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1
00:00:11,813 --> 00:00:14,749
[hooves clopping]
2
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:18,753
[suspenseful orchestral music]
3
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:29,664
[unsettling electronic music]
4
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:37,304
Howdy, folks.
5
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,106
Bob is the name.
6
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:42,342
What brings y'all to my
humble abode of gasoline?
7
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,879
Don't see too many
city slickers out here.
8
00:00:44,913 --> 00:00:48,215
For all you know, we just
a few corn-fed hicks stopping
9
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:49,951
in from a few towns over.
10
00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:54,556
Boys, stop giving this
handsome man a hard time.
11
00:00:54,589 --> 00:00:57,759
Why, you know, you're sweeter
than vanilla honey sticks.
12
00:00:57,792 --> 00:00:58,993
[groans]
13
00:00:59,027 --> 00:01:00,494
Hey, Sandy.
14
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,664
What's that odor?
15
00:01:02,697 --> 00:01:04,899
When was your last
bathroom break?
16
00:01:04,933 --> 00:01:06,701
Let's change, clean you up.
17
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:10,872
Just an accident, accident.
18
00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:18,278
We figured that a trip out
here could jog mom's memory.
19
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:22,115
She spent a lot of time
when she was young out here.
20
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:25,218
And we need her to remember.
21
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,287
It's a big one.
22
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:28,623
Oh, look!
23
00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:30,324
It's my lucky day.
24
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:34,963
Oh, I just found peanuts,
pink peanuts I wonder,
25
00:01:34,996 --> 00:01:39,968
is this one unsalted
or is this one spicy?
26
00:01:40,001 --> 00:01:42,036
[groans] Ooh, that's spicy.
27
00:01:42,070 --> 00:01:45,439
[groans] I'm gonna
need some more.
28
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:48,175
No, no, no, you can't do this.
29
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,078
[moaning]
30
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,714
I'm glad everybody
was wearing nose plugs.
31
00:01:52,747 --> 00:01:55,115
What y'all doing out here?
Hey, y'all got cameras and shit?
32
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:56,084
What's up?
33
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,417
Small P in the
motherfucking house!
34
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,853
Small P!
35
00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:00,021
Come on over here.
36
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:01,388
Cut, cut, cut, cut!
37
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:02,489
What's up, baby.
38
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,025
Oh my god, it's been forever.
39
00:02:04,058 --> 00:02:04,826
Sit down.
40
00:02:04,859 --> 00:02:06,628
Excuse me, gentlemen.
41
00:02:06,661 --> 00:02:09,931
Jim, it's very exciting that you
are visiting with your Little P
42
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:10,732
here.
43
00:02:10,765 --> 00:02:11,866
We're burning daylight.
44
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,868
We need to get the
fucking show on the road.
45
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,570
You can talk to
him another time.
46
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:17,237
Who the fuck is Small P?
47
00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:19,641
Everybody know who
the fuck Small P is.
48
00:02:19,674 --> 00:02:22,043
Jim, if we keep wasting
time like this every day,
49
00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:23,745
we're never going to
get anything done.
50
00:02:23,778 --> 00:02:25,046
I quit.
51
00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:27,515
All you care about is these
homeboys here and smoking
52
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,983
that stinking peace pipe.
53
00:02:29,017 --> 00:02:30,818
I'm not your homeboy.
54
00:02:30,852 --> 00:02:32,152
He used to be a good director.
55
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:34,122
And now he's just a gamer.
56
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,523
- No, no.
- I'm going home.
57
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:36,490
No, you-- you cannot.
58
00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:37,592
I'm out of here!
59
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:38,526
I'm out of here!
- No.
60
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,827
I want to go home!
61
00:02:39,861 --> 00:02:40,895
I want to go home!
62
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,063
Mom, mom, mom, mom.
63
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:42,897
Mom, please.
64
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,632
You can't lose your home, Mom.
65
00:02:44,666 --> 00:02:46,034
You gotta do this.
- I'm sorry.
66
00:02:46,067 --> 00:02:47,001
What's going on here?
67
00:02:47,035 --> 00:02:47,869
I'm sorry.
68
00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:48,903
I'm sorry, Jim.
69
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:49,904
I'll be good.
70
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,105
No, I-- I'll be good.
71
00:02:51,139 --> 00:02:52,774
No, I'll do what you want.
72
00:02:52,807 --> 00:02:53,941
Yeah, I sorry.
73
00:02:53,975 --> 00:02:54,742
I sorry.
74
00:02:54,776 --> 00:02:55,910
Come on.
75
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,645
CREW MEMBER: Come on,
come on, everybody!
76
00:02:57,679 --> 00:02:59,047
We need to get rolling!
77
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,515
We're losing daylight!
78
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:01,883
Let's get back to work!
79
00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:03,584
Ah, come on!
80
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:04,852
Damn!
81
00:03:04,886 --> 00:03:07,055
You still think taking
this job in the classifieds
82
00:03:07,088 --> 00:03:08,188
was a smart move?
83
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:10,390
It's like a jackass
factory out there.
84
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,760
I bet you not one of these
idiots can even do a kickflip.
85
00:03:12,794 --> 00:03:13,928
You want to save
the shop, right?
86
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,328
- Yeah.
- OK.
87
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:18,866
[exciting punk music]
88
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:26,841
[skateboard clacking]
89
00:03:27,842 --> 00:03:29,043
Yes!
90
00:03:29,077 --> 00:03:30,310
Yes!
91
00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:31,344
Yes!
92
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,981
This will be a
great fucking day.
93
00:03:34,015 --> 00:03:35,983
[body thuds]
94
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:41,421
[exciting punk music]
95
00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:04,112
[body thuds]
96
00:04:04,145 --> 00:04:12,220
HOWARD: [sighs] [groans] Yeah!
97
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,286
Come on!
98
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,723
Get on that horse!
99
00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:20,695
[imitating electric guitar]
Yeah!
100
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:21,696
Woo!
101
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:22,830
Come on!
102
00:04:22,864 --> 00:04:25,833
[ominous orchestral music]
103
00:04:25,867 --> 00:04:28,870
[choir harmonizing]
104
00:04:36,376 --> 00:04:39,580
Carissa, give me a $1!
105
00:04:39,614 --> 00:04:40,480
Give me a $1!
106
00:04:40,515 --> 00:04:41,783
I need a $1!
107
00:04:41,816 --> 00:04:44,051
Armpit farts using a sock
puppet is not an instrument.
108
00:04:44,085 --> 00:04:45,820
What's up, asshats?
109
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:47,155
What's up?
110
00:04:47,188 --> 00:04:50,457
And what brings the two of
you out here on this fine day?
111
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:54,461
Did I hear someone say
something about armpit fart?
112
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:55,295
Yay!
113
00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:56,164
Armpit farts!
114
00:04:56,197 --> 00:04:56,964
Armpit farts!
115
00:04:56,998 --> 00:04:58,099
[armpit tooting]
116
00:04:58,132 --> 00:04:58,933
Carissa!
117
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:04,038
My hand's all fucked up, man.
118
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:04,839
What are you doing?
119
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:07,575
[armpit tooting]
120
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:08,475
[groaning]
121
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,577
- [screams]
- Oh my god!
122
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:10,377
Ah!
123
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,180
[screaming]
124
00:05:12,213 --> 00:05:14,182
Oh, it burns!
125
00:05:14,215 --> 00:05:15,616
My hole!
My poor little hole!
126
00:05:15,650 --> 00:05:16,483
[screams]
127
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,985
[flesh crackling]
128
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,956
[groaning]
129
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,423
[armpit tooting]
130
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:24,391
Oh!
131
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:26,359
[screams]
132
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:29,329
[suspenseful orchestral music]
133
00:05:31,299 --> 00:05:34,735
[fluid plopping, sloshing]
134
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,107
[body thuds]
135
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:45,980
Mm!
136
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,281
That's good bum juice.
137
00:05:47,315 --> 00:05:56,991
[slurping] [gargling]
Best batch yet.
138
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:57,825
What the!
139
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:01,262
Hey!
140
00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:02,930
Hey!
141
00:06:02,964 --> 00:06:05,066
What do you think you're
doing, you little turd bird?
142
00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:06,200
KURT: Nothing!
Nothing!
143
00:06:06,234 --> 00:06:07,902
Hasn't anybody ever told
you it's rude to watch?
144
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:08,703
KURT: No, no!
145
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:09,503
[whimpers]
146
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:10,638
No free shows!
147
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,073
You hear me?
- I'm not looking!
148
00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:13,307
I'm not watching!
I'm not watching anything.
149
00:06:13,341 --> 00:06:14,242
No free shows.
150
00:06:14,275 --> 00:06:15,408
I got big plans for you.
KURT: No!
151
00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:16,210
No!
No, no!
152
00:06:16,244 --> 00:06:17,044
No!
- [grunts]
153
00:06:17,078 --> 00:06:20,114
KURT: [screams] What are those?
154
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,816
You're a real fucking cannibal!
155
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:22,617
No!
156
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:23,618
[groans]
157
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:24,785
KURT: My board!
- Oh!
158
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:25,586
Ow!
159
00:06:25,620 --> 00:06:26,386
Ow!
160
00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:31,092
[whimpers]
161
00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:32,793
Thanks for the
new board, douche.
162
00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:33,594
Enjoy your soup!
163
00:06:33,628 --> 00:06:34,394
Blech!
164
00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:38,299
[yelling] Hey!
165
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:41,535
Come back here with that
board, you bonehead!
166
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,704
My daddy gave me that board!
167
00:06:43,738 --> 00:06:46,507
He'll tan my hide if I lose it.
168
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,376
No!
169
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,678
That board has unholy powers.
170
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:52,113
[wheels whirring]
171
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:53,581
[whoosh]
172
00:06:55,016 --> 00:06:56,984
Game over.
173
00:06:57,018 --> 00:07:00,821
I'm in hot cheese now.
174
00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:03,456
Now I'm stuck here on Earth.
175
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,126
DISEMBODIED VOICE:
I know I was bad!
176
00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:07,194
And I fucking loved being bad!
177
00:07:07,228 --> 00:07:08,696
Where is it?
178
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,998
[overlapping chatter]
179
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,902
What do you want?
180
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,207
No.
181
00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:22,243
No, whoa, whoa, whoa.
182
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,544
Hey!
183
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:24,712
Hello?
184
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:30,718
You have entered an
escape room with no exit.
185
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,653
Your actions on
the earthly plane
186
00:07:32,687 --> 00:07:35,523
have led to this predicament.
187
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,325
What the fuck is this place?
188
00:07:37,358 --> 00:07:39,860
This looks more like a daycare
center than an escape room.
189
00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:42,296
You better watch
that tongue, kid.
190
00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:50,371
[scoffs] Or I'll send in
some hungry sludge worms,
191
00:07:50,404 --> 00:07:52,974
eat that tongue
out of your mouth.
192
00:07:53,007 --> 00:07:54,108
Sludge worms?
193
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,676
Where the hell is my board?
194
00:07:55,710 --> 00:07:58,779
Your board has changed hands.
195
00:07:58,813 --> 00:08:01,148
But all will be
revealed soon enough.
196
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:10,024
Just so you know, no one ever
wins in this escape room.
197
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,826
[chains clink, latch clicks]
198
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,763
[suspenseful music]
199
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:22,336
[groans] [whispers]
They can't all be locked!
200
00:08:22,370 --> 00:08:24,805
[laughter, applause]
201
00:08:26,007 --> 00:08:29,910
DANTE: [cackles maniacally]
The pain of it all!
202
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:32,713
[laughter]
203
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,817
Come visit me, son.
204
00:08:36,851 --> 00:08:38,753
There is nothing to fear.
205
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,254
[cackles]
206
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:41,622
[groans]
207
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,557
You can trust me.
208
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:46,927
I used to be a game show
host in the surface world
209
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:51,499
until I killed
everybody in the studio
210
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:53,167
for looking at me cockeyed.
211
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:53,968
Yeah!
212
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:54,935
[applause]
213
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,570
Holy shit.
214
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:59,740
No swearing on this show.
215
00:08:59,774 --> 00:09:01,342
We are live.
216
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:04,178
And our sponsors
won't like it one bit.
217
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,248
[game show theme music]
218
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:12,887
Well, folks, welcome to your
favorite game show, Escape Room
219
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:13,788
From Hell.
220
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,156
[cheers, applause]
221
00:09:15,189 --> 00:09:19,460
As always, I'm your
host, Dante A. Today we
222
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,595
have a special guest with us.
223
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,464
His name is-- hmm.
224
00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:29,437
[groans] What's the
deal, pecker head?
225
00:09:29,470 --> 00:09:33,274
What is your name
and why are you here?
226
00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:34,308
I'm Kurt.
227
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:35,876
I'm looking for my
fucking board, man.
228
00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:36,710
Have you seen it?
229
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,146
I said no foul language here!
230
00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:40,714
[audience exclaims]
231
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:44,151
Hey, gent, is this
the board you're after?
232
00:09:44,185 --> 00:09:49,590
[laughs] If you want it,
you better come and get it.
233
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:52,159
[laughs]
234
00:09:52,193 --> 00:09:53,761
Oh, god.
235
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,062
Wait, come back!
236
00:09:55,096 --> 00:09:59,568
I'll damn you for exposing
my shame, you motherfucker!
237
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,936
DETECTIVE: This just
doesn't make any damn sense.
238
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,872
Human beings don't just
turn into primordial ooze,
239
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:08,442
not without at least some
sort of blunt force trauma.
240
00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:09,944
Maybe someone's
out here spraying
241
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:13,280
down the homeless with a squirt
gun full of acid or something.
242
00:10:13,314 --> 00:10:14,682
You wouldn't
know this about me,
243
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,417
but I'm an amateur archeologist.
244
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:20,154
And to my eye, this looks like
an ancient artifact to me.
245
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,789
I'll go ahead and
see if I can find
246
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:25,793
anybody who might be
able to help identify
247
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,228
the owner of this board.
248
00:10:27,261 --> 00:10:29,531
I feel like it's
an important clue.
249
00:10:29,564 --> 00:10:30,898
I feel like it's our only clue.
250
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,470
Bag it up.
251
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:39,406
[bag rustling]
252
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,711
[door creaks]
253
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:44,678
[gasps]
254
00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:46,615
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
255
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:53,622
Any disgusting concoction you
think of can become a drink.
256
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,322
[cackles]
257
00:10:55,356 --> 00:10:56,157
What?
258
00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:59,260
Like a diet soda with easy ice?
259
00:10:59,293 --> 00:11:03,497
My boy, you're
thinking too simple.
260
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:11,872
More like an ear-worm
elixir or a maggot martini.
261
00:11:11,906 --> 00:11:16,911
Or my favorite-- bile
duct Bloody Mary.
262
00:11:16,944 --> 00:11:19,446
Just make me a
slippery nipple.
263
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,881
I could use a drink, I guess.
264
00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:23,350
My throat is dry as hell, so.
265
00:11:23,384 --> 00:11:24,151
Eh!
266
00:11:24,185 --> 00:11:26,120
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
267
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:31,859
[laughs] Ah, ah, ah.
268
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,761
There you go, my boy.
269
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,597
You let me know how it tastes.
270
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:50,377
[screaming]
271
00:11:50,411 --> 00:11:53,847
[thunder rumbling]
272
00:11:56,817 --> 00:12:09,129
[groaning] Dude,
this is no bueno.
273
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:12,399
I've never been away from
my hell home for this long.
274
00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:14,536
[somber music]
275
00:12:14,569 --> 00:12:18,640
I usually only skate up to
the surface on a day trip.
276
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:24,579
You know, I thought
I was perfectly clear.
277
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:28,148
Number one, I didn't want
anybody making a mess on my set.
278
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,351
What do you think
this is, a farm?
279
00:12:30,384 --> 00:12:34,321
And number two, I told you
shooting porn on my set
280
00:12:34,355 --> 00:12:35,789
is strictly prohibited.
281
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,057
This is not porn.
282
00:12:37,091 --> 00:12:39,694
This is just weird people
touching each other.
283
00:12:39,728 --> 00:12:41,663
If I find the
crew member that's
284
00:12:41,696 --> 00:12:45,199
been eating trash and
collecting turds out of the john
285
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:48,102
one more time, I'm
going to kick their ass.
286
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:50,572
[utensil tapping]
287
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,041
I hope you're all
enjoying this evening's
288
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,409
food I prepared for you all.
289
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:59,413
Due to the amount of country
that you all possess within you,
290
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:03,817
I have rubbed my nuts on
every single cup and utensil
291
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:07,121
that you have put into your
unsanctimonious mouths.
292
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:16,163
[panting] [sighs]
[grunts] Let me out of here!
293
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:19,199
Oh, fuck, the guy in the
straitjacket was right.
294
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,067
I'm not getting out.
295
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:20,868
[skateboard pops]
296
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,003
Ow!
297
00:13:23,037 --> 00:13:27,575
You-- you brought
me here, didn't you?
298
00:13:27,609 --> 00:13:29,243
Maybe you can get me out.
299
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,045
Fuck, here goes nothing.
300
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:34,448
[suspenseful music]
301
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,450
[portal booms, body thuds]
302
00:13:48,162 --> 00:13:55,269
For Satan's sake, how did
both of you let that kid escape?
303
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:58,506
Nobody ever escapes.
304
00:13:58,540 --> 00:14:00,374
He defiled me.
305
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:02,109
How dare him!
306
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,378
He's not gonna get
away with this.
307
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,046
I'm gonna get him!
308
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:13,153
Yeah, well, he splashed me in
the eyes with toxic squid inks!
309
00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:14,789
The boy will be back.
310
00:14:14,823 --> 00:14:18,225
Nobody stays out for long.
311
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,095
Should we let
the big man know?
312
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:23,665
You mean the record keeper?
313
00:14:23,698 --> 00:14:26,867
You think getting
pantsed, it was bad?
314
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:30,170
The big man will
turn you into pants.
315
00:14:33,407 --> 00:14:36,377
All right, girls, now,
how do we make holy water?
316
00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:37,512
Get water.
317
00:14:37,545 --> 00:14:38,646
Put it on the stove.
318
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,314
And cook the crap out of it.
319
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,216
No, it's boil the hell out of.
320
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,284
Boil the hell out of it.
321
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:47,054
Have any of you guys seen
this skateboard around?
322
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:53,695
Sir, you seem a bit nervous.
323
00:14:53,728 --> 00:14:54,829
Are you feeling all right?
324
00:14:54,863 --> 00:14:55,864
I'm one of the good ones.
325
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,164
You can trust me.
326
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,534
It's just that when a man
in uniform confronts me,
327
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:02,570
I get flashbacks of
military academy.
328
00:15:02,604 --> 00:15:04,304
Our father's
innocent, officer.
329
00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:06,006
The AC in our car is broken.
330
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,307
Yeah, he wouldn't hurt a fly.
331
00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:09,243
He makes me kill them.
332
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,077
Sir.
333
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,646
Sir, sir, come here, come here.
334
00:15:11,679 --> 00:15:14,716
You know, running away doesn't
exactly make you look innocent
335
00:15:14,749 --> 00:15:15,850
now, does it?
336
00:15:15,884 --> 00:15:18,485
Look, sire, I used
the immortal blade
337
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,921
to cut deep this time.
338
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:24,091
You could see the muscles
and the veins and everything.
339
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,860
[suspenseful music]
340
00:15:25,894 --> 00:15:31,165
[groans] [sighs]
That's nice, Aleister.
341
00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:37,739
You see, my son Howard didn't
come home for supper last night.
342
00:15:37,772 --> 00:15:40,941
He could be beneath the
floorboards of my old house.
343
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,944
[chuckles] You know,
there were some, uh,
344
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:48,883
local neighborhood boys who
accidentally got trapped there.
345
00:15:48,917 --> 00:15:51,218
They used to mow my lawn.
346
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:56,524
Ever since I gave him
that infernal skateboard,
347
00:15:56,558 --> 00:16:00,427
he's been acting like
a common human being.
348
00:16:00,461 --> 00:16:02,362
You shouldn't
coddle him so much.
349
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:04,599
Howard was bound to spread
his fallen angel wings
350
00:16:04,632 --> 00:16:05,733
one of these days.
351
00:16:05,767 --> 00:16:09,537
Look, sire, I removed a
pinky just for you and--
352
00:16:09,571 --> 00:16:13,942
How many times do I have
to tell you, Aleister?
353
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,543
I'm not in the mood!
354
00:16:15,577 --> 00:16:18,312
But I thought you liked it
when there was blood and guts.
355
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,112
That's it.
356
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,915
Security!
357
00:16:20,949 --> 00:16:22,316
Take him away!
358
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,251
You heard the big man, chump.
359
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,352
Let's take a walk.
360
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:28,322
Yeah, let's get
some nice hell air.
361
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:29,557
But we're having fun.
362
00:16:29,591 --> 00:16:31,225
I'm trying to entertain.
363
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:32,627
SECURITY GUARD:
Who gives a fuck?
364
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:35,897
Holy shit!
365
00:16:35,930 --> 00:16:37,097
Man, what kind
of board is that?
366
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,332
- That thing is dope, bro.
- Where'd you get that?
367
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,500
Sh, sh.
Calm down!
368
00:16:39,534 --> 00:16:40,768
Calm down!
- You gotta let me ride that.
369
00:16:40,802 --> 00:16:42,202
No, no, no, no,
no, you don't get it.
370
00:16:42,236 --> 00:16:43,638
I've got a story
to tell you, man.
371
00:16:43,671 --> 00:16:45,807
I've literally been
to hell and back.
372
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,040
Hell and back, huh?
373
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,810
That sounds like my
early morning ritual.
374
00:16:48,843 --> 00:16:50,979
You know I stay on that
gas and dust it, brah.
375
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,780
You keep that shit
up, you're going to be
376
00:16:52,814 --> 00:16:54,181
in a padded room for life.
377
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,851
My drug of choice
is EDM festivals.
378
00:16:56,885 --> 00:16:59,521
[beat boxing]
379
00:16:59,554 --> 00:17:01,823
Sorry, Ruby, we can't all
get high on life, all right?
380
00:17:01,856 --> 00:17:03,825
Some of us need something
a little bit stronger.
381
00:17:03,858 --> 00:17:04,659
No, listen, man!
382
00:17:04,692 --> 00:17:05,760
It's this board!
383
00:17:05,793 --> 00:17:07,795
It's got some kind
of unholy power.
384
00:17:07,829 --> 00:17:09,296
It can send people
straight to hell.
385
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:10,130
I'm serious.
386
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:11,431
I think I stole it from a demon.
387
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:13,467
He drank people through a straw.
388
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,202
The only thing I
notice about that board
389
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,404
is it's lumpy and ugly.
390
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:20,008
I can prove it!
391
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,777
So, Aleister, sorry we had
to rough you up a little bit,
392
00:17:22,810 --> 00:17:26,079
but the devil's had it up
to about here with his most
393
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:28,115
little unbegotten son.
394
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:31,151
Oh, I mean, mistakes
were made on both ends.
395
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,987
You know, I never
did ask the rest
396
00:17:33,021 --> 00:17:34,622
of you what you're
all doing down here
397
00:17:34,656 --> 00:17:36,189
working for the big cheese.
398
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:37,491
I'd really like to hear that.
399
00:17:37,525 --> 00:17:39,159
Well, I can go first.
400
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:43,063
Virgil, as you know, we
were partners up there.
401
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:45,934
I was turning perps
into Swiss cheese,
402
00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:48,603
and he was chewing up raw steak.
403
00:17:48,636 --> 00:17:52,974
But then we went in,
guns blazing and--
404
00:17:53,007 --> 00:17:55,242
to this drug bust gone bad.
405
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:57,912
Well, you know, I don't
think we should have
406
00:17:57,946 --> 00:18:00,848
had an open casket funeral.
407
00:18:00,882 --> 00:18:02,182
That was a big mistake.
408
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,417
Lot of bullet holes.
409
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:04,852
Yep.
410
00:18:04,886 --> 00:18:09,189
That's the thing, you
know, murder is, uh--
411
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,758
isn't just a sin with--
412
00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:11,960
with bad people.
413
00:18:11,993 --> 00:18:14,963
It's still a sin with--
414
00:18:14,996 --> 00:18:15,964
with innocents.
415
00:18:15,997 --> 00:18:17,431
You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah.
416
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:18,398
Yeah.
417
00:18:18,432 --> 00:18:19,767
Hmm.
418
00:18:19,801 --> 00:18:22,102
OK.
419
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,705
Next?
420
00:18:23,738 --> 00:18:26,206
I used to run college parties.
421
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,676
And I had the whole shebang.
422
00:18:28,710 --> 00:18:31,913
I had-- I had a petting
zoo and I had a DJ--
423
00:18:31,946 --> 00:18:34,348
all the fun stuff.
424
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,883
Then one day the-- the--
425
00:18:35,917 --> 00:18:38,953
the donkey made a little bit
of a mess in the living room.
426
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:42,222
And the family refused to pay.
427
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:45,093
So I went back later
on to gas their house.
428
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,894
Ended up exploding myself too.
429
00:18:46,928 --> 00:18:47,695
Ouch.
430
00:18:47,729 --> 00:18:49,530
I woke up here.
431
00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:50,665
Wow.
432
00:18:50,698 --> 00:18:52,667
Nice.
433
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:55,536
OK, so what about you, Judas?
434
00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:56,904
Nah, how about Foley?
435
00:18:56,938 --> 00:18:57,905
How about Foley?
436
00:18:57,939 --> 00:18:59,139
What happened to you?
437
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,942
Well, I was in a
bit of a pickle, boy.
438
00:19:00,975 --> 00:19:03,711
I'd hide cameras
in the ladies room.
439
00:19:03,745 --> 00:19:05,780
One day, a female
bodybuilder caught me
440
00:19:05,813 --> 00:19:07,381
and threw me out the window.
441
00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:08,983
Face ended up like ground beef.
442
00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:12,020
And I got here
missing my dingus.
443
00:19:12,053 --> 00:19:14,989
VIRGIL: That must have been a
real surprise the next morning.
444
00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:17,324
So, Judas, what's your truth?
445
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,693
Why don't you regale us?
446
00:19:18,726 --> 00:19:23,665
Um, I had an
altercation at my school.
447
00:19:23,698 --> 00:19:27,735
Things were said and a few
heads rolled, including my own.
448
00:19:27,769 --> 00:19:31,171
VIRGIL: Ah, sounds like
a real gutter ball.
449
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:35,610
So stranger, Mr. Stranger,
I don't recognize
450
00:19:35,643 --> 00:19:36,944
you from when you came in.
451
00:19:36,978 --> 00:19:38,046
I just dropped in.
452
00:19:38,079 --> 00:19:39,312
My name is Christopher.
453
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,248
I guess you could say I
had an eye for talent.
454
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,784
Ah, a shutterbug.
455
00:19:42,817 --> 00:19:44,952
Did any of your stuff
ever get published?
456
00:19:44,986 --> 00:19:45,920
Just my mugshot.
457
00:19:45,953 --> 00:19:47,855
That was after I
was dead, of course.
458
00:19:47,889 --> 00:19:49,157
Wow.
459
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:51,159
Well, you know, it's too bad
you put your camera down.
460
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,695
Because we always could
use a photographer
461
00:19:53,728 --> 00:19:55,763
here to take pictures
of the devil, you know,
462
00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:57,330
make him look good.
463
00:19:57,364 --> 00:20:00,200
People say he's standoffish
and unapproachable.
464
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,002
But I don't know.
465
00:20:01,035 --> 00:20:02,503
Soup's on!
466
00:20:02,537 --> 00:20:04,539
Soup is on!
467
00:20:04,572 --> 00:20:06,941
Delicious eyeball soup.
468
00:20:06,974 --> 00:20:10,444
And might I add, the green
Irish chunks are the sweetest.
469
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:11,813
You know what, Tom?
470
00:20:11,846 --> 00:20:14,549
You come in here with this rusty
cart with the squeaky wheels
471
00:20:14,582 --> 00:20:16,617
every Satan-forsaken day.
472
00:20:16,651 --> 00:20:17,885
And for what?
473
00:20:17,919 --> 00:20:18,953
We don't want it.
474
00:20:18,986 --> 00:20:20,154
We're not going to eat it.
475
00:20:20,188 --> 00:20:22,456
It looks like shit.
476
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:25,392
Sir, I might
add that up there,
477
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,596
I was the personal
chef to Dr. Beef
478
00:20:28,629 --> 00:20:31,899
Curtis and the Calibellends.
479
00:20:31,933 --> 00:20:35,603
I think I know how
to put on a spread.
480
00:20:35,636 --> 00:20:36,938
Fuck it, I'm dead anyway.
481
00:20:36,971 --> 00:20:39,406
Let me try one of your
barbecue ear sliders.
482
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,208
All right.
483
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,008
Be careful though.
484
00:20:41,042 --> 00:20:43,945
They are spicy.
485
00:20:43,978 --> 00:20:51,318
[munches] [screams]
486
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:53,955
Wow, another satisfied sucker.
487
00:20:53,988 --> 00:20:58,893
Why is my son such a disgrace?
488
00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:02,964
I gave him life in
this toilet bowl.
489
00:21:02,997 --> 00:21:07,001
And I can flush
him just as easy.
490
00:21:07,034 --> 00:21:10,270
But it's not your
fault, my liege.
491
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:14,041
You know what they're like when
their horns start coming in.
492
00:21:14,075 --> 00:21:15,076
[groans]
493
00:21:15,109 --> 00:21:16,711
Those little demons--
494
00:21:16,744 --> 00:21:18,813
[groans]
495
00:21:18,846 --> 00:21:20,782
--they just rebel at that age.
496
00:21:20,815 --> 00:21:22,784
[groans]
497
00:21:22,817 --> 00:21:25,787
My Dark Lord, do you
think it's time to send
498
00:21:25,820 --> 00:21:27,822
a search party to the surface?
499
00:21:27,855 --> 00:21:34,228
Not yet, but maybe
after a full 48 hours.
500
00:21:34,262 --> 00:21:36,531
That'll teach him.
501
00:21:36,564 --> 00:21:37,532
I don't know, man.
502
00:21:37,565 --> 00:21:38,633
It's this fucking board.
503
00:21:38,666 --> 00:21:40,968
It's got some like,
really evil powers, man.
504
00:21:41,002 --> 00:21:43,104
Evil fucking powers, huh?
505
00:21:43,137 --> 00:21:44,005
I'm so scared.
506
00:21:44,038 --> 00:21:45,139
I'm serious.
507
00:21:45,173 --> 00:21:46,874
Do I look scared? 'Cause
this is my scared face.
508
00:21:46,908 --> 00:21:48,042
I'm serious.
509
00:21:48,075 --> 00:21:49,911
Fuck it, whatever, ride it.
510
00:21:49,944 --> 00:21:53,014
Say motherfucking less, brah.
511
00:21:53,047 --> 00:21:55,983
[energy whooshing]
512
00:21:56,017 --> 00:21:58,219
Fuck!
513
00:21:58,252 --> 00:21:59,153
Fuck you, Chase!
514
00:21:59,187 --> 00:22:00,922
I told him this
was gonna happen!
515
00:22:00,955 --> 00:22:03,390
He couldn't just believe me.
516
00:22:03,423 --> 00:22:04,659
Fuck!
517
00:22:04,692 --> 00:22:05,526
Shit.
518
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:06,661
Shit Oh my god.
519
00:22:06,694 --> 00:22:09,462
Fuck.
520
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:11,232
[energy whooshing]
521
00:22:11,265 --> 00:22:12,800
Oh, yeah.
522
00:22:12,834 --> 00:22:15,069
DISEMBODIED VOICE: What
the devil did I do?
523
00:22:15,102 --> 00:22:16,037
I think I'm home.
524
00:22:16,070 --> 00:22:17,305
[distant arguing]
525
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:20,407
DISEMBODIED VOICE: It
wasn't my fault, grandpa.
526
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,644
Pretty fucking metal.
527
00:22:23,678 --> 00:22:25,613
This is exactly what
I thought the devil's
528
00:22:25,646 --> 00:22:26,814
asshole would sound like.
529
00:22:26,848 --> 00:22:29,050
DISEMBODIED VOICE: Why
are you doing this to me?
530
00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:31,384
I think I might stay awhile.
531
00:22:31,418 --> 00:22:34,755
[suspenseful music]
532
00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:43,097
Oh, no, no, no, no.
533
00:22:48,502 --> 00:22:50,905
OK, nice trick, Kurt.
534
00:22:50,938 --> 00:22:52,840
Now where's Chase?
535
00:22:52,874 --> 00:22:54,709
He may be a dick,
but he's our dick.
536
00:22:54,742 --> 00:22:57,712
I told you, he's in his
own personal hell now.
537
00:22:57,745 --> 00:22:59,547
He might be back,
but I still haven't
538
00:22:59,580 --> 00:23:00,615
figured out how it works.
539
00:23:06,954 --> 00:23:09,422
I just saw the most
fucked up thing in my life,
540
00:23:09,456 --> 00:23:13,194
even worse than when my cat
Potato ate one of her kittens.
541
00:23:13,227 --> 00:23:15,663
Marianne, how many times
do I have to tell you
542
00:23:15,696 --> 00:23:18,199
you're not supposed
to drink bong water?
543
00:23:18,232 --> 00:23:19,600
Nobody.
544
00:23:19,634 --> 00:23:23,271
You know that skater who always
used to give you melvins?
545
00:23:23,304 --> 00:23:27,308
He vanished into thin air.
546
00:23:27,341 --> 00:23:29,810
Oh, you mean, uh, Caleb Chase.
547
00:23:29,844 --> 00:23:32,580
Yeah, it's funny, I told him if
I ever saw him in my park again,
548
00:23:32,613 --> 00:23:35,950
I was gonna brand his ass
with our skate team logo.
549
00:23:35,983 --> 00:23:38,152
He is so fucking dead.
550
00:23:38,185 --> 00:23:39,854
Kurt and Ruby were there.
551
00:23:39,887 --> 00:23:41,822
Maybe they can tell
us what happened.
552
00:23:41,856 --> 00:23:44,792
I wouldn't talk to those two
shit stains if you paid me.
553
00:23:44,825 --> 00:23:47,595
You know, I was going to
take Ruby to Fiends Fest?
554
00:23:47,628 --> 00:23:49,030
She stood me up.
555
00:23:49,063 --> 00:23:53,267
She was doing her hair or
something, some bullshit.
556
00:23:53,301 --> 00:23:56,137
But I know what I saw.
557
00:23:56,170 --> 00:23:57,605
Come on, we've got
to check it out.
558
00:23:57,638 --> 00:23:58,906
Come on.
559
00:23:58,940 --> 00:24:00,675
[groans] Fine!
560
00:24:00,708 --> 00:24:01,642
Get off me!
561
00:24:01,676 --> 00:24:03,311
[belt snapping]
562
00:24:03,344 --> 00:24:04,946
I'm gonna have
a word with you.
563
00:24:04,979 --> 00:24:06,446
Woody, you gonna forget me?
564
00:24:06,479 --> 00:24:07,515
It's a two-for-one sale.
565
00:24:07,548 --> 00:24:08,849
WOODY: Give him a good beatdown.
566
00:24:08,883 --> 00:24:10,651
[belt snapping]
567
00:24:10,685 --> 00:24:14,021
[suspenseful music]
568
00:24:18,793 --> 00:24:21,195
Oh, shit, the board!
569
00:24:21,228 --> 00:24:26,701
Ah, well, looka here,
a board with wheels.
570
00:24:26,734 --> 00:24:28,302
I thought we agreed
you was gonna play
571
00:24:28,336 --> 00:24:30,638
baseball, a real man's sport.
572
00:24:30,671 --> 00:24:33,307
You're not my real father.
573
00:24:33,341 --> 00:24:35,042
And I don't have to
listen to you anymore.
574
00:24:35,076 --> 00:24:36,744
Calm down, calm down, Woody.
575
00:24:36,777 --> 00:24:40,281
It ain't like we're stuck
in a box of Froot Loops.
576
00:24:40,314 --> 00:24:42,650
You're right, Dill.
577
00:24:42,683 --> 00:24:44,618
You want this board
back, you little prick?
578
00:24:44,652 --> 00:24:45,653
Come take it from me.
579
00:24:45,686 --> 00:24:46,921
[strap thuds]
580
00:24:46,954 --> 00:24:48,556
Oh, Foghorn Leghorn!
581
00:24:48,589 --> 00:24:51,025
My dominoes just went down.
582
00:24:51,058 --> 00:24:51,826
[groans]
583
00:24:51,859 --> 00:24:53,461
Enjoy hell, motherfuckers!
584
00:24:53,493 --> 00:24:55,396
WOODY: You're dead,
you little prick!
585
00:24:55,429 --> 00:24:58,933
[soft dramatic music]
586
00:25:05,439 --> 00:25:07,742
CHASE: Where my hoodlums at?
587
00:25:07,775 --> 00:25:09,043
Hey, hey, hey!
588
00:25:09,076 --> 00:25:10,778
So how was your trip?
589
00:25:10,811 --> 00:25:12,279
I think it's my turn.
590
00:25:12,313 --> 00:25:14,315
Hell was lit as fuck, bro.
591
00:25:14,348 --> 00:25:15,649
Yeah!
592
00:25:15,683 --> 00:25:16,951
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
593
00:25:16,984 --> 00:25:18,853
Hold on a fucking second.
594
00:25:18,886 --> 00:25:21,122
There's a board here
with some unholy powers,
595
00:25:21,155 --> 00:25:22,390
you're giving it to daddy.
596
00:25:22,423 --> 00:25:25,493
I've been praying to Baphomet
since I was a tween, so.
597
00:25:25,526 --> 00:25:27,261
Slow your roll, my necro, OK?
598
00:25:27,294 --> 00:25:28,662
You'll get this
board when you pry
599
00:25:28,696 --> 00:25:30,398
it from my cold, dead fingers.
- Oh?
600
00:25:30,431 --> 00:25:33,000
Oh, hey, buddy, isn't that
your favorite skateboarder,
601
00:25:33,034 --> 00:25:34,268
Donny Vulture?
602
00:25:34,301 --> 00:25:37,004
Yeah, weren't you, like,
part of his biggest fan club?
603
00:25:37,038 --> 00:25:39,573
Doesn't his wife have a
restraining order against you?
604
00:25:39,607 --> 00:25:42,209
Holy shit, that
is the Vult Man.
605
00:25:42,243 --> 00:25:43,544
All right, well, fuck you, guys.
606
00:25:43,577 --> 00:25:46,080
I'm out of here to
get myself a selfie.
607
00:25:46,113 --> 00:25:47,815
[groaning]
608
00:25:47,848 --> 00:25:48,983
[laughs]
609
00:25:49,016 --> 00:25:50,317
Oh!
610
00:25:50,351 --> 00:25:53,020
Stop acting like a turtle
and get off the ground, buddy.
611
00:25:53,054 --> 00:25:55,556
You're going to make
our skate team look bad.
612
00:25:55,589 --> 00:25:56,357
I can't.
613
00:25:56,390 --> 00:25:57,526
My equilibrium's off!
614
00:25:57,558 --> 00:25:58,426
You know I get dizzy.
615
00:25:58,459 --> 00:26:00,261
Now get me a fucking ice pack!
616
00:26:00,294 --> 00:26:02,363
It's my bad knee, woman!
617
00:26:02,396 --> 00:26:04,031
Whoa.
618
00:26:04,065 --> 00:26:06,067
Are you OK there, son?
619
00:26:06,100 --> 00:26:10,237
What'd you do, pull
a gonad or something?
620
00:26:10,271 --> 00:26:13,641
While you're here, have
you seen this board around?
621
00:26:13,674 --> 00:26:16,310
[winces] All right, all right.
622
00:26:16,343 --> 00:26:17,111
Here, take my hand.
623
00:26:17,144 --> 00:26:17,912
I'll help you up.
624
00:26:17,945 --> 00:26:19,613
[groans] Fuck you.
625
00:26:19,647 --> 00:26:23,350
[farts] Oh, I guess those
spicy tamales were a bad idea.
626
00:26:23,384 --> 00:26:25,186
Sorry.
627
00:26:25,219 --> 00:26:26,487
Come on, motherfuckers.
628
00:26:26,521 --> 00:26:28,456
I heard the
skatepark's this way.
629
00:26:28,489 --> 00:26:29,657
Screw you, dickhead.
630
00:26:29,690 --> 00:26:31,325
I'm the leader and
I'll say what I want.
631
00:26:31,358 --> 00:26:32,827
You're not even my fucking dad.
632
00:26:32,860 --> 00:26:33,761
Great.
633
00:26:33,794 --> 00:26:35,029
Getting told off
by a 12-year-old,
634
00:26:35,062 --> 00:26:36,497
what is my life coming to?
635
00:26:36,531 --> 00:26:38,032
Boys will be boys, Albert.
636
00:26:38,065 --> 00:26:39,333
You know what they say.
637
00:26:39,366 --> 00:26:41,202
Social media is rotting
young kids' minds.
638
00:26:41,235 --> 00:26:44,805
[chuckles] Back in my day, we
didn't even have cell phones.
639
00:26:44,839 --> 00:26:45,606
Yeah.
640
00:26:45,639 --> 00:26:46,474
How old are you?
641
00:26:46,508 --> 00:26:47,241
100?
642
00:26:47,274 --> 00:26:48,909
Hey, that's enough, man.
643
00:26:48,943 --> 00:26:51,412
Come on, respect your elders.
644
00:26:51,445 --> 00:26:52,446
Yeah.
645
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:53,948
Don't you have some
mysteries to solve
646
00:26:53,981 --> 00:26:55,850
with your Great Dane, Groovy?
647
00:26:55,883 --> 00:26:58,385
I can feel my
life force draining.
648
00:26:58,419 --> 00:27:00,321
Why are you doing this?
649
00:27:00,354 --> 00:27:03,691
[screaming] [groans]
650
00:27:03,724 --> 00:27:05,059
[laughs]
651
00:27:05,092 --> 00:27:07,728
Why are you doing this to me?
652
00:27:07,761 --> 00:27:11,432
Because this here
is mutant country.
653
00:27:11,465 --> 00:27:13,300
Ain't no room for normies in it.
654
00:27:13,334 --> 00:27:14,368
You're not even ugly.
655
00:27:14,401 --> 00:27:15,436
Yeah.
656
00:27:15,469 --> 00:27:18,472
Look at your eyebrows,
they're gorgeous.
657
00:27:18,507 --> 00:27:19,541
They're gorgeous.
658
00:27:19,574 --> 00:27:23,777
If I don't kill you
tonight, my brothers
659
00:27:23,811 --> 00:27:25,379
ain't gonna eat supper.
660
00:27:25,412 --> 00:27:27,214
I don't taste good.
661
00:27:27,248 --> 00:27:28,883
I don't taste good!
662
00:27:28,916 --> 00:27:32,019
I can't wait to rip
his skin and eat it!
663
00:27:32,052 --> 00:27:33,220
[laughs]
664
00:27:33,254 --> 00:27:35,089
I can't wait to
get to his footsies.
665
00:27:35,122 --> 00:27:36,891
[sobbing]
666
00:27:36,924 --> 00:27:39,126
You dipshits better
not touch his nutsack.
667
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,562
[screams]
668
00:27:40,595 --> 00:27:43,831
I need it on my leathery tits.
669
00:27:43,864 --> 00:27:45,432
They're getting dry in the sun.
670
00:27:45,466 --> 00:27:47,301
[laughs]
671
00:27:48,102 --> 00:27:51,005
[toy gun firing]
672
00:27:52,072 --> 00:27:54,475
You folks see this
big, ugly, hairy bastard
673
00:27:54,509 --> 00:27:55,577
around these parts?
674
00:27:55,610 --> 00:27:58,613
I've been tracking him
for years, no luck.
675
00:27:58,647 --> 00:28:02,016
This guy isn't
part of the script.
676
00:28:02,049 --> 00:28:05,152
Jim, are you asleep?
677
00:28:05,186 --> 00:28:06,954
Huh?
678
00:28:06,987 --> 00:28:09,223
Oh, I'll allow it.
679
00:28:09,256 --> 00:28:10,991
I love improv.
680
00:28:11,025 --> 00:28:12,393
Well, I don't.
681
00:28:12,426 --> 00:28:14,695
Let's get this guy out of here.
682
00:28:14,728 --> 00:28:17,831
Junior, are you ready for your
daily lesson for your reading
683
00:28:17,865 --> 00:28:19,066
assignment last night?
684
00:28:19,099 --> 00:28:20,467
I don't read books.
685
00:28:20,501 --> 00:28:23,037
I fucking burn them.
686
00:28:23,070 --> 00:28:24,171
Come on, guys.
687
00:28:24,205 --> 00:28:26,240
You said it was my turn
to try the skateboard.
688
00:28:26,273 --> 00:28:27,174
Stop it.
689
00:28:27,208 --> 00:28:28,008
It's really evil.
690
00:28:28,042 --> 00:28:29,310
We don't even know how it works.
691
00:28:29,343 --> 00:28:30,377
[indie rock music]
692
00:28:30,411 --> 00:28:32,581
Hey, trust me, you
don't want none of that.
693
00:28:32,614 --> 00:28:37,484
(SINGING) Don't
bring me dow, ow, own
694
00:28:37,519 --> 00:28:39,353
Bring the casket
695
00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:42,389
It's like it's
reading my fucking mind.
696
00:28:42,423 --> 00:28:44,491
Where are these motherfuckers?
697
00:28:44,526 --> 00:28:45,492
Hello!
698
00:28:45,527 --> 00:28:47,629
Is anyone working today?
699
00:28:47,662 --> 00:28:52,099
I mean, I'll gladly steal some
wax and some grip tape, if not.
700
00:28:52,132 --> 00:28:53,500
Hey, kids,
welcome to the shop.
701
00:28:53,535 --> 00:28:55,035
What brings you in today?
702
00:28:55,069 --> 00:28:56,504
I'm looking for Kane.
703
00:28:56,538 --> 00:28:57,871
Is he here?
704
00:28:57,905 --> 00:28:59,373
Where is he?
705
00:28:59,406 --> 00:29:03,077
We wanted to ask him about
this cursed skateboard.
706
00:29:03,110 --> 00:29:04,878
Cursed skateboard?
707
00:29:04,912 --> 00:29:09,083
What did that used to
belong to, a crocodile?
708
00:29:09,116 --> 00:29:09,950
Sorry, kids.
709
00:29:09,984 --> 00:29:11,620
Kane's on a film shoot today.
710
00:29:11,653 --> 00:29:14,788
Some mutant horror movie
called Leather Teats.
711
00:29:14,822 --> 00:29:15,590
Leather Tits.
712
00:29:15,624 --> 00:29:16,390
Teats.
713
00:29:16,423 --> 00:29:17,758
Leather Tits.
714
00:29:17,791 --> 00:29:19,728
Oh, these horror movie titles
are getting worse and worse.
715
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,328
[shop bell rings]
716
00:29:21,362 --> 00:29:23,764
Oh, Mama Kat, we're
back for some new boards.
717
00:29:23,797 --> 00:29:24,965
Awesome.
Let's get you fixed up.
718
00:29:24,999 --> 00:29:26,333
What did you have in mind?
719
00:29:26,367 --> 00:29:28,802
My basic setup of a hot pink
board with some loose trucks.
720
00:29:28,836 --> 00:29:30,572
Just be careful
on those big hills.
721
00:29:30,605 --> 00:29:31,740
How about your friend there?
722
00:29:31,772 --> 00:29:33,841
I want a skateboard
with some sick graphics.
723
00:29:33,874 --> 00:29:36,343
I'm thinking maybe a
unicorn surfing a rainbow
724
00:29:36,377 --> 00:29:38,513
with a pentagram on his ass.
725
00:29:38,546 --> 00:29:39,413
Sounds cool.
726
00:29:39,446 --> 00:29:40,749
Take a look around, if you want.
727
00:29:40,781 --> 00:29:42,883
(SINGING) You took
advantage of my heart
728
00:29:42,916 --> 00:29:45,085
Don't believe us?
729
00:29:45,119 --> 00:29:47,388
Watch this.
730
00:29:47,421 --> 00:29:50,024
I can prove this
board has powers.
731
00:29:50,057 --> 00:29:51,292
Great, here we go again.
732
00:29:51,325 --> 00:29:54,128
[tense music]
733
00:29:55,563 --> 00:29:56,930
[energy whooshing]
734
00:29:56,964 --> 00:29:58,098
Oh!
Oh!
735
00:29:58,132 --> 00:29:58,899
Oh!
736
00:29:58,932 --> 00:30:00,100
That was bitchin'.
737
00:30:00,134 --> 00:30:03,170
That was bitchin'.
738
00:30:03,203 --> 00:30:05,806
Uh, it sucks about
your floors, though.
739
00:30:05,839 --> 00:30:07,408
Buck, did you set this up?
740
00:30:07,441 --> 00:30:08,342
Well, great.
741
00:30:08,375 --> 00:30:09,276
She's gone.
742
00:30:09,310 --> 00:30:10,244
I told you.
743
00:30:10,277 --> 00:30:11,045
Where'd she go?
744
00:30:11,078 --> 00:30:14,882
To her own personal hell!
745
00:30:14,915 --> 00:30:16,718
Oh, no.
746
00:30:16,751 --> 00:30:20,020
That girl is my only potential
customer in over two weeks.
747
00:30:20,054 --> 00:30:23,658
[sobbing] Nobody
buys my dresses!
748
00:30:23,692 --> 00:30:27,629
DISEMBODIED VOICE:
[laughs] Oh, I'm sorry.
749
00:30:27,662 --> 00:30:28,862
I didn't mean to kill her.
750
00:30:28,896 --> 00:30:30,565
DISEMBODIED VOICE:
I went to church.
751
00:30:30,598 --> 00:30:31,865
I was a good fucking person.
752
00:30:31,899 --> 00:30:33,400
DISEMBODIED VOICE: Still here.
Please.
753
00:30:33,434 --> 00:30:34,401
[sobs]
754
00:30:34,435 --> 00:30:35,804
[laughs]
DISEMBODIED VOICE: I have money.
755
00:30:35,836 --> 00:30:37,037
Please, take the money.
- Bad ass!
756
00:30:37,071 --> 00:30:39,206
[tapping]
757
00:30:40,575 --> 00:30:42,943
Where the hell am I?
758
00:30:42,976 --> 00:30:44,679
What the hell am I wearing?
759
00:30:44,713 --> 00:30:46,815
Wow, how dumb are you, Ruby?
760
00:30:46,847 --> 00:30:48,650
You only work at the
best toy store in town,
761
00:30:48,683 --> 00:30:49,718
and you're asleep?
762
00:30:49,751 --> 00:30:51,653
What seems to be the
problem here, ma'am.
763
00:30:51,686 --> 00:30:54,054
This dumb little bitch,
Ruby, is asleep at the counter.
764
00:30:54,088 --> 00:30:56,023
And I want her fired now.
765
00:30:56,056 --> 00:30:58,793
I didn't even remember
I had work today.
766
00:30:58,827 --> 00:31:03,030
I feel like I quit
this job years ago.
767
00:31:03,063 --> 00:31:04,431
That's a good one.
768
00:31:04,465 --> 00:31:07,569
Nobody quits this job.
769
00:31:15,976 --> 00:31:18,946
[rhythmic tapping]
770
00:31:21,415 --> 00:31:23,917
[whooshing, splattering]
771
00:31:46,340 --> 00:31:52,212
My dear Ruby, what are
we gonna do with you?
772
00:31:52,246 --> 00:31:54,348
[cackles]
773
00:31:54,381 --> 00:31:55,550
Sorry, sir.
774
00:31:55,583 --> 00:31:58,753
My head is somewhere else.
775
00:31:58,787 --> 00:32:00,220
Mine too.
776
00:32:00,254 --> 00:32:02,022
But you know what?
777
00:32:02,055 --> 00:32:03,157
[hand thuds]
778
00:32:03,190 --> 00:32:05,693
Just for that, you're
gonna work all night.
779
00:32:05,727 --> 00:32:09,329
No [lips smacking] lunch break!
780
00:32:09,363 --> 00:32:10,765
Come with me.
781
00:32:10,799 --> 00:32:12,933
I'm gonna take you
to my back office
782
00:32:12,966 --> 00:32:17,938
to teach you about customer
and employee hospitality.
783
00:32:17,971 --> 00:32:19,674
Ha!
784
00:32:19,707 --> 00:32:21,041
Oh, yeah, you would.
785
00:32:21,074 --> 00:32:26,714
[laughs] Ruby, come
get comfortable.
786
00:32:26,748 --> 00:32:28,415
Take a load off--
787
00:32:28,449 --> 00:32:30,451
because I know I will.
788
00:32:30,484 --> 00:32:31,686
No, thanks.
789
00:32:31,719 --> 00:32:33,621
I think I'd rather stand.
790
00:32:33,655 --> 00:32:34,756
No?
791
00:32:34,789 --> 00:32:35,956
Suit yourself.
792
00:32:35,989 --> 00:32:40,060
All the female employees,
they ooze my sexuality.
793
00:32:40,093 --> 00:32:41,295
Fat chance.
794
00:32:41,328 --> 00:32:42,496
You're not my type.
795
00:32:42,530 --> 00:32:43,932
How about you check this out?
796
00:32:49,036 --> 00:32:51,873
Mini Godzilla.
797
00:32:51,906 --> 00:32:55,342
Oh, my, that changes things.
798
00:32:55,375 --> 00:32:56,143
Oh, yeah.
799
00:32:56,176 --> 00:32:56,911
OK.
800
00:32:56,945 --> 00:32:57,712
Yeah?
801
00:32:57,745 --> 00:32:58,646
Close your eyes.
802
00:32:58,680 --> 00:32:59,480
OK.
803
00:33:04,184 --> 00:33:06,621
[screaming]
804
00:33:06,654 --> 00:33:09,156
[knife slicing]
805
00:33:11,626 --> 00:33:19,032
[groans] Why?
806
00:33:19,066 --> 00:33:22,436
Is it because I made you
work the night shift?
807
00:33:22,469 --> 00:33:23,505
No.
808
00:33:23,538 --> 00:33:25,773
I've wanted to do
this for a long time.
809
00:33:25,807 --> 00:33:29,076
I wish this were real life, but
I guess hell will have to do.
810
00:33:32,446 --> 00:33:34,348
See you never.
811
00:33:34,381 --> 00:33:38,118
Nobody's choking on
cock but me around here!
812
00:33:38,151 --> 00:33:40,588
[gagging, coughing]
813
00:33:40,622 --> 00:33:43,758
Give me that dick!
814
00:33:46,761 --> 00:33:49,196
[sniffs]
815
00:33:49,229 --> 00:33:52,099
[heavy metal music]
816
00:33:52,132 --> 00:33:57,872
[munching]
817
00:33:57,906 --> 00:34:01,208
Chase, what are
you even eating?
818
00:34:01,241 --> 00:34:03,076
Sustenance.
819
00:34:03,110 --> 00:34:04,411
[gags]
820
00:34:04,444 --> 00:34:05,780
[munching]
821
00:34:05,813 --> 00:34:07,882
Where did you find those?
822
00:34:07,916 --> 00:34:10,718
Don't worry about that.
823
00:34:10,752 --> 00:34:14,187
Well, are you gonna to share?
824
00:34:14,221 --> 00:34:15,322
Good.
825
00:34:15,355 --> 00:34:17,025
So, guys, how long
does it take to get
826
00:34:17,057 --> 00:34:19,059
back from the underworld?
827
00:34:19,092 --> 00:34:21,495
I mean, nobody really knows.
828
00:34:21,529 --> 00:34:22,730
It could be minutes.
829
00:34:22,764 --> 00:34:24,164
It could be hours.
830
00:34:24,197 --> 00:34:27,134
I think it depends on how much
emotional baggage you have.
831
00:34:27,167 --> 00:34:28,970
Which varies a bit, really.
832
00:34:29,003 --> 00:34:32,072
I have so much emotional
baggage, I could sink a ship.
833
00:34:32,105 --> 00:34:34,474
Yeah, well, I'm
living in my own hell,
834
00:34:34,509 --> 00:34:36,811
having a look at your
pretty face every day.
835
00:34:36,844 --> 00:34:39,047
Hey, guys.
836
00:34:39,079 --> 00:34:41,448
Do you think she might buy
a dress when she returns?
837
00:34:41,481 --> 00:34:42,784
[energy whooshing]
838
00:34:42,817 --> 00:34:45,285
CHASE: Oh, shit.
839
00:34:45,319 --> 00:34:47,055
Well, there she
is in the flesh.
840
00:34:50,157 --> 00:34:51,626
Ruby, you look a
little different.
841
00:34:51,659 --> 00:34:53,393
What did you do while
you were down there?
842
00:34:53,427 --> 00:34:54,461
Kill somebody?
843
00:34:54,494 --> 00:34:56,096
Something like that.
844
00:34:56,129 --> 00:34:57,865
Yo, that blade is sick, son.
845
00:34:57,899 --> 00:34:58,666
Let me borrow that.
846
00:34:58,700 --> 00:34:59,667
You wouldn't want it.
847
00:34:59,701 --> 00:35:00,935
It's covered in pervert blood.
848
00:35:00,969 --> 00:35:03,771
[gags] I think
I'm gonna be sick.
849
00:35:03,805 --> 00:35:05,773
I can't stand the
sight of blood.
850
00:35:05,807 --> 00:35:08,308
Why do you think I wear
elbows and deep pad--
851
00:35:08,342 --> 00:35:09,744
[gags]
852
00:35:09,777 --> 00:35:11,913
So, wait, what
was it like for you?
853
00:35:11,946 --> 00:35:15,016
Well, I was working
retail, so there's that.
854
00:35:15,049 --> 00:35:16,316
That's bogus.
855
00:35:16,350 --> 00:35:18,086
Yeah.
856
00:35:18,118 --> 00:35:19,219
Yoink.
857
00:35:19,252 --> 00:35:20,454
Well, it's my turn this time.
- No, no, no.
858
00:35:20,487 --> 00:35:22,422
Wait, wait, wait, wait, man.
- Wait!
859
00:35:22,456 --> 00:35:23,256
You want a dress?
860
00:35:23,290 --> 00:35:24,726
Have a nice trip.
861
00:35:24,759 --> 00:35:26,527
[energy whooshing]
862
00:35:26,561 --> 00:35:28,796
DISEMBODIED VOICE:
[sobs] Come on.
863
00:35:28,830 --> 00:35:30,397
DISEMBODIED VOICE:
Hands off my nuts!
864
00:35:30,430 --> 00:35:31,633
[groans]
865
00:35:31,666 --> 00:35:33,101
This place is bullshit.
866
00:35:33,133 --> 00:35:34,836
DISEMBODIED VOICE:
Stop smashing my balls!
867
00:35:34,869 --> 00:35:36,771
It looks like a cheap
Halloween walk-through
868
00:35:36,804 --> 00:35:38,673
some haunt filter dreamt up.
869
00:35:38,706 --> 00:35:43,176
I gotta tell Kane and
Buck about this junk.
870
00:35:43,210 --> 00:35:46,614
[soft dramatic music]
871
00:35:54,454 --> 00:35:56,390
[coughs]
872
00:35:56,423 --> 00:35:59,894
Ah, you look beautiful.
873
00:35:59,927 --> 00:36:02,195
Let me wax your eyebrows.
874
00:36:02,229 --> 00:36:02,997
No, thank you.
875
00:36:03,031 --> 00:36:04,297
[laughs]
876
00:36:04,331 --> 00:36:06,333
What about your
Norwegian areas?
877
00:36:06,366 --> 00:36:07,501
[laughs]
878
00:36:07,535 --> 00:36:08,636
No, thank you.
879
00:36:08,670 --> 00:36:10,505
But your work is marvelous.
880
00:36:10,538 --> 00:36:12,339
Would you mind freeing my arms?
881
00:36:12,372 --> 00:36:14,108
So you can leave?
882
00:36:14,142 --> 00:36:16,243
I just thought if
you untied my arms,
883
00:36:16,276 --> 00:36:17,477
you could do my nails better.
884
00:36:23,183 --> 00:36:25,119
Ow!
885
00:36:25,153 --> 00:36:27,088
[gasping]
886
00:36:27,121 --> 00:36:28,556
[laughs]
887
00:36:28,589 --> 00:36:30,490
Ow!
888
00:36:30,525 --> 00:36:32,026
What the fuck?
889
00:36:32,060 --> 00:36:33,995
These are my real nails.
890
00:36:34,028 --> 00:36:34,962
They're not glue-ons.
891
00:36:38,032 --> 00:36:41,234
Let me go get some bleach
so I can make 'em burn!
892
00:36:41,268 --> 00:36:44,371
[winces] Fuck.
893
00:36:44,404 --> 00:36:45,973
Shit.
894
00:36:46,007 --> 00:36:47,274
Whew!
895
00:36:47,307 --> 00:36:48,475
What the hell.
896
00:36:54,849 --> 00:36:56,784
[laughs]
897
00:36:56,818 --> 00:36:58,251
[liquid splatters]
898
00:36:58,285 --> 00:37:04,192
[screaming]
899
00:37:04,224 --> 00:37:05,325
Peace out, bitch.
900
00:37:05,358 --> 00:37:08,228
I'm giving your salon a
one-star rating, fucker!
901
00:37:08,261 --> 00:37:10,665
[energy whooshing]
902
00:37:11,599 --> 00:37:14,468
[heavy metal music]
903
00:37:15,937 --> 00:37:17,638
Mommy is home.
904
00:37:17,672 --> 00:37:22,810
[laughs] Jeez, Kat, your hair.
905
00:37:22,844 --> 00:37:23,978
What about it?
906
00:37:24,011 --> 00:37:26,346
It looks-- it looks nice.
907
00:37:28,983 --> 00:37:30,084
I should find a mirror.
908
00:37:33,453 --> 00:37:37,257
[screams]
909
00:37:37,290 --> 00:37:39,594
I mean, it's only
barely unsaveable.
910
00:37:42,362 --> 00:37:44,098
I need to call my husband.
911
00:37:44,132 --> 00:37:45,967
He's well versed
in the dark arts.
912
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,501
Yes, Kane's the
man with the plan.
913
00:37:47,535 --> 00:37:49,402
That's who we've been
trying to get a hold of.
914
00:37:49,436 --> 00:37:50,805
I mean, Kane's a good dude.
915
00:37:50,838 --> 00:37:54,474
He is the first person to teach
me how to shred the gnar, brah.
916
00:37:54,509 --> 00:37:55,810
(SARCASTICALLY) Kane.
917
00:37:55,843 --> 00:37:58,579
Oh, Kane, he's so cool.
918
00:37:58,613 --> 00:37:59,881
Fucking Kane.
919
00:37:59,914 --> 00:38:02,583
Fucking Kane!
920
00:38:02,617 --> 00:38:06,921
Hey, bro, who taught you
to stand on a skateboard?
921
00:38:06,954 --> 00:38:09,422
You're pushing mongo,
for fuck's sake.
922
00:38:09,456 --> 00:38:11,324
Hey, you mutant amateurs!
923
00:38:11,358 --> 00:38:14,228
You choke somebody that long,
you're gonna fucking kill 'em!
924
00:38:14,262 --> 00:38:16,697
At least wait for the
director to yell action!
925
00:38:16,731 --> 00:38:18,365
JASON: That boy is turning blue.
926
00:38:18,398 --> 00:38:21,736
Just like when I perform
autoerotic asphyxiation.
927
00:38:21,769 --> 00:38:23,571
Jason, how many times
I got to tell you?
928
00:38:23,604 --> 00:38:25,438
No one wants to hear that crap.
929
00:38:25,472 --> 00:38:27,942
Listen, I can't even nibble
on my wife's ear lobes.
930
00:38:27,975 --> 00:38:29,510
Yours lets you
choke your chicken
931
00:38:29,544 --> 00:38:31,045
and put a belt around your neck?
932
00:38:31,078 --> 00:38:32,213
Come on!
933
00:38:32,246 --> 00:38:33,614
Someone sounds jealous.
934
00:38:33,648 --> 00:38:34,949
What about butt play?
935
00:38:34,982 --> 00:38:36,784
You know, when your
wife introduces toys
936
00:38:36,818 --> 00:38:38,318
into the bedroom,
you got it made.
937
00:38:38,351 --> 00:38:40,021
[overlapping chatter]
938
00:38:40,054 --> 00:38:43,825
Uh, Jim, Max is
not looking so hot.
939
00:38:43,858 --> 00:38:45,793
I'm sure he's fine.
940
00:38:45,827 --> 00:38:47,261
Walk it off, kid.
941
00:38:47,295 --> 00:38:48,763
Rub some dirt on it.
942
00:38:48,796 --> 00:38:51,431
If we got time, I know
where we can hide the bodies.
943
00:38:51,464 --> 00:38:54,268
It's a big desert out there.
944
00:38:54,302 --> 00:38:57,605
I was a volunteer lifeguard
at the local swim hole as a boy.
945
00:38:57,638 --> 00:39:00,875
I can help.
946
00:39:00,908 --> 00:39:02,677
[grunts] I'm up.
947
00:39:02,710 --> 00:39:03,476
I'm up.
948
00:39:03,511 --> 00:39:04,946
I'm-- I'm up.
949
00:39:04,979 --> 00:39:07,347
Is anyone else here
getting charged up?
950
00:39:07,380 --> 00:39:10,218
Shit, must be a weak
signal on that film set.
951
00:39:10,251 --> 00:39:11,152
Just keep trying him.
952
00:39:11,185 --> 00:39:12,419
Maybe his battery's dead.
953
00:39:12,452 --> 00:39:13,955
[KEVIN KRIMSON, "LAST ETERNAL
BLISS"]
954
00:39:13,988 --> 00:39:15,923
Yeah, but did he
even bring his charger?
955
00:39:15,957 --> 00:39:17,291
Dude's so forgetful.
956
00:39:17,325 --> 00:39:20,895
[scoffs] One too many falls as
a young buck, if you ask me.
957
00:39:20,928 --> 00:39:24,265
Shut the fuck up, fuck!
958
00:39:24,298 --> 00:39:26,734
A little bit of a tongue
twister there, huh, Kat?
959
00:39:26,767 --> 00:39:30,771
[laughs]
960
00:39:30,805 --> 00:39:33,541
So, listen, why don't you go
grab me that board, all right?
961
00:39:33,574 --> 00:39:35,176
I got a great idea.
962
00:39:35,209 --> 00:39:36,177
You have two legs.
963
00:39:36,210 --> 00:39:36,978
Why don't you?
964
00:39:37,011 --> 00:39:37,778
Just do it.
965
00:39:37,812 --> 00:39:39,981
Just do it!
966
00:39:40,014 --> 00:39:42,283
Just.
967
00:39:42,316 --> 00:39:44,719
OK, Shia Almost-buff.
968
00:39:44,752 --> 00:39:45,720
Whatever.
969
00:39:45,753 --> 00:39:47,021
Let me hold the
dagger real quick, too.
970
00:39:47,054 --> 00:39:47,855
No way.
971
00:39:47,889 --> 00:39:49,056
You're gonna hurt someone.
972
00:39:49,090 --> 00:39:52,093
Just you if you don't
give me that shit.
973
00:39:52,126 --> 00:39:53,861
I thank you.
974
00:39:53,895 --> 00:39:56,463
Excalibur, I have the power!
975
00:39:56,496 --> 00:39:57,798
Oh, boy.
976
00:39:57,832 --> 00:40:00,768
Just don't slice your
pecker off-- or do.
977
00:40:00,801 --> 00:40:01,969
You wish.
Follow me.
978
00:40:02,003 --> 00:40:03,971
(SINGING) They want us to
scare ourselves to death
979
00:40:04,005 --> 00:40:07,942
Give us one last kiss
980
00:40:07,975 --> 00:40:09,409
One last eternal bliss
981
00:40:09,442 --> 00:40:11,512
They want us to scare
ourselves to death
982
00:40:11,545 --> 00:40:12,313
Chase!
983
00:40:12,346 --> 00:40:13,281
Ruby!
984
00:40:13,314 --> 00:40:14,148
Fuck!
985
00:40:14,181 --> 00:40:18,418
(SINGING) Give us one last kiss
986
00:40:18,451 --> 00:40:20,755
One last eternal bliss
987
00:40:20,788 --> 00:40:21,923
Ding, ding, ding.
988
00:40:21,956 --> 00:40:23,024
Hello?
989
00:40:23,057 --> 00:40:24,792
What brings you two
into the shop today?
990
00:40:24,825 --> 00:40:26,060
Need some new nuts?
991
00:40:26,093 --> 00:40:26,861
Nuts?
992
00:40:26,894 --> 00:40:28,663
I don't get it.
993
00:40:28,696 --> 00:40:30,831
To attach wheels
to your trucks.
994
00:40:30,865 --> 00:40:33,701
Dummy, you don't know
anything about skating.
995
00:40:33,734 --> 00:40:36,237
I bet you still mall
grab your board.
996
00:40:36,270 --> 00:40:39,373
What the fuck does that mean?
997
00:40:39,407 --> 00:40:42,543
Mall grabbing is when you
hold your board by the trucks.
998
00:40:42,576 --> 00:40:44,779
Everybody knows that.
999
00:40:44,812 --> 00:40:45,980
Whatever.
1000
00:40:46,013 --> 00:40:49,083
Look at your fucking hair, lady.
1001
00:40:49,116 --> 00:40:50,351
I guess she didn't get it.
1002
00:40:50,384 --> 00:40:51,852
You know, punk's dead.
Huh?
1003
00:40:51,886 --> 00:40:52,653
- Eh.
- Eh?
1004
00:40:52,687 --> 00:40:53,453
Eh.
1005
00:40:53,486 --> 00:40:56,791
[laughs]
1006
00:40:56,824 --> 00:40:58,292
I had a hair emergency, OK?
1007
00:40:58,326 --> 00:40:59,093
Yeah.
1008
00:40:59,126 --> 00:41:00,861
Just tell me what you want.
1009
00:41:00,895 --> 00:41:03,130
OK.
1010
00:41:03,164 --> 00:41:05,599
We're looking for
a skateboard, OK?
1011
00:41:05,633 --> 00:41:07,668
I guess you could say
it's a special skateboard.
1012
00:41:07,702 --> 00:41:09,904
I guess you could say it
really takes you somewhere.
1013
00:41:09,937 --> 00:41:12,573
Do you know where we might
be able to find one of those?
1014
00:41:12,606 --> 00:41:13,574
Not here.
1015
00:41:13,607 --> 00:41:15,876
Yep, nope, nothing
like that at all.
1016
00:41:15,910 --> 00:41:18,913
Now, if you guys are looking for
a board with uneven grip tape,
1017
00:41:18,946 --> 00:41:20,047
I'm your guy.
1018
00:41:20,081 --> 00:41:23,351
Otherwise, no sale.
1019
00:41:23,384 --> 00:41:25,286
They obviously don't
know anything, buddy.
1020
00:41:25,319 --> 00:41:26,921
Let's go.
1021
00:41:26,954 --> 00:41:29,156
[indie rock music]
1022
00:41:29,190 --> 00:41:32,193
Are Pinky and the Brain gone?
1023
00:41:32,226 --> 00:41:33,995
I fucking hate those two.
1024
00:41:34,028 --> 00:41:35,763
I need to go find
Chase and Ruby.
1025
00:41:35,796 --> 00:41:37,098
Oh, they took the fucking board!
1026
00:41:37,131 --> 00:41:38,299
(RAPPING) Punk-ass
motherfuckers want everything
1027
00:41:38,332 --> 00:41:40,101
To be radio fucking
friendly, right?
1028
00:41:40,134 --> 00:41:41,602
I don't even know
what that means,
1029
00:41:41,635 --> 00:41:44,238
but I don't think that's good.
1030
00:41:44,271 --> 00:41:46,674
Do you guys have
the equipment now?
1031
00:41:46,707 --> 00:41:49,010
I mean, last night
you come here late.
1032
00:41:49,043 --> 00:41:50,311
You guys are my assistants.
1033
00:41:50,344 --> 00:41:51,746
The only thing
you're here to do is
1034
00:41:51,779 --> 00:41:53,881
to help me plant
the cameras to get
1035
00:41:53,914 --> 00:41:56,217
the upskirt beaver shots
for the video we're
1036
00:41:56,250 --> 00:41:58,019
gonna sell to the deep web.
1037
00:41:58,052 --> 00:41:59,920
It's the only way to get
me out of the fucking
1038
00:41:59,954 --> 00:42:01,422
jam I'm in right now.
1039
00:42:01,455 --> 00:42:04,025
Everything we have is
in this fucking movie.
1040
00:42:04,058 --> 00:42:04,892
That's it.
1041
00:42:04,925 --> 00:42:06,761
So we need more moolah.
1042
00:42:06,794 --> 00:42:07,828
Do you get it?
1043
00:42:07,862 --> 00:42:09,964
The beaver is gonna
save me, all right?
1044
00:42:09,997 --> 00:42:10,931
God save the beaver.
1045
00:42:10,965 --> 00:42:13,167
So help me plant
the fucking cameras.
1046
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:14,802
Do you think those
beavers are hairy?
1047
00:42:14,835 --> 00:42:16,270
- I hope so, I hope.
- Hopefully.
1048
00:42:16,303 --> 00:42:17,271
That's what people want.
1049
00:42:17,304 --> 00:42:18,439
The hairier, the better.
1050
00:42:18,472 --> 00:42:19,240
The more views--
1051
00:42:19,273 --> 00:42:20,041
Yeah.
1052
00:42:20,074 --> 00:42:21,008
--the more money.
1053
00:42:21,042 --> 00:42:21,976
I love hairy--
1054
00:42:22,009 --> 00:42:23,210
Hey!
1055
00:42:23,244 --> 00:42:25,112
Filming somebody without
their consent, it's a crime.
1056
00:42:25,146 --> 00:42:26,313
We're not filming anything.
1057
00:42:26,347 --> 00:42:29,183
[stuttering] I'm testing
out a camera for dad,
1058
00:42:29,216 --> 00:42:30,651
for-- for-- for Jim, my dad Jim.
1059
00:42:30,684 --> 00:42:31,452
Come on.
1060
00:42:31,485 --> 00:42:32,486
Come on.
1061
00:42:32,521 --> 00:42:33,988
We're not filming anything.
1062
00:42:34,021 --> 00:42:35,723
We're testing out equipment.
Jesus.
1063
00:42:35,756 --> 00:42:37,458
I didn't even get
to see no hairy beaver
1064
00:42:37,491 --> 00:42:39,693
or any kind of beaver.
1065
00:42:39,727 --> 00:42:42,163
Boys will be boys.
1066
00:42:42,196 --> 00:42:45,666
Jim, are you gonna reward
that kind of behavior?
1067
00:42:45,699 --> 00:42:48,769
That's so immature,
even for you.
1068
00:42:48,803 --> 00:42:50,137
Jim can't help it.
1069
00:42:50,171 --> 00:42:52,339
He's a boy in a
man's body anyway.
1070
00:42:52,373 --> 00:42:56,644
Jim's no pickle boy, though
I am surprised he has a son.
1071
00:42:56,677 --> 00:42:57,445
That's it!
1072
00:42:57,478 --> 00:42:58,245
That's it!
1073
00:42:58,279 --> 00:42:59,480
I've had enough!
1074
00:42:59,514 --> 00:43:03,217
Now, everybody shut the fuck
up and get back to work.
1075
00:43:03,250 --> 00:43:05,520
You fucking hear
what I'm saying?
1076
00:43:05,554 --> 00:43:06,887
Get it!
1077
00:43:06,921 --> 00:43:08,255
Shut up!
1078
00:43:08,289 --> 00:43:10,858
He's ruining my
film experience.
1079
00:43:10,891 --> 00:43:12,126
Fuck.
1080
00:43:12,159 --> 00:43:18,132
Uh, this white makeup is
looking pale as a ghost on me.
1081
00:43:18,165 --> 00:43:25,540
Listen here, movie mom, no one
is going to be looking at you.
1082
00:43:25,574 --> 00:43:28,976
I am the star of this movie.
1083
00:43:29,009 --> 00:43:30,478
Like hell you are.
1084
00:43:30,512 --> 00:43:34,448
Did you ever share lines
with Harrison Bronco?
1085
00:43:34,482 --> 00:43:37,952
No, I didn't think so.
1086
00:43:37,985 --> 00:43:39,320
Oh, this is fucking great.
1087
00:43:39,353 --> 00:43:40,988
How could you leave
me behind like this?
1088
00:43:41,021 --> 00:43:42,289
This is fucking great.
1089
00:43:42,323 --> 00:43:43,592
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fuck!
1090
00:43:43,624 --> 00:43:44,859
Ah.
1091
00:43:44,892 --> 00:43:46,160
God damn it!
1092
00:43:46,193 --> 00:43:47,995
Why!
1093
00:43:48,028 --> 00:43:50,397
I need better friends!
1094
00:43:50,431 --> 00:43:53,200
One's a fucking gas huffer,
the other one's a murderer.
1095
00:43:53,234 --> 00:43:55,436
You did this!
1096
00:43:55,469 --> 00:43:58,139
There's no way they
want to go back to hell.
1097
00:43:58,172 --> 00:43:59,707
There's no fucking way.
1098
00:43:59,740 --> 00:44:01,075
I don't know.
1099
00:44:01,108 --> 00:44:03,644
I just-- I got a weird
feeling about this.
1100
00:44:03,677 --> 00:44:05,346
Like, what if news
travels around hell
1101
00:44:05,379 --> 00:44:07,214
about what I did down there?
1102
00:44:07,248 --> 00:44:09,584
You think the devil gives
a shit about what we did?
1103
00:44:09,618 --> 00:44:11,118
I'm serious.
1104
00:44:11,152 --> 00:44:12,621
There's got to be
some way the devil
1105
00:44:12,653 --> 00:44:15,389
keeps track of his disciples.
1106
00:44:15,422 --> 00:44:16,891
Look, if the
devil is real, he's
1107
00:44:16,924 --> 00:44:18,959
either partying with some
hoes or he's scratching
1108
00:44:18,993 --> 00:44:20,461
his big, fat red ass.
1109
00:44:20,494 --> 00:44:23,797
I don't think he's
thinking about us.
1110
00:44:23,831 --> 00:44:26,233
Why'd you want
the dagger anyway?
1111
00:44:26,267 --> 00:44:29,036
I want to use it to
kill my step-daddy.
1112
00:44:29,069 --> 00:44:31,506
Well, I hope it works.
1113
00:44:31,540 --> 00:44:33,374
But prepare for
thousands of years worth
1114
00:44:33,407 --> 00:44:36,277
of hard labor if it doesn't.
1115
00:44:36,310 --> 00:44:38,979
Could it be any
worse than this place?
1116
00:44:39,013 --> 00:44:41,382
Look, if I get stuck down
there, you'd come for me, right?
1117
00:44:41,415 --> 00:44:42,383
You know I would.
1118
00:44:42,416 --> 00:44:43,717
That's all I need to know.
1119
00:44:47,622 --> 00:44:50,124
Someone needs to tell these
demons I like to get busy.
1120
00:44:52,726 --> 00:44:54,461
Good luck, Caleb.
1121
00:44:54,495 --> 00:44:56,263
[THUNDERING ASTEROIDS, "SWALLOW
YOUR SOUL"]
1122
00:44:56,297 --> 00:44:57,932
Hey, Kurt, baby, is that you?
1123
00:44:57,965 --> 00:44:59,033
What's the magic word?
1124
00:44:59,066 --> 00:45:00,000
ZACH: Police.
1125
00:45:00,034 --> 00:45:01,368
(SINGING) When I
escape from the cell
1126
00:45:01,402 --> 00:45:02,671
Good evening, miss.
1127
00:45:02,703 --> 00:45:07,208
The name's Falk, Zachary C.
Falk, homicide detective.
1128
00:45:07,241 --> 00:45:10,711
I'm in the area investigating an
incident that happened recently.
1129
00:45:10,744 --> 00:45:12,413
You mind if I ask
you a few questions?
1130
00:45:12,446 --> 00:45:13,548
Yeah, sure.
Go ahead.
1131
00:45:13,582 --> 00:45:16,551
Do you recall your
whereabouts two nights ago?
1132
00:45:16,585 --> 00:45:17,952
I was here in this shop.
1133
00:45:17,985 --> 00:45:19,119
I'm here every night.
1134
00:45:19,153 --> 00:45:21,255
It's so boring.
1135
00:45:21,288 --> 00:45:25,694
Do you recall seeing anything
unusual or hearing anything?
1136
00:45:25,726 --> 00:45:26,727
Nope.
1137
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:27,795
Same old, same old.
1138
00:45:27,828 --> 00:45:30,898
Oh, well, that's a good thing.
1139
00:45:30,931 --> 00:45:33,067
I'd like to show you a picture.
1140
00:45:33,100 --> 00:45:35,069
Does this board look
familiar to you?
1141
00:45:35,102 --> 00:45:36,971
(SINGING) Rock and roll
will swallow your soul
1142
00:45:37,004 --> 00:45:38,439
OK, actually it does.
1143
00:45:38,472 --> 00:45:39,974
Oh?
1144
00:45:40,007 --> 00:45:41,141
Really?
1145
00:45:41,175 --> 00:45:42,810
How so?
1146
00:45:42,843 --> 00:45:45,012
I feel it's relevant
to this case somehow,
1147
00:45:45,045 --> 00:45:47,781
but I haven't really
gotten any solid leads yet.
1148
00:45:47,815 --> 00:45:49,383
Well, it looks like
one of the boards
1149
00:45:49,416 --> 00:45:51,352
my customers brought
in a few weeks ago.
1150
00:45:51,385 --> 00:45:53,254
His name is Kurt,
really nice kid.
1151
00:45:53,287 --> 00:45:55,789
(SINGING) Swallow your soul.
1152
00:45:55,823 --> 00:45:59,360
Can you think of any
unique identifying features
1153
00:45:59,393 --> 00:46:01,762
that would help find it?
1154
00:46:01,795 --> 00:46:05,533
Kurt likes to sticker bomb
the bottom of his board,
1155
00:46:05,567 --> 00:46:06,934
like a sticker collage.
1156
00:46:09,436 --> 00:46:10,538
I get it.
1157
00:46:10,572 --> 00:46:14,074
I look like I'm old, but
I'm not really that old.
1158
00:46:14,108 --> 00:46:16,810
This job just ages you.
1159
00:46:16,844 --> 00:46:19,980
And I do know what
a sticker bomb is.
1160
00:46:20,014 --> 00:46:21,949
Can you think of anything else?
1161
00:46:21,982 --> 00:46:24,485
Kurt also likes to put
the wheels on his board
1162
00:46:24,519 --> 00:46:27,187
backwards to hide the logos.
1163
00:46:27,221 --> 00:46:32,459
That's really observant of
you, almost like a super sleuth.
1164
00:46:32,493 --> 00:46:34,128
So, do you have any
idea where I might
1165
00:46:34,161 --> 00:46:36,930
be able to find this Kurt kid?
1166
00:46:36,964 --> 00:46:39,967
I know that Kurt and his
friends don't have a home,
1167
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:43,638
but they do like to hang
out at the skate park.
1168
00:46:43,672 --> 00:46:45,674
They like to hang out
at the skate park a lot.
1169
00:46:45,707 --> 00:46:46,940
OK.
1170
00:46:46,974 --> 00:46:49,209
I spent quite a bit of
time there recently,
1171
00:46:49,243 --> 00:46:52,346
but maybe I just missed them.
1172
00:46:52,379 --> 00:46:54,549
So if you can think
of anything else that
1173
00:46:54,582 --> 00:46:57,418
might be helpful or want to
talk about being a detective,
1174
00:46:57,451 --> 00:46:58,319
here's my card.
1175
00:46:58,352 --> 00:46:59,754
Thank you so much, Officer.
1176
00:46:59,788 --> 00:47:00,555
And, uh--
1177
00:47:00,588 --> 00:47:01,790
Nice meeting you.
1178
00:47:01,822 --> 00:47:05,760
And if you just want to
talk or play with my pistol,
1179
00:47:05,794 --> 00:47:07,696
just give me a call sometime.
1180
00:47:07,729 --> 00:47:10,831
Oh, I can't wait
to hold your pistol.
1181
00:47:10,864 --> 00:47:12,734
Well, you have a
great night, beautiful.
1182
00:47:12,767 --> 00:47:13,735
Thank you so much.
1183
00:47:13,768 --> 00:47:14,769
Pleasure.
1184
00:47:14,803 --> 00:47:16,170
Looking forward to
holding your pistol.
1185
00:47:16,203 --> 00:47:17,004
Me too.
1186
00:47:19,940 --> 00:47:24,779
[sniffing]
1187
00:47:24,813 --> 00:47:25,846
Oh, step daddy.
1188
00:47:25,879 --> 00:47:28,048
[crows cawing]
1189
00:47:29,416 --> 00:47:34,321
Step daddy, it's time to die!
1190
00:47:34,355 --> 00:47:38,459
Where you at, you inbred fuck?
1191
00:47:38,492 --> 00:47:41,696
Junior, are you ready
for your math lesson?
1192
00:47:41,730 --> 00:47:44,198
I already told you, I
don't give a fuck about math.
1193
00:47:44,231 --> 00:47:47,000
Teach me about the
bombing of Dresden.
1194
00:47:47,034 --> 00:47:47,802
Fuck you.
1195
00:47:47,836 --> 00:47:49,870
[heavy metal music]
1196
00:47:49,903 --> 00:47:51,472
What the fuck, Junior?
1197
00:47:51,506 --> 00:47:54,776
(SINGING) I told you before
and I'll tell you again
1198
00:47:54,809 --> 00:47:56,076
Fuck this bullshit!
1199
00:47:56,110 --> 00:47:58,045
It's not like I'm learning
anything in fucking algebra.
1200
00:47:58,078 --> 00:47:59,313
This kid is fucking hopeless.
1201
00:47:59,346 --> 00:48:00,715
It's like, I'm
fucking failing.
1202
00:48:00,749 --> 00:48:01,982
I don't give a fuck.
1203
00:48:02,015 --> 00:48:02,784
I don't fucking--
1204
00:48:02,817 --> 00:48:04,251
[pages ripping]
1205
00:48:04,284 --> 00:48:07,822
Fuck this shitty fucking book!
1206
00:48:07,856 --> 00:48:10,658
Hey, uh, does anyone
want to play a card game?
1207
00:48:10,692 --> 00:48:13,494
It's, uh, in another language.
1208
00:48:13,528 --> 00:48:17,665
But I'm pretty sure
I can teach you all.
1209
00:48:17,699 --> 00:48:18,465
Not now.
1210
00:48:18,499 --> 00:48:20,367
Thanks, dude.
1211
00:48:20,401 --> 00:48:22,169
I'd be up for a
game of strip poker.
1212
00:48:23,805 --> 00:48:29,276
Um, well, unfortunately,
it's kind of a family-oriented,
1213
00:48:29,309 --> 00:48:30,812
wholesome sort of game.
1214
00:48:30,845 --> 00:48:31,780
So it's not like that.
1215
00:48:31,813 --> 00:48:33,815
But thank you, though, Benji.
1216
00:48:33,848 --> 00:48:38,051
(SINGING) Put his
vengeance on you any day
1217
00:48:38,085 --> 00:48:39,788
Control our lives
1218
00:48:39,821 --> 00:48:40,954
Oh, it's your turn, homie.
1219
00:48:40,988 --> 00:48:41,756
Oh.
1220
00:48:41,790 --> 00:48:43,625
That is all mine.
1221
00:48:43,658 --> 00:48:48,228
Strip it, strip it, strip
it, strip it, strip it.
1222
00:48:48,262 --> 00:48:51,633
[gentle music]
1223
00:48:56,937 --> 00:48:58,172
Hello down there.
1224
00:49:01,576 --> 00:49:03,678
Can I help you?
1225
00:49:03,711 --> 00:49:06,748
When's the last time
you had a warm meal?
1226
00:49:06,781 --> 00:49:10,852
Well, let's just say, I've
been on an all liquid diet
1227
00:49:10,885 --> 00:49:12,119
since I got to town.
1228
00:49:12,720 --> 00:49:14,421
[chuckles] It shows.
1229
00:49:14,455 --> 00:49:16,190
You look like hell.
1230
00:49:16,223 --> 00:49:19,960
Aw, thanks for noticing.
1231
00:49:19,993 --> 00:49:24,431
Hey, would you consider
going into the shelter with me?
1232
00:49:24,465 --> 00:49:26,668
They're very nice
to people like us--
1233
00:49:26,701 --> 00:49:29,036
free food, free board.
1234
00:49:29,069 --> 00:49:32,039
The only thing not
on the table is sex.
1235
00:49:35,543 --> 00:49:37,010
Whatever you say.
1236
00:49:37,044 --> 00:49:37,846
Well, good.
1237
00:49:37,879 --> 00:49:38,646
Come on.
1238
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:39,848
Lead the way.
1239
00:49:39,881 --> 00:49:41,348
[groans]
1240
00:49:41,381 --> 00:49:44,985
You're gonna like it in there.
1241
00:49:45,018 --> 00:49:45,820
Come on.
1242
00:49:49,289 --> 00:49:52,527
CHASE: I know you hear me.
1243
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:53,360
What you want to do?
1244
00:49:53,393 --> 00:49:56,631
You want to beat me again?
1245
00:49:56,664 --> 00:49:58,031
Fucking not feed me for days?
1246
00:50:02,035 --> 00:50:03,838
I'm not so little no more.
1247
00:50:06,373 --> 00:50:07,842
Abuse my mother in front of me?
1248
00:50:13,180 --> 00:50:15,449
You have any idea
what you did to me?
1249
00:50:15,482 --> 00:50:17,084
You know what my
life is like now?
1250
00:50:19,787 --> 00:50:24,124
A fucking addict, fucking
sick all the time.
1251
00:50:32,399 --> 00:50:33,166
Fuck.
1252
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:34,401
[body thuds]
1253
00:50:35,202 --> 00:50:38,640
[unsettling music]
1254
00:50:46,548 --> 00:50:48,016
[board thuds]
1255
00:50:51,519 --> 00:50:55,289
Hey, good luck getting out of
here without your skateboard.
1256
00:50:55,322 --> 00:50:58,560
I think he was gonna
use this dagger on us.
1257
00:50:58,593 --> 00:50:59,794
Yeah?
1258
00:50:59,827 --> 00:51:01,963
Well, let's see
how well she cuts.
1259
00:51:01,996 --> 00:51:03,731
Yeah, have at it, boss.
1260
00:51:03,765 --> 00:51:05,332
Fuck you, man.
1261
00:51:05,365 --> 00:51:06,768
You know, I've
been living in hell
1262
00:51:06,801 --> 00:51:08,235
for years because of your ass.
1263
00:51:08,268 --> 00:51:09,571
Yeah?
1264
00:51:09,604 --> 00:51:13,273
So why the fuck would you
think this place would scare me?
1265
00:51:13,307 --> 00:51:15,442
Funny thing is, after
you OD'ed, I thought
1266
00:51:15,475 --> 00:51:18,078
I'd never get a chance to tell
you how much I fucking hate you!
1267
00:51:18,111 --> 00:51:20,982
[laughs] Good night.
1268
00:51:21,015 --> 00:51:22,449
[knife slices]
1269
00:51:32,125 --> 00:51:34,596
Edith, what did I tell
you about bringing in strays
1270
00:51:34,629 --> 00:51:35,830
in the middle of the night?
1271
00:51:35,863 --> 00:51:38,066
He could be a druggie
or a serial killer.
1272
00:51:38,098 --> 00:51:41,101
I'm so sorry, Dutch,
but he looked like he
1273
00:51:41,134 --> 00:51:43,370
was really down on his luck.
1274
00:51:43,403 --> 00:51:44,606
I'm sure he's harmless.
1275
00:51:44,639 --> 00:51:45,673
Yeah, we'll find out.
1276
00:51:45,707 --> 00:51:46,574
Hey, what's your name?
1277
00:51:46,608 --> 00:51:47,407
My name?
1278
00:51:47,441 --> 00:51:49,544
Well, my earthly name is Howard.
1279
00:51:49,577 --> 00:51:52,279
But downstairs, they
call me Haagenti.
1280
00:51:55,482 --> 00:51:56,416
Oh, yeah, he's crazy.
1281
00:51:56,450 --> 00:51:58,385
You done did it again, Edith.
1282
00:51:58,418 --> 00:51:59,921
So where can I
crash for the night?
1283
00:51:59,954 --> 00:52:01,556
Well, if you behave
yourself, you can
1284
00:52:01,589 --> 00:52:02,924
crash down the hall over there.
1285
00:52:02,957 --> 00:52:05,459
Man, this used to be a swingers
club, but we go to bed here,
1286
00:52:05,492 --> 00:52:06,694
9:30 sharp.
1287
00:52:06,728 --> 00:52:09,296
Oh, and if you
use the restroom
1288
00:52:09,329 --> 00:52:13,367
and you see the numbers on
the wall, don't call them.
1289
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:15,069
They're all hos.
1290
00:52:15,103 --> 00:52:19,107
I know that from
personal experience.
1291
00:52:19,139 --> 00:52:20,340
So, what's for breakfast?
1292
00:52:20,374 --> 00:52:23,310
Well, if I'm in a good
mood, French toast sticks.
1293
00:52:23,343 --> 00:52:25,847
If I'm not, plain oatmeal.
1294
00:52:25,880 --> 00:52:27,180
Hmm.
1295
00:52:27,214 --> 00:52:29,349
Well, I appreciate
your kindness.
1296
00:52:29,383 --> 00:52:30,250
Nighty night.
1297
00:52:30,283 --> 00:52:31,819
I hope the bedbugs do bite.
1298
00:52:31,853 --> 00:52:33,087
[laughs]
- Hey, wait, wait.
1299
00:52:33,121 --> 00:52:34,956
You see that bike over there?
That's my bike.
1300
00:52:34,989 --> 00:52:36,423
Don't touch that bike.
It's mine.
1301
00:52:36,456 --> 00:52:38,026
I'm the guard of the bike.
1302
00:52:38,059 --> 00:52:42,597
And this bike's clutch
only moves for Dutch.
1303
00:52:42,630 --> 00:52:43,831
Nighty night.
1304
00:52:43,865 --> 00:52:44,666
Nighty night.
1305
00:52:51,973 --> 00:52:53,941
Well, home sweet home.
1306
00:52:53,975 --> 00:52:56,944
[gentle music]
1307
00:52:59,947 --> 00:53:01,916
[farting]
1308
00:53:01,949 --> 00:53:04,418
Ah!
1309
00:53:04,451 --> 00:53:06,621
Nothing like a good
ass rip before bedtime.
1310
00:53:10,457 --> 00:53:11,258
Can't breathe!
1311
00:53:11,291 --> 00:53:12,660
Can't breathe!
1312
00:53:12,694 --> 00:53:14,128
Pull down the covers.
1313
00:53:14,162 --> 00:53:17,131
[gasping]
1314
00:53:17,165 --> 00:53:18,265
Dude, I'm sorry.
1315
00:53:18,298 --> 00:53:19,967
I thought I was alone in here.
1316
00:53:20,001 --> 00:53:21,468
This is Franklin's room.
1317
00:53:21,501 --> 00:53:24,337
I've been staying here since
this was a swingers club.
1318
00:53:24,371 --> 00:53:26,440
Ah, man.
1319
00:53:26,473 --> 00:53:28,241
Well, how'd you like my gas?
1320
00:53:28,275 --> 00:53:29,644
You call that gas?
1321
00:53:29,677 --> 00:53:31,278
That was weak.
1322
00:53:31,311 --> 00:53:32,479
What?
1323
00:53:32,513 --> 00:53:35,149
If you wanted to have
a fart fight competition,
1324
00:53:35,183 --> 00:53:36,851
you should have just told me.
1325
00:53:36,884 --> 00:53:37,852
[grunts]
1326
00:53:37,885 --> 00:53:40,220
[farts] There.
1327
00:53:40,253 --> 00:53:41,556
Oh, yeah?
1328
00:53:41,589 --> 00:53:43,524
[farting]
1329
00:53:44,324 --> 00:53:45,193
Nah, here.
1330
00:53:45,225 --> 00:53:46,326
[farts]
1331
00:53:47,161 --> 00:53:48,896
Oh, yeah?
1332
00:53:48,930 --> 00:53:50,865
[farting, grunting]
1333
00:53:50,898 --> 00:53:51,833
Ah!
1334
00:53:51,866 --> 00:53:53,101
Ah, my eyes!
1335
00:53:53,134 --> 00:53:54,802
[farting, grunting]
1336
00:53:54,836 --> 00:53:55,737
Franklin gives up!
1337
00:53:55,770 --> 00:53:56,537
I give up.
1338
00:53:56,571 --> 00:53:57,638
[laughs]
1339
00:53:57,672 --> 00:54:00,742
Oh, my eyes are burning.
1340
00:54:00,775 --> 00:54:02,275
My butt trumpet always wins.
1341
00:54:02,309 --> 00:54:06,848
[laughs] You'll be all right.
1342
00:54:06,881 --> 00:54:08,850
We'll get some
salve or something.
1343
00:54:08,883 --> 00:54:10,250
OK.
1344
00:54:10,283 --> 00:54:11,351
Let's get some sleep.
1345
00:54:11,384 --> 00:54:12,553
Come on, Franklin.
1346
00:54:12,587 --> 00:54:14,387
You're my new best friend.
1347
00:54:14,421 --> 00:54:15,322
Hey!
1348
00:54:15,355 --> 00:54:16,224
Keep it down in there!
1349
00:54:16,256 --> 00:54:17,324
It's after 9:30!
1350
00:54:17,357 --> 00:54:18,458
Don't make me come in there!
1351
00:54:18,492 --> 00:54:21,195
Turn them lights out!
1352
00:54:21,229 --> 00:54:25,600
Oh, Dutch, what's
all the racket?
1353
00:54:25,633 --> 00:54:27,602
Oh, he's making
a ruckus in there.
1354
00:54:27,635 --> 00:54:32,305
[groans] Smells
like shit in here.
1355
00:54:32,339 --> 00:54:35,943
Hey, Dutch, be nice
to all those people.
1356
00:54:35,977 --> 00:54:36,944
Yeah.
1357
00:54:36,978 --> 00:54:39,514
It's tough out
there on the streets.
1358
00:54:39,547 --> 00:54:40,280
Yeah.
1359
00:54:40,313 --> 00:54:43,283
Here, pull my finger.
1360
00:54:43,316 --> 00:54:45,019
[farting]
1361
00:54:45,052 --> 00:54:45,820
Oh!
1362
00:54:45,853 --> 00:54:47,454
[laughs]
1363
00:54:47,487 --> 00:54:49,590
Damn, it tastes like corn.
1364
00:54:49,624 --> 00:54:50,792
What did you have for dinner?
1365
00:54:50,825 --> 00:54:51,993
[laughs]
1366
00:54:52,026 --> 00:54:52,827
Oh, gosh.
1367
00:54:56,463 --> 00:54:58,866
[wheels squeaking]
1368
00:54:59,867 --> 00:55:02,570
Hey, hey.
1369
00:55:02,603 --> 00:55:04,272
Eat up, my Excellency.
1370
00:55:04,304 --> 00:55:06,974
How can you run hell
on an empty stomach?
1371
00:55:07,008 --> 00:55:09,110
I'm not hungry.
1372
00:55:09,143 --> 00:55:11,179
I don't deserve to eat.
1373
00:55:11,212 --> 00:55:16,751
My son is still missing
somewhere up there.
1374
00:55:16,784 --> 00:55:20,521
[sighs] Sir, if I may.
1375
00:55:20,555 --> 00:55:23,490
Do you remember the last time
Howard went missing in the '60s?
1376
00:55:23,524 --> 00:55:24,792
It's just as long.
1377
00:55:24,826 --> 00:55:26,093
What was he doing?
1378
00:55:26,127 --> 00:55:29,664
He was picking off hippies
by the Bay under a fake name.
1379
00:55:29,697 --> 00:55:31,431
And he came back.
1380
00:55:31,464 --> 00:55:34,569
He will come back.
1381
00:55:34,602 --> 00:55:37,972
You always know just
what to say, don't you?
1382
00:55:38,005 --> 00:55:40,775
Now, pass the eyeball stew
with extra garlic entrails.
1383
00:55:40,808 --> 00:55:41,676
Woo!
1384
00:55:41,709 --> 00:55:44,645
Oh, score!
1385
00:55:44,679 --> 00:55:49,183
Still a bottle of my favorite
hot sauce, colon-destroying,
1386
00:55:49,217 --> 00:55:52,687
just like I like it.
1387
00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:57,758
Dark Lord, a young
man has been murdered.
1388
00:55:57,792 --> 00:56:01,295
He's broken into one of our
personal hell simulators.
1389
00:56:01,329 --> 00:56:03,197
They struck him down
before his time.
1390
00:56:03,231 --> 00:56:05,900
Uh-oh.
1391
00:56:05,933 --> 00:56:08,169
That is not good.
1392
00:56:08,202 --> 00:56:11,806
An early death isn't
properly recorded.
1393
00:56:11,839 --> 00:56:14,342
The man upstairs will
chew me out for this.
1394
00:56:14,374 --> 00:56:17,410
As well as your son Howard
has allowed his skateboard
1395
00:56:17,444 --> 00:56:19,412
to fall into the wrong hands.
1396
00:56:19,446 --> 00:56:21,381
How would you like
me to proceed?
1397
00:56:21,414 --> 00:56:26,954
I think it's time for me
to get off my big, red ass
1398
00:56:26,988 --> 00:56:29,357
and retrieve my boy.
1399
00:56:29,389 --> 00:56:32,994
But sire, hell will
go to hell without you.
1400
00:56:33,027 --> 00:56:36,297
Who will run the trains and
make sure that they are on time?
1401
00:56:36,330 --> 00:56:39,333
You, along with
my personal security
1402
00:56:39,367 --> 00:56:42,536
guards, Virgil and Hogan.
1403
00:56:42,570 --> 00:56:43,537
You summoned us?
1404
00:56:43,571 --> 00:56:45,006
Reporting for duty, sir.
1405
00:56:45,039 --> 00:56:46,007
Yes.
1406
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,844
It appears my son
may be in danger.
1407
00:56:49,877 --> 00:56:55,950
I must visit the Earth's
surface, sort this thing out.
1408
00:56:55,983 --> 00:56:57,919
You can count on us
to hold the fort down.
1409
00:56:57,952 --> 00:56:58,753
Oh, yeah.
1410
00:56:58,786 --> 00:57:02,590
No funny business on our watch.
1411
00:57:02,623 --> 00:57:03,791
Good.
1412
00:57:03,824 --> 00:57:06,627
Mother Earth has
given me a vision.
1413
00:57:06,661 --> 00:57:10,865
She says she will swallow
Howard by the morning,
1414
00:57:10,898 --> 00:57:12,967
although she will
not enjoy the taste.
1415
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:14,602
[chuckles]
1416
00:57:14,635 --> 00:57:16,704
I can't take that chance.
1417
00:57:16,737 --> 00:57:19,607
Time for me to take
matters into my own hands.
1418
00:57:19,640 --> 00:57:22,475
[mop sloshing]
1419
00:57:25,313 --> 00:57:27,048
This isn't doing anything!
1420
00:57:27,081 --> 00:57:29,951
[heavy metal music]
1421
00:57:30,885 --> 00:57:34,088
[spits] Hey, guys,
I think I found
1422
00:57:34,121 --> 00:57:36,524
out how to track Ruby's phone.
I think I know where she's at.
1423
00:57:36,557 --> 00:57:38,392
BUCK: Well, what about
your partner in crime?
1424
00:57:38,426 --> 00:57:40,895
What's his name, Caleb Chase?
1425
00:57:40,928 --> 00:57:42,430
Chase?
- Chase?
1426
00:57:42,462 --> 00:57:43,463
Yeah, he's not answering.
1427
00:57:43,496 --> 00:57:44,464
His phone's dead.
1428
00:57:44,497 --> 00:57:46,133
But those two are
stuck at the hip.
1429
00:57:46,167 --> 00:57:48,402
They act like each
other's keepers.
1430
00:57:48,436 --> 00:57:50,338
I wish I had a keeper.
1431
00:57:50,371 --> 00:57:53,074
Kane said we could come by the
set later to show him the board.
1432
00:57:53,107 --> 00:57:54,241
Let's go find it.
1433
00:57:54,275 --> 00:57:56,243
I mean, the tracking
app might be a dead end,
1434
00:57:56,277 --> 00:57:57,511
but it's worth a shot, so.
1435
00:57:57,545 --> 00:57:59,613
Hey, Kurt, I
forgot to tell you.
1436
00:57:59,647 --> 00:58:02,183
Last night at the shop, the
detective was snooping around,
1437
00:58:02,216 --> 00:58:03,851
asking questions about you.
1438
00:58:03,884 --> 00:58:05,252
I think you're a suspect.
1439
00:58:05,286 --> 00:58:06,220
Suspect?
1440
00:58:06,253 --> 00:58:07,621
That's fucking rich.
1441
00:58:07,655 --> 00:58:09,890
I've kept my hands
clean since juvie.
1442
00:58:09,924 --> 00:58:11,025
Don't worry, Kurt.
1443
00:58:11,058 --> 00:58:13,361
If I see the cops, I'll
give you a warning.
1444
00:58:13,394 --> 00:58:14,762
Thanks for the heads up, Buck.
1445
00:58:14,795 --> 00:58:16,630
Come on, Kat.
1446
00:58:16,664 --> 00:58:18,399
All right, good
morning, everyone.
1447
00:58:18,432 --> 00:58:20,401
I hope that you all slept well.
1448
00:58:20,434 --> 00:58:22,770
Stop talking about me.
1449
00:58:22,803 --> 00:58:24,005
Time to get your grub on.
1450
00:58:24,038 --> 00:58:26,841
Um, Jane and I slaved
over a hot microwave
1451
00:58:26,874 --> 00:58:28,976
to get you this breakfast.
1452
00:58:29,010 --> 00:58:29,810
I'm starving.
1453
00:58:29,844 --> 00:58:31,345
I hope they have
quiche Lorraine.
1454
00:58:31,379 --> 00:58:33,948
I could be a Pop Tart myself.
1455
00:58:33,981 --> 00:58:35,649
Stop talking about me.
1456
00:58:35,683 --> 00:58:37,385
You know, I'm pretty
happy with whatever
1457
00:58:37,418 --> 00:58:39,086
these guys throw my way.
1458
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:41,422
When I was a runaway,
I joined the circus.
1459
00:58:41,455 --> 00:58:44,759
And my ringmaster used to
take my cotton candy daily!
1460
00:58:44,792 --> 00:58:46,427
Pal, take it down a notch.
1461
00:58:46,460 --> 00:58:48,396
We don't want to hear
your whole life story.
1462
00:58:48,429 --> 00:58:51,165
I was a tightrope walker.
1463
00:58:51,198 --> 00:58:53,501
Yeah, and I got the stomach
jumblies pretty bad.
1464
00:58:53,534 --> 00:58:54,602
It was embarrassing.
1465
00:58:54,635 --> 00:58:56,003
They got rid of me pretty quick.
1466
00:58:56,037 --> 00:58:59,407
Stop talking about me.
1467
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:03,110
Hey, I'm really sorry
about your face, Franklin.
1468
00:59:03,144 --> 00:59:05,413
It's just that
sometimes my sphincter
1469
00:59:05,446 --> 00:59:07,348
doesn't know its own strength.
1470
00:59:07,381 --> 00:59:08,816
Hey, no skin off my face.
1471
00:59:08,849 --> 00:59:12,486
[laughs] Good one.
1472
00:59:12,521 --> 00:59:13,621
That's a good one.
1473
00:59:13,654 --> 00:59:17,091
I will win the next
fart contest against you.
1474
00:59:17,124 --> 00:59:17,992
That's the spirit.
1475
00:59:18,025 --> 00:59:18,793
Awesome.
1476
00:59:18,826 --> 00:59:20,227
[laughs]
1477
00:59:20,261 --> 00:59:22,630
Maybe I'll put some more
of this aloe vera on here.
1478
00:59:22,663 --> 00:59:23,964
Yeah, I think it's helping.
1479
00:59:23,998 --> 00:59:25,733
[winces]
1480
00:59:25,766 --> 00:59:27,034
This place is bullshit.
1481
00:59:27,068 --> 00:59:28,169
More oatmeal?
1482
00:59:28,202 --> 00:59:29,403
How will I ever make--
stay in my weight class
1483
00:59:29,437 --> 00:59:31,138
with these elementary
school portions?
1484
00:59:31,172 --> 00:59:32,239
That's enough, Cage.
1485
00:59:32,273 --> 00:59:33,641
Now, I understand
you're training
1486
00:59:33,674 --> 00:59:36,177
to be one of them fighters,
but up in this place,
1487
00:59:36,210 --> 00:59:38,012
nobody gets a larger
portion than the other.
1488
00:59:38,045 --> 00:59:39,380
Don't make me
throw your ass out.
1489
00:59:39,413 --> 00:59:40,181
Please don't.
1490
00:59:40,214 --> 00:59:41,048
It's cold out there.
1491
00:59:41,082 --> 00:59:42,183
Yeah, I know.
1492
00:59:42,216 --> 00:59:43,984
But consider yourself up
in here a lightweight.
1493
00:59:44,018 --> 00:59:46,287
Now, nobody gives me
gluttony up in my shelter.
1494
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:47,188
You hear that?
1495
00:59:47,221 --> 00:59:48,055
Amen.
1496
00:59:48,089 --> 00:59:49,090
Praise him.
1497
00:59:49,123 --> 00:59:50,691
No gluttony.
1498
00:59:50,724 --> 00:59:52,561
Praise him.
1499
00:59:52,593 --> 00:59:54,895
Where the hell
did you come from?
1500
00:59:54,929 --> 00:59:56,897
I'm everywhere and nowhere.
1501
00:59:56,931 --> 00:59:59,200
It's wherever the
good Lord leads me.
1502
00:59:59,233 --> 01:00:02,036
Well, aren't you
something else?
1503
01:00:02,069 --> 01:00:03,137
Where's your sister?
1504
01:00:03,170 --> 01:00:04,573
Hmm.
1505
01:00:04,605 --> 01:00:06,841
Her and I are not
speaking at the moment.
1506
01:00:06,874 --> 01:00:10,711
Oh, well, here they come.
1507
01:00:10,744 --> 01:00:11,979
Yeah, speak of the devil.
1508
01:00:12,012 --> 01:00:13,582
Look what the cat dragged in.
1509
01:00:13,614 --> 01:00:15,616
Hello, Sister Nancy.
1510
01:00:15,649 --> 01:00:17,251
How's it hanging?
1511
01:00:17,284 --> 01:00:18,652
You two are very late.
1512
01:00:18,686 --> 01:00:21,556
And, Sister, your
habit is crooked.
1513
01:00:21,590 --> 01:00:24,291
And Father Maurice,
you are very sweaty.
1514
01:00:24,325 --> 01:00:28,796
Well, we-- we weren't
partaking in sinful acts.
1515
01:00:28,829 --> 01:00:31,566
No, I haven't thought
about the male anatomy
1516
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:37,338
since seminary school,
unlike you, little heathen.
1517
01:00:37,371 --> 01:00:39,807
You'll be judged
for your sins.
1518
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:42,209
Oh, I hope so.
1519
01:00:42,243 --> 01:00:45,045
I hope hell is
ready for Nun Nell.
1520
01:00:45,079 --> 01:00:46,847
These poor souls.
1521
01:00:46,881 --> 01:00:48,782
This place is quite a dump.
1522
01:00:48,816 --> 01:00:50,417
I think I need a tetanus shot.
1523
01:00:53,354 --> 01:00:54,788
You got something
to say to me?
1524
01:00:54,822 --> 01:00:56,591
If you don't like the
way I run my shelter,
1525
01:00:56,625 --> 01:00:58,192
you can just get out.
1526
01:00:58,225 --> 01:01:00,761
My bad.
1527
01:01:00,794 --> 01:01:04,899
This place is drab, but garish.
1528
01:01:04,932 --> 01:01:07,801
It's kind of like a brothel.
1529
01:01:07,835 --> 01:01:09,737
Well, that's because
it was, Father.
1530
01:01:09,770 --> 01:01:11,272
And it's cheap rent.
1531
01:01:11,305 --> 01:01:13,474
Greetings, everyone!
1532
01:01:13,508 --> 01:01:15,876
I hope you're all
prepared to be shocked
1533
01:01:15,910 --> 01:01:20,114
and amazed at the performance
I'm giving later today.
1534
01:01:20,147 --> 01:01:24,785
My power to hypnotize
will be put to the test!
1535
01:01:24,818 --> 01:01:29,957
[yells]
1536
01:01:29,990 --> 01:01:32,893
It says we're right here.
1537
01:01:32,927 --> 01:01:36,297
Oh, there she is, and the board.
1538
01:01:36,330 --> 01:01:38,199
You think she's just
passed out maybe?
1539
01:01:38,232 --> 01:01:41,702
She doesn't look so good.
1540
01:01:41,735 --> 01:01:43,470
Where's Chase?
1541
01:01:43,505 --> 01:01:44,539
Who cares?
1542
01:01:44,573 --> 01:01:46,073
He's probably having
a meeting with a Hat
1543
01:01:46,106 --> 01:01:47,676
Man in some drugged-out stupor.
1544
01:01:47,708 --> 01:01:50,811
He's so fucked up on drugs, he
sometimes sleeps for three days
1545
01:01:50,844 --> 01:01:52,079
straight.
1546
01:01:52,112 --> 01:01:53,714
How does he go
to the bathroom?
1547
01:01:53,747 --> 01:01:55,115
He pisses in a jar.
1548
01:01:55,149 --> 01:01:57,652
He learned it from a
video game streamer.
1549
01:01:57,686 --> 01:01:59,420
Let's get the board
and get out of here.
1550
01:01:59,453 --> 01:02:00,788
This place gives me the creeps.
1551
01:02:00,821 --> 01:02:02,624
Yeah.
1552
01:02:02,657 --> 01:02:06,126
[soft dramatic music]
1553
01:02:15,035 --> 01:02:15,869
Sorry, Ruby.
1554
01:02:20,241 --> 01:02:22,009
Now we can bring
it back to Kane.
1555
01:02:22,042 --> 01:02:23,511
Let's go to the set now.
1556
01:02:23,545 --> 01:02:25,779
Yeah
1557
01:02:25,813 --> 01:02:27,682
[door opens]
1558
01:02:27,716 --> 01:02:30,050
[ominous music]
1559
01:02:30,084 --> 01:02:32,987
Hey, devil man!
1560
01:02:33,020 --> 01:02:35,122
You looking for
some party favors?
1561
01:02:35,155 --> 01:02:38,392
'Cause I got the best
booger sugar this side
1562
01:02:38,425 --> 01:02:40,060
of the northern hemisphere.
1563
01:02:40,094 --> 01:02:41,328
He's not lying.
1564
01:02:41,362 --> 01:02:45,567
My brother Ross, top
supplier for the demonoids.
1565
01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:48,302
And he only cuts his powder with
a little bit of baby laxative.
1566
01:02:48,335 --> 01:02:49,937
Damn it, Debbie,
you weren't supposed
1567
01:02:49,970 --> 01:02:51,972
to actually say that part.
1568
01:02:52,006 --> 01:02:53,675
This is why dad had us whacked.
1569
01:02:53,708 --> 01:02:55,409
Well, do you think
Satan really cares?
1570
01:02:55,442 --> 01:02:58,212
He looks like he eats
nails for breakfast.
1571
01:02:58,245 --> 01:03:00,414
Actually, I do.
1572
01:03:00,447 --> 01:03:07,021
Now, if you kids will get out
of my way, I have places to be.
1573
01:03:07,054 --> 01:03:09,691
See you later, Devil Daddy.
1574
01:03:09,724 --> 01:03:12,426
[distant wailing, moaning]
1575
01:03:13,227 --> 01:03:15,296
Oh!
1576
01:03:15,329 --> 01:03:17,131
I got one.
1577
01:03:17,164 --> 01:03:19,768
Mm.
1578
01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:20,735
Oh.
1579
01:03:20,769 --> 01:03:23,270
Mm.
1580
01:03:23,304 --> 01:03:26,574
Greetings, king of
the bottomless pit.
1581
01:03:26,608 --> 01:03:31,912
Hey, it's me, your infernal
bathroom attendant, Marty.
1582
01:03:31,945 --> 01:03:36,685
Would you care for a hotel
or maybe a tasty urinal cake?
1583
01:03:36,718 --> 01:03:38,018
The used ones are the tastiest.
1584
01:03:40,555 --> 01:03:43,290
HELL DEVIL: Are you loco?
1585
01:03:43,324 --> 01:03:45,292
Can't you see I have
a mission at hand?
1586
01:03:45,326 --> 01:03:47,629
[stutters] I'm sorry.
1587
01:03:47,662 --> 01:03:48,730
I'm sorry.
1588
01:03:48,763 --> 01:03:50,898
I should have known
better not to interrupt
1589
01:03:50,931 --> 01:03:52,767
somebody during a good BM.
1590
01:03:52,801 --> 01:03:54,803
Bad, bad, bad.
1591
01:03:54,835 --> 01:03:55,903
Carry on.
1592
01:03:55,936 --> 01:04:00,207
Hey, the boss isn't
here to do his business.
1593
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:03,010
Actually, I am.
1594
01:04:03,043 --> 01:04:07,881
But right afterwards,
Chuckles, Dagon, and I
1595
01:04:07,915 --> 01:04:14,488
are using this stall as a portal
to visit the Earth's surface.
1596
01:04:14,522 --> 01:04:19,993
It is time to retrieve my son.
1597
01:04:20,027 --> 01:04:22,496
[footsteps]
1598
01:04:27,401 --> 01:04:29,336
[portal ringing]
1599
01:04:29,370 --> 01:04:30,839
[door thuds]
1600
01:04:33,775 --> 01:04:37,512
[coughing] Oh.
1601
01:04:37,545 --> 01:04:41,115
I forgot how shapeshifting
does a number on my poor back.
1602
01:04:41,148 --> 01:04:43,384
Dark Lord, you look different.
1603
01:04:43,417 --> 01:04:46,654
Yeah, have you done something
different with your hair?
1604
01:04:46,688 --> 01:04:48,288
I changed shampoos.
1605
01:04:48,322 --> 01:04:49,890
You two are fools.
1606
01:04:49,923 --> 01:04:52,459
Obviously, I had to
take on a new form.
1607
01:04:52,493 --> 01:04:55,095
Do you believe I could
walk among earthlings
1608
01:04:55,129 --> 01:04:57,998
looking like someone out
of a Goosepimples book?
1609
01:04:58,031 --> 01:04:59,433
I suppose not.
1610
01:04:59,466 --> 01:05:00,702
The new look suits you.
1611
01:05:00,735 --> 01:05:04,304
Yeah, you have kind
eyes, like somebody
1612
01:05:04,338 --> 01:05:06,508
you can trust not to gut you.
1613
01:05:06,541 --> 01:05:07,975
Enough with the compliments.
1614
01:05:08,008 --> 01:05:09,476
I'll get a big head.
1615
01:05:09,511 --> 01:05:11,912
We're here for one reason
and one reason only--
1616
01:05:11,945 --> 01:05:13,848
to find my son.
1617
01:05:13,882 --> 01:05:15,683
Don't forget about
the missing skateboard.
1618
01:05:15,717 --> 01:05:18,285
Are you implying I would
forget about the board?
1619
01:05:18,318 --> 01:05:20,755
Listen, my body
may have changed,
1620
01:05:20,789 --> 01:05:27,327
but I will give you a beating
if you sass me one more time.
1621
01:05:27,361 --> 01:05:28,630
My mistake.
1622
01:05:28,663 --> 01:05:29,997
Where should we
begin our search?
1623
01:05:30,030 --> 01:05:30,799
Not here.
1624
01:05:30,832 --> 01:05:33,668
[sniffs] I can't smell him.
1625
01:05:33,701 --> 01:05:36,905
All I smell is moose
pies and cowboy nuts.
1626
01:05:36,937 --> 01:05:40,040
If Howard is still on this
planet with his board,
1627
01:05:40,073 --> 01:05:42,443
this device will find him.
1628
01:05:42,476 --> 01:05:44,344
[gravel crunching]
1629
01:05:45,245 --> 01:05:46,480
Hey, man, snap out of it.
1630
01:05:46,514 --> 01:05:48,850
What's going on with you, Kurt?
1631
01:05:48,883 --> 01:05:51,151
Dude, you've been zoning out!
1632
01:05:51,185 --> 01:05:52,854
Hey!
1633
01:05:52,887 --> 01:05:54,823
What's your problem?
1634
01:05:54,856 --> 01:05:55,623
I don't know.
1635
01:05:55,657 --> 01:05:56,925
It's-- it's this board.
1636
01:05:56,957 --> 01:05:58,626
When you stare in its
eyes, it's like it
1637
01:05:58,660 --> 01:06:00,662
tempts you with everything
you ever wanted.
1638
01:06:00,695 --> 01:06:02,630
Maybe you shouldn't be
looking at it so much.
1639
01:06:05,299 --> 01:06:07,669
Yeah.
1640
01:06:07,702 --> 01:06:08,937
What gives?
1641
01:06:08,969 --> 01:06:11,271
The board's not here.
1642
01:06:11,305 --> 01:06:13,273
All the coordinates are correct.
1643
01:06:13,307 --> 01:06:16,945
My liege, do you think she
could be of some help to us?
1644
01:06:16,977 --> 01:06:19,948
I'm going to incapacitate
her mental awareness.
1645
01:06:19,980 --> 01:06:23,518
We can't have any witnesses
blabbing about us.
1646
01:06:23,551 --> 01:06:25,319
Be foolish.
1647
01:06:25,352 --> 01:06:27,454
Become foolish.
1648
01:06:27,488 --> 01:06:29,924
[energy whirring]
1649
01:06:37,699 --> 01:06:39,667
Oh, I like 'em crazy.
1650
01:06:39,701 --> 01:06:41,468
Can she be my new pet?
1651
01:06:41,502 --> 01:06:43,671
Come on, boys, let's
go find the board.
1652
01:06:50,477 --> 01:06:51,746
EZRA: Can I get your attention?
1653
01:06:51,779 --> 01:06:52,714
Everybody, over here!
1654
01:06:52,747 --> 01:06:55,950
Welcome to the party
of the century.
1655
01:06:55,984 --> 01:06:56,751
Yeah!
1656
01:06:56,784 --> 01:06:57,919
My name is Ezra.
1657
01:06:57,952 --> 01:07:00,220
I'm going to be your
party emcee for the night.
1658
01:07:00,254 --> 01:07:02,824
When the devil's away, the
fallen angels will play.
1659
01:07:02,857 --> 01:07:03,625
Am I right?
1660
01:07:03,658 --> 01:07:05,527
Am I right?
1661
01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:07,294
This party's kind of
getting out of hand.
1662
01:07:07,327 --> 01:07:09,396
You think it's time
to shut it down?
1663
01:07:09,429 --> 01:07:10,798
Why?
1664
01:07:10,832 --> 01:07:14,167
It's the most fun us demons can
have, with or without pants on.
1665
01:07:14,201 --> 01:07:14,969
You know what?
1666
01:07:15,003 --> 01:07:16,236
You're right.
1667
01:07:16,270 --> 01:07:20,008
I think it's time to get a
raw steak and chew on it.
1668
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:23,443
[kissing]
1669
01:07:23,477 --> 01:07:25,412
[neck crunches]
1670
01:07:25,445 --> 01:07:28,415
[kissing]
1671
01:07:34,822 --> 01:07:37,291
[smacking lips]
1672
01:07:47,167 --> 01:07:51,071
Hey, guys, are you OK?
1673
01:07:51,104 --> 01:07:56,911
Do you need a lift or
maybe a frozen fudge pop?
1674
01:07:56,945 --> 01:07:58,980
You're very kind
to offer us dessert,
1675
01:07:59,013 --> 01:08:02,249
but we're still full from the
mealworms we had here earlier.
1676
01:08:02,282 --> 01:08:05,352
Uh, you're not from
around here, are you?
1677
01:08:05,385 --> 01:08:06,153
We're not.
1678
01:08:06,186 --> 01:08:08,322
We're from the Deep South.
1679
01:08:08,355 --> 01:08:10,058
Yeah, I can definitely
hear the Southern
1680
01:08:10,090 --> 01:08:12,259
accent in your-- your voice.
1681
01:08:12,292 --> 01:08:13,861
[kissing]
1682
01:08:13,895 --> 01:08:16,330
Your girl looks
a little confused.
1683
01:08:16,363 --> 01:08:17,632
Is she OK?
1684
01:08:17,665 --> 01:08:19,000
Oh, don't worry about her.
1685
01:08:19,033 --> 01:08:22,637
She's just lovestruck,
seeing a hunk like you stop.
1686
01:08:22,670 --> 01:08:25,073
I'm just-- I'm
just a TV repairman.
1687
01:08:25,105 --> 01:08:27,775
I-- I just don't like static.
1688
01:08:27,809 --> 01:08:29,711
Hey, is that a
dodo bird over there?
1689
01:08:29,744 --> 01:08:30,678
[fist thuds]
1690
01:08:30,712 --> 01:08:33,948
[groans] [gasping]
1691
01:08:33,982 --> 01:08:36,450
[knife slicing]
1692
01:08:43,323 --> 01:08:46,293
Uh-oh.
1693
01:08:46,326 --> 01:08:49,831
Do either of you
know how to drive?
1694
01:08:49,864 --> 01:08:51,198
Vroom!
1695
01:08:51,231 --> 01:08:52,767
Me race car driver.
1696
01:08:52,800 --> 01:08:57,404
[laughs]
1697
01:08:57,437 --> 01:08:59,741
No, sire, I only
rode horseback in life.
1698
01:09:02,476 --> 01:09:03,811
Don't look at me.
1699
01:09:03,845 --> 01:09:06,213
Ever since that swing
set hit me in the head,
1700
01:09:06,246 --> 01:09:07,481
I don't remember how to drive.
1701
01:09:07,515 --> 01:09:09,383
[laughs]
1702
01:09:09,416 --> 01:09:11,552
I guess we're walking, boys.
1703
01:09:11,586 --> 01:09:12,854
Let's go.
1704
01:09:12,887 --> 01:09:16,891
[spits] [chuckles]
That's nice.
1705
01:09:20,094 --> 01:09:23,430
[whimsical music]
1706
01:09:27,267 --> 01:09:30,370
Howard, is it?
1707
01:09:30,404 --> 01:09:33,240
Do these floors
look clean to you?
1708
01:09:33,273 --> 01:09:37,344
The grout in between
these tiles is filthy.
1709
01:09:37,377 --> 01:09:39,446
I like it filthy.
1710
01:09:39,479 --> 01:09:41,248
Reminds me of home.
1711
01:09:41,281 --> 01:09:42,482
Yeah?
1712
01:09:42,517 --> 01:09:45,853
Well, that won't get you
any extra oats at mealtime.
1713
01:09:45,887 --> 01:09:48,756
Dutch wants these floors
clean enough to eat from.
1714
01:09:48,790 --> 01:09:52,660
That's not the only thing I've
seen Dutch do on these floors.
1715
01:09:52,694 --> 01:09:54,862
Dutch is a
reformed sex addict.
1716
01:09:54,896 --> 01:09:56,964
Don't be such an ass.
1717
01:09:56,998 --> 01:09:58,365
Can't help it.
1718
01:09:58,398 --> 01:10:01,803
He feeds us so many oats, I feel
like I'm turning into an ass.
1719
01:10:01,836 --> 01:10:04,038
Yeehaw!
1720
01:10:04,072 --> 01:10:06,473
Yeah, well, Dutch
used to serve surf
1721
01:10:06,507 --> 01:10:08,341
and turf every other night.
1722
01:10:08,375 --> 01:10:12,780
But he's a gambling addict,
so food budget comes last.
1723
01:10:12,814 --> 01:10:13,614
Hmm.
1724
01:10:13,648 --> 01:10:15,282
He sounds like a real winner.
1725
01:10:15,315 --> 01:10:18,753
Bud, buddy, I'm glad
somebody's a winner.
1726
01:10:18,786 --> 01:10:22,590
Because-- because the
floor is not winning.
1727
01:10:22,623 --> 01:10:24,025
You're doing a terrible job.
1728
01:10:24,058 --> 01:10:24,826
Oh, right.
1729
01:10:24,859 --> 01:10:25,960
Doing my best, boss.
1730
01:10:25,993 --> 01:10:26,761
Watch, watch.
1731
01:10:26,794 --> 01:10:27,762
Give it to me.
1732
01:10:27,795 --> 01:10:29,097
Look.
1733
01:10:29,130 --> 01:10:32,600
The British way,
pinky up and scrub.
1734
01:10:32,633 --> 01:10:33,835
Oh, let me give it a shot.
1735
01:10:33,868 --> 01:10:35,136
OK.
1736
01:10:35,169 --> 01:10:37,672
Pinky up and scrub.
1737
01:10:37,705 --> 01:10:39,974
That's kind of a sexual move.
1738
01:10:40,007 --> 01:10:45,378
It's kind of a-- kind of
sexual connotations to it.
1739
01:10:45,412 --> 01:10:46,413
You know what I mean.
1740
01:10:46,446 --> 01:10:47,380
All right.
1741
01:10:47,414 --> 01:10:49,016
Just keep grinding.
1742
01:10:49,050 --> 01:10:50,651
I am a mutant MILF.
1743
01:10:50,685 --> 01:10:51,451
Yeah!
1744
01:10:51,485 --> 01:10:52,385
Oh, yeah.
1745
01:10:52,419 --> 01:10:53,187
MILF!
1746
01:10:53,221 --> 01:10:55,223
Yes, you're very beautiful.
1747
01:10:55,255 --> 01:10:56,991
What are you going to do to us?
1748
01:10:57,024 --> 01:10:58,092
Drain your blood!
1749
01:10:58,126 --> 01:10:59,894
[laughter]
1750
01:10:59,927 --> 01:11:01,662
You're sick and twisted!
1751
01:11:01,696 --> 01:11:04,297
I'm not twisted, the world is.
1752
01:11:04,331 --> 01:11:08,435
And ever since my mutant
family was pushed from our home
1753
01:11:08,468 --> 01:11:09,302
with a pitchfork--
1754
01:11:09,336 --> 01:11:10,071
Oh, yeah!
1755
01:11:10,104 --> 01:11:10,938
Yes, mama.
1756
01:11:10,972 --> 01:11:14,242
--we have been
seeking revenge.
1757
01:11:14,274 --> 01:11:15,408
Revenge!
1758
01:11:15,442 --> 01:11:20,782
When one of your little
normies cars breaks down,
1759
01:11:20,815 --> 01:11:22,683
we get to teach you
a little humility.
1760
01:11:22,717 --> 01:11:23,651
Break down.
1761
01:11:23,684 --> 01:11:25,452
[yells]
1762
01:11:25,485 --> 01:11:28,222
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
1763
01:11:28,256 --> 01:11:29,422
[growls]
1764
01:11:29,456 --> 01:11:32,593
Oh, an eye for an eye.
1765
01:11:32,627 --> 01:11:33,393
Yeah!
1766
01:11:33,426 --> 01:11:34,662
[clapping]
1767
01:11:34,695 --> 01:11:35,462
An for an eye!
1768
01:11:35,495 --> 01:11:36,898
[laughter]
1769
01:11:38,298 --> 01:11:40,101
I had nothing to do with your
family being run out of town.
1770
01:11:40,134 --> 01:11:41,202
Norman.
1771
01:11:41,235 --> 01:11:42,003
Ha!
1772
01:11:42,036 --> 01:11:43,538
Him, yeah.
1773
01:11:43,571 --> 01:11:46,641
That one.
1774
01:11:46,674 --> 01:11:50,310
Mutants have been treated
like lower-class citizens.
1775
01:11:50,343 --> 01:11:51,145
Yeah, citizens!
1776
01:11:53,848 --> 01:11:59,921
Well, it is time for the
mutants to take over the world!
1777
01:11:59,954 --> 01:12:03,191
[mutants cheering, laughing]
1778
01:12:03,224 --> 01:12:04,091
Ha-ha!
1779
01:12:04,125 --> 01:12:05,358
Yeah!
1780
01:12:05,392 --> 01:12:06,127
Nice shoes.
1781
01:12:06,160 --> 01:12:07,995
[groans] Oh my god!
1782
01:12:08,029 --> 01:12:09,496
[entrails splatting]
1783
01:12:09,530 --> 01:12:12,533
[mutants laughing]
1784
01:12:14,535 --> 01:12:16,671
What's going on here?
1785
01:12:16,704 --> 01:12:20,074
Are you guys doing a bit
of kidnapping roleplay?
1786
01:12:20,107 --> 01:12:20,875
Kinky.
1787
01:12:20,908 --> 01:12:21,676
Dude, help up!
1788
01:12:21,709 --> 01:12:23,044
She's fucking crazy!
1789
01:12:23,077 --> 01:12:24,679
Oh, shut up.
1790
01:12:24,712 --> 01:12:26,948
That's not even the safe word.
1791
01:12:26,981 --> 01:12:27,915
Can I join in?
1792
01:12:27,949 --> 01:12:28,916
You know, I'm--
1793
01:12:28,950 --> 01:12:30,350
Kane, Kane, where
are you, Kane?
1794
01:12:30,383 --> 01:12:31,152
Kane?
1795
01:12:31,185 --> 01:12:33,353
KANE: Cut, cut, cut!
1796
01:12:33,386 --> 01:12:34,655
Damn it to hell.
1797
01:12:34,689 --> 01:12:36,456
Take it from the top.
1798
01:12:36,489 --> 01:12:37,558
The fuck you mean cut?
1799
01:12:37,592 --> 01:12:39,459
Man, that shit was pure magic.
1800
01:12:39,492 --> 01:12:41,461
Small P, are you stupid?
1801
01:12:41,494 --> 01:12:44,431
These two are not even
part of the scene.
1802
01:12:44,464 --> 01:12:45,900
Let's do it again.
1803
01:12:45,933 --> 01:12:47,467
They're not part of the scene?
1804
01:12:47,500 --> 01:12:50,470
Barbara is the best
part of this scene.
1805
01:12:50,503 --> 01:12:53,207
This whole film, every scene
should be with Barbara.
1806
01:12:53,241 --> 01:12:55,576
She is like the cheese
curds in the poutine.
1807
01:12:55,610 --> 01:12:59,046
Barbara is like the
modern-day Brigitte Bardot.
1808
01:12:59,080 --> 01:13:02,550
[soft dramatic music]
1809
01:13:04,018 --> 01:13:05,987
[energy whooshing]
1810
01:13:10,423 --> 01:13:13,327
Oh.
1811
01:13:13,361 --> 01:13:15,229
It worked.
1812
01:13:15,263 --> 01:13:16,230
I'm back on Earth.
1813
01:13:18,933 --> 01:13:22,970
[sighs] And it's hotter
than hell out here.
1814
01:13:23,004 --> 01:13:23,804
Thirsty.
1815
01:13:27,241 --> 01:13:28,475
Oh, yeah.
1816
01:13:33,446 --> 01:13:34,749
Ow.
1817
01:13:34,782 --> 01:13:37,218
Not supposed to hurt.
1818
01:13:37,251 --> 01:13:49,664
[slurping] [sighs] Oh,
I feel a little woozy.
1819
01:13:49,697 --> 01:13:51,632
[body thuds]
1820
01:13:54,969 --> 01:13:57,038
[energy whooshing]
1821
01:13:57,838 --> 01:14:02,343
[groans] Some vacation.
1822
01:14:02,376 --> 01:14:06,314
[groans] I give up.
1823
01:14:06,347 --> 01:14:07,447
So what's the verdict?
1824
01:14:07,480 --> 01:14:09,350
Have you ever seen
anything like this before?
1825
01:14:09,383 --> 01:14:10,685
You sell a lot of boards.
1826
01:14:10,718 --> 01:14:11,886
Never in my life.
1827
01:14:11,919 --> 01:14:13,486
This thing is tripping me out.
1828
01:14:13,521 --> 01:14:14,522
Really?
1829
01:14:14,555 --> 01:14:16,023
Let's take a look
under the grip tape.
1830
01:14:16,057 --> 01:14:16,857
Good idea.
1831
01:14:22,530 --> 01:14:24,398
[skateboard flesh crackling]
1832
01:14:24,432 --> 01:14:27,101
Holy fuck!
1833
01:14:27,134 --> 01:14:29,971
I'm starting to believe
this board really is cursed.
1834
01:14:30,004 --> 01:14:31,872
It's alive!
1835
01:14:31,906 --> 01:14:33,240
Really, John?
1836
01:14:33,274 --> 01:14:36,744
Word of warning, Kurt,
get rid of this thing.
1837
01:14:36,777 --> 01:14:41,148
Whoever owned this before burns
churches and worships Satan.
1838
01:14:41,182 --> 01:14:42,016
Oh, sick.
1839
01:14:42,049 --> 01:14:43,584
I love black metal.
1840
01:14:43,617 --> 01:14:45,619
Didn't you say it
transported you somewhere?
1841
01:14:45,653 --> 01:14:47,588
Yeah, a little escape room.
1842
01:14:47,621 --> 01:14:49,824
It was like my
own personal hell.
1843
01:14:49,857 --> 01:14:52,460
I got taken to a personal
hell too, a beauty salon.
1844
01:14:52,526 --> 01:14:53,294
Wait a minute.
1845
01:14:53,327 --> 01:14:55,796
Did you guys say personal hell?
1846
01:14:55,830 --> 01:14:57,298
Damn, I've been
touching this thing.
1847
01:14:57,331 --> 01:14:59,433
I got to go make a confession.
1848
01:14:59,467 --> 01:15:01,736
So what should we do with it?
1849
01:15:01,769 --> 01:15:02,870
Destroy it.
1850
01:15:02,903 --> 01:15:05,272
Nothing good can come
from owning this thing.
1851
01:15:05,306 --> 01:15:06,374
Are you sure?
1852
01:15:06,407 --> 01:15:07,742
I mean, I could just
take it home with me.
1853
01:15:07,775 --> 01:15:08,542
I could put it up.
1854
01:15:08,576 --> 01:15:10,077
No way!
1855
01:15:10,111 --> 01:15:12,013
This isn't a dream catcher.
1856
01:15:12,046 --> 01:15:14,081
This is a soul sucker.
1857
01:15:14,115 --> 01:15:15,216
This place is weak.
1858
01:15:15,249 --> 01:15:17,418
These pukes all deserve
to die 10 times over.
1859
01:15:17,451 --> 01:15:19,453
If I still had my
pipe-bomb-making kit,
1860
01:15:19,487 --> 01:15:22,189
I'd end this precious
rager real quick.
1861
01:15:22,223 --> 01:15:26,093
Dude, what is your problem?
1862
01:15:26,127 --> 01:15:28,295
You having trouble
finding your tribe?
1863
01:15:28,329 --> 01:15:30,231
Pop one of our pills.
1864
01:15:30,264 --> 01:15:32,233
Call it a peace offering.
1865
01:15:32,266 --> 01:15:33,734
You'll loosen up real quick.
1866
01:15:33,768 --> 01:15:36,203
Maybe try a less
brooding look.
1867
01:15:36,237 --> 01:15:38,139
Maybe lose the sunglasses.
1868
01:15:38,172 --> 01:15:40,474
I bet you got beautiful eyes.
1869
01:15:40,509 --> 01:15:41,942
Let's show them all to hell.
1870
01:15:41,976 --> 01:15:42,943
Come on!
1871
01:15:42,977 --> 01:15:44,879
Don't touch the
fucking sunglasses, man.
1872
01:15:44,912 --> 01:15:46,280
They're from Italy.
1873
01:15:46,313 --> 01:15:48,716
[energetic orchestral music]
1874
01:15:51,085 --> 01:15:52,219
Come one!
1875
01:15:52,253 --> 01:15:54,255
Come all!
1876
01:15:54,288 --> 01:15:58,159
Prepare your anus-- your brain.
1877
01:15:58,192 --> 01:15:58,993
I mean.
1878
01:15:59,026 --> 01:16:02,163
Because I am the Amazing Arnold.
1879
01:16:02,196 --> 01:16:06,801
And I have come here tonight
to hypnotize your mind.
1880
01:16:06,834 --> 01:16:10,905
[cackles] Show
starts in 10 minutes.
1881
01:16:10,938 --> 01:16:12,807
Please take a seat.
1882
01:16:12,840 --> 01:16:14,742
Yeah, just--
1883
01:16:14,775 --> 01:16:17,111
Do you guys think
this man's legit?
1884
01:16:17,144 --> 01:16:18,979
I think it's all a scam.
1885
01:16:19,013 --> 01:16:21,582
So a friend of mine told
me that a friend of his,
1886
01:16:21,615 --> 01:16:24,685
after a party, he was
hypnotized by drinking
1887
01:16:24,718 --> 01:16:26,754
some spiked iced
tea, spiked iced tea.
1888
01:16:26,787 --> 01:16:28,656
It's all smoke and mirrors.
1889
01:16:28,689 --> 01:16:30,559
Bullshit!
1890
01:16:30,591 --> 01:16:35,729
These guys prey on
weak-minded people.
1891
01:16:35,763 --> 01:16:38,766
Once a hypnotist told
me my dead goldfish
1892
01:16:38,799 --> 01:16:40,968
was in the afterlife.
1893
01:16:41,001 --> 01:16:44,338
And he wasn't mad at me for
flushing it down the toilet.
1894
01:16:44,371 --> 01:16:48,676
You know, I've seen this
guy in a movie before.
1895
01:16:48,709 --> 01:16:52,279
Yeah, some-- some crazy
town where nobody drank
1896
01:16:52,313 --> 01:16:55,883
any coffee and all
the baked goods
1897
01:16:55,916 --> 01:16:59,353
were like a toxic green color.
1898
01:16:59,386 --> 01:17:00,921
[dog whistle blowing]
1899
01:17:00,955 --> 01:17:03,424
Quiet down, everyone.
1900
01:17:03,457 --> 01:17:09,430
The show is about to begin.
1901
01:17:09,463 --> 01:17:10,364
He has a whistle.
1902
01:17:10,397 --> 01:17:11,533
He means business.
1903
01:17:11,566 --> 01:17:14,569
He means business.
1904
01:17:14,603 --> 01:17:18,305
Shh, nobody make a peep.
1905
01:17:18,339 --> 01:17:22,209
We need to make a plan
to find the board.
1906
01:17:22,243 --> 01:17:24,278
Sire, what did
you have in mind?
1907
01:17:24,311 --> 01:17:26,914
The tracker has
gotten us this far.
1908
01:17:26,947 --> 01:17:28,749
The board is close.
1909
01:17:28,782 --> 01:17:31,252
We need to split up and find it.
1910
01:17:31,285 --> 01:17:33,187
But, Dark Lord, I
haven't been apart from you
1911
01:17:33,220 --> 01:17:34,421
in half a millennium.
1912
01:17:34,455 --> 01:17:35,456
Yes, I know.
1913
01:17:35,489 --> 01:17:37,191
It's time to cut the cord.
1914
01:17:37,224 --> 01:17:37,992
Cord fun.
1915
01:17:38,025 --> 01:17:40,461
Jump rope.
1916
01:17:40,494 --> 01:17:41,362
Rope.
1917
01:17:41,395 --> 01:17:42,329
I like that idea.
1918
01:17:42,363 --> 01:17:44,064
Let's-- let's go with that idea.
1919
01:17:44,098 --> 01:17:46,667
You all are useful idiots.
1920
01:17:46,700 --> 01:17:50,671
It's time to go out and
prove yourselves to me.
1921
01:17:50,704 --> 01:17:54,408
[laughs]
1922
01:17:54,441 --> 01:18:01,815
Who is-- who is ready
to be shocked and amazed?
1923
01:18:01,849 --> 01:18:08,722
Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.
1924
01:18:08,756 --> 01:18:10,324
There you go, Howard.
1925
01:18:10,357 --> 01:18:12,426
ARNOLD: How about
you, young man?
1926
01:18:12,459 --> 01:18:14,094
What's your name?
1927
01:18:14,128 --> 01:18:15,863
Uh, the name's Howard.
1928
01:18:15,896 --> 01:18:18,065
And I'm not buying
one bit of this crap.
1929
01:18:18,098 --> 01:18:22,336
[laughs] We'll see, Howard.
1930
01:18:22,369 --> 01:18:25,773
Step this way.
1931
01:18:25,806 --> 01:18:26,740
Go for it.
1932
01:18:26,774 --> 01:18:27,741
All right, all right.
1933
01:18:27,775 --> 01:18:29,644
[cheers, applause]
1934
01:18:29,678 --> 01:18:31,145
All right, all right.
ALL: Howard!
1935
01:18:31,178 --> 01:18:32,112
Howard!
Howard!
1936
01:18:32,146 --> 01:18:33,582
Howard!
1937
01:18:33,615 --> 01:18:35,883
[bag rustling]
1938
01:18:36,685 --> 01:18:37,484
Ah!
1939
01:18:43,791 --> 01:18:48,028
[gulps] I love food!
1940
01:18:48,062 --> 01:18:49,430
Trash food is good!
1941
01:18:49,463 --> 01:18:51,198
[can thudding]
1942
01:18:51,232 --> 01:18:52,534
Aha!
1943
01:18:52,567 --> 01:18:53,901
Caught you in the act!
1944
01:18:53,934 --> 01:18:56,337
What did I tell you
people about trash
1945
01:18:56,370 --> 01:18:58,172
and making a mess on my set?
1946
01:18:58,205 --> 01:19:00,274
[growls] Eating food!
1947
01:19:00,307 --> 01:19:01,610
Go away!
1948
01:19:01,643 --> 01:19:05,112
[growling]
1949
01:19:05,145 --> 01:19:06,981
[groans] Oh!
1950
01:19:07,014 --> 01:19:08,015
Oh, no!
1951
01:19:08,048 --> 01:19:09,083
I'm making a mess!
1952
01:19:09,116 --> 01:19:11,586
[groaning]
1953
01:19:11,620 --> 01:19:14,121
[entrails splatting]
1954
01:19:16,924 --> 01:19:18,859
Oh, there's blood everywhere!
1955
01:19:18,892 --> 01:19:20,194
It's disgusting!
1956
01:19:20,227 --> 01:19:22,429
Oh, I'm making a mess all over.
1957
01:19:22,463 --> 01:19:23,330
Look at all the blood!
1958
01:19:23,364 --> 01:19:24,932
Oh, please stop!
1959
01:19:24,965 --> 01:19:27,935
[groans]
1960
01:19:27,968 --> 01:19:29,403
[body thuds]
1961
01:19:29,436 --> 01:19:32,840
[laughs] You trash now.
1962
01:19:37,344 --> 01:19:40,848
[entrails splatting, whooshing]
1963
01:19:42,850 --> 01:19:46,020
Is the real makeup
artist off today?
1964
01:19:46,053 --> 01:19:47,054
What'd you say?
1965
01:19:47,087 --> 01:19:48,889
[gags]
1966
01:19:48,922 --> 01:19:49,890
MAN 1: Yeah, this is it.
1967
01:19:49,923 --> 01:19:51,693
MAN 2: What is this?
1968
01:19:51,726 --> 01:19:53,093
Ow!
MAN 1: Because, you know, I'm--
1969
01:19:53,127 --> 01:19:55,296
MAN 2: What is this crap
you're putting on me?
1970
01:19:56,930 --> 01:19:59,400
I'm a producer as well.
1971
01:19:59,433 --> 01:20:02,102
I love to produce
shit in the toilet.
1972
01:20:02,136 --> 01:20:04,506
I just hate to wipe.
1973
01:20:04,539 --> 01:20:08,008
[dramatic music]
1974
01:20:09,511 --> 01:20:12,479
[cackling]
1975
01:20:17,451 --> 01:20:18,252
Hey, sweetheart.
1976
01:20:18,285 --> 01:20:20,120
What are you doing out here?
1977
01:20:20,154 --> 01:20:21,955
I don't remember you
from the table reading.
1978
01:20:21,989 --> 01:20:23,525
You want-- you want a smoke?
1979
01:20:23,558 --> 01:20:27,027
I'll take smoking apparatus.
1980
01:20:27,061 --> 01:20:28,797
I'll get you one.
1981
01:20:28,829 --> 01:20:29,731
You want this one?
1982
01:20:29,764 --> 01:20:30,699
Oops, oh.
1983
01:20:30,732 --> 01:20:33,901
Uh-oh, butterfingers.
1984
01:20:33,934 --> 01:20:34,803
Cigarette butt.
1985
01:20:39,206 --> 01:20:39,973
Butt!
1986
01:20:40,007 --> 01:20:41,275
[knife slices]
1987
01:20:41,308 --> 01:20:43,243
[screams]
1988
01:20:43,277 --> 01:20:45,714
[blood splattering]
1989
01:20:45,747 --> 01:20:48,115
[laughs] Oh.
1990
01:20:48,148 --> 01:20:49,950
[body thuds]
1991
01:20:51,285 --> 01:20:53,320
You've got a third butt cheek!
1992
01:20:53,354 --> 01:20:59,794
[laughs] Ah!
1993
01:20:59,828 --> 01:21:01,261
Another one!
1994
01:21:01,295 --> 01:21:04,465
[laughs]
1995
01:21:04,498 --> 01:21:05,866
Who the hell are you?
1996
01:21:05,899 --> 01:21:07,935
Is Jim replacing me?
1997
01:21:07,968 --> 01:21:10,104
Listen, I'm the only
multi-talented actress
1998
01:21:10,137 --> 01:21:13,340
on this set, so buzz off.
1999
01:21:13,374 --> 01:21:14,509
Buzz, buzz!
2000
01:21:14,542 --> 01:21:16,477
Hey, why are you
still in character?
2001
01:21:16,511 --> 01:21:17,612
That's super weird.
2002
01:21:17,645 --> 01:21:18,713
But let me do you a favor.
2003
01:21:18,747 --> 01:21:20,147
This director is a total hack.
2004
01:21:20,180 --> 01:21:21,750
And he is not replacing me.
2005
01:21:21,783 --> 01:21:23,350
So you just stay right there.
2006
01:21:23,384 --> 01:21:26,387
And I'm going to go give
him a piece of my mind.
2007
01:21:26,420 --> 01:21:27,888
[body thuds]
2008
01:21:27,921 --> 01:21:29,390
[hammer thudding]
2009
01:21:29,423 --> 01:21:31,358
[gasping]
2010
01:21:31,392 --> 01:21:32,794
[bones cracking]
2011
01:21:32,827 --> 01:21:35,129
Hypnotize.
2012
01:21:35,162 --> 01:21:37,264
Hypmotize!
2013
01:21:37,297 --> 01:21:42,403
Howard, you are under
my complete control.
2014
01:21:42,436 --> 01:21:45,072
I have unlocked your psyche.
2015
01:21:45,105 --> 01:21:47,842
And I expect to hear the truth.
2016
01:21:47,876 --> 01:21:52,246
When I count to 3, you
will mind dump onto me all
2017
01:21:52,279 --> 01:21:55,349
of your earthly wrongdoings.
2018
01:21:55,382 --> 01:21:59,119
Uh, 1, uh, 2, uh, 3.
2019
01:21:59,153 --> 01:22:02,624
[suspenseful music]
2020
01:22:02,657 --> 01:22:07,595
For the last 20 years, I've
been visiting your surface
2021
01:22:07,629 --> 01:22:11,999
world from the depths of hell.
2022
01:22:12,032 --> 01:22:17,438
I travel here on my skateboard,
a cursed board crafted
2023
01:22:17,471 --> 01:22:21,609
by Satan, my dear old dad.
2024
01:22:21,643 --> 01:22:27,080
When I come up here, I
wreak havoc in the streets,
2025
01:22:27,114 --> 01:22:31,485
robbing and killing
the homeless.
2026
01:22:31,519 --> 01:22:34,221
My favorite drink is bum juice.
2027
01:22:34,254 --> 01:22:35,055
Mm.
2028
01:22:37,926 --> 01:22:44,064
I want to be good, but
it's so fun to be bad.
2029
01:22:44,097 --> 01:22:47,702
Franklin's disappointed.
2030
01:22:47,735 --> 01:22:49,203
We were friends.
2031
01:22:49,236 --> 01:22:51,940
You're killing my friends.
2032
01:22:51,972 --> 01:22:54,241
We even have fight competition.
2033
01:22:54,274 --> 01:22:58,613
[sobs] And this is
how you repay me?
2034
01:22:58,646 --> 01:22:59,914
I'mma kill this motherfucker.
2035
01:22:59,948 --> 01:23:00,715
Dutch!
2036
01:23:00,748 --> 01:23:01,649
Dutch, don't!
2037
01:23:01,683 --> 01:23:03,050
Don't, the feds
might be watching.
2038
01:23:03,083 --> 01:23:04,619
I don't give a
fuck about the feds.
2039
01:23:04,652 --> 01:23:05,720
He killed one of our own.
2040
01:23:05,753 --> 01:23:07,421
And it's an eye for an
eye in this shelter.
2041
01:23:07,454 --> 01:23:09,122
- Stop!
- Out of the way, Magic Marty.
2042
01:23:09,156 --> 01:23:10,157
Don't!
Don't!
2043
01:23:10,190 --> 01:23:12,092
[fist thuds]
2044
01:23:17,331 --> 01:23:18,833
Damn, this is some
heavy shit, man.
2045
01:23:18,867 --> 01:23:19,667
It is stanky shit.
2046
01:23:19,701 --> 01:23:20,702
You want to roll it?
2047
01:23:20,735 --> 01:23:22,269
Where the hell did
you get this stuff?
2048
01:23:22,302 --> 01:23:24,071
I can't even roll anymore.
2049
01:23:24,104 --> 01:23:24,973
Yes.
2050
01:23:25,005 --> 01:23:26,173
Hola.
2051
01:23:26,206 --> 01:23:27,341
Hola, amigo.
2052
01:23:27,374 --> 01:23:28,710
Oh, what's up, Stumpy?
2053
01:23:28,743 --> 01:23:29,944
Who you calling Stumpy?
2054
01:23:29,978 --> 01:23:31,111
I mean, you know, you--
2055
01:23:31,144 --> 01:23:33,615
You guys gotta stop
smoking this dirt weed--
2056
01:23:33,648 --> 01:23:34,816
Oh, this is the shit.
2057
01:23:34,849 --> 01:23:37,417
--and try this new strain
of the devil's lettuce.
2058
01:23:37,451 --> 01:23:38,686
I don't know.
2059
01:23:38,720 --> 01:23:40,655
I've been smoking the same
stuff since grade school.
2060
01:23:40,688 --> 01:23:41,723
And you know, it's--
2061
01:23:41,756 --> 01:23:43,758
Fuck that noise.
2062
01:23:43,791 --> 01:23:46,561
This new shit will
give you a full body
2063
01:23:46,594 --> 01:23:49,496
high for 24 hours or more.
2064
01:23:49,531 --> 01:23:50,430
No seeds and stems?
2065
01:23:50,464 --> 01:23:51,465
They both for me?
2066
01:23:51,498 --> 01:23:52,934
Yeah, you can have
as much as you want.
2067
01:23:52,967 --> 01:23:54,268
Wow!
2068
01:23:54,301 --> 01:23:56,503
Oh my god, well, you drive a
hard bargain, medicine man.
2069
01:23:56,538 --> 01:24:00,708
But, well, all right,
give us a taste.
2070
01:24:00,742 --> 01:24:01,676
You want to hit this.
2071
01:24:01,709 --> 01:24:02,577
I'm all good, baby.
2072
01:24:02,610 --> 01:24:03,410
OK.
2073
01:24:03,443 --> 01:24:04,846
Damn thing just went out.
2074
01:24:04,879 --> 01:24:06,179
What's that, a dildo?
2075
01:24:06,213 --> 01:24:07,080
Give me this shit.
2076
01:24:07,114 --> 01:24:07,882
Dildo!
2077
01:24:07,916 --> 01:24:09,283
[laughs]
- That's small.
2078
01:24:09,316 --> 01:24:11,084
I don't know what the
fuck you do with this.
2079
01:24:11,118 --> 01:24:12,954
Oh my god, you're a wizard.
2080
01:24:12,987 --> 01:24:14,154
How'd you do that?
2081
01:24:14,187 --> 01:24:16,658
[coughing]
2082
01:24:19,159 --> 01:24:21,663
[gagging]
2083
01:24:25,633 --> 01:24:28,670
Didn't anyone teach
you that smoking kills?
2084
01:24:36,010 --> 01:24:37,377
Is this guy doing something?
2085
01:24:37,411 --> 01:24:39,112
You're in the wrong
spot, I think, dude.
2086
01:24:39,146 --> 01:24:40,548
Like, you need to
go back over there.
2087
01:24:40,582 --> 01:24:41,849
You ordered a birthday clown?
2088
01:24:41,883 --> 01:24:43,051
Yeah, I don't know, right?
2089
01:24:43,083 --> 01:24:44,418
I mean, like, you
should be going
2090
01:24:44,451 --> 01:24:45,853
back to makeup or something.
2091
01:24:45,887 --> 01:24:46,821
Makeup?
2092
01:24:46,854 --> 01:24:48,556
I just came from makeup.
2093
01:24:48,590 --> 01:24:49,891
[laughs]
2094
01:24:49,924 --> 01:24:52,326
Get your hands off me.
2095
01:24:52,359 --> 01:24:54,161
What the hell
is going on here?
2096
01:24:54,194 --> 01:24:57,464
All right, I need you to
get the hell out of here.
2097
01:24:57,497 --> 01:25:00,868
Hey, check his pulse.
2098
01:25:00,902 --> 01:25:02,135
Oh, it's fine.
2099
01:25:02,169 --> 01:25:03,571
I used to be a
nurse on a TV show.
2100
01:25:03,605 --> 01:25:05,506
Hey, brother, I need you to
calm the hell down, all right?
2101
01:25:05,540 --> 01:25:06,574
This is horseshit.
2102
01:25:06,608 --> 01:25:08,308
Who are you?
2103
01:25:08,342 --> 01:25:11,144
Hey, um, he has no pulse.
2104
01:25:11,178 --> 01:25:11,946
Fucking run!
2105
01:25:11,980 --> 01:25:13,715
[screaming]
2106
01:25:15,349 --> 01:25:18,452
This board is pure evil.
2107
01:25:18,485 --> 01:25:19,252
Yeah.
2108
01:25:19,286 --> 01:25:20,354
You know what I think?
2109
01:25:20,387 --> 01:25:23,390
I think it's time
for trial by fire.
2110
01:25:23,423 --> 01:25:24,959
That's the only way.
2111
01:25:24,993 --> 01:25:26,594
What's fire going to do to it?
2112
01:25:26,628 --> 01:25:28,796
Once the flames
hit this object,
2113
01:25:28,830 --> 01:25:31,799
the spirits will
disappear into dust.
2114
01:25:31,833 --> 01:25:34,167
Fetch me the gasoline.
2115
01:25:34,201 --> 01:25:35,469
Not this one.
2116
01:25:35,502 --> 01:25:37,471
That board is one of a kind.
2117
01:25:37,504 --> 01:25:39,907
And it belongs to my son.
2118
01:25:39,941 --> 01:25:42,710
It's been forged with
the blood and tears
2119
01:25:42,744 --> 01:25:45,445
of thousands of lost souls.
2120
01:25:45,479 --> 01:25:47,048
Back off, demon punk!
2121
01:25:47,081 --> 01:25:48,683
I hold all the cards now.
2122
01:25:48,716 --> 01:25:51,184
One flick of this lighter--
2123
01:25:51,218 --> 01:25:52,152
This lighter.
2124
01:25:52,185 --> 01:25:54,055
--and this thing goes poof.
2125
01:25:54,088 --> 01:25:57,391
[howls] It's a
full moon tonight.
2126
01:25:57,424 --> 01:25:59,259
Do you like to dance?
2127
01:25:59,292 --> 01:26:02,362
Sorry, toots, I'm not
in the mood for dancing.
2128
01:26:02,396 --> 01:26:04,331
I've got two left
feet and this earth
2129
01:26:04,364 --> 01:26:05,867
food doesn't agree with me.
2130
01:26:05,900 --> 01:26:08,536
[retching]
2131
01:26:11,438 --> 01:26:14,341
[worms plopping]
2132
01:26:21,115 --> 01:26:22,884
You sick son of a bitch.
2133
01:26:22,917 --> 01:26:25,185
Did you really think you were
gonna get away with this?
2134
01:26:25,218 --> 01:26:28,056
Check his pockets
for something sharp.
2135
01:26:28,089 --> 01:26:30,692
He might think he can get away.
2136
01:26:30,725 --> 01:26:33,561
You can't be too careful.
2137
01:26:33,594 --> 01:26:35,096
Hello, operator?
2138
01:26:35,129 --> 01:26:36,463
This is Nun Nell.
2139
01:26:36,496 --> 01:26:40,200
I think there's about to be
a very, very bad altercation.
2140
01:26:40,233 --> 01:26:41,936
Please send help, please.
2141
01:26:41,969 --> 01:26:44,337
There's not about to
be a bad altercation.
2142
01:26:44,371 --> 01:26:45,439
It's happening!
2143
01:26:45,472 --> 01:26:47,374
They're killing him!
2144
01:26:47,407 --> 01:26:50,078
And then they're gonna kill me.
2145
01:26:50,111 --> 01:26:52,980
Holy shit!
2146
01:26:53,014 --> 01:26:53,781
What?
2147
01:26:53,815 --> 01:26:55,215
Nobody cares about him.
2148
01:26:55,248 --> 01:26:56,617
Nobody's going
to kill your ass.
2149
01:26:56,651 --> 01:26:58,385
[overlapping chatter]
- Just shut the fuck up.
2150
01:26:58,418 --> 01:26:59,453
I was just--
2151
01:26:59,486 --> 01:27:01,522
Why does it always
have to be about you?
2152
01:27:01,556 --> 01:27:03,558
Enough of this shit.
2153
01:27:03,591 --> 01:27:06,527
Give me the board or
suffer the consequences.
2154
01:27:06,561 --> 01:27:07,360
Never!
2155
01:27:07,394 --> 01:27:08,462
John, pull!
2156
01:27:08,495 --> 01:27:09,931
I am!
2157
01:27:09,964 --> 01:27:11,966
He's so damn strong.
2158
01:27:11,999 --> 01:27:13,701
I found you on the street.
2159
01:27:13,735 --> 01:27:14,736
I brought you in.
2160
01:27:14,769 --> 01:27:16,137
We took care of you.
2161
01:27:16,170 --> 01:27:17,471
You got any last words?
2162
01:27:17,504 --> 01:27:19,439
Yeah?
2163
01:27:19,473 --> 01:27:20,240
I'm sorry.
2164
01:27:20,273 --> 01:27:21,175
[scoffs]
2165
01:27:21,209 --> 01:27:22,375
Too late for
that, motherfucker.
2166
01:27:22,409 --> 01:27:23,177
I'll say.
2167
01:27:23,211 --> 01:27:24,679
[knife slices]
2168
01:27:27,548 --> 01:27:29,083
Gasoline, please.
2169
01:27:29,117 --> 01:27:30,952
I'm trying.
2170
01:27:30,985 --> 01:27:34,622
[groans] Oh.
2171
01:27:34,655 --> 01:27:36,456
I have an awful feeling.
2172
01:27:36,490 --> 01:27:40,928
I can no longer feel my son's
presence on this planet.
2173
01:27:40,962 --> 01:27:41,729
Freeze frame!
2174
01:27:41,763 --> 01:27:43,531
[clapping]
2175
01:27:50,972 --> 01:27:53,440
[gagging]
2176
01:27:57,410 --> 01:27:58,679
What the fuck is this?
2177
01:27:58,713 --> 01:28:00,581
The next ice age?
2178
01:28:00,615 --> 01:28:03,217
It's no fun when they
can't fight back.
2179
01:28:03,251 --> 01:28:05,653
[screams]
2180
01:28:05,686 --> 01:28:09,123
[dramatic music]
2181
01:28:26,774 --> 01:28:28,843
Chuckles?
2182
01:28:28,876 --> 01:28:30,545
Chuckles, where
art thou, Chuckles?
2183
01:28:33,581 --> 01:28:35,983
Dark Lord, why
is everyone frozen?
2184
01:28:36,017 --> 01:28:37,819
Are you daft?
2185
01:28:37,852 --> 01:28:39,887
Obviously, I froze
them so we could
2186
01:28:39,921 --> 01:28:42,590
slip away without being seen.
2187
01:28:42,623 --> 01:28:46,661
And what did I tell you about
that stupid clown makeup?
2188
01:28:46,694 --> 01:28:49,764
Those juggling freaks
scare the crap out of me.
2189
01:28:49,797 --> 01:28:50,932
I'm sorry.
2190
01:28:50,965 --> 01:28:52,667
Once I killed the
makeup girl, I just
2191
01:28:52,700 --> 01:28:54,602
got the itch to do it again.
2192
01:28:54,635 --> 01:28:57,038
When we get home,
you're grounded.
2193
01:28:57,071 --> 01:28:59,707
At least you finally
found the skateboard, sire.
2194
01:28:59,740 --> 01:29:02,210
Yes, but at what cost?
2195
01:29:02,243 --> 01:29:05,378
My son is dead.
2196
01:29:05,412 --> 01:29:07,682
Come on, boys, let's go home.
2197
01:29:15,523 --> 01:29:16,958
- Hey, how'd I look?
- You looked great.
2198
01:29:16,991 --> 01:29:18,226
- [laughs] Take a selfie.
- Yeah?
2199
01:29:18,259 --> 01:29:19,093
- Take a selfie.
- Great idea.
2200
01:29:19,126 --> 01:29:19,861
Take a picture.
Yeah, you ready?
2201
01:29:19,894 --> 01:29:21,494
OK, here we go.
2202
01:29:21,529 --> 01:29:22,263
Police.
2203
01:29:22,296 --> 01:29:23,564
Uh-oh.
2204
01:29:23,598 --> 01:29:25,432
What do we have going on here?
2205
01:29:25,465 --> 01:29:28,803
I did it, I did it,
I did it, I did it.
2206
01:29:28,836 --> 01:29:30,605
I mean, we did it.
2207
01:29:30,638 --> 01:29:31,772
Man, you ain't did shit.
2208
01:29:31,806 --> 01:29:32,773
We did it.
- Yeah.
2209
01:29:32,807 --> 01:29:34,407
I'm the one that
caught the motherfucker.
2210
01:29:34,441 --> 01:29:35,643
Well, we both caught him.
- Yeah.
2211
01:29:35,676 --> 01:29:36,844
But I'm the one
that stabbed him.
2212
01:29:36,878 --> 01:29:38,179
Yeah.
2213
01:29:38,212 --> 01:29:39,446
And y'all can't do shit to
me because it's self-defense.
2214
01:29:39,479 --> 01:29:40,548
Uh-huh.
2215
01:29:40,581 --> 01:29:41,782
Officer Dev.
2216
01:29:41,816 --> 01:29:43,751
Sir, please drop your weapon.
2217
01:29:43,784 --> 01:29:44,685
Drop the weapon?
2218
01:29:44,719 --> 01:29:45,920
Motherfucker, the
knife's in him.
2219
01:29:45,953 --> 01:29:47,255
How am I gonna drop it?
2220
01:29:47,288 --> 01:29:49,724
[eerie dance music]
2221
01:29:49,757 --> 01:29:51,225
[clears throat]
2222
01:29:59,600 --> 01:30:02,870
Who told you fucking
creeps that you
2223
01:30:02,904 --> 01:30:07,440
could throw a party while the
Devil Daddy was out of town?
2224
01:30:07,474 --> 01:30:09,076
Did I sanction this?
2225
01:30:11,879 --> 01:30:14,348
It's OK.
2226
01:30:14,382 --> 01:30:15,149
It's OK.
2227
01:30:15,182 --> 01:30:16,550
I'm generous.
2228
01:30:16,584 --> 01:30:18,552
I'm in a good mood.
2229
01:30:18,586 --> 01:30:19,553
Yeah.
2230
01:30:19,587 --> 01:30:26,394
12 years hard labor
for all of you.
2231
01:30:26,426 --> 01:30:27,895
Get the fuck out of my sight!
2232
01:30:30,765 --> 01:30:31,565
Now!
2233
01:30:37,538 --> 01:30:41,042
[dramatic music]
2234
01:30:47,014 --> 01:30:49,016
[board cracks]
2235
01:30:58,491 --> 01:31:00,493
[sloshing]
2236
01:31:03,998 --> 01:31:06,968
[board thudding]
2237
01:31:16,143 --> 01:31:16,944
Fuck!
2238
01:31:18,980 --> 01:31:19,780
Fuck!
2239
01:31:22,583 --> 01:31:25,019
Kurt!
2240
01:31:25,052 --> 01:31:26,854
Kurt!
2241
01:31:26,887 --> 01:31:27,688
Ruby!
2242
01:31:31,993 --> 01:31:33,461
Fuck!
2243
01:31:33,493 --> 01:31:36,197
[upbeat punk music]
2244
01:31:36,998 --> 01:31:38,232
Dr. Adrian Low.
2245
01:31:38,265 --> 01:31:40,901
How can I help
my favorite client?
2246
01:31:40,935 --> 01:31:42,502
I need some advice.
2247
01:31:42,536 --> 01:31:45,673
If you don't pay my fee, I
can't keep you as a client.
2248
01:31:45,706 --> 01:31:48,943
The bad vibes are
racing back, Doc.
2249
01:31:48,976 --> 01:31:53,014
I wish I was at home
chillin', smokin' grass.
2250
01:31:53,047 --> 01:31:54,382
You needed this job.
2251
01:31:54,415 --> 01:31:56,183
Playing video games
in your underwear
2252
01:31:56,217 --> 01:31:58,252
is no way to go through life.
2253
01:31:58,285 --> 01:31:59,854
It's worked for
me up till now, Doc.
2254
01:31:59,887 --> 01:32:01,155
I'll get you the money, Doc.
2255
01:32:01,188 --> 01:32:03,024
Please, don't drop me.
2256
01:32:03,057 --> 01:32:06,527
Look, don't call me back
until this film is finished.
2257
01:32:06,560 --> 01:32:09,330
Hello,
2258
01:32:09,363 --> 01:32:11,632
Hello, Hollywood
News Time Views,
2259
01:32:11,665 --> 01:32:13,534
big news in from Hollywood.
2260
01:32:13,567 --> 01:32:16,103
After a full 40-year
break, horror director
2261
01:32:16,137 --> 01:32:19,173
Jim Seamstress has returned
to make his new film,
2262
01:32:19,206 --> 01:32:20,808
Leather Teats 2.
2263
01:32:20,841 --> 01:32:23,611
Online reactions have been
coming in all day from viewers,
2264
01:32:23,644 --> 01:32:27,882
with everything from pure joy to
people excited for his return.
2265
01:32:27,915 --> 01:32:29,784
But there is also
extreme confusion,
2266
01:32:29,817 --> 01:32:31,752
as people are not
sure why we would want
2267
01:32:31,786 --> 01:32:33,721
another film in the series.
2268
01:32:33,754 --> 01:32:36,190
There are also a number of
people very upset and not
2269
01:32:36,223 --> 01:32:38,159
happy at all with his return.
2270
01:32:38,192 --> 01:32:39,393
Now back to you.
2271
01:32:39,427 --> 01:32:41,362
No one is who you
think they are, people.
2272
01:32:41,395 --> 01:32:44,465
[burps] Don't trust anyone.
2273
01:32:44,498 --> 01:32:46,967
They could be the
devil undercover.
2274
01:32:47,001 --> 01:32:48,636
Independent movie sets--
2275
01:32:48,669 --> 01:32:49,970
not safe.
2276
01:32:50,004 --> 01:32:51,439
That's why I'm glad
my parents only
2277
01:32:51,472 --> 01:32:54,041
let me do online news for kids.
2278
01:32:54,075 --> 01:32:56,811
Do any of you
guys believe in this
2279
01:32:56,844 --> 01:32:58,312
skateboard I'm
hearing about that
2280
01:32:58,345 --> 01:33:00,581
actually can take you to hell?
2281
01:33:00,614 --> 01:33:01,982
Come on!
2282
01:33:02,016 --> 01:33:05,853
Back in the day, I auditioned
to be in the original Leather
2283
01:33:05,886 --> 01:33:07,688
Teats movie.
2284
01:33:07,721 --> 01:33:10,391
I knew the director
from college.
2285
01:33:10,424 --> 01:33:13,360
Oh my god.
2286
01:33:13,394 --> 01:33:15,129
Oh, that smells horrible.
2287
01:33:18,399 --> 01:33:21,068
911, please come.
2288
01:33:21,102 --> 01:33:22,336
There's, like, dead bodies.
2289
01:33:22,369 --> 01:33:24,638
Like, I'm just walking around,
and then there's these,
2290
01:33:24,672 --> 01:33:27,341
like, organs and dead people.
2291
01:33:27,374 --> 01:33:29,710
What is this?
2292
01:33:29,743 --> 01:33:31,779
Please come as soon as possible.
2293
01:33:31,812 --> 01:33:34,949
Why did that movie
include skateboarding?
2294
01:33:34,982 --> 01:33:37,084
You don't board in the desert.
2295
01:33:37,118 --> 01:33:38,219
It's sandy.
2296
01:33:38,252 --> 01:33:41,288
My dad and I are going
to watch Leather Teats.
2297
01:33:41,322 --> 01:33:42,524
That's right, folks.
2298
01:33:42,557 --> 01:33:45,626
I'm a cool dad, so
don't give me any shit.
2299
01:33:45,659 --> 01:33:48,262
Yeah, he lets me
watch R-rated movies.
2300
01:33:48,295 --> 01:33:50,865
The devil comes
back to Earth to find
2301
01:33:50,898 --> 01:33:55,136
his son and his missing board.
2302
01:33:55,169 --> 01:33:58,672
What is the plot to a
Shawn C. Phillips film?
2303
01:33:58,706 --> 01:34:01,008
Horror films were
great in the past.
2304
01:34:01,041 --> 01:34:05,112
But Leather Teats was
never, never a good film.
2305
01:34:05,146 --> 01:34:07,248
What does a over
70-year-old man know
2306
01:34:07,281 --> 01:34:08,949
about making a horror film?
2307
01:34:08,983 --> 01:34:10,651
Next week, we are
going to be having
2308
01:34:10,684 --> 01:34:13,454
one of the surviving
producers of Leather Teats
2309
01:34:13,487 --> 01:34:15,456
to get his side of the story.
2310
01:34:15,489 --> 01:34:17,658
A movie called Leather Teats?
2311
01:34:17,691 --> 01:34:20,461
Never again will I be
made a viral moment.
2312
01:34:20,494 --> 01:34:24,465
Those people that own
that shelter, they are not
2313
01:34:24,498 --> 01:34:25,833
who you think.
2314
01:34:25,866 --> 01:34:27,268
We were always friends.
2315
01:34:27,301 --> 01:34:29,069
We always did
everything together.
2316
01:34:29,103 --> 01:34:32,541
[sobs] Ow, that burns.
2317
01:34:32,574 --> 01:34:35,042
Two people found
at the local park.
2318
01:34:35,075 --> 01:34:37,912
Is there any connection to
the recent string of murders?
2319
01:34:37,945 --> 01:34:41,448
I can't see Shawn Phillips
turning this story into a movie.
2320
01:34:41,482 --> 01:34:43,652
This story is just too much.
2321
01:34:43,684 --> 01:34:45,554
The devil comes back to life?
2322
01:34:45,587 --> 01:34:47,154
He looks like the
canned ham kid.
2323
01:34:47,188 --> 01:34:49,323
If I can get an interview
with one of those actors
2324
01:34:49,356 --> 01:34:52,059
that survived, one could dream.
2325
01:34:52,092 --> 01:34:54,695
Hey, Austin, you
did great earlier.
2326
01:34:54,728 --> 01:34:57,231
When that gorgeous mutant
stomped on your skull,
2327
01:34:57,264 --> 01:34:59,534
I actually believed your
brains turned to mush.
2328
01:34:59,568 --> 01:35:01,502
And not just because
you're a dope.
2329
01:35:01,536 --> 01:35:02,671
Appreciate that, man.
2330
01:35:02,703 --> 01:35:03,938
Sure.
2331
01:35:03,971 --> 01:35:06,006
I can't believe that old,
dusty fool Jim Seamstress
2332
01:35:06,040 --> 01:35:07,775
is back to making films again.
2333
01:35:07,808 --> 01:35:09,578
Low budget movies suck.
2334
01:35:09,611 --> 01:35:10,978
Bring on the superheroes.
2335
01:35:11,011 --> 01:35:16,383
I really will not be getting
to see Leather Teats part 2?
2336
01:35:16,417 --> 01:35:19,220
[sighs] God.
2337
01:35:19,253 --> 01:35:21,523
Sometimes good things do happen.
2338
01:35:21,556 --> 01:35:24,058
A murderer hiding
out in plain sight
2339
01:35:24,091 --> 01:35:25,993
at a local homeless shelter.
2340
01:35:26,026 --> 01:35:29,631
--sees that nobody realizes
that I'm an undercover mutant.
2341
01:35:29,664 --> 01:35:31,765
Excuse me, excuse me,
do you guys want waters?
2342
01:35:31,799 --> 01:35:32,701
Snacks?
2343
01:35:32,733 --> 01:35:33,968
Gabby, get the
fuck out of here.
2344
01:35:34,001 --> 01:35:34,802
Just selling.
2345
01:35:34,835 --> 01:35:35,903
Go, shit.
2346
01:35:35,936 --> 01:35:38,138
Nobody liked the
original Leather Teats.
2347
01:35:38,172 --> 01:35:39,740
We didn't need a sequel.
2348
01:35:39,773 --> 01:35:43,477
I wish that I was
part of that film.
2349
01:35:43,511 --> 01:35:47,748
I know people died, but it
would have made me a star.
2350
01:35:47,781 --> 01:35:50,050
I can't believe that
I almost auditioned
2351
01:35:50,084 --> 01:35:53,722
to be part of that terrible
Leather Teats movie.
2352
01:35:53,754 --> 01:35:56,625
Wow, Chad, just
look at those muscles.
2353
01:35:56,658 --> 01:35:58,693
You must do some heavy lifting.
2354
01:35:58,727 --> 01:36:00,227
Thanks for noticing.
2355
01:36:00,261 --> 01:36:01,862
I only lift my wood.
2356
01:36:01,895 --> 01:36:02,997
You should give it a try.
2357
01:36:03,030 --> 01:36:04,699
Who would watch
a movie like this?
2358
01:36:04,733 --> 01:36:06,333
You would have to be insane.
2359
01:36:06,367 --> 01:36:08,302
I wouldn't really want
a sequel to the film.
2360
01:36:08,335 --> 01:36:11,138
I mean, the original
was always a shit film.
2361
01:36:11,171 --> 01:36:15,175
Every fool in today's
day and age with a phone
2362
01:36:15,209 --> 01:36:19,213
thinks they are a director.
2363
01:36:19,246 --> 01:36:22,550
I was so hyped
for Jim's new film.
2364
01:36:22,584 --> 01:36:26,820
I hope it doesn't end up like
that lost Ernest pirate film.
2365
01:36:26,854 --> 01:36:29,423
I heard rumors that people saw
people vanish on a skateboard
2366
01:36:29,456 --> 01:36:30,659
and go straight to hell.
2367
01:36:30,692 --> 01:36:32,926
I was thinking about
picking up a skateboard again.
2368
01:36:32,960 --> 01:36:37,565
But no, I don't feel like
risking what can happen.
2369
01:36:37,599 --> 01:36:42,169
I'm glad I never wanted
to be cool like that.
2370
01:36:42,202 --> 01:36:43,672
Choo, choo.
2371
01:36:43,705 --> 01:36:46,675
[screaming]
2372
01:36:50,177 --> 01:36:51,445
Pancake Man.
2373
01:36:51,478 --> 01:36:54,948
I want to see LeatherTeats on the screen again.
2374
01:36:54,982 --> 01:36:57,084
If I was on a film
set, I'd kill all
2375
01:36:57,117 --> 01:36:58,986
those motherfuckers on there.
2376
01:36:59,019 --> 01:37:03,324
Nobody realizes that
I'm an undercover demon.
2377
01:37:03,357 --> 01:37:05,926
Would you guys believe that I
almost went into acting instead
2378
01:37:05,959 --> 01:37:07,696
of becoming a news anchor?
2379
01:37:07,729 --> 01:37:10,130
I'm so happy I
didn't go that route.
2380
01:37:10,164 --> 01:37:12,066
See, just like
I've been saying,
2381
01:37:12,099 --> 01:37:14,001
horror films bring out
the worst of people.
2382
01:37:14,034 --> 01:37:16,236
They are terrible.
2383
01:37:16,270 --> 01:37:19,340
You know, a hypnotist told
me one time that my goldfish
2384
01:37:19,373 --> 01:37:21,308
was in the afterlife.
2385
01:37:21,342 --> 01:37:24,612
And it wasn't even mad at me for
flushing him down the toilet.
2386
01:37:24,646 --> 01:37:25,946
Holy fuck!
2387
01:37:25,979 --> 01:37:28,783
They did melt. What the hell
went on in here last night?
2388
01:37:28,817 --> 01:37:30,785
People need to look
into the homeless shelter.
2389
01:37:30,819 --> 01:37:32,687
I think there's something
up with that place.
2390
01:37:36,023 --> 01:37:38,793
Who watches movies
like Leather Teats?
2391
01:37:38,827 --> 01:37:42,229
You really have to
be nuts if you do.
2392
01:37:42,262 --> 01:37:44,632
Our news team will be on
location taking a closer
2393
01:37:44,666 --> 01:37:47,000
look at the area where all
of these unexplained murders
2394
01:37:47,034 --> 01:37:48,268
happened.
2395
01:37:48,302 --> 01:37:51,472
Would you believe they
wouldn't cast me in that film?
2396
01:37:51,505 --> 01:37:53,941
If I were there, this
wouldn't have happened.
2397
01:37:53,974 --> 01:37:55,844
I want to let you all
know in my next video,
2398
01:37:55,876 --> 01:37:57,478
I'll be at the location
of the murders.
2399
01:37:57,512 --> 01:38:00,280
I just can't wait to get out to
that abandoned ghost town, boys.
2400
01:38:00,314 --> 01:38:03,150
This was filmed on very
haunted and sacred grounds.
2401
01:38:03,183 --> 01:38:05,587
A lot of people were
killed in this location.
2402
01:38:05,620 --> 01:38:08,389
I'm so glad I didn't send my
audition to be in that film.
2403
01:38:08,422 --> 01:38:11,158
Instead of
Leatherface, the killer
2404
01:38:11,191 --> 01:38:14,596
wears a suit made out of boobs.
2405
01:38:14,629 --> 01:38:16,063
Hey, I'm skatin' here.
2406
01:38:16,096 --> 01:38:18,298
I'm skatin' here.
2407
01:38:18,332 --> 01:38:19,734
[growls]
2408
01:38:19,768 --> 01:38:21,636
[screams]
2409
01:38:21,669 --> 01:38:23,538
[roars]
2410
01:38:23,571 --> 01:38:26,273
As an indie filmmaker
myself with zero money,
2411
01:38:26,306 --> 01:38:28,275
I would never make one of those.
2412
01:38:28,308 --> 01:38:31,311
Don't mess with
evil skateboards.
2413
01:38:31,345 --> 01:38:34,415
Everything on that
set was so R-rated.
2414
01:38:34,448 --> 01:38:36,651
I wish I was old
enough to watch.
2415
01:38:36,684 --> 01:38:39,353
This entire thing
makes me think
2416
01:38:39,386 --> 01:38:42,757
about my own personal hell--
2417
01:38:42,791 --> 01:38:44,793
gym class.
2418
01:38:44,826 --> 01:38:47,961
Jeez Louise, the
goddamn Melvins!
2419
01:38:51,331 --> 01:38:52,099
Wow.
2420
01:38:52,132 --> 01:38:54,435
Crazy trip.
2421
01:38:54,468 --> 01:38:56,270
Lucky we're all alive.
2422
01:38:56,303 --> 01:38:59,306
Yeah, no doubt.
2423
01:38:59,339 --> 01:39:01,408
Uh, thank you for letting
me work here again
2424
01:39:01,442 --> 01:39:03,110
while Kane's busy.
2425
01:39:03,143 --> 01:39:04,978
I could really use his cash.
2426
01:39:05,012 --> 01:39:05,946
Yeah, man.
2427
01:39:05,979 --> 01:39:07,214
Plus, now you
don't have to steal
2428
01:39:07,247 --> 01:39:09,116
the skate wax to use as lube.
2429
01:39:09,149 --> 01:39:11,653
You get it for free like me.
2430
01:39:11,686 --> 01:39:13,822
Total win-win.
164905
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