Original subtitles

- This is Charles Blackman,

rushing to you "News On the March."

Hidden cameras recorded this sensational scene

of bootleggers in action.

The mystery big shop racketeer is in for a big surprise.

Watch these mobsters closely, folks,

because in a second the mighty hand of justice

is going to deal them a blow they'll never forget.

Yes, it's him, Captain Invincible, the Man of Magnet.

The game's up for these bozos.

The Captain, knowing our cameras would be there,

- Ah! - gave us these

exclusive shots of himself in action.

Thanks, Cap, with you around,

we know gangsters

are living in fear, no one is immune from prosecution

when the Legend in Leotards decides to strike.

It's history, it's "News On the March,"

Captain Invincible, the hero of our day.

- The airforce released this sensational film

of Captain Invincible in flight,

on the way to an aerial encounter that Hitler

and Germany will never forget.

Schicklgruber's in for a headache today.

While Kraut Hitler, and an industrialist crony

watch a rally, his planes are on blitzkrieg warpath.

These Luftwaffe Nazis are killers in the sky.

The following scene, some of the most amazing footage filmed

in the war so far, have been censored for security reasons.

But one thing is for sure, the Krauts will never forget

the day the Man of Magnet read them the funnies.

Give 'em hell, Cap.

- This Stuka is in for his last dive.

These demons of destruction can terrify no more.

And it's one more war prize for the Captain.

- From the Atlantic to the Pacific,

no axis plane is safe from Invincible.

See you later, Captain.

We're glad you're on our side. It's auf wiedersehen, Fritz.

"News On the March" cameras recorded Captain Invincible's

recent visit to Camp Eisenhower.

These pint-sized heroes are about to learn a few old tricks

from their idol. - Okay, let's see you do it,

run as fast as you can.

Watch this now, I'll show you some speed.

Set it in the hole, and then you turn as fast as you can.

- Ah!

- Who's down for marshmallow?

Hold on, folks. - The Captain had some words

of wisdom for kids everywhere.

- And what are you gonna be when you grow up, son?

- I wanna be just like you, Captain.

- Well, that just might not be possible.

- Oh, well, I'll just have to be President

of the United States. - A very fine ambition, lad.

When you do get to be president,

you can feel free to call on me anytime you like.

Guess what, folks?

As long as we keep on taking care of this country,

this country will keep on taking care of us.

- Hallelujah.

- You can wave now. - Keep up the good work, Cap.

The country was stunned last week, when Captain Invincible

had to face accusations of disloyalty.

The Captain showed his anger,

but millions ask themselves, what was this hearing

really about? - All we want

is a simple answer, what were you,

a presumably patriotic American,

doing inside communist Russia on the date in question?

- You don't have to answer that.

- I'll be happy to tell you, Senator,

I was wiping out the 3rd Panzer Division

and two Waffen-SS units single handedly.

That's what I was doing. - Very impressive.

Just what motivated you to go and fight

Stalin's battles for him? - What? What?

- Senator, I object to your implication

that my client was- - Captain Invincible,

you admitted that you're a premature anti-fascist,

I think you're more than that.

I noticed you wear a red cape,

what made you pick up that particular color?

- It might surprise you to know, Senator,

that red, white, and blue are the colors of the flag

of the United States of America.

A country that you and I should both

be proud to live in. - Don't hide behind the flag,

Captain, answer the question.

And while you're at it,

why don't you tell us where you got that title Captain?

According to my records, you never served a single day

in the armed forces of this great nation.

In just whose service are you a captain, Captain?

- Mr. Chairman, in view of the testimony

of the effects that he received no money whatsoever

in connection with any of these government contracts,

any of these operations of the government,

I'd like to request that the committee now take action

and ask the justice department to return indictment

for perjury, this will serve a double purpose.

It will also notify all future witnesses

that they must tell the truth, and that we are serious.

We've had too much experience with witnesses

with very, very faulty memory. - But the Captain walks out

in disgust.

What's your reaction

to the charges?

- These charges are part of a government conspiracy

against my client. - Conspiracy?

- That's, that's what I said, for example,

impersonating a military op,

flying without a pilot's license,

wearing underwear in public.

This whole thing is a, a tissue of lies

designed to intimidate and demoralize my client.

- Have they?

- I'm sorry, what was that? - Is he demoralized?

Is that why he wasn't at this morning's hearing?

- No further questions, thank you.

America was astonished

last week, when Captain Invincible,

under a cloud of allegations and charges, vanished.

Where is the Captain?

The familiar figure of the Legend in Leotards

flying over Manhattan is no more.

And this little kid isn't too happy about it.

- New York, New York, it's a wonderful town!

The Bronx is up.

New York, New York, it's a wonderful town!

The Bronx is up and the Battery's down.

The people ride in a hole in the ground.

New York, New York, it's a wonderful town!

The Bronx is up and the Battery's down.

The people ride in a hole in the ground.

New York, New York, it's a wonderful town.

The Bronx is up and the Battery's down.

The people ride in a hole in the ground.

New York, New York, it's a wonderful town!

The Bronx is up and the Battery's down.

The people ride in a hole in the ground.

- Hello, America, this is Michael Lang

reporting from Australia,

where the wayward American Skylab Space Station

has come to a fiery end.

With me now is one of the locals.

Sir, did you see Skylab when it fell?

- Yes, I did. - You did?

Would you mind just- - I was flying

through the air, and this enormous object came hurdling

at me at great speed. - Thank you very much.

- I attempted to catch it. - Catch it, yes, good work,

sir, thank you. - But it was going

with such great speed - Yes, sir,

thank you. - that it threw me

violently to the earth. - Thank you very much.

- And I was- - And that's all

from Australia,

this is Michael Lang

signing off.

Meanwhile,

in the Northern Hemisphere in the seething metropolis

called Manhattan, lurks a brilliant fiend.

His name is Mr. Midnight, and he is ready for action.

Remember this face?

- Good morning!

Everybody up.

Everybody up.

- Operation Canine Feces completed, sir.

- Ooh, ooh. - Attention, all operatives,

attention, all our preliminary goals have been reached,

all targeted neighborhoods have been prepared.

We shall now proceed with the final phase

of Operation Ivory.

- 35 years I live in New York, 35 years.

- But enough's enough. - Darling, relax,

your ulcer. - Relax,

how can I relax? - All our residents

have got to the same complaint, this city,

she's turned into a nightmare.

But here, at the Sicilian Acres, she's heaven on a stick.

- It's beautiful, but the price

is not okay. - The price,

don't worry about the price.

For you, for you, we are Paisanos,

I will take care of you.

Now, why don't you take

another look at our homes. - Ah!

I got to live here.

- A down payment, aye, Govia. - No problem,

you are going to live here.

- We are going to live here.

- And we're going to go home and pack.

- And you're going to give me all of your money.

- We would pay you all our money.

- You will go home and pack.

- Oh, oh.

Julius, Julius!

Stop thundering about.

Then tentacles

of Midnight's empire reach everywhere,

Sydney, Australia. - You're tuned to

"the John Law's Show."

It's a pretty nice sort of day in Sydney.

Some news has just come through that may interest you,

it's been reported that the President of the United States

arrived early this morning at the US

and Department of Defense Research Facility

in Central Australia.

Apparently, there was some kind of major disturbance

there yesterday, but security requirements

have blocked press access to that area.

Now, our own prime minister is reported

to have left Canberra this morning,

and is apparently going to meet

with the president at the base.

The reports that we have,

say that after yesterday's mystery incident,

personnel at the base were in a state of confusion

and hysterical laughter.

If we get some more information,

which we hope to have shortly, we'll keep you informed.

- Excuse me, officer. - Yes, Connie.

- He's back again.

- Same as last week, huh?

- Yes, and the week before that.

I can tell you that he's a bloomin' nuisance.

- Why? - He's been sitting

in that doorway, and good customers just won't come

because he swears, carries on, says the most

dreadful things. - Okay, let's go, Colonel,

you're blocking the traffic.

- I am not a colonel, I am a captain.

- Sorry, I forgot, which service?

- Don't ask me that, I refuse to answer on the grounds

of the.

Into the green.

Into the red.

- Son, this is not the way.

If you need food and shelter-

- Hey, listen, forget the sermon, Sam,

now just give us your wallet.

- Police officer, drop it!

- Shit!

- Run!

Ah!

- You're under arrest.

What the hell's

been going on here? - Beats,

beats me, Mr. President.

I don't know. - Cover all these naked women!

Follow me, Mr. Prime Minister.

- Are you sure, are you sure you want me to come?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, sure,

come on, come on. - As, as Prime Minister

of Australia, I should get back to the caravan.

- The generals are already in there, goddammit, so let's go.

I wanna know what the hell's been happening here.

- I concur, I wanna know what the,

what the hell's been happening here.

- Well, certainly not your routine robbery,

but I still don't see why it poses a threat

to national security. - The giggle gun

was clearly used. - What the hell

is a giggle gun? - It's what they use

to interdict the solemnity of the men here, sir.

- What? - Make them laugh, sir.

- Oh. - And it was used to, uh,

to steal the- - Not the Hypno-Ray?

- I'm afraid so, Mr. President.

- Well, gentlemen, just how serious is that?

- Pretty damn serious.

- How effective is the Hypno-Ray?

- The Hypno-Ray, as its name implies, is a device

which reverses the normal relationship of brain to eye.

By affecting the eye of the victim, his or her brain

can be compelled to want or even desire any physical object.

- You mean like a pinto? - Or a foreign flag.

- Even a political candidate. - Yes, yes.

Uh, could they pull it to pieces and, and study it,

I mean, could they build another Hypno-Ray?

- They could. - I concur.

- I concur. - I'll, I'll, uh, concur

if you, if you want me to, - Well, that means

that we could have - I'll concur.

- a dozen Hypno-Rays, 50 Hypno-Rays, good Lord,

I mean, whoever has that device could strike anywhere.

They could empty Fort Knox, my God.

Can't we do something?

- My advice is

to nuke them.

- Nuke who, dummy? We don't know who has the goddamn thing.

- Cruise missiles seek and pinpoint.

- Pinpoint what, pinpoint who? For God's sake.

- This is obviously a Soviet mission.

They have acquired the Hypno-Ray

to turn all our agents around and use them against us.

- Exactly.

- I concur. - So do I, dammit.

- Well, I'll, I'll concur if,

if you'd like me to, - We wasting time here,

- I would do that. - whatever they stole

the damn thing for, we've got to get it back.

- Let's nuke the Rusky sons

of bitches. - Yeah.

- Blast them all to hell and God.

- Submarine missile attack, - Yeah, yes.

- Mr. President. - B-52, saturation penetration.

Bullshit! Bullshit!

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit,

bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit,

bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!

Bullshit! Bullshit!

Bullshit, bullshit!

Bull, bull, bull, bull, bull, bull, bull,

shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit,

bullshit!

Is that all I'm ever gonna get from you guys, bullshit?

Oh, ask a silly question.

What the world needs right now is a hero.

- Yes, yes, I concur.

- Where's the fire? - Ah, I have to file

this report immediately.

- David and Goliath were released on bail 10 minutes ago.

- Bailed out by whom? - Some smart arse lawyer.

- Muggers with their own lawyers,

that's ridiculous.

- Not nearly as ridiculous as this report, my dear,

the car flew through the air, did it?

- Appeared to fly through the air, Sergeant.

- If I were you Patricia, I'd put my imagination on a diet.

It's beginning to swell, like your ambition.

Top priority international all points bulletin,

Captain Invincible, otherwise known as the Caped Contender,

Man of Magnet, Legend in Leotards,

if located contact the president, care US government.

Buy US savings bonds.

Oh, shit.

These orders are crazy.

We're putting the fate of the free world

in the hands of a washed up drunk, and a green rookie.

- You got it wrong, Mr. Kirby, the green rookie

is for the time being at least the proud possessor

of the title detective, and she deserves it,

after all, she found your man.

- That doesn't change anything.

In the case of American personnel, dammit,

the head of the FBI at least should be marching in there

to give the son of a bitch his orders.

- With respect, sir, I think you're wrong.

After all he's been through, no one should give him orders.

No one can give him orders,

but a friend can ask for his help.

- So, that's you, right?

You're his friend.

- I intend to be, yes.

- I told you welfare broads

a hundred times, I don't need any rescuing.

- No, no, I'm a policewoman, remember, from this morning.

This morning

was a long time ago, what do you want?

- Just you, Captain Invincible, just you.

- You got the wrong party.

- Also known as the Caped Contender, Legend in Leotards,

and, last but not least, Man of Magnet.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Oh, really, is that a fact?

- Okay, what do you want?

- Well, it's like this, the American government

needs you to come and help. - Oh, let me tell you,

the world is in great danger, every moment counts.

Only you, Captain Invincible, can prevent

this terrible catastrophe, right?

- Right, how did you know? - Because that's what

they always used to say to get the old horse out of the barn

and it used to work, but not anymore.

So you can tell whoever sent you here

that I gave up the hero business a long time ago.

- Well, you saved my life this morning,

that looked pretty heroic to me.

- Everybody makes mistakes. - There are a lot of people

who need you now. - What about 'em?

I didn't see anybody putting themselves on the line

when I had the short end of the stick.

Towards the end there,

I couldn't even tell the good guys from the bad guys.

Well, it's their hand cart, lady, tell them to push it.

- Your country needs you, Captain,

the whole world needs you now more than ever.

- Not me, kid, not me.

- Captain, Captain Invincible?

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Stop choking me!

I'm your president!

- Oh my God, oh my God,

Mr. President, I'm sorry. - Ah!

- I'm terribly sorry, sir.

- No, no, that's all right.

No, I'm okay, I'm really okay.

Now, I guess I haven't got the right to ask you

for anything, Captain Invincible,

but I will ask you to keep an old promise.

You remember?

- Yes, I do, sir. Yes, I do.

A very worthy ambition, and when you are,

you can feel free to call on me at any time.

Yes, I do remember.

- There's something else, all those years ago

when you signed that portrait,

you touched me on the shoulder.

Ever since, there's been a mark there.

Oh, yes, yeah, sometimes it smarts a little.

Here, here, let me show it to you,

just so you, you know I'm not kiddin' ya.

I'll get the buttons. Here we go.

Now if you could help me with those,

those clips at the back, there's hooks in,

on the shoulder.

Whoa.

The mystic mark, the sacred bond that can't be broken.

I won't let you down, Mr. President, I won't let you down.

- We need you badly, Captain Invincible.

We need you now real badly.

- Ah.

Okay, stop it, stop it, I gotta get down.

I gotta get, get me outta here.

I can't have this.

Give me the bag.

- It's not gonna work.

- Are you all right?

- I'm dying and you're shopping.

Ah,

ah.

- Don't you recognize it?

Have you any idea what a dry cleaner

charges for years of storage?

- I wonder if it still fits.

What's that? - Yours.

I spent the morning in some of your favorite pawn shops.

- My old wrist radio.

Good old American engineering,

you'll never find anything to beat the double vacuum tube.

Nah, she's not on.

- Sure it is, I bought you some new batteries.

- You don't understand, she's not on.

- Okay, let's try it again without hooking him up.

- I'd like to have another couple of-

- Captain, come on, it's only two feet off the floor.

- Okay.

Can I have a, a Dramamine, please.

What do I say?

- Magnet on, magnet on!

- Twice, I say it twice?

- Uh, excuse me, sir, that's not quite right.

He says, um, magnet on when he wants to use

his magnetic ability, to fly, he says begin program.

- Well, I don't understand, if he-

- No, he doesn't, he says begin program

when he wants to use his amazing computer brain.

- Right, we've got it straight at last.

Magnet on, are you listening, Captain?

- Yeah. - Right.

Magnet on for the magnetic ability,

begin program for the? - The amazing computer brain.

- Right, and when you wanna fly you yell?

Into the blue! - Blue, blue,

into the blue. - Right.

- Into the blue!

Uh.

Into the blue!

- Mayday! Mayday!

- Tupper,

I think we ought to just call it a day.

- Number 19 calling number one,

19 calling number one. - Across the Pacific,

Midnight is about to receive bad news.

- Number one standing by, I repeat, number 19,

number one standing by, have you anything new to report?

- Uh, yes, there have been unusual supplies

delivered to the opera house this morning.

- What do you mean unusual supplies?

- A truck load of gym equipment, portable sauna,

two wrestling mats, and a case of Dramamine.

Since then, every top cop in Sydney, both Commonwealth

and local, and US military men have been in there.

And that lady cop I was telling you about,

she's with that slob that's been getting

all the VIP treatment. - Would you be good enough

to elaborate on the slob,

number 19? - He looks familiar.

He's probably one of those old has been prize fighters-

- Keep track of them, number 19,

and alert all operatives in the area.

An old fighter,

I wonder.

Well, Basil, all good things must come to an end.

Tea time for Jeremy.

- So I'm supposed to call you a police person,

not a police woman. - That's right, it's neutral.

- And then the, uh, the term becomes horse person ship,

right, not horsemanship?

- That sort of joke's pretty old hat these days.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- So tell me, this, uh, this lib thing,

it's, it's big these days? - Oh, yeah, very powerful,

and without it, I wouldn't be a cop,

I'd be a glorified typist.

By the way, I hope you're feeling hungry

'cause the woman's buying.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

- Okay, how about a steak at Jack Dempsey's?

- Where? - Or Lindy's, uh?

Listen, this is a stupid question,

but where the hell are we, is this, is this Wall Street?

Where is this? - Sydney.

Sydney, Australia

- Australia! That's where I've been all these years?

You know, uh, you know, I knew everything looked different,

but I thought it was the booze.

I got it.

Oh!

What a great place. - Do you like it?

- Makes me feel right at home.

Where'd you find all this stuff?

- Ah, you know, flea markets, junk shops, garage sales.

- No wonder I feel at home.

- How do you like your steak? - Uh, rare.

- How about French fries? - Perfect.

What is this, some kind of phonograph?

- Stereo.

She's not on.

- What? - Nothing.

- Okay, the place is all yours.

I mean, the place is almost all yours.

- I don't wanna drink, I was just looking at the bottle.

I just like to read the label.

- Good labels, aren't they?

- Hail, Mexican.

- Ah, ah!

I won't let you down, Mr. President.

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

What's wrong? Come on.

- It's me, Colonel.

- Come on, sit down.

Ooh.

Captain, you're in training.

- I'm really sorry if I'm, I'm acting feisty,

I just haven't felt this good in years.

I, I feel alive and, and, and alert and, and vital,

and- - Sober?

- Sober, that's the word.

To the good guys, wherever they may be.

- Good guys.

- You paid $1.49 for seltzer.

- It's not seltzer. - It isn't, huh?

They saw you coming.

Patty, I don't remember when I had a home cooked meal.

Ah, ah!

- I'm sorry, that's, that's my magnetic ability,

it's, it's outta whack.

- That's fine, don't worry about it.

How did you get like this? - Drinking.

- No, no, I mean, before you were Captain Invincible?

- Oh, long story.

- How do you feel?

- Out of this world.

- Ah, Mr. Serling,

congratulations, it's a boy.

A big boy.

Come on, come in, come on.

- Where's the baby, doc?

- Into the blue!

- You'll control your powers again, it's like riding a bike,

it comes back. - I never had to ride a bike.

All right, the truth.

I don't know if I can trust anything anymore.

- Me? - No, I trust you.

I, I, I, you said you were in this to help me,

and, and, and I believe that's true.

- Okay, I'll tell you the truth.

Yesterday, I was just in this to help me.

I knew that by finding you, I'd get a promotion.

And that if I stuck with this case,

that could lead to anything, but that was yesterday.

- And today, everything's different,

right? - Yes.

- What a fool.

I mean, you collect antiques, right?

Why not collect something that'll win you some points?

- You're ready to throw

in the towel, aren't you? - I haven't got a towel.

- Well, you can't give up. - Why?

- For the one person who never got a fair deal

from Captain Invincible.

- Who? - You.

- I'll do it.

- To begin with, he's going to use

his amazing computer brain to find our missing suspect

where others have failed.

Are you ready, Captain? - Yes, I am, Miss. Patty,

thank you, do you have all the materials?

- Right here, Captain. - Very good.

- A Sydney street directory,

registrations of all door-to-door salesman

in the metropolitan area.

The appliance supplement to Myer's department stores.

A videotape of the crime scene, both in normal and infrared.

A direct link to prisons throughout the world,

their operators are standing by with lists

of recently released felons.

Are you ready to start? - I am.

Begin program.

And.

Ah, the glasses,

where are the goddamn glasses? - Here.

- All right, start the books.

Hey, hey, I missed that one!

Cut! Stop all programs!

Data analyzed, suspect identified, 98.9% certain,

suspect name Harold Colligen, AKA Little Hank,

first arrest, 1961, Sydney.

He stole a Vicuna coat and refrigerator freezer

from Albert Tucker residence.

Learned small appliance trade in jail.

Current address and place of business,

Vacuum Sale and Repair Shop, 319 Broadway.

Broadway, Broadway, a north-south street

traversing most of Manhattan Island,

the central part of which is clustered with the theaters,

which are an industry

synonymous with American entertainment.

Broadway first became industry

circuit 1850, when its central location

became fashionable, impresarios and audiences.

From there, Broadway sorted to a height of activity

in the 1920s.

Since then the number, but not the quality of the theaters,

has gone into steady decline.

Decline, decline.

Decline.

"Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire"

by Edward Gibbon, chapter two.

It was scarcely possible that the eyes of contemporaries

should discover in the public felicity

the latent causes of decay and corruption.

We got it, it's okay now.

We're all right.

This is not Broadway,

Manhattan, but Broadway, Sydney, Australia.

That guy,

that outfit.

It can't be. - But it is.

After all these years, it is.

I knew that Captain Invincible was beaten, broken,

a drunken clown.

And content with the pleasure that that knowledge gave me,

I foolishly stayed my hand.

- All I know is they're getting too close for comfort.

- Calm yourself.

The only thing that they're getting close to is the grave.

- Ooh!

- What the heck?

- Ugh.

- We're locked in, Patty, go see if there's a back door.

Nevermind,

I'll break the window.

Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Oh God.

I need help!

- Coming, Patty.

Take it easy.

Are you okay?

- Great!

- Ah, this really sucks.

Patty, Patty, Patty!

- Ugh!

I can't breathe! - I know,

they're sucking up all the air in here.

- Well, use your magnetic power!

- I can't, I, I don't know if I can use that

any better than my amazing computer brain.

- If you don't hurry up, we won't have any choice!

- Okay, all right.

Magnet on!

No, don't fly,

use your magnetic power!

Come down!

- Shit, shit, shit!

- Come down! - Please, please,

I'm doing everything in my power.

- What are you doing? - Electrical system,

if I can reverse the polarity,

the vacuums will blow the air back out into the room.

Well, that's a fine thing to do now!

Patty!

Patty!

Ah!

- No wonder nature abhors a vacuum.

I'll say one thing for you Patty, you've got moxie.

- What's moxie? - Nevermind.

Come on, we're going. - Where to?

- Headquarters. - What for?

- We're gonna find a traitor.

- Oh my God.

- This is madness!

- Oh, no.

- They knew we'd walk into this, Patty,

it means only one thing,

there's a traitor in your organization.

What is it?

- Jane Fonda reading "Golden Pond."

- Ah.

- God Almighty. - They didn't stand a chance,

I mean, how can this have happened?

Where are the security guards?

How come- - Shh.

- Coordinate with federal authorities

and cordon off the area.

Be on the lookout for Captain Invincible

and female companion wanted for questioning.

- We've been set up, Patty. - All units-

- We've been framed!

- Captain, I don't know how to explain all this, yeah,

but I think you're being a little paranoid!

- Paranoid, hey?

- Hold it right there.

- Come on, Patty.

Into the blue!

- Shit!

Faster than a speeding jet,

they've found no way to stop him yet.

- But there's only one thing, Captain.

- What? - We're going straight

into the water! - Into the blue!

Into the blue for Christ sake!

Up! Up!

- May I make a suggestion?

Fly higher!

- Dammit to hell, I said into the blue!

- May I make another suggestion?

- Remarkable work these genetic people do,

most impressive.

- Julius, don't be so sensitive, please,

you know, it distresses me.

Anyway, biologically speaking,

you were centuries ahead of those poor creatures.

- Uh, number one, uh, calling number one.

- I trust for your sake that you have a favorable report.

- It's fantastic, because of the Hypno-Ray,

the occupancy rate of Sicily Heights is 98%.

- Most impressive.

- Reports from the housing developments

are excellent, chief.

All the sales figures have topped our expectations.

Everything's going great, except for-

- Except for Captain Invincible.

I, I must say that his survival was rather surprising.

It seems that his abilities returned

rather sooner than I expected.

However, I can assure you that he will not escape

the new trap that I've laid for him.

Ah, there's my call now.

Hello, I'd just like a, a word with you, Councilman,

about your extra apartment.

Oh, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know

the young lady's name, but I'm sure that the voters might.

Would you mind holding on

a moment please, I have another call.

Hello?

916-

112-

11-Z.

Yes, those Swiss bank account numbers

are rather distinctive, aren't they?

Would you mind if I made this a conference call?

Just one moment, please.

Gentlemen, are you there?

Gentlemen, I don't want to take up too much

of your extremely valuable time,

but, uh, there is one very small favor

that I would like to ask of you.

I shall destroy Captain Invincible for the second time

with the one thing that he loves most, his country.

Open wider, you silly boy.

- Do you know what you've done? Have you any idea?

You've thrown my whole career out the window, along with me.

- No, I didn't. - Yes, you did.

They would have believed my story,

I'm not a washed up drunk who pleaded the fifth

in front of a, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

It's just that my career was just beginning,

I had a policewoman of the month badge,

and three special commendations

in the commissioner's own handwriting.

- Well, I'm sure you deserve the commendations, kid,

but I don't know if you would have deserved

the ventilation holes you woulda had

all throughout your body if I didn't drag you outta there.

- How can you be so sure?

- Because I know who's behind this now.

- Who? - Mr. Midnight.

He's the only one who's smart enough to have engineered-

He's the only person who could have engineered this thing,

stolen the Hypno-Ray, getting the whole world against me.

It all makes sense now.

- Mr. Midnight? - Yeah.

My archenemy, hell, everybody's archenemy

as far back as I can remember.

- If he's that bad, what are you gonna do about it, Captain?

Meanwhile, at 4:00 am

that morning, Midnight plays with a scale model

of his monstrous plan.

- Julius, what's next is 30 years of research

and development all controlled by that computer over there.

What you will shortly see enacted here in miniature,

will shortly take place in reality!

Alas, poor Schultz.

I knew him well, Julius.

- Hardly a mere dinner, my dear Gustav,

on the contrary, a veritable feast of Thanksgiving

on this, the Eve of a glorious new order

in the so called United States of America.

Foreign? - Uh, domestic.

- Ah, when the pure genetic Americans

discover what I have done to clean up

that rotting cesspool that they call New York,

their gratitude to me will be boundless.

They will carry me into the White House

upon their shoulders.

And our plan will spread to every corner of the land.

Gentlemen, I give you a toast

to Operation Ivory.

In 24 hours,

New York will be 100% pure.

- Mr. President, I think I speak for all of us,

there is, um, all of us here,

when I say that we are not satisfactored

as to the conduction of the seek program

by the individual choiced by yourself, sir.

- What? - We don't like Invincible,

he's a juicehead, a complete burnout.

- We are no nearer a recovery of the Hypno-Ray,

and time is running out.

- Gentlemen, I have absolute faith in Captain Invincible.

Your criticisms are premature and unwarranted.

That is all. - The statue is 302 feet high,

and a gift from the people of France.

On its base are the famous words

by the American Jewish poet, Emma Lazarus.

"Give me your tired, your poor,

your huddled masses yearning to breathe free."

- Can we go up in the head? - Ah, no,

that observation platform was closed by the government

over 30 years ago.

Now, we'll be seeing Ellis Island soon

where millions of immigrants first set foot

on American soil.

- I can't wait much longer, Mr. President.

I won't let you down, Mr. President.

- There is danger ahead. - What?

- We cannot escape danger, or the fear of it

by crawling into bed and pulling the covers over our heads.

- But can you tell me, please,

how long will the struggle go on?

- There can be no reasoning with an incendiary bomb.

- I won't let you down, Mr. President.

I can't wait any longer, Mr. President.

- Wake up, Vince.

- Ah.

Sorry about the mess, Patty.

Truman used to send a girl in on Tuesdays,

but you know how things are.

- Hmm, it's not that bad.

- Sorry, did you say something?

- No.

- Okay.

- What are you doing? - I'm gonna find Midnight.

I've got a battery of long-range sensing devices

hooked up the terminals all over the country.

Ike gave them to me.

And when I plug myself in, I can literally feel

what's going on from the mountains to the prairies.

No, she's still not on.

- The American Eagle Network,

I hate to tell you this,

but I don't think that's around anymore.

- Don't say it, Patty, I don't want you to bury

any more dreams of mine, so just don't say it!

- I'm sorry, but I have to tell you the truth

about things that have changed.

- Things haven't changed, Patty, people have changed,

people and the whole damn country.

It's lost something, it's lost something vital,

like, like, like, like honesty, and pride, integrity,

and a sense of the future.

I'll tell you, when that happens to a country,

the country goes right into the gutter.

- Well, you came back from there.

Well, you did.

- I'll tell you, when this thing is over,

I'm gonna sit in that chair just waitin'.

- Wait for what, that radio to start working again?

- And why not?

See that picture? That's Albert Einstein.

He was a close personal friend of mine.

And he said to me once, Patty,

he said,

something like that, which means, loosely translated,

that the universe and time goes on and on and on

forever and ever and ever into infinity.

And then, and then it comes back

and folds in on itself

so that you come right back in, in a funnel

to where, to where you started off from.

Fine, I'm just gonna sit here and wait.

I'm just gonna sit up here in Miss. Liberty,

and wait for 1950 to come around again.

And with it Jack Dempsey, the Polo Grounds,

the "NBC Blue Network," Harry God bless him Truman,

and maybe when hell freezes over

some good old-fashioned pride in this country.

Okay, the state of the union check,

I've gotta start west, and work my way east.

- Are you all right? - Yeah.

- Did you find out where Midnight is?

- I think so.

- Janice, I said no calls.

Who?

Well, my God, yes.

Why didn't you tell me?

Put him on. - Good morning, sir.

- Captain invincible. It's great to hear your voice.

- Good, good, sir, I have some information

about the Hypno-Ray. - You do?

- Midnight's got it, and I think I know where to find him.

- Who exactly is this Mr. Midnight?

Does he work for the Russians?

Uh-huh.

One of history's most evil men.

- Right. - Captain, are you,

are you sure about this Mr. Midnight?

- Ha-ha.

- Of course, I believe you,

- Right. - believe me, I believe you.

- Yes. - It's just that

I'm sitting here with the joint chiefs

and they have never heard of this Mr. Midnight,

and- - Thank you, sir.

- H-hello?

- He doesn't believe me.

I'm gonna get sold down the river just like last time.

- He can't, he's your friend.

- Maybe and maybe not.

Come on, Patty, we've got work to do.

- I'm going to give him 24 hours,

no more.

And after that, it's in your hands, gentlemen.

Captain Invincible and Patty

are about to enter a time and space

that is dangerous and mysterious.

It is called the Deli.

- Do you recognize this sign?

They had one exactly like it outside the Vacuum Repair Shop.

- Coincidence? - Where Midnight is concerned,

there's no such thing as coincidence.

Hello.

- That's right, Mrs. Noseblum, Israeli Acres,

but don't take my word for it, check it out for yourself.

But hurry, I hear they're almost sold, sold.

- Yes, I will, thank you,

thank you. - Mention my name!

Can I help you? - Yeah.

I'd like a pastrami and a corn beef, please,

- Right. - both on rye,

and, uh, oh, anything else, honey?

- A pint of coleslaw and a half a pound

of nougat. - Coming up.

- And some matjes herring, and a little Halawa,

and some information about Mr. Midnight.

- Mr. Who? - You heard me!

- Captain. - Listen to me, buddy,

I've been in this shop 20 years, I ain't never heard

of Mr. Midnight, or, or Moonlight, or whatever.

- Yes, then why are you putting mayonnaise

on a corn beef sandwich?

- Be with you in a minute.

Gefilte fish? - It's a gun!

You don't know Midnight, hey?

- You want schmaltz? Ha-ha!

And some bagels?

- There's no need for the gun, Patty,

my powers are coming back,

I can feel them surging through my body.

I'll repel their bullets with my magnetic ability.

Magnet on!

Repel, attract, I'll get it right in a minute.

Ah!

- Ah!

- Ugh, yuck!

Ooh, God, this one's been sliced to death.

- Not a very pleasant way to go, Patty.

- He's not old. - Huh.

And he's not Jewish either.

- Attention, all operatives, attention,

Captain Invincible will be within our grasp at any moment.

I want him totally destroyed.

To your battle stations.

- Your cockamamie story checks out, Patricia,

but we can't get that shaft open, if it is a shaft.

- Well, you gotta do something.

- Ah, we're only human, unlike your friend.

Come on, you've got an appointment at headquarters.

- I thought I was cleared! - Oh, you are,

but if you wanna keep your badge,

you better file a report that keeps my department

out of this entire fiasco.

- And what about Captain Invincible?

- He's on his own.

- Maybe he's not on his own.

- Help!

- Ha, ha, ha.

No, don't, ah!

- Ah, Gustav.

- Ah, ah, just, just a moment, Gustav, please.

Now, would you mind repeating that but a little more slowly?

- I see, so our gallant Captain has finally arrived.

- I see, into the deli, down the shoot,

and into the garbage, very appropriate.

And then?

- All our gallant crew. - Oui.

- Unfortunate, but not entirely unexpected.

You may go, Gustav.

- Uh.

- Oh, of course.

- Oh, merci.

- You didn't think I'd make it, did ya?

- Frankly, I didn't think that you'd make it

into this century, my dear fellow.

You're a walking anachronism, Captain,

a paltry, puffed up notion of a day long past,

and an entity whose tickets to oblivion

is about to be punched.

- Ah!

Ah, ah!

Oh!

Into the blue! Mm-mm.

Well, that was really the pits.

- Congratulations, Captain.

It seems that some of your old skills

have not entirely deserted you.

- I don't need any compliments from you, Midnight.

I want the Hypno-Ray, and I want it now.

- Same old dreary demands.

Self-righteous, messianic, moralistic,

and increasingly tedious. - Fine talk from a sociopath,

paranoid schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur.

- Thank you. - You'll never change.

- And you will never win.

Now, let's see, during our long association,

you have, uh, changed brands quite a few times, haven't you?

To begin with it was retsina, as I recall,

with just a little dash of hemlock.

And then your long flirtation with cognac,

during which you did rather overdue the Napoleon.

And most recently,

fine Kentucky bourbon.

- Hello? Hello?

- And by plugging myself into them,

I can literally feel what's going in this land of ours

from the mountains to the prairie.

- And now.

- This is the American Eagle Network

broadcasting one last time

for all of you out there who still believe in fairies,

heroes, second chances,

love and trust,

Captain, they're playing your song.

- She's on!

She's finally on!

- Ah!

- Into the blue!

Ah.

- I've done it!

I've sent back the repellent, repulsive, genetically inferior,

racially impure monstrosities back to the very just fate

that has awaited them all since the very dawn of man.

Congratulations, Midnight, you really are a genius.

You fumbled the big one on the one-yard line.

Today, New York. Tomorrow, the world!

- Magnet on!

Ah!

Into the blue!

- Michael Lang, with a special news break.

Moments ago, sections of the New York state coastline

broke away.

The ethnic populations trapped on the floating sections

were rescued by

Captain Invincible, from a submarine attack

masterminded by arch-criminal, Mr. Midnight,

although this has not been confirmed.

- Magnet on!

Magnet on!

Magnet on!

- US forces are on alert worldwide.

Invincible vanished decades ago,

and his astonishing reappearance

stunned millions of New Yorkers.

Stay tuned for further developments, film at 11.

- Patty, that was one terrific broadcast.

Nothing to it, Vince,

all I had to do was get on your wavelength.

- Well, you're on it.

- We knew you'd come through for us.

And don't be a stranger now,

let's have lunch together sometime.

- Right, right,

we'll keep in touch. - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Now, I'm not a public speaker, or an expert, or anything,

but there's something I'd like to say.

We've all been through a lot together,

and it wasn't all your fault, but some of it was.

That's because a lot of us, including me,

have been thinking we're all alone in the world.

Alone, or part of some helpless little group.

And that's what makes us such easy marks for the bad guys.

But together, we're not alone, we're not helpless.

Together, we're part of the roughest, toughest,

biggest, kindest, fairest, bestest darn gang

in the whole world!

Okay, everybody, this time, let's do it right!