Original subtitles

(somber music)

(knocking on door) - Smith?

Good morning. - Wrong.

- I think I can fix that.

- Wrong again.

- Bad hand, bad hand.

Am I walking into the end of a bad night

or the beginning of a bad day?

- Both. - Okay.

Is this a I don't wanna talk about it, Hooperman

kind of thing or is it a--

- We have to talk about this.

- We, this is a we thing.

What did I do?

I mean whatever it is, I probably have an explanation.

- There is the explanation.

- The table, you're upset with the table,

you hate this table?

No, it's not the table, it's what the table represents.

What does the table represent?

- Hooperman, are you blind, look.

- Oh.

Please tell me this is the world's smallest winery.

- Are you this glib when a felon is shooting at you?

- I don't know, I've never come up against

a home pregnancy test before.

Are these things all that accurate?

- I'm sure this one is, it just clarifies what's

been going on with me lately.

Irritable, queasy in the morning, emotional

for no reason at all.

- I, I, I, I don't know what to say,

I mean I must be in shock.

This is so weird.

I feel like saying I'm sorry.

When we, didn't you use--

- Yes, of course I did!

The label guarantees 90% effective.

Here's the kicker, it's the same company

that manufactures these, I wonder which one

they make more money on.

- Susan, I think we should talk about what we're gonna do.

- I am the one who's pregnant, what am I going to do?

(gentle music)

Anyway, congratulations, Hooperman, you're a father.

(upbeat music with saxophone)

(cheerful music)

(cheerful music)

- Hope you have a blanket.

Somebody call the paramedics,

tell them to bring some cutters.

The kid just found him in an alley.

Evidently somebody jumped him, maced him, bashed him,

stripped him and decorated him.

- You stick around, we're gonna wanna talk to you.

- [Woman] Come on, Danny.

- Mister?

- Schryker.

- Did you get a look at who jumped you?

- I don't wanna answer any more questions,

now I just wanna get out of this thing!

I was screaming for help all night long in here,

I didn't see one cop, not even a patrol car.

It's too bad this didn't happen in front

of a doughnut shop.

- It's too early to even ask.

Don't worry, you're in good hands.

- Excuse me, sir, you're probably still cold.

How does a nice cup of tea sound?

- Ridiculous, how am I gonna drink it?

- Well when you're free, don't be shy.

- Can you give us anything, did you recognize the voice?

- I told you, I didn't hear anything

and I was unconscious most of the time.

My ribs are broken, I can feel it.

- Here you go.

- Do you mind?

- What?

- You're checking me out, I saw you.

- Don't flatter yourself.

- Looks like someone had a worst morning than I did.

- Paperboy found him in an alley this morning

and wheeled him over here.

He claims he was maced, beaten with a blunt object

and then spray painted. (laughs)

- Come on, Clarence, it's not that funny, look at the guy.

- [Clarence] Yeah, I know, I know.

- Oh great.

- [Harry] It's not funny.

- [Clarence] Until you get to the spray painted part.

- Hey- - Hey-

What's with the spray paint?

- [Clarence] Damned if I know, maybe it's gang related.

- [Bobo] It's not a robbery, they left him

with his wallet.

- Just didn't have anywhere to put it.

- It's so weird.

- Maybe he's late on a payment to his loan shark.

- For some reason, it doesn't feel like that.

Somebody will get the rest of his statement

out of emergency, maybe that'll turn up something.

- Yeah, well, I'm gonna get some coffee.

- You just poured yourself a cup.

- So I did.

- He's starting to crack.

It's always the well adjusted ones that crack first.

(gentle music)

- [Reid] Hooperman, how you doin'?

- Hi...

- Reid.

- I know, so you're on your way out?

- Yeah, I guess I am.

- Good, I mean have a good day, nice actually nice night.

- I'll try, so long, Hooperman.

- So long, Reid.

- Hooperman.

Susan says you're a good man.

- I try to be.

- I hope so.

She is a great girl.

- The best. - Yeah.

(knocking on door)

- Come on in.

- How are you?

- Oh I'm about two months pregnant according to Dr. Adams.

I decided to go for a second opinion.

One that didn't come in a box, how are you?

- I don't know, I spent the day in a haze.

- Tell me about it.

- I ran into Reid, he looked good as usual.

Dressed up like he was headed to some place special,

special enough to take you.

- It didn't work out.

- That's too bad, I'm sorry about that.

- No, you're not.

So now that the initial shock wave as passed,

I imagine it's time for us to sit down

and deal with this situation.

- Why do I have the feeling like I'm at the start

of the Leonard Hearns fight?

Do you blame me for this?

Is that what it is?

- I don't blame you, I blame us.

- Why do we have to blame?

This is our situation, but it doesn't have to be our fault.

This is a bad start.

- I don't know what you've been thinking about all day

but have you even considered the fact

that I may not want to have this baby?

- Shouldn't I have a say about this too?

Assuming--

- Assuming what?

- Assuming--

- Assuming it's yours?

That's what you were going to say.

- We can't ignore, I can't ignore it,

you yourself said we don't own each other.

You see other people.

- I don't see other people!

I see Reid, he is a friend.

- A pretty good friend from what I say.

- You can't see past your own ego!

God, you are the most maddening human being.

- We're not handling this well, are we?

- No.

I've got a system full of extra hormones,

what's your excuse?

- There's a very good possibility that I maybe an idiot

but one with redeeming values.

Almost everyone I know has told me that I'd make

a very good father.

- I don't know what to do, this is tearing me apart.

- You're not gonna do this for me?

I can't believe you're not gonna do this for me.

- I didn't go to my own high school reunion,

why would I wanna go to yours?

- As a favor to me, your partner, your friend,

your confidante, your confidante who's in desperate need

of a companion for the most important event

of her adult life.

- If that is true then your adult life

is in serious trouble.

- Come on, Silardi, you want me to beg, I'll beg.

- You already have?

- I'll do it some more.

I already bought a major dress, I can't show up alone,

I don't wanna answer those questions.

Still single?

Haven't found a fellow?

Wanna meet my cousin who just graduated

from trucking school?

- Mo, forget it, I feel like a prop.

- So?

- So, that's just one step up from being

an inflatable doll.

- One night, is one night gonna kill you?

Not even a night, four hours, five if the band is good.

- Mo, I went to that family wedding of yours,

it was a disaster.

There's no way I'm going to this thing

even if the band is Bon Jovi.

- All right, all right, fine.

I'll give you $500.

- Get out of here.

- From what the other precincts tell us,

the victims have no common link.

The only constant here is the peculiar MO.

- Go figure, I thought our friend in the shopping cart

was just a one shot.

- So did I but then I was talking to Brady

over at Mission, I passed the story along as a curiosity.

He's had two in a week, he told me one at Golden Gate,

ours is number four.

- No robberies reported?

A serial basher, this might be a first.

- Let's do everything we can to find a connection,

a reason, this man is dangerous.

Pull Pritzger in to coordinate with the other precincts.

- Maybe these people are stealing shopping carts

and some market chain has hired a hit man.

- Save the humor for the department newsletter.

- Yes ma'am.

- I don't wanna find another naked man in my precinct.

(chattering)

- We started off laughing about this, remember?

- This is weird, man.

- That guy's banged up pretty bad.

The paramedics think he might not make it to General.

- DeMott, did he see anything?

- Nope, he just reported it.

We had to give him a bottle before he would tell us

where the guy was.

- That's a great thing about this job,

you get to meet so many colorful characters.

- Looks like we might jump from assaufl

and battery to murder.

(somber music)

_ I got it!

' Got m

McNeil, Pritzger, breakthrough time.

Our victims do have something in common.

_ Yep-

- I was reading the reports in my meditation cubicle

and I happened to check out a few of the home addresses,

you're really bored when you do that,

but out of boredom came insight.

All these guys got hit within blocks of their homes.

- He gets excited about the most amazing things.

I could've stayed at my desk to hear this.

- The fact that all of them got it near their house

is too much of a coincidence.

Someone knows where they live, someone is stalking them.

- He's gotta be picking them at random.

They don't work at the same job,

they got different economic stratas, different cultures,

different colors.

- So he's an equal opportunity psycho.

- Outside of this address thing, I don't see any way

to link 'em up.

- But there is, Bobo, we are the cops.

We are the keepers of the dirt, the smudge,

the embarrassing secrets.

Over there in the computers are bytes and megabytes

full of folks who did a nasty.

- Our victims aren't criminals.

- You never know.

You look like a guy who teaches metal shop

and yet you're a policeman.

How come you never do files?

- Because you always do them and you love it.

Your eyes kind of smile when you're going through them.

- McNeil, your partner could very likely be a genius.

I think I've got our connection.

Look all of our bruised and battered were reported

in child abuse inquires by either St. Anne's

or St. Francis Hospital.

- It has to be a hospital, I hate hospitals,

I hate being in hospitals.

- You like nurses, don't you?

(easygoing music)

- Hi, I'm sorry I took so long.

There was only one name on your list

that came through here during the current year.

I had to go to the basement to find these

and it was freezing down there.

- Do you play softball?

- Yeah, since I was a kid, I have a bunch of brothers,

it was my one concession of the tomboy syndrome.

- Do you remember any of the people in these files?

- No, there's so much traffic through here.

You know, you can imagine.

Listen, I've got to go, but you can use my desk,

you can photocopy those if you need.

- Thanks so much. - Sure.

- Clarence, Clarence, look what I got?

Why should you, look what you got.

- Are you sure it was a baseball bat?

A minute ago you said you were maced.

- I am a victim, why am I being questioned

like I'm a suspect?

Do you think I chained myself to a shopping cart?

- We're just trying to piece together the facts.

- I gave you the facts.

I know a baseball bat, I have two sons,

I saw it coming at me, what more do you want?

- What about this perfume?

- I distinctly remember smelling a woman's perfume.

I don't know what brand it was, but I know it's a scent

I can't afford.

- So you're saying you were attacked by a woman?

- I don't know if it was a woman or a man,

I just smelled perfume.

Can I go now?

- Is there anything else you want to tell us?

- I told the other officers everything.

- Okay, you can go now, thank you.

- I hope you catch the bastard.

- I hope so too, soon.

- I told you to wait in the car.

You didn't have to bring him in.

Come on, Bobby.

(somber music)

- DeMott, check it out, be still my foolish whatever.

You are styling, is this the high school reunion drag?

- Yeah, I wanted to accessorize with like a guy,

but I guess you can't have everything.

- Don't worry, Mo, you will rock the house, hot.

- There gonna be any food at this reunion, I'm starving.

- You're gonna go, you're the best.

Is this what you're wearing? - Yeah.

- Are you sure you don't wanna rethink that tie?

- V\/hat's wrong with this tie?

- It's all right, you could do better.

- This is a good tie, it's my favorite tie.

- Then I guess it'll have to do.

The lights in the gym aren't too good anyway.

- I'm doing you a favor, you're gonna heckle my tie?

- [Mo] I just want you to make a good impression.

- Juanita, hi it's Susan, is mom there?

Another cruise.

How long?

How are you?

I hope you're taking your blood pressure pills.

You're lying, I can tell.

You're probably still taking that concoction

your cousin makes.

Please have mom call me as soon as she gets home.

Thanks, bye.

Here, Bij, come here, baby.

(solemn music)

- [Harry] Hello.

- [Nurse] Inspector Hooperman.

- [Harry] Hi, it's me again.

- How goes the hunt?

- Successful, unfortunately. - Unfortunately?

- I hear that you are the major stick

on the St. Francis team.

One of your teammates described your swing

as what did she say?

Something like a marriage of precision and power.

(laughing)

I'd bet if I looked in your purse, I'd find a can of mace.

- Is that unusual?

- No, unless we find some cans of spray paint in your house

OI' YOLII' car.

You don't strike me as a person who particularly enjoys

breaking the law.

I think you get more anguish out of it than satisfaction.

- Mm, I wanted those people, the people who got away

with it, the people who are allowed to keep inflicting

damage on these beautiful, innocent children.

I wanted them to know what it feels like,

what a broken bone feels like.

Awounded eye, a mangled little hand.

I thought if they felt it once,

they might stop inflicting it.

- A man is in critical condition and may die

because of your activism.

Feels more like vengeance to me.

- When you're a small child, you become so terrified

and confused when the person that you love and trust

begins to hit you and keeps hitting you hard,

so very hard and somewhere

in your little three year old mind,

you're trying to figure out what you did

to make him hate me so much.

- Your father?

Maybe you should tell someone you're leaving.

We can handle the procedural stuff in the car.

- Okay-

Thank you.

You're right, I don't feel much satisfaction.

But I'll tell you something, I can't locate

any remorse either, I'd do it again.

- Okay, Hooperman, just go down there, state your case,

don't get emotional, don't start a fight,

just say your piece, drink champagne and then lay

a major guilt trip on her.

Just kidding.

You wanna be a part of this?

- Hi.

- [Harry] I was just coming down to see you.

- I was just coming up to see you.

- Well come up in then.

This is for you, for us, to make up,

to maybe celebrate?

I just feel bad about yesterday.

- Me too, look about Reid-- - Listen.

- No, I want you to know that seeing someone

does not necessarily mean being with them.

- You don't have to explain, but I'm glad you did.

See, one blue, one pink, we're covered.

- How cute, I just went with a neutral colored ribbon

and a non-alcoholic beverage.

- Right, no alcohol.

So that means--

- Yeah, I can't give this baby up.

- Did you hear that Bijoux, you're an aunt.

- Why don't we celebrate our little Hooper Smith?

- I'll get the glasses.

- You know I closed the case today, it was tied

into child abuse and you know it made me realize

just how important it is for good people,

I mean people who would make good parents

to have children.

To make up for all those other creeps.

- Let's drink to that.

- Whoa! - Hooperman!

- Hey, whoa, here's to the best and wettest parents

currently on the planet.

Down the hatch. - Down the hatch,

down the shirt.

- Come on, I will mop you.

Oh god, let me get this. - I don't believe this.

Sticky. - Now look.

I know this may sound a little impulsive

but no I'm not gonna say it, I'm not gonna say it not now.

- Go ahead, I am in the mood to be impulsive.

- Why don't you and I take a drive up to the coast

and find a little bed and breakfast place

and then we'll walk along the windy beach,

hunt for antiques, get married, take a lot of pictures.

The hunting for antiques thing kind of ruined it for you

I can tell.

- Hooperman, I don't want to get married.

- Smith, we're having a child.

- You don't have to be married to raise a child.

- Come on, Smith, only rock and roll people do that.

Besides, the kid has got to have a last name.

How's he gonna get in the yearbook if he just

Qoes by Ralph?

- Actually I was thinking if it's a boy, Ashley.

- Ashley, the kid will get beaten up everyday of his life

at school if he goes with a name like that.

Even the girls will smack him around, come on.

Why don't you wanna get married?

- I'm not ready.

- Yes, you are, damn it.

What do I have to do to convince you?

- I don't know, you have nine months to think of something.

(easygoing music)