All language subtitles for Hooperman S02E19 Some of That Jazz

- Hey, what are you
doing? The banner goes up!

We're celebrating!

- Celebration is off.

- Sweeney didn't get the job.

- Sweeny didn't get the--

Stay calm, don't overreact
and kill the messenger.

Sweeney was a shoe in, he's
a great cop! What happened?

- Wrong blood type, not the
same as the Commissioner's.

His nephew got the job.

- He looks like he's got hair
on his back, I hate that.

- I don't believe this.

I can't stand nepotism.

- Me too, cause I was never related

to anybody I could use it for.

- Well whoever this guy
is, he's not on my A-list.

Actually none of you people are.

- Whoever this guy is, he took a job
away

from a cop who deserved it,
so as far as I'm concerned,

I want nothing to do with him.

- Amigo!

- Oh no. Roy? (Roy laughs)

- Oh, deja vu. Deja vu,
I get them all the time.

- Hooperman, you know him?

- How you doing, Roy
Andrews. Nice to meet you.

- Didn't I see you on
the cover of a chili can?

- I can't believe you're a cop!

- I know! Neither can anybody else.

- Hooperman, you're gonna
break in detective Andrews.

You'll take him on stakeout with you.

- You mean on the Misaros case?

But why me?

- Cowboy! You're the reason I came
here!

- That's why.

' OWW!

- Oh sorry, I'm sorry.

Listen, I told uncle Arny that were
tight,

you know, compadres. He
transferred me to this precinct

right away. How you doing big guy?

Roy Andrews, nice to meet you.

All right.

Guy, guy, QUY. QUY-

This is memory. This is
memory happening right now.

You, me, out there, lives
on the line, stakeout.

Working nights. Oh, oh,
brainstorm, sparks are flying.

Nights, days. I write songs, you know.

Working nights, sleeping days.

Huh? Country, heavy
metal, what d'you think?

Can I borrow a pencil.

' OWW!

- Oh, I'm sorry!
- Get away from me!

- I'm sorry!
- Get away from me.

- Ow, you're on my foot!
- I'm sorry!

- Ow, jeez! Just--

Listen, I think I'm gonna
go jump off a bridge now

and save him the trouble
of finishing me off later.

(upbeat music with saxophone)

I don't deserve this
guy. Who gave you those?

- None of your business.

- Captain, I can't take Roy
with me on the stakeout!

He's the missing link, the
man would make Jerry Falwell

believe in evolution. You gotta help
me.

- Hey!
- I'm so sorry!

- Okay Captain, all right, right here.

Here's a blank check. Fill in
the amount, all right? Please?

Captain I'm this close to bagging
Misaros!

I know he's gonna make a
major drop at his cousin's!

- Oh that's another thing,
Detective Andrews believes

that Misaros is gonna make the drop

at the home of his sister's fiance.

So we'll be staking out another
location.

- Why? Because that clam dip said
so?

- No, because that clam dip's father

is the Commissioner's brother.

Look, I requested Detective Sweeney.

I got inspector Clouseau.

He's been kicked from
four other precincts.

The man is a bone top. You
want to know what I said

to the Commissioner when
he told me about this?

I said "Thank you Commissioner,

"for this wonderful
opportunity." (phone rings)

And you want to know what you're

going to say about breaking him in?

"Thank you, Captain, for
this wonderful opportunity."

Yes? Hi, yeah.

Thank you Captain, for
this wonderful opportunity.

Yeah they're right
here, they're beautiful!

- Hey Roy?

What's this about changing the
stakeout'?

Wait a minute, wait--

Is this George Jetson?

- Yeah. Read what he wrote to me,
man.

Oh! Where's the TV room? Wrestling's
on.

Bambito the Jungle Woman vs Auntie
Maim.

Not your ordinary match!

See they're both in love
with the Amazing Boulderhead.

Course, he's still in a
coma from his last match.

Oh, I haven't seen romance like this

since Lady and the Tramp. Seriously.

- I want this place to
have a theme, a continuity.

I don't know, you're the
decorator. Say cheese, Bij.

- Okay. You know my
fee, I know your budget.

We'll pray for a miracle.

- Well you mean you've
already got some ideas?

- That wall goes.

- Oh but Annie, no no no, this
is one of my favorite walls.

- We'll give you the
feel of a New York loft.

Open spaces, area dividers,
that sort of thing.

- But isn't that for
guys who wear earrings

and buy their tans in mini-malls'?

- Do I look like I have
that type of taste?

- I just meant--

- Am I hired or not?

- I'd just like to see some more ideas.

- Then I'd like to be alone.

You're a cop, go solve a crime.

- Annie!
- I have work to do.

- No you don't understand.
- Goodbye.

- That's my apartment!

- A-huh! A-huh! I do that same
thing myself, all the time!

It's kind of a territorial
thing, you know?

That's my place, that's
my couch! Yeah, yeah.

It's like solidifying your
location in the universe.

- Hey Roy.
- It's very, very evolved.

- Why aren't you in your location
in the universe right now?

- Just stopped by to say thank you,
man.

My first day on the job was primo.

- Really, I had nothing to do with it.

- And I don't just say
thank you, I do thank you.

I do like a whole thank you package.

- Whatever it is, I don't deserve it.

- Oh, yes you do pal of mine!

Hey, order whatever you
want! I like anything.

This is your evening, my Musketeer.

Hey, you know what word I miss?
Groovy.

Let's start using it again, maybe
people

will pick it up, it'll come back.

- [Waitress] What do you
think, may I help you?

- Uh, we'd like the, uh, the uh, egg
roll.

Cashew chicken, shrimp and lobster
sauce.

(Roy groans)

Is there a problem, Roy?

- No! No problem.

- Fine, I'd like--

- No problem at all.

- Perhaps you'd like to make a
suggestion?

- Well, only if you insist.

(speaking in Chinese)

Two orders. (speaks in Chinese)

Oh right, I forgot the
vegetarian pho-smoked goose.

- Where did you learn to speak
Chinese?

- Oh, you pick it up.

You know, I could write a song

with groovy in the lyrics, huh?

- Look Roy, I've got to clear the air.

I've been on the Misaros
case for nearly a month.

You walk in and suddenly we're
changing

the location of the
stakeout, based on what?

- A hunch? A gut feeling?

As you know, Juan Misaros is
notoriously superstitious.

- He is? He is!

- Right! So check out the address of

the place that you were staking out.

1331 Fairmont Lane, Apartment 13.

The man's a tricodecaphobic.

Terrified of the number 13?

And what's the nearest
cross street? 13th Street.

Now, where does his sister's fiance
live?

7th Street. Lucky seven,
Bwana.

- I know where Mr. Misaros
is going to make the drop,

it's too important. He's not going to let

a silly address screw him up!

- Oh. Excuse me, Mister
I-can-never-be-wrong.

- Excuse me, Mister Know-it-all.

- Hey, I'm rubber, you're glue.

Whatever you say bounces
off me and sticks to you.

- Sticks and stones may break your
bones,

but so will my night stick.

- That doesn't even rhyme.

- It's the thought that counts.

Listen, I don't have to let this happen!

- Yes you do!
- Do not.

- Do too!
- Make me.

- I don't make monkeys, I train them!

Besides, the Commissioner's my
uncle!

- [Waitress] Here you go.

- Food's here.

At least at the last watch we
had heat and running water.

This place would depress the Donner
party.

- Hey, no problem. I
have for you, blankies.

One for you, one for me. Coffee?

Regular and decaf, I
don't know what you took.

Home made vichyssoise.

I brought for you some curried yogurt
dip.

A little scallop ceviche,
some cheese puffs.

- Cheese puffs?

- Yeah, I like to putter in the kitchen.

And oh, I would like to introduce you

to Ed Henderson. Ed?

- Ed Henderson, the dog has a last
name?

- Sure. Don't you?

- I can't leave him alone in the
apartment

all by himself all night, he's 24.

- In dog years?

- No no, in dog years he's 192.

- You're joking.

- I neverjoke about Ed Henderson.

Sashimi strips?

- Okay, we're here. So uh, we'll,

we'll take two hour shifts.
I'll take the first.

- Oh. Okay, fine.

- Something wrong with that?

- No no, it's fine.

It's just that, at the other precincts,

we'd kinda watch together, you know?

Make it kinda like a sleepover.

You know, two guys kinda
hanging around being nutty.

We could make phony phone
calls, tell ghost stories!

Wrestling's on at 8!

- Roy. It is cold, it is dark.

We're not here to have
fun, we're here to work.

That's why it's called work, not fun.

Because work's not fun! Okay?

- Wow. Grouch city.

Hey, fine. You do your
thing, I'll do mine.

I'm gonna go to the car now,
get the rest of Ed's things.

If that's okay with you. Sheesh.

And uh, don't let Ed
fall asleep in his drool.

He'll drown.

And if he starts to cough,
his inhaler's on the counter.

Oh. If he starts to wheeze--

Nevermind, I don't even
want to think about that.

(Ed coughs)

- Here you go, big guy. It'll be okay.

(Ed coughs)

Just don't wheeze.

(Ed wheezing)

Ed.

Ed?

Mr. Henderson?

Oh, come on.

Oh Ed, why now? Why me?

- [Roy] Eddie? How's my baby boy?

Daddy's gonna give ya treatie
weaties,

and scrunchie little
little tooshie wooshie!

I'm almost back now,
you know you love them

yes you do! Daddy's home,
the best daddy in the world!

Where's my Eddie?

- Uh, Roy?

- Oh, excuse me. I didn't
mean to be smiling.

V\/here's Ed? I didn't mean
to be enjoying the job.

I didn't mean to be having fun.

Where's Ed?

- Uh...

- Just uh, just give me a second,
okay?

I'll get miserable again. Where is Ed?

- I think it's best for
me to just say this.

Ed is dead, but he didn't die alone.

I'm sorry. Roy, listen, if you want

to bail out tonight, I'll understand,
man.

- Ed!

He just needs to be jump
started every once in a while.

Don't you, baby?

(alarm going Off)

(Hooperman groaning)

- lfl don't do 100 of
these, who's gonna know?

- Well I Will.

But hey, your secrefs safe with me.

- Why are you in my living room?

- Well because if I was in your
bedroom,

I would be the first thing you saw.

And unless you're in the army, it's

never good to wake up
close to another man.

Hot chocolate. I made it.

Go ahead, tell me it's not the best.

- This tastes great. (Roy laughs)

- Huh, grammy? Your recipe still
stands!

Great lady, great lady.

She's the one that turned me
on to professional wrestling.

Oh! There should be a good
match on cable right about now.

The Neutron Bomber! Oh.
Major knockout artist.

Now there's an athlete for ya.

- Now listen, there's some
people who thrive on subtlety

and some people who don't.
In view of that, Roy,

let me be as brief as possible.

Get out!

- I can take a hint.
- Wasn't a hint.

- Oh, grammy I've done it again.

You were right. I've
alienated another one.

She always said, (speaking
in foreign language).

Her English was poor.

She's say "Booby, don't
force people to like you."

I'd say "Grammy, you left
your leg in the bedroom.

"You want me to get it for you?"

Look, the reason I'm here, I know that

you're gonna go back to Captain
Stern

and you're gonna say
either he goes or I go.

- I wasn't gonna go back to--

- Come on, come on.
This is me and you here.

The truth, man.

- Okay, yes I was.

- Oh have thee dagger,
this is thy sheathe!

There rest and let me die,
what you couldn't have lied?

- Roy, look, it's for
- Come on! I would

- Your own self!
- Have lied for you!

- Maybe this just isn't
the right precinct for you.

- Ah. I see.

Right.

Yeah, it usually takes
people a week to say that.

Broke my own record.

Five times I've been transferred.

This is the last stop.

- I'm sure the Commissioner--

- Oh please! Uncle Arnie is just
waiting

for me to make another mega-
mistake.

Hey I'm a good cop, I'm a good friend.

But nobody wants to be my friend.

I'm hard to take, I know.

- Well possibly you do
come on a little strong.

- Oh, I'm a fat head, I know that.

It's just that, I don't know what

I would do if I wasn't a cop.

I guess I could be a
mercenary in Indo-China.

Hey! Not your problem.

Grammy you were right, as usual.

This is a nice man, I really think

that we could've been friends.

I know she's really not here, but

sometimes I feel the need
to talk to her anyway.

- I understand. After my grandmother
died,

I found myself talking
to her occasionally.

- Oh grammy didn't die,
she lives in Chicago.

(Bijoux whines)

- I think the apology
should come from your end!

Well obviously we have nothing
further to say to each other.

No, I won't be there at seven.
Goodbye!

What!

- You asked to see me, Captain,
if this is a bad time--

(box crashes to the ground)

- No, it's a great time! I'm very happy.

- I'm happy for you, Captain.

- I called you in because there's

a chance we can bring Sweeney on
board.

- That's great.
- If we transfer Andrews.

- Uh-huh.

- V\/hat's your opinion of his
performance?

Or should I just fire
him because he's a man?

He can take back the
flowers, forget the weekend

in the vineyard. And he can
take this necklace and--

I'm keeping the necklace.

- It's a beautiful necklace.

- No it's not!

- Course not, sorry.

- Was there any indication last night
that

Miseros would make the
drop at the new location?

- The suspect watered his
flowers, read a book for an hour.

Watched PBS and went to bed.

- So what you're saying
is, the original location

for the stakeout was the correct one.

- Not exactly.

- Why don't men ever say
exactly what they mean?

What!

No no no no no, it was my fault.

Me too.

We can bring Sweeney on if we
can blow Andrews out of here.

If you file a convincing
performance report,

and I'm not telling you to lie here.

I think I can convince the
Commissioner.

So. Is Andrews our kind of guy or
what?

- I think it's too soon to tell.

- So we carry this
theme from the bedspread

right through to the window
treatments.

- I dunno, it's peach.

- It's not peach, they just call it peach.

I call it Sante Fe Dawn.

- It doesn't look peach to you?

- It'll never look peach,
because when the light hits it,

it'll be picking up the blue
tones off the new carpet.

It's perfect, it's really subtle.

- You're right, I like it.

- I hate it, it is peach.

- You know this is no
reflection on you, Annie.

But maybe I'm the kind of guy that

doesn't work well with
an interior decorator.

I'm thinking that I should
just paint these walls white,

shampoo the couch and start
drinking imported beer.

I mean, I think that's about as big

a change as I should make right now.

- You're trying to back out.

I've done sketches, I went
out shopping for the swatches.

I've spent hours coming up with ideas,

and you're not even
willing to try any of them.

Because you won't bend!

Because you're terrified of making

any substantial change in your life!

You're insensitive, uptight, and selfish!

- [Roy] Hey, tell me about it.

- Mi casa es su casa.

Why don't you just move in, Roy?

- Oh yeah right, like
you really mean it, too.

You hurt me man, bad.

Wrestling's on, if you don't mind.

After your little chat with Captain Stern

she decided to cancel the stakeout.

So tomorrow, you go back
to the original location.

Wait, I had my self respect, I
know I had it here somewhere.

- Maybe you can see mine there
somewhere.

- I thought we were
friends, you don't trust me!

- How can I entrust my
life to someone who thinks

professional wrestling is real?

- Hey, come on. All right?

I know it's not real, but I don't care.

Is it wrong to cry at the opera?

Just because you know it's fake?
Huh?

Didn't you cry when Bambi's mother
died?

- No, because it's a cartoon!

- Hey-

You know what your problem is?

You've become an adult.

You've lost the child in you.

You've lost the ability to trust a hunch,

the willingness to look over the edge
and

maybe fall on your ass, huh?

Hey but moi? Come on, I'm
going back to that building.

Okay? And I'm gonna
continue to scope Misaros,

and I'm gonna bust him the
minute that drop goes down.

And if I'm wrong? Hey, least
I'm going outwith my boots on.

- Hold it. You think I don't take
chances?

Watch.

Peach.

Let's go.

J1 And ya, tell me over and over

J1 and over and over again my friend

J1 I don't believe we're
on the eve of destruction

- Greatest song ever written.

(bird chirping)

The nightingale. It always sings

just before the sun comes up.

- It'll be light in a few hours.

- Yeah. And nothing happened.

And you know the minute
that we leave, it'll happen.

Misaros will come, and we'll miss it.

Well, nice knowing you.

- What d'you mean, nice knowing
you?

- Oh come on, I'm not gonna be

with the department after this.

And it's not like you're gonna

call me up just to shoot the breeze.

- That's not true.

- Oh, come on, I'm not stupid.

You'll say "Hey, we'll
get together, I'll call".

And I'll never hear from you.

That's what people do.

- Roy, I'm not like other people.

If I say we'll get together,
we'll get together!

- Cross your heart?
- Hope to die.

- Swear on your life?
- Spit in your eye.

- Think you remember?

- Try me.

- And, nod. Shake, power,
shake, power, slide!

Birdy up, birdy down, slap.

- [Both] \/\/alk away from
it! (both laughing)

- Ed, he remembered!

Oh, really looks like he
needs a jump start this time.

- Misaros!

That's our boy!

Now they just strut his stuff.

- [Both] Ed!

Ed!

- Ed!
- Ed!

Ed!

- That's it, we gotta move.

- Wait wait wait wait,
let's go the balcony,

the stairs will take too long!

Ed! Ed!

(smooth jazz music)

Freeze! Police!

(Ed barking) Good Ed.

Freeze!

- [Roy] Let's go, hands in the air, now.

Stairs, guy.

Quicker, easier on the
old 'tella's. (chuckles)

(peaceful saxophone music)

(Hooperman sighs)

- Come here' B“.

Come here girl, yes.

Ah, sleep)'-

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Oh hi Roy.

Okay-

Ed!

Ed!

(Bijoux barking)

(smooth saxophone music)