Original subtitles

I've served a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want to go back home where I can be free.

Then you come along with the opal in your hand.

Now your every wish is my command.

That's right.

Jeannie Jeannie from down under.

Make my wish come true.

Dream on.

Teeny, teeny, from down under.

I wish you'd do what I want you to.

Ah, yeah, all right.

Teeny, from down under.

Dad, we're free!

Mummy's getting married tomorrow.

Everybody's just peaking with excitement, aren't they?

She's marrying Captain Nigel Huntley, Marvia's father. I've always wanted a

sister.

What about a brother?

I used to think I'd like a brother.

But since I met you, I've gone right off the idea.

Pam, there's something weird about Nigel.

Nonsense. You're just jealous because Mummy chose not to marry your father.

I haven't got time for this. I've got far too much to do. There's flowers,

homework, shopping.

And I want Conrad over here for the wedding.

That's a wish, Bruce.

So where are we now?

Yous have struck it luck.

Otto von Meister's mystery outback tour has brung you to England for the special

royalty tour.

Oh, I love this steps and aisles.

I never thought I'd make it in my lifetime.

Oh, Otto, I don't know how to thank you.

All part of the service.

As you can see, this is Townsville.

The genuine English castle.

Oh, I wouldn't say it was a castle.

It's more like your stately home.

Do we get to see the royal family?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Now, you leave the surprises to me.

Let's just say it's under control. No worries.

Oh, I love the royal family.

I adore the royal family. Well, there you go.

Oh!

I've got to get my hair done, new makeup, new shoes.

I have to look better than Marcia.

So much shopping.

And then a schoolwork.

What a nightmare. So much to do with only one... Bruce?

I've got it. I know how to get everything done.

Let's just make another meme.

What for?

One of you's already too many.

Good one, Dad.

Poor Bruce.

Beaten in love by a better man and now he's so... bitter.

Anyway, I want somebody to do all the drudgery while I do all the important

things like shopping.

I wish you to make a duplicate of me.

Perfection. Now listen to me. I want you to clean my room, go to school, do my

homework, and help Mummy. You're joking. I'm going shopping.

Bruce, she's too much like me.

I wish to replace her with a much dumber version.

Let's replace her with a much dumber version. I'm the real Penelope.

How do you know?

I've got the opal.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Why are you laughing?

I don't know.

This won't work.

Why? Nobody will spot the difference.

I wish she was a nice, agreeable, sensible version of me. Someone who

helpful and not argue.

Hello.

So pleased to meet you. I hope I meet up to your high expectations and that I'm

worthy of your faith in me.

Well, yes, she's good.

Can you clean my room?

I didn't take too long.

You did very well. You're so much like me.

Now, I've got a few jobs for you. I need you to feed my pony, sell some raffle

tickets, and before you go to school, there's some ironing to do.

Off to school?

Of course. And I'm really looking forward to it, too.

Hello, Mossy.

I've done all my chores, so I thought I'd do some ironing for you.

And there's a batch of your favorite biscuits in the oven.

She even let me help.

Well, Baz, I value your assistance as well as your friendship.

I'm off to school.

You're looking a little pale, Mossy. Maybe you should rest for a while.

If this bird was any older, get off the plate and walk away.

Oh,

Ruth,

there you are.

I was wondering if I could have a word with you.

You were?

Great.

I was really wanting to have a word with you.

Yes, I need someone to take the coat from the guests when they arrive at the

wedding. I was hoping you could. Yes, of course.

That's what I was going to suggest.

Huntley here.

Sid.

Always nice to hear from you.

No.

No, there's no need to talk about broken arms and fingers.

I'll get your money.

I just need more time.

Are you after school, Captain Huntley?

Oh, Penelope, I didn't see you there.

Look, I'm almost your daddy now.

Why don't you call me Nige?

Oh, all right, Nige. Good.

Can I call you Nige, too?

I don't think so.

Darling,

did you miss me?

I wonder where you owe his money to.

Okay, everybody, I have designed a very special surprise royal tour for today.

First stop, the Royal Oak Hotel.

And then the Royal Tavern.

The Theatre Royal.

We then go to a chocolate royal factory. Yum, yum.

And finish up at Fred Royal's supermarket in Brixton.

But you said we were going to see the royal family.

No, no, no.

I'm not having any troublemakers on the tour.

And I won't hear a word said against Fred.

He's a real royal.

As royal as you're going to see. Now get on the bus. Look.

There's no way you'll get away with this.

Hello, Otto. Lovely day.

You all right?

Of course. Why shouldn't I be?

Well, she said you're acting real friendly.

Of course I'm friendly. You're our guest here. Making people feel welcome is

part of the town's whole tradition.

You sound so royal.

Well, actually, my mother, Lady Towns, is distantly related to the royal

What breeding did you hear that voice? Oh, that's real style.

Really? aristocracy.

Would anyone care to buy some raffle tickets?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, we'll have some.

Yeah,

he'll take that for you.

Um,

Penn, I was wondering, you know, if you're not busy tonight, I was wondering

you'd like to go to the movies with me tonight.

Oh, thank you, comrade. What a wonderful idea.

let me come to school with her before. I don't know why, Beth. You're delightful

company.

Well, Penelope, I'm all ready for the wedding tomorrow. How's your dress

along? Oh, I'm sure your dress will be much prettier than mine. In any case,

nowhere near as beautiful as you are, Marcia. But that's not important.

It's Mummy's day after all.

And your father's, of course.

I'm just happy to be a small, tiny part of it.

Oh, Miss... Miss Huntley, have you sold all your raffle tickets yet?

Oh, um, sorry, Miss Chatterley, I haven't managed to sell any of them yet.

These are very difficult times economically.

I see.

And what about you, Miss Tyne? Oh, I've sold all of mine, and I've got orders

for all of Martha's and Sophie's as well.

Well done, girl.

Well, Penelope, you're so generous.

That's the nicest thing you've ever done for me, Penelope.

Actually, it's the only thing you've ever done for me.

I just want to help.

You are my best friends, after all.

What are you doing here? How did you get home from school?

We caught the bus.

You took the bus?

I never take the bus.

What if someone saw you? What will people think?

It's fun, Pen. You should try it.

Don't do it again.

I hope nothing else happened today that might ruin my reputation.

No way. Everyone loves her. She was elected school captain.

Really?

Driver.

Hi, Pen. How are you? Good. Hello, Conrad.

Pen, are we still on for the movies tonight?

Cos, you know, I know everyone would have been saying this to you, but I

really realised how nice a person you really were until... Well, until today,

you know?

Pen, um...

There's something funny going on with Nigel.

Maybe he owes money to a bird watcher.

Maybe he owes money to a long -distance runner.

There's something weird going on with Nigel. Nigel is acting very strangely.

Rubbish! He's a perfect gentleman.

I think it's time to send you back.

You sure you're not just jealous of Pin Pin?

Jealous? Of course I'm not jealous.

Don't be ridiculous.

People don't like her more than me.

Beautiful flowers you left in my room.

I... I did?

Yes, it was so thoughtful.

So unlike you, Penelope.

I think this wedding is bringing out a much nicer side in your personality.

Thank you.

All right, pen, pen. I may need you, but stay away from school, from Mummy, and

stay right away from Conrad, all right?

Bubbles, how delightful. Come in.

What are you wearing?

Oh, I've booted up and logged on to the Internet.

This is jolly exciting.

I've joined a chat group called Cyber Chaps in Crisis because they've lost the

woman of their dreams.

Poor Bubbles. You're still in love with Mummy, aren't you?

I suppose so.

So I couldn't have lost her to a nicer chap. I went to Cambridge with Nigel,

know. There's something weird about him.

Oh, no, not Nigel. I know absolutely everything about him. You can ask me

anything. How long was he in the army?

Was he in the army?

He's Captain Nigel Hunley.

I didn't know that.

He owes money to a long -distance bird watcher.

I didn't know that either.

What sort of money?

I'm going to do some digging around on the net and see what the chaps know

Nigel. Thank you, Bubbles. We'd really appreciate that.

What about when the zombies jump straight out of the cupboard and just

head right off?

Fantastic.

What about when the guy had to do the shovel and he smacked him right in the

nose and then all this acid started coming out of his nose and stuff?

Why did you tempt me to see that disgusting spectacle, Conrad?

Oh, I don't know.

I thought you liked everything.

I told

you not to

come down here, Sid.

Sid said you had to stay away from Roger.

I hope so, Beth.

Suicide? I'm nine and a half.

Concrete booties?

Look, I'll have the money for you after tomorrow.

Mossop's left as a nightcap in the library.

Lovely.

Tell me, darling, have you signed our prenuptial agreement yet?

No. I haven't really had time to look at it yet.

I'm too excited.

Yes, I am too, darling.

But it's hardly a prenuptial agreement if we haven't signed it before we're

married. Do we really?

Need it, Nigel.

Yes, of course we do, darling.

If anything happened to me, it means that all my possessions and all my money

belong to you.

And vice versa.

Just ask for her money.

Just redial.

Hello, it's laundry.

Can I help you?

Yes, hello. It's Captain Huntley here.

Would Sid be there, please?

He's not here at present.

Oh, Dash.

Well, look, tell Sid that I've got what he wants.

And to meet me tomorrow morning at 11 a .m. in the Townshall Chapel.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry, Penelope, but we have to stop Nigel from getting Mummy's money. What

did I tell you? I told you to leave him alone. It's time to face facts, Pen.

Nigel's a ratbag.

It's true, Pen. We know. We've been doing an investigation.

Just listen to you all. You think you're Sherlock Holmes.

That grey wolf is in the forest.

What?

What are you wearing?

I'm undercover, as it were.

Why? I have the information that you asked for.

It appears that Nigel is up to his ears in gambling debts.

He hasn't got a sausage to his name. Not two boissons to rub together.

His pockets are full of lint.

He's marrying your mother for her mummy.

You know what I mean.

I told you. But...

This is a nightmare.

What can I do, Bubble? Well, if you ask me... Actually, we've had some thoughts

about that.

Bubble?

Good night, Miss Penelope.

Good night, Mossy. Good night, Mossy.

It must be one of those dreams you have.

Before you go to sleep.

Ah.

Fit, is it?

Who wants to know?

Captain Hunley's Batman.

Batman?

Where does he... He sent me to show you to the chapel.

G'day, boys. You must be the muses. Have a good one, eh?

Hey, have another of this.

Step this way. There is a sale on.

It's a sale of limited number of items, great investments, all the dire Nigel

memorabilia for the royal wedding that you would ever want to have. Have a look

at it. We've got the lot. We've got place.

We've got details, we've got bumps, we've got the worst.

All of them collector's items. Diana and Nigel, 100 % cotton undies, everybody.

Only 20 pounds. I'll take a pair.

Diana and Nigel, Danny Rolls, two pounds. Oh, there you go.

Oh, you'll want to treasure those romantic moments. And you can now with

Nigel Dottie wedding tape.

Oh, but how can you have a wedding video? There hasn't been a wedding...

You get to personalise it. You shoot whatever you want to shoot. You type it

yourself.

That plea.

Hang on.

No one said anything about a wedding rehearsal.

It's very important, mate.

Well, I suppose so.

Isn't that the group?

It's started already.

Sid?

Isn't it bad luck to arrive early for the wedding?

Only if you leave wearing concrete shoes.

Come on in. In you come.

How do you start knocking?

No, no, no.

Because we want to get good seats. The seats aren't numbered. Just lob anywhere

you like. Just enjoy. Go on. What are you doing here? I told you to stay away.

I don't want to ruin Mummy's wedding.

It can't be that bad.

I don't know such a thing.

What are you talking about? Look.

You haven't got it.

But I've got it.

Now's not the time, Sid. I got a message saying you had the money. How can I

give you the money when I haven't even married the stupid woman yet? I don't

care. Bruce.

Sorry, Penelope. What would you do?

Ben.

John.

Is this like your cousin?

I wish everyone would freeze on the spot.

I thought Nigel was so, so nice.

It's not your fault, Penelope. I'm sure you're usually quick -witted,

perceptive, intelligent.

Shut up.

What a mess.

Everybody was looking forward to a wedding.

Do I wish Nigel wasn't a cat?

Or do I wish Mummy would forget all about him?

Oh, but then Nigel wouldn't get what he deserves, would he?

Don't you worry, my lady. No -one will ever notice.

Just don't do it in church.

I'm so happy, Morty.

Pardon my saying so, my lady, but you don't think you'd be even happier if you

were marrying Bruce?

Oh, Morty.

It had never worked between us.

I'm so pale, he's so tanned.

I'm so English, and he's so... Sagittarius.

Mummy, sorry to interrupt.

Nigel wants to see you. Well, he can't, Penelope. Not in my wedding dress. It's

bad luck.

But he has to, Diana, really.

Well, he can't. It's really important.

Oh, go on, my lady. What's a bit of bad luck?

Hello. You can't get married dressed like a monk.

I can't marry you because I've joined the monastery.

I wish it could be otherwise, but I felt the calling.

I know it's bad timing, but I just can't marry you.

Even though you are the most wonderful woman in the world, but it's just

impossible.

God have called on me to spend my day at a monastery.

On a tiny island in the Irish Sea, in quiet contemplation of the Holy Word.

Isn't that a bit extreme, Nigel?

There's no electricity, no heating, no reading, no talking. Only bread and

water. Not much company.

But otherwise, it's not that extreme.

I'll only be more or less alone for... for...

For how long, Nigel?

Perhaps forever.

Oh, just look at that.

Still quality merchandise.

Now you can just lump. Oh, yeah? Take these.

I'm not taking these back.

Get worn, these underpants.

They're yours.

All's well that ends well.

Mummy's disappointed, but she had to respect Nigel's decision.

And I've learned a great deal from all this. Having a double has really taught

me a lot about myself. Do you mind?

I wish you'd get rid of her before she drives me crazy.

Wait a minute.

Penpen and I have been through a lot together.

Can't we even say goodbye?

That really would be a very generous and mature gesture, Penelope. Get rid of

her.

Nigel's decision was, of course, my idea, not hers.

One of my better wishes.

I'm really a very thoughtful, very caring person.

And I still don't understand why some people like my double better than me.

Must have been her good look.

I'm the genie. You're the master.

That's right.

I'm the master.

You're my genie. You belong to me. Yes.

I've served a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want to go back home where I can be free.

Then you come along with the opal in your hand.

Now your every wish is my command. That's right.

Genie, genie from down under.

Make my wish come true.

Dream on.

Genie, genie from down under. I wish you do.

what I want you to.

Oh, yeah, all right.