Original subtitles

(Tessa) Once upon of time somewhere between

the Lower Eastside and the fiery pits of hell

there lived a little town called Chatswin.

♪ Chatswin ♪

Historically, Chatswin was a town

that valued its mothers above all else

and so, on the second Sunday of every May..

[horse whinnies]

...they set out to prove it.

(Fred) 'Make way for Cinderelly!'

All hail Cinderelly!

[instrumental music]

Happy Mother's Day, Lucille.

Happy Mother's Day, Sheila.

I feel like a princess.

Little much, don't you think?

Can't help it if my family loves me more

but $10 well-spent on the self-inflated balloons, Glen.

Glen?

Yah!

(Tessa) In the past, the town rule seemed to be

if you loved your mother you'd better be willing

to go "full page" to prove it

and this year was no different.

It kinda made me glad I wasn't in the game.

Mother's Day weekend, huh?

Yep.

Any feelings about the big day?

I'm, uh, more of a Columbus Day girl myself.

(Eden) That's a great joke, Tessa

but sometimes..

...it's healthy to talk things through.

I'm sure, on Mother's Day, you must think about her.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't.

[thinking] How about you, Madam Surrogate?

Ever think about all those babies you sold

and what they're doing on Mother's Day?

Ohh. That's gonna sit in your colon for a decade.

Luckily, there's plenty of room in my colon

after that cup noodles caseiro you made last night.

Really freed up some real estate.

And by that, I mean it gave me loose stool.

[theme music]

♪ Last night I had a pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da da da da da ♪♪

(Jill) I'm so glad we went with

an endangered animals theme for the nursery.

And the pelts feel great underfoot.

The pelts? Forget about the pelts.

I cannot believe you found an ivory tusk crib!

The interior decorator had some of the animals murdered

just for this room.

She really went the extra mile.

There are 950 dead snakes on this wall alone.

And the guns..

Live. All live.

You know, you don't see

that enough in a nursery, not for my taste.

Oh, Noah. I can't wait for this baby to get here.

I can't wait for our night nurse to get here.

You know I feel uncomfortable having intercourse

during the last trimester.

I know, I just thought

since you weren't actually carrying the baby..

Ohh. I may not be carrying the baby here

but I most certainly am carrying it here.

[chuckles]

[man speaking indistinctly on headphones]

(George) Whatcha doin'?

Playing the baby some audio from "Occupy Wall Street."

[chuckles] And, and where does he land?

With any luck, left of Chatswin.

Are you, are you excited about this baby shower tomorrow?

If, by "excited," you mean "filled

with an impending sense of dread"

then yes, very.

I am fascinated by this side of you.

- You've gone dark on me. - I'm not myself.

- I'm irritable. - Mm.

- And pent up. - Sure.

Okay. You wanna go for a jog?

No.

[chuckles] You wanna grab some lunch?

Nope.

I wanna grab something else.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

I-I feel like we've waited so long.

It's your last trimester.

Are you sure it's not dangerous?

[whispers] It's gonna be dangerous for you if we don't.

It means a lot to your mom, you coming home for the shower.

Hey, did she tell you we're trying

to steal Carmen back from the Royces?

Wouldn't that be funny?

The same nanny that raised you

could raise your little hermano.

You know what would be even funnier?

If you and mom raised your own kid.

That'd be hilarious.

Why do you guys need Carmen?

Why does anyone need Carmen?

[chuckles] Because she's amazingly helpful.

Because Carmen can easily do things

that exasperate most white people.

Well, I hope I grow up to be like Carmen.

[chuckles] Oh. Yeah. You won't.

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Are you just not attracted to me...because I'm pregnant?

I'm very attracted to you.

But what? Just not when I'm naked?

- Because of the big belly? - No.

- Is it because of the veins? - What?

Is it because of my throbbing, blue spider veins?

They're from the pregnancy.

Oh. Oh.

Okay, so normally you're less veiny?

No. That's not it.

Then what, George?

[sighs] I couldn't stop thinking about what Noah said

about how I was gonna give the kid

an accidental tracheotomy.

'You know what?'

Why don't you stop worrying

about Noah's kid and start worrying about your own?

What-what's that supposed to mean?

This morning, I broached

the whole mom issue with Tessa.

What whole "mom issue"?

I think she's in denial. I think you both are.

O-okay. Eden, please.

I've-I've talked to Tessa about this

and she's fine, okay?

She, she told me outright

that she can't miss what she never knew.

She's gotta feel something.

Angry, hurt..

Unless you people are some kind of

different species out here.

I mean, you can't have your mom check out

and feel absolutely nothing!

Eden, you are smart

and intuitive and wonderful

but you're wrong.

In this case, you're wrong.

I know my kid.

And I'm not gonna force her

to pick at a scab that isn't there.

She's okay.

Okay?

[sighs] Okay.

Okay. Come here.

Why aren't you hugging me back?

[instrumental music]

(Dallas) 'In this box, my secret weapon'

'for the Mother's Day 5k tomorrow.'

Whoa!

(Dallas) 'They'd better watch their backs'

'cause I ran track in college.

You must win the 5k every year in these babies.

Actually, this is the first time I'll be in town to compete.

Steven used to always take us away for Mother's Day

to Israel.

- Israel? - Oh, my gosh, yes.

Every person should make the pilgrimage to Israel

and not just for the Dead Sea wraps

but also for the fusion cuisine.

- Mommy, where's my passport? - Your passport?

For Israel. Duh.

Daddy didn't want to ruin my Mother's Day

by spoiling the tradition.

But, Dalia, it's Mother's Day.

I rented a poolside cabana for us at the club.

I was gonna run the 5k, and you were gonna cheer for me.

So you want me to cancel?

No.

Never mind.

I'm sure the two of you will

have a great time.

Happy Mother's Day.

Thanks. I'll eat a kebab for you.

[instrumental music]

[bells jingle]

I'm sorry, Dallas.

Oh, don't be silly. It's fine.

You know, that's one thing I admire in Dalia.

She puts her own happiness before everyone else's.

Yeah, that's...real admirable.

You know what?

I'm gonna run that 5k, and when I win

I'll be celebrating in my poolside cabana

with a big ol' Denver omelet to keep me company.

A Denver omelet might actually be better company.

Especially if it has fresh mozzarella.

Mmm. Love that.

[both chuckle]

Then after I buff away her callouses

I will dump the water

dispose of the hardened skin shavings

and present her with my gift.

Viscose moisturizing socks.

Boom!

Can't be beat. Lisa.

(Tessa) Lisa was still awaiting test results

that would prove her mother was not her mother.

Until then, celebrating the day seemed pointless.

- I'm gonna hold off this year. - What does that mean?

Does your mother "hold off"

when your clothes need laundering?

Did she "hold off" during your latest bout of pinworm?

I'm waiting for some very important paperwork.

[sighs] What kind of paperwork?

You didn't name a star after her, did you?

- 'Cause people hate that. - Not all people hate that.

Lisa, I have a present plan that is big enough

to be from both of us, so it will be

from both of us. You can reimburse me later.

You know how your mother's favorite recording artist is--

- James Ingram. - Yes.

So I have planned an entire day

to his song "One hundred ways," and believe me

I have found each and every one of them.

When we get to 98, I would appreciate

you kids closing your doors.

Okay, gang, just want to make sure my pit crew

is prepared for the race tomorrow.

- Fred, Dixie cups. You on it? - I'm on it.

And don't overfill 'em, Fred. I just need a mouthful.

- 'Probably a swish and spit.' - Swish and spit.

- Probably won't swallow. - Whatever you want.

It's not about me.

Ryan, potassium, I'm gonna need it

as soon as I come across that finish line.

Potassium, check.

Lisa, medic, that means ace bandages

antiseptic wash, and a pint of my blood

from the downstairs freezer just in case.

You bank blood in the downstairs freezer?

[instrumental music]

(Tessa) Every day at approximately 3:45

the mail came, and with it came the hope

that I'd get good news about the internship

I applied for.

An acceptance letter from "The Village Voice"

would mean a way out of Chatswin

and a break from the misery of living with George and Eden.

[instrumental music]

When I was little, I used to tell people

I was gonna be in destiny's child.

When you're little

you don't have a sense of what's realistic.

Is that the mail?

No, it's, uh, 15 dancing elephants.

[laughs] Of course it's the mail.

[gasps] This is it! This is for me!

(Tessa) Lisa was hoping this letter would prove

that she wasn't who they said she was.

[instrumental music]

I just don't understand it. I felt it in my bones.

Well, your bones were wrong.

How do you explain the adoption video that I found?

Maybe they were gonna adopt and then they got pregnant.

[whispers] I know that I'm adopted.

According to the DNA results

Lisa, you're not

but you can still grow up to be whoever you want to be.

Exactly, and for the record

it's not the worst thing in the world

that your parents are your parents.

I mean, they may not be perfect, but they really love you.

Do you have any idea how ignorant you sound right now?

[instrumental music]

(Tessa) In Spain, they have the running of the bulls. Here..

♪ Drop that thun thun thun ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Don't drop that thun thun thun ♪

♪ Don't drop that thun thun thun ♪

Get ready to run, you mothers!

[gunshot]

[cheering]

(Tessa) While the mothers of Chatswin ran for their lives

we had tickets to a three-ring circus..

Watch your step, everyone.

The cheetah droppings are phenomenal.

...the Werners' baby shower.

Hey, there she is. Jill.

- Oh. - Hey. Congratulations.

Hello in there.

Hello, my love. Can you say mommy?

Can you say mommy Jill Werner?

He can't.

Oh. Who's got your nose?

Mommy's got your nose.

- Think he loves when I do that. - You think?

George, she looks magnificent.

You have been taking excellent care of her.

Well, been trying.

Although I can't imagine what's going to happen

after the baby is born.

She's just gonna shrivel up into a big pile of ash.

- I'm gonna go get some food. - I'm gonna join you.

Eden, wait.

Darling, I want to show you the nursery

and I want to introduce you to the Coen brothers.

They're going to be filming the birth.

The Coen brothers?

Hey, George. Eden.

Hi, Noah.

Oh, darling, would you please

put the animals in the cage

so people can eat without them

jumping up on the food?

On it.

Come on now! Yah! Yah!

Yah! Whee! Whee!

Yah!

[instrumental music]

[cheering]

- Come on, Sheila. Oh, no. - Yeah.

No, no. No, no, no, no. No, not you!

Not for you. Ohh.

You've gotta be kidding me, Fred!

(Fred) Oh, God. Ohh. Ohh.

Ohh. Sheila. Sheila. Sheila.

Sheila. Sheila. Sheila. Sheila.

Huh! Ohh.

I love you!

(Dallas) Aah! My ankle!

[indistinct chatter]

(female #1) 'Dallas!'

(Tessa) Nice hustle out there, fellas.

[groaning]

- Any family we should call? - No.

A close friend, maybe, who could pick you up from the hospital?

How's my hair?

Fantastic.

Then call George Altman.

What was that?

I said...Carmen.

Call Carmen.

[Ryan cheering] 'Let's go, mom! Win!'

(Mr. Wolfe) Run, ladies! Run!

- 'Come on!' - Let's go, mom! Win!

(Ryan) 'Yeah!'

Come on, mom!

Aah!

[laughing]

Yeah! Yeah.

- Mmm. Mmm. - Oh. Ohh.

Your father screwed the pooch, but I won anyway!

You sure did, mom! Happy Mother's Day!

- Mm. Mmm. - Mmm.

[indistinct conversations]

I just think it's a sad statement

when a kid decides to spend Mother's Day

with her father.

What's that about?

[mumbling] You don't know our situation.

Relax, hon. We're talking about Dallas Royce.

[spits]

Hey, Tess. You alright?

It's just cucumber

and cream cheese?

I mean, why?

- Not a big fan, huh? - No.

(Jill) George, come quick. It's Eden.

- Okay, uh.. - Do you want--

No, you stay here.

(Eden) Aah! George!

Eden, you okay?

Look at this place.

[sighs] They're monsters!

What kind of a child are they gonna raise in here?

There's a club over by that stuffed seal.

This? This is a personalized Mahogany Louisville slugger

but I suppose you could.

Oh, no. No!

This feels like labor. I shouldn't be in labor.

I'm not due for weeks.

Okay, we should get you to the hospital, get you checked out.

I'm a professional!

I haven't had a single complication

in any of my pregnancies until..

...until..

Until what?

Until Chatswin!

[sighs]

Eden's feeling some mild discomfort.

Aah!

We're gonna go to the hospital to check it out.

- Meet us there? - Okay.

- Okay. - Unh!

Oh. Thank you, Tess.

It's gonna be okay, dad.

- I'll see you guys there. - Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna meet you at the ambulance, alright?

- I'm coming with you. - I know you want to.

But you and Jill stress Eden out.

Eden? My baby is in there.

You are high as a kite if you think that

I'm just gonna sit home and cross my fingers

and hope that everything turns out okay.

- Could you do that? - Okay, follow, dude.

Follow in your car, but keep a safe distance.

I've been keeping dude.

Look where it got us.

[instrumental "One hundred ways"]

What's all this, Fred?

♪ If it's violins she loves ♪

♪ Let them play hey hey ♪

I'm gonna go put your blood in the downstairs freezer.

♪ Dedicate her favorite song ♪

I'll be in my room.

♪ And hold her closer ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ Love her today ♪

♪ Find one hundred ways ♪

- James? - Sheila?

What are you doing here?

- Your husband hired me. - 'What a coincidence.'

(Sheila) 'I just didn't think I'd ever see you again.'

[gulps]

So how you been?

Uh..

I-I-I've been great..

You look good

[whispers] with your fine ass.

Thanks, Jimmy.

Uh, o-okay. I'm confused.

I-I thought James Ingram was

your favorite soul recording artist.

He is.

And we dated briefly

before you and I met.

Okay. You dated James Ingram?

How did I not know this?

I think we should go.

[Milo Greene singing "1957"]

(Tessa) James Ingram wasn't the only secret

Sheila had been keeping.

♪ Oh-oh oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh oh-oh oh oh ♪

O-positive?

That's technically impossible.

♪ Oh oh ♪

It's not me. It's him.

♪ Takes me away ♪

Hey. Everything okay?

Yeah. False labor.

And the baby?

Will be fine.

Hey, why didn't you tell me about the internship?

What?

You didn't get the internship

at "The Village Voice."

The rejection letter fell out of your coat pocket.

That's how I know.

Oh. Well, I guess I forgot.

♪ Are old and chipping ♪

You must be pretty bummed.

No.

No? Disappointed?

[chuckles] Not really.

I'll find something else. You know me.

♪ Takes me away ♪

Do I?

Ojo del pies!

What? Carmen?

Miss Dallas in the golden sneakers

she broke the eye of her foot!

Okay. It's gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be okay.

Ay, mentirosa!

I-I'm-I'm coming with you.

I'm just..

- Tessa.. - Mr. Altman?

- Yeah. - Eden's asking for you.

She's not being honest with me, is she?

I have no idea.

I've never met either one of you.

Right.

(male #1) Hey. Dallas. Wake up.

Yakult? Is that you?

Oh, it's me, alright.

The question is, Dallas, is that you?

Yakult, so cryptic.

What the hell were you trying to prove out there today, girl?

That I'm fast and that I'm strong

and that I don't need anybody but myself.

You crazy? You need that girl as much as she needs you.

Who? Tessa?

Bitch, ain't nobody talkin' 'bout Tessa.

Tessa. I'm so glad you're here.

- Can you do me a favor? - Mm-hmm.

Will you call Dalia for me

and tell her to come back home?

Okay.

Do you want me to sit with you for a while?

I should've made her stay.

[sighs]

El Percocet.

(Tessa) Dallas wanted to see her daughter

and I don't know why that hurt my feelings

but it did.

They say a tree is known by its fruit.

Before we moved here, I swear, I never thought about her.

♪ There's a possibility ♪

But Mother's Day in Chatswin

made one thing painfully clear..

♪ There's a possibility ♪

...the feeling was mutual.

My mom never thought about me, either.

♪ All that I had ♪

♪ Was all I'm gonna get ♪

♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm ♪

♪ There's a possibility ♪

♪ There's a possibility ♪

(female #2) 'Tessa?'

I recognized her face from the photos..

...my mother's mother.

♪ All I'm gonna get ♪

♪ Is gonna be yours still ♪

♪ So tell me when you hear my heart stop ♪

She was looking at the grandchild she never knew..

♪ You're the only one ♪

...but me?

I was looking at a way out.

♪ Tell me when you hear my silence ♪

♪ Mm-mm-mmm ♪