Original subtitles

- I just changed my mind, a guy can change his mind.

There's no law against that.

- You didn't change your mind, Charlie,

Mr. Burn changed it for you.

- I don't want to say anymore.

I don't know anything about no loan sharking,

I don't wanna file a complaint,

do not want to testify.

- Well look what he did to you!

Don't you want some payback?

- I didn't say Mr. Burn did this,

and don't you be telling anybody I said that.

I'm a sax player, man, I need these fingers.

Maybe they won't come back all the way

but I'd rather play bad sax down here

than good sax up there.

- Charlie, I can see why you're scared, I would be too

but you gotta help us take Burn out.

He's more than just a barf bag loan shark,

he's probably a murderer too.

- There you go.

Am I out of here now?

- Yeah, you're out of here.

- See ya, Charlie. - Stay out of trouble.

- V\/here's he going, we're not finished with him.

- I'm afraid we are, Captain.

Burn had him bounced around a little bit

and now he's reconsidering his career as a key witness.

- That's the third one we've lost.

Looks like this is one loan shark who's gonna stay

in business.

- Captain I've been saying this all along,

we don't have the man power to adequately protect

these witnesses, I think it's time to send in

one of our own with a wire.

- I guess we have no choice, let's do it.

Since it's dangerous, we'll do it on a volunteer basis.

- Good idea.

- We need someone who's willing to go out on a limb,

or a ledge.

- What?

On no, no, no, no, no, I'm not your man.

I'm better with jumpers and hostages.

Besides I was born without a poker face.

No really, I crack, seriously.

Plus I'm physically sensitive.

Have you ever had one of those things ripped

off your chest?

The hair never grows back, never.

I think it's obvious I'm not your man.

McNeil will back me up on this.

Clarence.

Clarence.

(upbeat music with saxophone)

(cheerful music)

How can you expect me to lighten up?

You left me hanging, Clarence.

No, no, I turned to you especially to get me out of this

and you tell her I'd be perfect.

- Well you would be.

- No, you're the one who would be perfect.

- [Clarence] Me?

- Yeah, you look like you need the money.

You got a real nice desperate face.

You know the way your brow crinkles up and stuff.

McNeil? - Hm?

- You gotta check this out.

Come here.

(snoring)

- [Clarence] Yeah, I think he looks peaceful.

- He's probably dreaming he's in some metal

putting a choke hold on a bunny.

Should we wake him up, just wake him up.

- Nah, that wouldn't be any fun.

- Inspector McNeil.

Earthquake.

- Well I was thinking fire drill, but earthquake,

I like earthquake.

(laughing)

- You know we're about to do something very juvenile.

- Yes, sophomoric and unkind.

- But you gotta get these things out of your system.

If you don't, they stay inside, they fester,

cause ulcers, neurosis, gout, God knows what.

Bobo!

(banging) It's the big one, Bobo!

It's a quake!

It's a quake, Bobo!

- Let's get out of here!

What if the whole place comes down?

(shouting)

- Earthquake, everybody out of here!

(radio murmuring)

(chattering)

Butt heads.

- Pritzger, in my office.

You and I have had a communication problem

ever since I took this job.

I have cautioned you repeatedly on your infractions

in regard to proper police behavior.

The finals on your suspects are in disgrace,

your warrants are often obtained after the fact

and in the field you have the tactics of a Visigoth.

- I get paid to scrape crud off the streets.

If you want things tidy, maybe you should hire

public defenders and give them night sticks.

- When I first thought about this meeting,

my intention was to caution you for the last time.

But then I thought why?

He's never gonna hear me.

He only sees me as a person who should be darning socks,

collecting recipes and who stole this job

through affirmative action.

- I tried to keep my personal feelings

out of the work place.

- It's okay for you to resent working for a woman.

- It is?

- Yes, and I'm never gonna be able to change that

and that's okay too.

But I can change something that will alleviate

all this unnecessary tension.

Your precinct affiliation.

- A transfer, I can deal with that.

- I'm sure you can, you put through the papers

and I'll expedite them.

- Are we done, Captain?

- Completely.

(easygoing music)

(door buzzing)

- Hi, I saw your light on.

- [Harry] Come on in.

- [Susan] It's late, it's 2 o'clock.

- Yeah, I know, I can't seem to get to sleep.

- You seem antsy, is something wrong?

- No, it's okay, it's just this case I'm working on.

I'm really not supposed to talk about it.

- I understand.

- I'm going undercover tomorrow and they're gonna wire me.

You know what it is, I'm just plain scared.

I've been sitting there paralyzed thinking

about everything that could go wrong.

I thought by admitting that I would feel better, I don't.

Let's change the subject.

' [Susan] Okay.

- So you're just getting in?

- Yeah. - Did you have fun?

- It was fun, it was very stimulating.

- [Harry] Movie?

- PW'?

- Friends in the cast?

- Friend, in the audience.

- Maybe we should change the subject again.

- Good idea.

Where exactly do they hide your wire?

- Bitchin', totally bitchin'.

I mean I don't usually blow my own horn

but this is a breakthrough.

- That's not a very comfortable breakthrough.

- Come on, man, nobody's gonna look for a wire

in your Calvins and if they go that far, no problem.

You probably made a friend.

- You don't know how good that makes me feel.

- Okay, now try not to sit down a lot and hey don't scratch.

I mean it really screws up reception.

- Listen, what if I accidentally moisten the area?

- It'll probably just short out.

- The wire? - The area.

- Oh, nap time. - Real funny.

- You gotta cut out all that partying, man,

you're starting to look your age.

- For your information, I'm not partying, I'm working.

Yeah, I'm moonlightin' three nights a week,

pulling in 80 a night.

- Clarence, come on, let's go, they're waiting.

- Hey, good luck out there, hot pants.

I hear they had to send out for an extra small transmitter.

Maybe when you get back, you can drop trou

and we'll all listen to the ball game.

- Say what you will about Bobo, he's still one

of the great wits of our time.

(chuckling)

(chattering)

- [Man] You guys drinking or what?

- Let's go see Mr. Burn.

- Okay-

- [Man] Coming up.

- [Man] Excuse me.

- He's in.

- [Mr. Burn] So how can I help you?

- Mr. Burn, Ed Grover, I'm in the food business.

- That's fine with me.

- I'm a little nervous, I've never done anything

like this before but you see I'm starting

a small restaurant, just bagels, all different kinds.

Bagels with brie, bagels with pate,

bagels with peanut butter sauce.

It's called Maison de Bagels, it's up in the Hait.

Anyway it's not like I'm totally without funds.

I put together $30,000 but that all went to start up cost,

so now I'm looking to decorate the place and I need--

- More money.

- About $18,000.

- Something disturbs me about you, Mr. Grover.

- [Harry] What, you think I won't pay you back?

- No, something else, I don't know.

You could be a cop.

(laughing)

You sure don't look like one.

As a a matter of fact you don't look like one so much

you could actually be one.

I could be under investigation right now.

You could be wearing a wire.

- You lost me.

- Are you wearing a wire, Mr. Grover?

Are you trying to get me to say something I shouldn't?

- I can't believe what I'm hearing.

Look, I gotta tell you, you are my last hope, Mr. Burn

and if you think I'm a police officer,

if you think I'm wearing a hidden whatever,

then let's get rid of those suspicions right now, okay?

I got a million dollar idea here.

I'm only 18 grand away.

Did I mention my plans to franchise Maison de Bagel?

If you wanna see anymore, it's okay with me.

- Get dressed, you got your money.

- [Harry] Thank you you won't regret this.

- Let's discuss regrets.

Interest is 100%.

If you're late it will result in damage to various areas

of your body.

One week late, the carpals, metacarpals and phalanges.

Two weeks, the humorous.

Three weeks, it's dealer's choice, clavicle, patellas,

sometimes the tibia.

- You sure know your bones.

- I take the Harvard Medical Weather.

Now one month late and you'll be talking

like that Michael Jackson kid.

If you skip on me, you become part of our rich

and buried undersea life.

Got it? - Got it.

When do I get it?

- Come back in a couple of days.

See I'm just like a bank, only not as picky.

- You can't back out on me now.

I told you about this dinner weeks ago.

You said I never go anywhere, that sounds great.

Were those not your exact words?

Ralph, this is a very important function.

I will be very visible, I need an escort.

You know I could expect this from a friend,

but Ralph you're my first cousin.

I hope you lose that chess tournament.

I hope you get wiped out!

- We picked up a store front at Hayaddsbury,

so if Mr. Burn checks, at least it's legit

and your phony TRW is a masterpiece.

Make payments, cancelled credit cards.

- We live in strange times, Clarence.

There's a loan shark running a credit check

on a police officer.

(knocking)

- [C.Z.] What is it, Pritzger?

- This, I don't understand.

It's a request for transfer, I approved it as discussed.

- Yeah, but Captain, this is Chinatown,

I can't go to Chinatown, I've got a lot of enemies there

in and out of the force.

- You should feel right at home.

They're having another tong war.

- You know this is just like a woman.

Your husband jumps the fence, so you punish all the rest

of us men.

- One of us had better leave this office immediately

or it's gonna get very loud and very ugly in here.

Bushkin, what?

- Captain Stern.

I just kind of overheard your phone conversation

by mistake.

I know what kind of a bind you're in,

so I brought you this.

- An escort service?

- They're very discrete, my boyfriend used to work there.

I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, Captain.

I know that it's an emergency and I thought

I would reach out to you, you know,

one sister to another, I'd better go now.

(upbeat music) (chattering)

- It's gonna be awhile.

He's got a few clients ahead of ya.

(doorbell rings)

- Who is it?

- Discrete escort.

- Oh my god.

- Mine too.

(soothing music)

- How are you, sir?

Nice to see you and your lovely wife and daughter.

I'm so glad you could make it here tonight.

- [Woman] Oh this wine is delicious.

- Remember do not address me by my first name.

- I don't even know your first name.

- But don't call me captain either.

Just don't refer to me.

- [Woman] Councilman Chang.

- [Man] Hear, hear.

- If there's dancing, we will not dance.

When I think it's appropriate, we will leave

and go to our cars and forget this evening ever happened.

- Gotcha.

- Excuse me.

(clears throat) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you for honoring me here tonight.

It has been my pleasure these past year

to serve as your councilman.

(guns firing)

- Get down!

(speaks foreign language)

Or I'll blow your head off!

(speaks foreign language)

- [Man] Who are they?

Is everybody all right?

(dance music)

- Hooperman, Harry Hooperman.

You remember me, don't you?

Demeta, Demeta Andre.

- Demeta, sure, how've you been?

- Good.

Not as good as when we were rocking and rolling.

That's going down as the sexiest five months of my life.

- Demeta, listen, I'm kind of waiting for someone.

- A doll like you should never have to wait.

You never had to wait long when I was around.

Hey, remember that time we took a room at The Mark

and they sent up that complementary fruit bowl?

Did we get creative or what?

- Listen, it's great seeing you, you look terrific,

but I really--

- You know I was talking to a girlfriend of mine

about you just the other day, you know,

just girls talking trash.

I was telling her about the time we went

on that picnic, remember?

- Oh god.

- I could still hear my last gasp echoing

through the sierras. (laughing)

You know, to this day, I can't pass a red (mumbles)

without getting hot.

- Nostalgia's fun, isn't it?

- Are you guys in position?

- We're here.

Silardi, look at my eyes.

How do you think I would look if they were blue.

- I don't know, the same I guess.

- I'm thinking of trying some of those new designer lenses.

They definitely look bigger.

- They're big now, you want them to look bigger

than your ears?

- You think my ears are big?

- Look, I really gotta go.

- I gotta be honest though.

When I first met you, I thought, a cop,

this is really gonna be a drag, but you turned out

to be a bonafide animal.

You're a credit to the SFPD.

You know, I have a terrific idea.

Why don't we go out to the parking lot for old time's sake?

I've got a rental car.

We can do anything we want in there.

I took the insurance, let's go for it, what do you say?

- Hey what is this-- - Shut up!

- Harry, you want me to wait?

- [Harry] Take it easy, come on.

- Strip him.

- We got trouble, get back up moving.

- All right, Silardi, let's go, let's get in there!

- Pull 'em off.

_ The guy's a cop.

- You know what, you're gonna eat this wire.

You're gonna swallow it whole.

- Freeze, police!

- Nice work, cute buns.

- You realize you're now a legend in your own precinct.

- Give me a break, will ya, Silardi?

- Let's hit it.

- Hey Hooperman, got a present for you.

I dubbed your convo with that chick Demeta.

Souvenir, you know, hey, hot stuff, man.

You oughta maybe sell it to one

of those phone sex outfits.

- You're a very sick man.

- [Man] Seems to be a popular opinion.

- You'll accompany our Tong assassin

down to the precinct and do the follow up.

I can count on your discretion about

this evening's arrangement?

- I'd never say anything.

- Thank you, in a small precinct,

this isn't something you can live down.

So I appreciate it.

- You know what I'd appreciate?

I'd appreciate you tearing up that transfer, Captain.

- Why does this feel like blackmail?

- Call it a trade off.

- All right, but I'm not gonna tear it up,

I'm gonna keep it, understand?

- Understood, thank you, Captain.

I'm on my way.

Oh, I guess I kinda forgot something.

This is your bill for tonight.

I usually get a tip but seeing as we're fellow officers

and all, I guess I'll just tell 'em to bill ya.

You did all right here tonight.

I was impressed.

- Good night, Pritzger.

(chuckles)

- [Demeta] And that alley in Kennery Row,

why didn't you tell me all those people were watching?

I must say the applause really gave me a rush.

(laughs) Do you think they were applauding me or you?

(knocking on door)

- Great, you're all right. - Yeah.

- I was so worried, you said it was really dangerous.

- Well it got a little hairy, but it turned out all right,

we got the guy.

- You still seem a little tense.

Maybe some brandy might help.

- I'm out of brandy.

- I'm not.

- I'll get the good glasses for this.

You look terrific, you going out?

- No, tomorrow, there might be something.

How about you?

- Staying in as usual.

You know, you're really great.

Going here and there, always out and about.

- I don't go out that much.

- Well you're certainly more active than I am.

I mean more social.

- Let's have our brandy and some music.

- Good idea, I'll see if I can dig up some fruit and cheese.

- [Demeta] We never seemed to make it out of my apartment.

- [Harry] Demeta, can we talk about this later?

- [Demeta] Remember when we stayed in Pitt,

Friday night till Monday morning

and you were always so wild in the morning,

I'll never forget Barumsky.

No one could Barumsky like you.

- Barumsky?

- Yeah, Barumsky, it's a Middle European folk dance.

You know, Barumsky...

Could you just open that window, I'll get a running start

from here and jump right out.

Traffids pretty heavy right now,

so it should all be over in a matter of seconds.

(easygoing music)

(light music)