All language subtitles for The.Stress.Is.Killing.Me.2024.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264

Kiki!

Kiki, slow down!
You're gonna hit something!

Kiki!

-I don't drive much in DC.
-Oh, really? I'm shocked.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

What's the matter?

I haven't seen him in 20 years,
that's what's the matter.

Do I look old? Like, too old?

You are too old.

Thanks.

We all are. It happens.

Oh, my God. Look at me.

- What are you worried about?
- 20 years.

Okay, it's been
20 years for him too, you know.

And anyway,
I thought you wanted to see him.

I do. But I don't.
Oh, God, I don't even know.

Come on. It's gonna be fun.

Like, what about everybody else?

Oh, crap.
Let's just do this.

Oh-- Kiki. Kiki, wait!

For fuck's sake. Wait, Kiki!

Ow!

Oh, my God.
I'm all right. I'm all right.

-I just can't,
you know, breathe.
-Kiki. Kiki.

Kiki. Kiki.

You're a trial attorney.

For God's sake,
pull yourself together.

May I remind you, you're the one
that broke up with him.

I know. Look where that got me.

Where? Where has that got you?

What, no! No smoking. Kiki!

Is there anywhere in the world
where you can smoke
a fucking cigarette anymore?

God. Kiki, wait.

Wow. See anybody that
we, you know, know?

Hmm. I don't see anybody.

Oh, God.

-What?
-It's him.

-Where?
-Over there.

Hmm. Doing shots.

Some things never change.

-Let's go say hi.
-I can't. I can't.

I'm breathing. I'm breathing.
I-- Oh, fuck.

-I can't. I can't. I can't.
-Well, you better start,
because he's walking over.

-Now?
-Yeah. Uh-huh.

- Jason.
- Kiki. How are you?

I know-- I didn't know
you were gonna be here.

Wow. You-- you look amazing.

No, I don't, but...
...if you say so.

-Really. Marcie! Wow!
-Hey! Jason!

Hey, good to see you.

You look amazing too.

Oh, I-- You know,
I lost ten pounds for this.

-So did I.
-Really?

-No.
-Oh. Okay.

You look like
you've been working out.

Anybody else here we know?

Uh, yeah. Uh, Todd and Sue
are here somewhere. Oh!

Wait, wait.
Are-- are they still married?

- Last time I checked.
- Okay.

- Three kids.
- Should we go say hi?

- Come on. Look who I found!
- Hey!

You look amazing.

Oh, loaded up, I see.

-Save some for the rest of us?
-Awesome food!

Come grab a plate, you guys.
We're right over here.

-Yeah, we will. Won't we?
-Okay. Sure, yeah. Okay.

-Thank you.
-Yeah.

Hi--

Paul Tilden. Class of 2002.

Sorry,
I guess we're all class of '02.

That's why we're here.

Well, well.

-Donna!
-Will!

Or should I say "Doctor"?

You could. But Donna's okay.

I'm just kidding.
How are you doing?

Little older,
but thanks for asking.

I hear you own a restaurant.

-Five.
-Five!

- I own five restaurants,
but who's counting?

- What?
- Can I have this dance?

- Stop.
- Come on.

- Come on!
- Fine, fine, fine.

-You look good.
-What?

I said you look good.

Sorry!

I said, are you married?

Well, we all made it.

Just like we said we would.

-The 20th.
-On graduation day, we said...

"See you at the 20th."

-I don't remember that.
-Here we are.

How did you all get away?
I had a hell of a time.

Ugh, so did I.
Natural nails gotta get done
seven days a week.

You own a nail salon?

- Do you need
a non-toxic manicure?

Yes, he does.

-Sorry, gotta take this.
-Whoa.

So she's a lawyer?

A big one, in DC.

So what about you, Jase?
What do you do?

Fuck with people's heads.

He's in advertising.

- Ahh.
-Ah, see, now that's what people say.

When you say you're in
advertising, they say "Ahh,"

which means they think
you lie for a living.

Hey, Todd.
So you're an accountant?

Yeah.

-I cheat on my taxes.
-Then I'm your guy.

Oh, come on. It isn't bad
as all that, is it, Dave?

Sorry.
Can't turn it off.

-But you like it, though?
-What?

Oh, being a lawyer?
No, not really.

But you make
a shitload of money.

Yeah, well, there is that, so.

Well, uh, gang, looks like
we're wrapping up here.

-Yeah.
-Well, it's been fun.

It's been so good
to see everybody.

Babe.

Oh, hold on, hold on.

So, we have an idea.

Yes?

So, we didn't come all this way
not to see each other, right?

- Right.
-As you all know, I'm the alum rep.

Yes, we know.

- And I organized this event.
- Yes, we are aware.

-Put out all the food.
-And the food was "eh."

And I rented this house.

-You rented this house?
-Yes.

Anyway, we got it. For the week!

So maybe why don't y'all,
you know, stay here?

Stay here?

Yeah,
we got a crapload of bedrooms.

I mean, some of you may have to
bunk together, but we got room.

I did take the week off.

-Been working remote.
-Yes!

We got a hotel.

But nobody says
you gotta stay there.

Come on, you guys. We haven't
all been together in years.

Well...

Okay. I'm in.

Oh!

Me too, I guess.
Yeah, sure, why not?

-Yeah, I'm down.
-Who needs a hotel?

-We do.
-I'll stay.

If that's okay?

Well, I'm going to the hotel.

Well, if you change your mind...

I won't, but thanks.

So, great.
The rest of us are staying?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Twenty years!
-The Lobos!

Give me the keys.

Sorry. You can't.

You're not listed as a driver.
You know, liability.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.
You're a lawyer.

-Marcie!
-So what am I supposed to do?

Stay. Just stay.

I thought we were
gonna sit up all night

and drink white wine
and talk about relationships.

We can do that here.

-You just wanna be with Jason.
-Maybe.

He's still kind of cute though,
don't you think?

Kinda.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay, so I've already done
the room assignments,

if y'all just follow me up here.

Okay. Here you go.

It's better than a hotel, right?

And you get to be roomies.

No offense, but I was
really hoping for my own room.

Oh, I don't snore. I promise.

You're a doctor. You're used to
other people's bodies. I'm not.

Well, make yourselves at home.

-Thank you, Sue.
-Thanks.

Why don't you take the big bed?
You're a doctor.

-Oh, um, that's okay.
Why don't--
-Okay, great. Thank you.

It's firm. I like that.

That pink is really flattering
on you. The sheets.

Yeah. No, that's--
this is great.

This is like a little vacation.
A little-- little nook.

So how's this, guys?

It's better than
our old dorm room.

Smells better, anyways.

This is me.

How do you--

Gonna just have to--

Hey, the restaurateur.
You wanna take over?

Hardly.

I don't cook.

-You don't cook?
-And you own a restaurant?

Five, actually.

Huh.

So what do you do
when a chef quits?

Get this--

Oh, God!

-And you...
-So I take the mushrooms and the
onions and I add 'em together,

and then I pound the fuck
out of the chicken, like this.

Yeah.

Put some strength into it!

Hi, this is Dr. Lerner.
How can I help you?

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah.

Uh, yeah,
so I can make an adjustment
to your medication if you--

No, I don't think
that's appropriate,

'cause opioids are addictive,
and I--

Mm-hmm. No, I'm sure that
you could find another doctor
to prescribe that to you,

but I don't,
and not for sinus infections.

Mm-hmm. You know what?

Um, I'll make an adjustment
to your medication.

We have your pharmacy
in the chart.

Yeah, okay.

Another satisfied customer?

Hell, I'm not a doctor,
I'm a pill pusher.

So they think.

Ew, Todd,
get your feet off the bed!

-Well, how'd it go?
-Well, not everybody's thrilled,
but they all have a bed.

-We have a bed too, you know.
-What do you think we should
have for dinner tonight?

'Cause, you know,
we're kind of the hosts now.

-Wanna try it out?
-Todd...

Come on, what? Just because
the walls are paper thin doesn't
mean we can't, you know.

What has gotten into you?
Like a little horn dog.

It's my thing, I guess.

Well, keep your thing
in your pants.

At least until later.

Look, Frank,
it's a first offense.

Okay, second.
The first was dismissed.

Okay, pled,
but to a misdemeanor.

The gun was never fired, and he
had a legal permit to carry it.

You know, concealed carry?
DC law allows it.

Look,
I know he took the gun out, but
he wasn't gonna fire it, Frank.

So you don't have
a weapons charge.

Okay, whatever. You might,
but there was no intent.

Look, Frank, honey, you don't
wanna take this to trial.

So how about this?
Three months suspended sentence,

200 hours community service,
and we'll do the probation.
What do you say?

Work with me, Frank.

Great! Okay, send over
the papers and we'll sign.

No, no. No, actually, I'm away.

No, not on vacation.
I never take vacation.

I'm at my college reunion.

Not my 50th, Frank.
God, my 20th. But very funny.

Okay. Drinks when I get back?
All right. Bye, buddy.

Did you get him off?

Hell, that guy should
be put away for life,

and I got him off with
three months in a country club.

-Huh.
-Is that good?

Fuck. I don't know anymore.

Right? I know.

I had FOMO!

Finish strong!

-Hi.
-Hi.

-Out for a run?
-Yeah, five miles. I normally
go six, but today only five.

-Keeps me in shape.
-Oh.

-Do you run?
-Yeah, but only to
the refrigerator.

That's good.

Wow,
you're in good shape.

Oh, I only exercise
so I can eat more.

That's funny.

-Uh, sorry. Can I just get by?
-Oh, yeah, of course.

Bye.

You know...

I think about you all the time.

You do?

Yeah.

And... I'm sorry.

Lily has to be at her rehearsal
for her recital at 3:00.

Yeah, yeah.
Across from the school. Mmm.

Yeah, and then take her over
to Rhonda's for the sleepover.

Got all that?

Okay. Good, thanks.

I'll call you later.

Love you too.

I'm not a psychiatrist,
but maybe I can help?

Sorry, but my sinuses are fine.

But we're just so glad
you came back.

Here we go.

This is you.

-Um...
-Just go on and check it out.

-Well-- Wh--
-Yeah!

I'm sorry.
It's all we have left.

I'm gonna let you
get settled in. Okay.

I gave up a hotel
for you people!

-Oh. Sorry.
-No, come on in, Paul.

Working?

Ah, just doing a media buy.
No big deal.

Sorry, what's a media buy?

Ah,
put 300 grand on the networks,

half a million on one station,
a million on another,

some social media,
billboards, banner ads.

All told,
about three million bucks
out the door.

Wow. Sounds interesting.

I'm selling dog food, Paul.

Well, dogs gotta eat, right?

Yeah, but not this dog food.

-Scotch?
-No, I'm good, I'm good.

-Okay.
-Hey, what about this?

"It's a dog-eat-food world."

I'll try that.

Mostly whatever clients want.

Tax returns, depreciation,
crap spreadsheets.

Is he complaining
about his job again?

No, he's not complaining.

Oh, I'm complaining, all right.

Well, people need it,
so what's wrong with it?

Numbers, I guess. All day long.

Taxes, depreciation, profit
and loss, earned income credits.

Just a bunch of fucking numbers.

I'm sick of it, man.

But he has a family,
so he's gonna stick with it.

-Aren't you, dear?
-Sure.

Just another
25 more years to go.

Whoo!

And the Lord said,
"Let there be cocktails."

Whoo! Let's do it, come on!

Nothing's changed, I guess.

Master mixologist
Jason Farr here.

Special concoction.
You're all gonna love it.

-What is it?
-Don't ask, just drink.

-There you go.
-Fill 'er up!

-That a girl!
-Thank you.

Party Paul-- Oh.

-No? No?
-No, thank you.

What? You're not drinking?

I don't drink anymore.

Oh.

Neither do I.

Except for weekends, weeknights,
weekdays, holidays...

Wait a second.

You were the biggest drinker
out of all of us at school.

Uh, I stopped.

Are you an alcoholic?

- Kiki!
- No, no, I can drink.

I just... don't.

Well, we'll have you drinking
before the weekend's out.

Thanks.

Hey, y'all. Dinner is served.

-Wow.
-Bon appetit!

That's fancy!

You're amazing.

More wine?

-Yes, please.
-Not for Paul.

Okay, okay. Game time.

What?

-No!
-Like charades?

Come on!

- Yes, yes. Yes.
- What's game time?

Favorite memory at school?

Paul getting drunk
and falling in the duck pond.

You remember that, huh?

Yeah.

Didn't you vomit
in the duck pond before?

-Every time!
-Why is that-- why is
everyone starting with me?

I-- I had sex with a mascot.

Whoo!

Wait a minute. You took
Kiki and I home in a grocery
cart once from the frat party.

-That's a good story.
-You got us there safely.

You're a gentleman.

Okay, okay. What about this?

Biggest regret?

-Oh.
-I have so many.

-Biggest regrets, really? Sue.
-Yes! Biggest regret.

-Come on, what is it?
-Maybe not a good idea, Sue.

Oh, come on. Who's first?

I'll go.

Uh, my job.

-Oh!
-You hate your job that much?

You know, I went to law school
to change the world,

and now I help
deadbeats get off, so.

- Someone else go.
- Okay.

Wait, this is good.
I mean, this is good.

That-- that's a start.
Who's next?

I have five restaurants
and I can't cook an egg.

It doesn't make sense.

I help people cheat on
their taxes for a living.

-I need to call you.
-We need you.

I stare at
computer screens all day.

-Aww.
-I stare into
ear canals all day.

- Aww.
- I fuck with people's heads.

-Mmm.
-That's fitting.

That's what advertising is.

That-- that actually tracks.

I listen to rich bitches
complain all day

about their lives
while I do their nails.

Free therapy.

Wait, wait, wait. Okay, so...

you all hate your jobs?

-Of course.
-Yeah.

-Most of us.
-Could be better.

Wait, don't you?

Oh. Well, no.

I mean,
I like being an office manager.
It's a good job.

You know,
orders come in, I fill 'em.

But, recently--
and Todd knows this--

I had a good friend die.

At 39. From breast cancer.

And it got me to thinking,

is this all there is?

I mean, is this what I wanna do
for the rest of my life?

You know?
'Cause we only get so much time.

I mean, yeah, but, you know,
we gotta work, right? I mean...

We gotta make money.

I have a family to support.

-Yeah, I mean, you gotta work.
-Right, okay, but,

if you could do anything else,
would you?

And still have money?

-Yes.
-Oh, I'd go for that.

Okay, okay, okay. So,
if you could do anything else

besides what you're doing
right now for a living,

what would it be?

Anything?

I know what I'd be.

- What?
- What?

An artist.

-Oh! I like it.
-That's cool.

-Nice.
-Do you paint?

I used to, but I just-- I don't
have time for it anymore.

-Aww.
-That's too bad.

-I know what I'd be.
-Mm-hmm?

A yoga instructor.

Ahh!

I take five classes a week,
so I think, why not?
I could teach it.

-100%. Yes.
-Thank you, Marcie.

I know you all know what I'd be.

Boy band member.

A chef.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

-I know what Todd wants to be.
-What?

I wanna be a movie director.

I just go to movies and I think,
"Shit, I could do this."

- Who hasn't gone?
- Jason...

Ever since I was a little kid,
believe it or not,

I've always wanted to be...

- What?
- Oh, come on.

-I can't. I can't.
-Oh, come on.

- Dude, come on.
- No, really.

No, really, I can't. I can't.

-Yes, you can!
-Say it!

A detective.

-What? Crime would run rampant.
-What? Oh!

Like Sherlock,
with the hat and a pipe.

-Yeah, yeah.
-Paul gets it.

- Who hasn't gone?
- Um, Marcie?

- Marcie? Marcie.
- Mars.

I am not telling.

-Come on, Marcie!
-You have to!

- Spill the beans.
- Not happening.

- Say it.
- Please?

Okay.

Sex therapist.

-Knew she was gonna say that.
-She's freaky!

-I knew it. I knew it!
-Okay.

Okay.

I mean, look, people need help
in that department, right?

You know, and I listen
to these ladies talk about
their sex lives all day,

and, you know, while
I'm doing their $200 gel wrap,

I think,
"Why couldn't I do that," right?

-I could do it.
-I'll come see you after dinner.

-I got you.
-Schedule's filling up.

Paul's turn.

Oh, I-- I don't know.

-Oh, come on!
-Yes, you do!

Party Paul, come on.

-You'll think it's dumb.
-Probably, yes.

Yeah, that's the point of this.

And you'll laugh.

- No! Come on.
- Absolutely.

-We'll definitely do that.
-All right,
all right, all right.

A priest.

-No, no, no, no.
-I'm sorry!

Ha, ha, ha.
See, that's-- that's funny.

-Seriously, seriously.
-Stop.

-Yeah, seriously.
-Priests can't have sex.

I don't really have sex anyway.

-Aww!
-In the name of Christ.

Sue, tell 'em what you wanna do.

I'd be a teacher.

-Of course you would.
-No, that makes sense.

No, I know,
I think I missed my calling!

Okay, so, cool. Now we all know
what we want to be, but can't.

Unless...

Unless what?

Unless we can.

Can what?

Be what we wanna be.
For a week, anyway.

What are you talking about?

We're here in this house
for a week. Right?

So, Todd, what did you
put in the dinner again?

Hold-- hold on. I think I know
what you mean. Go ahead.

Listen, we got the house
for a week, right?

-Yeah.
-So while we're here,

we get to be
whatever we wanna be.

Hmm.

-Like, us? Just us,
here in this house?
-Yes.

Okay...

-And I get to be a detective?
-Yes!

And a yoga instructor,
and an artist, and a director.

-Sex therapist, a chef.
-And a teacher.

And I get to be a teacher.
Paul's a priest. Watch out.

That's right. Behave yourselves.

Oh, come on, guys!

What do you say?
You wanna try it?

You wanna try it?

- Let's do it.
- Okay.

I think we should do it.

-Let's do it. Yeah.
-Okay, yeah.

Anybody want some sex therapy?

-I do.
-Todd!

- What do you say?
- Let's do it.

-Let's do it.
-Okay!

- Cheers.
- All right.

-Okay!
-Cheers.

Hey, bless the fucking wine,
Father, already.

- Heavenly Father--
- No!

Okay.

No. Stay. Okay.

No, no, no! Ugh. Okay.

No. Don't.

Okay. No, no, no. No, no, no.

How am I gonna become an artist

if I can't get the crap
into the house?

Damn it.

Damn it!

Oh, fuck.

- Hey.
- What's the matter?

I have no case.

If I'm gonna be a detective,
I have to have a case.

Sorry.

This is my big shot, Marcie.

Something will turn up.

All the greats
had a case.

If I were Sherlock,
that son of a bitch.

-Angela Lansbury.
-Angel Lansbury was hot.

Uh-oh.

Yoga, anyone?

Later.

I'll find you later!

Om.

Oh, fuck this.

Let's see this closet.

Oh!

-Oh, my...
-Wow!

-Look at all this stuff!
-This is crazy.

-Hey, look at that.
-That's perfect!

- Wow.
- A chalkboard.

Wow.

- This is fabulous.
- Look at this.

Okay.
Oh, here you go, Detective.

Ahh.

Look at this.

Hey, what you working on?

-Writing.
-Writing what?

My script.

-Oh, for your movie?
-Yep.

How cool. Are you gonna make it?

I just haven't decided
if I wanna land the helicopter
in the opening scene

or if I wanna
blow up the mansion.

Oh, yeah. Okay, well,
can't help you there. Sorry.

Wanna do yoga?

Oh. Sorry.

I'm finishing up my lesson plan.

Oh, okay.

-Hey, can I ask your opinion?
-Well, sure, go ahead.

I thought I'd pick a passage
from Heart of Darkness

or Crime and Punishment
or maybe even Shakespeare,

and then assign it to
all of you and have a class.

What do you think?

A class?

A class. Right. Good idea.

You think so?

I do. I really do.

Yeah.

Where is it?

-Breakfast of champions?
-Yes, please.

How's the painting coming?

Oh, good, good.
Just, uh, taking a break.

-Can I see it?
-Oh, goodness, no. No way.

Not yet, anyway.

Maybe never.

Mmm. Everyone's a Lobo.

Woof, woof, woof.

Hey, Paul.
Can you give me a hand a minute?

-Hey, yeah, sure.
-I got, you know, dinner.

Chef makes his magic, right?

Oh, my God. Wow.

You think you got enough?

I mean,
I couldn't decide what to make.

So why not make everything?

Seriously, who are you
expecting, the Denver Broncos?

Looks like it, doesn't it?

All right,
let's get this inside.

We'll come back for the rest.

It's gone, it's gone!

It was right here, right here
and it's gone. It's gone.

-What's gone?
-"It," you know? "It."

-It what?
-It! It.

I think she means her vibrator.

I put it right here. It was
right here, and now it's gone.

Um,
you-- you brought a vibrator?

It's gone.
Oh, could be a rough night.

-This is serious.
-Well, luckily you have
a detective right here

-to solve the case.
-You're not a detective.

-Donna,
he's a detective this week.
-Sorry, Sue.

The case
of the missing vibrator?

I'm on it. I have a case.

Shut up, all of you.

On the case!

He's got you.

Oh, yeah!

Good shot!

Yeah!

-No!
-Here we go!

Why don't you tell me
all about it, my child?

Really?

Sorry. I'm trying to
figure out how to--

I think I fucked up, Father.

Oh, can I say that?

I've heard it before. Go on.

Okay. Well, senior year,
I had a fling with Jason.

-Oh, Jason, our Jason? Oh!
-Yes. Yes.

It was a short thing, an affair,

but afterwards,
he wanted to move in with me

and keep it going
after graduation.

And you wanted more.

I broke it off with him.

Well,
college romances rarely last.
Maybe it was the right thing.

No. No, it wasn't.

It was the biggest
mistake of my life.

How do you know that?

'Cause I've been with
lots of men.

Like, lots and lots of men.

Well, not that many,
but, you know, some.

Well, lots.
And I've done--

I've done everything. You know?

Like, everything.

Sexually.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, um...

And none of them, none,
not one compared to Jason,

so I really think
I fucked up, Father.

Don't you think?

Maybe it's, uh, not too late.

Welcome to our first
sex therapy session.

Okay, but... I'm not sure
this is such a good idea.

Well, let's just try it.
I mean, I need practice.

Practice? Really?

How do we start?

Well, why don't you just tell me
about your sexual problems?

Oh, well, we don't have
any sexual problems, do we?

None.

Nope.
So can we just wrap this up?

Okay. Well, uh,
let's talk about what we like

and what we don't like
in the bedroom.

Can we not?

Yeah.
Well, why don't you tell her

what you do and don't
like in the bedroom?

-Todd!
-Do you have fantasies?

I mean, we all have fantasies.

Well, of course. Who doesn't?

Really?

This is a good place to start.

Let's hear about them.

She likes to wear
nurses' outfits.

Todd! Okay, that is not true.

What about orgasms?
Do you have orgasms?

Orgasms.
Does she ever have orgasms!

Okay, that's it. No.

Um, oh.
Hello, Father.

-Hello.
-Can I?

Oh, uh, sure.

Can I confide in you, Father?

Of course, my child.

So, everyone thinks
I have it all together, right?

I'm this prominent doctor,

married, two kids,
big house in the suburbs.

You should be proud of that,
shouldn't you?

-No.
-No?

No.

I'm a woman, Father, and people
seem to forget about that.

But aren't you, uh...

Married. Yes. I'm married.

And I always do the right thing.

I've never done anything,
you know...

spontaneous.

-Never.
-Never.

But I'm just...

I have needs, you know?

Just like any other woman.

-Needs?
-Mm-hmm.

I'm not always this controlled,
you know, Father?

Dr. Lerner. "Paging Dr. Lerner."

I need to do something wild,
something uncontrollable,

something...

you know, naughty.

-Naughty?
-Mm-hmm.

Like-- like what?

Oh, I've, uh, always had
a thing for a man of the cloth.

You know, um...

forbidden fruit.

I-- I have a sermon
to go write, so I--

I just-- I'll be--

I'll be over--
I'll be over here.

I'll come find you later,
Father.

Will, you know at school
I could tell you anything.

Yeah, of course.

Well, I have to tell somebody.

What?

I don't know what to do.

There's someone here that
I've been thinking about,

and as soon as I saw him again,
it all came flooding back,

and I knew I made
the biggest mistake of my life.

And? Who is this?

Jason.

-Jason?
-Yeah.

So you like him?

You know, in that way?

-Yeah, I think I do.
-You think?

Well, I haven't seen him
for 20 years, but...

yeah, I think I do.

And, you know,
do you wanna be with him?

I mean, I guess,
if he wants to.

Well, if you like him...

you have to give it a shot,

see if it works out.

Really? Wait, you think so?

-Yeah.
-You know, I think you're right.

You are so lovely, Will.
You're such a good friend.

I really love you. Thank you.

Isn't that hot?

Don't worry,
I got nothing underneath.

-Lovely.
-Got in the hall closet.

You gotta look the part,
you know.

Well, you look, um...

"Stupid," I think is
the word she's looking for.

I need to ask you all
some questions.

Sure, go ahead.

I've determined that
the missing object...

Marcie's, uh... you know.

...went missing
between the hours
of nine and eleven o'clock.

Oh, you worked that out,
did you?

I've been researching online.

What,
reading Detectives for Dummies?

And it says that the perpetrator
must have the opportunity.

Ooh, very good, Sherlock.

So I need to ask you all
where you were between

the hours of 9:00 and 11:00 a.m.
yesterday morning. Sue?

I was working on my lesson plan.

I was working on my script.

And how did that go?

I was in town getting groceries.

And I was in the garden
painting.

Can I see your painting?

Uh, no. No way.

You don't have an alibi.

You could've easily
snuck upstairs

and stole the object
in question.

I'm a doctor. I don't go
around stealing vibrators.

That is for me to decide.

No, it isn't.

You just made the list.
Donna Lerner.

I must advise you that
you all are now officially
suspects in this case.

You must confine yourself
to the premises.

And I'll need to see your
passport, starting with you.

I don't have
my fucking passport.

Never mind.

Just don't leave the house.
You're all flight risks.

And that goes for you too,
Donna.

Give me a fucking break.

-Oh.
-Oh.

-Hi.
-Kiki.

-Another run?
-Yeah, I have a-- another run.

Wow,
you're kind of sweating a lot.

Do you like it? I--

I do.

Oh, my God.

Um...

Oh, Jason.

-Are you okay?
-I feel like--

-Would you stop? Stop, stop!
No, no, get up, get up.
-It's fine. It's fine.

Not my room. Wrong room!

So I thought maybe we could have
a study session in here.

Maybe start with something
from Melville? Moby Dick?

'Sup?

Looks like somebody's already
got their hands on Moby Dick.

-Yep.
-We are avid readers.

He, uh-- Solid author.

- Yeah.
Yeah, really great writing.
- Good class.

Oh, my God.

Don't mind me. I have my book.

Oh, my God.

- What are you reading?
- I hate you, Donna.

Welcome to
the first day of class.

Are we all glad to be back
from summer vacation?

Can I get out of here?
I have stuff to cook.

Sit down, all of you. Just...

...sit down.

So.

Let's start with
the reading assignment.

What did we all think of it?

Anyone? Any initial thoughts?

Donna?

Uh,
I-- I didn't get the assignment.

Well, I slipped it
under your door last night.

I slipped it under
all your doors last night.

Did we all read it?

I started it.

Starting is not finishing,
is it, Paul?

No.

Anyone else?

Did anyone read the assignment?

My dog ate it.

Her dog ate mine too.

Class. Class--

Class, stop it.

Stop it.

Do you all think this was funny?

Do you?

I slaved over this lesson plan,

and you didn't even have the
courtesy to read it, did you?

-Sorry.
-Sorry, Sue.

Sorry, Sue.

How do you expect
to have class if you didn't
even read the book?

-Good point.
-Class dismissed.

Yes, Marcie?

May I go to the bathroom?

It wasn't funny.

It kind of was.

I worked really hard
on that lesson planned.

I know, and the next one
will be great, I promise.

Maybe.

-So, do you wanna...
-Todd, stop.

-We could--
-What? Have sex while
I'm working on my lesson plan?

-I just thought--
-Well, think again.

I'm not sure I understand
what you're saying.

You were living with one woman,
and you got dumped
by another woman?

You don't have to say it
like that, Marcie.

But you were having an affair.

-Yes.
-And she dumped you.

Not the woman you were
living with, but the one that
you were having an affair with.

Yeah.

Okay. I think I got it.
I think--

Did the woman you were
having an affair with,

did she know that
you were with another woman?

Uh... yeah. Think so.

Maybe that had
something to do with it.

Maybe.

Okay. So, I'm supposed to ask,

how did that make you feel?

-"Feel"?
-Yeah.

How did that make you feel
when you got dumped?

How do you think
it made me feel?

Well, it's just, you know,
best to get it out in the open.

Like I got my guts
ripped out of my body.

Okay. Did you ever tell her
that exact feeling?

What?

You know, maybe she just
needs a little communication.

I mean, men are terrible
at communication. Right?

Okay. Call her.

Isn't this an intake session?

Call her and tell her how you
actually feel with words.

Listen, I don't think
that's such a good idea.

Call her.

Now?

Call her right now. Go ahead.

She doesn't wanna talk to me,
I'm pretty sure.

What's the worst
that can happen?

All right.
You want me to call her?

-Yeah.
-All right, I'll call her.
Okay? I'll call her.

Sarah. Hey, don't hang up.
Don't hang up. Don't, don't--

Hey, all I need is one minute.
Please.

I know about
the restraining order.
Please don't call the cops.

Sarah, I love you.

I always loved you.

And when you left me
for another woman,

you tore my heart out
and ripped it into little
baby pieces on the floor.

I'm just trying to
tell you for the first time
how I really feel,

and I just-- Hello?

Hello?

Well, now you know.

What a day for yoga!

Thank you all for being here.

Let's start in downward dog.
Hands at the top of the mat.

Bottom is up towards the sky.

Press through those shoulders
and bring those heels
down to the mat.

That means your bodies
are up, up, up.

Very good. Good.

Now I want you to bring
your pelvis down to the floor.

Tuck it and bring it down.
There you go.

You can do better than that,
can't you, Jason?

I mean,
isn't pelvic thrust what you do?

-Yeah, I can get much lower.
-That's right.

Dude, are you okay?

-Can you move?
-You all right, buddy?

Okay. Don't be such a baby,
Jason, please.

Well, you know.

Yoga.

Yes, Jason, yes. I waited so
long for this. Take me here now.

-Here?
-Yes, now. Go.

That-- that stings.

Hey.

'Sup?

- Beautiful day.
- Gorgeous view.

- It's great.
- Y'all take care.

All right, bye, now.

-Oh--
-God, just forget it.

Kiki!

Okay. Scene one, take 14.

Again?

Action!

You're a devil.

I-- I don't have horns,
you know.

You don't need horns.
You're as red as a devil.

I'm not red.
Why is he saying I'm red?

Cut.

Do I come in now?

-Not yet.

It's a figure of speech.
Devils are red.

Okay, but the line makes
no sense and it's stupid.

Just say the line. Please?

Okay.

Action.

Devils are red, and I have a gun
and I'm not afraid to use it!

But I don't have a gun.
Feels weird.

It's pretend.

I know, but if I don't have
a gun, I can't say the line.

Please, just say the line.

I could say the line, but
she doesn't wanna say the line.

I could say the line.

Why would either of you
say the line?

It's just that
I don't have that many lines.

It's her line.

- Now?
- No!

- Paul!
- Okay, from the top.

From the top.
Okay, thank you, baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Action.

I don't have a gun
and I can't say the line.

Cut. Just say the line.

What's my motivation, anyway?

What's your motivation?

I don't know.
How about saying the line?

That's your motivation.

I have to have motivations
for my actions.

And if you were a real director,
Todd, you would know that.

He is a real director!
You are, baby.

Thank you, baby.
I am a real director.

Or-- or, at least--
at least I'm trying to be.

Change the line or I walk.

Walk. Like, off?

Yeah.

I'm not changing the line.

Fine. I'm out of here.

I can't work under
these conditions!

Call my agent.

You don't have an agent!

It's gonna be all right.

- Good job, baby.
- Now?

My arms are really tired.
Can I put this down, please?

Oh, thank God.

You're painting.

That's very nice.

What is it?

Fruit.

Oh, I see. I see.

Like Cézanne.

Do you like it?

Very much.

Thinking about taking
a picture of it later,

and then I'm gonna post it
on socials for comments.

Good idea.
That's-- that's a good idea.

Oh, hey.
We could go get drinks later...

in my room.

-If Kiki's not there, of course.
-Yeah, that's a good--

I got a sermon to write,
but you should keep working on--

That's a great--
that's really something.

You wanna go? Huh?

-Come on.
-Baby!

What are you doing, Todd?

I'm so-- I'm so sorry.

God.

I'm glad we're back
for another session.

I know smashing her with
a shuttlecock wasn't the best
for marital relations,

but we can talk about that
later if you want.

Let's just get on with this.

Do we have any current issues
you'd like to discuss?

Well--

Well, what?

-Well...
-Go ahead, Todd.

She could... you know.

No, we don't know.

You could be a little bit
more enthusiastic.

You know, in bed.

I'm not enthusiastic?

Like how?

You could, you know, vocalize.

Vocalize?

-Yeah.
-It's not an opera, Todd.

I-- I know, but you could
just a little bit--

- Like this?
- Oh, yes, Todd!

It's a start.

Our sex life is fine. Isn't it?

Despite the fact that
I'm not loud enough for you.

Yeah. It's great.

I sense a "but" here, Todd.

Yes, Todd. Is there more?

It's nothing.

It doesn't sound
like nothing to me.

-It's just that...
-What?

You shouted out someone else's
name during sex.

I did not.

You were a little drunk,
but, yeah.

You kind of did.

Okay. Uh, we're making
progress here, I think.

I did not call out
somebody else's name
while having sex, Todd.

-Jim.
-Jim?

Yeah. You said "Jim."

Okay, that's crazy.
I-- I don't even know a Jim.

Don't you work with
a guy named Jim?

Well, yeah, but...

No!

You were reaching your,
you know, climax,

and you shouted,
"Jim, Jim, oh, take me, Jim."

Todd. Todd, wait.
We need to talk.

Todd. Todd!

Todd! Come back. Come on,
we need to talk about this.

Why don't you go talk to Jim?

Maybe Jim wants to talk to you.

'Cause I don't.

Mr. Franklin.

That coat is ridiculous.
Take it off.

I just have one question.

Bad time, Jase.

What time did you get back
from getting groceries?

I don't know.
10:00, 10:30?

Ah-ha!

Ah-ha what?

You could've easily
brought in the groceries,

snuck upstairs,
and stole the missing object.

Yeah, maybe. But I didn't.

I could arrest you right now.

And what?
Lock me in the kitchen?

I don't ask you
to stop being a chef.

Don't ask me to stop
being a detective.

Out. Out!

You're a person of interest!

Maybe make a grilled cheese
or some shit.

Get!

Should we swim?

I don't know.

It's kind of... wet.

-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.

-Are you ten?
-Man babies.

-God!
-Wow!

-Wow.
-So immature.

-That just happened.
-Anyone want any more vodka?

-Yes.
-Yes. Absolutely.

-Grow up!
-Yeah. Grow the fuck up.

Hey.

You missed your appointment.

-Did I?
-Yes.

You said you had
some issues to discuss
and you made an appointment.

I don't remember
making an appointment.

You said you had some issues,

and you made an appointment.

Maybe, maybe not.

Okay, well, we can reschedule,
but I have a 24-hour
cancellation policy,

so you're gonna have to pay
for this session you missed.

-Pay?
-I'll invoice you.

Invoice my ass.

Oh, Father!

Father, we need to talk. Father?

Oh, hi, Father. There you are.

Hi. Yes, yes. I'm just,
uh, studying scripture, so.

Oh, yeah. You wanna go
for a walk or something?

You know, I-- I would
really love to, but I really--

I have got to finish this.

I just have-- I just have
a few things to, um--

I gotta move that couch, and...

Always the sermon.

Hey, Paul. I mean, Father.

Do you have a moment
to talk about something?

Well, I was working on
my sermon for Sunday, but...

-Yeah, sure. Sit down.
-Thanks.

What can I do for you?

I'm giving everything to
Sue and Todd to improve
their sex lives through therapy,

and it's just imploding.
I mean...

-they're gonna get a divorce.
-A divorce?

Well, not yet, but, I mean,
it's headed in that direction.

And why is that?

I just-- No matter what I say,
it's just wrong.

You know that saying,
"Practice makes perfect"?

Nobody's really good at
anything when they first try.

You have to keep at it, so...

maybe it feels like
you're messing things up,

when really, if you don't quit,

it'll all work out in the end.
You should stick with it.

Thank you.

For... believing in me.

You know, you're good.

At this.

Okay, guys. See what you think.

-Okay!
-Let's eat.

-Mmm.
-Oh, boy.

Uh-uh.

-Get it.
-Ugh.

So? How were they?

-Oh, yeah!
-Mmm! Mm-hmm.

-So good.
-I have more.

No, no, no!

Today's sermon is about Christ,

and how he died
on the cross for our sins.

Did it work?

I'd say he nailed it.

Right, because of the--
because he was crucified, and--

With his bloody hands
nailed to the cross,
with flesh peeling off.

Ouch.

Well, yeah.
It had to hurt, right?

I mean,
someone puts nails through
your hands, it's got to hurt.

I'd imagine.

And you're saying,
"You're saving us from sin,"

and-- and he's probably saying,
"I don't care."

Maybe he does care.
I don't know.

Well said, Father.

Do we say "thank you"
to Jesus?

Do we even know him well enough
to call him Jesus?

I don't. When people
say "Jesus H. Christ,"

I don't know what
the "H" stands for.

Is it over?

Yep.

Service is over, Donna.

Finally.

That's gonna leave a mark.

Come here, come here, come here.
Let's go.

- Oh, Jason, Jason.
What is that?

-It's you. Just get off--
-What?

Get of-- get off where?

Get your ass off
the steering wheel.

Where you going?

All right, Kiki!

-Have fun, girl.
-Whoo!

Oh, you're a man whore.
It's official. It's official.

Shit.

So we're back.

We most certainly are.

So, where should we start?

Well, Todd here probably
wants to start out with

how I called another man's name
while having sex.

"Jim," I think it was.

Might be a good place to start.

Well, I may have.
You know, done what he said.

Oh, you did it all right.

All right, I said I did.

I'm sorry, all right?

So why would that be, Sue?

Why do you think you yelled out
"Jim" in a moment of, you know?

Because.

'Cause I was angry.

Angry? At me?

For what?

Because. You said--

-He said--
-He said what?

He said he wanted
to have a threesome.

-What?
-You did.

-I did not.
-You did!

While we were,
you know, doing it,

he said we should invite
another woman into our bed.

That's just stuff people say.

-You know, in bed.
-Well, you said it.

-Well, Sue?
-What?

Do you wanna have sex
with another woman?

And Todd, too, of course.

-Okay, that's it. I'm going.
-We're gonna talk about this.

You may wanna talk about it
with Dr. Ruth here, but I don't.

-Where are you going?
To see Jim?
-Maybe I will.

-Okay, maybe I'll go
see somebody else too.
-Fine, go ahead.

-Fine!
-Fine!

God damn it! Ugh!

-I hate you!
-No, I hate you!

-No, I hate you more.
-I hate you more! God!

Sue. Can I help?

You know what, Father?

Things really suck right now.
Like, really suck.

I'm not sure there's
anything anyone can do.

- Sue--
- Whatever!

Oh. Don't worry, Father.

I am done making
a fool of myself.

-It's-- it's just--
-Now there's this.

Let's take a walk.

So I posted my painting
on social media,

and I got comments back.

And?

Uh, "No talent bimbo artist."

"Hurts my eyes."

Oh, and my favorite,
"Suck-o-rama."

-Colorful.
-Hmm.

Oh, here's another.
"If that's fruit,
my ass is a grapefruit."

-Poetic.
-Hmm.

"Give it up." "What a joke."

"Think you're an artist?
Don't quit your day job."

So they liked it.

Ugh.

I thought I could paint, but...

I suck, I guess.

Maybe you just need to...

change your subject matter.

Which view would you prefer?

The one you're blocking.

This is my last chance.
I'm flying back to Paris...

- What you guys watching?
- What's your name?

-Peter Joshua.
-Oh, mine's Regina Lampert.

-Is there a Mr. Lampert?
-Yes.

-Good for you.
-No, it isn't.
I'm getting a divorce.

Please, not on my account.

Oh, no,
I didn't really love him.

Now that's a movie.

- Paul!
- Is there
a Mrs. Joshua?

Yes, but we're divorced.

Oh, that wasn't
a proposal. I'm just curious.

Is your husband with you?

Oh, no, Charlie's
never with me.
What do people call you? Pete?

Mr. Joshua.

Well,
I've enjoyed talking with you.

- Oh, now you're angry.
- No, I'm not angry.

I just have a lot of packing to
do. I'm going back
to Paris too.

Wasn't it Shakespeare who said
when strangers do meet...

- Kiki. All right.
- Little more?

All right.

Little wine from the sacristy
never hurt anyone,

- right, Father?
- No, thanks.

Okay. Sue?

- Go ahead, Jase. I could use it.
- All right.

Dinner is served!

All right! To Will.

-Thank you, Will.
-Okay.

So today we have sole almondine,

gluten-free pasta
with carbonara sauce,

asparagus with hollandaise,

endive salad,
and fresh baked rolls.

-You did all this?
-If you could believe it.

- I can't.
- That's amazing.

Actually, I forgot the rolls.
Uh, I'll be right back.

-Okay, get 'em.
That's all right.
-Yeah.

Mmm... hmm.

-That's offensive.
-Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

-Oh...
-Mm-mm.

How is it?

Mmm! Mm-hmm.

That bad, huh?

-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.

Fuck it. Give me a slice.

I'm sorry I can't cook.

Let's go outside
real quick.

Okay. I like this.

There's something I need
to talk to you about. I--

I probably should've
told you before.

Sure. What is it?

Well, it's about--
it's about me.

Isn't it always?

It's about my current situation.

Oh. What about
your current situation?

I-- I don't know
how to say this.

But, uh...

But what?

I'm married.

You're married?

Yeah.

But you don't wear a ring.

-I took it off.
-You took off your ring?

Yeah, I-- I didn't think I--

You didn't think to tell me
you were married?

Wow, you seem really upset.

No.

I'm sorry.

Cool. Okay, awesome.
Great. Married.

Got it. Got it. Fuck!

Hey, uh, Kiki.

While we're here...

I thought...

we could still-- you know,
we could still have some fun.

Fun? Mmm, sexy. I like that.

Huh. That's pretty good.

Hey, save me a slice?

-It isn't.
-It's him, it's the detective.

-Are we playing Pogs over there?
-The one that was--

It was Sheila the prostitute
with the icepick.
Read 'em and weep.

-No!
-Oh, come on.

I'm just gonna put my
piece in here. Look, look, look.

You can't just move--

Look, one gold card says Jenny
Barnes in the men's room. Okay?

Listen, listen, listen.
I'm the detective here!

I know who did it.

You know what?

I know who stole Marcie's...
you know.

-Oh, this shit again?
-Jeez.

Who?

It was Will.

-Me?
-Yes, you.

You snuck upstairs after
bringing in the groceries

and you got Marcie's
little fun device.

Um, I'm here to tell you
that it was not.

He was with me
the whole time in the kitchen.

Okay. It wasn't Will.

It was Kiki.

Excuse me, I was preparing
for my yoga class, so.

Okay. Okay. It wasn't Kiki.

She was really working it.

It was Donna.

Uh, I was in the garden
painting my masterpiece,

as I have told you.

Okay, it wasn't--
it wasn't Donna.

-It was Todd!
-Oh.

Dude, I told you
I was working on my script.

Just forget it.

I suck at this. I'm done.

I've been telling you this
the whole time.

No, I've been telling you.

Oh! I got it.
I got it. I got it.

- What?
- What is she--

-Come on!
-Yes!

Oh, man.

Woof, woof, woof!

Whoo!

Well, Sue, it was a great idea.

Sorry it didn't work out.

We suck at our new jobs, too.

Yeah, I guess I'm not such
a great teacher after after all.

And I suck at cooking.

We all know that by now.

Oh, God.
I'd rather have food poisoning.

I can't direct.

You can say that again.

And I can't paint.

I'm a terrible sex therapist.

Literally everyone
would be divorced.

-Yeah...
-Guys, I can't teach yoga.

People keep going
to the hospital.

I'm a garbage detective.

Yeah, I kept--
I kept telling you.

My sermons are, uh... erratic.

Oh, Father,
ain't that the truth?

Amen.

Okay,
so we suck at our new jobs.

What are we supposed to do now?
Go back to our boring lives?

Well... maybe.

Maybe not.

Down, boy.

Be right back.
Get ready to rumble, big boy.

Ding, ding.

Doctor.

Oh, uh, before we get started,

um, I do have some information
to disclose to you.

-As your doctor, of course.
-Let's play doctor.

Are you aware

that sexually transmitted
diseases are on the rise?

STD-- They are?

Yeah. There's an epidemic.

Chlamydia, syphilis,

even genital herpes to consider.

I should consider
genital herpes?

Oh, yeah.

And the granddaddy
of them all...

-Granddaddy?
-Mm-hmm. The big G.

-Big G.
-Mm-hmm. Gonorrhea.

Gonorrhea? That was,
like, Civil War. It's back?

-No, no, no, no. Gonorrhea.
-Okay.

Now, you may think that I have
one sexual partner. My husband.

And many people do think that,
but it's not true.

-No?
-No.

I have multiple
sex partners a week.

-A week?
-Yeah. Sometimes even a day.

I'm a sex addict.

-That's something you
should know about me.
-I did not know.

Yeah, and I don't like
to use protection, you know?

-It takes all the fun out of it.
-Yeah, that's--

that's not gonna work.

That's gonna be a problem.

Yeah, so...

It's been a while since
I've gotten any blood work done,

but I'm pretty sure-- I think--

that the antibiotics cleared
everything out last time.

-Last time?
-Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's everything.
Full disclosure. So...

...you ready to do this?

Yeah-- Nope.

I'll have my secretary call you.

- But, uh... yeah.
- Jason? Jason!

I thought you wanted this!

Awesome!

"The Big G"!

Couldn't stop laughing.

-Oh, my...
-It's hysterical!

I don't know, Father.

-I think my marriage is over.
-Don't say that.

Father, I called out
another man's name during sex.

Todd is really pissed at me.

I don't blame him.

Do you love this man
that you... called out?

No.

I mean, I barely even know him.

He's hot.

Really hot.

But I love Todd.

I would never,
ever sleep with him.

Then there's still hope.

Yeah.

High marks.
Let's keep going.

Come on, Jason.
You can get lower than that,
can't you, buddy?

Come on, let's get lower.

Lower.

Sorry. I hate you, by the way.

Everyone else is doing great.
I'm so proud.

I don't know, Father.

I think my marriage
might be over.

Don't say that.

I told my wife
I wanted a threesome.

Kind of hard to
come back from that.

Well, do you?
Do you want a threesome?

No. I mean...

No.

I'd never do anything
to hurt Sue.

How's the filmmaking going?

Not so good.

Because...

you might have
one last film left to make.

Marcie, how are
the therapy sessions going?

Oh. I don't know.

I mean, what was I thinking?

I totally screwed this up.

Well, there might still be
some good you can do.

Like what?

Well...

-I knew it!
-Yeah, right?

-I knew it!
-So...

Thanks for coming in today
for this session.

Okay, but why are we here?

Because I thought
it was high time we put
our cards out on the table.

Our cards?

Yes. On the table.

-What cards?
-What table?

Will.

How long have you
been in love with Kiki?

Since I saw her on
my first day of college.

Biology 101.

Biology. Perfect.

So over 20 years ago?

Yeah.

And Kiki.

You thought you were in love
with Jason this whole time.

Uh, yeah.

And now?

Now I think he's an asshole.

Did you have any idea
Will was in love with you?

No. No, I didn't.

You were my best friend.

Why didn't you tell me?

Okay.

Ladies' ante.

I feel very lucky. Oh, yeah.

- Whoo!
- Oh, my God.

So I don't know
how to play this game.

Can someone look at my cards
and tell me what to do, or...

- Kiki!
- I can't do that.

-Do I show the cards or no?
-No, no, no, no.

Don't show your cards to people.

- Pretend like we didn't see it.
- What is happening?

Oh, yeah.

No, no, no. You gotta bet.

-Kiki!
-You're not supposed--
Those are to bet with.

-You can't eat them.
-I'm so hungry.

-Yeah, but you got, like--
-Oh, my God.

You gotta place your bet
and tell me how many you want.

Do you have any dip?

- I mean, okay.
- I will take two.

- Two.
- Mm-hmm.

- Thank you.
- I'll also take two.

- Thank you very much.
- Two, two, two.

Two, please.

Thank you. Two.

-Do I do that?
-Yeah.

- Okay.
- Okay.

All right.

I'm out of chips.

Um, you're confusing us
with people who care.

All right.

Just take some of mine.

- I'll give you my chips. Here.
- Take mine.

- Oh--
- Oh, really?

-Sue!
-Wow!

It's a good hand.
I have a good hand.

I'm even with you.

Oh, I sense a bluff.

Okay, do I have to do
the same thing, or...

Oh, my God. It sold.

-Sold what?
-What?

I sold-- Oh, my God, I did it!

What?

I did-- I sold a painting.

-Oh, my God!
-You sold a painting?

Yes, I did!

- Oh, my God!
- Show us, show us!

- Okay!
- Go get it.

-I can't believe this.
-You're kidding me.

This is so exciting,
I can't believe it!

- Come on!
- Let's see it.

Let us see, let us see,
let us see, let us see!

That's great.

That's modern! Modern!

I don't know what it means,
but I love it.

Okay, everybody.

We are going to
watch Todd's movie.

-Okay--
-No, I'm not staying.

Sue, please. Okay? Trust me.

- No--
- Trust me. It's gonna be okay.

Just watch it. Just watch it.

Todd, this better be good.

-Hi, kids.
-Hey, kids.

We miss you.

Hey, hon.
What are you doing?

Stop!

What?
Tell us what you're doing.

- Working on my lesson plan.
- Yay!

Mom gets to be a teacher.

Yay!

Twenty years!

He's still got it,
ever since sophomore year.

Must be nice to be in love.

I miss my wife.

But it gets better.

Oh, there you go, Sue.

-First one, baby!
-First one! That was awesome.

I mean, it's pretty sappy.

So lovey-dovey.

Masterpiece.

Isn't this perfect?

This is amazing.

You did such a great job, babe.

-Really?
-Yes!

I loved it. Sorry.

Go!

Come on. Come on.
Everybody, come on. Follow me.

Okay.

Come on. Just come here.

-What?
-Wait for it.

Oh, yeah.

Right there, yes. Oh, yes!

Yes. Oh, God!
Oh, God, right there, yes!

I guess they're back on.

They sure are.

Oh, Todd!

At least she got
the name right this time.

Damn it!

- Whoa!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh.

-Can't leave you anywhere.
-Out of the way, out of the way.
Let me see.

Okay. Oh, that's a nasty cut.
That's gonna need stitches.

-What do we do?
-Get me my bag.

-Where is it?
-Right back there. Okay, towel.

Okay, the first thing we do
is stop the bleeding, okay?

-Lift it above your heart.
-Okay.

-What do you need?
-Here, hold this here.
Press hard.

-Yeah.
-Gauze, gloves.

All right, gauze. Okay.

All right, let's see.
All right, let's see.

All's well that ends well,
wouldn't you say?

Well, I know I don't wanna be a
sex therapist, that's for sure.

There wouldn't be a couple
left standing in America.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

The thing is,

the only person I'm having sex
with right now is myself, okay?

I mean, I've been disappointed
way too many times.

I don't know. I thought
if I could help people,

maybe I could... you know.

Right? You know, I don't--

Maybe you just haven't
found the right guy.

I don't even know anymore.
I mean, is he even out there?

I just feel like
saying "Forget it."

You know,
maybe I won't become a priest.

Really? You're so good at it.

Maybe I'll become a minister.

A minister?

Well, yeah, because they can...

-Have sex?
-Yeah. Yeah.

- Everyone around here
is having sex but me.

Go home to your wife.

Kiki.

It's okay.

Dearly beloved...

we are gathered here today to
renew the vows of Sue and Todd.

Is he a real priest?

Minister.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Not happening.

Play to your strengths,
my friend. How many times
I got to tell you?

Relax. I had help.

Will, this is incredible.

No offense, Paul,
but, uh, I will decide.

Amazing.

I guess she's not
such a bad teacher after all.

You guys are in the clear.

Thank you.

- It's really good.
- Well...

I'm thinking of opening up
some more natural nail salons.

Really go for it.

-I could help with that.
-Really?

Yeah. We could set up an LLC,

run a pro forma on profit
and loss, depreciation.

You'd do that for me?

Yeah. I'd love to.
It's kind of what I do.

Big case tomorrow. I can't wait
to get back to the courtroom.

Wait a second.
I thought you said you didn't
like being a lawyer.

Mmm. Who said that?

Not me.

Well, I'm gonna open
a new restaurant.

A bistro.

And I'm gonna do the legal work.

-Aww!
-Really?

I think I'm gonna go ahead
and go to divinity school

and become a minister.

That's great, man.

- Aww, see?
- That's amazing, man.

- Great idea.
- Right on.

And I gotta get back.
Lots of orders to fill.

And I've decided
I'm gonna go to work at the ER.

Let us know what hospital
so we can steer clear?

Funny.

I'm gonna go back to
what I do best. Fooling people.

At least I'm good at that.

Jason...

We're your oldest friends.

I would get you.

So you didn't fool us,
by the way.

No, I-- I'm sure I didn't.

It's been a good week.

Thank you for staying.

Thank you for
blackmailing us into this.

- Okay, stop. Eat.
- Dig in.

So funny.

I guess I'll see you
at the 25th?

No way! I was thinking
same place next year.

-Yeah!
-Yeah! I like that.

-This was really fun, though.
-Mm-hmm.

-You did this great.
-It was great.

-Great.
-It was awesome.

So could you really hear us
all the way down here?

-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, you're a total screamer.

-It was crystal clear.
-It was great.

-Mm-hmm.
-Good for you.

- Oh, well. Bye, ladies.
- Bye.

Hi, baby. Thank you.

They could hear us!

Bye.

Let me check my money.

Well, alone again.

Story of my life.

Come on, you idiot.
Help me carry this.

Allow me.

-What?
-Open it.

Open it?

Open it.

-How'd you know?
-Yeah, I kind of figured no one
would steal a thing like that.

I just wanted you to
have a case to work on.

And I quit.

Maybe you should be a detective.

Oh, Marcie.

I think I'm lucky to be good
at one thing: advertising.

It's true.

Thank you.

So... what happens now?

-Now?
-Yeah.

You finally told me
you've been in love with me

for over 20 years,
but forgot to mention it, and...

I realize the person
I've loved all these years
just might be you.

So, what happens now?

I'll call you.

Tonight.

-Hi.
-Hi.

I was just gonna say
I might need some...

sex therapy sometime soon.

You know where to find me...

Father.

Call me.

Call you?

Yeah. We'll have dinner.

With your wife.

Yeah.

Hi.

Yeah, I'm headed home.

Just-- just heading out now.
How are the kids?

Good.

And how are you?
'Cause I missed you.

Yeah, I did.

Well, I'll be home tonight.

Yeah, I gotta work tomorrow.

Ugh, I know.
The stress is killing me,

but I wouldn't want it
any other way.

No, believe me. I wouldn't
want it any other way.

I love you.

Bye.