Original subtitles

Dream on.

Teeny, teeny, from down under.

I wish you'd do what I want you to.

Oh, yeah, all right.

Teeny, from down under.

Dad, we're free!

What do I need more than anything else in the whole world?

A little brother called Buzz?

A dead father called Bruce.

Don't be ridiculous.

What haven't I got?

Good manners? No.

No, it's simple, isn't it? I need a boyfriend.

Having a boyfriend is the second most important thing in the whole world.

So, what's the most important?

Well, obviously, it's making sure your girlfriends see you've got a boyfriend.

Finding a boyfriend for Ben.

This could be a tough one.

No need to exhaust your tiny brain, Bruce. I know exactly who I want, and

perfectly capable of getting him myself.

So, is this guy, like, all there? I'll have you know that Montgomery St. Ive

only has brains and good looks, he's also incredibly wealthy.

I'm going to meet him this afternoon at Martha and Sophie's badminton party, so

there.

I just need a boyfriend to accompany me.

Why do you need a boyfriend if you're going after Monty?

I don't want Monty to think I'm after him or that I can't get a boyfriend.

Oh, of course.

What about me? I'm a boy and I'm your friend.

I can't go with a kindergarten reject.

What would Martha and Sophie think?

I can grow.

I wish you would.

Childhood goes so fast. One minute they're babies and the next, boof.

Really, Bob, that hill savannah was a waste of time.

Some people talk for eight hours about being decisive.

Well, actually, I'm not quite sure.

It could be a number of things. Then again, I think this self -help thing is

wonderful.

I've been serving others all my life, too, darling.

Sometimes I just wish I could get away and find myself.

Well, I wish you could find yourself, too, or see.

Now, I'm... Bruce?

Possibly from England.

Wait.

That's it.

That's it now.

I've got to get myself some wheels.

Anyway, as I was saying, I'm off to Marcia's.

I need a cup of tea.

Marcia, could you... Oh, no.

Do you know how to make tea?

If we could find her recipe.

Do you think he could slow down to a comfortable speed?

Hey, lead foot, can you slow it down? We're losing our internal organs back

here. No can do, I'm afraid, darling.

Got to get these old coaches where they want to be on time to keep them happy,

all right?

Never downside, are you? You just had to go and rock the boat.

Santa Perry for the holidays.

Oh, Thomas, that's so amazing.

It's Mauritius for us. Have a look around, Paul.

Amazing.

Incredible.

Marcia, Sophie.

So good to see you. This is Marcia Huntley. Have we met?

Yeah, heaps of times. Most likely. No, Basil, since he was this high.

Hello,

I'm Thomas.

Sophie, I must say, he's suave, handsome, and obviously so mature.

Anyone for Twister?

What? I mean, grovel around the ground in a tangle of arms and legs.

Fabulous. Girls?

Girls?

Uh, we might take a rain check, right, Sophie?

Come on, then, guys.

Hello, just me and from New York. Daddy's buying a few companies or

Amazing. How incredible.

Oh, hello.

I'm Monty. Oh, hello.

I... I... I... I... I... I... I'm sorry.

I don't speak Italian.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Hello, hello. Oh, yes. Good price. I'll take 30 ,000 shares, I'll take.

Fine.

Penelope Towns. I'm very... Is that Twister they've got there?

Oh, yes.

Ridiculous game. So passing.

I love Twister. Who wants to play?

Oh, yes.

How amazing. How incredible.

How humiliating.

Hello, child. Take your meal. Okay.

All right. No more midnight, person.

I shan't rest until Monty St. Ives is my boyfriend and that those so -called

friends of mine are wallowing in the depths of misery.

Bruce, I have a wish.

Salivate over Monty. We don't salivate. No, it's more of a drool, isn't it?

I must admit, though, Monty is quite mouth -watering. I can't wait till he

here.

Monty's coming here?

Why? To see me.

Amazing. Incredible.

Unbelievable.

Yes.

I wish he was here.

says they're going to rise, then I want the piece of it.

Monty! Oh.

Hello. I'll get back to you.

What a surprise.

I'm not actually quite sure why I popped in.

I'm actually on my way to Australia. See, there's an international

for Junior Stockbroker of the Year, and I'm favourite to win.

Oh, Australia.

Really?

Oh, Monty. I don't know whether you remember this. Marcia Sophie.

Special treat to see you two again.

Very well. Not right.

You want him to like me and think I'm special.

I wish we were somewhere alone and that he'd shower me with adoration.

No problem.

I said adoration, not deportation.

Where is he?

I can't see you.

I think we're totally alone out here.

Not completely alone.

Oh, he might help us.

Oh, Ken, things might fly.

Will you shut up?

Oh,

a mirage, a talking mirage.

Actually, it's a holy David.

Oh, here,

let me help you.

Oh, Dotty, it's hopeless.

We'll never get this thing up. Mr.

Von Meister, we were wondering if you and Conrad might possibly give us a

Sorry, pal, no can do.

Now, you paid for the no frills outback experience, and that's exactly what

you're going to get.

We're really grateful, but what are we supposed to do about putting these

up? Well, that's just how auto is.

It can never do enough for you.

Say that again.

Give me that.

After you put your tents up, you're going to have all the thrill and

of making your own lunch.

Oh, thank you very much.

Sir. No worries. We won't trouble you again.

Good. Come on.

Nobody likes a whinger.

Who was that masked rider?

They call her Mad Moth.

You know, you're very special, Penelope. You saved my life, conjured up a

computer as if by magic.

Really? With nothing?

Jill, I'd like to do you a special favour in return.

Invite you to a little party they're throwing before the junior stop through

all. Oh, Monty, that's wonderful.

I'm speechless. This is such a thrill. Don't say another word.

Please, I need to get to work.

Hello? Yeah. Oh, yes, I'm back online.

Well, I've obviously got a very special relationship.

I mean, silent, but special.

You think so, do you?

So do I.

I just wish Martha and Sophie could see me with him.

I thought you said you didn't want to see them anymore.

But if you insist.

What have we here?

I found them wandering in the bush, talking about Wiltshire and shopping.

Really? Is this the Wiltshire boutique? Now, you take care, girls. Drink lots of

water. And don't forget to brush your teeth.

Thank you, Mad Moth.

Tokyo Stock Market closes in five minutes, Moscow Marie.

He's working towards the stockbroking competition.

Amazing. Incredible.

Oh, hello there.

Come to watch the wheels of finance in motion, have we? Could we?

Come on.

That might be a bit complex for you girls, but just watch my total wealth

You know, stockbroking requires total concentration.

Oh, which is kind of hard with this light.

Do you have a lamp?

Oh, of course, Monty.

Oh,

Sophie, be a dainty. My Wall Street Journal's arrived to the mail, won't

Oh, my pleasure, Monty. Thank you.

Oh,

Marcia, I'm so glad I could catch a moment alone.

You see, I've got this little party coming up, and I was wondering if you

might...

Penelope, I think we need to talk about Monty.

Isn't he just the most fascinating person?

Fascinating wasn't exactly the word that sprang to mind.

How about boring, vain, arrogant?

Yes, they're all good.

Darling, I don't know how to tell you this, but he's in love with someone

Who?

Marcia? Oh, not Sophie.

Himself.

I don't want to speak ill of the guy, but he's a money -grubbing egomaniac

glued to his phone and doesn't give a hoot about you or anyone else.

Well, it just so happens I don't care what you think.

Monty St. Ives is the love of my life and I want the world to know it.

I'm so glad we can touch a mountain moon.

Excuse me.

Some of us were wondering when we'd be doing the sunset tour.

Can you keep it down while Uncle's trying to get his beauty sleep?

What about the sunset tour? Look, my uncle's here for you 210%. All right?

been giving and giving and giving non... Look at him. He's exhausted.

That tells when the grub's on, will you?

I knew we should have gone for the deluxe package.

No good trying out a stoop. Now, come on.

That... quite... mad man.

The tourists are suffering, and their pain is my pain.

Sophie, what would you wear if you were going to the Junior Stockbroker's pre

-awards party?

Oh, something incredibly elegant.

What would you wear if you were going to the Junior Stockbroker's awards

ceremony?

Something terribly sofisto.

And if you were going to the Junior Stockbroker Awards after -party?

Oh, something amazingly casual.

I want it.

I want it.

That chinless little... He thinks he can have all three of us.

Well, maybe he can.

What?

We've had our differences, I know, but we're all friends, really, aren't we?

Yes.

And real friends share and share alike.

Share what?

Revenge. And I know how to get Monty where it'll really hurt.

I know, Huffy. Look, one more big profit deal like this and we're going to have

the contest in the bag.

OK. Cheers. Bye.

Oh, that's Monty.

Can't talk now. Only four hours trading left to the contest.

Please, we've got a problem with our savings.

And we really need an expert's advice.

Pretty please?

Well, okay, but I can hardly spare a second. Time is money, you know.

1 ,671 points.

Now, what's this saving problem?

Oh, we can't work out how to open our piggy bank.

Well, my motto is seize the dough.

Howdy, partners.

Cass Greenback's the name, International Financial Advisor.

This here's my son, Buck.

Howdy. We're in the doozy of a jam.

I'm here to give one of my clients a little red -hot investment tip, but dag

-nabbit, we got lost and now my dang phone's up and busted, so looks like

gonna miss out.

Dang. Hot tip, did you say?

Oh, yes, sir, right.

Heard me a whisper about a little company stock that's about to go higher

skyrocket on the 4th of July.

Y 'all haven't got a phone we could use now, have you?

Well, yes, there's one inside.

Actually, it's broken.

Shocking strike of bad luck.

Tell me, though, just out of pure interest, what is this little company's

All investments stable.

Stock prices holding.

Congratulations. Hello, Humphrey.

Okay, listen to me. Sell everything.

I want you to think it into a company called Von Meister Tool.

Von Meister.

Yes. Egg.

Thank you.

Liquidating acid. Don't you fly, devil.

That's exactly what she said.

Don't you say that again. Von Meister stock rising.

My comrade, where is everyone?

They're gone.

Gone?

What do you mean, gone?

What are you talking about?

They can't have gone. They can't even cross the road without someone holding

their hand.

What other revenge you took them on?

There is no such thing.

I don't know what you think you're playing at, but you bring back my

right now.

They won't be back.

These tourists are taking a sunset tour of their own.

Start the bus.

That bus is the property of Von Meister to us.

They'll be back when you've got dinner ready.

Dinner?

Right

on,

Leather Avenger.

every penny I own into von Meister tours.

Now I just sit back and wait till I'm rich.

No, I won't be coming up!

Stop! Stop!

Who is he?

Oh,

dear. Who is that poor fool? And what sort of chimp outfit is he running?

That's Otto von Meister, sole operator of von Meister tours.

Oh, nice, sir.

Oh, no.

Warning, warning.

Montgomery, we have a problem.

Investment unstable.

Hello. Humphrey, yes, look, sell it all, okay? I don't care what price, just

sell. Okay, bye.

Investment prices are spiraling.

Oh, doctor, we're going down.

Monty, is that a bad thing?

It's far too complex for us girls.

Still going to be junior stockbroker of the year, Monty.

I'm going to be the youngest bankrupt ever.

Basically, sir, you're in deep fiscal doo -doo.

Total wealth zero.

Monty, you've lost your shirt.

This is a nightmare.

It was a red -hot tip. It was supposed to go off like a rocket.

It still might, if you wish.

What's going on here?

Who's going to clean up this mess?

Doesn't somebody wish the old muskie had come back?

Yes.

Mr. Herr Meister.

Your socks have gone slithery.

I have drunk from the rivers of wisdom.

And now I just want a nice cup of tea.

Oh, Marky, we missed you so much. We can't live without you.

Where did you go? What did you do?

I'd rather not say, my lady.

But one thing I did learn.

On the bumpy road of life, good suspension is very important.

Left hand, red.

Isn't this fun, friend?

Who needs Montgomery St. Ives?

And not me.

And not me.

I'm just glad my plan to get rid of him worked.

I think you mean my plan.

Then it'll be the stock market with my idea.

And who thought of the piggy bank?

I beg your pardon. The whole idea was my concept.

Penelope, it's so like you to try and take credit for this.

If you're going to be like that... Friends.

They're so important and so annoying.

One minute your partner's in revenge, the next you're at each other's throats.

Personally, I blame Twister.

That's right. I'm the master. You're my genie. You belong to me. Yes.

I've served a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want to go back home where I can be free.

Then you come along with the opal in your hand.

Now your every wish is my command. That's right.

Genie, genie, from down...

I wish come true.

Dream on.

Genie, genie, from down under.

I wish you'd do what I want you to.

Ah, yeah, all right then.

Genie from down under.