Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

Hello?

Hey. What are you doing?

Making popcorn to watch a movie.

Good. Good. What are you wearing?

Casual.

Everyday, stay-at-home clothes.

Why?

Hey, do I know you?

Your voice sounds really familiar.

Maybe you've seen me around but you don't know who I am.

Okay...

Are you alone?

I am.

Perfect.

And I guess you locked your doors and windows, didn't you...

Cristina?

How do you know my name?

And, yes, I did lock my doors and windows.

Are you sure?

Yes, I am sure, okay?

If you are so sure, how am I in your living room?

No, no, no! Wait!

Hello? Yes? Police?

Please send help! There's someone in my house and they want to kill me.

I'm alone. Please send someone.

Shit!

I'm sorry. I overdid it.

No, no! It's part of the game! Keep going!

I know! Babe, I'm really sorry!

Let me see if you're okay.

No! Don't! Damn it, babe!

Fuck!

The safe word is Pee-wee Herman. If we don't say it, we don't stop!

I know, I know! But...

Honey, I wanted to make sure you were okay.

Damn it, babe!

Come on! Don't get mad.

I thought I'd broken your nose, or something.

But you're really strong, I didn't know that.

Enough! Let's pick this up. You were here.

I was outside screaming at you.

You call the police and I yell: "Cristina!"

Hey! Why don't we pick this up where we left off?

You pig!

She's wants something, and it's not money.

Who wants to get to the end of the story?

Oh, my sweet, honey...

- Shut up! Stop talking! - Shutting up.

Did you come?

I did.

Well, almost.

What do you mean, almost?

I'm sorry.

Yes...

I mean, I didn't come,

but it was really nice.

Honey, I almost got there.

- It happened so fast. - I know!

I'm sorry. You had me building up!

Well, I know this game gets you really horny.

Yes, it really does.

Well, look, you'll get a great opportunity.

If you want to,

I can wait up for you for the second round.

Babe, you're asleep as soon as you touch the bed.

You'll see I'll wait up for you.

Okay.

If you're awake when I come home,

then you'll get a prize.

I'll be awake as an owl!

- Call me if you need anything. - Okay.

And don't get too drunk, you get blackouts.

- What? - Well, okay, you can drink...

two.

Ten.

Four.

- Six. Come on. - Fine, six.

But I don't want you dancing on the tables, or puking.

No, babe, stop.

Come on.

Don't fall asleep.

I won't be home too late, but a little tipsy.

You can take advantage of me.

- You can have ten! - See?

Hey, babe! I promise I'll rape you properly when you come back!

Oh, no!

No. No, no.

I'm kidding.

I'm mean, I don't rape my girlfriend, it's consensual.

It's a game. I'm sorry. Not a child's game!

Not a child's game. Don't do that.

But I'm kidding. It's wrong.

This is a wrong thing to do, okay?

I'm going in now.

Say no to rape!

It's...

I'm sorry!

Are you ready to marry the world's nicest guy?

I am!

- To good men. - To good men!

I can't believe you're getting married, girl!

Let's have a toast, damn it!

A toast to the bride of the year!

And a toast to all good men.

And to men who are good.

- Stop screaming. - I won't stop.

This is the last one, okay?

You mean the last one of the first round.

No, you know I can't get drunk or I'll get a blackout. Enough.

Cristina, let's get this clear.

Today you are going to get shitfaced.

Like, shit in the face.

- No, no way! - Okay, sister.

Are you ready for the best bachelorette party ever?

Hell, yeah!

- Hell, yeah! Bottoms up! - Bottoms up!

Can I get a glass of water, please?

Sister, I'm going to have him.

If I'm dead tomorrow, he did it.

I can't believe this.

I'm looking at the sexiest man on Earth, girl!

Come on! He should kill me!

But hitting me on the face with his dick!

Cata, what...?

Cata, what the hell?

I'm serious! Look!

Oh, my God!

- What? Do you know him? - I do.

- Who is he? - My high school sweetheart.

- Is that Felipe? - Yes.

No, come on! He doesn't look anything like his pictures.

Obviously, it's been ten years.

Let's stalk him.

What's his Insta?

FelipeSaveThePlanet.

- Really? FelipeSaveThePlanet? - Yes.

It is him!

No!

His six pack would make drinks for a whole party!

He loves dogs... and he's a millionaire?

You are a moron!

Cata, stop watching his Instagram!

Stop that!

- He's coming this way. I swear! - No!

- No, please! - Felipe!

Shut up, you moron!

- Shut up! - Au revoir!

No! Don't!

Cristina?

Felipe?

I can't believe it.

It's been so long!

How are you?

I'm great. I'm great now.

Life's so crazy.

My spiritual guide told me if I came to Mexico

something unique would happen.

It was you.

Oh, come on!

Oh, you've always been so deep!

- It's just a coincidence. - There's no such thing.

We need to celebrate this magic moment.

For old times' sake.

- Let's have a toast. One. - No.

- One. Just one! - No, no, no!

- Just one. - Please...

I'm drunk already.

You know I'm not good at drinking.

Relax, you're young,

the night is just beginning,

and it's been ten years!

Let's dance, have a shot,

talk with your friend and I'll drive you home.

What's the worst that could happen?

Right?

- One. - Just one.

- Just one. - For old times' sake.

Cheers.

Babe.

Close the curtains, it's Sunday.

My head aches.

No!

No!

No!

No way!

Babe, I'm sorry to bother you on your party,

but I'm worried. It's 1:30 a.m.

Please call me, okay? Love you.

Cristina, it's almost 3:00 a.m.!

I've been calling you. Catalina's phone is off.

Please, call me back.

Cristina, come on! I'm really worried. It's almost 5:00 a.m.!

Hello, doggie.

TWICE AS PREGNANT

1 Month later

I brought cake for luck.

I love your cakes!

- Today is the day, right? - Yes.

Okay, don't worry.

Everything will be fine, you'll do great. I know.

This is your moment.

I hope they'll like it.

I woke up with the feeling that something great will happen.

- Maybe this is it. - Okay, I hope so.

If it works out, I'll get you a bit of cake from the store.

A bit?

Okay, a whole cake, but low-fat. No calories.

Babe, I want you to look really hot in your groom outfit.

Let's make a deal.

I'm joining a gym tomorrow...

I'm joining a gym next Monday

- but don't get me a low-fat cake. - Okay! Fine!

- I love you. - I love you.

I have to run, the cake shop is a mess.

Cata has been calling me because we have an important delivery.

Babe, I love you. Call me, please.

- Love you! Good luck! - Good luck!

Neighbor. Neighbor.

Hey, thank you for the tip about the cakes.

They're awesome. Your wife bakes like an angel.

My kids devoured it! They were like little pigs!

What's up?

- What's wrong? - What's wrong?

- Where are you? - Relax, I'm almost there.

We have many cakes to deliver and I am a little lost.

Cata, please remember to do everything right this time.

It's very important.

This can help us or ruin our reputation forever.

This girl is a socialite.

Relax, I'm in charge, sister.

How relaxed are you?

Well... relaxed.

Did you smoke?

Me? Of course not!

Cata, you're high!

Okay, a shoo-bee-doo never hurt anyone.

Last time you smoked, do you remember the mess?

Bring out the cake

The cake The cake

Bring out the cake

EAT ME

Okay, yes, I went too far. Sorry.

Damn you, Cata. I'll see you in five minutes. Ciao.

Yes, sister. I'll see you here.

Namasté. Good morning.

- Good morning. - Ready! Yeah!

GQ magazine reporter is waiting for you.

That's right!

Sorry I'm late.

I was caught in meditation and...

- Can I see you in a minute? - Sure. Whenever you're ready.

- Shirt? - Here.

Thanks, honey.

Tell me, Felipe,

what does it feel being the owner of one of the world's most successful apps?

According to AppStore, you're number ten worldwide.

I guess that must make you proud.

I'm really happy.

Every dog that we find fills me with joy, with love.

And not just me, but my whole team.

If we were to define your role in the company,

what would it be?

Well, even though I'm the founder here in Mexico,

I regard myself as more than the boss.

I'm like the company's spiritual guide.

I like people to be happy, driven.

In peace.

I think that's the key.

Peace.

And once a month, I teach them yoga.

I like energy to keep flowing.

Okay, to finish the interview, I'd like to know,

how did you get the idea for the app?

So we're going there.

I'm going to make you cry.

Five years ago, my dog Chupacabras got lost.

Not just any dog.

He was my best friend, the most important thing in my life.

He was a gift my parents gave me before they died.

I know you understand that losing him

meant losing a part of my family.

I looked for him day and night.

But we couldn't find him.

Until one day we did.

Unfortunately, he'd been hit by a car.

He lost both his back legs.

That day I thought: "People shouldn't suffer what I suffered."

That day,

GPDOG was born.

- Do you want to meet Chupi? - Is he here?

Yes, he's here. Chupi!

Chupi!

Here's Chupi.

- Can I pet him? - Sure.

Cute, isn't he?

He has a special energy.

Mr. Javier, your meeting is in five minutes...

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

- Are you ill? - No. No.

And you are on the floor because...

Because I dropped a coin and I was looking for it.

- Why don't you knock? - I'm sorry.

- Do you want me to go out and knock? - No, that's fine.

Okay, I'll be right there.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Bye.

Oh, my God! I can't believe it!

I'll be damned!

Sebas.

Look, I know this will sound weird, but...

What's your pants size?

Last year was amazing for our firm.

We closed a deal to build three malls and four supermarkets.

But I think we can do more.

I think we could focus more on...

the social, eco-friendly side.

Building for the common citizen.

Are you okay?

Me? Perfect.

Great. Yes.

Okay. Get to the point, Javier.

The point is, I've been working on these designs

of sustainable houses made with recycled materials

and solar panels to generate energy.

I think it's time to explore that side of the firm in order to...

Stop right there.

Stop right there.

Are you telling me that you want us to build homes for the poor?

No. No, no, no.

These are...

Yes.

- For the poor? - Yes.

Good one!

First of all, I love your enthusiasm.

Awesome.

Second of all,

as the Director of Interior Design,

you've done a great job.

That's why I think this idea is beyond your scope

and I would...

I would put it in a trash can.

For now.

Perfect! We're done early and we can all leave to go find a husband!

What do you think? Do you like it?

This is what I want our cake to be like.

But you kind of Photoshopped Javier.

You're so mean!

He's a bit chubbier, I can't lie.

Once you're done with your corny cake, can you please come help us?

Right. Just let me take a picture and send it to Javi.

- I'll be right there. - Look what I've got to celebrate.

A shoo bee doo bee doShoo bee doo bee do

Cata, go and finish the delivery.

We'll see if we do something about your "shoo-bee-doo" later.

Look, it's beautiful. Our wedding cake will be like this.

No! Not in here! Barf? Not in here!

- Are you okay? - No!

If you went to a bar without me, that's your punishment!

I stayed home with Javi.

We watched a movie and then we went to bed, but...

maybe the sushi we ordered didn't agree with me.

Maybe you're pregnant.

I'm kidding! I'm just messing with you.

False alarm, girl! You're not pregnant.

What a relief!

If I was pregnant, I'd kill myself, Cata!

- Damn it! - What?

Can't you read?

I am pregnant!

I thought two lines meant you were not pregnant.

- Sorry! - I can't believe it!

Sister, congratulations.

You wanted to have a baby with Javier anyway.

What are you waiting for? Call him! He'll be beyond happy.

He'll run to the mall to buy vintage gifts for the baby.

- I can't. - Why? What is it?

I don't know who the father is.

I'm screwed!

I will have to tell him everything.

What do you mean you don't know, Cristina?

Damn it!

Come on, answer me!

I'm talking to you. Cris.

Cris. Listen to me.

Earth calling Cris. Cris.

Cris? No way, Cristina!

How are you, babe?

What is it?

You're scaring me, Cristina. What is it?

Were you mugged? Did something happen at the cake shop?

Did someone rape you, other than me?

I'm kidding, you were not raped, were you?

Do you love me?

Of course I do, babe! What is it?

I'm pregnant.

What?

Are...?

Are we...?

- You're... We're pregnant! - I mean, yes.

I'm pregnant.

Babe!

Are we...? I'm going to be a dad!

I'm going to be...

Babe, come on, you scared me.

This is amazing!

How far along are you? When did you find out?

Is it a boy or a girl? Don't tell me!

Wait, there's something else.

What?

Babe!

Come here.

Calm down.

Come here.

Everything will be fine.

I know you're scared,

but everything will be okay.

We'll be together.

That's not why I'm crying.

Then why are you crying, you dummy?

Because...

I'm pregnant and I don't know who the father is.

What?

Your face tells me you've heard the wonderful news.

I'm sorry, who are you?

Felipe!

Cristina's ex.

I was dying to meet you.

Such great energy here!

What's happening to us is unique!

Felipe, I told you not to come in

until I texted you I was done talking to Javier.

- You told me that? - I did.

I thought I had to enter a few minutes after Javier.

Babe... Babe, let me explain.

I called Felipe to explain and I asked him to come

but not before telling you face to face what happened.

Okay, so...

So, you and this asshole...?

Babe, please, let's be civil. This isn't easy for me either.

Civil, Cristina?

Please!

What's civil about screwing your ex a month before your wedding?

Tell me! Maybe I's stupid!

- Things were not like you think! - Like what?

Do you realize you're talking nonsense, Cristina? Like what?

No way! This is too...!

Shit!

You know what hurts me? That there's a chance

that this stupid plastic surgery-faced freak...

I'm right here. And I've had no plastic surgery.

Of course you have! No one's that handsome! Shut up!

That this moron may be the father of my child!

Well, your child!

Well... damn it!

Well, babe, this is a mistake. Was a mistake.

For Christ's sake! A mistake?

You were naked and fell on top of him? A mistake, Cristina?

This is not a mistake! This is goddamn offense!

Javier, it was a mistake. Really, believe her.

We don't even remember.

In fact, it was a night of unleashed passion

derived from alcohol.

Thank you. I feel much better now.

- I'm so relieved, you moron! - Calm down.

Breathe, breathe.

I understand your pain. I really do.

I'd feel the same way. But you need to keep it together.

Leave your ego aside. This family needs you.

Don't you realize? We're going to be a family!

Damn it! What did you say, you moron?

- What? - Shut up!

Family?

Let me remind you that you came inside my wife-to-be!

You and I won't be a family!

- I'm going to kick your sorry ass! - Javier!

- Felipe! What did you do? - I'm sorry!

He attacked me and my body reacted automatically!

I'm fine. I'm fine!

I'm good. Calm down.

It's all fine.

It didn't even hurt!

Goddamn sissy karate kid.

Really, honey, I'm okay.

What? It didn't even hurt, you moron.

What?

Cristina! Cristina, help!

- Get it off of me! - Relax!

- Get it off! - Breathe!

It's never enough for me

Because I always want more from you

I'd like to make you happier

Today, tomorrow, always Until the end

My heart bursts with love for you

And what do you think...?

Will you shut up?!

Are you so used to love?

Don't you see? I've never been like this

Go to hell!

Goddamn it!

Javier?

Don't talk to me! I don't want anything else from you

or that moron, or your sexual encounter!

Javier, in four months we'll find out who the father is,

and I'm sure it's you.

Then we'll move on with our lives, okay?

Babe...

don't throw our relationship away.

What a coincidence!

That's exactly what I'm doing!

- Don't be cruel, Javier. - Me? Cruel?

You know what's cruel?

Do you expect me to wait for an answer for four months?

What if I'm not the father?

- What? Tell me! - I don't know! I don't know.

Well, I do!

I'd be the stupidest moron in all of mankind!

Here's your goddamn marriage.

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

I'm not getting married!

Come on! Calm down, sister!

Give Javi some time, he'll get over this.

All men are like this.

Territorial, immature, short-tempered.

And, well, he's also hurt.

Javi was always very calm.

Always.

He had always listened to me.

He'd never talked to me like that!

He'd never been disrespectful!

He was my little puppy!

Well...

your puppy will come back!

Because the puppy loves you! Don't forget that!

He just needs time to process that his fiancee screwed her high school sweetheart

and that's it! He'll be back in a few days.

Sister, why don't you... relax?

Because I can't! How? After what I just did!

Well, it's not like I was prepared...

but...

this will make you feel great. It's like a medicine.

- Really. - No! I'm pregnant!

I have to take care of myself.

Besides, girl, this weed

is the softest in the universe!

It's called... Baby Weed.

I swear that's what it's called!

Come on! Just a tiny bit!

Jesus!

- Do you think that's Javier? - You see?

I told you he'd be back!

Oh, no! It's not my fault!

What's wrong with this guy?

This just gets better and better!

Come on!

- What is this? - I can't believe it.

Guys, what did I do with the pictures?

I don't know where they are.

That's great, guys.

- Felipe, what are you doing? - Namasté.

- Namasté. - Namasté.

There's a chance that child is mine.

So I'm moving here to be near you.

I didn't want to intrude, so I brought my Lotus Tent.

Are you insane?

- Javier will kill you! - No! Relax.

It's just for a while.

Felipe, I don't know how to tell you this.

I don't need anyone. I'm fine on my own.

So I'm asking you to leave.

This will be a hit in my stories!

Catalina, shut up.

You're overreacting. Can I go check your Lotus Tent?

Sure, go ahead. Just be careful, it's my sacred place, my ashram.

This place is better than my house! Hell, yeah!

- It is great. - Felipe, I appreciate your gesture.

But this will make the problem bigger.

- When Javier is back, this will be a mess. - Did Javier leave?

Javier left.

Right. But he's coming back.

I think.

Well, if he comes back and he's upset, I'll leave.

I'll be like a ghost.

You won't see me or feel me.

I need to do the right thing.

Okay.

But don't do anything else.

I won't. I promise.

This guy has a projector to watch movies!

- Guru! - It is great.

- Do you want to go in? - It's amazing!

- Come in! - No.

- Did you like it? Awesome, right? - Amazing!

Family, my ass!

Goddamn Cata.

No, no, no, please!

No, no, no, no!

Damn it!

No, no! No, no, no! No!

Damn it!

Goddamn it!

This is too much, Javier.

You call me at 3:00 a.m. to bail you out of jail?

After you destroyed days of our work?

I'm sorry.

You should know that Cristina is really pissed.

- Damn it. - "Damn it" is right.

Was something salvaged?

All ten deliveries went to shit.

He have to begin again tomorrow.

I didn't mean to.

I just wanted to destroy my cake, not everyone else's.

- It was a mistake. - That's exactly what she says.

- That it was a mistake. - Some mistake!

I ruined the cakes, I didn't screw them.

Look, I'm not the best to offer advice, Javier.

But I do think that you should make a decision.

Either you're there for Cristina throughout this process,

or let mistakes ruin it all.

Nobody's perfect. Specially you.

And, hard as it is to believe,

Cristina loves you just the way you are.

She loves you.

And that's big, because my friend is a badass.

And if she's with you, she must have her reasons.

Like she says, you're her puppy.

Did she tell you I'm her puppy?

Focus, man! Show some courage!

Fight for her!

Tell you something? Felipe is really out there.

And if you waste your time, he'll really steal her from you.

"Good morning. Breakfast on your night table."

Good morning, beautiful!

What the...?

- Felipe? - Relax. I put a speaker on his collar.

Cool, isn't it?

Yeah. Super cool.

I hope you'll enjoy breakfast.

And when you're done, please come down.

I have a surprise for you!

I'm not in the mood for a surprise.

And you said you'd be like a ghost.

I am! You can't see me!

Finish your breakfast and come down.

This will make you feel better.

Okay. I'll think about it.

Good! That's the spirit!

- Hey... - What is it?

You look pretty. I love that pajamas.

What?

What did you do?

What do you think?

I don't know what to say.

Well, if the child is Javier's I can change the baby's face.

No problem.

I want to be fair to both of us.

When did you do all of this?

Overnight. I know it's not finished.

- I can finish it now... - No, no. That's fine.

Don't change anything. It's perfect.

- You liked it? - Of course.

I did, really.

Cristina...

a few words, please.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

- Two words. - Felipe, don't.

- Stop that! - You're on camera!

There's my little Virgin.

And there's me, little Felipe.

Mr. Javier?

Sir...

you have a meeting at 12 o'clock.

Right.

- What time is it? - 11:50.

Shit.

- Can I get you some water? - Yes, please.

Sir...

why don't you go home? I'll take care of the meeting.

I can't go home. I'm in a lot of trouble.

Yes, I can see that.

Actually, everybody knows.

How do you know about my problems?

Sir...

it's on Instagram.

Look.

On this video

he says he's happy to be a father and shows a picture of your wife.

Look.

There's Cristina

- turned into Our Lady of Guadalupe... - Son of a bitch!

- ...with little Felipe. - This is my baby and this is my wife!

- That's why you have to leave! - Right.

- Come on! - I'm going!

- Bring it! - I will!

- Who's the man? - Me?

I am!

- Who has the power! - I do!

- Bring it on! Give it your best! - Yes!

- Your coat! Take your coat! - Yes!

- Coat! Bring it on! - Yes!

Javier!

Right. Right. Right.

- Come on! - Go get him!

Oh, no.

Now what?

Javier?

- What are you doing? - Fighting for you!

Showing you that you are not alone.

You don't need to fight for me, babe.

But I do!

I made a mistake, I ruined the cakes and I need to apologize.

I got carried away by rage, and that's wrong.

- I can't be a good dad like this. - Right, you're can't.

And you know what? Yes, I am really mad about the cake shop.

But I think I can forgive you

- in about 30 years... - What? Hey!

- Three years. - Twenty.

Let's see.

Eight years and four months.

Fifteen years.

As long as you want, babe.

But... will you let me take a gamble for you?

Show you that I can be a good dad?

Of course.

You're here, Bro!

The family is together now.

Family, my foot! I hate that you use that word!

- You and I are not...! - Javier.

Let's see.

If we're all going to live together,

please let's be civil.

At least let's keep this waiting time on friendly terms.

I'm good with that.

The more, the merrier. I like big families.

Javier.

Okay. I'll try.

This is beautiful! Come here.

- Yuck! You're sweaty, man! - Sorry.

- Disgusting! - I love your tent!

Hey, hey! My personal stuff is in there!

- Wait! - Stop it, man!

- Be patient! - Patient, my foot!

2 Months later

Do you want to have lunch?

I can cook basmati rice.

But brown. With vegetables. Steamed, no salt.

You need to eat well to be healthy and strong.

Hey.

Someone's here for you.

She's pregnant! She's pregnant!

Be careful!

She's pregnant.

That young lady is pregnant.

Wait! You stay there!

Be careful! Pregnant lady!

Pregnant lady!

Goddamnit.

Come here, little dog.

Bye, Chupi.

- Let me help you. - No, no!

- I'll help her. - I'll do it.

- I'm here already, I'll do it. - No, I'll help her, period.

Well, enough! Stop it.

I really appreciate it, but I'm not handicapped.

I'm just pregnant.

Okay?

Okay?

Are you okay?

No, no, I'm not.

No, you're not. Don't worry, I'll massage you.

Okay? I learned in Thailand.

- Really? - Yes.

- Lie down. Take your shirt off. - Okay.

- Okay. - Let's begin.

I'm sorry, does she need to take her...

- clothes off? - Yes. Clothes off.

Here I come, Cristina.

I'll put my chest against your back.

- Okay? - Okay.

We'll release the stress.

- Okay. - Here I come.

- Did you feel me? - Yes, I feel you.

Here I come again.

You know, Felipe? I'm in pain, too.

- Muscle pain. - Come here.

I'll massage you too.

- Clothes off, right? - Right.

Lie down here, on your back.

Okay, enough of that.

Now it's Javier's turn.

Where?

It's... right here.

Here I come.

Come here. Here. That's it.

Oh, no!

Scream! Let it out!

Let it out!

What?

You're doing great! Oh, yeah!

Felipe, that's enough!

Surprise!

Princess?

Can anyone explain what pregnancy you're talking about?

Right.

Mom, Dad...

I asked you to come because I have some news.

I'm pregnant.

Congratulations, princess!

Congratulations, dear Felipe!

I knew you two would end up together.

No, no, Mom.

Felipe is not the father. Well, I don't know.

- That's the thing. - What do you mean?

The thing is, the night that I got pregnant I...

I had sex...

Well, I mean... This is so hard to say.

Well, yes, with both of them.

I don't understand, princess.

- What I mean... - Maria, what she means

is that, on the same day, she had sex with her boyfriend...

and his ex.

- Exactly. Thank you. - What? Both at...?

- Not at the same time. - No.

I mean, with both, but no.

Well, the point is

we won't know who the father is

until we get the results in four months.

So, there's that.

We need to wait.

Well, the important thing is that the family is together.

Let's celebrate! Javier, a favor?

Can you go to the kitchen and bring dessert?

I'll tell you how I learned that recipe.

No! Really? I didn't know that about you, you naughty boy!

Tell me all about it.

"Felipe, Felipe."

Mean old hag.

"I'm always missing some ingredient."

What she's missing is some decency.

Dirty old giraffe.

This shit is good.

What is it, Chupi?

I hate your owner's guts.

Chupi.

Do you want to pee?

Do you want to pee?

Chupi!

Look. Look.

Let's go pee!

This way your dad will stop stealing my family.

Come on!

Come on, let's go!

Your dad will come looking for you.

Felipe, your dog ran after his ball and I couldn't catch him. Sorry.

- You should go look for him. - What?

- How? - How did that happen?

The door was open and he ran out. I don't know.

- What will we do? - I don't know.

- Let's go find him! - Relax. Calm down.

Chupi's collar has a GPS.

- We can track him. - Really?

Let me see!

- There he is. - Look, there he goes!

- Where is he going? - To visit his girlfriend.

Really! He does this all the time.

- But he's no longer in the park. - And now he stopped.

- Why is it red? - Why did he stop?

Chupi! Chupi!

The poor dog wasn't fast enough.

- I'd never seen it. - Chupi!

Chupi!

My Chupi!

Oh, no!

Look what they did to my Chupi!

Who was the moron who left the door open

and caused him to get out?

Oh, dear Felipe!

Felipe, Felipe...

Here, it's one of his paws.

- Chupi! - That was mean.

Chupi!

Chupi!

This is an emergency!

What happened? Why are you wearing a dress?

It's Cristina! She texted me!

Me too!

The baby!

- I'll go! - Get out of my way!

- No! - I said out of my way!

What happened?

It's a culinary emergency.

I have a terrible craving for lemon pie.

Are you kidding me?

I know! I know! I'm sorry!

I know this is a pregnant lady thing, but I'm dying for one.

Your first craving.

Don't worry. Cravings must be satisfied. I'm on it.

Right. Cravings must be satisfied. I'm on it.

And I'll bring it for the baby's sake, and yours.

And I don't know where I'll find it, but I will. Just don't move!

Good luck.

THE LEMON PIE

2.2 lb of flour

18 oz of milk

1 Brie cheese

Lemon juice

Grated lemon peel.

1 mm of jazz

Directions:

- Grate lemons - Put milk in a bowl

- Add flour and butter - Whisk

- Roll into a ball - Pinch of salt

- Put in the oven - Meditate while baking

Tacos! There's tacos! Why can't she crave those!

"Babe, I'm pregnant. A sandwich." Or something.

No. Lemon pie.

In the wee hours of the morning, lemon pie!

Lemon pie! Not cookies!

- We also have pineapple pie. - That's won't cut the deal!

Hey!

Goddamn it!

This is delicious.

- I'm glad you liked it. - It's perfect!

- It's amazing! - It's done to perfection.

No... Babe!

Where did you get it, man?

Hey, what took you so long? Are you okay?

Yes, long story.

- I'm fine. - Great. Look, come here.

- Are you sure you're fine? - Yeah, I'm peachy.

Babe, come on, you have to try this. It's amazing.

- Try it! - Try it!

- How is it? - How is it?

I told you!

I told you, Javier!

Jesus! It's delicious!

You were brilliant.

Craving solved.

- This is my best ever. By far. - Really?

- I loved it. - Really, why are you wearing a dress?

- A dress? - My aunt has one just like that.

A dress?

3 Months later

You'll know who the father is in less than a month!

What are you going to do?

I know!

Honestly, I have no idea.

They've both been weird, I know, but it's for the baby and me.

That's cute, right?

Well, I think.

It would be great if they made it easy for you.

Easy, how?

I mean, if one of them messed up so bad

that it was easy for you to decide who to stay with.

But I have nothing to decide.

I'm with Javier.

I love him.

He's trying to impress me.

He's giving it all, fighting real hard, and that's what I love about him.

But if he keeps on being a moron, I don't know what I'll do.

Sister, if you end up alone

I can help you take care of the baby!

I swear I'll be the best aunt ever!

Imagine if it's a girl!

I'd help her with her style, her look!

I'd help her detect mean guys.

Please say yes!

Cata, we'll see about that. It's still too soon, okay?

Let's go back to work. And quit smoking that!

As soon as I finish my joint.

No, come on or I'll puke on you.

Oh, no, no, no, don't puke on me, no.

Excuse me.

Come in.

Your temple.

It's called "office" or "studio".

- Look at this... - No, don't touch it, please.

I'm sorry.

May I ask you something?

Sure, of course.

Why did you do it?

Why did you get in the middle?

The truth?

Yes.

Because I love her.

She was and...

will always be the love of my life.

Cristina gives me... peace.

Harmony.

Travel and adventures have never given me that.

Shit.

What about you?

- Why did you come back? - What do you mean?

Before you, Cristina and I were getting married.

Felipe...

she's everything for me.

She taught me to dream.

She taught me that, if I set my mind on something,

I can make it happen.

She loves me.

And I love her.

What's with you two?

It's so weird that you're not fighting.

We are reengaging our energies.

- Okay. - Yeah, kind of. We are...

aligning our "chankros".

- Chakras. - Chakras. Whatever.

Okay.

I'm going to buy a crib. Is someone coming with me?

I am! In fact, I know of an awesome store

where we will find...

Sorry to interrupt, but there's nothing like a handmade crib.

With hardwood.

What do you mean?

I made a crib in my spare time.

You're something else, Felipe!

You're full of surprises!

Right! Wow! Felipe, you're unbelievable.

I'm not complaining about your builder skills, but

I think we should play it safe and buy one.

Why risk it with a handmade one?

- Well, you have a point... - No, wait.

Take a look at it, if you don't like it, we'll buy one.

- It's outside. Do you want to see it? - Yes.

- Let's see it. - Fair enough.

Then we can make a decision, babe.

We need to try it for safety.

We can't take any risks, it should be strong...

This goddamn moron...

Let's be honest, it doesn't look that safe.

Really?

It looks fine to me.

My father taught me this art.

The art of wood!

Not to toot my own horn, but this is strong as steel!

Did you hear that? "Strong as steel."

Javier. That's enough.

Javier, that's enough.

Really, it looks fine. Please stop that.

Babe, our child will sleep in here.

I need to make sure it's well built.

Let him.

He has every right.

And we'll see if I made it strong.

Javier.

Javier!

Javier!

Javier, have you gone mad, or what?

Good! Hit it, hard!

Hit it! Yeah!

Let's see if this shit is well built.

This crib is very well built,

- it's firm and we're keeping it. Stop. - No!

I'm still not sure it's strong enough!

Javier, what is it? You're worrying me! Are you going insane?

It's fine, he's a concerned father. Atta boy, Javier!

Stop this nonsense, get down. Stop it.

Good, fucker! Let's see if your fucking crib is strong enough!

Don't!

Goddamn it!

You bastard!

Javier, don't!

Javier, are you okay?

The crib is fine.

I told you. Well, you need heat.

Rubbing hands together.

What the hell are you doing, you pothead?

My yellow love

Can you forgive me?

Yeah, right.

It's a miracle that you're alive.

You almost broke your neck!

- And all because... - Why did you dump him?

Who? What are you talking about?

Felipe.

Why did you dump him?

He's handsome, successful, a traveler,

charming, his six-pack is out of this world...

He has it all.

That guy is perfect for you.

Why does it matter why I dumped him, or not?

I met you.

And I'm very happy with you.

Because you're the noblest, most loyal man I've ever met.

You're the man with the kindest heart that I know.

That's you.

You're making me cry and I can't wipe my tears with this arm!

But that's what I'm here for, you fool.

You're an angel, Cristina. Did you know that?

What are you doing, crazy woman?

Javier García...

love of my life...

will you marry me?

Or not anymore?

Yes! A million times yes! Come here!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

It's okay. It's fine.

The happiness I feel is much stronger than the pain.

So, come on! Put the ring on!

- I love you. - I love you too.

Such good vibes in here!

- What did I miss? - She asked me to marry her.

Yes. It was about time we made things right.

That's awesome!

Well, congratulations. Come here.

- Careful! - I'm sorry.

Sorry.

This way, I'll never get better.

My boss! That ringtone is my boss!

Please, be quiet!

Hello?

What?

- Right. - What is it?

Right now?

Yes, of course. Let me see...

Okay. Thanks. Thank you.

- What happened? - The owners of the firm just...

approved my self-sustaining homes!

Congratulations!

- I'm sorry. - Babe, this is amazing!

Yes, but, how do I carry the models?

They want to see blueprints and models now!

- I don't know... - I can take the models.

- Are you serious? - Yes.

- Would you do that for me? - Of course I would.

I'll show them your solar homes.

Self-sustaining homes. You have to say it that way.

Fine. Okay?

I'm going.

Great. Come here.

See you, then.

- Just text me where the models are. - But...

It's great that he's doing this,

but if he kisses you again, I'll kick his ass!

Hey, Felipe.

I have Chupi's files that you asked me to retrieve,

but I don't think you'll like them.

Chupi.

Look. Look.

Let's go pee!

This way your dad will stop stealing my family.

Come on!

Come on, let's go!

Your dad will come looking for you.

I'm too hungry, girl. I don't know it is.

That's normal, right?

You have an alien in there.

No. All yours.

Hello?

Hello. Cristina.

Doctor. What is it?

The paternity test results are back.

- Really? - What is it?

- Can you come now? - Okay, okay.

I'll drop by your office now. I'm at the hospital.

Okay, I'll see you here.

Okay. Thank you.

What is it?

The time has come.

Okay. Okay.

Be strong, sister. I'm here for you.

- Damn it! Let's go! - Yes.

How do you feel it?

- Good. I think I'm 90% okay. - Squeeze.

Okay. Okay.

Hey! How did it go?

Awesome.

They loved me and your sorry-ass models.

Hey, show some respect.

Well, tell me. What did they say? Did you close the deal?

Sure. Do you want to watch the video?

- Did you record it? - Yes. You're going to love it.

- Let me see! - This is exciting.

Is Javier joking?

If he is, tell him he's fired!

No, this is a present from Javier.

Look at the message he sent.

Pretty, isn't it?

He says you're unimaginative morons.

That all you do is gain money with his work.

His words.

Who do you think you are to come and speak like that?

- Get out of here! - No, no, no.

The presentation is not over.

Let's see the power of solar energy. Look!

- Get out! - Don't leave yet.

Wait!

Are you mad?

Security!

- Security! - This way poor people won't be cold!

Are you insane?

That was for my Chupacabras, fucker.

Son of a bitch!

Look what you've done.

Are you okay?

Damn it. What are you doing, morons?

Cristina is waiting for you.

The test results are back!

Shit! Let's go!

This doesn't end here. You'll pay for this.

Both of you.

Doctor, we're not joking. Please, who's the dad?

Let me explain.

Cristina...

is pregnant with twins.

What?

Right. Twins.

This is known as heteropaternal superfecundation.

Let me explain.

This happens when a woman ovulates twice in one month.

Then, each ovule if fertilized by a different spermatozoon.

In this case, your spermatozoa, gentlemen.

Yes. Exactly.

Which means you two are the fathers of these twins.

Unbelievable!

How's that? But before birth we do not know

who is who's father.

Okay? But technically, you are the fathers.

Congratulations.

- Jesus! - Is it clear?

- Congratulations. - You're kidding, right?

I'm not.

- Please tell me you're joking. - I'm not.

- This is science. - Not science.

This is a miracle!

The three of us are going to be parents!

- That's correct. - There are two babies in here!

No more fighting, Javier. No more fighting.

No more.

Thank you.

- Sister, double alien! - Javier.

Thank you, Cristina!

Thank you, doctor.

Cristina, don't look sad. You didn't get bad news.

It's life! Life's a gift!

Two tiny people are in there! We're going to be so happy!

But I'm worried about Javier. He's a little bewildered.

We need to celebrate!

Felipe...

stop.

There's nothing to celebrate.

My life is falling apart.

Javier's too. Our life. My marriage.

Everything. Do you understand?

Fine. I'm sorry.

I just wanted to make you feel better.

Thank you.

But you should better be quiet.

We'll have to buy everything again.

What do you mean?

Yes, I've bought milk, shoes, clothes...

Even a fund to pay for college.

Insured.

Felipe...

you have to discuss that kind of thing with me.

Okay? You can't do whatever you want.

- You're not the... - Father?

But I am the father.

Whether you like it or not.

I know.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

I'm as bewildered as Javier. I'm really confused.

But still... you could discuss those things with me.

Fine.

Forget it.

- I can't believe it! I forgot my purse! - I'll get it.

Don't, Felipe. I'll get it.

Don't worry. I'll be right back.

- Okay, I'll wait for you here. - Okay.

You ruined my life, son of a bitch!

Calm down! Don't!

Get a grip! Breathe!

Don't break!

Felipe!

Felipe!

Are you okay? I'm sorry. Are you okay?

No!

You fucking crybaby!

You goddamn bastard!

You piece of shit!

Felipe! Stop that!

You two care about nothing but yourselves.

You've never really cared about me or my pregnancy.

This is just a competition between men to decide who's better.

You two are selfish and childish.

I can't take it anymore.

I can't go on like this. You're driving me crazy.

Javier...

you really disappointed me.

Really, I thought you were not like everyone else.

Really, I don't know who you are.

And you, Felipe.

What are you doing? Look at you!

Are you not supposed to be all peace,

yoga and whatnot?

What are you doing?

You left because you wanted to see the world.

You left me because you wanted to travel around the globe, right?

And now that you've done that,

you come back and think that you can interfere with my life just like that?

As if you had never left?

No.

You can't.

You are absolutely wrong.

You're both very wrong.

- Cristina, I... - No, don't say anything.

And you know what?

I don't want to see you for a long time.

At least until the babies are born.

Maybe meantime you'll think things over, or grow up, or something.

But, please, just leave me alone.

Don't try to contact me.

Don't bother me. Not anymore.

- Babe, I... - Javier, please,

don't make this any harder.

I love you.

Or well, I thought so. I don't know.

I don't know. I can't do this anymore.

Goodbye. Enough.

Oh, my God! You're keeping aliens in there!

Yeah!

My nieces. Mine. All mine.

DOUBLE ALIEN

There they are!

Look! Look! They're both there!

It's amazing!

They look so pretty!

There they are!

First of all, let me tell you that I'm impressed with your work.

I mean, your work at your previous job.

You were in charge of a very large mall.

One of my favorites, really.

Javier...

you have the magic touch that our buildings need to become important,

amazing! Look...

We want something modern, but vintage.

Something unique. And I'd love to hear your sustainable energy proposal.

- Really? - Yes.

Look, it's easy: if you want to, you are a part of our firm.

I'm sorry. Sorry. Just a sec.

I won't be long.

- Breathe, breathe! - Cata!

Javier! Come here, before Cristina hurts someone!

Hurry up, man!

- But like, right now? - Right now, you moron!

Okay. Okay. I'm on my way.

- Cata... - What?

I'm coming, girl. What, man? Speak!

- Thanks. - You're welcome, moron.

My friend misses her puppy. Come here now!

- Yeah! Okay! I'm on my way! - Hurry up, you moron!

I'm sorry. I have to go. We'll talk later.

My babies are going to be born.

Well, our babies... The babies... I'll explain later!

But thank you. Thanks!

I'll send you the contract!

Felipe?

Felipe!

Hello, Javier.

Javier!

- What happened? Are they born? - Yes, they are.

Congratulations.

Congratulations to you, too, man!

Friends?

Friends.

I really love you, man.

Look at these aliens!

Oh, my God!

Hi! They're girls!

Yes, they are! They'll make you pay for all you've done, morons.

- Is this okay? Like this? - Right. Very gently.

Like this? Okay. Okay.

- Hi! - They're so tiny!

I'm your dad! Hi!

So pretty!

My baby! Hey, sweetie!

Who's the prettiest girl?

- Cristina? - She's not out yet.

The birth was really hard!

Imagine these two chubby babies coming out of skinny Cristina.

Hell! None of you two, morons, would have done that.

- No. - No.

Hey, sweet cheeks.

- Hey. - She has wavy hair.

- Right. - Javier.

- Doctor. - Felipe.

Look, doctor. Look at this beauty.

Look.

Look!

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry, but Cristina...

didn't survive the birth.

We knew it would be really complicated and...

she knew it.

In fact, we gave her some options,

like trying to save one of the girls, and...

saving her, but...

she was very clear and firm...

when she said that she wanted the girls to be saved first.

I'm sorry.

No...

No.

Do something.

Go and do something, please!

Please, doctor!

Cristina can't be dead! You...!

You don't understand. Cristina can't die! She's my...

- I'm sorry, Javier. - No, she's my life.

Javier...

She's the mother of my children, she's...

I love you.

- I love you. - I love you more.

Why did you leave, you moron?

What am I going to do without you, sis?

I can't believe this.

How are you?

So-so.

What about you?

I'm a little sad.

Trying to accept and...

and release.

I get you. It's not easy.

Your lawyers called me.

Tomorrow we can have the test to know who is who's baby.

Okay.

Do you want some?

Yes.

Do you think we should split the family even more?

No, not really.

I don't want that, and...

I think Cristina wouldn't want that, either.

We are both very bad fathers.

That's clear.

And who cares who is who's father?

For me, they're both my daughters.

I'm sure you feel the same way.

You know what?

You're right.

Let's not have the test.

Let's be a family, let's be the best possible fathers for them.

Exactly.

Let's do that!

Damn it! We'll be a gay couple.

They're in fashion.

Look!

Look! Look who's here!

Hey, cutie!

- Hey! - A gay couple without a dog?

- No way. - Unthinkable.

- A kiss! - Stay away, man!

What should we call him?

Benito!

I like that.

- Hey, Benito. - Benito, kiss me.

Come on, man! You are not allowed to do that.

It's just a gesture of love.

Look at this cutie! God's never wrong.

Our daughters, our puppy...

A happy family.

Perfect. You both officially have the custody of Sol and Luna.

Congratulations!

Congratulations, man.

Gay couples always make me cry. I'm sorry.

No, no, no. We're not...

We look cute together, right?

Congratulations, guys. Really.

I'm so excited. You're the cutest family I know.

Hey, Cata...

we are the cutest family you know.

You are a part of this family.

Damn it, Javier! You're going to make me cry and ruin my makeup.

- They're making us cry! - It's too hard not to!

- Family picture! Can you take it? - Of course!

- Let's see, get ready. - Come here, Sol.

- Here. - Hurry up.

So pretty!

- Here. - Get ready.

- A family picture. - The happy family.

- Get closer. Closer. - Okay! Say "weed"!

Weed!

2 Years later

Enjoy!

Saturnino, they're delicious! I know.

- Hey! No, you're on a diet. - I hate being on a diet!

These are lemon-cheese.

Delicious!

- One for you! - One for my princess! Here!

- Good! - Oh, my princess!

We're flying!

Let's play! Come on!

- Can I go? - Let's play soccer!

Hey, calm down! Let's get organized. Wait!

- What are we playing? - Organize what? It's soccer!

Dad!

- Dad! - She called me "Dad"!

- No, she called me. - She called me.

- Baby! You called me "Dad"! - You called me "Dad"!

Of course! She called me "Dad"!

- She called me! - No, she called me! Me!

- She was looking right at me! - Of course not!

TWICE AS PREGNANT

What the fuck are you doing?

What are you doing?

- Cata, what...? - I mean...!

What's wrong with you?

Look at him!

I'm going to kick your sorry ass!

Javier!

I'm fine.

I really am!

Cristina! Get it off me!

Get it off! Do something!

Do something!

Cut!

My Chupi!

My Chupi!

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry!

Cris?

Criss-Cross?

Cris?

These are delicious!

Don't do anything stupid! Stop!

We'll see how strong your crib is, you moron!

Let's see!

Enough! Enough!

...of the company to be seen as... as...

a place that is... I fucking messed up.

Don't touch. I'm right here.

Cut!