? That big? 1338 01:53:16,344 --> 01:53:19,438 Maybe it was a grapefruit. I get them mixed up. 1339 01:53:19,647 --> 01:53:23,106 So, we're not exactly blessed with choice, Father, dear. 1340 01:53:24,286 --> 01:53:27,345 And is there any rule that says that when you're pregnant... 1341 01:53:27,422 --> 01:53:29,413 you need to dress like a lollipop lady? 1342 01:53:29,491 --> 01:53:33,325 - I know of no such rule, Patrick. - No, so I thought. 1343 01:53:35,031 --> 01:53:38,330 This little hippy number might give her the lift she needs. 1344 01:53:38,401 --> 01:53:39,527 Very nice. 1345 01:53:39,602 --> 01:53:40,830 Velvet, Father. 1346 01:53:40,904 --> 01:53:42,667 Like crushed grass. 1347 01:53:43,072 --> 01:53:44,562 Look, Father. 1348 01:53:48,478 --> 01:53:50,810 Oh, can we try the silver fur, missus? 1349 01:53:51,615 --> 01:53:53,081 Is it for yourself? 1350 01:53:55,519 --> 01:54:00,422 Twenty-five different colored Babygros. Four teddy bears, I can understand... 1351 01:54:00,557 --> 01:54:03,686 - but I don't need a pram yet, Kitten. - You will. 1352 01:54:04,696 --> 01:54:08,029 - Where did you get the money? - Oh, singing. 1353 01:54:09,701 --> 01:54:12,829 How much is that doggy in the window? 1354 01:54:13,204 --> 01:54:15,763 The one with the 1355 01:54:16,975 --> 01:54:20,468 - Is it waggedy or waggly, Charlie? - Waggly. 1356 01:54:21,414 --> 01:54:23,404 No, wait a minute. 1357 01:54:23,582 --> 01:54:26,210 - Oh, Father? - Yes. 1358 01:54:26,285 --> 01:54:31,245 You know the doggy with the tail? Is it waggly or waggedy? 1359 01:54:31,525 --> 01:54:32,822 The song? 1360 01:54:33,694 --> 01:54:37,596 Waggedy, I seem to remember. Your mother never stopped singing it. 1361 01:54:37,663 --> 01:54:39,029 Aye, waggedy tail. 1362 01:54:39,099 --> 01:54:40,225 Waggedy. 1363 01:54:40,299 --> 01:54:44,327 How much is that doggy in the window? 1364 01:54:44,438 --> 01:54:48,136 The one with the waggedy tail 1365 01:54:48,543 --> 01:54:52,172 How much is that doggy in the window? 1366 01:54:52,246 --> 01:54:54,680 Oh, Jesus Christ and his holy mother. 1367 01:54:55,383 --> 01:54:57,544 - Why doesn't the Bishop do something? - The Bishop! 1368 01:54:57,618 --> 01:54:59,916 The Bishop we have isn't worth a damn. 1369 01:55:15,337 --> 01:55:17,329 Do you know something, Thomas? 1370 01:55:17,407 --> 01:55:20,604 There are times when I wish I was a bus conductor. 1371 01:57:41,761 --> 01:57:43,955 ...the welfare state and all. 1372 01:57:44,029 --> 01:57:46,054 Can't stay here, anyways. 1373 01:57:46,166 --> 01:57:49,158 But you'll come and see us, Father? After the baby's... 1374 01:57:49,235 --> 01:57:54,230 Well, the only parish I've been offered is in Kilburn, so you might see a lot of me. 1375 01:58:03,049 --> 01:58:05,109 You saved my life, Father. 1376 01:58:07,289 --> 01:58:08,586 And mine. 1377 01:58:14,328 --> 01:58:16,388 Great, big, fireproof man. 1378 01:58:34,818 --> 01:58:38,015 Come on, Charlie, push! Push! 1379 01:58:38,088 --> 01:58:40,682 I am pushing, Kitten, fuck you! 1380 01:58:40,757 --> 01:58:42,782 - I am pushing! - Breathe. 1381 01:58:42,859 --> 01:58:45,019 - Jesus! - Come on. 1382 01:58:45,295 --> 01:58:47,024 It's tearing me apart! 1383 01:58:57,041 --> 01:58:59,874 Hey, you're the telephone lady. 1384 01:59:02,614 --> 01:59:06,210 If it isn't the young boy from the multi-phone household. 1385 01:59:06,452 --> 01:59:07,680 What are you doing here? 1386 01:59:07,753 --> 01:59:11,917 Mum's with the doctor. She's, you know, got a bun in the fireplace. 1387 01:59:13,993 --> 01:59:17,760 - I think you mean the oven, young man. - Okay, then, the oven. 1388 01:59:17,964 --> 01:59:19,625 What's your name? 1389 01:59:24,137 --> 01:59:25,627 Phantom Lady. 1390 01:59:26,239 --> 01:59:29,640 - That's a funny name. - I know that. I'm a funny lady. 1391 01:59:30,944 --> 01:59:34,676 - Is that your baby? - No, it's hers. 1392 01:59:37,018 --> 01:59:39,885 She's having her fireplace checked. 1393 01:59:40,488 --> 01:59:42,854 Isn't she? Yes, she is. 1394 01:59:44,125 --> 01:59:47,357 - Charlie, darling, this is... - Patrick. 1395 01:59:48,196 --> 01:59:50,221 This is my young friend Patrick. 1396 01:59:50,632 --> 01:59:52,623 So, how's your fireplace? 1397 01:59:55,971 --> 02:00:00,841 And your little bun is just fine, too, aren't you? Yes, you are. 1398 02:00:07,016 --> 02:00:10,850 Patrick, there's your mum. You'd better run. 1399 02:00:11,387 --> 02:00:12,513 Okay. 1400 02:00:13,256 --> 02:00:16,749 Patrick, will you tell her that... 1401 02:00:17,194 --> 02:00:21,755 the telephone lady says... that she hopes it's a girl this time. 1402 02:00:21,832 --> 02:00:23,527 - Okay. - Okay. 108388

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