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1 Girls - S04E04 Cubbies

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I'm gonna be perfectly candid with you, Shoshanna.

I don't think you're the right fit for McKinsey.

Well, people always think that I'm not gonna fit in at first,

but then I always do.

I always fit in, just very subtly.

Hmm.

I bet you didn't think that Chelsea Clinton was gonna fit here,

but she totally did.

She has always been one of my heroes

because she's such a strong woman

struggling so nobly with her very curly hair.

Chelsea Clinton doesn't work here anymore.

Because of her hair?

I'm sorry, Shoshanna, I just... I don't see you here.

Well, maybe you just don't see me here because I'm not here yet.

But just give me the chance for you to see me here and I will be here.

I will be here.

It was lovely to meet you.

Um, you're not leaving?

That's correct.

I would like to know what's wrong with me.

- Uh, there's nothing wrong with you. - No, no, no, really.

It would help me for getting my next job, please.

I would like to know what's wrong with me,

and I am prepared for any answer.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, you clearly have an analytical mind.

I worry that you view things in too simplistic a manner.

In terms of your leadership abilities,

I'm concerned that you have an off-putting style.

Like, visually?

Because I know I tend towards the fashion forward,

but great leaders need to be focused on the future.

I'm speaking in a deeper sense.

Also, in terms of being a team player,

it's problematic that you lack a certain sensitivity.

Okay, well, in my anecdotal experience,

people really enjoy hearing the truth.

Like, that necklace isn't flattering on you.

Shoshanna, keep in mind that I'm simply talking

about this particular working environment.

I'm sure that your energetic drive

and your unique personal style

will be greatly rewarded in another work environment.

Okay, um, well, if that's it, then...

Oh, no, no, hold on.

We haven't even gotten to how you answered the case question yet.

First, you seem to have no familiarity with the subject matter.

♪ Cover me, baby, hold me tonight ♪

♪ The skies are glowing... ♪

I mean, obviously, this is just, like, a rough mix,

so just keep that in mind.

Oh, so this is how you guys really sound?

- Yeah. - Oh, okay.

I thought it was, like, badly mixed or something.

- ♪ There isn't any place to hide... ♪ - Ahem.

You're about to get to a good part.

- Oh, awesome. - Yeah.

♪ ...burning out in Riverside... ♪

When... when does it happen?

It was just happening while you were talking.

I mean, truthfully, I can't tell what's you

and what's the music in the bar, you know?

- So it's... - Oh, okay.

Well, um, I'm the one in your left ear.

- Oh, keep... yeah. - Okay.

Uh, excuse me? Excuse me?

Yeah, could you turn down the music?

It's just a little loud and we're trying to work.

That would be great. Thank you.

Well, you did it. You made a song.

Oh, um, thank you.

Is there any other feedback or anything?

You know, I can't think of anything right now.

Great.

Oh, my God, you look amazing.

- How was your interview? - Terrible.

It was like my seventh interview in two weeks.

Seriously, the system is broken.

Like, they should just tell you ahead of time

whether or not you're gonna get the job

so you don't have to waste all that time and energy

doing your hair and, like, getting your nails done,

and then you could just stay home and, like, look for other work instead.

Shoshanna, interviews are bullshit. All interviews.

Even talk show interviews. Fuck Phil Donahue.

I just don't understand why nobody tells you

how bad it's gonna be in the real world.

Yeah, they do. It's pretty much all they ever tell you.

I just don't understand, like, what makes these people qualified to judge me?

Well, they have the jobs.

That's what makes them qualified.

You know, if you want some cash,

you could just sell an organ.

People will pay so much fucking money for an organ.

It's such a racket.

Hey, Shosh, can you listen to something for me?

I just kinda need your feedback.

I want it. I'm ready for it.

Ahem.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Yeah, no, I don't need to hear any more.

It's a perfect song.

It's like one of those billion-dollar songs

where the first time you hear it, you hate it...

- Yes. - But then they play it on the radio

like 800 times and then you love it.

Yeah, that's exactly it.

- So, you hate it. - No.

- No, then, like, eventually you love it. - Yeah.

Once they play it on the radio a billion times

and it's a huge hit, then I'm gonna love it.

'Cause you're forced to.

It's, like, shoved into your brain.

You can't get it out of your head,

and then you're, like, forced to be like, "Okay, fine, I love it."

You know what? You guys have been absolutely no fuckin' help here.

This is a situation where I could really use Hannah

because she is a creative person

and would be able to give me meaningful feedback.

I think my feedback was, like, pretty spot-on.

Fuck.

I can't concentrate while you're doing that.

I'm not doing anything.

Yeah, and it's driving me crazy.

It's just I had this story that I wanted to write,

and suddenly it just seems so trivial.

The one about you not buying the Thin Mints from the Girl Scouts?

It's not trivial. It's a triumph of will.

Yeah, but then I bought them.

That's the end. I bought them.

- Hey, my dad's gonna be here at 6:30. - Why is he coming?

Oh, he has a conference in Minneapolis,

so he's just gonna swing by for dinner.

- You wanna join us? - Um, no.

What are you working on?

This article made of pictures

of how fat kids make for slutty adults.

Did you have anyone sign releases?

- God, no. - You could get sued.

We're in Iowa.

They don't know what a fuckin' release is.

- No, it's all the fucking honking outside my street.

They put a new traffic light on my corner.

Yeah, a few days ago.

Yeah, and inexplicably, it's green for about four seconds

and then the red light is interminable,

so all these cars get gummed up on my fuckin' block all day.

Yeah, exactly.

And if someone wants to take a left turn,

it's exponentially worse.

Just unabridged chaos in seconds.

Yeah.

- No, that's the thing.

This block used to be one of the quietest,

most serene blocks in the whole neighborhood.

And now every morning it's like the fall of Rome.

Good morning, sir. Hello.

Hello, hi, good morning.

- Could you roll down your window, please? - What the fuck is going on now?

Could you please... thank you.

I just want to say this honking that you've chosen to engage in,

it's not gonna get you off the block any faster.

You know that, right?

It's not serving any purpose whatsoever.

This isn't helping you, it's not helping me,

so I'm appealing to you neighbor to neighbor

about our noise pollution problem, okay?

I live right there, and this incessant sound

is prompting my norepinephrine production, okay?

Who the fuck made you mayor, huh?!

Don't fucking look at me. Beat it, motherfucker!

This incessant sound is doing irreparable damage,

irreparably!

You understand? Stop honking! Stop!

- Fuck you! - Stop! Stop the honking!

Everybody, shut the fuck up!

Shut the fuck up!

Before Chester reads an excerpt from his story,

a couple of you have registered complaints about something.

Apparently, one of you left a letter to the class in the cubbies.

I haven't checked mine.

I was away camping with my fraternity

and I haven't been back yet.

- Who wrote the letter? - It doesn't matter.

It was Hannah.

It was me. I'm the one who wrote the letter.

I signed the letter. I'm not ashamed of the letter.

What did the letter say?

The letter is a sincere and heartfelt apology

for my behavior last week at the poet party.

I think I became a little exorcised

in trying to share my beliefs

and I would like to start anew.

So this is me starting anew.

Well, I personally feel very offended.

Why were you offended, Logan?

Well, Hannah, where should I start?

"I'm sorry I overreacted, but I find it difficult

to think clearly in an environment

that feels like a minefield

where anything I do or say can be misconstrued."

- It's sort of a run-on sentence. - Sort of?

Jeffrey, why don't we not workshop my apology?

I think that takes us down a dangerous road,

workshopping each other's emotions.

But, Hannah, it's not really an apology.

It's actually super defensive.

"And now I find that I cannot think or write clearly

due to the overwhelming negative emotions around me,

so I choose to express myself here

in order to shift everyone's energy towards me."

It doesn't even make sense.

Well, now I can't defend myself from what you just said

because you already called me defensive.

So if I'm to defend myself, I'll seem even more defensive.

So you're saying that it's our fault you can't write?

I mean, I don't like to use words like "fault," but, yes.

Hannah, those cubbies are sacred spaces.

They are meant for sharing art, you know, and not spewing hate.

I forgot because I haven't had a cubby since kindergarten,

so I forgot what we're supposed to do with them.

I thought you just drop your Play-Doh...

How else are we gonna share these materials?

You know, I feel very weird about this whole encounter.

How could you feel weird?

You were camping with your fraternity.

You didn't even go to your cubby.

Plus, it's written like a LiveJournal.

Fine, I take it back.

- And I'm never going to attempt another apology.

It wasn't an apology!

Hannah just threw a piece of paper at me

in a very aggressive manner,

- and I feel extremely uncomfortable. - Jeffrey, hush.

Jeffrey, hush. Be careful or she'll write

another hate letter and stick it in our cubbies.

It wasn't a hate letter! It was a heartfelt apology.

What about that was an apology?

I said I'm sorry in it a bunch.

I'm sorry, I worked really hard on my story.

It's about a robot horse, and I would really like to get back to it.

Actually, this whole thing with the letter

actually kinda makes me like you more.

What if I pulled into your driveway and started leaning on the horn?

How do you think that'd make you feel?

How do you think your wife would feel about that, huh?

If I started just pushing the fucking horn right through the steering wheel?

Right through the fucking dash!

Hit that horn again! Hit it again!

- What's your problem? - Every man has his breaking point!

You want to see my red line?

You want to see Ploshansky's red line?

- Hit it again!

Look, you think there's any correlation

between that light and that horn?

Do you? Do you think there's...

- Hey. - Hi.

- How's it going?

What's up?

You, um, in the middle of something?

No, just having a little chat here

in the dark corner of the American experiment.

What, you're just walking through, or...?

Yeah, yeah, I was just in the neighborhood.

But this isn't your neighborhood.

Are you going to work now

like everyone else except for me?

No, I was actually gonna go out and run a few errands.

- Can I come? - You wanna come with me?

Yeah, no, I mean, my life is basically meaningless,

so, yeah, I'd love to.

I run errands in a very precise and focused way.

Yeah, I'm precise and focused. I make lists.

I mean, there's no, like, bullshit, you know, window-shopping.

- There's none of that. - I am not a window-shopper.

Okay, no need to get scratchy. I'm just saying...

Hey, Hannah, can you stay behind for a sec?

Mm-hmm.

You can totally come with me.

I can't believe I'm getting punished for,

you know, what... a simple apology letter.

It's like up is down. You know what I mean?

No one's punishing you.

I'm just trying to figure out how to help you.

- I'm fine. - No, you're not.

Well, then, maybe you should talk to the rest of the class

because they have put me in a box and now I'm suffocating.

Mm. I think the thing we can agree on

is that you seem very unhappy here.

I'm not not happy.

I think I could just... I could be happier.

Uh-huh, and I also sense academia is challenging for you.

Academia is not totally natural for me.

I thrive on the streets. I always have.

Okay, listen. Iowa is a specific place

for a very specific kind of writer.

No, I know.

What do you mean?

It's not for everybody.

Okay, am I getting kicked out?

No, you're not getting kicked out.

You know what you'd have to do to get kicked out?

What?

You'd have to be extremely violent with another student.

Not just a little violent, but extremely violent.

Everyone here is an adult

and can make their own choices.

Okay, 'cause for a second I thought I was getting kicked out

and I was so happy.

♪ Closer ♪

♪ Closer ♪

♪ Stars are stories ♪

♪ Closer ♪

♪ Closer ♪

♪ Pain is glory ♪

♪ I've seen all you've been through ♪

♪ And all I want... ♪ what?

- What's going on? - Nothing.

You know, Marnie, things don't have to be weird between us.

It's not weird.

Okay, but if things are weird, let's, like, acknowledge it.

There's nothing to acknowledge, okay?

- Really? - It's all good,

so let's just keep working.

You know, I'm happy to apologize to you again

if you think that would be helpful.

What the fuck?

Nothing's weird.

I'm fine. I moved on.

This is our relationship now.

- Okay. - So let's just get back to it, please.

And this time, actually play, please.

She hated everything and everyone, especially me.

Mom never told me she tried to write a book.

She's always saying, you know, like,

"An unbiased reader is the greatest gift to literature"

and "Reading is the godliest profession" and blah, blah, blah.

- She wrote a book? - It was so long ago.

- What happened? - She was miserable, so she quit.

Suddenly she could enjoy herself.

We cooked, watched TV.

She started swimming.

So are you saying I should quit Iowa?

No, no, not at all.

I was just trying to talk about her.

- You're different. - Yeah, but what if I'm not?

You got into this great program.

It's a big vote for you, for what you do.

Yeah, but I feel so trapped.

I feel so trapped,

and there's no way I can leave even if I want to

because of what everyone will say.

'Cause no one leaves.

You can't think of what anyone else has to say.

You just have to do what's right for you.

No matter what happens to anyone else.

What do you mean, "No matter what happens to anyone else"?

I don't know. I'm just... I'm upset because you're upset.

Yeah, but now you seem way more upset than me

when I'm the one who should actually be really upset.

All I'm saying is just that sometimes the stupidest fucking decision in the world

is the right decision for you.

I don't know. I've made a lot of stupid decisions.

Well, no one else has to live in your mind.

Only you.

Okay?

It's tiring.

Wait, why are we going to Forest Hills?

I get my boxers and my T-shirts at a specific department store

and that's where it's located.

That's literally the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life.

It's a ritual, Shosh, okay? It calibrates me.

It's very uplifting. You should try it.

No. No.

No, I'm putting my foot down.

We are not going to Forest Hills.

This is a beautifully constructed T-shirt.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I know, the stitch work is really wonderful.

$70 for a fucking T-shirt?

Do you know how much my T-shirts cost?

- I don't want to know how much... - I get a four-pack for $12.

Okay, how long do they last?

It's not supposed to last very long.

It's supposed to breathe and wear down.

If you're being honest with yourself from your inside,

does it feel different than your other T-shirts?

I... I just want a six-pack of cotton boxers. That's all I want.

Ray, you have been wearing the wrong T-shirts for years,

and a T-shirt... a T-shirt says who you are to the world.

Your entire life, you have been telling the world

that you are a loser who doesn't care.

And that's not true anymore. I watched that happen.

You made that happen.

Um...

So, Ray...

I've been following you around all day waiting to tell you something.

I thought you were following me around 'cause you're unemployed

- and you're restless. - Uh, well, yes.

But I've also been wanting to tell you something for a while,

and, um, I keep trying to tell you in all these different ways

and it just keeps coming out wrong instead,

like, in stupid ways.

Okay, try me.

I'm the reason that our relationship ended.

I wasn't ready and I was unkind and very rude

and generally acted in a way that I, um,

don't want to be remembered after I die.

And, um, you were a good boyfriend,

and, um, I did love you.

I was in love with you.

And people always talk about how love is like,

you know, the strongest emotion, but I was scared,

and sometimes that's even stronger for some people.

Like, people like me.

Look, I know I'm not easy, okay?

You don't have to say all this.

Well, no, I mean, you're not easy.

No, you're, like, actually kind of awful sometimes

and really hard to take and maybe even a tiny bit mentally ill.

- Thanks. - I don't know.

But I hope that someday I can show you how much I did love you.

I mean, like, without getting back together 'cause that ship has sailed.

- Yeah, Shosh... - No, I mean, like, that ship has sailed.

Like, that ship left the harbor.

Um, I just...

you know I like knowing that I did love you

'cause it makes me think that I might be capable

of something else great someday.

And for now, I would like to offer myself to you

as your true and unyielding friend.

And friends do not let other friends buy underwear in Forest Hills.

What?

I just don't want to go back in there and back to my life.

Then don't.

Come away with me and we'll get on a plane,

go somewhere we've never gone before.

What?

Dad, ew. Weird.

I'm kidding, Banana. It was a bad joke.

Just, like, how do you know if you've made the right decision?

I want to make the right decision.

You'll know when you know.

You know?

Thanks for dinner.

- I love you! - Love you.

- I'll call you tomorrow! - Okay!

Bye!

The neck of the shirt is so loose.

I feel the breeze rustling every hair on my chest.

Ew.

So, you don't think that I'm too simplistic?

No, I think you're the perfect amount of simplistic.

And you don't think that I'm too blunt, right?

You would tell me if you thought I was too blunt?

Or is asking someone if you're too blunt being too blunt?

Why are you asking me all these questions?

I'm sorry, I'm just feeling a little insecure about all this job rejection.

Look, you'll find the right job when it's right, okay?

You do things in your own time, Shosh.

You always have.

Okay.

I'm not gonna scream in front of you, okay?

That's something that I do in private with them.

I just feel like my path towards a breakdown

is lubricated with every individual honk, you know?

And I don't know where all this anger comes from.

You've always been that angry. It's like your essential nature.

Oh.

Maybe you should do something instead of just screaming, you know?

Like, I don't know, talk to de Blasio.

Yeah, I'll just stroll into the mayor's office at City Hall

and be like, "Hey, Billy, you don't know me.

I'm Ray Ploshansky. I'm being sonically groped for about 18 hours a day.

Can we do something about the monumentally fucked-up traffic pattern

- in my neighborhood, please?" - Okay, whatever, Ray.

I don't know, like, go to a city council meeting

like on those boring C-SPAN shows

where everyone has bad hair and wears polyester.

You're smart. Use your brain.

Put it into action and you could totally enact some change.

- Shosh. - Yeah?

- I really hate this T-shirt. - I hate that T-shirt so much.

- It's awful. - It's so bad.

All right, thanks for shopping with me.

Yeah.

Marnie?

We need to talk, Marn.

Marnie!

Let me in.

Desi? Coming.

- Yeah. - Yeah, I'm coming.

- Marn! - Okay, I'm right here, I'm right here.

- What's wrong? - I did it.

I fucking... I fucking did it.

You did what?

Oh, man.

I told Clementine about us.

I broke up with her. I fucking did it.

Oh, my God.

What happened?

What happened?

Sweetie, I don't know what you're saying.

It was the most difficult thing I ever did.

Oh, my gosh, this is so amazing.

That's so beautiful.

You're so emotional.

This is so intense for you.

This is so... it's okay, it's okay.

What made you decide to do this?

Because she...

It's okay.

I'm here. Shh.

- She told me... - Yeah?

That she was thinking about this guy sexually,

and I think that she's already fucked him.

So, I'm confused. Did she dump you?

- It sounds like she dumped you. - No, I dumped her.

I definitely, definitely dumped her.

Can we not use that word? It's so violent, you know?

But so then maybe you dumped her preemptively

because you knew that she was eventually gonna dump you.

My Marnie.

Oh, my God. I love you.

I love only you. I love you so much.

♪ We belong to ♪

♪ Where we're going, where we're going ♪

♪ We belong to ♪

♪ Where we're going, where we're going ♪

♪ We belong to ♪

♪ Where we're going, where we're going ♪

♪ We belong to ♪

♪ Where we're going, where we're going ♪

♪ We belong to ♪

♪ Where we're going, where we're going ♪

♪ We belong to ♪

♪ Where we're going. ♪

Hi.

Hi. Who are you?

I'm Mimi-Rose.

Can I help you with something?

Okay.

- Um... - Wait, are you Hannah?

How do you know my name?

Oh, hey.

Hey.

Hi.

- Hey. - Hi.

That was a stiff hug.

I feel, um...

disoriented.

Is, um...

My couch is gone.

My television as well.

Is this your roommate?

No, no.

♪ I've got your picture ♪

♪ That you gave to me ♪

♪ And it's signed "with love" ♪

♪ Just like it used to be ♪

♪ The only thing different ♪

♪ The only thing new ♪

♪ I've got your picture ♪

♪ She's got you ♪

♪ I've got your memory ♪

♪ Or has it got me? ♪

♪ I really don't know, but I know ♪

♪ It won't let me be ♪