Original subtitles

-Enjoy yourself. Welcome, everybody.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."

This is it. You made it. Thank you for being here.

[ Cheers and applause ]

You guys, well, it was an absolutely beautiful

80-degree day here in New York City.

[ Cheers and applause ] Come on.

Ooh! It was so warm,

I saw a Wall Street stockbroker sharing a Pinkity Drinkity

with Zohran Mamdani. -Oh.

[ Laughter ]

-It was so warm today, in Central Park,

I saw a squirrel rubbing SPF 50 on his nuts.

And I -- -Whoa! Hey!

[ Laughter ]

Let's get to some news here.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis just signed a bill

to rename Palm Beach International Airport

as President Donald J. Trump International Airport.

[ Booing ]

Finally fulfilling Trump's lifelong dream

of having an entire Chili's Too inside him.

[ Laughter ]

You'll know it's officially Trump Airport

when they open up a Hudson Fake News.

[ Laughter ]

You'll know it's Trump Airport when they replace

the TSA scanners with MRI machines.

You know what I'm saying? [ Laughter ]

Meanwhile, Trump just shared renderings --

renderings of what his future presidential library

in Miami could look like. Did you see this?

This is real. Take a --there's a photo.

Wow. -Oh.

-Yeah, well, it's better than the original rendering

where Trump had two Las Vegas spheres attached.

And I think that's -- that was too much.

That was -- I didn't --

[ Laughter ]

Switching gears, did you guys see this?

A group of thieves just stole several paintings

from a museum in Italy.

Yeah. In just three minutes,

they managed to steal works from artists like Renoir and Matisse.

Joining us now via satellite to talk about what happened

is the museum's head of security, Jacques Fournier.

Thank you for being here, Jacques.

-Merci. [ Cheers and applause ]

Merci, Jimmy.

It has been, how you say, a challenging time here in Italia.

-Right, right. The museum is in Italy,

But if I'm not mistaken, you sound French.

-Oui. I am originally from La France.

I moved here after I was fired from my old job.

-Oh. What was that?

-Head of security at the Louvre.

[ Laughter ]

-I see. Well, to be honest,

I'm surprised they hired you,

considering they also had a giant heist.

-I guess I interview well. [ Chuckles ]

But I do not know how this happened again.

We have the best guards, the best cameras,

and the best -- how you say? --

thermal-imaging security infrastructure.

Absolutely nothing can get past us.

-No, no, Jacques! Jacques, Jacques!

A man in a ski mask just stole a painting.

-I know, I know, it's still fresh in my mind.

My family is ashamed.

My father says I am -- how you say? --

a disappointment to my entire lineage.

And I am beginning to believe he is right.

[ Laughter ]

-Jacques! Jacques! Stop him!

-How can I stop him? He is my father.

He can be harsh, but I love him.

He made me the man I am.

[ Alarm blaring ]

-Oh. What is that sound?

Jacques, you have to do something.

-I know I do.

I will call him later and ask for forgiveness.

But that sound means it is time for my smoke break.

Au revoir.

Wait! Hey, you, in the mask!

Can I have a light?

[ Cheers and applause ]

-Wasn't even smoking.

[ Applause ]

Well, everyone, this is going viral.

Disneyland Paris just opened a new "Frozen" theme park,

and their Olaf robot had a little malfunction.

Check it out.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Crowd exclaims ]

[ Laughter ]

♪ Do you want to rebuild a snowman? ♪

Had to do it, yeah.

Yes, the video of Olaf went viral,

and his guests a little unsettled.

Here to comment on it is another Disney animatronic

from "Frozen," Kristoff.

[ Cheers and applause ]

-Hi, Jimmy. Great to be here.

-Uh, we're excited to have you.

Now, the Olaf animatronic malfunctioning

yesterday was pretty unsettling.

Has he been fixed?

-Ha ha! Fret not, dear friend.

My companion Olaf is currently undergoing maintenance

and will be back to providing Disney magic soon.

-Well...that's good.

What do you have to say to guests

who were slightly disturbed by the malfunction?

-Ha ha. Worry not.

Malfunctions are rare, and I can assure you

us animatronics are reliable as ever.

Would you like me to sing you...

[ Laughter ]

...a song?

[ Laughter ]

-Uh, sure. Are you sure you're okay?

-Ha ha! You make me laugh. I can assure you...

[ Laughter ]

...Disney magic soon.

[ Laughter ]

-Okay. I hate to break it to you, Kristoff,

but you also seem to be malfunctioning here.

-Ha ha! Fret not, dear friend. Would you like me to

[ Distorted voice ] sing you a song?

[ Laughter ]

-N-no, thanks.

Uh, it looks like some kinks need to be worked out.

Thank you for being here.

-Magic. Fret not.

-Sing you a song?

-A Kristoff animatronic, everyone.

-Magic. Magic. Magic. [ Cheers and applause ]

Magic. Magic. Magic.

-Magic?

[ Laughs ]

[ Applause ]

And finally, guys, tomorrow is April 1st.

That's right.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Which gives Trump an excuse to get out of Iran.

"April Fools! April Fools!"

We have a great show.

Give it up for The Roots, everybody!

-♪ Hip-hop and body rockin', doing the do ♪

♪ The living definition of improving the groove ♪

♪ Use the same tools to shoot the Cooper review ♪

-Oh!

Welcome to the show, everybody.

We got some good news today.

We got nominated for a bunch of Webby awards.

That's what I'm talking about. Hey.

-Boing boing! -Love the Webby.

Uh, we love the Webbies,

and I'm going to give a special shout-out

to our entire digital team.

They are the best in the biz.

Thank you, everybody who does this amazing job.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Voting is open now through April 16th.

Just go to vote.webbyawards.com

and search "The Tonight Show" and vote for us.

Thank you very much, Webbies!

Fun.

What a show we have for you tonight.

She is a very talented actress

who's starring in the new movie "Outcome,"

which premieres April 10th on Apple TV.

One of our favorites, Cameron Diaz is here today!

[ Cheers and applause ]

-Cameron D!

Love that lady. -The greatest.

He's an Emmy-winning actor and producer

who created and stars in the new Netflix series "Big Mistakes,"

which begins streaming April 9th.

Dan Levy is joining us.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Another great dude.

Super funny.

And we got great music from Tems is here tonight!

[ Cheers and applause ]

We love Tems, as well. It's a good show.

Guys, here at "The Tonight Show,"

we like to spotlight musicians

that we think have something special,

but might not be getting the attention that they deserve.

It's time for "Tomorrow's Stars Today."

[ Cheers and applause ]

-♪ Tomorrow's Stars Today ♪

-Our guest tonight is a singer-songwriter

promoting his new album

on an independent label called Hometown Crowd.

Please welcome Johnny Miles Biter.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hey. Hi. How you doing, bud?

Nice to see you, bud.

-Doing pretty good, Jimmy.

I really want to thank you for

making a space and holding the light the way you do.

-Wow. Uh, of course.

-Nobody holds the light the way you do.

-Thanks for being here.

You know, I got to say, I love new talent,

and I want to talk about your songs.

-Man, that's great.

Did you build this desk?

[ Laughter ]

A man should be able to build his own desk.

Look, when I write songs, the way I look at it is this.

It's like, you know... -What?

-They're not as much like songs, but they're like...

They're vibrations that come in from the universe

and they just go in me.

-Yeah.

That sounds -- That sounds mysterious.

-Yeah. No.

-Yeah. -Alright. Well, it's cool.

I mean, my songs are just happenings, right?

They're happenings that happen to me.

And if they happen to rhyme, well, that's good.

-Well, that's great.

Would you like to share one of your songs for all of us maybe?

-Hey, not at all.

[ Laughter ]

No, I mean, in the way of like --

Yeah, definitely. No, I'm really happy to do that.

Okay. Thank you, Jimmy. -There you go, buddy.

-If it's -- Oh. [ Cheers and applause ]

-Johnny Miles Biter.

-Okay. Wow. Well, this one is called "Late Night Ride."

Okay? -Oh, wow.

♪♪

-♪ Caught a hitchhiking ride with a woman one day ♪

♪ She turned on the radio and the radio played a song ♪

♪ This song ♪

♪ She's a super freak ♪

♪ Super freak, she's super freaky, yow ♪

Everybody say...

♪ Super freak, super freak ♪

-Hey, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop!

Hold on, hold on.

-What's going on, man?

What's wrong?

-What are you doing?

-What's the problem, Jimmy? I don't understand.

Tell me. -That's "Super Freak."

That's "Super Freak," by Rick James.

We can't even clear that.

-No, no, it's not, man.

That's just what happened.

That's the song that came on in her car

and I just wrote about it, man.

Come on. What are you doing?

-You can't just take a hit song and squeeze it into your song.

-How am I supposed to control the will of the airwaves, dude?

[ Laughter ]

-I-I-I don't know.

-Yeah, you don't know, 'cause I can't, man.

-Well, look... -What?

-How about you try another song maybe?

I'll give you another shot.

-I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I blew up there.

-I'm sorry I got a little upset, as well.

-I told you a ray of light, man.

Now, this next song...

Alright, alright, here we go.

This one's newer. Okay? And it's, uh...

It's called "Backyard with Mom."

-Oh.

[ Guitar strumming ]

-♪ Last time I ever saw my mama ♪

♪ We threw her a party in the backyard ♪

♪ With lights on the fence ♪

♪ Oh, that whole year was so hard ♪

♪ Mama sang her favorite song that night, and it went ♪

♪ She's a super freak, super freak ♪

♪ She's super freaky, yow ♪

Yeah! Temptations sing!

-♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

-♪ Super freak, super freak ♪ -Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Stop it! Stop! Roots, don't encourage him.

-What are you doing, man?

-That's the same song!

-No! What? Are you gonna go after

my mama's favorite song now, man?!

-Nothing to do with -- -Come on, dude!

-You think --

-What the frick is wrong with you, man?!

-You -- These songs, you're just describing ways

that you've heard the song "Super Freak."

-No, I'm not, dude! No, I'm not.

It's my life.

Okay? You can't just come in here

and tell a guy what he can write inside a song,

even though that thing happened to him

and then he had a guitar nearby. -I didn't come in here.

-What? -You came in here.

I was already here.

-You came in here. You weren't born here, man.

You had to have entered here at some point just like I

entered this world from my mama. -But I work here.

This is my show.

I host the show, so I'm here every night.

And I'm here to give you a chance, some new talent.

And I think you're abusing the privilege a little bit,

because you're just singing...

-I entered this world from my mama.

[ Laughter ]

Okay? And I don't mean to abuse privileges.

And you're right. Okay? Hey, buddy.

Hey, buddy. -Hey.

-Hey, palsy. -Hey.

-Can we just -- Can we just bury the hatchet on this?

-Sorry. Yeah, I apologize. -I'm sorry. Hey.

-Hey. No, you don't have to come over.

-No, no, no. [ Laughter ]

-That's alright. Sorry. Yeah. Alright, man. Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Thank you very much.

Hey, is there any way you could do one, like,

maybe one of the original songs that you submitted

that got you on "Tomorrow's Stars Today"?

That's the one we liked.

We only heard a snippet of it, but...

Right? We would like to hear maybe one song.

[ Cheers and applause ]

-That is a -- That's a great idea, man.

-Okay, perfect. Alright. Ooh.

-Okay. This song is called "Summer Day."

[ Guitar strumming ]

♪♪

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughter ]

♪ I remember that summer day when we-e-e ♪

♪ Dropped a coin in the wishing well ♪

♪ And felt swell and free ♪

♪ And when that coin hit the water ♪

♪ It sounded like a song we knew ♪

-No, no, no, no, please stop.

Don't do it. Just don't.

-♪ Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh ♪ -Don't, don't, don't.

-♪ Sh--♪ -Don't.

-♪ Sh-Sh--♪

-Dude, don't. I'm gonna -- Don't.

I'm gonna freak out.

-♪ And that song that we heard through Mama's screen door ♪

-Yeah, that's close. -♪ The song that we'd all ♪

♪ Heard many, many times before ♪

♪ And the name of that song was ♪

♪ She's a super freak, super freak ♪

♪ She's super freaky, yow ♪

♪ Everybody sing ♪

Here we go now.

-♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

Alright, we'll see you next week on "Tomorrow's Stars Today."

-No, I'm the host. That's what I say.

Stick around. We'll be right back, next week.

"Tomorrow's Stars Today." Cameron Diaz will be coming.

-♪ Super freak, super freak ♪