Original subtitles

I've served a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want to go back home where I can be free.

Then you come along with the opal in your hand.

Now your every wish is my command. That's right.

Genie, genie from down under.

Make my wish come true.

Dream on.

I wish you'd do what I want you to.

Oh, yeah, all right.

Dad,

we're free!

That's exactly right.

There is no mystery to golf.

Golf is a game where you hit a ball into a hole, isn't that right?

Now, have a look at this. I call this...

The auto ball.

It's beyond invention.

This will change the way golf is played. No matter how hard you hit it, it's

always going to bounce right back at you.

It's all in the wrists.

It's in the hips.

It's in the swing and the follow through.

Look out. Just have a gander. Stand well back. This will change the way you play

golf.

Conrad anyway.

Oh, well, he'll be here soon.

Then I'll look him straight in the eye and just ignore him.

Yes, I know what to do about Conrad.

I'm sick of him avoiding me and pretending he doesn't like me.

Now he's going to find out how it feels.

I'm going to play hard to get. I'm going to give him the cold shoulder. I'm not

even going to talk to him.

Pen.

Conrad, good to see you.

Pen, how are you? Oh, very well. I haven't seen you for so long. It seems

forever. Oh, yeah, that's that. Hold it right there.

That is fantastic, Penn.

Thanks very much. See you later.

That cold shoulder treatment really works, doesn't it?

No, I don't know what I'm going to do about Bruce now.

Well, my lady, I always say seize the day.

Seize the day?

Just tell him how you feel.

But, Mossy, I'm English. I can't just go around expressing my... Feelings? Yes.

No, I don't... Yes.

Ta -da!

Hey, how are you, Donny?

G'day, Mossy. Oh, what a pearler of a day, isn't it?

They're all playing golf, that classic Aussie game.

Do you want to have a burl? See Darlene. Darlene's your man.

She won the Divers Cup in 89.

Isn't that tennis?

Oh, yeah, it is now, yeah. But she's a real little all -rounder. Where are you

going?

Didy!

Didy!

Have you seen Conrad? I need to see him. It's urgent.

She has to tell him that she doesn't want to see him.

I'll tell him. No, no, no. I have to see him.

What, to tell him you don't want to see him? Yeah.

When I see him, I'll tell him you don't want to see him. All right?

Now, Paul, this is Penelope.

Yeah, and that's the opal. That's it. That's what you've got to get. That's

you've got to get, right?

That's what you have to go in and get. What are you doing, Bummer?

Uncle, you are going to be wrapped.

I've been training Polly for weeks, right, and I'm going to get her to get

there and swoop down and grab the opal right off Pen's neck.

Simple as that, mate.

Simple as that, mate.

What sort of fat -headed, dim -witted pea -brained scheme is that?

I mean, look, I don't want to be discouraging.

Jimmy ain't flesh and blood, but Conrad, I sometimes think you've got to be the

slowest cretin in the history of the human race.

Slowest cretin, slowest cretin.

Yeah, well, I'm not.

And I'm going to be the fastest cretin in that race, mate.

Bucky's been telling her she should sneeze all day.

Really?

Come

on,

Polly. It can't be that hard.

But it's talking about your feelings.

I didn't know you played golf.

You're very good at it. I never got the hang of it myself.

Well, the main thing is confidence.

Confidence.

You just keep your eye on the ball and follow through.

Follow through.

Oh!

Oh!

See what I mean?

Come on, Polly.

Come on, pounce.

Pounce, Polly.

Yes, come on.

Actually, Bruce, I wanted to talk to you about, um... My feelings.

Your feelings?

Oh, no. I do have feelings. But her ladyship wasn't referring to my humble

feelings. She was referring to her own feelings.

Simple as that, mate. Simple as that.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

I mean, that's a wish.

Really, Penelope, what do you expect Bruce to do?

Fly after the bird? Well, perhaps it'll fly exactly.

I'm afraid I can't do that. Of course he can't.

No, Opal. No, it is.

What?

Hey, come on.

Give it as a comer.

Come on. Where are you going?

Give it to me. Give it to me. You did this, didn't you,

Ben?

It's stupidest to let a parrot swoop down on you, really.

From now on, I'm giving you the cold shoulder.

Who's that?

You've rubbed the opal in your wing. Your every wish is what will bring.

Good one, Dad.

Thought you could outsmart me, eh?

Too complied that

game. I hope he's not going to poo on Polly.

You've rubbed the opal, haven't you?

just aren't what they used to be, eh?

Whoa! Run the opal in your hands. Your every wish is our command.

What? We're genies.

We grant wishes.

All right.

This is like candid camera or something, isn't it?

No, mate. No, we're magic.

Show him, pal.

All right.

I wish my jeans were tighter.

Top wish, mate.

That's really wicked.

All right. I wish I had a leather jacket and lots of muscles.

Muscles. Yeah, I get it. I get it. Muscles.

All right.

I wish my body was pierced.

I've locked

my

opal. Sit down and we'll seize a nice cup of tea.

I don't want a cup of tea. I want my opal back.

If you just seize a piece of chocolate cake and eat it.

Somehow it helps to ease the torment.

Frustration. My lady, perhaps tomorrow you could seize a vanilla slice.

As soon as I get that opal back, I'm going to give Cormac a shoulder that's

cold, he'll get frostbite.

Mate!

Don't you wish Pink could see you?

Oh, yeah, mate.

Oh, yes.

Oh, Conrahan, so good to see you and the opal.

How have you been?

Really wicked, Pen.

Really wicked.

Hey, I wish my mates were here to see this.

A radical ghetto blast.

Wicked, man.

Check this bit out, Pen. This bit goes off.

That first note says it all.

How's it going, sir?

Yeah, let's do it. Oh, marvelous. Let's hit the beach. I wish you would.

Conrad, you are awake.

Hey, now, you want to go and get us some chips while we have a surf?

Oh, it'll be my pleasure.

You're a top chief.

How dare that cretin somebody get his chips?

Well, that's what surfing chicks do.

What did you say before?

Oh, that'd be terrible, wouldn't it?

Look, I want to suggest a deal.

Oh, yes, please, Bruce, anything.

I'll get the elbow back for you.

Yes. If you let me have half an hour alone with your mother.

It's a deal.

Notice, Pen, I'm giving you the cold shoulder?

Seizing the day.

Mightn't be the right thing for you.

Perhaps you should seize half a day to begin with. If I could only seize half

hour with him.

Oh, Morphy, why am I so, so, so... Inhibited?

Oh,

you've no idea, my lady.

There was no surf.

Oh, you look upset.

Well, actually, mate, she's much more interested in your intellect than in

surfing.

In what?

Your brain, mate.

Oh, right, cos I'm not stupid.

No, no.

No, no.

I don't think so I'm stupid.

Really? Don't know why.

Yeah.

Actually, Pen, do you know how to get things, you know, happening in the brain

department?

You could talk to Bubbles.

He's very clever, that sort of thing.

Bubbles. Did you know a guy?

Oh, right.

Uh... Well, so let's just check out that surf in England.

Oh!

Whoa! This place is ice.

It's totally filthy.

Oh, it's not that filthy. I mean, I haven't... It's fine, Rusty. I'm glad

here. Where did you go?

Um... Was it something important?

Something urgent?

Well, I had to go to the beach.

By pen, let's get this Brian thing happening. Well, I'll organise for you

bubbles if you like.

Oh, I wish you would.

First Bruce disappears, now everyone. Is it me, Morsi?

Am I trying to seize the day too much?

Perhaps to begin with, we could try and seize just a minute or two to get some

confidence.

You know, I'd like to be smart, you know, get with the program.

I know exactly what you mean.

You do?

Just because you're stupid doesn't mean you can't be intelligent.

All the chaps in my Chaps in Search of Meaning group have proved that

conclusively. I'd love to know what you're talking about.

You'd never pick it, but some of us have virtual kittens.

Kittens? Well... Be intelligent. Everything you need to know, it's right

the Great Works.

Oi! We've been stabbed in the tuck pond! It was a bit flat, but I reckon it was

really popping yesterday.

Yeah, Conrad, go and check it out.

No, later, dudes.

All right. Ah,

big car.

I bet you wish you could read all these books, Conrad.

Oh, yeah, that'd be, like, really cool.

What are you doing? You said you'd get the opal back.

Yeah, don't worry.

I'm looking forward to having a chat with your mum about our true feelings.

Notice I'm still giving you the cold shoulder pin?

Isn't Conrad amazing?

Such a thirst for knowledge.

Oh, yeah.

As far as knowledge goes, he was a debit.

Stop that! This is not the right place, you know!

Come out of there! Come out of there!

Don't you see? It's really very simple.

If you think you're intelligent, then you probably are.

So when Descartes says... I think, therefore, I am.

He means we know we exist because we think we do, like it's all in the mind.

Take those wheelie things. Hey,

dudes, desist.

You must respect other dudes' property, even though ownership is an illusion.

Why don't you send them on a surf party?

Good idea, mate.

I wish you were both surfing in Hawaii.

So impressive.

I don't think I've ever met anyone like you.

I owe it all to you, Penn.

You're the one who put me under bubbles.

You're the one who's been thinking what's best for me all along.

There's a deep bond between you and me.

And one day, hopefully, we'll become one and be in love internally.

Eternally.

As long as I've got the oval.

That'll be my wish.

Oh, that's... I'm... Oh, Conrad.

What an idea.

Wish Uncle Otto was here.

I'm still getting bird poo out of me hair.

What do those birds eat anyway? Paint.

Conrad. You moron. Where have you been all this time?

Time is such a relative concept.

Past, present, future.

They're all abstract.

I love the way you think.

Conrad, think.

You've got to be kidding.

Uncle Otto, I have a dream.

that one day all dudes will treat each other as brothers.

What are you on about?

A master should be kind and fair to his servants, because when one dude is

enslaved, none of us are truly free.

Yeah, you've got to be nice to people, not call them stupid.

You stupid buffhead! You thick -witted vegetable!

You feeble -minded moron!

Now get back to work, numbskull. Come on, we're going now. Come on!

He just doesn't understand me.

I've decided to seize the day.

Will you marry me?

Diana, yeah, of course I'll marry you.

You will?

Oh, what

happened?

You seized the day, my lady. You proposed, Bruce accepted.

You're getting married.

Let me say, quite honestly, I'm very happy for both of you. It's really

beautiful. Hey, congrats.

I'm already starting to mess up.

Yes, it's wonderful.

It's so touching when people are so honest with each other. When two people

open and sharing when there are no secrets.

That's true. I don't have any secrets from Bruce. Then what about you, Bruce?

Well, you see, the thing is, there's, um...

I mean, there's some... What was the question again? I was asking about

secrets, Bruce.

Surely you don't have anything murky hidden in your dim, dark past?

Well, there's certainly things that I'm just not allowed to tell.

Even if you're married to someone?

Well, it's against the rules.

Are you in a secret service, Bruce?

A spy?

A bounty hunter?

Golly, it's not something...

Shady, is it?

Hey, chill out, dudes, and remember the words of Shakespeare.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.

Bravo. Thank you, Bubbles. Thank you, Conrad. So, Bruce, let me try and

understand this.

You're saying you hide things from Mummy.

Well, if it's against the rules to be totally honest with me, then I don't

I can seize the day with you.

Well, Diana, perhaps you'd like to seize the day with me. My lady, stay away

from that chump of paper.

He's a sub -zero shoulder.

People should follow their heart and not concern themselves with material

possessions.

That's a more important thing.

That's why I must give away this opal.

Opal? What opal? Do you know that I'm Master Opal?

Conrad, I've told you some bad names from time to time. It's because I have a

genuine affection for you. Don't listen to him.

He just wants... Of course I do, because we're family.

Conrad, love is all that matters, and your love means everything to me. Well,

then, Conrad can give you his love and let Otto have the opal. Stop thinking,

Bruce.

He's got a mouthful. Can't I have both?

No. No, Penn.

The opal's just going to come between us, Penn.

Baz,

who should I give it to?

Baz! My!

Hey,

listen, have you ever driven a unicorn?

Would you like to drive a unimog?

I have had some weeks.

What do you think, Baz?

Dad?

I still want 30 minutes with your mum.

We have a deal.

Well, you took it from Penn, so sure to have it back.

Well, there you have it.

The wisdom of innocence is spoken.

No! No!

Switch this, moron!

You vegetable book -head, you've done some stupid things in your time, but

this... I wish you'd go and stand your head in a pigsty.

Right, I will.

Conrad, I'm sorry, but I wish everything could be like it was before the parrot

stole the oak foot.

Conrad, do you still want to be in love eternally?

I can't really. I'd rather go surfing than hang around with you.

Oh, honesty. So important in a relationship.

Ah, there you are, Bill. I was wondering if I could have a word with you in

private. Of course. We could go for a walk, huh? Oh.

I think I've got a spare half hour.

Have you heard the expression, seize the day?

Seize the day.

Have you ever heard the saying, give someone the cold shoulder?

I have.

Darlene?

Are you ready to load on?

All right, sort them out and get them on.

OK, people.

Don't you sit next to me on the bus. Your stupidity might be contagious.

Did you have a good time? I really feel sorry for Conrad.

No -one should be made to feel they're stupid.

Yeah, I know.

I'm sorry, Baz.

You know, I was wrong.

That's a relief.

Still in the cold shoulder really gets you down after a while.

I wish we could do something for Conrad.

I can do that.

Thanks for the advice, Conrad. You've really improved my game.

I mean, your knowledge and your experience are just amazing.

I've never really understood the game of golf before.

Yeah, I taught him everything he knows.

Not really.

He must have learned a lot from Ben.

Just get in the bus, will you?

No, it's like a pigsty.

Where? It's hollow.

Look, get in the bus or you'll miss your toilet break.

It was very hard to choose between Conrad and the opal. I just figured that

still young and not quite ready for full -time love.

Especially not at the expense of full -time magic.

I'm the genie. You're the master. That's right.

I'm the master. You're my genie. You belong to me. Yes.

I've served a lot of masters throughout history.

Now I want... to go back home where I can be free then you come along with the

opal in your hand now your every wish is my command that's right

genie genie from down under make my wish come true

dream on genie genie from down under I

wish you Do what I want you to.

Oh, yeah, all right.