Original subtitles

(gunshots)

- Nice shooting.

- Hmm, what?

What do you mean?

What are you talking about?

Why'd you say it like that?

- All I said was nice shooting.

That's a compliment in most English speaking countries.

- How long you been standing there?

- I just got here.

Did I come at a bad time?

What, you two want to be alone?

How come you're using a 22?

- What are you talking about?

- 357's don't make these cute little holes.

Clarence.

Are you carrying a backup gun?

- Yeah, maybe.

But you know how many officers had their weapons

snatched last year, huh?

Read the stats.

It's getting pretty serious out there, buddy.

(gunshots)

(upbeat music with saxophone)

- This is Central.

Any unit in the vicinity of Powell and Gary,

we have a 213 purse snatch.

Suspect is heavyset, male, Caucasian,

running east on Gary.

Wearing a Donald Duck mask.

- The sky belongs to the people,

for the destiny of the people.

(grumbling)

- What is this guy?

- I picked him up at Crissy Field.

He was buzzing the city in one of those old planes.

- Flying one of those crazy banners, a message to Lucille.

All is forgiven, your ever loving Sydney.

- Hey, don't put that man in there.

That guy in there bit his boss and two of our officers.

(Yelps)

Uh...

I don't know, maybe you better put him over there.

Sit him on that bench until the FAA guys get here.

- Come on.

- My god.

V\/hat's the other guy look like?

- He's a butcher.

- To say the least.

- He's a real butcher.

As in, person who fillets former livestock.

This the guy whose been fencing the meat

from those hijack trucks.

- What were you charging for a rib roast?

- 4.10 a pound.

- Put him in the with the biter.

- No, it's okay.

You did the right thing.

I'm your friend.

If you can't call a friend.

Miriam, just put Anthony in the car.

Drive to the emergency room of San Francisco General.

I'll meet you there.

No, don't worry about it.

I will be there.

Got to pull it together and get to the hospital.

- Sure you okay with this?

- Oh yeah, sure.

Hey, look.

You took the stake out last night, right?

I appreciate that very much.

I'll process this guy, huh?

- Thanks, see you tomorrow.

- Yeah.

- Hooperman, Hooperman.

- Bushkin, Bushkin.

- Hooperman, I need your help.

And you can't say no.

I'm calling in a marker.

- What do you mean?

- I'll tell you about it on the way there.

- Now where do you get the idea that I owe you?

- If you didn't think you owed me, you wouldn't be here.

- I'm helping you because you said you needed help.

Life isn't all a trade-off, Bushkin.

- I know that.

- Well that's great, but I still don't know

what I'm doing here.

This is child welfare stuff.

- Listen, Miriam won't even admit her husband

is abusing the family.

I thought she might open up to you.

- Well, if she won't talk to a social worker,

what makes you think she's going to trust a cop?

- Because you have a way with women.

Everybody says that.

- Really?

Were any of them women?

Hot and spicy women?

- Ham'-

Oh, Anthony.

Anthony, are you all right?

- Excuse me?

- I'm Inspector Harry Hooperman, SFPD.

But actually, Betty's a friend of the family.

- How did this happen, Anthony?

- I fell down the stairs.

- Doctor, may I have a word with you?

- We can talk in the lounge.

Right this way.

- Hi, Anthony.

I'm Harry.

- Hey, I'm Anthony.

- Broken arms are a drag, aren't they?

I broke this one right here, right there.

At a Jimi Hendrix concert.

Jimi Hendrix?

Purple, Purple Haze?

(hblms)

(shushes)

Quiet, please.

Peace.

Anyway, I'm out there, and I'm turning stupid behavior

into an art form.

I wind up on this blanket.

People are throwing me up in the air.

All of a sudden, Jimi walks on.

The guys holding the blanket, they rush the stage.

And I free fall a couple of miles, and.

If I hadn't of landed on two very heavyset girls

from Stanford, I would have broken my neck.

Anyway, that's my broken arm story.

Fell down some stairs, huh?

- This is the break.

(gasps)

- Miriam, my god, look at you.

Will did this, didn't he'?

The bastard.

This is Harry Hooperman.

Harry, this is Miriam, my neighbor and a good friend.

It's all right, he knows about everything.

- There's nothing to know.

My son broke his arm.

I just want to take him home.

- Not tonight.

He's got a nasty bump on the back of his head.

I don't want to take any chances in case of a concussion.

- I know you don't feel much like talking,

but if you ever change your--

- Don't touch me.

- Just to be safe, I'd like to keep him here overnight.

Mrs. Canivi, can you step over here please?

I need to have you sign these consent forms.

- You're right, I do have a way with women.

Okay, that's it.

Tony, I'm out of here.

Hold it, hold it.

Police work.

Keep moving.

Listen, how about if I'm the first guy

to sign your cast, okay?

I can't think of anything clever to write, so how about

if I just put my name, address, and phone number?

So that way, if you ever feel the need

to get away,

you can look right down here and say,

"Hey, you know something?

"I'm going to check out that guy, Hooperman."

- Did you really break your arm at a concert?

- Yeah, that really happened.

- How about the fat girls?

- Come to think of it,

they may not have been there.

(soft music)

- Hi.

- Hi.

- She has been walked, fed, and petted.

(Qrowls)

- You are the sunshine of my life.

Why don't you go make yourself a dflnk?

- I've got some rent checks.

- Okay-

one?

- Do you want the excuses in alphabetical order or?

- I'm too tired to hear this.

- Three tenants actually looked me in the eyes and said

the check is in the mail.

A couple could not make it to the bank.

And number 12 refuses to pay until his

toilet stops gargling.

- We really should go to bed.

I, I should go to bed.

Just me.

I'm going to do that now.

Goodnight, Smith.

Thanks.

- No problem.

Goodnight, Hooperman.

- Hooperman, Anthony's problems do not come

under the jurisdiction of this department.

- That's why I turned it over to child welfare.

- I know.

They called me.

But I couldn't get all the details because

they had to get off the phone to take yet another

call from you.

Evidently, you've called them six times

this morning already.

And it's, what, 10 after 11.

- Yeah, well, I was just doing some follow up.

- They don't see it as follow up.

They see it as a giant pain.

- I know.

But Captain, if you could have seen this little kid.

- I understand.

Same thing happened to me when I worked juvenile.

I got personally involved more than once.

Let the child welfare people do their job.

And at least wait until tomorrow morning before

you call them again.

- You're right.

When you're right, you're right.

Thanks, Captain.

Bushkin, any calls?

Anything from the child welfare guys?

- Nada.

- Just checking.

I hope that isn't a controlled substance, Clarence.

- I just can't take this air quality anymore.

I'd better get back.

Got a ton of paperwork.

Worst part of being a cop.

- Is this your quarter?

- Not mine.

- Are you having a problem with your eyes?

- Nope.

- I'm not holding a quarter.

- I'm not having this conversation.

- Clarence, you can't see two feet in front of you.

V\/hat's going on?

- Nothing.

I have this...

temporary condition.

- Are you seeing a doctor?

- Doctors don't know everything.

What am I supposed to do?

Shut down just because some guy saysl

probably have cataracts?

- Cataracts?

- I know what you're thinking.

But I'm being careful.

I'm staying off the streets for awhile,

and putting time on office duty.

I would not jeopardize the life of a fellow officer.

And I'm doing something about it.

I've got these drops.

- Sooner or later, everyone's going to find out.

You're going to step into a trash can or

take a call on the coffee machine.

I bet right now, you're wearing one blue sock

and One green One.

- You think I'm crazy.

I've got to do it this way.

- Clarence.

- See, I'm not like you, Hooperman.

I don't have hobbies.

I don't have a side business.

No family.

All I've got is my badge and my job.

Now, that's my universe.

And there's no place in that universe for a cop

with bad eyes.

- You're starting to sound like Pritzger.

- Maybe.

But I'm not going to spend the rest of my career

doing the Officer Bob safety bit at kindergartens,

or sitting around some smelly bar,

reminiscing about the good old days.

- You're going to--

(soft music)

- Hooperman.

Hooperman.

_ What's wrong?

- Anthony ran away from the hospital.

He never showed up at home.

He just disappeared.

Miriam's frantic.

- Stupid kid.

But I don't blame him.

- Yeah, this is Inspector Harry Hooperman.

I'm tracing a missing juvenile.

He's about 12.

Kind of skinny.

He's got a cast on his right arm.

Uh, he's been missing approximately 36 hours.

Nothing, huh?

All right, thanks.

I'll check Golden Gate Division.

- Hey-

When's the FAA going to pick this yo-yo up?

- I don't know.

Do I look like Captain Stern?

- Do you mind?

- As a matter of fact, yes.

I hate cigars.

Plus, we have sort of a no smoking agreement around here.

- Oh great.

That's all we need.

More agreements, more rules, more sections.

Do something and not to do something.

Smoking, non-smoking.

Parking, no parking.

What's next, sneezing?

You can sneeze here but you'll be fine for

sneezing over there?

(chuckles)

- Would you like some coffee?

- I don't know, are we zoned for coffee?

(laughs)

(sighs)

I thought I could get away from all that up there, but no.

Apparently they've got that sectioned off, too.

- Careful.

This guy's missing an engine.

(hisses)

- Ever flown naked?

Hmm?

Open cockpit.

Ice cold ozone zipping through your skin, huh?

(shivers)

I'm telling you, it's the second greatest feeling

in the world.

- You're a Libra, aren't you?

- No, I understand.

Thanks anyway.

- Come on.

I'll buy you lunch.

Get your mind off this for awhile, huh?

- Let's do it.

Look, we could order to go.

Maybe cruise around.

If we're lucky, we might spot the kid.

- You've been up half the night.

You need some rest, man.

- I'll rest.

You'll be driving.

On second thought, I'd better drive.

What's your name?

- C.1.

CJ Halpinger.

- CJ, I think it's time we returned you

to the friendly skies.

I'm telling you, they've got lasers now for eye surgery.

My aunt had it done.

You could be back at work in two weeks.

- I don't need eye surgery.

_ oh yeah?

Then who picked out that tie?

Where are you, CJ?

- [Announcer] We have a 211 at 1421 Powell.

Suspect is on foot and armed.

- That's two blocks away.

- Go to him.

Five out of 35 responding to 11 on Powell.

- [Announcer] Suspect is male, Caucasian,

approximately 60.

Mustache, earrings, wearing purple tennis shoes

and a bright purple leather or vinyl jacket.

He may be carrying a shopping bag.

- Right there, that's our guy.

Getting on the bus.

Clarence, listen, I--

- You're afraid to go out there with me.

- I'm afraid for you.

- Okay, then you go.

- I don't believe it.

I thought you were going to stay put.

- I changed my mind.

I'm backing you up.

- Clarence!

Stop, police!

(yelling)

- Police!

(car horns beeping)

(yelling)

- Police, everybody down!

- Hit the deck, now!

- Excuse me.

' Hmm?

- No offense, but I'm not comfortable with you

in front of me.

- Right.

Go ahead.

- I don't think you should be behind me either.

- Where the hell am I supposed to go?

- This is not a good time to cop an attitude.

- You're the one copping attitude.

I'm not exactly Mr. Magoo, you know.

Where do you think he is?

- He's probably looking for a back doon

I'll go take a look.

How far can you see?

- Pretty far.

- Remember, if something moves, it might be me.

- Yeah, and it might be him.

(soft music)

- McNeil!

Great, now he's deaf.

(quiet bang)

(soft music)

(grunting)

- Drop it or you are a dead man.

- Don't shoot, Clarence.

It's me, Hooperman.

I feel like a horse's ass.

- There's a slight resemblance.

- All right, what's the name of your aunt's doctor?

- Doctor Aziz.

I'll get you the number.

Hey.

Check it out.

All right, CJ.

- Yeah.

What is it?

- Oh sorry, I forgot.

It's a plane.

It's a flying aid DeMott and Silardi bought.

We got the FAA to drop all charges

in exchange for this little favor.

Come on Tony, look up.

(barking)

- Hi, Hooperman.

- Hi.

- This worked out great.

The perfect match.

That way, we don't disturb the antique look.

- Smith, this carpet is not an antique.

It's a fossil.

How much did this cost?

- Nothing.

I stole a piece from my closet.

- Great.

- Oh, another rent poured in.

- This a joke?

These are tickets for a horse race.

- They're winning tickets.

The cabby in number 12 hit the big daily double today.

He had to pick up a fare and couldn't cash in.

He says you can collect and leave the change under his door.

(sighs)

Well, I've got a chapterto finish

and a toilet to fix.

- These are for

the building.

- Oh, thank you.

I'll see you.

- Goodnight.

- I got your note.

- Do you have a dog?

- I used to.

My dad gave him to me.

- That was nice.

- Yeah, he's nice.

Except when he's drinking.

You want me to leave home and turn him in, don't you?

- No.

But I'll tell you what might be a good idea.

If you bring your dad's problem out into the open,

it might get better.

Tony.

You're going to have to make a choice.

If you keep covering up what happened,

then you're part of the problem.

- Here, I got to go.

- Just listen, listen to me.

Listen to me.

You have the right to be treated decently.

You don't have to do anything for it.

You get that just by being born.

- Let me go.

- Just please, hear me out.

Tony, come on.

You don't deserve what's happening to you.

Being a kid is the greatest thing in the world,

and you're not getting to do it.

Come here.

Bijoux, oh.

Bijoux, no, cut it out.

Bijoux.

Oh, you got to see this.

Come here.

Look, Bijoux, look.

(barking)

I love it.

Every night, makes him bananas.

(barking)

(laughs)

(upbeat music)