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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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He said he'd meet us at the quad.
2
00:00:22,030 --> 00:00:24,075
...with Anise, like, seven minutes ago.
3
00:00:24,081 --> 00:00:26,614
I'm sorry if that makes me,
like, moralistic or whatever,
4
00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:27,927
but I have my principles.
5
00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:29,613
Uh, where were your principles
6
00:00:29,619 --> 00:00:32,347
when you were rolling around
under a porch with Tom,
7
00:00:32,353 --> 00:00:34,344
like, "Oh, where's my headband?"
8
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Tom is poly and we all know
that. Don't sleep on that fact.
9
00:00:37,641 --> 00:00:39,346
I ain't sleeping on shit
10
00:00:39,352 --> 00:00:42,268
except maybe Tom because he's also bi.
11
00:00:42,274 --> 00:00:46,077
And I'd like to remind the three of
you not to sleep on this friendship
12
00:00:46,241 --> 00:00:48,250
because I know if feels like
it's just gonna be, like,
13
00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:49,552
love and lust pushing you forward,
14
00:00:49,558 --> 00:00:51,569
but lust fades and
friendship never does.
15
00:00:51,575 --> 00:00:52,836
If you nurture it.
16
00:00:52,842 --> 00:00:54,983
- Do you need something?
- Mhn-mhn.
17
00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:57,211
Nope, just loving the vibe
of the campus, very evolved.
18
00:00:57,217 --> 00:00:58,467
Loving the smoothie bar.
19
00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:00,267
Have a beautiful day.
20
00:01:00,655 --> 00:01:02,365
- Somebody's mom?
- No?!
21
00:01:02,371 --> 00:01:05,650
- Oh! She's probably continuing ed.
- That is so sad.
22
00:01:05,728 --> 00:01:07,924
So, yeah, I'm just kind of
amazed to be at this interview.
23
00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:10,241
I mean, to me, professors have always
been people with, you know, like,
24
00:01:10,247 --> 00:01:13,152
MFAs, and country houses, and...
25
00:01:13,158 --> 00:01:14,903
possibly a neck goiter.
26
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,151
When I came here
27
00:01:16,157 --> 00:01:18,261
- two years ago, from Syracuse...
- Mm-hm.
28
00:01:18,267 --> 00:01:20,463
armpit; don't tell anyone...
29
00:01:20,735 --> 00:01:23,448
I had one goal in mind when
I took over this department,
30
00:01:23,454 --> 00:01:26,729
and that was to just pump it
full of fresh blood, you know.
31
00:01:26,735 --> 00:01:30,029
Just like a human heart
beating, beating, beating.
32
00:01:30,098 --> 00:01:31,809
Or a nice young cock.
33
00:01:31,815 --> 00:01:33,630
- Whoa! Yeah.
- Because, hey,
34
00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:36,385
what do you want your
students to leave with?
35
00:01:36,494 --> 00:01:39,301
Hope and wonder and "yes"!
36
00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:41,299
And do you know what
has more possibility
37
00:01:41,305 --> 00:01:43,017
than absolutely anything else?
38
00:01:43,023 --> 00:01:45,902
A nice young cock? Is that... it?
39
00:01:45,908 --> 00:01:47,226
The Internet.
40
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:49,111
Yes.
41
00:01:49,117 --> 00:01:51,775
And you, my dear, you
write for the Internet.
42
00:01:51,781 --> 00:01:53,142
And, boy, do you write.
43
00:01:53,148 --> 00:01:54,674
And when I read your stuff,
44
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,767
it's honest, it's
frank, it's, "Here I am.
45
00:01:57,773 --> 00:01:59,855
- Fucking take it or leave it."
- Yeah.
46
00:01:59,861 --> 00:02:02,270
You are a fucking hotshot.
47
00:02:02,449 --> 00:02:03,790
Thank you.
48
00:02:03,796 --> 00:02:07,111
Okay, so let's talk logistics.
Um, a hundred students.
49
00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:11,077
- Groups of 25. Doing seminars,
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
50
00:02:11,083 --> 00:02:12,459
- then a little one-on-one time.
- Mm-hm.
51
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,802
"Cozy time," I like to
call it. Can you do it?
52
00:02:14,832 --> 00:02:19,888
Can you show these students the
real guts and meat of the Internet?
53
00:02:19,894 --> 00:02:21,122
What it's really for?
54
00:02:21,199 --> 00:02:22,478
Yes, I can.
55
00:02:22,484 --> 00:02:24,959
I am 100% the right person
to show them the Internet.
56
00:02:24,965 --> 00:02:27,256
And also, just to bring up,
whatever, the elephant in the room,
57
00:02:27,262 --> 00:02:28,676
I know it's illegal for you to ask.
58
00:02:28,770 --> 00:02:31,561
I know my body's kind of
confusing, but, yes, I am pregnant.
59
00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:33,187
And, ah, I plan to work
right through having
60
00:02:33,193 --> 00:02:34,670
the baby. That is not an issue for me.
61
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,146
I got through a high school
production of "Guys and Dolls"
62
00:02:36,152 --> 00:02:38,642
with full-scale spinal
meningitis. I can do anything.
63
00:02:38,648 --> 00:02:40,947
You know what gave it away as
soon as you came in the door?
64
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,999
- What?
- Breasts.
65
00:02:43,005 --> 00:02:45,200
Gorgeous fruit.
66
00:02:45,719 --> 00:02:46,919
Beautiful.
67
00:02:46,925 --> 00:02:48,692
Pregnant women and young mothers
68
00:02:48,698 --> 00:02:51,598
are the most vital force on this earth,
69
00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:54,979
and when I was pregnant, oh, my God,
70
00:02:54,985 --> 00:02:56,807
the men that hit on me...
71
00:02:56,813 --> 00:02:58,619
Do you know who Norman Mailer is?
72
00:02:58,625 --> 00:03:00,066
Yeah, Norman Mailer.
73
00:03:00,072 --> 00:03:03,654
He had a friend named Jeff
who was fucking crazy for me.
74
00:03:05,478 --> 00:03:06,678
_
75
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,525
_
76
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,228
_
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00:03:34,234 --> 00:03:35,543
Powerful.
78
00:03:42,397 --> 00:03:44,419
♪ I'm in the club, high off purp' ♪
79
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♪ With some shades on ♪
80
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:49,279
♪ Tatted up, miniskirt, with my Js on ♪
81
00:03:49,285 --> 00:03:51,355
♪ I'm in the club, high on purp' ♪
82
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:52,773
♪ With some shades on... ♪
83
00:03:56,313 --> 00:03:58,821
- Hello?
- Hi, Hannah?
84
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,206
- Hannah, Phaedra.
- Oh, hi!
85
00:04:01,212 --> 00:04:03,440
Oh, my God, I'm so glad I
answered. When do I ever do that?
86
00:04:03,446 --> 00:04:05,127
'Cause, like, who the hell
wants to talk on the phone?
87
00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:07,752
Well, I do. For hours a night, actually.
88
00:04:07,758 --> 00:04:09,290
Great, yeah. I mean, I love it.
89
00:04:09,296 --> 00:04:11,916
It's just hard to find other,
you know, millennials to engage.
90
00:04:11,922 --> 00:04:14,395
- Hi.
- I just wanted to let you know
91
00:04:14,401 --> 00:04:16,380
that I have spoken with my colleagues
92
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:18,770
and, despite their old, shriveled balls,
93
00:04:18,776 --> 00:04:20,763
we would like to offer you the position.
94
00:04:20,769 --> 00:04:23,597
Oh! Oh, my God, wow. I mean,
95
00:04:23,603 --> 00:04:26,302
I must have been very impressive.
That was... that was so fast.
96
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:27,816
We connected hardcore.
97
00:04:27,822 --> 00:04:30,073
Listen, this is so weird,
98
00:04:30,079 --> 00:04:32,058
but my mom always says
that you should sleep on it
99
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,609
before accepting any new job.
100
00:04:33,615 --> 00:04:35,220
And I've literally
never taken her advice,
101
00:04:35,226 --> 00:04:40,223
but I've also never been
successful at a job, so...
102
00:04:40,622 --> 00:04:43,534
I want to take 24 hours to
think about it, if that's okay.
103
00:04:43,540 --> 00:04:45,040
Follow your bliss, my lady.
104
00:04:45,046 --> 00:04:46,725
Just get back to me by Monday.
105
00:04:46,731 --> 00:04:48,634
Okay, great. Thank you so much.
106
00:04:50,608 --> 00:04:52,008
Fuck!
107
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:57,087
Sync & Corrections by PetaG
www.MY-SUBS.com
108
00:04:57,093 --> 00:05:00,086
I just don't understand why you
would want to leave New York, okay?
109
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:02,289
That's like... that's like
something your family makes you do
110
00:05:02,295 --> 00:05:05,103
when you're too deep
into crack to stop them.
111
00:05:05,194 --> 00:05:08,502
That's not something
that a-a young, vibrant,
112
00:05:08,814 --> 00:05:10,781
albeit pregnant, person does.
113
00:05:10,787 --> 00:05:13,591
I don't know, Elijah, I just think
it's time to admit that, like,
114
00:05:14,125 --> 00:05:16,523
New York hasn't brought
me anything but misery.
115
00:05:16,529 --> 00:05:17,824
That's insane!
116
00:05:17,922 --> 00:05:21,533
This is the greatest city in the world.
117
00:05:21,539 --> 00:05:22,742
What are you gonna do?
118
00:05:22,748 --> 00:05:24,098
You're gonna leave,
119
00:05:24,265 --> 00:05:28,774
gonna go up to the goddamn woods
or wherever the fuck you're going.
120
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:30,656
Teach?
121
00:05:31,151 --> 00:05:32,461
Write?
122
00:05:33,156 --> 00:05:34,644
Live in a house?
123
00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:37,201
I mean, literally all
three of those things.
124
00:05:39,428 --> 00:05:41,679
I don't know, Elijah, you know?
125
00:05:41,685 --> 00:05:44,678
This place is just... it's
too hard to make a living here.
126
00:05:44,748 --> 00:05:48,068
My baby needs some kind of peace.
I don't even have health insurance.
127
00:05:48,074 --> 00:05:49,757
This job has benefits and stuff.
128
00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:51,450
Do you remember when
we first moved here?
129
00:05:51,456 --> 00:05:53,143
Yeah, like it was yesterday.
130
00:05:53,534 --> 00:05:55,145
You proposed on St. Mark's Place,
131
00:05:55,151 --> 00:05:56,952
but then you admitted you had
chlamydia, and you were crying,
132
00:05:56,958 --> 00:05:58,216
and you wouldn't say where it
came from. You said it was a
133
00:05:58,222 --> 00:06:00,452
- McDonald's bathroom.
- Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga.
134
00:06:00,644 --> 00:06:02,851
The details are not important.
135
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,368
What's important is
136
00:06:05,374 --> 00:06:08,237
we agreed to... to live here
137
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:10,049
and suffer and be miserable
138
00:06:10,055 --> 00:06:13,513
in this godforsaken rat hole together.
139
00:06:13,519 --> 00:06:16,294
Like, that's a contract you and me made.
140
00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:20,082
You can't give up on that.
141
00:06:22,191 --> 00:06:23,438
I don't know.
142
00:06:23,444 --> 00:06:26,639
And if you think I'm gonna move up
there and marry you and be your Tad,
143
00:06:26,645 --> 00:06:29,170
you are sorely mistaken, ma'am.
144
00:06:29,176 --> 00:06:30,535
Probably.
145
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:36,097
Hey, you want to come sleep with me?
146
00:06:36,612 --> 00:06:38,004
No.
147
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:41,292
Wait, for sex?
148
00:06:41,298 --> 00:06:42,600
No, what?
149
00:06:42,901 --> 00:06:44,879
I mean, what if it was for sex?
150
00:06:45,115 --> 00:06:46,599
No?
151
00:06:47,999 --> 00:06:50,301
I just want to be clear
about the invitation.
152
00:06:50,307 --> 00:06:51,770
Will you sing to me?
153
00:06:53,193 --> 00:06:57,219
I'll give you one Demi,
but then it's light's out.
154
00:06:57,893 --> 00:07:01,033
I had to unfollow her on
Instagram. It's too much negativity.
155
00:07:01,697 --> 00:07:06,178
♪ Tell me what you want, what you like ♪
156
00:07:06,184 --> 00:07:08,412
♪ It's okay ♪
157
00:07:09,252 --> 00:07:12,990
♪ I'm a little curious, too ♪
158
00:07:13,487 --> 00:07:17,393
♪ Tell me if it's wrong, if it's right ♪
159
00:07:17,495 --> 00:07:19,613
♪ I don't care ♪
160
00:07:20,159 --> 00:07:24,369
♪ I can keep a secret, can you? ♪
161
00:07:25,354 --> 00:07:28,174
♪ Got my mind on your body ♪
162
00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:31,084
♪ And your body on my mind ♪
163
00:07:32,677 --> 00:07:35,338
♪ Want a taste of the cherry ♪
164
00:07:35,513 --> 00:07:38,384
♪ I just need to take a bite ♪
165
00:07:39,729 --> 00:07:41,607
♪ Don't tell your mother ♪
166
00:07:42,971 --> 00:07:44,854
♪ Live for each other ♪
167
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:48,306
♪ We're cool for the summer ♪
168
00:07:48,948 --> 00:07:50,952
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh. ♪
169
00:07:53,443 --> 00:07:54,922
I think it's wonderful.
170
00:07:54,928 --> 00:07:56,645
I think it's just what you need.
171
00:07:56,651 --> 00:07:58,114
We'll come visit you on the weekends
172
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,266
and you can stay with us
whenever you have work to do.
173
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,198
Go, baby, go.
174
00:08:02,292 --> 00:08:05,137
On the other hand, if-if I had
left New York when I wanted to,
175
00:08:05,143 --> 00:08:07,503
I never would have met
your dad on Gay.com.
176
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:11,599
And I bless that sexual
GPS service every day.
177
00:08:11,896 --> 00:08:14,507
Listen, Banana, it's
only a bus ride away.
178
00:08:14,513 --> 00:08:18,802
We can bring cheese, wine,
books, diapers, culture.
179
00:08:18,808 --> 00:08:20,218
Let's do this!
180
00:08:20,224 --> 00:08:22,101
You guys will take the bus?
181
00:08:22,107 --> 00:08:25,023
No. No, I... it was just
an expression of distance.
182
00:08:25,029 --> 00:08:27,373
I was trying to give you a
sense of how close you would be.
183
00:08:27,379 --> 00:08:29,873
Well, this drum circle's as good
a reason to leave New York as any.
184
00:08:29,879 --> 00:08:31,706
- I mean...
- Can't you drum somewhere else?
185
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:34,241
Ugh! Get a life.
186
00:08:34,834 --> 00:08:36,623
You've reached Marnie Michaels.
187
00:08:36,629 --> 00:08:38,227
Have a blessed day.
188
00:08:38,857 --> 00:08:40,117
Marn, where are you, okay?
189
00:08:40,123 --> 00:08:42,545
I'm trying to figure something
out and I really need you.
190
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:51,926
_
191
00:08:56,192 --> 00:08:57,941
Does that one send strength?
192
00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,398
That one smells really good.
193
00:08:59,691 --> 00:09:01,197
I like the slip top.
194
00:09:01,549 --> 00:09:05,173
Okay, so we need one for
wealth, one for romance,
195
00:09:05,179 --> 00:09:08,798
and also one to promote,
like, an ease of creativity.
196
00:09:08,804 --> 00:09:10,009
Mm, yeah.
197
00:09:10,015 --> 00:09:12,235
Like a candle's gonna
help us find an apartment
198
00:09:12,241 --> 00:09:14,335
- that doesn't smell like hot wings.
- I literally don't care
199
00:09:14,341 --> 00:09:16,467
if it smells like hot wings
as long as you're there.
200
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:19,131
See? That's why you're my best friend.
201
00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:24,233
I kind of like this one.
202
00:09:24,239 --> 00:09:27,134
- I don't want that in our apartment.
- Oh, okay.
203
00:09:30,881 --> 00:09:32,689
- Right, that? Huh?
- I like purple. It's nice.
204
00:09:32,695 --> 00:09:34,081
It'll go with the wallpaper.
205
00:09:43,575 --> 00:09:46,481
The number you are trying
to call is not reachable.
206
00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:54,764
Ugh, I can't believe this is my
fourth callback for this fucking show.
207
00:09:54,770 --> 00:09:56,970
At some point I'm just gonna
have to ask them, "Hey...
208
00:09:56,976 --> 00:09:59,282
are we fuck buddies
or are we exclusive?"
209
00:09:59,288 --> 00:10:01,778
Well, maybe they're waiting for
your hoop shooting to improve.
210
00:10:01,784 --> 00:10:03,254
How's your goodbye tour?
211
00:10:03,925 --> 00:10:05,358
Confusing.
212
00:10:05,621 --> 00:10:07,911
I mean, can't someone just
tell me exactly what to do,
213
00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:10,136
but in a way that makes
it seem like it's my idea?
214
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:12,714
Yes. You should have
sex before you leave
215
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,384
'cause I don't know what kind of
dick's gonna be up in the boondocks.
216
00:10:15,390 --> 00:10:17,810
Great idea. I will
call up one of the guys
217
00:10:17,816 --> 00:10:20,548
who would love to have sex with this.
218
00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:22,968
I'm sure there's
plenty of quality people
219
00:10:22,974 --> 00:10:26,091
who would love to have sex
with what you got going on.
220
00:10:26,097 --> 00:10:27,509
And not murder you.
221
00:10:28,803 --> 00:10:30,525
I don't know, maybe you're right.
222
00:10:30,531 --> 00:10:32,648
Maybe I am leaving too
early and I haven't, like,
223
00:10:32,654 --> 00:10:34,445
made a proper mark on this city.
224
00:10:34,451 --> 00:10:38,163
Hannah, you've made so many
wonderful friendships here.
225
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,366
That's not a thing.
226
00:10:44,631 --> 00:10:45,994
I got to go.
227
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:50,018
- Look. I stole these.
- Oh, my God! I'm so proud of you.
228
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,932
This is the type of fun that we have.
229
00:10:51,938 --> 00:10:54,616
I steal yogurts and
then we laugh about it.
230
00:10:55,319 --> 00:10:56,908
What the fuck are you doing?
231
00:10:58,538 --> 00:11:00,338
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
232
00:11:00,817 --> 00:11:02,343
Kick!
233
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:18,010
_
234
00:11:45,630 --> 00:11:47,335
This is Greenpoint Avenue.
235
00:11:47,444 --> 00:11:49,266
Next stop, 21st Street.
236
00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:51,373
Stay clear of the closing doors.
237
00:11:55,263 --> 00:11:58,492
Do you need help walking up
the steps or anything, ma'am?
238
00:11:59,310 --> 00:12:01,881
The "ma'am" is a little
much, I would say.
239
00:12:03,864 --> 00:12:05,076
Shall we do it now?
240
00:12:05,082 --> 00:12:06,685
You do yours. You do yours.
241
00:12:07,316 --> 00:12:09,140
Whoa, Caroline, hi.
242
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:11,238
My darling one.
243
00:12:12,004 --> 00:12:13,902
- Oh.
- Wow.
244
00:12:13,908 --> 00:12:15,904
It's... it's really wild to see you.
245
00:12:15,910 --> 00:12:19,074
We did not know, uh, if you were alive.
246
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,276
Ooh, wow.
247
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,863
Ahhh...
248
00:12:23,084 --> 00:12:24,861
Life's so wild, isn't it?
249
00:12:25,072 --> 00:12:26,361
Isn't it?
250
00:12:26,470 --> 00:12:28,574
I mean, you know, who
knew all you needed
251
00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:30,160
was the right cocktail of pills
252
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,522
and then you could really stabilize.
253
00:12:32,528 --> 00:12:35,467
I mean, for now. Who knows for sure?
254
00:12:35,473 --> 00:12:37,865
And you, my beauty,
255
00:12:37,871 --> 00:12:39,592
how are you experiencing life?
256
00:12:39,598 --> 00:12:40,895
Laird tells me that...
257
00:12:42,108 --> 00:12:43,405
you are with child.
258
00:12:43,411 --> 00:12:45,224
I am, yes. I'm carrying a child
259
00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:47,849
and it looks like I'm gonna be
moving, ah, out of the city, so.
260
00:12:47,855 --> 00:12:50,482
Good. Good. I'm fairly certain that...
261
00:12:50,488 --> 00:12:53,220
my leaving the city is what cured me.
262
00:12:53,226 --> 00:12:54,634
- Really?
- Oh, yes.
263
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,131
And a very short but
powerful stay in the hospital.
264
00:12:57,615 --> 00:12:59,786
- Yeah.
- So, yes.
265
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:01,026
Yes.
266
00:13:01,599 --> 00:13:03,101
Yes, Hannah, go.
267
00:13:03,107 --> 00:13:06,210
Go. I release you like a bird,
268
00:13:06,216 --> 00:13:11,912
like a wild bird into the
night. I release you like a bird!
269
00:13:11,918 --> 00:13:13,795
Go! Go!
270
00:13:13,801 --> 00:13:16,797
You know, I forgot something that
I was gonna get at the corner store.
271
00:13:16,803 --> 00:13:18,393
- Bye, Sample.
- Oh.
272
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,696
Well, I didn't mean right now, but, yes.
273
00:13:32,272 --> 00:13:33,828
Marn, call me back, okay?
274
00:13:33,834 --> 00:13:37,002
I have an actual problem
about actual life. Please.
275
00:14:19,987 --> 00:14:22,081
- Rice.
- I know it's so traditional
276
00:14:22,087 --> 00:14:23,958
to throw rice, but I just don't
think I want them throwing it,
277
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:26,652
because then the pigeons eat it, and
I hear they die, I don't want that
278
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:29,659
- on my conscience, you know?
- Hey. Hi.
279
00:14:30,463 --> 00:14:31,663
Hannah.
280
00:14:32,128 --> 00:14:33,965
Hi, um...
281
00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:35,825
I'm so sorry, will
you guys just excuse me
282
00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,255
- for just one second?
- Yeah.
283
00:14:37,261 --> 00:14:40,048
Um... hi.
284
00:14:40,242 --> 00:14:42,968
I don't mean to be rude,
but what are you doing here?
285
00:14:42,974 --> 00:14:44,728
- Ah, well, I stopped by to see you,
- Hey.
286
00:14:44,734 --> 00:14:47,270
but it seems like maybe
I picked a bad time.
287
00:14:47,276 --> 00:14:49,669
Uh, yeah, actually, you kind of did.
288
00:14:49,897 --> 00:14:52,261
You had a party and
you didn't invite me?
289
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:55,397
I mean, this place
is, like, at capacity.
290
00:14:55,403 --> 00:14:57,193
Yeah, I did.
291
00:14:57,405 --> 00:14:59,040
Which would be strange, except
292
00:14:59,046 --> 00:15:01,514
you're having a baby and you
neglected to tell me after you
293
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,516
literally told everyone else
on the face of the earth.
294
00:15:03,522 --> 00:15:07,160
So, um, I guess that just kind
of says who we are to each other.
295
00:15:08,416 --> 00:15:10,224
Will you actually excuse
me? It's just kind of
296
00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:12,941
impolite to leave your guests
hanging at your own engagement party.
297
00:15:13,597 --> 00:15:15,283
- Shosh...
- My God!
298
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,773
You're engaged?
299
00:15:16,924 --> 00:15:19,384
This is an engagement party for you?
300
00:15:19,469 --> 00:15:22,414
Yeah, so, um, you know,
I'm still at my mom's condo.
301
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:24,197
- Like, a totally tough situation
- Yeah.
302
00:15:24,203 --> 00:15:26,197
and all my stuff is in
these cute little things
303
00:15:26,203 --> 00:15:28,263
- at Manhattan Mini Storage.
- What the fuck is going on?
304
00:15:28,269 --> 00:15:30,791
Why didn't you answer
any of my calls all day?
305
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:34,273
Could you, uh... just, we'll be back.
306
00:15:34,279 --> 00:15:35,757
Or we won't.
307
00:15:40,843 --> 00:15:42,439
I didn't want you to feel left out.
308
00:15:42,445 --> 00:15:44,507
Good job. Yeah, it worked super great.
309
00:15:44,513 --> 00:15:46,068
What the fuck is this party?
310
00:15:46,202 --> 00:15:49,204
- Shosh is engaged.
- I can see that.
311
00:15:49,210 --> 00:15:51,180
I didn't even know
she was dating anyone.
312
00:15:51,186 --> 00:15:53,180
It's actually very
cute. She and Byron met
313
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,610
at a Sprinkles vending
machine for cupcakes.
314
00:15:55,616 --> 00:15:58,780
I just... I don't even know if
she has a new number or something.
315
00:15:59,037 --> 00:16:00,771
- Hello!
- Hello, everyone.
316
00:16:00,777 --> 00:16:02,261
- Hi!
- Pardon us.
317
00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:03,716
We just wanted to take a moment
318
00:16:03,722 --> 00:16:06,073
to thank our most important people
319
00:16:06,079 --> 00:16:09,133
for gathering in our
newly shared dwelling
320
00:16:09,139 --> 00:16:11,653
for this very important soiree.
321
00:16:11,659 --> 00:16:15,470
We are so happy to have everyone
we love most in one place
322
00:16:15,476 --> 00:16:17,984
- to celebrate the fact that I asked...
- And I said yes!
323
00:16:19,776 --> 00:16:21,901
And I know that we moved fast
324
00:16:21,907 --> 00:16:23,730
and that doesn't always work out.
325
00:16:23,736 --> 00:16:25,025
- No, it doesn't.
- Jesus.
326
00:16:25,031 --> 00:16:28,228
- You're here, too?
- Yeah, Shosh and I are bros.
327
00:16:28,234 --> 00:16:31,722
...and I truly cannot
wait to be Mrs. Byron Long.
328
00:16:31,728 --> 00:16:33,433
Aw!
329
00:16:33,439 --> 00:16:35,771
- I love you!
- I love you!
330
00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:37,091
- Mmm.
- Cheers!
331
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,988
- Cheers!
- Cheers, guys! Enjoy.
332
00:16:39,994 --> 00:16:41,503
This is insane.
333
00:16:41,509 --> 00:16:43,286
Hannah, hi.
334
00:16:43,292 --> 00:16:46,073
Um, since you're here, this is Byron.
335
00:16:46,079 --> 00:16:48,184
- Hi.
- Pleasure, Byron.
336
00:16:48,190 --> 00:16:51,276
So, um, basically, you're
gonna act as if you invited me?
337
00:16:51,282 --> 00:16:53,211
Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna pretend like
338
00:16:53,217 --> 00:16:54,698
I invited you to my engagement party,
339
00:16:54,704 --> 00:16:57,371
and you wore overalls, which
is a pretty typical move.
340
00:16:57,377 --> 00:16:59,145
Slim, I'm gonna go out
and grab some ice.
341
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:01,044
- All right. I love you, Sticks.
- Love you.
342
00:17:03,434 --> 00:17:04,929
I mean, what am I gonna do, like,
343
00:17:04,935 --> 00:17:07,951
start a fight and ruin this for
Byron and for me? I don't think so.
344
00:17:08,683 --> 00:17:11,185
- Hey!
- Not you, and not now.
345
00:17:11,191 --> 00:17:12,880
- Not in the mood.
- Okay, you know what?
346
00:17:12,886 --> 00:17:14,146
I can't handle this right now.
347
00:17:14,152 --> 00:17:16,279
So, my fiancé has gone to get ice
348
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,766
and I'm going to enjoy
my engagement party, okay?
349
00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:22,178
No. Group meeting, outside, now.
350
00:17:22,184 --> 00:17:24,375
- Gross.
- No.
351
00:17:24,381 --> 00:17:27,575
Okay, group meeting in the
bathroom. Let's do that.
352
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:37,842
Marnie, I want you to know that the
only reason that I am tolerating
353
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,550
this insanely rude and
inconsiderate behavior
354
00:17:40,556 --> 00:17:42,501
is the fact that every wise women knows
355
00:17:42,507 --> 00:17:44,900
that the worse the engagement
party, the better the wedding, okay?
356
00:17:44,906 --> 00:17:46,583
Can you tell me what this is,
357
00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:48,987
wh-what we're doing
here? I don't understand.
358
00:17:48,993 --> 00:17:50,746
We're having a group meeting.
359
00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:52,875
I don't want to have a group meeting.
360
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,403
- This seems inappropriate.
- Well, that's probably
361
00:17:55,409 --> 00:17:57,005
about the only thing we
can all agree on right now.
362
00:17:57,011 --> 00:17:59,732
We are not going to
throw randomized grenades
363
00:17:59,738 --> 00:18:01,341
of hostility at each other.
364
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:04,803
Okay? We're gonna be the adult
women that I know we can be
365
00:18:04,809 --> 00:18:06,328
and say what we're feeling.
366
00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:09,037
If I've learned anything
from my online therapist
367
00:18:09,043 --> 00:18:10,383
- it's that...
- Okay, great. I'll start.
368
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,531
I'm feeling extremely shitty
about not being invited
369
00:18:12,537 --> 00:18:14,110
to Shosh's engagement party.
370
00:18:14,116 --> 00:18:16,672
I'm feeling like I would
like to go one place
371
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:21,390
without being treated like
I'm a Jezebel or a witch.
372
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,845
- Particularly by Hannah.
- Good luck with that.
373
00:18:24,851 --> 00:18:27,821
I am feeling a lot of anxiety about
the fact that we've allowed our
374
00:18:27,827 --> 00:18:31,142
friendship to reach this place
of aggression and isolation.
375
00:18:31,148 --> 00:18:32,651
And I am proposing that...
376
00:18:32,657 --> 00:18:35,659
yes, Shosh... and thank you
so much for the hand raise.
377
00:18:35,665 --> 00:18:37,077
If you don't mind,
378
00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:39,162
I would like to take a step back
379
00:18:39,595 --> 00:18:41,588
and say that this
380
00:18:41,594 --> 00:18:44,002
is the reason that we can't
hang out together anymore.
381
00:18:44,008 --> 00:18:46,691
No, no, no, see, I am trying to fix this
382
00:18:46,697 --> 00:18:50,415
so that we can hang out as the
friends that we've always been,
383
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:52,838
- and we can be again if we just...
- Mm-mm, nope.
384
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:55,121
Nope, that's not it.
385
00:18:55,142 --> 00:18:57,352
We can't hang out together anymore
386
00:18:57,358 --> 00:18:59,532
because we cannot be in the same room
387
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:03,331
without one of us making it completely
and entirely about ourselves.
388
00:19:03,337 --> 00:19:05,956
In this instance in particular,
it happens to be Hannah,
389
00:19:05,962 --> 00:19:08,550
who has decided to
crash my engagement party
390
00:19:08,556 --> 00:19:11,456
by showing up dressed like a
member of the "Teen Mom" cast.
391
00:19:11,462 --> 00:19:13,188
Well, that's not an insult to me
392
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:15,792
because it means I look like I
got railed by a football star.
393
00:19:15,798 --> 00:19:17,363
Wasn't intended to be a compliment.
394
00:19:17,369 --> 00:19:21,078
With the help of Byron, who has
completed all 12 steps of Al-Anon,
395
00:19:21,084 --> 00:19:24,953
I have come to realize how
exhausting and narcissistic
396
00:19:24,959 --> 00:19:27,250
and ultimately boring
this whole dynamic is.
397
00:19:27,256 --> 00:19:31,503
And I finally feel brave enough
to create some distance for myself.
398
00:19:31,509 --> 00:19:34,683
If you guys happen to know all of
those really pretty girls out there
399
00:19:34,689 --> 00:19:39,111
who have, like, jobs and
purses and nice personalities,
400
00:19:39,181 --> 00:19:40,626
those are now my friends,
401
00:19:40,632 --> 00:19:41,928
not you guys.
402
00:19:42,108 --> 00:19:45,397
I think we should all just
agree to call it. Okay?
403
00:19:45,592 --> 00:19:47,803
Great. If you guys wanna stay,
404
00:19:47,809 --> 00:19:49,726
Byron allotted for extra guests
405
00:19:49,732 --> 00:19:51,834
because that's just the
kind of guy that Byron is.
406
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,255
That's who I'm with now.
407
00:19:53,315 --> 00:19:55,834
My fiancé, okay?
408
00:19:59,248 --> 00:20:01,450
Well, Shosh will
definitely get her wish.
409
00:20:01,456 --> 00:20:03,669
All of you will because I
got an important job upstate
410
00:20:03,675 --> 00:20:05,208
and I am moving there with my child, and
411
00:20:05,214 --> 00:20:06,748
none of you will probably
ever see me again.
412
00:20:06,754 --> 00:20:09,612
- Wait, what?
- On the way over here,
413
00:20:09,698 --> 00:20:13,574
I saw a man take a shit in the street.
414
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:16,441
And in that moment, as if it
were like a near-death experience,
415
00:20:16,447 --> 00:20:18,761
I flashed upon every piece of shit
416
00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:20,658
I have ever seen on
the streets on New York
417
00:20:20,664 --> 00:20:23,041
that I assumed was from
a dog. And guess what.
418
00:20:23,173 --> 00:20:24,925
That shit's not from a dog.
419
00:20:24,931 --> 00:20:26,603
At least not all of it.
420
00:20:26,609 --> 00:20:30,677
'Cause this is a city where
people take shits on the street!
421
00:20:30,683 --> 00:20:32,857
You are moving upstate
422
00:20:32,863 --> 00:20:34,567
and you didn't even care to tell me
423
00:20:34,573 --> 00:20:36,816
- one-on-one?
- I called you a million times,
424
00:20:36,822 --> 00:20:38,794
but you were too busy ignoring
me since you were going to a
425
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,193
party I wasn't invited to.
426
00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:44,179
I got it! I got the part
in "White Men Can't Jump"
427
00:20:44,185 --> 00:20:48,992
the fucking musical
spectacular, you feckless whores!
428
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,942
Hannah, I will see you at home tomorrow
429
00:20:50,948 --> 00:20:53,876
roughly around noon when
I'm done partying this out.
430
00:20:53,882 --> 00:20:55,353
Eat a dick!
431
00:20:57,768 --> 00:20:59,177
Shosh was right.
432
00:21:00,779 --> 00:21:02,960
She was right about everything.
433
00:21:02,966 --> 00:21:06,264
Can you stop being so dramatic?
I mean, have a little perspective.
434
00:21:06,270 --> 00:21:10,388
She's planning a wedding. It makes
people very hostile and aggressive.
435
00:21:10,886 --> 00:21:12,176
You should know.
436
00:21:12,409 --> 00:21:13,714
Get the fuck out!
437
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,466
- Get the fuck out. I need the room.
- Great,
438
00:21:15,472 --> 00:21:18,028
'cause this place smells like
pussy cream and I wish I was dead.
439
00:21:19,783 --> 00:21:21,708
Eight million people in this city,
440
00:21:22,292 --> 00:21:25,762
and she thinks all the shit's
supposed to be from dogs? I mean,
441
00:21:25,768 --> 00:21:27,892
of course people shit in the street.
442
00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:30,979
- You've shit in the street, right?
- No.
443
00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:33,851
Oh, you're telling me
every shit you've ever taken
444
00:21:33,857 --> 00:21:35,180
has been on a toilet?
445
00:21:36,550 --> 00:21:37,750
Yes.
446
00:21:37,756 --> 00:21:40,653
Oh, God. You know, you're impossible.
447
00:21:45,230 --> 00:21:48,518
♪ Find me once again snoopin', brother ♪
448
00:21:48,524 --> 00:21:52,011
♪ Feel the need to check
on things you do... ♪
449
00:21:55,672 --> 00:21:58,039
You know, I was barely invited myself.
450
00:21:58,075 --> 00:21:59,825
I was, um...
451
00:22:00,199 --> 00:22:01,908
I just spoke to Shosh this morning
452
00:22:01,914 --> 00:22:06,503
because I needed her to
tell me my ATM code, so.
453
00:22:07,878 --> 00:22:10,730
It's okay, I'm fine. You don't
have to say that. I'm really fine.
454
00:22:12,945 --> 00:22:14,277
Are you?
455
00:22:14,446 --> 00:22:17,508
Yeah. I mean, this job I got, it's
like a very big deal for me, and...
456
00:22:17,514 --> 00:22:18,983
- it's really good, so.
- Yeah.
457
00:22:20,549 --> 00:22:21,999
How's school?
458
00:22:23,986 --> 00:22:26,188
Uh, yeah, I quit.
459
00:22:27,153 --> 00:22:28,380
- Oh.
- Yeah.
460
00:22:29,677 --> 00:22:30,877
How come?
461
00:22:32,458 --> 00:22:35,614
Um, well, I think it turns out
462
00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:41,543
that I wasn't as ready to,
um, help people as I thought.
463
00:22:41,932 --> 00:22:48,018
Um... and, uh, I just needed to
take a long, hard look in the mirror
464
00:22:48,024 --> 00:22:49,889
as my mother would say.
465
00:22:50,294 --> 00:22:51,710
What'd you see?
466
00:22:54,071 --> 00:22:55,775
A fucking bitch.
467
00:23:03,664 --> 00:23:05,414
Oh, um...
468
00:23:06,070 --> 00:23:10,204
I got you something, actually. I
did... I assumed you'd be here, so.
469
00:23:12,917 --> 00:23:14,129
Here.
470
00:23:22,879 --> 00:23:25,410
It's, um, er, for a child.
471
00:23:25,416 --> 00:23:26,996
- Yeah.
- It's a dress.
472
00:23:27,293 --> 00:23:29,119
The baby's actually a boy.
473
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:30,700
Is it really?
474
00:23:31,559 --> 00:23:33,075
I don't know
475
00:23:33,081 --> 00:23:36,549
how the fuck that happened.
I haven't really processed it.
476
00:23:36,555 --> 00:23:38,917
You're actually kind of, like, the
first person I'm telling. I mean,
477
00:23:38,923 --> 00:23:41,481
- what am I supposed to do with a boy?
- I don't know.
478
00:23:41,487 --> 00:23:43,487
What if I raise him perfectly
and do everything right,
479
00:23:43,493 --> 00:23:45,301
and then he, like, rapes a
bajillion people and, like,
480
00:23:45,307 --> 00:23:47,190
runs a lawnmower over a town?
481
00:23:48,297 --> 00:23:51,021
No. He'll be perfect.
482
00:23:52,789 --> 00:23:54,797
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
483
00:24:05,358 --> 00:24:06,991
I'm sorry.
484
00:24:09,764 --> 00:24:11,146
Um...
485
00:24:14,756 --> 00:24:17,532
I am sorry for...
486
00:24:18,966 --> 00:24:21,583
for everything. I don't really...
487
00:24:21,881 --> 00:24:23,774
You don't have to be sorry. It's okay.
488
00:24:23,780 --> 00:24:25,882
I mean, it's like... I mean,
it's not okay, but it's, like,
489
00:24:25,888 --> 00:24:27,845
I don't know who's really
supposed to be sorry for what,
490
00:24:27,851 --> 00:24:30,339
so at this point, we should
kind of just call it a...
491
00:24:31,130 --> 00:24:32,363
Like, say it.
492
00:24:33,623 --> 00:24:36,771
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Mm-hmm.
493
00:24:37,216 --> 00:24:40,640
I mean, think about it. Like, we
were all just doing our best, so.
494
00:24:42,742 --> 00:24:45,539
Uh-uh, our best was awful.
495
00:24:46,457 --> 00:24:48,371
Worst best.
496
00:24:53,364 --> 00:24:55,379
So, what do you think?
Should we, like...
497
00:24:56,082 --> 00:24:59,504
try to get into this cool
metropolitan vibe, or...?
498
00:24:59,510 --> 00:25:03,616
Yeah, uh, um, uh, ah, I
mean, what else am I doing?
499
00:25:04,709 --> 00:25:08,435
Literally been waiting outside
Shoshanna's house since 4:00 o'clock.
500
00:25:13,826 --> 00:25:17,538
♪ Last night was a bad one ♪
501
00:25:18,275 --> 00:25:21,810
♪ Screaming and fighting
for nothing at all ♪
502
00:25:21,887 --> 00:25:25,395
♪ Last night was a hard one ♪
503
00:25:26,489 --> 00:25:29,561
♪ Pinning each other
up against the wall ♪
504
00:25:29,567 --> 00:25:34,153
♪ We make each other small ♪
505
00:25:36,126 --> 00:25:42,453
♪ I know we make each other fall ♪
506
00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:45,634
♪ Oh, oh ♪
507
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:50,325
♪ When we toss off what was said ♪
508
00:25:51,137 --> 00:25:53,848
♪ How are we to just forget? ♪
509
00:25:53,854 --> 00:25:58,325
♪ When the night is
ringing in our heads ♪
510
00:25:59,324 --> 00:26:03,005
♪ How do we get back to love? ♪
511
00:26:04,321 --> 00:26:07,856
♪ I wanna get you in my spaces ♪
512
00:26:07,862 --> 00:26:11,530
♪ I wanna take you different places ♪
513
00:26:11,536 --> 00:26:15,243
♪ I'm not at all really this romantic ♪
514
00:26:15,249 --> 00:26:18,948
♪ I know you see me as a frantic girl ♪
515
00:26:18,954 --> 00:26:22,287
♪ But I can give you what you want ♪
516
00:26:22,373 --> 00:26:26,337
♪ I know you like the
way I held my temper ♪
517
00:26:26,343 --> 00:26:28,756
♪ When I gave you to the world ♪
518
00:26:28,762 --> 00:26:30,477
♪ Gave you to the world ♪
519
00:26:30,483 --> 00:26:34,272
- ♪ I can be your heart type of girl ♪
- ♪ 'Cause I've been scared of ♪
520
00:26:34,278 --> 00:26:37,061
♪ Crowded places ♪
521
00:26:39,476 --> 00:26:42,937
♪ Come with me ♪
522
00:26:42,943 --> 00:26:46,547
♪ I'll take you home ♪
523
00:26:46,553 --> 00:26:51,664
♪ 'Cause I've been
scared of crowded places ♪
524
00:26:54,121 --> 00:26:57,285
♪ Come with me ♪
525
00:26:57,291 --> 00:27:01,269
♪ I'll take you home. ♪
526
00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:09,248
Sync & Corrections by PetaG
www.MY-SUBS.com
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