Original subtitles

The following program contains very strong language, adult humor, and scenes

that some viewers may find distressing.

Let's give the best goodbye to the beautiful man that was Dylan Golden.

Go and give your friend a fantastic send -off. The funeral he would have wanted.

Come on, let's have it. Scream if you want to go faster.

Stop wriggling, dude.

I've got that leg.

Too young to die.

And they were truly loved.

Yeah, I'll learn to drive.

There was a blowout.

Sonny's going to be parentless. He's going to have to live with Sugar's mum.

That is bad, actually.

What we're drinking about toasting, man.

Shit, could we just stop talking and concentrate on not dying, please?

We're the ever -loving Bunker Jim and Shirley!

Sirius!

Take me to Calvertdale.

Directions to Calvary Sailing Club, Stoke -on -Trent.

Calvertdale.

Calvertdale, you cunty, cunty, cunty. Playing country music songs from

Oh, for fuck's sake.

They're here. They're here.

Guys, it's Jim and Shirley.

Hey!

Why are you buggered turning up?

I could probably do this with my tractor. My tractor's a nox. My

stronger than your tractor any day of the week. Your tractor's a lady tractor.

Your tractor's a cunt. Your tractor's a cunt.

Oi!

What is some fucking vomit? Get a move on.

All right. Get your fucking hair on. Come on.

Can we hurry up?

OK. We need to both start pulling at the same time.

I'll count us. We'll go on three. Ready?

One, two.

I never said three.

Oh, it's got some draggers over the edge.

I know we slowed its fall.

It might still be alive.

Get some help!

We're getting some help! Hold on!

City, call Mountain Rescue!

Calling Mountain Rescue.

For fuck's sake!

Fucking hell.

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm homing.

Coming? No, I'm not fucking coming. I'm homing and you've ruined it.

It's a Hindu tradition. It's supposed to help you.

I don't know. Chakra or something.

So it's true then.

But they're all saying you've gone weird.

I haven't gone weird. I'm just trying to reflect a bit, that's all.

We all nearly died that day, Vin.

But there's still pigs to feed.

And shit to be shoveled. Come on, taking you for a pint.

Hey, I'm not going drinking.

I've read about it. It just contributes to it all, doesn't it? Depression and...

fucking anxiety and that.

Fuck me.

This is more serious than I thought.

Look, I'm no counsel of him.

But as that cunt out of Morgan Minney said, when he got those... Little

privilege to stand on death in that poetry film.

Carpe diem.

You'll be right, I'm just... Fuck me, man.

My head, I don't know why it does it, it just... I get really sick of myself.

And there's times where I just think, fuck it, you know.

I wish for this sweet oblivion.

And then I get to it and I just...

You want to live?

Yeah.

Me too.

Yeah, but I... Dude, the fuck?

We're in a good spot, guys. We're doing well. You know, there's no bloody

McCann. He's dead. Bloody Manolito, he's fucked it as well. No one's trying to

cut anyone's todger off.

I say we just go back to where they've old. You know what I mean?

We'll grow the weed, sell the weed, do our fucking job on the side, take each

day as it comes, lovely.

Why are you putting your hand up, dude?

I've been talking with my wife and Carol.

We were thinking that maybe it's time to quit while we're red.

What the fuck? What do you mean?

I mean that we're in a better place, me and her, and we're not getting any

younger, Vin.

I want to get old with her without being...

You're not alive!

He's got a point, Min. And that coach, right, it's not the first time we've

nearly been killed. Get over.

I mean, all right.

Give me another example of when we've nearly been killed. Come on.

They were that town down at Sewers, weren't they? With big old Fatberg and

you know.

Blocking the lid.

All right, the Sewers and a bloody coach.

What else?

The line. The line.

Dangerous.

He was a fucking... He was caged.

Sixty... Ish percent of the time it was caged. All right, what about the time

when Tillerson's head came off?

Fucking gang shooting us.

Fuck you!

Thinking about it, you know, we have been shot at on multitudinous occasions.

I know.

It's gonna fucking sound bad when you list it like this, all right? I'm not

risking prison again.

Yeah, we've got Sonny now. We can't take them risk anymore.

I've been developing a YouTube personality, actually, and I've been

quite a lot of followers.

What about you?

Me? Oh, you know me, Vincent.

Fingers in so many piles, they call me Frebentos.

Fucking fact, get jobs, then. Get jobs and pay taxes like dickheads.

Trying to fucking Daryl from accounts.

I'm still available.

Oh, you and your face.

Settle, petal, simmer down. I've just fucking crossed with you all.

While I've been working out, and to keep us all together, you fuckers have been

trying to move on!

Fucking unbelievable.

That's it, that's it. That is the start of the fucking end right there.

It'll last forever.

Daphne. Hello, boys.

Now, then. Oi, whatever it is, we're closed for fucking business. What do you

want? Want?

Me?

I'm just here to see if you're friends of mine.

Toodle -oo.

Friends. She ain't got friends.

She hasn't got fucking... She's up to some shit, is what she's... The only

she ever comes here is because she wants something nasty doing to one of her

shag pieces.

Well, she's fucking up to something. I'm telling you now, dude. God.

All right.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Who the fuck are these tight -skinned fucking

whippersnappers? He's giving them money.

Fuck me, it's a new gown. I fucking told you. We have left a vacuum, and these,

they've come, and they've shagged the vacuum. Fuck, check this out now. Oh,

stomp it. Stomp, stomp, Hagrid.

The fuck is all this shit, eh?

Friendship, my fucking cockhole.

What's she fucking paying you to do, this bastard here, eh?

Who the fuck are you, you tatted old twat?

Oh! That was really fucking rude, Maddox. Rude. Very rude. Rude as

Yeah. Although, to be fair, you are very heavily tattooed, and, you know, nobody

likes his chin one. I regret it. I'm getting married, Vincent, and these

young people to help make my day go utterly perfect.

All right, quick question. Who the mucky fuck would want to marry you?

Wouldn't you like to know, Tomo? But it's real love this time, and...

After all the years that I've wasted without... What do you mean?

Bastard! I think I finally deserve... Here we go.

Something.

I mean, look at this shit. Do you know what I mean?

This is what you're going to be working with. It's a fucking nightmare.

Listen to me. Give over now.

When these fuckers mess this job up... Please don't come crying for me. I'm out

like Hulk and Falcon.

Poof.

Bastards.

Did I flounce out? You flounced a bit.

God does my fucking head in.

Oh, hello.

Oi.

Vincent O 'Neill.

You all right?

You don't remember me, do you?

No.

Do you want to enlighten me?

Say hello to my dad, will you, if you see him?

Who the fuck is her dad? I don't fucking know.

Her and her dad can kiss my bumhole.

Oh, my fucking God, do that.

That's Jim's daughter.

Alison?

Yes. Back here?

Yes.

I haven't seen her since her mum poisoned her against me.

How's she looking?

She's fucking bonny. I mean, she looks nothing like you. You know what I mean?

Thank Christ.

That's the thanks you get for wiping their arse.

For cradling them through sleepless nights.

No, that's a lie. I don't think you ever did anything like that.

Well, it's not the fucking point, is it?

I was there providing.

Yeah. Working my hands to the bone to put...

Fucking rusks in a slobbery little gob. And just because I had a sexually

adventurous love affair behind a mother's back, and she got the wrong end

stick when she caught me in the back of that mini metro with her best mate's

mum, she ditches me.

Selfish. Her own father.

Unreal. That I called, that I fucking text.

She's not my favourite daughter, but I'm fond of her.

What a beautiful story by a wonderfully beautiful man.

You're a dick, dude.

Do you want my advice?

Fucking bell her up.

Life's too short to be holding grudges, Jimbo.

Yeah, right.

Maybe. Fucking maybe.

Oi, you can ask her what she's bloody up to and all. She's a rum fucker. I want

to know what she's doing.

Hey, there'll be something good.

She was very bright, Ali.

Took after her old man.

Wow. Hey, hey! Fucking hell!

Fucking brain the size of a planet, me.

It's a planet made of gas and white dog shit. Oh, you... Oh, fucking hell. Oh,

madam. The plot thickens. Check that out.

My bitch ex -wife is getting married again.

Right. The minute the divorce came through, bang, ring on her finger.

The guy's loaded. Of course, owns his own PR firm.

And I'm telling you now, she only wants his money.

All right, so what's it to you?

Well, she takes me for half of my cash and she's going to get her hands on

somebody else's money. No, no, no, no, no.

Not on my watch.

Here, is this ornamental?

No. It looks ornamental.

And it's not.

Don't fucking hurt yourself with it. It's a great big sword, look. Yeah,

mean, so, um... What have you done to your finger, then?

Just an accident.

An accident with a fish.

I am not fingering fish.

We didn't have that user. No one mentioned it.

Just... So come on then, what do you want us to do?

Fuck the wedding up.

Oh. Get the whole thing called off.

This now, and then the same again when she's crying into her Ciara.

You can't ruin a woman's wedding.

It's the happiest day of her life.

Have you met my aunt?

No. No.

Well, these will tell you.

She's a piece of work.

I mean, she's what you'd call your common and garden, run -of -the -mill

bellend. Listen, listen.

I'm grateful you brought us the job, but we're fucking thieves, aren't we?

Professional thieves.

Our skills aren't tailored to breaking up fucking relationships, man.

So you can't do the job, then? No, we can't, no.

Aye, OK. It's just that I've heard about another crew roaming around that might

not pass up my money, so...

Really? Young guy, eh? Fuck off.

For fuck's sake. Well, then, all right, then. He's got us there. It's a bind.

Oh, and this time, I want to see your mastery at work. I know where he lives.

Huh?

I'm in.

Ah! Ah!

My fucking toe!

Hell not!

Ornamental!

What are we doing here?

I can't believe you're dragging me into this. No, no, no, no, no. Don't you

fucking dare. Because, right, I heard the perfect cover, isn't it? Besides,

the fuck else are we doing today?

Actually, nothing.

It's very quiet.

Dead, is it?

Dead. There he is. Kenson Baldwin.

Director of Kenwyn Public Relations.

Biggest client, Comfly Airlines.

Ah!

Yes! Exactly.

And a smugger twat you could not hope to meet.

We should go to his bins, dig up some dirt.

He keeps his bins down the side of his house.

We'll have to gain access through this fucking front gate.

Yeah, no problem. Just buzz in and say we're bin men.

It's OK.

I'm sorry to break it to you, love, but it ain't that simple.

Hello? Bin men.

Oh.

Fair do's. Fair do's. Yep.

His car's there. He might be in. Hurry the fuck up.

This wasn't what I had in mind.

So listen, we'll do the paper, you do the journey.

You know, for a traveller, you're surprisingly all fair with the suburban

divisions, aren't you? I take motorcycle very seriously.

Now look at this.

This breaks my heart.

Some idiots that are emptying the bathroom bin in here.

Is that paper?

No. Is that paper? No.

I swear to God, if I was Prime Minister, I'd make it a fucking hanging offence.

Right, well, I don't think they do hanging anymore. When I bring it fucking

back. Right.

What is it?

Used condom. A very used condom wrapped inside a tissue.

It's not a used condom.

Wait, let's have a look.

Out of the way.

Bye.

Oh.

It's not old spunk, that is fresh. How deep were it?

How's she supposed to know how deep it went?

In the bin, you clown, not the fucking vagina.

Right, here.

That's two or three days tops, then, that, isn't it?

That's what is the thing.

If Daphne has not been over in his house in the last two or three days, then

this, my friends, could be our smoking go.

Hey!

You want bin men?

Fuck! Go on, then.

Back to statements.

Here, here, and here, last June, we have this. Ob pay.

Ob pay. What the fuck's ob pay?

Well, quite, yes. Meaningless and benign to the untrained eye, but to the

trained eye, i .e., this guy, ob pay is very much the method of payment employed

in your adult establishment. Oh, that's fantastic.

That is good news. Right, all right, so he's fucked then. Got a bit of dirt on

him there. We've got the used Johnny, got the wank cold.

You want dirt?

Locking bins.

Very cocky energy coming off you, Michael.

Well, I mean, that's him fucked, isn't it? We've got dirt on him already.

Oh, yes.

He's definitely giving the grab -em -by -the -pussy vibes.

Isn't it? Ben!

Well, do come in, won't you? What?

I've been thinking, like him with his long -lost son, I want to try and be a

part of Ali's life again.

Hang on a moment, right?

Because Hans never knew me, I never knew Hans.

Whereas, your Alison might have got the measure of you, you manky old scroll, in

her pre -puberant years.

Oi, fucking Tom Thumb! I'm a fucking changed man!

I'm fucking mellowed!

I want you to broker a truce.

What the... Why do I have to fucking do it?

Well, it was your idea.

Please, Vinnie. All right, then. Where can I find her?

Here.

I told the mother that I wanted to put her in my inheritance and I needed a

number to fill out the forms.

Eh?

Not a daft cunt.

Right, I've only got a few minutes, OK?

I know it, not too long.

Christ.

Alison?

Dad?

My little girl.

You're a woman.

A bloody good -looking woman as well.

Mind you, your mother was hot.

In a day.

Not now.

Now she looks like she's been left out in the sun too long.

And no amount of Botox is going to get the ass.

I just want to say that...

And no, I wasn't a great husband.

And there definitely could have been a better father.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Well, let me fucking finish.

Oh, come on!

You're either farming or drinking or trying to get your leg over anything

moved. Well, back then it was fucking work hard, play hard, wasn't it?

And fucking pre -me too. You could slap a woman on the arse and that was

considered... No, no, no.

Fine, fine.

I'm sorry.

I was a bad father.

I don't want a second chance to be part of your life.

Yeah, all right.

I mean, well, seeing as we're clear in the air, though, I would like you to

admit one thing to me.

Andrea was always your favourite.

Ha!

You're the favourite?

Parents don't have favourites. Lying bastard, Dad, come on.

I'm a grown woman, I can take it.

I know you loved me, I just... I always felt you loved Andrea that little bit

more.

All I'm asking is for you to finally... ..admit it.

No more than 64, sir.

Wow.

Mm.

Arsehole.

I hope you die old and lonely.

You get all dressed up and you still reek of fucking pigs.

Alison, tell her!

Mm.

I just think that went, then.

Do you live in this thing?

Yeah.

Me and Fay.

An old fixed abode and all that.

I think it's fucking cool.

So are you, uh, you back for your dad or what?

No.

Fay just seems to think we'll get more work round here, that's all.

Mm.

Hey, you grow the best weed in Harley.

I do. I grow the best weed this side of Amsterdam.

You can tell you're shagging, mate, but I know.

Just take your time when it's a bit strong.

That is good.

It's all right, innit?

So how's it going with Mrs Bishop?

Good, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fantastic. The fantastic bit?

That's a fib, that.

I'm getting definite fucked -it vibes here.

No, I've not.

Yes, you... No, I've not.

Give me that back.

Your vibes are all wrong, mate. Take your fucking old man vibes and vibe -o

-meter and go and buy some...

fisherman's friends or whatever.

Oh, fucking fine, I will then. Fine.

Fine. But I'm telling you now, I've got a real feeling that you might have

fucked this thing right on up there.

Well, there was a slight hiccup.

Oh, fucking sick.

Explain yourself.

Cheers.

She said her first wedding was awful.

And the minute she stepped in the venue, she knew it was cursed.

But... I can sense that the marriage wasn't going to be a happy one, and that

man, he stole the best years of my life. But this time, I've got my heart set on

Ardley Hall, with its critical windows and Georgian buttressing.

The problem is, it's a very popular venue, and it's booked up for years in

advance. They only do weddings on a Saturday.

So they've popped me on the waiting list, but no fuckers cancelling, so I'm

having to take matters into my own hands. She's a lunatic, honestly.

I've acquired a list of all the brides that are due to get married in the next

six weeks, and if by some terrible misfortune one of these couples should

to change their minds, it means that I get the wedding of my dreams.

Selfish, spiteful.

I'm fucking mean -spirited.

Anyway, we decided we weren't going to hurt anyone.

Right, so what have you done?

So, you know my girlfriend, Faye? The one that called you.

Yes, yes.

So we chose the first people off the bishop's list.

Martin Dale and Jennifer Frost. Love you, Marty Pop.

Love you, Jen Jen.

I looked them up online. They're like super square, super conservative.

So Faye decided the best course of action was... Animal porn.

What, fucking animal porn?

I know, that's what I said.

But listen, you guys are old school.

Our generation, we know about tech and all that stuff.

It's the best way to screw people over.

We'll plan it on a computer.

Then we'll bell her up, anonymously, and tell her where to find it.

And within a day or two... I can't do it!

Oh, fuck!

The wedding's off!

Jen!

So what have you done, then?

Well, it was all going swimmingly. We followed him to this cafe, filmed his

laptop password.

So all we needed to do was break into the house, find the laptop and plant the

pawn. Right.

Now, our guy Baxter, he is top at break -ins.

Trouble is, he's not the brightest spark.

The stupid thick bastard gets inside the house, finds the laptop, and all he has

to do is transfer the content onto the laptop.

Knocked out cold.

Now Martin arrives home, finds him. Please get called.

Now his brother Darren's saying he hasn't the stomach for it, so it's just

and Fay.

Oh.

Oh, all right, you smug twat. I know what you're thinking.

What am I thinking?

Young idiot's not up to the task.

That is exactly what I'm thinking.

You know, I always admired you when I was a kid.

You used to come to the farm.

Thought you were a bit like Robin Hood.

Fuck you, really?

No, I'm being serious.

I am.

You know, you always used to say, like, we're the forgotten generation, us lot.

So we make our own rules.

I mean, that's how we feel now. We just need a bit of guidance, a bit of time to

learn, someone to learn from.

No, you can't seriously be suggesting that I work with you and fucking Peter

Pan. Oh, come on!

We're young, we're energetic.

And from what I'm hearing, your guys aren't so enthusiastic anymore.

My guys are just, you know...

Busy with a lot of different... They'll be back. They're all gonna fucking

listen. Don't you worry about my guy.

New blood?

What new blood?

And they've got a tough one, too.

And Jim's daughter's a computer whiz. What?

Really?

Jim's daughter?

Have they got a vehicle guy?

They've got a vehicle guy.

And they've got Bishop's job, too.

It's like the old days.

I'm thinking one more job wouldn't hurt.

Wait.

Yeah, one more job.

One job.

Like the old days.

What are you saying?

No, no. I'm going back to Blackpool in a couple of days.

Sugar? Tom, I'm not helping you ruin the happiest day of a woman's life.

All right, all right, all right. Much as I am sympathetic to your romantic

inclinations, let me tell you this, sweetheart. This list is exclusively

of, I don't know, posh cunts.

It's a fucking double -barreled bonanza over here. You've got Hayley Taylor

-Clark, Miranda Morgan Frye, Sarah Cheeseman, that's just... Sarah

Hello.

I'm in.

Right, come on now.

Concentrate. Let's get started.

What about Cardi?

Has he said he's coming?

Not in so many words, no.

Well, he fucking knows where we are, doesn't he? He changes his mind.

We're fucking up two weddings today we need to do in a specific order.

First, we're going to fuck up Cheeseman's wedding, all right? Mrs

us. Then, we fuck up her wedding, and Mr Bishop pays us for that.

All right?

Fuck up Gerbert Cheeseman. Yeah.

Chees off! We have a few options open to us. Number one, we cut off all of her,

including her eyebrows.

I like that.

Number two, we mangle her hands.

So they can't get ring on?

It's a bit much, that, isn't it? Mm -hmm.

And teeth... No! No!

It's not one, two, three, is it? It's not one, two, three.

It's one, two, three. Right, well, whatever. Three, three, whatever. We go

the teeth.

Teeth? No.

Teeth. Hang on a minute. Am I hearing this correctly? Who is going to mess up

her teeth? Could we not just shave a shagging hair off?

What if she wears a wig?

What the fuck are you doing with her eyebrows, Ashley?

Lord Fire!

I mean, she's not gonna wanna get married looking like fucking Beaker!

Bald cunt with the glasses on. The Muppet, is it that same one? Dr. Bunton.

That's the bastard, well indeed.

Wait, Muppet?

Is that the one with the frog?

That's like, wanting to fuck the pig. But the pig's like, all cunty and like,

waxing with a karate chop, but he's still...

Still fucking wants her.

Honestly, that's such a fucking weird take, but yes, that is the Muppets. That

is the Muppets, isn't it? Yeah, you got it. Fucking shut up. I think we should

split into two groups, all right? We've got Cheeseman group and Mrs Bishop

group. Find out who we can shave Cheeseman's hair off. Okay, here we've

personal calendar.

How did you get into that so quick?

Easy peasy.

Let's have a look. We've got nail appointment tomorrow, dress pick -up,

suit from dry cleaners, cake and favour deliveries.

God, getting married's stressful.

Tell me about it.

It's O -W -L.

It's a night -time word.

It's an acronym.

Google it, JJ.

Right. OK.

Overwhelmingly large. Olympic weightlifting, old women's league,

learning. It's none of them, is it?

Ongoing weight loss.

Bingo. That's the one.

Well done.

Right, yeah, but that's not what we're looking for, is it? I know there's

literally everything here except a hair appointment.

Are we going to fuck it up if we don't even know when it is?

Won't she have it done on the day?

Have it done on the day?

There'll be pre -treatments, trims, root tints, conditioning masks.

For me, this is personal, so I'm going to that nail bar. I'm going to get

reacquainted with an old friend.

Right, I need to ask you a serious question.

Why do you hate her so much?

Let's just say we're getting our nails done for a weekend away, all right, with

me. Oh, nice.

Why are we going?

I don't know, do I?

Well, that's not much of a cover story, is it?

What about the Lake District?

I've always wanted to go there.

No, I just piss it down all the time.

Well, what if we're going for a spa weekend?

Well, why are we getting our nails done for a spa weekend when we can just get

them done there?

Because we've been before and the woman who does them has the worst halitosis

you've ever smelt.

Oh, God, the disgusting bitch.

OK, all right, we're good in the story?

All right, let's go.

Oh, my God!

Sarah!

Erin? Hi.

Hi. How long's it been?

Years. Years.

Girls, this is Sarah.

We used to work together back in the day.

Well? She used to work for me.

I was assistant manager. She was store supervisor.

It's so nice to see you again.

Yeah.

How old's that little boy of yours now?

Er, 12.

Gosh.

Big. Big.

You did so well having him on your own.

I suppose you had no choice.

Baby with a one -night stand.

Oh,

that's a lovely ring.

When's the big day?

Wedding's on the 12th. Ardley Hall.

And you won't believe the ceremony I've got planned.

I was just telling Benita here about it.

Honestly, I am so excited.

My Jed is a huge Harry Potter fan. Is he? He loves it. He's read all the

he's watched all the films. He even refers to his, you know what, as his

wand.

Anyway,

as a surprise, I'm decorating the chapel at Ardley in a Hogwarts theme.

It's a great idea, isn't it? And the crowning glory, and I can hardly believe

I've managed this, I've hired the North's only fully trained owl to

swoop down on cue over the guest head and deliver our rings for the vows.

Wow. That's quite something.

Thank you.

You're going to be a hoot, Harry Potter.

You what?

You know, Dobby the elf thingy.

Slam my ears in the oven door to punish me.

Dobby only meant to mutilate, Master. OK, enough, Dobby. Master gave Dobby.

That owl's going to be the centrepiece of the whole wedding.

It's going to be the most perfect day.

What happens if the owl doesn't perform?

Well, it will perform.

Or it gets disciplined.

And I've got a rehearsal with the handler, so... Yeah, yeah.

Right, well, er...

Sounds like it's going to be the most wonderful day.

Yeah, nice to see you. I'll leave you to it.

Bye. Bye.

You shouldn't cut to the hair.

Fuck the hair.

She won't get married without that owl.

There we go.

Right, that's him there.

That's the poor twat who's marrying Mrs Bishop. Christ almighty.

Flashy cunt.

Exactly that. Yes, and we have reason to suspect that he frequents massage

parlours and occasionally uses your casual sex worker. How do you know that?

Because we're professionals.

How do we know that?

When there has been. When there has been.

Now listen, we can't just go assuming. We need a bit of proof. We're going to

send our mate in, Rory Finnegan, to entrap him.

All right.

Who's Rory Finnegan? That's the website done. Now you need to make a date with

Mrs Bishop's fiancée.

My name is Jeremy Chandler. I'm the senior assistant of Rory Finnegan of

Finnegan Enterprises Dubai.

My company is looking to set up a very large leisure centre over there and

like to raise its profile here in the UK.

Dubai, you say?

You're very welcome to check out our website, of course, but we'd prefer to

Mr Baldwin in person to discuss the potential of his involvement in this

exciting new venture.

Right here, we've got a high -def Wi -Fi IP camera.

Crystal clear sound.

And the final piece of the puzzle, the room key.

One more thing i'll be added to the list

I'm going to be spending my day tonight, two times out of ten, strolling about

like all I might, but home for a shake. There's two, there's two, there's two,

there's two, there's two, there's two,

And if there's a better way to live, I've got to have it.

Because I think all day, but when I drink, I'm okay.

It gets further away.

Every time I try to grab it on my knees, I'll shatter into heaven. It's not a

little peak one day, man, you feel it's always seven. I know it exists, but I

can't stop getting fit.

One more thing, I'll be added to the list.

Oh, Mr. Bolden, I presume?

Rory Finnegan.

MBE. But I don't like to talk about my titles.

It's a delight to meet you. Come in.

Shall we? Yeah.

Hi.

Are you going to be okay?

As a getaway driver, only statistically women are safer drivers than men.

Oh, really?

Are they? Well, statistically.

Well, you asked for that.

Leave the old to me, because I watched a YouTube video last night and I don't

know what I'm doing again. Are you ready?

Is there a treatment?

Yeah. Good afternoon.

Some of you lot were professionals.

What have you done to it? It's resting.

See, what we're looking for, old chap, is a UK -based promotional agency to

us with our... Oh, I am starving.

What did you bring?

Right, well, look, I don't know how you taste.

Do I? So I've just got a selection. I've got ham, cheese and old, reliable tuna

sweet car.

Fucking hate tuna.

You can't take that.

Shit, shit, shit.

Where's he going?

Where's he going, that fucking man?

He's distracted.

Fuck's sake, I'll handle it.

Oh, mate, mate, sorry.

There's just been a little bit of a misunderstanding about the room.

Oh!

Oh! Oh, now we're talking!

A bit overzealous, but very effective.

Hello, who is this?

I can't hear a word you're saying.

Fucking forget it.

Bespone the wedding or the owl gets it.

Just to be clear, we're not actually killing the owl.

I'll kill you before I kill the owl.

Oh, sorry, Andy.

Excuse you.

You look like a man who knows how to enjoy himself.

You got that right.

We're men of means. We're men of the world.

What say we find ourselves a couple of companions?

For the rest of the evening.

Unfortunately, Rory, those stairs are behind me. Oh.

I've met a wonderful woman and I'm getting hitched.

Yeah, well, what the eye doesn't see, the heart can't mourn.

Oh, no.

No? No, no, no, no, no.

What happens in Hawley stays in Hawley.

Duffley's a fucking catch.

Is she?

Oh, yeah, let me tell you.

Amazing in the bedroom.

Oh. What she can do with her tongue.

Yes. Must be laws against.

Yep. So, apart from the occasional condom wank, I'm a one -woman man.

Up the phone. Oh, I see.

Sorry, lads, I tried everything, but there's no chance he's cheating on Mrs.

He is smitten, this lad.

We saw.

What are you all smiling for? Look at his face.

Look at his little face. He don't know, do you?

No.

Excellent work, fella.

Go,

Ashley.

You got me my venue.

I hope you have the most wonderful day.

Release the homes.

Have you ever

flown? Come fly?

The people are my airline.

chapter brought into 1982 a

prominent pr mogul has resigned today

after making a series of disparaging remarks about the customers of one of

biggest clients earlier today a private conversation was published made a

series of shocking comments

where she grew up and she says we might even meet a leprechaun if we're lucky.

Oh yeah, we'll probably see some leprechauns but they'll probably be

their shoes.

Cobbling their little boots.

Oh, is it a joke?

Anyway, I love you man and don't die or anything.

He's a fucking heartbreaker.

Do you think then?

I think you've done a good job.

I am concerned your dad might not approve with your career choices.

Oh, fuck him. My dad's a cunt.

You have a lot more in common with him than you know.

God, God.

Fuck.

Just, sorry.

Hang on a minute. Be back.

Not me, governor.

David, what the fuck are you doing, man?

Now, the name is Alfred.

Alfred Barnard.

How are you going to afford this?

Therein lies a very cunning plan, which involves me going for four days to

Dusseldorf. You are here for the Bukkake?

Yes, I am. What's the worst that could happen?

No, no, no!

You didn't take the insurance?

No.

You meant to book up your motherfucking time.

Fingering fish again.