All language subtitles for suburgatory.s03e05.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

[instrumental music]

Hey, jacket?

- Or no jacket?
- Jacket.

Right. The two of us
always wore jackets.

We never hung out
without jackets.

- Dad?
- Natural waist, or sagging?

Sagging, definitely.

(Tessa)
Dad was nervous.

Nervous about reuniting

with his best friend Noah.

But he didn't have to be.

They were old friends.

Come on, dad.
You guys are like these two.

(George)
'Who, Simon and Garfunkel?'

(Tessa)
'Yeah. Sure, life happens.'

And you go your separate ways.

But when you reunite

it's like time stands still

and you pick up right
where you left off

and make beautiful music
together

according to Wikipedia.

Right. Right where we left off.

The only thing was,
neither Simon nor Garfunkel

had ever spent 80 days
seeking inpatient treatment

for anger issues.

At least, not according
to Wikipedia.

[buzzing]

Free at last, buddy! Ha, ha, ha!

- Free at last! Whoo!
- Aah!

Oh, what? I was just going in
for the high five.

High fives aren't scary,
high fives are

'cause something
awesome happened.

There you go.

I'm sorry, I just.. I'm--

- A little shell-shocked.
- Yeah.

Right, I-I completely
understand.

But you're out.

And you're leaving all
that behind you.

Right?

We're both wearing jackets.

A new day is dawning.

- Am I right?
- Right.

- Right, so give me a pound!
- Aah!

Okay. No-no pound.

So far, the reunion was

a little more "Troubled Water"

than "Homeward Bound."

Wow, so, you're telling me
it's not even an elective.

Correct. It's a class required
for graduation.

Uh, but how does senior tanning

enrich students academically?

It doesn't. It enriches
our yearbook aesthetically.

See, this is exactly
what's wrong with Chatswin.

There is way too much
emphasis on aesthetics.

We should be studying Descartes,
not De La Renta.

But that is
a super-cute De La Renta.

Thanks.

[theme music]

♪ Last night I had ♪

♪ A pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪

♪ Da da da ♪♪

(female #1)
Okay!

Hey, seniors.

Now, as you all know

I'll be overseeing
the tanning unit

as well as all subsequent
field trips

wherein we will be
tanning your unit.

Curious, who here knows
the proper tanning form?

'If your hand's not
in the air, don't despair'

'as I will be
going over all that.'

Now, those of you
with more junk in the trunk

you will need to be vigilant
about performing

a maneuver known as
the butt-cheek check.

And if you're white
as chalk like Tessa

'you need to start slow.'

If you drop a cracker
into a fire

it just burns,
and so, too, will you.

- Yes.
- I have to go pee.

Okay.

Senior tanning?

The more I thought about it,
the more I made peace with it.

It wasn't something I saw
myself doing pre-Chatswin

but maybe it was time
to surprise myself

and for the first time ever..

...ditch school.

[instrumental music]

This is nice.
Good, old-fashioned hang.

Hang sesh.

Just a couple of bros
enjoying the sound of silence.

Silence, yeah.

I, uh, I-I notice..

...you're wearing glasses.

Yeah.

I don't recall you ever
wearing glasses before.

No.

Something happen to your eyes?

I wasn't seeing clearly.

Okay, Noah..

...what did they do to you
in there?

The AC isn't on and
you haven't complained once

about the temperature.

I haven't heard
a single snide comment

about how uncomfortable
the couch is or the dog smell

which I know you hate.

But I don't hate. Not anymore.

Sorry, I'm not buyin' it.

There are way too many things
that enrage you.

- Not anymore.
- Yeah?

- Pomegranates.
- Worth the effort.

Ted Danson dating
Whoopi Goldberg.

The heart...wants what it wants.

The sequel to "Bring It On."

Was entitled
"Bring It On Again"

and aptly so.
It got the job done.

While George was getting
his first taste of the new Noah

I was tasting freedom,
and it was delicious.

[Passion Pit singing
"Moth's Wings"]

In Manhattan, parks were mostly
for buying drugs

and public urination,
but in Chatswin

it seemed like the parks
were used for something else.

♪ Dear friend as you know ♪

♪ Your flowers are withering ♪

♪ Your mother's gone insane ♪

♪ And your leaves
have drifted away ♪

What's going on in here?

I don't know. Performance art,
some stupid band.

I'm out. I got Zumba
in half an hour.

Whatever it was, it was
incredibly un-Chatswin-like.

And by that,
I mean it was amazing!

♪ With me on the ground ♪♪

Whoo!

Whoo!

Wow, that was just, like..

- Wow!
- Thanks.

- And you guys get so...sweaty.
- Yeah, we do.

Just, like, a lot of sweat in
a really short period of time.

It's not that hot in here.
Impressive.

- I'm Caris.
- Tessa.

I couldn't help but notice

that our music seemed
to move you.

It was like you were singing
what I was feeling.

Isn't it amazing?

People wander across

each other's paths for a reason.

And I bet there's a reason
you wandered across ours.

Yeah, 'cause I cut school.

Guys, this is Tessa.

Tessa, this is Carol, Tommy

Lonny, Dommy, Nonny, Konny

Bahammy, Mikey, Likey

Tikey, Sikey, Moop, Meep

Nimmy, Dimmy, and Luke.

We're a group of musical nomads.

We live together, and we travel
wherever the rhythm brings us.

And it brought you to Chatswin?

[chuckles]

I think it brought us to you.

Greta, hey,
I-I got your message.

Is everything okay?

[sighs]
It's great to have him back.

It is, but, uh, Dr. Werner

he isn't himself.

Right.

He's had a patient unconscious

in his office for over an hour.

What?

Noah? Noah?

Noah?

Hey, George!

- Whoa.
- Good to see you.

You look well.

Is that a new top?

Noah, what, what's..

What's going on with this guy?

Oh, you know, I can't do this.
I can't do it anymore. I can't.

I tried, and I just can't.
It goes against all my training.

Your, your dental training?

No, my mental-wellness training.

I can't bring myself
to brutally wrench the bone

from his flesh, it's the ripping

and the tearing,
it's the rippin'

and the tearin'.
I won't do it!

Well, you should
have thought of that

before you anesthetized him.

You're not wrong about that.

But you, you, you..

...have great instincts.

You know, and a, and a, and a,
and a steady hand. You know?

Uh, you got a, you got a firm..

...firm, firm grip. Hold it.
I've always said that about you.

Noah, I mean, doesn't that
require years of training?

Not...really.

Just think of it as a nail that
you're pulling out of a wall.

Right? You've pulled plenty
of nails out of walls.

- Noah.
- This one's made of jawbone.

'That one.'

[sighs]

I could go to jail
for what I did today.

- This could be my last meal.
- In that case, it needs salt.

And the worst part isn't all
the hand-holding Noah needs.

The worst part is feeling
like I-I lost a best friend.

Just as I gain 17 new ones.

George, not to gloat,
but I joined a band.

Well, they're not so much
of a band as they are

a radical musical movement

and the best part is
they're not from Chatswin.

In fact, they're
the antithesis of Chatswin.

Where are they from?

The whole wide world.
Planet Earth.

They are musical nomads

and they taught me how to play..

...this.

- The giant stick?
- The giant rain stick.

It is a conduit
for divination, relaxation

and...spiritual healing.

Cool.

- Can you hear it?
- Yeah.

- Can you feel it?
- Eh.

Well, Nimmy says
it's transformative.

Yeah, well,
maybe Nimmy can use it

to transform Noah back
to the way he used to be.

Nimmy? I can't be saying
that right.

- You are.
- It's like Noah over-corrected.

You know? He's, he's
completely neutered.

I have to figure out a way
to snap him out of it.

George, I'm telling you,
I have the cure

for what ails him
right here in this stick.

- You want me to show you?
- Sure.

Can you muster
a little enthusiasm?

Sure!

[drum beats]

[inhale deeply]

[exhales sharply]

Right, so, we have that.

Maybe I'll just try
a couple other things..

...first.

Since poor food service
was Noah's button..

Well, I-I cannot imagine

what is taking the food so long.

...dad decided to push it
again and again.

First course, gentlemen,
chef's salad.

Ah.

Dressing on the side?

Oh.

No onions.

You're allergic to onions.

And that's a $23 salad.

Which is why it will
not go to waste.

(male #1)
'Can I get you anything else?'

Hmm.

Maybe just a,
a small glass of water.

Coming right..

...u-u-u-u-up!

Nothing in life is perfect

not even this glass of water.

Really?
You're gonna to drink the water?

Oh, geez.

I must say you're looking
quite golden.

Quite, quite golden indeed.

Perhaps one or two of you still
need to work on your technique.

Perhaps it's just one of you,
one student in particular.

I know, okay?
I know. I dozed off.

Well, that's what
the buddy system is for

and I can't help but notice
your buddy, Tessa Altman

is once again a no-show.

No, Tessa's here.
She's definitely here.

She just has a...raging UTI.

Um, you know how much bacteria..

...loves Tessa.

Um, you know what?
She's probably in the bathroom.

I'll just go check.

- 'Uh.'
- Hey!

- Buddy, what gives?
- 'Oh.'

I just had to cover
for you again.

[sighs]

- What are those dots?
- Never mind my dots.

- Now, you have dots?
- Okay, okay.

I found something
way more enriching

than the march
towards skin cancer.

I joined a band.

And it's amazing and liberating.

And I really hope
you come see us

play in the park. Why do you
look like "Braveheart?"

Why? Because my buddy
has her priorities screwed up.

Uh. My priorities
are screwed up?

- You can't keep skipping class.
- Lisa, it's not a real class.

It will be when you fail it.

Lisa, if you want
to be a half-tan sheep

in a full-tan flock, go for it.

'But me, I'm marching
to the beat'

of a different drummer.

Luke.

- That's my band's drummer.
- You're still in a flock.

It's just a different flock

and I can't believe
you'd be more loyal

to a group of strangers
you just met in the park

than you would be to me,
your best friend!

What am I supposed
to do about a buddy?

I don't know, Lisa.

Maybe it's time you go
find yourself a new one.

[instrumental music]

(female #2)
'Burn.'

On your face.

'You should get that looked at.'

[knocking on door]

[no audio]

- Yeah, what about?
- Oh!

I don't know why I thought
it was soundproof.

It looked soundproof,
but it isn't.

It's about Tessa.

[sighs]
What's up, Dallas?

Well, this is about
the bronzing requirement

expected from all students
in their senior year.

'Tessa's performance,
I'm afraid'

pales in comparison,
and I just wanted to--

Wanted to come down
and talk to me about it.

- Got it.
- Well, now, hold on.

- Am I detecting a tone?
- No, no tone.

I will talk to Tessa

about taking her "Tanning Class"
more seriously.

And the next time you wanna talk
to me don't feel compelled

to use my daughter
as an excuse.

What?

First off, if you're implying

that I harbor
tenderness for you

you are sorely mistaken.

And secondly, I don't appreciate
your "Air quotes"

and "All" that they "Imply."

- Incorrect use of air quotes.
- Incorrect use of your mama.

I came down here
out of concern for Tessa.

And if you're not concerned,
well, there's nothing

for you to concern
yourself with.

[instrumental music]

♪ There you go ♪

♪ Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm ♪

♪ Ooh yeah ♪♪

Hang on, guys. Hang on a sec.

Tessa, everything okay?

Yeah. Why?

The stick felt
a little off today.

- A lot off.
- Shut up, Nonny.

Why don't you mind
your own washboard?

Whoa, hey. Whoa. Not cool.

'Tessa, if something
is intruding on your happiness'

'let us know, but please'

don't intrude on Nonny's.

Sorry, Nonny.

Sorry, you guys.

I just, um, I got in an argument

with my best friend and I know

she's really mad at me.

And I guess it's really
nagging at me.

Would it help if we killed her?

What?

If we murdered her, I mean.

You see, technically,
the band is your best friend now

and we find
that outside friendships

tend to get really problematic.

- Uh, so killing, uh..
- Lisa.

...Lisa might be
the cleanest way

to go on this one.

A charismatic leader,
no outside friendships

matching white outfits,
and made-up names

that rhyme with
the exception of Luke.

How could I have missed it?
I didn't join a band.

I joined a cult!

[all laughing]

Um..

Caris, I just had,
like, a small question

that I wanted
to question you about.

- Over here.
- Shoot.

So, uh, what happens
to band members

who don't want
to be in the band anymore.

[chuckles]
Tessa..

we don't keep people here
by force, silly.

You can pretty much go
anytime you want.

You just need
to turn your uniform in

suffer one exit beating,
and you are on your way.

- Exit b-beating?
- Oh, it's a formality.

Exit beatings are exacted using
whichever instrument you play.

- In your case.. Youch!
- Yeah.

Too bad I don't play
the kazoo, right?

Yeah.

But I once took someone's eye

out with one of those, so..

Right.

Hey.

You're not thinking
about leaving, are you?

- No way.
- Okay.

Tessa? Tessa?

Lisa, no. No, no, no.
You have to get out of here.

Look, I know that
things got pretty real

in the bathroom between us.

- What are you talking about?
- The fight.

But I just want you to know

that I put our friendship
above all else.

So, if Muhammad won't tan
at the mountain

the mountain will play
in the band with Muhammad.

Lisa, this is a cult,
and they're gonna kill you.

They're gonna kill you. They
told me they want to kill you.

- Mm, what?
- Yeah.

Look here, not one
but two little cutters

who avoided my..

'Holy crap!'

This is a cult.
You girls joined a cult?

- Unintentionally.
- H-how did you even know that--

Oh, my gosh, I was big
into cults as a tween.

Loved cults, loved 'em.

If not for all those
pesky exit beatings--

- I don't want an exit beating.
- Okay, girls.

Just take a deep breath.

I'm gonna ask you
a few questions.

- How many have you slept with?
- What? None!

And you haven't exchanged
any vows

or sister-wived yourself
in any way?

- No.
- Good. You're doing great.

Do they know your last name,
your place of residence

or either of your socials?

- No!
- No!

In that case...run!

[instrumental music]

- Oh, damn!
- Lisa!

Don't slow down!

If she's supposed
to make it, she will!

(George)
'She said it was a band.'

Well, there was
a musical element.

But then with most good cults,
there usually is.

I'm sorry I didn't take you
seriously.

I can't thank you enough
for looking out for Tessa.

You wanna stay,
have a slice of pizza?

- It's the least I can do.
- No, thanks.

Um, but, George, the next time
you want to invite me to dinner

you don't need to use
your "daughter" as an excuse.

Improper use of air quotes.
She is my daughter.

[George laughs]

When friendships change

sometimes you have
to change with them.

Lisa was willing to join a cult
to save our friendship

so maybe George had given up
too quickly

on connecting with Noah.

After all, he was Simon
to his Garfunkel.

♪ Old friends ♪

♪ Old friends ♪

♪ Sat on their park bench
like bookends ♪

♪ A newspaper blown
through the grass ♪

♪ Falls on the 'round toes ♪

♪ On the high shoes ♪

♪ Of the old friends ♪♪

Thank you, George.

- I know I let you down.
- No, no.

I let you down.

For not being more...accepting.

But that's all behind us now.

Hmm.

I just have never been so..

...at peace in my life.

My son playing in the sand

best friend at my side.

Give me that, fat ass!

- Oh-ho, whoa!
- Oh, wow!

That.. Oh!

The old me would have gotten
mad at that.

- Right?
- He called my son a "Fat ass!"

- You, okay?
- Well, no, I'm, I'm, I'm good.

- Ho.. Ho..
- That's right.

- He called him a "Fat ass!"
- Hey, hey, Noah! Noah!

Listen, hey, hey, hey!

I wanna-I wanna talk
to you there, champ!

That's not a fat ass! That is
a diaper, a diaper, okay?

Even though George feared
for that child's safety

he had to admit it was nice

to have his old friend back.

- I will end...you! Alright?
- Okay. Okay.

[instrumental music]