Original subtitles

-Thank you very much, everybody.

Enjoy yourself. Welcome, everybody.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."

You're here.

[ Cheers and applause ]

I'm very excited about this.

Zendaya and Robert Pattinson are here tonight.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Right now the entire crowd is like, "Jimmy,

if you say April Fools, we will destroy you."

No, it's real.

Zendaya and Robert star in a new movie called "The Drama."

[ Cheers and applause ] That's right. Yeah.

This is where they play a couple whose relationship is threatened

when a shocking secret is revealed.

[ Audience oohs ]

Kristi Noem heard and was like, "Can't be that shocking."

[ Laughter ]

Yep. Zendaya stars in "The Drama"

and later this year, she's in "Dune: Part Three,"

"Spider-Man --" [ Cheers and applause ]

"Spider-Man: Brand New Day."

[ Cheers and applause ]

And "The Odyssey."

[ Cheers and applause ]

And Pedro Pascal was like, "Game recognize game."

Alright, here we go. Let's get to some news.

Well, guys, this morning President Trump made history

by becoming the first sitting U.S.

president to show up for opening arguments at the Supreme Court.

Yep. Trump was excited.

It's the first time he's been in court

without the chance of going to jail.

[ Laughter ]

Meanwhile, Trump stormed out 13 minutes

into the opposing argument.

Yep. The last time Trump walked out

of something after 13 minutes,

it was the Melania movie.

[ Laughter ]

Yep. Trump left the Supreme Court pretty upset,

and he got even more mad

when he found out there was no Supreme Food Court either.

He's like, "Why don't I smell Panda Express?

What's going on?" [ Laughter ]

Get this. Trump just announced

that he's going to renovate the Reflecting Pool

between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument.

More and more, it feels like he was the elected president

of HGTV, don't you think?

[ as Trump ] I like an open-concept kitchen.

[ Normal voice ] Well, it's been a rough couple of weeks for Trump.

And now his approval rating has hit a new low.

In response, Trump said...

And everyone using TurboTax said...

[ Laughter ]

Then Trump said...

Then Kristi Noem's husband said...

[ Applause ]

Trump said...

Then everyone on "The Masked Singer" said...

Then Trump said...

Then marshmallow Peeps said...

The Trump said...

Then the picture of Prince Andrew being arrested said...

And finally, Trump said...

And every guy in a Hims commercial said...

Interesting, interesting quotes.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hey, this is cool. Earlier tonight,

NASA launched its first crewed mission to the moon in 53 years.

Yeah, the rocket launch from Cape Canaveral,

did a quick flyby over Kid Rock's house,

and then headed for the moon.

-Oh, wow.

-Some tech news -- Drivers can now use ChatGPT

with Apple's CarPlay.

Although I saw the ad for it.

I'm not sure it's such a great idea.

Take a look at this.

-ChatGPT is coming to cars everywhere.

-Hey, ChatGPT, how far away is Target?

-That's a great question, Dan.

It's both insightful and shows

that you care about timing and preparation.

-Yeah, I -- I just need to know how far Target is.

I don't need the whole AI answer.

-[ Laughs ] Totally get it.

You're interested in the distance from here to Target.

It's really key that you ask that, especially now at a time

when you're driving to Target and --

-Stop. Stop. Answer in just two words.

How far is Target?

-Two words. Great question.

-No. Answer with just the distance from here to Target.

-150,000 miles. -That's wrong.

-You're absolutely right to call me on that.

I miscalculated the distance, and that's on me.

Just let me know if there's any way I can help.

I'm here to dive in.

-I just need the distance from here to Target!

-I hear you, Dan.

Often it can be frustrating

to want to find the distance from --

[ Horn honks ] -Aaah!

[ Crash ] -Apple CarPlay, now with AI.

Drive safe out there.

[ Cheers and applause ]

-Well, right after the Olaf robot

in Disneyland Paris malfunctioned,

Tokyo Disney ran into an issue with their Rapunzel robot

when some crows started eating her hair.

-Oh! -This is real.

Take a look at this.

-♪ Flower, gleam and glow ♪

♪ Make the clock reverse ♪

-Yeah, turns out a Disney princess surrounded

by little birds isn't as cute in real life.

[ Laughter ]

Eventually, park employees captured the crows

and sold them as turkey legs.

There you have it.

[ Applause ]

And finally, guys, we're so excited for this.

"The Super Mario Galaxy Movie" hits theaters today.

[ Cheers and applause ]

"Super Mario Galaxy."

So we teamed up with the entire cast to do something fun.

This is "The Ballad of Super Mario."

Check it out.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

-♪ There once was a man named Mario ♪

♪ Yes, you know who I mean ♪

♪ He had a brother, Luigi, who was always wearing green ♪

♪ There was also Princess Peach, who made my heart explode ♪

♪ But they defeated me with the help ♪

♪ Of a tiny little mushroom man named Toad ♪

♪ They locked me up and shrunk me down ♪

♪ Oh, Bowser, he was done ♪

♪ But now they're facing Bowser Jr. ♪

♪ And he is my son ♪

♪ Oh, Mario and Luigi are now in outer space ♪

♪ And Peach and Toad and Rosalina's all up in my face ♪

♪ But me and Bowser Jr. will get Mario once more ♪

♪ But Yoshi is now in the crew ♪

♪ He's a cool little freaky dinosaur ♪

♪ Super Mario in stario's going far-io ♪

♪ He'll be sorry-o ♪

♪ In reality, all his pals in need ♪

♪ They will bow to me in the galaxy ♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪ There once was a man named Mario ♪

♪ Yes, you know who I mean ♪

Hey-ah-ow!

[ Cheers and applause ] -I mean, come on.

My thanks to Jack Black and the whole cast.

"The Super Mario Galaxy Movie" is out now.

We have a great show.

Zendaya and Robert Pattinson are here.

Regé-Jean Page is joining us.

[ Cheers and applause ]

And we got great music from 600 Ent.

Stick around.

We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show," everybody.