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My name is Patricia Reid, and what you're about to see is an account of my life,

first as a chattel to the notorious pirate Captain Hooker, and then become the first

female pirate captain of the Caribbean.

I'd been captured by Captain Hooker on his bloody crew during a raid for supplies on

one of the British Antilles.

A man-of-war belonging to the Crown gave pursuit, and after a fierce and bloody

battle, Hooker's ship managed to escape.

But oh, at what a price.

Only four of us were left, and I had done much thinking on how to get rid of these

vermin and get to land once again.

Hey, wench, since you come of a good family, I have a mind to sell you back to

the Brits for me freedom.

What say you to that?

Judging by your crew, Captain, you have no alternative.

And where will it take place?

Kingman Cay, if we make it.

Aye, Captain, we'll make it.

These charts we took in the raid seem true to me.

Once we spot the island, we'll drop anchor off the lee side.

We'll go in by knife with our bonny prize.

Strike up the bargain.

Well, Captain, you seem eager to be rid of me.

Is that all our time is meant to each other?

Just another dalliance for the great pirate captain?

Hush thy mouth, wench.

Lust is one thing.

Survival is another.

I plan to sell these seas again, and you're my ticket, pretty one.

Still, I'll miss you.

Hell, I'd make you part of me crew if it wasn't for the bloody man of war.

Didn't waste time, Captain.

Once we drop anchor, I'll be dropping something between your legs to remember me

by.

Cutlass Jack, did I not fight along with you against those scurvy louts?

And haven't I proven my worth and loyalty?

True, you're not named Cobra for your sweetness.

So why the sour mood?

Why?

God's men, as heard below, and him, pleasuring each other, and me being

ignored like just so much baggage.

You're not known for your patience, are you, Cobra?

She'll be gone soon.

Let them have their fun.

You're missing the point, Jack.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh

Oh Oh Oh

Oh...

Oh, Patricia.

Oh,

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss you.

But I'll make it right before I go, I tell you that.

We are going to go for a ride.

Ride me like the wind.

Ride me like the wind.

I need to get a drink.

Oh, you're dripping like it's raining.

My little princess, tell me what you like.

Oh, God.

Oh, I'll cry.

Oh, I'm going to spill.

Yes,

yes.

I could come any time, but I'm going to make it last.

I'm going to make you remember this one.

I want it to go forever.

I like that Captain Hooker.

I'm so proud of you.

Oh, God.

Oh, baby.

Oh,

God.

Ah.

Hi...

Oh, guess what?

Hi...

Oh, we've come again.

Hey.

Come on.

Oh, I'm dying.

I'm dying.

Oh, Jesus.

You've raised a child, I say, Captain.

Yes.

Remember me by then.

You're gonna miss me, lass.

Oh, yes, Captain.

God's blood, woman.

That was the best ever.

You'll miss me, my little princess.

Oh, yes, Captain.

I'm not looking forward to that dull, routine society life again.

And I'll never find the likes of you again.

Now, how about a farewell toast for our adventures together?

Aye, I think it calls for a drink.

I feel it.

Why?

There we go.

Aye, that hit the spot.

You know, strong drink makes me very funny.

Funny?

Brings out the animal in me.

I've no complaints when you're sober, lass.

Oh, but you haven't seen me drunk yet.

Well, let's have another drink.

Oh.

Aye.

I'm randy again, my darling.

Prepare to be boarded.

Not till I'm drunk, Captain.

One more drink.

Okay, one more drink.

Two more drinks.

Okay, two more drinks.

One for you.

One for me.

Oh, oh.

Oh.

I got to get you drunk.

Aye.

Captain.

How are you feeling, Captain?

Oh, I'm ready.

How about one more drink, Captain?

Oh, God's blood woman.

I'm drunk as a lord.

You should be passed out by now.

It's just a wee pity thing.

You sure that ain't hollow?

No, just one more drink.

One more drink.

Aye.

I'm ready, wench.

And so am I, my brave Captain.

Aye.

Still angry?

Aye, but I've been thinking.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

What's the matter?

You afraid?

Bite your tongue, wench.

I fear no man.

You bite my tongue, Cutlass Jack.

Bite it hard.

Let me help you off with your boots.

I'll leave my boots on.

Okay.

Let's get these bloomers off.

Can't get them off.

Yes.

Put it in and look at me.

Let me see your eyes.

Oh.

How much can you take of it, my lady?

Oh, yes.

Slowly come out.

Oh.

Back down.

Just like that.

Oh, I like that.

Oh, yes.

Ah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

Cobra, I want to fuck you.

Yes, I do.

I want to fuck you.

Are you saying no?

No.

Ah.

Oh.

Oh.

Ah.

Oh.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah, shiver me timbers, ah, ah yes, ah, oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

Oh, Cobra, you are one wicked wench.

We'd better get our clothes on before the captain catches us.

Cobra, the captain would like to see you.

Don't piss off, I'm busy.

I think you'd better.

Sweet Jesus, would you look at that!

The great Captain Hooker, swilled to the scupper.

And likely to stay so.

Let's do it.

Female guile, Cobra.

The same female guile.

Then it's gonna get Cactus Jack in our powers also.

Now why would we want to do that, Lady Patricia?

Because the English are no way gonna ransom me back in exchange for amnesty for

pirates.

First of all, I'm damaged goods.

And secondly, I'm not a lady like you think.

I'm merely a lady in waiting.

And that is not enough to exchange for a hated pirate.

I can't sail this ship, and I'm sure you can't.

But there's a lifeboat.

We're not far from land.

We don't have any weapons.

This used to belong to Captain Hooker.

Now go get Cutlass Jack, so we can get out of here.

Do you know how to use that?

Does it matter?

Cold.

Cold.

What's this bilge about the Captain being ill?

Take a look for yourself.

He smells like a brewery.

He's not ill.

He's sloshed.

How'd you get him drunk, lass?

How'd you get so careless, Jack?

I put your hands behind your back.

Give me that gun, you silly bitch.

How would you like to have a balls between your eyes, pirate?

And so we left our prison to make our way to Kingman Island and freedom.

I never saw Cobra again.

And I wish her well.

As for those two pirate pricks we left behind, hanging by the neck will be too

good for them.

Oh, God.

I'm done.

I'll keep a look.

Don't worry.

Are we going to do the other side, too?

Yeah.

Okay, I'm done.

Get the boat.

Okay, you have no more time.

God's blood, Kit Morgan.

You're a stubborn fool.

We are the crew.

I say we steal a ship right off Kingman's harbour.

Come on, now, you know what they say.

Only the brave deserve the fare.

Remember that?

Aye.

But stealing a ship under the barrels of the British guns?

You're daft, man.

It cannae be done, Billy.

Pussy couldn't do it, mate.

You're calling me a pussy?

Oh, no, no, no, Kit Morgan.

Forgive me.

I didn't, I think so.

Yellow-bellied pussies is what I meant, mate.

Aye?

And I'll have your dick-bellied blood.

Aye.

We'll see what colour that is.

Aye, if you will, mate.

Is it true?

You have men that can sail a ship?

Aye, and plunder and pillage, too, lad.

But what's it to you?

I know when to be had.

Yours for the taking.

Only a few miles from here.

Aye, and what's your name, boy?

Aye, and how does crippling like you come to such knowledge, aye?

My name's Peter, and I sailed with Captain Hooker.

Hooker?

Aye.

I have his gun as proof.

Give me that.

Let me see that.

I took this from him right before I jumped the ship.

Go blimey, mate.

It's Hooker's signature.

Aye, I see that.

His bleeding gun is famous.

Well, I'm tired and I want to get a room.

We'll talk about this tomorrow.

That is, if you're still interested.

Barkeep, do you have lodging here?

Aye, lad.

I'll have Mary show you to a room.

You can come with me, boy.

It's Captain Hooker's for sure.

Aye, I can see that.

Doesn't make any sense, mate.

How would a boy like that come across...

Why don't you fuck the information out of him, Billy?

No faggot, you little wench.

And you have cause to know that, too.

He ain't a boy, you boob.

He's a she.

You two are so crocked, you can't tell the difference.

Aye, well, we'd better both get a wee bit more acquainted with young Peter.

You can have it yourself, kid.

Me man stays right here where he belongs.

You're right, kid.

You go ahead.

If Hooker's ship's out there somewhere for the taking, I want to know where it is.

Aye, get my drift?

Ah, rub it up.

And that's for you.

Aye, all tucked in for the night now, are we, Peter?

I've got to get my sleep.

Just go on back to the bar, okay, kid?

Now that you mention it, lad, I need a wee bit of sleep myself.

Do you mind if I share the bed with you?

Why would I mind?

I'm not a bloody poop.

Get out.

Aye, that's for certain.

Talk about this wee nighty of yours.

Why should we?

Why shouldn't we?

Come on, come on.

You need to go.

I've got to get some sleep.

Please, kid.

You had a lovely wee thing.

What are you talking about?

I'm not a Nancy boy.

Come on, get out of here.

You can't... I'm talking about now, boy.

Go on.

What are you doing?

Are you crazy?

Just taking a closer look, lad.

No need getting a closer look.

Come on.

Hey, come on, this isn't fair.

They're calling you downstairs.

I can hear them.

You've got lovely skin, lad.

It's all the sea air.

Aye, the sea air's done you good, too.

Come on.

Just calm on down now, lad.

Calm down.

Steady as she goes.

Listen to the old kid.

That's it.

Now just relax, lad.

Just relax.

I don't think you're going to like this.

Aye.

I think I'm way a bit different.

No, come on.

This isn't right.

Come on.

Aye, lad.

If it's a lad, you be.

I'm a lad.

Aye.

What a lad.

You've got awful bony skin.

Lovely wee lips, too.

No.

Are you crazy?

Are you a poof or what?

I'm not a poof, boy.

What's this, lad?

You've got a nice chest for a lad.

Good eating.

Aye, I'll say it was good eating.

Lovely tummy.

Lovely wee tummy.

Come on, come on, come on.

Go downstairs.

I need my sleep, okay?

Aye, well what about sharing the bed, then?

No sharing bed.

No sharing of the bed.

It's my bed.

I paid for the bed.

No.

No, I don't want to do this.

Come now, lad.

If you'd be a lad.

What about taking the wee nightgown off?

Why should I?

How many inches of reason do you need, lad?

You're not serious, are you?

Dead serious, lad.

If you'd be a lad, like I said before.

This is ridiculous.

Aye, is it now?

Lad?

Aye, I knew it all along you were not a lad.

But a lovely woman.

In full cherry blossom, lassie.

And what about the rest, huh?

Surprise?

Aye, you're a lovely wee thing.

I'm thinking Alexa shagging a wee bum off of you.

I think you should take your floss off here, matey.

Hurry now, Kid Morgan.

Aye, be silent with you.

For your time is coming.

Aye, you're mine for the taking, lassie.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Aye,

well squeeze it harder than, lass.

Aye, enough of this, lass.

Urgh.

Oh, yes.

Let me rest your tongue.

There we go.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Matey bogs, he is.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Oh,

yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh.

Aye, settle down, lassie.

Aye,

nice and easy now.

That's it.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Urgh.

Now for a wee bit of a tailwind.

Oh, yes, matey.

Oh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Urgh.

Oh.

Oh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Urgh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh...

Oh.

Yeah.

Let's go some more.

Where's the barkeep, Billy?

Ay, sent him away at last.

So, do you think the kid will get some answers to that little wench upstairs?

Ay, but I'd rather keep my mind on what's happening down here.

Oh, you mean down here between your legs, Billy Blood.

My, your hands are busy.

Ay, and so is your tongue.

Since you've come here, I have other things I'd like to do with that.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oy.

Now, aren't you glad you didn't go upstairs with the kid?

That I am, Liza, that I am.

Get out of this, will you?

Right away, Billy.

Oy, my gosh.

Oh, boy, will you look at these.

Ooh, and the way they just stand up there right there when I tease them,

huh?

I want to get these clothes off.

Get these clothes off?

Consider these clothes off.

Oy, you have one wonderful sight to look at, you nasty wench.

Are you ready for me, lass?

I'm ready, Billy.

Yes?

Here's the first part of me.

Ay.

Hurry, Billy.

Hurry.

Nice and pink.

Oh, you're the best, Billy Blood.

Ay, I know.

Oh.

Ay.

It is good as I remember.

Have you been practicing somewhere, Billy?

Not I, lass.

You know me better than that.

Oh,

ay, it's like that, Billy.

Play with that, will you?

I've got to get out of your trousers.

Ooh, let me see your big sword, Billy.

Mm, the real sword.

Too long, Billy Blood.

Get ready.

Ay.

Oh.

Ah.

Can I give you some of that?

Come here and kiss me.

Do you mind fondling me just a little bit?

Mm, not at all.

Mm.

Oh.

Just like if you'd taken a taste of that.

Oh, yeah.

Let's see.

Scoot over.

You wrap my lips around your dagger.

Oh, my face.

Oh, blimey, that feels so bloody good.

Oh.

That's it, boy.

That's it.

All right.

Ooh.

Mm.

Oh, you haven't lost your neck, lad.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Mm, you're bringing out in me.

Mm.

Oh, blimey, you don't have suck good, babe.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, good.

That's it.

That's it, baby.

Let me shock you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck me, man.

Fuck me.

Come on, baby.

That's it.

That's it.

Yeah, that's it.

Ah.

Ay.

Ay.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

That's it.

That's it.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Don't miss a thing.

That's it.

Ooh.

That's it.

Thank you.

Spread your legs.

Oh.

That's it.

That's right, that is it.

Oh.

Oh.

Ooh.

Mm-hmm.

This is so good.

That's it.

You're gonna have to see a little bit too long.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck me.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck me.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Ooh.

You know I wanna fuck you from your bum.

Ooh.

From underneath.

You know I love it from underneath.

Mm-hmm.

Right up the old scalp.

Hey, mate.

Oh.

Thank you.

Do you mind?

Ay.

It's a bit of a win-win out here, eh?

Oh.

Okay.

It's getting nice and easy.

Just in case someone's watching.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Hey.

I'm calling your ass, girl.

You little tramp.

Mm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Oh, God.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Fuck me hard.

Fuck me hard.

Fuck me pussy belly.

Come on.

Come on, you can beat me.

Come on.

Come on.

Oh.

You nasty pirate.

You nasty pirate.

Come on, ram your ass hard.

Ram your ass hard.

Yes.

Ay.

Ay.

Yeah.

Oh, really.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, you love when you ram me so hard.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, you make me.

Yeah, man, I'm gonna come all over your arse, man.

Is that all right, girl?

I'm gonna come on your arse, eh?

Oh, that would pleasure me greatly.

Mm.

Good.

Let me see it.

Let me see it.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, I can feel it, girl.

You can feel it, girl?

Yes, I can feel it.

I'll put you right there, love.

Yeah.

Ooh, it's gonna come good, love.

It's gonna come good, love.

Right in your arse, man.

Right now.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

You know the worst part, love?

I got it bleeding on me foot.

Oh, gosh.

But it feels so good.

Come here, you.

Oh.

What you do for me.

Mm, it's me pleasure.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

That was better than ever.

You know you'll always be the only one for me.

I love you.

I love you.

Ahoy!

Aye.

Wake up, you lollygaggers.

We've a ship to take.

By God, you did it, mate.

Three times, in fact.

Oh, Lucy.

Not that kid.

Did she talk?

Do you know where the ship is?

Aye, she told me everything.

Aye, a great fuck is more persuasive than a cat in nine tails.

Well, I reckon we ought to round up the others, then, and be off.

Aye.

By the way, what ever happened to Hogan and his crew?

Aye, they're all dead or jumped ship, but she's just sitting there, waiting for

the plucking.

We're wasting time, mate.

Let's move.

Let's be off.

Ah, if it isn't little Peter.

It's Patricia.

And I'm sure you're the one they pointed out the difference.

Those two were so shit-faced last night, they wouldn't know cocks from cunts.

My, you do have a salty tongue, lass.

But don't think you come from the likes of us.

I was captured by Hooker and his crew on a raid.

Ah, I thought as much.

Sit down, Mary.

I have some thoughts for you, and I don't think you're going to like them.

Kid Morgan, in his throes of passion, told me that your man had a wench on the

side.

What?

Ever heard of Molly Malone?

Why, that poon-besotted traitor.

That lying hound dog, Molly Malone.

Ha, I know her, the bitch.

He's probably with her right now for a little farewell.

I'm sure you had yours last night.

Billy, why the big rush?

I've got a ship to catch, mate.

And a long trip to take.

Won't be seeing you for a while, lass.

That's why I'm in a hurry.

How long?

As long as it takes.

I'll just pay attention to why I'm here, will ya?

Oh, boy.

Oh, you fuck me up.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh!

Okay...

You look pretty awesome, right?

You do look pretty awesome...

Okay.

Now, wind up a little bit.

Okay, now, relax.

Now, shut your fingers up, good.

Get good and wet...

Good girl, good girl.

We have to help the baby.

Are you ready for this big cock?

Get your fingers out of there.

I'm going to put it in nice and slow.

Back up on it, that's it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Feeling good now?

Oh, yeah.

Slap me.

Slap that hand, huh?

Yeah.

You always did like a little mean fuck in your life, eh?

Oh, yeah.

Help me, hon.

Help me.

Oh, you coming on my cock, huh?

Yes, you are, huh?

Oh, boy.

Yes, you know a good dip, huh?

You're not coming on my cock, are you, love?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Come here.

Come here.

I'm not going to be sitting here, little pussy, for a long time.

Be on your side.

That's it, baby.

Be on your side.

That's it, baby.

That's it.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Check it off, love.

Check that position.

Oh.

Look at my hand.

Oh.

Oh.

Here we come.

Watch.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

That's a good girl, huh?

Uh-huh.

Let me balance you on your neck, too.

Oh.

Oh.

That's right.

Okay.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

I'm gonna suck you in, okay?

Do you want to get nasty, so?

I'm gonna suck you in.

I'm gonna suck you in.

I'm gonna show all my cock.

Come on.

Good.

Right.

Come on.

That's a little winch.

A little tug.

Good.

Come on.

Oh, I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Yeah!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Yeah!

Okay, I want you to suck my cock and get a good winch.

I want you to sit down.

Right?

Okay.

You can do that now?

Mm-hmm.

I'm going to suck my cock and sit down.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Let Captain Blood catch his breath.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Suck it good.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

That's it, baby.

That's it, baby.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Oh,

yeah.

I want you to do the last sentence.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Give me a pause.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

That's good.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

That's it.

Mm-hmm.

Last one.

Okay.

I want you to do the last sentence.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to suck my cock and

get a good winch.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Turn.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, fuck off.

Fuck off.

Yeah, fuck you.

Give me a pause.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

Oh, you want to come back, huh?

Come back.

Come back.

Come back.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck you.

Oh, yeah.

You got it.

Come on, come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Yeah, come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Oh.

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

Oh, yeah.

All of you, come on.

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah, that's good.

Oh, yeah, no...

Squeeze it.

Mali, Mali, mi Mali.

You know there's no other way to choose, you know this.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

I'm gonna miss you, love.

I'll be thinking about you every night.

You can count on that.

It's always the woman that pays.

The men just go off their merry way.

Except this time, when Billy and his crew go to board the ship.

There'll be a surprise waiting for them.

What surprise?

I left Hooker and Cutlass Jack tied up when I left the ship.

But knowing them, they've already slipped their bounds...

and are waiting for tonight to sail away.

Billy and Kate Morgan have the numbers.

But Hooker...

he has the element of surprise.

Ah, Patricia Lass, you little fibber.

You told Kid the ship were deserted.

Oh, it should be right, buddy.

You're a tough little wench.

And enough cunning for a pirate captain.

A pirate captain who would be good to her woman.

Good?

How so?

Here, let me show you.

In a pox on those miserable men.

Oh, yeah.

Definitely no men.

Help with this.

No more boy.

No more boy.

You're on for my pirate captain.

Oh, God, your breath is so hot.

I've never felt a woman's touch before.

It's nice.

I think you're right.

Ah.

Sweet.

Hook.

Ah.

Oh.

Ah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Ah.

Oh.

Ah.

Oh.

Oh.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Oh.

I can't reach you.

Oh, yes.

I can't stop.

And this one.

And this one.

You know what?

I think we're gonna start a new era in pirates.

Oh, yes.

And pirating.