Original subtitles

Watch that line, now. Watch that line.

- # Po Lazarus - # Po Lazarus!

# Po Lazarus... #

# Well, the high sheriff, he told the deputy

# Won't you go out and bring me Lazarus?

# Well, the high sheriff, he told the deputy

# Won't you go out and bring me Lazarus?

# Oh, bring him dead or alive

# O Lord

# Bring him dead or alive

# Well, the deputy, he told the high sheriff

# Well, I ain't gonna mess with Lazarus

# Well, the deputy, he told the high sheriff

# Said I ain't gonna mess with Lazarus... #

- Pick up that hammer, boy. - Yes, sir, boss.

# Well, he's a dangerous man

# O Lord, he's a dangerous man... #

Go on, hit it! Go!

# One evening as the sun went down

# And the jungle fire was burning

# Down the track came a hobo hikin'

# And he said, boys, I'm not turning

# I'm headed for a land that's far away

# Beside the crystal fountains

# So come with me, we'll go and see the big rock candy mountains

# In the big rock candy mountains

# There's a land that's fair and bright

# Where the handouts grow on bushes

# And you sleep out every night

# Where the boxcars all are empty

# And the sun shines every day

# On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees

# The lemonade springs where the bluebird sings

# In the big rock candy mountains

# In the big rock candy mountains

# All the cops have wooden legs

# And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth

# And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs

# The farmers' trees are full of fruit

# And the barns are full of hay

# Oh, I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow

# Where the rain don't fall, the wind don't blow

# In the big rock candy mountains

# In the big rock candy mountains

# You never change your socks

# And the little streams of alcohol

# Come a-trickling down the rocks

# The brakemen have to tip their hats

# And the railroad bulls are blind

# There's a lake of stew and of whiskey, too

# You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe

# In the big rock candy mountains... #

# The jails are made of tin

# And you can walk right out again

# As soon as you are in

# There ain't no short-handle shovels

# No axes, saws or picks

# I'm a-goin' to stay where you sleep all day

# Where they hung the jerk that invented work

# In the big rock candy mountains

# I'll see you all this comin' fall

# In the big rock candy mountains #

Say,

any of you boys smithies?

Or if not smithies, trained in the metallurgic arts,

before circumstances forced you into a life of wanderin'?

Jesus! Can't I count on you people?

Sorry, Everett.

Well, all right. If we take off through that bayou...

Wait a minute!

Who elected you leader of this outfit?

I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought,

but if that ain't the consensus, then hell, let's vote.

Suits me! I'm votin' for yours truly.

Well, I'm votin' for yours truly, too.

OK. I'm with you fellas.

Mind if we join you, old-timer?

Join me, m'son. Join me.

You work for the railroad, grandpa?

I work for no man.

- Got a name, do you? - I have no name.

That may be why you had difficulty finding gainful employment.

Y'see, in the mart of competitive commerce...

You seek a great fortune,

you three who are now in chains.

You will find a fortune,

though it will not be the fortune you seek.

But first...

first you must travel a long and difficult road,

a road fraught with peril, mm-hmm.

You shall see things...

wonderful to tell.

You shall see a... a cow...

on the roof of a cotton house, ha.

And, oh, so many startlements.

I cannot tell you how long this road shall be,

but fear not the obstacles in your path,

for fate has...

vouchsafed your reward.

Though the road may wind,

yea, your hearts grow weary,

still shall ye follow them,

even unto your salvation.

No, the treasure's still there, believe me.

But how'd he know about it?

I don't know, Delmar. The blind reputedly possess sensitivities

compensating for lack of sight,

to the point of developing psychic powers.

Clearly, seeing the future falls into that category.

It's not so surprising, then, that one lacking earthly vision...

He said we wouldn't get the treasure we seek,

on account of our obstacles.

What the hell does an ignorant old man know?

Jesus, Pete. I told you I buried it myself.

If your cousin still has this farm

and shoein' impedimenta to restore liberty of movement...

Hold it right there!

You men from the bank?

You Wash's boy?

Yes, sir. Daddy told me to shoot who's ever from the bank.

We ain't from the bank, young fella.

Yes, sir. I'm supposed to shoot folks servin' papers.

- We ain't got no papers, neither. - I nicked the census man.

Now, there's a good boy.

Is... is your daddy about?

Hello, Pete.

Who are your friends?

Pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Hogwallop.

- My name's Ulysses Everett McGill... - I'm Delmar O'Donnel.

How you been, Wash?

Been what, 12, 13 years?

Yeah...

I expect you want them chains knocked off.

They foreclosed on cousin Bishop.

He hanged hisself a year come May.

And Uncle Radcliffe?

The anthrax took most of his cows.

The rest don't milk.

He lost a boy to mumps.

Where's Cora, Cousin Wash?

Couldn't say.

Mrs. Hogwallop up and R-U-N-N-O-F-T.

She must have been lookin' for answers.

Possibly. Good riddance, as far as I'm concerned.

I do miss her cooking, though.

- This stew's awful good. - Think so?

I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday.

I'm afraid she's startin' to turn.

# You are my sunshine

# My only sunshine

# You make me happy

# When skies are grey

# You'll never know, dear

# How much I love you

# Please don't take my sunshine away #

'That winds up the Pass The Biscuits Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour.

'This is Pappy O'Daniel

'hopin' you been enjoyin' that old-timey music.

'And remember,

'when you're fixing to bake a mess of biscuits,

'use cool, clear water

'and good, pure, Pappy O'Daniel flour.'

Well, guess I'll be turnin' in. Say, uh, cousin Wash,

I suppose it'd be the acme of foolishness

to ask if you had a hair net.

We got a bunch in yon bureau.

Mrs. Hogwallop's, matter of fact.

Help yourself. I won't be needing 'em.

# You are my sunshine

# My only sunshine

# You make me happy

# When skies are grey... #

All right, boys!

How's my hair?

It's the authorities! We got you surrounded.

Damn, we're in a tight spot.

Just come on out and grab at air!

And don't try nothin' fancy.

Your situation is pretty nigh hopeless.

- Damn! We're in a tight spot! - What in the Sam Hill...?

Pete's cousin turned us in.

What the hell you sayin'?!

Wash is kin!

Sorry, Pete!

I know we're kin, but they got this depression on.

I got to do for me and mine.

I'm gonna kill you, Judas Iscariot Hogwallop!

You miserable, horse-eatin' son of a...

Damn! We're in a tight spot!

Damn his eyes!

Pa always said, "Never trust a Hogwallop."

Come and get us, coppers!

You leave us no choice but to smoke you out.

We're in a tight spot.

Light her up!

Hold up! Ain't you ever heard of negotiatin'?

We could talk this thing out. I hate fire!

You lousy, yella-bellied... Pete, we need one voice.

Careful with that fire!

Light the loft, son.

Aah! I hate fire!

Gapped-toothed, carpetbaggin', motherless spawn of hell!

Step back. Damn it. Look out.

Holy Saint Christopher!

Get away from that, she's liquid fire!

Take cover, boys! It ain't popcorn!

Scatter, boys!

God damn it!

Get in, boys!

I'm gonna R-U-N-N-O-F-T!

Come on, boys, come on! Come on!

What are you doing here? You ought to be in bed, clump snatcher.

You ain't the boss of me!

You candy-butted, car-thievin' sos-and-sos!

I curse your name!

Go back home and mind your pa!

What's the damn problem?

I can get the part from Bristol in two weeks. Your pomade.

Two weeks? That don't do me no good.

Nearest Ford auto man's Bristol.

Hold on. I don't want this pomade, I want Dapper Dan.

I don't carry Dapper Dan. I carry Fop.

I don't want Fop, god damn it! I'm a Dapper Dan man!

Watch your language, this is a public market.

Now, if you want Dapper Dan, I can have it in a coupla weeks.

Ain't this a geographical oddity! Two weeks from everywhere.

Forget it.

Just a dozen hair nets.

Well, didn't look like a one-horse town,

but try finding a decent hair jelly.

- Gopher, Everett? - No transmission belt for two weeks.

Huh? They dam that river on the 21st.

- Today is the 17th. - Don't I know it.

We got but four days to get to that treasure.

After that, it'll be at the bottom of a lake.

We won't make it walkin'.

- Right... - Gopher?

But the old tactician's got a plan.

For the transportation, not keeping my coiffure in order.

How's this a plan? How we gonna get a car?

Sell that. I figure you can only have painful association for Wash.

"To Washington Bartholomew Hogwallop,

"from his lovin' Cora.

- "Amor fidel... is." - It was in his bureau,

I reckon it'll fetch us enough for a good auto voiture

and a little leftover besides.

Whoo! You got light fingers, Everett.

- Gopher? - You miserable little snake.

You stole from my kin!

Who was fixin' to betray us.

You didn't know that at the time.

So I borrowed it till I did know.

That don't make no sense!

A fool seeks logic in the chambers of the heart.

What the hell is that singing?

Appears to be some kind of a... congregation.

Care for some gopher?

No, thank you, Delmar.

A third of a gopher'd only arouse my appetite

without beddin' her back down.

Oh, you can have the whole thing.

Me and Pete already had one.

We ran across a whole... gopher... village.

# O brothers, let's go down

# Let's go down, come on down

# Come on, brothers, let's go down

# Down in the river to pray

# As I went down in the river to pray

# Studyin' about that good old way

# And who shall wear the starry crown

# Good Lord, show me the way

# O fathers, let's go down

# Let's go down, come on down

# O fathers, let's go down

# Down in the river to pray

# As I went down in the river to pray

# Studying about that good old way

# And who shall wear the robe and crown

# Good lord, show me the way

# O mothers, let's go down

# Come on down, don't you wanna go down?

# Come on, mothers, let's go down... #

Well, I guess hard times flush the chumps.

Everybody's lookin' for answers.

Where the hell's he going?

The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

# Good Lord, show me the way

# O sinners, let's go down... #

Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.

Delmar's been saved.

Well, that's it, boys. I been redeemed.

The preacher done washed away all my sins and transgressions.

It's the straight and narrow from here on out.

And heaven everlasting's my reward.

Delmar, what are you on about? We got bigger fish to fry.

The preacher said all my sins is washed away,

including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo.

You said you was innocent of that.

Well, I was lyin'.

And the preacher said that that sin's been washed away, too.

Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now.

Come on in, boys. The water is fine.

Come on, boy. There, boy. Good doggy.

All right, boys, we got the scent.

- The preacher said it absolved us. - For Him, not for the law.

I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar.

- But witnesses seen us redeemed. - That's not the issue, Delmar.

Even square with the Lord, Mississippi's hard-nosed.

You shoulda joined us, Everett. It couldn'a hurt none.

Hell, it woulda washed away the stink of that pomade.

Joining you fools in superstition? Thank you, anyway.

And I like the smell of my hair, the pleasin' odor's half the point.

Baptism!

You two are dumber than a bag of hammers.

You're my cross to bear.

Pull over, Everett. Let's give that colored boy a lift.

You folks going past Tishomingo?

Sure, hop in.

How you doin', son? Name's Everett.

These two soggy sons of bitches are Pete and Delmar.

Keep your fingers away from Pete's mouth, he ain't eaten for 13 years,

'cept prison food and greasy horse.

Thanks for the lift, sir. My name's Tommy. Tommy Johnson.

How you doin', Tommy?

Say, I haven't seen a house out here for miles.

Why are you out in the middle of nowhere?

I had to be at that crossroads last midnight.

Sell my soul to the devil.

Ain't it a small world, spiritually speakin'?

Pete and Delmar just been saved. I'm the only one still unaffiliated.

It's no laughin' matter.

What'd the devil give you for it?

Well, he taught me to play this here guitar real good.

Oh, son, for that you traded your everlasting soul?

Well, I wasn't usin' it.

I've always wondered, what's the devil look like?

Well, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons,

but Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail,

- and he carries a hayfork. - Oh, no. No, sir.

He's white. As white as you folks.

With empty eyes and a big, hollow voice.

He traveled around with a mean old hound, that's right.

He told you to go to Tishomingo?

Well, no, sir. Why, that was my idea.

I heard there's a man there,

pays folks money to sing into his can.

They say he pays extra if'n you play real good.

Tishomingo, huh?

How much he pay?

All right, boys, follow my lead.

Hello?

- Who's the honcho here? - I am. Who are you?

Well, sir, I'm Jordan Rivers, and these are the Soggy Bottom Boys,

out of Cottonillia, Mississippi.

Songs of salvation to salve the soul.

Uh, we hear that you pay good money to sing into a can.

Well, that all depends. You boys do Negro songs?

Um... Well, uh, sir, we are Negroes.

All except for our accomp... accomp... the fella that plays the guitar.

Yeah, well, I don't record Negro songs.

No, I'm lookin' for some old-timey material.

People can't seem to get enough

since we started broadcasting it on the Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour,

so thank you for stopping by, but...

Sir, the Soggy Bottom Boys have been steeped in old-timey material.

- Heck, we're silly with it. - That's right.

Right. We ain't really Negroes.

All except for our accompanist.

# I am a man

# Of constant sorrow

# I've seen trouble all my days

# I bid farewell

# To old Kentucky

# The place where I

# Was born and raised

# The place where he

# Was born and raised

# For six long years

# I've been in trouble

# No pleasure here

# On Earth I found

# For in this world

# I'm bound to ramble

# I have no friends

# To help me now

# He has no friends

# To help him now

# Maybe your friends think

# I'm just a stranger

# My face you never

# Will see no more

# But there is one promise

# That is given

# I'll meet you on

# God's golden shore

# He'll meet you on

# God's golden shore #

Whoo! Hot damn, son! You did sell your soul to the devil!

Whoo-ee!

Boy, that was some mighty fine a-pickin' and a-singin'.

I'll tell you what.

Ahem. You come on in here, you...

you sign these papers here, I'm gonna give you $10 apiece.

Uh, OK, sir, but Mert and uh... Aloysious'll have to sign x's.

- Only four of us can write. - That'd be fine.

- Ha ha! - Whoo!

Hey, mister, I don't mean to tell tales out of school,

but there's a fella in there'll pay you $10 if you sing into his can.

I'm not hear to make a record, you dumb cracker.

They broadcast me on the radio.

That's Governor Menelaus "Pappy" O'Daniel.

He'd sure like it if you ate his farina and voted him a second term.

- Finest in Mississippi. - In any state.

Lord, yes. Every parish.

Ain't you gonna press the flesh, Pappy?

I'll press your flesh, you dim-witted son'bitch.

Don't tell me how to court the electorate. We ain't one-at-a-timin'.

We're mass communicatin'!

Oh, yes, that's a powerful new force.

Shake a leg, Junior.

Thank God your mammy died givin' birth,

she'd have died of shame.

Well, hi there! How you doin'?

# Hard time yearnin' where you go

# Times is harder than ever been before

# And the people are driftin'

# From door to door

# Can't find no heaven

# I don't care where they go

# Mm-hmm, mm-hmm

# Mm-hm, mm-hmm

# Say you had money

# You better be sure

# These hard times will drive you

# From door to door

# Uh-hmm

# Mm-hmm

# Uh-hmm, mm-hmm... #

Let's bed down here for the night.

Yeah, it stinks in that old barn.

Suits me.

Pretty soon it'll be nothin' but featherbeds and silk sheets.

# Mm-hm... #

A million dollars.

Million point two.

500,000 each. 400, Delmar.

Pete, what are you gonna do with your share of the treasure?

Go out west somewhere.

Open a fine restaurant.

I'm gonna be the maitre d'.

Greet all the swells.

Go to work every day in a bow tie,

tuxedo.

And all the staff say "yes, sir" and...

"no, sir..."

and "in a jiffy, Pete."

And all my meals for free.

What about you, Delmar,

what are you gonna do with your share of that dough?

I'm gonna visit them foreclosin' son of a guns

down at the Indianola Savings and Loan.

Slap that money on the barrel head and buy back the family farm.

You ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land.

What about you, Everett?

What you have in mind when you stole it in the first place?

Ahem. I... didn't have no plan.

Well, that hardly sounds like you.

All right, boys! It's the authorities!

Your situation is purty nigh hopeless!

Damn, they found our car.

We ain't got the time and nary the inclination

to chat with you boys any further.

Damn, we got to skedaddle.

I left my pomade in the car. Maybe I can creep up.

Don't be a fool, Everett. We got to R-U-N-N-O-F-T.

Where's Tommy?

Already lit out, scared out of his wits.

Let's go!

Well, hell, it ain't square one.

Ain't no one gonna pick up three filthy, unshaved hitchhikers.

And one of them a know-it-all who can't keep his trap shut.

The rancor reflected in that remark I won't dignify with comment.

But I'll address your general attitude of hopeless negativism.

Consider the lilies of the goddam field.

Or, hell, look at Delmar as your paradigm of hope.

Yeah. Look at me.

You may call it unreasoning optimism, you may call it obtuse,

but the plain and simple fact is we got close to...

three days before they...

... dam that river.

Is this the road to Itta Bena?

Uh... Itta Bena?

Itta Bena? Stay on this here road.

That ain't right, I was thinking of, uh...

- Take this road. - Nah, that ain't right.

Seems to me there's a road...

Cow road that used to lead all the way...

Well, most of the way... Er, that ain't right, either.

- Hop in while you give it a think. - Right. Delmar.

Any of you boys know your way around a Walther PPK?

Well, we can't help. I don't believe it's in Mississippi.

Friend, some of your folding money has come unstowed.

Just stuff it down that sack, will you?

You boys aren't bad men, I take it?

Well, it's funny you should ask.

I was bad till yesterday, but me and Pete here been saved.

I'm Delmar, and that there is Everett.

George Nelson. It's a pleasure.

Grab the tiller, will you, buddy?

Hand me that chopper.

Say, what line of work you in, George?

Ha ha ha ha!

Come and get me, coppers!

You flatfooted, lame-brained, soft-ass sons of bitches!

Ah ha ha ha ha! No one can catch me! I'm George Nelson!

I'm bigger than any John, live or limp!

I'm ten an' a half feet tall!

Cows. I hate cows worse than coppers!

Oh, George... Not the livestock.

Come on, you miserable salaried sons of bitches! Come and get me!

Come on, boys, we're going for the record.

Three banks in two hours!

OK, folks, hold the applause and drop your drawers!

I'm George Nelson, and I'm here to sack the city Itta Bena!

He's a live wire, though, ain't he?

All the money in a bag. What are you lookin' at, grandpa?

Pardon me, George, you got a plan for escapin'?

Sure, boys.

Here's my plan. Ha ha ha ha!

They ain't never seen ordnance like this!

Thank you, folks.

And remember, Jesus saves, but George Nelson withdraws!

Go fix the auto voiture, Pete.

Is it Babyface Nelson?

Who said that?

What ignorant, low-down, slanderisin'

son of a bitch said that?!

My name is George Nelson, get me?!

She didn't mean nothin' by it, George.

George Nelson! Not Babyface!

You remember! And you tell your friends!

I'm George Nelson.

Born to raise hell.

Well, that was some fun, now, wasn't it, George?

Yeah.

Almost makes me wish I hadn'ta been saved.

Jacking up banks.

I can see how a fella'd derive a whole lot of pleasure

and satisfaction out of it.

- It's OK. - Hoo, dawgies!

Well...

I'm takin' off.

You boys might as well keep my... share of the riches.

Well, where are you going, George?

I don't know. Who cares?

Now, what do you suppose is eatin' George?

Well, they say that with the thrill-seeking personality,

what goes up must come down.

Top of the world one minute, sad the next.

Yes, sir, it's as if our old friend George is a alley cat

and his own damn humors are swingin' him by the tail.

I wouldn't worry, Delmar. He'll be back on top again.

I don't think we've seen the last of George Nelson.

'Don't be saps for Pappy.

'Homer Stokes for governor.

'Let's sweep this state clean. Vote for Stokes, brother.'

#... meet with the darkness and strive

# The sunny side you also may view

# Keep on the sunny side

# Always on the sunny side

Aw, shh shh. Hang on! I'm gonna slap one on here.

Folks, here's my cousin Ezra's niece,

Eudora from out of Greenwood,

doin' a little number with her cousin Tom-Tom,

which I predict you gonna enjoy thoroughly.

Now, what can I do you for, Mr. French?

How can I lay a hold of them Soggy Bottom Boys?

Soggy Bottom. I don't precisely recollect them.

They cut a record a few days ago, an old-timey harmony thing,

with a guitar accomp... accomp...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember them.

Colored fellas, I believe.

Yes, sir, they a fine bunch of boys.

They sang into yonder can, then skedaddled.

Well, that record is just goin' through the goddam roof.

- They playin' it far away as Mobile. - No.

Whole damn state's goin' apey.

Well, it was a powerful air.

Hot damn, we gotta find them boys and sign 'em to a fat contract.

Hell's bells, Mr. Lund, if we don't, the goddam competition will.

Oh, mercy, yes, we got to beat that competition.

- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir.

# Fly away

# Like a bird, from these prison walls I'll fly

# I'll fly away, fly away

# I'll fly away, fly away, o glory

# I'll fly away, fly away

# In the mornin'

# When I die, hallelujah by and by

# I'll fly away, fly away

# Just a few more weary days and then

# I'll fly away, fly away

To a land where joys will never end... #

Woo hoo, whoo!

# I'll fly away, fly away... #

# I'll fly away, fly away, o glory

# I'll fly away, fly away

# In the mornin'

- # When I die hallelujah by and by

# I'll fly away, fly away

# When the shadows of this life have gone

# I'll fly away, fly away

# Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly

# I'll fly away, fly away... #

Delmar! Over here!

Do you have the Soggy Bottom Boys performing "Man of Constant Sorrow"?

No, ma'am. We got a new shipment in yesterday.

Sorry, but we just can't keep 'em on our shelves.

# I'll fly away, fly away, o glory

# I'll fly away, fly away

# In the mornin'

# When I die, hallelujah by and by

# I'll fly away, fly away

# Just a few more weary days and then

# I'll fly away, fly away

# To a land where joys will never end

# I'll fly away, fly away

# I'll fly away, fly away, o glory

# I'll fly away, fly away... #

How are you?

Delmar, come on. Go.

#... I'll fly away, fly away

# I'll fly away, fly away

# In the mornin' #

# Go to sleep, you little baby

Shut up, Delmar.

Ohh!

Pull over! Pull over!

Guess old Pete's got the itch.

# Go to sleep, you little baby

# Go to sleep, you little baby

# Your mama's gone away, and your daddy's gonna stay

# Didn't leave nobody but the baby

- # Go to sleep, you little baby... # - Howdy do, ladies? Name of Pete.

# Go to sleep, you little baby

# Everybody's gone in the cotton and the corn

# Didn't leave nobody but the baby... #

You gonna introduce us?

I don't know their names. I seen 'em first!

# You're sweet, little baby

# Honey in the rock, and the sugar don't stop

# Gonna bring a bottle to the baby

# Don't you weep, pretty baby

# Don't you weep, pretty baby

# She's long gone with her red shoes on

# Gonna need another lovin' baby... #

Ladies, my name is Ulysses Everett McGill,

and, well, you three ladies are about the... the prettiest...

# You and me and the devil makes three

# Don't need no other lovin' baby... #

Water lilies, uh...

- # Go to sleep, you little baby... # - Corn liquor.

# Go to sleep, you little baby

# You and me and the devil makes three

# Don't need no other lovin' baby

# Go to sleep, you little baby

# Go to sleep, you little baby

# Your mama's gone away, and your daddy's gonna stay

# Didn't leave nobody but the baby

# Go to sleep, you little baby

# Go to sleep, you little baby

# Come lay your bones on the alabaster stones

# And be my everlovin' baby #

Everett.

- Everett. - My hair!

Look at this.

Pete!

Where the heck are you?!

Pete!

We ain't got time for hide-and-seek!

We ain't got time for shenanigans!

Sweet Jesus, Everett.

They left his heart!

Delmar, what the heck's got into you?

Can't you see it, Everett?

Them sirens did this to Pete.

They loved him up and turned him into a... horny toad.

Pete!

Pete! Pete!

Pete! Pete!

Pete! Pete!

Pete, it's me... Delmar.

It's me... Delmar.

- Everett. - Delmar, what the...?!

What are we gonna do?!

I'm not sure that's Pete.

Of course it's Pete. Look at him.

We got to find some kind of... wizard can change him back.

I'm just not sure that's Pete.

You can't display a toad in a fine restaurant.

Folks'd go off their feed.

Hey. I just don't think it's right keeping him under wraps

like we was ashamed of him.

If it is Pete, I am ashamed of him.

He got what he deserved, fornicatin' with some whore of Babylon.

These things don't happen for no reason.

It's a judgment on Pete's character.

Well, the two of us was fixin' to fornicate.

You'll have to excuse my rusticated friend,

unaccustomed as he is to city manners.

Hmm?

I guess we'll have a couple of steaks

and some, uh, gratin� potatoes,

and wash it down with your finest bubbly wine.

Oh, I don't suppose you have any...

Maybe the chef could prepare...

Just bring us a couple of leaves of raw cabbage.

- Yes, sir. - Thank you.

I don't believe I've seen you boys. Allow me to introduce myself.

Name of Daniel Teague, known around here as Big Dan Teague,

Or, pressed for time, Big Dan! Tout court!

Name's Ulysses Everett McGill. My associate, Delmar O'Donnel.

I detect, like me, you're endowed with the gift of gab.

I flatter myself such is the case. In my line, it's plum necessary.

The one thing you don't want...

is air in the conversation.

Again we agree. What kind of work you do, Big Dan?

Sales, Mr. McGill, sales! What do I sell?

The truth, every blessed word of it.

From Genesis down to Revelations.

Yes, the word of God, which, let me say,

there's damn good money in during these times of woe and want.

People want answers, and Big Dan sells the only book that's got 'em.

And what do you do, you and your, uh, tongue-tied friend?

We, uh...

We're adventurers, sir,

pursuing an opportunity,

but we're open to others as well.

I like you. I'm gonna propose you a proposition.

You cover my bill for now, get your dinner wrapped picnic-style

and we'll retire to more private environs,

where I'll reveal how to make vast amounts of money

in the service of God Almighty.

Well, why not? I can use some civilized conversation.

Don't forget your shoe box, friend.

Damn shame! Goddam campaign is lagging!

We need a shot in the arm. Hear me, boys? In the goddam arm!

Election held tomorrow, that sumbitch Stokes would win in a walk!

He's the reform candidate, Daddy.

- Yeah? - A lot of people like that reform.

Maybe we should get us some.

I'll reform you, you soft-headed son of a bitch.

How we gonna run reform? We're the incumbent!

Is that the best you can come up with? Reform?!

Weepin' Jesus on the cross.

That's it!

Start drafting my concession speech right now.

OK, Pappy.

I'm just making a point, you stupid son'bitch.

- Give me back that hat! - Pappy's just makin' a point.

Shut up!

Thank you for that fricassee. I'm a man of large appetites.

Even with lunch under my belt, I was a mite peckish.

Our pleasure.

Thank you as well for the conversational hiatus.

I generally refrain from speech during gustation.

There are those who attempt both at the same time.

I find it coarse and vulgar.

- Where were we? - Making money in the Lord's service.

Friend, when you do speak, it's to the point and I salute you.

Yes, Bible sales.

The trade is not complicated. There are two things to learn...

One, find a wholesaler,

the word of God in bulk, as it were.

Two, recognize your customer. Who are you dealing with?

It's an exercise in psychology, so to speak.

And it is that which I propose to give you a lesson in right now.

I like to think I'm an astute observer of the human scene, too.

No doubt, brother. I figured as much at the restaurant.

That's why I invited you all out here for this advanced tutorial.

What's going on, Big Dan?

It's all about the money, boys! That's it!

Gol... durned... money!