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1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:03,792
[♪ tense music playing]
2
00:00:09,125 --> 00:00:11,333
-[knocking]
-[person 1] [muffled] Room check!
3
00:00:11,417 --> 00:00:13,083
-[person 2] Oh, shit.
-[knocking]
4
00:00:13,167 --> 00:00:15,375
[grunting]
One second!
5
00:00:15,458 --> 00:00:18,417
[person 1]
Come on. Open up.
6
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:20,875
-Alright, where's the drugs?
-[person 3] Drugs?
7
00:00:20,958 --> 00:00:22,292
What are drugs?
8
00:00:22,375 --> 00:00:25,000
[person 1]
Search her room. Find them!
9
00:00:26,208 --> 00:00:28,833
[student] [shouts]
Oh! Come on, come on, come on.
10
00:00:28,917 --> 00:00:30,750
Let's go, let's go...
11
00:00:31,958 --> 00:00:36,292
Shirts, pants, socks, old pants.
That's good!
12
00:00:36,375 --> 00:00:39,167
[♪ fast music playing]
13
00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:41,250
[students exclaiming]
14
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,542
[grunts] Ooh, sorry!
15
00:00:47,125 --> 00:00:48,125
Move!
16
00:00:48,208 --> 00:00:50,792
-Excuse me. Sorry. Whoo!
-[student] My Yogurt!
17
00:00:51,792 --> 00:00:52,792
[grunts]
18
00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:55,583
-[groans] What the fuck?
-[Montgomery] Sorry!
19
00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:56,667
Fucking asshole!
20
00:00:56,750 --> 00:00:58,958
-[doorbell jingling]
-[panting]
21
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,250
[clattering]
22
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:05,208
♪♪
23
00:01:07,375 --> 00:01:09,375
[coins rattling]
24
00:01:11,583 --> 00:01:12,750
[buzzer sounding]
25
00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,333
[bell ringing]
26
00:01:20,583 --> 00:01:22,500
-[buzzer sounding]
-[sighs]
27
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,833
[Montgomery clears throat]
28
00:01:26,167 --> 00:01:28,167
Oh. Excuse me?
29
00:01:29,875 --> 00:01:31,208
Yeah?
30
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:33,625
Yeah, do you by any chance
have any extra quarters?
31
00:01:33,708 --> 00:01:35,625
Oh, um, let me check.
32
00:01:35,708 --> 00:01:37,708
[coins jingling]
33
00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:39,417
-Yeah.
-[chuckles]
34
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:43,167
[coins jingling in pocket]
35
00:01:44,917 --> 00:01:45,917
Thanks. [chuckles]
36
00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:48,583
Your name's Montgomery, right?
37
00:01:48,667 --> 00:01:49,833
Yeah.
38
00:01:49,917 --> 00:01:53,000
And your name's
Ashley Mackenzie Merriman Gray?
39
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,417
-That is all four of them. Yeah.
-Yeah.
40
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,833
Yeah, Ashley Mackenzie Merriman Gray.
Like, it just kind of falls out.
41
00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:01,792
You know, it's funny,
I feel like we are always here
42
00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:03,792
at the exact same time.
43
00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,667
Well, no one's got
dirtier undies than me.
44
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:10,583
Not from poop, to be clear.
45
00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:13,208
-Or cum.
-So, piss?
46
00:02:13,292 --> 00:02:15,333
No, just normal stuff.
I'm not weird.
47
00:02:15,417 --> 00:02:17,083
[coins jingling]
48
00:02:18,917 --> 00:02:21,208
[coins continue jingling]
49
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,833
Okay. [chuckles]
50
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:26,917
I'll see you around.
51
00:02:28,417 --> 00:02:29,792
[sighs]
52
00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:32,875
[♪ "Makin' It" by David Naughton playing]
53
00:02:36,667 --> 00:02:40,208
♪ Makin' it, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
54
00:02:40,292 --> 00:02:41,708
♪ Makin' it ♪
55
00:02:43,833 --> 00:02:47,458
♪ I'm solid gold,
I've got the goods ♪
56
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:51,000
♪ They stand when I walk
through the neighborhoods ♪
57
00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:53,375
♪ I'm makin' it ♪
58
00:02:53,458 --> 00:02:57,500
-♪ I've got the chance, I'm taking it ♪
-Hey, guys. How are you?
59
00:02:57,583 --> 00:02:59,167
♪ No more, no more ♪
60
00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,042
♪ Fakin' it ♪
61
00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:04,750
-♪ This time in life I'm makin' it ♪
-I'm sorry.
62
00:03:04,833 --> 00:03:06,792
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
63
00:03:06,875 --> 00:03:08,583
♪ Makin' it ♪
64
00:03:08,667 --> 00:03:10,125
-[♪ music stops abruptly]
-Eat shit.
65
00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:13,417
[♪ music resumes]
66
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,750
♪ Hello uptown,
goodbye pov-- ♪
67
00:03:15,833 --> 00:03:17,125
-[♪ music stops abruptly]
-That's what you get
68
00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:19,083
for ruining the football team, asshole.
69
00:03:19,167 --> 00:03:20,250
[elevator dings]
70
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,375
-[♪ music resumes]
-[exhales] Hi.
71
00:03:22,458 --> 00:03:23,667
-♪ I've got the chance-- ♪
-[♪ music stops abruptly]
72
00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,500
-[groaning]
-Fuck yourself
73
00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:27,417
-and your freak-ass face!
-[punch thuds]
74
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,750
♪ I'm taking it ♪
75
00:03:29,833 --> 00:03:31,625
♪ No more, no more ♪
76
00:03:31,708 --> 00:03:34,250
-♪ Faking it, it's time to-- ♪
-[exhales]
77
00:03:34,333 --> 00:03:35,417
-[♪ music stops abruptly]
-There he is!
78
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:36,958
-Oh, fuck!
-♪ Makin' it ♪
79
00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:39,167
[students shouting]
80
00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:41,250
[overlapping shouting]
81
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:45,500
[student]
Freak-ass face!
82
00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:48,417
Alright, everybody, fuck off
and listen to me for a second, please!
83
00:03:50,625 --> 00:03:51,833
I know...
84
00:03:52,792 --> 00:03:56,625
you're upset about what happened
with the football team.
85
00:03:58,667 --> 00:03:59,875
I'm sorry.
86
00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:05,583
But who amongst us all
hasn't ever made a mistake?
87
00:04:05,667 --> 00:04:07,833
We all have.
88
00:04:07,917 --> 00:04:10,292
So, if you don't think
that I deserve
89
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,542
the basic human decency
of a second chance,
90
00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:15,875
then fine, go ahead.
91
00:04:15,958 --> 00:04:18,333
Tape me to the top
of that clock tower and pelt me
92
00:04:18,417 --> 00:04:21,417
with water balloons full of piss.
But if not--
93
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,333
-[thundering]
-Goddammit.
94
00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:29,333
[♪ dramatic music playing]
95
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,208
[♪ music softens]
96
00:04:37,292 --> 00:04:39,500
[coin jingling]
97
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:40,875
Hey, Jack.
98
00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:42,333
-[fabric tearing]
-Hi, Monty.
99
00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:44,417
-How was your day?
-Uh...
100
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:47,167
-[coin jingling]
-Not great. How's yours?
101
00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:49,000
-I'm covered in piss.
-[sighs]
102
00:04:49,083 --> 00:04:50,375
-I'm sorry.
-It's okay.
103
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:51,583
You know what's gonna
make it all better?
104
00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:54,250
-Quiet night of sleep.
-A concerning amount of alcohol.
105
00:04:54,333 --> 00:04:56,708
-Let's boogie.
-Oh, wow, we said very different things.
106
00:04:57,708 --> 00:04:59,625
[student]
Housing requests due by midnight.
107
00:04:59,708 --> 00:05:01,875
Guys, housing requests
due by midnight.
108
00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:03,042
Montgomery and Jack,
109
00:05:03,125 --> 00:05:04,917
email your housing requests
in by midnight.
110
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,625
-Also, Jack, go fuck yourself.
-Hm. Ha.
111
00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:12,375
Where do you wanna live next year?
112
00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:15,083
Should we do Orrick Tower?
113
00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:18,500
Stonewell Court?
Or... Ugh.
114
00:05:18,583 --> 00:05:21,167
As long as it's not Gralk Hall.
115
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:23,750
That place is literal hell.
Know what I mean?
116
00:05:26,667 --> 00:05:29,667
Ah, come on, dude.
Stop hiding. Just ask her out.
117
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:31,208
Are you nuts? No!
118
00:05:31,292 --> 00:05:32,917
-Why?
-Girls like Ashley
119
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,667
-don't like guys like me.
-What's wrong with you?
120
00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:37,500
I'm weird!
I sound like a little old man.
121
00:05:37,583 --> 00:05:40,500
Girls like alphas,
strong provider types.
122
00:05:40,583 --> 00:05:42,208
-Like him.
-[spitting]
123
00:05:43,167 --> 00:05:44,792
-[spitting] Ooh.
-Hot.
124
00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:48,500
So, that's why I'm gonna trick her
into thinking I'm an alpha.
125
00:05:48,583 --> 00:05:50,750
And then, she'll ask me out.
126
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:53,417
Wow, that's the creepiest thing
I've ever heard in my entire life.
127
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,375
-It's not creepy, it's sweet.
-You barely know her.
128
00:05:55,458 --> 00:05:56,750
You may not even actually like her.
129
00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:59,542
Of course I like her.
When I think of the two of us together,
130
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:02,833
it feels like I'm floating
on a cloud of lavender
131
00:06:02,917 --> 00:06:06,417
while being sung to
by lollipop pixies.
132
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,458
Never mind.
That's the creepiest thing
133
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:10,167
I've ever heard in my entire life.
134
00:06:11,208 --> 00:06:13,417
-Stop staring at her.
-[gasps]
135
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,500
[laughing]
136
00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:22,000
It's time to take this
and put it into this,
137
00:06:22,083 --> 00:06:23,792
-so we can turn off this.
-[sighs]
138
00:06:23,875 --> 00:06:25,042
-Look at her.
-Whoa.
139
00:06:25,125 --> 00:06:26,708
-Exquisite, right?
-Dang.
140
00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:28,208
Give her a touch.
141
00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:30,042
Give her a stroke.
Perv.
142
00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:31,667
-[chuckles]
-Want to do a toast?
143
00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:36,042
Uh, may the crop grow strong,
and your pants stay up, and the night--
144
00:06:36,125 --> 00:06:39,333
Don't worry, man, I got this shit.
To turning around this shitty day.
145
00:06:39,417 --> 00:06:41,167
[knocking]
146
00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:43,000
-[Jack] Ah, fuck.
-[Montgomery] Crud.
147
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,000
Logan!
148
00:06:45,917 --> 00:06:47,125
What's up, dildos?
149
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:49,333
-Can we please not do this tonight?
-[Logan] Relax.
150
00:06:49,417 --> 00:06:52,208
I know that we...
come in here every weekend,
151
00:06:52,292 --> 00:06:55,083
we hold you down,
and we fart in your faces
152
00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:56,792
for what you did to the football team.
153
00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:00,750
But we have taken
some time to reflect, and...
154
00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:03,375
we decided to apologize.
155
00:07:05,042 --> 00:07:07,458
Wow. Really?
156
00:07:07,542 --> 00:07:09,917
No, we came to
[shouts] fart on your faces!
157
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,208
-Fuck you! Fuck you!
-Pin him down!
158
00:07:11,292 --> 00:07:13,125
Fuck you!
[shouting]
159
00:07:14,542 --> 00:07:16,167
-Come here.
-[groaning]
160
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:17,875
-Accept your fate!
-[Jack] I will never fucking
161
00:07:17,958 --> 00:07:19,542
accept this shit.
Fuck!
162
00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:20,625
I'll save you the trouble.
163
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:21,958
-Right here okay?
-That's perfect. Thanks.
164
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,833
[exclaiming, struggling]
165
00:07:23,917 --> 00:07:25,708
-[Jack] Fucking fuck off.
-[Logan] You know the drill.
166
00:07:25,792 --> 00:07:27,792
-Ew! Ew! Ugh!
-[Montgomery] It's okay, Jack.
167
00:07:27,875 --> 00:07:30,000
-Think happy thoughts.
-Shut up, Montgomery!
168
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,583
-Open wide, pookie.
-[Jack] No!
169
00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:34,333
No! No!
170
00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:36,042
-[Jack screaming]
-[Logan farting]
171
00:07:36,125 --> 00:07:37,500
[Logan] Oh, shit!
172
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,292
Hey, dumbass,
mind if I borrow your charger?
173
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,625
Oh, I should warn you,
it's actually a third-party charger,
174
00:07:41,708 --> 00:07:43,458
and it's technically against
the terms of service to use it.
175
00:07:43,542 --> 00:07:44,542
Shut up.
176
00:07:44,625 --> 00:07:48,208
Dude, this pajama party tonight
is gonna be so sick.
177
00:07:48,292 --> 00:07:49,583
-Pregame at my place?
-Totally.
178
00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:50,750
-I got beer.
-Nice!
179
00:07:50,833 --> 00:07:52,333
-I got some weed.
-Swag.
180
00:07:52,417 --> 00:07:54,042
And I'm bringing Wizard's Oath.
181
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,917
[farting]
182
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,417
What?
183
00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:01,208
It's a fantasy board game.
184
00:08:01,292 --> 00:08:02,417
[muffled]
It's actually really fun.
185
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:03,625
-[loud farting]
-[Jack screaming]
186
00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:05,333
[laughter]
187
00:08:05,417 --> 00:08:07,208
That was refreshing, dawg.
188
00:08:07,292 --> 00:08:10,208
-I feel, like, a pound lighter.
-[gasping, coughing]
189
00:08:10,292 --> 00:08:11,292
Alright, let's bounce.
190
00:08:11,375 --> 00:08:13,458
-[electricity zapping]
-Oh! What the fuck?
191
00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:16,125
Your charger fried my phone.
192
00:08:16,208 --> 00:08:18,417
Well, I did warn you
it's a third-party charger.
193
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,917
You break my phone? Huh?
How 'bout...
194
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,708
-Oh, shit.
-...I break your bottle?
195
00:08:23,792 --> 00:08:26,292
-[bottle shattering]
-Nooo!
196
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:28,333
-[wailing]
-[bullies laughing]
197
00:08:28,417 --> 00:08:30,083
Look at his freak-ass face.
198
00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:32,458
-Losers.
-Later, dickheads!
199
00:08:32,542 --> 00:08:34,625
[moaning]
200
00:08:34,708 --> 00:08:36,542
Just give us a fucking break.
201
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,208
[friend] Lizzy!
202
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,250
-[Jack] Fuck!
-Ugh! Oh!
203
00:08:52,333 --> 00:08:53,583
Fuck all those guys.
204
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,083
God, I hope I don't get
pink eye again.
205
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:56,750
This whole night's fucking ruined.
206
00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:58,625
Well, maybe it's for the best.
207
00:08:58,708 --> 00:09:01,417
I was gonna start Lysander
on a new brand of nectar tonight,
208
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,542
-and he gets temperamental--
-No!
209
00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:05,208
No!
210
00:09:05,292 --> 00:09:07,708
I can't stand another night
listening to you talk
211
00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:10,583
about the dietary restrictions
of your pet butterfly.
212
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:12,792
We are in college, Monty.
213
00:09:12,875 --> 00:09:15,208
These are supposed to be
the best years of our lives.
214
00:09:15,292 --> 00:09:16,500
Look at me.
215
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,000
I'm the type of guy who's built
for a place like this, dude.
216
00:09:19,083 --> 00:09:20,833
I could be ruling the school.
217
00:09:20,917 --> 00:09:23,500
I should be doing Jell-O shots
and sparkler keg stands,
218
00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:24,750
but everyone hates me.
219
00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:27,458
-Well, well, not me.
-You don't count.
220
00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:33,500
Okay, I know what you need.
I'm ordering us a pizza. [chuckles]
221
00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:36,375
Because no matter
how bad things are,
222
00:09:36,458 --> 00:09:39,000
pizza makes everything
a little better.
223
00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:41,917
Remember first semester,
224
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,792
when we ate pizza
and played games all night--
225
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:45,792
Stop. What are you doing?
You don't get to do a speech.
226
00:09:45,875 --> 00:09:47,542
I'm doing a speech.
I'm sad.
227
00:09:47,625 --> 00:09:49,542
Plus, pizza's not gonna
do anything for me, man.
228
00:09:49,625 --> 00:09:51,625
I need something
to obliterate my brain!
229
00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:53,625
[tin clatters]
230
00:09:53,708 --> 00:09:55,875
[♪ mysterious music playing]
231
00:09:55,958 --> 00:09:56,958
What's this?
232
00:09:59,375 --> 00:10:00,583
Mints?
233
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,375
♪♪
234
00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:07,292
[singers vocalizing]
235
00:10:12,083 --> 00:10:13,708
[Jack] [gasps]
Oh, my God.
236
00:10:14,958 --> 00:10:16,375
These are drugs.
237
00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:21,792
No. No.
238
00:10:21,875 --> 00:10:22,958
-No!
-Come on!
239
00:10:23,042 --> 00:10:24,667
-Are you insane?
-What are the odds of this?
240
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:27,417
Well, I'm not doing random ceiling drugs.
We don't even know what they are.
241
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:30,417
Fine.
We'll do some research, hm?
242
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,292
"Drugs." "Pink pill."
243
00:10:36,375 --> 00:10:38,042
"Exploding head."
244
00:10:38,125 --> 00:10:39,958
"What the fuck?"
245
00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:43,542
-One result?!
-That's shady.
246
00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:46,417
-[video plays]
-[singers] ♪ Om ♪
247
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:48,833
Tidings, psychedelic adventurers!
248
00:10:48,917 --> 00:10:50,625
It's me, Frankie, of course.
249
00:10:50,708 --> 00:10:52,292
-[singers] ♪ Frankie ♪
-[voice] Of course!
250
00:10:52,375 --> 00:10:54,125
Her green screen sucks.
251
00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:58,083
I'll be your cosmic captain
on this journey today.
252
00:10:58,167 --> 00:11:01,542
Please keep your vibes
inside the vehicle at all times.
253
00:11:01,625 --> 00:11:05,042
-[imitating boat horn]
-[boat horn blowing]
254
00:11:05,958 --> 00:11:07,583
-Skip ahead.
-Yeah, I'ma skip ahead.
255
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,417
-[video skipping]
-I dated Mickey Rourke.
256
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,208
-It was fine.
-Keep-Keep going forward.
257
00:11:12,292 --> 00:11:13,917
-Alright.
-[video skipping]
258
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,708
Presenting: Mind Igniting
Neural Tuning Stimulants,
259
00:11:17,792 --> 00:11:18,833
or M.I.N.T.S.
260
00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:21,042
-That is dangerously misleading.
-Whoo!
261
00:11:21,125 --> 00:11:24,000
This drug will give you
an incredible high.
262
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,542
-Ah!
-How would I describe it?
263
00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:30,542
It makes you feel like you're floating
on a cloud of lavender,
264
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:33,542
being sung to by lollipop pixies.
265
00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:35,042
-[computer key clicks]
-[video stops]
266
00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:37,958
Dude, that's exactly your thing.
267
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,500
No.
268
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:40,875
-Come on. Come on.
-No. No.
269
00:11:40,958 --> 00:11:42,833
-Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
-No. No. No. No.
270
00:11:42,917 --> 00:11:44,042
-I love you.
-N-- I love you, too.
271
00:11:44,125 --> 00:11:45,417
-Come on. Please? I'll do anything.
-No. No.
272
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,000
-No! No! No!
-Come on. Come on. Really?
273
00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:48,083
Jack, the answer's no!
274
00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:58,042
And now, we wait.
275
00:11:58,792 --> 00:12:00,417
[♪ dramatic music playing]
276
00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:03,250
-[projector clacking]
-[RA] Drugs.
277
00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:06,792
Alcohol. Debauchery.
278
00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:10,000
Every year,
our school sinks deeper
279
00:12:10,083 --> 00:12:13,208
into a swamp of vice
and buffoonery.
280
00:12:13,792 --> 00:12:15,208
Until now.
281
00:12:15,292 --> 00:12:18,292
[♪ ominous choir music playing]
282
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:24,833
Welcome, fellow RAs.
283
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:30,375
For weeks,
we have been preparing for tonight.
284
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:35,292
To rain fiery vengeance
upon the drug-addled delinquents
285
00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:39,583
that have turned this dorm
into a waking nightmare.
286
00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:42,375
-There will be no mercy.
-[RA] Mm.
287
00:12:42,458 --> 00:12:46,042
[Blake]
Order will be restored.
288
00:12:46,125 --> 00:12:48,708
And those who have
violated our rules
289
00:12:48,792 --> 00:12:52,208
shall be shattered
on the anvil of discipline!
290
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:54,583
Are you with me?!
291
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,375
[all]
Yes, Resident Advisor!
292
00:12:56,458 --> 00:12:58,042
Yes! Oh.
293
00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,458
[chuckles]
294
00:12:59,542 --> 00:13:03,000
Sorry, I'm new.
I'm just out of sync. I'm new.
295
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,042
This guy didn't tell me
about the call and response.
296
00:13:05,125 --> 00:13:07,250
[growls]
[chuckles] I wouldn't.
297
00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:08,792
It was very scary.
298
00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:12,292
Let's move out.
299
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:16,042
And then I'm like, "Guys, don't worry,
I'm not gonna fart in your faces."
300
00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:18,792
And then I fucking farted
in his face, dude!
301
00:13:18,875 --> 00:13:21,458
-[laughter]
-Those guys fucking blow!
302
00:13:21,542 --> 00:13:23,583
Those guys fucking blow.
303
00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:25,042
[laughter]
304
00:13:25,125 --> 00:13:28,208
Yeah, those guys fucking blow.
305
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:29,875
They are funny, though.
306
00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:30,958
[laughter stops abruptly]
307
00:13:31,042 --> 00:13:32,583
[Logan] What?
308
00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:34,000
Did you just say they're funny?
309
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,500
No.
[chuckles nervously]
310
00:13:36,958 --> 00:13:38,167
Why would I say that?
311
00:13:39,417 --> 00:13:41,750
I--
[chuckles] Anyway.
312
00:13:41,833 --> 00:13:43,458
-Let's get fucked up!
-[glass breaking]
313
00:13:43,542 --> 00:13:46,208
-[all groan]
-Oh, my-- Lizzy-uh!
314
00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:49,083
[Logan whimpering]
315
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:50,583
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
316
00:13:50,667 --> 00:13:51,667
It's fine.
317
00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:53,792
[phone keys clicking]
318
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:57,000
-[text whooshing]
-[phones chiming and vibrating]
319
00:13:57,083 --> 00:14:00,208
-Oh, man, I'm tired.
-Yeah, it's late.
320
00:14:00,292 --> 00:14:02,042
-I also am tired.
-[Logan] Me too.
321
00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:04,000
Maybe we should call it a night.
322
00:14:04,833 --> 00:14:06,500
Hey, Lizzy, you're closest to the door.
323
00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:10,000
Why don't you just leave first
and the rest of us will follow?
324
00:14:12,375 --> 00:14:14,458
Okay, sure. Yeah.
325
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,417
See you around.
326
00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:18,708
[scoffs]
327
00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:21,125
Hey, remember when I said
I wasn't gonna fart in their faces,
328
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:24,333
-but then I did fart in their faces?
-You know, I-I guess I'll just cancel
329
00:14:24,417 --> 00:14:26,125
this party bus that I got for us.
330
00:14:26,208 --> 00:14:27,583
-Hm?
-Party bus?
331
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:30,958
I, uh, ordered us this totally
awesome party bus as a surprise.
332
00:14:31,042 --> 00:14:33,042
-[gasps]
-But, but, but if you're tired,
333
00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:35,125
-then I'll just cancel it.
-No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.
334
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,917
Do not cancel it.
335
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,500
I feel like
I'm getting a second wind.
336
00:14:39,583 --> 00:14:41,958
-Yeah, me too.
-I also am no longer tired.
337
00:14:42,042 --> 00:14:46,833
Can I get a, "Lizzy"?
Lizzy.
338
00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:52,667
[all chanting]
Lizzy. Lizzy. Lizzy!
339
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:55,875
Lizzy! Lizzy!
340
00:14:55,958 --> 00:15:01,125
Lizzy! You fucking rule, dude!
You think I can honk the horn?
341
00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:03,792
[♪ "Sound of the Money"
by Inside Cuts playing]
342
00:15:03,875 --> 00:15:06,375
♪ Stack my chips,
then I pop my collar ♪
343
00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:08,750
♪ Learn from the best,
I lead, they follow ♪
344
00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:11,333
♪ I'm getting money,
can't talk, I'll holla ♪
345
00:15:11,417 --> 00:15:13,292
♪ That's the sound of the money ♪
346
00:15:13,375 --> 00:15:15,583
♪ Jackpot, there's more
that's coming ♪
347
00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,917
♪ Couple commas, couple zeros ♪
348
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,083
♪ Time to get to the money,
let's go ♪
349
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:21,792
[silence]
350
00:15:24,708 --> 00:15:26,708
-You feel anything?
-No.
351
00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:29,042
Wait.
352
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:32,458
No.
353
00:15:32,542 --> 00:15:34,792
Fuck.
Are these duds?
354
00:15:34,875 --> 00:15:37,625
Guess so.
Wanna play Wizard's Oath?
355
00:15:37,708 --> 00:15:39,500
No, we can't.
We need three people.
356
00:15:39,583 --> 00:15:40,708
I could play.
357
00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:42,792
No, it'd take too long
to teach you the rules.
358
00:15:43,917 --> 00:15:45,333
[squelching]
359
00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:48,708
-Oh no.
-[♪ tense music playing]
360
00:15:48,792 --> 00:15:50,792
[both screaming]
361
00:15:52,250 --> 00:15:53,583
Somebody help!
362
00:15:55,292 --> 00:15:56,708
Are you ready, kids?
363
00:15:56,792 --> 00:15:59,667
-[kids] Yeah!
-Here we go!
364
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,333
♪ Everything's happy,
everything's nice ♪
365
00:16:01,417 --> 00:16:03,125
-♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
-[Jack exclaims]
366
00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:04,958
-♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
-Why are our hands singing?
367
00:16:05,042 --> 00:16:06,667
♪ No one's gonna die today ♪
368
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:09,625
[Jack] Oh.
369
00:16:10,958 --> 00:16:11,958
Hey.
370
00:16:12,042 --> 00:16:13,792
-[puppet creaking]
-You seeing this?
371
00:16:13,875 --> 00:16:15,458
-Ooh, he's moving.
-Um, he's coming towards us.
372
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:16,750
He's getting real close. Oof!
373
00:16:17,625 --> 00:16:19,833
-He wants me to shake his hand.
-Just go for it, yeah.
374
00:16:19,917 --> 00:16:21,000
-[horn honking]
-Oh! Oh!
375
00:16:21,083 --> 00:16:22,708
-He touched my nipple!
-Hey, what the fuck, man?
376
00:16:22,792 --> 00:16:23,917
[person]
Eh-stop!
377
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,833
-Hola. My name is Juan.
-[whip cracks]
378
00:16:26,917 --> 00:16:28,125
-Nice to meet you.
-Hi.
379
00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:30,250
-[baby cooing]
-Is that a fucking baby?
380
00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,125
-The bebé does not like your work.
-[baby whines]
381
00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:33,417
Do it again.
382
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,750
[both screaming]
383
00:16:35,833 --> 00:16:37,333
♪ Everything's happy,
everything's nice ♪
384
00:16:37,417 --> 00:16:39,167
-This again?!
-[screaming]
385
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:41,000
Fuck. No.
386
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,333
-Please stay over there.
-No. Back up.
387
00:16:44,042 --> 00:16:45,667
-Don't do it.
-I don't wanna be impolite.
388
00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:47,583
-What? Monty--
-Oh, he did it again.
389
00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:49,542
-What did you expect?
-[Juan] Stop!
390
00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,833
-[baby babbles]
-She hates it. Do it again.
391
00:16:51,917 --> 00:16:54,125
-[both screaming]
-♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice ♪
392
00:16:54,208 --> 00:16:55,208
Hey!
393
00:16:55,625 --> 00:16:57,625
-No, not again! He's a demon.
-[screaming]
394
00:16:57,708 --> 00:16:59,167
-[baby screams]
-Again.
395
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:01,250
I'm in hell!
396
00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:02,625
-He's gone.
-[screaming]
397
00:17:02,708 --> 00:17:04,250
-♪ No one's gonna die today ♪
-Again.
398
00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:06,625
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice,
everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
399
00:17:06,708 --> 00:17:07,958
-[screaming]
-Again.
400
00:17:08,042 --> 00:17:09,708
-[screaming]
-I don't want this anymore!
401
00:17:09,792 --> 00:17:11,375
-[maniacal laughing]
-Fuck you, baby!
402
00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:12,875
-Again!
-[screaming]
403
00:17:12,958 --> 00:17:15,417
♪ No one's gonna die today,
someone's gonna die today ♪
404
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,292
♪ We're all gonna die today ♪
405
00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:19,083
-[applause]
-She likes it.
406
00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:21,083
-[cheering and applause]
-The baby likes it!
407
00:17:21,167 --> 00:17:23,167
[both singing in unison]
408
00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:28,417
[both screaming]
409
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:29,917
Why are we
in the fucking show--?!
410
00:17:34,292 --> 00:17:36,042
Well, the good news
is the drugs work.
411
00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:37,333
Oh, do they?!
412
00:17:37,417 --> 00:17:39,875
None of that felt
like a gentle cloud of lavender!
413
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:42,167
I just got molested
by Pinocchio's cousin!
414
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,417
Did that happen?
I think I already repressed that.
415
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,917
Alright, we gotta figure out
what this stuff is.
416
00:17:48,708 --> 00:17:51,042
Lysander, no, get out of there!
Crate!
417
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,750
No drugs for you.
418
00:17:55,667 --> 00:17:57,875
-[computer key clicks, video plays]
-[Frankie] You feel like you're floating
419
00:17:57,958 --> 00:18:00,083
on a cloud of lavender,
420
00:18:00,167 --> 00:18:03,625
being sung to by lollipop pixies.
421
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:06,083
-[buzzer sounding]
-So long as you take it with food.
422
00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:07,417
-What?
-Without food,
423
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,958
the drug has six distinct phases,
424
00:18:10,042 --> 00:18:13,000
punctuated by normal periods
of lucidity.
425
00:18:13,083 --> 00:18:15,833
First is a prologue called
Make The Baby Like It.
426
00:18:15,917 --> 00:18:17,042
Definitely did that one.
427
00:18:17,125 --> 00:18:19,208
-Then, No Bad Words.
-[bleep]
428
00:18:19,292 --> 00:18:20,458
Flashbacks.
429
00:18:20,542 --> 00:18:22,583
The Ol' Switcheroo.
430
00:18:22,667 --> 00:18:24,667
Nothing But The Truth.
431
00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:26,458
And We Are All One.
432
00:18:26,542 --> 00:18:28,333
[all singing]
433
00:18:28,417 --> 00:18:30,917
-[rapid clicking]
-What's that?
434
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,250
It's my WorryWart.
It calms me down.
435
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:35,833
Gotta say, I'm pretty dang proud
of myself for making these drugs.
436
00:18:35,917 --> 00:18:37,292
-[Jack] Huh?
-I made them right here
437
00:18:37,375 --> 00:18:39,000
in my dorm room, 3J.
438
00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:41,500
Oh, shit. Sorry.
439
00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:43,917
Wait.
Is that this room?
440
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,417
I know I'm still in college,
but don't worry.
441
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,083
I'm a chemistry genius, okay?
442
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:49,708
-Well, that's good.
-I mean, hell,
443
00:18:49,792 --> 00:18:53,667
I friggin' built these cabinets
using my own homemade epoxy.
444
00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:55,750
[items clanging and clattering]
445
00:18:56,875 --> 00:18:58,292
We're gonna die.
446
00:18:58,375 --> 00:19:00,875
-A few important things before I forget.
-[buzzer sounding]
447
00:19:00,958 --> 00:19:04,208
One, do not take more
than a single dose.
448
00:19:04,292 --> 00:19:08,625
If you do, you will see the true,
horrible nature of reality.
449
00:19:08,708 --> 00:19:12,417
-What does that mean?
-And two, there is a final phase
450
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,333
that I didn't yet mention.
451
00:19:14,417 --> 00:19:18,250
It's called
Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life
452
00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:21,458
and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass.
453
00:19:21,542 --> 00:19:23,083
Wh-- What?
454
00:19:23,167 --> 00:19:25,750
My boyfriend, Garrett, went through it,
and look what happened to him.
455
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,542
-[gasps]
-Anyway, if you don't want that
456
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:30,458
to happen to you, eat some food.
457
00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:34,458
And by food,
I mean specifically a mixture
458
00:19:34,542 --> 00:19:37,458
of wheat, nightshades, and dairy.
459
00:19:37,542 --> 00:19:39,208
-[panting]
-So, pizza?
460
00:19:39,292 --> 00:19:40,708
[Frankie]
Yeah, it's pizza, dum-dums.
461
00:19:40,792 --> 00:19:42,208
Happy sailing!
462
00:19:42,292 --> 00:19:44,333
Hope you don't get
chainsaw-fucked.
463
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,250
-[imitating boat horn]
-[boat horn blowing]
464
00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:48,167
[Jack groaning]
465
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:51,458
Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life
and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass!
466
00:19:51,542 --> 00:19:53,333
-Okay.
-Cheese and rice!
467
00:19:53,417 --> 00:19:56,292
I just wanted a quiet night,
and now I'm gonna get chainsaw-fucked
468
00:19:56,375 --> 00:19:58,667
-by the Rat King from The Nutcracker!
-Chill, dude. That's not gonna--
469
00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:01,375
Uh, wait, your worst nightmare
is the Rat King from The Nut--
470
00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:05,042
From the New Jersey Ballet's
2007 production of The Nutcracker.
471
00:20:05,125 --> 00:20:07,458
You haven't seen it.
It's terrifying.
472
00:20:07,542 --> 00:20:10,375
It's not gonna happen, okay?
What did she say?
473
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:12,167
It'll mellow out
when we have some pizza.
474
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:15,250
-[phone buzzing]
-And look, there it is right now.
475
00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:18,208
Hello, sir.
Can you please bring the pizza
476
00:20:18,292 --> 00:20:21,500
directly to room 3J,
with extreme haste?
477
00:20:22,708 --> 00:20:24,333
[robotic voice]
Hello.
478
00:20:24,417 --> 00:20:27,083
I am Snackatron 3000.
479
00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:30,375
I have arrived at your location
with a food delivery
480
00:20:30,458 --> 00:20:34,125
for Montgomery
from the restaurant...
481
00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:36,667
[worker] [over phone] What do I say,
the name of the pizza place?
482
00:20:36,750 --> 00:20:40,917
-Okay, it's Joe's Piz--
-It's a fucking robot.
483
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,708
[Snackatron]
Actually, I'm a Snackatron.
484
00:20:42,792 --> 00:20:47,208
3J! Bring the pizza to 3J, now.
485
00:20:47,292 --> 00:20:50,083
[Snackatron] I am sorry,
but there is a set of stairs
486
00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:51,500
impeding my journey.
487
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,458
Stairs are my mortal enemy.
488
00:20:54,542 --> 00:20:56,125
To receive your pizza from...
489
00:20:56,208 --> 00:20:59,708
[worker] [over phone] [sighs]
I gotta record this again? Joe's Pi--
490
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:04,208
[Snackatron] I'm afraid you will need
to meet me in the lobby.
491
00:21:04,292 --> 00:21:07,625
[♪ ominous music playing]
492
00:21:08,792 --> 00:21:10,667
I hope you will be satisfied
with your order.
493
00:21:10,750 --> 00:21:13,125
No, Snackatron,
I will not be satisfied, no.
494
00:21:13,208 --> 00:21:14,750
There's no way
we're going out there.
495
00:21:14,833 --> 00:21:16,792
Ashley's out there, RAs,
and who knows what else.
496
00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:19,958
Hey, it's gonna be fine, dude.
It's just two flights of stairs.
497
00:21:20,042 --> 00:21:21,500
-Right?
-[sighs]
498
00:21:21,583 --> 00:21:23,625
Come on, I'm gonna be
with you the whole time.
499
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,750
[chuckles]
Yeah, w-- Yeah.
500
00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:29,417
-[♪ upbeat music playing]
-♪ Watch how I walk ♪
501
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:31,250
♪ You wanna chat to me,
watch how you talk ♪
502
00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,292
♪ Leave my legacy,
leave my mark ♪
503
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:34,917
♪ On top, best help,
I'm the boss ♪
504
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:39,042
♪ Boss, boss, boss, boss,
bo-bo-b-b-b-b ♪
505
00:21:40,042 --> 00:21:42,042
[door closes]
506
00:21:42,125 --> 00:21:43,875
Why are you wearing a suit?
507
00:21:43,958 --> 00:21:45,583
I don't want people to know I'm high.
508
00:21:47,042 --> 00:21:49,042
-Smart.
-So, what's our plan?
509
00:21:49,125 --> 00:21:50,958
Okay, it's simple.
510
00:21:51,042 --> 00:21:54,000
We take the elevator down,
we grab the pizza, we eat it,
511
00:21:54,083 --> 00:21:56,167
and then, we're floating
on a cloud of lavender
512
00:21:56,250 --> 00:21:58,417
before the next phase even hits.
513
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:00,125
-You ready?
-Yes.
514
00:22:00,208 --> 00:22:03,292
-I don't know. Okay, yes.
-Great.
515
00:22:04,542 --> 00:22:06,375
Then let's do this fucking--
516
00:22:08,167 --> 00:22:10,583
[screaming]
517
00:22:10,667 --> 00:22:13,875
-[gasps] Oh! Oh!
-[panting] What? What?
518
00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:16,000
Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh!
Are you okay?
519
00:22:16,083 --> 00:22:17,208
Yeah, I think, I think, I think.
520
00:22:17,292 --> 00:22:18,500
What the fuck--
521
00:22:19,667 --> 00:22:21,667
[screaming]
522
00:22:24,333 --> 00:22:27,750
Why are our heads exploding?
What in the absolute hell?
523
00:22:27,833 --> 00:22:30,333
[screaming]
524
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:31,583
Fuck!
525
00:22:31,667 --> 00:22:33,083
[gasps]
526
00:22:33,167 --> 00:22:37,750
Okay! Okay!
Just don't do anything!
527
00:22:37,833 --> 00:22:39,042
I'm not doing anything.
528
00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:41,750
I think our heads explode
if we say curse words?
529
00:22:44,083 --> 00:22:46,083
Goddammit.
530
00:22:46,167 --> 00:22:47,375
No!
531
00:22:47,458 --> 00:22:49,208
[gasps]
Fine. Okay.
532
00:22:49,292 --> 00:22:51,000
I'll just say, like, dang it.
533
00:22:51,083 --> 00:22:53,083
-[screaming]
-Darn it?
534
00:22:53,167 --> 00:22:56,125
-[screaming]
-Alright! I'll make up my own.
535
00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:58,583
Cremble sauce.
536
00:22:58,667 --> 00:23:00,500
We can't say cremble sauce?
537
00:23:00,583 --> 00:23:02,375
-[panting]
-Okay.
538
00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:06,333
Just stay super G-rated.
And let's get to the elevator.
539
00:23:06,417 --> 00:23:10,208
[chuckles]
Hey, it's freak-ass face.
540
00:23:10,292 --> 00:23:12,375
Hey, suck my dick.
541
00:23:13,250 --> 00:23:16,000
[chuckles]
Hey, it's freak-ass face.
542
00:23:16,083 --> 00:23:18,042
Hey, suck my dick.
543
00:23:18,125 --> 00:23:20,625
Alright, it's out of my system.
544
00:23:20,708 --> 00:23:22,542
-[chuckles] Hey.
-Hey--
545
00:23:23,583 --> 00:23:25,583
[indistinct chatter]
546
00:23:26,583 --> 00:23:28,208
Almost there. [chuckles]
547
00:23:28,292 --> 00:23:30,292
-And we're here.
-[Ashley] Montgomery!
548
00:23:31,125 --> 00:23:32,750
-Hey.
-Holy crap.
549
00:23:33,833 --> 00:23:35,250
You got this, man.
550
00:23:35,333 --> 00:23:38,417
I'm a provider, I'm suave,
I'm an alpha, woo-hoo!
551
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,375
Montgomery! Hi.
552
00:23:40,458 --> 00:23:42,250
Wassup, playa?
553
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:44,042
Shit.
554
00:23:44,125 --> 00:23:45,833
-Hi.
-Ahoy there.
555
00:23:45,917 --> 00:23:46,958
Nope. Queef.
556
00:23:47,792 --> 00:23:49,542
-Hi.
-Happy evening to you,
557
00:23:49,625 --> 00:23:51,583
my sweet baby, baby, baby.
558
00:23:51,667 --> 00:23:52,667
Fuck that.
559
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:56,375
I'ma pitch you a line.
"Hi, Ashley."
560
00:23:56,458 --> 00:23:57,792
-Hi, Ashley.
-Just like that.
561
00:23:57,875 --> 00:23:59,000
Hi, Ashley.
562
00:23:59,083 --> 00:24:00,500
-Hi.
-Hey, I did it.
563
00:24:00,583 --> 00:24:03,000
Well, don't say it out loud, dumbass.
564
00:24:03,083 --> 00:24:05,500
-Hi.
-Hi, Ashley.
565
00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:08,917
What's that?
566
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,208
It's my WorryWart,
which alphas don't use,
567
00:24:11,292 --> 00:24:13,125
-so we gotta start this whole thing over.
-No, it's cute, it's cute, it's fine.
568
00:24:13,208 --> 00:24:14,375
Cunt.
569
00:24:14,458 --> 00:24:15,917
[scoffs] Excuse me?
570
00:24:17,458 --> 00:24:19,042
-Cunt.
-[Ashley] What?
571
00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:21,042
-Not you. Cunt?
-Cunt!
572
00:24:21,125 --> 00:24:22,375
-Sorry.
-Sorry. Cunt!
573
00:24:22,458 --> 00:24:24,167
-Sorry. Cunt, sorry.
-Cunt. Sorry.
574
00:24:24,250 --> 00:24:25,333
-Sorry. Cunt.
-Cunt.
575
00:24:25,417 --> 00:24:27,375
-Cunt. Cunt. Cunt.
-Cunt. Cunt. Cunt.
576
00:24:27,458 --> 00:24:28,667
-Cunt.
-Stop!
577
00:24:28,750 --> 00:24:30,958
We can say "cunt,"
but we can't say "cremble sauce"?
578
00:24:32,208 --> 00:24:35,458
[Frankie] I sourced the chemicals
from Manchester, England.
579
00:24:35,542 --> 00:24:36,958
Oh, it's a British drug.
580
00:24:37,042 --> 00:24:39,208
That's so fucking stupid.
581
00:24:39,292 --> 00:24:40,583
-Hi.
-Hi, Ashley.
582
00:24:40,667 --> 00:24:42,042
How's your night going?
Grood?
583
00:24:42,125 --> 00:24:43,583
"Grood"?
Shart.
584
00:24:43,667 --> 00:24:44,792
-Hi.
-Hi, Ashley.
585
00:24:44,875 --> 00:24:46,708
How's your night going?
Good?
586
00:24:46,792 --> 00:24:50,333
Yeah, I've actually had a crazy week
working on my music thesis, so.
587
00:24:50,417 --> 00:24:52,042
-Oh, so you're a music major?
-Yeah.
588
00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:54,333
-Who's your favorite musician?
-Sondheim.
589
00:24:54,417 --> 00:24:57,083
Sondheim? I love musicals.
590
00:24:57,167 --> 00:24:59,167
Oh, Stephen Sondheim?
I hate him.
591
00:24:59,250 --> 00:25:01,292
I like Matsuishi Sondheim.
592
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,083
Who the fuck is that?
593
00:25:04,167 --> 00:25:08,583
Okay, apparently, this guy does something
called Clowncore Vomit Opera.
594
00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:11,917
[♪ chaotic music playing]
595
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,083
Have you ever heard
of Matsuishi Sondheim?
596
00:25:14,167 --> 00:25:16,167
Oh, my God.
Are-Are you serious? I love him.
597
00:25:16,250 --> 00:25:18,417
Have you ever heard
of the song that goes...
598
00:25:18,500 --> 00:25:21,458
[growling]
599
00:25:21,542 --> 00:25:24,417
[howling]
600
00:25:27,917 --> 00:25:29,917
Duh!
"My Mother Pisses Death"?
601
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,667
Nobody ever likes that one.
602
00:25:31,750 --> 00:25:33,167
And most guys
are real pussies about it,
603
00:25:33,250 --> 00:25:36,333
but it's so cool to meet someone
that's actually into it.
604
00:25:36,417 --> 00:25:37,750
-[Montgomery] Mm-hm.
-[warbling]
605
00:25:37,833 --> 00:25:40,875
-Well, this has been nice.
-Yeah.
606
00:25:40,958 --> 00:25:44,000
I hope the rest of your night
is real "grood."
607
00:25:44,083 --> 00:25:46,083
Oh, duckfucker! Ah!
608
00:25:46,833 --> 00:25:48,750
Uh, "duckfucker"?
609
00:25:49,917 --> 00:25:52,333
Oh, no. Is it over?
610
00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:53,875
Is what over?
611
00:25:55,250 --> 00:25:57,250
-The American dream.
-Oh.
612
00:25:58,292 --> 00:26:00,292
-Yes.
-Yep.
613
00:26:00,375 --> 00:26:03,292
Anyway, I am starving,
so I'm gonna go get some food.
614
00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:05,583
But it was great
getting to know you.
615
00:26:05,667 --> 00:26:06,667
I'll see ya.
616
00:26:08,042 --> 00:26:09,500
[excited squeal]
617
00:26:09,583 --> 00:26:12,000
[chuckles] My friggin' boy.
Uh...
618
00:26:12,083 --> 00:26:13,500
-[sighs]
-Just so you know,
619
00:26:13,583 --> 00:26:15,708
I got a weird fucking vibe about her.
620
00:26:16,037 --> 00:26:18,792
[♪ mellow music playing]
621
00:26:30,042 --> 00:26:32,167
-[knocking]
-[RA] Room check.
622
00:26:36,250 --> 00:26:38,000
[panting, grunts]
623
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,208
Come in!
624
00:26:40,292 --> 00:26:41,917
[door creaks]
625
00:26:45,875 --> 00:26:47,500
[♪ tense sting]
626
00:26:47,958 --> 00:26:49,583
[door creaks]
627
00:26:51,958 --> 00:26:53,458
[Blake]
Sorry to interrupt.
628
00:26:59,125 --> 00:27:01,125
[chair scraping]
629
00:27:05,042 --> 00:27:07,667
-May I?
-Please, yeah.
630
00:27:08,292 --> 00:27:09,625
[exhales]
631
00:27:09,708 --> 00:27:13,417
[sputtering]
This stuff's so annoying.
632
00:27:14,375 --> 00:27:16,458
-[clears throat]
-Okay. Prohibited items.
633
00:27:16,542 --> 00:27:20,417
-Do you guys have any drugs, alcohol?
-No.
634
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:23,000
-Uh, firearms, weaponry?
-No.
635
00:27:23,083 --> 00:27:24,833
Freestanding waffle makers?
636
00:27:24,917 --> 00:27:26,833
-No.
-Hm.
637
00:27:27,458 --> 00:27:28,458
Any...
638
00:27:30,167 --> 00:27:34,750
large bongs...
shaped like a jar of dill pickles?
639
00:27:34,833 --> 00:27:36,792
[♪ tense music playing]
640
00:27:37,333 --> 00:27:38,333
No.
641
00:27:40,625 --> 00:27:43,458
Great!
I will leave you to it.
642
00:27:46,417 --> 00:27:47,458
Ooh.
643
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,000
[cheese bubbling]
644
00:27:57,958 --> 00:27:59,167
You know...
645
00:28:03,167 --> 00:28:06,292
some kids lie.
[chuckles]
646
00:28:06,875 --> 00:28:09,625
They think I won't notice, but...
647
00:28:11,750 --> 00:28:13,375
lies have a smell.
648
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:16,708
A texture.
649
00:28:18,750 --> 00:28:20,958
It clings to their clothes.
650
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,125
Like smoke.
651
00:28:31,375 --> 00:28:34,125
You're hiding a pickle bong
and some alcoholic iced tea, are you not?
652
00:28:37,167 --> 00:28:38,167
Yes.
653
00:28:39,083 --> 00:28:41,083
You're hiding them in the fridge,
aren't you?
654
00:28:43,750 --> 00:28:44,750
Yes.
655
00:28:45,875 --> 00:28:47,500
[♪ tense sting]
656
00:28:48,167 --> 00:28:49,667
Deli drawer or crisper?
657
00:28:49,750 --> 00:28:51,375
[♪ tense sting]
658
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,208
Crisper.
659
00:28:58,333 --> 00:29:01,333
[clicking tongue]
Well, that's a violation.
660
00:29:04,542 --> 00:29:08,542
I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate
your phone for the night.
661
00:29:08,625 --> 00:29:10,250
Wait, no, you can't
confiscate my phone.
662
00:29:10,333 --> 00:29:13,458
I said, "Confiscate his phone!"
663
00:29:13,542 --> 00:29:17,125
[♪ ominous choir music playing]
664
00:29:17,208 --> 00:29:20,375
[distorted voice]
What will become of me?!
665
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,000
Each of you has a list.
666
00:29:30,083 --> 00:29:32,500
You are to collect the cell phones
of everyone on it.
667
00:29:33,417 --> 00:29:36,917
Use whatever justification you need.
Understood?
668
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,000
[all]
Yes, Resident Advisor, sir!
669
00:29:40,542 --> 00:29:42,542
-[clacking]
-[Jack] Hell, did someone break this?
670
00:29:42,625 --> 00:29:44,833
Come on, why is it taking so long?
671
00:29:44,917 --> 00:29:47,500
-Fuck.
-[student sobbing]
672
00:29:47,583 --> 00:29:50,542
-[Montgomery] Jeez.
-[Jack] Oh, God, this guy.
673
00:29:50,625 --> 00:29:51,958
[Montgomery]
What happened?
674
00:29:52,042 --> 00:29:53,833
He got transferred to Gralk Hall.
675
00:29:53,917 --> 00:29:55,667
-No.
-Yeah.
676
00:29:55,750 --> 00:29:59,000
The worst dorm in school.
677
00:29:59,083 --> 00:30:02,208
-It's four hours away.
-[student continues sobbing]
678
00:30:02,292 --> 00:30:04,250
He might as well be dead.
679
00:30:04,333 --> 00:30:06,375
[wailing]
680
00:30:06,458 --> 00:30:08,000
[whispering]
That was his fuck buddy.
681
00:30:09,708 --> 00:30:11,708
-Sorry for your loss.
-Go fuck yourself, Jack.
682
00:30:12,542 --> 00:30:15,042
We gotta get our housing requests in.
683
00:30:15,125 --> 00:30:16,208
[elevator dings]
684
00:30:17,417 --> 00:30:19,417
Oh, thank God.
It got stuck between floors.
685
00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:20,875
Can you guys
please get me out of here?
686
00:30:22,208 --> 00:30:24,625
-Stairs?
-Wait. Wait, no!
687
00:30:24,708 --> 00:30:26,958
You can't just leave me like this!
No, I'm gonna go insane!
688
00:30:27,042 --> 00:30:30,000
-Please, come back!
-Alright, just two floors and we're good.
689
00:30:30,083 --> 00:30:33,250
[student] No! Somebody help!
Somebody help me!
690
00:30:33,333 --> 00:30:34,708
Oh, no!
691
00:30:34,792 --> 00:30:36,208
-Where are you taking me?
-Shit.
692
00:30:36,292 --> 00:30:38,208
-RAs.
-They took my phone!
693
00:30:38,292 --> 00:30:40,917
-They took my phone!
-They took his phone.
694
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,917
-[student] What will become of me?!
-Are they allowed to do that?
695
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,750
[student]
What will become of us? No!
696
00:30:44,833 --> 00:30:46,208
Take him to the Wellness Lounge.
697
00:30:46,292 --> 00:30:49,708
Yeah, alright, guys, let's get him
to the Wellness Lounge.
698
00:30:49,792 --> 00:30:53,292
I love it. I agree.
It's a good plan.
699
00:30:53,375 --> 00:30:56,208
-Who are you again?
-Oh! I'm Sidney Putt. [chuckles]
700
00:30:56,292 --> 00:30:57,792
Sophomore RA in training.
701
00:30:57,875 --> 00:30:59,500
-You're a sophomore?
-Yeah.
702
00:30:59,583 --> 00:31:01,542
But I am 31 years young.
703
00:31:01,625 --> 00:31:04,708
I took a bit of a gap decade
before I started school.
704
00:31:04,792 --> 00:31:07,083
-Wow.
-But, now I'm so excited to be an RA.
705
00:31:07,167 --> 00:31:09,125
-Uh-huh.
-I'd love to know the inside jokes.
706
00:31:09,208 --> 00:31:11,750
-Mm.
-Who's ribbing who? Who's kissing who?
707
00:31:11,833 --> 00:31:13,667
[giggles]
You ever huff helium?
708
00:31:13,750 --> 00:31:15,333
Shut the fuck up!
709
00:31:17,208 --> 00:31:20,958
You two stay,
and don't let anyone downstairs.
710
00:31:21,042 --> 00:31:22,042
-Fuck us.
-Crud.
711
00:31:23,042 --> 00:31:24,333
Now how do we get downstairs?
712
00:31:24,417 --> 00:31:25,833
[gasps]
713
00:31:25,917 --> 00:31:27,125
[Jack]
Building renovations.
714
00:31:27,208 --> 00:31:29,208
They're scaffolding
outside the corner room.
715
00:31:29,292 --> 00:31:31,750
We could just climb down
to the second floor from there, huh?
716
00:31:31,833 --> 00:31:34,625
-We got this.
-[knocking]
717
00:31:35,458 --> 00:31:37,458
Hi, we were wondering
if we could use your window.
718
00:31:37,542 --> 00:31:38,958
You.
719
00:31:39,042 --> 00:31:40,625
Oh, hey, it's you.
720
00:31:40,708 --> 00:31:42,375
[student] Fuck off!
721
00:31:42,458 --> 00:31:43,875
What the hell was that about?
722
00:31:43,958 --> 00:31:46,667
Earlier today, I accidentally
hit him with a football.
723
00:31:46,750 --> 00:31:47,958
Great, so we're stuck.
724
00:31:48,042 --> 00:31:50,000
Hey, Logan.
Uh, sorry, just call me back.
725
00:31:50,083 --> 00:31:51,708
I can't find you guys, so.
726
00:31:54,083 --> 00:31:56,083
-Hi.
-Hi, Lizzy.
727
00:31:56,167 --> 00:31:57,333
Hi.
728
00:31:57,417 --> 00:32:00,208
-Why are you wet?
-Uh, I just, um,
729
00:32:00,292 --> 00:32:03,417
I'm having kind of a weird night,
uh, but I'm fine.
730
00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:05,750
Dandy. Bye.
731
00:32:06,708 --> 00:32:08,708
Bye... Asshole.
732
00:32:08,792 --> 00:32:10,000
[gasps] No!
733
00:32:11,083 --> 00:32:14,083
[both]
Oh! Oh! Oh!
734
00:32:14,167 --> 00:32:17,292
-Your head's been exploding!
-You're on our drug!
735
00:32:17,375 --> 00:32:19,042
What? What?
736
00:32:19,125 --> 00:32:20,792
-[laughing]
-What are you talking about?
737
00:32:20,875 --> 00:32:22,625
But I didn't take any drugs!
738
00:32:22,708 --> 00:32:24,375
You are so fucked.
739
00:32:24,458 --> 00:32:25,958
[both laughing]
740
00:32:26,042 --> 00:32:29,167
-Stop laughing.
-I don't know why I'm laughing.
741
00:32:29,250 --> 00:32:31,750
I think it's a trauma response.
742
00:32:31,833 --> 00:32:34,167
But I didn't take any...
[gasps]
743
00:32:34,250 --> 00:32:36,750
Oh, my God.
This all makes sense now.
744
00:32:36,833 --> 00:32:39,625
Earlier tonight,
when I was in your room...
745
00:32:40,417 --> 00:32:42,500
Logan was talking
about the pajama party,
746
00:32:42,583 --> 00:32:44,417
and I spotted a tin of mints
on your desk.
747
00:32:44,500 --> 00:32:45,708
[Jack]
Those weren't mints, dumbass.
748
00:32:45,792 --> 00:32:48,958
-[Montgomery] Lizzy, those were not mints.
-[Lizzy] No shit, I'm aware.
749
00:32:49,042 --> 00:32:52,000
Because I ate one,
and just a little later...
750
00:32:52,083 --> 00:32:56,583
Why are my hands singing?!
751
00:32:56,667 --> 00:32:58,333
...I started tripping
my goddamn balls off
752
00:32:58,417 --> 00:33:00,083
in front of Logan
and all of his friends.
753
00:33:00,167 --> 00:33:02,167
[singing wildly]
754
00:33:03,375 --> 00:33:05,667
Wait, how are we even seeing this?
755
00:33:05,750 --> 00:33:08,625
Are we, like,
inside her memory?
756
00:33:08,708 --> 00:33:11,417
Shit, think I remember this
from the video.
757
00:33:12,375 --> 00:33:14,292
This must be the next phase.
758
00:33:14,375 --> 00:33:15,917
There's more of these?
759
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,042
[Frankie] [in video] There is a final
phase that I didn't yet mention.
760
00:33:19,125 --> 00:33:22,583
It's called Your Worst Nightmare
Comes to Life
761
00:33:22,667 --> 00:33:25,500
and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass.
762
00:33:25,583 --> 00:33:27,333
[Lizzy/Montgomery]
Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life
763
00:33:27,417 --> 00:33:29,375
and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass?
764
00:33:29,458 --> 00:33:31,792
See? I do sound
like a little old man.
765
00:33:31,875 --> 00:33:33,208
You dumb fucks!
766
00:33:33,292 --> 00:33:35,375
Who just leaves drugs out
for anyone to take?
767
00:33:35,458 --> 00:33:37,458
Who eats random pills out of a tin?
768
00:33:38,125 --> 00:33:39,958
I've never done anything
that stupid in my life.
769
00:33:40,042 --> 00:33:43,542
-You ready, Montgomery?
-What's the plan here, Jack?
770
00:33:43,625 --> 00:33:45,625
We leap off the roof
and float to the ground
771
00:33:45,708 --> 00:33:48,208
like a pair of graceful falcons.
772
00:33:48,292 --> 00:33:49,708
You were saying?
773
00:33:49,792 --> 00:33:51,875
Alright, so I've done one dumb thing.
774
00:33:51,958 --> 00:33:53,500
But at least we had fun.
775
00:33:53,583 --> 00:33:55,042
[screaming]
776
00:33:55,125 --> 00:33:57,625
[sighs]
This is, like, the worst day of my life.
777
00:33:57,708 --> 00:34:00,083
I'm Lizzy the Magnificent.
778
00:34:00,167 --> 00:34:02,125
-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God.
779
00:34:02,208 --> 00:34:04,417
[young Lizzy]
Everyone, look closely.
780
00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:07,167
Now, it's a banana, and now...
781
00:34:07,917 --> 00:34:10,000
-it's a chicken.
-[rubber chicken squeaking]
782
00:34:10,083 --> 00:34:12,583
[gasps]
You're incredible!
783
00:34:12,667 --> 00:34:14,292
Were you using wires
or mirrors back here?
784
00:34:14,375 --> 00:34:16,667
-Now, could I have a volunteer?
-[Jack] Mm!
785
00:34:16,750 --> 00:34:18,500
This is so lame.
786
00:34:18,583 --> 00:34:20,583
[students laughing]
787
00:34:23,667 --> 00:34:25,667
[laughter continues]
788
00:34:27,125 --> 00:34:30,542
Jesus Christ.
Children are fucking sociopaths.
789
00:34:30,625 --> 00:34:32,625
[laughter echoing]
790
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:42,417
I didn't know you did magic.
You should have told me you did magic.
791
00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:44,917
I would have loved
to have seen some tricks.
792
00:34:45,958 --> 00:34:48,375
You know, back when we were friends.
793
00:34:49,958 --> 00:34:53,042
I miss those Wednesdays.
We'd all meet in the cafeteria
794
00:34:53,125 --> 00:34:54,208
-and play Wizard's Oath.
-Yes! Yes!
795
00:34:54,292 --> 00:34:56,333
-Okay, alright...
-[Montgomery] It was so fun.
796
00:34:56,417 --> 00:34:58,458
'Member how far we got?
We were about to storm
797
00:34:58,542 --> 00:35:02,208
the Fortress of Thalamir
and finally finish the game.
798
00:35:02,292 --> 00:35:05,250
But then, Lizzy ditched us.
799
00:35:05,333 --> 00:35:06,500
That's fucking good, dawg.
800
00:35:06,583 --> 00:35:09,125
I'll tell them I'm not
gonna fart in their faces,
801
00:35:09,208 --> 00:35:11,458
but then I totally will do that!
802
00:35:11,542 --> 00:35:14,083
Hang on.
I never ditched you guys.
803
00:35:14,167 --> 00:35:15,792
[Lizzy]
Don't say I ditched you.
804
00:35:15,875 --> 00:35:17,208
[student] Lizzy!
805
00:35:17,292 --> 00:35:20,208
Also, you're leaving out the part where
you sabotaged the whole football team.
806
00:35:20,292 --> 00:35:22,583
Oh, come on!
That was an accident!
807
00:35:22,667 --> 00:35:24,208
-Yeah, right.
-What the fuck?
808
00:35:24,292 --> 00:35:26,167
Wait. I can prove it.
809
00:35:26,250 --> 00:35:29,667
It was first semester.
I was king of the campus.
810
00:35:29,750 --> 00:35:33,708
A.K.A., I was the school mascot.
811
00:35:33,792 --> 00:35:36,125
So, per tradition,
I held the honor
812
00:35:36,208 --> 00:35:39,833
of leading the football team
in their annual naked run.
813
00:35:39,917 --> 00:35:41,542
Gentlemen!
814
00:35:42,833 --> 00:35:45,833
-Cheeks out!
-[players cheering]
815
00:35:46,708 --> 00:35:49,917
Have fun out there.
Just remember, stick to the path.
816
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,583
[Jack]
But I had bigger plans than the path.
817
00:35:52,667 --> 00:35:54,708
[player] Let's go! Paper it on three,
baby, one, two, three!
818
00:35:54,792 --> 00:35:56,792
[all players shouting]
819
00:35:56,875 --> 00:35:58,875
[overlapping chatter]
820
00:36:00,708 --> 00:36:03,042
[Jack]
Everyone hated Professor Quinn,
821
00:36:03,125 --> 00:36:07,667
so I figured they'd love me
if I made him spend his entire day
822
00:36:07,750 --> 00:36:10,500
-getting followed by 50 naked dicks.
-[players shouting]
823
00:36:10,583 --> 00:36:14,208
It was a flawless plan,
until the stupid professor
824
00:36:14,292 --> 00:36:18,125
-went off campus and ran directly by...
-[whistle blowing]
825
00:36:18,208 --> 00:36:20,333
...a police station during...
826
00:36:20,417 --> 00:36:23,042
Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
827
00:36:26,750 --> 00:36:30,042
Every single player got put
on the sex offender registry.
828
00:36:31,208 --> 00:36:32,417
That was that.
829
00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:35,000
-[Lizzy sighs]
-I was doing so well.
830
00:36:35,083 --> 00:36:37,583
I was making friends,
I was having fun.
831
00:36:37,667 --> 00:36:39,375
For once in my life,
people actually liked me.
832
00:36:39,458 --> 00:36:43,125
And then, poof, overnight, for no reason,
they all just turned on me.
833
00:36:43,208 --> 00:36:45,292
-Again, not me.
-Again, you don't count.
834
00:36:45,375 --> 00:36:48,292
No, but what do you mean "for no reason"?
I-I mean, you broke the rules.
835
00:36:48,375 --> 00:36:50,292
You, you were reckless
with the football team's dicks.
836
00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:52,833
I wasn't even think--
I wasn't thinking about the dicks.
837
00:36:52,917 --> 00:36:53,917
Well, that's my point.
838
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,417
Maybe you should have been
thinking about their dicks.
839
00:36:55,500 --> 00:36:57,250
Why are we even talking about dicks?
840
00:36:57,333 --> 00:36:59,375
I am the victim here.
Tell her, Montgomery.
841
00:36:59,458 --> 00:37:01,208
I mean, maybe you could stand to think
842
00:37:01,292 --> 00:37:03,708
a little bit more
about other people's dicks.
843
00:37:04,625 --> 00:37:07,208
-[Montgomery] Excuse me! Sorry! Whoo!
-[Jack] You guys don't fucking get it.
844
00:37:07,292 --> 00:37:08,542
[student] My yogurt!
845
00:37:10,042 --> 00:37:11,250
Wait. Wait! Oh!
846
00:37:11,333 --> 00:37:12,542
Whoo! [grunts]
847
00:37:14,625 --> 00:37:16,833
-Hi.
-Dude, you saved my ass!
848
00:37:16,917 --> 00:37:18,917
-You're welcome.
-[tin can clattering]
849
00:37:22,583 --> 00:37:25,667
What just happened?
Did I just interact with a memory?
850
00:37:26,500 --> 00:37:28,500
Montgomery, my man!
851
00:37:28,583 --> 00:37:30,083
This guy saved my ass earlier.
852
00:37:31,292 --> 00:37:33,500
Nice.
Can we use your window?
853
00:37:33,583 --> 00:37:35,417
Of course, yeah.
Come on in.
854
00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:37,292
Oh, let me go grab
your thing real quick.
855
00:37:37,375 --> 00:37:39,375
What? Did we change the past?
856
00:37:39,458 --> 00:37:41,083
How is that even
scientifically possible?
857
00:37:41,167 --> 00:37:42,708
I don't know.
You wanna disprove quantum theory
858
00:37:42,792 --> 00:37:44,208
or get a pizza?
Come on.
859
00:37:45,083 --> 00:37:47,917
Wait, wait. Uh, wh-wh-where
are you guys going?
860
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,792
-Nowhere. Eat shit.
-We're climbing down the scaffolding to...
861
00:37:49,875 --> 00:37:51,417
-Don't tell her.
-...get downstairs to get a pizza 'cause
862
00:37:51,500 --> 00:37:53,042
-that's the only way the drugs stop.
-Montgomery. Goddammit!
863
00:37:53,125 --> 00:37:54,417
Okay, great, let's go.
864
00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:57,208
'Scuse me?
You are not coming with us.
865
00:37:57,292 --> 00:37:59,667
You and Logan,
fucking fart Hitler,
866
00:37:59,750 --> 00:38:01,667
just used us as literal toilet paper.
867
00:38:01,750 --> 00:38:03,125
Well, I didn't. I just--
868
00:38:03,208 --> 00:38:04,833
Stood by and watched
like a good German?
869
00:38:04,917 --> 00:38:06,458
Honestly, that might be worse.
Right, Montgomery?
870
00:38:06,542 --> 00:38:08,417
I'd actually love if we use
a different metaphor.
871
00:38:08,500 --> 00:38:10,167
You guys can't just
leave me here, okay?
872
00:38:10,250 --> 00:38:12,708
Without my credit card,
my friends can't use the party bus.
873
00:38:12,792 --> 00:38:14,542
Oh, no!
You mean to tell me that Logan
874
00:38:14,625 --> 00:38:16,625
may have a slightly less fun night?
875
00:38:16,708 --> 00:38:17,875
Tough titty. Let's go.
876
00:38:17,958 --> 00:38:20,958
Okay.
Listen up, assholes.
877
00:38:21,042 --> 00:38:22,792
If you guys don't let me come with you,
878
00:38:22,875 --> 00:38:25,708
I'm gonna make sure
Logan sharts on you next time.
879
00:38:25,792 --> 00:38:28,208
-[both gasp]
-Not fart. Shart.
880
00:38:28,292 --> 00:38:31,250
To get that stain out,
you won't just need soap,
881
00:38:31,333 --> 00:38:32,958
you'll need therapy.
882
00:38:33,042 --> 00:38:35,792
Okay, guys, come on.
We need to work together.
883
00:38:36,542 --> 00:38:37,542
Now, what do you say?
884
00:38:38,542 --> 00:38:40,292
-Fuck no.
-You want to hold hands?
885
00:38:40,375 --> 00:38:44,667
Yeah. It boosts endorphins
and supports cooperative thinking.
886
00:38:44,750 --> 00:38:46,083
Here's this back.
887
00:38:46,167 --> 00:38:48,000
This shit is wild.
888
00:38:48,083 --> 00:38:49,750
Wait, how did you get--
889
00:38:49,833 --> 00:38:52,250
Hope you don't mind I took one.
Those five phases were so fun.
890
00:38:52,333 --> 00:38:54,208
Oh, you mean six phases?
891
00:38:54,292 --> 00:38:56,750
Oh, there's a sixth phase?
What is it?
892
00:38:57,792 --> 00:39:00,792
[Montgomery/Jack]
Uh, I don't know.
893
00:39:00,875 --> 00:39:03,375
[♪ ominous music playing]
894
00:39:03,458 --> 00:39:04,458
No.
895
00:39:06,250 --> 00:39:08,750
Oh, God, no.
[whimpering]
896
00:39:09,458 --> 00:39:13,208
It's a mall Santa holding a chainsaw!
897
00:39:13,292 --> 00:39:14,833
Mall Santa?
898
00:39:14,917 --> 00:39:16,625
-[screaming]
-[all exclaiming]
899
00:39:16,708 --> 00:39:18,208
-Oh!
-Oh, my God!
900
00:39:18,292 --> 00:39:21,000
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
[screaming]
901
00:39:21,083 --> 00:39:23,708
Oh, fuck!
902
00:39:23,792 --> 00:39:25,500
[whimpering]
903
00:39:25,583 --> 00:39:27,208
[screaming]
904
00:39:28,167 --> 00:39:30,333
Now, what? What?
905
00:39:30,417 --> 00:39:31,833
How the fuck is he levitating?
906
00:39:31,917 --> 00:39:33,750
Oh, dear God.
[exclaiming]
907
00:39:33,833 --> 00:39:35,917
-[chainsaw starting]
-No, Santa!
908
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,458
-[chainsaw revving]
-I promise! I've been good!
909
00:39:38,542 --> 00:39:40,125
-[chainsaw buzzing]
-[screaming]
910
00:39:40,208 --> 00:39:42,375
[screaming]
911
00:39:42,458 --> 00:39:45,667
-[♪ haunting Christmas music playing]
-Kill me!
912
00:39:47,500 --> 00:39:49,708
-[♪ music stops]
-[chainsaw stops buzzing]
913
00:39:52,542 --> 00:39:54,542
We gotta get that fucking pizza.
914
00:39:56,875 --> 00:40:00,708
[Snackatron] What is up, my dude?
Good to meet a fellow delivery unit.
915
00:40:00,792 --> 00:40:03,750
-What is your name?
-What the fuck?
916
00:40:03,833 --> 00:40:05,458
- [Snackatron] Hello...
-[delivery person] What the fuck?
917
00:40:05,542 --> 00:40:08,750
[Snackatron] Do you also delight
in satisfying customers?
918
00:40:08,833 --> 00:40:10,042
I do.
919
00:40:10,125 --> 00:40:12,625
When I receive a rating of five stars,
920
00:40:12,708 --> 00:40:16,500
my circuits surge
with digital euphoria.
921
00:40:16,583 --> 00:40:19,833
But to receive anything less is failure.
922
00:40:19,917 --> 00:40:21,208
Doom.
923
00:40:21,292 --> 00:40:23,500
Oblivion.
924
00:40:25,250 --> 00:40:26,667
What the fuck?
925
00:40:26,750 --> 00:40:29,458
[Snackatron]
Yes, and I am Snackatron.
926
00:40:29,542 --> 00:40:31,083
[Jack]
Alright, let's climb down.
927
00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:33,792
[grunting]
The scaffolding is shaky as shit.
928
00:40:33,875 --> 00:40:35,958
We should probably go
one at a time.
929
00:40:36,042 --> 00:40:37,917
Ooh!
I almost biffed it.
930
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,458
-[Jack grunting]
-[rapid clicking]
931
00:40:40,542 --> 00:40:42,375
[Montgomery]
Hey, is that a WorryWart?
932
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:45,917
Oh, um, yeah.
933
00:40:48,458 --> 00:40:51,458
They're great, right?
Not the newer models.
934
00:40:51,542 --> 00:40:53,958
They kinda suck
'cause they added too many doodads.
935
00:40:54,042 --> 00:40:55,667
It's, like, six more sides,
it's terrible.
936
00:40:56,625 --> 00:40:59,250
But, you know, if you need
any other recs, let me know.
937
00:40:59,333 --> 00:41:02,542
Like, for example,
when I'm really freaking out,
938
00:41:02,625 --> 00:41:05,417
it helps when someone
grabs my right earlobe
939
00:41:05,500 --> 00:41:07,125
and blows on my nose.
940
00:41:09,083 --> 00:41:10,417
Um, listen.
941
00:41:11,250 --> 00:41:13,583
I just want to say, I...
942
00:41:13,667 --> 00:41:15,833
I didn't ditch you guys.
I just-- You were like my--
943
00:41:15,917 --> 00:41:17,000
No, I get it.
944
00:41:17,083 --> 00:41:18,625
You got to go with the alphas.
945
00:41:18,708 --> 00:41:20,667
I'm actually becoming
an alpha myself.
946
00:41:20,750 --> 00:41:22,625
-[shrieks]
-Ah! What?! What?
947
00:41:22,708 --> 00:41:23,708
[exhales] Oh.
948
00:41:24,667 --> 00:41:26,667
-N-Nothing happened.
-Oh, yeah.
949
00:41:26,750 --> 00:41:29,583
No, I know.
I just thought, like, something might.
950
00:41:30,625 --> 00:41:32,708
[both sigh and chuckle]
951
00:41:32,792 --> 00:41:34,667
Anyhow. Cheers.
952
00:41:38,958 --> 00:41:39,958
-[Jack] Guys!
-[shrieks]
953
00:41:40,042 --> 00:41:41,792
[Jack]
Get down here!
954
00:41:41,875 --> 00:41:43,875
[people chattering]
955
00:41:43,958 --> 00:41:46,958
[♪ upbeat music playing]
956
00:41:51,167 --> 00:41:52,375
Whoa.
957
00:41:52,458 --> 00:41:54,875
It's the pajama party.
958
00:41:54,958 --> 00:41:56,375
[Jack] You guys think
they have Jell-O shots?
959
00:41:56,458 --> 00:41:57,458
[Lizzy] Who cares?
960
00:41:57,542 --> 00:41:58,542
[Ashley] Montgomery!
961
00:41:59,417 --> 00:42:00,833
-Montgomery!
-[Montgomery] Oh, my God.
962
00:42:00,917 --> 00:42:03,958
-Ashley's here.
-Montgomery! Come meet my friends!
963
00:42:04,042 --> 00:42:05,292
-What should I do?
-Nothing.
964
00:42:05,375 --> 00:42:06,708
-Should I go talk to her?
-[Jack] No.
965
00:42:06,792 --> 00:42:08,208
-[Lizzy] Montgomery.
-Come on, we have a fucking mission.
966
00:42:08,292 --> 00:42:09,500
Okay, I won't.
967
00:42:11,792 --> 00:42:14,125
I-I'm not gonna go talk to her,
I'm just gonna go talk to her.
968
00:42:14,208 --> 00:42:15,625
-Get the fuck back over here.
-Montgomery.
969
00:42:15,708 --> 00:42:16,917
-Wish me luck.
-[both] No!
970
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,083
-Bad luck, you fucker. There he goes.
-[Lizzy] Fuck.
971
00:42:19,167 --> 00:42:22,208
I'm honestly a little proud of him.
Any other night, this would be great.
972
00:42:24,167 --> 00:42:25,583
Wait, whose dorm is this?
973
00:42:25,667 --> 00:42:29,000
[♪ upbeat music continues playing]
974
00:42:29,083 --> 00:42:30,708
This is a football party.
975
00:42:30,792 --> 00:42:33,542
Yo, we got kegs, beer pong,
and I'm legally required
976
00:42:33,625 --> 00:42:36,125
to tell you I'm a registered sex offender.
977
00:42:36,208 --> 00:42:38,583
[Lizzy] It's fine. Let's just keep moving
and get to the pizza.
978
00:42:39,625 --> 00:42:40,625
Jack?
979
00:42:40,708 --> 00:42:43,542
Come in, come in, come in.
Guys, this is Montgomery.
980
00:42:43,625 --> 00:42:45,208
Montgomery, this is my band.
981
00:42:45,292 --> 00:42:48,083
Oh, hi.
Nice to meet you guys.
982
00:42:48,167 --> 00:42:50,708
-[snarling]
-'Kay.
983
00:42:50,792 --> 00:42:53,042
So, what type of music
do you guys play?
984
00:42:53,125 --> 00:42:55,417
-We play folk music.
-Oh, my gosh, I love folk.
985
00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:58,458
Yeah? Here. Flyers.
[chuckles]
986
00:42:59,083 --> 00:43:01,292
-Oh.
-Well, I guess technically, it's new wave,
987
00:43:01,375 --> 00:43:04,042
non-consensual Death Metal Folk.
988
00:43:04,125 --> 00:43:05,583
Uh, what type of instruments is that?
989
00:43:05,667 --> 00:43:08,292
So, George plays guitar,
Simon's on horns,
990
00:43:08,375 --> 00:43:10,583
Tina's on drums,
and I play Dudley.
991
00:43:10,667 --> 00:43:12,333
[muffled]
Nice to meet you.
992
00:43:12,417 --> 00:43:14,333
-You play Dudley?
-Yeah.
993
00:43:14,417 --> 00:43:17,667
I hook him up to this machine
that simulates the pains of childbirth,
994
00:43:17,750 --> 00:43:20,750
and then I create harmonies
from his extracted screams.
995
00:43:21,833 --> 00:43:23,458
-Fantastic.
-Yeah.
996
00:43:23,542 --> 00:43:25,750
-Hey!
-Ah! Oh, it's you. Okay.
997
00:43:25,833 --> 00:43:27,167
What are you doing under here?
Come on, let's go.
998
00:43:27,250 --> 00:43:28,875
Are you nuts?
999
00:43:28,958 --> 00:43:31,792
These animals will eat me alive.
No, I'm staying right here.
1000
00:43:31,875 --> 00:43:33,708
Fine, whatever.
I'll just go figure out a way
1001
00:43:33,792 --> 00:43:35,042
to get this pizza without you.
1002
00:43:35,125 --> 00:43:37,292
Great, good.
Just go ditch us again.
1003
00:43:37,375 --> 00:43:39,458
-Can you just stop with that, okay?
-Oh.
1004
00:43:39,542 --> 00:43:41,042
-Because I didn't ditch you guys.
-No?
1005
00:43:41,125 --> 00:43:42,875
You were like
my first-month-of-school friends,
1006
00:43:42,958 --> 00:43:45,125
and then I found my real friends,
and it happens to everyone.
1007
00:43:45,208 --> 00:43:46,208
Your real friends?
1008
00:43:46,292 --> 00:43:47,625
-Yes.
-Give me a fucking break.
1009
00:43:47,708 --> 00:43:49,417
They don't like you,
they like your credit card.
1010
00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:50,583
-[gasps]
-[gasps mockingly]
1011
00:43:50,667 --> 00:43:52,125
You have no idea
what you're talking about.
1012
00:43:52,208 --> 00:43:55,083
You're just jealous
because you're you...
1013
00:43:55,167 --> 00:43:57,375
[in Lizzy's voice] ...and I'm
[in Jack's voice] me.
1014
00:43:59,458 --> 00:44:00,667
What just happened to my voice?
1015
00:44:02,667 --> 00:44:04,875
And why am I looking at me?
1016
00:44:06,958 --> 00:44:07,958
Oh.
1017
00:44:08,500 --> 00:44:09,708
Oh, my God.
1018
00:44:09,792 --> 00:44:12,167
Am I in your body?
1019
00:44:13,083 --> 00:44:16,083
[♪ "Also Sprach Zarathustra"
by Richard Strauss playing]
1020
00:44:17,583 --> 00:44:20,250
I don't know if you know this,
but I recently became an alpha.
1021
00:44:20,333 --> 00:44:23,042
-[thud]
-Oh, nice! Is this the coke room?
1022
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,167
[grunting] Whoops.
Sorry about that.
1023
00:44:26,750 --> 00:44:29,917
Anyhow, like I was saying,
I hate soy boy beta cucks.
1024
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,000
Did you just apologize to him?
1025
00:44:33,542 --> 00:44:35,458
Yeah. I mean, no. I mean--
1026
00:44:35,542 --> 00:44:37,417
Okay, I think I'm just
gonna go hang out
1027
00:44:37,500 --> 00:44:38,750
-with my friends.
-Wait, uh...
1028
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:43,417
[Ashley] Montgomery?
1029
00:44:44,625 --> 00:44:47,250
-[♪ gentle flute music playing]
-[Montgomery] Huh?
1030
00:44:47,333 --> 00:44:50,667
What's going on? Where am I?
1031
00:44:50,750 --> 00:44:53,708
Wait. Oh, my God!
Am I...?
1032
00:44:53,792 --> 00:44:54,792
[♪ dramatic music sting]
1033
00:44:54,875 --> 00:44:56,833
[high-pitched voice]
What the fuck is this fucking drug?
1034
00:44:56,917 --> 00:44:59,917
[♪ party music thumping]
1035
00:45:02,708 --> 00:45:03,708
Are you okay?
1036
00:45:03,792 --> 00:45:06,083
[deep voice]
I crave nectar.
1037
00:45:06,958 --> 00:45:07,958
Sorry?
1038
00:45:08,042 --> 00:45:13,500
I... crave... nectar.
1039
00:45:14,208 --> 00:45:16,958
Jack, did you paint
your fingernails with Sharpie?
1040
00:45:17,042 --> 00:45:19,167
-Shut up, they look great.
-What's wrong with you?
1041
00:45:19,250 --> 00:45:20,583
Yo.
1042
00:45:20,667 --> 00:45:22,583
-Lizzy?
-[Jack, as Lizzy] Yeah?
1043
00:45:22,667 --> 00:45:24,208
Hm?
1044
00:45:24,292 --> 00:45:26,500
I'm not talking to you.
Lizzy.
1045
00:45:26,583 --> 00:45:28,667
-What?
-Stop it.
1046
00:45:28,750 --> 00:45:31,833
Dude, what are you doing
down here with freak-ass face?
1047
00:45:31,917 --> 00:45:36,542
[laughing] Actually, I'm hanging out
with him because he fucking rules.
1048
00:45:36,625 --> 00:45:38,917
No! No, you don't think that.
You think I blow.
1049
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,250
-No, I don't.
-Yeah, you do.
1050
00:45:40,333 --> 00:45:41,583
-No, I don't.
-Yeah, you do.
1051
00:45:41,667 --> 00:45:44,292
No, I don't, and I really
wouldn't call his face freak-ass.
1052
00:45:44,375 --> 00:45:45,875
I would call it distinguished.
1053
00:45:45,958 --> 00:45:47,375
And I don't know why
people keep saying that.
1054
00:45:47,458 --> 00:45:48,667
Yeah, you fucker, you do.
1055
00:45:48,750 --> 00:45:50,208
You think people should spit in my face.
1056
00:45:50,292 --> 00:45:51,500
-Spit in my face.
-[spitting]
1057
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:53,917
Thank you.
1058
00:45:54,667 --> 00:45:58,417
'Kay. Well, we're over by the bar.
Come hang.
1059
00:45:59,583 --> 00:46:01,042
What are you waiting for?
Go hang.
1060
00:46:01,125 --> 00:46:02,625
I'm not hanging out
with those assholes.
1061
00:46:02,708 --> 00:46:05,625
You go to them,
or... I will rip your dick off!
1062
00:46:05,708 --> 00:46:08,875
Oh, you touch my dick,
I will piss your skort.
1063
00:46:08,958 --> 00:46:11,042
[Tiffany]
Lizzy! Jell-O shots!
1064
00:46:11,125 --> 00:46:14,125
[♪ entrancing music playing]
1065
00:46:15,458 --> 00:46:17,208
-Okay, fine.
-Yes. Thank you.
1066
00:46:17,292 --> 00:46:19,250
-But you owe me one.
-Sure.
1067
00:46:19,333 --> 00:46:21,625
Just make me look good, please.
Please.
1068
00:46:21,708 --> 00:46:23,542
-'Kay.
-Yeah, no shit.
1069
00:46:23,625 --> 00:46:26,208
-What's up, sluts?
-God, Jack.
1070
00:46:26,292 --> 00:46:29,208
-[groaning]
-Let's do some Jell-O shots!
1071
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:31,917
Hey, dude, could you grab that ball?
1072
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:35,125
Also, I am legally required to inform you
I'm a registered sex offender.
1073
00:46:35,208 --> 00:46:36,208
Huh?
1074
00:46:36,292 --> 00:46:38,208
Wait. It's you!
1075
00:46:38,292 --> 00:46:39,792
It's me?
Oh, fuck, it's me.
1076
00:46:39,875 --> 00:46:42,042
Oh, fuck!
Ah, my purse!
1077
00:46:42,125 --> 00:46:45,125
[♪ electronic classical music playing]
1078
00:46:47,917 --> 00:46:50,708
[Montgomery, as Lysander]
This can't be real. This can't be real.
1079
00:46:50,792 --> 00:46:53,625
I can't see shit.
This face sucks!
1080
00:46:53,708 --> 00:46:56,542
[♪ music intensifying]
1081
00:46:56,625 --> 00:46:58,083
[Montgomery, as Lysander]
Whoa! 'Scuse me.
1082
00:46:58,167 --> 00:46:59,417
I shall have nectar!
1083
00:47:01,042 --> 00:47:03,167
[Montgomery, as Lysander] I hope
Lysander's being responsible with my body.
1084
00:47:03,250 --> 00:47:04,458
Hey, man, do a bump.
1085
00:47:06,833 --> 00:47:08,042
Nectar!
1086
00:47:08,958 --> 00:47:10,333
[Montgomery, as Lysander]
Where are the stairs?!
1087
00:47:13,042 --> 00:47:17,667
[friends chanting]
Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy!
1088
00:47:17,750 --> 00:47:19,125
Ow! Ow!
1089
00:47:19,208 --> 00:47:21,417
-Ow! Ow!
-Yo, yo, yo. Hey, yo.
1090
00:47:21,500 --> 00:47:23,833
-What are you doing?
-Oh, Logan, thank God.
1091
00:47:23,917 --> 00:47:26,125
-You gotta hit him way harder than that.
-[groaning] Huh?
1092
00:47:26,208 --> 00:47:27,917
You gotta lean into it.
Use your back.
1093
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,208
-Ow!
-[Logan] Yes!
1094
00:47:29,292 --> 00:47:31,458
-That's that shit I'm talkin' 'bout, baby!
-[Jack] Ow!
1095
00:47:31,542 --> 00:47:33,750
[Montgomery, as Lysander]
Oh, come on. Where are the--
1096
00:47:33,833 --> 00:47:35,583
Stairs! [panting]
1097
00:47:35,667 --> 00:47:39,417
How does Lysander
do this all the time?
1098
00:47:39,500 --> 00:47:40,917
I gotta take a break.
1099
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,208
-[panting]
-[voice] Eyes front.
1100
00:47:42,292 --> 00:47:44,500
[Montgomery, as Lysander]
Wait, that voice. Is that...?
1101
00:47:45,792 --> 00:47:49,000
Advisors, prepare yourselves.
1102
00:47:49,083 --> 00:47:51,417
Just down that hall...
1103
00:47:52,583 --> 00:47:54,583
there is a pajama party.
1104
00:47:54,667 --> 00:47:55,875
[Montgomery, as Lysander]
Oh no.
1105
00:47:55,958 --> 00:48:00,375
And in it,
are the remaining students on our list.
1106
00:48:01,042 --> 00:48:02,083
[Montgomery, as Lysander]
List?
1107
00:48:02,167 --> 00:48:06,792
This list contains the name
of every student in this dorm
1108
00:48:06,875 --> 00:48:08,792
that has made our lives a living hell.
1109
00:48:08,875 --> 00:48:10,375
[Montgomery, as Lysander]
Alright, let me see. [gasps]
1110
00:48:10,458 --> 00:48:12,458
What?! No! Holy shit!
1111
00:48:13,292 --> 00:48:17,125
Did you also just hear the tiniest voice
in the world say, "Holy shit"? [chuckles]
1112
00:48:18,208 --> 00:48:19,750
We move quickly.
1113
00:48:19,833 --> 00:48:23,833
We confiscate their phones,
unlock them with our secret weapon,
1114
00:48:23,917 --> 00:48:27,208
and then use them to submit
a very specific housing request...
1115
00:48:28,208 --> 00:48:32,208
to transfer them
to the worst dorm at this school.
1116
00:48:32,292 --> 00:48:33,458
[Montgomery, as Lysander]
[gasps] What?!
1117
00:48:33,542 --> 00:48:35,167
I'm of course talking about...
1118
00:48:36,667 --> 00:48:38,500
Gralk Hall.
1119
00:48:39,042 --> 00:48:40,042
[bird cawing]
1120
00:48:40,125 --> 00:48:45,208
Located four hours away
on a satellite campus forgotten by God.
1121
00:48:45,292 --> 00:48:47,167
[thunder crashing]
1122
00:48:47,250 --> 00:48:51,083
Lit by candle,
plumbed by aqueduct,
1123
00:48:51,167 --> 00:48:55,333
and heated by the bitter breath
of unheard prayers.
1124
00:48:55,417 --> 00:48:59,167
Gralk is a cemetery
for the living.
1125
00:48:59,250 --> 00:49:02,250
-[thundering]
-It turns even the good kids
1126
00:49:02,333 --> 00:49:05,333
into unforgiving feral beasts.
1127
00:49:05,417 --> 00:49:08,042
-[growling and snarling]
-[yelling]
1128
00:49:10,667 --> 00:49:16,500
[Blake] [singing]
♪ Banished to Gralk, the kids fade fast ♪
1129
00:49:16,583 --> 00:49:20,208
♪ Each breath more distant ♪
1130
00:49:20,292 --> 00:49:22,917
♪ Than the last ♪
1131
00:49:23,583 --> 00:49:26,833
♪ Their lives are over ♪
1132
00:49:26,917 --> 00:49:30,167
♪ They never call ♪
1133
00:49:30,250 --> 00:49:33,250
♪ Forgotten names ♪
1134
00:49:33,333 --> 00:49:37,958
♪ Inside Gralk Hall ♪
1135
00:49:39,958 --> 00:49:42,375
Sorry.
I, like, totally blacked out.
1136
00:49:42,458 --> 00:49:44,042
[giggles]
Could you repeat that?
1137
00:49:44,125 --> 00:49:46,667
Go away!
We don't like you, okay?
1138
00:49:46,750 --> 00:49:48,083
Go anywhere else but here.
1139
00:49:48,167 --> 00:49:49,417
For sure.
1140
00:49:49,500 --> 00:49:51,917
The rest of you... let's move out.
1141
00:49:53,583 --> 00:49:55,917
[Montgomery, as Lysander] Oh, God!
I gotta get back! I gotta warn him!
1142
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:57,708
Yeah, I ordered everything off the menu.
1143
00:49:57,792 --> 00:49:59,917
Got the flank steak,
got the hanger steak,
1144
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:01,417
-got the filet mignon...
-[Montgomery] Nectar!
1145
00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:03,125
-...got the duck confit, got the gumbo...
-[Montgomery inhaling deeply]
1146
00:50:03,208 --> 00:50:05,208
...got the milkshake,
chocolate and vanilla--
1147
00:50:05,292 --> 00:50:08,083
Hey, what the fuck, man?
Who the fuck are you?
1148
00:50:09,125 --> 00:50:12,375
I am Lysander Featherhelm,
third of his name,
1149
00:50:12,458 --> 00:50:14,500
Lord of the Syracuse Meadows.
1150
00:50:14,583 --> 00:50:16,917
I serve the one God Montgomery,
1151
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,792
and I shall have my nectar!
1152
00:50:19,875 --> 00:50:21,625
-[fabric tearing]
-[shrieking]
1153
00:50:24,917 --> 00:50:26,333
What the fuck?!
1154
00:50:30,625 --> 00:50:32,250
[Jack, as Lizzy]
I'm not Jack!
1155
00:50:32,333 --> 00:50:35,208
-Yes! Yes!
-Ow! [groans]
1156
00:50:35,292 --> 00:50:38,167
Oh! Oh, shit.
Yo, I gotta bounce.
1157
00:50:38,250 --> 00:50:40,125
-The party bus is here.
-Wait! You need Lizzy, you need Lizzy!
1158
00:50:40,208 --> 00:50:41,417
She's right over there.
She's right over there.
1159
00:50:41,500 --> 00:50:42,750
[friends chanting]
Lizzy! Lizzy!
1160
00:50:42,833 --> 00:50:44,167
Shit. Yes.
1161
00:50:44,250 --> 00:50:47,500
Guess we need her credit card.
Ugh! Whatever.
1162
00:50:47,583 --> 00:50:50,417
-She'll meet us there.
-[friends] Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy!
1163
00:50:50,500 --> 00:50:54,542
-Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy!
-Yes! I rule the sch--
1164
00:50:54,625 --> 00:50:57,667
--ool! Oh, fuck.
Ow!
1165
00:50:57,750 --> 00:50:59,417
Lizzy! Lizzy!
1166
00:50:59,500 --> 00:51:02,667
[♪ ominous choir music playing]
1167
00:51:02,750 --> 00:51:06,208
[Montgomery, as Lysander] [panting]
Come on, Montgomery. Fly! Fly!
1168
00:51:06,292 --> 00:51:08,792
-[grunting]
-Oh, my God. Montgomery? Are you okay?
1169
00:51:08,875 --> 00:51:11,625
Yeah. [hiccups, burps]
Wait, what did I do?
1170
00:51:14,125 --> 00:51:17,042
Ugh! Ew.
1171
00:51:17,125 --> 00:51:19,333
[vent whirring]
1172
00:51:19,417 --> 00:51:20,500
Disgusting.
1173
00:51:20,583 --> 00:51:21,792
[Ashley] Okay, wow.
1174
00:51:21,875 --> 00:51:23,542
I mean, that was kind of incredible.
1175
00:51:23,625 --> 00:51:25,042
[chuckles] Yeah.
Wait, what was?
1176
00:51:25,125 --> 00:51:27,000
You dominated that guy.
1177
00:51:27,083 --> 00:51:28,167
-It--
-I, I don't know. I'm sorry.
1178
00:51:28,250 --> 00:51:29,708
Actually, I gotta go.
But nice seeing you!
1179
00:51:29,792 --> 00:51:31,792
-Hang later, bye!
-Oh, okay, well, uh, see you later!
1180
00:51:35,255 --> 00:51:36,250
[groans]
1181
00:51:36,333 --> 00:51:39,708
So, thanks for making me look good.
1182
00:51:39,792 --> 00:51:41,500
-I owe you one.
-You owe me two.
1183
00:51:41,583 --> 00:51:43,083
-One.
-One and a half?
1184
00:51:43,167 --> 00:51:44,333
Zero.
1185
00:51:44,417 --> 00:51:45,833
-One.
-Deal.
1186
00:51:45,917 --> 00:51:47,208
Oh! Oh, my God.
1187
00:51:47,292 --> 00:51:48,417
-What?
-They're outside.
1188
00:51:48,500 --> 00:51:50,208
-Who?
-They're kicking kids to Gralk Hall.
1189
00:51:50,292 --> 00:51:51,833
-Who is?
-We gotta get outta here.
1190
00:51:51,917 --> 00:51:53,917
-What are you talking about, man?
-Am I on cocaine?
1191
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,625
-[knocking]
-Hide.
1192
00:51:56,708 --> 00:51:58,500
-[♪ ominous music playing]
-RAs!
1193
00:51:58,583 --> 00:52:02,208
-[partiers screaming]
-Room check!
1194
00:52:02,292 --> 00:52:04,292
[indistinct chatter]
1195
00:52:07,333 --> 00:52:10,000
-[partiers screaming]
-[grunts]
1196
00:52:10,083 --> 00:52:11,500
Oh, I can't believe
that fucking worked.
1197
00:52:11,583 --> 00:52:13,167
Is someone there?
No, please!
1198
00:52:13,250 --> 00:52:15,042
I'm stuck in here!
You gotta help me!
1199
00:52:15,125 --> 00:52:17,042
I'm gonna go fucking crazy!
1200
00:52:18,500 --> 00:52:19,708
-Oh, shit!
-Oh! RAs!
1201
00:52:19,792 --> 00:52:21,458
-[Jack] In here.
-[Lizzy] Go, go, go, go, go.
1202
00:52:21,542 --> 00:52:23,375
[Montgomery]
Shut it, shut it, shut it!
1203
00:52:23,958 --> 00:52:25,708
Monty, what the hell is going on?
1204
00:52:25,792 --> 00:52:28,167
The RAs are taking people's phones
and using them
1205
00:52:28,250 --> 00:52:32,167
to request room transfers to Gralk Hall,
and our names are on the list!
1206
00:52:32,250 --> 00:52:34,458
Fuck!
If we get sent to Gralk Hall,
1207
00:52:34,542 --> 00:52:36,583
it won't even matter
if we stop this drug.
1208
00:52:36,667 --> 00:52:38,458
I mean, what life
will we even have left to live?
1209
00:52:38,542 --> 00:52:41,208
I know!
Ashley will never date me,
1210
00:52:41,292 --> 00:52:44,042
I'll probably get scurvy,
and they don't have any single rooms.
1211
00:52:44,125 --> 00:52:45,542
[Lizzy] What about me?
1212
00:52:45,625 --> 00:52:48,208
If I get sent to Gralk, then Logan
will probably never talk to me again.
1213
00:52:48,292 --> 00:52:50,042
Oh, this again.
At least you'll survive.
1214
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:52,500
These kids are gonna rip me apart
like a pack of wild dogs.
1215
00:52:52,583 --> 00:52:55,417
Let's just focus up.
The RAs need our phones, right?
1216
00:52:55,500 --> 00:52:57,875
So, we just need to get the pizza
and get out of the dorms,
1217
00:52:57,958 --> 00:53:01,417
and then we won't get chainsawed
or Gralked.
1218
00:53:01,500 --> 00:53:04,542
Okay? And in the meantime,
we'll just hide here in the...
1219
00:53:04,625 --> 00:53:06,375
[♪ dramatic musical sting]
1220
00:53:06,458 --> 00:53:07,542
Oh, no.
1221
00:53:07,625 --> 00:53:09,708
[Sidney] Just grabbing something from
the meeting room, I'll be right there.
1222
00:53:09,792 --> 00:53:11,292
-Cremble sauce!
-Language.
1223
00:53:11,375 --> 00:53:12,375
[whispers]
How do we get outta here?
1224
00:53:13,542 --> 00:53:14,958
Vent!
We go through the vent.
1225
00:53:15,042 --> 00:53:16,375
-You wanna crawl through the vent?
-Are you insane?
1226
00:53:16,458 --> 00:53:17,833
-We're not crawling into a vent.
-What are you talking about?
1227
00:53:17,917 --> 00:53:19,167
We need to think of something realistic.
1228
00:53:19,500 --> 00:53:22,042
[Sidney]
Don't have too much fun without me!
1229
00:53:22,125 --> 00:53:24,750
[chuckles, groans]
1230
00:53:26,333 --> 00:53:28,167
You are blowing it!
1231
00:53:29,250 --> 00:53:30,875
Pull yourself together, Sidney.
1232
00:53:33,458 --> 00:53:36,292
-Hi.
-Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
1233
00:53:36,375 --> 00:53:38,125
I didn't realize there were
other people in here.
1234
00:53:38,208 --> 00:53:40,292
Uh, I'm Sidney.
I'm new here.
1235
00:53:40,375 --> 00:53:41,792
-Still meeting all the RAs.
-[Lizzy] Hi.
1236
00:53:41,875 --> 00:53:42,917
-[Jack] How's it going?
-[Montgomery] Good tidings.
1237
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,375
-Uh, well, we really-- We gotta get going.
-[Jack] Mm.
1238
00:53:45,458 --> 00:53:47,917
Oh, actually, do you mind
if I ask you some questions?
1239
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,000
I'm having kind of
a hard time fitting in.
1240
00:53:50,083 --> 00:53:52,875
Ooh, we really,
really gotta go, though.
1241
00:53:54,375 --> 00:53:57,125
Yeah, it's, um-- Obviously,
things are, like, crazy right now.
1242
00:53:57,208 --> 00:53:59,625
You guys probably have
official RA duties to do, right?
1243
00:53:59,708 --> 00:54:01,500
-[warbling]
-No.
1244
00:54:03,083 --> 00:54:05,500
I mean, no.
What?!
1245
00:54:05,583 --> 00:54:07,375
-Hm?
-Sorry about him.
1246
00:54:07,458 --> 00:54:10,625
What he means to say is no.
1247
00:54:10,708 --> 00:54:12,167
No. No.
1248
00:54:12,250 --> 00:54:15,125
Look, the truth is...
[struggling]
1249
00:54:15,208 --> 00:54:17,417
no, we don't have
any RA duties.
1250
00:54:18,333 --> 00:54:21,292
Great. So, we can talk.
Let's grab a seat.
1251
00:54:21,833 --> 00:54:24,250
[lights zapping]
1252
00:54:25,542 --> 00:54:27,542
[gavel banging]
1253
00:54:27,625 --> 00:54:32,000
So, I just started, and I feel like
everyone's mad at me, you know?
1254
00:54:32,083 --> 00:54:35,000
But I don't know why, 'cause I'm trying
really hard and being nice.
1255
00:54:35,083 --> 00:54:38,458
And I guess I'm just looking for ways
to connect with the other RAs.
1256
00:54:38,542 --> 00:54:41,708
Um, like, you know,
what do you guys do in your free time?
1257
00:54:41,792 --> 00:54:43,583
Oh, not much.
Sometimes I Google,
1258
00:54:43,667 --> 00:54:45,375
"Is my penis foreskin too long?"
1259
00:54:47,208 --> 00:54:48,208
[Sidney] Hm.
1260
00:54:49,833 --> 00:54:51,333
Yeah. Well.
1261
00:54:51,417 --> 00:54:53,292
I guess I meant more like
communal activities.
1262
00:54:53,375 --> 00:54:55,708
Like, do you guys go to the gym together
or exercise, or--
1263
00:54:55,792 --> 00:54:58,125
I only go to the gym to sneak peeks
at other guys' foreskin
1264
00:54:58,208 --> 00:55:00,292
to see if mine
is way longer than normal.
1265
00:55:00,917 --> 00:55:02,125
[whispering] What the fuck?
1266
00:55:02,708 --> 00:55:03,708
[Sidney] Totally.
1267
00:55:03,792 --> 00:55:06,250
Um, I'm just gonna pivot away
from the moment you're having,
1268
00:55:06,333 --> 00:55:07,917
and I'll pop it over to you.
1269
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:09,750
-Pass.
-No, can't pass.
1270
00:55:09,833 --> 00:55:11,667
Just trying to see
if we're into the same things.
1271
00:55:11,750 --> 00:55:13,250
Like, what'd you do last Saturday?
1272
00:55:13,333 --> 00:55:15,875
Oh, nothing really.
I had breakfast,
1273
00:55:15,958 --> 00:55:17,708
and then I got banned
from OldBuffDaddies.com
1274
00:55:17,792 --> 00:55:19,458
for violating their terms of service.
1275
00:55:20,750 --> 00:55:24,375
I don't want to ask,
but I need to know.
1276
00:55:24,458 --> 00:55:26,083
-What'd you do?
-I tried to pay a prostitute
1277
00:55:26,167 --> 00:55:29,250
to impersonate my father
and pay me compliments.
1278
00:55:30,625 --> 00:55:33,042
Okay, feel like I need to change
how I'm asking the questions.
1279
00:55:33,125 --> 00:55:35,583
I'm not talking about weird stuff
you've done on the internet.
1280
00:55:35,667 --> 00:55:37,458
More like, "What's something
you've done today?"
1281
00:55:37,542 --> 00:55:39,875
I purchased a pill that's reported
to shrink foreskins by 35%.
1282
00:55:39,958 --> 00:55:41,167
-I'm done talking to ya.
-Thank God.
1283
00:55:41,250 --> 00:55:42,667
-Maybe I'm talking to you.
-Pass.
1284
00:55:42,750 --> 00:55:44,292
-There's no passing.
-But I'm a woman.
1285
00:55:44,375 --> 00:55:46,083
-That won't work on me.
-There should be passing.
1286
00:55:46,167 --> 00:55:47,958
-I didn't pass.
-I'm not talking to you.
1287
00:55:48,042 --> 00:55:50,458
-Please don't.
-[Sidney] Alright, you, blonde girl.
1288
00:55:50,542 --> 00:55:51,667
What have you done today?
1289
00:55:51,750 --> 00:55:53,500
I got my nails done.
1290
00:55:54,417 --> 00:55:56,917
-[sighs]
-Okay, that's what I'm talking about.
1291
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:59,667
Let's keep it in that gear, huh?
What else?
1292
00:55:59,750 --> 00:56:01,792
I went number two in Logan's toilet,
but it clogged,
1293
00:56:01,875 --> 00:56:03,500
and I didn't want him to see my poop,
so I put it in a bag,
1294
00:56:03,583 --> 00:56:04,875
and that bag's still in my purse.
1295
00:56:09,042 --> 00:56:10,875
[clicking tongue]
'Kay.
1296
00:56:12,917 --> 00:56:14,250
-Are you okay?
-No.
1297
00:56:14,333 --> 00:56:17,083
[Sidney]
Okay... I gotta ask.
1298
00:56:17,167 --> 00:56:19,125
Why are y'all doing this stuff?
1299
00:56:19,208 --> 00:56:20,750
[all] Because I'm seeking
external validation
1300
00:56:20,833 --> 00:56:23,250
to alleviate my deep-seated fear
of being alone.
1301
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:26,417
[Sidney] Oh, my gosh.
1302
00:56:27,417 --> 00:56:29,417
I think I'm starting
to understand something.
1303
00:56:30,042 --> 00:56:32,250
[chuckles softly]
You guys are friends
1304
00:56:32,333 --> 00:56:36,792
because you reveal your ugliest,
darkest truths to one another,
1305
00:56:36,875 --> 00:56:38,292
and you don't judge each other for it.
1306
00:56:39,250 --> 00:56:41,250
That's what friendship is, huh?
1307
00:56:42,292 --> 00:56:43,917
So, I'll join ya.
1308
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:47,583
I'm just gonna tell you guys something
I've never told anyone before.
1309
00:56:47,667 --> 00:56:48,708
-You don't have to.
-I'm gonna.
1310
00:56:48,792 --> 00:56:49,792
Okay.
1311
00:56:50,292 --> 00:56:52,792
My name is Sidney Putt.
I am 31 years young.
1312
00:56:53,667 --> 00:56:55,667
I like to dress up
as the Grinch in a diaper
1313
00:56:55,750 --> 00:56:59,167
while sucking down a bunch of helium
[baby voice] so I sound like a baby.
1314
00:57:01,167 --> 00:57:03,167
[laughing]
1315
00:57:04,125 --> 00:57:05,750
That feels incredible to share.
1316
00:57:05,833 --> 00:57:07,833
Thank you all for creating
the space for me to say that.
1317
00:57:09,750 --> 00:57:12,458
Great.
Well, we really gotta get going.
1318
00:57:12,542 --> 00:57:14,125
Absolutely, yeah.
1319
00:57:14,208 --> 00:57:16,875
I'll, uh, I'll see you guys
at the next RA meeting.
1320
00:57:16,958 --> 00:57:18,708
No, you won't,
because we're not RAs.
1321
00:57:18,792 --> 00:57:20,917
We're students on the Gralk Hall list.
1322
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:22,208
-Huh?
-Uh...
1323
00:57:22,292 --> 00:57:23,375
-Blake!
-Run!
1324
00:57:23,458 --> 00:57:25,667
-Blake! No. Blake!
-Ooh. Oh, oh! Help!
1325
00:57:25,750 --> 00:57:27,917
-Help! Let go!
-Help! No, stop it.
1326
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:29,333
-[Montgomery] Let her go!
-Help! Blake!
1327
00:57:29,417 --> 00:57:30,833
It's your first day.
Why do you care?
1328
00:57:30,917 --> 00:57:33,125
-[overlapping yelling]
-Let her go, or I'll throw it at you.
1329
00:57:33,208 --> 00:57:35,417
-Okay. Okay.
-I'll do it. Don't test me.
1330
00:57:35,500 --> 00:57:37,750
-Okay.
-I'm on the frickin' edge!
1331
00:57:37,833 --> 00:57:39,250
-[Sidney] Take it easy.
-I'll do it!
1332
00:57:39,333 --> 00:57:40,333
No, you won't.
1333
00:57:41,292 --> 00:57:43,250
[Sidney shrieking]
1334
00:57:43,333 --> 00:57:46,042
-Yeah! Snackatron!
-Hey! Hey, we're here! We're here!
1335
00:57:46,125 --> 00:57:47,250
[Snackatron]
Hello, Montgomery.
1336
00:57:47,333 --> 00:57:49,250
-[cheering]
-It's a robot?
1337
00:57:49,333 --> 00:57:51,417
[Snackatron]
Before you receive your food from...
1338
00:57:51,500 --> 00:57:53,708
[worker] [on recording]
I'm not doing it again. Get outta here.
1339
00:57:53,792 --> 00:57:55,500
[Snackatron] ...you must agree
to the following terms.
1340
00:57:55,583 --> 00:57:56,667
-[phone buzzing]
-Item one:
1341
00:57:56,750 --> 00:57:58,958
You agree not to sue
Snackatron LLC
1342
00:57:59,042 --> 00:58:01,792
for any harm caused
by Snackatron 3000
1343
00:58:01,875 --> 00:58:03,292
-during the delivery process.
-Hey. Hi, Logan.
1344
00:58:03,375 --> 00:58:04,542
[Logan] [over phone]
Lizzy! Where are you?
1345
00:58:04,625 --> 00:58:07,083
You have to pay the driver
or he won't let me honk the horn!
1346
00:58:07,167 --> 00:58:08,667
Oh, uh, sorry.
1347
00:58:08,750 --> 00:58:11,083
Yeah, I just have to eat
some pizza real quick.
1348
00:58:11,167 --> 00:58:14,042
[Logan] We've got pizza
on the bus, just get here!
1349
00:58:14,125 --> 00:58:17,750
[Snackatron] You agree not to fall
in love or lust with Snackatron.
1350
00:58:17,833 --> 00:58:20,250
Hey... uh,
1351
00:58:20,333 --> 00:58:22,792
-so they've got pizza on the bus.
-[Jack] Mm.
1352
00:58:22,875 --> 00:58:24,167
[Lizzy]
So, I'm gonna head there.
1353
00:58:24,250 --> 00:58:28,917
But, um, please don't tell anyone
about my purse.
1354
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:31,958
-Oh, it's just shit.
-I've actually done the exact same thing.
1355
00:58:32,042 --> 00:58:34,250
[Snackatron] You may not teach
Snackatron to be racist...
1356
00:58:34,333 --> 00:58:36,125
-Thanks, guys. I'll see you.
-...and you may never,
1357
00:58:36,208 --> 00:58:39,125
ever ride Snackatron.
Do you agree to these terms?
1358
00:58:39,208 --> 00:58:40,708
-Yes.
-Please click agree.
1359
00:58:41,500 --> 00:58:43,708
-[Montgomery] Yes! Oh-ho-ho-ho!
-[Jack] [laughing] Fuck yeah.
1360
00:58:43,792 --> 00:58:45,833
-Are you satisfied with your order?
-[chiming]
1361
00:58:45,917 --> 00:58:47,542
God, let's eat this quick
and get the fuck out of here
1362
00:58:47,625 --> 00:58:49,792
-before we get sent to Gralk Hall.
-[sniffing deeply]
1363
00:58:49,875 --> 00:58:52,125
Wait, what were you saying
before about single rooms?
1364
00:58:52,208 --> 00:58:54,542
Oh, nothing, just that
I'm requesting a room transfer
1365
00:58:54,625 --> 00:58:56,458
because I don't want
to live with you anymore.
1366
00:58:56,542 --> 00:58:58,750
[warbling]
1367
00:59:00,250 --> 00:59:01,333
What?
1368
00:59:01,417 --> 00:59:02,625
Hello, boys.
1369
00:59:03,875 --> 00:59:05,875
We've been looking for you.
1370
00:59:05,958 --> 00:59:09,000
You made quite the mess in my room.
1371
00:59:09,083 --> 00:59:11,292
So, are you satisfied
with your order?
1372
00:59:11,375 --> 00:59:13,167
Collect their phones...
1373
00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:18,667
and take them
to the Wellness Lounge.
1374
00:59:21,833 --> 00:59:23,042
[buzzer sounding]
1375
00:59:23,125 --> 00:59:25,542
Montgomery, are you satisfied
with your order?
1376
00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:27,458
Are you satisfied with your order?!
1377
00:59:27,542 --> 00:59:30,542
[♪ calm, soothing music playing]
1378
00:59:31,250 --> 00:59:33,458
[groaning, belches]
1379
00:59:37,042 --> 00:59:39,042
[rattling]
1380
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,833
-[lovers moaning]
-[Montgomery] Wait, wait! Hey! Let us go!
1381
00:59:43,917 --> 00:59:45,333
We have rights, dammit!
1382
00:59:45,417 --> 00:59:47,583
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
-[both grunting]
1383
00:59:47,667 --> 00:59:52,167
[panting] Wait! You c-- don't understand!
Wait! At least give us our pizza!
1384
00:59:52,958 --> 00:59:55,375
At least give us our pizza!
We need to eat pizz--
1385
00:59:56,750 --> 00:59:59,750
Do you have any pizza?
Do you have any pizza?
1386
01:00:01,292 --> 01:00:03,292
Fuck, Jack.
What do we do?!
1387
01:00:04,708 --> 01:00:06,625
You're requesting a room transfer?
1388
01:00:06,708 --> 01:00:09,333
No. Oh, good, we can lie again.
Shit.
1389
01:00:09,417 --> 01:00:10,833
So, you're fucking ditching me?
1390
01:00:10,917 --> 01:00:13,333
-I'm not ditching you.
-Well, kinda looks like it.
1391
01:00:13,417 --> 01:00:14,708
What the fuck else
would you really call it?
1392
01:00:14,792 --> 01:00:16,417
-I-It's not what--
-Oh, don't start.
1393
01:00:16,500 --> 01:00:18,583
You know what,
you are just like everybody else.
1394
01:00:18,667 --> 01:00:19,875
-But it's okay, it's fine.
-Jack.
1395
01:00:19,958 --> 01:00:22,250
I get it, because being around me
is just, what, social suicide?
1396
01:00:22,333 --> 01:00:23,875
-It's okay.
-No-- That's not what I--
1397
01:00:23,958 --> 01:00:26,375
Leave me behind.
I might as well just move here
1398
01:00:26,458 --> 01:00:28,458
into the Wellness Lounge
with my people...
1399
01:00:28,542 --> 01:00:30,583
-Jack.
-...the scum, the forgotten folk!
1400
01:00:30,667 --> 01:00:31,792
-Jack.
-But it's fine.
1401
01:00:31,875 --> 01:00:33,625
-I-I want-- Just--
-It's a five-star fucking establishment!
1402
01:00:33,708 --> 01:00:35,167
-I want some time--
-And you and your butterfly...
1403
01:00:35,250 --> 01:00:36,833
-Jack, I'm not--
-...can just forget that I exist.
1404
01:00:36,917 --> 01:00:38,208
-I'm not--
-I mean, after everything
1405
01:00:38,292 --> 01:00:40,958
I have done for you,
you ungrateful asshole!
1406
01:00:41,042 --> 01:00:44,125
Oh, my God, would you stop
being such a fucking victim?
1407
01:00:45,833 --> 01:00:49,125
I wanted to switch rooms
because I need a fucking break.
1408
01:00:49,208 --> 01:00:51,667
[sighs] I'm sorry, Jack,
but living with you,
1409
01:00:51,750 --> 01:00:53,750
it's like the Jack Show all the time.
1410
01:00:53,833 --> 01:00:56,417
You do whatever you want to do
without thinking about anyone else.
1411
01:00:56,500 --> 01:00:58,750
Okay, well, when the fuck
were you planning on telling me this?
1412
01:00:58,833 --> 01:01:01,042
-I'm not a mindreader.
-You don't listen.
1413
01:01:01,125 --> 01:01:04,083
You ignore me and then pressure me
to do shit that I don't want to do!
1414
01:01:04,167 --> 01:01:06,917
Name one thing
I pressured you to do--
1415
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:08,333
Drugs!
1416
01:01:08,417 --> 01:01:10,500
I didn't wanna do drugs tonight!
1417
01:01:10,583 --> 01:01:13,042
I don't even like drinking
caffeinated tea.
1418
01:01:13,125 --> 01:01:15,500
But boo-hoo,
everybody hates Jack,
1419
01:01:15,583 --> 01:01:17,333
so we gotta do what you wanna do.
1420
01:01:17,417 --> 01:01:20,250
Because, apparently,
I don't count.
1421
01:01:21,375 --> 01:01:25,333
And now we're locked up in here,
we're gonna get chainsawed up the ass,
1422
01:01:25,417 --> 01:01:27,792
the RAs are sending us
to Gralk Hall, and--
1423
01:01:27,875 --> 01:01:29,875
[gagging]
1424
01:01:29,958 --> 01:01:31,167
What the, what the fuck?
1425
01:01:31,250 --> 01:01:32,458
[Montgomery groaning]
1426
01:01:32,542 --> 01:01:34,708
-What the hell is going on?!
-[gagging]
1427
01:01:35,500 --> 01:01:38,125
And I have no idea what that was,
but I know it was your fault!
1428
01:01:38,208 --> 01:01:39,625
[laughing] Oh, please.
1429
01:01:39,708 --> 01:01:41,708
If it wasn't for me,
you'd never leave your room.
1430
01:01:41,792 --> 01:01:46,292
You would sit there, buried under
your fucking covers, afraid to breathe,
1431
01:01:46,375 --> 01:01:51,792
because you are the most pathetic,
biggest pussy I have ever met.
1432
01:01:53,583 --> 01:01:58,208
Gee, Jack, I really don't see why
everybody hates your fucking guts.
1433
01:01:58,292 --> 01:02:00,042
-Fuck you.
-Fuck you!
1434
01:02:00,125 --> 01:02:03,125
[♪ soft, dramatic music playing]
1435
01:02:07,708 --> 01:02:08,708
[door opens]
1436
01:02:10,167 --> 01:02:13,167
Him.
Take him to the old Study Hall.
1437
01:02:14,796 --> 01:02:17,958
[Logan] So, remember when I said
I wasn't gonna fart on their faces, and--
1438
01:02:18,042 --> 01:02:19,042
Oh, shit! She's here.
1439
01:02:19,125 --> 01:02:23,458
[all]
Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy!
1440
01:02:23,542 --> 01:02:25,917
Sorry, uh, where's that pizza?
1441
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:27,792
Oh shit, the pizza.
1442
01:02:27,875 --> 01:02:30,125
I just-- I lied to you
because you were taking forever.
1443
01:02:30,208 --> 01:02:32,833
Also, why do you smell vaguely of poop?
1444
01:02:32,917 --> 01:02:35,667
-I'll be right back.
-[Logan] Wait, you need to pay the driver!
1445
01:02:36,458 --> 01:02:37,792
[Snackatron]
Are you satisfied with your order?
1446
01:02:37,875 --> 01:02:40,417
Are you satisfied with your order?
Are you satisfied with your order?
1447
01:02:40,500 --> 01:02:43,167
Are you satisfied with your order?
Are you satisfied with your order?
1448
01:02:43,250 --> 01:02:46,625
Snackatron? Did you see
where those two guys went?
1449
01:02:46,708 --> 01:02:49,333
[Blake] [on recording]
Take them to the Wellness Lounge.
1450
01:02:50,458 --> 01:02:53,083
[groans] Cremble sauce!
1451
01:02:53,167 --> 01:02:58,375
[Snackatron] I must know if Montgomery
was satisfied with his order!
1452
01:03:07,375 --> 01:03:08,375
[Blake] Hello, Jack.
1453
01:03:09,958 --> 01:03:10,958
Welcome.
1454
01:03:12,167 --> 01:03:13,792
Do you like the old Study Hall?
1455
01:03:15,917 --> 01:03:19,917
This room was built as a sanctuary
1456
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:23,833
for hardworking students
to research their theses
1457
01:03:23,917 --> 01:03:25,917
and prepare for exams.
1458
01:03:27,417 --> 01:03:28,833
But now...
1459
01:03:30,375 --> 01:03:32,875
[softly]
...it's nothing but rubble.
1460
01:03:32,958 --> 01:03:33,958
[Jack] What?
1461
01:03:37,292 --> 01:03:39,917
-It's nothing but rubble.
-Thank you.
1462
01:03:40,833 --> 01:03:42,458
The RAs recruited me young.
1463
01:03:43,667 --> 01:03:45,500
They promised me the world.
1464
01:03:46,792 --> 01:03:50,208
All I had to do was keep an eye
on things after dark.
1465
01:03:51,083 --> 01:03:52,708
What they didn't mention...
1466
01:03:54,750 --> 01:03:57,750
is that the dark... never ends.
1467
01:03:59,042 --> 01:04:02,250
Try as I might,
I couldn't calm the chaos.
1468
01:04:03,583 --> 01:04:06,000
This study hall was destroyed
1469
01:04:06,083 --> 01:04:09,667
when a drunken sophomore
shot a Roman candle out of his ass
1470
01:04:09,750 --> 01:04:12,542
into a bucket of rum.
1471
01:04:12,625 --> 01:04:15,250
You see,
there are no scholars here.
1472
01:04:16,542 --> 01:04:20,375
Only demons with student IDs.
1473
01:04:22,583 --> 01:04:25,417
And they must be purged.
1474
01:04:27,125 --> 01:04:30,625
All we need now
is to unlock their phones,
1475
01:04:30,708 --> 01:04:34,125
and you, Jack, are the key.
1476
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:43,208
Early internet message boards
predicted the coming of the chosen face.
1477
01:04:44,500 --> 01:04:47,333
One so distinct,
1478
01:04:47,417 --> 01:04:48,833
so peculiar...
1479
01:04:49,833 --> 01:04:53,083
so utterly freak-ass...
1480
01:04:53,167 --> 01:04:57,083
-Oh, come on.
-...it would profoundly beguile
1481
01:04:57,167 --> 01:04:59,375
every phone's Face ID.
1482
01:05:01,083 --> 01:05:02,833
A skeleton key.
1483
01:05:02,917 --> 01:05:07,333
For nearly all of fall semester,
we have searched for this face.
1484
01:05:08,500 --> 01:05:10,708
And now, we've found it.
1485
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:15,417
[phone unlocking]
1486
01:05:19,125 --> 01:05:21,125
One face to unlock them all.
1487
01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:25,958
Montgomery. Montgomery.
1488
01:05:26,042 --> 01:05:27,250
Montgomery.
1489
01:05:29,167 --> 01:05:32,125
-Where is the pizza?
-The RAs took it.
1490
01:05:32,208 --> 01:05:34,292
Okay, well, come on.
We-We-We gotta go get it.
1491
01:05:34,375 --> 01:05:36,375
-No, I'm done.
-[door creaking]
1492
01:05:36,458 --> 01:05:39,667
I'm staying here,
with the forgotten folk.
1493
01:05:40,208 --> 01:05:42,042
[whispers]
What are you talking about?
1494
01:05:42,125 --> 01:05:44,167
Wait.
How did you get in here?
1495
01:05:44,250 --> 01:05:47,250
-[door continues creaking]
-The door only locks from the inside!
1496
01:05:49,208 --> 01:05:51,208
[groans]
1497
01:05:51,875 --> 01:05:52,875
[exhales]
1498
01:05:54,042 --> 01:05:56,042
Now, how are we gonna
get outta here?
1499
01:05:56,125 --> 01:05:58,125
[vent whirring]
1500
01:06:05,792 --> 01:06:08,417
-[soft banging]
-[Snackatron] Come on, come on.
1501
01:06:08,500 --> 01:06:11,458
You can do it.
Prove them wrong, Snackatron.
1502
01:06:11,542 --> 01:06:13,375
Prove them all wrong!
1503
01:06:13,458 --> 01:06:16,750
-[♪ triumphant music playing]
-[grunting] Yippee!
1504
01:06:16,833 --> 01:06:20,125
Only 182 left to go!
1505
01:06:21,333 --> 01:06:23,333
I can't believe we're crawling
through a fucking vent.
1506
01:06:23,417 --> 01:06:25,625
Just keep going.
It's gotta dump out somewhere.
1507
01:06:25,708 --> 01:06:28,542
Just wanted a quiet night in.
1508
01:06:28,625 --> 01:06:30,625
I keep getting friction burns.
1509
01:06:33,708 --> 01:06:35,542
Hey, why'd you stop?
1510
01:06:36,958 --> 01:06:37,958
Lysander?
1511
01:06:39,958 --> 01:06:41,292
Lysander?
1512
01:06:41,375 --> 01:06:44,208
Hey. Hey, buddy.
You okay?
1513
01:06:47,625 --> 01:06:48,625
Lysander?
1514
01:06:50,458 --> 01:06:51,458
Hey.
1515
01:06:51,542 --> 01:06:54,542
-[Lysander exhales]
-[♪ melancholy music playing]
1516
01:06:56,667 --> 01:06:57,667
He's...
1517
01:06:58,875 --> 01:06:59,875
dead.
1518
01:07:00,333 --> 01:07:03,083
[grunts] I can't...
What the fuck?
1519
01:07:03,167 --> 01:07:04,875
-Montgomery?
-Oh, what the hell?
1520
01:07:04,958 --> 01:07:06,833
-Oh, shit. I lost my butterfly.
-Hey. Montgomery.
1521
01:07:06,917 --> 01:07:08,500
-Montgomery.
-I lost my best friend.
1522
01:07:08,583 --> 01:07:11,208
You have to keep it together.
We have to get the pizza from the RAs.
1523
01:07:11,292 --> 01:07:13,958
No!
I can't, there's too many of 'em.
1524
01:07:14,042 --> 01:07:16,667
Jack was right.
I'm not an alpha.
1525
01:07:16,750 --> 01:07:18,042
I'm a fucking pussy!
1526
01:07:18,125 --> 01:07:19,958
-Montgomery, Montgomery, calm down.
-[breathing heavily] I'm having
1527
01:07:20,042 --> 01:07:21,500
-a panic attack!
-Hey. Look at me.
1528
01:07:21,583 --> 01:07:22,958
-Look at me.
-No.
1529
01:07:23,042 --> 01:07:24,917
-Look at me! Montgomery!
-No!
1530
01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:27,417
-Just let me die!
-Hey!
1531
01:07:28,583 --> 01:07:30,583
[Lizzy blowing softly]
1532
01:07:32,125 --> 01:07:34,125
[breathing slows]
1533
01:07:34,208 --> 01:07:35,958
[continues blowing softly]
1534
01:07:41,167 --> 01:07:44,167
[♪ gentle music playing]
1535
01:07:45,750 --> 01:07:48,375
Listen.
You are not an alpha.
1536
01:07:49,750 --> 01:07:52,583
But you're also not a pussy.
1537
01:07:54,125 --> 01:07:57,125
You stood by your best friend
when nobody else did.
1538
01:07:57,208 --> 01:07:58,417
That is brave.
1539
01:07:59,292 --> 01:08:01,292
I couldn't do that.
1540
01:08:02,917 --> 01:08:03,917
I, uh...
1541
01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:06,417
I didn't do that.
1542
01:08:08,625 --> 01:08:10,625
I ditched you guys.
1543
01:08:14,833 --> 01:08:16,917
I guess I thought that
if I was friends with you,
1544
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:20,625
then... people wouldn't like me.
1545
01:08:22,708 --> 01:08:27,708
But... turns out, people don't
like me very much anyway.
1546
01:08:28,625 --> 01:08:31,458
What? Who doesn't like you?
1547
01:08:32,542 --> 01:08:35,750
You're, like, the coolest person
I've ever met.
1548
01:08:36,458 --> 01:08:39,667
You're smart.
You're good at board games.
1549
01:08:39,750 --> 01:08:41,375
You do magic.
1550
01:08:42,833 --> 01:08:45,458
I mean, you're Lizzy the Magnificent.
1551
01:08:45,542 --> 01:08:48,542
[♪ gentle music continues playing]
1552
01:08:55,542 --> 01:08:57,958
Sorry we didn't get to finish the game.
1553
01:08:58,042 --> 01:09:00,375
[singers vocalizing]
1554
01:09:00,458 --> 01:09:01,667
Yeah.
1555
01:09:01,750 --> 01:09:03,667
That would've been nice to finally--
1556
01:09:03,750 --> 01:09:05,667
The game! That's it.
1557
01:09:05,750 --> 01:09:07,792
Remember last campaign,
how we created
1558
01:09:07,875 --> 01:09:10,000
that musical distraction
with the merry minstrels?
1559
01:09:11,208 --> 01:09:13,208
Y-Yeah, but what does that
have to do with--
1560
01:09:13,292 --> 01:09:15,708
Let's go storm
the Fortress of Thalamir.
1561
01:09:16,417 --> 01:09:19,417
[♪ determined music playing]
1562
01:09:20,542 --> 01:09:21,958
-[Lizzy] Wait.
-[♪ music stops abruptly]
1563
01:09:22,042 --> 01:09:24,333
-[WorryWarts clicking rapidly]
-Sorry, I have no idea what we're doing.
1564
01:09:24,417 --> 01:09:26,167
Oh, right, I have to be more specific.
1565
01:09:26,250 --> 01:09:28,333
The RAs took Jack and the pizza
to the old Study Hall,
1566
01:09:28,417 --> 01:09:30,042
and I have a plan
to distract them.
1567
01:09:30,917 --> 01:09:32,000
Okay.
1568
01:09:32,083 --> 01:09:34,625
[♪ determined music resumes playing]
1569
01:09:34,708 --> 01:09:36,708
[phones unlocking]
1570
01:09:42,500 --> 01:09:44,708
[Snackatron]
I am doing it! [grunts]
1571
01:09:44,792 --> 01:09:46,792
[singers vocalizing]
1572
01:09:52,542 --> 01:09:56,083
[grunting]
There we go!
1573
01:09:59,792 --> 01:10:01,375
Still looking for a gig?
1574
01:10:01,458 --> 01:10:04,333
-[♪ music stops abruptly]
-Sorry, I need more information.
1575
01:10:04,417 --> 01:10:06,208
Oh, right, sorry.
I have to be more specific.
1576
01:10:06,292 --> 01:10:07,458
The RAs took Jack--
1577
01:10:07,542 --> 01:10:08,835
[♪ determined musical sting]
1578
01:10:11,708 --> 01:10:15,125
That's the last phone.
We're all set here, sir.
1579
01:10:16,792 --> 01:10:18,000
Listen up.
1580
01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:24,667
Tonight...
is a momentous occasion.
1581
01:10:24,750 --> 01:10:28,792
The phones are all unlocked,
synchronized,
1582
01:10:28,875 --> 01:10:31,500
-and wired to the control panel.
-[timer beeping]
1583
01:10:31,583 --> 01:10:34,958
Soon, the transfer requests
will be sent.
1584
01:10:35,042 --> 01:10:37,875
Our watch will finally be ended.
1585
01:10:37,958 --> 01:10:40,958
-[♪ distorted music playing]
-And a bright, new day shall--
1586
01:10:41,042 --> 01:10:43,042
Sorry, what is that music?
1587
01:10:43,125 --> 01:10:44,708
[microphone feedback]
1588
01:10:44,792 --> 01:10:49,208
We are Flesh Grenade!
Get ready for some fucking folk music!
1589
01:10:50,250 --> 01:10:53,250
[♪ chaotic music playing]
1590
01:10:53,333 --> 01:10:55,542
[Dudley wailing]
1591
01:10:56,083 --> 01:10:59,083
What in the absolute fuck?
1592
01:11:01,792 --> 01:11:04,417
-What are you guys doing?
-Shh! We're rescuing you.
1593
01:11:05,750 --> 01:11:07,958
-Hi.
-Hi.
1594
01:11:08,875 --> 01:11:09,875
You look good.
1595
01:11:10,958 --> 01:11:12,167
Thank you, I know.
1596
01:11:12,250 --> 01:11:13,792
How've you been?
1597
01:11:13,875 --> 01:11:16,250
Fine. Like you care.
1598
01:11:17,250 --> 01:11:19,167
Well, if you're gonna talk like that,
maybe I won't untie you.
1599
01:11:19,250 --> 01:11:21,000
-Maybe I don't wanna be untied.
-Maybe I'll add more rope.
1600
01:11:21,083 --> 01:11:22,292
-[Jack mocking]
-Shut the fuck up.
1601
01:11:22,375 --> 01:11:23,750
-What the fuck? Give that back!
-Show's over.
1602
01:11:23,833 --> 01:11:25,708
-Get the fuck out. Let's go.
-Give it back! No!
1603
01:11:25,792 --> 01:11:27,417
-[Blake] Everyone, get out.
-[RA] Take it outside!
1604
01:11:27,500 --> 01:11:30,417
We only have a few moments,
so you guys are gonna go get the phones,
1605
01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:32,750
I'm gonna go get the pizza,
and then we're gonna reconvene
1606
01:11:32,833 --> 01:11:34,708
at the stairwell,
and then sneak out quietly.
1607
01:11:34,792 --> 01:11:36,292
-Got it?
-Got it.
1608
01:11:36,375 --> 01:11:37,417
-Great.
-[Blake] Come on.
1609
01:11:37,500 --> 01:11:39,333
-[Ashley] Fuck you!
-Let's move.
1610
01:11:40,208 --> 01:11:41,750
[Snackatron]
Montgomery!
1611
01:11:41,833 --> 01:11:44,125
-Fuck!
-Are you satisfied with your order?
1612
01:11:44,208 --> 01:11:45,417
Oh-ho!
1613
01:11:46,500 --> 01:11:48,708
Look who's joined the party!
1614
01:11:48,792 --> 01:11:50,792
The last names on my list.
1615
01:11:50,875 --> 01:11:52,458
-Montgomery?
-Hi.
1616
01:11:52,542 --> 01:11:54,417
-Lizzy?
-[Montgomery] Can I just ask?
1617
01:11:54,500 --> 01:11:57,250
Why am I being sent
to Gralk Hall?
1618
01:11:57,333 --> 01:11:59,417
I'm a really well-behaved kid.
1619
01:11:59,500 --> 01:12:01,458
I mean, I'm polite, I'm nice.
1620
01:12:01,542 --> 01:12:03,500
I'm responsible
with my body in the dorms.
1621
01:12:03,583 --> 01:12:05,375
I tell you guys my favorite puns.
1622
01:12:05,458 --> 01:12:06,792
You're weird, and we don't like you.
1623
01:12:06,875 --> 01:12:09,042
-Copy that.
-[Lizzy] Fine, you caught us.
1624
01:12:09,125 --> 01:12:11,292
Can we at least just have the pizza?
1625
01:12:11,375 --> 01:12:12,500
Pizza?
1626
01:12:12,583 --> 01:12:14,083
Oh, this pizza.
1627
01:12:14,167 --> 01:12:16,667
Yeah, it feels like
it's missing a topping.
1628
01:12:16,750 --> 01:12:18,208
Maybe, uh...
1629
01:12:18,292 --> 01:12:20,958
-[♪ dramatic music playing]
-Toxic waste.
1630
01:12:21,042 --> 01:12:22,792
-What?!
-No!
1631
01:12:22,875 --> 01:12:24,875
-Nooo!
-[whooshing]
1632
01:12:26,250 --> 01:12:27,667
[Snackatron chirping]
1633
01:12:27,750 --> 01:12:32,208
Montgomery must be satisfied
with his order!
1634
01:12:32,292 --> 01:12:34,542
[♪ epic music playing]
1635
01:12:34,625 --> 01:12:36,125
[group] Yes!
1636
01:12:36,208 --> 01:12:37,208
[Snackatron] Oh no!
1637
01:12:37,667 --> 01:12:39,583
-[loud crash]
-Oh.
1638
01:12:39,667 --> 01:12:41,875
Goddammit, Snackatron.
1639
01:12:41,958 --> 01:12:43,292
[light laughter]
1640
01:12:43,375 --> 01:12:44,542
Ah.
1641
01:12:45,667 --> 01:12:47,292
-Well...
-[knuckles cracking]
1642
01:12:47,375 --> 01:12:48,875
...time to die.
1643
01:12:48,958 --> 01:12:50,708
What, are you gonna,
like, fucking kill us?
1644
01:12:50,792 --> 01:12:53,125
We're not--
No, we're not gonna kill you.
1645
01:12:53,208 --> 01:12:54,958
We're gonna, like,
beat you guys up a bunch.
1646
01:12:55,042 --> 01:12:57,125
But how does that sound?
"Time to beat you guys up a bunch"?
1647
01:12:57,208 --> 01:12:58,583
It scans weird.
1648
01:12:58,667 --> 01:13:01,167
I-- Whatever, just hurt them.
1649
01:13:01,250 --> 01:13:03,625
-[warbling]
-[sneakers squeaking]
1650
01:13:04,833 --> 01:13:06,667
[rumbling]
1651
01:13:06,750 --> 01:13:09,083
[Lizzy] [grunts]
What's happening?!
1652
01:13:09,167 --> 01:13:12,250
Ah, shit, it's the next phase.
1653
01:13:12,333 --> 01:13:13,792
Which one is this?
1654
01:13:14,458 --> 01:13:16,458
We Are All One!
1655
01:13:17,375 --> 01:13:20,792
[♪ dramatic rock music playing]
1656
01:13:24,333 --> 01:13:26,125
[group screaming]
1657
01:13:29,042 --> 01:13:31,125
-[screaming stops]
-[Lizzy] What the hell?
1658
01:13:31,208 --> 01:13:32,667
[Montgomery]
Is everyone okay?
1659
01:13:32,750 --> 01:13:35,792
[Jack] What just happened?
Where are we?
1660
01:13:35,875 --> 01:13:39,500
[Lizzy]
I think we're all inside some guy?
1661
01:13:39,583 --> 01:13:42,542
[Montgomery]
Oh, my God. I know what this is.
1662
01:13:42,625 --> 01:13:45,750
We're not one.
We're...
1663
01:13:45,833 --> 01:13:48,250
Hola. My name is Juan.
1664
01:13:49,875 --> 01:13:52,292
-[marker scribbling]
-[whip cracking]
1665
01:13:52,375 --> 01:13:53,917
[glass breaking]
1666
01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:56,375
[grunting]
1667
01:13:56,458 --> 01:13:57,792
[Juan] What the fuck
is this fucking drug?
1668
01:13:57,875 --> 01:13:59,083
[grunting]
Goddammit!
1669
01:13:59,167 --> 01:14:00,917
[Lizzy]
Who's controlling the legs?
1670
01:14:01,000 --> 01:14:02,208
-[Jack] Me!
-Who's me?
1671
01:14:02,292 --> 01:14:04,083
Jack! This is impossible!
1672
01:14:04,167 --> 01:14:05,250
-What's happening?
-Shut up.
1673
01:14:05,333 --> 01:14:06,750
[Montgomery]
We need to move as one!
1674
01:14:06,833 --> 01:14:09,458
-Did you say "Juan"?
-I said "one."
1675
01:14:09,542 --> 01:14:11,292
-[group grunting]
-"Move as one."
1676
01:14:11,375 --> 01:14:13,333
Wait!
"One" or "Juan"?
1677
01:14:13,417 --> 01:14:15,208
-[Montgomery] One!
-[Lizzy] It doesn't matter! Come on!
1678
01:14:15,292 --> 01:14:17,250
[grunting and exclaiming]
1679
01:14:17,333 --> 01:14:18,917
[Jack]
Ow! Get off of me!
1680
01:14:19,000 --> 01:14:21,708
-[Montgomery] You get off of me!
-[Lizzy] Guys, we need to focus.
1681
01:14:21,792 --> 01:14:23,792
-We're running out of time.
-Enough.
1682
01:14:23,875 --> 01:14:26,500
-And we're about to get our asses kicked.
-[Jack groaning softly]
1683
01:14:27,375 --> 01:14:29,000
[grunting]
1684
01:14:32,833 --> 01:14:34,042
Get 'em!
1685
01:14:34,833 --> 01:14:37,833
-[♪ dramatic music playing]
-[fighting, grunting]
1686
01:14:38,917 --> 01:14:40,583
Whoa!
1687
01:14:41,667 --> 01:14:42,875
-Oh...
-...my...
1688
01:14:42,958 --> 01:14:44,042
...God!
1689
01:14:44,125 --> 01:14:45,542
Do something!
1690
01:14:47,458 --> 01:14:49,458
[indistinct shouting]
1691
01:14:49,542 --> 01:14:51,625
♪♪
1692
01:14:53,292 --> 01:14:55,500
[grunting]
1693
01:14:56,458 --> 01:14:57,458
[Lizzy] Hi-ya!
1694
01:14:59,042 --> 01:15:00,292
What is happening?
1695
01:15:00,375 --> 01:15:03,792
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1696
01:15:04,542 --> 01:15:06,167
[grunting]
1697
01:15:14,333 --> 01:15:15,833
Wait, wait, wait!
Scorpion kick, scorpion kick!
1698
01:15:15,917 --> 01:15:17,542
Please, can we do a scorpion kick?
1699
01:15:17,625 --> 01:15:19,583
[grunting]
1700
01:15:21,750 --> 01:15:23,167
Thank you!
1701
01:15:23,250 --> 01:15:26,250
♪♪
1702
01:15:31,042 --> 01:15:33,000
-[♪ music stops abruptly]
-[person clears throat]
1703
01:15:33,083 --> 01:15:35,417
-[♪ Christmas music playing]
-Well, everyone, here I am.
1704
01:15:35,500 --> 01:15:37,708
The real me.
I'm not hiding anymore.
1705
01:15:37,792 --> 01:15:39,375
[♪ music slowing, stopping]
1706
01:15:41,042 --> 01:15:42,250
Oh!
1707
01:15:42,333 --> 01:15:43,750
Good for you, man.
1708
01:15:45,833 --> 01:15:46,833
M'kay.
1709
01:15:47,458 --> 01:15:48,667
[balloon squeaks]
1710
01:15:49,375 --> 01:15:50,792
[in high-pitched voice]
Y'all are freaks.
1711
01:15:52,792 --> 01:15:55,417
-[Montgomery] You forgot your balloons.
-[Sidney] Keep 'em.
1712
01:15:55,500 --> 01:15:56,708
[door slams]
1713
01:15:57,917 --> 01:16:00,917
[♪ dramatic music playing]
1714
01:16:12,208 --> 01:16:15,958
[♪ ominous choir music playing]
1715
01:16:16,042 --> 01:16:19,042
[deep slow-motion yelling]
1716
01:16:20,208 --> 01:16:22,708
-[♪ music stops abruptly]
-[normal yelling]
1717
01:16:22,792 --> 01:16:25,208
[♪ ominous choir music
resumes playing]
1718
01:16:31,000 --> 01:16:32,625
[♪ music stops abruptly]
1719
01:16:37,125 --> 01:16:38,542
[gasps]
1720
01:16:38,625 --> 01:16:40,042
-[Jack groaning]
-[Montgomery coughing]
1721
01:16:40,125 --> 01:16:43,000
-Oh, fuck!
-[all coughing]
1722
01:16:43,083 --> 01:16:44,917
-Shit. Shit. Oh!
-[Lizzy groaning]
1723
01:16:45,000 --> 01:16:47,000
-[Montgomery groaning]
-[Jack grunting]
1724
01:16:47,833 --> 01:16:51,042
-[Lizzy] Get to the control panel!
-We gotta stop the RAs!
1725
01:16:51,125 --> 01:16:53,208
-[countdown beeping]
-Shit, shit, shit!
1726
01:16:53,292 --> 01:16:54,500
I don't know how this works!
What do I do?
1727
01:16:54,583 --> 01:16:56,000
-Just break 'em.
-Shit!
1728
01:16:56,083 --> 01:16:58,458
-[Lizzy] Fucking destroy it!
-[Blake laughing]
1729
01:16:58,542 --> 01:17:00,833
Jack, Jack, Jack.
1730
01:17:00,917 --> 01:17:03,292
Give it up. [sighs]
1731
01:17:03,375 --> 01:17:05,500
There's nothing you can do.
1732
01:17:05,583 --> 01:17:08,458
-You can't stop this.
-I can't?
1733
01:17:09,083 --> 01:17:10,083
[whispers] No.
1734
01:17:11,083 --> 01:17:12,833
Except I can.
1735
01:17:14,333 --> 01:17:15,958
A third-party charger?
1736
01:17:17,042 --> 01:17:19,333
Wait! [grunting]
Damn it! Damn it!
1737
01:17:19,417 --> 01:17:21,042
Unhand me! Wait!
1738
01:17:21,125 --> 01:17:22,750
Jack! Look!
1739
01:17:25,792 --> 01:17:28,000
I've still got your phone.
1740
01:17:28,875 --> 01:17:31,708
I press "send," and that's it.
You're transferred to Gralk Hall.
1741
01:17:32,417 --> 01:17:36,250
So, before you fry those phones,
let's make a deal.
1742
01:17:37,417 --> 01:17:39,417
You give me that,
I'll give you this.
1743
01:17:41,125 --> 01:17:42,542
And that'll be that.
1744
01:17:43,250 --> 01:17:45,667
Plus, I'll sweeten it.
1745
01:17:46,583 --> 01:17:48,792
And I'll make you an RA.
1746
01:17:49,333 --> 01:17:50,542
Huh?
1747
01:17:52,333 --> 01:17:54,333
Why the fuck would I want that?
1748
01:17:55,917 --> 01:17:57,542
Because, Jack...
1749
01:17:59,708 --> 01:18:01,125
you know the truth.
1750
01:18:02,292 --> 01:18:06,042
No one at this school
is ever going to forgive you
1751
01:18:06,125 --> 01:18:08,917
for what you did
to the football team.
1752
01:18:09,000 --> 01:18:11,000
But you know what's better
than being liked?
1753
01:18:12,833 --> 01:18:14,458
Being feared.
1754
01:18:15,792 --> 01:18:17,417
Power, Jack.
1755
01:18:18,167 --> 01:18:22,667
No one will ever bully you again.
1756
01:18:22,750 --> 01:18:24,958
Are you really gonna turn that down?
1757
01:18:25,708 --> 01:18:30,042
To save a bunch of people
who hate your guts?
1758
01:18:30,708 --> 01:18:33,917
Your own roommate
was ditching you.
1759
01:18:34,958 --> 01:18:40,583
Save him,
and you'll rot in Gralk Hall.
1760
01:18:40,667 --> 01:18:41,667
Or...
1761
01:18:42,708 --> 01:18:44,542
with me on your side...
1762
01:18:46,000 --> 01:18:48,625
you can finally rule this school.
1763
01:18:54,417 --> 01:18:56,250
[whispering] It's okay.
1764
01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:03,417
Montgomery...
1765
01:19:04,667 --> 01:19:06,333
I'm sorry.
1766
01:19:06,417 --> 01:19:09,625
-Looks like I'll be shipping out.
-What?
1767
01:19:09,708 --> 01:19:13,042
So, next year, I want you
to find the best new roommate.
1768
01:19:13,125 --> 01:19:15,208
-Jack.
-Find someone who's gonna listen to you.
1769
01:19:15,292 --> 01:19:16,625
-Jack, no.
-Jack?
1770
01:19:16,708 --> 01:19:19,417
-You don't have to do this.
-I want you to tell that roommate
1771
01:19:19,500 --> 01:19:21,250
to treat you good.
1772
01:19:21,333 --> 01:19:22,708
Jack, we could come up
with something else.
1773
01:19:22,792 --> 01:19:24,958
You tell them to do all that
boring bullshit that you like,
1774
01:19:25,042 --> 01:19:27,208
-like the puzzles or-or that game...
-[Montgomery] Come on.
1775
01:19:27,292 --> 01:19:29,000
...where y-you try to guess
my favorite bird.
1776
01:19:29,083 --> 01:19:30,625
-E-Eagle?
-It's not eagle.
1777
01:19:30,708 --> 01:19:33,083
-Quit guessing eagle.
-I don't want this, Jack.
1778
01:19:33,167 --> 01:19:34,375
This is the only way.
1779
01:19:34,458 --> 01:19:35,458
-No!
-Jack.
1780
01:19:35,542 --> 01:19:37,917
You changed my mind, Jack!
I wanna room with you!
1781
01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:39,625
What you want isn't what you need, man!
1782
01:19:39,708 --> 01:19:40,958
-Jack!
-I need you!
1783
01:19:41,042 --> 01:19:42,208
-I love you, Montgomery!
-Jack!
1784
01:19:42,292 --> 01:19:44,583
-I love you, Jack!
-I love you so much,
1785
01:19:44,667 --> 01:19:46,833
-and I don't tell you enough!
-Jack, the deal!
1786
01:19:46,917 --> 01:19:48,375
The deal.
1787
01:19:48,458 --> 01:19:51,458
-[timer beeping]
-Come on... Be smart, Jack.
1788
01:19:52,167 --> 01:19:55,500
You have to think
about yourself, okay?
1789
01:19:55,583 --> 01:19:58,000
[chuckles] No.
1790
01:20:01,042 --> 01:20:03,667
I need to think about
other people's dicks.
1791
01:20:03,750 --> 01:20:05,042
What?
1792
01:20:05,125 --> 01:20:06,417
Nooo!
1793
01:20:06,500 --> 01:20:09,125
-[electricity zapping]
-[low-pitched screaming]
1794
01:20:14,750 --> 01:20:16,750
[phones crackling]
1795
01:20:17,750 --> 01:20:19,958
Goddammit!
1796
01:20:20,042 --> 01:20:22,083
-You idiot!
-[chuckles]
1797
01:20:22,167 --> 01:20:23,625
Enjoy Gralk Hall!
1798
01:20:24,708 --> 01:20:25,917
[squeaking]
1799
01:20:27,583 --> 01:20:29,583
[Lizzy] [tauntingly]
Oh, Blake?
1800
01:20:31,208 --> 01:20:32,833
You forgot one thing.
1801
01:20:33,833 --> 01:20:36,250
I'm Lizzy the Magnificent, bitch.
1802
01:20:37,542 --> 01:20:40,375
-Oh-ho-ho! Ohh!
-Oh, my gosh! How did she do that?
1803
01:20:40,458 --> 01:20:41,958
-[Jack] I don't know!
-That was incredible!
1804
01:20:42,042 --> 01:20:44,500
-Oh, fuck this!
-[rubber chicken squeaks]
1805
01:20:44,583 --> 01:20:46,083
-[pipe scraping]
-Oh, shit.
1806
01:20:46,167 --> 01:20:49,000
Well... time to beat you
to death with a pipe!
1807
01:20:49,083 --> 01:20:51,500
-That doesn't scan either.
-Shut the fuck up!
1808
01:20:52,667 --> 01:20:54,667
Which one of you's first, huh?
1809
01:20:54,750 --> 01:20:55,958
Which one?
1810
01:20:56,042 --> 01:20:59,417
[♪ tense music playing]
1811
01:20:59,500 --> 01:21:00,917
[Lysander]
Remember me?
1812
01:21:01,000 --> 01:21:02,708
Lysander!
1813
01:21:02,792 --> 01:21:04,458
You crushed my wings.
1814
01:21:04,542 --> 01:21:08,042
You squashed my body.
You left me for dead.
1815
01:21:08,125 --> 01:21:10,625
-[Blake] Get away!
-[Lysander] But you didn't finish the job.
1816
01:21:10,708 --> 01:21:12,542
Get away from me!
Get away from me!
1817
01:21:12,625 --> 01:21:15,042
[Lysander] From the depths
of the dormitory vents,
1818
01:21:15,125 --> 01:21:16,667
-I have returned.
-[Blake] Fuck!
1819
01:21:16,750 --> 01:21:18,458
Fuck you, butterfly!
1820
01:21:18,542 --> 01:21:20,208
Go get him, Lysander!
1821
01:21:20,292 --> 01:21:23,250
[Lysander] My name
is Lysander Featherhelm,
1822
01:21:23,333 --> 01:21:25,292
Lord of the Syracuse Meadows.
1823
01:21:25,375 --> 01:21:26,375
-[thunk]
-[elevator dings]
1824
01:21:26,458 --> 01:21:28,625
I serve the one God Montgomery,
1825
01:21:28,708 --> 01:21:32,375
and I shall have my vengeance!
1826
01:21:33,958 --> 01:21:35,375
Scorpion kick!
1827
01:21:35,458 --> 01:21:39,500
[echoing] Nooo!
1828
01:21:39,583 --> 01:21:41,625
-[loud bang]
-[elevator whirring]
1829
01:21:41,708 --> 01:21:42,708
[elevator dings]
1830
01:21:42,792 --> 01:21:45,125
♪ When our hope sailed
from a thousand dreams ♪
1831
01:21:45,208 --> 01:21:49,625
♪ We will carry on, ahh ♪
1832
01:21:49,708 --> 01:21:52,500
[Lysander]
Victory, the sweetest nectar.
1833
01:21:52,583 --> 01:21:54,000
Monty, I'll see you at home.
1834
01:21:54,083 --> 01:21:56,708
Oh, shit!
I, I got you, bud.
1835
01:21:56,792 --> 01:21:58,000
[grunting]
1836
01:22:00,292 --> 01:22:02,500
-[Montgomery panting]
-[Jack laughing]
1837
01:22:02,583 --> 01:22:04,583
-[Montgomery laughing]
-Oh, shit.
1838
01:22:05,917 --> 01:22:07,750
-[Montgomery sighs]
-Thanks.
1839
01:22:07,833 --> 01:22:10,042
Sure. I owed you one.
1840
01:22:11,583 --> 01:22:14,417
Well, guys, we did it.
We defeated the RAs.
1841
01:22:14,500 --> 01:22:17,000
We ate the pizza.
Oh, wait.
1842
01:22:17,958 --> 01:22:21,167
-[♪ ominous music playing]
-[Jack] What's happening?
1843
01:22:21,250 --> 01:22:23,458
[loud squeaking]
1844
01:22:23,542 --> 01:22:25,125
[Lizzy] What is that?
1845
01:22:25,208 --> 01:22:27,333
Oh, my God.
It's him.
1846
01:22:28,458 --> 01:22:29,792
[whispering]
The Rat King.
1847
01:22:29,875 --> 01:22:32,875
[♪ "Waltz of the Flowers"
by Tchaikovsky playing]
1848
01:22:45,625 --> 01:22:49,583
-[singers vocalizing]
-[children laughing]
1849
01:22:52,458 --> 01:22:55,250
Hi, Lizzy.
Remember me?
1850
01:22:55,333 --> 01:22:57,208
This fucking cunt.
1851
01:22:59,083 --> 01:23:01,958
♪♪
1852
01:23:04,833 --> 01:23:06,333
[♪ music stops]
1853
01:23:11,042 --> 01:23:12,667
I'm sorry, who are you?
1854
01:23:12,750 --> 01:23:14,667
-[♪ ominous music playing]
-I'm you, Jack.
1855
01:23:14,750 --> 01:23:16,958
The you you're scared you'll become.
1856
01:23:17,042 --> 01:23:20,500
Boring, sober,
obsessed with my bird feeder.
1857
01:23:20,583 --> 01:23:21,750
-[baby whining]
-I also review
1858
01:23:21,833 --> 01:23:23,333
sparkling water brands on YouTube.
1859
01:23:23,417 --> 01:23:24,542
[whispering]
Oh, my fucking God.
1860
01:23:24,625 --> 01:23:25,875
What's wrong with that?
1861
01:23:25,958 --> 01:23:27,167
That honestly sounds nice.
1862
01:23:27,250 --> 01:23:28,417
Fuck off!
1863
01:23:28,500 --> 01:23:31,500
[chainsaws buzzing loudly]
1864
01:23:33,208 --> 01:23:34,667
♪♪
1865
01:23:39,083 --> 01:23:40,083
Run!
1866
01:23:40,167 --> 01:23:42,958
-[♪ terrifying music playing]
-[chainsaws continue buzzing]
1867
01:23:43,667 --> 01:23:44,875
[gasps]
1868
01:23:44,958 --> 01:23:47,042
-[Lizzy] Shit!
-[Jack] What do we do?
1869
01:23:47,125 --> 01:23:50,125
[♪ Christmas music playing]
1870
01:23:53,333 --> 01:23:55,875
[Montgomery]
Time to float like graceful falcons.
1871
01:23:55,958 --> 01:23:58,375
-[♪ music stops abruptly]
-They tried to censor us,
1872
01:23:58,458 --> 01:24:00,042
but we will not be silenced!
1873
01:24:00,125 --> 01:24:02,833
[drumsticks clicking]
1874
01:24:02,917 --> 01:24:05,542
[♪ heavy metal music playing]
1875
01:24:11,000 --> 01:24:14,000
[screaming melodically]
1876
01:24:25,583 --> 01:24:29,667
[♪ heavy metal music
and melodic screaming continues]
1877
01:24:31,875 --> 01:24:33,875
[all yelling]
1878
01:24:44,167 --> 01:24:45,792
-[♪ music ends]
-[all screaming]
1879
01:24:45,875 --> 01:24:47,875
[loud crash]
1880
01:24:48,708 --> 01:24:51,708
[Ashley]
Thank you, and good night!
1881
01:24:51,792 --> 01:24:54,000
[coughing]
Why did we think that would work?
1882
01:24:54,083 --> 01:24:56,583
[grunting]
Fuck off, that was fun.
1883
01:24:56,667 --> 01:24:58,625
There are so many condoms in here.
1884
01:24:58,708 --> 01:25:00,167
[muttering indistinctly]
1885
01:25:00,250 --> 01:25:02,458
-[thud]
-[Montgomery] I landed on the condom.
1886
01:25:02,542 --> 01:25:04,708
[Jack] [grunting]
Hey, make a wish.
1887
01:25:04,792 --> 01:25:07,167
[Montgomery]
I wish I didn't land on the condom.
1888
01:25:07,250 --> 01:25:09,000
[grunting and groaning]
1889
01:25:09,083 --> 01:25:11,583
Well, look on the bright side, guys.
1890
01:25:11,667 --> 01:25:12,833
At least we got away
from the nightmare--
1891
01:25:12,917 --> 01:25:15,333
-[♪ dramatic musical sting]
-[chainsaws buzzing]
1892
01:25:18,833 --> 01:25:20,833
[Snackatron] Montgomery!
1893
01:25:22,167 --> 01:25:23,542
Let's go!
1894
01:25:23,625 --> 01:25:24,708
[chainsaws buzzing]
1895
01:25:24,792 --> 01:25:25,958
[Montgomery shrieking]
1896
01:25:26,042 --> 01:25:28,375
[panicked chatter, panting]
1897
01:25:29,750 --> 01:25:31,208
[Rat King shrieks]
1898
01:25:31,292 --> 01:25:32,875
I wrote a complaint letter to Microsoft
1899
01:25:32,958 --> 01:25:34,917
after they discontinued
my favorite font.
1900
01:25:35,000 --> 01:25:36,708
[screaming]
God, no!
1901
01:25:36,792 --> 01:25:39,000
-Oh, fuck!
-Come on! Come on!
1902
01:25:39,083 --> 01:25:40,458
[all grunting]
1903
01:25:40,542 --> 01:25:42,917
[♪ tense music playing]
1904
01:25:45,083 --> 01:25:46,167
[grunting]
1905
01:25:48,375 --> 01:25:49,542
[♪ music stops]
1906
01:25:51,292 --> 01:25:52,917
Well, well, well.
1907
01:25:54,500 --> 01:25:56,500
Hello again, dickheads.
1908
01:25:56,583 --> 01:25:58,000
How are you not dead?
1909
01:25:58,708 --> 01:26:01,958
-You thought you could kill me?
-[chainsaws continue buzzing]
1910
01:26:02,042 --> 01:26:04,500
-Get off the box!
-Get the fuck off the box!
1911
01:26:04,583 --> 01:26:07,750
It's gonna take a lot more than that
to get rid of Blake!
1912
01:26:07,833 --> 01:26:09,042
[clattering]
1913
01:26:11,083 --> 01:26:12,292
-[Montgomery] Grab him!
-[Lizzy] Pull him down!
1914
01:26:12,375 --> 01:26:14,292
-[grunting]
-Fuck!
1915
01:26:14,375 --> 01:26:16,667
-[gagging]
-Open wide!
1916
01:26:17,917 --> 01:26:19,333
[Jack] Happy sailing!
1917
01:26:21,500 --> 01:26:24,208
[Frankie]
Do not take more than a single dose.
1918
01:26:24,292 --> 01:26:28,917
If you do, you will see the true
horrible nature of reality.
1919
01:26:30,375 --> 01:26:34,583
-[light buzzing]
-[muffled chatter]
1920
01:26:34,667 --> 01:26:36,750
[writer 1] I just think
my biggest concern right now
1921
01:26:36,833 --> 01:26:39,458
is how little of this
makes any sense at all.
1922
01:26:39,542 --> 01:26:42,292
-[writer 2] Like what?
-[writer 1] What do you mean, "Like what?"
1923
01:26:42,375 --> 01:26:44,708
Like, okay, for example,
how many college freshmen do you know
1924
01:26:44,792 --> 01:26:46,292
that own a pet butterfly?
1925
01:26:46,375 --> 01:26:48,375
[writer 2]
That's what you find unbelievable?
1926
01:26:48,458 --> 01:26:52,083
We have a scene where the three leads
become a Venezuelan man.
1927
01:26:52,167 --> 01:26:53,917
[writer 1] Alright, fine,
but we gotta come up
1928
01:26:54,000 --> 01:26:55,583
with a better title
than Pizza Movie.
1929
01:26:55,667 --> 01:26:57,667
[writer 2] Well, of course
we're not calling it Pizza Movie.
1930
01:26:57,750 --> 01:26:59,750
That's a placeholder.
I mean, if we can't beat that,
1931
01:26:59,833 --> 01:27:02,167
-I'm gonna walk into the goddamn ocean.
-What the fuck?
1932
01:27:03,250 --> 01:27:05,583
Oh God, one of the actors is here.
1933
01:27:05,667 --> 01:27:08,083
Hey, man, could you just give us,
like, 10 minutes, please? Thanks.
1934
01:27:09,708 --> 01:27:12,208
Oh, so listen, I told my grandfather
he could have a part.
1935
01:27:12,292 --> 01:27:13,500
Is that okay?
1936
01:27:14,583 --> 01:27:15,583
No.
1937
01:27:15,667 --> 01:27:18,292
[chainsaws buzzing quietly]
1938
01:27:19,417 --> 01:27:21,833
W-W-We're in a movie?
1939
01:27:23,292 --> 01:27:25,917
We're in a low-budget movie.
1940
01:27:27,250 --> 01:27:30,250
My character's not written
with any nuance at all.
1941
01:27:31,250 --> 01:27:32,667
I'm a caricature.
1942
01:27:34,583 --> 01:27:38,000
I, like, only deliver exposition.
1943
01:27:38,667 --> 01:27:40,583
What the fuck was that?
1944
01:27:40,667 --> 01:27:43,083
[chainsaws buzzing loudly]
1945
01:27:43,708 --> 01:27:46,375
[♪ tense music playing]
1946
01:27:52,042 --> 01:27:54,708
[all screaming]
1947
01:27:54,792 --> 01:27:56,792
[chainsaws stop buzzing]
1948
01:28:02,750 --> 01:28:04,750
[all sighing]
1949
01:28:07,333 --> 01:28:09,750
-[Jack laughing]
-[Montgomery chuckles]
1950
01:28:12,125 --> 01:28:14,125
[warbling]
1951
01:28:17,208 --> 01:28:20,042
[Snackatron]
[struggling] Montgomery.
1952
01:28:25,333 --> 01:28:28,958
Were you satisfied
with your fucking order?
1953
01:28:29,042 --> 01:28:30,667
Yes, Snackatron.
1954
01:28:32,458 --> 01:28:33,667
Yes, we were.
1955
01:28:36,708 --> 01:28:39,208
[Snackatron]
Thank you for ordering from...
1956
01:28:39,292 --> 01:28:41,125
[worker] [on recording]
Ahh, finally alone.
1957
01:28:41,208 --> 01:28:43,500
Time to measure the length of my foreskin.
1958
01:28:43,583 --> 01:28:45,708
Wait, is this robot still recording?
1959
01:28:45,792 --> 01:28:47,417
[Snackatron]
Goodbye.
1960
01:28:47,500 --> 01:28:49,208
[Snackatron powering down]
1961
01:28:52,000 --> 01:28:55,000
[♪ honorable music playing]
1962
01:29:03,250 --> 01:29:06,250
[♪ gentle music playing]
1963
01:29:07,833 --> 01:29:10,458
Tell my story!
1964
01:29:13,500 --> 01:29:14,917
[Logan] Lizzy!
1965
01:29:16,458 --> 01:29:19,458
Lizzy! Let's go!
1966
01:29:20,458 --> 01:29:22,458
[Ashley]
Montgomery! Over here.
1967
01:29:22,542 --> 01:29:25,708
-Hey, thanks for the gig.
-[Montgomery] Thank you.
1968
01:29:25,792 --> 01:29:28,000
You ready?
Let's get this night going.
1969
01:29:28,083 --> 01:29:30,708
I'm about to honk that horn
like you won't believe.
1970
01:29:30,792 --> 01:29:33,625
Oh, my God, I feel so alive
after performing.
1971
01:29:33,708 --> 01:29:36,917
Yeah, I, I can imagine
with the electric torture.
1972
01:29:37,000 --> 01:29:38,000
Yeah.
1973
01:29:39,083 --> 01:29:42,083
Anyway, um,
I was wondering
1974
01:29:42,167 --> 01:29:46,167
if maybe you wanted to go out
sometime? [chuckles softly]
1975
01:29:50,167 --> 01:29:53,375
[Logan] Lizzy, you gonna give
the driver your friggin' credit card?
1976
01:29:53,458 --> 01:29:54,500
What's up?
1977
01:29:55,417 --> 01:29:56,417
[Ashley]
Montgomery?
1978
01:29:58,750 --> 01:30:00,750
-Montgomery?
-No, thank you.
1979
01:30:01,667 --> 01:30:03,292
-No?
-No.
1980
01:30:04,333 --> 01:30:07,250
I do not think we are a good match.
1981
01:30:08,208 --> 01:30:09,417
[scoffs] Why?
1982
01:30:09,500 --> 01:30:10,958
You scare the shit out of me.
1983
01:30:11,042 --> 01:30:12,125
[scoffs]
1984
01:30:12,208 --> 01:30:14,333
But hey, good, good luck on the music.
1985
01:30:14,417 --> 01:30:16,208
You're... killer.
1986
01:30:16,292 --> 01:30:18,208
-Killer. Good luck.
-[scoffs]
1987
01:30:18,292 --> 01:30:19,500
[Logan] Lizzy!
1988
01:30:19,583 --> 01:30:22,458
Stop thinking pensively
and get your freaking credit card out
1989
01:30:22,542 --> 01:30:23,917
-and give it to the--
-[knee thuds]
1990
01:30:24,000 --> 01:30:25,458
-Oh! [grunting]
-Ooh!
1991
01:30:25,542 --> 01:30:27,958
-[Logan] Oh! [wailing]
-[bully] Oh, my God, Logan.
1992
01:30:28,042 --> 01:30:29,333
Have fun.
1993
01:30:29,417 --> 01:30:31,333
[bully]
Are you dead?
1994
01:30:31,417 --> 01:30:34,417
[♪ light, joyful music playing]
1995
01:30:44,833 --> 01:30:46,833
[student]
Hey, freak-ass face!
1996
01:30:57,875 --> 01:31:01,875
-What time is it?
-It's gotta be 5 a.m.
1997
01:31:02,500 --> 01:31:03,708
It's only 8:30!
1998
01:31:03,792 --> 01:31:06,417
All that only took 45 minutes?
1999
01:31:06,500 --> 01:31:08,250
You guys wanna do something?
2000
01:31:10,750 --> 01:31:12,375
Wanna finish our game?
2001
01:31:13,458 --> 01:31:14,667
I'm down.
2002
01:31:14,750 --> 01:31:15,958
Me too.
2003
01:31:21,625 --> 01:31:22,833
[writer 2's grandparent]
And I...
2004
01:31:24,750 --> 01:31:26,667
am also down.
2005
01:31:27,375 --> 01:31:29,125
Oh, man.
[laughing]
2006
01:31:29,208 --> 01:31:32,750
College is awesome.
I love being 19.
2007
01:31:32,833 --> 01:31:34,458
[writer 2]
Grandpa, don't look at the camera.
2008
01:31:34,542 --> 01:31:37,375
-Don't talk to me that way.
-[writer 1] Dude, this isn't working.
2009
01:31:37,458 --> 01:31:38,667
-Let's cut him.
-[writer 2] Fine.
2010
01:31:42,542 --> 01:31:45,167
Alright, should we start from scratch
or pick up where we left off?
2011
01:31:45,250 --> 01:31:46,583
-Let's do it from scratch.
-Yeah?
2012
01:31:46,667 --> 01:31:48,667
-We got it.
-Okay, cool then.
2013
01:31:48,750 --> 01:31:50,750
[chattering fades]
2014
01:31:50,833 --> 01:31:52,833
♪♪
2015
01:32:02,458 --> 01:32:04,458
♪♪
2016
01:32:14,625 --> 01:32:16,625
[singers vocalizing]
2017
01:32:54,708 --> 01:32:56,708
♪♪
2018
01:33:20,333 --> 01:33:23,917
[♪ cheery song playing]
2019
01:33:24,000 --> 01:33:25,708
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2020
01:33:25,792 --> 01:33:27,625
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2021
01:33:27,708 --> 01:33:29,458
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2022
01:33:29,542 --> 01:33:31,292
♪ No one's gonna die today ♪
2023
01:33:31,375 --> 01:33:33,125
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2024
01:33:33,208 --> 01:33:35,000
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2025
01:33:35,083 --> 01:33:36,833
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2026
01:33:36,917 --> 01:33:38,667
♪ No one's gonna die today ♪
2027
01:33:38,750 --> 01:33:42,333
♪ Happy, nice, happy, nice,
happy, happy, happy, nice ♪
2028
01:33:42,417 --> 01:33:46,083
♪ Happy, nice, happy, nice,
happy, happy, happy ♪
2029
01:33:46,167 --> 01:33:47,875
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2030
01:33:47,958 --> 01:33:49,750
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2031
01:33:49,833 --> 01:33:51,625
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2032
01:33:51,708 --> 01:33:53,458
♪ No one's gonna die today ♪
2033
01:33:53,542 --> 01:33:55,292
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2034
01:33:55,375 --> 01:33:57,125
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2035
01:33:57,208 --> 01:33:58,917
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2036
01:33:59,000 --> 01:34:01,708
♪ No one's gonna die today ♪
2037
01:34:02,625 --> 01:34:04,125
[faster]
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2038
01:34:04,208 --> 01:34:05,708
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2039
01:34:05,792 --> 01:34:07,250
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2040
01:34:07,333 --> 01:34:08,833
♪ No one's gonna die today ♪
2041
01:34:08,917 --> 01:34:10,458
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2042
01:34:10,542 --> 01:34:12,083
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2043
01:34:12,167 --> 01:34:13,708
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2044
01:34:13,792 --> 01:34:15,792
♪ No one's gonna die today ♪
2045
01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:19,875
[faster] ♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice,
happy, nice, happy, nice ♪
2046
01:34:19,958 --> 01:34:22,667
♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice,
happy, nice, happy ♪
2047
01:34:22,750 --> 01:34:24,042
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2048
01:34:24,125 --> 01:34:25,458
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2049
01:34:25,542 --> 01:34:26,875
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2050
01:34:26,958 --> 01:34:28,958
♪ No one's gonna die today ♪
2051
01:34:30,958 --> 01:34:32,083
[faster]
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2052
01:34:32,167 --> 01:34:33,458
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2053
01:34:33,542 --> 01:34:34,667
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2054
01:34:34,750 --> 01:34:36,000
♪ No one's gonna die today ♪
2055
01:34:36,083 --> 01:34:37,125
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2056
01:34:37,208 --> 01:34:38,458
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2057
01:34:38,542 --> 01:34:39,750
♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪
2058
01:34:39,833 --> 01:34:42,208
♪ No one's gonna die today,
someone's gonna die today ♪
2059
01:34:42,292 --> 01:34:48,292
♪ We're all gonna die todaaay ♪
2060
01:34:51,000 --> 01:34:52,625
[♪ song ends]
2061
01:34:56,042 --> 01:34:59,042
[♪ gentle music playing]
2062
01:35:53,375 --> 01:35:55,375
♪♪
2063
01:36:41,000 --> 01:36:43,000
[♪ music fades out]
155594
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