Original subtitles

This program contains frequent, very strong language from the outset, and

humor.

The thing about life... You gotta grab it by the fucking balls.

At the end of the day, there's two types of people in this world. There's the

fucking losers.

And there's the fucking winners.

Rory Croft.

Rory Croft is a fucking winner.

Oh, I will be satisfied until you

take me right here, right now.

I said wake up!

Get your thing. You're going home, you loser.

Fuck off. Is that how long ago we were at school?

Yeah. Yeah, we're old, mate. We're very, very old. Tomo, what do you need a

business card for? Jesus fucking Christ, I'm not naughty.

We're balls deep in a fucking rebrand, love.

Have you not seen your mother?

She's a Bavarian beer wench, look.

Go on, give a jiggle.

Loved it too much jiggle.

Now that Ernst is a secret investor, I'd like to germ in the place of you,

answer. Bring a new facet through the door, crucially, because I don't want to

remind you, but I am.

The man who was voted most likely to be a millionaire in year 11.

And the man who shot himself in year 8. Shut up and have your shots.

Cheers!

Cheers!

Oh, my God, I'm so excited!

We didn't even go to our school.

Well, night out's a night out, innit? Hey, is Finn not coming?

No, too painful.

Yeah. Going back without Dylan. Yeah.

JJ!

What's wrong with you?

Sonny's ill, so I was just up all night. Listen.

Are you sure you just don't want to go on your own?

This is the first night out we've had in ages. You promised me a good night.

JJ, stop your whining and get a bratwurst down your mouth. Oh!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck me right off out of it. No, have you told him,

Maria? No, wasn't me.

Why didn't you tell me that you was in town?

Because why would I? Why would you?

You wouldn't.

Do you know what?

I'll just be happy to accept me bag of gifts and I'll be on my fucking way.

Okay? What are you on about?

Good one, Erin.

It's Ronnie Croft's 39th voyage around the sun, yeah?

It's Ronnie Croft's birthday today.

So me and you, why don't we go out, we'll have a nice little dance, we'll

the town blue.

Come on.

Fine. Fine.

No, Erin!

It's his birthday. A key component of going back to your old school and

to everyone that you are in fact now a very, very big dog is not to bring a...

Like Ronnie Croft with you.

Wait, wait, wait.

What do you mean you're going back to school? Why are you going back to

School reunion.

Technically, I did go to that school, so he is allowed to go.

I'd just rather he didn't. Listen to me now, right?

You do not embarrass me tonight.

When have I ever embarrassed you?

There's always been this shit.

What is that smell?

That, Ashley, is Tipex and semen.

The scent of youth.

Let's get matched.

Come on, take it. Come on!

Hello.

Ashley Dennings, as I live and breathe.

Or should I say, Holly's answer to Marlon Brando.

Miss Vlade,

my old driver, meet her. How are you, doll?

Come on, let's have a drink.

Come on.

And when your pig is all golden and tight over your meat, reach in and

slide her out of the oven.

Sickness! Vincent!

Oh, you fucking hell!

Christ, Armish Fagin. That was really fucking unkind. I mean, what the fuck am

going to do now there?

Well, you pick it up and you eat it. The world is on fire, Vincent.

Humanity has gone to ship.

And we don't need you wasting goodbyes now, do we? No.

Now be a good boy and grab us a couple of forks.

There's been a development with Kitten.

After the buyout, me and the wife have started to up six.

Half our time here, half our time in New York.

Oh, yes, New York. I'm always over there.

Really? Which bit?

Just, uh, everywhere.

All that business.

Not so flogging gobstoppers.

I'm a long way past confectionery now, sweetheart.

Actually, I own the Rattencutter. In fact, yeah, yeah. I've recently acquired

gastro -establishment.

Right, who wants another bratwurst?

Big plan.

I think about your performance in Evita once a week. Those thighs really did

tell a thousand words.

Tell me you still perform.

Well, I've been developing a U2 personality. U2?

Yeah. With thighs like those.

That body was destined to be in a leotard on a stage.

Is that Bruno Hodge?

Do you remember none of those except fire for those bins?

Oh, smile, Erin.

Don't need him to hang rats outside your house.

Hello, right.

No, no.

So that's like actual fruit, yeah.

That's all right, isn't it?

What do you know?

Ah! Run it! Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Here. I want Nick in anything I wanted to. I don't give a shit.

I don't give a fuck.

There's no out here anyway, just a packet of ciggies and a book on

intrusive thoughts.

You're Declan Duggan, aren't you?

What?

Declan Duggan.

Up along, we used to sit next to each other in Food Technology.

No, I'm Declan.

Yeah, that's me.

I heard you're really successful now. You're hedge fund manager or something.

I'm a hedge fund manager, yeah. There's just hedges all over the gaffer,

trimming my water, and I kind of just, like, attend to them, et cetera, and so

on, basically.

That's really impressive.

Thank you very much.

I love a man who can manage a good hedge.

Oh, my fucking

God. This is suddenly the best birthday of all time.

Meet me in the science lab. Ten minutes.

He's deigned to offer a peace meeting tomorrow 7pm, 8th floor of the

JSB car park in Manchester.

A car park?

What did you expect, sweetheart?

Patricia's patisserie.

She touches extra fruit milk.

All I'm saying is a car park.

It doesn't feel peafish. It feels a little bit... It feels a bit stabby.

Exactly.

Which is why I need you to drive me there. Oh.

Besides, that is only the first half of my plan.

What's the second half?

Just in case Miss Kittens decides to do something stupid, you're my backup.

Oh, fuck, no, no, dude.

Christ on a fucking bike.

No, I am zen now, all right?

Crystals and stupid shit like a zen, zen... Look, green tea.

You owe me, Vincent.

You owe me.

Do you remember?

I did not save your life just for you to be ungrateful.

I'll be back tomorrow afternoon. Just make sure that you're ready to go.

Mm.

So what about Mrs Longworth?

Is she still here? She's dead too.

They're all dead now. Mr Albury, Mr Jackson, Mr Trailty.

Elite, you're not dead.

I'm waiting on some test results.

Oh, God.

Talking about death, I was sorry to hear about Dylan's passing.

Ah, thank you, kind.

I actually have something of his, if you want to see.

He maps out.

Every major star and comet and where they would be seen from Earth.

He spent nearly every afternoon of year 11 working on it.

That's where he spent most of his time that year then. Now I feel bad for

starting that rumour that he was shagging the librarian.

You started it?

Yeah. Angela had a disciplinary hearing.

She's still got it on her record.

Sorry, sorry.

Ah, that is special.

We submitted his chart to the National Astronomy Society competition.

And he won.

Got a star named after him.

A Dylan Golding star. Hidden talent.

You should have all of this, as the people closest to him.

Remind yourselves just how bright that boy was.

Thank you. Thanks, yeah.

Oh, yes, well, he really was a wonderful artist.

Detailed. Yeah, detailed.

Oh, yeah.

That's it.

Who's your dad?

Who's your bastard?

Hit me. Yeah, what? Fucking hit me. Here you go. Slap me. Yeah, yeah.

Harder. Grab my ball.

Grab my ball.

Oh, fucking hell. Have you got three arms?

This Dunstan is so bad, it's making me feel nauseous. It's making me feel

nauseous like pool.

Give me the best night of my life.

Honestly, sugar, having that baby, I seriously distorted your concept of fun.

JJ, let's do shots. No. Come on, shots.

Like a fucking machine.

Oh, oh, damn feature.

11 o 'clock.

Pop off 11.

Right. Yeah, I've got it, Erin.

Ashley, you'll never believe what's happened.

Mr Gibbons, my duet partner, has been involved in a pile -up on the M60. I

know what I'm going to do.

We practised all week.

Mrs. Waithe, Brett Noss, the show is going.

Really?

Show me my mark.

Thank you.

That woman is an apex predator.

Oh, my God.

Apparently he bummed a dog. Yeah, he bums poodles here.

See, I kind of get it with the people.

I do, yeah. I think it's just like the curly hair and that.

Oh, am I right?

It is you.

It's Runty Ronnie. I thought that was you earlier in the cover, you know.

How's it going, Runcy? It's Declan, actually.

And he's way more successful than you, TJ.

You think this is Declan? No.

No, this is Ronnie fucking Croft.

You've been telling Porky. He always does a little bullshit.

Fuck off, TJ, yeah? Just fuck off.

I said fuck off, TJ.

Oh, you look like you want to hit me.

I want to hit you, yeah.

You want to fight me? Yeah.

Do you want to fight me? No. Fuck off.

Someone's had a bit too much to drink.

Come on, man.

Fuck. Sorry, TJ.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Tough night.

Why do men have to be fucking dickheads?

TJ fucking Thompson.

He's been the bane of my life. Bullied me from fucking day one, man.

But it's not like he didn't get enough out of me when we was at school.

He used to lock me in the fucking basement every day.

Well, I know how you feel, pal.

I was bullied here too.

I came here tonight to confront the dickhead who made my life hell.

Fuck, I didn't turn up.

Waited years.

Just wanted to fight back.

That's it.

That's it.

Fight back.

Fucking fight back for once.

I wanna... Do you know what? I'd fucking kill him if I could.

But you can't, can you?

You got a motive. Everyone knows you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, well, everyone... Yeah, of course. Ronnie Crofter!

Blame Ronnie Croft! Maybe I should do it for you.

I was in the air above. No one knows me.

Hey.

I could get TJ.

And you could get mine.

Hey, wouldn't it be good to just fucking win?

Do you know what? You're fucking right there.

You're fucking right there. That's it. It's about winning fucking once, innit?

Class of 2006. What a night we've had, eh?

And I've just had some good news from the hospital about Mr Gibbons.

No internal bleeding.

I'm stepping in for him tonight. I just want you to put your hands together for

the most amazing... Ashley Dennings!

Oh, fuck this.

Yeah, bravo.

Oh, baby.

Move closer to me.

Place your chest against mine.

Feel my heartbeat.

Oh, baby, I love how that belt fits.

The way it hangs so low.

So low on your hips, my darling.

I want you so.

Your body gives me such a thrill.

As it leans against mine.

I love how it feels as you lean against mine.

The smell of burning leather as we hold each other tight.

As our rivets rub together, flashing sparks into the night.

the fucking gang there, yeah? No.

What are you playing at? Is he becoming a regular fixture now? I never

agree to this.

Oh my God, have you heard?

Apparently that TJ Thompson never made it home last night.

They think something's happened to him. They found a bloody trail.

Not like a trail of blood.

I could get TJ and you could get mine.

Right, do you know TJ?

He's gone fucking missing.

Has he?

Yep.

What's it got to do with you?

Okay.

I was talking with this fella last night, and I was saying I wanted

bad to happen to TJ, like... Right.

He goes, I'll do that for you, but you've got to do something to some fella

me. Me? What are you talking about? What fella? I don't fucking know, but I'm

now thinking he's fucking done something.

He's probably waiting for me to go and do something for him in return of the

expectation of fucking... No, no, no, no, no, no. Run it.

Think about it.

No one expects anything from you.

Yeah.

Yeah. You'd have to be nuts, wouldn't you, to ask me to do something for you?

Yeah. No Sunday wedding. You do make me feel better, like, a lot of the time.

All right. Yeah. OK, go on.

Don't worry, lunch again.

Stop saying weird shit like that.

Ah.

Good morning, all.

I'm going to need all of you down at the station to discuss last night and

anything you know about TJ Thompson.

Aaron Croft?

Yeah. Come with me.

What's going on?

Just ask.

Fucking hell.

Right, I have to sign in. Ronnie Croft.

If that's his real name.

Oh, it is.

He's literally in here all the time.

Theft, drunken disorderly, afraid.

Yeah, I wasn't charged though, was I?

Fuck.

Harper! Oh, fuck me.

Last night, all that fucking drunken chat about how we want to get TJ fucked

Because I'm on, like, my final fucking warning here. Oh, are you?

Of course.

OK, so we've got fuck all to do with that shite.

A drunken mouth speaks of sober heart, Ronnie. We all know that.

He's still alive.

Just think about it, David.

For now.

I didn't have anything to fucking do with it. This is you. You're a one -man

show. What about the bit where you said you'd kill him?

No. Could you just put in words in your fucking mouth, then?

Do you know what? I'd fucking kill him if I could.

Ronnie.

You really think I didn't make a copy?

See, here's the thing.

You're going to do your end of the bargain, because that's what's fair,

it? I got yours, and you're going to get mine.

I've waited a long time for my vengeance, Ronnie.

And if you don't do it then, well, that recording's going to go straight into

the inbox of Carl Slater.

You're a fucking psychopath.

And you're a fucking loser.

Do me a favour.

The only person to ever do anything for you. Why do you think that is?

It's because no one cares about your flower.

So!

You're welcome.

Hey. You keep shtum.

And I'll see you outside, Cocker.

So.

Good night, last night.

I'm sure I saw a bit of a row between you and TJ.

No, no.

Little tiff by the punch bowl?

No.

Interesting, because... Do you know what I'm thinking?

About bumming a dog?

I think last night you... I think after the reunion, you

decided to get your own back after TJ humiliated you.

No. I know you've got something to do with this.

I'm on to you, Ronnie.

Well?

Do you mean... I didn't fucking say anything, okay?

Goodbye.

Smart move.

I just want this over with.

Right, okay then. So who do you want me to get?

Vincent O 'Neil.

Shit. Right, you sure you mean fucking Vinny? He's not a bad lad, you know.

a fucking dick, but he's soft.

He's soft. He's like fucking heavily tattooed margarine. You don't know what

did to me!

It was 2006.

Year 11.

Yeah, yeah.

Vincent Dillon, quiet please, or I will send you out.

It was a particularly hot day and Mrs. Clodagh was looking sublime, as always.

There was a rush to tend to himself when he heard a voice.

The voice of an angel.

Bruno, are you okay?

You should be in my room right now.

Is that you, Mrs. Clodagh? Yes, it's me.

Oh, Bruno, you naughty boy.

You really shouldn't be doing that without my help.

experience I've ever had.

And it was all a lie.

You naughty, naughty boy, Bruno, lad.

And I've been haunted by that voice ever since, Ronnie. I've lost all

confidence. The few times I did get with a girl, I couldn't focus. I can't even

get that hard anymore, Ronnie. And it's all because of Vincent O 'Neill and the

way his tongue dung on those valves.

Now, here's what I want you to do.

I want you to film him wanking.

What? Why?

That's right.

I want Vincent O 'Neill with his todger out.

And let's see how he likes his personal preferences broadcast, eh?

Eh?

Yeah.

There you are.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is this stinky vibe you're bringing

here? I know this sounds ridiculous, but I think our Ronnie is about to do

something really fucking stupid.

Last night he got talking to someone and made this drunken deal about getting

revenge on T .J. Thompson.

And now T .J.'s meeting.

Exactly. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Since when have we started bandying around words like revenge? I mean, it's

bit Agatha Christie, isn't it? Yeah, it was just a drunken chat, was it not? I

mean, he didn't actually do it. But the deal was made with Bruno Hodge.

Ooh. I've just seen Ronnie getting into his car.

Oh, God.

I think he's taking TJ as leverage until Ronnie does whatever fucked up thing

Bruno wants him to do.

Right, yes, no, I hear you, and I very, very much am trying my best to care, but

obviously it is Ronnie, isn't it? Yes, yes. Oh!

It is Ronnie, but he's still my fucking brother.

I mean, I don't want Carl Slater pinning it on him because he's an easy target.

Yeah, OK, what do you want us to do?

Right, I think we should go to Bruno's house, so we can start there and work

where Bruno's put him.

He's not bloody in.

Hello, this is Dawson's Blooms and Fittings. Your landlord's called us

You can't access your water meter. Think about the water meter.

Ah, there we are. Well done.

Avanti! Watch out, lads.

Just try the handle.

Look at that.

There we go.

Come on.

What the fuck?

Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out!

Unbelievable! Do you know what I'd like? To be able to come home and not be

accosted in my own fucking house!

You accosting me? Fucking Kevin Accostner? How have I Kevin Accostner'd

you're in my fucking cupboard?

I wandered in.

I comes in.

I think, how's me mate Vinnie doing?

No, you didn't. You're just so full of fucking shit, Ronnie. Why would I be

mates with a cunt like you? You're hard work. Fuck off.

I kind of wish people had stopped saying that, mate, because it's fucking

getting to me a little bit. I get it. No one fucking likes me.

I thought you were meant to be all about the mental health stuff now. All right,

all right, fair enough. Yeah, I'm sorry.

There we go.

Tell me what's going on.

Can I just have a little film if you're having a masturbate, please?

The fuck is wrong with you, dude? No, you can't film me having a fucking

Get out, Ron. Can we just give you a little help for now?

Weird. No, Ronnie. You're a fucking nerd. Just do it.

Oh,

hello. Am I interrupting something?

Nothing major, to be honest. You ready to go, Vincent?

100 % can't wait to get out of here.

That's not weird. We're all a bit very strict. Disturbing. Get the fuck out,

Vin. He told you to get out.

So fuck off.

Is he fucking dead? Fuck off. Is that a real gun?

Yes. Fuck me.

Get your coat. It's cold out.

You look well without that beard.

Hurry up, Vincent.

I cannot be late.

Kittens will see this as a flight.

You capisce?

Oh, shit.

What's happening?

Why have you stopped?

Why have you stopped? I'm gonna be late. I don't fucking know, dude. He's making

a noise.

Nah!

You had one job, one fucking job. That was the deal.

Yeah, and he fucking... He said no.

He said no, Bruno. So what do you want me to do?

Force a man to have a fucking wank?

So just fucking take me to TJ now, or I'm gonna go full -on fucking Ronnie

Croft.

All right.

Potato now.

I'll get in the car then.

Respect.

There's no fucking reception.

Piss.

What are we going to do, sweetheart?

It's that fat rain.

Can this day get any worse?

Hiya.

You all right?

Do we look all right?

Well, any ideas?

Yeah, the alternator can't return the power to the battery.

It's fucked.

Fucking hell.

Going to town if it helps.

Well... Listen, if you want to

make that peace meeting, we have to go with Ed.

Just don't breathe a word about what we're up to.

And if you need to mention kittens, then...

Say the word doggies.

Puppies. Puppies.

Puppies will do that. Are you in or out?

In.

Oh, it's terrifying.

The inner workings of a bona fide fruitcake.

Wait, there's no one here, lad. I've checked everywhere.

There's nothing here, just a load of creepy old rick -a -brack. But I feel

I feel like there's someone watching me.

Settle, paddle.

All right, Ashley. Look, in the immortal words of Tiffany, I think we're alone

now. See? There's no one here. Don't worry about it. We are absolutely alone.

Everything is completely fine.

So what are you two up to, then?

Oh, we got a big job.

But I can't tell you what it is yet.

Yeah, cos we don't know what it is yet.

For my uncle, though.

And he won't disappoint.

What about you two?

We're off to see a puppy.

Puppy? Oh, what kind of puppy?

One that does it, it's told.

Oh, shit!

Fuck!

Get the fuck out, Ron!

Wait, don't show her, she's old!

Well, just hang on.

And we're not going to fucking stop, are we? No.

Come on.

Dude, it's an old lady in the middle of the road, he's pissing it down. Vincent,

I cannot be late.

It's fucking biblical!

Oh, fine, fuckity fine, pick her up. Pick the bloody damsel up, the more the

bloody merrier.

Don't throw me the fuck up.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

This better be quick.

Thank you so much for stopping.

Hey, you're all right, love. Don't worry about it. Hey, listen, where are you

headed? Are you going back to Hawley? Oh, no.

I'm going home to surprise my boyfriend in Manchester, but I'm in the boat.

Oh, yeah.

You minx. Listen, we're going that way. We'll drop you.

Really? What about the puppies, Vincent?

It's on the way. Yeah, well, it better be. My uncle hates people being late.

What's up, Cocker?

It's just the school basement.

I just did what you wanted me to do, Ronnie.

I just did what TJ used to do to you.

Well, we could keep him down there.

No. No, no, no.

We've got to, um... We've got to go and get him.

You're the boss, Ronnie Croft.

What on earth is she doing in there?

I mean, did she expire mid -excretion? She's old, isn't she?

It just takes a bit longer, doesn't it?

Well, she's been at it 20 fucking minutes.

And en route, my arsehole. This is making me very late for my meeting.

Oh, right. Chill out. We're late too.

Anyway, I thought you were going to see a puppy.

Yes, I am.

A very important puppy.

Right, come on. We're ditching her.

In the van, chop -chop.

No, we're not ditching her in the middle of nowhere.

We'll fetch her then.

Right. Can help.

Oh, there she is. Oh, hello, my dear.

I do hope we're not rushing you. Thank you so much for this. You've all gone

of your way. Oh, no, no, not at all.

You know, you've got beautiful eyes.

I can tell there's a kind man in there.

Nobody's said that to me before.

But you're lonely, aren't you?

My brother died.

I've known grief too, but you have to let it go.

Right, well, enough of this little interlude.

Better get you delivered to your sweetheart.

There we are.

Let's see how he likes it.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

What the fuck in the hell?

You two need to spend some quality time together anyway.

She does look a bit like him. I don't fucking know, mate. All nuns look the

to me.

No offence, love.

There you go, Margaret.

Oh, lovely.

Right, we'd best get going.

Yeah? Shall we?

I don't want this, Fraser.

Oh, well, I'm sorry, that's the only favour you've got, Margaret. Well,

your hands and clapping too.

Bruno? Is that you?

Where is he? Me?

Oh, I can see you all.

You think you can just break into my flat, do you?

Well, I tell you what.

Bruno! I don't want this pea soup.

Full of fiber now.

It's good for your bowels. Yeah.

You need to pack it in and you need to leave my brother out of it.

I was offering your brother a chance for vengeance.

What are you on about?

What? Oh, Rani was getting bullied.

Come on. Come on. I was having a fucking plot twist. I mean, it's wrong with

Rani. Rani. Now, listen up and listen close.

You're going to bring Vincent O 'Neill to the school.

And if I get away for the police, I'll burn the whole thing down with Rani

inside.

That's ideal.

No. That's not ideal, is it?

Someone help me!

Someone, please!

I'm not going to fucking hurt you.

How the fuck do you know, Runty?

What?

Help! What was that?

How would I know?

Because you used to fucking lock me in there every day.

And then you went and cried about it. It's a go -go gadget. Fucking psychopath

out there. And now we're both going to fucking die.

Fuck! Bastard!

Fuck off!

We are really late, Vincent.

Are the texts back?

Yeah. Oh.

You're saying we're doing it next week?

It's probably for the best, isn't it?

Maybe it is, Vincent.

Maybe it is.

At least maybe we'll get lucky tonight.

Oh, shit, look at all them.

Give me a minute.

Oh, it's your uncle, Jay.

What? Says job's been moved to next week.

Same time, same car park.

I don't know, Faye.

It all just feels a bit dodgy. No, don't worry.

Listen, my uncle's the big fucking cheese.

Right? No, honestly, this will be good for us. All right.

It will. Good for us, OK?

Dinner? We're at Sugar's where he is. What the bloody hell's going on? He's

running.

Of course he'd fuck it. Do you know he's been round my gaff this morning trying

to get me to wank off in front of him? What?

Vincent, Tomo here. What kind of wank? What kind of fucking question is that?

There's only one wank, dude.

I mean, come on, love. I mean, this posh, on your side, exotic, thrust,

thrust, cat -cow, that would be good in the 80s, that one, obviously. Uh, fruity

-tooty, malevolent. Okay, all right.

And, uh, listen, he's been set up by Bruno Hodge.

Bruno took TJ and now he's keeping them both hostage at the school. He's

obsessed.

Oh, that's fantastic news.

Shall I see you there, then? And your classic spit and polish. I can't! It's a

beginner's one, isn't it? I know it well.

You fucker!

I tell a couple of jokes and pull a couple of pranks and you want me fucking

dead? I didn't say dead.

I heard the recording.

TJ, I was fucking angry.

Because you pulled the same shit yesterday that you did on the first day

school and then every fucking day after that.

We're not kids anymore.

Are we?

I'm a fucking person.

I'm a fucking real person.

I'm not just some fucking runty little fucking smelly fucking...

shit that everyone could just fucking kick about and smack around the end and

fucking have a go at all the time. It's all the fucking time.

And I know why they do it.

I do. And that's the most annoying part.

It's because I am a liar. I am a bullshitter.

But if you've been told that since day one, then you're fucking nothing.

Then you're a piece of shit.

by everyone all the fucking time, then you're going to start believing that,

aren't you?

And if you start believing that, then that's when you're going to pay in it.

I just want to point out

The reason I locked you in that cupboard on day one is because you nicked my

fucking wallet.

Did I?

Yeah, you did.

I just forgot about that bit.

And the nickname?

Probably the smartest thing I've ever come up with.

It just stuck.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

I'm sorry. Fine.

All right.

Right.

Fuck this.

All right, shall we get out of here?

It's a bit... Do you suffer with your back? Oh, yeah, when it gets cold. It's

just me hips, mate.

Go on, you go and swipe the door down.

I'm fucked.

You do it. You do it.

Oh, guys!

I'm sorry!

Where have you been?

I got stuck with an old lady about 60 miles away. It's a fucking long story.

Right, well, come on, come on.

I need my petrol.

Where is it? I don't know.

Oh, Christ.

I'm right here.

If anyone moves, I'll drop the lighter and this place will go up in flames.

Now. Hello, Vincent.

Bruno, Bruno, listen.

I can tell that you're really fucking upset, dude. I can tell.

Upset? Yes.

I know I'm not upset.

I'm enjoying this.

Right. I've waited years for this moment to see the fear in your eyes.

Right, it's working. I'm wondering whether there might have been a bit of a

misunderstanding gone down.

I don't know what you asked her.

It's you I want.

Right.

Now take all your clothes off.

The fuck is wrong with everyone?

Take your fucking clothes off or I'll do something you regret.

I see this place go up in flames, I swear down. I believe you, Bruno.

I believe you. Why the fuck do you want me to get me kit off for you? Because

you must pay.

For fucking what, Bruno?

Oh. You don't even remember, do you?

I don't remember shit. I don't remember anything. I'm fucking stoned all the

time. Well, let me refresh your fucking memory, then.

2006.

In the toilet.

You pretended to be Mrs. Clodagh.

Humiliated me.

I remember it.

I remember it.

It weren't me, though, dude.

Still.

I swear to God, I can't do voices. You can't. He was good with voices.

It wasn't... It wasn't you.

No!

But where the fuck is he?

Where the fuck is Dylan?

He wasn't here last night.

He died.

Well... Well, someone paid.

Someone has to pay for what I've gone through all my life.

Do you know how many flattered nights I've had because of you and your stupid

fucking mate?

Oi. Lots of information, isn't it? Well, it's too bad.

Because I'm not leaving here until we're even. I want to be seen.

Bruno!

Ah, right on cue.

If it isn't Runty Ronnie.

Oi!

Only I get to call him that.

You fucking...

You stop now. Right, Ronit, Ronit, don't. There's petrol all over the

Someone must pay!

Enough!

Do you buy this, you mad... Fuck! Oh!

Oh, fuck!

Hold up!

Yeah, you.

The cookie and the tomatoes guy.

Hold up!

Ah -ha! Come on, Ronit!

No, see that?

Well in, dude.

Fuck you.

Two. Get in. Check you haven't killed him. You all right? I'll check he's

Oh, here we go. Right, now, it's only a mock -up. Right, it's only a mock -up.

I've got Liz to do a draft of the poster. What do we think?

Come on, you're a crowd pleaser. Make me this way if we're right.

What the fuck?

Lovely. All right?

You all right, Erin?

You all right?

Hmm.

I'm just... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

for just causing this much of a shit stink again. It's not your fault.

For once.

Why didn't you tell me?

About what?

Why didn't you tell me that you were being bullied?

Come on, Erin. Ronny, I would have done something about it. Erin, I wasn't going

to do that. I couldn't do that. I'll talk of all the other shit I was putting

you through. You told my brother.

All right, granted, yeah, you were a massive pain in the arse. I used to be a

dick. No, you still are. Come on, calm down. But you still are.

But you're still my brother.

Yeah. And I still love you.

It's just I don't want to be a fucking nutter anymore, Erin.

I want to be the brother you can be proud of, you know?

I really do, and I fucking will be.

All right?

Ow,

ow. What? What's in your hand?

Ron, what is in your hand? It's a fucking cash tin. Right, I just... I was

the headmaster's office. I wasn't going to leave it. Minding it. Yeah. You're

minding it. So now I'll keep hold of it. All right. Fucking love you, Ellen.

Fucking love you.

Oh, Christ.

What are you doing?

Dylan's got a piece of that guy.

Do you know that?

Has he? Mm.

How come?

He won a competition.

What a star named after him. Well, you kept that fucking quiet, didn't you? You

shouldn't tie your fucking star.

Yeah. Christ. Can you see all this, you arse of a man?

Floppy -haired twat.

Christ, it better be that bloody bright one there.

That's a plane, then.

No.

I miss him.

Me too.

Me and my husband, Vernon, we met at this night that Curtis started.

I want us to have one last rave together.

There are noises about an illegal rave. I can't do it without my old mate, Matty

Ravenscroft. Nobody move!

I know a venue.

There'll be no rave happening here.