Original subtitles

(girl) IF SOMEONE ASKED ME THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN THE SUBURBS AND MANHATTAN,

I WOULD HAVE TO SAY IT'S THE MOMS.

IT'S LIKE THE MILLION MOM MARCH.

THE PLACE IS CRAWLING WITH THEM.

THEY'RE IN THE MALLS.

THEY'RE AT THE ROCK CONCERTS.

THEY'RE SHUFFLING OUT OF THE TANNING SALONS

IN THEIR MANI-PEDI FLIP-FLOPS

WITH THEIR EVER-PRESENT DAUGHTERS

AND ENORMOUS FROZEN COFFEE DRINKS.

NOW THE WHOLE MOM THING IS A LITTLE FOREIGN TO ME.

MY MOM DUCKED OUT SHORTLY AFTER THEY CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD,

SO HAVING GROWN UP WITH JUST MY DAD

REALLY MADE ME WONDER.

(man) ♪ JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GANGSTER ♪

♪ JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GANGSTER ♪

♪ JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GANGSTER ♪

♪ JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GANGSTER ♪

WHAT IS IT WITH THESE MOTHERS?

♪ GANGSTER MUSIC, IT JUST DON'T STOP ♪

THEY'RE PEOPLE, OKAY?

JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.

(girl) THINGS HAD BEEN A LITTLE TENSE BETWEEN US

SINCE THE UNAUTHORIZED SEARCH AND SEIZURE

DAD CONDUCTED IN MY ROOM.

FIRST HE SEARCHED,

THEN HE HAD A TOTAL SEIZURE.

HE PULLED ME OUT OF SCHOOL, BUBBLE-WRAPPED MY LIFE,

AND THREW IT IN THE BACK OF A MOVING TRUCK.

I WENT FROM HERE...

GOOD-BYE, WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK.

GOOD-BYE, SEXUALLY ACTIVE CLASSMATES.

TO HERE.

PRETTY IRONIC THAT A BOX FULL OF RUBBERS

LANDED ME IN A TOWN FULL OF PLASTIC.

WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU CALL THAT?

CIRCUS PEANUT?

OR MAYBE IT'S MORE IN THE VOMIT FAMILY.

WELL, I GUESS THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU ATE,

MAYBE... LOBSTER BISQUE.

NO. NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT

YOUR BASIC, RUN-OF-THE-MILL, STOMACH ACID VOMIT.

UH-HUH.

THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT, ISN'T IT?

WHY DON'T YOU GRAB YOUR BAG

AND GO CRITICIZE THE INSIDE OF THE HOUSE?

♪♪♪

YOO-HOO! NEIGHBOR!

YOO-HOO!

YOO-HOO!

HIYA, NEIGHBOR. I'M SHEILA.

ARE YOU THE NEW FAMILY FROM NEW YORK?

NICE.

WHAT? YOU TAUGHT ME NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS.

COME ON IN. THIS IS IT.

HUH?

IT'S PRETTY BIG, RIGHT? BIGGER THAN YOUR ROOM IN THE CITY.

CAN YOU PICTURE YOURSELF

LIVING A-A NORMAL, ADOLESCENT EXISTENCE HERE?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S KIND OF GIRLIE.

WELL, YOU'RE A GIRL.

YEAH, BUT I'M NOT A CAT CLOCK KIND OF GIRL.

WHAT IF YOU ARE A CAT CLOCK KIND OF GIRL

AND YOU JUST DON'T KNOW IT YET?

YEAH.

I'M NOT.

THE NEXT MORNING, I WAS STARTLED AWAKE

BY AN UNFAMILIAR SOUND...

(gasps)

NO GARBAGE TRUCKS, NO TAXI CABS,

NO CAR ALARMS?

SILENCE.