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1
00:00:04,190 --> 00:00:07,520
Ugh, that shadow's back, and
it's not doing us any favors.
2
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:08,870
Should we bring the lamp in again?
3
00:00:08,890 --> 00:00:10,220
Enough with the lamp,
enough with the shadow.
4
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:11,340
Let's do this already.
5
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,840
Sorry, but it's gotta be just right.
6
00:00:12,860 --> 00:00:14,476
Plus, I'm a dad. Taking
forever with a camera
7
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:15,719
is a part of my brand.
8
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,970
Should I smile mouth-closed
or mouth-open?
9
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,570
Mouth-open. Makes you look like
you were caught mid-laugh.
10
00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:23,070
This is so dumb.
11
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:25,540
We take the same Christmas
card photo every year.
12
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,640
And every year, our smiles
are a little different.
13
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:28,990
Yeah, but these old pajamas aren't,
14
00:00:29,010 --> 00:00:30,526
and they're riding up the ol' chimney.
15
00:00:30,550 --> 00:00:32,220
Well, deal with it, ya scrooge.
16
00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:33,250
Look at us.
17
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,930
I don't normally toss out this word,
18
00:00:34,940 --> 00:00:37,119
but we're real cute. [CHUCKLES]
19
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,220
Maybe instead of cute, we
go for funny this year.
20
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,440
Evan and Emery can pretend
these lights are handcuffs,
21
00:00:41,460 --> 00:00:43,960
and I'll be like, "No, I'm innocent!"
22
00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:45,630
Save your pranks for Halloween.
23
00:00:45,730 --> 00:00:47,260
Christmas is about tradition.
24
00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:48,440
Don't bring Halloween into this.
25
00:00:48,450 --> 00:00:50,340
Halloween has no dog in this fight.
26
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:51,630
Okay, we're all set.
27
00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:52,800
All right.
28
00:00:52,870 --> 00:00:54,660
Turn on the lights, Jenny.
29
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,380
Three, two, one.
30
00:00:57,460 --> 00:01:00,200
- Pull!
- Ugh.
31
00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:03,060
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- _
32
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,400
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
33
00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:06,649
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
34
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,330
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
35
00:01:08,350 --> 00:01:10,630
♪ If you don't know,
homey, now you know ♪
36
00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:11,680
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
37
00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:14,080
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
38
00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:15,440
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
39
00:01:15,470 --> 00:01:18,280
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
40
00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:21,320
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS]
41
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,470
Hey, what are you doing?
42
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,570
Upgrading my stocking.
43
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,510
I'm too old for Large Bird.
44
00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:31,286
Evan and Emery can stick
with their knock-off
45
00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:33,180
Biscuit Monster and Trash Grump.
46
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,100
Nice try. You just
want a bigger stocking
47
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,280
so you get more stuff.
48
00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:37,380
I thought you'd like it.
49
00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:39,480
It's a classic red stocking.
50
00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:41,750
It used to say "Tim" in
glitter, but I picked it off.
51
00:01:41,770 --> 00:01:43,620
No. Large Bird stays.
52
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,290
Here you go, Frosty.
53
00:01:47,390 --> 00:01:48,890
Nope, too close to the rabbit.
54
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,580
Don't want it to eat your nose.
55
00:01:51,420 --> 00:01:53,010
Can't put you next to the snow-woman.
56
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,000
Don't want any Christmas surprises.
57
00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:57,770
Frosty's not an A-squad
ornament, hang him in the back.
58
00:01:57,870 --> 00:01:59,400
You heard the lady.
59
00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:02,380
It's not so bad back there.
You can get away with more.
60
00:02:02,570 --> 00:02:05,310
Another Christmas in Jessica Town.
61
00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:10,320
Oh, and the milliner finally
kicked her hard cider addiction.
62
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,050
Mm. She looks so much younger.
63
00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:15,780
Each one of these
ornaments tells a story.
64
00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:19,590
This pineapple symbolizes the
time we bought tropical fruit
65
00:02:19,620 --> 00:02:21,500
from a gas station and all got sick.
66
00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:22,860
I lost 3 pounds.
67
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:25,090
Nicole sent me an ornament
that tells a story, too...
68
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,220
how there is no truer common ground
69
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,160
between a lesbian and a 15-year-old boy
70
00:02:29,270 --> 00:02:30,820
than the movie "Wild Things."
71
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,300
We're not hanging that on the tree.
72
00:02:32,350 --> 00:02:33,780
Fine, I'll just put it over my bed.
73
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,060
Why?
74
00:02:38,210 --> 00:02:39,560
While we're on the subject of Nicole,
75
00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:41,896
she asked if I could come visit
her in New York for Christmas.
76
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:43,740
The Big Apple, Concrete Jungle...
77
00:02:43,770 --> 00:02:45,180
We spend Christmas together.
78
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,380
It's tradition.
79
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,350
You don't change tradition.
80
00:02:48,450 --> 00:02:50,650
Every other family is a
mess during the holidays...
81
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,459
not us, we cruise right through it
82
00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:54,700
because we are consistent.
83
00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:56,160
We stick with what works.
84
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,260
- We'll revisit this later.
- No, we won't.
85
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,540
And the dance begins.
86
00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:02,060
Mom, she's ready.
87
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,920
Ah, there she is.
88
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,640
Awaken, my sweet.
89
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:09,060
So we can't put "Wild Things" on,
90
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:10,786
but this old battle axe
is allowed up there?
91
00:03:10,810 --> 00:03:12,940
Yes, because for 15 years,
92
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,650
she's perched atop of our tree
93
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,940
and watched one perfect
Christmas after another.
94
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:19,780
My angel.
95
00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:25,320
♪
96
00:03:25,420 --> 00:03:27,380
[CLATTER]
97
00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:28,660
[LAUGHS]
98
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,600
_
99
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,120
_
100
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,460
♪
101
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,910
I took the 20-sided dice
from "Dungeons & Dragons,"
102
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,556
so we are gonna be zipping
around the board.
103
00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:46,340
Not if Emery can't choose his token.
104
00:03:46,410 --> 00:03:48,660
Come on, we only have eight hours
blocked off for this game.
105
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,640
He's right, pick. This game takes days.
106
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:53,220
I can't. I love the
clean look of the iron,
107
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,050
but also the hat is so dapper,
108
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,340
and then there's the dog...
probably a rescue.
109
00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,740
So, since Honey, Marvin,
110
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,170
and Nicole are in New York this year,
111
00:04:01,190 --> 00:04:02,990
we have three empty
seats we need to fill
112
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,090
for Christmas Eve dinner.
113
00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,560
We could do just the six of us.
114
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:06,810
We could do a thousand things,
115
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:07,830
but what we're gonna do
116
00:04:07,850 --> 00:04:08,970
is what we always do,
117
00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:10,320
which is nine people.
118
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,930
I just thought it might be easier.
119
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,470
Save your bad ideas for Halloween.
120
00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:14,939
I am in charge of Christmas,
121
00:04:14,940 --> 00:04:17,470
and my reindeer plate
set is for nine people.
122
00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:19,900
We can't just leave out
Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph.
123
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,950
So, each one of you boys
can bring one friend.
124
00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:26,200
- Eddie is bringing Trevor.
- You mean Trent?
125
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,500
Sure.
126
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,170
Well, that's fun. Who
are you gonna invite?
127
00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:32,039
Zach. He's always my go-to.
128
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,230
Mine's Marvin.
129
00:04:33,260 --> 00:04:34,660
- Mm.
- I'm not sure.
130
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,890
There's Andy, Caleb, Sydney, Kate...
131
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,000
Here he goes again.
132
00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:40,440
Can never make a decision.
133
00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:42,520
[CHUCKLES] Must be tough
to have so many friends.
134
00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:45,470
Dennis, Andrew, Janet who works
the register at Mervyn's...
135
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:46,579
My friend Mervyn!
136
00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:48,740
No, I can't invite him
without inviting Alanis...
137
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,740
And then there's Bobby and Dwayne,
138
00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:52,259
and what about the Spinelli twins?
139
00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:54,080
How could I forget about them?
140
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,980
♪
141
00:04:56,050 --> 00:04:57,950
[TAPE RIPPING]
142
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,650
Did you get a new angel?
143
00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:03,360
Oh, my God, that's the same one.
144
00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:04,819
They said she'd never fly again,
145
00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:06,369
but she's gonna prove them all wrong.
146
00:05:06,370 --> 00:05:08,490
Off of that, I was thinking
maybe I could make some
147
00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:10,090
brownies with candy canes this year.
148
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,880
Still festive, still a sweet treat.
149
00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:13,800
Plus, we get to smash some canes.
150
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,570
I make the cookies. You lick the bowl.
151
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:16,600
And I'll still do that,
152
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,780
but I figured I could help
you lessen the workload.
153
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,160
What's your game, Huang?
154
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,920
Okay, I realized that New
York was too big a swing.
155
00:05:24,980 --> 00:05:27,080
So, I thought I could
help you get rid of
156
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,110
your fear of change...
157
00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:29,880
I don't fear change. I hate it.
158
00:05:30,150 --> 00:05:32,150
Right, but if we start smaller,
159
00:05:32,220 --> 00:05:34,040
you might see that change
can actually be fun.
160
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,550
You're not going to
New York by yourself.
161
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,420
- You're still a kid.
- I'm not a kid.
162
00:05:38,470 --> 00:05:39,519
I have shoulder hair.
163
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,160
Please, you still watch Ben and Jerry.
164
00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:42,940
"Tom and Jerry," and I
haven't watched that cartoon
165
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,090
since I was eight years old.
166
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,920
So why do you care about
their names so much?
167
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,900
[SIGHS] Okay, you don't have to
decide on New York right now,
168
00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:51,060
but at least consider
candy cane brownies.
169
00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:53,500
Let me ask you a question.
170
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,000
Do you hate Christmas?
171
00:05:55,110 --> 00:05:56,710
No, I love it. It's my favorite.
172
00:05:56,810 --> 00:05:58,340
You know why that is?
173
00:05:58,410 --> 00:06:00,880
Because I spent years perfecting it.
174
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:02,340
We have our set plan...
175
00:06:02,410 --> 00:06:03,980
"Miracle on 34th Street,"
176
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,410
"The Nutcracker" ballet,
177
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,780
snowman pancakes, and the
hour where I sing along
178
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,520
with Bing Crosby after Christmas dinner.
179
00:06:09,550 --> 00:06:11,620
Wait, we're still doing
"The Nutcracker"?
180
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:13,270
I thought we were done
with that snooze-fest.
181
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,340
Oh, we only skipped last
year because the playhouse
182
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,680
decided to do a
Disney-themed "Nutcracker."
183
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:19,430
Sugar plum Goofy, no thank you.
184
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,320
Well, can I at least skip
the ballet this year?
185
00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:23,800
I mean, no need to spend 50
bucks for me to fall asleep.
186
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,470
Come on, be a little flexible.
187
00:06:25,570 --> 00:06:28,200
Flexibility is not what
Christmas is about.
188
00:06:28,310 --> 00:06:30,340
Commitment and tradition are.
189
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,920
No New York, no brownies.
190
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,180
[DOOR OPENS]
191
00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:37,540
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
192
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:42,420
_
193
00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:44,020
She won't let me do anything.
194
00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,336
She still thinks I'm a little kid!
195
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,300
But I'm older now. When
will she get that?
196
00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:50,220
_
197
00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:53,440
_
198
00:06:55,270 --> 00:06:58,630
Oh, don't tell your mom I'm
stealing her potatoes.
199
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,300
♪
200
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,440
Great idea to do breakfast on the couch.
201
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,610
This is like when that
lizard got into the kitchen.
202
00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:12,880
It's not usually my style,
but if you can't cut loose
203
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,720
during the holidays, then when?
204
00:07:14,820 --> 00:07:15,950
[LAUGHS]
205
00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:20,620
Oh, boy, you have pink eye again?
206
00:07:20,630 --> 00:07:22,406
You really need to start
washing your hands better.
207
00:07:22,430 --> 00:07:23,870
I was up all night trying to figure out
208
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,960
who to invite to Christmas Eve.
209
00:07:26,060 --> 00:07:27,230
Too hard to choose.
210
00:07:27,290 --> 00:07:28,300
I can't narrow it down.
211
00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:29,370
I need coffee.
212
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,130
And wash your hands!
213
00:07:32,670 --> 00:07:35,200
Emery always has a hard
time making decisions.
214
00:07:35,250 --> 00:07:37,240
Now you add in Christmas and friends?
215
00:07:37,340 --> 00:07:38,420
Never gonna happen.
216
00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:40,380
He's gonna need our help.
217
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,580
Who's Stan Mallman?
218
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:43,820
"Mail man."
219
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,150
- That's our mail man.
- Oh.
220
00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:47,620
I can't ever remember his name.
221
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,960
I just say, "Yo," when I see him.
222
00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:54,860
♪
223
00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:00,630
Oh, are you off to your job
reporting the weather?
224
00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:03,630
[LAUGHS]
225
00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:05,100
Good one, Jessica.
226
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,640
Oh, this?
227
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:09,140
I just thought it was time to
start dressing more maturely.
228
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,240
You know, because I'm maturing.
229
00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,140
And I was thinking
about what you said...
230
00:08:14,170 --> 00:08:15,680
how this is the season of giving.
231
00:08:15,780 --> 00:08:18,219
- Yes?
- And I feel like
232
00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:20,320
I'm at an age where I need
to start giving back.
233
00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:22,036
So I'm volunteering at
a homeless shelter.
234
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:25,420
Wear gloves and don't give
any personal information.
235
00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:28,420
It wouldn't be who I'd give my time to,
236
00:08:28,530 --> 00:08:30,960
but that is very mature of you.
237
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,280
What can I say? I'm growing up.
238
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:35,860
Oh, just one thing...
239
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,846
I'm volunteering the same
night as "The Nutcracker,"
240
00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:40,340
so I can't make it. Sorry.
241
00:08:40,380 --> 00:08:42,070
♪
242
00:08:42,170 --> 00:08:44,310
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
243
00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:49,800
♪ Up on the housetop, reindeer pause ♪
244
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:52,330
♪ Out jumps Lao Ban Santa Claus ♪
245
00:08:52,370 --> 00:08:53,600
[HUMMING]
246
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:56,069
[SIGHS]
247
00:08:56,070 --> 00:08:57,300
Oh.
248
00:08:58,540 --> 00:09:00,970
You must be so tired from volunteering.
249
00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:02,610
I am. Tough day.
250
00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:04,310
I couldn't make the gravy fast enough.
251
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,180
Homeless people put it on everything!
252
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,310
Mm, that sounds hard. Drink your cocoa.
253
00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:09,880
Why are you being so nice to me?
254
00:09:09,980 --> 00:09:11,930
I thought you were mad because
I had to miss "The Nutcracker."
255
00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:14,650
Well, I realized you were right.
256
00:09:14,750 --> 00:09:16,450
- I was?
- Mm-hmm.
257
00:09:16,470 --> 00:09:18,190
I do need to be more flexible.
258
00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:20,490
Right, change can be good.
259
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,960
Like... maybe I can go
to New York after all?
260
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,160
[LAUGHS] Oh, God, no.
261
00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:28,630
But I did flexibly change the date
262
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:30,579
of our "Nutcracker" tickets to tomorrow
263
00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:32,039
so you can still come.
264
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,160
What?
265
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,510
Oh, and I had your plaid vest let out
266
00:09:35,550 --> 00:09:37,080
so you can match your brothers.
267
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,880
[SIGHS]
268
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:40,480
It's like you want me to get beat up.
269
00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:48,160
♪ I saw Mommy kissing
Lao Ban Santa Claus ♪
270
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:52,940
♪
271
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,820
- Thirsty?
- Let's cut the crap.
272
00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:56,060
You need to make a decision
273
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,780
about who to bring on Christmas Eve.
274
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,700
Okay. I don't know yet.
275
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,060
What he means is we all
got that go-to friend,
276
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,260
and we're gonna help you find yours.
277
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,459
You're in the cafeteria,
278
00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:06,099
you've got half a sandwich to share.
279
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,140
Who do you give it to?
280
00:10:07,170 --> 00:10:08,600
Um, what kind of sandwich?
281
00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:10,610
PB&J. Who do you give it to?!
282
00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:12,540
Easy, Evan. Take your time, Emery.
283
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,640
We're all on the same team here.
284
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:19,380
♪
285
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:20,900
Let's try this again.
286
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,520
You've been waiting in line for
a roller coaster for hours.
287
00:10:23,550 --> 00:10:24,820
You finally get to the front.
288
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,120
Two seats in the first
car, the best car.
289
00:10:27,230 --> 00:10:28,280
Who do you take?
290
00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:32,620
Um, well, Caleb has really good
posture, but Andy's very...
291
00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:34,580
Caleb or Andy? Just pick one!
292
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,610
I don't know.
293
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,900
Is it really hot in here?
294
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,580
- Maybe Ryan?
- Ryan?!
295
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:40,870
Where did Ryan come from?
296
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,740
Evan, hey, walk it off. Walk it off!
297
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:47,480
♪
298
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,980
You're having a bad hair day.
Who's your go-to?
299
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,620
- You, Dad.
- [SIGHS] You're damn right.
300
00:10:52,630 --> 00:10:54,150
[LAUGHS]
301
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,750
Sorry to break up the party, ladies.
302
00:10:56,820 --> 00:10:58,790
It's winter break, so we
don't have a bedtime.
303
00:10:58,890 --> 00:11:01,080
And we're not going anywhere
till we find an answer.
304
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,590
Forget it, I'm not inviting anybody.
305
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:04,990
If it's this hard to figure out,
306
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,700
maybe I don't have a
go-to friend at all.
307
00:11:06,740 --> 00:11:10,470
♪
308
00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:12,700
Just give me ten minutes alone with him.
309
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,970
[TCHAIKOVSKY'S "THE
NUTCRACKER MARCH" PLAYS]
310
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:24,800
♪
311
00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:31,840
♪
312
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,960
[SNORING]
313
00:11:37,060 --> 00:11:40,730
♪
314
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,400
Psst! Eddie, wake up!
315
00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:43,780
It's the Waltz of the Snowflakes!
316
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:44,940
Ow, you pinched me!
317
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,370
- No sleeping.
- What do you mean?
318
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:47,470
I sleep every year.
319
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:48,670
You want a new tradition?
320
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,070
Stay awake.
321
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,080
You like dancing so much?
322
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,400
Let's dance.
323
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,480
[MUSIC STOPS]
324
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,850
- [RUN-DMC'S "CHRISTMAS IN HOLLIS" PLAYS]
- _
325
00:12:02,950 --> 00:12:05,490
♪ It was December 24th on
Hollis Ave in the dark ♪
326
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,990
♪ When I see a man chilling
with his dog in the park ♪
327
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,380
♪ I approached him very slowly
with my heart full of fear ♪
328
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,160
♪ Looked at his dog, oh,
my God, an ill reindeer ♪
329
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,460
♪ But then I was illin,
'cause the man had a beard ♪
330
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,970
♪ And a bag full of goodies,
12 o'clock had neared ♪
331
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,440
♪ So I turned my head a second,
and the man had gone ♪
332
00:12:20,510 --> 00:12:22,810
♪ But he left his driver's
wallet smack dead on the lawn ♪
333
00:12:22,870 --> 00:12:25,440
Jessica Town is now under martial law.
334
00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:26,546
- Ho, ho, ho.
- ♪ Took out the license ♪
335
00:12:26,570 --> 00:12:27,916
♪ And it cold said "Santa Claus" ♪
336
00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:29,010
♪ A million... ♪
337
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,480
- [MUSIC STOPS]
- Hey!
338
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,980
I know what you're doing.
339
00:12:32,030 --> 00:12:34,720
You're not taking over my
Christmas with your nonsense.
340
00:12:34,790 --> 00:12:36,100
I don't know what you're talking about.
341
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,419
You're trying to break me
342
00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:38,880
so you can get whatever you want.
343
00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:40,620
It's never gonna happen.
344
00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:42,400
Ho, ho, ho.
345
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,380
_
346
00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:49,220
_
347
00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:51,380
_
348
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,540
Oh, this isn't over.
349
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,300
I've got more tricks up my sleeve.
350
00:12:54,410 --> 00:12:57,540
She may have killed the music,
but we're still dancing.
351
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,120
_
352
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,180
_
353
00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:04,120
_
354
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:05,720
Her own potatoes?
355
00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:11,790
♪
356
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,320
Hmm. I hung this gator
on the wrong spot.
357
00:13:14,430 --> 00:13:16,360
It's too animal-heavy on this side.
358
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,820
This is a tree, not a zoo.
359
00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:20,730
That's a Douglas Fir.
360
00:13:20,830 --> 00:13:23,270
Keep an eye on her.
They get real thirsty.
361
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:24,620
Not now, Zach.
362
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,200
Maybe here...
363
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,020
No, not next to Santa's workshop,
364
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,400
I don't want him to eat any of the elves
365
00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:32,340
when they step out on
a smoke break. [SIGHS]
366
00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:34,090
Looks like the ornament doesn't fall far
367
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:35,580
from the Christmas tree.
368
00:13:35,620 --> 00:13:38,300
This is where Emery gets
his indecisiveness from!
369
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,120
I know how to make a decision.
370
00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:42,060
Just put the gator next
to the surfing Santa.
371
00:13:42,170 --> 00:13:43,200
Perfect.
372
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,240
Hmm.
373
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,460
Oh. Who are you? Who's this?
374
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,160
Trent couldn't come, so I
invited Cindy from the shelter.
375
00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:54,830
Great, so I'm the only
one without a guest?
376
00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:56,720
Welcome. Are you Eddie's supervisor?
377
00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:58,540
Oh, no, I go there to eat.
378
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:01,040
Homeless...
379
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:03,210
Cindy walked the Appalachian Trail
380
00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:04,840
all the way here from New Hampshire.
381
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,780
Yeah, I love being homeless.
382
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,250
No ties, just freedom and fresh air.
383
00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:10,990
And I'm friends with a
host at Olive Garden
384
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,480
who gives me their leftovers.
385
00:14:12,580 --> 00:14:15,900
I brought you these breadsticks
to thank you for having me.
386
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,590
They're a little hard,
but, um, hey, so is life.
387
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,890
[CHUCKLES]
388
00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:26,329
Cindy, can I get you some cider?
389
00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:27,340
Oh. Sure.
390
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,370
Great tree topper, by the way.
391
00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:32,540
♪
392
00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:33,559
[GASPS]
393
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,260
You put your porno
ornament on my angel?!
394
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,800
[GLASS SHATTERING]
395
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,260
♪
396
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,150
"Porno ornament"?
397
00:14:52,170 --> 00:14:54,840
Or pornament. Right?
398
00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:58,130
_
399
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,939
♪
400
00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:04,299
Jessica, I gotta hand it to
you, you picked a strong tree.
401
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:06,300
It really held your weight.
402
00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:09,640
Cindy, Zach, Merry Christmas.
403
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:13,980
I really messed up.
404
00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:15,700
Ah, it's okay. I'll talk to your mom.
405
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:16,849
Maybe this isn't the time,
406
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:19,220
but stuff like this never
happens on Halloween.
407
00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:24,890
♪
408
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,330
[SIGHS] This tinsel is never coming out.
409
00:15:27,430 --> 00:15:29,060
It lives here now...
410
00:15:29,210 --> 00:15:31,210
[GROANS] as part of my hair.
411
00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:33,440
Yeah, you really did a
number on that tree.
412
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:36,320
Well, now we're just
like every other family.
413
00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:38,290
We let our Christmas turn into chaos.
414
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:39,590
We? [CHUCKLES]
415
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:40,790
You.
416
00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:43,320
Uh... We.
417
00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:45,260
I told Eddie this would happen.
418
00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:46,859
You don't mess with what works,
419
00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:48,560
especially on Christmas.
420
00:15:48,630 --> 00:15:50,630
You know who else I
remember feeling that way?
421
00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:52,110
Barbra Streisand, Jim Belushi?
422
00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:53,630
Louis, I'm not in the mood to guess.
423
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:54,670
Your mother,
424
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:56,740
when you wrestled parts of
Christmas away from her.
425
00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:59,210
I was just trying to
make Christmas better.
426
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,440
She used to wrap presents in newspaper.
427
00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:03,680
Besides, I was an adult.
428
00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,780
Well, Eddie is 6'2".
429
00:16:05,850 --> 00:16:07,010
[CHUCKLES]
430
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,380
Look, whether we like it
or not, he's growing up.
431
00:16:09,450 --> 00:16:11,500
We can't force him to wear
that Christmas vest forever.
432
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:12,750
[DOORBELL RINGS]
433
00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:14,290
[SIGHS]
434
00:16:16,390 --> 00:16:18,960
You think Marvin came back early
from New York to surprise me?
435
00:16:19,030 --> 00:16:21,660
No, I think it's Emery's friend, Caleb.
436
00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:23,330
I called him.
437
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,500
You and Emery are both indecisive.
438
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,400
The difference is you have Mommy.
439
00:16:27,770 --> 00:16:30,240
So I decided to be Emery's Mommy.
440
00:16:30,980 --> 00:16:33,240
Wait, wife?
441
00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:35,180
Husband?
442
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:36,600
Decision-maker.
443
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,780
Mm. So no Marvin.
444
00:16:39,020 --> 00:16:40,310
Emery!
445
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:43,450
♪
446
00:16:43,550 --> 00:16:44,656
What are you all doing here?
447
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,740
Evan called and said
you needed a friend.
448
00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:49,090
And then I called Andy
who called Trish and...
449
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,920
well, we all wanted to be here for you.
450
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:54,440
I'm Jewish and Mervyn's closes
early on Christmas Eve,
451
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:55,500
so I was wide open.
452
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,000
I don't know what to say.
453
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,470
Thanks so much for coming.
454
00:16:58,540 --> 00:17:00,800
You don't have one go-to friend,
you have a whole bunch.
455
00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:03,940
- And a great wife.
- Thanks, Dad.
456
00:17:04,270 --> 00:17:05,410
[CHUCKLES]
457
00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:07,760
It's just like "It's a Wonderful Life."
458
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,640
Except you should all go.
459
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,110
It's Christmas Eve.
460
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,650
And I finally decided
who my go-to guy is.
461
00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:18,250
It's you.
462
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,090
Who else would do all this for me?
463
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,500
Hey, Merry Christmas, Louis!
464
00:17:23,090 --> 00:17:25,030
Yo! [LAUGHS]
465
00:17:26,030 --> 00:17:28,260
[KNOCKING]
466
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,009
I colored over the duct
tape with a red sharpie
467
00:17:30,010 --> 00:17:32,420
to be festive but now it just
looks like she's bleeding.
468
00:17:34,460 --> 00:17:36,140
I'm really sorry I was such a jerk.
469
00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:37,510
You're not a jerk.
470
00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:38,900
You're Eddie and I'm me.
471
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,140
So this is gonna happen sometimes.
472
00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:48,240
Look, I know you were
upset about New York...
473
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,880
It wasn't just New York...
474
00:17:49,990 --> 00:17:52,260
you weren't open to even
the smallest change.
475
00:17:55,390 --> 00:17:56,890
Listen, Eddie.
476
00:17:56,990 --> 00:17:59,360
When you were first born,
your dad was working a lot
477
00:17:59,380 --> 00:18:02,160
and I was overwhelmed
being a new mother.
478
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,700
I didn't know if I was
doing a good job or not.
479
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:07,200
But then our first Christmas,
480
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,560
you and I had all these
fun times together.
481
00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:13,520
Our first Christmas card photo.
482
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,320
Man, I was a cute-ass baby.
483
00:18:15,350 --> 00:18:17,550
We watched "Miracle on 34th Street,"
484
00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:20,410
and you fell asleep on me
listening to "The Nutcracker."
485
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,080
That's why it makes me so sleepy!
486
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:24,450
And when you first saw this angel,
487
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,920
you were laughing non-stop.
488
00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:28,760
It was the best sound.
489
00:18:28,770 --> 00:18:30,920
It made everything feel okay.
490
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,320
It still does.
491
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,140
Now I get why you don't want to
change all these traditions.
492
00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:38,600
That, and letting you
make new traditions
493
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:40,600
means admitting that you're growing up.
494
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:43,840
And that is the change I
am really not ready for.
495
00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:45,370
[SIGHS]
496
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,179
But I guess it's gonna happen
497
00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:49,360
no matter how stubborn I am.
498
00:18:50,010 --> 00:18:51,350
[CHUCKLES] Sounds to me
499
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,880
like someone's coming around
on Christmas brownies...
500
00:18:53,980 --> 00:18:56,079
Smashy smashy some canes?
501
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,189
Okay.
502
00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:59,290
But we're not gonna call
them "reindeer patties."
503
00:18:59,390 --> 00:19:01,059
- We'll revisit this.
- No, we won't.
504
00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:02,540
And the dance begins...
505
00:19:02,990 --> 00:19:05,040
And the dance begins...
506
00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:09,760
♪
507
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:13,430
What's that mess?
508
00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:15,080
EVAN: It's a dog in a top hat,
509
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,970
holding an iron, riding
in a wheelbarrow.
510
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,080
- I made it.
- That's what Evan got me for Christmas
511
00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:21,040
so I don't waste any
time picking my piece.
512
00:19:25,150 --> 00:19:26,950
Tennessee Avenue. Not doing it.
513
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:28,390
Did you know the oranges are the most
514
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,250
frequently landed-upon properties?
515
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:32,120
I'm not an orange guy. It washes me out.
516
00:19:32,220 --> 00:19:35,400
The game is Monopoly,
not favorite colors.
517
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,660
♪
518
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:40,530
No! Don't smash us!
519
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,160
Save me!
520
00:19:42,270 --> 00:19:44,630
I have a family!
521
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:45,870
You wanna try?
522
00:19:45,970 --> 00:19:47,440
I think you'll like it.
523
00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:50,470
Smash!
524
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:51,639
Feels good, right?
525
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,120
Yes!
526
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,510
Okay, no, calm down.
527
00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:57,116
If you keep that up, you'll
put a hole in the bag.
528
00:19:57,140 --> 00:20:01,010
♪
529
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:07,140
♪ Sing we joyous all together! ♪
530
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,550
♪ Fa la la la la... ♪
531
00:20:08,590 --> 00:20:11,200
♪ ... la la la laaaa ♪
532
00:20:11,430 --> 00:20:13,380
- So festive!
- So good!
533
00:20:13,450 --> 00:20:15,080
- So loud!
- So great.
534
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:17,320
Anyway, the karaoke
machine was my present,
535
00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:19,270
so maybe I can sing Aerosmith finally?
536
00:20:19,370 --> 00:20:21,400
Nope. We have one more song this year.
537
00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:25,500
Great, I'll just, um, play
with my new dress socks, then.
538
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,200
♪ It was December 24th on
Hollis Ave in the dark ♪
539
00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:30,740
♪ When I saw a man chilling
with his dog in the park ♪
540
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,200
♪ I approached him very slowly
with my heart full of fear ♪
541
00:20:33,230 --> 00:20:36,020
♪ Looked at his dog, oh,
my God, an ill reindeer ♪
542
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,420
♪ And then I was illin,
'cause the man had a beard ♪
543
00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:40,990
♪ And a bag full of goodies,
12 o'clock had neared ♪
544
00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:43,360
♪ I turned my head a second,
and the man was gone ♪
545
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:46,149
♪ But he left his driver's
wallet smack dead on the lawn ♪
546
00:20:46,150 --> 00:20:51,150
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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