Original subtitles

Did you ever imagine what your parents were like when they were kids?

Hard to imagine, right?

Or if you're like me, you just assume that they were born parents.

Well, they weren't.

Trust me.

The only thing scarier than imagining your parents being young is actually

having to live with them that way.

That's exactly what happened to me.

Science fiction, you think?

Oh, no.

This is my neighbor.

Average, right?

Average house.

Average sister.

Average friend.

And now for you non -believers, meet my mom.

And my dad.

Hey,

I told you this wasn't science fiction.

This is my life.

And it's all because of the poop point.

It all started on an average one.

Or at least average in my house.

How can you just sit there? They're going to blow the whole house up.

Nah, that wasn't any worse than usual.

Well, at least the primary...

Told you the proton generator was over -torqued. Norton, I'm telling you, it's

the electronic ignition system.

Are you two all right?

We're better than all right. Marie wanted to purge up a breakthrough.

It sounded more like a breakdown.

Oh, no, dear, we're fine.

It's as your father always says.

Science is rarely pretty.

Look, please just be sure you're ready by one o 'clock.

For what?

Told you they wouldn't remember.

Our graduation?

Duh. I can't believe you guys.

We knew that. We were just putting you on. Yeah.

Gotcha.

Out of my way, you mongrel.

I think if we reconfigure the particleization mechanism, we can create

telling you, it's the ignition system. I know. Thank you.

Einstein gold.

You know what? I will not be humiliated at graduation today.

Sure you will.

Then you'll sulk for a day or two, drown your sorrows in a vat of thick shakes,

and add a few unsightly inches to your hips.

You know what? I hate to tell you, but just because you skipped a grade doesn't

mean you know everything.

Wanna bet?

I'm your bro, in the know, star of the show.

So out I go, you're blocking my glow.

Please save the concert.

For the bathroom, with the water running, full force.

Last now.

But next year, when we're in high school, I'm going to be an urban slug.

You'll be an urban slug the day I turn into Britney Spears.

Nice to meet you, Britney.

Look, Colin got me an audition to be Slug's new bass player.

And if I get in, you're going to be so green with envy.

People will be calling you green with envy.

Ann, wouldn't it be nice to be Lizzie Cook? Look at her. She's talking to her

parents without an interpreter. And they're actually listening.

Yeah. And I guess when they sit in a chair, you know, I'm guessing that, you

know, it acts like... Whoa.

A chair.

At least there's one hope.

Maybe when our parents test their time travel machine today, they'll

accidentally send themselves back into the Stone Age. Then we'll get a well

-deserved break.

It's not that we didn't love our parents.

We did.

It was just sometimes we had a really hard time relating.

See, this was the day that they were going to do their first official trial

their time travel machine.

And their first test subjects?

Two really funky -looking goldfish.

Ready for time travel.

Initial countdown sequence.

Two minutes uncounted.

Ignition equation enter.

Affirmative. Velocity density ratio factor. Affirmative.

Rapid accelerator override engaged.

Double affirmative.

Who let that mongrel down here?

Oh, Norton, it's not Einstein's fault that you neglected to close the door at

the top of the stairs.

That dog has a talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Oh, be

nice. All he wants to do is play catch.

Go upstairs.

Shoo. Go on upstairs.

That dog ruined the whole experiment.

V -one -twenty -five.

Velocity. V -squared. V -squared. X -squared. X -squared.

That's delta X.

Times 2T. Times 2T.

Add it to X squared. 1T. D of T.

D of T.

Plus T prime. Plus T prime.

K from T prime. K from T prime.

To T actual.

To C actual.

Plus X prime. X prime.

Speed of light.

Speed of light.

Times.

Now I don't want to go into scientific detail because I can't. But the machine

missing that part, the vector modulator, is a bad thing.

A very bad thing.

Didn't you hear what I said? Scram.

25 seconds.

All right. With two Fermi Foundation grants, one Schrodinger Fellowship, and

Higgins Award on the line, are we ready?

Ready to make history.

Or at least observe it.

Then I say, let's commence.

Transmission code loaded.

Press...

Departure.

Identify.

One male, one female.

Combined weight, 26 grams.

They're still here.

They're supposed to be back in September of 1863. Well, this makes no sense.

I mean, we went over the calculations 57 times.

58, Morton, if you count reviewing the data in my dreams.

It's supposed to go off without a hitch.

We have got to go.

The graduation?

What graduation?

Aratus, he aged two months.

Okay, Mom, which one of my friends is this?

Marie, I don't know.

Annie.

No, Mother, this is Samantha, and this is Annie. Annie, Samantha, you all walk

around in packs.

I mean, does it really matter? Okay, all right.

This is my best friend, Lauren, and this is my worst enemy, Chloe.

Come on, you guys got PhDs memorizing who knows what. My friend's name should

a snap.

All right, all right, all right. Would you turn down that irritating noise you

called music so I can concentrate?

Now, which one is Annie again?

So, how come you don't have a picture of Colin in your little stack?

Why would I?

You know you have a crush on him. Why don't you just admit it?

Mom, make him stop.

That's enough.

Both of you are just far too young to be so preoccupied with the opposite sex.

Marie, when I was your age, boys were the furthest thing from my mind.

Ooh, big surprise.

With the other parents, feel free to talk about the stock market.

Why would we do that?

So you sound less science -y, more cool.

Cool? How many times have I told you I hate that word?

Eddie, I need you to take out the trash.

Cool. Grandma's coming to visit.

Cool.

The world's going to end at sunrise.

Cool. There are so many other descriptive adjectives in the English

Cool.

And if the stock market doesn't work for you guys, try the Lakers.

Here, I wrote notes.

Wow, that Shaq has sure had some impressive stats lately.

Oh, Eddie.

Eddie, we don't need those. We know what's going on in the world.

Oh, yeah?

What's hip -hop?

Who's Lil Bow Wow?

Name one movie or one TV show you've seen in the last five years. Oh, well,

that's easy.

We saw that Life Cycles of the Earth World special on public television just

last year. Now, that is entertainment. That was fantastic.

I rest my case.

Son, we are not going to humiliate you. Now, your father and I, we were

teenagers once. We know how you feel.

Nobody knows how I feel.

I do.

Specimens de -aged to one minute.

Specimens in final phase before proof point and non -existence.

Proof point approaching.

Danger. Proof point reached.

Proof point reached.

Danger. Non -existence.

Amanda Suzanne Anderson.

Congratulations.

Edison Newton Ballard.

Congratulations.

Marie Curie Ballard.

Congratulations.

Lizzie Gail Cook.

Congratulations. Oh, Mom, Dad, you remember Annie.

And Lauren.

Nice to see you girls. Are you elated about the advent of the summer equinox?

You must be thoroughly excited about advancing your education at a brand new

venue.

Oh, oh, there's Colin.

See you guys.

Hey,

Lizzie. Girl, those shoes are tight.

I know, aren't they?

Look at Ben Garland.

Come on, let's just torment him.

Remember, I talk about boys.

Oh,

hey, my parents are over there if you want to say hi.

Come on, look to me.

Now, if you ask me, there's not a single consistently outstanding pitcher in the

National League. Certainly none of those rookies have blown me away. Yeah, and

that Shaq sure has some impressive stats lately.

I'm surprised to see you here, Ballard. I thought you only got out when you set

the lab on fire. Now, Chick, be nice.

What?

I was only saying, Corky and I are taking bets on how soon you'll

entire neighborhood.

Well, to allay your fears, I'll be more than delighted to illuminate you on our

latest research. It involves a machine to send an organism back in time. I'll

show you how it works with that brownie. There it goes.

How nice to see you. Oh, it's nice to see you, Corky. Interesting jacket.

Oh, well, as is your sweater.

Do you mind?

It's just as I thought. 50 % polytrico, and the rest is an artificial... Yes,

an artificial petroleum blend. It's good -looking, but highly flammable.

I'm not sure if we've got the look.

Urban slugs have got to be, you know, smooth.

Look, just hear me play, okay?

If I blow you away, then you can teach me.

Smooth. All right. You get one shot.

Tomorrow, 3 o 'clock, your place.

Excuse me. Would you be kind enough to lend me your glasses for a moment?

Thank you.

Dad, what are you doing? A simple experiment.

These kind folks practically demanded it.

Do you have to use the principal's glasses?

Pleasure to meet you, Dr. Ballard.

I'm Larry Root. Nice to meet you. The photoelectric effect.

What's going on? If incidental light is composed of discrete particles of energy

called photons, then the energy of each photon is proportional to its frequency.

So in order to free those electrons, we catch the light and move them through

time, which proves the possibility of time travel.

Watch carefully.

That was one great day, wasn't it?

Keep down, dog.

Oh, yeah, Dad, the best. Especially the part when you set the principal's head

on fire. What was up with that?

Well, the important thing is that we managed to get those kids excited about

science. Oh, well, you know what, Nordy? I think they were more excited about

the paramedics and the fire trucks.

I'm adopted, aren't I?

Somebody dropped me off on the porch in a basket, and you guys are just afraid

to tell me.

What do we do?

Eddie, honey, be honest.

Did we embarrass you today?

Well, uh... You guys know what it is.

I mean, we have all the teachers we need at school.

At home, it would be nice just to have a mom and a dad.

Well, the truth is, Norton, when we were their age, we had sudden mood swings.

We never swung that far.

Norton, look.

Where did the fish go?

My guess is they're either in 1863 listening to Lincoln give the Gettysburg

Address or they just popped into the ozone.

Our best bet is to re -enter the recalculated addition sequence and run

the entire procedure again. What we didn't find out until a lot later.

Was that when Einstein took the vector modulator?

The fish didn't travel back in time.

Instead, they got younger and younger. Until they reached the point before they

were born.

The poof point.

Ready? Yes.

Transmission code loaded.

Press enter.

Ten. Nine.

Eight.

Seven. Six.

Five.

Four.

Two. One.

Secular particleization laser transmitting. Attention.

Time. Arrow.

System. Arrow.

Scene. Fract. Unknown variable.

System. Not communicating.

Danger. Vector modulator displaced.

Danger. Vector modulator displaced.

One male, one female.

Mind weight, 177 .27 kilograms.

Age is 40.

Metabolic analysis.

to 21.

System shut down.

Are you two all right?

And now what did you do?

That was the worst explosion yet.

What's the matter?

Nothing, man.

We're cool.

Did he just say cool?

Only cool.

But do I know you?

Funny, Dad.

Dad?

Why'd you call me Dad?

Good joke.

Hold on. I see what's going down.

This is one of my mother's practical jokes.

Now, she put your kids up to this, didn't she? Didn't she?

Mom, you know Grandma's at the Mahjong tournament in Sacramento.

Did you two get hit in the head or something?

It's us, Eddie and... Wait, wait, wait.

Don't tell me.

Edison Newton Ballard and Marie Curie Ballard? Very good. So you do know us.

No, I don't know you, but I do know my meddling mother's sense of humor. Now,

Norton, how many times have I told her? At least a million times. I am not going

to have children until I finish my doctorate.

Now, that old busybody went ahead and hired these poor kids and gave them a

couple of bucks and the names that we've set aside for our two future children.

Your mom. Your mom is about as illogical as... Try to clone a sheep.

Whoa. Whoa.

Wow.

This is slamming.

Marigold. And this is if someone has been able to construct a time's arrow

machine. Not someone, Dad.

You. You and Mom.

No, a time's arrow machine is something that Marigold and I are writing a paper

on for our theoretical physics class.

There's no way it can be built until someone comes up with a more portable...

Computer. Wow!

Wow!

What are these?

Your PCs.

You've had them for years. What's wrong with you?

You know, maybe their explosion gave them ambrosia.

Amnesia? That's what I said.

All right, quick.

Who's the President of the United States?

What you don't know?

Oh, this is just the pit. You see, Norton, that is exactly why I'm

have children.

Please, I need to hear it from you.

The Ronmans.

Our political hero, Ronald Reagan.

That's right, that Nancy, she's pretty nifty too, you know. She is hot, but not

as hot as this. Wow!

Look, you say you've been married for six months. The truth is, you've been

married for over 18 years.

You think you live in an apartment near the college, but you live here with us.

I don't know what you guys did down there, but my whole life, all you've

talked about was time travel.

Now the only thing that's traveling is your brain. Eddie, calm down. You're not

helping.

Hold on.

Here we are on vacation at a physicist convention last month.

Oh, my goodness, Norton, look at us. I mean, we look just totally old.

No offense, but how do you think you look?

Well, I know I don't look like...

Foxy. He looks boxy.

Oh,

come

on.

You really don't see it, do you?

Okay, let's just go with this.

You guys claim that we invented a time machine and we're on the verge of making

it work.

So then how do we become 21 again then, huh? And more importantly, what are you

guys going to do about fixing it? Forget fixing it. I feel large and in charge.

Oh, Nordikins, you are so slamboyant.

And look at my merry -go -round.

Fizzling. Gosh, you're just so hot.

Come here.

Ew,

okay, look, bad.

until the twelfth of never.

Our voices will ring forever as one.

It's our song.

Oh, a dog!

Get that mongrel away from me!

At least some things haven't changed.

Nordikins, lighten up!

As an undergrad, a puppy ate his thesis paper and he's just been down on dogs

ever since.

Well, that's how it all started. I have no intention of playing with you.

Okay, all right.

Let's say that we just believe all of this. Well, now what?

You're the scientist.

We were kind of hoping you'd tell us.

So we sent our 21 -year -old parents back into the lab to try to figure out

to become 40 again.

Wow, this is incredible.

And you're actually saying that silly Billy Gates, who I tutored in calculus,

responsible for all of this?

Yeah, Dad, now get over it. Focus.

Eddie and I are going to go up and make dinner. You guys keep working.

You know, Mary Gold, I bet what we're looking for is tied directly into that

last goldfish experiment.

But, Norton, those fish didn't de -age. They just disappeared.

That is what trips me out.

What if they started by de -aging and then... Oh.

Poof.

They're slamming.

I mean, what if they stay like this?

Making out and seeing hits of the 70s.

I can't believe there are actually people right across the street who live

normal lives.

I know.

Kids, we need to talk.

We don't want you to panic.

Because everything ultimately is going to be cool.

But we do seem to be facing a bit of a... Situation.

Situation. This doesn't sound good. The good news is that Nordikins and I are

sure that we've discovered what happened to those goldfish.

And the bad news?

They didn't go time traveling. They went poof.

What? They poofed. Well, in layman's terms, they regressed themselves right

of existence.

That's layman's terms? Wait, wait, wait. So you're saying that the fish got

younger and younger until finally they disappeared?

Exactly. Right on.

Is what happened to the goldfish going to happen to you? Are you two going to

poop and disappear too? Marie, chill out.

Nordikins and I, we are going to carefully examine the data downstairs,

determine where the experiment went wrong, and fix it.

Do we have any colleagues?

Anyone who would know anything about this?

No. I mean, this was all part of some...

Top secrets, grow something or other, Grant.

That's why the college moved your lab into the house.

All right, so do you have any idea of how long until you poof?

Actually, we do, to the precise second.

We calculated the time it took for the goldfish to vanish, factoring in their

life expectancy versus ours. In a worst -case scenario, we'll reach poof point

at precisely 6 .01 tomorrow evening.

Kids, it's after midnight.

Don't you want to go upstairs and crash?

No chance.

That clock hit zero. You guys are history.

We're staying right here to make sure nothing happens to you guys.

We are going to raise teenagers who actually want to see their parents live.

What is it, Marigold? What went wrong? How do we fix it? Well, it's really

simple, actually. As you can see, according to my calculations... And just

I thought everything was going to be cool... Oh, we ever really needed...

what?

Marigold, what's happening?

Mom and Dad de -aged again.

What are you doing? Stop!

The solution we...

Whoa!

That was too bizarre.

Are you two all right?

I'm super fine.

I don't know who you are.

Subject, de -aged to 14 years.

Matter of fact, I don't even know where I am.

Well, that makes two of us. Although I do know you, Norton Ballard, and after

the way you behaved at the...

So now you see the nightmare we found ourselves in.

And as it turns out, that was nothing compared to what happened next.

Our parents turned into hormonal teenagers just like us.

And we had to deal with them.

I know it doesn't make any sense.

I know it sounds insane, but it's the truth.

What can I do to get you to believe me?

See, this is it. It's just started. But trust me, it'll be all over my face.

Probably in time for picture day.

Norton, you play the guitar?

Since when?

Since forever.

What are you doing in there, Marigold? Come on out.

What do you think?

Um, well, you... I don't know.

Well, doesn't it look like this on you, though?

No.

I mean, yes, it's just that you just kind of... You look fine.

Yeah, well, how can I expect you to relate?

I mean, you're beautiful.

Everyone says I look like you.

Oh, yeah, I wish.

I mean, I am a science geek, Marie, who looks like a science geek.

But wouldn't you say that a guy would want to be with someone who is his

intellectual equal?

I don't understand why Norman feels so threatened by me.

But I tell you one thing. I am not going to dumb myself down for him. No. In the

name of all the sisters in the movement, I will never, ever do that. Not for

Norton Ballard or any other dumb guy.

You know what whizzed me out of my mind so bad I could barely breathe is the

fact that Marigold Wilmers has the nerve to think she's as smart as me.

That's why she's not talking to me. I told her I could kick her keister any

in a science bowl, and now she's all bent out of shape.

Norton, you're not 14.

You're 40.

You were 14 in 1974.

It's a whole new millennium.

If you don't stop believing me, you're going to poop out of existence. I won't

have parents, and you won't have a life, and I'm sorry to be dumbing all this on

you, but if you're not going to be the grown -up, who is?

I don't know what to do.

Okay, well, you are just a little too intense.

This is all too heavy, and I feel like my head... It's just about to explode.

Oh, believe me, Mom. I can relate.

Oh, don't call me Mom.

This is so radical.

There's a channel on your TV that plays nothing but rock and soul music.

Have you seen it?

Yeah, Norton.

Welcome to the world.

Completely dig it.

Good, my man.

Sounding very good.

Recording yourself so you can learn from the playback.

Mondo, smart, dude.

Ready for the audition?

Today?

Duh. That's today?

Colin, I just can't, okay? I can't. These guys aren't going to wait for you.

I mean, what are you thinking? It's today.

Three o 'clock.

And you better be amazing.

Just because I got a 79 on my PSATs doesn't mean I'm a college professor.

I mean, I don't know zip about any of this stuff.

Obviously. I understand more than you do, Norton.

You wish.

I know. Now, I can make out what some of those equations are about, and I

totally get the concept of time's arrow.

Duh. Who wouldn't?

Us?

Which is why we were kind of hoping you two could work together on this. Yeah,

well, it's about his attitude.

Norton thinks he's too good to ever need a partner.

Oh, I'm not the one who made the whole ninth grade chemistry class bark because

she made an accidental stink bomb.

Because she wouldn't ask for help. Well, excuse me? Can we just talk about the

time you melted Mr. Schiller's belt because you wouldn't let me show you how

use a new Bunsen burner?

Guys, can we just call a truce here?

Why don't you ask her?

She's the one who started it.

I did not!

down here.

It's in the back corner.

Come with me, okay? Please? Right now.

There they go.

You ever notice how they go through the bathroom in pairs? It's like a girl's

Noah's Ark.

I don't get it. I mean, I just don't get it. I mean, why does she make me feel

like this? My face, it gets all hot and my knees go all gooey. Because you two

are way in love.

Try weight and hate.

Norton, he just feels so threatened by me. And his mom, off his mom, she

can't stand me. Yeah, well, that hasn't really changed. But you've gotten used

to it. I don't even know what I'm thinking.

I can't get serious about a boy now.

I've got my whole life ahead of me.

Yeah, a life with Norton.

Oh, uh -uh.

No, no, uh -uh, uh -uh. It is just too crazy to think that Norton Ballard is

guy that I end up with.

Well, you better get over it because he is.

This is just so unfair.

It's just so unfair.

What?

Just being our age and wanting to, you know, be cool and in control.

When all the time what you really feel is just loss, like all the

time.

Whoa.

What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Oh my gosh, do I have a booger or something?

It's just, I'm blown away. I mean, I had no idea you felt this stuff.

And I can't believe you're sharing it with me.

Well, why not?

I think you're great.

And the truth is, I feel like I could talk to you for hours.

Would it be okay if I gave you a hug?

Yeah, because I could definitely use one right about now.

Okay.

I think you're so cool, Marie.

I think you're cool.

Eddie! Dad?

Norton.

Since when do you play the guitar? You've always played the guitar.

Check it out, Marie.

You're fat.

I'm not fat. I'm big boned. You just certainly teach me a thing or two.

Excellent. I would love to.

See, I've got this audition of a lifetime to try for this tight band

Urban Slugs. And Norton's telling me to get ready for it. Hey, what's the deal?

How come your skateboard has a handle?

Have you forgotten about our little problem here?

No, not at all.

Here's what I'm thinking.

Mom and Dad always want to fight about everything.

Maybe it would make more sense for you to go down to the lab and work with Mom

and I stay up here and keep an eye on Dad.

Or in other words, dump the tough stuff on my shoulder so you can hide out with

Jimi Hendrix over there.

Come on, Marie. The guys are going to be here at 3.

Yeah, and at 6, there's a good chance we can be orphans.

Norton?

Marigold? Where'd they go?

Oh, no.

They're not here. Where could they be? I don't know. They're not down in the

lab.

I don't get it. Where could they possibly have gone?

What were they thinking?

Where would they go?

Excuse me, Ms. Cook. Do you know my parents... Oh, Marie, dear.

What a coincidence. I was just about to call over to your house. That's great,

Ms. Cook, but I really need to... Apparently, we're not the only ones in

neighborhood losing patience with your parents.

Come, I want to show you something. Ms.

Cook, right now really isn't a good time.

Would you rather I spoke to them directly?

Do you know where they are?

Don't you?

I don't want to sound like Twilight Sony or anything, but are you starting to

feel like we landed on a totally different planet?

Where's my house?

Where's my tree fort?

Where's Mr. Frizzle's grave?

Mr. Frizzle? My lab mouse?

Whose bright idea was to take away everything I love and put a stupid park

its place?

You know what, Norton, I'm starting to feel like Eddie and Marie were telling

the truth.

No way, Marigold. That's too weird.

Oh, you're really weird, but do you have a better explanation, Sherlock?

I mean, come on, what are we going to do now?

The only real choice is to go back to the lab and see what we can figure out.

Well, I can't believe for the first time in my life I actually agree with you.

Ew.

So what street do they live on?

Oh, Norton, don't you know?

No.

Let's just go back the way we came from, okay? Come on. Come on, let's go.

Because boys always drive. You should have just asked the direction, Norton.

Which way do we go?

I don't know.

Norton!

Norton!

Norton! Hey, there you are.

Where's Marigold?

I don't know. We had another dumb fight. We got all lost. trying to get to your

pad and she got all bugged out saying I was yelling at her when I wasn't.

Nice bike.

I mean, she is so sensitive.

How is a guy supposed to have a relationship when everything turns into

federal case?

Don't ask me.

Whoa. Where'd you learn to do that?

I've always done this.

Check this out. Watch this.

I wish Marigo could see this. She wouldn't believe it.

Don't you have a girlfriend?

What's wrong?

I think that's the first time you ever ask me about my social life.

Well, if I'm your father, like you claim, don't we talk?

Well, not really.

I mean, you're always sort of too busy or whatever.

Sounds like my father.

That's a bummer, man.

That's not the type of father I want to be.

Hey, don't beat yourself up.

I mean, your work's really important to you. Work? Merk.

Check this out.

Up, up and away.

Oh, yeah.

Woo!

How do you do it, girl? It's like...

from my heart and into your mouth.

Mrs.

Sellers.

Yeah, right, like that's ever gonna happen.

Are you okay?

Look, no offense, okay, but do I even know you?

I'm Chloe. I go to school with Marie.

mean to sound nosy or anything, but you seem totally sad.

Well... Chloe, right?

Okay. I have this friend, right? And she's about our age.

And does her name start with an M?

Whoa! I mean, that is absolutely correct.

Wow, you're good!

What can I say? It's a gift.

So, why don't you tell me everything?

There's nothing like an emotional... purged to make you feel a thousand

better.

Can I buy you another drink?

You know, your eyes, like, totally match your sweater. That is, like, so cool.

This we lost in yesterday's explosion.

Come here.

Look at this, Marie.

This was from one of their experiments a week ago.

And the Longmans lost a pair of precious lawnmowers.

The Broberg crystal chandelier is in a shanty. the Fransons claim that their

has lost all bladder control.

Obviously, we realize it's not your fault that your parents are... A little

eccentric?

Well, I was going to say freaks, but that's okay.

Nonetheless, Corky has started a petition, and more than half the

has already signed it.

A petition for what?

Unless they cease and desist operating a scientific lab in a residential

neighborhood, we'll bring out a county inspector.

And file a motion to have your family evicted.

What? But you can't. I mean, not now.

Definitely. Oh, not now.

You see, they're... Look,

whatever you think you have to do, you just can't do it today. Believe me.

Please.

It's so bizarre because Marie hasn't said anything about having some huge

I bet it's Colin. He's there all the time with Eddie. He's really cute.

Uh, Chloe, I think you just ran over about half a town. Oh, you are toast.

My bad.

So, this other thing. Mrs. B told me that the Earthman's plugs are playing

at their house later.

Really? Yeah, it sounded like she was hoping it was going to turn into some

graduation party.

Which means we should start inviting kids.

Okay, we'll go get the guys at the counter.

So with less than six hours left until proof point, Dad and I did what anyone

facing oblivion would do.

We jammed.

Forgive me once again for being the voice of sanity here, but... Where's

Marigold?

Excuse me? What the... How do you like that, Norton

Ballard?

Mom,

what's up with that?

It's time I started acting like a modern woman.

According to your friend, Chloe.

Chloe? Chloe Webber is the meanest, most gossipy girl in our whole class.

Wait, wait. Didn't she think it was kind of weird that her mom was acting like

she was 14?

Well, Chloe was very clear that these days, if a girl really wants something,

she does not have to sit around and wait for the boy to make the first move.

So, what the heck?

What do you say, Nordy?

About what?

Norton Ballard, will you go steady with me?

You need to get back to the lab.

Norton, I know you're in here.

Norton, you're being ridiculous.

Well, you don't know what it's like.

You don't have a girlfriend.

You don't know how I feel.

Nobody knows how I feel.

Gee, haven't heard that one since yesterday when I said it.

The countdown clock doesn't care about any of this. It's ticking.

Look, I'm sorry if you're going to have to put your little anxiety attack on

hold, but it's getting really crucial here.

I'm a teenager.

This is supposed to be the best time of my life.

And all I'm feeling is pressure.

And I can't handle it.

You're not the only one that's having a little bit of trouble with this.

Newsflash, being 14 has never been easy. Ask any of my friends.

But you have to come out and deal with it.

Okay, I'll come out.

Thank you.

Look, baby, you can handle this.

I know you can handle this. Just some dumb girl.

Some girl can tell you what to do.

Just a girl.

Girl. Girl. Girl.

No! No! No! I can't! I can't! What if I can't figure out the formula?

I've been on the program for success.

The fear of failing flips me out. I can't! No!

Man, you gotta stop stealing my lines.

Get down here.

Did Norton finish this without me?

I don't know. You know, it's been here forever.

You know, I think it's just some old project of yours.

It's an energy ball.

We're working on it for next year's science fair.

Isn't this wild?

What does it do?

Oh, that's the problem. We spend so much time arguing, we never seem to get it

done.

Where's Norton?

In the greenhouse having a Godzilla -sized nervous breakdown.

It's all about me, right?

I knew it. I knew it. I knew I should never have been so aggressive.

Eddie, please tell her she's being ridiculous.

Well, he did say that every time he pictures her looking at him, he feels

throwing up.

I realized that the only way to get them back on track was to do to them what

Mom and Dad do to me and my sister when we go at it.

I sat them down and told them that no one was going to leave the room until

had a compromise.

And much to my surprise, it actually worked.

I got it. No, I got it.

Ignition sequence plus delta X added to X squared. Same theory as the fuel

injection rocket we made in seventh grade.

Are you really sure you figured it out?

It's amazing.

Are you sure it'll work?

Well, we did send a hamster soaring over a mini market using this equation.

It shouldn't be that different.

It's all set. Just push enter.

Wait a... Wait a... Are you guys sure about this?

Eddie, nothing in science is sure.

That's what makes it interesting.

Decimen ready for time retrieval.

All right.

Ten. Nine. Eight.

Seven. Six.

Five. Four.

Three. Two.

One.

Time. Arrow.

She's engaged.

Prepare for departure.

That's it.

Time.

Attention. That's an elevation unknown.

Oh, no, Eddie.

You pooped on me. All I did was push enter.

What are we going to do now?

Okay, okay, and maybe if we enter all those numbers again, maybe they'll come

back to something.

Are you kidding? If they couldn't make it work, we're not going to.

Okay, when I make this... mistakes on my homework. I just push undo.

Eddie, this isn't homework. This is a complicated scientific...

Mom!

Dad!

Efficient sequence plus delta X added to X squared.

Same feeling as the fuel injection rocket we made in seventh grade.

Are you guys okay?

Well, we did send a hamster soaring over a mini market using this equation.

Shouldn't be that different.

It's all set. Just push enter.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We just did this.

And it didn't work.

Oh, no.

Three o 'clock by audition.

What? Eddie, you can't have an audition now.

I know, but... Forget it, Eddie. Get rid of them.

Got anything to drink? Hey, you said I was having an audition, not a rave. What

is everyone doing out there?

We didn't invite them. Who did?

How should I know?

But it looks like it's going to be a rocking party, man.

The Purdy Twins have got a couple of cases of root beer. Help yourself.

Amber's hauling a humongous bag of popcorn.

Wow, as thrilling as that sounds, Colin, we are not having a party here.

What are all these people doing here?

It sounds like there's a million kids outside.

Oh, no worries. I only counted 132.

Hey, Marie.

You're looking pretty pretty today.

Eddie, what are all these people doing here? You tell me and then we'll both

know. Where should we be setting up all the equipment?

Backyard. You can use the patio for our stage.

No. No.

No stage.

No band.

No equipment. No 132 crashers. No party. Look, tell him I just live here.

Maybe you should think about getting a little warm up, dude.

And I'll be saving a spot for you right up front.

Am I losing my mind or was he just flirting with you?

Both.

If only that stupid time machine was working.

I'd be spinning myself back to last week.

Definitely has to do with the machine.

we should compare what's in the design drawings to what actually made it into

the machine and see if they match up.

Cool. Go for it. Great.

Norton.

Norton, pay attention, please.

Hello?

Is anyone down here?

This is like a really bad idea coming down here right now, so let's just go

to the party, okay?

Exactly. Why not?

Chloe gave us an exciting scoop. Aren't you dying?

What are you talking about?

You and Colin. Chloe says that he liked you and you liked him. It's so cool.

Where'd she get that idea?

From your mother?

I knew it.

I knew it. You don't like him? Too bad. He acted all pumped when he found out.

He was?

Okay, no. I cannot deal with this right now.

We're down to less than three hours until two points.

What point?

Forget it.

So on this one, we want you to sort of play along.

Get yourself into it, and then we'll set you up for a bass solo, and we'll give

you a chance to show us what you've got. Sound cool?

I guess.

All right, ready, guys?

This is clear and utter defiance.

I warned Marie about her parents, and what does she do? She throws a cute

Those ballards are all alike. Not one iota of respect for others.

Should we go over there?

I think we should call the police.

All I can say is that I'm very glad that our Lizzie isn't the type of child who

would ever even want to be a part of such blatant hooliganism.

are you doing? You have to concentrate.

What's the point? It's not like we're getting anywhere.

I want to be with the other kids. I want to party.

No,

see, first of all, there wasn't supposed to be a stupid party.

Why are you acting like it's my fault? Because you were the one who told Chloe

to organize it. Oh, no, I didn't.

Oh, does it really matter? Look, they're here. They don't want to leave and

we're running out of time.

That's all the reason we should be partying. Oh, so you're going to give

Like we got a toy.

You do. You have to.

Hold on.

Look, nobody panic.

Nobody leave. I gotta go get it.

Hey,

Marie.

Lizzie. You know, you act like you're some big friend of mine, and then you go

throw some huge party and don't even bother to invite me. Look, there wasn't

even supposed to be a stupid party.

It was my mother's idea.

Your mom?

Look, if you're going to blow me off, you can at least come up with a better

lie. Look, can we deal with this later? Because I really need to go talk to

Eddie.

And besides, I happen to be telling you the truth.

Really?

That's so cool.

My parents would never let me have a party.

I'd be too afraid someone might mess up their perfect house or ruin their

perfect bond.

You know how...

Let me guess.

Really sick?

It's like there isn't a doctor on the planet that could cure me.

Well, look, if you want to go to the party, I mean, you can.

Really?

Thanks.

Marie, are you kidding? He found a part that's supposed to be in the machine,

and it's not.

It's described in detail in the notes. There's even a scale drawing, but it's

not in the machine.

So do you think that's what...

whole de -Asian deal in the first place?

Maybe. All we have to do is find the missing piece, put it in its place, re

-enter the equations, and then we go.

And what?

More hiccups.

And you know what that means?

Marigold, what was he going to tell us? What was he trying to say?

He just wanted to... Oh, no. Mom, not me. Not you, too. Mom, no.

Wow.

Dripping.

Now, come on. I gotta go get Eddie. I gotta go get Eddie.

Gotta say, Ballard, it actually didn't rain.

Uh, Eddie, how's disaster more hiccup?

You need me to get you a glass of water?

No.

I need you to come to the lab, Eddie. Marie, give me five or ten more minutes.

It's an emergency. Is this how it's gonna be when we let you into the band?

Every day, another emergency?

No.

Trust me. Um, see, this emergency only can happen once.

Eddie is totally dependable. He is also a great musician.

Nothing ruins

a

party more than having two seven -year -olds run amok.

Especially when they're your parents.

You're babysitters.

Uh -uh. Uh -uh, because I'm seven, and we don't need no dumb babysitters.

If you two don't behave, we're going to make sure we give your parents a really

bad...

I can't do that because I love to read.

I love to read more than you do. Do not. I do too. Do not.

Knock it off.

Look, if you two don't want to battle, you're going to go upstairs with Eddie

and I'll be right there.

What am I supposed to do with this? Amuse them, Eddie. I've got to go shut

the party.

People, people.

The steps have already been set in motion to get the Ballards evicted from

neighborhood. And unless you want these officers to notify your parents about

where you've been and what you've been up to, you will leave here immediately.

Now, hold on, Corkster. I don't think it's fair for us to blame Marie.

I mean, when you grow up with parents who are too preoccupied to ever set

limits, how can you not expect the children to spin out of control?

That's why you never catch our Lizzie at a party like this.

Mom, I'm right here.

Now, wait. Before you get all mean and judgmental, can I just say one thing?

The Ballards may be a little strange, but they're also incredibly wonderful.

here for no apparent reason, and it's so cool.

This whole party was Mrs. Ballard's idea.

You guys won't even let me have friends over for milk and cookies.

This only serves to confirm my worst suspicions.

The Ballards are a dangerous influence who should be removed from our

neighborhood. Officers, I want you to arrest these people at once. Mom, just

case you haven't noticed, spontaneity isn't a crime.

Besides, if you do get them evicted...

expect to speak to me again.

All right, all right. No need to ignite World War III here.

Now, you call this party to a halt, and we will consider, consider giving your

family one more chance.

Gladly.

Well, you heard the mayor.

You can't go for a ride in the spaceship until you find the missing part.

Find it, and you can go for a ride.

For real?

Me, too. I want to go.

You're so dumb, Mary Goldlock.

Girls can't go in the space. Yes, we can, too. Better than boys. Cannot,

cannot, cannot, cannot go to the stairs. Cool it.

Whoever finds the missing part first gets the first ride in the spaceship.

Anything? Nothing.

Where's Mom and Dad?

Still looking.

Caution. Fifteen minutes to poof point.

Caution. Fifteen minutes to poof point.

We're doomed, aren't we?

How can this be happening, Eddie?

If they poof this time, it's gonna be for real.

You know what's really amazing going through all this?

Who in the world would have ever thought that our parents are actually...

Like us.

This is where you came in.

Now you can see with minutes left until proof point, we were desperate.

But how could we save our parents without the vector modulator?

Six.

Here's your treat.

I want purple.

Red's better.

I got it.

What's going on?

All right. The whole time I was looking for the vector modulator, I was

thinking, even if we find it, What if that's not the only problem?

And then I remember what Mom said about how they originally calculated their

formulas. And then, promise not to tell any of my friends, I actually started to

think like a scientist.

No way.

I know.

So, what'd you figure out?

This whole density and mass stuff, it wasn't based on Mom and Dad's weight. It

was based on the weight of a goldfish.

Oh, no.

Is that bad?

Oh, it's gotta be.

I'm betting we're going to have to redo all the math, or we'll never get him

back. Okay.

You stay here and keep working, and I'll go get the bathroom scared.

Oh,

doggie.

Oh, doggie. Oh, this is shit.

Einstein waited his whole life for Dad's attention.

And when he finally got it, he gave Dad a special treat.

Caution. Group point in 3 minutes 36 seconds.

Vector modulator installed.

Okay, guys.

Coloring time's over.

Okay, come over here with me. I'm going to take you for a really nice ride.

Whoa. A horsey ride?

Whatever.

What is he doing?

I will be right back.

Come on, buddy.

Bye -bye.

Begin initial countdown sequence.

Final countdown.

Two minutes, 35.

How you doing in there, big boy?

You almost done?

No one's taking him so long. How am I supposed to know? Well, didn't you tell

him to hurry? You can't rush someone doing their business, Eddie. You're

traumatizing for life.

If we don't get him out in two minutes, he won't have a life.

Come on, Nora, let's go.

Nora, make a pee -pee. Hallelujah.

140.

Wasn't seen. Oh, no.

Time to arrow machine engaged.

Prepare for departure.

Pessimists identified.

Pessimists for most safety.

One male, one female.

Engaging in progress continues.

Marigold? Norton?

What? What?

Oh, my word.

Did we, in fact, pick ourselves to the very brink of... Hoopoint?

You... You remember?

Well, just bits and pieces, son.

It's all extremely fuzzy.

Did I say something about making a

pee -pee?

Horton, I don't understand. What has happened to us?

I'm not sure precisely, but I'm extremely happy to be back.

Einstein! Einstein! Hey!

All right, our dear, faithful, sweet dog.

Did that just come out of my mouth?

I'm just so glad to be back. We missed you guys so much.

We love you guys. You did a wonderful job.

Absolutely sure we were going to lose you guys. It was so scary.

But how perfectly thrilling for you and Eddie to come upon and correct an error

in our calculations that even we failed to notice.

Well, so much for your, we didn't get the science gene disclaimer.

So I guess this means we won't be getting away with seeds in biology next

Exactly, young lady.

Well, just think about it. I mean, doesn't it seem like only yesterday that

were 14?

Yesterday? Let's try this morning.

With all this happening, we've been doing a lot more things together as a

family.

Average things.

Like having barbecues.

What you got?

Playing music.

And taking trips.

We just returned from a little time traveling back to 1975, where I got to

bass with Bob Marley and the Wailers. Now that's smooth and cool.

Peace, mon.